>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S THE "TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - DAVE CHAPPELLE
NIKKI GLASER MUSICAL GUEST J.PERIOD FEATURING BLACK THOUGHT AND
TIFFANY GOUCHE WITH NARRATIONS BY DAVE CHAPPELLE. >> Questlove: 1461
>> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
OH, MY GOODNESS. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, EVERYBODY THANK YOU, THANK YOU, PLEASE
HAVE A SEAT. WELCOME, EVERYBODY THAT FEELS SO GOOD
WELCOME TO THE "TONIGHT SHOW." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU MADE IT, YOU'RE HERE
YOU MADE IT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
GUYS, LET'S GET TO SOME NEWS WELL, EVERYONE'S HEARD ABOUT THE PIPELINE HACK.
AND PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY MAKING IT WORSE BY FREAKING OUT AND PEOPLE ARE PANIC-BUYING GAS.
AND NOW, THOUSANDS OF GAS STATIONS ARE OUT OF FUEL [ AUDIENCE OHS ]
THIS PROBABLY EXPLAINS WHY MY UBER DRIVER GAVE ME A PIGGY BACK TO 30 ROCK.
[ LAUGHTER ] A GAS SHORTAGE -- RIGHT NOW, THERE'S PROBABLY A GUY WHO JUST
GOT HOME, LIKE, "HONEY, THROW AWAY ALL THE TOILET PAPER. WE'VE GOT TO CLEAR SPACE FOR
GASOLINE WE'VE GOT TO DO IT - [ LAUGHTER ]
HONEY, ARE YOU OKAY? PEOPLE ARE PANIC BUYING GAS. AND ONE COUPLE STOCKING UP WENT
VIRAL. LOOK AT THIS [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH THEY DROVE ABOUT EIGHT FEET BEFORE THEY PASSED OUT FROM THE
FUMES. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND IT WAS A MINIVAN, SO YOU
KNOW THERE'S KIDS INVOLVED [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] SHOULD WE ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW
HUNTER LOOKS SLEEPY. [ LAUGHTER ] WELL, AT LEAST THEY USED PROPER
CONTAINERS LISTEN TO WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE PUTTING GASOLINE INTO.
>> PANIC BUYING OF GAS ON THE EAST COAST GETTING SO BAD.
TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT THE U.S. CONSUMER PRODUCT SAFETY COMMISSION JUST TWEETED,
SAYING, "DO NOT FILL PLASTIC BAGS WITH GASOLINE." [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: JUST LIKE THAT, WE'RE RIGHT BACK ON THE WORLD'S DO NOT TRAVEL LIST.
[ LAUGHTER ] SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE, "WOULD IT BE SAFER IF I PUT THE GASOLINE
IN BALLOONS AND I SWALLOWED THEM [ LAUGHTER ]
AND NOT ONLY THERE'S A GAS SHORTAGE THERE'S ALSO A CHICKEN SHORTAGE
THE COMPANY TYSON IS SAYING THEY'RE PARTLY TO BLAME BECAUSE THE ROOSTERS THEY USE FOR
BREEDING HAVE NOT MET THE DEMAND [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
THE ROOSTERS HEARD AND ARE LIKE, "WELL, THE ADDED PRESSURE CERTAINLY ISN'T HELPING!
[ LAUGHTER ] WHY DO I FEEL THIS IS GOING TO END WITH A COMMERCIAL FEATURING
TWO CHICK IN A TUB AND THE ANNOUNCER ASKING, "ASK YOUR VET IF ROOSTER CIALIS IS RIGHT FOR
YOU. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND THIS IS A TOUGH TIME FOR
TYSON. YOU HATE TO HEAR ANYONE HAVING TROUBLES WITH THEIR CO -
* [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE SOME BIG POLITICAL NEWS, TODAY
HOUSE REPUBLICANS VOTED TO KICK LIZ CHENEY OUT OF HER LEADERSHIP ROLE.
YEAH, REPUBLICANS HAVEN'T TURNED ON SOMEONE THIS FAST SINCE THEY TRIED TO MURDER
MIKE PENCE [ LAUGHTER ] YOU CAN TELL DICK CHENEY WAS
UPSET WHEN HE OFFERED TO TAKE HOUSE MINORITY LEADER KEVIN McCARTHY ON A HUNTING
TRIP TO TALK IT OVER [ LAUGHTER ] AFTER THE VOTE, LIZ CHENEY SAID
THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT TRUMP TO GET NEAR THE OVAL OFFICE EVER AGAIN.
YEAH IT'S NOT THAT HARD ALL I HAVE TO DO IS HANG A SIGN
OUTSIDE THAT SAYS "JUST SALAD. [ LAUGHTER ] AND THIS IS WEIRD, O.J. SIMPSON
CAME OUT ON TWITTER AND PRAISED CHENEY FOR STANDING UP FOR THE TRUTH.
SHE WAS LIKE, "NOT THE ENDORSEMENT I WAS LOOKING FOR. [ LAUGHTER ]
MEANWHILE, FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP ALSO WEIGHED IN AND OF COURSE, HE KEPT IT CLASSY.
>> NEW STATEMENT BY FORMER PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP
LIZ CHENEY IS A BITTER, HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING SHE HAS NO PERSONALITY OR
ANYTHING GOOD HAVING TO DO WITH POLITICS OR OUR COUNTRY. >> Jimmy: I FEEL LIKE THIS
STATEMENT JUST A MAD LIB THAT TRUMP FILLS IN EVERY DAY [ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S LIKE, BLANK IS A BITTER, HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING, BLANK HAS NO PERSONALITY
SPEAKING OF REPUBLICANS, I SAW THAT OVER A HUNDRED REPUBLICANS ARE PLANNING TO RELEASE
A LETTER THREATENING TO FORM A A THIRD PARTY IF THE GOP DOESN'T MAKE CERTAIN CHANGES
IN FACT, SOME REPUBLICANS HAVE ALREADY STARTED RELEASING THEIR OWN STATEMENTS
CHECK THIS OUT FIRST UP, CONGRESSMAN NEAL DUNN SAID, "IF THE GOP DOESN'T
CHANGE THEN I'M ABSOLUTELY, WELL, MY LAST NAME." [ LAUGHTER ]
NEXT UP, CONGRESSMAN MICHAEL GUEST SAID, "IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE THE PARTY, THEN
BE MY, WELL, MY LAST NAME. [ LAUGHTER ] AFTER THAT, CONGRESSMAN
SAM GRAVES SAID, "IF WE SPLIT UP THE PARTY WE MIGHT BE DIGGING OUR OWN, WELL, MY LAST
NAME." [ LAUGHTER ] THEN CONGRESSMAN DAN NEWHOUSE
SAID, "I'M LEAVING CONGRESS ALL TOGETHER BECAUSE I SAVED ENOUGH MONEY FOR WELL, MY LAST NAME."
[ LAUGHTER ] CONGRESSMAN PAT FALLON SAID, "I SURE HOPE THEY DON'T MENTION ME
ON ?THE TONIGHT SHOW' STARRING JIMMY, WELL, MY LAST NAME. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND FINALLY, CONGRESSMAN GUY RECHENTHALER SAID, "NO COMMENT.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE JUST EVERYONE SPEAKING OUT >> Steve: WOW.
>> Jimmy: SOME BUSINESS NEWS I READ THAT AMAZON DESTROYED MORE THAN 2 MILLION COUNTERFIT
PRODUCTS LAST YEAR ALTHOUGH I WISH THEY DID IT BEFORE I DROPPED $50 ON MY
SUPERB MARCO VIDEO GAME. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: IT'S ME, MARCO
SUPERB MARKO >> Jimmy: YEAH HIS BROTHER IS SQUINGILLY.
>> Steve: YEAH, SQUINGILLY [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S THE Y-BOX
YOU PLAY IT ON THE Y-BOX >> Jimmy: SOME MORE BUSINESS NEWS
I SAW THAT NATURAL LIGHT JUST LAUNCHED IT'S OWN LINE OF SOUR HARD SELTZER, TO COMPETE WITH
WHITE CLAW BUT WHITE CLAW IS NOT WORRIED. THEY HAVE A NEW SLOGAN
"IT WILL POWER YOUR CAR DURING THE GAS SHORTAGE." [ LAUGHTER ]
LISTEN TO THIS A NEW STUDY FOUND VEGETARIANS WHO DRINK AND SMOKE ARE STILL
HEALTHIER THAN MEAT EATERS [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] MUST BE PRETTY ANNOYING HAVING
DINNER WITH SOMEONE WHO DRINKS AND SMOKES AND THEN IS LIKE, "THAT CHICKEN BREAST WILL KILL
YA." [ LAUGHTER ] BUT IT'S GOOD NEWS BECAUSE
VEGETARIANS HAVE BEEN FEELING LEFT OUT SINCE PEOPLE WHO LOVE CRYPTOCURRENCIES BECAME WAY
MORE IRRITATING. [ LAUGHTER ] I INVESTED
I KNOW, I HEARD, GOOD LUCK AND FINALLY, IN MINNESOTA, A A METEOROLOGIST WAS GIVING THE
FORECAST WHEN SOMETHING STRANGE STARTED GOING ON WITH THE GRAPHICS BEHIND HER.
WATCH THIS
>> 57 IN MARSHALL.
50 IS THE CURRENT TEMPERATURE RIGHT NOW IN WYNONA. OHH, THAT'S FUNKY, WHAT IS
GOING -- [ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT'S -
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THE ANCHOR'S LIKE, VERY FUNNY, JENNIFER
MOVING ON, THE MAYOR'S BEEN ABDUCTED [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT WAS FUN IT'S ALMOST LIKE WHEN YOU USED TO WIN A GAME OF SOLATAIRE ON
THE COMPUTER [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS, EVERYBODY.
COME ON NOW.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: WHAT A SHOW! WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT.
HIS NEW PODCAST, "THE MIDNIGHT MIRACLE" IS AVAILABLE NOW ON LUMINARY, DAVE CHAPPELLE IS
HERE TONIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE PLUS, PLUS, SHE IS HOSTING THE
MTV MOVIE AND TV AWARDS UNSCRIPTED ON MAY 17TH I'M GOING TO WATCH THAT, I LOVE
REALITY TV NIKKI GLASER IS HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
AND WE HAVE AN IN-STUDIO PERFORMANCE THAT WE ACTUALLY HAVEN'T HAD A FULL IN-STUDIO
PERFORMANCE FOR A CROWD SINCE WE WENT IN QUARANTINE. SO THIS HAS BEEN OVER A YEAR
SO I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE HERE AND I'M GLAD THAT THEY'RE PERFORMING TONIGHT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE HAVE AN IN-STUDIO PERFORMANCE FROM J.PERIOD
FEATURING BLACK THOUGHT AND TIFFANY GOUCHE, WITH NARRATION BY DAVE CHAPPELLE.
WHAT A SHOW TONIGHT. I'M SO PSYCHED >> Steve: YOU KNOW I LOVE
DAVE CHAPPELLE I LOVE DAVE CHAPPELLE. >> Jimmy: HEY, GUYS, A LOT IS
HAPPENING IN THE NEWS RIGHT NOW. AND SOMETIMES, I FIND THE BEST
WAY TO EXPLAIN THE NEWS IS WITH MUSIC. I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN, IT'S
TIME FOR NEWS RADIO. HERE WE GO
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: EARLIER THIS WEEK, THE WINNER OF THE KENTUCKY
DERBY, MEDINA SPIRIT FAILED A DRUG TEST. AND NOW, HE'S ON AN APOLOGY
TOUR LIKE -- * BABY, I'M SORRY * [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE AREN'T HAVING IT THEY'RE LIKE -
* IT'S TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZE * >> Jimmy: HIS TRAINER BLAMED
THE WHOLE THING ON CANCEL CULTURE. AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE --
* SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP SHUT UP *
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: SO THE TRAINER'S BEEN BANNED AND EVERYONE'S LIKE -
* MAYBE NEXT TIME HE'LL THINK BEFORE HE CHEATS *
[ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: IN CELEBRITY NEWS, BEN AFFLECK AND JENNIFER LOPEZ
MIGHT BE DATING AGAIN. [ CHEERS ] YEAH, EVERYONE'S LIKE --
* DO YOU GET DEJA VU * >> Jimmy: APPARENTLY, BEN TEXTED JENNIFER ONE DAY LIKE -
* ARE YOU GONNA BE MY GIRL * >> Jimmy: AND JENNIFER SAW THE
TEXT AND WAS LIKE -- * YOU WANT ME * >> Jimmy: AND BEN WAS LIKE -
* I WANT YOU BABY * [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: AND NOW THEY'RE
LOOKING AT EACH OTHER, THEY'RE LIKE - * REUNITED AND IT
FEELS SO GOOD * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: AND IT'S NOT JUST BEN
AND JEN. EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT HOW CICADAS ARE COMING BACK.
EVERY 17 YEARS, THEY POP OUT OF THE GROUND LIKE -- * DON'T CALL IT A COMEBAC
I'VE BEEN HERE FOR YEARS * >> Jimmy: AND IF YOU'RE NOT FAMILIAR, CICADAS ARE GIANT
BUGS THAT KIND OF SOUND LIKE - * [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: QUICK REMINDER THAT THE NEW TAX DEADLINE IS THIS - * MONDAY, MONDAY *
>> Jimmy: SO YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET YOUR TAXES DONE NO LATER THAN THIS --
* FRIDA FRIDAY * >> Jimmy: SERIOUSLY, DON'T WAIT
UNTIL IT'S - * SATURDAY * >> Jimmy: GET THEM DONE NOW SO
YOU CAN SICK BACK AND HAVE A A NICE RELAXING -- * SUNDAY MORNING *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: AND FINALLY, STARBUCKS NOW HAS A STRAWBERRY
FUNNEL CAKE FRAPPUCCINO TOPPED WITH PIECES OF FRIED DOUGH WHEN ASKED HOW MANY CALORIES
ARE IN IT, STARBUCKS SAID -- * 525,600 * [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THAT'S A LOT AND IF YOU WANT TO BURN OFF ALL THOSE CALORIES, YOU'LL HAVE
TO - * MOVE BITCH * [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I'M SERIOUS, YOU'LL HAVE TO -- * WALK 500 MILES *
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WHO AM I KIDDING YOU'LL PROBABLY HAVE TO --
* WALK 1,000 MILES * >> Jimmy: ALSO, DON'T DRINK THE FRAPPUCCINO TOO FAST OR --
* YOUR MIND GOES NUMB YOU CAUGHT A MENTAL FREEZE * >> Jimmy: THIS HAS BEEN "NEWS
RADIO. STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF THE "TONIGHT
SHOW," EVERYBODY COME ON BACK DAVE CHAPPELLE
COME ON! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS A A GRAMMY AND EMMY WINNING COMEDIAN WHO HAS A NEW PODCAST
CALLED "THE MIDNIGHT MIRACLE" WHICH IS AVAILABLE NOW ON LUMINARY
PLEASE WELCOME THE ONE AND ONLY DAVE CHAPPELLE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: OH
YES! DAVE >> WHAT'S HAPPENING, JIMMY
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE IT IS GREAT TO SEE YOU
>> IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU I'M SORRY I'M NOT THERE. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU GUYS ARE
DOING IN-STUDIO STUFF, I'D HAVE PULLED UP. SHOUT OUT TO STEVE HIGGINS
SHOUT OUT TO THE ROOTS >> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO, YEAH ABSOLUTELY, WE'RE HAPPY YOU'RE
HERE [ APPLAUSE ] WHEN EVERYTHING CLOSED DOWN,
YOU WERE THE FIRST OF THE COMEDIANS TO DO OUTDOOR SOCIALLY DISTANCED SHOWS
I MEAN IT WASN'T JUST COMEDY, THERE WAS MUSIC TOO. BUT WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO DO
IT YOU JUST HAD TO DO IT. >> YOU KNOW, A LOT OF IT
STARTED WHEN THE PROTESTS STARTED, THE GEORGE FLOYD OF IT ALL.
AND BOY I REALLY MISS HAVING A A MICROPHONE IN MY HAND WHEN SOMETHING LIKE THAT TRAGIC
HAPPENS. AND SO THE FIRST NIGHT I HAD TO CALL THE GOVERNOR TO GET AN
APPROVAL WHICH HE LUCKILY GAVE US WE HAD 60 PEOPLE IN A FIVE-ACRE
CORN FIELD AND ENDED UP DOING ABOUT 54 SHOWS IN 15 WEEKS >> Jimmy: THAT'S AMAZING
[ APPLAUSE ] THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE THAT YOU PULLED THAT OFF.
>> AND I GOT TO SAY -- I GOT TO SHOUT OUT, A LOT OF GREAT COMEDIANS CAME OUT HERE AND
DONATED THEIR TALENTS. IT WAS JUST GREAT BEING WITH EVERYONE AFTER BEING
QUARANTINED AND SHOUT OUT TO EVERYONE WHO CAME BECAUSE IT WAS WONDERFUL.
>> Jimmy: PLEASE TELL ME YOU DOCUMENTED SOME OF THIS. >> OH, YEAH, I DOCUMENTED ALL
OF IT, VERY THOROUGHLY >> Jimmy: OH, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD SO THE VERY FIRST NIGHT I HAD
CALLED MY NEIGHBORS SO I COULD FILM IT. JUST FOR, LIKE, YOU KNOW --
POSTERITY SAKE AND THAT FIRST NIGHT ENDED UP BEING THAT SET THAT I RELEASED
"8:46. MY NEIGHBORS STEVE BOGNAR AND JULIA REICHERT, THEY WON AN
OSCAR LAST YEAR FOR A GREAT DOCUMENTARY, "AMERICAN FACTORY," THAT THE OBAMAS
PRODUCED >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH >> AND I SEE THEM ALL THE TIME
AT THE GROCERY STORES AND EVERYTHING, I LITERALLY JUST KNOCKED ON THEIR DOOR.
WE SAT DOWN AND TALKED ABOUT IT SO WE ENDED UP FILMING ALL
54 SHOWS IT WAS AMAZING >> Jimmy: NO WAY
WOW. THAT SPECIAL YOU DID WAS SO NEEDED AND SO POWERFUL
DID YOU FEEL HOW POWERFUL IT WAS? >> IT WAS A WEIRD PROCESS.
I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT I WOULD PUT ANYTHING OUT, BUT IT BECAME A THING WHERE I WOULDN'T FEEL
RIGHT TELLING JOKES UNTIL I ADDRESSED THAT BECAUSE PEOPLE LISTEN TO ME
DIFFERENT AND THAT WAS ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS WHERE I UNDERSTOOD THAT AND WE LET IT
RIP. SO IT WAS GUT-WRENCHING PUTTING IT OUT
TO BE HONEST, I WAS REAL NERVOUS ABOUT IT, BUT I'M GLAD THAT I DID
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WE ALL NEEDED IT, CLEARLY THE WORLD NEEDED IT
BECAUSE IT WAS THE NUMBER ONE VIDEO ON YOUTUBE FROM 2020 >> I BEAT A DANCING SQUIRREL
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S A VERY CLOSE SECOND, BUT YOU GOT THE TITLE.
>> TAKE THAT SQUIRREL. >> Jimmy: THAT'S A PRETTY FUNNY VIDEO, THAT SQUIRREL
ALSO, YOU KNOW, I FOLLOW YOU ON SOCIAL MEDIA, EVEN THOUGH, YOU DON'T REALLY POST THINGS ON
SOCIAL MEDIA >> NO. >> Jimmy: NO
LIKE, TWITTER, I THINK THE LAST TIME YOU POSTED WAS IN 2012 OR SOMETHING.
>> TWITTER IS A BATHROOM WALL. >> Jimmy: I TOTALLY AGREE. IT IS.
>> WHY WOULD I WRITE ALL MY THOUGHTS ON A BATHROOM WALL? DONALD TRUMP, YOU HEARD THAT
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT [ APPLAUSE ]
>> DON'T CUT THAT [ BLEEP ] IN POST, JIMMY. >> Jimmy: NO, I DON'T CUT ANY
OF THAT STUFF, MAN I -- WHAT? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I WAS GONNA DO A JOKE ABOUT DRAWING A [ BLEEP ] ON THE BATHROOM WALL.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT WE'LL CUT THAT, WE'LL CUT THAT
>> CUT THAT IN POST -- >> Jimmy: WE'LL CUT THAT ONE, YEAH
[ LAUGHTER ] WE'LL CUT THE [ BLEEP ] AND LEAVE THE TRUMP.
I KNOW - >> YEAH, THERE YOU GO. CUT THE [ BLEEP ], HE SAID CUT
THE [ BLEEP ]. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I DIDN'T SAY IT.
I DIDN'T SAY, I DIDN'T SAY IT. WE'RE GOING TO CUT THAT. NO ONE WILL EVER SEE IT.
THAT'S SOMETHING JUST ME AND YOU EXPERIENCED. THAT WILL NEVER HAPPENED
NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW IT HAPPENED ANYWAYS, YOU POST A VIDEO
CALLED "UNFORGIVEN." YOU ASK YOUR FANS TO BOYCOTT "CHAPPELLE'S SHOW," YOUR SHOW.
WHAT HAPPENED AND HOW DID THAT ALL WORK OUT >> WELL, WITHOUT GOING INTO TOO
MUCH DETAIL. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> THAT [ BLEEP ] WORKED
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH SO, I THINK YOU HAVE TO GO INTO
A LITTLE MORE DETAIL >> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. FIRST OF ALL, SHOUT OUT TO
EVERYBODY THAT HELPED ME OUT WITH IT BY NOT WATCHING THE SHOW
SHOUT OUT TO TED SARANDOS WHO RUNS NETFLIX BECAUSE HE HAD THE COURAGE TO TAKE OFF CHAPPELLE
FINANCIAL DETRIMENT TO THAT COMPANY AND IT OPENED THE DOOR FOR US TO RESOLVE A LONG
STANDING ISSUE AND SHOUT OUT TO CHRIS McCARTHY AT CBS-VIACOM BECAUSE THAT GUY REALLY DID
WORK HARD WITH ME TO MAKE THIS THING RIGHT AND HE WAS WONDERFUL TO ORK WITH
>> Jimmy: YEAH YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THE RIGHTS OR ANYTHING TO YOUR MATERIAL
TO WHAT YOU WERE DOING, SOMETHING LIKE THAT? >> SOMETHING LIKE THAT
YEAH BUT, ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL I DO NOW SO PLEASE BY ALL
MEANS, WATCH IT. >> Jimmy: OH, THERE YOU GO, YEAH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SO PLEASE WATCH "CHAPPELLE'S SHOW."
IT'S ON EVERY STREAMING PLATFORM YOU CAN THINK OF. >> AND I'M VERY GRATEFUL, MAN.
LIKE, PEOPLE -- PEOPLE ARE WONDERFUL TO ME. I WAS VERY MOVED BY THE
RESPONSE OF THAT AND THE SUPPORT I GOT FROM PEOPLE ALL OVER
AND I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU. IF YOU'RE WATCHING IT, IT MEANT
MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE >> Jimmy: OH, WE -- WE -- WE LOVE YOU
>> I LOVE Y'ALL. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WE DO.
>> YEAH, I DO. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT
YOUR NEW PODCAST WHEN WE COME BACK MORE WITH DAVE CHAPPELLE AFTER
THE BREAK, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE HANGING OUT WITH DAVE CHAPPELLE, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN.
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
>> CAUGHT ME SMOKING >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT, WE CAUGHT YOU SMOKING
BUT -- DAVE, I REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO -- I USED TO -- I GOT ON THE SAME BILL AS YOU BACK IN
'97, SOMETHING LIKE THAT, THE IMPROV AND YOU USED TO SMOKE --
>> I REMEMBER THAT NIGHT VERY WELL AND YOU KILLED
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU REMEMBER THAT I WAS LIKE -
>> YEAH, YOU USED TO HAVE THE GUITAR I REMEMBER THE WHOLE THING
>> Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY. I WAS LIKE MAN BUT I REMEMBER JUST WATCHING,
AND YOU GOT ALL OF THE COMICS JUST SITTING AROUND THE SIDE AND JUST WATCHING EACH OTHER -
WE WATCHED ALL THE COMICS. AND SMOKING WAS A BIG PART OF YOUR, KIND OF TIMING
>> IT VERY MUCH IS I'LL SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE. [ LAUGHTER ]
NAILED IT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT. BUT THEN - [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
BUT THEN, I READ SOMEWHERE THAT YOU STARTED STAND UP WHEN YOU WERE 14.
IS THAT POSSIBLE >> IT WAS. MY MOTHER -- MY MOTHER USED TO
HAVE TO BRING ME TO THE CLUBS, WHICH WAS KIND OF A NIGHTMARE, 'CAUSE I WAS FILTHY.
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS YOUNG, I JUST -- I JUST THOUGHT BEING DIRTY WAS THE WAY TO GO.
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> BUT, IT WAS A WEIRD AND WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE
I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING IT DIDN'T SEEM CRAZY AT THE
TIME, BUT WHEN I LOOK AT MY KIDS, I SAY, "THAT WAS CRAZY." >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> Jimmy: BUT, THE ONE THING I DO LOVE ABOUT YOU TOO, IS YOU NEVER FORGET D.C
YOU NEVER FORGET ACTUALLY WHERE YOU CAME FROM, WHERE YOU STARTED, AND WHEN YOU WON THAT
MARK TWAIN PRIZE, YOU ACTUALLY WENT BACK AND DID A MASTER CLASS FOR YOUR HIGH SCHOOL,
WITH A LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL >> OH, MY GOD, YES, THAT WAS THE BEST PART OF IT.
EXCUSE ME. AND BY THE WAY, JIMMY, I GOT TO TELL YOU BEFORE I TELL THE
STORY, I LOVE YOU TO DEATH UM, I WENT TO DUKE ELLINGTON SCHOOL OF THE ARTS, IN
WASHINGTON, D.C. AND THAT PLACE CHANGED MY LIFE IT'S PARTIALLY PRIVATELY
FUNDED IT'S A PUBLIC SCHOOL, BUT THE ARTS PROGRAM IS WHY THEY ALWAYS
TRY TO GET DONATIONS AND IT'S ONE OF THE BEST INCUBATORS TO HONE YOUR TALENT
THAT I'VE EVER WITNESSED AND BRADLEY COOPER, AND CHRIS TUCKER, AND COMMON, AND
ERYKAH BADU AND ALL MY FRIENDS WHO WERE AT THE AWARDS -- THE MARK TWAIN AWARDS.
[ APPLAUSE ] YEAH, THEY ALL WENT TO THE SCHOOL WITH ME THE NEXT DAY AND
TAUGHT MASTER CLASSES FOR THE KIDS IT WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DAY,
I THINK, I'VE EVER LIVED IN MY LIFE IT MEANT SO MUCH TO ME
>> Jimmy: THAT IS SO COOL FOR THOSE KIDS >> YEAH, THOSE KIDS ARE THE
BEST AS MATTER OF FACT, THERE'S A A BUNCH OF MY BUDDIES FROM HIGH
SCHOOL WITH ME RIGHT NOW I GOT A WHOLE CROWD RIGHT IN HERE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: LET ME SEE WAIT, LET I'M LIKE -
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WAIT, WHAT OH, COME ON.
THAT'S A FIRST I THINK YOU'RE THE FIRST GUEST TO BRING THEIR OWN CROWD
>> YEAH, YEAH. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: ALWAYS DOING
EVERYTHING FIRST ALWAYS DOING EVERYTHING FIRST! I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT
YOUR PODCAST, "MIDNIGHT MIRACLE. >> OH, YES
>> Jimmy: THIS IS -- >> YES, INDEED >> Jimmy: IT'S AVAILABLE NOW
IT'S ON "LUMINARY. TALIB KWELI AND YASIIN BEY ARE YOUR CO-HOSTS ON THIS.
>> THE GREATEST PARTNERS EVER. >> Jimmy: YEAH, THEY ARE UNBELIEVABLE
YEAH HOW DID THIS COME ABOUT? >> WE ALL -- WE WERE ALL IN
OHIO, AND THERE WAS A TORNADO, SO WE ALL -- THERE WAS LIKE 20 OF US -- WE
HAD TO HIDE IN MY BASEMENT IT WAS HILARIOUS [ LAUGHTER ]
AND YOU KNOW -- YOU KNOW, A TORNADO SOUNDS LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN IS COMING, BUT THERE'S NO
TRAIN TRACKS HERE. WE'RE TALKING. IT'S A LITTLE STRESSFUL, AND IN
THE MIDDLE OF ALL THIS STRESS, MOS GOES, "WE SHOULD DO A PODCAST.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND WE DID IT. AND WE DID IT.
>> Jimmy: YOU JUST DID IT. YEAH >> AND DOING THIS PODCAST IS
ONE OF THE MOST FAVORITE I'VE EVER DONE IN MY CAREER JUST BEING ABLE TO SPEND TIME
WITH MY FRIENDS AND LAUGH ABOUT STUFF, AND REMINISCE ABOUT STUFF AND FIGURE STUFF OUT
IT'S BEEN WONDERFUL. >> Jimmy: HOW DO YOU DESCRIBE THE SHOW
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY, YOU KEEP HOLDING THE THING UP -
ALL THESE EPISODES WILL EXIST ON VINYL, ULTIMATELY >> Jimmy: WHAT
>> SO IT'S LIKE -- YEAH, THEY'RE GONNA BE ON VINYL. >> Jimmy: WAIT, THIS A
A BRILLIANT IDEA >> I'M GOING THE OTHER DIRECTION.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL, MAN. AND WE DO -- SO THEY'RE ALL LIKE 25 MINUTES, BUT THEY'RE
GREAT. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE IT.
IT'S LIKE A VARIETY SHOW ON WAX. >> Jimmy: YEAH
BUT IT'S 'CAUSE IT'S MUSIC AS WELL I MEAN, "BLACK STAR" ON THE
SECOND EPISODE, THEY DEBUTED A A NEW SONG, FIRST TIME YOU HEARD FROM -
>> IN OVER TWO DECADES, THE FIRST TIME THEY RECORDED AS "BLACK STAR.
>> Jimmy: WOW. >> THE SONG IS PRODUCED BY MADLIB, WHO IS AN AMAZING
HIP-HOP PRODUCER AND YOU'RE GONNA HEAR IT ON THE "MIDNIGHT MIRACLE" FIRST
IT'S BEAUTIFUL >> Jimmy: I LOVE THAT YOU'RE ALWAYS DOING IT, YOU'RE ALWAYS
PUSHING THE BOUNDARIES AND JUST TRYING SOMETHING, EVEN THOUGH IT'S VINYL, IT'S NEW, IN A
A WEIRD WAY. >> YEAH >> Jimmy: NO ONE'S DOING THIS
I THINK IT'S SO FUN. YOU'RE INVOLVED WITH THE MUSICAL PERFORMANCE TONIGHT,
WHICH IS OUR FIRST LIVE PERFORMANCE SINCE WE SHUT DOWN, FOR A CROWD, FOR AN AUDIENCE
>> OH, MAN, THIS IS EXCITING [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SHOUT OUT TO J.PERIOD TOO.
>> Jimmy: J.PERIOD AND TIFFANY GOUCHE AND BLACK THOUGHT, OBVIOUSLY
>> YOU KNOW MY GUY YEAH, WHAT UP BLACK THOUGHT? >> Tariq: WHAT UP, WHAT UP,
WHAT UP? >> Jimmy: THEY SAID THAT YOU'RE -
>> "I'M COOLER THAN A COOLER INSIDE OF A COOLER." [ LAUGHTER ]
HE KNOWS WHAT THAT MEANS >> Jimmy: YOU, PROVIDING NARRATION TO THIS, SO TELL ME
ABOUT THIS COLLABORATION >> J.PERIOD IS LIKE THE HOMIE. IF YOU'RE INTO MIXTAPES, HE GOT
SOME OF THE FIERIEST MIXTAPES THAT COME OUT. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
WHEN THERE WAS A TRIBE CALLED QUEST MIXTAPE THAT I WAS CRAZY ABOUT, HIS LAURYN HILL
MIXTAPES, THERE'S PROBABLY A A FEW VOLUMES OF THAT, THOSE ARE CRAZY.
SO, WHENEVER SOMEONE WANTS TO GET A DOPE MIXTAPE DONE, THATS THE GUY TO GO TO
SO ME AND J.PERIOD MET HE'S GOING TO BE ROCKING WITH US ON SOME THINGS ON "MIDNIGHT
MIRACLE. AND I'M HAPPY HE'S ON THE SHOW TONIGHT.
AND I'M HAPPY NIKKI'S ON THE SHOW, SHOUT OUT TO NIKKI I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE'S AT,
BUT GIVE HER MY LOVE >> Jimmy: YEAH, NIKKI GLASER YEAH, SHE'S ON THE SHOW.
EXACTLY. WE'LL TALK MORE ABOUT THE PERFORMANCE.
BUT, ALSO, WE HAVE ANOTHER FUN BIT, JUST -- EVERYONE JUST STAY TUNED, MORE WITH DAVE CHAPPELLE
WHEN WE COME BACK. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. WE'RE HANGING OUT WITH
DAVE CHAPPELLE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
NOW, DAVE YOU ARE ONE OF MY FAVORITE COMEDIANS, ONE OF THE BEST OUT THERE AND YOU HAVE
SUCH A UNIQUE PERSPECTIVE, AND SO I THOUGHT THAT YOU COULD HELP SETTLE SOME OF THE BIGGEST
AND MOST IMPORTANT DEBATES OF ALL TIME ARE YOU READY FOR THIS
>> I'LL DO WHAT I CAN. >> Jimmy: LET'S DO IT, IT'S TIME FOR "DAVE CHAPPELLE
SETTLES IT."
DAVE CHAPPELLE SETTLES IT *
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO FIRST UP, SMALL TOWN OR BIG
CITY >> DEPENDS ON WHAT I'M DOING >> Jimmy: HA HA HA
OKAY >> OBVIOUSLY, I'M A SMALL TOWN KIND OF GUY.
>> Jimmy: YEAH MAC AND CHEESE, FORK OR SPOON? >> YOU KNOW, I WOULD HATE TO
GUESS A WHITE PERSON MUST HAVE ASKED THIS QUESTION. [ LAUGHTER ]
FORK FOOD, BABY. >> Jimmy: YEAH, FORK YOU GOTTA DO THE FORK.
>> WHO HAS SOUPY MAC AND CHEESE WHITE PEOPLE
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. HERE'S SOMETHING EVERYONE'S
TALKING ABOUT, CRYPTOCURRENCY OR CASH? >> CASH RULES EVERYTHING AROUND
ME IN FACT, I DON'T THINK YOU CAN BUY CRYPTOCURRENCY WITHOUT
CASH >> Jimmy: HA HA HA THERE YOU GO
YEAH, THAT'S ACTUALLY RIGHT. NOW WE'RE GOING TO MUSIC TOPIC HERE
READY FOR THIS JAZZ OR HIP HOP? >> WELL, THAT'S JUST NOT FAIR.
>> Jimmy: OH, THIS IS THE DEBATES OF ALL TIME. YOU HAVE TO SETTLE IT, JAZZ OR
HIP HOP? OH, MY GOODNESS. >> JAZZ, SORRY TARIQ
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: A FOLLOW UP. GUITAR SOLOS OR DRUM SOLOS
I KNOW YOU LIKE -- >> THIS IS A TOUGH ONE, BECAUSE AMIR IS SITTING OVER THERE, AND
I KNOW JOHN MAYER IS PROBABLY WATCHING LIKE, "WELL, WHAT IS IT?"
[ LAUGHTER ] >> I'M A BLACK DUDE, DRUMS ALL DAY, BABY.
>> Jimmy: THERE YOU ARE. VERY GOOD. NEXT UP, CALL OF DUTY OR
FORTNITE >> WELL, THAT'S EASY, CALL OF DUTY
FORTNITE IS THE CRACK OF VIDEO GAMES. I DON'T EVEN TOUCH THAT STUFF.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I HAVEN'T MESSED WITH IT EITHER.
BECAUSE I KNOW -- I KNOW I'LL GET ADDICTED TO IT I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT IT.
>> I'M SURE. >> Jimmy: I HAVEN'T EVEN OPENED IT UP.
I JUST KNOW -- >> I GOT MY SON A COPY OF FORTNITE, I DIDN'T SEE HIM FOR
SIX MONTHS [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO
INTO FASHION HERE. SKINNY JEANS OR BAGGY JEANS? >> I'M NOT EVEN WEARING PANTS
RIGHT NOW. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I THINK, YEAH,
NEITHER ONE FOR ME SKINNY, BAGGY? YOU CAN'T GO TOO SKINNY.
I CAN'T DO TOO SKINNY JEANS. >> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. BECAUSE YOU'D NEVER WEAR PANTS
SO TIGHT THAT YOU HAVE TO DECIDE WHICH LEG YOUR PENIS GOES IN.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: SUMMER'S COMING UP, WE NEED TO KNOW, ARE SANDALS
SHOES? >> OH, NOW THIS IS A GOOD QUESTION
I'M GONNA DO A FULL-THROATED NO ON THAT. IF THEY WERE SHOES THEN THE
WORD SANDALS WOULD NOT EXIST >> Jimmy: WOW. THAT'S -- WOW.
>> THEY'D JUST CALL THEM SHOES >> Jimmy: YES, I TOTALLY AGREE DO YOU THINK JESUS WORE
SANDALS? >> WHEN HE WORE FOOTWARE, I WOULD IMAGINE HE DID
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW, I WOULD IMAGINE IN THOSE TIMES SANDALS WERE A
A LUXURY ITEM. >> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THINK TOO.
>> COULD YOU IMAGINE IF I TIME TRAVELLED AND WENT BACK TO BIBLICAL TIMES WITH TIMBERLANDS
ON, I WOULD BLOW THEIR [ BLEEP ] MINDS. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WE HAVE I BIG ONE HERE, THIS ONE, ALL RIGHT, BEST CHICKEN SANDWICH, CHIC-FIL-A OR
POPEYE'S >> YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA -- I DON'T KNOW THAT I'VE EATEN
EITHER OF THOSE CHICKEN SANDWICHES, BUT THAT POPEYES ONE LOOKS LIKE IT'S REALLY
CAUGHT TRACTION. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: IT IS KIND OF INSANE,
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. I KNOW YOU LIKE MUSIC, SO I KEEP GOING BACK TO MUSIC
BEST WAY TO ENJOY A CONCERT, STANDING OR SITTING? I WROTE THIS ONE
>> OKAY, THIS IS A VERY GOOD QUESTION >> Jimmy: THANK YOU.
>> I'M GONNA HAVE TO SAY, IF I'M AT A MUSIC SHOW, I'D RATHER BE STANDING.
>> Jimmy: CORRECT. >> IF I'M AT A STRIP CLUB, I'D RATHER BE SITTING.
[ LAUGHTER ] ALL RIGHT. DAVE, HOW ABOUT THIS ONE,
SHOULD YOU KNOW YOUR NEIGHBOR'S NAME >> I SHOULD BUT I DON'T.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HA HA. HERE'S ANOTHER ONE
KAYAK OR CANOE >> I'M A CANOE GUY >> Jimmy: I'M A CANOE GUY TOO
BUT I FEEL LIKE I CAN BE SWAYED >> MAKE A KAYAK WORK
KAYAK PEOPLE LOOK WEIRD, THEY JUST LOOK LONELY, THE ONE STICK.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, WHICH IS
BETTER A FINISHED BASEMENT OR NICE YARD. >> OH BOY, NOW THIS IS A POOR
PERSON QUESTION. [ LAUGHTER ] MY KINDA PERSON WITH MY KIND OF
MONEY AIN'T GOING TO THINK THIS UP, SHOULD I FINISH THE BASEMENT OR MOW THE GRASS?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, ALL RIGHT. >> FINISH BASEMENT, FINAL
ANSWER >> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO, WHEN IT COMES TO COOKING, HALF-BAKED OR
INFUSED? AH A LITTLE INSIGHT FUN FOR YOU
>> ALL RIGHT YOU KNOW WHAT, MAN, I WENT THROUGH ONE OF THOSE
WEED-INFUSED DINNERS ONCE. TALKING ABOUT MAC CHEESE, I ATE THIS MAC AND CHEESE THAT I
DIDN'T KNOW HAD WEED IN IT AND I SAW MY MOTHER AND SHE GOES, "SON, YOU LOOK TIRED, AND
I SAID "MOMMA, I'M HIGH ON MAC AND CHEESE." SHE KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG,
BECAUSE I WAS EATING IT WITH A A SPOON. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WOW, THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT.
DAVE CHAPPELLE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT RIGHT
THERE. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
CHECK OUT HIS PODCAST, THE MIDNIGHT MIRACLE, AVAILABLE NOW ON LUMINARY.
THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "TONIGHT SHOW.
THANK YOU, BUDDY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A VERY FUNNY COMEDIAN WHO WILL BE HOSTING THE "MTV MOVIE AND
TV AWARDS: UNSCRIPTED," WHICH AIRS MONDAY, MAY 17th AT 9:00 P.M
HERE IS NIKKI GLASER
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: OH, NIKKI. >> MY DRESS JUST UN-POPPED, BECAUSE I JUST DID A -- I
LITERALLY GO, "YAY" AND MY DRESS UN-POPPED. THAT WAS HUMILIATING
LET'S KEEP GOING HI JIMMY I'M NOT WEARING A BRA UNDER
THIS EITHER, AND I HAVE A ROOM OF PEOPLE. THAT WAS CRAZY
BUT I DON'T THINK YOU SAW IT THIS IS -- YOU HAVE TO KEEP THIS
>> Jimmy: OKAY, YEAH, NO, I'M NOT TAKING ANYTHING OUT. I DON'T THINK WE SAW ANY -- WE
DID? >> I AM REALLY, REALLY SORRY I WAS JUST EXCITED AND TRIED TO
PRESENT IN A WAY THAT THIS DRESS WOULD NOT LET ME MOVE. >> WELL, YOU CAN CUT AROUND IT,
BUT I THINK THAT WAS REALLY FUNNY. AND I THINK WE SHOULD KEEP IT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, LET'S KEEP IT IN >> I'M SNAPPED BACK, AND I'M
READY, JIMMY >> Jimmy: YEAH THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
YOU LOOK FANTASTIC [ APPLAUSE ] >> I'M BACK.
LOOK, JIMMY, IT'S SO GOOD TO BE HERE IN CLOTHES, MOSTLY. WHEW
>> Jimmy: I LOVE THAT YOU HAVE A MICROPHONE THIS IS FANTASTIC.
THIS IS PERFECT. >> OH, YEAH, I DON'T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT -
I'M A STAND UP COMEDIAN, AS YOU KNOW, THIS IS JUST WHERE I'M MOST COMFORTABLE
AND SO, I MEAN, I WAS AT MOTHER'S DAY BRUNCH LIKE THIS. THIS IS HOW I CONDUCT MY LIFE.
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT, IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AND I -- YOU KNOW, I USUALLY DO
STAND UP ON YOUR SHOW, AND IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE SEEN YOU.
AND SO, IT'S GOOD TO CATCH UP. IT'S BEEN A WEIRD YEAR I -- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNEW
THIS, BUT I LIVED WITH MY PARENTS IN ST. LOUIS FOR A A YEAR
I MOVED BACK HOME TO ST. LOUIS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE PANDEMIC
>> Jimmy: WHAT WAS THAT LIKE >> AND PEOPLE WERE ASKING ME, LIKE, "WHY?"
YOU KNOW, LIKE I'M SUCCESSFUL, LIKE "USUALLY MOVE BACK HOME WITH YOUR PARENTS WHEN THINGS
AREN'T GOOD, AND YOU'RE 36, AND WHY ARE YOU LIVING WITH YOUR PARENTS?
AND SO I GOT RID OF THAT THERAPIST, BECAUSE I JUST DON'T REALLY WANT TO LOOK INTO THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT, I STILL LIVE THERE, JIMMY >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH, I WOULD
FIRE -- I WOULD GET RID OF THAT PERSON ABSOLUTELY
>> YEAH. I DON'T WANT TO EXPLORE WHAT'S GOING ON THERE THAT I'M HOLDING
ONTO YEAH, I, NOW, LIVE IN ST. LOUIS THOUGH
I GOT MY OWN PLACE, AND I HAVE A ROOMMATE I CONVINCED MY BEST FRIEND,
WHO'S A 41-YEAR-OLD MAN, TO COME FLY IN FROM NEW YORK AND LIVE IN ST. LOUIS WITH ME AND
START A PODCAST. AND, HE'S JUST MY FRIEND, EVERYONE THINKS WE'RE MARRIED.
THEY'RE LIKE, "YOU'RE MARRIED. AND I'M LIKE, "NO, HE'S MY ROOMMATE
WE SHARE A PLACE WE TAKE CARE OF A DOG TOGETHER, AND WE DON'T HAVE SEX, SO,
WE'RE HAPPILY MARRIED ACTUALLY." [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH ABSOLUTELY >> YEAH.
YEAH >> Jimmy: NOW, LET'S TALK ABOUT -- I WANT TO TALK ABOUT
THIS, THE NEW AWARD SHOW, BECAUSE I'M A GIANT REALITY TV FAN, AND YOU'RE HOSTING THE
"MTV MOVIE AND TV AWARDS: UNSCRIPTED." IT'S -
>> YES >> Jimmy: IT'S HONORING REALITY -- THIS IS THE FIRST
>> IT'S A MOUTHFUL >> Jimmy: THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
ARE YOU EXCITED TO HOST THIS >> YEAH. IT'S THE FIRST ONE
AND IT'S ALL FOR REALITY SHOWS IT'S THE FIRST ONE, POSSIBLY THE LAST, BUT NOT BECAUSE IT'S
NOT GOING TO BE GOOD, BUT BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, CABLE IS DYING.
BUT, I CAN'T SAY THAT ON THE SHOW, SO I'M GLAD TO SAY IT HERE
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD I WROTE A LOT OF JOKES ROASTING MTV, AND THEY'RE LIKE, "HOW
ABOUT NOT, BECAUSE IT'S --" BUT, I AM JUST -- I'M SO EXCITED, BECAUSE IT IS GOING TO
BE WILD. REALITY TV IS MY FAVORITE. >> Jimmy: ME TOO
>> WE'RE HONORING EVERYTHING FROM LIKE, "BEST REALITY SHOW CAST," "BEST COMPETITION
SERIES." THERE'S COOL CATEGORIES, LIKE, "BEST BLACK OUT ON A YACHT."
[ LAUGHTER ] THERE'S ONE THAT'S "UGLIEST HUSBAND OFF CAMERA."
NO, THOSE AREN'T REAL. BUT IT'S GOING TO BE WILD. >> Jimmy: BEST BLACK OUT ON
A YACHT. >> JIMMY, THE PEOPLE THAT ARE THERE -- I MEAN, IT'S ALL
REALITY SHOW STARS THAT YOU LOVE, AND THEY'RE -- THEY'RE THE CELEBRITIES, YOU KNOW.
LIKE, THEY'RE GOING TO BE -- I MEAN, I THINK -- I THINK WE HAVE HEIDI KLUM SITTING NEXT TO
THE SITUATION, AND WHAT OTHER AWARD SHOW WOULD EVER HAVE THAT
>> Jimmy: I WOULD WATCH THAT >> IT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING. >> Jimmy: I CANNOT WAIT TO
WATCH IT >> IT'S GOING TO BE GOOD THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: NOT ONLY AM I A FAN -- >> IT'S GOING TO BE SO FUNNY,
I'M REAL EXCITED >> Jimmy: NOT ONLY AM I JUST WANT TO SEE IT, BECAUSE I DO
LEGITIMATELY LOVE REALITY TV THAT'S WHAT I WATCH THE MOST OF
>> ME TOO. >> Jimmy: I LOVE "THE CHALLENGE.
I LOVE "BELOW DECK." I LOVE ALL THAT STUFF. BUT, ALSO, YOU HOSTING, I'M
TELLING YOU, YOU'RE SO FAST AND FUNNY -- WE NEED THIS NOW
>> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: WE NEED A GOOD, FUNNY AWARD SHOW WHERE YOU CAN COME
OUT AND JUST SAY STUFF AND, YEAH. >> AWARD SHOWS ARE BROKEN, KIND
OF I WAS WATCHING, YOU KNOW -- THE OSCARS FELT LIKE, THIS YEAR, IT
FELT LIKE A SCIENTOLOGY FUNDRAISER [ LAUGHTER ]
THE GOLDEN GLOBES ON ZOOM. JASON SUDEIKI WEARING A TIE-DYE HOODIE
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> THEY'RE BROKEN. SO, NOW WE GET TO REINVENT
THEM AND THE THING I LOVE ABOUT THE SHOW, IS THAT, IT'S I LIKE
REALITY SHOWS, BECAUSE PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY REALITY TV IS FAKE, AND I HATE WHEN PEOPLE DISMISS
IT LIKE THAT BECAUSE, THEY GO, "OH, REALITY TV IS FAKE."
AND, IT'S LIKE, "WELL, I'M SORRY, THE SCRIPTED SHOWS YOU LOVE ARE MORE FAKE THAN THAT
THOSE ARE, YOU KNOW, ACTORS --" >> Jimmy: SCRIPTED >> --PLAYING ROLES WRITTEN BY
PEOPLE AT LEAST REALITY SHOWS ARE REAL PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, BEHAVING IN
SITUATIONS TOLD -- YOU KNOW, PRESENTED TO THEM BY SOCIOPATHIC PRODUCERS.
BUT -- SO IT'S A LITTLE FAKE, BUT THE PEOPLE'S EMOTIONS ARE REAL
AND AS A COMEDIAN WHO, I THINK I'M THE PERFECT HOST FOR THIS, BECAUSE MY JOB IS TO TELL THE
TRUTH ALL THE TIME AND BE VULNERABLE AND I'VE ALWAYS ACTUALLY BEEN
VERY, YOU KNOW, ATTRACTED TO REALITY SHOW STARS, EVEN AT THEIR WORST, BECAUSE I'M LIKE,
THE WAY THEY'RE ACTING IS SO EMBARRASSING THAT I DON'T THINK I COULD EVER, LIKE, LIVE ON.
BUT YOU CAN, YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF WHEN YOU WATCH IT, OBVIOUSLY.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND WE ALL WATCH THESE SHOWS LIKE "REAL HOUSEWIVES" AND WE
GO, "I WOULD NEVER DO THAT." BUT THE TRUTH IS, WHO HASN'T BEEN A RAMONA, THROWING
CHAMPAGNE OUT OF A CANOE, AT YOUR FRIEND, AT THE LAKE HOUSE, IN THE BERKSHIRES?
WE'VE ALL DONE THAT. SO, IT'S SO RELATABLE. AND I'M JUST SO EXCITED THAT,
YOU KNOW, THERE'S NO ONE THERE THAT'S INTIMIDATING FOR ME >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH.
YOU'RE GONNA BE FANTASTIC. >> NO, I'M JUST KIDDING. IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT
>> Jimmy: I HONESTLY, I THINK YOU'RE PERFECT FOR IT. I THINK IT'S GOING TO BE SO
FUN. >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: AND, YEAH, BREAK A
A LEG, I'LL BE WATCHING ON MONDAY >> THANKS, JIMMY
>> Jimmy: YOU GUYS, NIKKI GLASER CHECK OUT THE "MTV MOVIE AND TV
AWARDS UNSCRIPTED," MAY 17th AT 9:00 P.M MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" AFTER THE
BREAK. STICK AROUND "WAIT, WERE WE AT THE BEYONCE
PARTY. NO, NO *
>> Jimmy: PERFORMING "ALL IN YOUR HEAD" FROM HIS ALBUM, "STORY TO TELL CHAPTER ONE,"
HERE'S J.PERIOD, FEATURING BLACK THOUGHT AND TIFFANY GOUCHE, WITH NARRATION
BY DAVE CHAPPELLE.
*
>> HI, I'M DAVE CHAPPELLE, WELCOMING YOU TO J.PERIOD PRESENTS, "A STORY TO TELL," A
A MUSICAL JOURNEY IN THREE ACTS NOW WHEN YOU HERE THIS SOUND
[ BEEP ] TURN THE PAGE. PLEASE TUNE YOUR SPEAKERS FOR
MAXIMUM BASS RESPONSE AND ENJOY THE SHOW AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IT'S MY PLEASURE TO INTRODUCE, "A STORY TO TELL." [ BEEP ]
* * MY BROTHER JOEL WENT TO SEE DAVE CHAPPELLE
AMIDST THE PANDEMIC * * I SAI HE BRAVE AS HELL
BLAZE THE TRAI JUST DON'T TAKE A MAJOR L * * I'MA WAIT
BUT SAVE THE DAT SAVE YOURSELVES * * NEXT THING YOU KNOW
HE BRINGS HIS THINGS TO YELLOW SPRINGS * * AND SAY
TO SPREAD HIS WING IT'S BEEN TH STUFF OF DREAMS *
* OH WELL TIME TO PULL ANOTHER BOOK FROM THE SHELVES *
* FEELS LIKE HE'S GOT A STORY TO TEL THIS RHYTHM IS
TAKING ME BACK * * YOU KEEP GOIN BACK AND FORTH
YOU KNOW IT' TIME FOR A CHANGE DON'T YA * * SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE
LOSING TIM GOTTA STAY FOCUSED CAUSE I'M LOSING TIME *
* YOU WON'T GET FAR IF YOU DON'T STAY OPEN WHAT IF I TAKE IT TOO FA
TWO-FIFTEEN * * IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD DON'T LET IT GET TO YO
IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD * * SET YOURSELF FREE MY LOVE *
* SET YOURSELF FREE
MY LOV MY LOVE * * SET YOURSELF FREE
MY LOV MY LOV YEAH *
* SET YOURSELF FREE MY LOV MY LOVE *
* SET YOURSELF FREE * >> J.PERIOD, BLACK THOUGHT, TIFFANY GOUCHE, DAVE CHAPPELLE
* MY LOVE MY LOV SET YOURSELF FREE *
>> THIS IS A STORY TO TELL [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: "STORY TO TELL
CHAPTER ONE" IS OUT NOW. MY THANKS TO DAVE CHAPPELLE, NIKKI GLASER, J.PERIOD, BLACK
THOUGHT, TIFFANY GOUCHE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE.
THAT WAS AMAZING THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH
SETH MEYERS. GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY YOU FEEL THAT.