>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - MICHAEL B. JORDAN,
NATE BARGATZE, MUSICAL GUEST COI LERAY, AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1452 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS,
JIMMY FALLON
*
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS.
COME ON NOW! THAT FEELS SO GOOD HI, WELCOME.
PLEASE HAVE A SEAT WELCOME, EVERYBODY WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME, TO
"THE TONIGHT SHOW. YOU'RE HERE. >> Steve: OH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ER ] AND GET THIS THAT'S AMAZING
THE ONLY OTHER THINGS AMERICANS LIKE THAT MUCH ARE DOLLY PARTON AND CHEESE FRIES
[ LAUGHTER ] OF COURSE, BECAUSE OF COVID, THE CROWD WAS PRETTY SPREAD
OUT. NORMALLY 1,600 PEOPLE ATTEND BUT ONLY 200 COULD BE THERE.
SO HERE'S WHAT THE ROOM LOOKED LIKE YEAH
[ LAUGHTER ] BIDEN LOOKS LIKE HE'S UP THERE CALLING A GAME OF BINGO.
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT HAS TO BE A TOUGH GIG FOR THE PRESIDENT.
RIGHT BEFORE BIDEN WALKED OUT, HIS STAFF WAS LIKE, "UMM, SIR, THE HOUSE IS ONLY 12% FULL AND
HALF OF THE CROWD HATES YOU. GO GET 'EM GO GET 'EM, BUDDY.
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S RIGHT YEAH, NOBODY IN THAT CHAMBER
WAS WORKING HARDER THAN BIDEN EXCEPT FOR CHUCK SCHUMER'S EARS
[ AUDIENCE OOHS [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: OUCH
>> Jimmy: OUCH OUCH THE ENTIRE SPEECH, THAT EAR WAS
THINKING, "WRAP IT UP, JOE WRAP IT UP, BUDDY! [ LAUGHTER ]
STRESS EAR THIS WAS COOL. BEFORE HE STARTED HIS SPEECH,
BIDEN POINTED OUT THAT HISTORY WAS BEING MADE CHECK IT OUT
>> MADAME SPEAKER. MADAME VICE PRESIDENT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE NO PRESIDENT HAS EVER SAID THOSE WORDS FROM THIS PODIUM
NO PRESIDENT HAS EVER SAID THOSE WORDS. AND IT'S ABOUT TIME.
>> Jimmy: YEAH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT WAS COOL.
THAT'S BETTER THAN LAST YEAR WHEN TRUMP THANKED "MADAME SPEAKER" AND "MADAME TUSSAUDS.
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT THIS IS A BIG WEEK FOR BIDEN.
'CAUSE TODAY IS HIS 100th DAY IN OFFICE. YEAH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IT MAKES SENSE THAT PRESIDENTS ARE JUDGED AFTER 100 DAYS.
AROUND THREE MONTHS INTO ANY RELATIONSHIP IS WHEN YOU THINK, "THIS IS GREAT," OR "HOW DO I
GET OUT OF THIS? [ LAUGHTER ] I CAN'T DO IT.
THEN IT'S THE HOLIDAYS THEN THERE'S VALENTINE'S DAY, AND THEN MARCH EARLIEST?
THAT'S RIGHT TODAY WAS BIDEN'S 100th DAY IN OFFICE
IT FEELS LIKE IT'S GONE BY SO FAST >> Steve: OH, I KNOW
SO FAST. I GUESS TIME FLIES WHEN THERE'S NOT A SCANDAL EVERY DAY.
>> Tariq: YEAH, YEAH, IT'S REFRESHING AND I'VE BEEN SLEEPING GREAT
>> Jimmy: SAME I GUESS I'M JUST FEELING HOPEFUL.
>> Steve: YEAH THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST WEEK EVER
* 'CAUSE I'M HOPEFU YES I AM HOPEFUL FOR TODAY *
* TAKE THIS MUSIC AND USE IT LET IT TAKE YOU AWAY *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Tariq: YEAH, MAN. YO, I'M FEELING HOPEFUL, TOO
I'M GOING TO RUN A 5K. * 'CAUSE I'M HOPEFU YES I AM
HOPEFUL FOR TODAY * * TAKE THIS MUSIC AND USE IT
LET IT TAKE YOU AWAY * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: I'M GOING TO MEDITATE
EVERY MORNING SO THAT I CAN BE MINDFUL AND FEEL THIS CENTERED EVERY DAY.
* 'CAUSE I'M HOPEFU YES I AM HOPEFUL FOR TODAY *
* TAKE THIS MUSIC AND USE IT LET IT TAKE YOU AWAY *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: IT'S SO NICE TO FEEL HOPEFUL AGAIN.
>> Tariq: SO GOOD. SO GOOD. >> Jimmy: SOME SPORTS NEWS
EVERYBODY IS TALKING ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW. THE NFL DRAFT KICKED OFF
TONIGHT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S RIGHT
THE NFL SAID SINCE COMMISSIONER ROGER GOODELL IS FULLY VACCINATED, HE COULD HUG THE
PLAYERS. I GUESS THAT WAS FINE. IT WAS THE SOFT KISS ON THE
FOREHEAD THAT WAS A LITTLE WEIRD. [ LAUGHTER ]
OF COURSE, THE NEW YORK JETS THIS IS EXCITING THIS MORNING, NEW YORK CITY
MAYOR BILL de BLASIO MADE A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
>> OUR PLAN IS TO FULLY REOPEN NEW YORK CITY ON JULY 1st.
WE ARE READY FOR STORES TO OPEN, FOR BUSINESSES TO OPEN, OFFICES, THEATERS, FULL
STRENGTH >> Jimmy: YEAH >> Steve: OH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: ON JULY 1st, EVEN YOUR GRANDMA'S GONNA BE LIKE,
"I'M OFF TO THE CLUB." [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, MOST PEOPLE WERE
THRILLED, WHILE NEW YORKERS WHO LOVE WORKING FROM HOME WERE LIKE, "FREAKIN de BLASIO."
[ LAUGHTER ] SOME MORE NEWS FOR NEW YORKERS I SAW THAT AFTER THREE YEARS OF
CONSTRUCTION, LEGOLAND NEW YORK IS FINALLY OPENING THIS SUMMER [ APPLAUSE ]
YEAH UNFORTUNATELY, TODAY SOME JERK OLDER BROTHER KICKED OVER ALL
THE RIDES. >> Steve: OH [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE PARK TO OPEN ACTUALLY. THERE'S AN EXTRA THRILL WHEN
YOU REALIZE THAT YOU'RE ON A A ROLLER COASTER MADE OF LEGOS [ LAUGHTER ]
LISTEN TO THIS RESEARCHERS AT DARTMOUTH UNIVERSITY FOUND THAT GOSSIP
CAN ACTUALLY BE GOOD FOR YOU THE STUDY WAS CONDUCTED BY PROFESSOR IRA KIRSCH, WHO I'M
PRETTY SURE HAD SOME WORK DONE [ LAUGHTER ] AND FINALLY, A SHOPPER IN
THE U.K. GOT A SURPRISE WHEN THEY RETURNED HOME WITH A PLANT FROM IKEA AND FOUND A GECKO
LIZARD INSIDE. NOW HOW ANNOYED IS THAT GECKO? IT HAD THE RUN OF THE ENTIRE
IKEA NOW IT LIVES IN A ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT.
[ LAUGHTER ] EVEN WEIRDER, THE OTHER PLANT HAD FLO FROM PROGRESSIVE LIVING
IN IT. [ LAUGHTER ] WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * *
>> Jimmy: WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT. HE PRODUCED AND STARS IN THE
NEW MOVIE "WITHOUT REMORSE" ON AMAZON PRIME VIDEO MICHAEL B. JORDAN IS HERE.
>> Steve: COME ON! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE COME ON.
>> Jimmy: PLUS HIS NEW NETFLIX STAND-UP SPECIAL, "THE GREATEST AVERAGE AMERICAN" IS AVAILABLE
NOW. THE VERY FUNNY NATE BARGATZE IS HERE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: FUNNY. SO FUNNY
>> Jimmy: HE'S FANTASTIC AND WE GOT GREAT MUSIC FROM COI LERAY, EVERYBODY
>> Steve: OH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: TARIQ, YOU THINKING
ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE GONNA BARBECUE >> Tariq: I'VE ALREADY THOUGHT
ABOUT IT, FIGURED IT OUT YEAH >> Jimmy: WE'RE HAVING A
A BARBECUE OFF >> Tariq: YEP. >> Steve: REALLY, WHEN
>> Jimmy: WHEN IS IT, DO WE KNOW LAST WEEK IN MAY
SO WE GOT A LITTLE TIME. >> Tariq: YEAH >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> Tariq: YOU MIGHT NEED A A LITTLE MORE TIME, BUD. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU FIGURED IT OUT ALREADY. DO WE KNOW EXACTLY WHAT WE'RE
DOING? WE COULD CHOOSE ANYTHING >> Tariq: I MEAN, I GUESS,
YEAH >> Jimmy: IT'S NOT HAMBURGERS, HOTDOGS.
>> Tariq: I MEAN, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO MAKE. THAT'S GONNA BE YOUR
SUBMISSION, THEN BY ALL MEANS, YES. [ LAUGHTER ]
YES, HAMBURGERS AND HOTDOGS. >> Jimmy: I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE DOING REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY
IT'S PRETTY OVERT. YOU SAY LIKE, "YEAH, YEAH, SURE
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GONNA MAKE." YOU'RE GETTING ANGRY ALREADY
>> Tariq: ANGRY? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH I THINK HE'S GETTING ANGRY >> Tariq: I DON'T DROP MY COOL
>> Steve: IT'S YOUR REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY >> Jimmy: NO, DUDE, HERE'S THE
THING. I'M ALREADY PLAYING THE GAME I'M IN YOUR HEAD, BUDDY.
>> Tariq: OKAY >> Jimmy: YEAH SO ME JUST SAYING THAT ALREADY
TRIPPED YOU UP >> Tariq: WOW. >> Jimmy: SO NOW YOU'RE GOING
TO MAKE ANGRY CHICKEN. >> Tariq: OKAY [ LAUGHTER ]
I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING THERE. >> Jimmy: WAIT ARE YOU GOING TO DO A -- YOU
GONNA DO RIBS? >> Tariq: AM I GONNA GO RIBS NO
NO, I'M NOT GONNA DO RIBS. >> Steve: COSTCO RIBS? >> Jimmy: I'M MIGHT DO LIKE
A PORK BUTT. >> Steve: CORN BUTT? >> Jimmy: NO, PORK BUTT.
>> Tariq: PORK BUTT, YEAH PLEASE >> Jimmy: PLAY CORN.
>> Tariq: YES. >> Steve: PORK BUTT. >> Jimmy: PORK BUTT.
>> Tariq: YEAH GO PORK BUTT >> Jimmy: YOU'RE GOING PORK
BUTT >> Tariq: NO NOT AT ALL
>> Steve: HE WANTS YOU TO GO PORK BUTT. UH-OH!
WAIT A SECOND. [ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER >> Tariq: WHO IS IN WHOSE HEAD
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: YOU JUST SIGNED A LEASE.
>> Jimmy: I'M TRYING TO THINK LIKE MY SIDE -- SIDE'S GOT TO BE BEANS, RIGHT?
>> Steve: AND COLESLAW >> Tariq: I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA DO BEANS
BEANS AND COLESLAW, YES. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: WAIT A SECOND.
WAIT A SECOND. HOW ABOUT SOUFFLE AND CHERRIES JUBILEE?
>> Jimmy: YEAH YEAH 'CAUSE TARIQ ALWAYS GOES A
A LITTLE FANCY I KNOW HE'S SPATCHCOCKED >> Steve: HEY, COME ON
IT'S A FAMILY SHOW [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: NO, NO
SPATCHCOCKING IS A - >> Tariq: YEAH, I'VE BEEN KNOWN TO BUTTERFLY MY POULTRY.
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> Steve: HEY, COME ON >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I -- NO,
THAT'S NOT - >> Tariq: IT'S HOW YOU MORE EVENLY DISTRIBUTE THE HEAT
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> Steve: OH, COME ON. >> Jimmy: I KNOW
YEAH THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING SO YEAH.
YOU WERE PROBABLY GOING TO DO THAT BUT NOW YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO THAT 'CAUSE I SAID IT
>> Tariq: I MEAN, YEAH, WHO KNOWS WHAT I'M -- WHO SAID I'M MAKING POULTRY
DIDN'T YOU GET THE MEMO? IT'S A BARBECUE. [ LAUGHTER ]
* >> Steve: WOW! >> Questlove: AND SCENE.
>> Jimmy: I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE END OF MAY, BARBECUE-OFF >> Tariq: YEAH
>> Jimmy: IT'S GONNA GO DOWN I GOTTA THINK OF MY RECIPE >> Tariq: I'M LOOKING FORWARD
TO IT. >> Jimmy: YEAH, ME TOO I'M LOOKING -- ME TOO.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Questlove: WAIT, ARE YOU MAKING IT FOR ALL OF US OR JUST
YOU? >> Steve: YEAH, DO WE GET TO TASTE IT
>> Jimmy: HIGGINS IS - HIGGINS -- >> Questlove: WAIT, JUST
HIGGINS? >> Jimmy: YEAH >> Steve: QUEST AND I,
TOGETHER WE CAN JUDGE TOGETHER. >> Questlove: WAIT, WHAT ARE
WE, CHOPPED LIVER? >> Tariq: NO, HERE'S THE THING THOUGH -
>> Jimmy: WE NEED THREE. >> Tariq: YEAH WE -- >> Jimmy: GOTTA HAVE AN ODD
NUMBER OF JUDGES >> Tariq: WE NEED SOMEONE -- WE NEED A JUDGE WHO ALSO DOESN'T
WORK FOR YOU [ LAUGHTER ] [ AUDIENCE OHS ]
>> Steve: OH, SNAP >> Jimmy: THAT'S TRUE. >> Tariq: YEAH
>> Jimmy: SO MAYBE HIGGINS, QUEST, AND MAYBE WE GET SOMEONE FROM THE AUDIENCE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE RANDOM PERSON FROM THE AUDIENCE
>> Steve: WHO HAPPENS TO BE A P.A. OR YOUR GARDENER. YEAH
>> Jimmy: RIGHT, RIGHT >> Steve: MY SECURITY GUARD, JASPER
>> Tariq: I DON'T KNOW, MAN. 'CAUSE I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE A PLANT IN THE AUDIENCE.
WHY DON'T WE GET LIKE SOMEONE FROM "TODAY SHOW" OR SOMETHING >> Questlove: OR "SNL.
>> Tariq: YEAH, WELL, I DON'T KNOW "SNL" MIGHT BE GONE ALREADY FOR --
>> Jimmy: NO, "SNL'S" HERE DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT >> Tariq: OH, OKAY, COOL
WELL, YEAH WE'LL DO -- [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: DEFINITELY, LET'S GET
SOMEONE FROM "SNL. >> Tariq: YEAH, NO, NO [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, WHY DON'T WE GET TALIB KWELI? [ LAUGHTER ]
WHY DON'T WE GET COMMON? [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WE'LL THINK OF A --
YEAH AN IMPARTIAL JUDGE AND WE'LL FIGURE THIS OUT.
BUT IT'S GOING DOWN. I'M READY. I'M ALREADY IN YOUR HEAD
I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT >> Tariq: COOL, COOL
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: GUYS, TODAY MARKS THE 100th DAY OF JOE BIDEN AS
PRESIDENT, SO I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD TIME FOR EVERYONE TO BRUSH UP ON WHO ALL
THE KEY GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES IN HIS PRESIDENCY ARE IT IS TIME FOR "FAST STATS
HERE WE GO
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* FAST STAT FAST STATS * *
>> Steve: WOW! THAT'S FAST. >> Jimmy: FIRST WE HAVE
TOM COTTON POSITION SENATOR FROM ARKANSAS HOBBY, CONTINUES SWALLOWING
A GUMBALL HE ATE IN 2004 [ LAUGHTER ] NEXT, IT'S BILL NELSON
POSITION, ADMINISTRATOR OF NASA FOR HALLOWEEN HE DRESSES LIKE
A JACK-O-LANTERN THAT HAS BEEN OUT TOO LONG [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
NEXT, IT'S LAUREN BOEBERT. POSITION, REPRESENTATIVE FROM COLORADO
FUN FACT, STILL TRYING TO MAKE "FETCH" HAPPEN [ LAUGHTER ]
NEXT UP, DR. FAUCI POSITION, CHIEF MEDICAL ADVISOR TO BIDEN
LOOKING FORWARD TO, RETIRING AT THE AGE OF 126 [ LAUGHTER ]
THEN IT'S JAMES LANKFORD POSITION, SENATOR FROM OKLAHOMA
UNWINDS BY, GOING TO A BLOOD BANK AND SAYING, "TAKE IT ALL. [ LAUGHTER ]
NEXT UP, CYNTHIA LUMMIS. POSITION, SENATOR FROM WYOMING KNOWN AROUND THE OFFICE FOR
SAYING, "I'M BEING SO BAD WHILE EATING A FIBER ONE BAR." [ LAUGHTER ]
THEN, IT'S DAVID TURK. POSITION, DEPUTY SECRETARY OF ENERGY
DREAM JOB, SPOKESMAN FOR WATER >> Steve: WHOA [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THEN, IT'S JAKE SULLIVAN. POSITION, NATIONAL SECURITY
ADVISOR. CATCH PHRASE, "OH, GEE WIZ, FELLAS
I DON'T LIKE THE LOOK OF THIS. [ LAUGHTER ] NEXT, MARSHA BLACKBURN
POSITION, SENATOR FROM TENNESSEE. FUTURE JOB, THAT ONE CO-HOST OF
"THE VIEW" YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF BEFORE. [ LAUGHTER ]
THEN, WE HAVE GARY GENSLER POSITION, CHAIR OF THE S.E.C FAVORITE PART OF THE DAY, WHEN
MOMMY EAGLE STOPS BY WITH FRESH WORMS. [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT' JUST - >> Steve: OH OH
SNAP >> Jimmy: NEXT, IT'S SAMANTHA POWER
POSITION, HEAD OF U.S. AGENCY FOR INTERNATIONAL DEVELOPMENT. UNIQUE SKILL, LOOKING LIKE SHE
JUST HEARD FROM THE PRINCIPAL WHAT HER KIDS HAVE BEEN UP TO. [ LAUGHTER ]
THEN, IT'S MIKE BRAUN. POSITION, SENATOR FROM INDIANA FAVORITE THING TO SAY WHEN HE'S
HAVING A GOOD TIME, "I AM HAVING A GOOD TIME." [ LAUGHTER ]
AND FINALLY, WE HAVE RICK SCOTT POSITION, SENATOR FROM FLORIDA
FAVORITE FOOD, HUMAN FOOD. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THIS HAS BEEN "FAST STATS.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH "TONIGHT SHOW" HASHTAGS. COME ON BACK
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK, GUYS
IT IS TIME FOR "TONIGHT SHOW HASHTAGS." HERE WE GO
* * HASHTAG HASHTAGS *
>> Jimmy: NOW WE DO THIS THING EVERY WEEK WHERE I SEND OUT A HASHTAG AND WE ASK YOU GUYS
TO RESPOND TO THAT TOPIC SO SINCE "THE BACHELORETTE" SEASON 17 WAS JUST ANNOUNCED, I
SENT OUT THE HASHTAG "WHY I'M SINGLE." AND I ASKED YOU GUYS TO TWEET
OUT A FUNNY, WEIRD OR EMBARRASSING REASON YOU'RE SINGLE
WITHIN MINUTES, IT WAS A A TRENDING TOPIC, SO THANK YOU FOR PLAYING ALONG.
I APPRECIATE IT. [ APPLAUSE ] NOW I THOUGHT I'D SHARE SOME OF
MY FAVORITES "WHY I'M SINGLE" RESPONSES FROM YOU GUYS. THIS FIRST ONE IS FROM
@FREAK00MUSIC. >> Steve: 00 >> Jimmy: THEY SAY, "I WAS ON
MY LUNCH BREAK WITH ONE OF MY COLLEAGUES WHO I HAD A CRUSH ON
IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR CONVERSATION, HE RAISED HIS HAND AND I WENT IN FOR A HIGH
FIVE IT TURNS OUT HE WAS JUST WAVING TO HIS FRIEND WHO HAD WALKED
INTO THE ROOM. [ APPLAUSE ] >> Steve: WOW.
>> Jimmy: THIS ONE IS FROM @GILLIANNOT123 SHE SAYS, "MY DATE PRONOUNCED
THE L IN SALMON. AND I SAID OUT LOUD, 'WELL, YOU'RE NOT THE ONE.'
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE "A SALMON FOR ONE, PLEASE. >> Steve: OKAY, I'M DONE
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. THIS ONE IS FROM @CAITLINCARRICKM
SHE SAYS, "I'M SINGLE BECAUSE I GET MAD AT PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE FOR THINGS THEY DID IN MY
DREAMS." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE YEAH
>> Steve: YEAH >> Jimmy: I LIKE THAT. THIS ONE IS FROM
@MARISAROSIE22 SHE SAYS, "I TRIED FLIRTING WITH A GUY BY SAYING HIS SMILE
IS GREAT HE SAYS HE GETS IT FROM HIS MOM.
I REPLIED, "YOUR MOM MUST BE HOT THEN." [ APPLAUSE ]
THAT'S NOT GOOD. THAT'S NOT GOOD. >> Steve: I'M MAD AT YOU FOR MY
DREAMS STILL >> Jimmy: THIS ONE'S FROM @JAKEWILLIAMSART
HE SAYS, "I THINK DORITOS ARE TOO SHARP, SO I BITE OFF ALL THE CORNERS FIRST BEFORE I EAT
THEM I CALL THEM ROUNDITOS. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
>> Steve: ROUNDITOS? >> Tariq: I DO THE SAME THING. >> Steve: YOU DO THE SAME
THING? >> Tariq: YEAH, YEAH >> Jimmy: THEY'RE NOT CALLED
DORITOS BECAUSE THEY'RE A TRIANGLE >> Tariq: THEY'RE NOT CALLED
DORITOS. THEY'RE CALLED DO-RITOS. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: DO-RITOS >> Tariq: DO-RITOS >> Jimmy: THEY'RE NOT CALLED
DO-RITOS >> Tariq: YES, THEY ARE. >> Steve: I THOUGHT THEY WERE
CALLED DOOR-ITOS BECAUSE YOU CAN MAKE A TINY DOOR OUT OF THEM
>> Jimmy: I SAY IT LIKE DORITOS. LIKE, D-U-R.
>> Steve: YOU SAY DA-RITOS >> Tariq: YEAH NO I SAY, I SAY DORITOS.
>> Jimmy: DO-RITOS >> Steve: MAYBE THAT WILL BE YOUR SIDE DISH
>> Jimmy: I THINK YOU'RE PUTTING TOO MUCH WORK INTO THAT
>> Tariq: HEY, JUST A LITTLE EMPHASIS, MAN. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WE CALL THEM DORITOS [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
THERE YOU GO >> Steve: WOW! FOR THE WIN.
>> Jimmy: INTERESTING. >> Tariq: RIGHT. >> Steve: WOW!
THIS ONE'S FROM @JOAI MEANJ1 SHE SAYS, "THE LAST TIME I HAD A GUY OVER, I SHOWED HIM MY
SCULPTURES I MADE FROM RED MINI BABYBEL CHEESE WAX HE DIDN'T COME OVER AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE YOU KNOW THAT LITTLE - I LIKE THAT.
>> Steve: YEAH >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, I KNOW THESE ARE LIKE -
>> Steve: IT'S NOT WASTING >> Jimmy: I KNOW THAT THESE ARE LIKE "WHY YOU'RE SINGLE," BUT
IT ALSO SHOWS WHY YOU'RE INTERESTING. [ LAUGHTER ]
I THINK IT WOULD BE FUN IF WE MAYBE HAD A LITTLE LOVE CONNECTION FROM ONE OF THESE
>> Steve: OH, NICE >> Jimmy: THESE ARE ALL SINGLE PEOPLE, APPARENTLY
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: APPARENTLY >> Jimmy: MAYBE THEY'RE DATING
NOW, THIS WAS BACK WHEN THEY WERE SINGLE. THIS ONE IS FROM @CYNDIANAJ.
SHE SAYS, "I'M SINGLE BECAUSE I TAKE MY SUPER HERO ACTION FIGURES TO THE THEATER FOR
MARVEL AND DC MOVIES SO THEY CAN WATCH THEMSELVES ON THE BIG SCREEN."
[ APPLAUSE ] COME ON! >> Steve: COME ON.
"THERE YOU GO. THAT'S YOU." >> Jimmy: "THERE YOU GO, LOOK
AT YOU." >> Steve: "LOOK HOW BIG YOU ARE.
[ LAUGHTER ] OOH, YOU JUST PUNCHED HIM! >> Jimmy: THIS ONE IS FROM
@KAMIE92643518 SHE SAYS, "MY EX AND I DID LAUNDRY TOGETHER AND WE BROKE
UP BECAUSE HE COULDN'T ADMIT THAT MY WAY OF FOLDING TOWELS AND SHEETS WAS THE CORRECT
WAY. [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
>> Steve: SALMON [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> Tariq: THAT'S ROUGH >> Jimmy: THERE'S STILL NO WAY TO FOLD A FITTED SHEET
IT'S JUST IMPOSSIBLE >> Steve: NO, I THROW THEM AWAY
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I'M NOT SAYING YOU DO THAT
>> Steve: DO THEM ONCE AND THEN WHEN I'M DONE, I THROW THEM AWAY, YEAH
I DON'T WANT TO BOTHER WITH THAT GARBAGE [ LAUGHTER ]
LIFE'S TOO SHORT, MY MAN [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THIS ONE IS FROM
@BARBRASTREILAMB >> Steve: OH, NICE, NICE BARBRA STREILAMB
>> Jimmy: YEAH FOR A SECOND, YOU WERE LIKE, WHAT
>> Steve: WHAT, BARBRA STREISAND >> Jimmy: BARBRA STREILAMB
>> Steve: STRAYLAMB. >> Jimmy: I LIKE BARBRA STREILAMB
>> Steve: HUGE FAN >> Jimmy: SHE SAYS, "I HAVE VARIOUS PILLOWS WITH ACTORS
FACES ON THEM. MY FAVORITE TWO ARE OF DANNY DeVITO
SENT A PICTURE THERE SHE IS >> Steve: AWW.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE JOHNNY DEPP. >> Jimmy: AND JOHNNY DEPP
BEHIND HER YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, EXACTLY. THIS LAST ONE IS FROM
@INTERLUDEJ. THAT WAS TARIQ'S FIRST RAP NAME
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] HE SAYS, "I PREFER TO EAT SPAGHETTI-Os COLD RIGHT OUT OF
THE CAN. >> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: YEAH
[ APPLAUSE ] THERE YOU HAVE IT. THOSE ARE "TONIGHT SHOW
HASHTAGS." TO CHECK OUT MORE OF OUR FAVORITES GO TO
TONIGHTSHOW.COM/HASHTAGS WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MICHAEL B. JORDAN.
INTERLUDEJ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN INCREDIBLE ACTOR WHO PRODUCED AND STARS IN THE
NEW MOVIE, "WITHOUT REMORSE. IT'S AVAILABLE ON AMAZON PRIME VIDEO TOMORROW
HERE HE IS, MICHAEL B. JORDAN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. YES! COME ON, BUD
IT'S ALWAYS GREAT TO SEE YOU, BUDDY. WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW
>> THANKS FOR HAVING ME, MAN THANKS FOR HAVING ME HOW'S EVERYBODY DOING?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: EVERYONE'S DOING GOOD
WE GOT A CROWD WE HAVE A CROWD. WE HAVE PEOPLE BACK IN THE
STUDIO IT'S AWESOME >> I LOVE IT
LOVE IT. >> Jimmy: PAL, I WANT TO ASK YOU.
CAUSE THE LAST TIME SINCE YOU'VE BEEN ON THIS SHOW, YOU WERE ON THE COVER OF A MAGAZINE
THAT WAS PRETTY EPIC HERE IT IS RIGHT HERE. THE COVER OF "PEOPLE."
YOU'RE THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE NOW I WANT TO KNOW -
I WANT TO KNOW HOW HAS YOUR LIFE CHANGED SINCE BEING NAMED SEXIEST MAN ALIVE.
>> I MEAN, IT'S A GIFT AND A A CURSE, YOU KNOW. PEOPLE DON'T TELL YOU THAT YOU
INSTANTLY HAVE A TARGET ON YOUR BACK I MEAN, ALL MY BOYS IN EVERY
GROUP CHAT, JUST IMAGINE, THEY'RE JUST CONSTANTLY ROASTING ME.
>> Jimmy: YEAH [ LAUGHTER ] >> AND IT'S LIKE EVERYTHING I
DO IS LIKE - "OH, IT'S BECAUSE THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE IS TAKING OFF HIS
JACKET OH, THE WAY HE WEARS HIS SHIRT HE EATS LIKE THE SEXIEST MAN
ALIVE. IT'S LIKE, "ALRIGHT, THIS IS ENOUGH."
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. COME ON. >> ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, MY MOM AND LIKE MY AUNT, YOU KNOW, THEY HAVE IT KIND OF VACUUM
SEALED YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN IN LIKE SARAN WRAP, YOU KNOW
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> IT'S LIKE UP ON THE MANTLE CAUSE THEY -
>> Jimmy: THEY BOUGHT EVERY ISSUE OFF THE NEWSSTAND. >> EVERY ONE
EVERY ONE. >> Jimmy: THAT'S AWESOME >> EVERY ONE
>> Jimmy: SEE, COME ON HERE YOU ARE ON ANOTHER COVER OF A MAGAZINE.
THIS IS MEN'S HEALTH COVER WHICH, LOOK AT THIS. COME ON.
THAT'S - [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> MY BOY LEO -- LEO VOLCY DID
THAT COVER HE'S MY PHOTOGRAPHERS AND VIDEOGRAPHER
THAT WAS HIS FIRST COVER SO IT'S SPECIAL, IT'S SPECIAL. >> Jimmy: DID HE TAKE THIS
PICTURE ON THE INSIDE OF YOU -- THIS IS YOU UNDERWATER, HOLDING A ROCK
>> YES, YES. HE TOOK THAT ONE TOO IT WAS A CRAZY WORKOUT, MAN.
I'M SITTING UP THERE, YOU KNOW, JUMPING UP TO THE SURFACE TRYING TO GET SOME AIR
DROPPING DOWN THERE TRYING TO GET THE PERFECT -- THE FRAMING RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: I'M SORRY. THAT'S A WORKOUT YOU GO DOWN, YOU FIND A ROCK
AND YOU CARRY IT >> YEAH, WELL, A LOT OF SURFERS, YOU KNOW, AND
ATHLETES, THEY WORK ON THEIR BREATHING AND THEIR CONDITIONING UNDERWATER.
SO, LIKE, YOU WOULD CARRY A STONE THAT WILL WEIGHT YOU TO THE BOTTOM AND YOU WOULD JUST
GET YOUR CARDIO IN UNDERWATER. >> Jimmy: WOW. >> SO YEAH, THAT WAS SOMETHING
THAT WE WORKED ON. >> Jimmy: WE HAVE SIMILAR WORKOUTS
[ LAUGHTER ] >> I'M SURE MAN. >> Jimmy: YOU'RE IN
PREPRODUCTION FOR "CREED 3," I AM PSYCHED ABOUT THIS. I CAN'T WAIT
I LOVE THE FIRST TWO BUT YOU'RE DIRECTING THIS ONE. THAT'S MASSIVE, BUDDY.
>> YES >> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT'S BIG >> THANK YOU SO MUCH, MAN. THANK YOU, THANK YOU
I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT IT. YOU KNOW, IT'S THE ONE CHARACTER AND STORY THAT I KNOW
THE MOST YOU KNOW, THIRD TIME DOING IT. IT'S THE THIRD TIME I'VE PLAYED
ANY ROLE BEFORE AND I DON'T THINK YOU'RE EVER REALLY READY TO DIRECT, BUT YOU KNOW, YOU
JUST GOT TO JUMP IN THE DEEP END AND YOU KNOW, SINK OR SWIM >> Jimmy: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT
YOUR NEW MOVIE BUT BEFORE THAT, I JUST WANT TO QUICKLY MENTION THIS COOL THING
YOU'RE DOING FOR YOUR HOMETOWN, FOR NEWARK >> YEAH.
I'M PUTTING ON A, YOU KNOW, HBCU CLASSICS, CALLED THE HOOP DREAMS CLASSIC THAT'S TAKING
PLACE IN NEWARK, NEW JERSEY, AT THE PRUDENTIAL CENTRAL DECEMBER 18TH.
AND I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT IT, MAN. HONESTLY, JUST REALLY
HIGHLIGHTING THE HBCU'S AND, YOU KNOW, PUTTING THEM ON A STAGE SO THEY CAN BE
RECOGNIZED, THEIR TALENT, AND BRINGING THE COMMUNITY TOGETHER
I THINK IT WAS IMPORTANT TO DO >> Jimmy: THAT'S GOOD. >> AND I'M HAVING A LOT OF FUN,
MAN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: I THINK IT'S
IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO KEEP DOING STUFF LIKE THAT. I LOVE THAT YOU KEEP DOING
STUFF LIKE THAT. LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR MOVIE. "WITHOUT REMORSE."
NOW, THIS IS TOM CLANCY. THIS IS BIG SHOES RIGHT HERE >> YES, SIR.
>> Jimmy: WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO DO THIS ONE? >> TO BE HONEST, AS A KID, I
USED TO PLAY "RAINBOW SIX" A A LOT. >> Jimmy: "RAINBOW SIX."
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: WOW! >> AS A GAMER, I USED TO PLAY
THE VIDEO GAME A LOT, AND YOU KNOW, BEEN A FAN OF TOM CLANCY AND HIS UNIVERSE EVER SINCE.
SO WHEN I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO CHECK OUT THE SCRIPT AND BREATHE SOME LIFE INTO IT, AND
BASICALLY MODERNIZE IT YOU KNOW, MAKE IT MORE OF A REFLECTION OF THE WORLD THAT
WE LIVE IN TODAY I KIND OF JUMPED AT THE OPPORTUNITY.
YOU KNOW, ESPECIALLY TO DO MY OWN STUNTS YOU KNOW, YOU GROW UP WATCHING
THESE TYPES OF MOVIES. YOU KNOW, YOU'VE GOT WESLEY SNIPES, AND TOM CRUISE,
AND MICHAEL JAI WHITE AND JACKIE CHAN WHO TRAINED, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING, FOR THESE
STUNTS AND NOW, I GET A CHANCE TO DO IT MYSELF.
I'M ALL FOR THAT >> Jimmy: BUT I WATCH YOU DO ALL THESE STUNTS AND THIS
REALLY IS AN ACTION PACKED MOVIE. LIKE BEYOND ACTION PACKED
MOVIE. >> IT'S FUN. >> Jimmy: AT ONE POINT, YOU'RE
FIGHTING OFF THREE GUYS. YOU LIGHT A CAR ON FIRE AND THEN, YOU GET IN THAT CAR AND I
GO, "NEVER SEEN THAT ONE BEFORE WOW!
AND IT'S YOU DOING IT FOR REAL >> YEAH. YEAH, THAT'S ME.
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S THAT LIKE ARE YOU AFRAID SEE, I WOULD BE AFRAID OF
MESSING UP THE TAKE. AND BE LIKE, "OKAY, JIMMY, NO BIG DEAL
WE'LL JUST LIGHT ANOTHER CAR ON FIRE." [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> IT'S ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT MOST OF THE STUNTS IN THE MOVIE YOU CAN TRAIN FOR.
YOU CAN'T REALLY TRAIN YOURSELF NOT TO BE HOT. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING
LIKE THE FIRE IS THE FIRE. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> SO THAT WAS PROBABLY THE ONE
STUNT THAT I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT AS MUCH. I JUST WANTED TO DO IT
SO THEY COVER YOU IN THIS FLAME RETARDANT GEL. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, YOU MIGHT
LOSE SOME EYEBROWS AND SOME EYELASHES IN THE PROCESS, BUT I CAME AWAY WITH MOST OF MINE.
AND YOU JUST HOP IN THE CAR, MAN. AND YOU DO THE SCENE
AND YOU KNOW, GOT TO GET OUT IT WAS HOT >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> IT WAS HOT. >> Jimmy: DUDE, THIS IS FANTASTIC AND CONGRATS ON THIS
ONE. I WANT EVERYONE TO TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
HERE'S A CLIP. HERE'S MICHAEL B. JORDAN IN "WITHOUT REMORSE."
>> YOU REMEMBER ME >> WHAT?
>> WHO WAS THE FOURTH GUY IN MY HOUSE? GIVE ME A NAME
[ SCREAMING YOU GIVE ME A NAME >> OKAY, I'LL GIVE YOU A NAME.
JOHN KELLY YOU ARE A PROBLEM. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT, BUDDY.
MICHAEL B. JORDAN, EVERYBODY "WITHOUT REMORSE" IS AVAILABLE ON AMAZON PRIME VIDEO TOMORROW
MICHAEL AND I ARE PLAYING WORD SNEAK WHEN WE COME BACK. STICK AROUND
COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: HEY EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK WE'RE HANGING OUT WITH
MICHAEL B. JORDAN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE NOW, MICHAEL, I WANT TO KEEP
THE INTERVIEW GOING, BUT I THOUGHT WE'D MAKE THE CONVERSATION A LITTLE BIT MORE
INTERESTING WITH A GAME WE CALL "WORD SNEAK. HERE WE GO
* WORD SNEA WORD SNEAK *
>> Jimmy: HERE'S HOW IT WORKS. WE EACH HAVE CARDS WITH RANDOM WORDS WRITTEN ON THEM AND OUR
GOAL IS TO WORK THESE WORDS INTO THE CONVERSATION AS CASUALLY AND SEAMLESSLY AS
POSSIBLE MAKE SENSE >> GOT IT.
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, SO NOW YOU LOOK AT YOUR TOP CARD.
I'LL LOOK AT MINE. YOU START IT OFF AND LET THE WORD SNEAK BEGIN
MICHAEL, ANY PLANS FOR THE SUMMER >> THE SUMMER?
YEAH YOU KNOW, I LOVE GETTING OUTDOORS
YOU'VE BEEN TO VENICE BEACH? YOU KNOW, THEY HAVE THE BICYCLES AND LIKE THE ROLLER
BLADES - >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH I LOVE VENICE BEACH.
[ BELL RINGS ] >> YOU KNOW, OUTSIDE - IT'S KIND OF LIKE, YOU JUST --
>> Jimmy: YEAH, AND DO YOU GO RIGHT HOME WHEN YOU GO FROM THE BEACH?
YOU GO RIGHT INTO YOUR HOUSE >> NO, NO. ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW, I DRIVE,
BUT SOMETIMES LIKE THE 405 IS SO PACKED, YOU KNOW, I MEAN, THERE'S LIKE BOATS, TUGBOATS,
AND THINGS LIKE THAT [ BELL RINGS ] >> Jimmy: YOU SNUCK IN YOUR
WORD ALREADY I WAS JUST SAYING, IF YOU GO TO YOUR HOUSE, THERE'S PROBABLY
SAND ALL OVER THE PLACE. SO YOU GOT TO GET A ROOMBA TO CLEAN IT UP.
BUT IT'S NO BIG DEAL >> OH, OKAY. >> Jimmy: BUT I MEAN, THAT'S
GOOD SO YOU DO THAT THEN -- AND THEN YOU GO ON
THE 405. YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE TO DO WHEN I USED TO DRIVE?
I USED TO -- >> YEAH. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: GET A LITTLE NERVOUS GET A LITTLE NERVOUS BEFORE I DRIVE, SO --
>> REALLY? >> Jimmy: YEAH, BUT MY GRANDPA TOLD ME A LITTLE TRICK
THROW DOWN A COUPLE OF APPLETINIS BEFORE YOU -- [ BELL RINGS ]
>> REALLY? >> Jimmy: YEAH MAKE SURE YOU DON'T DRIVE TOO
FAST, OF COURSE, YEAH. >> SEE, THAT'S CRAZY THAT HE TOLD YOU THE APPLETINIS.
FOR ME, YOU KNOW, I'M AA EATER YOU KNOW, I EAT, SO -- WHAT REALLY, LIKE, SETTLES MY
STOMACH, MY NERVES WHEN I DO DRIVE -- IT'S CRAZY
SOMETIMES REFRIED BEANS. AND YOU KNOW - [ BELL RINGS ]
>> Jimmy: REFRIED BEANS IS WHAT CALMS YOUR NERVES DOWN >> YEAH.
YOU KNOW, WITH NACHOS. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING, I LIKE NACHOS, SOMETIMES YOU GOT
TO PUT THE LAYER OF REFRIED BEANS. >> Jimmy: I CAN'T EAT THAT
STUFF. I CAN'T EAT THAT STUFF CAUSE I BLOW UP LIKE A MEDIUM SIZED
OSTRICH. PEOPLE ARE LIKE -- [ BELL RINGS ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> REALLY? >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> OKAY. >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, SO I CAN'T DO THAT TYPE OF STUFF ANYMORE.
>> AND THEN YOU KNOW, IF YOU BLOW UP LIKE A MEDIUM SIZED OSTRICH, THE NACHOS THAT I
USUALLY -- YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES YOU MIGHT CHEW ON SOMETHING CRAZY AND YOU KNOW -
>> Jimmy: I GUESS. I GUESS. >> THE TEETH, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
SAYING >> Jimmy: NO >> LIKE SOMETIMES YOUR TOOTH'S
ALL -- YOU'RE CRAZY, LIKE MY DENTIST ACTUALLY STOPPED SEEING ME AND I HAD TO GO SEE
JOHN CENA'S DENTIST. [ BELL RINGS ] YEAH, I HAD TO GO SEE HIM ONE
TIME >> Jimmy: WOW. >> HE TOOK ME IN LAST MINUTE
IT WAS GREAT IT WAS GREAT IT WAS GREAT
>> Jimmy: JOHN CENA'S DENTIST? >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: YEAH, AND THAT'S
INTERESTING. THE DENTIST ACTUALLY SAYS, "YOU CAN'T SEE ME," AS HE'S
OPERATING ON YOU >> I SEE WHAT YOU DID. >> Jimmy: I KNOW THAT DENTIST,
CAUSE I WENT TO THIS WEIRD PARTY A COUPLE YEARS AGO AND I ENDED UP IN A HOT TUB WITH
JOHN CENA'S DENTIST -- WAS IN THERE. >> OKAY.
>> Jimmy: CRAZY, A LOT OF PEOPLE IN THERE. CINDY ADAMS IN THERE
BIV FROM BELL BIV DEVOE WAS IN THERE. COULD'VE BEEN BELL, I THINK IT
WAS BIV THOUGH BIV WAS THERE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> OKAY, OKAY. >> Jimmy: THIS DUDE WHO PLAYED BASS FOR ONE OF
BRIAN McKNIGHT'S TOURS >> OKAY. >> Jimmy: THE DUDE THAT -- WHO
DREW SCOOTER -- HE DID THE VOICE OF SCOOTER FROM "MUPPET BABIES."
HE WAS IN THERE. JUST A BUNCH - THE KID FROM JERRY MAGUIRE WAS
IN THERE >> HOW BIG WAS - [ BELL RINGS ]
>> REALLY. >> Jimmy: YEAH, IT WAS JUST -- I HAD TO GET THE HELL OUT OF
THERE. >> I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF -- THAT'S A BIG HOT TUB
>> Jimmy: IT WAS A SMALL POOL. IT WAS A SMALL POOL. >> SMALL POOL.
>> Jimmy: BUT ALL THOSE PEOPLE IN THERE AT ONCE MADE IT HOT, YOU KNOW
>> GOTCHA. >> Jimmy: YEAH, HEATED IT RIGHT UP
>> YES, YES, YES YES. >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO
A CRAZY PARTY OR SOMETHING >> YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M MORE OF A -- I'M A A HOMEBODY, YOU KNOW >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> AND I -- SOMETIMES I PICK UP HOBBIES. YOU KNOW, LIKE, I DON'T KNOW,
GUITAR OR -- YOU KNOW, TATTOOING WAS SOMETHING THAT I WAS INTERESTED IN AT ONE POINT
>> Jimmy: WOW, THAT'S AN INTERESTING HOBBY. >> SOMETIMES I DO RANDOM
PIERCINGS, YOU KNOW, LIP PIERCINGS AND STUFF LIKE THAT. IF YOU WANTED IT, I COULD GIVE
YOU A LIP RING YOU KNOW, I COULD DO THAT. [ BELL RINGS ]
>> Jimmy: YOU COULD. >> IF YOU WERE INTO IT >> Jimmy: I'M REALLY, REALLY
SCARED OF THAT THAT'S SCARY REALLY SCARY
>> THAT SOUNDS LIKE -- WHAT IS THAT WAS THAT -- THAT SOUNDS LIKE
BUGS BUNNY >> Jimmy: OH, YOU RASCALLY RABBIT
[ BELL RINGS ] THAT'S MY MAN. HE SET ME UP
MICHAEL B. JORDAN. THAT'S MY MAN RIGHT THERE. HIS NEW MOVIE, "WITHOUT
REMORSE," IS AVAILABLE TOMORROW ON AMAZON PRIME VIDEO. STICK AROUND
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "TONIGHT SHOW. *
>> Jimmy: MY NEXT GUEST IS A A VERY FUNNY COMEDIAN. HIS NEW SPECIAL, "THE GREATEST
AVERAGE AMERICAN," IS STREAMING NOW ON NETFLIX HERE HE IS, NATE BARGATZE,
EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, BUDDY IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU.
>> THIS IS IT. >> Jimmy: WOW. THIS IS YOUR APARTMENT
>> YEAH, DUDE. I LIVE -- THIS IS HOW I PRACTICE MY COMEDY
IT'S A BRICK WALL. FUNNY BONE I'M IN A TOLEDO FUNNY BONE
RIGHT NOW. >> Jimmy: ARE YOU REALLY THAT'S FANTASTIC
YOU'RE ON THE ROAD >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: WOW.
>> I'M ON THE ROAD I'VE BEEN DOING IT UP, MAN WE DID A BUNCH OF DRIVE-IN
SHOWS LEADING UP TO THIS, WHICH IS TOUGH BUT IT WAS FUN
LIKE YOU SEE A FORD F-150 LEAVE EARLY. THAT'S PRETTY TOUGH TO WATCH
[ LAUGHTER ] I WATCHED HIM, LIKE, NOT BE ABLE TO FIND THE EXIT.
I MEAN, JUST BIG TRUCK WITH LIGHTS ABOVE IT. AND YOU JUST SEE HIM KIND OF
KEEP GOING BACKING DOWN THE AISLE. >> Jimmy: OH MY GOD.
>> OH, GOD >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH, BUD WELL, I'M HAPPY YOU'RE BACK OUT
THERE. I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT YOUR BACKGROUND A LITTLE BIT
BECAUSE I THINK SHOW BIZ IS IN YOUR DNA, YOUR DAD IS A WORLD FAMOUS MAGICIAN,
STEPHEN BARGATZE AND WERE YOU EVER -- DO YOU KNOW ANY TRICKS?
DO YOU KNOW MAGIC? >> I DO NOT. I ALWAYS SAY, "I CANNOT DO
MAGIC. I CAN RUIN IT FOR YOU IF YOU WANT THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ] IT WAS ALL -- YOU KNOW, YOU MET HIM WHEN WE DID OUR TOUR
TOGETHER AND THE PICTURE ON HIS PHONE, I SWEAR TO YOU, IT'S ME, YOU AND
HIM, AND I'M CUT OUT AND IT'S JUST YOU AND HIM ON HIS PHONE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH I LOVE YOU, DAD! STEPHEN, HI BUD!
THAT'S FANTASTIC CAN YOU TELL THE STORY -- YOUR DAD OPENED FOR YOU
YOU ASKED YOUR DAD --YOUR FIRST HEADLINING GIG >> FIRST GIG
SO I DID THIS -- THIS WAS LIKE FOUR OR FIVE YEARS INTO COMEDY AND I GOT A COLLEGE, BELMONT IN
NASHVILLE. THIS IS WHEN YOU FIRST START, I DON'T HAVE AN HOUR OF MATERIAL
BUT YOU STILL JUST TAKE THE GIG, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE IS ASKING YOU
SO I TOLD MY DAD, I WAS LIKE, "LOOK. YOU NEED TO COME DO IT AND OPEN
FOR ME." MY DAD HAS BEEN DOING MAGIC FOR 30 YEARS AND HE'S VERY FUNNY,
HE'S VERY GOOD AT WHAT HE DOES SO I WAS LIKE, "YOU CAN'T BE TOO GOOD
BUT, I ALSO NEED YOU TO DO LIKE 40 MINUTES." [ LAUGHTER ]
THE SHOW IS GOING TO BE LIKE AN HOUR AND 20 MINUTES. SO I'M LIKE, "YOU'VE GOT TO DO
A LOT. >> Jimmy: THE OPENING ACT IS 40 MINUTES
>> DUDE, THAT'S ALL I HAD. SO I WAS LIKE, "YOU CAN DO SOME," AND THEN I WAS ALSO
LIKE, "BY THE WAY, I'M NOT PAYING YOU I HAVE NO MONEY.
>> Jimmy: OF COURSE. >> I THINK I MADE HIM PAY ME TO OPEN FOR ME.
AND SO HE DID THE SHOW AND OF COURSE, HE CRUSHES. AND THEN WHEN HE BRINGS ME ON
STAGE, HE CRIES, WHICH - [ AUDIENCE AWS ] YEAH, IS WORSE THAN FOLLOWING
SOMEONE DOING GOOD, I'VE LEARNED. I MEAN, IT'S LIKE A SWEET
MOMENT, BUT YOU'RE LIKE, "DAD, I'M KIND OF IN A HOLE WHEN YOU'RE CRYING AND YOU BRING ME
ON STAGE." >> Jimmy: HE'S SO PROUD OF YOU >> HE'S VERY PROUD
IT'S JUST TOUGH TO BRING THE ROOM BACK UP AFTER - HE'S DOING VERY GOOD
HE IS, RIGHT NOW, HE IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE INTERNATIONAL BROTHERHOOD OF MAGICIANS
IBM. >> Jimmy: IS THAT WHAT IBM STANDS FOR
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> YEAH. NO
THEY SELL COMPUTERS ON THE SIDE >> Jimmy: WOW!
>> THEIR MAIN THING IS MAGIC SO IT'S A BIG -- DID YOU EVER WONDER WHY YOUR Q ENDS UP BEING
G? IT'S LIKE, THAT'S THE LITTLE STUFF THAT THEY DO WITH
KEYBOARDS. >> Jimmy: IT TRULY IS MAGIC. YOU'RE RIGHT
BUD, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR PODCAST QUICK, TOO THE "NATELAND" PODCAST
HOW DID YOU GET INTO THE "NATELAND" PODCAST >> COVID
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S A GOOD ANSWER >> LIKE -- THAT WAS IT
YOU KNOW LIKE WE DID IT I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING TO --
I WAS NOT ON THE ROAD, WANTED TO START A PODCAST IT'S NOT -- YOU KNOW, IT KIND
OF FITS WITH WHAT I DO IT'S CLEAN, IT'S NOT POLITICS. NOT ANYTHING LIKE THAT
IT'S JUST TRYING TO, LIKE, GIVE PEOPLE A BREAK AND, LIKE, JUST TRY TO BE FUNNY.
WE TALK ABOUT CALENDARS, LIKE WHERE CALENDARS CAME FROM. I MEAN, STUFF -- OUR GOAL IS TO
MAKE YOU DUMBER. YOU LEAVE DUMBER THAN WHEN YOU GOT THERE.
AND THAT'S THE MAIN GOAL [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: WHY NOT?
>> I'LL BRING YOU DOWN TO MY LEVEL -- IS WHAT I TRY TO DO >> Jimmy: HEY, CONGRATS ON YOUR
NETFLIX SPECIAL. NOW, "THE GREATEST AVERAGE AMERICAN."
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN EXACTLY? >> I MEAN, I ATE AT WAFFLE HOUSE YESTERDAY.
SO THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS. DURING THE DAY I WENT DURING THE DAY.
JUST A NORMAL -- >> Jimmy: WOW! SOBER.
>> YEAH, THAT'S NORMALLY, IT'S LIKE YOU SHOULDN'T BE THERE DURING THE DAY
>> Jimmy: WAFFLE HOUSE, NO >> BUT I WAS IN THERE. I HAD A BUDDY FROM CANADA.
AND SO I WAS LIKE, "YOU WANT TO SEE TENNESSEE, MAN?" AND I SHOWED HIM, WE WENT TO
WAFFLE HOUSE DURING THE DAY. SO, I THINK I HAVE VERY AVERAGE -- ALL MY TASTES ARE --
I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON ON McDONALD'S MENU AT ALL TIMES THERE'S NO SURPRISES
WHEN THE McRIB COMES BACK, I KNOW A LITTLE BIT BEFORE YOU MIGHT KNOW
A LITTLE HEADS UP. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: DUDE, YOU'RE THE
BEST I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP HERE'S NATE BARGATZE IN HIS NEW
SPECIAL ON NETFLIX, "THE GREATEST AVERAGE AMERICAN. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
YEAR [ LAUGHTER ]
OUT OF ALL OF THE YEARS, THIS HAS BEEN THE BEST ONE. I MEAN, YOU KNOW, THERE'S
ALIENS THEY SAID THERE'S UFOS AND NO ONE CARES.
WHAT KIND OF YEAR COULD YOU HAVE THAT YOU COULD SNEAK IN, "HEY EVERYBODY," ON THE NEWS
AT THE END OF THE NEWS, THEY GO, "THERE ARE UFOs," AND YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, DO THEY HAVE
COVID? AND YOU'RE LIKE, NO, NO. THEY WON'T GET TESTED.
IT'S FUNNY, I TOLD MY WIFE THAT I SAID, "THEY SAID THERE'S
UFOs." AND SHE JUST WENT ABOUT HER DAY.
I MEAN, JUST -- YOU MIGHT EVEN WATCH THIS AND BE LIKE, "OH, I DIDN'T EVEN HEAR THAT.
AND THAT'S THE POINT THAT'S HOW AMAZING 2 2020 HAS BEEN.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
NATE BARGATZE, EVERYBODY "THE GREATEST AVERAGE AMERICAN" IS STREAMING NOW ON NETFLIX.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A A PERFORMANCE FROM COI LERAY STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU, NATE. GOOD TO SEE YOU, BUD *
>> Jimmy: MAKING HER TV DEBUT, PERFORMING "NO MORE PARTIES," HERE'S COI LERAY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
*
* THEY WANNA EA OFF MY PLATE * * THEY WANNA EAT OFF ME
WHEN I HAD MY VISION YOU COULDN'T SEE * * I'M OFF TO BETTER THING
ONLY DOING THAT' GONNA MAKE ME ELEVATE * * ONLY WANT PEOPLE aROUND
THAT'S GONNA MAK ME BETTER * * MHM IT'S A MHM *
* THEY ASK HOW GET THAT OOH I'M TOO BUSY GETTING
THIS MONEY * * COUNTING THIS CHEDDAR MY DADDY LET ME DOWN BUT I
PROMISE YO I WON'T LET UP * * I WANNA SAY THAT MA
BUT WON' MAKE ME BETTER ME AND MY BROTHER *
* STILL BEEFING RIGHT NOW CAUSE HE AIN'T GET THAT LETTER *
* NUMB TO THE PAI AND I'M LIKE YEA EVERYBODY I CAN'
TRUST NOBODY * * I AIN'T EVE REALLY TRYING TO PARTY
DON'T INVITE M TO NO PARTY * * YEAH PULL UP IN THAT MH
IT'S A MHM THEY ASK HOW I GET THAT OOH *
* I'M A HUSTLER BAB YOU MUST NOT KNOW ME BABY * * I'M OFF TO BETTER THING
I'M ONLY DOING THAT' GONNA MAKE ME ELEVATE * * ONLY WANT PEOPLE AROUND
THAT'S GONNA MAK ME BETTER * * MHM IT'S MHM *
* THEY ASK HOW GET THAT OOH CAN'T WORRY ABOUT NOBODY GOTTA WORRY
ABOUT MY BUSINESS * * DON'T BRING THE DUDES AROUND M
I DON'T KNOW THEY INTENTIONS * * DON'T WANNA
FALL IN LOVE CAUSE THESE LI ARE TRIPPING *
* WHY I STAY OU THE WAY GOTT MAKE SURE
KEEP MY DISTANCE * * WHY THEY WANNA HATE M THIS IS CRAZ
SHE MAD I TOOK HER OOH * * BUSS IT BABY OOH YEAH
YOU MUST NOT KNOW ME BABY * * I'M OFF TO BETTER THING I'M ONLY DOING THAT'
GONNA MAKE ME ELEVATE * * ONLY WANT PEOPLE AROUND THAT'S GONNA MAK
ME BETTER * * MHM IT'S SO MHMM * * THEY ASK HOW
GET THAT OOH PULL UP IN THAT MH IT'S SO MHM *
* THEY ASK HOW GET THAT OOH * *
* YEAH LET'S GO * * * THEY ASK HO
I GET THAT OOH * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: JOIN US TOMORROW
NIGHT -- JAMES SPADER AND ABBI JACOBSON WILL BE HERE, AND WE'LL HAVE
MUSIC FROM BEACH BUNNY MY THANKS TO MICHAEL B. JORDAN, NATE BARGATZE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU, NATE. COI LERAY, AND THE ROOTS, RIGHT
THERE FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA THANK YOU FOR WATCHING
STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS. GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY