>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - ICE T,
MIKE BIRBIGLIA COMEDIAN, ORLANDO LEYBA, AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1442 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE IS,
JIMMY FALLON
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH
OH, MY GOODNESS! PLEASE, THANK YOU, HAVE A SEAT WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME,
WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE
THANKS FOR WATCHING. PLEASE, ENJOY YOURSELF, ENJOY YOURSELF
LET'S GET TO SOME NEWS WELL, GUYS, TODAY THE WHITE HOUSE ANNOUNCED MAJOR
SANCTIONS AGAINST RUSSIA FOR CYBER ATTACKS AND ELECTION INTERFERENCE
YEAH THIS IS ALL IN RESPONSE TO RUSSIA'S REPEATED HACKING.
TODAY BIDEN TOLD AMERICANS, "REST ASSURED, WHEN YOU LOG ON TO NETSCAPE --
[ LAUGHTER ] AND CHECK YOUR AOL ACCOUNT, JACK, IT'LL BE SECURE.
WHEN ASKED IF HE WAS SURPRISED BY THE SANCTIONS, PUTIN SAID, "NO, I HACKED EMAIL, SO ON
SCHEDULE LAST WEEK." YEP, THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION SANCTIONED SIX RUSSIAN TECH
COMPANIES INCLUDING THEIR POPULAR STREAMING SERVICE, NYETFLIX
[ AUDIENCE GROANS >> Steve: NYETFLIX THAT'S NO -- THAT'S GREAT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. BUT THE KREMLIN SAYS ANY
U.S. SANCTIONS ARE ILLEGAL I LIKE HOW THE COUNTRY THAT POISONS PEOPLE'S UNDERPANTS IS
LIKE, "NO, HEY, NO, THAT'S NOT FAIR." YEAH, THE SANCTIONS ARE PRETTY
HARSH, CONSIDERING OUR PAST RESPONSE TO ELECTION INTERFERENCE WAS A LETTER THAT
SAID "UM, NO BIGGIE IF YOU CAN'T BUT COULD YOU NOT. [ LAUGHTER ]
SOME MORE NEWS OUT OF WASHINGTON TODAY, CONGRESSIONAL DEMOCRATS
INTRODUCED A BILL TO EXPAND THE SUPREME COURT FROM 9 TO 13 JUSTICES.
DEMOCRATS ARE THINKING AMERICANS HAVE GONE UP FOUR SIZES IN THE LAST YEAR, WHY NOT
THE COURT, TOO [ LAUGHTER ] OF COURSE, THE SUPREME COURT
BENCH ONLY FITS NINE PEOPLE. SO IF THIS GOES THROUGH THEY'RE GONNA ADD A SMALL FOLDING TABLE
ON THE END LIKE IT'S THANKSGIVING WELL, THIS IS BIG.
TODAY THE CEO OF PFIZER SAID PEOPLE WILL LIKELY NEED A THIRD BOOSTER DOSE WITHIN 12 MONTHS
OF BEING FULLY VACCINATED. MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH ANOTHER YEAR OF
VACCINE SELFIES. [ LAUGHTER ] ANOTHER DOSE
AT THIS POINT PEOPLE ARE THINKING, "YOU KNOW WHAT, SCREW IT
I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES WITH THE JOHNSON & JOHNSON. [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, AMERICANS ARE LIKE, "I WANT MY LIFE TO BE SAVED, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW I'D HAVE TO GO TO
RITE AID THREE TIMES." [ LAUGHTER ] SOME TRAVEL NEWS
A NEW CDC STUDY FOUND THAT BLOCKING MIDDLE SEATS ON AIRPLANES REDUCES THE RISK OF
COVID EXPOSURE MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT REDUCES THE RISK OF YOU HAVING TO HEAR,
"HI, I'M COREY." [ LAUGHTER ] I WISH I HAD HEADPHONES.
I WOULD PUT THEM ON. I THINK I SPEAK FOR ALL MEN WHEN I SAY FORGET THE MIDDLE
SEAT, LET'S FOCUS ON BLOCKING OUT THE MIDDLE URINAL. >> Steve: YEAH
>> Jimmy: THAT'S TOO CLOSE THAT'S - >> Steve: COME ON.
>> Jimmy: YOU GOTTA GO SIDEWAYS WHAT ARE WE --
LET'S JUST PEE IN THE SAME URINAL WELL, GUYS, THE SUMMER OLYMPICS
ARE IN LESS THAN 100 DAYS, AND RALPH LAUREN JUST UNVEILED TEAM USA'S CLOSING CEREMONY
UNIFORMS TAKE A LOOK. YEAH
THERE THEY ARE YOUR OLYMPIC ATHLETES. OH, HANG ON.
ACTUALLY, THEY'RE HERE TO SET UP YOUR CABANA BY THE POOL [ LAUGHTER ]
THE OUTRAGE IS COMING. CAN WE SEE THAT PICTURE AGAIN? [ LAUGHTER ]
THOSE UNIFORMS LOOK LIKE THEY'RE GONNA TELL ME ABOUT THEIR SUMMER ABROAD.
[ LAUGHTER ] IT LOOKS LIKE AN AD FOR A NEW SITCOM CALLED, "LET ME SPEAK TO
YOUR MANAGER." [ LAUGHTER ] MEANWHILE, TEAM CANADA ALSO
DEBUTED THEIR OUTFITS, AND THE JACKETS ARE GETTING SOME ATTENTION.
LOOK AT THIS YEAH I KNOW WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO
VISIT CANADA FOR A YEAR, BUT WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED UP THERE?
[ LAUGHTER ] DENIM JACKET'S CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING -- THEY JUST GOT THE
BREAKFAST CLUB IN CANADA * DON'T YOU FORGET ABOUT ME *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: SPEAKING OF OUR NEIGHBORS TO THE NORTH,
YESTERDAY A CANADIAN LAWMAKER WAS CAUGHT IN THE NUDE DURING A VIRTUAL MEETING.
HERE'S A PHOTO OH [ AUDIENCE OHS ]
BEING NAKED AT HOME IS ONE THING. BUT THAT GUY WAS IN HIS OFFICE
HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN PEOPLE ALERTED HIM RIGHT AFTER THEY TOOK A MILLION SCREEN
SHOTS. [ LAUGHTER ] BEFORE PUTTING ON PANTS, HE WAS
LIKE, "IT'S COLD HERE TODAY IN CANADA, ISN'T IT COLD
EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT HOW COLD IT IS." SOME ENTERTAINMENT NEWS.
THE NEW TRAILER FOR THE LATEST FAST AND FURIOUS MOVIE, "F-9," CAME OUT YESTERDAY AND IT LOOKS
LIKE IT'S STILL THE SAME FAST AND FURIOUS THAT WE ALL KNOW AND LOVE
CHECK IT OUT
IMPORTANT THAN FAMILY. EXCEPT FRIENDS
BUT WHEN YOUR FRIENDS ARE YOUR FAMILY, THAT MAKES THEM DOUBLE FAMILY
THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IN LIFE IS FRIENDS BEING FAMILY BEING FRIENDS WHILE ALSO BEING
FAMILY, AKA FRIENDS, AKA FAMILY FRAMILY IS WHAT I CALL MY
FRIENDS FAMILY AND I'D DO ANYTHING FOR MY FRAMILY OR MY FENDS WHICH IS
WHAT I CALL MY FRIENDS' FAMILY'S FRIENDS NOW, WHAT DO YOU SAY
LET'S DRIVE CARS REAL FAST [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WOW!
I GOTTA GO SEE THAT WITH MY FRAMILY. WELL, THIS IS INTERESTING.
BILLIONS OF CICADAS WILL EMERGE ACROSS THE U.S. NEXT MONTH SO A COMPANY IS SELLING
A WEARABLE BUG SCREEN POD FOR $89. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS THING.
[ LAUGHTER ] YEAH THAT'S A BUG SCREEN AND
DEFINITELY NOT A GUY WHO JUST CUT ARM HOLES IN HIS HAMPER. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
AND FINALLY, A COUPLE IN AUSTRALIA WAS SHOCKED TO FIND A LIVE VENOMOUS SNAKE IN A BAG
OF LETTUCE THEY BOUGHT AT THE SUPERMARKET. LOOK AT THIS THING
>> Questlove: OH >> Jimmy: YEAH AUSTRALIA WAS LIKE, WE SEE YOUR
SHRIMP TAIL, AMERICA, AND RAISE YOU A LIVE SNAKE [ LAUGHTER ]
MEANWHILE, IF YOU COUNT THE CANADIAN LAWMAKERS, THAT'S TWO SURPRISE SNAKES.
>> Steve: WOW! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS, EVERYBODY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT.
HE STARS IN THE NBC SERIES "LAW AND ORDER: SVU." ICE T IS HERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE PLUS, YOU CAN SEE HIM ON HIS VIRTUAL COMEDY SHOW WORLDWIDE
COMEDY PIZZA PARTY, MIKE BIRBIGLIA IS HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
AND ALSO JOINING US IN STUDIO - >> Steve: COME ON!
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. HE'S IN STUDIO
I LOVE THIS GUY. HE'S -- NOT ONLY IS HE SO FUNNY, HE'S DOING SO MUCH FOR
GETTING THE VACCINE OUT THERE AND WORKING WITH CORPS HE'S DOING SUCH GREAT STUFF.
I JUST LOVE THIS DUDE. HE'S SUPER FUNNY ORLANDO LEYBA IS HERE, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THEN A LITTLE LATER IN THE
SHOW, WE HAVE AN ALL NEW "TONIGHT SHOW HASHTAGS." SO, IT'S GOING TO BE FUN
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE GUYS, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH TWITCH
IT'S A STREAMING SERVICE WHERE YOU CAN WATCH PEOPLE PLAY VIDEO GAMES LIVE
IT'S REALLY COOL SO I DECIDED TO GIVE IT A TRY WITH A GAME CALLED AMONG US.
I'VE NEVER PLAYED BEFORE, AND I WANTED TO LEARN -- SOME OF YOU HAVE PLAYED IT, I GUESS.
I WANTED TO LEARN FROM THE BEST, SO I INVITED SOME NEW FRIENDS, SOME OLD FRIENDS AND
WE PLAYED TO RAISE MONEY FOR FEEDING AMERICA. TAKE A LOOK.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH GATEN MATARAZZO. AND WE DECIDED TO PLAY AMONG US
WITH A FEW FRIENDS IT'S AN ONLINE GAME WHERE YOU'RE EITHER A CREW MATE
TRYING TO FINISH TASKS OR AN IMPOSTER TRYING TO SECRETLY ELIMINATE THE CREW
WE'RE DOING THIS TO RAISE MONEY FOR THE CHARITY, FEEDING AMERICA.
PLEASE DONATE IF YOU CAN ARE YOU READY TO DO THIS >> YES
* >> Jimmy: HEY, GUYS. WE'RE GONNA PLAY A FEW ROUNDS
OF AMONG US. PLAYING WITH ME TODAY, PLEASE WELCOME, FROM STRANGER THINGS,
GATEN MATARAZZO AND NOAH SCHNAPP FROM THE ROOTS, WE HAVE
TARIQ TROTTER, QUESTLOVE, AND KIRK DOUGLAS FROM THE AMONG US TEAM,
VICTORIA TRAN. AND WE HAVE STREAMING ICONS, SYKKUNO, VALKYRAE AND, OF
COURSE, CORPSE HUSBAND >> HELLO >> Jimmy: GUYS, HERE WE GO
WHERE AM I OH, I'M THE BLUE I WENT NAKED
I'M SMURFING IT OUT. >> YOU'RE NAKED. >> SMURF
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. I'M NERVOUS. >> DON'T WORRY, JIMMY.
WE GOT YOU >> THESE GUYS BOTHERING YOU,
JIMMY? >> Jimmy: YEAH >> WHY'D YOU STAND ON A VENT
WAIT, WHY'D YOU STAND ON A A VENT >> Jimmy: I DIDN'T STAND ON
A VENT STOP FOLLOWING ME, MAN >> YOU WALKED RIGHT ON TOP OF
IT >> Jimmy: GET AWAY FROM ME >> WE'RE TRYING TO KEEP YOU
ALIVE. >> Jimmy: EVERYONE GET AWAY FROM ME.
WHAT'S GOING ON? LET ME BE. OH MY GOSH
NO NO >> WHAT'S HAPPENING?
>> I THINK HE'S THE IMPOSTER >> Jimmy: DON'T KILL ME, PLEASE
>> JIMMY'S THE IMPOSTER. >> I'M THINKING HE'S THE
IMPOSTER >> Tariq: JIMMY'S DEFINITELY THE IMPOSTER
>> WHAT COLOR IS YOUR NAME WHAT COLOR IS YOUR NAME? >> Jimmy: STOP FOLLOWING ME.
EVERYONE, STOP IT. >> THEY'RE ALL MAKING JIMMY SUPER NERVOUS.
>> Jimmy: I'M ACTUALLY -- ALMOST STARTED CRYING RIGHT THERE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, NO. >> WHO'S DEAD?
>> SOMEONE KILLED RAE. >> MY GOD, NOT RAE >> Jimmy: RAE?
ALRIGHT, I'M GOING TO SAY IT'S TARIQ. >> Tariq: IT DEFINITELY WASN'T
ME >> WAIT, WHY >> Jimmy: WELL, WHY'D YOU VOTE
FIRST THEN >> JUST BECAUSE I SAW GATEN, LIKE, HANGING OUT.
>> YOU VOTED FOR ME? >> Tariq: HE WAS BEING REAL RANDOM, LIKE HE WAS TRYING TO
PRANK SOMEBODY [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YOU GUYS, VOTE TARIQ
OR HE'S GOING TO KILL YOU ALL. >> OH, GOD >> Tariq: WOW!
>> Jimmy: WOW. >> HE WAS INNOCENT >> Y'ALL DID ME DIRTY.
>> Jimmy: KIRK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THAT VENT OH, KIRK, NO
OH, NO OH MY GOSH >> I GET THE FEELING THAT IT
MIGHT BE KIRK. >> Jimmy: OH MY GOSH GUYS, EMERGENCY MEETING.
>> I'M TELLING YOU, MAN. IT'S KIRK. >> Jimmy: KIRK ALL THE WAY,
DUDE >> WAIT, WHY >> Jimmy: FLIP DOWN THE WALL
HE'S LIKE, "OH, WE VENTED! >> IT SOUNDS LIKE IT MIGHT BE JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: NO, MAN, I NEVER SAW ANYONE GO DOWN THE VENT. >> YOU'RE PROJECTING, JIMMY.
>> I VOTED FOR KIRK. >> I'M THINKING IT MIGHT BE JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: LOOK AT THIS LOOK AT THIS WATCH THIS
WHAT A DIFFERENT GAME WE PLAYED KIRK, WHOA
>> HE WAS LYING. >> ALL RIGHT THIS MEANS JIMMY'S INNOCENT,
RIGHT? >> I NEVER DOUBTED HIM >> LET'S STICK TOGETHER.
>> I'M SO CONFUSED >> HI, NOAH. >> HI, GATEN
>> WHAT'S UP, BUDDY? >> OH, GOD, THE DOORS! WHO CLOSED THE DOORS
>> WHY'S IT LOCKED >> THE DOORS ARE LOCKED! >> OH!
>> Jimmy: AM I DEAD OR AM I IN THE VENTS PLAYING AROUND WAITING FOR YOU GUYS
>> OH, MY GOD. >> WAIT, WHAT. >> OH, MY GOD, JIMMY JUST
VENTED >> JIMMY JUST VENTED >> JIMMY JUST VENTED
>> HE JUST VENTED. >> JIMMY JUST VENTED >> JIMMY JUST VENTED
>> IS JIMMY THE OTHER ONE? >> Jimmy: WAIT, WHAT >> JIMMY, YOU JUST GAVE
YOURSELF AWAY. >> LOOK, LOOK, NOW THAT WE'VE ALL VOTED, JIMMY DIDN'T
ACTUALLY VENT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> ACTUALLY VENT
>> IT WASN'T JIMMY >> OH MY GOSH! >> IT WAS NOAH
>> Jimmy: NOAH, ARE YOU JOKING ME >> GOOD JOB, NOAH.
>> NOAH, GOOD JOB. THAT WAS REAL GOOD >> YOU SHOULD BE AN ACTOR.
>> Jimmy: ALRIGHT, HERE WE GO. THIS ONE IS FOR REAL ALRIGHT, NO MORE PRACTICE.
>> MORE PRACTICE >> Jimmy: I JUST WANT TO WITNESS A MURDER
>> SOMEONE'S GOING TO DIE. SOMEONE'S GOING TO DIE HERE. >> OH!
>> Tariq: YO, I SAW MY MURDER. >> Jimmy: YOU DEAD >> Tariq: SOMEONE DECAPITATED
ME >> Jimmy: YOU GUYS ALL HANGING OUT?
>> TRUST >> Jimmy: TRUST IN THE BATHROOM, DUDE
JUST EVERYONE STAND ON TOP OF EACH OTHER [ LAUGHTER ]
>> WHY ARE WE ALL HERE >> Jimmy: BECAUSE WE ALL GOTTA TRUST EACH OTHER
AND UNDERSTAND THAT WE'RE A TEAM >> THIS GAME IS GETTING VERY
CLICKISH [ LAUGHTER ] >> KIRK'S DEAD
KIRK'S DEAD. >> THEY KILLED ME. >> Tariq: THE ROOTS ARE DEAD
>> THE MURDERER IS WEARING GLASSES RIGHT NOW. >> IT'S NOT ME
>> I THINK IT'S SYKKUNO. >> WHAT? >> Tariq: RAE'S THE MURDERER
>> I THINK THAT IT MIGHT BE RAE. >> >> Tariq: RAE
>> RAE >> RAE >> OH, SO YOU'RE JUST CHANTING
RAE, RAE, RAE. >> OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS VOTED FOR ME
>> OH GOD. >> Jimmy: ARE YOU KIDDING ME IT'S NOT SYKKUNO
ARE YOU JOKING >> YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY. OH, JESUS.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. TWO IMPOSTERS REMAIN >> IT'S NOT RAE.
THEY'RE TROLLING >> RAE, I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR GLASSES REFLECTION
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: CORPSE, MAN, HE'S ON FIRE TONIGHT
>> BINGUS. >> NOAH, COME HERE COME TO THIS DEEP DARK CORNER.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> RAE >> OH, MY GOD.
IT WAS RAE >> Tariq: RAE TOOK A KNIFE AND DECAPITATED MY HEAD OFF,
VIOLENTLY. >> Jimmy: AND THEN LAUGHED AT IT
>> RAE BROUGHT ME INTO A CORNER AND KILLED ME. >> I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY. >> Jimmy: GAME OVER. THANK YOU GUYS FOR PLAYING
THANKS FOR RAISING A LOT OF MONEY FOR FEEDING AMERICA. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
IT WAS FUN, MAN. I LIKE PLAYING WITH THOSE GUYS MY THANKS AGAIN TO
GATEN MATARAZZO, NOAH SCHNAPP, VICTORIA TRAN, SYKKUNO, VALKYRAE, CORPSE HUSBAND, AND
OF COURSE, QUESTLOVE, TARIQ AND KIRK STICK AROUND
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH "TONIGHT SHOW HASHTAGS," EVERYBODY.
COME ON BACK * >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK, GUYS
IT'S TIME FOR "TONIGHT SHOW HASHTAGS." HERE WE GO
HASHTAGS * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WE -- WE DO THIS
THING EVERY WEEK WHERE I SEND OUT A HASHTAG AND I ASK TO YOU RESPOND TO THAT TOPIC.
SO SINCE THE OSCARS ARE COMING UP, I SENT OUT THE HASHTAG, DESCRIBE A MOVIE BADLY
ANDI ASKED YOU GUYS TO TAKE A MOVIE AND GIVE IT A FUNNY OR WEIRD SUMMARY.
WITHIN MINUTES IT WAS A TRENDING TOPIC SO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
PLAYING ALONG. I APPRECIATE IT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WE DO IT EVERY WEEK. SO NOW I THOUGHT I'D SHARE SOME OF MY FAVORITE "DESCRIBE A
A MOVIE BADLY" RESPONSES FROM YOU GUYS THIS FIRST ONE'S FROM
@DRDEMONIC [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] DO YOU THINK IT WAS
DR. DEMENTOR >> Steve: I DID THINK IT WAS DR. DEMENTOR
>> Jimmy: NO, IT'S NOT >> Steve: TWERP. >> Jimmy: IT WAS DRDEMONIC
HE SAID "HARRY POTTER, 11-YEAR-OLD ORPHAN GETS KIDNAPPED, SENT TO MAGIC CAMP
AND ENDS UP MURDERING ONE OF HIS COUNSELORS." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
THIS SOMEONE FROM @THEHENRYKANE. HE SAYS, "'CAST AWAY.'
TOM HANKS TAKES SOCIAL DISTANCING TO THE EXTREME. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
WAY AHEAD OF HIS TIME IN THAT ONE. >> Steve: YEAH, WAY.
>> Jimmy: THIS ONE'S FROM @STAGOSAURUS HE SAYS, "'STAR WARS.' A
A DEADBEAT DAD TRIES TO RECONNECT WITH HIS KIDS. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
SO GOOD. >> Steve: "LUKE, I OWE YOU CHILD SUPPORT.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: "I SHOULD HAVE CAME TO YOUR LITTLE LEAGUE GAMES.
[ LAUGHTER ] THIS ONE'S FROM @PATTIMUIRIN WHO WAS -- SHE WAS THE ORIGINAL
PRINCESS ANNA IN "FROZEN" ON BROADWAY SHE SAYS "'FROZEN,' WOMAN
ACCIDENTALLY CAUSES A DEADLY ICE AGE AND IN RESPONSE MAKES HERSELF A COOL DRESS INSTEAD OF
SAVING HUMANITY. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THAT'S GOOD.
THANKS, PATTI. THIS ONE'S FROM @ARGENTA47 SHE SAYS, "'A CHARLIE BROWN
THANKSGIVING,' UNSUPERVISED CHILDREN SIT DOWN FOR A MEAL PREPARED BY THEIR DOG.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE WAIT A MINUTE. YEAH
YOU'RE RIGHT [ INDISCERNIBLE >> Jimmy: THIS ONE'S FROM
@1668LEAH. SHE SAYS, "'THELMA & LOUISE. SLEEP WITH BRAD PITT
BUCKET LIST DONE THROW SELF OFF CLIFF." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
THIS ONE IS FROM @MAURICEGOSFIELD HE SAYS, "'FIGHT CLUB.
YOU CAN'T REALLY SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THIS FILM. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
THAT'S GOOD THINKING THIS ONE IS FROM @JAMESPOYSER. >> Steve: WHAT
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HE SAYS, "'ALMOST FAMOUS.
MY HOMIE IS SCARED OF A LITTLE MID-AIR TURBULENCE, HE ADMITS HE'S A TERRIBLE DRIVER."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE SUCH A FAN OF MY MOVIES, DUDE
[ LAUGHTER ] NOW THIS ONE IS FROM @ISRAEL >> Steve: @ISRAEL.
>> Jimmy: THIS IS ACTUALLY THE STATE OF ISRAEL'S OFFICIAL TWITTER ACCOUNT.
>> Steve: OH, OKAY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: SO THEY PLAYED THE
GAME >> Steve: GOD BLESS THEM >> Jimmy: ISRAEL IS WATCHING
HELLO AND THANK YOU FOR PLAYING. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
SO LET'S HELP THEM OUT ON THIS 'CAUSE I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS ONE.
I THINK IT IS A SHOW OR A MOVIE. LIKE AN ISRAELI SHOW
SO I DON'T REALLY KNOW IF THIS IS FUNNY OR NOT BUT LET'S LAUGH AT IT.
>> Steve: ALL RIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ] OKAY
>> Jimmy: 'FAUDA --' [ CHEERS ] NO, NO
I DIDN'T FINISH YET. WAIT, LET ME FINISH. [ LAUGHTER ]
OH, DO YOU KNOW 'FAUDA'? >> Steve: YEAH >> Audience: YEAH.
>> Jimmy: OH SO YOU'RE REALLY LAUGH AT THIS OKAY, GOOD
[ LAUGHTER ] "'FAUDA' MEETS 'EDWARD SCISSORHANDS' MEETS
'WESTSIDE STORY.'" [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE *
I LOVE IT. >> Steve: COME ON. >> Jimmy: I LOVE IT AND THANK
YOU FOR PLAYING. [ LAUGHTER ] DID IT MAKE SENSE?
>> Audience: YEAH. >> Jimmy: OKAY, GOOD YES AND NO
THE NEXT PERSON NEXT TO THAT PERSON SAID NO >> Steve: NOW THEY'RE GOING TO
FIGHT AFTERWARDS [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THIS IS FROM
MARISAROSIE22. SHE SAID, "'FAST AND FURIOUS.' A BALD GUY TEAMS WITH A BALD
GUY TO FIGHT A BALD GUY. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THIS LAST ONE'S FROM
@JOFFERYHMUSIC HE SAYS, "'GREASE. 'HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL' BUT
THEY'RE 30." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THERE YOU GO
THOSE ARE "TONIGHT SHOW HASHTAGS." TO CHECK OUT MORE OF OUR
FAVORITES GO TO TONIGHTSHOW.COM/HASHTAGS WE'LL BE BACK WITH ICE T
>> Steve: YEAH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST STARS ON THE VERY POPULAR LONG RUNNING TELEVISION SERIES
"LAW & ORDER: SVU. YOU CAN SEE SEASON 22 AIRING THURSDAYS AT 9:00 P.M. RIGHT
HERE ON NBC. AND HIS BAND BODY COUNT RECENTLY WON THEIR FIRST GRAMMY
FOR BEST METAL PERFORMANCE HERE'S THE MULTI-TALENTED ICE T!
* >> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, BUDDY
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. SO GREAT TO SEE YOU. >> 'SUP, JIMMY
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DOING THE SHOW I APPRECIATE IT.
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT YOUR GRAMMY WIN FOR BODY COUNT I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT
"LAW & ORDER." BUT FIRST OF ALL, HOW IS THE FAMILY DOING
HOW IS THE BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER? HOW'S THE DOGS >> I REALLY CAN'T COMPLAIN
YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN VERY FORTUNATE. WE HAD A BRUSH WITH COVID, WITH
COC'S DAD, BUT AFTER THAT EVERYBODY GOT IT TOGETHER. NOBODY IS SICK
WE HAVE TWO ADDITIONAL DOGS. OUR TWO DOGS HAD PUPPIES WE GAVE THEM ALL AWAY AND ENDED
UP KEEPING TWO SO NOW I HAVE FOUR DOGS. SO, THERE'S WHAT
AT NIGHT MY BED IS LIKE LION COUNTRY SAFARI BECAUSE ALL THE DOGS GET IN IT
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S PRETTY INTERESTING. >> Jimmy: YEAH
IT MUST BE A PACKED BED, RIGHT DOES THE BABY COME IN, TOO >> YEAH, YEAH.
SHE HAS HER OWN ROOM, HER OWN BED BUT SHE PREFERS TO SLEEP BETWEEN MOM AND DAD STILL, YOU
KNOW AND WE LOVE IT, TOO, SO IT'S ALL GOOD
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO CONGRATULATE YOU ON THE BIG GRAMMY WIN FOR BODY COUNT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE TALK TO ME ABOUT THAT. THAT'S GREAT
BEST METAL PERFORMANCE CONGRATS >> I THINK I WAS MOST SURPRISED
OUT OF EVERYBODY BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, ANYBODY WHO KNOWS BODY COUNT HISTORY, WE'RE
HARDCORE WE NEVER GAVE IN YOU KNOW, WE GOT NOMINATED A
A COUPLE YEARS AGO FOR "BLACK HOODIE" WHICH WAS A A TRAYVON MARTIN -- DEDICATED
TO HIM AND THEN WE CAME BACK WITH THIS YEAR, WHICH IS THE "BUM-RUSH,"
WHICH WON THE AWARD, WHICH WAS JUST ABOUT THE UPRISING. WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED
WE KIND OF PREDICTED IT. AND THE GRAMMYS TO ME RHYME WITH POP
I'M JUST LIKE, GRAMMYS ARE POP SO THE FACT, BODY COUNT, LIKE THE WORST GROUP, GOT A GRAMMY.
MY MIND WAS TOTALLY BLOWN. LIKE, I WAS LIKE, "WHAT? I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS AN
IMPOSSIBILITY. >> Jimmy: YOU FOUND OUT OVER ZOOM
OBVIOUSLY. >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: BECAUSE OF COVID
RESTRICTIONS BUT IT'S KIND OF A GREAT MOMENT
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. >> OH, YOU GOT IT. OKAY
>> AND THE GRAMMY GOES TO -- BODY COUNT >> OH!
[ LAUGHTER ] >> OH MY GOD [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: LOOK AT THAT COME ON! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
SHE'S SO CUTE, MAN I LOVE CHANEL. >> I MEAN PEOPLE THINK THESE
AWARDS -- YOU REALLY ARE SURPRISED. YOU KNOW, I'M LIKE ONE OF THOSE
PEOPLE, THAT WAS LIKE, AWARD, AWARD, AWARD, THEN THEY SAY "YOU'RE NOMINATED.
YOU'RE LIKE, "I'M NOMINATED? [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN EVERYTHING CHANGES.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY. >> AND THEN YOU GET COMPETITIVE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> BUT THEN YOU GO, I CAN'T WIN, I CAN'T WIN
AND WHEN YOU WIN, IT'S A A REAL -- THAT'S THE FIRST REALLY BIG AWARD I'VE WON LIKE
THAT I WAS SHOCKED. THAT WAS NOT AN ACT.
>> Jimmy: YOU NEVER WON A GRAMMY >> I WON A GRAMMY BEFORE WITH
QUINCY JONES YOU KNOW, MYSELF, MELLE MEL, BIG DADDY KANE, AND
KOOL MOE DEE WON ONE BUT WE FELT LIKE QUINCY KIND OF SNUCK US IN THE BACK DOOR OF
THE GRAMMYS, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING AND WE GOT THAT AWARD.
THAT WAS A RAP AWARD BUT THIS ONE IS FOR BODY COUNT. COME ON, MAN
>> Jimmy: IT'S ALL YOU, BUD. >> YOU COULD HAVE LAID BETS AGAINST THAT ONE RIGHT THERE
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YOU ALSO DID A COOL THING.
YOU HAD A CONTEST WITH YOUR FANS TO MAKE A VIDEO FOR -- FOR THE SONG IS "THE HATE IS REAL.
>> RIGHT >> Jimmy: WHO WAS THE WINNER -- WHO WAS THE DIRECTOR
>> THE DIRECTOR THAT WON WAS SEBY X MARTINEZ. AND WE JUST PUT IT OUT THERE TO
THE FANS AND SAID, "YOU KNOW, WE KNOW YOU GUYS ARE GREAT CONTENT CREATORS
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO. YOU'RE NOT EVEN READY FOR IT BECAUSE HE TURNED US ALL INTO
MUPPETS. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
THIS IS A SNIPPET OF THE VIDEO, "THE HATE IS REAL. LOOK AT THIS
* THE LOVE IS FAK BUT THE HATE IS REAL * *
* THE LOVE IS FAK BUT THE HATE IS REAL * >> Jimmy: COME ON!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S COOL TO DO THAT WITH YOUR FANS.
THAT'S AWESOME, BUD. I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT "LAW & ORDER: SVU.
THIS IS SEASON 22. ARE YOU DONE FILMING FOR THIS SEASON
>> WE'RE FILMING ACTUALLY RIGHT NOW, THE LAST EPISODE. INSTEAD OF DOING 22 EPISODES,
THIS SEASON, WE WERE ONLY ABLE TO DO 17 FOR TIME RESTRICTIONS BUT YEAH, WE'RE ON THE LAST
EPISODE RIGHT NOW. AND WE WERE ABLE TO PULL OFF A A FULL SEASON.
WE HAD HIGH COVID PROTOCOL I MEAN, I'VE BEEN TAKING A A COVID TEST EVERY DAY
AND, YOU KNOW, BUT WE MADE IT WORK, YOU KNOW >> Jimmy: ABSOLUTELY
WE NEED YOU, MAN >> PEOPLE ARE EXCITED. MELONI CAME BACK NOW, AND
CROSSED OVER >> Jimmy: DUDE, THAT WAS GREAT, BY THE WAY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT WAS SO -- I LOVE IT.
THAT WAS A GREAT EPISODE YOUR CHARACTER GOT ENGAGED THAT'S A BIG DEAL.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: WOW. >> YEAH.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, THEY THROW ME ALL KINDS OF CURVES. SO WHEN THEY BROUGHT ME BACK,
THEY TOLD ME, "HEY, YOU'RE GOING TO GET MARRIED." I'M LIKE, "TO WHO?
[ LAUGHTER ] AND THEY'RE LIKE, "PHOEBE. LIKE, THAT WAS YOUR GIRL."
I'M LIKE, "WHAT? HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? [ LAUGHTER ]
AND THEY SAID, "WELL, OVER THE PANDEMIC, YOU GUYS GOT CLOSE." I'M LIKE, "AND THE FANS KNOW
THAT?" [ LAUGHTER ] THIS IS ALL OFF-CAMERA STUFF
THAT HAPPENED. I WENT FROM FIN BEING A LONER --
>> Jimmy: YOU GOT TO MAKE THE AUDIENCE THINK A LITTLE BIT, MAN.
>> FIN AIN'T HAD A GIRLFRIEND IN 20 YEARS AND NOW I'M GETTING MARRIED.
IT'S WAY OUT HEY, THIS IS TELEVISION, PEOPLE
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP.
HERE'S ICE T IN "LAW & ORDER: SVU. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
>> ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME WHERE WE'RE GOING? >> IT'S A SURPRISE
>> WHERE'S PHOEBE? >> SHE'LL MEET US THERE. LISTEN, IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE
A DETECTIVE, YOU GOT TO LEARN TO ASK SMARTER QUESTIONS >> WAIT, WHAT?
>> CONGRATULATIONS YOU'RE GETTING PROMOTED. LIV AND PHOEBE ARE MEETING US
TO CELEBRATE JUST ACT SURPRISED AND TELL THE CAPTAIN HOW MUCH YOU LEARNED
FROM HER >> Jimmy: ICE T, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT "LAW & ORDER: SVU" AIRS THURSDAYS AT 9:00 P.M. ON NBC.
ICE T AND I ARE DOING SOMETHING FUN AFTER THE BREAK. STICK AROUND
MORE "TONIGHT SHOW," COME ON BACK STAY TUNED
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >>> WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
I'M TALKING WITH ICE T RIGHT HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
NOW ICE, YOU'RE A MAN OF MANY TALENTS. YOU'RE AN ACCOMPLISHED ACTOR,
PRODUCER, MUSICIAN, GRAMMY WINNING MUSICIAN YOU'RE ALSO --
[ CHEERS ] -- YOU'RE ALSO KNOWN FOR NOT BEING AFRAID TO SPEAK YOUR MIND
AND FOR YOUR NO HOLDS BARRED COMMENTARY ON TWITTER. SO I THOUGHT WE COULD GO
THROUGH SOME OF YOUR TWEETS AND YOU CAN TELL US A LITTLE MORE ABOUT YOUR THOUGHTS BEHIND
THEM [ LAUGHTER ] IS THAT OKAY
IS THAT OKAY BY YOU? >> THIS SHOULD BE GOOD [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. LET'S START WITH THIS ONE. THIS SAYS, "I REMEMBER WHEN I
SAID I HAD BREAKFAST AT IHOP OR DENNY'S. MFS LOST IT LIKE THERE'S SOME
GUCCI EGGS SOMEWHERE I SHOULD BE EATING. LOL.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> I MEAN, YEAH. I MEAN, I EAT AT NORMAL SPOTS.
I MEAN, BREAKFAST IS BREAKFAST AN EGG IS AN EGG YOU KNOW, LIKE, WHERE ARE YOU
SUPPOSED TO EAT BREAKFAST? AT TIFFANY'S OR SOMETHING? [ LAUGHTER ]
LIKE, PEOPLE BUG OUT IF I SAY I GO TO TACO BELL THEY'RE LIKE, "YOU EAT AT TACO
BELL?" I'M LIKE, "I DON'T HAVE LIKE A A MEXICAN CHEF FLY IN TO MAKE
ME TACOS THIS IS HOW WE EAT TACOS." >> Jimmy: YEAH
IT TASTES DELICIOUS. YEA, EXACTLY BONUS ICE COLD FACTS
"YOU CAN'T CHANGE SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS SO YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE SOME OF YOUR
FRIENDS. [ LAUGHTER ] THAT ONE HAD ME THINKING A
A LITTLE BIT >> I MEAN, SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS WON'T GROW UP.
SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS ARE STILL ON THAT BS YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING
>> Jimmy: OH, I SEE. >> YOU GOTTA SAY, "YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT TO LET YOU GO, MAN.
>> Jimmy: OH, SO YOU CAN'T CHANGE SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS SO YOU'LL HAVE TO CHANGE SOME OF
YOUR FRIENDS WOW! WOW!
I LOVE IT. [ APPLAUSE ] THAT'S A GUCCI EGG
>> THERE YOU GO. EXACTLY.
>> Jimmy: I LIKE THIS ONE. YOU SAID, "DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU,
BECAUSE THEY PROBABLY DON'T THINK THAT MUCH ABOUT YOU ANYWAY."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> THAT'S TRUE >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> I MEAN, EVEN WHEN PEOPLE ARE GOSSIPING, THEY'LL PICK SOMEBODY OUT AND THEY MIGHT
TALK ABOUT THEM FOR FIVE MINUTES. BUT AFTER THEY FINISH WITH
THAT, THEY GO BACK TO THEIR LIFE >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> SO THEY DON'T REALLY HAVE A A LOT OF TIME TO THINK ABOUT YOU.
SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. IT IS NOT SOMETHING THEY DO OFTEN.
AND IF SOMEONE IS DOING IT CONSTANTLY, THEN THEY HAVE A A PROBLEM.
NOT YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THIS IS WHY I FOLLOW
YOU. THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT LET'S DO A COUPLE MORE
"WHENEVER SOMEONE TRIES TO DISS ME BY SAYING I'M OLD, I'M LIKE, 'THAT'S A FACT.'
WHERE'S THE INSULT?" [ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
AREN'T WE ALL TRYING TO GET OLD? I MEAN, WHAT'S THE -- WHAT'S
THE ALTERNATIVE? >> Jimmy: YEAH >> YOU KNOW?
SO I'M HAPPY EVERY DAY I LIVE I JUST TURNED 63
YOU KNOW I'M STILL THIN IN THE WAIST, HANDSOME IN THE FACE. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, BUD
>> THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. >> Jimmy: LAST ONE HERE SAYS,
"TWITTER IS LIKE A FRIEND I TALK TO SOMETIMES THAT HAS A A MILLION HEADS.
LOL. [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S THE TRUTH
>> YEAH. IF YOU DO LIKE I DO, MY TWITTER NAME IS FINALLEVEL.COM
AND I TALK TO MY FANS. I USE TWITTER SOMETIMES TO GET ANSWERS.
AND I GET FEEDBACK FROM THEM, SO I CAN PUT A QUESTION OUT AND I'LL GET A THOUSAND ANSWERS.
FIRST THING, YOU GOT TO GET ALL THE DUMMIES OFF YOUR TWITTER FEED SO THAT YOU CAN HAVE
A REAL LINE OF, YOU KNOW, INFORMATION MOVING BACK AND FORTH.
BUT, YOU KNOW, I GOT -- I GET RID OF THEM REAL QUICK I'VE GOT A HAIR TRIGGER BLOCK
BUTTON YOU KNOW [ LAUGHTER ]
AND ALSO, I LIKE USING MUTE. IF YOU'RE NEW TO TWITTER, USE MUTE, BECAUSE THEN THE PERSON
DOESN'T KNOW THEY BLOCKED. AND THEN THEY JUST YELL INTO THE ABYSS.
[ LAUGHTER ] THEY YELL INTO THE VOID OF TWITTER THINKING YOU'RE STILL
HEARING THEM >> Jimmy: ICE T. I LOVE YOU, MAN.
BEST TO THE FAMILY COME BACK WHENEVER YOU WANT TO, PAL.
CONGRATS ON EVERYTHING, MAN. I'M HAPPY FOR YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
ICE T, EVERYBODY WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MIKE BIRBIGLIA
STICK AROUND COME ON, BACK. MORE "TONIGHT SHOW
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: MY NEXT GUEST IS A
A VERY FUNNY COMEDIAN WHO RECENTLY ADDED DATES TO HIS VIRTUAL WORLDWIDE COMEDY PIZZA
PARTY THIS FRIDAY AND SATURDAY PLEASE WELCOME OUR PAL, MIKE BIRBIGLIA
* >> Jimmy: BIRBIGS! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
>> HEY HOW ARE YOU, BUDDY >> Jimmy: I'M DOING GREAT, BUD
THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. DUDE, I THINK YOU ARE LIKE THE HARDEST WORKING PERSON I KNOW.
BECAUSE YOU'RE DOING YOUR PODCAST, BUT YOU'RE ALSO DOING THIS WORLDWIDE PIZZA PARTY
COMEDY NIGHT EXPLAIN WHAT THIS. >> IT'S SORT OF LIKE A CROSS
BETWEEN A LIVE STAND-UP COMEDY SHOW WITH -- COMBINED WITH LIKE A WORK ZOOM MEETING EXCEPT
NOBODY GETS FIRED. AND ALL THE JOKES ARE ABOUT PIZZA.
THIS IS MY OFFICE, JIMMY, IN PROVIDENCE THIS IS CAMERA FOUR RIGHT HERE
WE GOT CAMERA ONE RIGHT HERE >> Jimmy: WOW! >> WE GOT CAMERA TWO RIGHT HERE
WITH ALL NEW JOKES ON THIS BOARD. AND CAMERA THREE -- RIGHT HERE
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE LIKE STEVE KORNACKI >> YEAH, EXACTLY
AND THEN, YOU KNOW, WE HAVE THE SHOW, WE HAVE JOKES ABOUT PIZZA, AND THEN PEOPLE IDEALLY
EAT PIZZA AT THEIR LOCAL PIZZERIA THIS WEEK WE ARE EATING PIZZA
FROM PIZZA MARVIN IN PROVIDENCE >> Jimmy: WOW, LOOK AT THIS.
>> AND THEN PEOPLE HOLD UP THEIR PIZZA BOXES AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SHOW.
DO YOU HAVE A LOCAL PIZZA YOU WANT TO SHOUT OUT? >> Jimmy: YEAH
I LOVE JOE'S SHOUTOUT TO JOE'S PIZZA. I LOVE JOE'S
>> OH, LOVE JOE'S. >> Jimmy: THAT'S A GREAT PIZZA >> JOE'S IS MY FAVORITE, THAT'S
MY FAVORITE NEW YORK SLICE >> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND PART OF THE REASON WE DO
IT IS THAT THERE IS NO ADS FOR GOOD PIZZA YOU KNOW, GOOD PIZZAS ARE
CONFIDENT IN THEIR WORK. GOOD PIZZA IS LIKE, "PEOPLE WILL FIND US."
BAD PIZZA IS LIKE, "WE'LL DO ANYTHING WE'LL STAY OPEN UNTIL 3:00 A.M
WE'LL HIRE A MASCOT. YOU CAN STUFF PIZZA INSIDE OUR PIZZA.
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S LIKE -- THERE'S NO ADS FOR GOOD ANYTHING, REALLY.
IT'S LIKE THERE'S NO ADS FOR PARIS. BUT THERE ARE ADS FOR
NEW HAMPSHIRE. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE [ LAUGHTER ]
"COME TO NEW HAMPSHIRE WE HAVE BAD PIZZA. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: ON YOUR SHOW DO YOU GET IN DEBATES WITH PEOPLE ABOUT LIKE HOW -- THE ETIQUETTE
OF HOW TO EAT A PIZZA? >> IT IS VERY -- IT IS A VERY VOLATILE SUBJECT MATTER.
>> Jimmy: WOW! >> WE ACTUALLY HAD -- WE HAD JO FIRESTONE WHO IS A GOOD
FRIEND OF YOUR SHOW. >> Jimmy: I LOVE HER >> WE HAD HER ON THE PODCAST
THIS WEEK AND WE HAD HER ON THE WORLDWIDE COMEDY PIZZA PARTY AS WELL
SHE SAYS THAT SHE EATS THE CRUST FIRST? [ AUDIENCE GROANS
>> Jimmy: WE'RE GETTING GROANS FROM OUR AUDIENCE. >> I KNOW.
CRUST FIRST. AND THEN I ASKED HER WHY AND SHE SAID THIS IN COMPLETE
EARNEST. I ASKED HER WHY AND SHE SAID IT'S PUNISHMENT FOR EATING
PIZZA? [ LAUGHTER ] I WAS LIKE, "THERE IS NO NEED.
THERE IS NO NEED FOR PUNISHMENT PIZZA IS MEANT AS A REWARD!"
>> Jimmy: THAT IS SO FUNNY I RECENTLY MADE MY OWN PIZZA AND I THOUGHT IT WAS THE BEST
PIZZA I EVER HAD, EVER SO I POSTED ON IT INSTAGRAM BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU DO
THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE INSTAGRAM, RIGHT? TO DO IT
SO I POSTED ON THERE IMMEDIATELY, I GET -- LIKE TWO DAYS LATER I GET A TEXT FROM
KIMMEL WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS HOW TO MAKE PIZZA. I MEAN, THE GUY KNOWS FOOD
BETWEEN THE TWO OF US, HE KNOWS FOOD BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE HE'S LIKE, "I'M GOING TO HAVE
TO DO A REBUTTAL VIDEO." THE LATE NIGHT WARS ARE BACK >> YES
>> Jimmy: AND SO HE MADE A A VIDEO WHERE HE'S LIKE, EVERY STEP OF THE WAY GOING, "NO,
JIMMY, NO. YOU DON'T USE A ROLLING PIN. ALL THIS STUFF
WHATEVER I MADE, IT TASTED GREAT. >> HERE'S WHY I DON'T GET
INVOLVED WITH COOKING MY OWN PIZZA. WE DO THIS THING CALLED THE
SLOW ROUND ON THE SHOW AND WE HAVE A LOT OF THE VIEWERS SUBMIT STORIES
IF PEOPLE HAVE A GOOD PIZZA STORY, EMAIL WORKINGITOUTPOD@GMAIL.COM
SUBJECT -- SLOW ROUND, WITH YOUR PIZZA STORY SO ON THE LAST SHOW, THERE WAS
A GUY WHO WAS IN THE PEACE CORPS. AND HE WAS IN A COUNTRY WHERE
THEY DON'T HAVE A LOT OF PIZZA, BUT HIS FAMILY WANTED TO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR HIM, BECAUSE
HE LOVES PIZZA AND SO THEY JUST USED, THEY MADE A PIZZA BASED ON A PHOTO
OF A PIZZA WITH WHAT THEY HAD. IT WAS LIKE A CRACKER AND MAYONNAISE AND A CUT-UP HOTDOG,
WHICH THEY MADE LOOK LIKE PEPPERONI. AND HE WAS LIKE, HE HAD TO EAT
THIS AND JUST BE LIKE, "THIS IS EXCELLENT. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND I FEEL LIKE IF I MADE PIZZA, IT WOULD BE THAT.
>> Jimmy: I GOTCHA I UNDERSTAND ALSO, BEFORE WE LET YOU GO,
BUD, I WANT TO SAY YOU'RE ALSO DONATING TO FOOD BANKS AS WELL WITH THIS SHOW,
CORRECT? >> YES WE GIVE A PORTION TO EVERY ONE
OF OUR VIRTUAL SHOWS TO FOOD BANKS. BECAUSE IF YOU'RE ABLE TO
CONTRIBUTE TO YOUR LOCAL FOOD BANK, YOU SHOULD WE'VE GIVEN TO A LOT OF
REGIONAL FOOD BANKS. I THINK ALMOST $65,000 AT THIS POINT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH IT'S A GOOD POSITIVE
EXPERIENCE PEOPLE ARE DIGGING IT, AND WE'RE GOING TO KEEP DOING THEM
>> Jimmy: I LOVE IT. MIKE BIRBIGLIA FOR TICKETS TO HIS WORLDWIDE
COMEDY PIZZA PARTY THIS WEEKEND, GO TO HIS WEBSITE, BIRBIGS.COM.
WE LOVE YOU BUD. ALWAYS GOOD TO SEE YOU >> YOU TOO, BUDDY.
THANKS FOR HAVING ME ON. >> Jimmy: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STAND-UP FROM
ORLANDO LEYBA. STICK AROUND COME ON BACK
* >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST CAN BE SEEN AT THE COMEDY CELLAR IN
LAS VEGAS APRIL 22nd THROUGH THE 25th PLEASE WELCOME, THE VERY FUNNY,
ORLANDO LEYBA!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> THANK YOU THANK YOU, THANK YOU AND THANK YOU.
I'M HAPPY TO BE HERE AND NOT AT HOME WATCHING "BRIDGERTON," YOU KNOW
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YEAH, IT'S A GOOD SHOW I'M STARTING TO THINK I'M
A DUKE I'M WAVING AT PEOPLE FUNNY "HELLO EVERYBODY
YOU DOING ALL RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER ] I NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE,
AND I AM I'MA GET OUT OF THE HOUSE LIKE TODAY, I'M LEANING INTO THE
POSITIVE LIKE I NEVER KNEW HOW READY I WAS FOR THESE TIMES.
LIKE I NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH I DIDN'T LIKE SHAKING HANDS 'TIL NOW.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YEAH AND I DON'T HAVE TO ANYMORE AND
IT'S GREAT [ LAUGHTER ] PEOPLE STILL COME AT ME, FULL
EXTENSION. "HEY ORLANDO." AND I'M LIKE, "NO.
NO WHY? WHY WOULD WE DO THAT
THAT'S JUST SELFISH. THAT'S JUST SELFISH, MAN." [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, WE HAVE A LITTLE BIT MORE ROOM NOW, RIGHT? ELEVATORS ARE FUN FOR ME NOW
I WENT TO GO SEE MY DOCTOR AND HE HAD A SIGN ON THE ELEVATOR THAT SAID, "ONE PERSON PER
RIDE." A GUY WAS COMING WITH A BABY, AND HE TRIED TO GET ON AND I
WAS LIKE, "UMHH. PUT A STOP TO THAT [ LAUGHTER ]
NO AND I JUST LET THE DOORS CLOSE SLOWLY ON HIM.
[ LAUGHTER ] I DIDN'T PRESS THE BUTTON OR NOTHING.
AND HIS SADNESS, HIS SADNESS BROUGHT ME SO MUCH HAPPINESS [ LAUGHTER ]
I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M NORMALLY A NICE GUY BUT I HAVE SO MUCH ROOM NOW.
I HAVE SO MUCH ROOM. I WAS LIKE, "WOW, THIS IS LIKE A STUDIO APARTMENT
I DON'T HAVE TO WONDER WHO DEALT IT, I DEALT IT YES.
BY MYSELF, RIGHT BY MYSELF. [ LAUGHTER ]
SO, BEST THING THAT I COULD TELL YOU GUYS OUT HERE IS THAT DURING THESE TIMES, I'M
THRIVING YOU KNOW YEAH, I'M THRIV -- THE ONLY BAD
THING, OKAY, THE ONLY ONE BAD THING IS THAT I'M MARRIED. THAT'S THE ONLY BAD THING.
[ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, YEAH AND HER BOSS TOLD HER SHE COULD
NOW WORK FROM HOME YOU COULD WORK FROM HOME, GIRL WHICH IS A BLESSING.
I GET IT IT'S A BLESSING, BUT IT ALSO MEANS THAT SHE'S HOME NOW ALL
THE TIME ALL THE TIME ALL THE TIME
ALL THE TIME
SHE DOESN'T GO ANYWHERE. SHE'S LIKE, "I HAVE ASTHMA."
ALLEGEDLY. I'VE NEVER SEEN A PUMP I'VE NEVER SEEN A PUMP
SHE JUST SITS THERE AT HER DESK, FORWARD SLASH, OUR DINING ROOM TABLE
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] JUDGING ME LIKE I'M A BAD CO-WORKER.
"IS THAT WHAT YOU DO FOR TEN HOURS WHILE I'M GONE EAT SNACKS AND WATCH 'THE
CROWN'"? [ LAUGHTER ] "YES, YES.
IT'S MY CREATIVE PROCESS I GOT FALLON IN TWO WEEKS. RIGHT?
SO NOW I'M AN UNPAID INTERN, GUYS YEAH
MY RESPONSIBILITIES ARE PUTTING PAPER IN THE PRINTER AND TAKING DOWN LUNCH ORDERS.
[ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, YEAH, YEAH NO PICKLES, NO MUSTARD, EVER,
EVER VERY DEMANDING VERY DEMANDING LADY, RIGHT
WE NEED MORE SPACE IS WHAT I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU GUYS. WE NEED A LITTLE BIT MORE
SPACE. RIGHT? I'M DOING STUFF I NEVER DID
BEFORE, LIKE HANG OUT IN MY CAR, FOR HOURS [ LAUGHTER ]
I DON'T GO ANYWHERE. I JUST SIT THERE LISTENING TO JOURNEY.
* DON'T STOP BELIEVING * RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER ]
I GO OUT FOR WALKS 2.5 GOING, 2.5 COMING BACK AS SOON AS I OPEN THE DOOR, "IS
THAT ALL YOU'RE GONNA DO?" WHAT MY FITBIT SAID THAT WAS
10,000 STEPS THERE WAS A FAKE CELEBRATION WITH FAKE FIREWORKS, MAN
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] WE NEED MORE TIME. WE NEED A LITTLE BIT MORE SPACE
BETWEEN THE BOTH OF US I'VE BECOME A SHORT-ORDER COOK FOR HER.
YES. MY NEW -- I'M A MASTER AT FLUFFY EGGS.
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO MAKE HER -- FLUFFY EGGS IN THE MORNING.
THE TRICK IS LOTS OF BUTTER. YOU PUT THE BUTTER, YOU GRAB YOUR EGGS, CRACK THEM IN THE
POT, DROP THAT CLUMP OF BUTTER IN THERE AND START STIRRING. ON THE FIRE, OFF THE FIRE.
ON THE FIRE, OFF THE FIRE. YOU GRAB SOME CHERRY TOMATOES,
YOU SAUTE THOSE, RIGHT WITH SOME OLIVE OIL, PEPPER, AND SOME HIMALAYAN SALT, RIGHT
YOU DO THAT. YOU GRAB YOUR BREAD AND YOU SLICE THAT DIAGONALLY.
YOU WARM THAT UP YOU WARM THAT IN THE TOASTER NEVER TOAST, JUST WARM
YOU PLATE EVERYTHING YOU GRAB YOUR EGGS, PUT IT ON TOP OF THE -- ON TOP OF THE
BREAD TO WHICH MAKES IT A DELICIOUS BOAT RIGHT?
YOU CHOP UP SOME FRESH CHIVES, SPRINKLE THAT ON TOP THEN I MAKE HER HER COFFEE
'CAUSE I'M A BARISTA ALSO, RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, I KNOW HOW TO MAKE THE LITTLE HEART AND I TAKE IT UP TO HER IN BED
YES, I TAKE IT UP TO HER IN BED. AND YOU GUYS ARE LIKE, "WOW,
YOU DO ALL THAT FOR HER? NO NO
I DO THAT FOR ME [ LAUGHTER ] I'M JUST TRYING TO KEEP HER IN
THE BEDROOM FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE [ LAUGHTER ]
I CAN HAVE MY LIVING ROOM BACK OH, YOU SHOULD SEE HER "OH, THIS IS JUST LIKE A
A HOTEL. AS I CLOSE THE DOOR, JUST LIKE A HOTEL.
[ LAUGHTER ] MY NAME'S ORLANDO LEYBA. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: THANK YOU!
ORLANDO LEYBA! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HE'LL BE AT THE COMEDY CELLAR
IN LAS VEGAS APRIL 22nd THROUGH THE 25th JOIN US TOMORROW NIGHT,
RUSSELL WILSON AND CIARA WILL BE HERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
MY THANKS TO ICE T, MIKE BIRBIGLIA, ORLANDO LEYBA! HAVE A SEAT.
AND THE ROOTS, RIGHT THERE THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH
SETH MEYERS. GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
*