Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - WILLEM DAFOE
MARLON WAYANS, MACKLEMORE COMEDIAN KELSEY COOK
AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY ROOTS CREW Questlove: 1804
Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON
♪ ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. THAT'S A GREAT CROWD THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
ENJOY YOURSELF WELCOME, EVERYBODY WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO
"THE TONIGHT SHOW. YOU'RE HERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING WELL, GUYS, THE BIG NEWS HERE IN NEW YORK CITY IS WE FINALLY
GOT OUR REAL FIRST SNOWFALL OF THE YEAR [ CHEERS ]
YEAH THE CITY GOT HIT HARD WITH 1.8 INCHES OF SNOW
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CYMBAL CRASH ] 1.8 INCHES
IS THAT REALLY A BIG DEAL? I MEAN, I SAW MORE WHITE POWDER IN "COCAINE BEAR."
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING I--
Steve: OH WHOA Jimmy: YEAH, WE ONLY GOT
1.8 INCHES, BUT EVERY METEOROLOGIST WAS OUTSIDE PRETENDING THEY WERE BRAVING
THE STORM LIKE, "IT'S A BLIZZARD OUT HERE, HODA. [ LAUGHTER ]
PEOPLE PLAYING BEACH VOLLEYBALL BEHIND THEM. [ LAUGHTER ]
SOME POLITICAL NEWS. TODAY, FLORIDA GOVERNOR RON DeSANTIS RELEASED HIS
AUTOBIOGRAPHY, "THE COURAGE TO BE FREE. THE BOOK IS ALREADY A NUMBER
ONE BESTSELLER, ESPECIALLY IN FLORIDA, WHERE IT'S LITERALLY THE ONLY BOOK ON THE SHELF
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE IT'S THE ONLY THING HERE IN THE BOOK, DeSANTIS ADMITS
THAT HE ACTUALLY GOT MARRIED AT DISNEY WORLD Steve: OOH.
[ AUDIENCE OOHS Jimmy: SERIOUSLY. THAT'S LIKE FINDING OUT
BERNIE SANDERS GOT MARRIED IN JEFF BEZOS' BACKYARD IT'S LIKE, COME ON
[ LAUGHTER ] AND GET THIS, FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP CRITICIZED FOX
NEWS FOR PROMOTING RON DeSANTIS "SO HARD AND SO MUCH." [ LAUGHTER ]
AT THIS POINT, TRUMPS WATCHING FOX FEELS LIKE YOUR FRIEND WHO CAN'T STOP LOOKING AT THEIR
EX'S INSTAGRAM [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S LIKE, "OH, SHE NEVER LIKED
THAT THAT'S INTERESTING." [ LAUGHTER ]
"OH, LOOKS LIKE SHE'S HAVING REAL FUN THERE." [ LAUGHTER ]
MEANWHILE, A NEW COURT FILING SHOWS THAT FOX CHAIRMAN, RUPERT MURDOCH, ADMITTED SOME
OF THE NETWORK'S HOSTS ENDORSED FALSE CLAIMS ABOUT THE 2020 ELECTION.
TODAY, FOX NEWS PROMISED TO FOCUS ON REAL ISSUES THEN INTRODUCED THEIR NEWEST HOST,
DILBERT. [ LAUGHTER ] [ SCATTERED APPLAUSE ]
THANK YOU. GOT IT UP THERE? THEY GOT IT UP THERE
[ APPLAUSE ] THESE ARE PRETTY TENSE TIMES FOR FOX NEWS, ALTHOUGH EVERYONE
IS REMAINING CALM BY REPEATING THIS MANTRA. "AT LEAST WE'RE NOT CNN, AT
LEAST WE'RE NOT CNN, AT LEAST WE'RE NOT-- SOME MORE NEWS
FOLLOWING A REPORT FROM THE ENERGY DEPARTMENT THAT SAID COVID MIGHT HAVE COME FROM A
A CHINESE LAB LEAK, THE WHITE HOUSE ANNOUNCED THAT THERE IS NO GOVERNMENT
CONSENSUS ON HOW THE VIRUS STARTED. IT'S NEVER GOOD WHEN THE
GOVERNMENT'S REPORT ON A A PANDEMIC IS JUST THE SHRUG EMOJI.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF WE AGREE ON HOW THE PANDEMIC
STARTED. THE IMPORTANT THING IS WE ALL AGREED TO PRETEND IT'S OVER.
[ LAUGHTER ] WELL, LISTEN TO THIS I READ THAT THE WHITE HOUSE IS
GIVING FEDERAL AGENCIES 30 DAYS TO REMOVE TIKTOK FROM ALL GOVERNMENT DEVICES
EVERY GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE WAS LIKE, "I GUESS I HAVE NO CHOICE" AND GAVE THEIR BOSS
30 DAYS NOTICE [ LAUGHTER ] THIS IS DEVASTATING.
I MEAN, WHAT IS TIKTOK WITHOUT SENATOR CHUCK GRASSLEY YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING
[ LAUGHTER ] SOME BUSINESS NEWS I SAW THAT WENDY'S IS GOING TO
START SELLING THEIR CHILI IN A A CAN AT GROCERY STORES. [ AUDIENCE GROANS
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S PERFECT IF YOU'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT THE CHILI AT WENDY'S
WAS TOO FRESH. [ LAUGHTER ] UNDER INGREDIENTS, IT JUST SAYS
"IGNORANCE IS BLISS. [ LAUGHTER ] HEY, YOU GUYS SEE THIS
A MAN IN CALIFORNIA FILED A LAWSUIT CLAIMING THAT HE WON THE $2 BILLION POWERBALL
LOTTERY, BUT THE TICKET WAS STOLEN FROM HIM. THEN A MILLION AMERICANS WERE
LIKE "YEAH, ALREADY TRIED IT, PAL. I MEAN, COME ON.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND HE WAS LIKE, "YEAH, I ALSO LOST A BAG OF DIAMONDS, TOO.
[ LAUGHTER ] YEAH EXPERTS SAY HIS ODDS OF WINNING
THE LAWSUIT ARE 300 MILLION TO 1 [ LAUGHTER ]
WELL, GUYS TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF FEBRUARY, SO I THOUGHT IT WOULD
BE NICE TO GIVE A LITTLE RECAP OF THE ENTIRE MONTH. Steve: OH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ FEBRUARY CAME AND WEN THE SHORTEST MONTH
BUT I FEEL SPENT ♪ ♪ 28 DAYS GONE SO SOO KIND OF LIKE
THE CHINESE SPY BALLOON [ LAUGHTER ] ♪ GRAMMYS BAFTA
OSCAR NOMS TOP GUN DID IT ♪ ♪ GOOD FOR TO
WHETHER OR NOT YOU WIN THAT BLING ♪ ♪ ANGELA BASSETT DID THE
THING ♪ [ LAUGHTER ] ♪ SUPER BOWL WO
BY THE CHIEF EAGLES FANS WERE FILLED WITH GRIEF ♪
♪ RIHANNA'S HALFTIM WE WERE LOVING SHE DID IT WITH A
BUN IN THE OVEN [ LAUGHTER ] ♪ BIDEN GAV
HIS BIG ADDRES STATE OF THE UNION IN CONGRESS ♪
♪ REPUBLICANS SHOUTED FROM THEIR CHAIR ANGRIER THAN A ♪
COCAINE BEAR. [ LAUGHTER ] ♪ VALENTINE'S DID
NOT GO GREAT YOU GOT STOOD UP BY YOUR DATE ♪
♪ TINDER TELLS YO THAT YOU SHOUL THINK ABOUT ♪
RETIRING FOR GOOD [ LAUGHTER ] ♪ MARVEL'S QUANTUMANI
LAST OF US OUTER BANKS-IA ♪ ♪ WE WATCHED THEM ALL
EXCEPT OUR AUNTS WHO WERE DROOLING OVER ♪ "MAGIC MIKE, THE LAST
DANCE. ♪ FEBRUARY YOU SHORT KING HERE COMES MARCH
IT'S TIME FOR SPRING ♪ ♪ WE'LL LOSE MONE ON OUR BRACKET
THEN GET TRASHED ON ST. PATRICK'S ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪ AND FINALLY, GUYS. IT IS TUESDAY.
IT IS TIME FOR "WETWEET. HERE WE GO
♪ WETWEET WETWEET ♪ Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, WELCOME TO
"WETWEET." THIS IS WHERE WE AS A GROUP DECIDE SOMETHING THAT WE SHOULD
POST ON TWITTER. I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU FIVE DIFFERENT TWEETS AND WE'RE ALL
GOING TO VOTE ON WHETHER YOU LIKE EACH ONE OR NOT YOU ALL HAVE VOTING CLICKERS AT
YOUR SEATS DO YOU ALL HAVE THEM ALL RIGHT, VERY GOOD
YEP, THEY'RE GREEN AND RED GREEN IS FOR GO. RED IS FOR STOP.
YOU LIKE GREEN GOOD RED, YOU DON'T LIKE IT
IT'S FINE. YOU CAN VOTE FOR ALL OF THEM YOU CAN VOTE FOR NONE OF THEM.
WHATEVER YOU WANT, WE'RE GOING TO SEE THE RESULTS LIVE. HIGGINS, ROOTS, YOU HAVE
CLICKERS, TOO? Steve: GOT IT Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, WHATEVER
TWEET GETS THE MOST LIKES, WE WILL TWEET IT OUT LIVE ON THE SHOW SO THAT YOU CAN ALL LIKE
IT AND WETWEET IT. [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S LIKE A SHARED EXPERIENCE.
ALL RIGHT, ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR THIS [ CHEERS ]
THE FIRST TWEET IS, "ATTENTION PEOPLE WHO RANDOMLY JUST FACETIME THEIR FRIENDS: NOBODY
LIKES IT." [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] WOW.
ALL RIGHT, VERY GOOD [ LAUGHTER ] I CAN ALREADY--
Steve: YEAH, YOU CAN TELL IT'S A BIG ONE Jimmy: I CAN ALREADY TELL
YOU, THE ROOT-- THE BAND DIDN'T PLAY. NO ONE CARED
YEAH, YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO VOTE ON THIS ONE I THINK I COULD SEE THE--
THE VOTES ARE IN LET'S JUST LOOK AT THE RESULTS [ DRUM ROLL
NOT GOING TO BE GOOD YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. YOU DIDN'T LIKE THAT ONE
ALL RIGHT, NO PROBLEM. NO PROBLEM Steve: HOW MANY--
Jimmy: I GUESS PEOPLE LIKE FACETIMING PEOPLE. Steve: YEAH, THEY LOVE IT
Jimmy: YEAH THIS NEXT ONE SAYS, "EVERY TIME I PUT ON A PILLOWCASE, I GET A
A HORRIFYING FLASHBACK TO WHEN SKINNY JEANS WERE A THING. [ LAUGHTER ]
♪ IT'S LIKE, "WAIT, AM I-- AM I WEARING MY WIFE'S JEANS?
WHAT IS THIS THEY'LL STRETCH OUT IN 20 MINUTES."
ALL RIGHT. LET'S SEE THE RESULTS. I THINK THIS ONE WILL BE BETTER
THAN THAT ONE. LET'S SEE. [ DRUM ROLL
Steve: OH Jimmy: YEAH, NOT BAD. ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. Steve: COME ON.
Jimmy: AGAIN, I WANT TO REMIND EVERYONE THESE DON'T NECESSARILY GET BETTER
[ LAUGHTER ] OKAY ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
THE NEXT ONE SAYS, "IS DASANI THE COORS LIGHT OF WATER OR IS COORS LIGHT THE DASANI OF
BEERS? [ LAUGHTER ] Steve: WOW.
THAT GOT A GROAN ♪ Jimmy: YEAH, THEY LIKE THAT
ONE. Steve: THIS ONE'S GONNA GET HIGH
Jimmy: THAT ONE PEOPLE ENJOYED, I THINK ♪
VERY NICE. LET'S SEE THE RESULTS OVER HERE
[ DRUM ROLL Steve: HEY! Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT. ALL RIGHT, SO NOW WE KNOW THE CLICKERS WORK.
Steve: 155. Jimmy: NOW I KNOW IT WORKS. YEAH, HERE WE GO
[ LAUGHTER ] NEXT UP, HOW ABOUT THIS ONE? IT SAYS, "IF YOU NEED TO CANCEL
AN UBER BUT WANT TO AVOID THE CANCELLATION FEE, JUST TEXT THE DRIVER, 'CAN'T WAIT TO SEE
YOU!'" [ LAUGHTER ] ♪
"I CAN'T WAIT. Steve: "OH, YEAH. Jimmy: "OH, I'M SO EXCITED.
YEAH." [ LAUGHTER ] ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
VOTES ARE IN LET'S SEE THE RESULTS. I FEEL GOOD ON THIS ONE.
Steve: YEAH [ DRUM ROLL [ CHEERS ]
♪ Jimmy: OH Steve: WHOA
Jimmy: THIS LAST ONE SAYS, "I BET THE PHRASE, 'THAT COSTS AN ARM AND A LEG' HAS A PRETTY
GOOD STORY BEHIND IT." ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. CAST YOUR VOTES.
♪ I THINK WE KNOW WHAT IT'S GOING TO BE.
Steve: I THINK WE KNOW IT TOO. Jimmy: I THINK IT'S UBER ALL
THE WAY, BUT LET'S SEE I DON'T KNOW I COULD BE WRONG
I THINK I KNOW THE AUDIENCE. ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. WE'RE DONE VOTING.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE THE RESULTS. [ DRUM ROLL
THERE YOU GO Steve: OH Jimmy: THE WINNER IS FOR
UBER THAT'S THE ONE [ BELL DINGING ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I'M GOING TO POST THIS DURING THE COMMERCIAL BREAK
IF YOU SEE IT ON YOUR FEED, GIVE IT A LIKE GIVE IT A WETWEET AND ENJOY.
WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪
Jimmy: EVERYBODY, I JUST WANT TO QUICKLY MENTION THAT NEXT TUESDAY--
Steve: TUESDAY. Jimmy: A WEEK FROM TODAY, NEXT TUESDAY, MARCH 7th.
ONE WEEK FROM TONIGHT IS THE SEASON PREMIERE OF MY SHOW, "THAT'S MY JAM."
♪ Steve: WHOA Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE BEARD.
Steve: BEARD. YEAH Jimmy: THE BEARD.
I GLUE IT ON EVERY NIGHT Steve: HAIR BY HAIR Jimmy: I GLUE ON THE BEARD
AND THE HAIR EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. IT-- IT AIRS AT 10:00 P.M.
AFTER "THE VOICE," SO JUST STAY IN YOUR HOUSE FROM 8:00 TO 11:00.
Steve: YEAH Jimmy: DON'T DO ANYTHING. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
PLAN YOUR PARTY NOW. YOU GOT A WEEK-- Steve: YEAH
Jimmy:-- TO A JAM PARTY. HAVE A "VOICE/JAM" PARTY Steve: YEAH
Jimmy: EVERYONE GET TOGETHER WE HAVE JASON DERULO IS ON THE
SHOW Steve: OOH. Jimmy: JULIA MICHAELS
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE KELSEA BALLERINI NICOLE SCHERZINGER, BY THE WAY
Steve: OH Jimmy: IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WE KNOW HER AS THE JUDGE ON "MASKED SINGER," BUT ALSO, SHE'S ACTUALLY AN AMAZING
SINGER SHE DOES THIS VERSION OF CELINE DION THAT YOU'LL BE
TALKING ABOUT THE NEXT DAY ANYWAY, IT'S A GREAT SHOW. NEXT TUESDAY, MARCH 7th ON
10:00-- 10:00 P.M. ON NBC [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
NEXT DAY ON PEACOCK. "THAT'S MY JAM." WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU
TONIGHT. HE STARS IN THE NEW FILM, "INSIDE," WHICH OPENS IN
THEATERS EVERYWHERE MARCH 17th WILLEM DAFOE IS HERE TONIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: ONE OF MY FAVORITE GUESTS A VERY FUNNY HUMAN BEING
HIS NEW STAND-UP SPECIAL, "MARLON WAYANS: GOD LOVES ME," PREMIERES THURSDAY ON HBO MAX.
MARLON WAYANS IS JOINING US TONIGHT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: PLUS, HIS NEW ALBUM, "BEN," COMES OUT THIS FRIDAY FOUR-TIME GRAMMY WINNER
MACKLEMORE IS HERE TONIGHT Steve: WHOA [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: "BEN" IS OUT THIS FRIDAY AND WE GOT GREAT STAND-UP FROM
KELSEY COOK. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE COMING BACK TO THE SHOW
TONIGHT, "THE HUSTLER. STICK AROUND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
WILLEM DAFOE, EVERYBODY. COME ON BACK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪ >>> IT'S LIKE, "QUESTLOVE, WHY IS HE EVERYWHERE?"
AND IT AIN'T GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM LIKE, ONE NIGHT, IT WAS ME,
DAVE CHAPPELLE, CHRIS ROCK, ALL OF US ON STAGE AND I LOOK ON STAGE AND I'M
LIKE, "WHAT THE HELL IS QUESTLOVE DOING HERE?"
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU LOOK THROUGH HISTORY YOU ARE THE BLACK FORREST GUMP
A FOUR-TIME OSCAR-NOMINATED ACTOR STARRING IN THE NEW FILM "INSIDE," WHICH OPENS IN
THEATR PLEASE WELCOME WILLEM DAFOE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ OH, MY GOSH
Jimmy: WILLEM DAFOE VERY NICE Jimmy: THEY LOVE YOU.
THANK YOU Jimmy: THANKS FOR COMING BACK ON THE SHOW
YEAH, MY PLEASURE MY PLEASURE. Jimmy: YOU DO LOOK GOOD
WHAT IS THE-- I DON'T LOOK GOOD Jimmy: NO, YOU DO LOOK GOOD
THIS IS FOR A MOVIE, IT'S NOT FOR LIFE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND I SEE JOE STALIN [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: NO WHEN I LOOK TO THE SIDE, I SEE A '70s BIKER
Jimmy: YEAH YOU'VE GOT TO LOVE THAT. BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT ITS FOR
IT'S LIKE-- Jimmy: YOU'VE NEVER GROWN FACIAL HAIR JUST FOR FUN
NO, I HAVE. BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S KIND OF A DRAG
WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, WHEN YOU GREW HAIR FOR A ROLE, IT WAS SOMETHING SPECIAL.
NOW IT'S IN VOGUE, YOU KNOW. Jimmy: OH, YEAH AND IT'S ALMOST COOLER TO BE
CLEAN SHAVEN Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I APPRECIATE THAT.
YEAH. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S
WHY I DID IT I DON'T GO FOR THE BEARD. Jimmy: YEAH, YOU DIDN'T GO
FOR IT NO, NO. Jimmy: I TRIED TO DO THE
BEARD, I JUST FIGURED I NEVER TRIED IT I NEVER ACTUALLY TRIED IT AND
REALLY MEANT TO TRY IT YEAH, IT LOOKED GOOD, BUT IT AIN'T YOU.
Jimmy: THANK YOU, BUDDY I APPRECIATE THAT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] I LIKE THAT, I TRIED IT AND IT WASN'T ME.
YEAH OH, YEAH. Jimmy: NO, THIS IS MORE ME.
YEAH. Jimmy: YEAH Jimmy: BUT YOU CAN BE A
A CHAMELEON. YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU CAN DO THAT.
YOU'RE ALWAYS DIFFERENT IN ALL THE LOOKS. YEAH.
Jimmy: BUT YOU'RE ALWAYS LOOKING GOOD YEAH, THANKS.
Jimmy: YEAH, BECAUSE YOU'RE A MOVIE STAR THANK YOU
Jimmy: LAST TIME WE WERE ON THE SHOW WE TALKED ABOUT "SPIDER-MAN.
UH, HUH Jimmy: AND HOW IT'S MADE OVER, YOU KNOW, $150 BILLION,
SOMETHING CRAZY. AMAZING. BUT WE ALL LOVE YOU AS
GREEN GOBLIN RIGHT Jimmy: FAN FAVORITE,
EVERYONE LOVES YOU GREAT. YEAH
YEAH, OF COURSE. [ CHEERS ] Jimmy: BUT--
BUT - Jimmy: BUT, THERE IS A THING GOING AROUND ONLINE THAT I WAS
LOOKING AT THAT EVERYONE WANTS YOU TO PLAY A DIFFERENT-- THEY WANTED YOU TO PLAY JOKER.
HASN'T THAT BEEN DONE [ CHEERS ] Jimmy: NO, BUT I MEAN -
YOU KNOW, TALK TO WARNER BROTHERS. Jimmy: REALLY
I'LL TALK TO-- I'LL TALK TO WARNER BROTHERS. ARE YOU GUYS WATCHING?
HELLO? I FLOATED AN IDEA A WHILE AGO BUT IT DIDN'T QUITE HAPPEN,
SO Jimmy: WHAT WAS THE IDEA? COULD YOU SAY IT OR NO
YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T REALLY FLOAT IT TO THEM I JUST MENTIONED IT IN AN
INTERVIEW AND THEN IT KIND OF WENT OUT ON THE INTERNET BUT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE COOL
FOR ME TO PLAY AN IMPOSTER LIKE SLIP STREAMING HIS THING. Jimmy: OH, YEAH, LIKE I'M
THE NEW JOKER. I'M JOKER. Jimmy: YEAH AND JOAQUIN CAN
BE LIKE "OH, YEAH, I LOVE THIS." YEAH, THAT WOULD BE COOL.
Jimmy: YES, YOU CAN DO THAT BUT, BUT, WE'RE - [ CHEERS ]
WE'RE DOING-- Jimmy: IDEA WE'RE DOING OTHER THINGS.
Jimmy: YEAH, YOU'RE DOING OTHER THINGS YOU KNOW, IT'S AWARD SEASON NOW
AND I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN NOMINATED FOR IT HOW MANY OSCARS NOW?
FOUR. Jimmy: YEAH, NO BIG DEAL. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME YOU GOT NOMINATED? THE FIRST TIME I REMEMBER
REALLY WELL. BECAUSE IT WASN'T AS DEVELOPED YOU KNOW, THE CAMPAIGNING AND
ALL THAT SORT OF THING Jimmy: YEAH AND MY SON'S BABYSITTER
CALLED ME UP TO TELL ME I WAS NOMINATED. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I MEAN, AND BY THE TIME-- THE SECOND TIME, YOU KNOW, YOU COULD BARELY SLEEP THE NIGHT
BEFORE BECAUSE YOU WERE AWARE THAT THE NOMINATIONS WERE COMING OUT.
SO, IT'S BECOME MUCH MORE DEVELOPED. Jimmy: WHAT WAS IT FOR?
"PLATOON"? WAS THAT THE FIRST ONE THE FIRST ONE WAS "PLATOON.
SECOND ONE WAS FOR SOMETHING CALLED "SHADOW OF THE VAMPIRE. THIRD WAS -
Jimmy: GEEZ FOR "THE FLORIDA PROJECT," AND FOURTH WAS FOR "AT
ETERNITY'S GATE. Jimmy: AND DO YOU GET NERVOUS WHEN YOU -
'CAUSE NOW YOU'RE NOMINATED AND YOU GO, "OKAY. AND YOU GO, LIKE, "I GOT A
A SHOT." YOU KNOW. Jimmy: IS IT FUN OR -
IT BECOMES A GAME AND YOU DO, YOU KNOW, YOU DO YOUR BEST TO THROW YOUR HAT IN THE RING
AND TRY TO WIN IF YOU'RE COMPETITIVE, IT'S KIND OF FUN.
BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S-- I'LL SAY IT. I'LL SAY IT.
YOU'RE GOING TO HEAR IT. IT'S NICE TO BE NOMINATED. Jimmy: THERE YOU GO
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HE ACTUALLY SAID IT. Jimmy: HE ACTUALLY SAID IT.
GOOD BUT IS IT-- I THINK IT MUST BE FUN.
BUT THAT'S NOT HAPPENING THIS YEAR. Jimmy: NEXT YEAR.
NEXT YEAR. NEXT YEAR IT'S HAPPENING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR NEW
MOVIE, "INSIDE." YEAH, SURE. Jimmy: IT'S A PSYCHOLOGICAL
DRAMA. AND IT'S PRETTY MUCH YOU ON THE SCREEN FOR TWO HOURS ALMOST.
AND YOU'RE FANTASTIC IN IT THANK YOU Jimmy: YOU'RE GETTING GREAT
REVIEWS. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WANT TO HEAR THEM BUT I'M GONNA SAY
THEM NO, GO AHEAD. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I'LL GO LIKE THIS. Jimmy: YEAH, PERFECT. "DEADLINE" SAYS, "WILLEM DAFOE
DELIVERS A TOUR DE FORCE PERFORMANCE. TOUR DE FORCE.
[ APPLAUSE ] OOH, FRENCH. "COLLIDER" SAYS "EVERYTHING IS
GLUED TOGETHER BY ANOTHER DEFOE PERFORMANCE THAT PROVES HE'S ONE OF THE GREATEST ACTORS OF
ALL TIME." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE NOT TOO SHABBY
COME ON! THANK YOU VERY MUCH THANK YOU.
Jimmy: THAT IS NOT TOO SHABBY OH, YEAH, I HAVE THIS HERE
HOW-- [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, I FOUND THESE.
I FORGOT I HAD THEM. AH, YOU Jimmy: THERE YOU GO
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS ] Jimmy: I FEEL LIKE I CAN
PLAY YOUR-- YEAH. Jimmy: I CAN PLAY YOUR
BROTHER IN THE MOVIE YEAH. Jimmy: RIGHT?
COME ON DOWN. Jimmy: I WILL, YEAH [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
WE'LL GO WORK ON IT TOGETHER CAN WE SET UP THE PREMISE OF THIS MOVIE
SURE. THIS PREMISE IS GREAT-- Jimmy: IT'S COOL.
AND IT'S REALLY SIMPLE, FOR ONCE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW, I PLAY AN ART THIEF THAT IS BREAKING INTO A PENTHOUSE IN NEW YORK.
THIS PLACE HAS A LOT OF PRICELESS ART AND I HACK INTO THE SECURITY SYSTEM.
I GO TO TAKE THREE EGON SCHIELE PAINTINGS. I GO THERE
I GET IN I'M READY TO GO. I HACK OUT AND THE SYSTEM GOES
AWRY AND CLOSES ME IN. Jimmy: YEAH, THE ALARMS GO OFF.
AND NOBODY COMES. I'M STUCK THERE. THE COPS DON'T COME.
THE OWNER DOESN'T COME ALL THE SMART SYSTEMS IN THE HOUSE OF THIS REAL HIGH-TECH
HOUSE GO WACKY AND I GOT TO SURVIVE THERE. AND I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'M EVER
GOING TO GET OUT AND THE GUY HASN'T BEEN THERE FOR AWHILE
SO I GOT TO DEAL WITH FOOD I GOT TO DEAL WITH WATER AND THEN WITH TIME, I START TO
DEAL WITH THE ART AND DEAL WITH BEING THERE. AND IT'S INTERESTING BECAUSE
THERE'S A VERY STRONG NARRATIVE PLOT LINE OF HE'S GOT TO DEAL WITH THESE THINGS.
Jimmy: YEAH AND YOU, KIND OF, YOU KIND OF FIGURE IT OUT WITH HIM.
BUT, AT THE SAME TIME., THERE'S A LOT OF INTERESTING THINGS THAT ARE RAISED ABOUT OUR
RELATIONSHIP TO ART AND LUXURY AND WHAT WE NEED AND WHAT'S IMPORTANT.
SO IT'S PRETTY COOL CONSIDERING IT WORKS ON AT LEAST TWO LEVELS
Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH I WAS-- I WAS, WHEN I WAS WATCHING I'D GO, "WHAT WOULD I
DO IF I WAS IN THAT POSITION?" WELL, YEAH, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.
Jimmy: AND EVERYONE BAILS ON YOU. AND EVERYONE WHO PLANNED IT OUT
AND YOU GO - WELL, YOU GOT TO-- Jimmy: YOU'RE BY YOURSELF
YOU GOT TO DEAL WITH YOURSELF, YOU KNOW YOU GOT TO DEAL WITH YOURSELF
AND YOU GOT TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU NEED THAT'S ALL.
Jimmy: YOU GUYS' GOTTA WATCH THIS, IT'S GREAT I WANT TO SHOW A CLIP.
HERE IS WILLEM DAFOE IN "INSIDE. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
AND LOOK FOR A GUY NAMED DANNY C.
HE'S USUALLY NEAR THE BASKETBALL COURTS. HE'S USUALLY THERE IN THE LATE
AFTERNOON. TELL HIM THAT I'M STUCK HERE
ALL MESSED UP. DO THAT FOR ME
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
COME ON. WILLEM DAFOE, EVERYBODY. GO SEE "INSIDE" IN THEATERS
MARCH 17th MARLON WAYANS JOINS US AFTER THE BREAK.
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪
Jimmy: YOU LOOK GREAT, PAL. YOU KNOW WHAT I FEEL GREAT AND BEFORE-- AND
I APPRECIATE THAT. BEFORE WE START, I JUST WANT TO SAY THE SUIT IS GUCCI.
Jimmy: NO, NO, NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY THAT STUFF BUT THE SOCKS ARE NIKE DRY
FIT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING
Jimmy: SEE, HE KNOWS HOW TO DO IT. SEE THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT. DRY FIT. Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS
A VERY TALENTED ACTOR AND COMEDIAN HIS NEW STAND-UP SPECIAL CALLED
"MARLON WAYANS: GOD LOVES ME" PREMIERES THURSDAY ON HBO MAX.
EVERYONE, PLEASE WELCOME MARLON WAYANS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: COME ON, BUD
THANK YOU Jimmy: MARLON WAYANS. THANK YOU
Jimmy: LOOKING GOOD, BUD. AS ALWAYS, LOOKING GOOD. I'M FAN GIRLING RIGHT NOW
I JUST GOT A PEEK OF WILLEM DAFOE I DIDN'T GET TO MEET HIM, BUT I
GOT TO SEE HIM Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S ALL YOU REALLY NEED TO DO.
HE HAS LIKE ONE OF THE MOST DISTINCT FACES Jimmy: IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
ALTHOUGH WITH THE MUSTACHE, HE LOOKS LIKE PROFESSOR HINKLE FROM "FROSTY THE SNOWMAN."
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT HE JUST ALWAYS, LIKE, I KNEW HE WAS GREEN GOBLIN EVEN
WITH THE MASK ON HE HAS A VERY DISTINCT FACE. Jimmy: YEAH, YOU JUST KNEW
IT WAS HIM [ LAUGHTER ] LIKE, EVEN IF HE HAD PLAYED
SPIDERMAN WITH THE MASK-- Jimmy: YEAH, YOU KNOW YOU LOOK GREAT, BUD.
THANK YOU, MAN. Jimmy: IS THIS TRUE YOU TURNED 50?
YEAH, YOU KNOW THAT BLACK DON'T CRACK UNLESS YOU SMOKE IT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ LET'S BE CLEAR, JIMMY, I TURNED
BLACK 50 [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: WHAT IS BLACK 50
OH, IT'S DIFFERENT THAN WHITE 50 IT'S -
[ LAUGHTER ] BLACK 50 IS LIKE-- WE, LIKE, 25 IN THE FACE, AND LIKE, 82 IN
THE PROSTATE YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN [ LAUGHTER ]
WHITE 50 LOOK LIKE IT HURT [ LAUGHTER ] OH, MY GOD
I SEE MY WHITE FRIENDS' 50, I JUST HUG THEM LIKE, "YOU AIN'T GOING TO MAKE IT TO 51."
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: YOU GOT TO CELEBRATE IT THOUGH WITH YOUR SON.
I JUST CELEBRATED HIS 21st, WHICH WAS AWESOME. Jimmy: IS THAT RIGHT?
YEAH, SO I FLEW INTO MIAMI, AND WE WAS GOING TO PARTY ALL DAY.
AND, YOU KNOW, I WAS DOWN FOR IT SO I FLEW IN AND WE WENT TO
CLUB 11 FOR BREAKFAST, WHICH IS A STRIP CLUB SO -
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S HOW YOU WANT TO SPEND 21
AND THEN THAT NIGHT WE WENT TO LIVE, AND I GET A TEXT FROM MY SON AT LIKE 2:00 AND HE'S LIKE,
"WE OUT. I WAS THERE UNTIL 7:00 IN THE MORNING.
I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE OF US TURNED 50. [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: KIDS DON'T WANT TO HANG OUT LATE ANYMORE. I DON'T KNOW.
I'M LIKE, YOU AIN'T GOT NO JOB WHY ARE YOU GOING HOME [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: THAT'S WILD, THOUGH. THAT'S CRAZY YEAH.
Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT'S INTERESTING? I JUST DON'T FEEL THE NEED TO
STAY OUT THAT LATE ANYMORE THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU'RE RICH, JIMMY.
[ LAUGHTER ] RICH PEOPLE JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP JUST TO COUNT THEIR
MONEY. "I DON'T NEED TO GO OUT, WE'LL BRING OUT IN."
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: BRING OUT IN SPEAKING OF RICH, LISTEN.
I'M HOSTING-- I'M GUEST HOSTING "THE DAILY SHOW" AND I NEED A GUEST
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND I FIGURE YOU OWE ME LIKE 12, RIGHT
BECAUSE I COME ON THIS SHOW, AND I GIVE YOU A BREAK YOU JUST BE LIKE -
[ LAUGHTER ] AND I JUST SIT HERE AND I BLAP, BLAP, BLAP, BLAP, BLAP, BLAP
BECAUSE SOME GUESTS, IT'S LIKE PULLING TEETH. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
I'M LIKE, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS. YOUR PART, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO
ASK QUESTIONS. I'LL BE LIKE THIS-- [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, GIVE IT UP FOR MARLON WAYANS. Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? I NEED A GUEST. SO I NEED YOU TO COME ON "THE
DAILY SHOW," AND LET ME INTERVIEW YOU. WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT
YOU. I WANT TO KNOW WHY HAVEN'T YOU LET ME COME TO THE HAMPTONS.
I WANT TO KNOW - [ LAUGHTER ] HOW COME YOU HANG WITH THE
BROTHER FROM THE "HAMILTON," BUT I CAN'T BE IN A POOL WITH YOU?
WHAT'S UP WITH THAT? [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: HOW DO YOU KNOW I WAS
IN A POOL WITH THE DUDE FROM "HAMILTON? I WAS GOING TO-- I WAS
PERSONALLY GOING TO REACH OUT, AND TALK TO YOU RIGHT? AND INVITE YOU ON TO BE MY
GUEST, BUT THEN I REALIZED I AIN'T GOT YOUR NUMBER SO WHAT I DID--
- [ LAUGHTER ] - - WAS I USED THIS OPPORTUNITY TO BE LIKE, "YO, JIMMY, COME ON
'THE DAILY SHOW.' AND LET ME HOLLER AT YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: MARLON, I LET "THE DAILY SHOW" COME TO ME OOH
[ AUDIENCE OHS ] [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ♪
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> SHOTS FIRED! [ LAUGHTER ]
OOH! THAT WAS GOOD, JIMMY Jimmy: THAT WAS NOT BAD
THAT WAS GOOD SEE, THAT'S WHY I WANTED YOU AS MY GUEST
I KNEW YOU HAD JOKES THEY DON'T KNOW. SEE, YOU HAD TO COME FROM
BEHIND THE DESK AND EMASCULATE YOU. YOU COME OVER HERE -
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO?
"THE DAILY SHOW," WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO WITH MARLON WAYANS I DON'T KNOW.
NAIL ME TO THE SEAT, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW I'MA CAN SIT DOWN
I'M NOT GOOD AT THAT Jimmy: I CAN'T SEE YOU BEHIND A DESK.
I CAN'T SEE ME BEHIND A A DESK Jimmy: GET RID OF THAT DESK
MY TEACHERS COULDN'T SEE ME BEHIND A DESK, BECAUSE I WAS CUTTING CLASS.
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT-- THERE'S TWO THINGS.
FIRST, LET'S JUST TALK ABOUT "GOD LOVES ME. YES
Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS ON THIS THANK YOU
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: HBO MAX. YES
Jimmy: WHY IS IT CALLED "GOD LOVES ME"? BECAUSE I THINK GOD LOVES
ALL OF US, BUT HE REALLY LOVES ME [ LAUGHTER ]
AND BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE CATACLYSMIC THINGS HAPPENED IN THE WORLD THAT HAVE NOTHING TO
DO WITH YOU, PER SE. BUT THEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, AND IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO
WITH YOU AND ONE OF THOSE EVENTS TO ME WAS SLAP GATE.
AND WHEN CHRIS ROCK AND WILL HAD THAT - [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, WHEN WILL HIT HIM, LIFE WENT LIKE-- FOR ME. MAYBE WILL HIT HIM THAT HARD
THAT I - [ LAUGHTER ] IT CHANGED MY LIFE, AND SO I
KNOW WILL, CHRIS, AND JADA AND I WAS JUST LIKE, "YO, SOMEBODY GOT TO TALK ABOUT THIS STORY
FROM A LOVING, FUNNY PERSPECTIVE. AND SO I CALLED IT "GOD LOVES
ME" BECAUSE THAT SLAP HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE THREE OF THEM, HAD EVERYTHING TO DO WITH
ME [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: I'M SO LOST.
HOW DID IT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU I DON'T KNOW.
BUT, EVEN--LOOK, IT'S LIKE, QUESTLOVE, WHY IS HE EVERYWHERE
AND IT AIN'T GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM HE WAS RIGHT THERE, LIKE, "OH,
MY GOD." [ LAUGHTER ] I SEEN THE BROTHER CLUTCH HIS
PEARLS HE'S SAID, "WHAT?" [ LAUGHTER ]
HE'S EVERYWHERE. ONE NIGHT IT WAS ME, DAVE CHAPPELLE, CHRIS ROCK, ALL
OF US ON STAGE AND I LOOK ON STAGE, AND I'M LIKE, "WHAT THE HELL IS
QUESTLOVE DOING HERE?" YOU LOOK THROUGH HISTORY, YOU ARE THE BLACK FORREST GUMP
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE IN CLASSIC PICTURES, HIM AND MALCOLM X BY THE WINDOW.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE MARTIN LUTHER KING ASSASSINATION--
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: HE'S EVERYWHERE. JANUARY 6th AT PELOSI'S
DESK [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: OH
OH! SHOTS FIRED! [ CHEERS ]
♪ Jimmy: GOOD LUCK, "DAILY SHOW."
YOU CAN'T HOLD HIM DOWN. MARLON WAYANS, EVERYBODY "MARLAN WAYANS: GOD LOVES ME."
"GOD LOVES ME" PREMIERES THURSDAY ON HBO MAX. MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" AFTER THE
BREAK. THEY CAN'T STOP-- WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS
A FOUR-TIME GRAMMY WINNER WHOSE MUSIC HAS OVER 13 BILLION STREAMS.
WOW. HIS ALBUM "BEN" COMES OUT FRIDAY
FRIDAY PLEASE WELCOME, MACKLEMORE
♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: COME ON NOW. LOOKING GOOD
MACKLEMORE, WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW LOOKING GOOD, BUD.
I LIKE THAT DOUBLE BREASTED SUIT YOU KNOW.
Jimmy: YOU LOOK GOOD, PAL YOU KNOW WHAT I FEEL GREAT AND BEFORE-- AND
I APPRECIATE THAT. BEFORE WE START, I JUST WANT TO SAY THE SUIT IS GUCCI.
Jimmy: NO, NO, NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY THAT STUFF BUT THE SUIT IS GUCCI, BUT
THE SOCKS ARE NIKE DRY FIT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING Jimmy: SEE, HE KNOWS HOW TO DO IT.
SEE THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. DRY FIT.
YOU NEED THE DRY FIT YOU'RE GETTING SPORTY, BY THE WAY.
I AM. Jimmy: YOU REALLY ARE YOU'RE GETTING INTO GOLF
YES, YES. Jimmy: AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN INTO GOLF
FOUR YEARS? Jimmy: YEAH YEAH.
Jimmy: ARE YOU GETTING BETTER NO, WORSE, WAY WORSE.
[ LAUGHTER ] I WAS GOOD A YEAR AND A HALF IN
TRAJECTORY, PRO. NOW-- TRASH Jimmy: BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO
YOU? THINKING. THINKING
Jimmy: YEAH, JUST OVER THINKING WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT
AT A CERTAIN POINT, I WAS LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT I SHOULD PROBABLY FINISH THE
ALBUM. I SHOULD STOP PLAYING GOLF." I MAKE MONEY DOING THIS, AND I
LOSE MONEY DOING THIS. Jimmy: INTERESTING. LET'S FOCUS ON THE MUSIC.
AND THEN I STOPPED PLAYING, AND THEN YOU ARE ONLY ON INSTAGRAM LOOKING AT OTHER PEOPLE TELLING
YOU HOW TO PLAY GOLF AND YOU LOSE ALL ATHLETIC ABILITY.
Jimmy: YOU WERE AT THE-- OH, NO. Jimmy: THE PRO-AM
NO, THIS IS GOOD LOOK AT THIS SWING LOOK AT THAT
THAT'S A GOOD LOOKING GOLFER [ APPLAUSE ] IS THIS YOUR-- BY THE WAY, IS
THIS YOUR CLOTHING YES, BOGIE BOYS SO WE STARTED BOGIE BOYS
GOLD BRAND, HAT, JACKET, SHIRT, PANTS, EVERYTHING. THE SUNGLASSES ARE OAKLEY, AND
THEY ARE JUST THERE TO PREVENT ANYONE FROM SEEING THE TEARS [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE. THAT IS A GREAT SWING. I LIKE-- SEE WHAT I DO IS WHEN
I PLAY GOLF, I HOLD BACK THAT FOR TOO LONG SO EVEN IF YOUR SHOT IS BAD,
YOU JUST GO LIKE - YEAH, THEY DON'T KNOW Jimmy: YOU JUST HOLD IT AND
YOU GO - THEY CAN'T TELL ON TV Jimmy: NO, YEAH, LOOKS GOOD
BUT THEN, I HAVE ANOTHER PHOTO OF YOU HERE'S YOU LOOKING FOR YOUR
BALL YEAH. [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: I JUST THOUGHT THAT WAS FUNNY. THAT'S WHY I HAD TO EQUAL.
I GOT TO SHOW BOTH PICTURES. YOU KNOW, IT WAS THE 18th HOLE ON THE LAST DAY ON SUNDAY
Jimmy: YEAH WHEN I HIT TWO PEOPLE BACK-TO-BACK
[ LAUGHTER ] THEN I REALLY HAD A LONG, HARD TALK WITH MYSELF LATER THAT
NIGHT. MAYBE THIS IS NOT THE SPORT FOR YOU.
Jimmy: YEAH, THIS IS THE SPORT FOR YOU RIGHT HERE YES
Jimmy: WE LOVE YOU. WE LOVE YOUR MUSIC CONGRATULATIONS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THIS FRIDAY-- THIS FRIDAY IT COMES OUT.
YOU WERE WORKING ON THE ALBUM. YOU HAD A TOUR SET UP, AND THEN EVERYTHING JUST CHANGED.
YEAH. Jimmy: CAN YOU TALK ABOUT THAT A LITTLE BIT?
YES, COVID HAPPENED AND LIKE EVERYBODY, MY WORLD STOPPED.
AND YOU KNOW, FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT MIGHT NOT FOLLOW MY STORY, I AM A RECOVERING ADDICT,
ALCOHOLIC, AND HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST 14 YEARS. AND COVID HAPPENED -
[ APPLAUSE ] THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
AND A BIG PART OF MY RECOVERY COMMUNITY IS GOING TO PHYSICAL 12-STEP MEETINGS AND ONCE THOSE
STOPPED, I WAS ALONE AND THE DISEASE OF ADDICTION WAS LIKE "YO, THIS IS CRAZY
THE WORLD HAS STOPPED. YOU CAN GET HIGH." AND EVENTUALLY, I STOPPED DOING
THE THINGS THAT PREVENTED ME FROM GETTING HIGH, AND I LISTENED TO THAT VOICE
AND IT WAS A COUPLE WEEKS OF A A RELAPSE AND VERY PAINFUL AND STILL WORKING ON TRUST
ISSUES WITH MYSELF, AND WITHIN MY, YOU KNOW, CLOSE CIRCLE OF FRIENDS.
BUT IT DEFINITELY WAS A REMINDER THAT WHATEVER I PUT IN FRONT OF MY RECOVERY WILL BE
THE FIRST THING THAT I LOSE. Jimmy: YEAH OH MY GOSH
I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU STOPPED. YEAH. Jimmy: AND GOT TO GET HELP
AGAIN. YEAH. I THINK FOR ME, IT'S NOT LIKE
A LINEAR PATH RIGHT? IT'S NOT LIKE, ONCE I REALIZED-- IT'S ONE DISEASE
THAT TELLS YOU, YOU DON'T HAVE A DISEASE. Jimmy: WOW.
AND I'M DOING MY BEST, AND I'M MAKING MISTAKES. AND THERE IS SOME IN THE FUTURE
TOO SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE IN SOME CAPACITY TO MY LIFE, BUT I WANT TO SHARE THAT WITH THE
PEOPLE I LOVE AND FOLLOW ME. I APPRECIATE THE HONESTY. WE LOVE YOU.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I LOVE YOU. Jimmy: WE LOVE YOU.
DOES THAT-- IT'S SCARY BECAUSE, "YEAH, I DO WANT TO SAY IT AGAIN
WE LOVE YOU. YEAH. Jimmy: I REALLY LOVE YOU.
THANK YOU THANK YOU. I FEEL THE SAME WAY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: YOU'VE BEEN GREAT TO US
I'VE KNOWN YOU FOR A DECADE. I REALLY DO. DOES IT CHANGE THE MUSIC
DOES IT CHANGE THE ALBUM AND TOUR AND YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, WAIT,
MAYBE I SHOULD GO BACK AND RERECORD THAT? YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT IT
CREATES SOME MOMENTS OF INTROSPECTION OF, AGAIN, WHO AM I?
THAT'S KIND OF THE STRIPPING AWAY IS PART OF THE PROCESS OF WRITING AN ALBUM
IT'S NOT ADDING MORE TO, BUT PEELING BACK LAYERS. UNCOVERING THE VEIL.
GETTING TO THE HEART AND THE RELAPSE WAS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR ME TO GET BACK
TO THE PLACE OF, "OKAY, WHAT WENT ON? "LET ME TALK ABOUT IT.
"LET'S GET VULNERABLE. "WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID TO SAY RIGHT NOW?
THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED TO LEAN INTO Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS ON
THE ALBUM AND GETTING EVERYTHING THANK YOU
Jimmy: WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH. THANK YOU Jimmy: GIVE IT UP FOR
MACKLEMORE RIGHT THERE, GUYS CONGRATS CONGRATS
THE NEW ALBUM "BEN" COMES OUT THIS FRIDAY, AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE BACK ON OUR SHOW NEXT
WEEK YES Jimmy: SO YEAH, COME RIGHT
BACK DON'T LEAVE. MACKLEMORE, EVERYBODY.
MORE "TONIGHT SHOW." STICK AROUND COME ON BACK
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST HAS
HER COMEDY SPECIAL "THE HUSTLER" PREMIERING MARCH 9th ON YOUTUBE
PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY, KELSEY COOK.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WOW, HI, THANK YOU SO MUCH. IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE.
I AM FROM SPOKANE, WASHINGTON, ORIGINALLY AND I'VE BEEN ON TOUR A LOT THE PAST YEAR
AND SOMETIMES PEOPLE GO "DO YOU GET SCARED TO PERFORM IN DANGEROUS PLACES LIKE NEW YORK
CITY?" I'M LIKE SPOKANE IS THE METH CAPITAL OF AMERICA
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] OK, I AM THE DANGER. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
SPOKANE IS ROUGH LAST TIME I WAS HOME I GOT AN UBER DRIVER NAMED BONES.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND HE LOOKED LIKE A BONES I CANCELLED THE RIDE
IMMEDIATELY, OF COURSE I'M NOT GOING TO GET INTO A CAR WITH MY EX
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE WHAT A CRAZY NAME. BONES MUST GET 200 RIDE
CANCELLATIONS AN HOUR. I DON'T EVEN THINK HE OWNS A A CAR.
I THINK HE JUST SITS IN BED AND COLLECTS A $5 CANCELLATION FEE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
EVERY 30 SECONDS HE'S PROBABLY A MILLIONAIRE. I NEED TO MAKE A DRIVING
PROFILE WITH A FAKE PHOTO AND SAY MY NAME IS STABS [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I'D LIKE A NEW LAPTOP. I'M IN A NEW RELATIONSHIP AND WE HAD THAT CONVERSATION ABOUT
LABELS BECAUSE I FELT READY TO BE CALLED BOYFRIEND AND
GIRLFRIEND AND HE GOES, "YOU KNOW, BEING IN MY 40s, I FEEL LIKE I'M A
A LITTLE OLD TO BE CALLED SOMEBODY'S BOYFRIEND BUT IF YOU CALL ME YOUR MAN
FRIEND, THAT SOUNDS LIKE I'VE COMMITTED SEX CRIMES [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
SO, I WAS LIKE ALL RIGHT, WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO CALL ME
AND HE GOES, "I'LL JUST BE LIKE, 'THIS IS MY LADY.' [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I SAID WELL THAT FEELS LIKE WE'RE AT A RENAISSANCE FAIR. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
AND I CAN'T USE THE EQUIVALENT OF THAT. I CAN'T BE LIKE MOM, DAD, I'D
LIKE YOU TO MEET MY LORD [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE AND HE'S ALSO A COMEDIAN
AND I WASN'T MUCH OF A JEALOUS GIRLFRIEND IN MY 20s AND THEN SOME SWITCH FLIPPED IN
MY 30s AND NOW WHEN I SEE SOMEBODY HIT ON THE PERSON I'M WITH
I FEEL MYSELF ANIMORPH INTO THE CAST OF "JERSEY SHORE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
AND I AM READILY TO BRAWL. AND HE DOES GET HIT ON WHEN HE WALKS ON STAGE WOMEN
WHISTLE AT HIM AND AT COMEDY CLUBS THERE IS USUALLY A SECURITY GUARD IN THE
BACK TO KICK THEM OUT IN CASE THEY HECKLE. SO AT THE SHOW I STAND NEXT TO
THE SECURITY GUARD [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND IF I SEE A WOMAN LAUGHING
TOO HARD AT A JOKES. I JUST WALK UP AND I'M LIKE, "HEY, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK
YOU TO LEAVE." [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] "HE'S MY FAVORITE COMEDIAN."
WELL, HE'S MY LORD [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] SO, BEAT IT.
SCOOT. THE LAST TIME I DID "THE TONIGHT SHOW" I MENTIONED MY
ENTIRE FAMILY AND I ARE ACTUALLY WORLD CHAMPION FOOSBALL PLAYERS
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH, THANK YOU. BUT WHAT'S FUN FOR ME, SINCE
NOBODY SUSPECTS THAT I'M A PRO FOOSBALL PLAYER, I LOVE TO HUSTLE PEOPLE.
RIGHT. AND I USUALLY PLAY AGAINST OTHER COMEDIANS ON MY FOOSBALL
WEB SERIES BUT, WE DID THIS SPECIAL EPISODE I WENT UNDERCOVER IN
VEGAS AND HUSTLED DRUNK DUDES ON THE VEGAS STRIP [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
SO I WORE THIS LOW CUT TOP I TALKED IN THE WORST VOICE. AND MY CAMERA CREW AND I WOULD
GO UP TO GROUPS OF GUYS. AND I'D GO, "HI, MY NAME IS KELSEY AND I HAVE THIS WEB
SERIES WHERE I DO THINGS THAT I'VE NEVER DONE BEFORE FOR THE FIRST TIME
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] IT'S CALLED POP MY CHERRY. [ LAUGHTER ]
SILLY. SO I'VE NEVER PLAYED FOOSBALL BEFORE
AND WE JUST FOUND THIS TABLE AND I WAS JUST WONDERING IF YOU GUYS WANTED TO PLAY ME?"
EVERY GROUP OF GUYS WAS LIKE, "HELL YEAH, LADY, LET'S GO YEAH, I'LL PLAY YOU RIGHT NOW.
AND SO, I WOULD PLAY THE FIRST GAME TERRIBLY ON PURPOSE I'D GIGGLE A BUNCH
SPIN THE RODS A LOT. REALLY BUILD UP THEIR CONFIDENCE
AND THEN I'D GO, "OK, SO, I THINK I HAVE THE HANG OF IT NOW.
AND THIS IS VEGAS SO, WE SHOULD PLAY FOR MONEY." [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
AND EVERY GUY WOULD PUT THEIR WHOLE WALLET ON THE TABLE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
THEY'D HAND ME THE BALL AND GO, "HERE, YOU CAN SERVE FIRST." AND THAT'S WHEN I'D PULL OUT MY
FOOSBALL GRIP GLOVE. [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS ]
I'VE NEVER DONE COCAINE, BUT I WOULD ASSUME IT'S A SIMILAR RUSH
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU, I'M KELSEY COOK. THANKS FOR HAVING ME
♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT
KELSEY COOK. "THE HUSTLER" WILL BE AVAILABLE MARCH 9th ON YOUTUBE
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY COME ON BACK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪ Jimmy: MY THANKS TO WILLEM DAFOE, MARLON WAYANS,
MACKLEMORE KELSEY COOK, ONCE AGAIN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA THANK YOU FOR WATCHING
STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS.
GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY BYE-BYE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE