>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - LUKE BRYAN
BRIAN REGAN, POET RUPI KAUR AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1451 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS,
JIMMY FALLON
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: WOW! OH, MY GOODNESS. I SEE YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
OH, MY GOD IT FEELS GREAT THANK YOU.
PLEASE, WELCOME, EVERYBODY WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW.
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU FOR WATCHING
WELL GUYS, EARLIER TONIGHT, PRESIDENT BIDEN DELIVERED HIS FIRST JOINT ADDRESS TO CONGRESS
ON THE EVE OF HIS 100th DAY IN OFFICE LAST TIME SOMEONE IN THEIR 70s
GOT THAT MUCH APPLAUSE, THEY WERE DOING "DA BUTT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Steve: COME ON. >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT, THE CAPITOL TOOK CENTER STAGE
TONIGHT, AND I GOT TO BE HONEST, IT WAS NICE TO SEE SOMEONE BEHIND THE PODIUM WHO
WASN'T WEARING DEER ANTLERS AND A PELT [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, IT WAS A FUN NIGHT FOR DEMOCRATS. ON THE OTHER HAND, REPUBLICANS
DIDN'T SEEM TOO THRILLED THEY LOOKED LIKE THEY JUST HEARD THEIR BEST HOPE IN
2024 IS RANDY QUAID. [ LAUGHTER ] OF COURSE, VICE PRESIDENT
KAMALA HARRIS SAT BEHIND BIDEN SHE HAD A SPRAY BOTTLE JUST IN CASE HE STARTED DRIFTING OFF
TOPIC. IT'S LIKE -- "JOE, JOE, JOE -
NO JOE, NO, STOP [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE LET'S GET ON WITH IT
COME ON. BACK TO FOCUS. DUE TO COVID, THIS WAS NOT A
A TYPICAL JOINT ADDRESS. FOR INSTANCE, ALL THE LAWMAKERS WERE SEATED FAR APART FOR
SOCIAL DISTANCING, WHICH WAS TOO BAD BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T DO THE USUAL CONGRESSIONAL KISS
CAM. [ LAUGHTER ] ON CBS, THE ADDRESS AIRED RIGHT
AFTER "THE PRICE IS RIGHT AT NIGHT. WHICH WAS WHY BIDEN WAS
INTRODUCED WITH "JOE BIDEN, COME ON DOWN!" *
[ APPLAUSE ] YEAH, I THINK THERE MIGHT HAVE BEEN A CROSS PROMOTION, BECAUSE
AFTER UNVEILING HIS AMERICAN FAMILIES PLAN, BIDEN WAS LIKE "AND THE ACTUAL RETAIL PRICE,
$1.8 TRILLION! [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S RIGHT, DURING HIS
ADDRESS, BIDEN UNVEILED HIS $1.8 TRILLION AMERICAN FAMILIES PLAN
AT FIRST, PEOPLE THOUGHT HE SAID "AMERICAN FAMILY PLAN," LIKE WE'RE ALL GOING TO HOP ON
THE SAME VERIZON ACCOUNT IT'S LIKE, "IT'S A GENIUS IDEA, WE ALL SHARE THE SAME BILL
300 MILLION PEOPLE." A BIG PART OF THE PLAN INCLUDES FREE UNIVERSAL PRESCHOOL
[ APPLAUSE ] I THINK THAT'S PRETTY GOOD PRETTY GOOD CONSIDERING SENDING
YOUR KID TO PRESCHOOL NOW IS JUST HANDING THEM AN iPAD. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND THIS IS BIG. EARLIER TODAY, FEDERAL INVESTIGATORS RAIDED
RUDY GIULIANI'S MANHATTAN APARTMENT AND OFFICE BECAUSE OF HIS DEALINGS IN UKRAINE.
WHEN THE AGENTS WALKED IN, RUDY GOT SO NERVOUS, HE STARTED SWEATING HAIR DYE AND TUCKING
ALL THE EVIDENCE DOWN HIS PANTS. [ LAUGHTER ]
"MY WIFE." RUDY WAS LIKE, "WHY, I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE EXCEPT FOR
EVERYTHING PAST THIS DOOR. [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, RUDY PANICKED AND CALLED
HIS LAWYER, THEN WHEN HIS OWN PHONE STARTING RINGING, HE PANICKED EVEN MORE
[ LAUGHTER ] WELL GUYS, A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE ROAD TRIPS PLANNED THIS SUMMER,
BUT I JUST SAW THAT GAS STATIONS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY COULD RUN OUT OF GAS IN THE
COMING MONTHS. IT'S GOING TO BE A TOUGH SUMMER, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE
GASOLINE IS THE MAIN INGREDIENT IN WHITE CLAW SURGE. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: NOW YOU KNOW >> Jimmy: THAT'S IT, YEAH.
THE PEOPLE WAITING ONLINE FOR "THE TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY GETS A WHITE CLAW SURGE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT IS A ROWDY AREA MEANWHILE, TOYMAKER HASBRO JUST
SAID THAT IT WOULD RAISE THE PRICES OF ITS GAMES AND TOYS AS THE COST OF RAW MATERIALS
INCREASES. YEAH, NOW THEY ARE JUST SELLING BOXES THAT SAY, "TOY NOT
INCLUDED." [ LAUGHTER ] SOME MORE BUSINESS NEWS,
CHIPOTLE IS GIVING AWAY 250,000 BURRITOS TO NURSES AND HEALTHCARE WORKERS IN HONOR OF
NATIONAL NURSES DAY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND NOT ONLY IS THAT GREAT NEWS
FOR HEALTHCARE WORKERS, BUT I THINK WE ALSO JUST SOLVED THE GAS SHORTAGE
[ LAUGHTER ] I SAW THAT ROTTEN TOMATOES NOW RANKS "PADDINGTON 2" AHEAD OF
"CITIZEN KANE" AS THE BEST REVIEWED FILM OF ALL TIME. WHITE CLAW PEOPLE LOVE
"PADDINGTON 2. [ CHEERS ] YEAH, "PADDINGTON 2," IT'S A
A GREAT MOVIE, BUT IT'S PRETTY SURPRISING THAT THE NUMBER ONE SLOT ISN'T ONE OF PADDINGTON'S
MORE DRAMATIC MOVIES I MEAN, JUST THIS YEAR, HE WAS IN "NO PANTS LAND," AND THE
YEAR BEFORE THAT, HE WAS IN "BEARACITE." >> Tariq: HA-HA-HA
THAT'S IT TARIQ, JUST KEEP FAKE LAUGHING IT IS ALMOST THE WEEKEND
>> Jimmy: THERE'S ALSO "MAR ME BY YOUR LADE." >> Tariq: MAN, I WAS AT THE
OSCARS ON SUNDAY I SHOULD HAVE STAYED MY ASS IN L.A.
>> Jimmy: AND OF COURSE, WHO COULD FORGET CLASSICS LIKE "THE COATBOOK."
>> Steve: HOLY [ BLEEP ] THIS IS GREAT. FALLON, YOU'VE CHANGED THE LATE
NIGHT GAME ONCE AGAIN. >> Jimmy: AND OF COURSE, "BRAVEHAT.
[ LAUGHTER ] GLAD YOU GUYS ENJOYED THAT [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Steve: "BRAVE HAT." >> Jimmy: AND SOME MORE ENTERTAINMENT NEWS
AFTER THE SUCCESS OF "GODZILLA VS. KONG," THEY ARE ALREADY THINKING ABOUT THE NEXT MOVIE,
WHICH COULD BE CALLED "SON OF KONG." YEP.
IT STARTS WITH KING KONG GOING, "YOU'RE MY SON?" DAMN, THAT CLINIC SAID THAT
YOU'D NEVER BE ABLE TO FIND ME [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, IT IS ABOUT A GIANT APE
WHO DOESN'T WANT TO GO INTO HIS FAMILY'S LIZARD PUNCHING BUSINESS
"I'M DIFFERENT THAN YOU, DAD." [ LAUGHTER ] AND THIS IS FUN, THEY ARE ALSO
PLANNING A MOVIE THAT TAKES PLACE BEFORE "SON OF KONG" CALLED "BEFORE I MET YOUR
MONKEY." [ LAUGHTER ] WELL, GUYS -- WELL, GUYS, IT
HAS NOW BEEN OVER A YEAR SINCE WE ALL GOT ON ZOOM, AND YET, SOME PEOPLE ARE STILL GETTING
THE HANG OF IT, EVEN PEOPLE ON THE NEWS SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, IT
IS TIME FOR ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF "GREATEST MOMENTS IN ZOOM HISTORY.
ENJOY.
*
>> AND THEY THINK I WILL BECAUSE. >> AS SOON AS THE CONGRESSWOMAN
SAID "VIRAL," SHE FROZE. >> I NOW CALL UPON THE PRIME MINISTER OF THE REPUBLIC OF
INDIA, HIS EXCELLENCY NARENDRA MODI. >> YOUR EXCELLENCY, PRESIDENT
BIDEN. [ PHONE DIALING COLLEAGUES
MY FELLOW CITIZENS >> WELL, I GUESS WE COULD, YOU KNOW, GOOD OLD COLLEGE TRY, I
SUPPOSE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> IF YOU ARE NEAR THE WHITE
HOUSE, WHAT'S THE MOOD LIKE AMONG THE CROWD THERE? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: AT THIS POINT, WE'VE ALL HEARD SOME CRAZY CONSPIRACY THEORIES ABOUT THE VACCINE, BUT
CHECK OUT HOW A DOCTOR REACTED YESTERDAY WHEN A REPUBLICAN LAWMAKER WAS PRESSING HIM ON
ONE OF THE THEORIES.
TRACKING FOLKS
>> NOPE. >> WE HEARD ABOUT AN INJECTION OF A TRACKING DEVICE
IS THAT BEING DONE ANYWHERE? IN ORANGE COUNTY >> I AM SORRY, I JUST HAVE TO
COMPOSE MYSELF [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THERE IS NOT A VACCINE WITH
A TRACKING DEVICE EMBEDDED IN IT THAT I KNOW OF EXIST IN THE WORLD, PERIOD.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: COME ON.
>> Jimmy: THE LAWMAKER WAS THEN LIKE, OKAY, SO MAYBE I WON'T ASK MY NEXT QUESTION ABOUT THE
VACCINE TURNING US INTO WOLF PEOPLE [ LAUGHTER ]
HE COULD HAVE SAVED HIMSELF SOME EMBARRASSMENT IF HE HAD JUST LOOKED UP THE ANSWER ON
THE TRACKING DEVICE IN HIS POCKET THE PHONE IS TRACKING YOU,
BUDDY. "FITBIT SAYS I DID 10,000 -- YEAH, IT KNOWS EXACTLY WHERE
YOU STEPPE AND I HEARD ABOUT A MIX-UP AT A VACCINATION SITE THAT PUT ONE
CALIFORNIA WOMAN IN A PECULIAR SITUATION, BUT SHE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE TOO WORRIED ABOUT IT
LISTEN TO THIS
JOANNE LAWTON'S LEARNED ONE
VERY IMPORTANT LESSON. >> WHAT GOOD WOULD IT DO TO BE AFRAID OF ANYTHING
>> EVEN AFTER SHE GOT HER COVID-19 VACCINE, THE FIRST DOSE FROM PFIZER AND THE SECOND
FROM MODERNA >> HOW DO YOU FEEL THAT YOU HAVE TWO SEPARATE --
>> I FEEL NO DIFFERENT, AND I DON'T GIVE A DARN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. >> Steve: WOW.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. THAT REPUBLICAN LAWMAKER WAS
LIKE, "JEEZ, NOW YOU HAVE TWO TRACKING DEVICES IN YOU. AND FINALLY, A MAN IN OKLAHOMA
GOT INTO A BIT OF AN ACCIDENT WHILE TRYING TO PARK WATCH THIS
>> A CAR CAUGHT ON CAMERA AFTER SMASHING INTO AN OKLAHOMA
MIDDLE SCHOOL. POLICE POSTING THIS PICTURE OF THE DAMAGE AND THE DEBRIS TO
SOCIAL MEDIA THEY SAY A MAN WAS TRYING TO PARK HIS MERCEDES WHILE HE
ACCIDENTALLY PUT THE SUV INTO DRIVE INSTEAD OF REVERSE AND SLAMMED RIGHT THROUGH THE
SCHOOL'S WALL. LUCKILY, NO ONE WAS HURT [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: HE TRIED TO PLAY IT OFF BY HOPPING OUT OF THE CAR LIKE THE KOOL-AID MAN.
"OH, YEAH! WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS, RIGHT
THERE.
*
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH, EVERYBODY.
WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT. YOU CAN SEE HIM ON HIS "PROUD
TO BE RIGHT HERE TOUR" THIS SUMMER LUKE BRYAN IS HERE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE PLUS, HIS NETFLIX STANDUP SPECIAL "BRIAN REGAN ON THE
ROCKS" IS AVAILABLE NOW. BRIAN REGAN IS HERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Steve: HILARIOUS. >> Jimmy: PLUS WE'VE GOT POETRY FROM RUPI KAUR
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WELL GUYS, EARLIER TONIGHT, PRESIDENT BIDEN ADDRESSED
A JOINT SESSION OF CONGRESS FOR THE FIRST TIME AS PRESIDENT, IT WAS A GREAT SPEECH
AND IN CASE YOU MISSED IT, WE PUT TOGETHER SOME OF THE MORE INTERESTING MOMENTS.
CHECK IT OUT
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> MADAM SPEAKER, MADAM VICE
PRESIDENT, MEMBERS OF CONGRESS, MY FELLOW AMERICANS. TOMORROW MARKS THE FIRST
100 DAYS OF MY PRESIDENCY AND OUR VACCINE ROLLOUT HAS BEEN A A BIG SUCCESS.
OVER 200 MILLION AMERICANS HAVE GOTTEN AT LEAST ONE DOSE, AND I'LL TELL YOU, MODERN MEDICINE
SURE HAS CHANGED A LOT FROM BACK WHEN I WAS A KID. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
IT USED TO BE YOU'D GO TO DOCTOR AND SAY, "LISTEN, JACK, I GOT MY KNEES ALL SCRAPED UP
TRYING TO CATCH A BIG EARTHWORM, AND USE IT TO GET THE BIGGEST CATCH OVER AT
ADDISON CREEK. THE CDC IS UPDATING IT'S GUIDELINES ON WEARING MASKS
OUTDOORS FOR VACCINATED AMERICANS. YOU NO LONGER HAVE TO WEAR A
A MASK WHEN YOU TAKE YOUR BEST GAL ON A DATE TO THE CABBAGE HOP.
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. [ LAUGHTER ]
CLIMATE CHANGE IS STILL ONE OF THE BIGGEST ISSUES THIS COUNTRY IS FACING, BUT IF YOU WANT TO
DO YOUR PART, YOU CAN SWITCH YOUR GAS OVEN OUT FOR AN ELECTRIC OVEN.
USED TO BE THAT WE DID HAVEN'T THE LUXURY OF AN ELECTRIC OVEN WE USED TO COOK OUR FOOD BY
DIGGING UP THE SIDEWALK ROCKS ON A HOT DAY AND TRYING TO FRY EGGS USING THE HEAT FROM THOSE
ROCKS. SOMETIMES, IT WASN'T COMPLETELY SOLID AND HAD THAT CLEAR
RUBBERY EGG ON TOP, AND NOW, THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I EAT EGGS ONE OF MY PRIORITIES AS
PRESIDENT IS REPAIR THE INFRASTRUCTURE OF THIS COUNTRY SOME PEOPLE MIGHT NOT LIKE THIS
PLAN, AND IT REMINDS ME OF A A STANDOFF I HAD WITH A SCARECROW IN OLD MAN
SHERWOOD'S FARM. THE SCARECROW DRESSED EXACTLY LIKE ME.
PATCHY JACKET, STRAW HAIR. SO I CHALLENGED HIM TO A A SCARECROWOFF
WE BOTH STAND PERFECTLY STILL WITH OUR ARMS OUT. TRY TO OUTLAST THE OTHER ONE
EXCUSE ME. THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS. ACTUALLY, ONE MORE THING
ACTUALLY, IT REMINDS ME OF A A STORY I ONCE HEARD FROM MY FRIEND NAMED TIM, WHOSE
NICKNAME WAS DUKE SUITCASE >> THIS HAS BEEN THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: DUKE SUITCASE. STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT
BACK WITH "SCREEN GRABS," EVERYBODY. "TONIGHT SHOW SCREEN GRABS."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY. IT IS TIME FOR "SCREEN GRABS." HERE WE GO
* >> Jimmy: NOW, THESE ARE SOME
WEIRD, FUNNY THINGS THAT YOU GUYS FOUND ON THE INTERNET, OR TOOK A PICTURE OF IN REAL LIFE,
AND THEN SENT IT IN TO US. THE FIRST SCREEN GRAB WAS SENT IN BY LAURA IN NEWBURGH,
NEW YORK SHE WAS TRYING TO READ AN ARTICLE ON APPLE NEWS.
OKAY, LET'S SEE WHAT IT WAS HERE "SUBSCRIPTIONS ARE GETTING OUT
OF HAND. HERE'S HOW TO MANAGE THEM. YEAH
AND THEN, DOWN HERE IT SAYS THAT, "THIS STORY REQUIRES A A SUBSCRIPTION TO APPLE NEWS
PLUS." [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S GETTING OUT OF HAND
THIS NEXT SCREEN GRAB WAS SENT IN BY SARAH FARRELMAN IN ROCHESTER, NEW YORK.
SHE WAS LOOKING AT FACEBOOK AND SPOTTED SOME FURNITURE FOR SALE
LOOK AT THIS IT SAYS, "DESIGNER CRACKLED FURNITURE SET, $850.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: "DESIGNER CRACKLED."
LET ME GUESS, YOU'RE THE DESIGNER "I'VE BEEN DESIGNING THIS --
>> Steve: "I DESIGNED IT RIGHT HERE." [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THIS IS THE OLD COUCH. >> Steve: MY BUTT IS THE
DESIGNER >> Jimmy: NEXT SCREEN GRAB WAS SENT IN BY PETRA KOLB IN
LONDON, ENGLAND. HEY, WE LOVE THAT PEOPLE WATCH IN LONDON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SHE WAS WATCHING RACHEL MADDOW, WHO, I GUESS, IS VERY INTO
YOGA WATCH THE WAY THESE TWO PICTURES ADDED UP.
WOW, SHE'S VERY FLEXIBLE >> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: NEXT SCREEN GRAB WAS
SENT IN BY PAMMY SALMON. >> Steve: PAMMY SALMON >> Jimmy: PAMMY SALMON
>> Steve: WOW, THAT'S A LOVELY NAME >> Jimmy: THAT'S A FANTASTIC
NAME PAMMY SALMON, RIGHT HERE IN NEW YORK CITY.
PAMMY SALMON'S OUT THERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SHE GOOGLED COMMON COVID
QUESTIONS IN NEW YORK CITY OKAY AND HERE'S WHAT SHE FOUND.
HERE'S, "HOW MUCH DOES A A COVID-19 TEST COST IN NEW YORK?"
"DO YOU HAVE TO QUARANTINE IF YOU'RE TRAVELING TO NEW YORK?" "DOES ANTIBODY TESTS HAVE
A COST?" AND THEN, "ARE NEW YORK CITY DIVORCE COURTS OPEN.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: OH THAT'S NUMBER FIVE
>> Jimmy: YEAH IT'S BEEN A ROUGH ONE. OUR NEXT SCREEN GRAB WAS SENT
IN BY MEREDITH MESSINGER IN BOISE, IDAHO SHE FOUND A WEBSITE THAT WILL
PRINT CUSTOM PHOTOS ON PILLOWS >> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: I LOVE THAT.
HERE'S AN EXAMPLE THAT THEY GAVE WOW.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: NIGHTMARE. >> Jimmy: YEAH
WOW. >> Steve: "LET ME OUT. LET ME OUT OF HERE."
>> Jimmy: IT TALKS TO YOU AS WELL IT'S A PILLOW, YOU PRESS IT?
>> Steve: I'M ASSUMING THAT IT'S STUCK -- "LET ME OUT, PLEASE
I'M TRAPPED IN THE OTHER ZONE. >> Jimmy: THIS NEXT ONE WAS SENT IN BY AMY McCLOUD IN
MONTECITO, CALIFORNIA. SHE SPOTTED SOMEONE SELLING A RUG ONLINE, AND THEY HAD A
A VERY INTERESTING WAY OF SHOWING HOW BIG IT WAS >> Steve: OH, GREAT.
>> Jimmy: JUST LAY DOWN THERE, HONEY. [ LAUGHTER ]
HONEY, JUST LAY DOWN THERE ON THE RUG, JUST SO I CAN GET THE --
HONEY, JUST LAY DOWN ON THE RUG, SO WE CAN SEE HOW BIG THE RUG IS
MY WIFE'S ABOUT 5'4", SO CAN WE SEE THAT PICTURE -- CAN WE SEE IT AGAIN.
I HOPE IT'S NOT -- I HOPE IT'S NOT BLOOD. I HOPE THAT'S NOT BLOOD.
GEEZ >> Steve: QUICK GET A -- >> Jimmy: IT'S LIKE
A "DATELINE" EPISODE >> Steve: "GET A PICTURE OF THE RUG BEFORE THE BLOOD SPREADS
ALL THE WAY. [ LAUGHTER ] "DON'T MOVE.
>> Jimmy: I GOTTA SEE IT AGAIN I JUST THINK THAT'S SO FUNNY, MAN.
[ LAUGHTER ] * NO, BUT, LIKE, WHY DO FACE
DOWN >> Steve: "I DON'T WANT TO SHOW MY FACE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH THIS NEXT ONE WAS SENT IN BY SUE SHUGART IN HENDERSONVILLE,
NORTH CAROLINA THEY HAD A SNOW DAY, SO SHE WAS GOING TO TAKE THE KIDS TO
A LOCAL TUBING PLACE >> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: AND SAW THIS, RIGHT
HERE THAT'S COOL. IT LOOKS FUN
AND THEN IT SAYS UP HERE, "PLEASE READ -- WE ARE CLOSED TODAY DUE TO THE SNOW.
THANKS." [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: SHUT IT DOWN
>> Jimmy: MAKES SENSE. NEXT SCREEN GRAB WAS SENT IN BY JESSICA SWAFFORD IN WYOMING,
MICHIGAN SHE WAS BROWSING FACEBOOK ON HER PHONE AND SPOTTED A GREAT
DEAL "GENTLY USED GE DRYER, $250. [ LAUGHTER ]
BARELY >> Steve: GENTLY >> Jimmy: BARELY
GENTLY >> Steve: IT'S GENTLY USED >> Jimmy: GENTLY LOWERED INTO
THE WOODS -- IN MIDDLE OF THE WOODS. >> Steve: GENTLY TOOK OFF THE
FRONT. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> Steve: AND TOOK OUT THE
INSIDES. >> Jimmy: WE'RE DOWN TO OUR LAST ONE
THIS IS FROM SHAWN SMITH IN CHICAGO. HE WAS WATCHING THE SHOW
"YOUNGER." IT'S A GOOD SHOW, AND HE SPOTTED A BACKGROUND EXTRA
PLAYING A MONK THAT HE THINKS LOOKS LIKE ME. LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S INSANE! [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: NOW, THAT -- IT DOES KIND OF LOOK LIKE ME
THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR "SCREEN GRABS. IF YOU HAVE A FUNNY SCREEN
GRAB, EMAIL IT TO US AT SCREENGRABS@TONIGHTSHOW.COM. WE MIGHT PUT IT ON THE SHOW.
STICK AROUND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH LUKE BRYAN, EVERYBODY.
* >> Jimmy: MY FIRST GUEST IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST NAMES IN COUNTRY
MUSIC WHO JUST ANNOUNCED HIS "PROUD TO BE RIGHT HERE" TOUR, WHICH KICKS OFF JULY 8th
PLEASE WELCOME, LUKE BRYAN, EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: AH, GREAT TO SEE YOU,
BUDDY. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. >> WHAT UP
>> Jimmy: IT IS GREAT TO SEE YOU, BUDDY WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW
CONGRATS ON THIS, BY THE WAY, HERE THIS IS THE DELUXE VERSION OF
YOUR ALBUM [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE "BORN HERE, LIVE HERE, DIE
HERE," WHICH IS OUT NOW. AND SOON YOU'RE GONNA BE ABLE TO PERFORM THESE SONGS LIVE,
BECAUSE YOU JUST ANNOUNCED YOU'RE GOING ON TOUR >> YEAH, THEN I'M GONNA BE ABLE
TO PUT THE DELUXE OF THE DELUXE OF THE DELUXE OUT. >> Jimmy: OF COURSE, THAT'S
WHAT WE'RE ALL -- YEAH OR JUST RELEASE A WHOLE NEW ALBUM, YEAH.
THE TOUR STARTS JULY 8th TICKETS ARE AVAILABLE THIS FRIDAY
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO MOST ABOUT THE TOUR? >> WELL, MY THING IS I KEEP --
I KEEP THINKING ABOUT THAT EMOTION THAT I'M GOING TO HAVE WHEN THE LIGHTS COME ON, AND I
COME OUT ON STAGE FOR THE FIRST TIME AND I FINALLY AM BACK OUT THERE.
I MEAN, I THINK WE'RE -- YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU'RE -- YOU'VE HEARD THE TERM KIND OF ROAD
DOGS, AND I'VE KIND OF ALWAYS BEEN A GUY THAT LOVES TO BE ON THE ROAD AND LOVES TO BE OUT
THERE WITH THE FANS AND INTERACTING. AND YOU KNOW THE MAIN THING IS,
I JUST THINK ABOUT THAT MOMENT WHEN, YOU KNOW, I HIT THE STAGE, AND IT'S INTERESTING.
I MEAN, I'VE EVEN DONE SOME, YOU KNOW, I'VE DONE A COUPLE ZOOM CONCERTS, AND I MEAN, I'M
LIKE FORGETTING THE WORDS TO MY SONGS QUITE A BIT. SO I'VE GOT TO LIKE -- I MEAN,
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO SIT IN MY MUSIC ROOM, AND LIKE GO BACK AND LISTEN TO --
LIKE I AM GOING TO HAVE TO A A LITTLE EXTRA PREP, BECAUSE I AM A LITTLE OUT OF PRACTICE ON
A LOT OF THIS STUFF. >> Jimmy: A LITTLE RUSTY I WILL SAY THAT WHEN WE WERE
LUCKY ENOUGH -- WE HAVE 58 PEOPLE IN OUR AUDIENCE, AND SO THEY ARE AS LOUD AS -
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THEY'RE AS LOUD AS 10,000 PEOPLE.
AND COMING OUT -- COMING OUT BEHIND THE STAGE AND JUST SEEING AND HEARING THE
APPLAUSE, IT'S EMOTIONAL, BUDDY. IT REALLY IS
YEAH, IT SOUNDS LIKE A BIG OL' FULL ROOM IN THERE SO, YEAH, YOU GOT SOME -- YOU
GOT SOME LOUD -- >> Jimmy: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THIS IS NEW YORKERS, MAN DON'T MESS -- NEW YORKERS KNOW WHAT'S UP, AND THEY LOVE YOU
>> NO ONE CAN YELL LIKE NEW YORKERS, RIGHT >> Jimmy: NO ONE IN THE WORLD.
THERE'S NO SPIRIT LIKE THIS. [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: I HAVE TO SAY,
BECAUSE, OBVIOUSLY, YOU COULDN'T BE BIGGER AND MORE SUCCESSFUL IN YOUR CAREER, AND
EVERYTHING IS GOING GREAT, AND THEN YOU POST THIS INSTAGRAM POST THAT MADE ME LAUGH REALLY
HARD, AND YOU SAID -- YOUR QUOTE WAS, "I GOT TO WORK HARDER."
IT'S A PICTURE OF YOU ON SOME TELEVISION SHOW, BUT UNDERNEATH YOU IT SAYS, "BLAKE SHELTON.
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S CLASSIC COME ON!
YOU WORKED THIS HARD YOU HAVE HOW MANY NUMBER ONES? YOU'RE LIKE, "YOU THINK I'M
BLAKE SHELTON? >> THAT'S FORMER SEXIEST MAN ALIVE RIGHT THERE ON HIS COUCH
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S A GOOD LINE
OBVIOUSLY, YOU MUST KNOW BLAKE >> I MEAN -- YEAH BEFORE I -- I THINK EVEN BEFORE I -- BEFORE I
EVEN POSTED IT ON INSTAGRAM, I SENT -- I SENT IT TO BLAKE, AND I'M LIKE, "I MEAN, MY LIFE IS
PRETTY MUCH OVER AFTER THIS POINT. [ LAUGHTER ]
I MEAN -- YOU KNOW, BLAKE JUST CHOOSES TO GO GRAY YOU KNOW, HE JUST CHOOSES TO
LIKE LOOK LIKE A SILVER FOX. YOU KNOW, I MEAN, I GOT A "JUST FOR MEN" AND HAIR PRODUCTS -
>> Jimmy: YES, EXACTLY YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. >> AND I WORK HARD ON THIS
>> Jimmy: YOU WORK HARD ON THIS, EXACTLY. >> AND I CAN'T EVEN -- STILL --
I STILL CAN'T SEPARATE FROM BLAKE. IT'S JUST A SHAME.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT "AMERICAN IDOL."
YOU'RE FANTASTIC ON IT, BUD. AND IT'S -- THE WHOLE CREW IS GREAT OVER THERE
I KNOW THAT YOU HAD TO MISS THE FIRST LIVE SHOW BECAUSE OF COVID, WHICH MUST HAVE BEEN
SCARY FOR YOU. BUT, ALSO, WHAT WAS IT LIKE GOING THROUGH THAT AND ALSO
MISSING THE SHOWS? >> WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT'S THE FORTUNATE -- YOU KNOW, LIKE, SO
MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE, IT WAS LIKE -- I WAS ONE OF THOSE THAT, I MEAN, I WAS DOING AS
GOOD AS I COULD. LIKE, I REALLY HAD DONE A GREAT JOB AT, YOU KNOW, MASKS AND ALL
OF THAT, AND THEN TO HAVE THAT HAPPEN, IT WAS A BUMMER, AND I WAS LIKE, "OH, GOSH, THIS IS
GONNA BE A MEDIA NIGHTMARE AND I'M GOING TO HAVE TO MISS STUFF.
BUT THANKFULLY, YOU KNOW, THANKFULLY GOT THROUGH, JUST, I KIND OF -- KIND OF QUARANTINED
MYSELF OFF IN A PART OF THE HOUSE. AND IT WAS PRETTY EASY, BUT --
YOU KNOW, PRETTY EASY TO GET THROUGH AS FAR AS MY ESSENTIALS
BUT CERTAINLY GLAD I'M BACK IN THE CHAIR NOW. I'M BACK ROCKING
AND, I LOVE -- LOVE THE SHOW THIS YEAR, LOVE THE TALENT I MEAN, YOU KNOW, AND EVEN -- I
MEAN, WE GET A LITTLE REDUNDANT. I MEAN, WE KEEP SAYING "OUR
TALENT'S BETTER THAN LAST YEAR," BUT, YOU KNOW, WE -- WE -- WE'VE HAD PRODUCERS AND
WE'VE HAD SEACREST, WHO'S BEEN THERE SINCE DAY ONE. I MEAN, HE'S PRETTY SHOCKED AND
AMAZED AT THE TALENT, AND, YOU KNOW, WE FEEL LIKE -- YOU KNOW, WE DID A LOT OF AUDITIONS WHERE
THE KIDS COULD AUDITION VIA ZOOM, AND VIA, JUST THEIR COMPUTER, AND WE FELT LIKE THAT
BROUGHT A LOT OF TALENT OUT OF THE WOODWORKS, SO IT'S BEEN A GREAT YEAR
>> Jimmy: YOU'VE BEEN GREAT AND VERY SUPPORTIVE. I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP
HERE'S LUKE BRYAN ON "AMERICAN IDOL." TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
>> LET'S JUST WALK, AND YOU SING IT.
AND WE'RE JUST GONNA WALK IT >> YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT, WE WON'T LOOK AT YOU.
>> READY, COME ON. >> YEAH, READY * I'VE GOT A GIRL CRUSH *
>> YES, YOU DO >> YES, YOU DO * I HATE TO ADMIT IT BU
I GOT A HARD RUS AND IT'S SLOWING DOWN * >> COME ON, NOW.
>> GIVE ME A LITTLE BIT MORE FROSTING * I'VE GOT A GIRL CRUSH *
>> THERE IT IS >> THE WAY YOU SAY "CRUSH" IS MAGIC.
>> CRUSH >> CRUSH >> THAT'S GOOD
>> ALL RIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: COME ON.
THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE. LUKE BRYAN "AMERICAN IDOL" AIRS SUNDAYS AT
8:00 P.M. ON ABC LUKE AND I ARE DOING THE SINGING WHISPER CHALLENGE WHEN
WE COME BACK COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY. GET READY, BUD
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY. WE ARE HANGING OUT WITH LUKE BRYAN RIGHT HERE.
THAT'S MY MAN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE LUKE AND I ARE ABOUT TO PLAY A
A SINGING VERSION OF "THE WHISPER CHALLENGE.
>> WHISPER CHALLENGE >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. NOW, HERE IS HOW IT WORKS.
ONE PERSON PUTS ON A PAIR OF HEADPHONES WITH LOUD MUSIC PLAYING, THEN THE OTHER PERSON
WILL GET A SONG, SING A PART OF THAT SONG, AND THE PERSON WEARING HEADPHONES TRIES TO
GUESS WHAT THEY JUST SANG. SO YOU CAN ACTUALLY PLAY THIS AT HOME IF YOU WANT TO
[ LAUGHTER ] ALL RIGHT, BUDDY, HERE WE GO I GOT TO PUT MY JAM ON HERE.
HOLD ON. [ LAUGHTER ] GO
* ISN'T IT IRONIC DON'T YOU THINK * >> Jimmy: TODI
WITH YOU IRONIC * >> Jimmy: TODI WITH YOU. * I REALLY DO THINK *
>> Jimmy: AVERAGE. * IT IS LIKE RAIN * >> Jimmy: DO IT RIGHT?
* ON YOUR WEDDING DAY * >> Jimmy: ALL THE WAY. * IT'S A FRIEND *
IT'S MY FRIEND * BUT YOU'VE ALREADY PAID * >> Jimmy: "BOULEVARD OF BROKEN
DREAMS?" [ LAUGHTER ] WAIT, START AGAIN.
START AGAIN. START AGAIN. START AGAIN.
* IT'S LIKE RAIN * >> Jimmy: SHOP RIGHT ON YOUR WEDDING DAY *
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHERE SHOP RIGHT * IT'S A FREE RIDE *
>> Jimmy: SHOP RIGHT * WHERE YOU ALL WAN TO MEET ME *
[ HORNS PLAYING * SHOP RIGHT * * IT THE GOOD ADVICE THAT
YOU JUST DIDN'T TAKE * >> Jimmy: THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE WHAT WAS IT?
* AND WHO WOULD'V THOUGHT, IT FIGURES * >> Jimmy: WHAT
WHAT WAS IT? * IT IS LIKE RAIN ON YOUR WEDDING DAY *
>> Jimmy: YEAH I COULDN'T SEE THAT AT ALL I COULDN'T -
>> YOU KNOW, I WAS DOING IT IN FALSETTO, BECAUSE YEAH, I DIDN'T NEED TO BLOW A VOCAL
CHORD OUT. [ LAUGHTER ] BUT FALSETTO MAY HAVE HURT YOU
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. * YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A PART
UG ALL NIGHT LONG * >> WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A PARTY
WE'RE GONNA HAVE A PARTY * TAM BO LI DE SA DEM MOI YA
YEAH, JAMBO JUMBO * [ SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE * OH, JUMBALI
TAM BO LI DE SAY DE MOCHA YEAH, JAMBO, JUMBO *
* >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. SORRY.
READY, HERE WE GO. SORRY.
>> JIMMY, THE WHOLE TIME YOU'RE CLAPPING, JIMMY'S SINGING LIKE THIS
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: SORRY. READY, READY, HERE WE GO
HERE WE GO, READY? IT DOES LOOK LIKE A SMILE, REALLY
ALL RIGHT. * ALL NIGHT LONG * * ALL NIGHT LONG
[ DING ] >> Jimmy: COME ON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* ALL NIGHT ALL NIGHT * >> I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU DIDN'T
DO * TAM BO LI DE SA DE MOI YA * >> Jimmy: I DID.
>> YOU DID DO IT [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I DID DO IT.
>> WAY TO GIVE ME A FOREIGN LANGUAGE >> Jimmy: OKAY, BUD, I'M GONNA
PUT ON PUT ON MY HEADPHONES AND START MY JAM >> YOU WERE SO INTO THE "ALL
NIGHT LONG" VIBES THAT YEAH. >> Jimmy: I KNOW, IT REALLY TOOK OVER, THAT IS SUCH A GOOD
JAM. ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. ALL RIGHT, HOLD ON
[ LAUGHTER ] * 'CAUSE I KNOW WHAT IT MEAN
TO WALK ALONE * >> THAT IS TOO DAMN HIGH HOLD ON.
>> Jimmy: WAIT, WAIT START AGAIN. START AGAIN.
>> I GOT TO DO A KEY CHANGE. ALL RIGHT. KEY CHANGE
* HERE I GO AGAIN ON MY OWN * >> Jimmy: "HERE I GO AGAIN ON
MY OWN," WHITESNAKE! [ DINGS ] * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
COME ON. THAT'S MY BUD. * GOING DOWN THE ONLY ROA
I'VE EVER KNOWN * >> Jimmy: LUKE BRYAN, EVERYBODY.
A LITTLE WHITESNAKE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE STICK AROUND FOR MORE "TONIGHT
SHOW," EVERYBODY * HERE I GO AGAIN ON MY OWN *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: MY NEXT GUEST IS A
A VERY FUNNY COMEDIAN WHOSE STAND UP SPECIAL, "BRIAN REGAN ON THE ROCKS" IS STREAMING NOW
ON NETFLIX HERE IS BRIAN REGAN.
* >> Jimmy: WOW! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING --
LOOK AT YOU! WOW. >> HEY JIMMY, HOW ARE YOU?
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW." BRIAN, YOU KNOW I'M A BIG FAN
OF YOURS, BUT SOMETHING'S DIFFERENT. YOU LOOK A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
IS IT -- IT'S THE HAIR. IS THAT NEW HAIR
>> YOU GUYS WERE TALKING ABOUT IT EARLIER WITH LUKE BRYAN AND ABOUT --
YOU KNOW, IT'S THE GRAY HAIR THING. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED
EITHER, JIMMY. >> Jimmy: NEW HAIR >> COVID HIT
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> I WENT INTO HIBERNATION, AND I CAME OUT A SENIOR CITIZEN.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WOW. OH MY GOSH
>> I LOOKED DOWN, I WAS LIKE, "HEY, IS THAT AN AARP CARD?" >> Jimmy: YOU DID IT
YOU MADE IT. >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: I KNOW THAT YOU'VE
BEEN BACK ON THE ROAD, WHICH IS AWESOME. AS CROWDS ARE KIND OF COMING
OUT AGAIN SLOWLY, AND YOU'VE BEEN TRAVELING WHAT IS IT LIKE FLYING THESE
DAYS >> I DON'T KNOW, MAN I JUST ALWAYS THINK WEIRD
THINGS, YOU KNOW YOU KNOW WHEN THE PLANE BACKS AWAY FROM THE GATE
>> Jimmy: YEAH, SURE >> JUST ONCE I WANT THE PILOT TO POP OPEN THE DOOR AND SAY,
HEY, PUT YOUR HEADS DOWN, I'M BACKING UP [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO PULL BACK THIS THING?
>> EVERYBODY - YEAH, GET YOUR HEADS DOWN. I'M TRYING TO BACK UP HERE
18C. WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU GET YOUR HEAD DOWN
>> Jimmy: YEAH WHAT DOES BRIAN REGAN DO ARE YOU A WINDOW SEAT GUY OR
ARE YOU AN AISLE SEAT? >> WELL, I - I'D LIKE TO GET AN AISLE
I'LL I TRY TO GET AN EMERGENCY EXIT ROW SEAT IF I CAN DO THAT >> Jimmy: ABSOLUTELY, YEAH
>> YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT KILLS ME THOUGH? WHEN YOU'RE IN THE EMERGENCY
EXIT ROW SEAT, AND YOU AGREE TO SAVE EVERYONE. HOW COME WHEN THE FLIGHT IS
OVER, NO ONE THANKS YOU? [ LAUGHTER ] PRETTY AMAZING
PRETTY AMAZING WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE DONE, YOU KNOW, YOU THINK SOMEONE WOULD TAKE NOTE OF IT
ON THE WAY OUT, YOU KNOW A LITTLE PAT ON BACK, "HEY, I HEARD WHAT WENT DOWN BEFORE
TAKEOFF. UNBELIEVABLE THE FACT THAT YOU WERE WILLING
TO PUT YOUR LIFE ON THE LINE TO SAVE ME, MY FAMILY AND ALL THE OTHER SOULS ON THIS PLANE IS
ONE OF THE GREATEST GIFTS A HUMAN CAN OFFER TO ANOTHER THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY
HEART. NO, NOTHING. >> Jimmy: NOTHING AT ALL
>> JUST A BACKPACK, A BACKPACK TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD. HEY, I WAS AN ALMOST RESPONDER
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: AN ALMOST RESPONDER. WHEN YOU DO GET TO YOUR GIGS,
DO YOU HAVE A DRIVER OR DO YOU RENT A CAR >> I HAVE A DRIVER, AND HE'S
CALLED BRIAN >> Jimmy: OH, OKAY WOW, YEAH, I DIDN'T KNOW
>> YEAH, I GET -- I TRY TO GET A RENTAL CAR EVERY NOW AND THEN, AND IN FACT, I HAD TO
CANCEL ONE RECENTLY, AND I CALLED, AND THE GUY SAID, "WELL, YOU'RE CALLING WITHIN
24 HOURS, SO WE NEED TO CHARGE YOU FOR A DAY. AND I WAS LIKE, "OH, OKAY.
AND I WAS LIKE, "HEY, AM I ALLOWED TO CHANGE THE RESERVATION?
AND HE GOES, "YEAH, I GUESS. I SAID, "ALL RIGHT I JUST REALIZED I NEED TO PICK
IT UP 48 HOURS FROM NOW. YEAH, CAN YOU CHANGE IT OFFICIALLY IN THE COMPUTER
IS IT OFFICIAL YEAH I WANT TO CANCEL IT.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S THE WAY TO DO IT MAN
THAT'S THE WAY TO DO IT, BUD I WANT TO TALK THE YOU ABOUT - CAUSE I KNOW YOU GOT YOUR
SPECIAL ON NETFLIX "ON THE ROCKS," BUT THEN YOU'RE ON THE --
YOU'RE PART OF THE CAST OF THIS SHOW, "LOUDERMILK -- >> YES
>> Jimmy: THAT IS FANTASTIC, BY THE WAY. >> THANK YOU
>> Jimmy: AND YOU'RE DOING SOME SERIOUS ACTING IN THIS YOU GOT SOME CHOPS, BUDDY.
>> WELL, I'M HONORED TO BE IN IT IT'S CALLED "LOUDERMILK.
IT'S ON PRIME VIDEO. IT'S A DARK COMEDY PETER FARRELLY AND BOBBY MORT
CO-CREATED IT, THIRD SEASON JUST CAME OUT. RON LIVINGSTON PLAYS
LOUDERMILK, WHO RUNS A A SUBSTANCE ABUSE GROUP, AND HE'S GOT A BUNCH OF MISFITS IN
THE GROUP, AND I FIT IN THERE PERFECTLY. AND IT'S FUN TO BE IN, MAN
PETER FARRELLY SAW ME PERFORM AT A COMEDY FESTIVAL CALLED LUCYFEST, AND HE CAME UP TO ME
AND SAID THAT HE WAS DOING THIS "LOUDERMILK" THING, AND WANTED TO KNOW IF I WANTED TO BE IN
IT SO, I'M HONORED THAT HE PUT ME IN THIS THING.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, HE ACTUALLY JUST WAS QUOTED SOMEWHERE SAYING THAT THIS SEASON, YOU
HAVE SOME OF THE BEST ACTING ON TELEVISION, AND THAT'S PETER FARRELLY WHO'S WON AN
OSCAR, I JUST WANT TO REMIND EVERYONE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
NOT TOO SHABBY - NOT TOO SHABBY, BRIAN REGAN. >> SO HE GOT MY CHECK.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH >> I'M HONORED, MAN.
HE'S A GREAT DIRECTOR. >> Jimmy: HE IS. >> AND HE GAVE ME SOME FUN
STUFF TO DO IN SEASON THREE. SO I'M HAPPY TO BE IN IT >> Jimmy: YEAH, THIS SEASON YOU
GET REALLY IN THERE. I WANT TO -- WE'RE GONNA SHOW A CLIP.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SET UP THIS CLIP >> WELL, I'M AN ALCOHOLIC.
I'M ESTRANGED FROM MY FAMILY I'M ESTRANGED FROM MY KIDS I'M TRYING TO RECONNECT --
>> Jimmy: BRIAN, I'M TALKING ABOUT THE -- I'M TALKING ABOUT THE TV SHOW.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY. LET'S GET BACK ON THAT
[ LAUGHTER ] I'M NOT ACTING IN THE SHOW I'M JUST BEING ME.
SO ANYWAY, ONE OF MY SONS ASKED ME TO GO TO CAREER DAY TO TALK ABOUT MY JOB, AND I'M NERVOUS
AS HECK. I'M AN EXTERMINATOR AND WHEN I GET THERE, I FIND OUT I HAVE TO
FOLLOW A GUY WHO'S A SCIENTIST WHO JUST ISOLATED A GENE I'M LIKE, "WE DON'T NEED TO DO
THIS THESE KIDS HAVE SEEN PLENTY. AND THEY'RE LIKE, "NO, NO, NO.
YOU'RE NEXT. SO THIS IS ME TRYING TO IMPRESS MY SON AND HIS FRIENDS
>> Jimmy: THAT'S AWESOME I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE. THIS IS BRIAN REGAN IN THE NEW
SEASON OF "LOUDERMILK. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
DON'T WANT SKUNKS KNOCKING ON THEIR DOOR, SO THEY CALL ME, AND I COME OVER AND I KILL IT.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU KILL SKUNKS >> YEAH, YEAH.
I KILL SKUNKS. I KILL POSSUMS I KILL RATS, ANYTHING WITH FOUR
LEGS OR MORE, I WILL COME OVER TO YOUR HOUSE, AND I WILL KILL IT
[ LAUGHTER ] SO, ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS? >> WHAT KIND OF PERSON KILLS
ANIMALS FOR A LIVING >> THAT IS AN EXCELLENT QUESTION, A LICENSED
EXTERMINATOR >> YOU'RE A PSYCHOPATH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> BRIAN REGAN, EVERYBODY. >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: WATCH ALL THREE
SEASONS OF "LOUDERMILK" ON AMAZON PRIME MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" AFTER THE
BREAK, STICK AROUND EVERYBODY. THANK YOU BRIAN. *
>> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS AN INTERNATIONALLY RENOWNED POET WHOSE UPCOMING SPECIAL
"RUPI KAUR LIVE" PREMIERES WORLDWIDE THIS FRIDAY. PERFORMING HER POEM, "BROKEN
ENGLISH," HERE IS, RUPI KAUR [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> I THINK ABOUT THE WAY MY FATHER PULLED THE FAMILY OUT OF POVERTY WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT A
A VOWEL WAS. AND MY MOTHER RAISED FOUR CHILDREN WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO
CONSTRUCT A PERFECT SENTENCE IN ENGLISH. A DISCOMBOBULATED COUPLE WHO
LANDED IN THE NEW WORLD WITH HOPES THAT LEFT THE BITTER TASTE OF REJECTION IN THEIR
MOUTH. NO FAMILY, NO FRIENDS, JUST MAN AND WIFE
TWO UNIVERSITY DEGREES THAT MEANT NOTHING. ONE MOTHER TONGUE THAT WAS
BROKEN NOW, ONE SWOLLEN BELLY WITH A BABY INSIDE AND A FATHER WORRYING ABOUT
JOBS AND RENT 'CAUSE NO MATTER WHAT THIS BABY WAS COMING. AND THEY THOUGHT TO THEMSELVES
FOR A SPLIT SECOND WAS IT WORTH IT TO PUT ALL OF OUR MONEY INTO THE DREAM OF A COUNTRY THAT'S
SWALLOWING US WHOLE. AND PAPA LOOKS AT HIS WOMAN'S EYES AND SEES LONELINESS LIVING
WHERE THE IRIS WAS WANTS TO GIVE HER A HOME IN A COUNTRY THAT LOOKS AT HER
WITH THE WORD "VISITOR" WRAPPED AROUND THEIR TONGUE. AND WHEN THE WINTER CAME THEY
HAD NOTHING, BUT THE HEAT OF THEIR OWN BODIES TO KEEP THE COLDNESS OUT
THEY TURNED A SUITCASE FULL OF CLOTHES INTO A LIFE AND REGULAR PAYCHECKS TO MAKE SURE THAT THE
CHILDREN OF IMMIGRANTS DIDN'T HATE THEM FOR BEING THE CHILDREN OF IMMIGRANTS
THEIR EYES WERE BEGGING FOR SLEEP BUT WE WERE BEGGING TO BE FED.
AND MY MOUTH IS FULL OF LIKES AND UHMS WHEN I LOOK AT THEM 'CAUSE THERE ARE NO WORDS IN
THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE THAT CAN ARTICULATE THAT KIND OF BEAUTY *
I CAN'T COMPACT THEIR EXISTENCE INTO 26 LETTERS AND CALL IT A DESCRIPTION I TRIED ONCE BUT
THE ADJECTIVES NEEDED TO DESCRIBE THEM DON'T EVEN EXIST I ENDED UP WITH PAGES AND PAGES
FULL OF WORDS FOLLOWED WITH COMMAS AND MORE WORDS AND MORE COMMAS ONLY TO REALIZE THAT
THERE ARE SOME THINGS IN THE WORLD SO INFINITE, THEY COULD NEVER USE A FULL STOP.
SO HOW DARE YOU MOCK YOUR MOTHER WHEN SHE OPENS HER MOUTH AND BROKEN ENGLISH SPILLS OUT.
DON'T BE ASHAMED OF THE FACT THAT SHE SPLIT THROUGH COUNTRIES TO BE HERE SO YOU
WOULDN'T HAVE TO CROSS A A SHORELINE. HER ACCENT IS THICK LIKE HONEY,
HOLD IT WITH YOUR LIFE, IT'S THE ONLY THING SHE HAS LEFT OF HOME
DON'T YOU STOMP ON THAT RICHNESS KISS THE SIDE OF HER TENDER
CHEEK. SHE ALREADY KNOWS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO HAVE AN ENTIRE
NATION LAUGH WHEN SHE SPEAKS SHE IS MORE THAN OUR PUNCTUATION AND LANGUAGE
WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO PAINT PICTURES AND WRITE STORIES, BUT SHE MADE AN ENTIRE WORLD FOR
HERSELF. SO HOW IS THAT FOR ART *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: JOIN US TOMORROW NIGHT --
MICHAEL B. JORDAN AND NATE BARGATZE WILL BE HERE, AND WE'LL HAVE MUSIC FROM
COI LERAY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE MY THANKS TO LUKE BRYAN,
BRIAN REGAN, RUPI KAUR [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH
SETH MEYERS. GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE