Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - EDWARD NORTON,
EGO NWODIM MUSICAL GUEST, PARKER McCOLLUM AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW Questlove: 1826 Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS,
JIMMY FALLON [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
EVERYBODY. WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU VERY MUCH! WELL, GUYS, IT FINALLY
HAPPENED, A NEW YORK GRAND JURY HAS VOTED TO INDICT FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP FOR HIS ROLE IN
A HUSH MONEY PAYMENT MADE TO STORMY DANIELS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WHEN SHE HEARD, STORMY DANIELS WAS LIKE, "OH, SO THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE SATISFIED?
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE IT GETS EVEN CRAZIER THOUGH, IF TRUMP REFUSES TO SURRENDER,
FLORIDA GOVERNOR RON DeSANTIS WOULD HAVE TO APPROVE A REQUEST TO SEND HIM TO NEW YORK.
[ AUDIENCE OHS ] DeSANTIS WAS LIKE, "OH, IT'S APPROVED
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE OH IT'S-- OH, IT'S APPROVED I'LL FLY HIM MYSELF!
THAT'S RIGHT, TRUMP IS THE FIRST U.S. PRESIDENT TO BE INDICTED
YES [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: IT IS-- IT IS
HISTORIC, AND TRUMP ACTUALLY PUT OUT A VIDEO ABOUT IT WATCH THIS
♪ ♪ I'M SO INDICTED AND I JUST CAN'T HIDE IT
I'M ABOUT TO GO TO JAI AND I DON'T LIKE IT ♪ ♪ I'M SO INDICTED
AND I JUST CAN'T HIDE IT I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNO I KNOW I AM SO SCREWED ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WELL, SWITCHING GEARS, THIS IS EXCITING, TODAY WAS OPENING DAY
FOR MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH
IT'S-- IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE GONE TO THE GAME, BUT APPARENTLY THEY'VE UPDATED THE
CLASSIC SONG, "TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME. AND IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'D LIKE
TO SING THE NEW ONE FOR YOU RIGHT NOW. HERE WE GO
♪ ♪ TAKE ME OUT TO TH BALLGAME
TAKE ME OU WITH THE CROWD ♪ ♪ BUYING A BEER YOU MIGHT
NEED A LOAN WHAT'S IN THIS HOT DOG I JUST FOUND A BONE ♪
[ LAUGHTER ] ♪ AND IT'S ROOT ROOT ROOT FOR MY DRAFTKING
IF I DON'T WIN I'M SO SCREWED ♪ [ LAUGHTER ]
♪ FOR THERE'S ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGH NINE INNINGS STILL WITH NO
RUNS SO I LEFT ♪ ♪ HALFWAY THROUGH ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: PLAY BALL! ♪ PLAY BALL!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH Steve: THOSE ARE NEW.
Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT BASEBALL IS BACK AND THERE'S SO MANY AMAZING
PLAYERS THIS YEAR, BUT I NOTICED THAT IF YOU COMBINE SOME OF THE PLAYER'S NAMES, YOU
CAN CREATE AN EVEN MORE INTERESTING PLAYER I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN.
FOR INSTANCE, IF YOU COMBINE RYAN PRESSLY WITH ELVIS ANDRUS, YOU GET ELVIS PRESSLY.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU SEE HOW IT WORKS SO I'LL GIVE YOU ANOTHER
EXAMPLE. IF YOU COMBINE BRAD HAND WITH JAZZ CHISHOLM, JR., YOU GET
JAZZ HAND. [ LAUGHTER ] WHY-- WHAT?
WHAT'D YOU THINK Tariq: NAH! Steve: HE THOUGHT IT WAS
GOING TO BE SOMETHING DIFFERENT, DIDN'T HE Jimmy: YEAH
IF YOU COMBINE ALEX CALL WITH JORGE SOLER AND HARRISON BADER, YOU GET BADER CALL SOL
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING? IT'S A MORE INTERESTING GAME
Steve: WAY-- WAY MORE. Jimmy: IF-- IF YOU COMBINE OSWALDO CABRERA WITH JEFF WARE,
YOU GET WARE OSWALDO [ LAUGHTER ] ANYWAY, I'M JUST SAYING, SHOULD
BE A FUN SEASON. I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. I LOVE IT.
SOME NEWS FROM WASHINGTON LAST NIGHT. THE SENATE VOTED TO END THE
NATIONAL COVID EMERGENCY YEAH, AMERICANS ARE LIKE, "YEAH, THANKS FOR GETTING ON
THAT GUYS. WE ENDED IT OURSELVES A YEAR AGO, BUT THANK YOU."
[ LAUGHTER ] IT FEELS LIKE THE SENATE'S A A LITTLE BEHIND.
RIGHT AFTER THAT, THEY HELD THE HEARING TO ADDRESS THE DANGERS OF MYSPACE
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YEAH, YEAH, YEAH SENATE'S LIKE, "WE'RE NOT
BEHIND ON THE TIMES. BY THE WAY, DID YOU GUYS SEE THE STARBUCKS CUP IN 'GAME OF
THRONES?' [ LAUGHTER ] OH BLOOPER!
BLOOPER ALERT! WELL, GUYS, THERE'S STILL A LOT TO DEBATE OVER WHETHER THE
GOVERNMENT'S GOING TO BAN TIKTOK BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK THAT
IT REALLY COULD HAPPEN, AND ONE COMPANY HAS ALREADY TAKEN
ADVANTAGE OF THIS. CHECK OUT THIS AD I SAW TODAY. LOOK AT THIS
REVOLUTIONIZED THE WAY WE LIVE BUT IN AN AGE WHEN FOREIGN GOVERNMENTS CAN SPY ON YOU
THROUGH SOCIAL MEDIA APPS AND MALWARE INFECTED PHOTOS AND VIDEOS, IT'S MORE IMPORTANT
THAN EVER TO HAVE A SAFE, SECURE DEVICE. THAT'S WHY-- THE BLACKBERRY'S
BACK, BISH [ LAUGHTER ] YOU LEFT US FOR DEAD WHEN THE
iPHONE CAME OUT. BUT LOOK WHO'S COME CRAWLING BACK TO DADDY NOW.
[ SCREAM ] WE'RE SAFE, SECURE, AND WE'RE ABOUT TO GO WEREWOLF MODE ON
THE WORLD. THIS AIN'T YOUR GRANDPA'S SMARTPHONE, IT'S HIS GRANDPA'S
SMARTPHONE, MOTHER [ BLEEP ] [ LAUGHTER ] BLACKBERRY!
YOU CAN SEND EMAILS, GET EMAILS, AND-- SEND EMAILS ON THIS BAD BOY
UH, CAN SOMEBODY SPY ON MY BLACKBERRY YOU'RE TALKING INTO A
A [ BLEEP ] CALCULATOR, BRO, WHAT DO YOU THINK? BESIDES, WHAT'S CHINA GOING TO
FIND OUT YOU LIKE PLAYING BRICK BREAKER GOOD LUCK WITH THAT INTEL
[ BLEEP ] HEADS. BLACKBERRY, THE RIGHT SELECTION WHEN YOU NEED PROTECTION
SO SUCK IT, TIKTOK [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE OH NO
Jimmy: BLACKBERRY Steve: WOW. Jimmy: BLACKBERRY'S BACK.
I SAW THAT TODAY Steve: THAT'S A COMMERCIAL YOU SAW TODAY?
Jimmy: THAT'S A COMMERCIAL THAT I SAW TODAY Steve: AND YOU SAID, "I WANT
TO SHOW IT ON THE SHOW?" Jimmy: WELL, I SAW SOMETHING-- YOU SEE SOMETHING
LIKE THAT ON TELEVISION-- Steve: YEAH, YOU GO-- YOU WANT TO SHARE IT WITH
EVERYBODY. Jimmy:-- GET OUT HERE AND TELL EVERYONE!
[ LAUGHTER ] BLACKBERRY'S BACK. SOME TRAVEL NEWS, GUYS, THE FAA
JUST WARNED THAT, THIS SUMMER, THERE'S GOING TO BE A MAJOR SHORTAGE OF AIR TRAFFIC
CONTROLLERS AT SOME AIRPORTS DON'T WORRY, EVERY AIRPORT PLANS TO HIRE THAT 16-YEAR-OLD
KID WHO WORKS THE SLIDE AT A A WATER PARK "YOU CAN GO.
YOU CAN GO YOU CAN GO YOU CAN GO
YOU CAN GO, BRO. YOU WANT A PIGGYBACK GO AHEAD FOR IT, BRO, I DON'T
CARE [ LAUGHTER ] GO HEAD FIRST, I DON'T CARE,
BRO. [ LAUGHTER ] SOME BUSINESS NEWS, I HEARD
THAT BED BATH & BEYOND IS ONCE AGAIN WARNING THAT IT COULD HAVE TO FILE FOR BANKRUPTCY.
YOU CAN TELL BED BATH & BEYOND IS DESPERATE TODAY THEIR CEO RAN INTO
GWYNETH PALTROW AND SUED HER FOR $300 MILLION [ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S TERRIBLE. AND FINALLY, ACCORDING TO NEW RESEARCH, HUMANITY IS NOT EVEN
CLOSE TO REACHING ITS MAXIMUM LIFE SPAN AND ONE DAY, PEOPLE COULD LIVE TO THE AGE OF 150
IT'S GOING TO BE WEIRD WHEN YOUR GRANDPARENTS CAN'T VISIT YOU BECAUSE THEY'RE HANGING OUT
WITH THEIR GRANDPARENTS. [ LAUGHTER ] EVENTUALLY "THE TODAY SHOW"
WILL JUST BE FOUR HOURS OF WISHING OLD PEOPLE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN COME ON.
♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU
TONIGHT. MAN, I LOVE THIS GUY WHAT AN UNBELIEVABLE GUY
GREAT ACTOR. HE'S A THREE-TIME OSCAR NOMINEE WHO STARS IN THE APPLE TV PLUS
SERIES, "EXTRAPOLATIONS. EDWARD NORTON IS HERE! Steve: OH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: EDWARD NORTON! "EXTRAPOLATIONS.
YOU KNOW HER FROM "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," WHICH RETURNS THIS WEEKEND WITH HOST,
QUINTA BRUNSON, AND MUSICAL GUEST, LIL YACHTY, EGO NWODIM IS HERE TONIGHT!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Steve: OH, EGO! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: AND WE GOT GREAT MUSIC FROM PARKER McCOLLUM Steve: OH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: BIG, FUN SHOW TONIGHT.
GUYS, I ALSO WANT TO MENTION, BY THE WAY, MY NEW COLLABORATION WITH WARBY PARKER
IS AVAILABLE NOW THEY ARE CALLED FLIPPIES AND YEAH, HERE YOU GO, HERE,
THIS IS IT UH-- YEAH, NO-- THERE'S FOUR BOXES.
Steve: REALLY THE FLIPPIE BOX, YEAH, YEAH. Jimmy: FIRST ONE, SECOND
ONE, THERE'S A THIRD ONE, THE FOURTH - Steve: YEP, IT'S LIKE A
A NESTING DOLL Jimmy: YES, IT'S LIKE A A NESTING DOLL
HERE IT IS THIS IS FLIPPIES SO LOOK-- JUST COOL, RIGHT?
Steve: YEAH, THOSE ARE COOL BLUE SUNGLASSES. Jimmy: WHAT'S THAT, DO YOU
WANT THE BLACK SUNGLASSES? Steve: WHAT, THEY'RE BLACK! Jimmy: YEAH, THESE ARE COOL,
RIGHT? [ CHEERS ] OH-- OH, YOU'RE BORED OF
THESE? Steve: YOINK. Jimmy: OH, WE'RE GOOD
[ CHEERS ] ♪ ♪
YEAH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE FLIPPIES ARE AVAILABLE AT ALL
WARBY PARKER STORES AND WARBYPARKER.COM. 100% OF PROCEEDS GO TO THE
PUPILS PROJECT, BY THE WAY, WHICH PROVIDES EYE EXAMS AND GLASSES TO KIDS IN NEED.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THEY SEND DOCTORS INTO CLASSROOMS
IT'S A GREAT ORGANIZATION. LIMITED SUPPLY, GET 'EM WHILE YOU CAN!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE FLIPPIES
♪ Steve: SANFORD AND SUN. Jimmy: YEAH
Steve: THAT'S WHY YOU WEAR THE SUNGLASSES Jimmy: SANFORD AND SUNNIES.
Steve: YEAH Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S-- YEAH, I SHOULD HAVE CALLED THEM THAT
[ LAUGHTER ] GUYS, IT IS TIME FOR "TONIGHT
SHOW HASHTAGS. HERE WE GO Steve: WHOA
♪ HASHTAG HASHTAGS ♪ Jimmy: NOW, WE DO THIS THING
EVERY WEEK WHERE I SEND OUT A HASHTAG, AND WE ASK YOU GUYS TO RESPOND TO THAT TOPIC
THANK YOU ALL FOR PLAYING ALONG. SPRING BREAK IS IN FULL SWING,
AND I SENT OUT A HASHTAG #SPRINGBREAKFAIL, AND I ASKED YOU GUYS TO TWEET OUT YOUR
FUNNIEST SPRING BREAK GONE WRONG STORIES. UH, I SENT ONE OUT-- BUT THIS
REALLY HAPPENED. I WENT TO SPRING BREAK ONCE, AND WE GOT A CAB TO GO BACK TO
OUR HOTEL, AND THE CAB PULLED OVER AND HE GOES, "HEY, DO ONE OF YOU GUYS WANT TO DRIVE?
I'M WASTED." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE IT'S A TRUE STORY.
ASKED ME IF I'D DRIVE-- WOULD DRIVE THE CAB. Steve: DID YOU DRI-- WHO
DROVE? Jimmy: WE WAITED FOR ANOTHER CAB, I THINK
Steve: OH Jimmy: OR WE WALKED I THINK WE COULD SEE OUR HOTEL,
IT WAS CRAZY ANYWAYS, WITHIN MINUTES, IT WAS A TRENDING TOPIC IN THE U.S.,
SO THANK YOU FOR PLAYING ALONG [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE NOW I THOUGHT I'D SHARE SOME OF
MY FAVORITE SPRING BREAK FAIL TWEETS FROM YOU GUYS HERE WE GO
THIS FIRST ONE'S FROM @RAINAEATSKALE Steve: MM
Jimmy: SHE SAYS, "I WAS SO DRUNK, TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW I ACCIDENTALLY BRUSHED MY TEETH
WITH SUNSCREEN." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE OH, THERE YOU GO
EH, WHY NOT, IT'S SOMETHING. ♪ THIS ONE'S FROM
@ITSGIVINGCAROLINE SHE SAYS, "MY CONNECTING FLIGHT GOT CANCELLED.
ENDING UP SPENDING TWO DAYS AT AN AIRPORT CHILI'S." THERE YOU GO
THAT'S FUN [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE!
Steve: YEAH, COME ON, CHILI'S TWO. Jimmy: CHILI'S TWO, MAN-- I
LOVE-- TWO NIGHTS AT CHILI'S TWO? THIS ONE'S FROM
@SOCCERISLIFE9999. Steve: OH [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: SHE SAYS, "OUR HOTEL ROOM WAS NEXT TO A MARCHING BAND THAT INSISTED ON
PRACTICING EVERY MORNING AT 7:00 I KNOW THE MARCHING BAND
VERSION OF 'SHAPE OF YOU' BY HEART NOW. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
♪ ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. THIS NEXT ONE IS FROM
@SWEEPTHELEG4ME. Steve: OH, "COBRA KAI." Jimmy: THEY SAY, "GOT BACK
TO A HOTEL AFTER A LONG NIGHT OUT. I WAS SO OUT OF IT I BARELY
MADE IT ONTO THE BED WOKE UP TO A COUPLE SCREAMING AT ME TO GET OUT OF THEIR
HOUSE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE "MADE IT TO THE HOTEL.
THE DOOR'S UNLOCKED! Steve: "COME ON, MAN! Jimmy: "HEY, MAN!
Steve: "OUR HOTEL GOT SMALLER. [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: "THEY MOVED THE COFFEE TABLE AROUND SOMEWHERE. THIS HOTEL ROOM IS AWESOME,
MAN. Steve: "THIS LOBBY IS SUPER SMALL.
Jimmy: "FEELS LIKE A HOUSE! Steve: "WAIT, LOOK AT THIS REFRIGERATOR
OH, THERE'S FAMILY PICTURES. [ LAUGHTER ] OH, THIS IS" -
Jimmy: "IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M AT HOME I LOVE IT.
THERE'S A LADY SLEEPING NEXT TO ME OH, COOL!"
Steve: "BONUS!" Jimmy: "BONUS, DUDE!" [ LAUGHTER ]
♪ THIS ONE'S FROM @GEOFFJEFF Steve: OH, GEOFF JEFF
Jimmy: BUT IT'S G-E-O-F-F Steve: OH, SO GEOFF JEFF. Jimmy: J-E-F-- OH, GEOFF
JEFF Steve: YEAH, GEOFF JEFF Jimmy: 55
Steve: OH, FIVE FIVE? HE CAN'T DRIVE Jimmy: THERE WERE 54 OTHER
GEOFF JEFFS. Steve: GEOFF JEFFS. [ LAUGHTER ]
HE SAYS, "LOST MY PHONE IN THE OCEAN ON DAY ONE THE 'FIND MY PHONE' APP EVEN
WORKED FOR A WHILE I COULD ACTUALLY WATCH IT FLOAT OUT TO SEA."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Steve: ON A RAFT? Jimmy: THIS LAST ONE'S FROM
@JONATHANWICKOWSKI4-- OH, IS WICK SHORT FOR WICKOWSKI Steve: YEAH
Jimmy: JOHN WICK? Steve: OH, MAYBE! Jimmy: JOHN WICKOWSKI, I
DIDN'T KNOW THAT Steve: DON'T MESS WITH HIS PUPPY.
Jimmy: JONATHANWICKOWSKI4, HE SAYS, "FORGOT TO BUDGET FOR BAIL."
THERE YOU GO, SPRING BREAK FAIL THAT'S OUR "TONIGHT SHOW
HASHTAGS." TO CHECK OUT MORE OF OUR FAVORITES, GO TO
TONIGHTSHOW.COM/HASHTAGS WHEN WE COME BACK, PUPPIES WILL BE MAKING THEIR FINAL FOUR
PREDICTIONS. STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪ Jimmy: WE HAVE FOUR PUPPIES, ONE FOR EACH TEAM.
WHICHEVER TEAM'S PUPPY GETS TO THE BOWL FIRST WILL DETERMINE WHO WILL BE CROWNED THE
NATIONAL CHAMPS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE MIAMI'S GOT A LEAD
NO SAN DIEGO STATE-- NO! Jimmy: WELCOME BACK
I'M SO EXCITED BECAUSE THIS WEEKEND IS THE FINAL FOUR. IT IS HAPPENING DOWN IN
HOUSTON. YOU HAVE FLORIDA ATLANTIC TAKING ON SAN DIEGO STATE, AND
UCONN FACING OFF AGAINST MIAMI YEAH IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PREDICT
WHO'S GOING TO GO ALL THE WAY. BUT YOU'RE IN LUCK, BECAUSE WHEN IT COMES TO PREDICTING
THINGS, WE HAVE A SECRET WEAPON AND IT'S PUPPIES
IT'S TIME FOR THE "PUPPY PREDICTORS 2023, FINAL FOUR EDITION.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ PUPPY PREDICTOR PUPPY PREDICTORS ♪
Jimmy: WELCOME TO THE "PUPPY PREDICTORS 2023, FINAL FOUR EDITION.
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS. WE HAVE FOUR PUPPIES, ONE FOR EACH TEAM, AND ONE BOWL OF
KIBBLE WHICHEVER TEAM'S PUPPY GETS TO THE BOWL FIRST WILL DETERMINE
WHO WILL BE CROWNED THE NATIONAL CHAMPS. NOW, LET'S MEET THE PUPPIES.
FOR FLORIDA ATLANTIC, WE HAVE DONNA BRAYLON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
FOR SAN DIEGO STATE, WE HAVE KYLE McADAMS FOR UCONN, WE HAVE TED MOONEY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ARE THE SQAURES NOT TALL ENOUGH FOR THE PUPPIES?
AND FOR THE MIAMI, WE HAVE GARY FRICK JR., RIGHT THERE, EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE MY GOSH. BUT FIRST-- BUT FIRST, GARY--
ALL RIGHT, NOW, LOOK, BEFORE I RELEASE YOU GUYS, I NEED YOU TO LISTEN UP.
OKAY, PAY ATTENTION. THANK YOU. NOT YET.
GARY, I WANT TO SEE A CLEAN RACE, OKAY I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY
WANDERING. NO PEEING. NO BUTT SNIFFING, OKAY
YOU READY FOR THIS YOU READY, BUD OH, I HAVE A FEELING-- OH, I
HAVE A FEELING-- HI, BUD. [ AUDIENCE AWS ] ALL RIGHT, I HAVE A FEELING--
ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE - RELEASE THE PUPPIES! OH, HERE THEY GO
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE MIAMI'S GOT A LEAD NO
SAN DIEGO STATE. THAT IS-- NO! YES!
THE WINNER, SAN DIEGO STATE! [ DINGS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WE HAVE A WINNER WOW. THIS IS A NICE PUPPY, RIGHT
HERE SAN DIEGO STATE IS THE WINNER, RIGHT THERE.
CONGRATULATIONS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU WILL BE CROWNED THE
2023 NATIONAL CHAMPIONS, RIGHT THERE. GUYS, YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST.
ENJOY THE FINAL FOUR WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH EDWARD NORTON, EVERYBODY
HI, BUD. YOU HAPPY? YOU WANT TO GO DOWN AND EAT
SOME MORE FOOD YOU WANT TO GO EAT MORE FOOD [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪ BASICALLY, I PUT MY HAND AS HIGH AS I COULD REACH, THEY PUT
THE RIM AT MY WRIST-- [ LAUGHTER ] AND I'M BASICALLY, MY--
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I'M STANDING ON THE GROUND IN THAT SHOT
[ LAUGHTER ]
ACTOR. NEW EPISODES OF HIS SERIES,
"EXTRAPOLATIONS" ARE AVAILABLE EVERY FRIDAY ON APPLE TV PLUS. PLEASE WELCOME EDWARD NORTON
♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: TAKE-- TAKE THE
LOVE, A STANDING O FOR EDWARD NORTON. COME ON, BUD
WELCOME BACK I'VE MISSED HAVING YOU ON THE SHOW
I KNOW. IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK. I FEEL LIKE WE'RE BACK ALIVE
AGAIN. Jimmy: YEAH IT FEELS-- RIGHT?
EVERYONE WE GOT CROWDS. WE HAVE AUDIENCES IN THE
BUILDING [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE JUST HAD PUPPIES PREDICT
MARCH MADNESS. AND I THOUGHT STAYING WITH THE BASKETBALL THEME, I WAS GOING
TO TALK TO YOU A LITTLE BIT ABOUT BASKETBALL AND I REMEMBERED THAT YOU
DUNKED FAMOUSLY IN THE MOVIE IN "AMERICAN HISTORY X. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
THIS IS YOU-- THIS IS YOU DUNKING THE BALL NOT MANY PEOPLE CAN SAY THEY
DUNKED ON FILM BEFORE, BUT YOU HAVE DO YOU REMEMBER GETTING AIR?
THERE'S A LOT TO SAY ABOUT THIS [ LAUGHTER ]
I WAS VERY PUMPED UP ON, YOU KNOW, FOR THAT FILM. Jimmy: YOU WERE JACKED.
AND EVERYBODY THOUGHT THAT EQUATED TO VERTICAL JUMPING CAPABILITY, RIGHT?
SO, WE GET OUT THERE TO SHOOT IT THEY'RE GOING TO DO THESE
SPECIAL SHOTS TO GET THE DUNK. Jimmy: WHERE ARE YOU FILMING IT
IN THE VENICE BASKETBALL COURTS, RIGHT? SO, THERE'S A LOT OF REAL
PLAYERS ALL AROUND AND EVERYTHING LIKE THAT AND THEY SAY, WHERE DO YOU WANT
US TO SET THE RIM? AND I SAID, I DON'T KNOW, YOU KNOW, NINE FEET.
NINE FEET. THAT SHOULD BE GOOD, RIGHT Jimmy: YEAH
THAT'S MY DUDE [ CHEERS ] THAT'S EDWARD NORTON
NO. IT DIDN'T GO WELL. IT DIDN'T GO WELL.
[ LAUGHTER ] LOOK, I WAS PRISON BODY ON TOP AND LIKE LEGS OF A KENYAN
MARATHON RUNNER ON THE BOTTOM. [ LAUGHTER ] THEY PUT ME IN SWEATPANTS TO
HIDE THE DIFFERENTIAL BETWEEN UP HERE AND DOWN HERE. SO, I--
Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, SO, LOWER YEP SO, I MISS
SO, I'M, LIKE, BANGING THE BALL UP AGAINST THE UNDERSIDE OF THE RIM AT NINE FEET
Jimmy: YOU'RE DUNKING UP. SO THEN THE WORSE POSSIBLE THING, WHICH IS THEY HAVE TO
LOWER IT IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY, RIGHT? SO I'M ALREADY CATCHING A LOT
OF [ BLEEP ] THEY LOWER IT, AND IT'S STILL NOT ENOUGH
[ LAUGHTER ] AND I'M GETTING MORE AND MORE TIRED.
AT THE END OF THE DAY, BASICALLY I PUT MY HAND AS HIGH AS I COULD REACH, THEY PUT THE
RIM AT MY WRIST-- [ LAUGHTER ] AND I'M BASICALLY, MY--
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: THIS IS, LIKE, A NERF HOOP ON THE BACK OF A CLOSET
SOMEWHERE IN A BEDROOM I'M STANDING ON THE GROUND IN THAT SHOT
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT IS THE HONEST TRUTH Jimmy: MOVIE MAGIC.
AND I'M ACTUALLY-- I'M GETTING EMBARRASSED AT THE MEMORY OF THE CAT CALLS.
Jimmy: SORRY, SORRY SO CAN WE GO TO SOMETHING I--
Jimmy: OF COURSE. SOMETHING I DID WELL IN A A FILM
Jimmy: LET'S TALK ABOUT "GLASS ONION," BY THE WAY, BECAUSE THAT WAS GIGANTIC.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU WERE GREAT YOU WERE FANTASTIC IN THAT
THE WHOLE CAST WAS GREAT WHEN WE FIRST MEET YOUR CHARACTER, MILES BRON, YOU'RE
PLAYING GUITAR AND I KNOW YOU PLAY SOME GUITAR, BUT YOU WERE PLAYING
"BLACKBIRD" PRETTY WELL. I WAS LIKE, IS THAT REALLY YOU, OR DID YOU LOWER THE RIM ON
THIS ONE [ LAUGHTER ] NO.
I, LIKE YOU, I'M AN AMATEUR GUITAR PLAYER. I CAN PLAY "BLACKBIRD," AND I
THINK MAYBE THAT'S WHY I GOT THE PART BECAUSE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
PLAYING "BLACKBIRD" SPECIFICALLY AT THAT POINT AND RIAN JOHNSON, THE DIRECTOR,
SAID, "CAN YOU PLAY IT?" I SAID, "ACTUALLY I CAN. SO, YES I WAS PLAYING IT, IN
THAT-- THE THING IS THOUGH-- YOU SIT IN SOMETIMES, RIGHT? LIKE YOU-- I REMEMBER YOU AT
THE "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" 40th PARTY, YOU WERE SITTING IN Jimmy: THAT WAS FUN
BUT I THINK IF YOU PLAY GUITAR A LITTLE, YOU KNOW, I HAVE THESE DREAMS, LIKE, WHERE
SPRINGSTEEN HAS CALLED ME ON STAGE AND I'M FAILING. DO YOU HAVE GUITAR FAIL DREAMS
Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH, I HAVE JUST NOTHING BUT FAIL DREAMS [ LAUGHTER ]
I MADE A CAREER OUT OF IT. THAT'S WHY I'M A COMEDIAN. BUT THE FUNNY THING-- AND
THE FUNNY THING ON THAT ONE WAS, BECAUSE THERE'S THIS, ENOUGH PEOPLE HAVE SEEN THE
MOVIE, I DON'T THINK IT RUINS IT, THAT MY CHARACTER IS KIND OF REVEALED TO BE A PRETENTIOUS
IDIOT. Jimmy: YEAH RIGHT
HE-- BUT I HAD THIS-- YOU'RE A BEATLES AFICIONADO-- I REALLY WANTED THAT SHE COMES UP
AND SHE SAYS, "YOU'RE PLAYING MY SONG. AND HE SAYS, "YEAH, ON THE
GUITAR HE WROTE IT ON. Jimmy: OH YEAH, 'CAUSE HE'S A RICH GUY
AND IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE HE ACTUALLY BOUGHT THINGS. I SAID TO RIAN, WHAT IF-- CAN
I SAY, LIKE, "ON THE GUITAR JOHN WROTE IT ON," BECAUSE McCARTNEY WROTE IT
AND THIS WOULD BE GOOD BECAUSE-- Jimmy: INSIDE
YEAH, INSIDE BASEBALL BUT ANOTHER LEVEL WHICH HE'S AN IDIOT.
RIGHT? I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE GREAT. AND BASICALLY RIAN WAS LIKE--
WAS LIKE, "I'M NOT GETTING INTO THE McCARTNEY/LENNON AUTHORSHIP WARS
HE'S, LIKE, "NO. I SAID, "PAUL WILL GET IT. PAUL IS COOL."
Jimmy: YEAH NO, NO, HE'S LIKE, NO. THE FACT THAT PAUL SAID YES TO
EVEN LETTING "GLASS ONION" BE USED THAT'S WAS JUST, IT WAS
MASTERFUL. OH, THAT'S HILARIOUS YOU'RE TRYING TO GET NERDY
I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD JOKE TO ATTRIBUTE "BLACKBIRD" TO JOHN LENNON
Jimmy: I FOUND A PHOTO THAT I WANTED TO SHOW YOU I THINK THIS IS ACTUALLY, YOU
SET IT UP PERFECTLY WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU THIS
BUT THIS IS A PHOTO OF YOU FROM-- I THINK THIS IS 2001 HERE'S PAUL McCARTNEY PLAYING
GUITAR, ERIC CLAPTON BEHIND HIM, AND IN BETWEEN, A VERY-- [ LAUGHTER ]
ARE YOU HAVING-- ARE YOU HAVING A NIGHTMARE [ LAUGHTER ]
ARE YOU HAVING-- THAT'S TWO OF THE GREATEST GUITARISTS-- DUDE, DO YOU REMEMBER--
FIRST OF ALL, IT'S AN INCREDIBLY WEIRD PICTURE BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE I'M
TRYING TO TUNE CLAPTON'S GUITAR WHILE HE'S PLAYING IT. [ LAUGHTER ]
ALSO, I'M SITTING HERE THINKING, LIKE, DID I HAVE SUCH A HIT MOVIE THAT I FELT I
BELONGED ON THE STAGE? Jimmy: YOU JUST WANT TO TUNE HIS GUITAR
THAT'S ALL YOU WANT TO DO. EXACTLY [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
SO IT'S JUST LIKE, YOU'VE GOT TO BE VERY CAREFUL ABOUT SITTING IN WITH THE PROS
Jimmy: "EXTRAPOLATIONS. WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT YOUR SHOW
"EXTRAPOLATIONS," THE CAST BY THE WAY-- YEAH, THE SHOW'S -
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IT'S ON APPLE TV PLUS. THE CAST, I'M JUST GOING TO RUN
THROUGH SOME NAMES HERE, NO ORDER. SIENNA MILLER, KIT HARRINGTON,
DAVID SCHWIMMER, DAVEED DIGGS, TOBEY MAGUIRE, FOREST WHITAKER, MURRAY BARTLETT, MERYL STREEP.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE MARION COTILLARD. Jimmy: MARION COTILLARD
THEY SAID MERYL STREEP, MARION COTILLARD, I WAS LIKE, I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S ABOUT
Jimmy: I'M IN RIGHT AND I DIDN'T GET TO WORK WITH
EITHER OF THEM [ LAUGHTER ] WHICH--
Jimmy: YEAH, YOU WERE SAYING THIS - IT'S LIKE AN ALL-STAR -
I THINK A WAY TO LOOK AT THIS IS IT'S SORT OF LIKE THE BLACK-- IF YOU LIKE "BLACK
MIRROR," YOU KNOW, THE WAY THE "BLACK MIRROR" COMMENTS ON TECHNOLOGY
I WAS OBSESSED WITH THAT SHOW. Jimmy: ME TOO THIS IS VERY MUCH LIKE
A "BLACK MIRROR" FOR FUTURE ENVIRONMENTAL KIND OF CONSEQUENCE AND CATASTROPHE.
IT'S REALLY, REALLY CREATIVE IT'S ROOTED IN SCIENCE BUT IT'S-- SOME OF THEM ARE
FUNNY. SOME OF THEM ARE REALLY DRAMATIC AND KIND OF TERRIFYING
AND DYSTOPIAN. I THINK THAT IT'S ENTERTAINING AS HELL, BUT IT'S A REALLY
GREAT PROVOCATION TO GET US TO THINK ABOUT WHAT MIGHT ACTUALLY BE COMING ON AN ENVIRONMENTAL
LEVEL, NOT JUST A TECHNOLOGICAL LEVEL. Jimmy: SINCE I'VE KNOWN YOU
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN ACTIVE IN THE ENVIRONMENT, SAVING THE ENVIRONMENT AND WATCHING OUT
FOR CLIMATE CHANGE AND ALL THIS STUFF. YEAH, IT'S NOT-- HONESTLY,
IT'S NICE WHEN THE THING YOU DO WHEN YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO WRESTLE WITH SOME F THOSE
COMPLICATED QUESTIONS AND CHALLENGES THAT WE'RE FACING, YOU KNOW, WITHIN THE WORK--
Jimmy: IT'S STILL ENTERTAINING YEAH, IT IS ENTERTAINING.
IT'S VERY ENTERTAINING BUT IT'S NOT PREACHY IT REALLY BASICALLY DEALS WITH
HOW DIFFICULT THIS IS GOING TO BE TO MAKE THESE COMPLICATED DECISIONS.
Jimmy: AND HOW LIFE IS GOING TO BE IN THE FUTURE. YEAH.
Jimmy: IT STARTS IN WHEN, 2037 YEAH, AND IT ADVANCES
THROUGH TIME AS THE EPISODES GO BUT I THINK, YOU KNOW, I--
LOOK, WE LIVE IN A VERY-- WE LIVE IN AN AGE OF DISTRACTION AND OF A LOT-- THERE ARE A LOT
OF CHALLENGES TO LIFE. AND I THINK THE MOST IT ASKS OF PEOPLE IS REALLY THAT, YOU
KNOW, THIS IS-- THIS IS GOING TO BE THE CHALLENGE OF OUR ERA I THINK WE WILL BE REMEMBERED
MOSTLY FOR HOW WE DEAL WITH THIS ISSUE OF ECOLOGICAL SUSTAINABILITY AND WHETHER WE
SET THINGS IN MOTION THAT FUTURE GENERATIONS ARE DEALING WITH
AND I THINK ALL THIS REALLY ASKS YOU TO DO IS NOT BE COMPLACENT, TO AT LEAST
MEDITATE ON THE CONSEQUENCES OF THESE DECISIONS THAT WE'RE MAKING RIGHT NOW
AND THINK A LITTLE BIT ABOUT WHAT IT'S ACTUALLY GOING TO LOOK LIKE IF WE DON'T ACT.
Jimmy: YEAH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WHAT WOULD YOU SAY FOR SOMEONE
WHO WANTS TO GET INVOLVED? YOU KNOW, AGAIN, IT'S HARD TO-- I MEAN, IN THE OLD DAYS,
I THINK WE LIKED HEARING THINGS THAT, YOU KNOW, CHANGING LIGHT BULBS AND THIS AND THAT.
BUT WE KNOW THAT THAT'S NOT-- THOSE THINGS AREN'T REALLY WHAT IT'S ABOUT
IT'S ABOUT POLICY. IT'S ABOUT GOVERNMENTS AND THAT'S WHY A LOT OF PEOPLE
FEEL THAT IT'S BEYOND THEIR CAPABILITY I THINK WE'VE GOT TO VOTE.
WE'VE GOT TO BRING IN A GENERATION OF LEADERS WHO PUT THIS -
[ APPLAUSE ] WHO BELIEVE THAT THIS IS A A PRIORITY AND MAKE IT A
A PRIORITY BUT ALSO, I JUST THINK, YOU KNOW, I THINK OF-- THERE'S
A LINE OF HEMINGWAY'S THAT'S CITED IN THE EPISODE I'M IN "THAT THE WORLD IS A FINE PLACE
AND WORTH FIGHTING FOR." AND I THINK-- I THINK THAT WE'VE GOT TO PUSH AGAINST
COMPLACENCY. I THINK WE CAN'T AFFORD, AS A GENERATION AND OUR KIDS, WE
CAN'T BE COMPLACENT ABOUT THIS IT'S TOO CONSEQUENTIAL Jimmy: YEAH
GOOD FOR YOU [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WELL SAID.
I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP HERE'S EDWARD NORTON IN "EXTRAPOLATIONS.
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
BEEN RUNNING NOBODY WAS TRYING TO CHANGE THE CLIMATE.
WE DIDN'T EVEN THINK THAT WE HAD THAT CAPACITY. WE DIDN'T KNOW BETTER, BUT WE
DO NOW AND YET, HUMAN BEHAVIOR DOESN'T CHANGE
THE SKY IS EASIER TO REENGINEER THAN THE HUMAN BRAIN, JON. EXACTLY
AND IF YOU TELL THAT GREEDY MONKEY BRAIN IT'S COOLED OFF AND EVERYTHING'S OKAY, IT'S
GOING TO SAY, GIVE ME A LITTLE BIT MORE JUST LET ME BURN A LITTLE BIT
MORE JUST LET ME-- JUST LET ME MORTGAGE A LITTLE MORE OF THE
CHILDREN'S FUTURE SO THAT I CAN MAKE SURE I CHOOSE THIS QUARTERLY BALANCE SHEET.
I JUST NEED THAT ONE IT'S-- IT'S-- GITA, GITA, EVEN-- EVEN IF YOU GOT ALL OF
THE CHEMICAL INTERACTIONS RIGHT, IF YOU GOT THE DISPERSAL PATTERN RIGHT, THE PROBLEM HERE
IS BIGGER THAN THE HEAT OF THE SUN, GITA. IT'S THE WAY WE SEE THE WORLD.
Jimmy: EDWARD NORTON, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
"EXTRAPOLATIONS" IS STREAMING NOW ON APPLE TV PLUS WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
EGO NWODIM STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
LIVE" WHICH RETURNS THIS WEEKEND ON NBC, AND PEACOCK, WITH HOST QUINTA BRUNSON AND
MUSICAL GUEST LIL YACHTY EVERYONE PLEASE WELCOME EGO NWODIM
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ Jimmy: WELCOME!
WELCOME TO THE SHOW. I'M SO HAPPY TO HAVE YOU ON. THANK YOU, JIMMY.
I'M SO HAPPY TO BE HERE. Jimmy: I'VE SEEN YOU AT "SNL."
I'VE SEEN YOU IN THE HALLWAYS, BUT I'VE NEVER HAD YOU AS A GUEST.
AND YOU NEVER SAID A WORD TO ME [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: I LIKE TO KEEP IT COOL KEEP THE MYSTIQUE HAPPENING.
BUT FINALLY, HOW'S THE WEEK GOING WITH QUINTA? IT'S GOING GREAT.
I THINK IT'S GOING TO BE A A REALLY GREAT SHOW. QUINTA IS SO FUNNY, SO
TALENTED WE HAD TABLE READ YESTERDAY. I THINK SHE'S GOT IT ON LOCK
Jimmy: YEAH, GOOD HOW ABOUT YOU? LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU
QUINTA'S GOING TO HAVE A REALLY GREAT SHOW. [ LAUGHTER ]
I THINK SHE'S GOING TO BE AMAZING. I THINK IT'LL BE FUN FOR ME.
I'LL BE IN THE SHOW FOR SURE WE HAVE A PRETTY BIG CAST. Jimmy: YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS
ON A SHOW, WHEN I WAS A FEATURE PLAYER, THEY HAD A RULE IF YOU WEREN'T IN THE SHOW, THEY WOULD
TAKE YOU EVEN OUT OF THE CREDITS. THAT IS MESSED UP
Jimmy: SO, I WOULD CALL MY MOM LIKE, "I'M NOT IN THE SHOW AT ALL
I'M NOT EVEN IN THE CREDITS. "JIMMY FALLON. THEY SKIP RIGHT THROUGH -
Jimmy: THEY SKIP RIGHT OVER THAT "G" LAST NAMES.
Jimmy: EXACTLY, YEAH, IT WAS ROUGH. MY MOM CALLED ME A FEW WEEKS
AGO IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SHOW AND WAS, LIKE, "HEY, DID YOU NOT GO TO WORK TONIGHT
I DON'T SEE YOU. Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH. IT'S ROUGH
IT'S ROUGH, MAN. I'M HERE. Jimmy: YEAH, I'M HERE
I'M JUST NOT IN THE SHOW AT ALL. AT LEAST I'M IN THE CREDITS
THAT'S THE THING ABOUT IT THOUGH, IF YOU'RE NOT IN THE CREDITS, YOUR MOM KNOWS NOT TO
EXPECT YOU IN THE SHOW Jimmy: SHE IS LIKE, "THIS IS THE BEST EPISODE I EVER SAW.
YOU'RE LIKE "HEY, I'M NOT IN IT." I WAS TALKING TO YOU BACKSTAGE,
BECAUSE IT'S A SPORTS THEMED NIGHT. WE WERE TALKING ABOUT MARCH
MADNESS. YOU PLAYED A LITTLE BASKETBALL I PLAYED A LITTLE BALLET.
I WAS A BALLERINA FOR 10 YEARS, BUT I PLAYED A LITTLE BASKETBALL
I HAD A SHORT-LIVED BASKETBALL CAREER Jimmy: HOW SHORT WAS IT
IT WAS THREE GAMES. Jimmy: THERE YOU GO [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT COUNTS. EXACTLY THREE GAMES LONG. SO, I HAVE TO GET THIS OFF OF
MY CHEST SO, BACK IN L.A. WHEN I WAS COMING UP IN IMPROV, THERE WAS
THIS ALL- FEMALE BASKETBALL LEAGUE, AND A LOT OF THE SKETCH AND IMPROV PLAYERS WERE ON THIS
TEAM AND ON THIS LEAGUE, RIGHT AND IT WAS HIGHLY COVETED TO BE IN ONE OF THE TEAMS, RIGHT
BUT THERE WERE NO SPOTS. THERE WERE NEVER SPOTS AND IT WAS LIKE, "DARN, YOU
MISSED OUT." SO, A SPOT OPENED UP, AND EVERYONE WAS EMAILING ME LIKE,
"I WANT IN I WANT IN. I EMAILED.
I GOT A RESPONSE IMMEDIATELY LIKE, "WE WANT YOU." AND I HAVE TO BELIEVE IT'S
BECAUSE I'M BLACK. [ LAUGHTER ] I THINK THEY THOUGHT I WOULD BE
GOOD AT BASKETBALL BUT HERE'S THE THING I ALSO THOUGHT I WOULD BE GOOD
AT BASKETBALL BECAUSE I'M BLACK. [ LAUGHTER ]
SO, IT DON'T WORK THAT WAY TURNS OUT IT DON'T WORK THAT WAY.
Jimmy: DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BASKETBALL I KNOW WHAT TRAVELING IS.
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH. DOESN'T COUNT.
SO, WE WERE-- IT WAS THE VERY FIRST GAME, AND THE OTHER TEAM, I SAW THEM SORT OF SIZE
ME UP. OH, SHOOT THE TRAVELING PANTS HAVE-- THAT WAS OUR TEAM NAME,
TRAVELING PANTS. BUT WE WEREN'T TRAVELING BECAUSE THAT'S NOT ALLOWED
Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S GOOD TO KNOW THAT. SO THE OTHER TEAM, I SAW THE
OTHER TEAM SIZING ME UP, "OH, SHOOT, THEY'VE GOT THE TALL-ISH BLACK GIRL
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO LOOK OUT FOR HER. RIGHT?
FIRST PLAY HAPPENS, I'M ASSUMING THIS IS WHAT IT'S CALLED
[ LAUGHTER ] I GET OUT ON THE COURT THIS IS REAL
Jimmy: FIRST PLAY IS THAT NOT-- JUST TELL ME Jimmy: NO
VERY COOL I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.
SO, I GET OUT ON THE COURT AND THE FIRST, WHATEVER IT'S CALLED HAPPENS.
AND THE REF STARTS SCREAMING AT ME TO GET OUT OF THE PAINT I LOOK AT THE COURT, AND I'M
LIKE, "THIS WHOLE THING IS PAINTED. WHAT IS THE PAINT?
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: WHERE DO I GO? AM I TRAVELING
THIS IS YEARS LATER, I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT THE PAINT IS I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE PAINT IS
BECAUSE TRULY THE WHOLE THING IS PAINTED, OR IS THAT REAL WOOD
Jimmy: PAINT IS UNDER THE RIM. OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
BECAUSE I'VE HEARD SONGS, "I GO HARD IN THE PAINT. YEAH, COOL
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANT. OKAY UNDER THE RIM.
ANYWAY, PEOPLE WERE GUARDING ME, LIKE, ARMS UP, AND MY ARMS WERE UP TOO, BUT MINE MEANT,
LIKE, I SURRENDER. I'M NOT A THREAT [ LAUGHTER ]
I'M NOT A THREAT I REMEMBER BEING WIDE OPEN, BECAUSE EVERYONE REALIZED VERY
QUICKLY I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. Jimmy: YEAH
ACTUALLY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE BLACK GIRL Jimmy: NO ONE WAS GUARDING
YOU? NOBODY WAS GUARDING ME. AND MY TEAMMATE HAD THE BALL,
AND NEEDED TO PASS IT TO SOMEONE. AND I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WAS
OPEN ARMS WERE STILL UP AND I WAS LIKE, "DON'T DO THAT, PLEASE
DON'T DO THAT. Jimmy: CAN WE TALK ABOUT YOU'RE HAVING SUCH A FANTASTIC
SEASON ON "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE." I THINK I TOLD-- REALLY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU Jimmy: FANTASTIC.
THANK YOU Jimmy: THE SKETCH, I REMEMBER I WAS EMAILING
A BUNCH-- HIGGINS AND OUR FRIENDS OVER AT "SNL." I SAID, "THERE'S THAT SKETCH
LAST NIGHT, LISA FROM TEMECULA." WHERE YOU WERE CUTTING THE
STEAK ON THE TABLE, AND THE TABLE IS SHAKING [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
IT WAS UNBELIEVABLY FUNNY. IT MADE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD. I GO, "WHAT IS GOING ON?
I KNOW THOSE PEOPLE THAT CUT TOO MUCH, AND THE WHOLE TABLE IS SHAKING
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. Jimmy: WALK ME THROUGH IT DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO DID
THIS I USED TO BE A LISA FROM TEMECULA, EXCEPT I WAS EGO FROM
BALTIMORE. I USED TO ORDER MY STEAKS WELL DONE
I GOT BULLIED OUT OF IT. PEOPLE BULLIED ME ENOUGH I STOPPED DOING THAT
BUT ALEX ENGLISH, WHO WROTE THE SKETCH ALONGSIDE GARY RICHARDSON, ANOTHER
WRITER, AND MICHAEL CHE, HIS COUSIN IS A LISA FROM TEMECULA IS NOT FROM TEMECULA
I DON'T KNOW IF SHE KNOWS IT'S ABOUT HER, SO I MIGHT HAVE BLOWN HIS COVER.
Jimmy: WOW. WOW. BUT IT IS ABOUT HIS COUSIN,
WHO I GUESS HE WENT TO DINNER OVER ONE OF OUR HIATUSES, AND SHE ORDERED HER STEAK WELL DONE
AND WAS SHAKING THE TABLE. THE ONLY THING IS NO ONE SAID ANYTHING TO HER ABOUT IT
SO, I GUESS THIS WAS CATHARTIC AND HEALING FOR HIM. Jimmy: DID YOU KNOW IN DRESS
REHEARSALS-- SOMETIMES YOU GO, "I HAVE A FEELING THIS IS GOING TO BE A FUN, BIG SKETCH.
ALL WEEK LONG, WE THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE SO EXCITING. WHEN WE DID IT AT TABLE READ, I
COULDN'T-- THEY HAD A STEAK DELIVERED TO ME AT TABLE READ. AND THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN.
AND MIKEY DAY AND I, BY THE WAY, HAVE THIS BIT WHERE HE-- I THINK IT'S A BIT
I HOPE IT'S A BIT. WHERE HE THINKS I'M A DIVA [ LAUGHTER ]
AND SOMEONE DELIVERED A STEAK TO ME AT OUR TABLE READ, IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR TABLE READ
AND HE SAW IT AND HE WAS LIKE, "WHAT? Jimmy: YOU REALLY ARE A
A DIVA WOW. TRULY
SO, THE STEAK COMES TO ME. I'M DOING IT AT TABLE. I CAN'T GET THROUGH THE SKETCH
AT TABLE READ BECAUSE I'M LAUGHING SO MUCH AND EVERY TIME WE RUN IT, I'M
LAUGHING AND CAN'T REALLY GET THROUGH IT AND I THOUGHT, HOW AM I GOING
TO DO THIS FOR THE AIR SHOW? WELL, AT DRESS REHEARSAL, IT DIDN'T GO SO WELL.
TABLE WASN'T SHAKING, I GOT A T BONE STEAK CAN'T SAW THROUGH A T-BONE
STEAK. THERE'S A BONE IN THE MIDDLE ALL WEEK LONG, EVERYONE THOUGHT
IT WAS GOING TO GO WELL. I HAVE A THEORY THAT EVERYONE THINKING A SKETCH IS GOING TO
KILL ON SATURDAY IS THE KISS OF DEATH. IF EVERYONE THINKS IT'S GOING
TO KILL, IT'S GOING TO TANK. AND THAT DID HAPPEN AT DRESS REHEARSAL.
BUT THEN, I DON'T KNOW, LORNE HAD FAITH IN IT-- Jimmy: IT WENT TO AIR
THAT WAS ONE OF THE BEST SKETCHES OF THE YEAR CONGRATULATIONS.
THANK YOU [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU.
Jimmy: THANK YOU FOR COMING ON THE SHOW. HAVE A GREAT SHOW THIS WEEKEND
THANK YOU Jimmy: EGO NWODIM [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" RETURNS THIS WEEKEND ON NBC AND PEACOCK THE NEXT DAY, WITH HOST
QUINTA BRUNSON AND MUSICAL GUEST LIL YACHTY MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" AFTER THE
BREAK. STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
"NEVER ENOUGH," GIVE IT UP FOR PARKER McCOLLUM! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪ ♪ I WENT AND BOUGHT THE BIGGEST BOTTLE THEY GO
'CAUSE YOU'RE GONE DROP THE NEEDLE ON A VINYL ♪ ♪ AND CRY TO AN OLD
HAGGARD SONG SITTIN' AT THE TABLE BABY, BREAKING THE SEAL ♪
♪ GONNA SEE HOW MUCH OF THIS PAIN I CAN KILL I WENT AND BOUGHT TH
BIGGEST BOTTLE THEY GOT ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE GON TENNESSEE AND KENTUCKY
'CAUSE YOU AIN'T HER TO LOVE ME ♪ ♪ I DRINK NOW THAT THERE'
NOTHING TO LOS I'VE BEEN FIGHTIN' WIT YOUR MEMORY, I HATE THE ♪
♪ WAY IT HITS M I WAKE UP EVERY DA BLACK AND BLUE
AFTER ALL THIS BACK AND ♪ ♪ FORTH, A FIFTH WON'T DO YEAH I FINALLY GOT A
HANDLE, FINALLY GOT HANDLE ON YOU ♪ ♪
♪ I TELL MYSELF THA I SHOULD QUIT BUT I DON' LISTEN TO DRUNKS
I KEEP ON SIPPIN' 'TIL ♪ ♪ I MISS YOU DON' ROLL OFF MY TONGUE
SINCE YOU POURED OUR LOVE DOWN THE SINK ♪ ♪ I THINK I'LL JUST STA
HERE AND DRINK I TELL MYSELF THAT I SHOULD QUIT BUT I DON'T ♪
♪ LISTEN TO DRUNK TENNESSEE AND KENTUCKY 'CAUSE YOU AIN'T HER
TO LOVE ME ♪ ♪ I DRINK NOW THAT THERE' NOTHING TO LOS
I'VE BEEN FIGHTIN' WIT YOUR MEMORY, I HATE THE ♪ ♪ WAY IT HITS M
I WAKE UP EVERY DA BLACK AND BLUE AFTER ALL THIS BACK AND ♪
♪ FORTH, A FIFTH WON'T DO WELL, I FINALLY GOT HANDLE ON YOU ♪
♪ ♪ AFTER ALL THIS BACK AND FORTH, A FIFTH WON'T D
YEAH I FINALLY GOT A HANDLE, FINALLY GOT A ♪ ♪ HANDLE ON YOU
HANDLE ON YO YEAH I FINALLY GOT A HANDLE ON YOU ♪
♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: PARKER McCOLLUM!
"NEVER ENOUGH" IS OUT MAY 12th WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
PARKER McCOLLUM, ONCE AGAIN! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THE ROOTS, RIGHT THERE,
FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA THANK YOU FOR WATCHING
STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS.
GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪