>> Steve: FROM 30 ROCKEFELLER
PLAZA HERE IN NEW YORK CITY,
IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING
JIMMY FALLON."
AND NOW, HERE HE IS,
JIMMY FALLON
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
I FEEL THE LOVE.
I FEEL THE LOVE OUT THERE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
PLEASE, WELCOME.
WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO
"THE TONIGHT SHOW.
PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT.
RELAX, ENJOY YOURSELVES.
GUYS, WE GOT A LONG SHOW
TONIGHT.
YEAH
YOU DON'T WANT TO STAND FOR THE
WHOLE THING.
YEAH, NO
[ LAUGHTER ]
WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT
I AM SO EXCITED AND FIRED UP TO
BE HERE.
I'M PRETTY MUCH THE OPPOSITE OF
ROBERT MUELLER
I REALLY AM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
EVERYONE IS STILL TALKING ABOUT
MUELLER'S TESTIMONY.
DEMOCRATS WERE HOPING IT WOULD,
QUOTE, "BREATHE LIFE INTO THE
EFFORT TO IMPEACH TRUMP.
BUT AFTERWARDS THEY WERE LIKE,
"FORGET IMPEACHMENT, SOMEONE
SHOULD TRY TO BREATHE LIFE INTO
ROBERT MUELLER."
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S RIGHT
BOTH DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS
THOUGHT MUELLER CAME OFF AS
SLOW AND OLD
I'M NOT SAYING MUELLER WAS BAD
BUT HE MADE BERNIE SANDERS LOOK
LIKE ONE OF THE KIDS FROM
"STRANGER THINGS."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
RIGHT, MUELLER'S NOT QUITE AS
SHARP AS HE USED TO BE
THIS MORNING HE GOT UP AND
SAID, "OKAY, WHAT TIME DOES THE
HEARING START?
[ LAUGHTER ]
APPARENTLY, PRESIDENT TRUMP IS
THRILLED WITH HOW IT WENT.
YEP, HE WAS SO HAPPY, HE CAME
THIS CLOSE TO HUGGING DON JR
>> Steve: REALLY
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
HE THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
TRUMP WAS SO HAPPY, HE FORMED
HIS HAIR INTO A PARTY HAT.
>> Steve: OH
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE WAS SO HAPPY THAT HE REHIRED
JEFF SESSIONS AND THEN FIRED
HIM AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE WAS SO HAPPY, HE THOUGHT
ABOUT TAKING A VICTORY LAP,
JUST MADE AN INTERN DO IT FOR
HIM.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE WAS SO HAPPY, HE OFFERED TO
FLY THE SQUAD BACK TO WHERE
THEY CAME FROM ON
AIR FORCE ONE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S HOW HAPPY TRUMP WAS
I HEARD THAT YESTERDAY THE
PRESIDENT WATCHED ALL SEVEN
HOURS ON TV.
BUT TODAY HE WENT BACK TO HIS
USUAL SCHEDULE OF WATCHING
SEVEN HOURS OF TV.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WELL, AFTER THE HEARING, TRUMP
SAID MUELLER'S PERFORMANCE WAS,
QUOTE, "ONE OF THE WORST
PERFORMANCES IN THE HISTORY OF
THE COUNTRY.
AND THEN STORMY DANIELS WAS
LIKE, "SECOND WORST.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
AND GET THIS, I HEARD THAT
DURING MUELLER'S TESTIMONY,
MELANIA TWEETED THAT SHE'S
ALREADY PREPPING FOR CHRISTMAS
AT THE WHITE HOUSE
NOT A GOOD SIGN FOR TRUMP.
HE'S HEARING THAT HE COULD BE
INDICTED AND HIS WIFE'S LIKE,
"IT'S GOING TO BE THE BEST
CHRISTMAS EVER."
[ LAUGHTER ]
JUST WAIT A DAY.
AFTER THAT, MUELLER'S TESTIMONY
YESTERDAY, A POLL FOUND THAT
MOST AMERICANS THOUGHT IT HURT
PESIDENT TRUMP
PRETTY INTERESTING POLL, TAKE
A LOOK AT THIS
60% SAID, "I THINK MUELLER'S
TESTIMONY HURTS TRUMP.
30% SAID, "I THINK MUELLER'S
TESTIMONY CLEARS TRUMP."
10% SAID, "I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO
THINK ABOUT MUELLER'S
TESTIMONY.
20% SAID, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN
YOU'RE NOT SURE, DID YOU EVEN
WATCH IT?"
[ LAUGHTER ]
30% SAID, "I MEAN, I WATCHED
SOME IT.
IT WAS SEVEN HOURS LONG.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHO HAS TIME FOR THAT?
45% SAID, "YOU DO, CARL.
[ LAUGHTER ]
ALL YOU DO IS SIT ON THE COUCH
AND WATCH RE-RUNS OF
"TINY HOUSE HUNTERS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU HAVE PLENTY OF TIME.
10% SAID, "IT'S RESEARCH
YOU KNOW THE TINY REAL ESTATE
INDUSTRY IS BOOMING.
WE CANNOT DO THIS RIGHT NOW.
PLEASE, JODIE, I'M EXHAUSTED."
[ LAUGHTER ]
36% SAID, "YOU'RE EXHAUSTED?
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'M THE ONE WORKING DOUBLE
OVERTIME
BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T HOLD DOWN
A JOB AT FREAKIN'
OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE."
[ LAUGHTER ]
15% SAID, "OH, REAL CLASSY
[ LAUGHTER ]
LOOK, I ALREADY TOLD YOU, MY
UNCLE RICO THAT HE CAN GET ME
AN INTERVIEW AT FUDDRUCKERS
FIRST THING NEXT WEEK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
42% SAID, "THE SAME UNCLE RICO
WHO SHOWS UP TO THANKSGIVING
DINNER EVERY YEAR COMPLETELY
PLASTERED?
GREAT, I'M GLAD THAT'S THE ONE
WHO WE'RE DEPENDING ON."
[ LAUGHTER ]
35% SAID, "RICO'S A GOOD MAN
AND YOU WOULD KNOW THAT IF YOU
WEREN'T SO BUSY NITPICKING
EVERYTHING I DO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THEN 100% SAID, "IF YOU LOVE
RICO SO MUCH, HOW ABOUT YOU AND
HIM MOVE INTO A TINY HOUSE
TOGETHER?"
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT WAS OUR LATEST INSTALLMENT
OF OUR SEGMENT "INTERESTING
POLLS.
♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: SOME MORE NEWS TODAY,
THE PRESIDENT SPOKE AT A
A CEREMONY FOR HIS NEW
SECRETARY OF DEFENSE
BUT IT SEEMED LIKE HE WAS
HAVING SOME TROUBLE TALKING
TODAY.
WATCH THIS
KICKED IN --
BOTH HOUSES OF CONGRESS,
ADVISING LAWMARKERS AND THE
COMBAT INFANTRIVEN BADGE
WE TALKED TO ALL OF THEM
AND THEY TALKED TO US.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Steve: WOW!
>> Jimmy: "MY FAVORITE SHOW IS
"THIS -- THIS IS US.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SOME BUSINESS NEWS, GET THIS, I
READ THAT SOON YOU'LL BE ABLE
TO DROP OFF AND PICK UP UPS
PACKAGES AT
ADVANCED AUTO PARTS.
IT'S PRETTY SIMPLE
UPS DRIVER JUST THROWS YOUR
PACKAGE OVER YOUR FENCE INTO AN
ADVANCED AUTO PARTS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Steve: WAIT, I'M SORRY.
>> Jimmy: WHAT WAS THAT?
>> Steve: SO YOU'RE SAYING
YOU'LL BE ABLE TO PICK UP UPS
PACKAGES AT
ADVANCED AUTO PARTS?
>> Jimmy: YEAH
>> Steve: AND THAT MAKES IT
SIMPLER?
>> Jimmy: SURE, YEAH, YEAH
YOU ORDER YOUR PACKAGE THROUGH
UPS, INSTEAD OF GETTING IT AT
YOUR HOUSE, YOU GET IT OVER AT
ADVANCED AUTO PARTS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Steve: WHAT IF THERE ISN'T
AN ADVANCED AUTO PARTS NEAR MY
HOUSE?
>> Jimmy: THERE PROBABLY WON'T
BE
BUT YOU CAN MOVE CLOSER TO ONE
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Steve: SO LET ME GET THIS
STRAIGHT
IF I LIKE WHERE I LIVE -
>> Jimmy: UH-HUH
>> Steve: AND I LIKE MY HOUSE,
RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: YEAH, I'VE BEEN TO
YOUR HOUSE
IT'S BEAUTIFUL
>> Steve: I LOVE MY HOUSE.
BUT I WANT TO PICK UP MY UPS
PACKAGE.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT, I DON'T SEE
WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.
>> Steve: I'LL HAVE THE OPTION
OF MOVING CLOSER TO AN
ADVANCED AUTO PARTS TO PICK UP
MY UPS PACKAGE
>> Jimmy: YES, THAT'S WAY IT'S
EASIER
>> Steve: SO I HAVE TO UPROOT
MY FAMILY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOUR KIDS WILL MAKE
NEW FRIENDS.
>> Steve: RIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO THAT I CAN GET MY PACKAGE AT
ADVANCED AUTO PARTS.
LET ME -- LET ME JUST MAKE SURE
I'M GETTING THIS RIGHT
>> Jimmy: I DON'T -- I DON'T
SEE WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.
>> Steve: OKAY
WHAT DO I DO
>> Jimmy: IT'S VERY EASY
YOU JUST GO TO A POST OFFICE
>> Steve: RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: YOU GET A BOX.
>> Steve: ANY SIZE BOX
>> Jimmy: SURE, ANY SIZE BOX
DOESN'T MATTER
YOU SHIP IT THROUGH UPS.
>> Steve: YES.
>> Jimmy: AND THEN IT ENDS UP
AT AN ADVANCED AUTO PARTS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Steve: THE CAR PARTS STORE?
>> Jimmy: THAT'S CORRECT
>> Steve: OH
>> Jimmy: YOU GOT IT
>> Steve: YEAH, I GOT IT
NOW, I HAVE ONE MORE QUESTION
FOR YOU.
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S THAT?
>> Steve: WHAT IF I NEED TO BUY
AUTO PARTS
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE TO GO TO
UPS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
IT'S EASIER.
>> Steve: THAT DOESN'T SEEM
MUCH EASIER AT ALL
>> Jimmy: MUCH EASIER.
>> Steve: THAT SEEMS MUCH
HARDER
>> Jimmy: THIS IS GOING VIRAL,
EVERYBODY.
SOMEONE TRIED TO ORDER A CAKE
FOR A TWO-YEAR-OLD THAT SAID
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LIZARD.
BUT THE BAKERY MISHEARD THEM
AND SENT THEM A CAKE THAT SAID,
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LOSER."
THIS IS REAL
LOOK AT THIS
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ AUDIENCE AWS ]
MEANWHILE, AT THE WHITE HOUSE,
TRUMP WAS LIKE, "WHY DOES THE
CAKE I ORDERED FOR DON JR. SAY,
'LIZARD?'"
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
AND FINALLY, THIS IS AMAZING
IN NORTH DAKOTA, A COLLEGE
STUDENT DISCOVERED A
A 65 MILLION-YEAR-OLD DINOSAUR
SKULL.
EVEN MORE IMPRESSIVE, IT TOOK
HIS ROOMMATE ONLY AN HOUR TO
TURN IT INTO A BONG.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU GUYS, WE'VE GOT A GREAT
SHOW TONIGHT
COME ON WITH ME.
GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS
COME HERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: GUYS, THIS IS VERY
EXCITING
VOTING IS DONE
AND THE POLLS ARE CLOSED
WE'RE ABOUT TO ANNOUNCE THE
WINNING BOOK IN THIS YEAR'S
"TONIGHT SHOW SUMMER READS"
CONTEST.
NOW, WE GAVE YOU GUYS FIVE TO
CHOOSE FROM, FIVE GREAT BOOKS.
I'LL LINE THEM UP RIGHT HERE
AND THEN WE HAVE -- WE ASKED
YOU GUYS TO VOTE ON IT ONLINE,
ON OUR WEBSITE AND EVERYONE
DID.
THANK YOU FOR PARTICIPATING.
WE GOT CLOSE TO A MILLION
VOTES.
>> Steve: WOW.
>> Jimmy: IN THE PAST WEEK
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
HERE ARE THE FIVE BOOKS IN THE
RUNNING.
AND THIS IS IT RIGHT HERE.
SO IT WAS "SILENT PATIENT.
THAT'S THE WOMAN WHO SHOOTS HER
HUSBAND, THEN SHE WON'T TALK
>> Steve: RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: YUP.
"ASK AGAIN, YES.
TWO COUPLES LIVE NEXT DOOR TO
EACH OTHER IN NEW YORK CITY AND
THEN SOMETHING SHOCKING
HAPPENS.
ONE FAMILY HAS TO MOVE AWAY.
>> Steve: AWAY
>> Jimmy: BUT THE KIDS, THEY
STAND -- THEY GET BACK
TOGETHER
AND THEN LATER -
>> Steve: THEY ASK AGAIN, YES.
>> Jimmy: FIND OUT WHAT WENT
DOWN
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS ONE, "GONE DEAD," SHE
INHERITS A HOUSE AFTER HER
FATHER DIED YEARS AGO.
SHE FINDS OUT WHEN HER FATHER
DIED, THAT DAY SHE WENT
MISSING.
>> Steve: OOH.
[ AUDIENCE OOHS
>> Jimmy: THIS ONE, "FLEISCHMAN
IS IN TROUBLE" THIS GUY --
EX-WIFE DROPS THE KIDS OFF
AND THEN SHE LEAVES.
NEVER RETURNS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT IT'S SET IN A HUMOROUS WAY
>> Steve: RIGHT.
OH, IT'S GOOD.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I THINK, I THINK
SHE'S FUNNY.
SO IT'S PROBABLY FUNNY
AND THEN THIS IS "THE CHAIN.
THIS IS A THRILLER
A STRANGER SAYS HE KIDNAPS YOUR
CHILD.
AND TO FREE THEM, YOU MUST
ABDUCT SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD.
>> Steve: OOH.
[ AUDIENCE OOHS
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE NOW PART OF
THE CHAIN.
BUT NOW -- THEY'RE ALL
FANTASTIC BOOKS BUT ONLY ONE
CAN BE THE WINNER.
DRUMROLL, PLEASE
[ DRUMROLL ]
OH, WOW, THAT'S THE FIRST TIME
THAT'S EVER HAPPENED
>> Steve: WOW, IT'S LIKE RAIN.
>> Jimmy: PEOPLE ARE MAKING
A DRUMROLL WITH THEIR LEGS
>> Steve: IT'S LIKE RAIN IN
AFRICA
>> Jimmy: THIS IS THE AUDIENCE
MAKING THE SOUND WITH THEIR
LEGS
♪ DO DO DO DO
DO DO DO DO DO ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Steve: OH
OOH.
[ AUDIENCE OOHS
[ LAUGHTER ]
OH
[ AUDIENCE OHS ]
OH
[ AUDIENCE OHS ]
>> Jimmy: THE WINNER THAT GOT
THE MOST VOTES AND WILL BE OUR
"TONIGHT SHOW SUMMER READ" IS
"ASK AGAIN, YES.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
BY MARY BETH KEANE
THAT IS THE WINNER
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR VOTING
>> Steve: WOW!
>> Jimmy: IT WAS REALLY CLOSE
BETWEEN THAT AND "THE CHAIN.
"THE CHAIN," I THINK IT WAS
3,000 VOTES.
>> Steve: WOW.
>> Jimmy: BUT IT WON
AND CONGRATULATIONS, THOUGH.
HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO.
WE'RE GOING TO READ THIS BOOK
TOGETHER
I WANT ALL OF US TO READ IT
TOGETHER
AND THEN FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM
AND FACEBOOK
OVER THE NEXT FEW WEEKS, I'LL
BE CHECKING IN
I HAVE NOT READ THIS BOOK.
I REALLY DON'T KNOW IF IT'S
GOOD OR NOT.
>> Steve: WELL, THEN READ IT
>> Jimmy: I KNOW
THESE ARE ALL GOOD BOOKS
BUT, I'M GOING TO READ IT WITH
YOU.
AND THEN WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT
LIKE WHAT BOOK CLUBS DO.
>> Steve: YEAH
>> Jimmy: YEAH
AND THEN I WANT TO MAKE SURE
THAT YOU'RE READING IT, TOO.
SO USE THE HASHTAG
#TONIGHTSHOWSUMMERREADS.
AND WE'LL TALK ABOUT THIS BOOK
TOGETHER
YOU CAN GO TO
TONIGHTSHOW.COM/SUMMERREADS TO
FIND OUT WHERE TO GET THIS
BOOK
AND YEAH, IT'S A BIG DEAL.
THIS IS --
"I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS."
[ LAUGHTER ]
OH, MY GOSH.
YOU GUYS, IT'S THE
TIMOTHEE CHALAMET PUPPET
[ LAUGHTER ]
"I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS
THE 'ASK AGAIN, --' IS THE
WINNER
I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO
BE --"
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT WAS NOT
IT WAS VERY CLOSE.
IT WAS NOT "THE --
"YOU SURE?
YEAH, I'M SURE
"YOU SURE?
I AM SURE.
"ASK AGAIN --" "ASK AGAIN,
YES.
"ASK AGAIN --"
TIMOTHEE CHALAMET, "ASK AGAIN,
YES" IS THE BOOK
"WELL, THAT IS THE BOOK I WILL
READ, AS WELL.
>> Steve: SO THE DUMMY'S GOING
TO READ THE BOOK
>> Jimmy: "DO NOT CALL HIM A
A DUMMY.
HE'S THE HOST OF
'THE TONIGHT SHOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT IS RUDE FOR YOU TO DO
THAT
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING
HE'S A PROFESSIONAL.
DON'T LET HIM TALK TO YOU LIKE
THAT."
>> Steve: I'M SORRY.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: A LITTLE -- I THINK
HE WAS -- NEVER MIND
HE'S ACTUALLY -- HE'S A VERY
TALENTED -- A VERY TALENTED
GUY, THE TIMOTHEE CHALEMET
PUPPET
>> Steve: HE'S A
TIMOTHEE CHALEMET PUPPET
>> Jimmy: YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT
HE CAN DO?
>> Steve: YEAH
♪
OKAY
BLINDFOLDED.
>> Jimmy: CAN YOU SEE ANYTHING
"NO, I CANNOT.
>> Steve: OKAY
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: HOW MANY FINGERS AM I
HOLDING UP
"I TOLD YOU I CANNOT SEE
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU AN IDIOT
YOU ARE THE DUMMY"
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
ALL RIGHT, HIGGINS, HOLD
SOMETHING UP
DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO HOLD
UP
>> Steve: YEAH
>> Jimmy: ANYTHING
>> Steve: OKAY
>> Jimmy: ANYTHING
OKAY
>> Steve: THERE WE GO, RIGHT
THERE, GIVE IT A SHOT.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT.
CAN WE HAVE SOME SILENCE,
PLEASE
>> Steve: I'LL HOLD IT RIGHT BY
MY FACE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WOW.
HIS BRAIN IS WORKING
>> Jimmy: "IS IT A CYLINDER?
>> Steve: WOW, YES
YES, IT IS A CYLINDER.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
AMAZING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: "IS IT SHINY?"
>> Steve: YES, IT IS SHINY
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: "I'M ALMOST TOO
EXHAUSTED.
[ LAUGHTER ]
NO, YOU HAVE TO CONTINUE
YOU MUST CONTINUE,
TIMOTHEE CHALAMET PUPPET
YOU'RE VERY CLOSE.
"I'LL ONLY DO THIS FOR YOU
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
IS IT A BEVERAGE?"
>> Steve: YES, YES, IT IS
A BEVERAGE
>> Jimmy: I THINK IT IS A CAN
OF LA CROIX.
>> Steve: WOW!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
>> Jimmy: WAIT, BEFORE -
>> Steve: WAIT
>> Jimmy: YOU WANT TO GUESS --
>> Steve: WHAT FLAVOR?
>> Jimmy: WHAT
>> Steve: WHAT FLAVOR?
>> Jimmy: DON'T MAKE HIM DO
THAT
>> Steve: YES.
CAN YOU GUESS THE FLAVOR
>> Jimmy: DON'T MAKE HIM DO
THAT
PAMPLEMMOUSSE.
>> Steve: OH, MY GOD
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD
TIMOTHEE CHALEMET PUPPET
OH, MY GOSH.
>> Steve: HE'S TIRED
HE FELL ASLEEP
>> Jimmy: HE'S EXHAUSTED
>> Steve: HE FELL ASLEEP ON THE
CHAIR.
>> Jimmy: HE'S EXHAUSTED
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE'S CAN'T DO -- HE'S A --
>> Steve: OH, MY GOSH.
>> Jimmy: HE'S NOT A MENTALIST
>> Steve: YOU KNOW, THE BRAIN
USES -
>> Jimmy: HE'S VERY TALENTED
>> Steve: YEAH
>> Jimmy: ANYWAY, I'M VERY
EXCITED ABOUT THIS
I CAN'T WAIT TO DO THIS.
WE DID THIS LAST YEAR.
AND WE LOVE OUR AUTHOR LAST
YEAR
IT WAS "CHILDREN OF BLOOD AND
BONE" WHICH IS STILL ON THE
BESTSELLER LIST.
AND TOMI ADEYEMI -
AND SO WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
MARY BETH KEANE ON THE SHOW.
AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO READ
THIS TOGETHER.
IT'S AWESOME
I'M SO EXCITED
GO TO YOUR BOOKSTORE AND PICK
THIS UP RIGHT NOW.
ACTUALLY, YOU GUYS HERE DON'T
HAVE TO.
BECAUSE EVERYONE IN TONIGHT'S
AUDIENCE IS GOING HOME WITH
THEIR OWN VERY OWN COPY, YES
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
STICK AROUND
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
"TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK
EVERYBODY.
WE ARE JOINED RIGHT NOW BY OUR
RESIDENT SCIENCE EXPERT, GIVE
IT UP FOR KEVIN DELANEY.
♪
>> Jimmy: GOOD TO SEE YOU
BUDDY.
KEVIN -- KEVIN, WELCOME BACK TO
THE SHOW
IT'S ALWAYS GOOD TO SEE YOU
BUDDY.
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU TOO
>> Jimmy: WHAT ARE WE DOING
FIRST HERE
>> DO YOU LIKE FIREWORKS
>> Jimmy: YES.
WE ALL DO.
>> DO YOU LIKE -
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
YES, OF COURSE
DO YOU LIKE S'MORES?
>> Jimmy: DO I LIKE S'MORES?
YES, OF COURSE
>> OKAY, WE'RE GOING TO COMBINE
THE TWO.
SO GO AHEAD, AND -- YOU GOT
THOSE ON
>> Jimmy: YES.
IT'S GREAT
>> OH YOU LOOK VERY COOL
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU.
>> YOU LOOK LIKE THE
TERMINATOR
>> Jimmy: I'LL BE -- NO, I
WON'T.
I WON'T SAY THAT
>> YEAH.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
SO I'M GOING TO ASK YOU TO HOLD
THE S'MORES --
>> Jimmy: OKAY
>> AND I'VE GOT THE MARSHMALLOW
HERE
SO -- WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO -- I
HAVE A SPARKLER BACK HERE.
OKAY, SO I'M GONNA LIGHT THE
SPARKLER, AND I'M GONNA USE IT
TO ROAST THIS MARSHMALLOW.
SO THIS IS A TITANIUM SPARKLER
SO IT REACHES ABOUT 600 DEGREES
CELSIUS.
OR IF YOU'RE IN TO FAHRENHEIT,
IT'S OVER A THOUSAND DEGREES
>> Jimmy: YEAH, I'M IN TO
FAHRENHEIT
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> REALLY, REALLY HOT.
SO IT SHOULD BE ABLE TO --
YEAH, YEAH
ME TOO
ME TOO MAN
>> Jimmy: YEAH
>> SO IT SHOULD BE ABLE TO
TOAST THIS REALLY WELL DONE.
SO ARE YOU READY
>> Jimmy: OKAY YEAH.
YEAH, LET'S --
>> ALRIGHT
[ CLICKING ]
READY?
HERE WE GO
>> Jimmy: THIS IS FANTASTIC.
THIS IS PERFECT TO DO IN THE
SUMMER
>> IT'S ABOUT EIGHT FEET TALL,
GIVE OR TAKE
[ AUDIENCE OHS ]
>> Jimmy: YES, YES
THAT IS THE WAY TO DO IT RIGHT
THERE.
LOOK AT THAT, PERFECTLY DONE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> OKAY.
SO, NOW, DO YOU WANT TO GET
A S'MORE -
CAUSE I'M GOING TO GET THE
POPCORN --
>> Jimmy: YEAH I'LL GET
A S'MORE READY TO GO THERE
HERE YOU GO.
>> WE WANTED TO HAVE ENOUGH SO
>> Jimmy: PERFECT, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.
>> HERE, YOU WANT TO -
>> Jimmy: JUST PUT ONE ON TOP
OF THERE
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S PERFECT
THANK YOU KEVIN.
>> THERE YOU GO.
>> Jimmy: WOW, YOU REALLY DID
IT PERFECTLY
>> DON'T EAT IT, IT'S FULL OF
TITANIUM
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH, THANK YOU.
I APPRECIATE THAT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I'LL HAVE ONE OF THESE
CAN I EAT THAT
>> WE HAVE SOME MORE
SPARKLERS --
YOU ALL RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: YEAH -
>> DID YOU EAT A PLAIN RAW
MARSHMALLOW?
>> Jimmy: I DID, BUT YEAH,
THAT'S -
>> I THINK THAT'S SAFE
>> Jimmy: OKAY, I DIDN'T COME
TO REHEARSAL
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> ALRIGHT, THAT'S OKAY, THAT'S
OKAY
HAVE YOU SEEN -- THERE'S A
A MOVIE CALLED "TITANIC" THAT'S
ABOUT THIS BOAT.
[ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER
>> Jimmy: NO SPOILERS.
YEAH
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> OKAY, YEAH.
THE I'M FLYING SCENE, WHERE
JACK AND ROSE ARE ON THE BOW OF
THE BOAT
AND THERE'S BEAUTIFUL MUSIC
PLAYING.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
>> AND HE ASKS HER, "DO YOU
TRUST ME," AND WHAT DOES SHE
SAY?
SHE SAYS, "I TRUST YOU, JACK."
RIGHT?
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE
>> DO YOU TRUST ME, JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: I TRUST YOU KEVIN.
>> WE'RE GOING TO RE-CREATE THE
SCENE.
>> Jimmy: ALRIGHT.
>> SO I NEED YOUR ARMS OUT AT
90 DEGREE ANGLE.
>> Jimmy: OKAY
>> IMAGINE YOU'RE LOOKING OUT
AT THE BEAUTIFUL OCEAN
A RESEARCHER'S BEEN DECEIVED BY
A WOMAN, AN OLD WOMAN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OKAY
>> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT
>> IT'S "TITANIC."
>> Jimmy: YEAH, OF COURSE.
>> OKAY READY, LIGHT THE
TITANIUM
[ CHEERS ]
WOW!
>> Jimmy: YES!
♪ NEAR FAR WHEREVER ♪
THAT WAS UNBELIEVABLE.
>> HOW ARE YOU DOING
>> Jimmy: I'M GREAT.
I'M NOT ON FIRE, AM I?
>> HOW IS YOUR HEART, DID IT GO
ON
>> Jimmy: MY HEART WAS GONNA GO
ON
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> OKAY, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
SO, WE WERE ABLE TO DO THAT, SO
WHY DIDN'T IT BURN YOU
>> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW WHY
>> THERE WAS NOT ENOUGH HEAT
ENERGY IN A LITTLE TINY SPARK
TO BURN YOUR SKIN.
>> Jimmy: BECAUSE IT DID THE
MARSHMALLOW.
>> RIGHT
>> Jimmy: SO HAD MY HANDS IN
CLOSER TO IT
>> RIGHT, BECAUSE HEAT IS
A PRODUCT OF AN OBJECT MASS,
AND IT'S TEMPERATURE
SO A LARGER OBJECT LIKE THE
MARSHMALLOW, WITH ALL THAT HEAT
CONCENTRATED ON IT, COOKED THE
MARSHMALLOW.
BUT JUST A SMALL AMOUNT OF HEAT
ON YOUR SKIN DIDN'T HURT YOU AT
ALL.
>> Jimmy: FANTASTIC.
>> BUT DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.
>> Jimmy: NO, NO, NO
DON'T TRY THAT AT HOME
>> SO I WAS A PINEWOODS DERBY
CHAMPION -
>> Jimmy: NICE
>> WHEN I WAS A KID.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[ APPLAUSE ]
SO WE HAVE SOME PINEWOOD DERBY
STYLE RACING CARS HERE
BUT BECAUSE -- COME ON OVER
HERE
WE'RE PEOPLE OF SCIENCE.
SO WE HAVE SOME LITTLE
CO2 CARTRIDGES IN THE BACK TO
POWER THEM
SO WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO IS --
I'M GONNA PUT YOUR HAND THERE.
>> Jimmy: YEP.
>> AND YOU WANT TO PULL OUT THE
PIN, BUT DON'T LET IT GO UNTIL
I SAY SO
>> Jimmy: OKAY, SURE
>> SO ON THE COUNT OF THREE LET
GO
ALRIGHT, READY
>> Jimmy: YES.
>> THREE, TWO, ONE
[ AUDIENCE OHS ]
>> Jimmy: OH FANTASTIC
>> AWESOME
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: CAN WE SEE IT IN SLOW
MOTION
YOU GOT ME
YOU TOOK ME.
YEAH, YOU'RE THE CHAMP RIGHT
THERE BUD.
>> THAT'S OKAY
THAT'S OKAY.
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> OKAY, SO I KNOW YOU LIKE
RACING ON THE SHOW A LOT
>> Jimmy: YEAH I DO.
>> WOULDN'T IT BE COOL IF WE
HAD HUMAN SIZED VERSIONS OF
THESE SORT OF CARS
WOULDN'T IT BE COOL?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
I AGREE.
TARIQ, DO YOU WANT TO RACE
AGAINST HIM?
>> Tariq: I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER
ASK.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
>> Jimmy: REALLY
>> YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO PUT
ON THESE GLOVES CAUSE IT'S
GONNA GET COLD
>> Jimmy: WOW, REALLY?
REALLY
>> OH, NOW IT'S GETTING
SERIOUS.
>> ALL RIGHT
>> Jimmy: WHAT DO WE DO?
>> FOLLOW ME, WE'RE GOING TO GO
OUT INTO THE HALLWAY
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT.
>> ALL RIGHT
>> Jimmy: YOU MENTIONED
SOMETHING ABOUT THE 50th
ANNIVERSARY OF THE MOON
LANDING?
>> RIGHT, RIGHT.
AND SO PRETTY MUCH, THIS IS THE
SAME WAY THAT LIKE WE MOVE
OBJECTS AROUND IN SPACE.
SO IT'S A LARGE, YOU KNOW,
THROWING MASS BEHIND A CRAFT
RIGHT?
MOVING IT IN THE OPPOSITE
DIRECTION.
SO PRETTY MUCH WHAT WE'RE GOING
TO DO IS THE SAME THING.
SO DOWN HERE WE HAVE TWO CARTS
THAT HAVE BEEN MODIFIED, KIND
OF UPSCALE FROM THE PINEWOOD
DERBY TYPE CARS.
OKAY
>> Jimmy: OH MY GOSH, YES!
>> SO PICK YOUR CARS, THERE YOU
GO
AND YOU'VE GOT HELMETS TO PUT
ON
>> Tariq: I LIKE TO MAKE A
A CHOICE
>> NOW, THESE RED TANKS ARE
FIRE EXTINGUISHERS, RIGHT, AND
THEY'RE CO2 FIRE EXTINGUISHERS
THAT HAVE BEEN MODIFIED TO
REALLY ALLOW ALL THE PRESSURE
TO RELEASE
AND WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET A
A NICE PROPULSION FORWARD.
SO ONCE YOU'RE READY, WE'LL
BEGIN THE RACE
NOW YOU WANT TO GO DOWN THE
HALL, AROUND, AND BACK INTO THE
STUDIO
AND THE FIRST ONE TO THE FINISH
LINE IS THE WINNER
>> YOU READY
>> Tariq: I'M NOT ANSWERING
THAT
LET'S GO
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> ALRIGHT, THREE, TWO, ONE.
READY, SET, GO
[ EXPLOSION
♪
[ APPLAUSE ]
[ BELL RINGING ] >> Tariq: YOU
SPRAYED ME WITH SMOKE.
>> Jimmy: SMOKED YOU, MAN.
SMOKED YOU
SMOKED HIM
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
KEVIN DELANEY, EVERYBODY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
ZACHARY QUINTO
COME ON BACK EVERYBODY
WOW, THAT WAS --
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
>> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST STARS
ON THE AMC SERIES "NOS4A2"
WHICH WILL AIR ITS SEASON
FINALE THIS SUNDAY AT
10:00 P.M.
LADY'S AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE
WELCOME ZACHARY QUINTO
♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO THE
SHOW
>> IT'S GOOD TO BE HERE.
>> Jimmy: WE LOVE HAVING YOU
HERE
HOW WAS YOUR SUMMER?
YOU ENJOYING IT?
>> GREAT
YEAH
>> Jimmy: DID YOU GO ON ANY
VACATIONS AT ALL
>> I WAS IN BALI
HAVE YOU BEEN TO BALI?
>> Jimmy: NO
>> I HAD NEVER BEEN THERE
EITHER
>> Jimmy: IS IT BEAUTIFUL?
>> ITS SO BEAUTIFUL AND
PEACEFUL
AND THE PEOPLE ARE SO
WELCOMING.
AND, YEAH, IT WAS GREAT.
IT WAS REALLY LOVELY
>> Jimmy: THIS IS NOT WHERE THE
INCIDENT OCCURRED, IF YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT
>> IT'S NOT WHERE THE INCIDENT
OCCURRED
>> Jimmy: THE PADDLE BOARDING
INCIDENT
>> THE PADDLE BOARD FIASCO
I MEAN, I LOVE TO KIND OF
EXPERIENCE THE PLACES THAT I'M
IN
AND SO, IT WAS MY LAST DAY
I WAS LIKE, I'M GOING TO GO OUT
FOR A PADDLE BOARD -
>> Jimmy: YEAH
>> BEFORE I LEAVE FOR THE
AIRPORT.
SO I GO.
AND I WAS LIKE VERY TRANQUIL,
PADDLING MY WAY DOWN, AND I'M
LIKE, THIS IS GREAT.
AND I GO, YOU KNOW, FAIRLY FAR
DOWN THE BEACH, AND THEN I GET
TO THE END
AND THIS, LIKE, HURRICANE FORCE
WIND, BASICALLY, WHIPS UP.
AND THEN I HAVE TO TURN AROUND
AND NOW WHAT WAS LIKE THIS
TRANQUIL THING
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I'M, LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, LABORING
AGAINST THE WIND
AND THEN I HAD TO GET ON MY
KNEES AND BE LIKE PADDLING
AND IT WAS LIKE -- IT WAS
HORRIFYING
AND, OF COURSE THE PAPARAZZI
WAS THERE.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S FUN IS THAT -
>> I KNOW.
I KNOW
>> Jimmy: WE FOUND THE PHOTOS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> I MEAN, WHAT DID I EXCEPT,
BUT COME ON.
>> Jimmy: COME ON, DUDE.
THIS IS FANTASTIC.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
DUDE, IT'S SO GOOD
IT'S SO FUNNY.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S RIGHT
THIS IS NOT GOOD
>> Jimmy: OH MAN
>> AND IT WAS LIKE THE
HOLIDAYS
SO I JUST HAD TURKEY FOR A
A WEEK
I WAS LIKE, "PLEASE.
>> Jimmy: YOU STILL LOOK GOOD,
BUDDY.
>> COME ON
>> Jimmy: THAT'S JUST HILARIOUS
THOUGH
OH MY GOSH
CAN WE TALK ABOUT "NOS4A2?
>> LET'S DO IT
>> Jimmy: BY THE WAY, THE
FINALE IS THIS SUNDAY --
>> SUNDAY.
ALREADY.
IT'S SO CRAZY.
>> Jimmy: ON AMC
>> YUP
>> Jimmy: AND YOU'RE FANTASTIC
IN IT.
>> AW, THANKS.
>> Jimmy: YOU HAVE SO MUCH
PROSTHETICS IN THIS SHOW
>> THERE'S A LOT OF DIFFERENT
LOOKS --
>> Jimmy: IT'S AMAZING
>> FOR THE CHARACTER WHO AGES
UP AND DOWN THROUGH THE COURSE
OF THE NARRATIVE, THE STORY.
>> Jimmy: I MEAN, HUNDREDS OF
YEARS.
LOOK AT THIS
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: I MEAN THIS IS SCARY
LOOK AT THIS
>> OOH.?
>> Jimmy: DO YOU LIKE DOING
PROSTHETICS, OR DO YOU -
>> I DO.
I MEAN, IT'S AN INTERESTING --
I'VE NEVER DONE THEM TO THIS
EXTENT
AND IT'S CERTAINLY A
A FASCINATING PART OF THE
PROCESS THAT REALLY ALLOWS ME
TO IMMERSE MYSELF IN A
A CHARACTER.
>> Jimmy: SURE
AND WE HAVE A FANTASTIC TEAM OF
PEOPLE
JOEL HARLOW, RICHIE ELANNA, AND
CHERYL DANIELS -
>> Jimmy: IT LOOKS AMAZING
>> WHO DO ALL OF THAT.
THEY'RE INCREDIBLE, AND THEY
REALLY ALLOWED ME TO KIND OF
DIVE INTO THE CHARACTER IN A
A DEEPER WAY
>> WELL, I HOPE YOU GET USED TO
IT, BECAUSE YOU JUST GOT PICKED
UP FOR SEASON TWO.
SO CONGRATULATIONS
>> YEAH, WE DID YEAH
THANKS, MAN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
IT'S A GOOD SEGUE, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO SHOW
EVERYONE A CLIP.
HERE'S ZACHARY QUINTO IN
"NOS4A2.
TAKE A LOOK.
>> AND YOU BROKE MY OLD HEART,
VICTORIA, BECAUSE NOW YOU'RE
NOT CAPABLE OF PROVIDING MY
CHILDREN WITH THE LOVE AND THE
CARE THAT THEY REQUIRE
YOU ARE, HOWEVER, CAPABLE OF
PROVIDING THEM WITH A PROPER
MEAL
♪
COME OUT, RIGHT NOW, OR YOU
WILL BE THE ONE TO BURN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: OOH!
I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT SIDE OF
YOU.
>> SO CREEPY
>> Jimmy: THAT'S A CREEPY SIDE
OF YOU
I NEVER REALLY SEE -
>> YEAH, THAT'S A CREEPY SIDE.
WE SHOULD BALANCE THAT CREEPY
SIDE OUT I FEEL.
>> Jimmy: IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I'LL BRING UP SOMETHING THAT
COULD BALANCE IT OUT
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: I HEARD THAT THE LAST
TIME YOU WERE HERE, WE TALKED.
YOU SAID THAT YOU WERE KIND OF
PICKING UP THE BANJO
>> OH YEAH, YEAH
>> Jimmy: AND TRYING TO LEARN
THAT
>> I'VE BEEN PLAYING THE BANJO
FOR ABOUT FIVE YEARS ACTUALLY.
>> Jimmy: YEAH
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WE HAVE YOUR -
>> WE DO HAVE MY BANJO
>> Jimmy: BANJO HERE TONIGHT
I WAS JUST WONDERING IF YOU
WOULD --
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK
YOU.
>> Jimmy: THIS IS FASCINATIN
I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS.
>> ARE YOU
>> Jimmy: YEAH, BECAUSE I LOVE
BANJO.
>> I LOVE BANJO TOO.
>> Jimmy: AND I TRIED TO PLAY,
AND I COULDN'T DO IT
>> THANK YOU
I WAS DEBATING ON WHAT TO PLAY
I DECIDED TO GO WITH ONE OF MY
EASIER SONGS JUST BECAUSE I'VE
NEVER --
I FEEL VERY SHOW AND TELL ABOUT
THIS
LIKE, VERY THIRD GRADE
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
LIKE BRINGING MY COOKIE MONSTER
DOLL INTO THE CLASS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THIS IS SOMETHING I MOSTLY ONLY
DO ON MY OWN, BUT THIS IS ONE
OF MY FAVORITE FOLK SONGS.
AND I FELL IN LOVE WITH IT THE
FIRST TIME I HEARD IT WHEN IT
WAS COVERED BY JOAN BAEZ
IT'S BEEN COVERED BY BOD DYLAN,
JERRY GARCIA, SO MANY PEOPLE
BUT IT WAS WRITTEN BY THIS
WOMAN NAMED ELIZABETH COTTEN,
WHO'S AMAZING.
SHE WAS BORN IN 1893 IN
CARRBORO, NORTH CAROLINA, AND
AT THE AGE OF 9 SHE PICKED UP
HER BROTHER'S BANJO, AND SHE
WAS JUST A MUSICAL PRODIGY FROM
THE BEGINNING.
SHE STARTED WRITING SONGS AND
PLAYING SONGS, AND SHE DID THAT
FOR YEARS.
WHEN SHE WAS 13 SHE BOUGHT HER
FIRST GUITAR, BUT SHE WAS LEFT
HANDED
SHE BOUGHT A RIGHT HANDED
GUITAR, AND LEARNED HOW TO PLAY
IT UP SIDE DOWN.
I MEAN, JUST THIS INCREDIBLE
WOMAN, AND THEN SHE GOT MARRIED
AND HAD A KID, AND SHE STOPPED
PLAYING MUSIC.
AND SHE MADE A LIVING DOING
OTHER JOBS
AND ONE OF THE JOBS SHE HAD WAS
IN A DEPARTMENT STORE.
AND ONE DAY THIS YOUNG GIRL WAS
LOST IN THE DEPARTMENT STORE,
SEPARATED FROM HER MOTHER, AND
ELIZABETH COTTON HELPED HER
FIND HER MOM
AND THEY STRUCK A CONVERSATION
AND FORMED A FRIENDSHIP.
AND EVENTUALLY ELIZABETH COTTEN
WENT TO WORK FOR THIS FAMILY AS
A HOUSEKEEPER.
AND IT TURNS OUT THAT THE
LITTLE GIRL WHO WAS LOST IN THE
DEPARTMENT STORE WAS THE SISTER
OF PETE SEEGER
AND SO SHE HADN'T PLAYED MUSIC
FOR 25 YEARS, AND THE SEEGER
FAMILY REAWAKENED HER JOY FOR
MUSIC, AND SHE STARTED PLAYING
AND RECORDING.
SHE WON A GRAMMY WHEN SHE WAS
90
AND --
>> Jimmy: 90
>> YEAH.
SHE STARTED HER CAREER AGAIN
WHEN SHE WAS 65 YEARS OLD, BUT
SHE WROTE THIS SONG WHEN SHE
WAS 11
>> Jimmy: WOW.
>> AND THEN I ADDED TO IT.
I'LL PLAY THREE QUICK VERSUS
AND THE LAST ONE ARE LYRICS
THAT I WROTE
BUT I'M SO LIKE, ALL RIGHT, I'M
GOING TO DO THIS
THIS IS --
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: NAME OF THE SONG
>> WAIT TILL IT'S OVER
WAIT TILL IT'S OVER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S CALLED "FREIGHT TRAIN."
"FREIGHT TRAIN," YEAH.
♪
♪ FREIGHT TRAIN
FREIGHT TRAIN GOING SO FAS
FREIGHT TRAIN FREIGHT TRAI
GOING SO FAST ♪
♪ PLEASE DON'T SA
WHAT TRAIN I'M O
AND THEY WON'T KNO
WHAT ROUTE I'VE GONE ♪
♪ PLEASE DON'T TELL THE
WHAT TRAIN I'M O
SO THEY DON'T KNOW
WHAT ROUTE I'VE GONE ♪
♪ WHEN I'M DEAD
AND IN MY GRAV
NO MORE GOOD TIMES
SHALL I CRAVE ♪
♪ PLACE A STONE
AT MY HEAD AND FEE
TELL THE WORLD
THAT I'VE GONE SLEEP ♪
♪ PLACE A STONE
AT MY HEAD AND FEE
TELL THE WORLD
THAT I'VE GONE TO SLEEP ♪
♪ COUNTRY COUNTRY
WHERE I ROAM
I AM SEARCHING FOR MY HOME
I WILL WANDER UNTIL I KNOW ♪
♪ WHERE I COME FROM
IS WHERE I'LL GO
I WILL WANDER UNTIL I KNOW
WHERE I COME FRO
♪ IS WHERE I'LL GO ♪
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH, HEY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
ZACHARY QUINTO, EVERYBODY.
THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL
THE SEASON FINALE OF "NOS4A2"
AIRS THIS SUNDAY AT 10 P.M. ON
AMC.
BETTY GILPIN JOINS US AFTER THE
BREAK, STICK AROUND EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
>> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST JUST
GOT NOMINATED FOR HER SECOND
EMMY FOR HER WORK ON THE HIT
NETFLIX SHOW, "GLOW.
SEASON THREE PREMIERES AUGUST
9TH.
PLEASE WELCOME BETTY GILPIN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
>> Jimmy: COME ON, WELCOME TO
THE SHOW
>> HI.
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
BEING HERE
>> IT'S SO NICE TO BE HERE
>> Jimmy: HAPPY BELATED
BIRTHDAY I WANT TO SAY
>> OH THANK YOU, THANK YOU SO
MUCH
>> Jimmy: DID YOU HAVE A NICE
ONE?
>> I WAS ON THE PLANE BACK FROM
COMIC-CON WHICH WAS SO AMAZING,
I HAD NEVER BEEN BEFORE.
>> Jimmy: OOH THAT'S A BIG
DEAL
>> YEAH, IT WAS CRAZY.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S GIANT
WHAT ROOM ARE YOU IN
OR THERE'S LIKE SPECIAL
ROOMS --
>> I WAS IN HALL H -
>> Jimmy: YES.
>> WHICH SEATS JUST A CASUAL
7,000 PEOPLE
>> Jimmy: YEAH
>> THERE'S LIKE THIS PART OF ME
THAT'S LIKE MY 7-YEAR-OLD SELF
LIKE "OH MY GOD, I CAN'T
BELIEVE ANY OF THIS IS
HAPPENING.
AND THEN PART OF ME THAT'S
LIKE, "IT'S ALL GOING TO GO
AWAY."
>> Jimmy: OH REALLY?
>> I CALL HER ANGELA
I HAVE TO TELL ANGELA TO KINA
OF TAKE A CHILL PILL
>> Jimmy: ENJOY IT NOW KID
>> YES
>> Jimmy: YEAH
>> AND THEN RIGHT BEFORE I WENT
OUT, THIS WOMAN WITH A HEADSET
WAS LIKE "OH DON'T BE NERVOUS.
THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU,
THEY'RE HERE FOR MARVEL, IT'S
RIGHT AFTER YOUR PANEL."
I WAS LIKE, WHAT
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND THEN I REALIZED LIKE IT'S
7,000 MARVEL SUPER FANS WHO
HAVE TRAVELLED FROM ALL OVER
THE WORLD TO COME SEE THE
MARVEL PANEL
AND BEFORE THAT I HAVE TO BE
LIKE MY NAME'S BETTY
I'M ON "GLOW."
IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN "GLOW," YOU
SHOULD CHECK IT OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: HOW SAD, HOW SAD
>> YEAH IT WAS -- AND THEN THE
MODERATOR OF THE PANEL I WAS
ON -- I SAW THIS HAPPEN IN SLOW
MOTION
SHE WAS LIKE TRYING TO THROW ME
A BONE
7,000 PEOPLE
SHE'S LIKE, BETTY GILPIN PLAYS
LIBERTY BELLE ON "GLOW."
ANYONE OUT THERE DRESSED AS
LIBERTY BELLE?
COSPLAYING AS LIBERTY BELLE?
AND 7,000 PEOPLE, THIS IS THE
SOUND I HEARD.
[ COUGH
[ LAUGHTER ]
♪
>> Jimmy: SOMEBODY COUGHING?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> ONE COUGH
[ COUGH
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT WAS THE MOST POETIC
>> Jimmy: OH WOW
>> AND MY INNER ANGELA WAS
LIKE, "YOU SEE."
>> Jimmy: THIS IS THE END OF
THE ROAD KID, YEAH
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: LET'S TALK ABOUT
GLOW
AND THIS IS YOUR SECOND EMMY
NOMINATION
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS.
THAT'S REALLY FUN.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH
I'M REALLY EXCITED
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
YEAH
>> Jimmy: YOU DESERVE IT
>> THANKS.
>> Jimmy: I JUST READ SOMEWHERE
YOU DO SOME INTERESTING
IMPRESSIONS?
>> YES
OKAY, SO -- THIS IMPRESSION
THAT I DO, I HAVE THE MUSICAL
TASTE OF LIKE A 75-YEAR-OLD
HERMIT WOMAN WHO'S LIKE WEARING
A DRESS MADE OUT OF SPIDER
WEBS
SO THE IMPRESSION THAT I CAN
DO -- I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S
GONNA TRANSLATE, IS A DUET
BETWEEN ELLA FITZGERALD AND
LOUIE ARMSTRONG.
>> Jimmy: OH MY GOODNESS
>> "BABY IT'S COLD OUTSIDE."
THAT KIND OF THING
>> Jimmy: ABSOLUTELY >> BUT I
THOUGHT TO KIND OF MODERNIZE
IT, I WOULD DO IT TO ONE OF --
A PIVOTAL SONG FOR ME AS A
A MIDDLE SCHOOLER.
OKAY, OKAY, HERE WE GO
THIS IS HAPPENING, THIS IS
CRAZY.
THIS IS LIKE WHAT I WOULD DO
WHEN I WAS 6-YEARS-OLD ALONE,
AND THEN STONED AT 17, AND NOW
SOBER HERE
OKAY
♪ OOPS I DID IT AGAIN
I PLAYED WITH YOUR HEART
GOT LOST IN THE GAME O
BABY BABY OOPS YOU THINK
I'M IN LOVE ♪
♪ AND I'M SENT FROM ABOVE
I'M NOT THAT INNOCENT ♪
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT IS A FIRST.
THAT IS A FIRST THAT HAS NEVER
HAPPENED ON OUR SHOW BEFORE.
THAT IS A FIRST.
ELLA AND LOUIE DOING
BRITNEY SPEARS
OH MY GOSH
>> THANK YOU
>> Jimmy: BETTY GILPIN, YOU ARE
AWESOME.
HERE'S A CLIP.
HERE'S BETTY GILPIN AND
ALISON BRIE IN SEASON 3 OF
"GLOW.
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
LAS VEGAS EVER AGAIN
JUST TAKE A MOMENT AND
APPRECIATE WHAT IS RIGHT IN
FRONT OF YOU SO YOU DON'T MISS
IT
>> HEY, SO ME SPEAKING AS YOUR
PRODUCER, EVERYONE IS UP
DON'T BRING THEM DOWN INTO YOUR
SINKHOLE OF DESPAIR.
>> HEY
IT WAS FUN LAST NIGHT.
>> NO TODD, WHAT DID WE SAY?
I'M WORKING.
>> LET'S CHAT.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> REALLY?
>> Jimmy: BETTY GILPIN
BETTY GILPIN, EVERYBODY.
SEASON THREE OF "GLOW"
PREMIERES AUGUST 9th ON
NETFLIX.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STAND
UP FROM MIKE VECCHIONE, STICK
AROUND
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
>> Jimmy: THIS NEXT GUY IS ONE
OF MY FAVORITES.
HE CAN BE HEARD WEEKLY ON THE
"NO DISRESPECT" PODCAST
AVAILABLE ON iTUNES.
PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY
MIKE VECCHIONE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
>> NEW YORK CITY, BABY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
MY NAME IS MIKE.
I'M IN MY 40s.
SOME OF YOU MIGHT BE YOUNGER,
SO I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO BE IN YOUR 40s.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
WHETHER I LIFT WEIGHTS OR GET
DRUNK, MY BODY FEELS ABOUT THE
SAME
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
THE NEXT DAY I'M JUST ACHY AND
SORE, QUESTIONING ALL OF MY
LIFE'S CHOICES
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
MY FATHER GAVE ME SOME VERY BAD
ADVICE GROWING UP.
AND IT'S GOING TO SOUND LIKE
GOOD ADVICE WHEN I SAY IT.
BUT NOW THAT I'M IN MY 40s, I
KNOW IT'S BAD.
THIS WAS THE ADVICE.
HE SAID, "MICHAEL, ALWAYS GIVE
100%."
HE SAID, "YOU CAN'T GO WRONG IF
YOU ALWAYS GIVE 100%."
THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS FALSE
[ LAUGHTER ]
IF YOU GIVE 100% AT ALL TIMES,
YOU WILL END UP IN A MENTAL
INSTITUTION.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT YOU HAVE TO TRY SOMETIMES.
SO WHAT I DO NOW IS WHEN I WALK
INTO A SITUATION, I CHECK MY
CELL PHONE
WHATEVER PERCENTAGE MY BATTERY
IS AT --
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S HOW MUCH EFFORT I GIVE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
TONIGHT, THEY WERE LIKE, "MIKE,
THIS CROWD DESERVES 100%."
I SAID "37% IS WHAT THEY'RE
GONNA GET.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
"UNLESS SOMEBODY HAS A
A CHARGER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I'M NOT MARRIED.
THERE'S A LOT OF LIES FLOATING
AROUND OUT THERE ABOUT
MARRIAGE
ONE IS THAT MARRIAGE IS 50/50.
I FIND THAT TO BE NOT TRUE AT
ALL.
THE MARRIAGES THAT LAST ARE
NEVER 50/50.
THE MARRIAGES THAT LAST ARE
A COMBINATION OF TWO TYPES OF
PEOPLE
ONE PERSON WHO IS BORING -
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
WITH ANOTHER PERSON WHO IS
CRAZY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
BORING AND CRAZY IS THE ONLY
COMBINATION THAT SEEMS TO WORK
I'VE DONE THE MATH ON THIS
TWO BORINGS DON'T WORK
THEY'LL CHEAT ON EACH OTHER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
NOT ENOUGH EXCITEMENT.
TWO CRAZIES DON'T WORK BECAUSE
THAT'S THE SHOW "COPS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE SHOW
"COPS?
I HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF
BREAK UPS.
AND WHEN I BREAK UP WITH A
A WOMAN, NEVER PLEASANT.
I LIKE TO DO IT AT A
A RESTAURANT
[ LAUGHTER ]
BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT'S A
A PUBLIC PLACE
AND SHE WILL NOT CAUSE A SCENE
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
BUT CAN I SHARE A SECRET WITH
YOU GUYS
THE WOMEN OF TODAY WILL YELL AT
YOU RIGHT IN A RESTAURANT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DO?
I TAKE HER TO A CHINESE
RESTAURANT
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT WAY IF SHE YELLS AT ME, IT
JUST SEEMS LIKE SHE'S WORKING
AT THE RESTAURANT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
I'M TRYING TO STAY IN SHAPE.
I STARTED DOING HOT YOGA LAST
SPRING
AND ONE OF THE BENEFITS OF
DOING HOT YOGA IN NEW YORK IS
THAT YOU GET TO CARRY A SMALL
MAT AROUND THE CITY WITH YOU
AND I LIKE THAT.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
BECAUSE MY FRIENDS ARE DUMB.
THEY'RE LIKE, "ARE YOU DOING
YOGA?"
I'M LIKE, "THIS?
NO
I LIKE TO ENGAGE PEOPLE IN TINY
WRESTLING MATCHES ALL OVER
TOWN
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S HOW I WORK OUT NOW.
I START A CONFRONTATION.
I ROLL OUT THE MAT
[ LAUGHTER ]
I WAVE ON THE CHALLENGE.
I'M LIKE, "BRING IT, DOG
LET'S SOLVE IT IN THIS TWO BY
ONE BY TWO BY ONE-INCH SPACE
THAT I CARRY AROUND WITH ME FOR
AGGRESSIVE REASONS."
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I COMPLAIN ABOUT HOT YOGA BEING
TOO HOT.
I'M ONE OF THOSE GUYS.
MY FRIENDS ARE LIKE, "MIKE, WHY
DON'T YOU JUST GO TO REGULAR
YOGA?"
I'M LIKE, "NO, I LIKE HOT YOGA
I LIKE HOT YOGA.
BECAUSE YOU'RE SWEATING SO
MUCH, NO ONE CAN TELL THAT
YOU'RE CRYING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THEY'RE LIKE, "MIKE, ARE YOU
CHANTING?"
I'M LIKE, "I AM WEEPING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I TOLD THE INSTRUCTOR IT WAS
TOO HOT.
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE 90 MINUTES,
105 DEGREES.
BUT IT FEELS LIKE 140.
THAT'S WHAT I SAID
SHE SAID, "THE SEASONS ARE
CHANGING
WE KIND OF HAVE TO ADJUST TO
THE SEASONS.
I'M LIKE, "DO YOU KNOW HOW
BUILDINGS WORK?"
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU CONTROL THE WEATHER ON THE
INSIDE OF A BUILDING
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S WHY IT'S DIFFERENT FROM
THE OUTSIDE OF A BUILDING.
[ APPLAUSE ]
OTHERWISE WE WOULD NOT NEED
BUILDINGS.
WE WOULD JUST DO EVERYTHING
OUTSIDE.
SHE'S LIKE, "BUT DON'T YOU FEEL
BETTER AFTER IT'S OVER?"
I'M LIKE, "I FEEL BETTER THE
WAY SOMEONE FEELS BETTER AFTER
THEY SURVIVED A CAR ACCIDENT
[ LAUGHTER ]
I FEEL BETTER THAT I'M ALIVE
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT I DON'T FEEL BETTER THAN IF
I NEVER WOULD HAVE COME HERE."
SHE'S LIKE, "BUT YOU'RE LOSING
WEIGHT
AREN'T YOU HAPPY THAT YOU'RE
LOSING WEIGHT?
I'M LIKE, "AM I LOSING WEIGHT?
I DON'T FEEL LIKE I'M LOSING
WEIGHT
I FEEL LIKE I'M EVAPORATING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I FEEL LIKE THAT'S HAPPENING
I FEEL LIKE THERE'S A CLOUD
OUTSIDE THAT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE
ME
[ LAUGHTER ]
FAT, WHITE AND SAD."
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
>> Jimmy: MIKE VECCHIONE
FOR MORE VISIT
MIKEVECCHIONE.COM.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
>> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO
ZACHARY QUINTO, BETTY GILPIN,
KEVIN DELANEY, MIKE VECCHIONE,
AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM
PHILADELPHIA
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH
SETH MEYERS.
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING
HAVE A GREAT NIGHT
I HOPE TO SEE YOU TOMORROW
BYE-BYE, EVERYBODY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪