Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - LIAM NEESON,
JACK WHITEHALL MUSICAL GUEST, NATE SMITH, AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW Questlove: THIS IS OUR 1800th SHOW.
Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON
♪ ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: WOW! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S A CROWD
I LOVE YOU WELCOME. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
ENJOY YOURSELF THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO
"THE TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY. YOU'RE HERE. YOU MADE IT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU FOR WATCHING WELL, GUYS, I SAW THAT TODAY IS
NATIONAL SINGLES AWARENESS DAY THANK GOD [ CHEERS ]
Jimmy: YEAH, I COULD BE WRONG, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THAT THE DAY WHEN PEOPLE ARE MOST
AWARE THEY'RE SINGLE IS VALENTINE'S DAY. BUT I DUNNO.
[ LAUGHTER ] ACTUALLY, I THINK SINGLES AWARENESS DAY SHOULD BE ON
THANKSGIVING 'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN YOUR FAMILY MAKES YOU THE MOST AWARE YOU'RE SINGLE.
[ LAUGHTER ] LIKE, "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO DATE SOMEBODY?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE "I WANT GRANDKIDS. THAT'S RIGHT
IT'S SINGLES AWARENESS DAY AND IN A CRUEL TWIST OF FATE, IT FALLS ON HUMP DAY
[ LAUGHTER ] ACTUALLY, SINGLE PEOPLE ARE LIKE, "IT'S NOT THAT WE DON'T
WANT TO DATE SOMEONE, IT'S JUST THAT WE REALLY ENJOY CANCELLING PLANS.
I MEAN, THAT'S FUN [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THAT'S RIGHT
IT IS SINGLES AWARENESS DAY, AND THIS IS NICE, STORES ACTUALLY SOLD CANDY FOR IT
I THINK THEY MIGHT'VE JUST REUSED SOME OF THE CANDY FROM VALENTINE'S DAY.
TAKE A LOOK. FIRST THERE'S, "I LOVE YOU-- LIKE A SIBLING."
[ LAUGHTER ] AND YOU GO, "WELL, THAT'S-- THEN THERE'S "ME AND YOU -
MAKE GREAT SMALL TALK. [ LAUGHTER ] AND YOU GO-- "WAIT,
THAT'S-- NEXT THERE'S, "ONLY YOU-- CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES."
Steve: WOW. [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: THAT'S MORE OF A
A PUBLIC SERVICE Steve: FOR SMOKEY THE BEAR. Jimmy: AND FINALLY, OF
COURSE, THERE'S THE CLASSIC, "LOL - NO."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE "NOT GONNA HAPPEN. HEY, IN HONOR OF SINGLES
AWARENESS DAY, I JUST WANT TO TAKE A MOMENT TO ACKNOWLEDGE ALL THE SINGLE PEOPLE OUT
THERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE DON'T WORRY IF YOU HAVEN'T
FOUND SOMEONE YET. SOME PEOPLE WERE SINGLE THROUGHOUT THEIR 20s, 30s, AND
40s. AND AFTER A WHILE-- [ LAUGHTER ]
THOSE PEOPLE START TO WONDER IF "IT" WOULD EVER HAPPEN AND THEY PRACTICE KISSING ON
THEIR PILLOWS. THEY EVEN-- [ LAUGHTER ]
THEY EVEN POST TO CRAIGSLIST SEEKING SOMEONE WHO LIKES TO, QUOTE, "GET FREAKY-DEAKY WITH
A SCALP THAT'S SQUEAKY." [ LAUGHTER ] BUT IN THE END -
BUT IN THE END, EVEN THAT GUY FOUND LOVE SO, KEEP THE FAITH
WORST CASE, YOU COULD JUST ACCEPT A LIFE OF CELIBACY. HANG IN THERE, EVERYBODY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HI, JAMES. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT
COMING TO REHEARSAL. YOU KNOW-- [ LAUGHTER ]
GUYS, GET THIS I HEARD THAT LAST NIGHT, PRESIDENT BIDEN CELEBRATED
VALENTINE'S DAY BY ORDERING TAKEOUT FROM A FRENCH RESTAURANT IN D.C.
WHAT HE HAS AIR FORCE ONE HE LITERALLY COULD HAVE FLOWN
JILL TO FRANCE [ LAUGHTER ] SERIOUSLY, BIDEN EATS DINNER AT
3:00 P.M., HOW HARD IS IT TO GET A TABLE? [ LAUGHTER ]
YEP, BIDEN ORDERED TAKEOUT, WHICH WAS KIND OF FUN BECAUSE IT'S NOT OFTEN YOU SEE AN
UBER EATS GUY WITH A SECRET SERVICE MOTORCADE. IT'S LIKE--
[ LAUGHTER ] "I ACCIDENTALLY WENT TO PENNSYLVANIA STREET.
I DIDN'T KNOW 1200 PENNSYLVANIA STREET WAS THE PLACE BUT-- "
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THE DELIVERY GUY CALLED HIM LIKE, "SORRY--"
OH, SORRY, THAT WAS THE JOKE I JUST DID OOPS
[ LAUGHTER ] SHOULD HAVE CAME - [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Steve: WHOA Jimmy: I SHOULD HAVE-- I SHOULD HAVE CAME TO REHEARSAL.
[ LAUGHTER ] YEP, VALENTINE'S DAY WAS YESTERDAY.
PERSONALLY, I HAD A GREAT TIME NANCY AND I GOT DINNER AT ONE OF OUR FAVORITE SPOTS.
TARIQ, WHAT DID YOU DO Tariq: OH, MY WIFE AND I GOT A BABYSITTER SO WE COULD JUST
CHILL AT HOME, JUST THE TWO OF US YOU KNOW, CATCH UP ON OUR SHOWS
AND ORDER TAKEOUT. Jimmy: THAT'S SWEET HIGGINS, HOW WAS YOUR
VALENTINE'S DAY? Steve: NOT GREAT. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I GOT CATFISHED. Jimmy: SORRY. WAIT, AREN'T YOU MARRIED
Steve: YEAH, I GOT CATFISHED BY MY WIFE [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE Steve: WELL, I NEVER MET HER IN PERSON, WE WOULD JUST
FACETIME BUT LAST NIGHT, IT WAS LIKE, "HEY, WE'VE BEEN MARRIED, LIKE,
30 YEARS MAYBE WE SHOULD MEET." BUT THEN SHE BLOCKED ME ON
FACEBOOK [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: BUT-- BUT YOU HAVE
KIDS WITH HER. Steve: TURNS OUT MY KIDS WERE CATFISHING ME TOO
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: WHAT Steve: YEAH
THEY WERE ACTORS HIRED TO PLAY MY CHILDREN. I GUESS MOST OF THEM USED TO
WORK ON "iCARLY. [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: WHY-- WHY IS THIS
HAPPENING TO YOU Steve: I GUESS THAT ROKU IS DOING A NEW PRANK SHOW CALLED
"STEVE HIGGINS' WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
IT'S LIKE "THE TRUMAN SHOW" BUT NOT HEARTWARMING AT ALL. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORST THING IS, JIMMY? Jimmy: I HAVEN'T HEARD THE
WORST THING SO FAR Steve: NO I'M NOT EVEN THE ANNOUNCER FOR
"THE TONIGHT SHOW. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: YOU'RE NOT
Steve: NO I'M A HOLOGRAM [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
REAL ME IS A 16-YEAR-OLD KID STRAPPED INTO A V.R. HEADSET IN MONTANA.
I'VE GOTTA GO, JIMMY MY MOM'S CALLING ME FOR DINNER [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: WHAT-- WHAT'S GOING ON [ APPLAUSE ]
Steve: OKAY, MOM. I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. GOD.
[ APPLAUSE ] Jimmy: STEVE HIGGINS. I LOVE THAT CHARACTER.
THAT IS A GREAT GUY. WOW, AMAZING [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT COST US $4 MILLION TO DO. Steve: ARE YOU SERIOUS? Jimmy: YEAH
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Steve: I MISSED REHEARSAL Jimmy: I'LL FILL YOU IN
SOME POLITICAL NEWS. TODAY, NIKKI HALEY OFFICIALLY KICKED OFF HER PRESIDENTIAL
CAMPAIGN AND DURING HER SPEECH, SHE CALLED FOR POLITICIANS OLDER
THAN 75 TO HAVE A MANDATORY COMPETENCY TEST. YEP, COMPETENCY TESTS FOR
POLITICIANS OVER 75. THEN BIDEN SAID, "I HAVE A A BETTER IDEA.
COMPETENCY TESTS FOR POLITICIANS OVER 75. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH, SHE SAID OLDER POLITICIANS NEED MENTAL CHECKS
AND NEW IDEAS. THEN TRUMP LOOKED AT BIDEN LIKE, "WOW, SHE'S REALLY GOING
AFTER YOU. [ LAUGHTER ] SOME MORE POLITICAL NEWS,
SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS SAID THAT PUBLIC SCHOOL TEACHERS SHOULD GET A MINIMUM SALARY OF
$60,000 A YEAR [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THEN EVERY OTHER SENATOR WAS
LIKE, "TEACHER'S PET." [ LAUGHTER ] WELL, SOME MOVIE NEWS HERE,
GUYS THIS WEEKEND, "ANT-MAN AND THE WASP: QUANTUMANIA" IS HITTING
THEATERS, AND I AM EXCITED ABOUT THIS PAUL RUDD IS FANTASTIC IN
EVERYTHING [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE "ANT-MAN."
[ APPLAUSE ] TARIQ, THIS WEEKEND, YOU GONNA SEE "ANT-MAN"?
Tariq: CAN'T, MAN [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: WHY NOT?
Tariq: HANGING WITH MY AUNT, MAN. Jimmy: DOING WHAT
Tariq: BUYING A PLANT, MAN. Jimmy: YOU'RE BUYING A PLANT FOR YOUR AUNT INSTEAD OF SEEING
"ANT- MAN" Tariq: NO, NO I'M BUYING A PLANT WITH MY AUNT
TO GIVE TO KEVIN DURANT, MAN [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: WHY WOULD
KEVIN DURANT WANT A PLANT FROM YOUR AUNT, MAN Tariq: BECAUSE KEVIN DURANT
NEEDS A PLANT FROM MY AUNT-- I MEAN MY AUNT, TO GIVE STEVEN VAN ZANDT, MAN.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: YOU SEE THAT WHOLE--E [ RIM SHOT ]
THE WHOLE BIT. THE WHOLE BIT IS "ANT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
YOU'RE GONNA SEE 'AUNT-MAN'? GONNA SEE 'AUNT-MAN' Tariq: I-- I MEANT TO COME
TO REHEARSAL, BUT I SAID, "I CAN'T, MAN." [ LAUGHTER ]
[ RIM SHOT ] ♪ Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH.
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S GOOD. Steve: IT'S NOT GONNA GET
BETTER THAN THAT Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW I DON'T-- WE SHOULD JUST GO TO
THE END, RIGHT I DON'T THINK WE'RE GONNA FIND THIS -
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] SO GUYS, SOME MORE BUSINESS NEWS--
[ LAUGHTER ] SOME BUSINESS NEWS, CHIPOTLE IS LAUNCHING A SPINOFF RESTAURANT
CALLED FARMESA FRESH EATERY. DAMN, IN 2023, EVEN OUR RESTAURANTS ARE GETTING
SPINOFFS [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YEP, CHIPOTLE-- BOTH CHIPOTLE
AND E. COLI WERE LIKE, "WE'RE EXPANDING. [ LAUGHTER ]
WELL, LISTEN TO THIS CYBER SECURITY EXPERTS ARE WARNING THAT ELECTRIC VEHICLES
COULD BE THE NEXT PRIME TARGETS FOR HACKERS. Steve: OOH.
Jimmy: WHICH EXPLAINS WHY MY CAR KEEPS GETTING EMAILS ABOUT "HOT SEDANS IN YOUR AREA."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE AND FINALLY, IT IS WEDNESDAY
IT IS TIME FOR "WeTWEET. HERE WE GO
♪ WETWEET
WETWEET ♪ Jimmy: WELCOME TO "WeTWEET. THIS IS WHERE WE, AS A GROUP,
DECIDE SOMETHING THAT WE SHOULD POST ON TWITTER. I'M GONNA SHOW YOU FIVE
DIFFERENT TWEETS AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO VOTE ON WHETHER YOU LIKE EACH ONE OR NOT
YOU ALL HAVE VOTING CLICKERS AT YOUR SEATS YEP.
YOU CAN VOTE FOR ALL OF THEM YOU CAN VOTE FOR NONE OF THEM. WHATEVER YOU WANT.
AND WE'RE GONNA SEE THE RESULTS LIVE HIGGINS, ROOTS, YOU GUYS HAVE
CLICKERS TOO Steve: GOT IT Jimmy: WHATEVER TWEET GETS
THE MOST LIKES, WE WILL TWEET IT OUT LIVE ON THE SHOW SO THAT YOU CAN ALL LIKE IT AND
"WeTWEET" IT [ CHEERS ] IT'S A SHARED EXPERIENCE
ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS READY? EVERYONE HAVE YOUR CLICKERS? HANDS UP-- HANDS UP IF YOU GOT
THE CLICKERS [ CHEERS ] ALL RIGHT, PERFECT
ALL RIGHT, GOOD. ALL RIGHT, FIRST TWEET IT SAYS, "SO, WE ALL HAVE
A PENCIL TIP EMBEDDED IN OUR THIGH FROM 1st GRADE, RIGHT? [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
BOO ♪ Steve: MM
Jimmy: WOW, SILENCE Steve: WOW. [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: MAYBE THEY'RE LAUGHING IN THE-- Steve: NOT REAL PEPPY
Jimmy: MAYBE THEY'RE LAUGHING ON THE INSIDE Steve: ON THE INSIDE OF
THEIR THIGH? Jimmy: YEAH RIGHT?
DON'T TALK ABOUT THE INSIDE OF ANYONE'S THIGH Steve: WHAT'S THAT?
IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY Jimmy: I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I HAVE TO CHECK THE VOTES ON
THIS ONE, BUT LET'S JUST DO IT FOR FUN. LET'S SEE THE RESULTS.
[ DRUMROLL ] Steve: OOH! [ SAD TUBA ]
Jimmy: WOW. Steve: 64 Jimmy: NO ONE GOT STABBED BY
A PENCIL IN GRADE SCHOOL [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: OKAY
FOUR PEOPLE DID, YEAH. SO IT WORK-- THE MATH WORKS OUT.
Steve: YEAH Jimmy: IT'S CORRECT EVERYONE'S-- EVERYONE'S
CLICKERS WORK. ALL RIGHT. THIS NEXT ONE SAYS, "DON'T
JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER, UNLESS THAT COVER HAS A SHIRTLESS MAN ON A HORSE, IN
WHICH CASE YOU CAN PROBABLY GUESS WHAT IT'S ABOUT. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
♪ Steve: WELL, WHAT-- Jimmy: WELL, NOW I FEEL LIKE
THE ROOTS-- Steve: YEAH Jimmy:-- ARE PLAYING THE
MUSIC LIGHTER AND LIGHTER. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] ♪
YEAH, I MEAN, THAT SELLS THE BIT, YOU KNOW? ♪
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK EITHER. ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE THE
RESULTS ON THIS ONE. IT'S PROBABLY WORSE THAN THE FIRST ONE.
OH Steve: OH Jimmy: HEY, ALL RIGHT, NOT
BAD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪
THANK YOU. NOT BAD. Steve: IT HIT TRIPLE DIGITS
Jimmy: NOT-- YEAH. THEY DON'T NECESSARILY GET BETTER
Steve: NO Jimmy: I WILL SAY THAT. [ LAUGHTER ]
THIS NEXT ONE HERE SAYS, "AT THIS POINT, I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN EVEN WALK TO MY MAILBOX
WITHOUT GPS. [ LAUGHTER ] ♪
IT IS GETTING THAT WAY Steve: YEAH Jimmy: AND IT IS GETTING
THAT WAY WHERE I'M LIKE-- "WHERE-- NO, I-- " YEAH
IT IS GETTING THAT WAY ALL RIGHT. YOU ALL VOTED?
LET'S SEE THE RESULTS. [ CHEERS ] Jimmy: ALL RIGHT.
NOT BAD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪
Jimmy: NEXT UP, IT SAYS, "INSTEAD OF AN ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT RESTAURANT, SOMEONE SHOULD OPEN
AN ALL-YOU-SHOULD-EAT RESTAURANT." [ LAUGHTER ]
Steve: OH ♪ Jimmy: THAT'S PRETTY GOOD
ACTUALLY I LIKE THAT IDEA IT'S NOT BAD
CAST YOUR VOTES HERE ALL RIGHT. LET'S SEE THE RESULTS ON THIS
ONE. [ DRUMROLL ] YEAH
Steve: OH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪
Jimmy: THAT'S GONNA BE THE HIT. THAT'S GONNA BE THE WINNER
Steve: THAT TOOK THE LEAD Jimmy: I'LL DO THE LAST ONE JUST FOR FUN, BUT THAT ONE'S
GONNA BE THE RIGHT THING Steve: BUT THAT ONE-- YEAH THAT'S THE ONE
Jimmy: THIS LAST ONE IS "TACOS ARE JUST CHILI THAT THREW ON A ROBE.
[ LAUGHTER ] CAST YOUR VOTES. ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE THE
RESULTS. SEEM LIKE THAT ONE - Steve: I KNOW
THAT ONE MIGHT WIN Jimmy: YOU LIKE THAT ONE? Steve: I LIKE THAT ONE.
Jimmy: NO, I THINK IT'S THE ONE BEFORE THAT. Steve: COME ON.
Jimmy: EVERYONE'S LAUGHING AT THAT ONE? BUT I DON'T KNOW
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. LET'S SEE THE RESULTS. Steve: OH
Jimmy: OH, THAT'S RIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪
THE WINNER IS NUMBER FOUR. [ BELL DINGING ] "INSTEAD OF AN ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT,
SOMEONE SHOULD OPEN AN ALL-YOU-SHOULD- EAT. I WILL POST THIS DURING THE
COMMERCIAL BREAK IF YOU SEE IT ON YOUR FEED, GIVE IT A LIKE, GIVE IT
A "WeTWEET" AND ENJOY. WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW LIAM NEESON IS HERE TONIGHT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE JACK WHITEHALL IS JOINING US [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
AND WE GOT GREAT MUSIC FROM NATE SMITH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'RE GIVING SOMEONE IN OUR AUDIENCE A PERM STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY.
COME ON BACK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪
>>> Jimmy: ARE YOU READY - [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE FOR THE BRAND NEW, FRESHLY
PERMED TYLER TYLER, COME ON OUT ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW, EVERYBODY.
YOU KNOW, NOT A LOT OF THINGS ARE CERTAIN IN THIS CRAZY WORLD.
WE SCURRY THROUGH LIFE LICKETY-SPLIT FROM ONE FLEETING EXPERIENCE TO ANOTHER.
NOTHING SEEMS SACRED ANYMORE NOTHING SEEMS PERMANENT. AND THAT'S WHY, THIS WEEK, AT
"THE TONIGHT SHOW," WE'RE SALUTING THE ONE THING WE KNOW IS STILL PERMANENT, THE
PERMANENT. AKA, THE PERMANENT WAVE, AKA, THE PERM
THAT'S RIGHT IT'S THE RETURN OF "TONIGHT
SHOW PERM WEEK." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
ON THE FALLON SHOW
IT'S PERM WEEK OH MY GOD ♪ Jimmy: THIS IS "TONIGHT SHOW
PERM WEEK," THE VERY SPECIAL WEEK - [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
- WHERE EVERY DAY WE PICK SOMEONE FROM OUR AUDIENCE AND STYLISHLY PERM THEIR HAIR.
TONIGHT'S LUCKY PERM RECIPIENT IS TYLER TOLEDO. OH, WOW.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE TYLER IS 22 YEARS OLD. HE'S FROM WHITESTONE, NEW YORK
AND HE'S VERY EXCITED ABOUT HIS NEW HAIRDO
IT'S BEEN A BIG DAY FOR TYLER. TAKE A LOOK.
HI, I'M TYLER TOLEDO, AND
TODAY I'M GETTING A PERM I HAVE NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING A PERM BEFORE.
I'VE ALWAYS JUST KIND OF BEEN THE TYPE TO JUST LIKE, "AH, LET IT GROW, SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS TO GET A PERM, BUT I'M VERY OPEN TO CHANGE IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.
I'M TYLER'S DAD AND WE'RE TYLER'S FRIENDS, AND WE CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT
HE LOOKS WITH A PERM I WOULDN'T CHANGE TYLER'S HAIR BUT I SUPPORT HIM ON HIS
JOURNEY. THE ONLY OTHER PERSON THAT I KNOW THAT HAS A PERM IS MY
MOTHER AND I LOOK AT PICTURES, AND I WONDER WHY
MY GRANDMOTHER HAD A PERM IN THE '70s AND YOU LOOK AT ALL THOSE OLD PICTURES AND SHE
ABSOLUTELY KILLED IT AND NOW TYLER'S GETTING A A PERM AND I'M ALSO WONDERING
WHY. I'M HOPING TYLER DOESN'T LOOK LIKE HAGRID FROM
"HARRY POTTER. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] HE'S GOT THE BEARD, TOO, SO
IT'S LIKELY. I DON'T THINK THE WORLD IS READY FOR WHAT THEY'RE ABOUT TO
SEE, A WHOLE DIFFERENT TYLER [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: YEAH, A WHOLE
DIFFERENT TYLER. NOW, TYLER HAS BEEN SEQUESTERED SINCE HE GOT PERMED, SO HE
HASN'T SEEN HIMSELF YET. AND HIS DAD AND HIS FRIENDS HAVEN'T SEEN HIM EITHER.
THIS ENTIRE PROCESS HAS BEEN CLOAKED IN SECRECY [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
WE'VE GOT HIS DAD AND HIS FRIENDS RIGHT HERE HELLO, GUYS.
HOW YOU GUYS DOING [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE NICE TO SEE YOU.
[ APPLAUSE ] NICE TO SEE YOU. DAD, YOU COULDN'T PERM YOUR
HAIR IF YOU TRIED? NO, NO, NO, NOT AT ALL, JIMMY.
Jimmy: YOU'VE GOT SHORT, SHORT, SHORT HAIR. AND YOU HAD A GREAT HAGRID
LINE THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY. THANK YOU
Jimmy: YEAH, YOU'RE WELCOME [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] ALL RIGHT, NOW, DO NOT REMOVE
THE BLINDFOLDS UNTIL I TELL YOU, OKAY? ARE YOU EXCITED?
VERY EXCITED. YES YEAH, YEP
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: AUDIENCE, ARE YOU READY?
ARE YOU READY-- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE - - FOR THE BRAND NEW, FRESHLY
PERMED, TYLER? HERE IS TYLER BEFORE AND HERE HE IS NOW
TYLER, COME ON OUT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪
♪ OH MY GOD ♪ Jimmy: CAN YOU DO A 360 THAT'S GREAT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: STEP RIGHT ON THE STAR
I'M SO EXCITED. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: WOW.
TYLER, YOU LOOK GREAT. DO YOU FEEL GREAT? I FEEL INCREDIBLE
Jimmy: WOW. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE GUYS, ARE YOU READY TO SEE
TYLER? YES YEAH.
Jimmy: HOLD HANDS-- HOLD HANDS AND FOLLOW ME. ALL RIGHT
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER
DO NOT TAKE OFF YOUR BLINDFOLDS YET. [ DRUMROLL ]
ALL RIGHT. WHO ARE YOU MOST EXCITED TO SEE YOUR NEW LOOK?
DAD? HE'S-- HE'S SEEN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY HAIRDOS
THIS IS GONNA BE A UNIQUE ONE. Jimmy: THIS WILL BE A - [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
ONE HE'S NEVER SEEN BEFORE. Jimmy: BE A PROUD PAPA/SON MOMENT
ALL RIGHT, WHENEVER YOU GUYS ARE READY, TAKE OFF YOUR BLINDFOLDS
OH! ♪ ♪ OH MY GOD ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I LIKE IT I LIKE IT.
I LIKE IT YOU COULD BE TWINS ALMOST THERE.
Jimmy: NO, WE DON'T LOOK LIKE TWINS MUCH BETTER LOOKING.
NOW FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT REVEAL OF ALL. TYLER, ARE YOU READY TO SEE
YOURSELF ABOUT AS READY AS I CAN BE. Jimmy: YOU READY FOR THIS
READY Jimmy: THREE, TWO, ONE. HAVE A LOOK.
♪ ♪ OH MY GOD ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: I LIKE IT. I LIKE IT, TOO.
Jimmy: YOU LOOK GOOD. IT'S A GOOD-- YOU GOT A GOOD FIT.
IT'S A GOOD LOOK OUR THANKS TO THE RANDY DARDEN HAIR SALON FOR THIS WONDERFUL
PERM WE'RE GIVING OUT PERMS EVERY NIGHT THIS WEEK.
HAPPY PERM WEEK, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
LIAM NEESON. COME ON BACK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪ IT'S PERM WEE ON THE FALLON SHOW ♪ >>> JIMMY.
THAT'S THE LAST TIME [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: I DON'T LIKE THIS
ALREADY. THIS IS-- I DON'T WANT TO ACT WITH YOU
Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST STARS IN THE NEW MOVIE, "MARLOWE," WHICH IS IN THEATERS NOW
EVERYONE PLEASE WELCOME, LIAM NEESON.
♪ Jimmy: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT A STANDING OVATION FOR
LIAM NEESON. LIAM, WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW I'M ALWAYS HAPPY -
THANK YOU, MATE Jimmy: WHEN YOU'RE ON THE SHOW
GREAT TO BE HERE. GREAT TO SEE YOU AGAIN Jimmy: I WILL SAY, EVERY
TIME I DO SEE YOU OUTSIDE THE SHOW, IT'S USUALLY AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN.
WE'RE AT A KNICK GAME OR A A RANGER GAME. AND, YOU KNOW, THEY PUT THE
CELEBRITIES EVERY NOW AND THEN ON THE JUMBOTRON YEAH.
Jimmy: AND I-- WHAT'S IT CALLED? JUMBOTRON?
Jimmy: THE JUMBOTRON, YEAH. IT'S THE BIG SCREEN THERE, YEAH
AND THEY-- I NEVER-- 'CAUSE THEY THROW ME UP THERE EVERY NOW AND THEN
BUT I DON'T LIKE FOLLOWING YOU BECAUSE EVERYONE JUST LOVES YOU.
[ CHEERS ] YEAH, THEY GO, "LIAM NEESON," THEY SHOW A CLIP FROM ONE OF
YOUR MOVIES, THEN THEY CUT TO YOU AND YOU LOOK LIKE A STUD AND EVERYONE GOES, "YEAH!"
AND THEY FREAK OUT [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN I FEEL LIKE I'VE GOT
TO TOP YOU AND THEY PUT ME ON THE JUMBOTRON AND I'M LIKE POURING
BEER ON MYSELF [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW, WACKY STUFF.
DON'T EVER FOLLOW LIAM NEESON ON THE JUMBOTRON IT'S MY ONLY ADVICE TO
EVERYONE I'M HAPPY YOU'RE HERE. I'M HAPPY THAT YOU'RE HERE FOR
PERM WEEK. IT'S A BIG, EXCITING THING IN NEW YORK CITY.
[ LAUGHTER ] EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT IT. I ASKED YOU BACKSTAGE, VERY FAR
AWAY FROM YOU WHEN I ASKED, HAVE YOU EVER HAD A PERM YOU KNOW, IT'S ONE OF THOSE
WORDS I GREW UP WITH, HEARING MY MOTHER SAY AND MY SISTER SAY.
I NEVER QUITE KNEW WHAT IT WAS Jimmy: YEAH YEAH
IT'S LIKE A PERMANENT WAVE IT'S A CURL, RIGHT? Jimmy: A, CURL, YEAH.
BUT YOU HAD LONG HAIR AT ONE POINT. YEAH
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU BROUGHT US A PHOTO I DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE'S EVER
SEEN YOU WITH LONG HAIR. LOOK AT THIS STUD. WHAT'S HIS STORY
[ AUDIENCE OOHS LOOKS LIKE HE'S IN PINK FLOYD OR SOMETHING
DAVE GILMORE. Jimmy: YOU LOOK LIKE DAVE GILMORE
A LITTLE BIT. Jimmy: YOU DO YEAH
WHAT WAS HE ALL ABOUT? 19-- SORRY, BUDDY. 1972, I WAS 20
TARA, LONG SINCE DEAD. Jimmy: AW [ AUDIENCE AWS ]
BAN THE BOMB. Jimmy: YOU HAD A PEACE SYMBOL
WERE YOU A HIPPY LOONS YOU DON'T REMEMBER LOONS,
JIMMY. BEFORE YOUR TIME BIG FLARED
Jimmy: OH, YEAH BELL-BOTTOMS YEAH.
Jimmy: YEAH, OF COURSE. [ LAUGHTER ] BAREFOOT AS WELL
BAREFOOT, TOO, YEAH Jimmy: THIS WAS, LIKE, TAKEN IN WOODSTOCK
[ LAUGHTER ] DID YOU KEEP THIS PHASE FOR A WHILE?
I DID Jimmy: YEAH IT'S FUNNY ENOUGH, THIS WAS
JUST AFTER I MET MY BROTHER, CIARAN HINES-- I REGARD HIM AS MY BROTHER
Jimmy: YEAH BRILLIANT ACTOR AND WE WERE AT A THEATER
FESTIVAL IN A PLACE CALLED ENSCHEDE 30 MILES SOUTH OF AMSTERDAM.
FIRST TIME EVER ON AN AIRPLANE YOU KNOW [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: EXCITING AND YOU LANDED YOUR FIRST ACTING GIG NOT TOO FAR AFTER
THIS YEAH, 1976. Jimmy: SO, ONLY A COUPLE
YEARS AFTER THAT BUT, CAN YOU TELL EVERYONE HOW YOU GOT CAST
'CAUSE I THINK IT'S PRETTY - OKAY. THERE'S A THEATER THAT CIARAN
AND MYSELF ARE PATRONS OF IN BELFAST CALLED THE LYRIC THEATRE.
VERY, VERY GOOD THEATER. AND I WAS WORKING IN AN ARCHITECT'S OFFICE DOING PRINTS
AND STUFF. KEPT SAYING TO THESE GUYS, "I'M GOING TO BE AN ACTOR
I'M GOING TO BE A PROFESSIONAL ACTOR. AND ONE OF THEM CALLED MY BLUFF
ON LUNCH TIME. HE SAID, "CALL UP THE LYRIC THEATRE.
THEY LITERALLY PUSHED THE TELEPHONE-- IT WAS ONE OF THE OLD ONES, YOU KNOW
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND I CALLED, AND THE LADY WHO FORMED THE THEATER, CALLED
MARY O'MALLEY. SHE PICKED IT UP AND I STARTED VOMITING, "I WANT TO BE AN
ACTOR. I'VE DONE ALL THESE AMATEUR PLAYS.
I WANT TO BE A PROFESSIONAL," AND STUFF. THERE WAS A PAUSE, AND THEN SHE
SAID, "WHAT HEIGHT ARE YOU?" [ LAUGHTER ] AND I SAID, 6'4.
SHE SAID, "BE UP HERE NEXT THURSDAY." [ LAUGHTER ]
AND THAT WAS KIND OF IT, YOU KNOW [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: THAT'S HOW YOU GOT CAST YEAH.
Jimmy: 6'4. THEY WERE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE THAT TALL?
EXACTLY Jimmy: YOUR HEIGHT GOT YOU THE GIG.
HEIGHT GOT ME THE GIG Jimmy: I LOVE IT. AND NOW YOUR NEW MOVIE,
"MARLOWE," BY THE WAY, IT'S YOUR 100th MOVIE 100th
YEAH, YEAH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: 100 MOVIES
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH YOU KNOW, YOU PLAYED SO MANY DIFFERENT CHARACTERS
DO YOU KNOW WHEN FANS RECOGNIZE YOU ON THE STREET WHAT MOVIE THEY RECOGNIZE YOU FROM
IMMEDIATELY? YOU KNOW, I HAVE A FUNNY STORY.
I HOPE IT'S FUNNY. I'LL TELL IT QUICK [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
MY WIFE AND I WERE WALKING THROUGH THE PLAZA ATHENEE, REALLY, REALLY BEAUTIFUL HOTEL
ON THE RIGHT BANK IN PARIS AND THERE'S TABLES ON EITHER SIDE OF THIS CORRIDOR LEADING
TO THE FOYER AND PEOPLE SITTING, HAVING A A GLASS OR WINE OR CUP OF TEA,
SANDWICHES AND STUFF AND AS WE PASSED, THERE WAS TWO SETS OF ELDERLY COUPLES, TWO
LADIES AND TWO OLDER GENTLEMEN AS WE PASSED, ONE OF THE LADIES STOOD UP AND SAID, "EXCUSE ME.
I SAID, "YEP, SORRY. "MY HUSBANDS ARE GOING OUT FOR THE NORMANDY DAY LANDINGS, THE
50th ANNIVERSARY." Jimmy: WOW. AND I WAS LIKE, OH, MY GOSH,
AND, YOU KNOW, SHOOK THEIR HANDS AND THANKED THEM "THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE,"
ALL THAT STUFF, YOU KNOW IT WAS A LITTLE BIT EMBARRASSING, BUT, MY GOD.
AND THEY HADN'T BEEN TO NORMANDY SINCE THE LANDINGS, YOU KNOW
Jimmy: OOF. AND THE PLAZA ATHENEE HAS THESE BEAUTIFUL MENUS WITH A
A GOLD THREAD GOING THROUGH IT, YOU KNOW Jimmy: FANCY.
AND SHE SAYS, "WOULD YOU EVER GIVE US AN AUTOGRAPH? I SAID, "I'D BE HONORED.
Jimmy: YEAH SO, SHE PASSED ME THIS. I HAVE A PEN
AND AS I'M ABOUT TO WRITE, SHE SAYS, "WE LOVED 'THE ENGLISH PATIENT.'"
[ LAUGHTER ] SO, I SIGNED IT "RALPH FIENNES."
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] Jimmy: WHY RUIN IT?
WHY RUIN IT? THEY'RE HAVING A GREAT DAY WHEN THEY MET RALPH FIENNES
DOES RALPH KNOW THAT YOU - OH, YEAH, I'VE TOLD HIM THAT
HE'S A GOOD PAL. Jimmy: HE'S A GOOD-- I LOVE THAT YOU LET 'EM GO-- YEAH,
WHY NOT, RALPH FIENNES YEAH THAT'S FANTASTIC
LET'S TALK ABOUT "MARLOWE. OKAY, THIS IS A NOIR CRIME THRILLER SET IN THE
1930s LOS ANGELES. YEAH, '38, '39. Jimmy: AND YOU PLAY A
A DETECTIVE. WHICH, I THINK, GREAT CAST PRIVATE EYE
Jimmy: A PRIVATE EYE, YEAH. JESSICA LANGE, DIANE KRUGER Jimmy: OH, YEAH
WE HAD A GREAT, GREAT-- ALAN CUMMING Jimmy: DO YOU LIKE PLAYING
A DETECTIVE, OR LIKE SET IN THE '30s IS THAT FUN FOR YOU?
YEAH, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU WEAR THE TRILBY HAT, THAT JUST SEALS IT
Jimmy: YEAH, YOU LOOK GREAT I WANT TO SHOW A CLIP. HERE'S LIAM NEESON IN
"MARLOWE." TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
YOU'RE WELCOME. HERE HE IS. MR. HANSON SENDS HIS APOLOGIES
LYNN PETERSON'S BEING DETAINED OH. I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT
IS THAT LYNN WITH AN X ♪ [ BLEEP
I'M GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT YOU DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH
THE SINK OVER THE FACE CHAIR OVER THE-- IT'S FANTASTIC.
THERE IS DIALOGUE IN IT TOO, BY THE WAY Jimmy: YEAH, THERE IS
DIALOGUE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YOU WERE TELLING ME THAT YOU
IMPROVISED THAT LINE YEAH, WE DID THE LITTLE SCENE.
I HAVE TO PICK UP MY HAT, AND THERE'S QUITE A DISTANCE TO THE DOOR
AND I THOUGHT, THAT'S TOO LONG A PAUSE. I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING.
SO, I THOUGHT, I'LL SHAKE MY HAND AND SAY, "I'M GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS."
[ LAUGHTER ] THE DIRECTOR, NEIL, SAID, "OH, KEEP THAT IN
I LIKE THAT. Jimmy: DO YOU LIKE DOING THE ACTION SCENES?
I LOVE IT I FEEL LIKE, SERIOUSLY, LIKE A A KID IN A TOY SHOP.
Jimmy: YEAH HANGING OUT WITH THESE STUNT GUYS WHO ARE THERE TO MAKE ME
LOOK GOOD. Jimmy: YEAH DO YOU LEARN THROUGHOUT YOUR
ACTION MOVIES THAT YOU'VE DONE, CAN YOU TEACH ME HOW TO THROW A GOOD PUNCH, A FAKE PUNCH
SURE. YEAH Jimmy: HOW DO I DO IT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE DO WE SQUARE OFF WE HAVE THREE CAMERAS.
THING IS, NOBODY GETS HURT DOING IT Jimmy: THANK YOU.
[ LAUGHTER ] SO, OKAY, I'M GOING TO THROW A PUNCH AT YOU
Jimmy: OKAY IDEALLY, IF THE CAMERA'S HERE, I CAN AIM THERE.
Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. WE CAN MAKE THE CAMERA GO THERE.
OR MAYBE YOU GO HERE I SHOULD BE HERE. Jimmy: YEAH
RIGHT OKAY SO, I'M GOING TO AIM THERE
Jimmy: DO YOU WANT ME TO GO BACK LIKE THIS OR THAT WAY YOU REACT
I'M JUST LIKE, "JIMMY, THAT'S THE LAST TIME. [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: I DON'T LIKE THIS ALREADY. I DON'T WANT TO ACT WITH YOU,
YOU'RE GETTING TOO REAL. I'M JUST GIVING YOU A LINE. Jimmy: YEAH, I KNOW
THAT'S THE LAST TIME YOU CHAT UP MY GIRLFRIEND. [ PUNCH SOUND
[ AUDIENCE OHS ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: DID THAT LOOK GOOD
BUT, JIMMY, SO, SOME STUNT GUYS WILL SAY WHEN YOU GET PUNCHED, YOU DO THAT
Jimmy: OH, LET ME - I THINK THAT'S B.S. [ LAUGHTER ]
IF YOU GET PUNCHED, YOU KIND OF STAY THERE A FEW SECONDS Jimmy: CAN YOU DO IT ONE
MORE TIME? THIS TIME I'LL DO REAL GOOD ACTING
I'M JUST GOING TO AIM THERE BUT I'M GOING TO GO PAST [ PUNCH SOUND
Jimmy: OKAY, GOOD AND THAT'S THE SOUND EFFECT. [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT SOUNDS LIKE A PUNCH WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, BUDDY WHAT DID YOU COME HERE TO TELL
ME, MAN? THAT'S THE LAST TIME YOU CHAT UP MY GIRLFRIEND, RIGHT
[ PUNCH SOUND [ AUDIENCE OHS ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT MY ACTING COACH, LIAM NEESON, EVERYBODY.
"MARLOWE" IS IN THEATERS NOW WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JACK WHITEHALL
STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪
Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A VERY FUNNY ACTOR AND COMEDIAN WHO YOU CAN SEE DOING STANDUP
ALL OVER NORTH AMERICA ON HIS "JACKARSE TOUR."
EVERYONE, PLEASE WELCOME JACK WHITEHALL
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: JACK WHITEHALL
JACK, IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. IT'S LOVELY TO BE HERE.
Jimmy: WELCOME BACK I KNOW-- YOU HAVE STORIES I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT THIS,
'CAUSE YOU JUST CAME BACK FROM THE SUPER BOWL OH, MY GOD, YEAH.
THE SUPER BOWL Jimmy: NOW, YES, THAT'S A-- NOW, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
YES I AM NOW AWARE I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT
I WAS ATTENDING A RIHANNA CONCERT, BUT-- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
YES, SOME FOOTBALL DID BREAK OUT SPORADICALLY I'VE GOT TO SAY, AS WELL,
PHILLY FANS, THEY CAN PUT THEIR ALCOHOL AWAY Jimmy: OH, YEAH, YEAH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OH, MY GOD. Jimmy: THEY KNOW HOW TO DO
IT I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT.
10:00 IN THE MORNING I WAS LIKE, "I'LL GO THERE EARLY.
I'LL SOAK UP SOME OF THE ATMOSPHERE." THERE WAS A PHILLY FAN IN
A JERSEY AND THE FACE PAINT, BIG TALLBOY OF LAGER, PEEING UP AGAINST A WALL
GOING, "FLY EAGLES FLY." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH
AND I HAVE TO SAY, THE MEN WEREN'T MUCH BETTER. IT WAS -
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. PEEING AGAINST THE WALL.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] BUT IT MUST HAVE BEEN-- IS IT DIFFERENT-- THERE'S NOTHING
LIKE THAT QUITE IN ENGLAND, IS THERE? NO, THE SCALE OF IT COMPARED
TO, LIKE, SPORT IN THE U.K LIKE, SPORT IS A JOKE. THE HALFTIME SHOW, OH, MY GOD,
RIHANNA, AMAZING IN ENGLAND, WHEN YOU WATCH, LIKE, THE PREMIER LEAGUE, OUR
HALFTIME SHOWS THEY JUST PUT ON, LIKE, NEIL DIAMOND'S "SWEET CAROLINE," AND SEND OUT--
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] SEND OUT THE MASCOT. AND YOU HAVE RIHANNA DOING,
LIIE, A FULL-BLOWN CONCERT WITH HUNDREDS OF DANCERS AND FIREWORKS AND A LIGHT SHOW
OURS IS A COUPLE OF LOCAL KINDERGARTEN KIDS KICKING PENALTIES PAST A GROWN MAN
DRESSED AS A DINOSAUR. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: THAT SOUNDS PRETTY
GOOD ACTUALLY. I KNOW. Jimmy: NOT BAD.
YESTERDAY WAS VALENTINE'S DAY. AND DID YOU GET A CHANCE TO CELEBRATE WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND
I'M AFRAID I'M ON TOUR OVER HERE, AND SHE'S BACK IN ENGLAND.
SO, IT WAS SPENT ALONE IN MY HOTEL ROOM EATING POPEYE'S CHICKEN AND WATCHING A COUPLE
EPISODES OF "NAKED AND AFRAID. [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: OH, MY GOD, OH, MY
GOSH ARE YOU A ROMANTIC GUY YEAH, I MEAN, I'M QUITE A
A ROMANTIC PERSON. SHE SENT ME GIFTS AS WELL. SHE SENT ME SOME VERY NICE
GIFTS. Jimmy: OH, SHE DID? YEAH, BUT SHE DOESN'T -
SHE JUST BUYS ME PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PRESENTS NOW. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
SO, LIKE, IT WAS JUST LIKE A A LOAD OF TOILETRIES AND CLEANING PRODUCTS, 'CAUSE SHE
THINKS I WON'T WASH WHEN I'M ON TOUR [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
SHE, LIKE, HAS A HABIT OF DOING THIS SHE DID IT, ACTUALLY, ON
CHRISTMAS. SHE BOUGHT ME SOMETHING CALLED THE MANSCAPER.
ARE YOU AWARE OF-- DO YOU-- ARE YOU A MANSCAPER YOURSELF Jimmy: THAT'S-- I'M WAY
PAST THAT. NO, I DON' WHAT?
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT SURPRISES ME. I LOOK AT YOU AND I WOULD BE
LIKE, "THIS GUY IS LIKE A DOLPHIN FROM THE NECK DOWN." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
YOU LOOK SO SMOOTH YOU MUST MANSCAPE. Jimmy: IN SOME WAYS, I AM
[ LAUGHTER ] IN SOME WAYS I AM. YES, I WALKED IN ON YOU IN
YOUR DRESSING ROOM, AND THAT'S A BLOWHOLE [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT IT IS. STOP, ROLL THAT BACK IN Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT, YEAH
YEAH, BUT SO, I USE THE MANSCAPER, 'CAUSE I, PREVIOUSLY WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW, CHEWBACCA
FROM THE NECK DOWN AND I WAS LIKE - WELL, MY GIRLFRIEND GAVE ME
THIS MANSCAPER-- PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PRESENT Jimmy: THAT'S NICE.
THAT'S NICE OF HER "DEAL WITH YOURSELF." SO ANYWAY-- I STARTED--
SORRY. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] I'M GOING INTO QUITE A LOT OF
DETAIL HERE. SORRY TO PUT ANYONE OFF THEIR DINNER PLANS
I STARTED KEEPING MYSELF A A LITTLE BIT TIDY. I HAD THIS AWKWARD SITUATION
THOUGH, BECAUSE I WAS USING THE MANSCAPER AND I LOOKED DOWN AND I SAW A RED HAIR
AND I WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD. MAYBE I'M GOING GINGER DOWN THERE.
[ LAUGHTER ] I GOOGLED IT NOT, LIKE, A THING
SO, THEN I WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD. WELL, THEN WHOSE HAIR IS IT?
[ LAUGHTER ] "ANOTHER MAN HAS BEEN SCAPING IN MY BODY."
AND SHE CAME BACK FROM THE SHOW, I CONFRONTED HER HOLDING ALOFT, THIS HAIR, I WAS
LIKE, "WHO IS HE WHERE IS HE? SHE CAME CLEAN
SHE WAS LAUGHING IN MY FACE. DO YOU KNOW HOW IT GOT THERE SHE ADMITTED SHE HAD BEEN USING
MY MANSCAPER ON THE DOG. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: WELL, THERE YOU GO
THE DOG LOOKS GREAT. OH, YEAH, THE DOG, COCO, LOOKES-- LOVELY LITTLE
BRAZILIAN. Jimmy: YEAH [ LAUGHTER ]
RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE ON TOUR ALL ACROSS NORTH AMERICA LOOK, YOU'RE IN PHILLY
FEBRUARY 16th-- TOMORROW YOU'RE IN PHILLY AT THE MILLER THEATER.
THEN YOU'RE BACK HERE THIS FRIDAY AT THE BEACON THEATER IN NEW YORK
THAT'S FUN IN NEW YORK SO EXCITING Jimmy: DO YOU -
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU Jimmy: DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR
FIRST GIG IN AMERICA I DO. IT WAS-- YES.
IT WAS NOT AS PRESTIGIOUS AS THE BEACON THEATER IN NEW YORK IT WAS ACTUALLY JUST AFTER I'D
DONE MY U.K. TOUR, AND I'D FINISHED AT WEMBLEY STADIUM. Jimmy: WOW.
AND HAD THIS AMAZING EXPERIENCE IT WAS SO COOL
AND I FLEW OVER TO L.A., AND I SAID TO MY AGENT, "YEAH, JUST BOOK ME A GIG SO, YOU KNOW, I
DON'T GET TOO RUSTY. AND HE SENT ME THE ADDRESS OF THE GIG, AND I ARRIVED AT THE
ADDRESS. AND I LOOKED UP, AND IT WAS A SEX SHOP
[ LAUGHTER ] AND I WAS LIKE, "OH, THIS MUST BE SOME KIND OF JOKE."
I WALKED IN. I LOOKED AROUND. I CALLED MY AGENT.
"HA, HA, VERY FUNNY. YOU'VE SENT ME THE ADDRESS FOR A SEX SHOP."
AND HE WENT, "NO, THAT'S WHERE THE GIG IS IT'S LIKE A QUIRKY ALTERNATIVE
NIGHT. THEY JUST PUT OUT SOME CHAIRS, AND THE SHOW IS IN A SEX SHOP.
AND I SAID, "WELL, I'M SORRY I DO HAVE SOME STANDARDS, AND THIS DOES NOT MEET THE
THRESHOLD FOR WHAT I'M WILLING-- I'M NOT PERFORMING IN A SEX
SHOP." AND I HUNG UP. I SAID, YOU KNOW, "JUST MAKE AN
EXCUSE SAY THAT I'M DELAYED, OR MY PLANE CRASHED INTO THE OCEAN
I DON'T CARE I'M NOT DOING THE SHOW IN A SEX SHOP."
Jimmy: YES. AND THEN THE BLOODY OWNER OF THE GIG COMES OVER
HE'S LIKE, "ARE YOU HERE FOR THE COMEDY." AND I WAS LIKE, "NO.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN REALIZED BECAUSE I'D SAID, "NO," THAT I WOULD HAVE
TO ACT LIKE I WAS JUST A A CUSTOMER IN THE SEX SHOP [ LAUGHTER ]
SO, I WAS LIKE, BROWSING THROUGH SOME OF THE ITEMS. TRYING ON A COUPLE OF NIPPLE
TASSELS. [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: OH, MY GOD
I WALKED STRAIGHT OUT OF THERE. I WAS LIKE, "THIS IS-- THIS
TOO HUMILIATING EVEN FOR ME. SO, I'M SO PLEASED, THAT ON THIS TOUR, AS YOU CAN SEE,
THERE'S NOT A SINGLE SEX SHOP. [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: BUT HE IS
AVAILABLE-- HE'S AVAILABLE FOR BOOKINGS AT SEX SHOPS. HE'S THE ONE AND ONLY
JACK WHITEHALL, EVERYBODY. YEAH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: FOR MORE INFO ON JACK'S TOUR, GO TO JACKWHITEHALL.COM.
ALWAYS GREAT TO SEE YOU, BUDDY MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" AFTER THE BREAK.
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪
Jimmy: PERFORMING HIS NUMBER ONE PLATINUM HIT "WHISKEY ON YOU," FROM HIS UPCOMING
SELF-TITLED ALBUM, GIVE IT UP FOR NATE SMITH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪ NOW I'VE WASTED A PAYCHEC ON WHISKEY AND LONG NECK
EVER SINCE YOU LEFT TRYING TO FIGURE THIS OUT ♪ ♪ THIS JACK I'VE BEEN
DRINKING'S BEEN WASTED O THINKING NOW I GOT A NEW ♪ ♪ REASON FOR THROWING E
DOWN, LINE 'EM U LINE 'EM UP ♪ ♪ POUR 'EM TALL
POUR 'EM TAL HERE'S TO US ♪ ♪ HAPPILY NEVER AFTER ALL
AIN'T GONNA WASTE ONE MORE NIGHT MISSING WANTING YOU ♪ ♪ BACK NO, I AIN'T GONNA CR
ANOTHER TEAR IN THIS GLASS YOU DIDN'T WASTE ANY TIME ♪ ♪ FINDING SOMEBODY NE
SO I AIN'T GONNA WASTE ANOTHER DROP OF ♪ ♪ WHISKEY ON YO
NO I AIN'T TO HELL WITH THE LONELY ♪ ♪ AND THE WHY DON'T
YOU WANT ME YEAH BARTENDER POUR ME ♪ ♪ A FAREWELL ROUN
LINE 'EM U LINE 'EM UP ♪ ♪ MAKE 'EM STRONG
MAKE 'EM STRON TELL THE BAND THAT I ♪ ♪ NEED ME A DRINKING SONG
AIN'T GONNA WASTE ON MORE NIGHT MISSING ♪ ♪ WANTING YOU BAC
NO, I AIN'T GONNA CR ANOTHER TEAR IN THIS GLASS ♪ ♪ YOU DIDN'T WASTE ANY TIME
FINDING SOMEBODY NEW SO, I AIN'T GONNA WASTE ♪ ♪ ANOTHER DROP OF
WHISKEY ON YOU NO, I AIN'T GONNA WASTE ♪ ♪ ANOTHER DROP OF
WHISKEY ON YOU NO, I AIN'T ♪ ♪ NO, I AIN'T
GONNA WASTE ANOTHE DROP OF WHISKEY ♪ ♪ ON YOU, N
GONNA WASTE ANOTHE DROP OF WHISKEY ON YOU ♪ ♪ LINE 'EM UP
LINE 'EM U POUR 'EM TALL ♪ ♪ POUR 'EM TALL
HERE'S TO US HAPPILY NEVER AFTER ALL ♪ ♪ AIN'T GONNA WASTE ONE MOR
NIGHT MISSING WANTIN YOU BACK NO, I AIN'T ♪ ♪ GONNA CRY ANOTHER
TEAR IN THIS GLASS YOU DIDN'T WASTE ANY TIME ♪ ♪ FINDING SOMEBODY NE
SO, I AIN'T GONNA WAST ANOTHER DROP OF ♪ ♪ WHISKEY ON YO
NO, I AIN'T GONNA WAST ANOTHER DROP OF ♪ ♪ WHISKEY ON YO
NO, I AIN'T, YEAH GONNA WASTE ANOTHER ♪ ♪ DROP OF WHISKEY ON YO
NO, I AIN'T GONNA WASTE ANOTHER ♪ ♪ DROP OF WHISKEY ON YO
GONNA WASTE ANOTHE DROP OF WHISKEY ON YOU ♪ ♪ NO, I AIN'T GONNA WASTE
ANOTHER DROP O WHISKEY ON YOU ♪ ♪ NO, I AIN'T
NO, I AIN'T GONNA WAST ANOTHER DROP O WHISKEY ON YOU ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: COME ON NOW. COME ON.
THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT RIGHT THERE, BUDDY NATE SMITH RIGHT THERE
DEBUT ALBUM IS OUT APRIL 28th! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪ Jimmy: MY THANKS TO LIAM NEESON, JACK WHITEHALL,
NATE SMITH, ONCE AGAIN, RIGHT HERE AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH
SETH MEYERS. GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY BYE-BYE, THANK YOU