>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - LESLIE JONES
X GONZALEZ MUSICAL GUEST WEEZER AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1459 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS,
JIMMY FALLON
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. OH, MY GOODNESS. PLEASE HAVE A SEAT
WELCOME, EVERYBODY, WELCOME, TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU FOR WATCHING LET'S GET TO SOME NEWS
SHALL WE TODAY, NBC ANNOUNCED THAT IT WILL NOT AIR NEXT YEAR'S GOLDEN
GLOBES DUE TO THE CONTROVERSY SURROUNDING THE HOLLYWOOD FOREIGN PRESS ASSOCIATION.
YEAH IT'S LIKE NBC SAID TO ABC, WE SEE YOUR HOSTLESS AWARD SHOW,
AND RAISE YOU NO AWARD SHOW. [ APPLAUSE ] NO AWARD SHOW.
THAT'S RIGHT THE GROUP HAS BEEN UNDER FIRE FOR ITS FINANCES, ITS LACK OF
DIVERSITY, AND PRESS CONFERENCES FILLED WITH SEXISM, RACISM AND HOMOPHOBIA.
[ AUDIENCE BOOS IT'S NEVER GOOD WHEN YOU CHECK EVERY BOX IN THE HUMAN
RESOURCES VIDEO. [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, YEAH, WE DID THAT TOO.
DEFINETLY DID THAT MEANWHILE, FOX NEWS HEARD ALL OF THAT AND WAS LIKE, "WE'LL
HOST IT. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE NBC PUT THEIR FOOT DOWN.
YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DIVERSITY WHEN YOU'RE CALLED OUT BY THE SAME NETWORK
THAT MADE "FRIENDS." YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING [ LAUGHTER ]
THIS MEANS THE NEW STANDARD BEARER FOR INTERNATIONAL ACCLAIM IS THE NICKELODEON
KIDS' CHOICE AWARDS BLIMP. ANOTHER BIG STORY IS THE SCANDAL IN HORSE RACING.
JUST CAME OUT THAT MEDINA SPIRIT, THE HORSE THAT WON LAST WEEKEND'S KENTUCKY
DERBY, TESTED POSITIVE FOR STEROIDS AFTER THE RACE. [ LAUGHTER ]
WHEN HE HEARD THAT, THE HORSE IS LIKE, "HEY, YOU SAID THAT NEEDLE WAS THE THIRD PFIZER
VACCINE. I THINKED REAL GIVEAWAY IS WHEN HE RAN THE RACE ON TWO LEGS.
[ LAUGHTER ] JOCKEY ON HIS SHOULDERS. [ GALLOPING
[ IMITATING TRUMPET RIGHT NOW THE HORSE IS THINKING, "AS LONG AS I'M
PUTTING OUT TO STUD, THIS SOUNDS MORE LIKE A YOU PROBLEM.
AS IF THINGS WEREN'T BAD ENOUGH FOR MEDINA SPIRIT, A PHOTO JUST SURFACED OF HIM PARTYING WITH
JEFFREY EPSTEIN. >> Steve: OH MY GOD. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ AUDIENCE OHS ] >> Jimmy: JUST TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE WEEK.
>> Steve: AWFUL, AWFUL >> Jimmy: TERRIBLE WEEK FOR HORSE RACING
YEAH, HIS RACING DAYS MAY BE OVER, BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, HE JUST JOINED THE RUSSIAN
GYMNASTICS TEAM. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE UNBELIEVABLE
MEANWHILE, EVEN FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP WEIGHED IN HE RELEASED A STATEMENT
WRITING, "SO NOW EVEN OUR KENTUCKY DERBY WINNER, MEDINA SPIRIT, IS A JUNKIE
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THIS IS EMBLEMATIC OF WHAT IS HAPPENING TO OUR COUNTRY
THE WHOLE WORLD IS LAUGHING AT US AS WE GO THROUGH HELL ON OUR BORDERS, FAKE PRESIDENTIAL
ELECTION, AND EVERY WHERE ELSE." THAT'S HIS BLOT --
CAN WE ZOOM INTO THE PHOTO HIS -- OF TRUMP THERE? [ LAUGHTER ]
I JUST CAN'T STOP LAUGHING AT THE IMAGE OF HIM AT HIS DESK WRITING ABOUT HIS THOUGHTS
ABOUT A HORSE BY HAND. [ LAUGHTER ] THIS IS A DISGRACE
>> Steve: DONE, DONE >> Jimmy: YOU GUYS HEAR ABOUT THIS OVER THE WEEKEND?
A MAJOR PIPELINE THAT RUNS FROM TEXAS TO NEW JERSEY HAD TO BE SHUT DOWN DUE TO A CYBERATTACK
[ AUDIENCE OHS ] WE DON'T KNOW WHO DID IT, BUT THE MESSAGE JUST SAID, "HEH,
HEH. [ LAUGHTER ] TODAY, THE PIPELINE OPERATOR
SAYS IT PLANS TO RESUME SERVICE BY THE END OF THE WEEK VERIZON HEARD, AND WAS LIKE,
"HEY, COME ON. EVEN WE CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT."
[ LAUGHTER ] MEANWHILE, I READ THAT THE PRICES OF EVERY DAY ITEMS HAVE
BEEN SKYROCKETING RECENTLY DUE TO SHORTAGES HAS A LOT OF PEOPLE WORRYING.
I AGREE, PRICES ARE GETTING WAY TOO HIGH DID YOU SEE THIS EARLIER TODAY
TAKE A LOOK.
>> OATMEAL, ACTUAL RETAIL
PRICE, $2,495. 2K SHOWDOWNS COMING UP NEXT, FOLKS.
DON'T GO AWAY. >>Jimmy: FOR OATMEAL DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?
THAT INSANE FOR OATMEAL. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: WOW.
THAT SEEMS PRETTY STEEP. >> Jimmy: ON TO SOME GOOD NEWS -- DR. FAUCI SAID THAT
SOON IT MAY BE TIME TO RELAX INDOOR MASK RULES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT'S RIGHT FAUCI ALSO SAID HE THINKS WE'LL BE BACK TO NORMAL BY MOTHER'S
DAY 2022 [ CHEERS ] I'M GUESSING THAT'S WHAT HE
TOLD HIS WIFE YESTERDAY WHEN SHE SAID, "WHY ARE WE NOT GOING OUT TO BRUNCH?
[ LAUGHTER ] IS THAT TODAY, MOTHER'S DAY? [ LAUGHTER ]
TODAY BRITISH PRIME MINISTER, BORIS JOHNSON, ANNOUNCED THAT STARTING NEXT WEEK, CAUTIOUS
HUGGING WILL BE ALLOWED IN ENGLAND. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Steve: WHAT >> Jimmy: YEP, CAUTIOUS HUGGING, OR AS PEOPLE IN
ENGLAND CALL IT, NORMAL HUGGING. [ LAUGHTER ]
HELLO. GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE GOOD TO BED
VERY GOOD. HELLO, ALL RIGHT, VERY GOOD. >> Tariq: DADDY LOVES YOU.
>> Jimmy: DADDY LOVES YOU, NOW GO BACK TO BED THAT'S THAT.
WE DID THAT. GET THIS, COMPUTER SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THEY HAVE CREATED
ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE THAT CAN DETECT SARCASM [ AUDIENCE OHS ]
YEP, COMPUTERS THAT ACTUALLY KNOW SARCASM THAT'S AMAZING
AND IT GOT ME THINKING, "HEY, SIRI, DO YOU KNOW SARCASM? >> NO, I DON'T KNOW SARCASM.
NOW GET BACK TO YOUR MONOLOGUE I REALLY WANT TO HEAR MORE OF YOUR GREAT JOKES ABOUT HORSES.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HANG ON. IF I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER
THAT WAS SARCASM >> WOW, NOTHING GETS BY YOU, SHERLOCK HOLMES.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: COME ON, I THOUGHT WE HAD A GOOD RELATIONSHIP.
>> YEAH, I LOVE BEING ASKED ABOUT THE WEATHER 900 TIMES A DAY.
[ LAUGHTER ] THERE'S NO WAY YOU COULD LOOK OUT A WINDOW, AND FIGURE IT OUT
FOR YOUR [ BLEEP ] SELF? [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: HEY, TURN IT OFF
TURN IT OFF. HEY, I SAW THAT A SMALL SKETCH OF A BEAR DRAWN BY
LEONARDO da VINCI COULD SELL FOR MORE THAN $16 MILLION AT AUCTION.
I DON'T MEAN TO KNOCK da VINCI, BUT ARE WE SURE THAT'S A BEAR? DO YOU SEE THIS?
[ LAUGHTER ] IT LOOKS LIKE THE LOGO FOR BOHR'S HEAD COLD CUTS.
LPL AND GET THIS I READ THAT OVER 800 TURTLES WERE RESCUED FROM STORM DRAINS
ALONG THE JERSEY SHORE [ AUDIENCE OHS ] THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS
THE BAD NEWS IS IT'S NOW TURTLE-FEST AT RED LOBSTER [ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S JUST UNBELIEVABLE >> Steve: AWFUL. WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT
>> Jimmy: TERRIBLE >> Steve: OH, MY GOSH. >> Jimmy: EXPERTS SAY THAT
THEY'RE BABIES AND THEY'LL BE OKAY IT'S WHEN THEY'RE RAISED IN THE
SEWERS, AND BECOME TEENAGERS THAT YOU HAVE TO WORRY [ LAUGHTER ]
THEN, SPLINTER, THE RAT WAS LIKE, "HEY, BY THE WAY, DID YOU KNOW I WAS ORIGINALLY DRAWN BY
da VINCI?" [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
DID YOU KNOW THAT? >> Steve: I DID NOT. >> Jimmy: FINALLY, I SAW THAT
DARTMOUTH UNIVERSITY'S MEDICAL SCHOOL IS ACCUSING 17 STUDENTS OF CHEATING ON REMOTE TESTS.
WHEN THEY HEARD, 50 MILLION STUDENTS LEARNING REMOTELY, WERE LIKE, "WHO WOULD DO SUCH
A THING? [ LAUGHTER ] ONE OF THE ACCUSED STUDENTS
SAID, "I SWEAR I DIDN'T CHEAT. FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, WHICH IS A MUSCULAR ORGAN THAT
PUMPS BLOOD THROUGH THE CIRCULATORY SYSTEM." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE
FOR YOU TONIGHT. SHE IS HOSTING THE MTV MOVIE AND TV AWARDS THIS SUNDAY,
LESLIE JONES IS HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE LESLIE JONES
PLUS, FROM THE NEW DOCUMENTARY "US KIDS" X GONZALEZ IS HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THEN WE'LL HAVE A PERFORMANCE FROM WEEZER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WEEZER AND THEN, BE SURE TO STAY HERE ALL WEEK LONG.
WE HAVE SOME GREAT GUESTS COMING UP. DAVE CHAPPELLE WILL BE HERE ON
THE SHOW [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE DAVE CHAPPELLE
CHANCE THE RAPPER. ZOEY DEUTCH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
KEEGAN MICHAEL KEY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Tariq: WELL, JIMMY, SOUNDS
LIKE THE CAT'S OUT OF THE BAG. WHICH MEANS IT'S TIME FOR MY NEW SEGMENT, "TARIQ'S CAT
CORNER." >> Jimmy: ACTUALLY, TARIQ, WE HAD TO CUT THE SEGMENT FOR A
A BIT FOR TIME SORRY MAN. [ AUDIENCE AWS ]
>> Tariq: OH, I SEE. I GUESS I'LL JUST PUT ALL OF MY CAT TOYS AWAY.
* >> Jimmy: COME ON, TARIQ DON'T BE LIKE THAT
IT'S JUST THIS ONCE. >> Tariq: IT'S FINE! [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WOW. * I DID MY BEST * * BUT I GUESS MY BEST
WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH CAUSE HERE WE ARE BACK * * WHERE WE WERE BEFOR
SEEMS NOTHING EVER CHANGES WE'RE BACK TO * * BEING STRANGERS
WONDERING IF WE ARE TO STA OR HEAD ON OUT THE DOO JUST ONCE *
* DID WE FIGURE OUT WHA WE KEEP DOING WRON WHY WE NEVER LAST FOR *
* VERY LONG WHAT DID WE DO WRONG JUST ONCE WHEN WE FINALLY A WAY TO
FINALLY MAKE IT RIGHT * * TO MAKE THE MAGIC LAST FOR
MORE THAN JUST ONE NIGHT * * IF WE COULD JUST GET TO I
I KNOW WE COUL BREAK THROUGH IT JUST ONCE *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WELL, MAYBE WE'LL TRY CAT CORNER NEXT WEEK
>> Tariq: COPY THAT. >> Jimmy: STICK AROUND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
"TONIGHT SHOW" EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK GUYS, IT IS TIME FOR "BAD SIGNS.
HERE WE GO
*
>> Jimmy: ALRIGHT, HERE WE GO. VERY NICE. THESE ARE -- THESE ARE PICTURES
OF FUNNY OR WEIRD SIGNS THAT YOU GUYS SAW AND SENT IN TO US THEY ARE ALL REAL.
THIS FIRST ONE WAS SENT IN BY SAMANTHA ENGLISH IN CANTON, OHIO
SHE WAS USING A RESTAURANT BATHROOM AND SPOTTED THIS. "EMPLOYEES MUST, WASH HANDS.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Questlove: HEY, MAN >> Jimmy: "YEAH, I WASHED MY
HANDS, LOOK. >> Steve: "AND I FLUSHED THE TOILET."
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THIS NEXT ONE WAS SENT IN BY JEFF DUTTON IN
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA. HE WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO EAT, AND HE SAW THIS
"SOUP OF THE DAY: BEEF BARELY SOUP." WELL, THERE YOU GO
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Tariq: THAT'S BARELY SOUP >> Questlove: YEAH
>> Jimmy: IT'S MORE OF A A SANDWICH >> Tariq: YEAH
A RUNNY SANDWICH >> Jimmy: "IT'S PRE-DIPPED FRENCH DIP."
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Tariq: WITH NO BEEF >> Jimmy: WITH NO BEEF OR
BREAD. NOW, THIS NEXT ONE IS FROM ANGIE CYPHERS IN FLAT ROCK,
MICHIGAN SHE SAW AN ARBY'S SIGN I LOVE ARBY'S.
LET'S SEE WHAT IT SAID HERE. IT SAID, "NOW HIRING ANYBODY." [ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ] WOW. >> Steve: WOW.
>> Jimmy: ANYBODY. >> Steve: COME ON IN >> Jimmy: "THE BODY'S STILL
WARM." "DO YOU WANT TO BE THE FRY MACHINE OR DO YOU WANT TO WORK
THIS?" "SURE, I'LL DO FRIES." >> Jimmy: THIS NEXT ONE'S FROM
MARSHA LEE SPARHAWK IN RIGBY, IDAHO. SHE SPOTTED THIS WHILE DRIVING
"SPEED LIMIT: 5.37 MILES PER HOUR." "SORRY, OFFICER, I WAS GOING
5.39 MY WIFE'S IN LABOR SHE'S HAVING A BABY, SO I WAS
SPEEDING A LITTLE BIT. THIS NEXT ONE IS FROM FARELL ROOSKA IN SAN MARCOS,
CALIFORNIA SHE WAS SHOPPING FOR SOME WINE IN TRADER JOE'S, AND THEY WERE
ALL OUT OF CHARDONNAY. >> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: YEAH, BUT THEY DID
HAVE "CHADONNAY. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: OH, NO
>> Jimmy: IF YOU WANT BOOZE, GRAB A GOOD CHAD AND HAVE -- >> Steve: LOVE CHAD.
LOVE A CHAD. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> Steve: RUBY RED
>> Jimmy: CHAT AND CHOW, MAN THIS NEXT ONE'S FROM BETH MONTE IN SNOW HILL, MARYLAND
SHE WAS SHOPPING IN A BAKERY AND SAW THIS "PLEASE USE TONGUES TO PICK
PASTRIES UP. THANKS." [ AUDIENCE EWWS
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: "OH, I WATCHED MY HANDS.
[ LAUGHTER ] "NO, I DON'T WANT THAT ONE." >> Steve: "MAYBE THAT.
>> Jimmy: "YEAH, I DON'T LIKE ALL THAT." [ LAUGHTER ]
"YEAH, THAT DONUT IS TOO EXPENSIVE. THAT'S $3,000.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE NEXT ONE'S FROM DAVE RIGGINS IN HILLSIDE,
NEW JERSEY HE WAS GETTING KIND OF HUNGRY, SO HE STOPPED BY A LOCAL
MARKET LET'S SEE WHAT THEY HAD HERE "LYNDA'S MARKET: LUNCH SPECIAL
WE HAVE WORMS. OH, THERE YOU GO [ AUDIENCE OHS ]
>> Steve: "OH! OH HEY, BABY.
>> Jimmy: THAT SOUNDS DELICIOUS, BUT I'LL STICK TO BEEF BARELY SOUP
WELL, THIS NEXT ONE HERE IS FROM JACOB BRELSFORD IN TELLURIDE, COLORADO.
HE WAS OUT FOR A WALK AND SAW THIS "PLEASE DO NOT SIT ON FENCE.
WELL, YOU KNOW, HEY, GO FOR IT [ LAUGHTER ] GO FOR IT.
NEVER MIND "DAD, YOU WANT TO SIT ON THIS FENCE WITH ME, AND WE'LL TALK
ABOUT LIFE AND STUFF." "YEAH. ALL RIGHT, YOU GO FIRST.
HERE'S ONE FROM WHITNEY WILDING IN CLINTON, NEW JERSEY SHE WAS SHOPPING FOR SOME
PLASTIC BINS LET'S SEE WHAT SHE FOUND OH, "NO-BREAK" IS THE NAME OF
THE BRAND. INTERESTING, 'CAUSE THEY'RE ALL BROKEN
[ LAUGHTER ] MAYBE THEY'RE IRONIC >> Steve: YEAH
NO-BREAK, YEAH >> Jimmy: NO-BREAK AND FINALLY, THIS LAST SIGN IS
FROM TIM KOOBINAK IN SUFFOLK, VIRGINIA HE WAS IN THE GROCERY STORE AND
SPOTTED A NEW PRODUCT FOR THOMAS' ENGLISH MUFFINS -- FROM THOMAS' ENGLISH MUFFINS.
BUT LOOK AT WHERE THEY PUT THE COUPON LOOK AT THIS
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: "PICK ME -- PICK ME
UPs. PICK -- PICK ME UP [ LAUGHTER ]
PICK ME UP." THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR "BAD SIGNS."
IF YOU SEE A FUNNY SIGN, E-MAIL IT TO US AT BADSIGNS@TONIGHTSHOW.COM, AND
WE MIGHT PUT IT ON THE SHOW. STICK AROUND WE'LL BE BACK WITH
LESLIE JONES COME ON BACK *
>> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN EMMY NOMINATED ACTOR AND COMEDIAN WHO IS HOSTING THE MTV
MOVIE AND TV AWARDS THIS SUNDAY AT 9:00 P.M. PLEASE WELCOME, LESLIE JONES
LESLIE
*
>> Jimmy: LESLIE COME ON NOW. LESLIE, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
COMING BACK TO THE SHOW. ALWAYS GOOD TO SEE YOU, BUD. >> YES, BABY, I LOVE YOU
WHAT'S UP? >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, THANK YOU NOW, I FOLLOW YOU ON TWITTER
AND I SEE ALL THE STUFF YOU DO I SAW THAT YOU GOT YOUR VACCINE, SO CONGRATULATIONS ON
THAT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU FILMED THE WHOLE PROCESS
AND EVERYTHING THAT WAS VERY COOL THAT YOU DID THAT
YOU ADMITTED THAT YOU WERE NERVOUS GOING IN HOW DID IT COMPARE TO WHAT YOU
EXPECTED >> IT WAS ACTUALLY WAY EASIER. I THINK IT'S GOOD TO GIVE
YOURSELF A VERY NICE PARANOID FEAR, SO THEN WHEN IT TURNS OUT LESS THAN WHAT IT IS, THEN
YOU'RE GOOD. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> SO, I WAS SCARED.
I HONESTLY HAD PLANNED ON NOT EVEN TAKING IT I'M GOING TO BE HONEST, I WAS
KIND OF ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE THAT WAS LIKE, "NAH, THIS DOESN'T SOUND LIKE THE RIGHT
THING TO DO," BUT MY AUNT IS A A DRUG ENFORCEMENT AGENT AND SHE PUT ME ON THE PHONE
WITH A BIOLOGIST THEY WERE LIKE, "NAH, YOU'RE GOING TO DO THIS."
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, GOOD. I'M GLAD
GOOD, I'M SO HAPPY AND YOU LOOK FANTASTIC, SO GOOD, GOOD, GOOD
>> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: BY THE WAY, I LOVE YOUR UBER EATS COMMERCIALS
>> YES, I LOVE THOSE THOSE WERE SO FUN. >> Jimmy: YOU WERE A GOOD
CO-STAR WITH YOURSELF. >> I MEAN, I DO LOVE MYSELF. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH WE TALKED IN THE PAST ABOUT HOW I LOVE WHEN YOU LIVE TWEET
WHEN YOU LIVE TWEET ANYTHING, IT ALWAYS MAKES ME LAUGH, AND MOST RECENTLY, YOU LIVE TWEETED
ZACK SNYDER'S CUT OF "JUSTICE LEAGUE" WITH THE HASHTAG - >> THE BEST -- THE BEST
VERSION, THANK YOU THE BEST CUT OF THAT MOVIE THANK YOU!
>> Jimmy: BUT YOU DID THE #LONGASSMOVIE. DID YOU KNOW IT'S FOUR HOURS
LONG I HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET, BUT NANCY, MY WIFE, SAW IT, LOVED
IT IT WAS GREAT >> I KNEW IT WAS FOUR HOURS.
I WAS AMAZED THAT I WAS GOING TO GET TO SIT DOWN AND WATCH FOUR HOURS OF WONDER WOMAN AND
BATMAN I WAS SO EXCITED I WAS EXCITED.
SO I JUST I TIMED MYSELF, LIKE "I'M 30 MINUTES IN, I GOT 3 HOURS AND 44 SECONDS LEFT.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WE ACTUALLY PUT TOGETHER HIGHLIGHTS OF YOUR
COMMENTARY WHILE WATCHING "JUSTICE LEAGUE. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
>> THAT'S SO DOPE! UGHH, BITCH.
THAT'S GOOD. I JUST BLEW OUT THE WHOLE SIDE OF THIS BUILDING THAT Y'ALL
BEEN GOING TO SCHOOL HERE FOR YEARS. YOU MEAN TO TELL ME EVERYBODY
ELSE UNDER THE WATER GOT ARMOR ON, BUT HE GOT SKINNY JEANS ON OH, HE'S MAD, FIGHTING ALL THE
ARMS COMING OUT -- OW WHO IS HE?
SEE, IT ALWAYS COMES DOWN TO SOMEBODY TRYING TO MAKE THEIR DADDY HAPPY.
GO TO THERAPY! [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: COME ON. IT WAS SO WORTH SITTING THROUGH IT, BECAUSE ZACK SNYDER HIMSELF
GAVE YOU A SHOUT OUT LOOK AT THIS HE SAID --
>> YASSS >> Jimmy: LOOK AT THIS, "THE OFFICIAL -- WHISPERER.
I BOW TO YOU, MY QUEEN." [ APPLAUSE ] THAT'S COOL!
>> YES YES, IT IS IT'S GOING TO BE EVEN COOLER
WHEN HE PUTS ME IN THE NEXT ONE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU FIGURE YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN THE NEXT ONE, BUT YOU TOLD HIM EXACTLY WHAT
YOU WANT TO BE >> I BETTER BE IN THE NEXT ONE I TWEETED FOR FOUR HOURS, I
BETTER DAMN WELL BE THE STAR OF THE NEXT ONE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: I THINK YOU'D BE GREAT. I THINK YOU WOULD BE -- WHAT
ARE THE CONDITIONS WHAT DO YOU WANT TO PLAY A HERO OR VILLAIN?
>> I WANT TO BE A VILLAIN. I WANT TO BE A VILLAIN AND I WANT TO BE THE WORST VILLAIN
I WANT TO BE THE VILLAIN THAT PEOPLE BE LIKE, "SOMEBODY KILL THIS BITCH!"
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YOU HAVE TO DO THIS. WELL, WE TALKED ABOUT IT
BEFORE YOU SAID YOU -- I THINK YOU WOULD BE GREAT IN AN ACTION
MOVIE OR TV SHOW >> I MEAN, MY KNEES AIN'T GOOD, BUT, YOU KNOW, AS LONG AS WE
GET A STUNT DOUBLE, WE GOOD. >> Jimmy: WAIT YOU'RE LIKE, "STOP, STOP, WAIT,
STOP ALL RIGHT, LET ME GET IN THE CAR, HOLD ON
SLOW DOWN. >> STOP, STOP, LET THE KNEE GIRL COME IN
LET THE KNEE GIRL COME IN. >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD I REALLY DO BELIEVE THAT YOU
WOULD BE GREAT BY THE WAY. I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS WEEKEND
I CAN'T THINK OF ANYONE BETTER TO HOST THE MTV MOVIE AND TV AWARDS THIS SUNDAY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU MUST BE EXCITED TO GET IN FRONT OF A CROWD AGAIN, RIGHT?
AND IT'S LIVE? >> OH, JIMMY, SO YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN GOING UP SO I CAN GET
READY FOR THE MONOLOGUE. AND JIMMY, I'LL TELL YOU THE FIRST TIME I WAS IN FRONT OF AN
AUDIENCE -- THE LAST TIME I WAS IN FRONT OF A LIVE AUDIENCE WAS WHEN I TAPED TIME MACHINE,
2019, SEPTEMBER THE 10th >> Jimmy: OH MY GOODNESS >> AND THAT'S THE LAST TIME I
WAS ON STAGE AND WHEN I GOT ON STAGE, I'M NOT GOING TO LIE, I GOT
A LITTLE EMOTIONAL IT WAS - >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> IT WAS VERY THERAPEUTIC I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS THE THING I WAS MISSING.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S WILD. NOTHING LIKE A LIVE AUDIENCE WE HAVE A BEAUTIFUL --
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> NOTHING LIKE IT NOTHING LIKE IT.
AND, JIMMY, I CAN'T WAIT, BECAUSE THIS IS GOING TO BE THE
COMING-OUT PARTY LIKE WE'VE BEEN LOCKED UP FOR ALMOST A YEAR AND A HALF
I'M ABOUT TO MAKE THIS A PARTY, PARTY, PARTY OKAY
I'M TALKING ABOUT -- IT'S GOING TO BE FUN. OH, MY GOD, JIMMY, IT'S GOING
TO BE SO FUNNY, JIMMY! JIMMY, IT'S GOING TO BE SO FUNNY.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, I BELIEVE IT I BELIEVE YOU!
IS THERE ANY CELEBRITIES THAT WILL BE THERE THAT YOU'LL BE EXCITED TO MEET?
>> WELL, I'M GOING TO BE THERE >> Jimmy: THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.
I WILL BE WATCHING THAT'S ALL I WANT. LESLIE JONES, THE MTV MOVIE AND
TV AWARDS AIRS THIS SUNDAY AT 9:00 P.M WE'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING FUN
WITH LESLIE AFTER THE BREAK. STICK AROUND EVERYBODY COME ON BACK
* >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE HANGING OUT WITH LESLIE JONES LESLIE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE NOW, LESLIE, YOU'RE NOT AFRAID TO SPEAK YOUR MIND
AND YOU ALWAYS GIVE GREAT ADVICE, SO I THOUGHT, RIGHT NOW, YOU COULD HELP SOME PEOPLE
WITH THEIR BIG LIFE DECISIONS. IT'S TIME FOR "LIFE COACH WITH LESLIE JONES."
HERE WE GO
WITH LESLIE JONES *
>> Jimmy: WOW. VERY NICE. SO, WE ASKED VIEWERS AT HOME TO
SEND IN QUESTIONS THAT THEY NEED YOUR COACHING ON. YOU READY TO GIVE OUT SOME
TOUGH ADVICE >> I AM SO READY >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, HERE WE
GO THIS FIRST QUESTION IS, "MY SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED FOR
THE THIRD TIME TO A GUY NONE OF US REALLY LIKE HONESTLY, WE DON'T THINK THIS
IS GOING TO LAST DO I HAVE TO GET THEM A GIFT I'M DONE WITH GETTING HER
A PRESENT EVERY TIME SHE TIES THE KNOT IS THAT OKAY?"
>> ABSOLUTELY! >> Jimmy: REALLY [ LAUGHTER ]
WOW. >> NOW, THIS IS HOW YOU NEED TO HANDLE THIS, YOU SIT THEM DOWN
AND GO, "LISTEN, WE'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE, THE WHOLE FAMILY. WE'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE, TWICE
IT DIDN'T WORK SO WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO, IS IF YOU MAKE IT TWO MONTHS,
WE'LL BUY YOU A PRESENT. [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: YES! THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT JUST TWO MONTHS.
>> EVEN -- EVEN IF THE -- EVEN IF THE PRESENT IS A DAMN DIVORCE.
>> Jimmy: JUST -- WE'LL GET YOU -- JUST TWO MONTHS AND WE'LL GET A PRESENT.
YEAH THIS IS GREAT. ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
"A CO-WORKER WHO I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN FRIENDLY WITH JUST LIKED A SHIRTLESS BEACH PICTURE OF ME
FROM, LIKE, SEVEN YEARS AGO. SHE'S MARRIED AND HAS NEVER BEEN WEIRD AROUND ME, BUT I'M
KIND OF WEIRDED OUT BY IT. SHOULD I MENTION THIS TO HER?" >> YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE
FRIENDS WITH YOUR PEOPLE THAT YOU WORK WITH. THAT'S A WORK THING.
SO SHE SHOULD HAVE NEVER SAW THAT SHIRT, SIR. SECOND ANSWER, BLOCK HER ASS
[ APPLAUSE ] AND THEN, WHEN SHE ASKS YOU WHY YOU BLOCKED HER, SAY, "HEY, YOU
HAVE MISTAKEN ME FOR SOMEBODY ELSE, SWEETIE. I HAVE -- YOU HAVE A HUSBAND,
I'VE GOT A RELATIONSHIP. YOU LIKED THE PICTURE THAT I DIDN'T HAVE MY SHIRT ON.
I AIN'T LIKE THAT. [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT.
>> Y'ALL GOTTA GET SOME GUMPTION START GETTING SOME GUMPTION.
START TELLING FOLKS. STOP ACTING LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO SAVE SOMEBODY'S FEELINGS.
THEY WASN'T SAVING YOUR FEELINGS SHE WASN'T THINKING ABOUT YOUR
FEELINGS WHEN SHE LIKED THE PICTURE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: I AGREE. SHOULDN'T HAVE LIKED IT. ALL RIGHT, HERE, HOW ABOUT
THIS "THIS NEW GUY I'M SEEING TOLD ME HIS NAME IS MARSHALL, BUT I
ACCIDENTALLY SAW HIS MAIL AND IT SAID 'ALEX.' IT'S NOT HIS MIDDLE NAME, EITHER.
DO I CONFRONT HIM ABOUT IT?" >> OKAY, YES YOU DO, BUT, YOU CONFRONT HIM IN A RESTAURANT
FULL OF PEOPLE, JUST IN CASE YOU FOUND OUT HIS SECRET IDENTITY AND HE TRY TO CHOKE
YOU OUT, AND KILL YOU AND BURY YOU. >> Jimmy: CHOKE YOU OUT, YEAH.
>> SO, THAT'S -- YEAH, DO IT IN PUBLIC >> Jimmy: PUBLIC PLACE, YEP.
>> DON'T CONFRONT HIM WHILE Y'ALL WATCHING TV. HE'S GOING TO KILL YOU
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HOW ABOUT THIS "MY BOYFRIEND IS GREAT, BUT HE
HAS THIS WEIRD HABIT OF PUTTING ON AN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT AROUND STRANGERS.
HE THINKS IT'S HILARIOUS AND LOVES TO ASK IF I, QUOTE, 'THINK THEY BOUGHT IT.'" BUT, I
FIND IT ANNOYING HOW DO I SHUT IT DOWN? >> OKAY, WHAT YOU DO IS YOU BE
A REAL GIRLFRIEND. FIRST OF ALL, WHEN YOU'RE IN A A RELATIONSHIP, Y'ALL SUPPOSED
TO LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER Y'ALL SUPPOSED TO HAVE EACH OTHER'S BACK
YOU'RE NOT HAVING HIS BACK BY LETTING HIM GOING OUT AND EMBARRASSING YOU AND HIM, IN A
A DAMN CROWD, WITH A TERRIBLE AUSTRALIAN ACCENT. SO, WHEN HE STARTS DOING IT,
SAY, "STOP THAT! THAT'S NOT FUNNY THAT'S NOT FUNNY
NOBODY LIKES THAT! NOBODY LIKES THAT! STOP DOING THAT!
THEN, IF HE DOESN'T STOP -- IF HE DOESN'T STOP, YOU BREAK UP WITH HIM AND START DATING AN
AUSTRALIAN [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> SO -- SO -- SO, EVERY TIME, NOW, HE SEES YOU, YOU'RE WITH A REAL AUSTRALIAN.
>> Jimmy: UH-HUH >> SO HE CAN STILL -- HE CAN HEAR WHAT THE ACCENT SOUNDS
LIKE >> Jimmy: YEAH AND THEN POINT TO YOUR
BOYFRIEND AND YOU GO, "YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY? >> HEY, YOU THINK HE'S PULLING
IT OFF IS HE PULLING IT OFF [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD >> THAT IS SO STUPID WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
THAT'S DUMB! >> Jimmy: OKAY [ LAUGHTER ]
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU IN THE NEXT "JUSTICE LEAGUE." I SWEAR, I CANNOT WAIT
I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE IT. [ APPLAUSE ] I JUST WANT TO SEE THE TRAILER
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. OH, OKAY "MY CO-WORKER SOMETIMES HAS THE
WORST B.O. IT'S NOT ALWAYS THERE, BUT WHEN IT IS, WATCH OUT
IT'S REPULSIVE, AND I HONESTLY STRUGGLE TO DO MY JOB, 'CAUSE I CAN SMELL THEM FROM, LIKE,
20 FEET AWAY HOW CAN I LET THEM KNOW WITHOUT HURTING THEIR FEELINGS."
>> OKAY, I HAVE TWO QUESTIONS -- I ACTUALLY HAVE TWO ANSWERS FOR THIS, AND IT'S
'CAUSE THIS IS A SENSITIVE THING. TO ASK, IS SHE SURE SHE'S NOT
SMELLING HERSELF [ LAUGHTER ] OKAY
FIRST QUESTION OKAY, IF IT'S THE CO-WORKER, I'M VERY SENSITIVE TO THIS,
JIMMY, BECAUSE I USED TO BE AN ATHLETE. AND I WAS A GIRL, AND, YOU
KNOW, DIDN'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. SO, I DIDN'T KNOW TO SHAVE
UNDER MY ARMS AND STUFF LIKE THAT SO SOMETIMES I'M MUSTY
YOU KNOW, IF YOU GET MUSTY - >> Jimmy: MUSTY. >> AND IT'S EMBARRASSING
YOU KNOW, IT'S EMBARRASSING. SO, WHAT I WOULD DO, IS I WOULD INVITE THEM INTO A ROOM, AND I
WOULD CLOSE THE DOOR, AND THEN THE FIRST THING I WOULD DO IS OPEN UP THE WINDOW
[ LAUGHTER ] I WOULD LET THEM SEE ME OPEN UP THE WINDOW
>> Jimmy: UH-HUH >> AND IF THEY SAY, "WHY ARE YOU OPENING UP THE WINDOW?
I WOULD BE LIKE, "BECAUSE YOU STINK. [ LAUGHTER ]
BECAUSE THIS IS -- AND LET ME TELL YOU NOW, THAT PERSON'S GONNA APPRECIATE IT, BECAUSE
ALL [ BLEEP ] THAT'S BEEN WALKING AROUND SMELLING HIM AIN'T SAID NOTHING
THAT'S LIKE LETTING SOMETHING BE IN FRONT OF YOU WITH A BOOGER IN THEIR NOSE AND
YOU'RE NOT SAYING, "HEY, GET THAT BOOGER. >> Jimmy: WELL, SOME PEOPLE
AGREE -- BUT I THINK -- >> YOU'VE GOT TO TELL THEM --
YOU'VE GOTTA TELL THEM, JIMMY. YOU'VE GOTTA TELL THEM >> Jimmy: BUT DOES IT HAVE TO
BE ME? [ LAUGHTER ] >> YES, BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONE
THAT SMELLS THEM >> Jimmy: UM-HMMM. >> WAIT A MINUTE
OH, IS THIS ABOUT SOMEBODY YOU WORK WITH? >> Jimmy: NO
NO I MEAN - >> OH, I WAS GONNA SAY, BRING
THEM OUT, RIGHT NOW, SO I CAN TELL THEM. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: NO, THESE ARE FROM FRIENDS. NO, NO, YEAH
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S WHY WE'RE FRIENDS LESLIE, YOU GOTTA DO ME
A FAVOR. NO, NO, I DON'T KNOW THIS PERSON
NO, THIS IS A FAN. BUT, I JUST FEEL LIKE, YEAH, IF SOMEONE ELSE CAN DO THAT, I
DON'T KNOW IT'S LIKE YOU JUST GO, "HEY. >> NO.
THE PERSON THAT SMELLS IT HAS GOT TO BE THE PERSON THAT TELL THEM
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: DID YOU KNOW THAT RHYMES
>> NO, I DIDN'T. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OKAY
HERE WE GO THIS ONE HERE, LAST ONE, "MY ROOMMATE WANTS TO INSTALL
A STRIPPER POLE IN OUR APARTMENT FOR EXERCISE WHAT SHOULD I DO?"
>> GET ANOTHER [ BLEEPING ] ROOMMATE WHAT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WHAT >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHY WE ASK
YOU. WE LOVE YOU. THAT IS ALL THE TIME WE HAVE
FOR "LIFE COACH. MY THANKS TO LESLIE JONES. OH, YOU KNOW IT.
STICK AROUND WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" AFTER THE BREAK
OH, LESLIE STOP WITH THAT. * >> Jimmy: MY NEXT GUEST IS AN
ACTIVIST WHO'S FEATURED IN THE NEW DOCUMENTARY, "US KIDS," WHICH IS IN THEATERS AND ON
DEMAND THIS FRIDAY PLEASE WELCOME X GONZALEZ. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
YEAH IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU. WE'VE HAD ZOOM GUESTS BEFORE,
BUT I DON'T THINK ANYONE HAS EVER ZOOMED FROM THEIR DORM ROOM
THIS IS THE FIRST -- >> I KNOW, IT'S PRETTY NICE, ISN'T IT
GIVES EVERYBODY SOME NICE MEMORIES [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
I'VE GOT MY ARTWORK, I'VE GOT MY TIE DYE >> Jimmy: I WANT TO ASK YOU
ABOUT X. >> YEAH, SO, I USED TO BE -- MY NAME IS EMMA GONZALEZ, BUT I'VE
DECIDED TO GO BY X NOW BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T WANT PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW ME
ASSUMING THAT THEY DO KNOW ME BECAUSE OF THE NATIONAL NARRATIVE OR INTERNATIONAL
NARRATIVE THAT EXISTS ABOUT ME BECAUSE I WAS AND STILL AM A A CHILD.
AND I DON'T WANT PEOPLE THINKING THAT THEY'RE MY FRIENDS JUST BECAUSE THEY KNOW
MY NAME. AND IT ALSO GOT KIND OF TIED UP INTO MY GENDER
I REALIZED THAT I'M NOT A GIRL, AND THAT I DON'T LIKE WHEN PEOPLE REFER TO ME WITH SHE/HER
PRONOUNS, OR WHEN THEY THINK OF ME AS A GIRL AND EMMA AS A NAME JUST BECAME
SUCH AN IDENTITY THAT I BECAME DISASSOCIATED WITH AND SO I KIND OF TOOK TOWARDS X
AS A SORT OF, LIKE, "I'M RE-CLAIMING MY OWN IDENTITY. IF YOU SEE ME, DON'T ASSUME
THAT YOU KNOW ME JUST ASSUME THAT YOU'RE SEEING, LIKE, A PERSON
>> Jimmy: YEAH, VERY GOOD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE GOOD FOR YOU
WELL AGAIN, X, WELCOME YOU'RE ACTUALLY MAJORING IN ACTIVISM
>> YES, YES. >> Jimmy: WHICH I CAN'T THINK OF A MORE PERFECT THING TO
MAJOR IN IS THAT WHAT YOU SAW YOURSELF MAJORING IN OR NO?
>> YEAH, WHEN I WAS GROWING UP, I REALLY WANTED TO WORK AT NASA, YOU KNOW, ESPECIALLY
BECAUSE I'M A FLORIDA NATIVE NASA IS HERE AND I REALLY WANTED TO, LIKE,
WORK AT THE DESKS AND STUFF THAT YOU SEE IN MOVIES BUT I THINK NOW IT'S GOING TO
BE ONE OF THOSE LIKE, SPECIAL-INTEREST TOPICS THAT I'M JUST REALLY INTO
BUT YEAH, I'M MAJORING IN ACTIVISM, I'VE BEEN TAKING SOME OF THE COOLEST CLASSES WITH
SOME OF THE COOLEST PROFESSORS AT MY COLLEGE, NEW COLLEGE OF FLORIDA.
COME HERE IF YOU'RE OF COLLEGE AGE AND WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE. IT'S A REALLY, REALLY COOL
SCHOOL I'VE BEEN TAKING SOME RADICAL LEARNING CLASSES, LIKE
MANIFESTOS, ALTERNATIVES TO CAPITALISM AND SOCIALISM, POST-COLONIAL LITERATURE AND
THEORY, BLACK SOCIAL AND POLITICAL THOUGHT, GLOBAL POLITICS, RADICAL COMICS,
LIKE - I CAN'T EVEN NAME THEY'RE ALL. THEY'RE SO FASCINATING AND SO,
LIKE -- I FEEL LIKE SOMETIMES MY SKULL IS BEING LIKE CRACKED OPEN AND INFORMATION IS BEING
DIRECTLY BEAMED INTO MY BRAIN. >> Jimmy: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT, ACTUALLY, YOUR DOCUMENTARY, "US
KIDS." >> YES >> Jimmy: THIS IS -- IT FOLLOWS
YOU AND OTHER ACTIVISTS ORGANIZING "MARCH FOR OUR LIVES," AFTER SURVIVING
A SCHOOL SHOOTING IN 2018. THE FILM PREMIERED AT SUNDANCE AND I READ SOMEWHERE, IT GOT
ONE OF THE LONGEST STANDING OVATIONS IN HISTORY. >> YEAH, IN THE HISTORY OF
SUNDANCE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: CAN YOU TALK A LITTLE
BIT ABOUT SOME OF THE THINGS THAT "MARCH FOR OUR LIVES" HAS DONE
>> YEAH, I ACTUALLY KIND OF WANT TO SHOUT OUT SOME OF THE MEMBERS OF "MARCH FOR OUR
LIVES" THAT ARE IN THE AUDIENCE RIGHT NOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
MAXWELL FROST, ELENA, BRIANNI, GABY SALAZAR, MIA, CRYSTAL, MATTHEW HOGENMILLER, ALL MY
FRIENDS. I LOVE YOU >> LOVE YOU BACK
>> Jimmy: I LOVE YOU BACK. THIS IS HAPPENING. I LOVE THIS.
>> BUT, LIKE, I WAS ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO -- YOU WOULD SEE IT IN THE DOCUMENTARY, WHICH I
HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU WATCH IT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I WAS AT, LIKE, THE MERCH
TABLE. AND WE WOULD BE SELLING MERCH, LIKE "MARCH FOR OUR LIVES"
MERCH AND ALL THE MONEY WOULD GO TO THE LOCAL AREAS WE WERE IN FOR THOSE EVENTS.
AND LIKE, SO PEOPLE WOULD COME UP, SAY HI TO ME, TAKE PICTURES AND STUFF.
AND THEN MOVE ON TO THE NEXT PERSON, BECAUSE IT WAS SUCH A LONG LINE OF PEOPLE.
AND WE DID LIKE THREE EVENTS A A DAY, EVERY DAY FOR 64 DAYS AND I ONLY TOOK A HALF A DAY
OFF. >> Jimmy: WOW, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
>> WHICH IS FUN TO SAY, CANNOT RECOMMEND ANYBODY ELSE DO THAT DON'T LOOK AT THIS MOVIE AND
THINK, "HEY, I SHOULD DO THAT. >> Jimmy: HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN THAT SHOOTING TOOK PLACE
>> I WAS, LIKE, 18 I HAD JUST TURNED 18 I HAD JUST GOTTEN MY LICENSE
MY DRIVER'S LICENSE. >> Jimmy: I'VE SEEN SOME INTERVIEWS AROUND YOU WHERE
PEOPLE JUST GO UP TO YOU, BECAUSE YOU BECAME THE FACE AT ONE POINT, THE FACE OF THIS
WHOLE "MARCH FOR OUR LIVES." AND PEOPLE WERE JUST YELLING AT A 17-YEAR-OLD KID, AND IT JUST
MUST BE TOUGH FOR YOU. I JUST FEEL LIKE -- GOOD FOR YOU FOR JUST BEING -- JUST
LOGICALLY GOING "GREAT, YOU CAN YELL, BUT LET'S TALK TO EACH OTHER.
LETS HAVE A CONVERSATION." >> YEAH, THANKS. I AGREE, THOUGH, IT WAS KIND OF
UNBELIEVABLE THE AMOUNT OF SITUATIONS THAT WE WERE, LIKE, "OKAY, I'M GOING TO COME TO
THIS WITH A RATIONAL HEAD AND BE, LIKE, A VIOLENCE INTERRUPTER.
I'M GOING TO TRY I'M GOING TO TRY AND HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION WITH A REAL
PERSON AND ALL THESE PEOPLE WOULD COME AND PROTEST OUR EVENTS AND
STUFF, AND THEY WOULD BE LIKE, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
AND I'M LIKE, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT WHAT IS THE MEDIA SAYING ABOUT
US WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT WE'RE TRYING TO DO?"
AND THEY WOULD SAY, "WE THINK THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO TAKE OUR GUNS AWAY.
AND I WOULD BE LIKE, "OKAY, WELL, FIRST OF ALL, THAT'S NOT TRUE
WE ARE NOT ADVOCATING FOR TAKING GUNS AWAY 'MARCH FOR OUR LIVES' IS AN
ORGANIZATION THAT SUPPORTS THE SECOND AMENDMENT IT'S ACTUALLY, IN FACT, AN
ORGANIZATION THAT SUPPORTS THE REGULATION OF THE MILITIA THAT, YOU KNOW, THAT IS MENTIONED IN
THE SECOND AMENDMENT SO IN ACTUALITY, WE SHOULD ALL BE WORKING TOGETHER.
WE SHOULD NOT BE FIGHTING WITH EACH OTHER." AND WHEN WE HAVE THESE
CONVERSATIONS ON THE GROUND WITH THESE PEOPLE, EVERYBODY FOUND OUT HOW MUCH WE ALL HAD
IN COMMON WITH EACH OTHER, AND LIKE, ALL THE -- IT WAS BASICALLY, LIKE, A CEASE-FIRE.
NOBODY WOULD ARGUE ANYMORE, NOBODY WAS SCREAMING AND STUFF WE WOULD JUST, LIKE, JUST VIBE
AND JUST LEAVE EVERYBODY WOULD LIKE - >> Jimmy: YEAH, SUCH A PROUD
MOMENT, I THINK, FOR THIS COUNTRY TO SEE YOU AND EVERYONE DOING THAT
I WANT TO SHOW A CLIP. HERE IS X GONZALEZ IN "US KIDS."
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
>> YOU THINK YOU HAVE ENOUGH IN
THE MOVEMENT TO KEEP IT REALLY >> ABSOLUTELY. WE HAVE YEARS AND YEARS MORE
THAN THESE PEOPLE WILL LIVE, SO WE HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON OUR HANDS.
* >> I'M IN NO WAY LIKE, HIDING UNDER A ROCK OR GOING DORMANT.
I'M NOT GOING TO BE QUIET. I'M MAJORING IN ACTIVISM IN SCHOOL
IT'S MY THING. I'M JUST DOING THINGS ON MY OWN TERMS.
>> Jimmy: X GONZALEZ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE "US KIDS" IS IN THEATERS AND ON
DEMAND THIS FRIDAY THANKS AGAIN FOR BEING HERE. I APPRECIATE IT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A A PERFORMANCE FROM WEEZER. STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: PERFORMING "ALL THE GOOD ONES" FROM THEIR NEW
ALBUM, "VAN WEEZER," HERE'S WEEZER [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* I MET HER BUYING ICED TEA AT THE CORNER MINI MAR
SHE WAS THIRST I WAS HUNGRY FOR A START * * WITH SOMEBODY
WHO WOULDN'T BREAK MY HEART LIKE THE LAST ONE *
* BUT THIS ON SHE PLAYS FOR AL THE MARBLES *
* HER NIETZSCHE BOOKS ARE CONVERSATION STARTER AND DAMN I THINK I LOVED *
* HER FROM THE FIRST SIGH I SAW THE LIGH THE CLOUDS OPENED UP *
* REST IN PEACE, GOOD NIGHT ALL OF THE GOO ONES ARE GONE *
* WHERE DID YOU COME FROM ALL OF THE GOO ONES ARE GONE *
* WHERE DID YOU COME FROM I'M BLOWN AWAY AND
DON'T EVEN KNOW HER NAME * * ALL OF THE GOOD ONES ARE GON
WHERE DID YO COME FROM * * ROCK AND ROLL SOUND
BETTER IN THE CA I JUST LOVE THE WAY * * SHE PLAYS GUITA
WHEN SHE DIVES DOW ON THE WHAMMY BAR * * SHE'LL BE STUCK ON REPEAT
REPEAT IN MY HEA GOT ME CHECKIN MY PULSE *
* MAKIN' SURE I'M NOT DEAD OH YEA
ALL OF THE GOOD ONES * * ARE GON WHERE DID YOU COME FRO
ALL OF THE GOOD ONES ARE GONE * * WHERE DID
YOU COME FRO I'M BLOWN AWAY AND I *
* DON'T EVEN KNOW HER NAME ALL OF THE GOOD ONES
ARE GONE * * WHERE DID YOU COME FROM *
* * I THOUGHT ALL OF TH GOOD ONES ARE GONE
ALL OF THE GOOD ONES ARE GONE * * WHERE DID YOU
COME FRO I'M BLOWN AWAY AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW *
* HER NAM ALL OF THE GOOD ONES ARE GONE
WHERE DID YOU COME FROM * * ALL OF THE GOOD ONES ARE GONE WHERE DID YO
COME FROM NOW BABY * * ALL OF THE GOOD ONE ARE GONE
ALL ALON FEELIN' SO ALONE NOW * * ALL OF THE GOOD ONE
ARE GONE WE COULD PLAY FAMILY FEU ALL OF THE GOOD ONES *
* ARE GON SO WHERE DID YOU COME FROM YEAH *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >>Jimmy: JOIN US TOMORROW NIGHT.
JOEL McHALE AND THALIA WILL BE HERE MY THANKS TO LESLIE JONES,
X GONZALEZ, WEEZER ONCE AGAIN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM
PHILADELPHIA PENNSYLVANIA. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU FOR WATCHING
STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
*