1 00:00:10,710 --> 00:00:12,112 >> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART 2 00:00:12,112 --> 00:00:18,618 OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON." 3 00:00:18,618 --> 00:00:22,188 TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - LESLIE JONES 4 00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:26,426 X GONZALEZ MUSICAL GUEST WEEZER AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY 5 00:00:26,426 --> 00:00:32,799 ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1459 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, 6 00:00:32,799 --> 00:00:37,570 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON 7 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:39,773 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 8 00:00:39,773 --> 00:01:02,829 * * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 9 00:01:02,829 --> 00:01:08,201 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. OH, MY GOODNESS. PLEASE HAVE A SEAT 10 00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:12,672 WELCOME, EVERYBODY, WELCOME, TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE 11 00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:18,345 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU FOR WATCHING LET'S GET TO SOME NEWS 12 00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:20,914 SHALL WE TODAY, NBC ANNOUNCED THAT IT WILL NOT AIR NEXT YEAR'S GOLDEN 13 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,849 GLOBES DUE TO THE CONTROVERSY SURROUNDING THE HOLLYWOOD FOREIGN PRESS ASSOCIATION. 14 00:01:22,849 --> 00:01:27,087 YEAH IT'S LIKE NBC SAID TO ABC, WE SEE YOUR HOSTLESS AWARD SHOW, 15 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:35,862 AND RAISE YOU NO AWARD SHOW. [ APPLAUSE ] NO AWARD SHOW. 16 00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:41,101 THAT'S RIGHT THE GROUP HAS BEEN UNDER FIRE FOR ITS FINANCES, ITS LACK OF 17 00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:47,107 DIVERSITY, AND PRESS CONFERENCES FILLED WITH SEXISM, RACISM AND HOMOPHOBIA. 18 00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:51,111 [ AUDIENCE BOOS IT'S NEVER GOOD WHEN YOU CHECK EVERY BOX IN THE HUMAN 19 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,813 RESOURCES VIDEO. [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, YEAH, WE DID THAT TOO. 20 00:01:53,813 --> 00:01:57,283 DEFINETLY DID THAT MEANWHILE, FOX NEWS HEARD ALL OF THAT AND WAS LIKE, "WE'LL 21 00:01:57,283 --> 00:02:03,957 HOST IT. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE NBC PUT THEIR FOOT DOWN. 22 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,658 YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DIVERSITY WHEN YOU'RE CALLED OUT BY THE SAME NETWORK 23 00:02:05,658 --> 00:02:13,066 THAT MADE "FRIENDS." YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING [ LAUGHTER ] 24 00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:14,668 THIS MEANS THE NEW STANDARD BEARER FOR INTERNATIONAL ACCLAIM IS THE NICKELODEON 25 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:23,543 KIDS' CHOICE AWARDS BLIMP. ANOTHER BIG STORY IS THE SCANDAL IN HORSE RACING. 26 00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:29,315 JUST CAME OUT THAT MEDINA SPIRIT, THE HORSE THAT WON LAST WEEKEND'S KENTUCKY 27 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:33,520 DERBY, TESTED POSITIVE FOR STEROIDS AFTER THE RACE. [ LAUGHTER ] 28 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,990 WHEN HE HEARD THAT, THE HORSE IS LIKE, "HEY, YOU SAID THAT NEEDLE WAS THE THIRD PFIZER 29 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:41,094 VACCINE. I THINKED REAL GIVEAWAY IS WHEN HE RAN THE RACE ON TWO LEGS. 30 00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:48,568 [ LAUGHTER ] JOCKEY ON HIS SHOULDERS. [ GALLOPING 31 00:02:48,568 --> 00:02:51,871 [ IMITATING TRUMPET RIGHT NOW THE HORSE IS THINKING, "AS LONG AS I'M 32 00:02:51,871 --> 00:02:53,173 PUTTING OUT TO STUD, THIS SOUNDS MORE LIKE A YOU PROBLEM. 33 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,909 AS IF THINGS WEREN'T BAD ENOUGH FOR MEDINA SPIRIT, A PHOTO JUST SURFACED OF HIM PARTYING WITH 34 00:02:55,909 --> 00:03:06,286 JEFFREY EPSTEIN. >> Steve: OH MY GOD. [ LAUGHTER ] 35 00:03:06,286 --> 00:03:07,954 [ AUDIENCE OHS ] >> Jimmy: JUST TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE WEEK. 36 00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:10,056 >> Steve: AWFUL, AWFUL >> Jimmy: TERRIBLE WEEK FOR HORSE RACING 37 00:03:10,056 --> 00:03:11,725 YEAH, HIS RACING DAYS MAY BE OVER, BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, HE JUST JOINED THE RUSSIAN 38 00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:16,162 GYMNASTICS TEAM. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE UNBELIEVABLE 39 00:03:16,162 --> 00:03:19,332 MEANWHILE, EVEN FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP WEIGHED IN HE RELEASED A STATEMENT 40 00:03:19,332 --> 00:03:20,867 WRITING, "SO NOW EVEN OUR KENTUCKY DERBY WINNER, MEDINA SPIRIT, IS A JUNKIE 41 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:29,142 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THIS IS EMBLEMATIC OF WHAT IS HAPPENING TO OUR COUNTRY 42 00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:32,212 THE WHOLE WORLD IS LAUGHING AT US AS WE GO THROUGH HELL ON OUR BORDERS, FAKE PRESIDENTIAL 43 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:36,149 ELECTION, AND EVERY WHERE ELSE." THAT'S HIS BLOT -- 44 00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:42,489 CAN WE ZOOM INTO THE PHOTO HIS -- OF TRUMP THERE? [ LAUGHTER ] 45 00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:44,391 I JUST CAN'T STOP LAUGHING AT THE IMAGE OF HIM AT HIS DESK WRITING ABOUT HIS THOUGHTS 46 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:49,929 ABOUT A HORSE BY HAND. [ LAUGHTER ] THIS IS A DISGRACE 47 00:03:49,929 --> 00:03:54,634 >> Steve: DONE, DONE >> Jimmy: YOU GUYS HEAR ABOUT THIS OVER THE WEEKEND? 48 00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:59,773 A MAJOR PIPELINE THAT RUNS FROM TEXAS TO NEW JERSEY HAD TO BE SHUT DOWN DUE TO A CYBERATTACK 49 00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:03,610 [ AUDIENCE OHS ] WE DON'T KNOW WHO DID IT, BUT THE MESSAGE JUST SAID, "HEH, 50 00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:08,848 HEH. [ LAUGHTER ] TODAY, THE PIPELINE OPERATOR 51 00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:13,053 SAYS IT PLANS TO RESUME SERVICE BY THE END OF THE WEEK VERIZON HEARD, AND WAS LIKE, 52 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:15,622 "HEY, COME ON. EVEN WE CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT." 53 00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:17,424 [ LAUGHTER ] MEANWHILE, I READ THAT THE PRICES OF EVERY DAY ITEMS HAVE 54 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:18,925 BEEN SKYROCKETING RECENTLY DUE TO SHORTAGES HAS A LOT OF PEOPLE WORRYING. 55 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:22,295 I AGREE, PRICES ARE GETTING WAY TOO HIGH DID YOU SEE THIS EARLIER TODAY 56 00:04:22,295 --> 00:04:24,330 DID YOU SEE THIS EARLIER TODAY TAKE A LOOK. 57 00:04:26,466 --> 00:04:27,133 >> OATMEAL, ACTUAL RETAIL 58 00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:34,074 PRICE, $2,495. 2K SHOWDOWNS COMING UP NEXT, FOLKS. 59 00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:40,113 DON'T GO AWAY. >>Jimmy: FOR OATMEAL DO YOU BELIEVE THAT? 60 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:43,850 THAT INSANE FOR OATMEAL. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: WOW. 61 00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:46,920 THAT SEEMS PRETTY STEEP. >> Jimmy: ON TO SOME GOOD NEWS -- DR. FAUCI SAID THAT 62 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,622 SOON IT MAY BE TIME TO RELAX INDOOR MASK RULES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 63 00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:51,925 THAT'S RIGHT FAUCI ALSO SAID HE THINKS WE'LL BE BACK TO NORMAL BY MOTHER'S 64 00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:57,530 DAY 2022 [ CHEERS ] I'M GUESSING THAT'S WHAT HE 65 00:04:57,530 --> 00:05:00,567 TOLD HIS WIFE YESTERDAY WHEN SHE SAID, "WHY ARE WE NOT GOING OUT TO BRUNCH? 66 00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:09,209 [ LAUGHTER ] IS THAT TODAY, MOTHER'S DAY? [ LAUGHTER ] 67 00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:11,044 TODAY BRITISH PRIME MINISTER, BORIS JOHNSON, ANNOUNCED THAT STARTING NEXT WEEK, CAUTIOUS 68 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:19,319 HUGGING WILL BE ALLOWED IN ENGLAND. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 69 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,354 >> Steve: WHAT >> Jimmy: YEP, CAUTIOUS HUGGING, OR AS PEOPLE IN 70 00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:24,190 ENGLAND CALL IT, NORMAL HUGGING. [ LAUGHTER ] 71 00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:27,160 HELLO. GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE GOOD TO BED 72 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:30,630 VERY GOOD. HELLO, ALL RIGHT, VERY GOOD. >> Tariq: DADDY LOVES YOU. 73 00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:33,466 >> Jimmy: DADDY LOVES YOU, NOW GO BACK TO BED THAT'S THAT. 74 00:05:33,466 --> 00:05:37,437 WE DID THAT. GET THIS, COMPUTER SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THEY HAVE CREATED 75 00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:43,076 ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE THAT CAN DETECT SARCASM [ AUDIENCE OHS ] 76 00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:46,479 YEP, COMPUTERS THAT ACTUALLY KNOW SARCASM THAT'S AMAZING 77 00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:51,751 AND IT GOT ME THINKING, "HEY, SIRI, DO YOU KNOW SARCASM? >> NO, I DON'T KNOW SARCASM. 78 00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:57,524 NOW GET BACK TO YOUR MONOLOGUE I REALLY WANT TO HEAR MORE OF YOUR GREAT JOKES ABOUT HORSES. 79 00:05:57,524 --> 00:06:02,262 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HANG ON. IF I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER 80 00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:06,499 THAT WAS SARCASM >> WOW, NOTHING GETS BY YOU, SHERLOCK HOLMES. 81 00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:10,570 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: COME ON, I THOUGHT WE HAD A GOOD RELATIONSHIP. 82 00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:13,840 >> YEAH, I LOVE BEING ASKED ABOUT THE WEATHER 900 TIMES A DAY. 83 00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:17,210 [ LAUGHTER ] THERE'S NO WAY YOU COULD LOOK OUT A WINDOW, AND FIGURE IT OUT 84 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:20,814 FOR YOUR [ BLEEP ] SELF? [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: HEY, TURN IT OFF 85 00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:24,417 TURN IT OFF. HEY, I SAW THAT A SMALL SKETCH OF A BEAR DRAWN BY 86 00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:33,059 LEONARDO da VINCI COULD SELL FOR MORE THAN $16 MILLION AT AUCTION. 87 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:39,933 I DON'T MEAN TO KNOCK da VINCI, BUT ARE WE SURE THAT'S A BEAR? DO YOU SEE THIS? 88 00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:47,374 [ LAUGHTER ] IT LOOKS LIKE THE LOGO FOR BOHR'S HEAD COLD CUTS. 89 00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:50,176 LPL AND GET THIS I READ THAT OVER 800 TURTLES WERE RESCUED FROM STORM DRAINS 90 00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:56,483 ALONG THE JERSEY SHORE [ AUDIENCE OHS ] THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS 91 00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:59,519 THE BAD NEWS IS IT'S NOW TURTLE-FEST AT RED LOBSTER [ LAUGHTER ] 92 00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:02,055 IT'S JUST UNBELIEVABLE >> Steve: AWFUL. WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT 93 00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:05,759 >> Jimmy: TERRIBLE >> Steve: OH, MY GOSH. >> Jimmy: EXPERTS SAY THAT 94 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,028 THEY'RE BABIES AND THEY'LL BE OKAY IT'S WHEN THEY'RE RAISED IN THE 95 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:13,533 SEWERS, AND BECOME TEENAGERS THAT YOU HAVE TO WORRY [ LAUGHTER ] 96 00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,802 THEN, SPLINTER, THE RAT WAS LIKE, "HEY, BY THE WAY, DID YOU KNOW I WAS ORIGINALLY DRAWN BY 97 00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:20,440 da VINCI?" [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] 98 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:24,044 DID YOU KNOW THAT? >> Steve: I DID NOT. >> Jimmy: FINALLY, I SAW THAT 99 00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:30,784 DARTMOUTH UNIVERSITY'S MEDICAL SCHOOL IS ACCUSING 17 STUDENTS OF CHEATING ON REMOTE TESTS. 100 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,619 WHEN THEY HEARD, 50 MILLION STUDENTS LEARNING REMOTELY, WERE LIKE, "WHO WOULD DO SUCH 101 00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:39,092 A THING? [ LAUGHTER ] ONE OF THE ACCUSED STUDENTS 102 00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:42,829 SAID, "I SWEAR I DIDN'T CHEAT. FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, WHICH IS A MUSCULAR ORGAN THAT 103 00:07:42,829 --> 00:07:48,201 PUMPS BLOOD THROUGH THE CIRCULATORY SYSTEM." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 104 00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,737 WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS EVERYBODY. 105 00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:50,770 GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS EVERYBODY. 106 00:07:51,304 --> 00:08:04,818 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 107 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:08,355 * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE 108 00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,056 FOR YOU TONIGHT. SHE IS HOSTING THE MTV MOVIE AND TV AWARDS THIS SUNDAY, 109 00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:19,899 LESLIE JONES IS HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE LESLIE JONES 110 00:08:19,899 --> 00:08:25,138 PLUS, FROM THE NEW DOCUMENTARY "US KIDS" X GONZALEZ IS HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 111 00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:33,780 THEN WE'LL HAVE A PERFORMANCE FROM WEEZER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 112 00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:37,951 WEEZER AND THEN, BE SURE TO STAY HERE ALL WEEK LONG. 113 00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:39,819 WE HAVE SOME GREAT GUESTS COMING UP. DAVE CHAPPELLE WILL BE HERE ON 114 00:08:39,819 --> 00:08:43,189 THE SHOW [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE DAVE CHAPPELLE 115 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:46,459 CHANCE THE RAPPER. ZOEY DEUTCH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 116 00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:50,163 KEEGAN MICHAEL KEY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Tariq: WELL, JIMMY, SOUNDS 117 00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:53,767 LIKE THE CAT'S OUT OF THE BAG. WHICH MEANS IT'S TIME FOR MY NEW SEGMENT, "TARIQ'S CAT 118 00:08:53,767 --> 00:09:00,640 CORNER." >> Jimmy: ACTUALLY, TARIQ, WE HAD TO CUT THE SEGMENT FOR A 119 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:04,711 A BIT FOR TIME SORRY MAN. [ AUDIENCE AWS ] 120 00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:10,016 >> Tariq: OH, I SEE. I GUESS I'LL JUST PUT ALL OF MY CAT TOYS AWAY. 121 00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:15,121 * >> Jimmy: COME ON, TARIQ DON'T BE LIKE THAT 122 00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:20,360 IT'S JUST THIS ONCE. >> Tariq: IT'S FINE! [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 123 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:26,933 >> Jimmy: WOW. * I DID MY BEST * * BUT I GUESS MY BEST 124 00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:36,042 WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH CAUSE HERE WE ARE BACK * * WHERE WE WERE BEFOR 125 00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:43,516 SEEMS NOTHING EVER CHANGES WE'RE BACK TO * * BEING STRANGERS 126 00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:54,060 WONDERING IF WE ARE TO STA OR HEAD ON OUT THE DOO JUST ONCE * 127 00:09:54,060 --> 00:10:04,170 * DID WE FIGURE OUT WHA WE KEEP DOING WRON WHY WE NEVER LAST FOR * 128 00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:18,752 * VERY LONG WHAT DID WE DO WRONG JUST ONCE WHEN WE FINALLY A WAY TO 129 00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:24,958 FINALLY MAKE IT RIGHT * * TO MAKE THE MAGIC LAST FOR 130 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:31,464 MORE THAN JUST ONE NIGHT * * IF WE COULD JUST GET TO I 131 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:38,338 I KNOW WE COUL BREAK THROUGH IT JUST ONCE * 132 00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:45,545 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WELL, MAYBE WE'LL TRY CAT CORNER NEXT WEEK 133 00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:48,948 >> Tariq: COPY THAT. >> Jimmy: STICK AROUND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE 134 00:10:48,948 --> 00:11:08,268 "TONIGHT SHOW" EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 135 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:11,338 >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK GUYS, IT IS TIME FOR "BAD SIGNS. 136 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:11,838 SIGNS. HERE WE GO 137 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:17,444 * 138 00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:26,619 >> Jimmy: ALRIGHT, HERE WE GO. VERY NICE. THESE ARE -- THESE ARE PICTURES 139 00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:32,092 OF FUNNY OR WEIRD SIGNS THAT YOU GUYS SAW AND SENT IN TO US THEY ARE ALL REAL. 140 00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:35,161 THIS FIRST ONE WAS SENT IN BY SAMANTHA ENGLISH IN CANTON, OHIO 141 00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:42,135 SHE WAS USING A RESTAURANT BATHROOM AND SPOTTED THIS. "EMPLOYEES MUST, WASH HANDS. 142 00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:45,839 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Questlove: HEY, MAN >> Jimmy: "YEAH, I WASHED MY 143 00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:49,509 HANDS, LOOK. >> Steve: "AND I FLUSHED THE TOILET." 144 00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:53,179 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THIS NEXT ONE WAS SENT IN BY JEFF DUTTON IN 145 00:11:53,179 --> 00:12:01,521 LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA. HE WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO EAT, AND HE SAW THIS 146 00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:05,225 "SOUP OF THE DAY: BEEF BARELY SOUP." WELL, THERE YOU GO 147 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:10,830 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Tariq: THAT'S BARELY SOUP >> Questlove: YEAH 148 00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:12,932 >> Jimmy: IT'S MORE OF A A SANDWICH >> Tariq: YEAH 149 00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:16,603 A RUNNY SANDWICH >> Jimmy: "IT'S PRE-DIPPED FRENCH DIP." 150 00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:19,572 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Tariq: WITH NO BEEF >> Jimmy: WITH NO BEEF OR 151 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,708 BREAD. NOW, THIS NEXT ONE IS FROM ANGIE CYPHERS IN FLAT ROCK, 152 00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:26,880 MICHIGAN SHE SAW AN ARBY'S SIGN I LOVE ARBY'S. 153 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,749 LET'S SEE WHAT IT SAID HERE. IT SAID, "NOW HIRING ANYBODY." [ LAUGHTER ] 154 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:33,987 [ APPLAUSE ] WOW. >> Steve: WOW. 155 00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:37,257 >> Jimmy: ANYBODY. >> Steve: COME ON IN >> Jimmy: "THE BODY'S STILL 156 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:40,260 WARM." "DO YOU WANT TO BE THE FRY MACHINE OR DO YOU WANT TO WORK 157 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:44,964 THIS?" "SURE, I'LL DO FRIES." >> Jimmy: THIS NEXT ONE'S FROM 158 00:12:44,964 --> 00:12:48,735 MARSHA LEE SPARHAWK IN RIGBY, IDAHO. SHE SPOTTED THIS WHILE DRIVING 159 00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:55,742 "SPEED LIMIT: 5.37 MILES PER HOUR." "SORRY, OFFICER, I WAS GOING 160 00:12:55,742 --> 00:13:00,647 5.39 MY WIFE'S IN LABOR SHE'S HAVING A BABY, SO I WAS 161 00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:03,149 SPEEDING A LITTLE BIT. THIS NEXT ONE IS FROM FARELL ROOSKA IN SAN MARCOS, 162 00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:07,354 CALIFORNIA SHE WAS SHOPPING FOR SOME WINE IN TRADER JOE'S, AND THEY WERE 163 00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:13,426 ALL OUT OF CHARDONNAY. >> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: YEAH, BUT THEY DID 164 00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:19,432 HAVE "CHADONNAY. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: OH, NO 165 00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:22,836 >> Jimmy: IF YOU WANT BOOZE, GRAB A GOOD CHAD AND HAVE -- >> Steve: LOVE CHAD. 166 00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:25,739 LOVE A CHAD. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> Steve: RUBY RED 167 00:13:25,739 --> 00:13:30,477 >> Jimmy: CHAT AND CHOW, MAN THIS NEXT ONE'S FROM BETH MONTE IN SNOW HILL, MARYLAND 168 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:34,347 SHE WAS SHOPPING IN A BAKERY AND SAW THIS "PLEASE USE TONGUES TO PICK 169 00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:39,285 PASTRIES UP. THANKS." [ AUDIENCE EWWS 170 00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:41,855 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: "OH, I WATCHED MY HANDS. 171 00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:46,760 [ LAUGHTER ] "NO, I DON'T WANT THAT ONE." >> Steve: "MAYBE THAT. 172 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:50,263 >> Jimmy: "YEAH, I DON'T LIKE ALL THAT." [ LAUGHTER ] 173 00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:53,466 "YEAH, THAT DONUT IS TOO EXPENSIVE. THAT'S $3,000. 174 00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:55,402 [ LAUGHTER ] THE NEXT ONE'S FROM DAVE RIGGINS IN HILLSIDE, 175 00:13:55,402 --> 00:14:00,173 NEW JERSEY HE WAS GETTING KIND OF HUNGRY, SO HE STOPPED BY A LOCAL 176 00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,375 MARKET LET'S SEE WHAT THEY HAD HERE "LYNDA'S MARKET: LUNCH SPECIAL 177 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:05,278 WE HAVE WORMS. OH, THERE YOU GO [ AUDIENCE OHS ] 178 00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:09,049 >> Steve: "OH! OH HEY, BABY. 179 00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:13,453 >> Jimmy: THAT SOUNDS DELICIOUS, BUT I'LL STICK TO BEEF BARELY SOUP 180 00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:18,058 WELL, THIS NEXT ONE HERE IS FROM JACOB BRELSFORD IN TELLURIDE, COLORADO. 181 00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:22,062 HE WAS OUT FOR A WALK AND SAW THIS "PLEASE DO NOT SIT ON FENCE. 182 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,931 WELL, YOU KNOW, HEY, GO FOR IT [ LAUGHTER ] GO FOR IT. 183 00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:27,834 NEVER MIND "DAD, YOU WANT TO SIT ON THIS FENCE WITH ME, AND WE'LL TALK 184 00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:34,107 ABOUT LIFE AND STUFF." "YEAH. ALL RIGHT, YOU GO FIRST. 185 00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:38,178 HERE'S ONE FROM WHITNEY WILDING IN CLINTON, NEW JERSEY SHE WAS SHOPPING FOR SOME 186 00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:43,616 PLASTIC BINS LET'S SEE WHAT SHE FOUND OH, "NO-BREAK" IS THE NAME OF 187 00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:47,620 THE BRAND. INTERESTING, 'CAUSE THEY'RE ALL BROKEN 188 00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:52,726 [ LAUGHTER ] MAYBE THEY'RE IRONIC >> Steve: YEAH 189 00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:55,261 NO-BREAK, YEAH >> Jimmy: NO-BREAK AND FINALLY, THIS LAST SIGN IS 190 00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:59,165 FROM TIM KOOBINAK IN SUFFOLK, VIRGINIA HE WAS IN THE GROCERY STORE AND 191 00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:04,404 SPOTTED A NEW PRODUCT FOR THOMAS' ENGLISH MUFFINS -- FROM THOMAS' ENGLISH MUFFINS. 192 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:07,340 BUT LOOK AT WHERE THEY PUT THE COUPON LOOK AT THIS 193 00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:11,211 [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: "PICK ME -- PICK ME 194 00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:15,448 UPs. PICK -- PICK ME UP [ LAUGHTER ] 195 00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:18,051 PICK ME UP." THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR "BAD SIGNS." 196 00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:19,586 IF YOU SEE A FUNNY SIGN, E-MAIL IT TO US AT BADSIGNS@TONIGHTSHOW.COM, AND 197 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:23,289 WE MIGHT PUT IT ON THE SHOW. STICK AROUND WE'LL BE BACK WITH 198 00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:45,979 LESLIE JONES COME ON BACK * 199 00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:51,117 >> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN EMMY NOMINATED ACTOR AND COMEDIAN WHO IS HOSTING THE MTV 200 00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:57,123 MOVIE AND TV AWARDS THIS SUNDAY AT 9:00 P.M. PLEASE WELCOME, LESLIE JONES 201 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:57,657 PLEASE WELCOME, LESLIE JONES LESLIE 202 00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:01,194 * 203 00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:06,466 >> Jimmy: LESLIE COME ON NOW. LESLIE, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 204 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:11,137 COMING BACK TO THE SHOW. ALWAYS GOOD TO SEE YOU, BUD. >> YES, BABY, I LOVE YOU 205 00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:18,445 WHAT'S UP? >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, THANK YOU NOW, I FOLLOW YOU ON TWITTER 206 00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:21,181 AND I SEE ALL THE STUFF YOU DO I SAW THAT YOU GOT YOUR VACCINE, SO CONGRATULATIONS ON 207 00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:26,753 THAT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU FILMED THE WHOLE PROCESS 208 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,723 AND EVERYTHING THAT WAS VERY COOL THAT YOU DID THAT 209 00:16:29,723 --> 00:16:32,125 YOU ADMITTED THAT YOU WERE NERVOUS GOING IN HOW DID IT COMPARE TO WHAT YOU 210 00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:37,564 EXPECTED >> IT WAS ACTUALLY WAY EASIER. I THINK IT'S GOOD TO GIVE 211 00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:40,867 YOURSELF A VERY NICE PARANOID FEAR, SO THEN WHEN IT TURNS OUT LESS THAN WHAT IT IS, THEN 212 00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:49,175 YOU'RE GOOD. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> SO, I WAS SCARED. 213 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:53,113 I HONESTLY HAD PLANNED ON NOT EVEN TAKING IT I'M GOING TO BE HONEST, I WAS 214 00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:56,149 KIND OF ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE THAT WAS LIKE, "NAH, THIS DOESN'T SOUND LIKE THE RIGHT 215 00:16:56,149 --> 00:17:01,855 THING TO DO," BUT MY AUNT IS A A DRUG ENFORCEMENT AGENT AND SHE PUT ME ON THE PHONE 216 00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:07,427 WITH A BIOLOGIST THEY WERE LIKE, "NAH, YOU'RE GOING TO DO THIS." 217 00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:09,829 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, GOOD. I'M GLAD 218 00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:13,099 GOOD, I'M SO HAPPY AND YOU LOOK FANTASTIC, SO GOOD, GOOD, GOOD 219 00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:17,037 >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: BY THE WAY, I LOVE YOUR UBER EATS COMMERCIALS 220 00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:21,307 >> YES, I LOVE THOSE THOSE WERE SO FUN. >> Jimmy: YOU WERE A GOOD 221 00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:28,081 CO-STAR WITH YOURSELF. >> I MEAN, I DO LOVE MYSELF. [ LAUGHTER ] 222 00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:34,954 >> Jimmy: YEAH WE TALKED IN THE PAST ABOUT HOW I LOVE WHEN YOU LIVE TWEET 223 00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:38,458 WHEN YOU LIVE TWEET ANYTHING, IT ALWAYS MAKES ME LAUGH, AND MOST RECENTLY, YOU LIVE TWEETED 224 00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:43,930 ZACK SNYDER'S CUT OF "JUSTICE LEAGUE" WITH THE HASHTAG - >> THE BEST -- THE BEST 225 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:49,169 VERSION, THANK YOU THE BEST CUT OF THAT MOVIE THANK YOU! 226 00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:51,805 >> Jimmy: BUT YOU DID THE #LONGASSMOVIE. DID YOU KNOW IT'S FOUR HOURS 227 00:17:51,805 --> 00:17:54,541 LONG I HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET, BUT NANCY, MY WIFE, SAW IT, LOVED 228 00:17:54,541 --> 00:18:00,280 IT IT WAS GREAT >> I KNEW IT WAS FOUR HOURS. 229 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,615 I WAS AMAZED THAT I WAS GOING TO GET TO SIT DOWN AND WATCH FOUR HOURS OF WONDER WOMAN AND 230 00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:09,389 BATMAN I WAS SO EXCITED I WAS EXCITED. 231 00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:12,792 SO I JUST I TIMED MYSELF, LIKE "I'M 30 MINUTES IN, I GOT 3 HOURS AND 44 SECONDS LEFT. 232 00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:21,101 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WE ACTUALLY PUT TOGETHER HIGHLIGHTS OF YOUR 233 00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:23,770 COMMENTARY WHILE WATCHING "JUSTICE LEAGUE. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 234 00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:23,803 "JUSTICE LEAGUE. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 235 00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:28,808 >> THAT'S SO DOPE! UGHH, BITCH. 236 00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:31,378 THAT'S GOOD. I JUST BLEW OUT THE WHOLE SIDE OF THIS BUILDING THAT Y'ALL 237 00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:36,082 BEEN GOING TO SCHOOL HERE FOR YEARS. YOU MEAN TO TELL ME EVERYBODY 238 00:18:36,082 --> 00:18:40,053 ELSE UNDER THE WATER GOT ARMOR ON, BUT HE GOT SKINNY JEANS ON OH, HE'S MAD, FIGHTING ALL THE 239 00:18:40,053 --> 00:18:44,391 ARMS COMING OUT -- OW WHO IS HE? 240 00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:49,396 SEE, IT ALWAYS COMES DOWN TO SOMEBODY TRYING TO MAKE THEIR DADDY HAPPY. 241 00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:54,868 GO TO THERAPY! [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 242 00:18:54,868 --> 00:18:59,673 >> Jimmy: COME ON. IT WAS SO WORTH SITTING THROUGH IT, BECAUSE ZACK SNYDER HIMSELF 243 00:18:59,673 --> 00:19:04,010 GAVE YOU A SHOUT OUT LOOK AT THIS HE SAID -- 244 00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:09,416 >> YASSS >> Jimmy: LOOK AT THIS, "THE OFFICIAL -- WHISPERER. 245 00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:12,485 I BOW TO YOU, MY QUEEN." [ APPLAUSE ] THAT'S COOL! 246 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,754 >> YES YES, IT IS IT'S GOING TO BE EVEN COOLER 247 00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:18,024 WHEN HE PUTS ME IN THE NEXT ONE. [ LAUGHTER ] 248 00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:21,027 >> Jimmy: YOU FIGURE YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN THE NEXT ONE, BUT YOU TOLD HIM EXACTLY WHAT 249 00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:24,698 YOU WANT TO BE >> I BETTER BE IN THE NEXT ONE I TWEETED FOR FOUR HOURS, I 250 00:19:24,698 --> 00:19:30,637 BETTER DAMN WELL BE THE STAR OF THE NEXT ONE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 251 00:19:30,637 --> 00:19:33,707 >> Jimmy: I THINK YOU'D BE GREAT. I THINK YOU WOULD BE -- WHAT 252 00:19:33,707 --> 00:19:39,679 ARE THE CONDITIONS WHAT DO YOU WANT TO PLAY A HERO OR VILLAIN? 253 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,415 >> I WANT TO BE A VILLAIN. I WANT TO BE A VILLAIN AND I WANT TO BE THE WORST VILLAIN 254 00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:45,518 I WANT TO BE THE VILLAIN THAT PEOPLE BE LIKE, "SOMEBODY KILL THIS BITCH!" 255 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:53,259 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YOU HAVE TO DO THIS. WELL, WE TALKED ABOUT IT 256 00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:58,231 BEFORE YOU SAID YOU -- I THINK YOU WOULD BE GREAT IN AN ACTION 257 00:19:58,231 --> 00:20:01,368 MOVIE OR TV SHOW >> I MEAN, MY KNEES AIN'T GOOD, BUT, YOU KNOW, AS LONG AS WE 258 00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:04,404 GET A STUNT DOUBLE, WE GOOD. >> Jimmy: WAIT YOU'RE LIKE, "STOP, STOP, WAIT, 259 00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:07,140 STOP ALL RIGHT, LET ME GET IN THE CAR, HOLD ON 260 00:20:07,140 --> 00:20:09,309 SLOW DOWN. >> STOP, STOP, LET THE KNEE GIRL COME IN 261 00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:13,346 LET THE KNEE GIRL COME IN. >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD I REALLY DO BELIEVE THAT YOU 262 00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:16,316 WOULD BE GREAT BY THE WAY. I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS WEEKEND 263 00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:21,321 I CAN'T THINK OF ANYONE BETTER TO HOST THE MTV MOVIE AND TV AWARDS THIS SUNDAY 264 00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:26,793 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU MUST BE EXCITED TO GET IN FRONT OF A CROWD AGAIN, RIGHT? 265 00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:30,997 AND IT'S LIVE? >> OH, JIMMY, SO YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN GOING UP SO I CAN GET 266 00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:34,668 READY FOR THE MONOLOGUE. AND JIMMY, I'LL TELL YOU THE FIRST TIME I WAS IN FRONT OF AN 267 00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:37,504 AUDIENCE -- THE LAST TIME I WAS IN FRONT OF A LIVE AUDIENCE WAS WHEN I TAPED TIME MACHINE, 268 00:20:37,504 --> 00:20:46,579 2019, SEPTEMBER THE 10th >> Jimmy: OH MY GOODNESS >> AND THAT'S THE LAST TIME I 269 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:49,549 WAS ON STAGE AND WHEN I GOT ON STAGE, I'M NOT GOING TO LIE, I GOT 270 00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:52,652 A LITTLE EMOTIONAL IT WAS - >> Jimmy: YEAH 271 00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:56,823 >> IT WAS VERY THERAPEUTIC I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS THE THING I WAS MISSING. 272 00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:59,592 >> Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S WILD. NOTHING LIKE A LIVE AUDIENCE WE HAVE A BEAUTIFUL -- 273 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:03,963 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> NOTHING LIKE IT NOTHING LIKE IT. 274 00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:09,336 NOTHING LIKE IT. AND, JIMMY, I CAN'T WAIT, BECAUSE THIS IS GOING TO BE THE 275 00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:14,741 COMING-OUT PARTY LIKE WE'VE BEEN LOCKED UP FOR ALMOST A YEAR AND A HALF 276 00:21:14,741 --> 00:21:19,746 I'M ABOUT TO MAKE THIS A PARTY, PARTY, PARTY OKAY 277 00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:23,850 I'M TALKING ABOUT -- IT'S GOING TO BE FUN. OH, MY GOD, JIMMY, IT'S GOING 278 00:21:23,850 --> 00:21:27,721 TO BE SO FUNNY, JIMMY! JIMMY, IT'S GOING TO BE SO FUNNY. 279 00:21:27,721 --> 00:21:30,090 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, I BELIEVE IT I BELIEVE YOU! 280 00:21:30,090 --> 00:21:33,626 IS THERE ANY CELEBRITIES THAT WILL BE THERE THAT YOU'LL BE EXCITED TO MEET? 281 00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:37,364 >> WELL, I'M GOING TO BE THERE >> Jimmy: THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS. 282 00:21:37,364 --> 00:21:40,900 I WILL BE WATCHING THAT'S ALL I WANT. LESLIE JONES, THE MTV MOVIE AND 283 00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:46,539 TV AWARDS AIRS THIS SUNDAY AT 9:00 P.M WE'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING FUN 284 00:21:46,539 --> 00:21:49,609 WITH LESLIE AFTER THE BREAK. STICK AROUND EVERYBODY COME ON BACK 285 00:21:49,609 --> 00:22:05,625 * >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 286 00:22:05,625 --> 00:22:08,128 WE'RE HANGING OUT WITH LESLIE JONES LESLIE 287 00:22:08,128 --> 00:22:14,367 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE NOW, LESLIE, YOU'RE NOT AFRAID TO SPEAK YOUR MIND 288 00:22:14,367 --> 00:22:16,336 AND YOU ALWAYS GIVE GREAT ADVICE, SO I THOUGHT, RIGHT NOW, YOU COULD HELP SOME PEOPLE 289 00:22:16,336 --> 00:22:20,840 WITH THEIR BIG LIFE DECISIONS. IT'S TIME FOR "LIFE COACH WITH LESLIE JONES." 290 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:21,875 LESLIE JONES." HERE WE GO 291 00:22:23,943 --> 00:22:27,313 WITH LESLIE JONES * 292 00:22:27,313 --> 00:22:29,482 >> Jimmy: WOW. VERY NICE. SO, WE ASKED VIEWERS AT HOME TO 293 00:22:29,482 --> 00:22:31,084 SEND IN QUESTIONS THAT THEY NEED YOUR COACHING ON. YOU READY TO GIVE OUT SOME 294 00:22:31,084 --> 00:22:37,924 TOUGH ADVICE >> I AM SO READY >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, HERE WE 295 00:22:37,924 --> 00:22:39,559 GO THIS FIRST QUESTION IS, "MY SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED FOR 296 00:22:39,559 --> 00:22:43,363 THE THIRD TIME TO A GUY NONE OF US REALLY LIKE HONESTLY, WE DON'T THINK THIS 297 00:22:43,363 --> 00:22:47,801 IS GOING TO LAST DO I HAVE TO GET THEM A GIFT I'M DONE WITH GETTING HER 298 00:22:47,801 --> 00:22:53,340 A PRESENT EVERY TIME SHE TIES THE KNOT IS THAT OKAY?" 299 00:22:53,340 --> 00:22:56,710 >> ABSOLUTELY! >> Jimmy: REALLY [ LAUGHTER ] 300 00:22:56,710 --> 00:22:58,611 WOW. >> NOW, THIS IS HOW YOU NEED TO HANDLE THIS, YOU SIT THEM DOWN 301 00:22:58,611 --> 00:23:04,517 AND GO, "LISTEN, WE'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE, THE WHOLE FAMILY. WE'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE, TWICE 302 00:23:04,517 --> 00:23:08,955 IT DIDN'T WORK SO WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO, IS IF YOU MAKE IT TWO MONTHS, 303 00:23:08,955 --> 00:23:15,228 WE'LL BUY YOU A PRESENT. [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 304 00:23:15,228 --> 00:23:18,631 >> Jimmy: YES! THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT JUST TWO MONTHS. 305 00:23:18,631 --> 00:23:20,400 >> EVEN -- EVEN IF THE -- EVEN IF THE PRESENT IS A DAMN DIVORCE. 306 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:24,070 >> Jimmy: JUST -- WE'LL GET YOU -- JUST TWO MONTHS AND WE'LL GET A PRESENT. 307 00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:31,544 YEAH THIS IS GREAT. ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. 308 00:23:31,544 --> 00:23:33,546 "A CO-WORKER WHO I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN FRIENDLY WITH JUST LIKED A SHIRTLESS BEACH PICTURE OF ME 309 00:23:33,546 --> 00:23:39,185 FROM, LIKE, SEVEN YEARS AGO. SHE'S MARRIED AND HAS NEVER BEEN WEIRD AROUND ME, BUT I'M 310 00:23:39,185 --> 00:23:45,692 KIND OF WEIRDED OUT BY IT. SHOULD I MENTION THIS TO HER?" >> YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE 311 00:23:45,692 --> 00:23:49,295 FRIENDS WITH YOUR PEOPLE THAT YOU WORK WITH. THAT'S A WORK THING. 312 00:23:49,295 --> 00:23:54,100 SO SHE SHOULD HAVE NEVER SAW THAT SHIRT, SIR. SECOND ANSWER, BLOCK HER ASS 313 00:23:54,100 --> 00:23:57,370 [ APPLAUSE ] AND THEN, WHEN SHE ASKS YOU WHY YOU BLOCKED HER, SAY, "HEY, YOU 314 00:23:57,370 --> 00:24:01,441 HAVE MISTAKEN ME FOR SOMEBODY ELSE, SWEETIE. I HAVE -- YOU HAVE A HUSBAND, 315 00:24:01,441 --> 00:24:11,451 I'VE GOT A RELATIONSHIP. YOU LIKED THE PICTURE THAT I DIDN'T HAVE MY SHIRT ON. 316 00:24:11,451 --> 00:24:17,290 I AIN'T LIKE THAT. [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. 317 00:24:17,290 --> 00:24:19,359 >> Y'ALL GOTTA GET SOME GUMPTION START GETTING SOME GUMPTION. 318 00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:23,063 START TELLING FOLKS. STOP ACTING LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO SAVE SOMEBODY'S FEELINGS. 319 00:24:23,063 --> 00:24:26,733 THEY WASN'T SAVING YOUR FEELINGS SHE WASN'T THINKING ABOUT YOUR 320 00:24:26,733 --> 00:24:31,204 FEELINGS WHEN SHE LIKED THE PICTURE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 321 00:24:31,204 --> 00:24:34,641 >> Jimmy: I AGREE. SHOULDN'T HAVE LIKED IT. ALL RIGHT, HERE, HOW ABOUT 322 00:24:34,641 --> 00:24:37,510 THIS "THIS NEW GUY I'M SEEING TOLD ME HIS NAME IS MARSHALL, BUT I 323 00:24:37,510 --> 00:24:42,415 ACCIDENTALLY SAW HIS MAIL AND IT SAID 'ALEX.' IT'S NOT HIS MIDDLE NAME, EITHER. 324 00:24:42,415 --> 00:24:49,456 DO I CONFRONT HIM ABOUT IT?" >> OKAY, YES YOU DO, BUT, YOU CONFRONT HIM IN A RESTAURANT 325 00:24:49,456 --> 00:24:51,524 FULL OF PEOPLE, JUST IN CASE YOU FOUND OUT HIS SECRET IDENTITY AND HE TRY TO CHOKE 326 00:24:51,524 --> 00:25:01,368 YOU OUT, AND KILL YOU AND BURY YOU. >> Jimmy: CHOKE YOU OUT, YEAH. 327 00:25:01,368 --> 00:25:05,138 >> SO, THAT'S -- YEAH, DO IT IN PUBLIC >> Jimmy: PUBLIC PLACE, YEP. 328 00:25:05,138 --> 00:25:08,575 >> DON'T CONFRONT HIM WHILE Y'ALL WATCHING TV. HE'S GOING TO KILL YOU 329 00:25:08,575 --> 00:25:13,813 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HOW ABOUT THIS "MY BOYFRIEND IS GREAT, BUT HE 330 00:25:13,813 --> 00:25:19,285 HAS THIS WEIRD HABIT OF PUTTING ON AN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT AROUND STRANGERS. 331 00:25:19,285 --> 00:25:21,254 HE THINKS IT'S HILARIOUS AND LOVES TO ASK IF I, QUOTE, 'THINK THEY BOUGHT IT.'" BUT, I 332 00:25:21,254 --> 00:25:28,094 FIND IT ANNOYING HOW DO I SHUT IT DOWN? >> OKAY, WHAT YOU DO IS YOU BE 333 00:25:28,094 --> 00:25:30,563 A REAL GIRLFRIEND. FIRST OF ALL, WHEN YOU'RE IN A A RELATIONSHIP, Y'ALL SUPPOSED 334 00:25:30,563 --> 00:25:34,734 TO LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER Y'ALL SUPPOSED TO HAVE EACH OTHER'S BACK 335 00:25:34,734 --> 00:25:36,503 YOU'RE NOT HAVING HIS BACK BY LETTING HIM GOING OUT AND EMBARRASSING YOU AND HIM, IN A 336 00:25:36,503 --> 00:25:43,243 A DAMN CROWD, WITH A TERRIBLE AUSTRALIAN ACCENT. SO, WHEN HE STARTS DOING IT, 337 00:25:43,243 --> 00:25:46,312 SAY, "STOP THAT! THAT'S NOT FUNNY THAT'S NOT FUNNY 338 00:25:46,312 --> 00:25:50,150 NOBODY LIKES THAT! NOBODY LIKES THAT! STOP DOING THAT! 339 00:25:50,150 --> 00:25:52,519 THEN, IF HE DOESN'T STOP -- IF HE DOESN'T STOP, YOU BREAK UP WITH HIM AND START DATING AN 340 00:25:52,519 --> 00:26:01,227 AUSTRALIAN [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 341 00:26:01,227 --> 00:26:06,466 >> SO -- SO -- SO, EVERY TIME, NOW, HE SEES YOU, YOU'RE WITH A REAL AUSTRALIAN. 342 00:26:06,466 --> 00:26:08,868 >> Jimmy: UH-HUH >> SO HE CAN STILL -- HE CAN HEAR WHAT THE ACCENT SOUNDS 343 00:26:08,868 --> 00:26:11,071 LIKE >> Jimmy: YEAH AND THEN POINT TO YOUR 344 00:26:11,071 --> 00:26:15,108 BOYFRIEND AND YOU GO, "YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY? >> HEY, YOU THINK HE'S PULLING 345 00:26:15,108 --> 00:26:18,211 IT OFF IS HE PULLING IT OFF [ LAUGHTER ] 346 00:26:18,211 --> 00:26:21,381 >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD >> THAT IS SO STUPID WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? 347 00:26:21,381 --> 00:26:26,786 THAT'S DUMB! >> Jimmy: OKAY [ LAUGHTER ] 348 00:26:26,786 --> 00:26:29,356 I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU IN THE NEXT "JUSTICE LEAGUE." I SWEAR, I CANNOT WAIT 349 00:26:29,356 --> 00:26:33,626 I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE IT. [ APPLAUSE ] I JUST WANT TO SEE THE TRAILER 350 00:26:33,626 --> 00:26:36,463 ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. OH, OKAY "MY CO-WORKER SOMETIMES HAS THE 351 00:26:36,463 --> 00:26:42,369 WORST B.O. IT'S NOT ALWAYS THERE, BUT WHEN IT IS, WATCH OUT 352 00:26:42,369 --> 00:26:44,337 IT'S REPULSIVE, AND I HONESTLY STRUGGLE TO DO MY JOB, 'CAUSE I CAN SMELL THEM FROM, LIKE, 353 00:26:44,337 --> 00:26:51,077 20 FEET AWAY HOW CAN I LET THEM KNOW WITHOUT HURTING THEIR FEELINGS." 354 00:26:51,077 --> 00:26:52,645 >> OKAY, I HAVE TWO QUESTIONS -- I ACTUALLY HAVE TWO ANSWERS FOR THIS, AND IT'S 355 00:26:52,645 --> 00:26:54,614 'CAUSE THIS IS A SENSITIVE THING. TO ASK, IS SHE SURE SHE'S NOT 356 00:26:54,614 --> 00:27:01,421 SMELLING HERSELF [ LAUGHTER ] OKAY 357 00:27:01,421 --> 00:27:03,456 FIRST QUESTION OKAY, IF IT'S THE CO-WORKER, I'M VERY SENSITIVE TO THIS, 358 00:27:03,456 --> 00:27:10,063 JIMMY, BECAUSE I USED TO BE AN ATHLETE. AND I WAS A GIRL, AND, YOU 359 00:27:10,063 --> 00:27:12,799 KNOW, DIDN'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. SO, I DIDN'T KNOW TO SHAVE 360 00:27:12,799 --> 00:27:16,670 UNDER MY ARMS AND STUFF LIKE THAT SO SOMETIMES I'M MUSTY 361 00:27:16,670 --> 00:27:21,775 YOU KNOW, IF YOU GET MUSTY - >> Jimmy: MUSTY. >> AND IT'S EMBARRASSING 362 00:27:21,775 --> 00:27:25,478 YOU KNOW, IT'S EMBARRASSING. SO, WHAT I WOULD DO, IS I WOULD INVITE THEM INTO A ROOM, AND I 363 00:27:25,478 --> 00:27:29,449 WOULD CLOSE THE DOOR, AND THEN THE FIRST THING I WOULD DO IS OPEN UP THE WINDOW 364 00:27:29,449 --> 00:27:32,786 [ LAUGHTER ] I WOULD LET THEM SEE ME OPEN UP THE WINDOW 365 00:27:32,786 --> 00:27:36,056 >> Jimmy: UH-HUH >> AND IF THEY SAY, "WHY ARE YOU OPENING UP THE WINDOW? 366 00:27:36,056 --> 00:27:41,294 I WOULD BE LIKE, "BECAUSE YOU STINK. [ LAUGHTER ] 367 00:27:41,294 --> 00:27:44,497 BECAUSE THIS IS -- AND LET ME TELL YOU NOW, THAT PERSON'S GONNA APPRECIATE IT, BECAUSE 368 00:27:44,497 --> 00:27:50,070 ALL [ BLEEP ] THAT'S BEEN WALKING AROUND SMELLING HIM AIN'T SAID NOTHING 369 00:27:50,070 --> 00:27:52,672 THAT'S LIKE LETTING SOMETHING BE IN FRONT OF YOU WITH A BOOGER IN THEIR NOSE AND 370 00:27:52,672 --> 00:27:56,076 YOU'RE NOT SAYING, "HEY, GET THAT BOOGER. >> Jimmy: WELL, SOME PEOPLE 371 00:27:56,076 --> 00:28:00,814 AGREE -- BUT I THINK -- >> YOU'VE GOT TO TELL THEM -- 372 00:28:00,814 --> 00:28:05,685 YOU'VE GOTTA TELL THEM, JIMMY. YOU'VE GOTTA TELL THEM >> Jimmy: BUT DOES IT HAVE TO 373 00:28:05,685 --> 00:28:08,088 BE ME? [ LAUGHTER ] >> YES, BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONE 374 00:28:08,088 --> 00:28:11,424 THAT SMELLS THEM >> Jimmy: UM-HMMM. >> WAIT A MINUTE 375 00:28:11,424 --> 00:28:14,427 OH, IS THIS ABOUT SOMEBODY YOU WORK WITH? >> Jimmy: NO 376 00:28:14,427 --> 00:28:18,932 NO I MEAN - >> OH, I WAS GONNA SAY, BRING 377 00:28:18,932 --> 00:28:20,533 THEM OUT, RIGHT NOW, SO I CAN TELL THEM. [ LAUGHTER ] 378 00:28:20,533 --> 00:28:25,238 >> Jimmy: NO, THESE ARE FROM FRIENDS. NO, NO, YEAH 379 00:28:25,238 --> 00:28:27,707 [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S WHY WE'RE FRIENDS LESLIE, YOU GOTTA DO ME 380 00:28:27,707 --> 00:28:29,109 A FAVOR. NO, NO, I DON'T KNOW THIS PERSON 381 00:28:29,109 --> 00:28:32,245 NO, THIS IS A FAN. BUT, I JUST FEEL LIKE, YEAH, IF SOMEONE ELSE CAN DO THAT, I 382 00:28:32,245 --> 00:28:35,615 DON'T KNOW IT'S LIKE YOU JUST GO, "HEY. >> NO. 383 00:28:35,615 --> 00:28:37,150 THE PERSON THAT SMELLS IT HAS GOT TO BE THE PERSON THAT TELL THEM 384 00:28:37,150 --> 00:28:41,054 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: DID YOU KNOW THAT RHYMES 385 00:28:41,054 --> 00:28:44,357 >> NO, I DIDN'T. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OKAY 386 00:28:44,357 --> 00:28:46,359 HERE WE GO THIS ONE HERE, LAST ONE, "MY ROOMMATE WANTS TO INSTALL 387 00:28:46,359 --> 00:28:54,334 A STRIPPER POLE IN OUR APARTMENT FOR EXERCISE WHAT SHOULD I DO?" 388 00:28:54,334 --> 00:28:56,069 >> GET ANOTHER [ BLEEPING ] ROOMMATE WHAT 389 00:28:56,069 --> 00:29:00,874 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WHAT >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHY WE ASK 390 00:29:00,874 --> 00:29:02,676 YOU. WE LOVE YOU. THAT IS ALL THE TIME WE HAVE 391 00:29:02,676 --> 00:29:05,378 FOR "LIFE COACH. MY THANKS TO LESLIE JONES. OH, YOU KNOW IT. 392 00:29:05,378 --> 00:29:10,417 STICK AROUND WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" AFTER THE BREAK 393 00:29:10,417 --> 00:29:29,235 OH, LESLIE STOP WITH THAT. * >> Jimmy: MY NEXT GUEST IS AN 394 00:29:29,235 --> 00:29:33,039 ACTIVIST WHO'S FEATURED IN THE NEW DOCUMENTARY, "US KIDS," WHICH IS IN THEATERS AND ON 395 00:29:33,039 --> 00:29:39,379 DEMAND THIS FRIDAY PLEASE WELCOME X GONZALEZ. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 396 00:29:39,379 --> 00:29:45,385 YEAH IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU. WE'VE HAD ZOOM GUESTS BEFORE, 397 00:29:45,385 --> 00:29:48,254 BUT I DON'T THINK ANYONE HAS EVER ZOOMED FROM THEIR DORM ROOM 398 00:29:48,254 --> 00:29:50,523 THIS IS THE FIRST -- >> I KNOW, IT'S PRETTY NICE, ISN'T IT 399 00:29:50,523 --> 00:29:53,593 GIVES EVERYBODY SOME NICE MEMORIES [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 400 00:29:53,593 --> 00:29:56,663 I'VE GOT MY ARTWORK, I'VE GOT MY TIE DYE >> Jimmy: I WANT TO ASK YOU 401 00:29:56,663 --> 00:30:03,003 ABOUT X. >> YEAH, SO, I USED TO BE -- MY NAME IS EMMA GONZALEZ, BUT I'VE 402 00:30:03,003 --> 00:30:09,542 DECIDED TO GO BY X NOW BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T WANT PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW ME 403 00:30:09,542 --> 00:30:13,813 ASSUMING THAT THEY DO KNOW ME BECAUSE OF THE NATIONAL NARRATIVE OR INTERNATIONAL 404 00:30:13,813 --> 00:30:19,519 NARRATIVE THAT EXISTS ABOUT ME BECAUSE I WAS AND STILL AM A A CHILD. 405 00:30:19,519 --> 00:30:21,921 AND I DON'T WANT PEOPLE THINKING THAT THEY'RE MY FRIENDS JUST BECAUSE THEY KNOW 406 00:30:21,921 --> 00:30:25,525 MY NAME. AND IT ALSO GOT KIND OF TIED UP INTO MY GENDER 407 00:30:25,525 --> 00:30:30,096 I REALIZED THAT I'M NOT A GIRL, AND THAT I DON'T LIKE WHEN PEOPLE REFER TO ME WITH SHE/HER 408 00:30:30,096 --> 00:30:34,934 PRONOUNS, OR WHEN THEY THINK OF ME AS A GIRL AND EMMA AS A NAME JUST BECAME 409 00:30:34,934 --> 00:30:39,939 SUCH AN IDENTITY THAT I BECAME DISASSOCIATED WITH AND SO I KIND OF TOOK TOWARDS X 410 00:30:39,939 --> 00:30:46,846 AS A SORT OF, LIKE, "I'M RE-CLAIMING MY OWN IDENTITY. IF YOU SEE ME, DON'T ASSUME 411 00:30:46,846 --> 00:30:51,418 THAT YOU KNOW ME JUST ASSUME THAT YOU'RE SEEING, LIKE, A PERSON 412 00:30:51,418 --> 00:30:53,620 >> Jimmy: YEAH, VERY GOOD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE GOOD FOR YOU 413 00:30:53,620 --> 00:30:57,657 WELL AGAIN, X, WELCOME YOU'RE ACTUALLY MAJORING IN ACTIVISM 414 00:30:57,657 --> 00:31:01,194 >> YES, YES. >> Jimmy: WHICH I CAN'T THINK OF A MORE PERFECT THING TO 415 00:31:01,194 --> 00:31:05,632 MAJOR IN IS THAT WHAT YOU SAW YOURSELF MAJORING IN OR NO? 416 00:31:05,632 --> 00:31:08,601 >> YEAH, WHEN I WAS GROWING UP, I REALLY WANTED TO WORK AT NASA, YOU KNOW, ESPECIALLY 417 00:31:08,601 --> 00:31:14,641 BECAUSE I'M A FLORIDA NATIVE NASA IS HERE AND I REALLY WANTED TO, LIKE, 418 00:31:14,641 --> 00:31:16,810 WORK AT THE DESKS AND STUFF THAT YOU SEE IN MOVIES BUT I THINK NOW IT'S GOING TO 419 00:31:16,810 --> 00:31:21,181 BE ONE OF THOSE LIKE, SPECIAL-INTEREST TOPICS THAT I'M JUST REALLY INTO 420 00:31:21,181 --> 00:31:23,283 BUT YEAH, I'M MAJORING IN ACTIVISM, I'VE BEEN TAKING SOME OF THE COOLEST CLASSES WITH 421 00:31:23,283 --> 00:31:29,823 SOME OF THE COOLEST PROFESSORS AT MY COLLEGE, NEW COLLEGE OF FLORIDA. 422 00:31:29,823 --> 00:31:34,527 COME HERE IF YOU'RE OF COLLEGE AGE AND WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE. IT'S A REALLY, REALLY COOL 423 00:31:34,527 --> 00:31:36,963 SCHOOL I'VE BEEN TAKING SOME RADICAL LEARNING CLASSES, LIKE 424 00:31:36,963 --> 00:31:38,631 MANIFESTOS, ALTERNATIVES TO CAPITALISM AND SOCIALISM, POST-COLONIAL LITERATURE AND 425 00:31:38,631 --> 00:31:40,200 THEORY, BLACK SOCIAL AND POLITICAL THOUGHT, GLOBAL POLITICS, RADICAL COMICS, 426 00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:51,945 LIKE - I CAN'T EVEN NAME THEY'RE ALL. THEY'RE SO FASCINATING AND SO, 427 00:31:51,945 --> 00:31:56,383 LIKE -- I FEEL LIKE SOMETIMES MY SKULL IS BEING LIKE CRACKED OPEN AND INFORMATION IS BEING 428 00:31:56,383 --> 00:32:03,089 DIRECTLY BEAMED INTO MY BRAIN. >> Jimmy: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT, ACTUALLY, YOUR DOCUMENTARY, "US 429 00:32:03,089 --> 00:32:06,726 KIDS." >> YES >> Jimmy: THIS IS -- IT FOLLOWS 430 00:32:06,726 --> 00:32:09,129 YOU AND OTHER ACTIVISTS ORGANIZING "MARCH FOR OUR LIVES," AFTER SURVIVING 431 00:32:09,129 --> 00:32:15,669 A SCHOOL SHOOTING IN 2018. THE FILM PREMIERED AT SUNDANCE AND I READ SOMEWHERE, IT GOT 432 00:32:15,669 --> 00:32:20,807 ONE OF THE LONGEST STANDING OVATIONS IN HISTORY. >> YEAH, IN THE HISTORY OF 433 00:32:20,807 --> 00:32:26,813 SUNDANCE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: CAN YOU TALK A LITTLE 434 00:32:26,813 --> 00:32:31,751 BIT ABOUT SOME OF THE THINGS THAT "MARCH FOR OUR LIVES" HAS DONE 435 00:32:31,751 --> 00:32:34,120 >> YEAH, I ACTUALLY KIND OF WANT TO SHOUT OUT SOME OF THE MEMBERS OF "MARCH FOR OUR 436 00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:38,191 LIVES" THAT ARE IN THE AUDIENCE RIGHT NOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 437 00:32:38,191 --> 00:32:40,360 MAXWELL FROST, ELENA, BRIANNI, GABY SALAZAR, MIA, CRYSTAL, MATTHEW HOGENMILLER, ALL MY 438 00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:47,867 FRIENDS. I LOVE YOU >> LOVE YOU BACK 439 00:32:47,867 --> 00:32:53,740 >> Jimmy: I LOVE YOU BACK. THIS IS HAPPENING. I LOVE THIS. 440 00:32:53,740 --> 00:32:55,675 >> BUT, LIKE, I WAS ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO -- YOU WOULD SEE IT IN THE DOCUMENTARY, WHICH I 441 00:32:55,675 --> 00:32:59,179 HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU WATCH IT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I WAS AT, LIKE, THE MERCH 442 00:32:59,179 --> 00:33:00,914 TABLE. AND WE WOULD BE SELLING MERCH, LIKE "MARCH FOR OUR LIVES" 443 00:33:00,914 --> 00:33:04,517 MERCH AND ALL THE MONEY WOULD GO TO THE LOCAL AREAS WE WERE IN FOR THOSE EVENTS. 444 00:33:04,517 --> 00:33:10,557 AND LIKE, SO PEOPLE WOULD COME UP, SAY HI TO ME, TAKE PICTURES AND STUFF. 445 00:33:10,557 --> 00:33:15,362 AND THEN MOVE ON TO THE NEXT PERSON, BECAUSE IT WAS SUCH A LONG LINE OF PEOPLE. 446 00:33:15,362 --> 00:33:19,866 AND WE DID LIKE THREE EVENTS A A DAY, EVERY DAY FOR 64 DAYS AND I ONLY TOOK A HALF A DAY 447 00:33:19,866 --> 00:33:26,072 OFF. >> Jimmy: WOW, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 448 00:33:26,072 --> 00:33:28,675 >> WHICH IS FUN TO SAY, CANNOT RECOMMEND ANYBODY ELSE DO THAT DON'T LOOK AT THIS MOVIE AND 449 00:33:28,675 --> 00:33:32,178 THINK, "HEY, I SHOULD DO THAT. >> Jimmy: HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN THAT SHOOTING TOOK PLACE 450 00:33:32,178 --> 00:33:36,983 >> I WAS, LIKE, 18 I HAD JUST TURNED 18 I HAD JUST GOTTEN MY LICENSE 451 00:33:36,983 --> 00:33:41,521 MY DRIVER'S LICENSE. >> Jimmy: I'VE SEEN SOME INTERVIEWS AROUND YOU WHERE 452 00:33:41,521 --> 00:33:45,725 PEOPLE JUST GO UP TO YOU, BECAUSE YOU BECAME THE FACE AT ONE POINT, THE FACE OF THIS 453 00:33:45,725 --> 00:33:53,933 WHOLE "MARCH FOR OUR LIVES." AND PEOPLE WERE JUST YELLING AT A 17-YEAR-OLD KID, AND IT JUST 454 00:33:53,933 --> 00:34:00,440 MUST BE TOUGH FOR YOU. I JUST FEEL LIKE -- GOOD FOR YOU FOR JUST BEING -- JUST 455 00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:04,044 LOGICALLY GOING "GREAT, YOU CAN YELL, BUT LET'S TALK TO EACH OTHER. 456 00:34:04,044 --> 00:34:08,782 LETS HAVE A CONVERSATION." >> YEAH, THANKS. I AGREE, THOUGH, IT WAS KIND OF 457 00:34:08,782 --> 00:34:10,917 UNBELIEVABLE THE AMOUNT OF SITUATIONS THAT WE WERE, LIKE, "OKAY, I'M GOING TO COME TO 458 00:34:10,917 --> 00:34:15,355 THIS WITH A RATIONAL HEAD AND BE, LIKE, A VIOLENCE INTERRUPTER. 459 00:34:15,355 --> 00:34:19,926 I'M GOING TO TRY I'M GOING TO TRY AND HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION WITH A REAL 460 00:34:19,926 --> 00:34:24,064 PERSON AND ALL THESE PEOPLE WOULD COME AND PROTEST OUR EVENTS AND 461 00:34:24,064 --> 00:34:27,534 STUFF, AND THEY WOULD BE LIKE, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 462 00:34:27,534 --> 00:34:30,937 AND I'M LIKE, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT WHAT IS THE MEDIA SAYING ABOUT 463 00:34:30,937 --> 00:34:33,840 US WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT WE'RE TRYING TO DO?" 464 00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:37,444 AND THEY WOULD SAY, "WE THINK THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO TAKE OUR GUNS AWAY. 465 00:34:37,444 --> 00:34:39,946 AND I WOULD BE LIKE, "OKAY, WELL, FIRST OF ALL, THAT'S NOT TRUE 466 00:34:39,946 --> 00:34:43,883 WE ARE NOT ADVOCATING FOR TAKING GUNS AWAY 'MARCH FOR OUR LIVES' IS AN 467 00:34:43,883 --> 00:34:47,087 ORGANIZATION THAT SUPPORTS THE SECOND AMENDMENT IT'S ACTUALLY, IN FACT, AN 468 00:34:47,087 --> 00:34:53,159 ORGANIZATION THAT SUPPORTS THE REGULATION OF THE MILITIA THAT, YOU KNOW, THAT IS MENTIONED IN 469 00:34:53,159 --> 00:34:58,431 THE SECOND AMENDMENT SO IN ACTUALITY, WE SHOULD ALL BE WORKING TOGETHER. 470 00:34:58,431 --> 00:35:01,101 WE SHOULD NOT BE FIGHTING WITH EACH OTHER." AND WHEN WE HAVE THESE 471 00:35:01,101 --> 00:35:03,470 CONVERSATIONS ON THE GROUND WITH THESE PEOPLE, EVERYBODY FOUND OUT HOW MUCH WE ALL HAD 472 00:35:03,470 --> 00:35:08,808 IN COMMON WITH EACH OTHER, AND LIKE, ALL THE -- IT WAS BASICALLY, LIKE, A CEASE-FIRE. 473 00:35:08,808 --> 00:35:13,079 NOBODY WOULD ARGUE ANYMORE, NOBODY WAS SCREAMING AND STUFF WE WOULD JUST, LIKE, JUST VIBE 474 00:35:13,079 --> 00:35:16,282 AND JUST LEAVE EVERYBODY WOULD LIKE - >> Jimmy: YEAH, SUCH A PROUD 475 00:35:16,282 --> 00:35:19,519 MOMENT, I THINK, FOR THIS COUNTRY TO SEE YOU AND EVERYONE DOING THAT 476 00:35:19,519 --> 00:35:24,657 I WANT TO SHOW A CLIP. HERE IS X GONZALEZ IN "US KIDS." 477 00:35:24,657 --> 00:35:26,059 KIDS." TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 478 00:35:27,660 --> 00:35:28,361 >> YOU THINK YOU HAVE ENOUGH IN 479 00:35:28,361 --> 00:35:32,065 THE MOVEMENT TO KEEP IT REALLY >> ABSOLUTELY. WE HAVE YEARS AND YEARS MORE 480 00:35:32,065 --> 00:35:37,671 THAN THESE PEOPLE WILL LIVE, SO WE HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON OUR HANDS. 481 00:35:37,671 --> 00:35:44,544 * >> I'M IN NO WAY LIKE, HIDING UNDER A ROCK OR GOING DORMANT. 482 00:35:44,544 --> 00:35:52,118 I'M NOT GOING TO BE QUIET. I'M MAJORING IN ACTIVISM IN SCHOOL 483 00:35:52,118 --> 00:36:01,494 IT'S MY THING. I'M JUST DOING THINGS ON MY OWN TERMS. 484 00:36:01,494 --> 00:36:04,431 >> Jimmy: X GONZALEZ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE "US KIDS" IS IN THEATERS AND ON 485 00:36:04,431 --> 00:36:08,935 DEMAND THIS FRIDAY THANKS AGAIN FOR BEING HERE. I APPRECIATE IT. 486 00:36:08,935 --> 00:36:12,472 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A A PERFORMANCE FROM WEEZER. STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. 487 00:36:12,472 --> 00:36:32,792 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: PERFORMING "ALL THE GOOD ONES" FROM THEIR NEW 488 00:36:32,792 --> 00:36:36,129 ALBUM, "VAN WEEZER," HERE'S WEEZER [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 489 00:36:36,129 --> 00:36:36,162 WEEZER [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 490 00:36:48,908 --> 00:36:51,878 * I MET HER BUYING ICED TEA AT THE CORNER MINI MAR 491 00:36:51,878 --> 00:36:55,749 SHE WAS THIRST I WAS HUNGRY FOR A START * * WITH SOMEBODY 492 00:36:55,749 --> 00:36:59,152 WHO WOULDN'T BREAK MY HEART LIKE THE LAST ONE * 493 00:36:59,152 --> 00:37:02,088 * BUT THIS ON SHE PLAYS FOR AL THE MARBLES * 494 00:37:02,088 --> 00:37:06,259 * HER NIETZSCHE BOOKS ARE CONVERSATION STARTER AND DAMN I THINK I LOVED * 495 00:37:06,259 --> 00:37:11,031 * HER FROM THE FIRST SIGH I SAW THE LIGH THE CLOUDS OPENED UP * 496 00:37:11,031 --> 00:37:18,271 * REST IN PEACE, GOOD NIGHT ALL OF THE GOO ONES ARE GONE * 497 00:37:18,271 --> 00:37:21,541 * WHERE DID YOU COME FROM ALL OF THE GOO ONES ARE GONE * 498 00:37:21,541 --> 00:37:24,844 * WHERE DID YOU COME FROM I'M BLOWN AWAY AND 499 00:37:24,844 --> 00:37:34,120 DON'T EVEN KNOW HER NAME * * ALL OF THE GOOD ONES ARE GON 500 00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:37,624 WHERE DID YO COME FROM * * ROCK AND ROLL SOUND 501 00:37:37,624 --> 00:37:42,228 BETTER IN THE CA I JUST LOVE THE WAY * * SHE PLAYS GUITA 502 00:37:42,228 --> 00:37:46,900 WHEN SHE DIVES DOW ON THE WHAMMY BAR * * SHE'LL BE STUCK ON REPEAT 503 00:37:46,900 --> 00:37:49,469 REPEAT IN MY HEA GOT ME CHECKIN MY PULSE * 504 00:37:49,469 --> 00:37:53,840 * MAKIN' SURE I'M NOT DEAD OH YEA 505 00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:59,312 ALL OF THE GOOD ONES * * ARE GON WHERE DID YOU COME FRO 506 00:37:59,312 --> 00:38:04,084 ALL OF THE GOOD ONES ARE GONE * * WHERE DID 507 00:38:04,084 --> 00:38:08,254 YOU COME FRO I'M BLOWN AWAY AND I * 508 00:38:08,254 --> 00:38:13,059 * DON'T EVEN KNOW HER NAME ALL OF THE GOOD ONES 509 00:38:13,059 --> 00:38:19,299 ARE GONE * * WHERE DID YOU COME FROM * 510 00:38:19,299 --> 00:38:32,846 * * I THOUGHT ALL OF TH GOOD ONES ARE GONE 511 00:38:32,846 --> 00:38:39,619 ALL OF THE GOOD ONES ARE GONE * * WHERE DID YOU 512 00:38:39,619 --> 00:38:43,323 COME FRO I'M BLOWN AWAY AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW * 513 00:38:43,323 --> 00:38:50,063 * HER NAM ALL OF THE GOOD ONES ARE GONE 514 00:38:50,063 --> 00:38:55,568 WHERE DID YOU COME FROM * * ALL OF THE GOOD ONES ARE GONE WHERE DID YO 515 00:38:55,568 --> 00:39:01,708 COME FROM NOW BABY * * ALL OF THE GOOD ONE ARE GONE 516 00:39:01,708 --> 00:39:06,079 ALL ALON FEELIN' SO ALONE NOW * * ALL OF THE GOOD ONE 517 00:39:06,079 --> 00:39:10,450 ARE GONE WE COULD PLAY FAMILY FEU ALL OF THE GOOD ONES * 518 00:39:10,450 --> 00:39:20,060 * ARE GON SO WHERE DID YOU COME FROM YEAH * 519 00:39:20,060 --> 00:39:24,130 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >>Jimmy: JOIN US TOMORROW NIGHT. 520 00:39:24,130 --> 00:39:27,934 JOEL McHALE AND THALIA WILL BE HERE MY THANKS TO LESLIE JONES, 521 00:39:27,934 --> 00:39:33,139 X GONZALEZ, WEEZER ONCE AGAIN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM 522 00:39:33,139 --> 00:39:37,243 PHILADELPHIA PENNSYLVANIA. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU FOR WATCHING 523 00:39:37,243 --> 00:39:40,080 STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY. 524 00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:52,759 THANK YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 525 00:39:52,759 --> 00:39:53,793 * *