1 00:00:14,047 --> 00:00:15,315 Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART 2 00:00:15,315 --> 00:00:20,353 OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON." 3 00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:23,089 TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - TESSA THOMPSON 4 00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:30,730 ANDY COHEN MUSICAL GUEST, THE NATIONAL. AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY 5 00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:39,406 ROOTS CREW Questlove: 1807 6 00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:39,873 Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON 7 00:00:43,243 --> 00:01:07,233 ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH, 8 00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:12,072 EVERYBODY. THANK YOU, ENJOY YOURSELF. WELCOME, EVERYBODY 9 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,675 WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW." YOU'RE HERE, YOU MADE IT 10 00:01:15,675 --> 00:01:18,845 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HAPPY FRIDAY HAPPY FRIDAY, EVERYBODY. 11 00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:24,851 EVERYONE IS EXCITED ABOUT THIS TODAY, THE NEW MOVIE "CREED 3" HIT THEATERS 12 00:01:24,851 --> 00:01:29,389 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH, IT'S SOME OF THE MOST BRUTAL FIGHTING YOU'LL SEE ON 13 00:01:29,389 --> 00:01:33,493 SCREEN WITHOUT ANDY COHEN SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF IT. [ LAUGHTER ] 14 00:01:33,493 --> 00:01:40,800 I'M TELLING YOU. LET'S GET TO THE NEWS. I READ THAT IN THE COMING 15 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,535 WEEKS, FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP PLANS TO AMP UP THE ATTACKS AND NAME CALLING ON FLORIDA 16 00:01:42,535 --> 00:01:48,108 GOVERNOR RON DeSANTIS. [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S ACTUALLY A NICE CHANGE 17 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:56,316 OF PACE. USUALLY FIGHTS BETWEEN FLORIDA GUYS TAKE PLACE IN A WAFFLE 18 00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:59,119 HOUSE PARKING LOT. [ LAUGHTER ] BUT TRUMP SAID HE WAS GOING TO 19 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:02,655 UP THE NAME CALLING. SO GET READY FOR THREE STRAIGHT MONTHS OF MORON DeSANTIS 20 00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:09,396 [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S WEIRD WHEN A GUY GOES ON A NAME CALLING SPREE AGAINST 21 00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:11,064 SOMEONE WHO HAS ALMOST THE SAME NAME IT'S LIKE, "WHAT KIND OF A 22 00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:14,067 A CRAZY NAME IS RONALD?" [ LAUGHTER ] "THAT'S THE DUMBEST NAME I'VE 23 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:15,769 EVER HEARD RONALD." [ LAUGHTER ] 24 00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:19,839 "IMAGINE IF I CALLED MY SON RONALD TRUMP JR. [ LAUGHTER ] 25 00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:21,441 YEAH, IT SEEMS LIKE TRUMP AND DeSANTIS ARE REALLY GOING TO ATTACK EACH OTHER'S 26 00:02:21,441 --> 00:02:25,412 DIFFERENCES. BUT THE MORE YOU BREAK IT DOWN, THEY ACTUALLY HAVE A LOT IN 27 00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:30,583 COMMON I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN. IT'S TIME FOR "SIMILARITIES. 28 00:02:30,583 --> 00:02:30,617 I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN. IT'S TIME FOR "SIMILARITIES. 29 00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:34,487 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ 30 00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:36,990 ♪ SIMILARITIES ♪ Jimmy: FOR EXAMPLE, DeSANTIS THINKS HE CAN BEAT BIDEN 31 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:40,260 TRUMP STILL THINKS HE BEAT BIDEN. [ LAUGHTER ] 32 00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:44,431 Steve: VERY SIMILAR Jimmy: NEXT UP, DeSANTIS WANTS TO DISTANCE HIMSELF FROM 33 00:02:44,431 --> 00:02:49,135 DONALD TRUMP TRUMP WANTS TO DISTANCE HIMSELF FROM DONALD TRUMP JR 34 00:02:49,135 --> 00:02:51,404 [ LAUGHTER ] "NO, THANKS. OH, HI, HOW ARE YOU? 35 00:02:51,404 --> 00:02:57,110 HERE'S ANOTHER ONE TRUMP FLEW CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS TO MAR-A-LAGO. 36 00:02:57,110 --> 00:03:00,280 DeSANTIS FLEW UNDOCUMENTED PEOPLE TO MARTHA'S VINEYARD. [ LAUGHTER ] 37 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,048 SOME SIMILAR - Steve: VERY SIMILAR Jimmy: YEAH, THEN THERE'S 38 00:03:02,048 --> 00:03:05,752 THIS DeSANTIS WANTS MORE CONTROL OVER DISNEY WORLD. 39 00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:13,827 TRUMP WANTS TO BUILD A WALL AROUND EPCOT [ LAUGHTER ] 40 00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,829 "MAKE FAKE MEXICO PAY FOR IT." [ LAUGHTER ] OF COURSE, DeSANTIS WANTS TO 41 00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:17,330 BAN WOKE BOOKS TRUMP WANTS TO WAIT FOR THE MOVIE TO COME OUT BEFORE 42 00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:21,935 BANNING. [ LAUGHTER ] HE'S LIKE, "I'M NOT GOING TO 43 00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:25,739 READ THAT. AND FINALLY, TRUMP LOVES THE DALLAS COWBOYS CHEERLEADERS. 44 00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:33,713 DeSANTIS LOVES DRESSING LIKE THE DALLAS COWBOYS CHEERLEADERS 45 00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:37,917 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE MEANWHILE, TODAY-- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU SAW THIS, TRUMP 46 00:03:37,917 --> 00:03:39,619 RELEASED A CAMPAIGN VIDEO CALLING FOR A NATIONAL CONTEST TO CREATE FUTURISTIC FREEDOM 47 00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:47,494 CITIES [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] SOMEHOW THIS IS GOING TO END 48 00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:49,095 WITH THE STATUE OF LIBERTY IN A BIKINI I JUST KNOW IT 49 00:03:49,095 --> 00:03:53,600 [ LAUGHTER ] TRUMP HAS A LOT OF BIG IDEAS HE ALSO PROPOSED ADDING 50 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,135 A SECOND ST. LOUIS ARCH AND PAINTING THEM GOLD [ LAUGHTER ] 51 00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:59,739 INTERESTING. SOME NEWS FROM THE WHITE HOUSE TODAY. 52 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:04,878 PRESIDENT BIDEN HOSTED GERMAN CHANCELLOR, OLAF SCHOLZ. YEP, BIDEN MET WITH OLAF 53 00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:08,148 IT WENT BETTER THAN WHEN TRUMP MET WITH HIM HE SAID, "I WAS EXPECTING 54 00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:11,651 A SNOWMAN. [ LAUGHTER ] YOU DON'T HAVE TO BUILD IT 55 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:16,056 IN MY FUTURE CITY, NO ONE HAS TO DO ANYTHING." [ LAUGHTER ] 56 00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:19,292 GET THIS, I HEARD THAT A A SCIENTIST FOUND A SUPER RARE, JURASSIC ERA, INSECT AT 57 00:04:19,292 --> 00:04:24,664 A WALMART IN ARKANSAS. [ LAUGHTER ] I MEAN, IT'S ANCIENT 58 00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:28,268 AND GOOD NEWS, IT WAS IMMEDIATELY HIRED AS A GREETER [ LAUGHTER ] 59 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:33,073 WE HAVE TO LAUGH AT OURSELVES, YOU KNOW FINALLY, RESEARCHERS JUST 60 00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:39,913 DISCOVERED THAT WINE MAKING BEGAN 11,000 YEARS AGO YEP, TO FIND OUT MORE, TUNE IN 61 00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:42,682 TO THE NEW BRAVO SHOW "THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF MESOPOTAMIA. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 62 00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:46,086 WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW 63 00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:46,086 LET'S GO WRITE SOME "THANK YOU NOTES. 64 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:55,829 ♪ Jimmy: WELCOME TO THE SHOW, 65 00:04:55,829 --> 00:05:01,935 EVERYBODY. I JUST WANTED TO SEND A QUICK SHOUT-OUT TO CHRIS ROCK. 66 00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:08,808 HE HAS A NEW STAND-UP SPECIAL ON NETFLIX TOMORROW NIGHT. IT IS CALLED "CHRIS ROCK: 67 00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:12,645 SELECTIVE OUTRAGE. IT IS STREAMING LIVE AT 10:00 P.M. 68 00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:15,815 IT IS THE FIRST TIME NETFLIX IS EVER DOING ANY LIVE EVENT EVER AND IT'S GOING TO BE HILARIOUS 69 00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:22,589 SO BREAK A LEG, CHRIS. WE LOVE YOU BROTHER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 70 00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:27,727 AND DON'T FORGET THIS, TUESDAY NIGHT COMING UP, SET YOUR DVRs MARCH 7th IS THE SEASON 71 00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,295 PREMIERE OF MY SHOW "THAT'S MY JAM. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 72 00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:33,199 10:00, NBC, RIGHT AFTER "THE VOICE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 73 00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:37,671 ♪ [ SCATTING ] THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK WHEN YOU 74 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:43,143 SEE "THAT'S MY JAM." YOU GET THAT EXCITED IT'S LIKE, "OH, MY GOSH. 75 00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:48,081 THAT'S MY JAM? [ SCATTING ] ♪ 76 00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:51,885 YEAH THEN YOU GO-- [ SCATTING ] 77 00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:54,921 YOU CAN DO THE SAME THING TOO. YOU GET THAT EXCITED Steve: YOU GET SOUND MACHINE 78 00:05:54,921 --> 00:05:57,123 EXCITED. Jimmy: YOU GET MIAMI SOUND MACHINE EXCITED. 79 00:05:57,123 --> 00:06:04,364 WHEN YOU SEE "THAT'S MY JAM," IT COMES ON, YOU'RE LIKE - ♪ 80 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:12,539 NO, BUT IT'S THE ENDING PART ♪ Jimmy: IT'S THE END JAM 81 00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:18,878 ♪ [ LAUGHTER ] Steve: THAT'S HOW EXCITED 82 00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:21,281 YOU GET. Jimmy: LIGHTS GO OUT. GLORIA ESTEFAN GETS IN HER 83 00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:23,817 LIMOUSINE. Steve: BUT IN YOUR LIVING ROOM 84 00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:26,052 Jimmy: YES. SHE'S NOT ON THE SHOW, UNFORTUNATELY. 85 00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:31,124 BUT MAYBE NEXT SEASON. GLORIA, IF YOU ARE WATCHING, WE'D LOVE TO HAVE YOU ON 86 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:35,829 BUT FIRST, WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT. SHE STARS ALONGSIDE 87 00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:38,565 MICHAEL B. JORDAN IN THE NEW FILM "CREED 3," WHICH OPENS IN THEATERS AND IMAX NATIONWIDE 88 00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:45,238 TODAY. TESSA THOMPSON IS HERE TONIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 89 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:56,082 THAT'S OUR BUD IT'S FUN PLUS, I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH 90 00:06:56,082 --> 00:07:00,020 I LOVE THIS GUY. HE'S THE HOST OF "WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE." 91 00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:08,328 SEASON 20 AIRS EVERY SUNDAY THROUGH THURSDAY, ON BRAVO ANDY COHEN IS JOINING US 92 00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:11,264 TONIGHT! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE FUNNY DUDE 93 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:17,937 GET READY FOR WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN TONIGHT GET READY. 94 00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:20,440 YOU WANT TO SEE GOOD MUSIC YOU WANT TO HEAR GREAT MUSIC Steve: YES. 95 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,677 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: YOU READY? THE ONE AND ONLY, THE NATIONAL 96 00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:25,145 IS HERE TONIGHT! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE "THE FIRST TWO PAGES OF 97 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:31,918 FRANKENSTEIN" IS THE NAME OF THE ALBUM. DO YOU WANT ME TO PLAY A LITTLE 98 00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:33,787 PIECE OF WHAT THEY ARE GOING TO PLAY TONIGHT Steve: CAN YOU BUST ME OFF 99 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:38,591 A PIECE? Jimmy: YEAH ♪ 100 00:07:38,591 --> 00:07:40,794 [ LAUGHTER ] NO Steve: THEY'RE NOT DOING 101 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,328 GLORIA Jimmy: THEY SAID THEY WON'T DO ANY MIAMI-- THERE'S 102 00:07:42,328 --> 00:07:43,963 A LAWSUIT. Steve: ARE YOU SERIOUS? WHAT HAPPENED? 103 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:46,366 Jimmy: IT WAS GOING TO BE GLORIA ESTEFAN AND THE NATIONAL FOR YEARS. 104 00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:48,101 Steve: YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS. Jimmy: THEY BROKE UP. 105 00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:50,737 SHE CREATED MIAMI SOUND MACHINE. Steve: RIGHT. 106 00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:53,340 WITH HER HUSBAND YEAH Jimmy: WITH HER HUSBAND 107 00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:56,209 AND NOW THE NATIONAL IS HERE Steve: THE NATIONAL IS GOING, "WHAT ABOUT US? 108 00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,278 Jimmy: I DON'T EVEN KNOW. I HEARD THEY'RE ON SPEAKING TERMS BUT THEY DON'T WANT TO 109 00:07:58,278 --> 00:08:00,580 EVEN REFERENCE "CONGA. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Steve: REALLY 110 00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:03,083 Jimmy: THEY THINK THEY WROTE IT Steve: THEY THINK THEY WROTE 111 00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:05,051 IT Jimmy: YEAH AND I THINK THEY DID TOO 112 00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:07,787 THEY'RE ALL TOGETHER Steve: THE NATIONAL - Jimmy: THEY WERE YOUNG. 113 00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:12,258 THEY WERE KIDS Steve: THEY'RE 15 SOME OF THEM WERE 12 114 00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:14,561 Jimmy: LAWYERS GET INVOLVED YOU KNOW HOW IT WORKS. HERE'S THE NATIONAL. 115 00:08:14,561 --> 00:08:21,234 THIS IS CALLED "TROPIC MORNING NEWS." THIS IS A GREAT BAND, COME ON. 116 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:27,674 ♪ ♪ DO THE CONGA ♪ [ LAUGHTER ] 117 00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:31,611 Jimmy: I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO IT. THE NATIONAL IS HERE 118 00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:43,757 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THE NATIONAL IS HERE ♪ 119 00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:45,825 THAT'S THE WAY THEY DO IT. Steve: THAT'S THE WAY THEY DO IT. 120 00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:47,894 Jimmy: THAT'S THE WAY I'LL INTRODUCE THEM LATER TOO Steve: YEAH 121 00:08:47,894 --> 00:08:51,831 Jimmy: THE NATIONAL IS HERE ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 122 00:08:51,831 --> 00:08:53,700 TODAY'S FRIDAY Steve: REALLY Jimmy: YEAH 123 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,535 THAT'S USUALLY-- I CATCH UP ON SOME PERSONAL STUFF. Steve: REALLY 124 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,171 Jimmy: OH, YEAH Steve: WHAT ELSE DO YOU DO? Jimmy: WELL, I CHECK MY 125 00:08:58,171 --> 00:08:59,906 INBOX, RETURN EMAILS OF COURSE, I SEND OUT "THANK YOU NOTES. 126 00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:08,448 IT'S FRIDAY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WOULD YOU GUYS MIND IF I WROTE 127 00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:10,316 OUT SOME "THANK YOU NOTES" TONIGHT? Steve: NOW? 128 00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:12,886 Jimmy: NOW. Steve: NOW? Jimmy: YEAH, IN THE MIDDLE 129 00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,788 OF THE SHOW. Steve: WOW. Jimmy: JAMES, CAN I GET SOME 130 00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:19,025 THANK YOU NOTE WRITING MUSIC, PLEASE I WOULD LOVE SOME. 131 00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:22,028 ♪ [ LAUGHTER ] Steve: OH, MY GOD 132 00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:25,732 WOW, THAT'S THE MIAMI SOUND ASLEEP MACHINE Jimmy: YEAH, WHY IS HE SO 133 00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:29,536 EXCITED? Steve: I DON'T KNOW HE LOVES THE CONGA 134 00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:36,843 ♪ Jimmy: THANK YOU, RON DeSANTIS FOR BEING ON 135 00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:48,355 A MISSION TO DESTROY TWO DONALDS, TRUMP AND DUCK. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 136 00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:57,630 ♪ THANK YOU, PRINCE HARRY AND MEGHAN MARKLE'S EVICTION FROM 137 00:09:57,630 --> 00:10:00,066 THE ROYAL RESIDENCE, FOR LEADING TO THE MOST EPIC U-HAUL PROCESSION EVER. 138 00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:08,241 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE "GET IT OUT OF HERE! ♪ 139 00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:13,913 THANK YOU, MANDALORIAN HELMET, FOR LOOKING LIKE IRON MAN WITH OZEMPIC FACE 140 00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:18,752 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Steve: OZEMPIC FACE Jimmy: OZEMPIC FACE 141 00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:26,526 Steve: VITAMIN O. ♪ Jimmy: THANK YOU, SUBWAY, 142 00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:30,030 FOR BUILDING NEW RESTAURANTS WITH PLAYGROUNDS FOR BEING PERFECT FOR ANYONE 143 00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:33,933 WHO'S WALKED INTO A SUBWAY AND THOUGHT, "IF ONLY MY KIDS COULD PLAY HERE. 144 00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:44,878 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ♪ I CAN DREAM I CAN DREAM ♪ 145 00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:53,720 THE NATIONAL IS HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ 146 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:57,223 THANK YOU, JAPAN, FINDING 7,000 ISLANDS IT DIDN'T KNOW EXISTED. 147 00:10:57,223 --> 00:10:58,625 FOR BEING THE GLOBAL VERSION OF FINDING $20 IN YOUR COAT POCKET 148 00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:03,897 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE "AWESOME." Steve: NICE 149 00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:13,406 Jimmy: DO THE CONGA Steve: DO THE CONGA ON THIS ♪ 150 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,375 Jimmy: THANK YOU, POWDERED DONUT HOLES, FOR LOOKING LIKE SOMETHING COCAINE BEAR LEFT 151 00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:22,248 BEHIND ON THE TRAIL. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Steve: WHOA, HELLO. 152 00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:25,952 Jimmy: THAT'S EXACTLY IT. Steve: THAT'S IT. THAT'S COCAINE BEAR SCAT 153 00:11:25,952 --> 00:11:32,859 Jimmy: THAT'S IT. SCAT ♪ 154 00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:38,965 Jimmy: THANK YOU, PISTACHIOS, FOR BEING NUT CLAMS. 155 00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:41,601 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Steve: THAT SOUNDS FILTHY THIS IS A FAMILY SHOW. 156 00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:48,375 Jimmy: NUT CLAMS. Steve: NUT CLAMS? WAIT A SECOND 157 00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,877 I THOUGHT YOU WERE BEING CLEAN Jimmy: WE GOT ONE MORE JOKE ONE MORE? 158 00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:52,979 OH, MY GOD Jimmy: YOU THINK I CAN'T TOP THAT ONE 159 00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:56,583 Steve: YOU GOT TO TOP NUT CLAM Jimmy: NO WAY, MAN. 160 00:11:56,583 --> 00:12:05,859 Steve: CLAM IT UP, G. Jimmy: HERE WE GO, G. ♪ 161 00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,927 THANK YOU, KFC, FOR BRINGING BACK YOUR DOUBLE DOWN SANDWICH RIGHT IN TIME FOR THE FINALE OF 162 00:12:07,927 --> 00:12:10,563 "THE LAST OF US. THERE YOU GO, EVERYBODY. THANK YOU. 163 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,065 THOSE ARE OUR "THANK YOU NOTES. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 164 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,633 "BATTLE OF THE INSTANT STAND-UPS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 165 00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:32,218 ♪ I THINK THAT THE GUY IN MAROON 5 SOUNDS LIKE IF FOR THE 166 00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:36,089 LAST FIVE YEARS ELMO HAS BEEN TAKING TESTOSTERONE. [ LAUGHTER ] 167 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:59,179 ♪ AND SHE WIL BE LOVED ♪ BEAUTIFUL! 168 00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:02,716 Jimmy: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. HERE AT "THE TONIGHT SHOW," WE 169 00:13:02,716 --> 00:13:05,919 LOVE STAND-UP COMEDY AND WE ESPECIALLY LOVE STAND-UP WRITTEN BY OUR AUDIENCE MEMBERS 170 00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:09,889 IN UNDER AN HOUR THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S TIME FOR "BATTLE OF THE INSTANT 171 00:13:09,889 --> 00:13:10,957 STAND-UPS. HERE WE GO 172 00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:21,901 ♪ BATTLE OF THE INSTANT STAND-UPS ♪ Jimmy: WELCOME TO "BATTLE OF 173 00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:29,075 THE INSTANT STAND-UPS. BEFORE THE SHOW, WE WENT THROUGH OUR AUDIENCE AND PICKED 174 00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:30,777 OUT TWO PEOPLE WHO SAID THEY WERE COMEDIANS WE GAVE THEM EACH A TOPIC AND 175 00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:32,345 THEN GAVE THEM AN HOUR TO WRITE AN ORIGINAL STAND-UP SET BASED ON THAT TOPIC. 176 00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:37,984 THEY'VE NEVER PERFORMED. HERE THEY ARE PREPARING BACKSTAGE A MINUTE AGO 177 00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:41,254 YEAH YOU CAN'T UNSEE THAT [ LAUGHTER ] 178 00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:44,657 NOW LET'S SEE WHAT THEY CAME UP WITH AND MEET THEM RIGHT NOW COME ON OVER, EVERYBODY. 179 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,726 GUYS, COME ON OUT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ 180 00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:48,094 NICE TO SEE YOU. NICE TO SEE YOU. PLEASURE 181 00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:52,399 HI NICE TO SEE YOU. GOOD TO SEE YOU 182 00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:56,603 Jimmy: WELCOME TO THE SHOW. NOW, LET'S START WITH CONTESTANT NUMBER ONE. 183 00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:58,304 WHAT IS YOUR NAME AND WHERE ARE YOU FROM I'M NAT TOWSEN, AND I'M FROM 184 00:13:58,304 --> 00:13:59,939 MANHATTAN, NEW YORK. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: YEAH, MANHATTAN, 185 00:13:59,939 --> 00:14:03,476 NEW YORK I LOVE THAT. NAT, WHAT WAS THE TOPIC THAT 186 00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:09,149 YOU WERE GIVEN TONIGHT ST. PATRICK'S DAY Jimmy: OKAY 187 00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:11,751 NAT, ARE YOU IRISH OR WE'LL FIND OUT? I'M NOT 188 00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:13,953 Jimmy: INTERESTING. AND YOU'VE NEVER PERFORMED THIS IN FRONT OF A CROWD. 189 00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:16,456 YOU JUST WROTE THIS? YEAH. Jimmy: THIS IS VERY 190 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,091 EXCITING ALL RIGHT. WELL, HEAD ON OVER TO THE 191 00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:23,229 STAGE. GET IN YOUR HEAD SPACE NAT. 192 00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:25,532 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ THIS IS EXCITING 193 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:28,601 I LOVE THIS. AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HERE TO PERFORM A BRAND NEW 194 00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:30,070 COMEDY SET ABOUT ST. PATRICK'S DAY, PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR NAT TOWSEN 195 00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:42,582 ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 196 00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:45,085 I JUST GOT BACK FROM EUROPE. I KNOW I LOOK LIKE I WAS ABOUT TO SAY THAT. 197 00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:49,422 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] I LEARNED THAT IN IRELAND, ST. PATRICK'S DAY IS ACTUALLY 198 00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:51,424 NOT A BIG DEAL AT ALL. THEY ALREADY HAVE A DAY WHEN EVERYONE DRINKS. 199 00:14:51,424 --> 00:15:00,133 IT'S CALLED MONDAY [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE LAST YEAR, I SPENT 200 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:02,035 ST. PATRICK'S DAY WITH 3,000 DRUNK IDIOTS IN MIDTOWN MANHATTAN. 201 00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:10,777 [ CHEERS ] NO PLACE HAS BEEN THAT DISRESPECTFUL TO THE IRISH 202 00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:16,916 SINCE ENGLAND. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE IT'S TRUE, THE ENGLISH HATE 203 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:22,055 REDHEADS SO MUCH, THEY DON'T EVEN LIKE PRINCE HARRY [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 204 00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:27,394 ] AND EVERYONE IN MIDTOWN WAS DRESSED IN TRADITIONAL CELTIC 205 00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:32,432 MARDI GRAS BEADS [ LAUGHTER ] AND A T-SHIRT THAT SAID, "IRISH 206 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:39,639 YOU WERE NAKED." [ LAUGHTER ] IRISH I WAS MAKING THAT UP 207 00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:46,413 [ LAUGHTER ] AND EVERYONE WAS WEARING GREEN SO, YOU COULDN'T EVEN TELL 208 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:50,750 WHICH FRAT THEY WERE IN. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND THEN THEY ALL SCURRIED OFF 209 00:15:50,750 --> 00:16:00,026 TO NEW JERSEY. [ LAUGHTER ] LIKE THE SNAKES FLEEING 210 00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:01,561 IRELAND. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] MEANWHILE, IN DUBLIN, EVERYONE 211 00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:03,830 JUST HAD A COUPLE OF PINTS AT THE PUB AND THEN, HEADED TO A MUSEUM TO SEE THE BODY OF 212 00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:10,904 A MAN WHO DIED IN A BOG IN 400 B.C. [ LAUGHTER ] 213 00:16:10,904 --> 00:16:15,375 AND IN AMERICA, WE CELEBRATE BY PEEING IN AN ATM [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 214 00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:17,243 THANK YOU SO MUCH, I'M NAT TOWSEN [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 215 00:16:17,243 --> 00:16:22,382 ♪ Jimmy: NAT TOWSEN, EVERYBODY. 216 00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:24,884 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THAT WAS AMAZING I APPRECIATE IT. 217 00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:28,388 LET'S MEET CONTESTANT NUMBER TWO. WHAT IS YOUR NAME AND WHERE ARE 218 00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:31,358 YOU FROM I'M ALLISON REESE, AND I AM FROM MESA, ARIZONA 219 00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:38,465 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: ARIZONA! ALL RIGHT, CAN YOU TELL 220 00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:43,169 EVERYONE WHAT YOUR TOPIC IS. YES, SPRING BREAK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 221 00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:46,706 Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, BUD, THIS IS GOOD. ARIZONA'S GOT SOME GOOD SPRING 222 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,408 BREAKING OUT THERE THEY HAVE SOME GOOD PARTY SCHOOLS. 223 00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:50,276 YEAH, ASU Jimmy: YEAH, ASU, EXACTLY RIGHT. 224 00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:51,878 THEY'RE SO INTO IT. Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY. GET READY, GET IN YOUR HEAD 225 00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:53,880 SPACE. BE PREPARED. THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS 226 00:16:53,880 --> 00:17:01,621 AND LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU'RE READY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 227 00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:03,823 ♪ LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HERE TO PERFORM A BRAND-NEW COMEDY SET 228 00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:10,697 ABOUT SPRING BREAK IS THE ONE AND ONLY ALLISON REESE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 229 00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:16,603 ♪ THANK YOU, THANK YOU. YES. 230 00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:22,509 I'VE NEVER BEEN A SPRING BREAK PERSON YOU KNOW 231 00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:24,377 I'M REALLY MORE OF A KOHL'S CASH COUNTS AS REAL MONEY KIND OF A PERSON. 232 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:28,515 [ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW BUT FLORIDA SPRING BREAK SEEMS 233 00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:33,653 COOL, RIGHT? THEY GOT BEACHES, DRINKING, GATORS, THAT PET POSSUM WITH 234 00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:47,067 LIPSTICK ON IT FLORIDA'S GOT ALL YOUR SPRING BREAK NEEDS, YOU KNOW. 235 00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:48,802 YOU KNOW, IF I EVER WENT TO A SPRING BREAK CONCERT THOUGH, I THINK I'D WANT TO SEE 236 00:17:48,802 --> 00:17:53,073 MAROON 5 YEAH, RIGHT? YEAH 237 00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:57,477 [ APPLAUSE ] I WANT TO SEE MAROON 5 SOLELY BECAUSE I THINK THAT THE GUY IN 238 00:17:57,477 --> 00:17:59,779 MAROON 5 SOUNDS LIKE IF FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS ELMO HAS BEEN TAKING TESTOSTERONE. 239 00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:07,220 [ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW LIKE, CAN'T YOU HEAR IT? 240 00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:11,825 ♪ AND SHE WIL BE LOVED ♪ ♪ TAP ON MY WINDO 241 00:18:11,825 --> 00:18:14,327 KNOCK MY DOOR ♪ ELMO WANNA MAKE YOU FEEL BEAUTIFUL! 242 00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:25,238 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE HA-HA. THAT TICKLES 243 00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:29,743 OH, MAN, YOU CAN'T TELL ME THAT GUY DOESN'T SOUND LIKE ELMO. [ LAUGHTER ] 244 00:18:29,743 --> 00:18:31,711 LATER, YOU'RE GOING TO BE LISTENING TO MAROON 5 AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE LIKE, ELMO? 245 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:38,218 ELMO, YOUR VOICE DROPPED [ LAUGHTER ] HONESTLY, IT'S THE ONLY SPRING 246 00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:42,522 BREAK CONCERT I'M SPENDING MY KOHL'S CASH ON, SO, YEAH [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 247 00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:45,158 THANK YOU SO MUCH, I'M ALLISON REESE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 248 00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:51,364 ♪ Jimmy: OH, COME ON, ALLISON ALLISON REESE ONCE AGAIN 249 00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:55,735 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE NOW, IT IS TIME TO SEE WHO WON SO, WE'RE GOING TO LET OUR 250 00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:58,805 GREAT AUDIENCE DECIDE THE WINNER WAS IT NAT TOWSEN? 251 00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:04,611 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OR WAS IT ALLISON REESE? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] E THE 252 00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:15,655 WINNER IS ALLISON REESE! CONGRATULATIONS! [ DINGING 253 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,490 ♪ YOU'LL BE GOING HOME WITH AN "I LOVE JOKES" SWEATSHIRT 254 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:26,800 CONGRATULATIONS. YES, CONGRATULATIONS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 255 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:30,637 YOU'LL ALSO TAKE A "TONIGHT SHOW" NOTEBOOK FOR WRITING MORE COMEDY AND $1,000 CASH 256 00:19:30,637 --> 00:19:36,509 COME ON, BUD [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ALLISON REESE, THANK YOU SO 257 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,578 MUCH BUT NO ONE GOES HOME EMPTY HANDED 258 00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:39,913 OUR OTHER CONTESTANT WILL ALSO GET AN "I LOVE JOKES" SWEATSHIRT 259 00:19:39,913 --> 00:19:46,186 THERE YOU GO NAT, YOU DESERVE IT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 260 00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:49,055 AND A "TONIGHT SHOW" NOTEBOOK AND $1,000 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 261 00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:50,623 GIVE IT UP FOR OUR TWO NEW INSTANT STAND-UP COMEDIANS STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT 262 00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:55,528 BACK WITH TESSA THOMPSON COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 263 00:19:55,528 --> 00:20:08,241 ♪ I GO-GO DANCED FOR THE B-52s ONCE, ABOUT 25 YEARS AGO 264 00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:10,944 FOR REAL, I REALLY DID Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT AT THE UNIVERSAL 265 00:20:10,944 --> 00:20:18,318 AMPHITHEATER JUST FREE AND WITH ABANDON I'M LIKE, SIDE TO SIDE 266 00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:29,829 Jimmy: SIDE TO SIDE SIDE TO SIDE. Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN 267 00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:32,966 EMMY-NOMINATED ACTRESS STARRING ALONGSIDE MICHAEL B. JORDAN IN THE NEW FILM, "CREED III," 268 00:20:32,966 --> 00:20:40,173 WHICH OPENS IN THEATERS AND IMAX NATIONWIDE, TODAY PLEASE WELCOME, TESSA THOMPSON 269 00:20:40,173 --> 00:20:40,206 IMAX NATIONWIDE, TODAY PLEASE WELCOME, TESSA THOMPSON 270 00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:43,410 ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 271 00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:47,580 ♪ IT'S THE EYE OF THE TIGER IT'S THE THRILL OF THE FIGHT RISING UP TO THE CHALLENGE 272 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:54,888 OF OUR RIVALS ♪ ♪ AND THE LAST KNOWN SURVIVOR STALKS HIS PREY IN THE NIGHT 273 00:20:54,888 --> 00:21:04,831 AND HE'S WATCHING US ALL WITH THE EYE--♪ ♪ TESSA THOMPSON ♪ 274 00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:10,970 ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: YOU ALMOST-- YOU 275 00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:13,273 ALMOST COMPLETED IT. YOU-- EVERYTHING. YOU HIT THE NOTE AND 276 00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:15,075 EVERYTHING, BUT THEN - Tariq: WELL, SHE WAS AT THE COUCH ALREADY. 277 00:21:15,075 --> 00:21:17,644 SO I WAS LIKE-- I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT-- Jimmy: I THOUGHT YOU WERE - 278 00:21:17,644 --> 00:21:19,612 I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I WAS LIKE, "AM I WAITING FOR YOU? 279 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,815 DO YOU WAIT FOR ME?" Jimmy: YEAH, WHO KNOWS. BUT IT'S SUCH A GREAT INTRO 280 00:21:21,815 --> 00:21:24,851 LIKE THAT, "EYE OF THE TIGER," BUT-- ♪ WITH THE EYE-- 281 00:21:24,851 --> 00:21:27,587 TESSA THOMPSON ♪ ♪ YOU GOTTA END WITH TESSA 282 00:21:27,587 --> 00:21:31,524 THANKS, GENTLEMEN HI, AHMIR. Jimmy: IT IS SO NICE TO SEE 283 00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:37,630 YOU. WELCOME TO THE SHOW. THANK YOU. 284 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,499 I READ A LOT ABOUT YOU GETTING READY FOR THIS INTERVIEW, AND I READ SOMETHING, AND I SAID TO 285 00:21:39,499 --> 00:21:42,235 MYSELF, "THIS CAN'T BE TRUE. BUT-- CAN YOU TELL ME IF THIS IS TRUE OR NOT 286 00:21:42,235 --> 00:21:44,971 OH, NO. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: I READ THAT YOU'VE 287 00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:49,009 NEVER EATEN EGGS THAT IS A TRUE THING. I'VE NEVER HAD AN EGG. 288 00:21:49,009 --> 00:21:51,177 HARD BOILED, SCRAMBLED, OMELETTED. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 289 00:21:51,177 --> 00:21:52,946 DEVILED. Jimmy: IS "OMELETTED" A A WORD 290 00:21:52,946 --> 00:21:56,783 IS IT Jimmy: YOU INVENTED A-- WAIT, BUT, HOW HAVE YOU GONE 291 00:21:56,783 --> 00:22:01,588 THROUGH LIFE NEVER HAVING AN EGG? OKAY, WELL, I THINK IT 292 00:22:01,588 --> 00:22:06,059 STARTED BECAUSE I HAD SOME MISINFORMATION ABOUT EGGS. MY PARENTS NEVER TOLD ME THAT, 293 00:22:06,059 --> 00:22:10,430 LIKE, THE EGGS THAT YOU EAT WOULD NEVER BECOME A CHICKEN AND SO, LIKE, MORALLY, I WAS 294 00:22:10,430 --> 00:22:16,569 LIKE, "I--" YOU KNOW, "THEY SHOULD BE CHICKENS SOMEDAY." SO I DIDN'T EAT EGGS THEN. 295 00:22:16,569 --> 00:22:18,972 AND THEN ALSO JUST LIKE, ONCE I UNDERSTOOD THAT, I JUST DIDN'T TRUST THEM, YOU KNOW 296 00:22:18,972 --> 00:22:24,844 [ LAUGHTER ] BECAUSE THEY-- THEY SHAPESHIFT 297 00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:27,714 LIKE, ONE SECOND THEY'RE THIS, ONE SECOND THEY'RE THAT. Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, OF 298 00:22:27,714 --> 00:22:29,549 COURSE A FRITTATA, THEN THEY'RE AN OMELET 299 00:22:29,549 --> 00:22:32,185 YES YES! [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 300 00:22:32,185 --> 00:22:36,322 IT'S SUSPECT AS A KID, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN 301 00:22:36,322 --> 00:22:38,425 Jimmy: YOU GO, "WHAT IS AN EGG? WHAT IS AN EGG? 302 00:22:38,425 --> 00:22:40,093 AND THEN I - Jimmy: IS IT A SOLID, IS IT A LIQUID 303 00:22:40,093 --> 00:22:41,795 AND THEN I WAS SO SERIOUS ABOUT IT, I DIDN'T EVEN EAT EGGPLANT FOR THE LONGEST TIME. 304 00:22:41,795 --> 00:22:45,198 [ LAUGHTER ] 'CAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS CONNECTED. 305 00:22:45,198 --> 00:22:48,902 Jimmy: NO RELATION! I WAS SO COMMITTED. BUT THEN I GOT TO A CERTAIN AGE 306 00:22:48,902 --> 00:22:51,438 WHERE IT WAS KIND OF MY SHTICK, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN LIKE, HERE, I'M TALKING ABOUT 307 00:22:51,438 --> 00:22:57,010 IT ON LATE NIGHT TELEVISION. IT'S LIKE A-- A REMARKABLE THING, YOU KNOW? 308 00:22:57,010 --> 00:22:59,112 Jimmy: SO YOU'RE KIND OF LIKE - YOU'VE GOTTA HOLD ON TO THE 309 00:22:59,112 --> 00:23:00,313 WAYS IN WHICH YOU CAN BE EXCEPTIONAL. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 310 00:23:00,313 --> 00:23:02,449 AND FOR ME - Jimmy: THIS IS-- THIS IS NOT IT FOR YOU 311 00:23:02,449 --> 00:23:05,085 FOR ME, NOT - Jimmy: THIS IS NOT IT FOR YOU. 312 00:23:05,085 --> 00:23:08,922 IT'S A BIG PARTY TRICK. Jimmy: I KNOW, BUT-- SERIOUSLY, I'VE BEEN PLACES 313 00:23:08,922 --> 00:23:11,324 WHERE PEOPLE ARE LIKE-- Jimmy: YOU'RE IN TWO GIANT MOVIE FRANCHISES - 314 00:23:11,324 --> 00:23:12,625 "YO, GET OVER HERE, SHE'S NEVER HAD AN EGG." [ LAUGHTER ] 315 00:23:12,625 --> 00:23:14,961 Jimmy: THAT'S NOT - WHAT PARTIES HAVE YOU BEEN TO WHERE SOMEONE IS LIKE, "GET 316 00:23:14,961 --> 00:23:16,463 OVER HERE, SHE'S NEVER HAD AN EGG" I HAVE-- 317 00:23:16,463 --> 00:23:19,065 Jimmy: THAT'S NOT TRUE. THEY'RE REALLY FUN PARTIES, LET ME TELL YOU. 318 00:23:19,065 --> 00:23:24,671 [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: I WANT TO BE INVITED TO THOSE PARTIES 319 00:23:24,671 --> 00:23:28,408 TESSA, I DON'T WANT TO PUT YOU ON THE SPOT OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT, BUT WOULD YOU EVER-- 320 00:23:28,408 --> 00:23:34,481 WOULD YOU EVER TRY AN EGG IF I-- Jimmy: OKAY, SEE, THIS-- 321 00:23:34,481 --> 00:23:36,149 OKAY, MICHAEL B. JORDAN TRIED TO GET ME TO EAT AN EGG LAST WEEK 322 00:23:36,149 --> 00:23:41,821 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] BECAUSE WE HAVE A THING-- WE HAVE A THING WHERE - 323 00:23:41,821 --> 00:23:43,623 FIRST OF ALL, JONATHAN MAJORS ATE EIGHT HARD-BOILED EGGS FOR BREAKFAST WHEN WE WERE MAKING 324 00:23:43,623 --> 00:23:47,594 THAT MOVIE Jimmy: YEAH 'CAUSE HE'S JACKED 325 00:23:47,594 --> 00:23:49,095 YEAH, AND ALSO, THEY COULD AFFORD IT 'CAUSE I WASN'T EATING ANY EGGS. 326 00:23:49,095 --> 00:23:52,298 [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN - Jimmy: YOU PASSED ON THEM, 327 00:23:52,298 --> 00:23:54,934 YEAH MICHAEL B. GOT ME TO EAT MY FIRST BITE OF STEAK. 328 00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:57,003 I HAD NEVER HAD A STEAK. AND THEN WE MADE THE FIRST ONE-- 329 00:23:57,003 --> 00:24:01,374 I KNOW, I'M LOSING Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU-- WHAT DO YOU - 330 00:24:01,374 --> 00:24:03,476 EAT Jimmy: WAS THAT ANOTHER PARTY TRICK? 331 00:24:03,476 --> 00:24:05,745 YEAH. Jimmy: "YOU'VE GOTTA GET OVER HERE, SHE'S NEVER HAD 332 00:24:05,745 --> 00:24:07,714 STEAK. IT'S LIKE, WOW, THIS PARTY IS GETTING OLD REAL QUICK 333 00:24:07,714 --> 00:24:09,049 EXACTLY BUT NOW I DON'T HAVE THOSE ANYMORE. 334 00:24:09,049 --> 00:24:10,717 SO, LAST WEEK, I DECLINED THE EGG. BUT, THEN I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, 335 00:24:10,717 --> 00:24:14,821 LIKE, I AM THE KIND OF PERSON - LIKE, I BELIEVE IN, LIKE, "I'LL 336 00:24:14,821 --> 00:24:18,658 TRY ANYTHING ONCE. SO IT IS SORT OF WEIRD THAT I'VE NEVER TRIED AN EGG. 337 00:24:18,658 --> 00:24:23,263 Jimmy: AND YOU WOULD DO IT TONIGHT FOR US [ AUDIENCE OOHS 338 00:24:23,263 --> 00:24:31,438 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OH NO Jimmy: NOW TESSA, I 339 00:24:31,438 --> 00:24:35,075 DIDN'T - TESSA, I ALSO-- I DON'T WANT YOU TO SMELL THE EGG OR 340 00:24:35,075 --> 00:24:45,652 ANYTHING OH, YEAH, NO. I KNOW 341 00:24:45,652 --> 00:24:47,721 Jimmy: I HAVE KETCHUP AS WELL SCRAMBLED IS THE WAY WE 342 00:24:47,721 --> 00:24:50,357 PREPARED THEM TONIGHT. OO-KAY. [ LAUGHTER ] 343 00:24:50,357 --> 00:24:53,426 BUT THEY'RE NOT-- THEY'RE NOT RUNNY OR ANYTHING, RIGHT Jimmy: HOLD ON. 344 00:24:53,426 --> 00:24:54,494 NO [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THEY'RE NOT RUNNY. 345 00:24:54,494 --> 00:24:57,230 DO YOU WANT TO SEE THEM? YEAH. Jimmy: OKAY, GOOD 346 00:24:57,230 --> 00:24:59,199 I WANT TO OPEN THEM OVER HERE. I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO GET A A WAFT AND GET - 347 00:24:59,199 --> 00:25:01,935 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND THEN-- AND THEN BAIL. BUT SEE, HOW DO YOU EAT EGGS 348 00:25:01,935 --> 00:25:04,037 IT THAT'S HOW YOU HAVE TO-- Jimmy: I NORMALLY DON'T HAVE THEM UNDER A SILVER CONTAINER 349 00:25:04,037 --> 00:25:06,039 THAT IS-- LIKE, THIS IS A VERY FANCY, FANCY SCRAMBLE 350 00:25:06,039 --> 00:25:11,044 THIS IS RIGHT FROM THE WAFFLE HOUSE FROM FLORIDA [ LAUGHTER ] 351 00:25:11,044 --> 00:25:17,050 THERE YOU GO [ AUDIENCE OOHS ♪ 352 00:25:17,050 --> 00:25:21,187 NOW THESE ARE SCRAMBLED EGGS, THEY ACTUALLY LOOK REALLY GOOD NOW DO YOU WANT THESE-- DO YOU 353 00:25:21,187 --> 00:25:23,356 WANT KETCHUP DO YOU WANT HOT SAUCE? HOT SAUCE 354 00:25:23,356 --> 00:25:30,463 Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, THROW IT ON THERE TESSA THOMPSON TRYING EGGS FOR 355 00:25:30,463 --> 00:25:33,767 THE FIRST TIME EVER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ALL RIGHT, TAKE YOUR TIME. 356 00:25:33,767 --> 00:25:35,602 OH, YEAH SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE CONSISTENCY? 357 00:25:35,602 --> 00:25:37,470 OOH, THERE'S MOISTURE [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: A LITTLE SPONGEY, 358 00:25:37,470 --> 00:25:41,941 A LITTLE SPONGEY WHAT IS THE MOISTURE FROM Jimmy: FROM THE EGG 359 00:25:41,941 --> 00:25:45,879 IT'S LIKE EGG WATER Jimmy: THE EGG. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 360 00:25:45,879 --> 00:25:48,715 OOH OKAY ALL RIGHT. 361 00:25:48,715 --> 00:25:52,886 Jimmy: IS THAT WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU GET NERVOUS YEAH. 362 00:25:52,886 --> 00:25:55,622 Jimmy: "OOH!" [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU GOT IT, BUD. 363 00:25:55,622 --> 00:25:57,791 YOU GOT THIS COME ON! YOU GOT THIS, BUDDY. 364 00:25:57,791 --> 00:26:02,595 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ 365 00:26:02,595 --> 00:26:06,099 THERE'S WATER. YOU CAN DRINK WATER. [ APPLAUSE ] 366 00:26:06,099 --> 00:26:09,269 HERE'S WATER NO, NO, OKAY SHE'S OKAY 367 00:26:09,269 --> 00:26:13,206 HOLD ON. DO YOU HAVE A DECISION, OR DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING? 368 00:26:13,206 --> 00:26:15,075 [ CLEARS THROAT NO NOTHING? 369 00:26:15,075 --> 00:26:17,711 OKAY. [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: WOW, THAT'S IT 370 00:26:17,711 --> 00:26:20,413 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU DID IT THAT'S IT. 371 00:26:20,413 --> 00:26:22,482 WE DON'T HAVE TO BRING IT UP OH. Jimmy: WE DON'T HAVE TO TALK 372 00:26:22,482 --> 00:26:24,351 ABOUT ANYTHING WOW. BUT NOW IT'S, LIKE, 373 00:26:24,351 --> 00:26:26,453 DOCUMENTED THAT I HAVE EATEN AN EGG. Jimmy: YEAH 374 00:26:26,453 --> 00:26:28,955 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND HOW DO YOU FEEL? NOW I GOTTA LET IT GO 375 00:26:28,955 --> 00:26:30,824 ACTUALLY, THEY'RE NOT BAD. Jimmy: THERE YOU GO THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! 376 00:26:30,824 --> 00:26:32,659 ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE EGGS ARE DELICIOUS 377 00:26:32,659 --> 00:26:37,163 THEY'RE NOT BAD. THEY'RE NOT BAD Jimmy: WOW, WE STARTED 378 00:26:37,163 --> 00:26:38,965 A WHOLE THING. NOW EVERY TIME YOU COME ON THE SHOW, WE HAVE TO TRY A FOOD 379 00:26:38,965 --> 00:26:45,338 THAT YOU'VE NEVER HAD BEFORE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE MOVIE, 380 00:26:45,338 --> 00:26:47,440 PLEASE YEAH. Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS ON 381 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:48,942 THIS ALREADY, IT'S GETTING GREAT REVIEWS. 382 00:26:48,942 --> 00:26:50,810 "CREED III." THANK YOU SO MUCH Jimmy: CAN WE SET UP WHAT-- 383 00:26:50,810 --> 00:26:55,081 WHAT'S GOING ON WITH "CREED III"? YES 384 00:26:55,081 --> 00:26:56,783 I PLAY A SINGER WHO NOW HAS STOPPED PERFORMING, BUT OWNS HER OWN RECORD LABEL, AND IS 385 00:26:56,783 --> 00:26:59,352 PRODUCING ARTISTS. Jimmy: PRODUCER AND MIKE HAS STEPPED AWAY 386 00:26:59,352 --> 00:27:02,922 FROM THE BOXING RING, AND HE'S ESSENTIALLY, YOU KNOW, LOOKING AFTER BOXERS AND HAS HIS OWN 387 00:27:02,922 --> 00:27:06,226 GYM. AND THEY'RE SUCCESSFUL, AND THEY'RE RICH, AND THEY'RE 388 00:27:06,226 --> 00:27:13,233 FAMOUS, AND THEY'RE HAPPY. Jimmy: AND THEN, DING-DONG. AND THEN, IN COMES SOMEONE 389 00:27:13,233 --> 00:27:17,170 FROM ADONIS'S PAST WHO STANDS TO, SORT OF, POTENTIALLY DESTROY EVERYTHING 390 00:27:17,170 --> 00:27:19,139 AND HE HAS TO-- BECAUSE IT'S A BOXING MOVIE-- GET BACK IN THE RING 391 00:27:19,139 --> 00:27:23,176 Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT AND EVERYONE GOES NUTS WHEN THEY'RE WATCHING IT. 392 00:27:23,176 --> 00:27:27,047 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IF YOU WANT TO-- IT'S SO EXCITING 393 00:27:27,047 --> 00:27:30,383 I WANT TO SHOW A CLIP. HERE'S TESSA THOMPSON IN "CREED 394 00:27:30,383 --> 00:27:30,884 III. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 395 00:27:31,951 --> 00:27:32,886 SO, MISS PRODUCER, WHEN'S 396 00:27:32,886 --> 00:27:35,955 YOUR NEXT SHOW I DON'T REALLY PERFORM LIKE THAT THESE DAYS. 397 00:27:35,955 --> 00:27:42,729 YEAH, I TOOK A BREAK, 'CAUSE I WAS-- I WAS HAVING SOME ISSUES WITH MY HEARING ON STAGE 398 00:27:42,729 --> 00:27:45,131 AND NOW I'M TRYING TO BE CAREFUL AND PRESERVE WHAT I GOT LEFT 399 00:27:45,131 --> 00:27:51,371 SO, I AM PRODUCING YEAH NOT ANYTIME SOON 400 00:27:51,371 --> 00:27:57,510 STILL HARD TO GIVE THAT PART UP THOUGH, RIGHT YEAH, IT'S NOT THE ONLY 401 00:27:57,510 --> 00:28:00,347 THING I LOVE, BUT IT TAKES WORK Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I'M 402 00:28:00,347 --> 00:28:04,484 TALKING ABOUT. TESSA THOMPSON, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 403 00:28:04,484 --> 00:28:09,856 "CREED III" IS IN THEATERS AND IMAX NOW ANDY COHEN JOINS US, AFTER THE 404 00:28:09,856 --> 00:28:12,158 BREAK. STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 405 00:28:12,158 --> 00:28:41,054 ♪ Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS ONE OF OUR FAVORITES 406 00:28:41,054 --> 00:28:46,693 HE'S AN EMMY AND PEABODY-WINNING HOST AND PRODUCER WHO YOU CAN SEE EVERY 407 00:28:46,693 --> 00:28:49,095 SUNDAY THROUGH THURSDAY, ON SEASON 20 OF "WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE" ON BRAVO 408 00:28:49,095 --> 00:28:50,497 PLEASE WELCOME OUR PAL, ANDY COHEN 409 00:28:54,968 --> 00:29:13,153 ♪ ♪ Jimmy: WOW. 410 00:29:13,153 --> 00:29:18,058 JIM-JAM Jimmy: WHOA THIS IS THE ORIGINAL SHIRT 411 00:29:18,058 --> 00:29:20,593 YOU GAVE ME-- Jimmy: CAN WE SEE THAT SHIRT? 412 00:29:20,593 --> 00:29:22,696 - 24 APPEARANCES AGO Jimmy: LOOK AT THIS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 413 00:29:22,696 --> 00:29:24,531 YEAH! Jimmy: YOU'RE A STUD. YEAH! 414 00:29:24,531 --> 00:29:26,700 Jimmy: THANK YOU FOR COMING BACK WE ALWAYS LOVE HAVING YOU ON 415 00:29:26,700 --> 00:29:29,769 THE SHOW, BUD. THANKS, MY JIM-JAM. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 416 00:29:29,769 --> 00:29:33,707 Jimmy: I SAW A PICTURE OF YOU-- I FOLLOW YOU ON THE INSTAS AND ALL THE SOCIALS - 417 00:29:33,707 --> 00:29:36,042 YEAH, YEAH. Jimmy: AND YOU WERE JUST HANGING OUT IN AUSTRALIA, 418 00:29:36,042 --> 00:29:41,581 LOOKING LIKE A STUD. YEAH, I HAD THE BEST TIME I AM SO JET-LAGGED, BY THE WAY 419 00:29:41,581 --> 00:29:45,518 WHEN DOES IT END 'CAUSE I GOT BACK ON SUNDAY, AND I'M LIKE - 420 00:29:45,518 --> 00:29:47,587 Jimmy: DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE? YEAH, I'M WITH MY JIM-JAM 421 00:29:47,587 --> 00:29:49,756 Jimmy: OKAY, GOOD YES, ABSOLUTELY Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH 422 00:29:49,756 --> 00:29:52,826 I KNOW EXACTLY. YOU KNOW WHERE I AM? WHERE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE 423 00:29:52,826 --> 00:29:54,794 Jimmy: WOW. I WANT TO TOUCH YOUR-- [ LAUGHTER ] 424 00:29:54,794 --> 00:29:57,630 THAT'S WHERE I AM. Jimmy: WHAT IN THE-- I GOT BOOPED ON THAT 425 00:29:57,630 --> 00:30:01,368 YEAH, YOU GOT BOOPED. I WANT TO BOOP YOU Jimmy: YOU HAD TO BOOP ME 426 00:30:01,368 --> 00:30:03,336 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT IT HAPPENS OKAY, GOOD 427 00:30:03,336 --> 00:30:05,171 HOW ARE THE BABIES LITTLE BABY LUCY-- AM I ALLOWED TO - 428 00:30:05,171 --> 00:30:10,010 YES DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO Jimmy: CAN I SHOW A PHOTO OF 429 00:30:10,010 --> 00:30:12,178 LUCY YEAH, THEY'RE SO GOOD Jimmy: LOOK AT BABY - 430 00:30:12,178 --> 00:30:16,349 YEAH, SHE STARTED CRAWLING LAST WEEK. [ AUDIENCE AWS ] 431 00:30:16,349 --> 00:30:21,154 Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH. ANDY, SHE IS GORGEOUS. WE WERE TRYING TO TEACH HER 432 00:30:21,154 --> 00:30:23,223 TO CRAWL FOR LONG TIME SHE'S GOT BIG BLUE EYES. SHE'S SO CUTE. 433 00:30:23,223 --> 00:30:28,795 AND BEN IS ALTERNATELY JUST TRYING TO LOVE HER AND KILL HER. 434 00:30:28,795 --> 00:30:32,499 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: HE'S A LITTLE LOVE YES, HE IS. 435 00:30:32,499 --> 00:30:34,901 Jimmy: LOOK AT-- LOOK AT BEN. LOOK AT HIM. 436 00:30:34,901 --> 00:30:39,506 THAT'S-- THAT'S THE DAY HE MET HER, YEAH. [ AUDIENCE AWS ] 437 00:30:39,506 --> 00:30:41,574 YEAH, EXACTLY. Jimmy: THAT LOOKS - AND THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE 438 00:30:41,574 --> 00:30:43,777 I KNOW, IT'S SO CUTE. VERY SWEET Jimmy: I KNOW-- I KNOW 439 00:30:43,777 --> 00:30:46,079 YOU'RE PALS WITH JOHN MAYER. YEAH. Jimmy: AND HE ACTUALLY 440 00:30:46,079 --> 00:30:48,248 PLAYED GRATEFUL DEAD FOR BEN, AND BEN WAS DANCING. DO YOU REMEMBER? 441 00:30:48,248 --> 00:30:50,784 YES, I DO REMEMBER THAT BEING A DAD AT CONCERTS, MAN I'M LIKE - 442 00:30:50,784 --> 00:30:53,386 Jimmy: I GOT BUSTED HARD. I WENT TO SEE HARRY STYLES AND IT WAS NOT PRETTY. 443 00:30:53,386 --> 00:30:54,921 WHY [ LAUGHTER ] YOU GOT BUSTED HOW 444 00:30:54,921 --> 00:30:57,557 Jimmy: WELL, I WAS JUST DANCING. I-- I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. 445 00:30:57,557 --> 00:30:59,726 OKAY. Jimmy: I CAN'T-- I'M TOO OLD TO DANCE 446 00:30:59,726 --> 00:31:01,494 TO DANCE? Jimmy: YEAH YOU KNOW WHAT 447 00:31:01,494 --> 00:31:05,732 Jimmy: AT HARRY STYLES-- I WAS EMBARRASSING MY DANCING HAS ALSO TAKEN A 448 00:31:05,732 --> 00:31:08,201 A HIT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED I USED TO BE, LIKE, SUPREMELY 449 00:31:08,201 --> 00:31:10,670 CONFIDENT. I DANCED-- I GO-GO DANCED FOR THE B-52s ONCE, ABOUT 25 YEARS 450 00:31:10,670 --> 00:31:19,746 AGO. FOR REAL, I REALLY DID Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT 451 00:31:19,746 --> 00:31:21,915 AT THE UNIVERSAL AMPHITHEATER JUST FREE AND WITH ABANDON 452 00:31:21,915 --> 00:31:23,983 AND NOW I GO TO CONCERTS, AND I'M LIKE, SIDE TO SIDE [ LAUGHTER ] 453 00:31:23,983 --> 00:31:27,153 Jimmy: SIDE TO SIDE SIDE TO SIDE. ♪ 454 00:31:27,153 --> 00:31:29,255 Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I DID. IT'S SO BAD 455 00:31:29,255 --> 00:31:33,626 Jimmy: IT WAS SO BAD. BUT DID YOU GET-- DID PEOPLE VIDEO YOU DANCING 456 00:31:33,626 --> 00:31:36,229 Jimmy: IT WAS - OHH Jimmy: YEAH, THERE WAS A PIT 457 00:31:36,229 --> 00:31:38,331 OF, LIKE, MAYBE A THOUSAND 13-YEAR-OLD GIRLS. I WAS GONNA SAY 458 00:31:38,331 --> 00:31:45,205 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: AND THEY ALL HAD THEIR TIKTOKS OUT. 459 00:31:45,205 --> 00:31:47,173 OH, NO. Jimmy: AND I GO-- I'M ALREADY A MEME, I CAN JUST 460 00:31:47,173 --> 00:31:48,908 TELL RIGHT YEAH, YEAH, YEAH 461 00:31:48,908 --> 00:31:50,877 [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: AND I FELT BAD AND AT ONE POINT, I GO, "MAYBE 462 00:31:50,877 --> 00:31:52,979 I WON'T DANCE. MAYBE I'M JUST GONNA CROSS MY ARMS AND LISTEN. 463 00:31:52,979 --> 00:31:54,714 RIGHT Jimmy: AND THAT WAS EVEN WORSE. 464 00:31:54,714 --> 00:31:56,783 WELL, BUT THEN YOU LOOK LIKE - HARRY'S IN TROUBLE 465 00:31:56,783 --> 00:31:58,752 Jimmy: SO THE BAND'S PLAYING-- YEAH. 466 00:31:58,752 --> 00:32:00,820 ♪ YEAH, THAT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD Jimmy: NO, IT WAS NOT FUN AT 467 00:32:00,820 --> 00:32:02,922 ALL. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. Jimmy: IT WAS TERRIBLE. 468 00:32:02,922 --> 00:32:05,225 NO. Jimmy: YEAH ANDY, SINCE YOU'VE BEEN ON THE 469 00:32:05,225 --> 00:32:10,897 SHOW, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT BRAVOCON BECAUSE YOU'VE BECOME THE 470 00:32:10,897 --> 00:32:12,866 BIGGEST MEDIA MOGUL. WELL-- Jimmy: YOU'RE LIKE-- YOU 471 00:32:12,866 --> 00:32:15,468 REALLY ARE ANDY-- BRAVOCON - BRAVOCON-- 472 00:32:15,468 --> 00:32:17,904 Jimmy: YOU'RE LIKE OPRAH. YOU'RE LIKE OPRAH WINFREY. BRAVOCON WAS AMAZING. 473 00:32:17,904 --> 00:32:19,973 IT WAS LIKE "THE AVENGERS," YOU GUYS IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. 474 00:32:19,973 --> 00:32:22,375 Jimmy: WAS IT 30,000 PEOPLE 30,000 PEOPLE CAME TO NEW YORK 475 00:32:22,375 --> 00:32:28,281 Jimmy: AT THE JAVITS CENTER AT THE JAVITS CENTER. Jimmy: YOU CRUSHED IT 476 00:32:28,281 --> 00:32:30,884 IT WAS AWESOME. AND ACTUALLY, I'M OBSESSED WITH OPRAH'S LEGENDS BALL 477 00:32:30,884 --> 00:32:34,387 SO I THREW ANDY'S LEGENDS BALL AT BRAVOCON, AND WE HAD 140 BRAVOLEBRITIES ALL ON ONE 478 00:32:34,387 --> 00:32:36,256 STAGE. IT WAS AWESOME IT WAS AMAZING 479 00:32:36,256 --> 00:32:41,828 Jimmy: AND EVERYONE WENT NUTS FOR EVERYBODY EVERYONE WENT NUTS. 480 00:32:41,828 --> 00:32:44,097 IT WAS-- IT WAS AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER FEEL - Jimmy: YEAH 481 00:32:44,097 --> 00:32:49,602 - TO BEING ELVIS, WITHOUT AUSTIN BUTLER'S ACCENT Jimmy: YEAH 482 00:32:49,602 --> 00:32:51,571 [ LAUGHTER ] OH, YEAH "WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE," I'M 483 00:32:51,571 --> 00:32:58,545 LUCKY ENOUGH, I'M GONNA BE YOUR GUEST, MONDAY NIGHT. MONDAY NIGHT YOU'RE ON. 484 00:32:58,545 --> 00:33:00,747 Jimmy: YOU RECENTLY DID SOMETHING ON THE SHOW, BY THE WAY, THAT YOU'VE NEVER DONE 485 00:33:00,747 --> 00:33:02,816 BEFORE YOU'VE HOSTED THE SHOW ALMOST 15 YEARS 486 00:33:02,816 --> 00:33:04,551 YES Jimmy: AND YOU DID SOMETHING, AND I JUST WANT TO 487 00:33:04,551 --> 00:33:07,053 SHOW EVERYONE-- OH, BOY Jimmy: THIS IS SOMETHING 488 00:33:07,053 --> 00:33:08,254 THAT ANDY'S NEVER DONE BEFORE. OH, NO. 489 00:33:09,656 --> 00:33:11,658 MAKE, DISTRIBUTE, OR TAG ME IN ANY [ BLEEP ]-- [ GASPS 490 00:33:11,658 --> 00:33:13,426 - [ LAUGHTER ] - - "ANDY COHEN DEATH REACTION VIDEOS" YOU FREAKS 491 00:33:13,426 --> 00:33:16,363 WHY IS THIS EVEN A THING IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY. ON A SIDE NOTE - 492 00:33:16,363 --> 00:33:19,099 IT'S NOT FUNNY. THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER DONE THAT ON THIS SHOW. 493 00:33:19,099 --> 00:33:21,167 Jimmy: WOW. YOU DROPPED THE F-BOMB YEAH, I DROPPED IT. 494 00:33:21,167 --> 00:33:25,538 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: ANDY, WHAT - WHAT MADE-- 495 00:33:25,538 --> 00:33:32,112 WE WERE-- WE WERE LIVE I WAS ALL WHIPPED UP, BY THE WAY, FOR REAL, ABOUT THIS TREND 496 00:33:32,112 --> 00:33:34,514 ON TIKTOK WHERE THEY PRANKED PEOPLE IT WAS LIKE A TREND WHERE THEY 497 00:33:34,514 --> 00:33:40,086 WOULD TELL THEIR PARENTS THAT CELEBRITIES WERE DEAD. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 498 00:33:40,086 --> 00:33:44,124 AND ALL THESE PEOPLE WERE SENDING ME VIDEOS OF PEOPLE BEING LIKE "ANDY COHEN'S DEAD. 499 00:33:44,124 --> 00:33:46,526 AND I'M LIKE, DON'T SEND ME THESE VIDEOS AND TWO, THIS PRANK AIN'T 500 00:33:46,526 --> 00:33:48,828 FUNNY. Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S NOT FUNNY I-- I AGREE WITH YOU. 501 00:33:48,828 --> 00:33:51,097 YES, YES. Jimmy: IT'S A - SO ANYWAY, YEAH, I WAS ALL 502 00:33:51,097 --> 00:33:53,099 HOPPED UP AND I DROPPED THE F-BOMB AND I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE DROP 503 00:33:53,099 --> 00:34:00,306 THE F-BOMB ON MY SHOW, BECAUSE OUR CENSOR, WHO I'VE NEVER MET, IS OVERLY AGGRESSIVE, AND THEY 504 00:34:00,306 --> 00:34:04,144 BLEEP OUT, LIKE, TWO SENTENCES AT A TIME. Jimmy: WELL, I PROMISE YOU 505 00:34:04,144 --> 00:34:08,081 ON MONDAY I WILL NOT SAY ONE DIRTY WORD THANK YOU 506 00:34:08,081 --> 00:34:10,383 Jimmy: I PROMISE. YOU DON'T SWEAR Jimmy: I KNOW, IT'S - 507 00:34:10,383 --> 00:34:12,886 YOU'RE A CLEAN TEEN Jimmy: I'M A GENTLEMAN. THAT'S WHY I LIKE YOU. 508 00:34:12,886 --> 00:34:14,754 Jimmy: BOOP I GOT BOOPED [ LAUGHTER ] 509 00:34:14,754 --> 00:34:18,925 YOU GOT BOOPED AGAIN. Jimmy: I GOT BOOPED AGAIN CONGRATULATIONS ON SEASON 20 510 00:34:18,925 --> 00:34:21,194 MY MAN, ANDY COHEN [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE "WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE." 511 00:34:21,194 --> 00:34:23,196 CAN I BOOP YOU Together: BOOP! Jimmy: AIRS EVERY SUNDAY 512 00:34:23,196 --> 00:34:25,131 THROUGH THURSDAY - BOOP - - ON BRAVO. 513 00:34:25,131 --> 00:34:28,968 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A A PERFORMANCE FROM THE NATIONAL 514 00:34:28,968 --> 00:34:48,254 STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ 515 00:34:48,254 --> 00:34:52,859 Jimmy: PERFORMING "TROPIC MORNING NEWS" FROM THEIR UPCOMING ALBUM, "FIRST TWO 516 00:34:52,859 --> 00:34:57,263 PAGES OF FRANKENSTEIN," GIVE IT UP FOR THE NATIONAL! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 517 00:34:57,263 --> 00:34:57,297 UP FOR THE NATIONAL! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 518 00:35:17,283 --> 00:35:21,621 ♪ I WASN'T STARTING YET I DIDN'T EVEN THIN 519 00:35:21,621 --> 00:35:29,929 YOU WERE LISTENING ♪ ♪ I WASN'T READY AT ALL TO SAY ANYTHING ABOU 520 00:35:29,929 --> 00:35:34,501 ANYTHING INTERESTING ♪ ♪ IT'S A THING YOU HAVE YOU JUST DON'T KNO 521 00:35:34,501 --> 00:35:41,174 THAT YOU DO IT ♪ ♪ YOU WAIT AROUND IN A CONVERSATION ♪ 522 00:35:41,174 --> 00:35:47,614 ♪ WHILE I GET IN AND STAR STUMBLING THROUGH IT ♪ ♪ I WAS SO DISTRACTED THE 523 00:35:47,614 --> 00:35:53,620 I DIDN'T HAVE IT STRAIGHT IN MY HEAD ♪ ♪ I DIDN'T HAVE 524 00:35:53,620 --> 00:35:56,923 MY FACE ON YET ♪ ♪ OR THE ROLE OR THE FEEL OF WHERE I WAS 525 00:35:56,923 --> 00:36:01,394 GOING WITH IT ALL ♪ ♪ I WAS SUFFERING MOR THAN I LET ON ♪ 526 00:36:01,394 --> 00:36:07,033 ♪ THE TROPIC MORNIN NEWS WAS ON ♪ ♪ THERE'S NOTHING 527 00:36:07,033 --> 00:36:12,539 STOPPING ME NOW ♪ ♪ FROM SAYING ALL THE PAINFUL PARTS OUT LOUD ♪ 528 00:36:12,539 --> 00:36:18,878 ♪ GOT TO MY FEE FEELING THAT I'D LET YOU DOWN ♪ 529 00:36:18,878 --> 00:36:23,817 ♪ I WANTED TO SAY I SLOW AND PERFECT ♪ ♪ BUT IT ALL SOMEHO 530 00:36:23,817 --> 00:36:27,420 GOT SWITCHED AROUND ♪ ♪ SOMETHING WENT OF ON ITS OWN ♪ 531 00:36:27,420 --> 00:36:33,426 ♪ MY DUMB AUTOMATIC CHIT-CHAT ♪ ♪ IT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT 532 00:36:33,426 --> 00:36:37,464 TO SAY AT ALL ♪ ♪ THERE'S NO WAY YOU CA ATTACH ME TO THAT ♪ 533 00:36:37,464 --> 00:36:45,672 ♪ GOT UP TO SEIZE THE DAY WITH MY HEAD IN MY HANDS FEELING STRANGE ♪ 534 00:36:45,672 --> 00:36:49,809 ♪ WHEN ALL MY THINKIN GOT MANGLED ♪ ♪ AND I CAUGHT MYSELF 535 00:36:49,809 --> 00:36:53,413 TALKING MYSELF OFF THE CEILING ♪ ♪ I WAS SUFFERING MOR 536 00:36:53,413 --> 00:36:57,350 THAN I LET ON ♪ ♪ THE TROPIC MORNIN NEWS WAS ON ♪ 537 00:36:57,350 --> 00:37:03,390 ♪ THERE'S NOTHING STOPPING ME NOW ♪ ♪ FROM SAYING ALL THE 538 00:37:03,390 --> 00:37:12,665 PAINFUL PARTS OUT LOUD ♪ ♪ OH WHERE ARE AL OF THE MOMENTS WE'D HAVE ♪ 539 00:37:12,665 --> 00:37:18,905 ♪ OH WHERE'S THE BRAI WE SHARED ♪ ♪ SOMETHING SOMEHOW HAS YOU 540 00:37:18,905 --> 00:37:21,508 RAPIDLY IMPROVING ♪ ♪ OH WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WAVELENGTH WE WERE ON ♪ 541 00:37:21,508 --> 00:37:29,282 ♪ OH WHERE'S TH GRAVITY GONE ♪ ♪ SOMETHING SOMEHOW HAS YOU 542 00:37:29,282 --> 00:37:47,200 RAPIDLY IMPROVING ♪ ♪ ♪ YOU FOUND THE ACH 543 00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:50,704 IN MY ARGUMENT ♪ ♪ YOU COULDN'T WAIT TO GET OUT OF IT ♪ 544 00:37:50,704 --> 00:37:55,942 ♪ YOU FOUND THE SLUSH IN MY SENTIMENT ♪ ♪ YOU MADE IT SOUND 545 00:37:55,942 --> 00:38:00,313 SO INTELLIGENT ♪ ♪ YOU CAN STOP AND STAR AN ATHLETE'S HEART 546 00:38:00,313 --> 00:38:07,754 HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT IT ♪ ♪ I WOULD LOVE TO HAV NOTHING TO DO WITH IT ♪ 547 00:38:07,754 --> 00:38:23,036 ♪ I WOULD LIKE TO MOVE ON AND BE THROUGH WITH IT ♪ ♪ 548 00:38:23,036 --> 00:38:29,609 ♪ I'LL BE OVER HERE LYING NEAR THE OCEAN MAKING OCEAN SOUNDS ♪ 549 00:38:29,609 --> 00:38:34,214 ♪ MAYBE YOU CAN COME OVER ♪ ♪ AND WORK THE CONTROLS 550 00:38:34,214 --> 00:38:39,586 FOR A WHILE ♪ ♪ I WAS SO DISTRACTED THE I DIDN'T HAVE IT 551 00:38:39,586 --> 00:38:44,057 STRAIGHT IN MY HEAD ♪ ♪ I DIDN'T HAVE MY FACE ON YET ♪ 552 00:38:44,057 --> 00:38:49,195 ♪ OR THE ROLE OR THE FEEL OF WHERE I WAS GOING WITH IT ALL ♪ 553 00:38:49,195 --> 00:38:58,471 ♪ I WAS SUFFERING MOR THAN I LET ON ♪ ♪ THE TROPIC MORNIN 554 00:38:58,471 --> 00:39:01,875 NEWS WAS ON ♪ ♪ THERE'S NOTHING STOPPING ME NOW ♪ 555 00:39:01,875 --> 00:39:05,478 ♪ FROM SAYING ALL THE PAINFUL PARTS OUT LOUD ♪ ♪ OH WHERE ARE AL 556 00:39:05,478 --> 00:39:12,352 THE MOMENTS WE'D HAVE ♪ ♪ OH WHERE'S TH BRAIN WE SHARED ♪ 557 00:39:12,352 --> 00:39:20,460 ♪ SOMETHING SOMEHOW HAS YOU RAPIDLY IMPROVING ♪ ♪ OH WHAT HAPPENED TO THE 558 00:39:20,460 --> 00:39:25,598 WAVELENGTH WE WERE ON ♪ ♪ OH WHERE'S TH GRAVITY GONE ♪ 559 00:39:25,598 --> 00:40:02,869 ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: THE NATIONAL 560 00:40:02,869 --> 00:40:07,240 "FIRST TWO PAGES OF FRANKENSTEIN" IS OUT APRIL 28th 561 00:40:07,240 --> 00:40:27,293 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ 562 00:40:27,293 --> 00:40:34,401 Jimmy: MY THANKS TO TESSA THOMPSON, ANDY COHEN, THE NATIONAL 563 00:40:34,401 --> 00:40:37,270 APRIL 28th [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THE ROOTS, RIGHT THERE, 564 00:40:37,270 --> 00:40:39,339 FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA THANK YOU FOR WATCHING 565 00:40:39,339 --> 00:40:42,175 STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS. 566 00:40:42,175 --> 00:40:42,175 GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY THANK YOU! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE