>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - CHRISTOPH WALTZ,
TIG NOTARO MUSIC GUEST FITZ AND THE TANTRUMS
AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1794
>> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON
* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: OH, MAN. OH, WOW. THANK YOU!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. HI AND WELCOME WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO
"THE TONIGHT SHOW. YOU'RE HERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
YOU'RE WATCHING IT THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WELL, GUYS, EARLIER TONIGHT,
PRESIDENT BIDEN DELIVERED THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS YEAH, OF COURSE DEMOCRATS SPENT
MOST OF THE NIGHT CLAPPING FOR BIDEN. IT WASN'T FOR ANYTHING HE SAID,
THEY WERE JUST TRYING TO KEEP HIM AWAKE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THEY WERE LIKE, "HEY HEY! IT WAS A TOUGH NIGHT FOR ALL OF
BIDEN'S STAFFERS WATCHING FROM THE WHITE HOUSE. 'CAUSE EVERY TIME PEOPLE
CLAPPED, THE LIGHTS WENT ON AND OFF. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CLAPPING ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IT'S THE SAME THING EVERY YEAR
ONE SIDE STANDS AND CLAPS. THE OTHER SIDE SITS STILL, NOT HAVING ANY FUN
IT REMINDS ME OF MY COUSIN'S WEDDING. [ LAUGHTER ]
"I GIVE IT SIX MONTHS! [ LAUGHTER ] NOW, BIDEN ALSO TALKED ABOUT
HIS ACHIEVEMENTS HE SAID, "WE PASSED AN INFRASTRUCTURE BILL.
WE REDUCED INFLATION AND WE FINALLY CONVINCED TOM BRADY TO RETIRE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SO I THINK IT'S A GREAT YEAR IN HIS SPEECH, BIDEN CALLED FOR
BIPARTISANSHIP AND UNITY HE WAS LIKE, "AS DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS, WE HAVE ONE COMMON
GOAL TO MISHANDLE CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS.
[ LAUGHTER ] THERE WAS WALL TO WALL COVERAGE OF THE STATE OF THE UNION ON
ALL THE MAJOR NETWORKS, LIKE, NBC, ABC, AND CBS. MEANWHILE NETFLIX IS LIKE
CA-CHING [ LAUGHTER ] I READ THAT BIDEN'S APPROVAL
RATING CURRENTLY STANDS AT 42%, JUST ABOVE THE 41% HE HAD AT LAST YEAR'S STATE OF THE UNION
THAT'S TOUGH IT'S LIKE EATING KALE FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR THEN REALIZING YOU
ONLY LOST ONE POUND. [ LAUGHTER ] YOU GO, "I DID THIS FOR A WHOLE
YEAR." AT THE STATE OF THE UNION, BIDEN WAS EXCITED TO TALK ABOUT
ALL OF HIS ACCOMPLISHMENTS I THINK HE EVEN WANTED TO MESS WITH CHINA A LITTLE BIT.
TAKE A LOOK AT HIS ENTRANCE TONIGHT.
OF THE UNITED STATES * ALL I DO IS WIN WIN WIN NO MATTER WHAT
GOT MONEY ON MY MIND I CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH * [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: THAT'S HOW HE ENTERED. THAT'S HOW HE ENTERED.
>> Steve: RUBBING IT IN THEIR FACE MY GOODNESS.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT IS AN ENTRANCE, RIGHT THERE.
>> Steve: THAT IS AN ENTRANCE. >> Jimmy: YEAH WELL, SPEAKING OF THE BALLOON,
THE U.S. NAVY HAS STARTED TO RECOVER PARTS OF THE CHINESE BALLOON THAT WAS SHOT DOWN OVER
THE ATLANTIC OCEAN NOT ONLY DID WE FIND THE BALLOON, ALL THE NAVY DIVERS
CAME BACK SPEAKING IN THAT FUNNY HELIUM VOICE [ LAUGHTER ]
"MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! LISTEN TO THIS, GUYS TODAY, SPEAKER KEVIN McCARTHY
SUGGESTED THAT CONGRESSMAN GEORGE SANTOS WILL FACE A HOUSE INVESTIGATION.
[ AUDIENCE OOHS THE SPECIFIC CHARGES ARE EVERYTHING
[ LAUGHTER ] SOME NEWS FROM OVERSEAS. I SAW THAT KIM JONG-UN JUST
REAPPEARED IN PUBLIC FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 36 DAYS. TOUGH NEWS FOR NORTH KOREA,
WHEN KIM JONG-UN EMERGED, HE SAW HIS SHADOW WHICH MEANS SIX MORE WEEKS OF DICTATORSHIP
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE KIM JONG-UN HADN'T ATTENDED ANY
SOCIAL FUNCTIONS IN OVER A A MONTH, SO EITHER SOMETHING IS WRONG OR HE WAS JUST DOING DRY
JANUARY. [ LAUGHTER ] SWITCHING GEARS, TOM BRADY
ANNOUNCED THAT NEXT YEAR HE WILL START HIS BROADCASTING CAREER AT FOX SPORTS
BUT THE STATEMENT FROM FOX SPORTS SEEMED A BIT OFF. HERE, CHECK THIS OUT
WELCOME TOM BRADY AND HIS BLUE EYES TO OUR BROADCASTING TEAM.
ER, I MEAN - TOM BRADY HAS INVALUABLE CHEEKBONES ABOUT FOOTBALL
AND -- [ CLEARS THROAT LET ME START OVER.
OUR NETWORK NEEDS SOMEONE LIKE TOM DIMPLES. I MEAN, TOM SIX PACK
I MEAN -- WHATEVER TOM BRADY IS SPORTS TALK GUY FOR US NOW
GOTTA GO BYEEEE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Steve: I DIDN'T THINK THEY'D RELEASE THAT >> Jimmy: HUH?
>> Steve: I DIDN'T THINK THEY'D RELEASE THAT YOU'D THINK THEY'D GO, "OH, WE
MADE A MISTAKE WE'LL KEEP IT BACK." YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
BUT THEY LET IT OUT THERE. THAT'S GREAT >> Jimmy: I THINK THEY JUST
WENT WITH A LIVE COMMERCIAL AND THEY JUST DIDN'T HAVE THE TIME, YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES YOU JUST
GOT TO PUT THAT OUT THERE. >> Steve: KEEP ON GOING, YEAH. >> Jimmy: BREAKING NEWS.
>> Steve: YEAH, EXACTLY. LIVE COMMERCIALS EVERYBODY LOVES THEM
>> Jimmy: YEAH, SO FUN [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] WELL, PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT
THIS APPARENTLY THE "YELLOWSTONE" SERIES STARRING KEVIN COSTNER
IS SET TO END. [ AUDIENCE AWS ] AND A SPINOFF STARRING
MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY COULD BE IN THE WORKS. [ AUDIENCE OOHS
THEY ALREADY HAVE A TITLE FOR IT, IT'S GOING TO BE CALLED "YELLOWSTONED.
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S GENIUS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA I'D WATCH THAT YOU GUYS HEAR ABOUT A KIA
RECALL IT'S NOT GREAT TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
A KIA SUV. THE COMPANY IS RECALLING THE
TELLURIDE THREE-ROW SUV OVER FAULTY SECOND ROW SIDE AIR BAGS
>> Tariq: AW, MAN, I JUST BOUGHT A KIA SUV >> Jimmy: OH, JEEZ
SORRY, TARIQ >> Tariq: IT'S ALL GOOD. I MEAN, AT LEAST I STILL HAVE
MY TRUSTY HONDA. IT'S AN OLDER VEHICLE, BUT THAT'S OKAY.
>> Jimmy: OH >> Tariq: OH, WHAT >> Jimmy: ROLL THE CLIP.
MORNING. HONDA IS URGING OWNERS OF
AROUND 8,000 OLDER VEHICLES TO NOT DRIVE THEM THE AIR BAG INFLATERS HAVE A
A HIGH POSSIBILITY OF EXPLODING AND HURLING SHRAPNEL IN A CRASH.
>> Tariq: WHAT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET TO MY FRIEND'S SUPER BOWL PARTY THIS
WEEKEND? >> Jimmy: I'M NOT SURE I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT, TARIQ.
>> Tariq: I HAD IT ALL PLANNED OUT. I WAS GOING TO BRING MY
CHARCUTERIE BOARD. I BOUGHT SIX DIFFERENCE PACKAGES -- EXCUSE ME, EIGHT
PACKAGES EIGHT DIFFERENT PACKAGES OF READY TO EAT MEATS
IT DEALS WITH YOUR CHARCUTERIE BOARD.
SIX DIFFERENT PACKAGES -- EXCUSE ME, EIGHT DIFFERENT PACKAGES OF READY TO EAT MEAT
COULD BE CONTAMINATED WITH LISTERIA [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Tariq: COME ON. >> Jimmy: IT'S A TOUGH BREAK IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE THAT YOU
CAN BRING TO THE PARTY >> THANKFULLY I'M ALWAYS PREPARED
IN MY KITCHEN RIGHT NOW I'VE GOT LIKE 2.5 MILLION POUNDS OF CANNED MEAT.
>> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO THAT'S PERFECT WHAT TIME IS THE PARTY
>> KICKOFF IS AT 6:30, BUT I'LL GET THERE A LITTLE BIT EARLY, AROUND 6:24.
6:24
[ LAUGHTER ] A RECALL ALERT FOR SOMETHING THAT MAY BE IN YOUR KITCHEN
RIGHT NOW. CONAGRA IS RECALLING MORE THAN 2.5 MILLION POUNDS OF CANNED
MEAT >> Tariq: YOU KIDDING ME >> Jimmy: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING
ELSE >> Tariq: I'D HAVE TO CHECK MY PANTRIES
MAYBE MY RAO'S I HAVE SOME 16 OUNCE JARS OF MADE FOR HOME SLOW SIMMERED
SOUP THEY'RE LABELED CHICKEN AND GNOCCHI?
AT 5:30. CHECK YOUR PANTRIES.
RAO'S RECALLING SOME 16 OUNCE JARS OF MADE FOR HOME SLOW SIMMERED SOUP.
THE AFFECTED JARS ARE LABELED CHICKEN AND GNOCCHI? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Tariq: MAN, I GIVE UP >> Jimmy: WHY DON'T YOU COME TO MY SUPER BOWL PARTY.
>> SURE. WHAT DO YOU HAVE PLANNED >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW I LIVE ABOVE
TWO RIVERS COFFEE, SO WE'RE GOING TO DO A HOT COCOA PARTY. BECAUSE THEY HAVE THESE COOL
PEANUT BUTTER HOT CHOCOLATE PODS INCLUDING BROOKLYN PEANUT BUTTER CUP HOT COCOA, PINGO
PEANUT BUTTER COOKIE HOT CHOCOLATE, AND COLD STONE PEANUT BUTTER CUP PERFECTION
>> Tariq: OH >> Jimmy: OH, WHAT >> ROLL THE CLIP
>> TWO RIVERS COFFEE IS RECALLING IT'S PEANUT BUTTER
HOT CHOCOLATE PODS INCLUDING BROOKLYN BEAN PEANUT BUTTER CUP HOT COCOA, PINGO
PEANUT BUTTER COOKIE HOT CHOCOLATE, AND COLD STONE PEANUT BUTTER CUP PERFECTION
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT, FORGET IT
JUST COME OVER AND WE'LL REWATCH THE GRAMMYS. TARIQ TROTTER, EVERYBODY
>> Tariq: JIMMY FALLON [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: DIFFICULT --
DIFFICULT TO MAKE PLANS. FINALLY, EXPERTS IN CALIFORNIA DISCOVERED A PRETTY CRAZY ISSUE
AT ONE HOUSE CHECK THIS OUT
>> A PEST CONTROL COMPANY ENCOUNTERED A HOME THAT HAD BEEN EXPERIENCING DAMAGE FROM
A WOODPECKER AND LOOK AT THIS, THE BIRD HAD BEEN STORING ACORNS IN THE
HOME'S WALLS THEY WERE PILED UP ALL THE WAY TO THE ATTIC
700 POUNDS OF ACORNS POURED OUT OF THE WALL. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THE WOODPECKER WAS LIKE, "WELL, THERE GOES MY SUPER BOWL PARTY
[ LAUGHTER ] WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH, EVERYONE
WELCOME. BEFORE WE START THE SHOW, I JUST WANT TO MENTION UNICEF IS
ON THE GROUND RIGHT NOW SUPPORTING OUR FRIENDS IN SYRIA AND TURKEY
THEY'RE PROVIDING ACCESS TO CLEAN WATER, FOOD, AND MUCH MORE
SO, IF YOU'RE ABLE TO GIVE, PLEASE VISIT UNICEFUSA.ORG/TONIGHTSHOW.
EVERY LITTLE BIT COUNTS. WE APPRECIATE IT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THANK YOU. WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
HE STARS IN THE NEW SERIES "THE CONSULTANT," WHICH PREMIERES FEBRUARY 24th ON PRIME VIDEO,
CHRISTOPH WALTZ IS HERE! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: COME ON.
>> Jimmy: CHRISTOPH WALTZ, ALSO CHRISTOPH WALTZ SOMETIMES. >> Steve: WALTZ.
>> Jimmy: CHRISTOPH WALTZ SOMETIMES? >> Steve: YEAH
>> Jimmy: BUT YOU CAN CALL IT WALTZ OR WALTZ IT'S UP TO YOU
EITHER WAY I LOVE THE GUY. >> Audience: WALZER. >> Jimmy: WHAT
WALZER >> Audience: WALZER. >> Jimmy: WALZER
CHRISTOPH WALZER >> Audience: WALZER. >> Jimmy: WALZER
>> Audience: WALZER. >> Steve: WAIT, I CAN'T -- >> Jimmy: HOLD ON.
>> Steve: ONE AT A TIME. >> Jimmy: WAIT, WHAT IS IT >> Audience: WALZER.
>> Jimmy: WALZER [ AUDIENCE SHOUTING CAN YOU HEAR WHAT THEY'RE
SAYING NO, IT'S NOT MEOW. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WHAT IS IT CHRISTOPH WALZER >> Steve: IT'S NOT "VICE."
>> WALZER. >> SCIENCE [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: SCIENCE. * * SHE BLINDED M
WITH SCIENCE SHE BLINDED ME WITH SCIENCE *
>> Jimmy: WAIT, WALZER >> Audience: WALZER. >> Jimmy: I CAN'T HEAR WHAT
YOU'RE SAYING. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WHO SAID IT?
WHAT IS IT WHO SAID IT? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
ALL THE WAY IN THE BACK? WHY COULDN'T YOU GET A BETTER SEAT
[ LAUGHTER ] WHAT IS IT SORRY.
ALL RIGHT, SORRY, ROOTS. YES. >> CHRISTOPH WALZER.
>> Jimmy: CHRISTOPH WALZER >> WALZER. WALZER
>> Jimmy: LET ME WATCH YOUR MOUTH. [ LAUGHTER ]
WALZER >> WALZER. >> Jimmy: WALZER
>> WALZER.
>> Jimmy: WALZER
>> WE HAVE AN "L." WE HAVE AN "L. >> Jimmy: OH, WALZER
WHEN DOES THE "L" COME IN? >> THE THIRD >> WALZER.
>> Jimmy: WALZER WALZER >> WALZER.
>> Jimmy: WALZER >> YEAH, ALMOST. >> Jimmy: WALZER
OH MY GOSH >> Steve: WOW. >> Jimmy: DIDN'T HELP ME AT
ALL. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE NO, IT'S TERRIBLE.
CHRISTOPH WALZER [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CHRISTOPH WALTZ.
* >> Steve: YOU KNOW WHAT, IT'S CHRIS WALTZ.
[ LAUGHTER ] LET'S MAKE IT EASY ON OURSELVES.
>> Jimmy: NO, NOT AT ALL EITHER WAY, IS THE GUY BAD IN ANYTHING YOU EVER SEEN IN YOUR
LIFE >> Steve: NEVER. >> Jimmy: HE IS FANTASTIC IN
EVERY SINGLE THING I LOVE THE GUY SO MUCH NO MATTER WHAT YOU CALL HIM
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: HEY, SHUT YOUR MOUTH I'M TALKING ABOUT CHRISTOPH.
>> Jimmy: YEAH * >> Steve: THANK YOU.
WOW. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> Steve: IT'S THAT KIND OF
DAY, RIGHT >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING
>> Steve: IT'S FRIDAY, THOUGH. >> Jimmy: YEAH, BUT HE'S HERE. HE'S HERE.
CHRISTOPH IS HERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I DO LOVE THE GUY.
PLUS, YOU CAN SEE HER IN THE NEW ROMANTIC COMEDY, "YOUR PLACE OR MINE," WHICH BEGINS
STREAMING ON NETFLIX THIS FRIDAY MAN, SHE IS SO FUNNY
TIG NOTARO IS HERE TONIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SHE'S GREAT IN THIS MOVIE AS
WELL OH, SPEAKING OF GREAT, WE'VE GOT GREAT MUSIC FROM FITZ AND
THE TANTRUMS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE STICK AROUND
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH "WETWEET," EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU FIVE DIFFERENT TWEETS AND WE'RE
ALL GOING TO VOTE ON WHETHER YOU LIKE EACH ONE OR NOT NEXT UP IT SAYS, "NO PHRASE
HAVE EVER BEEN WORSE AT IT'S JOB THAN THE WORDS 'CALM DOWN.'" [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Steve: YEAH >> Jimmy: THE PHRASE "CALM DOWN" IS DEAD.
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW IT IS TIME FOR "WETWEET.
HERE WE GO
* WETWEET
WETWEET * >> Jimmy: WELCOME TO "WETWEET. THIS IS WHERE WE, AS A GROUP,
DECIDE SOMETHING THAT WE SHOULD POST ON TWITTER. I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU FIVE
DIFFERENT TWEETS WE'RE ALL GOING TO VOTE ON WHETHER YOU LIKE EACH ONE OR
NOT. YOU ALL HAVE VOTING CLICKERS AT YOUR SEATS
YEP. YOU CAN VOTE FOR ALL OF THESE. YOU CAN VOTE FOR NONE OF THEM.
WHATEVER YOU WANT. AND WE'LL SEE THE RESULTS LIVE HIGGINS, ROOTS, YOU HAVE YOUR
CLICKERS, TOO? >> Steve: CLICK AWAY >> Jimmy: WHATEVER TWEET GETS
THE MOST LIKES, WE WILL TWEET IT OUT LIVE WHEN IT SHOWS AT -- YOU CAN ALL LIKE IT AND
"WETWEET" IT [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: AH
>> Jimmy: IT'S A SHARED EXPERIENCE ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS READY FOR
THIS HERE WE GO THE FIRST TWEET IS "I ALWAYS
THANK MY ALEXA, SO WHEN THE MACHINES TAKE OVER, THEY KNOW I'M ONE OF THE GOOD ONES."
[ LAUGHTER ] * I LIKE THAT ONE.
>> Steve: I LIKE THAT. >> Jimmy: YEAH THE VOTES ARE IN
LET'S SEE THE RESULTS. [ DRUM ROLL >> Steve: WHOA
>> Jimmy: WHOA, NOT BAD! * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THANK YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, THAT'S NOT
BAD. ALL RIGHT, LET'S TRY THIS NEXT ONE.
THIS NEXT ONE SAYS "HOSPITALS ARE LOWKEY OBSESSED WITH JELL-O."
[ LAUGHTER ] * I WOULD SAY IT WAS, LIKE,
100 YEARS, 200 YEARS >> Steve: YEAH EVERY -- EVERY HOSPITAL MEAL
HAS JELL-O >> Jimmy: HEY, IT'S ALL THEY HAVE
>> Steve: YEAH SORRY. >> Jimmy: ONLY THING WE CAN GET
FOR DESSERT IS JELL-O. >> Steve: THAT'S IT. >> Jimmy: I LOVE JELL-O.
>> Steve: I LOVE J-LO AND I LOVE JELL-O. >> Jimmy: YEAH
LET'S SEE THE RESULTS RIGHT HERE [ DRUM ROLL
>> Jimmy: OH, NO [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: 105.
>> Jimmy: WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, I REMEMBER I STARTED TO EAT JELL-O ALL THE TIME AND
JUST TO MAKE MYSELF ENJOY IT, LIKE, TO MAKE IT MY FAVORITE DESSERT BECAUSE --
[ LAUGHTER ] NO, BECAUSE I KNEW THAT ONE DAY, I MIGHT BE ON MY DEATH BED
IN THE HOSPITAL. [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEY'RE GOING TO GO,
"SORRY, MR. -- SORRY, MR. FALLON. WE CAN'T FEED YOU ANYTHING
THE ONLY THING WE CAN GIVE YOU IS JELL-O. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND YOU SEE MY HEART -- MY HEART RATE GO -- >> Steve: BEEP, BEEP, BEEP
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: LET'S GO TO THE NEXT ONE.
HERE IT SAYS, "I JUST WANT TO MAKE IT OFFICIAL: I ACTUALLY LIKE YOU MORE WHEN YOU CANCEL
PLANS. [ LAUGHTER ] *
YEAH >> Steve: WOW, OKAY THAT'S -- >> Jimmy: I DO
>> Steve: YEAH >> Jimmy: CANCEL IT. >> Steve: LET'S SAY "YES."
>> Jimmy: IT'S ACTUALLY NOT BAD. TARIQ, YOU LIKE THAT
>> Tariq: ABSOLUTELY >> Jimmy: YEAH, HERE WE GO >> Tariq: OH, THAT'S THE PERSON
AFTER MY OWN HEART * IT'S GOING TO BE --
>> Jimmy: LET'S SEE THE RESULTS HERE [ DRUM ROLL
OH >> Steve: OH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Steve: WHOO >> Jimmy: SO, 144. THAT'S --
>> Steve: 144, THAT'S A GROSS, BABY >> Jimmy: THAT ONE'S GOING TO
BE THE ONE, I THINK. [ CHEERS ] >> Steve: THAT'S 12 DOZEN, MAN
>> Jimmy: OH, I LIKE THIS ONE. THIS ONE'S PRETTY GOOD TOO >> Steve: WHO?
WHAT'S JUST THE NUMBER FOR >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. NEXT UP SAYS, "NO PHRASE HAS
EVER BEEN WORSE AT ITS JOB THAN THE WORDS 'CALM DOWN.' [ LAUGHTER ]
* IT JUST DOESN'T WORK >> Steve: YEAH
>> Jimmy: WE SHOULD DELETE IT FROM ALL PHRASES >> Steve: YEAH
>> Jimmy: JUST 2023 -- >> Steve: "HEY, CALM DOWN! >> Jimmy: THE PHRASE, "CALM
DOWN," IS DEAD [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: I'LL TELL YOU TO CALM
DOWN >> Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY. YEAH
IT NEVER WORKS LET'S SEE THE RESULTS HERE WOW!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Steve: 176!
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 176!
>> Jimmy: WOW. >> Steve: DANG, J. >> Jimmy: THERE'S NO WAY
THERE'S NO WAY THAT'S GOING TO BE -- THAT'S ALMOST 100% THAT'S OVER THE --
>> Steve: ONLY ONE DOZEN PEOPLE DIDN'T VOTE. >> Jimmy: THAT'S FANTASTIC,
GUYS I DON'T KNOW IF IT WILL TOP IT, BUT I'LL READ THE LAST ONE JUST
IN CASE BECAUSE I THINK IT'S FUNNY. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
THIS LAST ONE IS, "GIRL SCOUTS NEED TO INVENT THIQUE MINTS. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Steve: COME ON. COME ON, EVERYBODY *
>> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO >> Steve: COME ON, LET'S GIVE IT 100%.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. I THINK WE MADE OUR DECISION
RIGHT HERE ALL RIGHT. EVERYONE STOPPED VOTING
ALREADY. LET'S SEE THE RESULTS RIGHT HERE
[ DRUM ROLL NO, THAT'S IT. WE HAVE A WINNER
* LOOKS LIKE IT IS -- NUMBER FOUR IS THE ONE
ALL RIGHT. * [ BELL RINGING ]
I'M GOING TO POST THIS DURING THE COMMERCIAL BREAK IF SEE IT ON YOUR FEED, GIVE IT
A LIKE GIVE IT A "WETWEET" AND ENJOY. STICK AROUND
WE'LL BE BACK WITH CHRISTOPH WALTZ! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
*
TO TRY ON SOME COATS AND SEE
WHAT THE AUDIENCE LIKES YOU IN LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CHRISTOPH WALTZ.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * WOW!
>> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A TWO-TIME OSCAR WINNING ACTOR, STARRING --
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH STARRING IN THE NEW SERIES,
"THE CONSULTANT," WHICH PREMIERES ALL 8 EPISODES ON PRIME VIDEO FRIDAY,
FEBRUARY 24th. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE PLEASE WELCOME,
CHRISTOPH WALTZ!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: IT IS SO - CHRISTOPH, WELCOME TO THE SHOW IT IS SO GREAT TO HAVE YOU
HERE >> CHRISTOPH WALTZ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
[ BLEW A KISS WAIT, YOU CAN YELL CHRISTOPHER AND YOU ANSWER TO THAT
OR DID YOU SAY CHRISTOPH WALTZ WHAT DID YOU YELL? >> CHRISTOPH WALTZ
>> Jimmy: CHRISTOPH -- VEITZ VALTS, VEITZ, VALTZ? [ LAUGHTER ]
VEITZ, VALTZ, VEITZ, WALTZ >> WELL, YIMMY FALLON SHOULD KNOW
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH, THIS IS RIDICULOUS [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
JIMMY. THANK YOU FOR COMING BACK TO THE SHOW
>> NO, THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME >> Jimmy: I KNOW, YOU KNOW, YOU USED TO LIVE IN NEW YORK
YOU WERE - >> AH, YES THOSE WERE THE DAYS.
ACTUALLY, LIVED HERE DURING THE BEGINNING OF THE END [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? >> WELL, I'M TALKING ABOUT THE
LATE '70s AND EARLY '80s OF THE 20th CENTURY AND THAT'S WHEN IT WAS
NEW YORK >> Jimmy: PLEASE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> NOW IT'S TRYING TO BE NEW YORK >> Jimmy: WHAT "IT'S TRYING TO
BE NEW YORK" NO, WE ARE NEW YORK. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> NOT BY COMPARISON >> Jimmy: WELL, I MEAN - >> WHO'S OLD ENOUGH TO --
RIGHT? PROVE ME RIGHT >> Jimmy: I MEAN, THIS HAS
HAPPENED THIS IS NEW YORK I MEAN, WE WERE TALKING BACK
THERE. YOU TOLD ME YOU'RE NOT A FAN OF THE COLD WEATHER
>> WELL, COLD, YES, THAT'S TRUE IT'S COLD.
BUT, YOU KNOW, I NOTICE -- I WONDER ARE THERE STORES WHERE PEOPLE CAN GO TO GET A NEW YORK
OUTFIT LET ME LOOK LIKE A NEW YORKER. [ LAUGHTER ]
IT REALLY -- SOMETIMES I FEEL IT'S -- THEY ALL HAVE THEIR PRIVATE COSTUME DESIGNERS.
THEY SAY, "NO, NO, NO, YOU JUST LOOK LIKE A REGULAR PERSON TODAY.
YOU NEED TO PUT THIS ON. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE
A NEW YORKER YOU'RE IN NEW YORK." YOU KNOW
THAT'S WHERE THE STORE IS WHEN YOU GO BUY YOUR NEW YORKER OUTFIT
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WHY ARE YOU SO WORRIED AND CONCERNED? THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE WEARING IS
A NEW YORKER OUTFIT. >> WELL, MAYBE IT'S ENVY [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING -- YOU'RE ENVIOUS OF OTHER PEOPLE'S STYLE, SENSE OF
STYLE MAYBE? >> WELL, THEY'RE REALLY -- A A LOT OF THEM REALLY LOOK GOOD
>> Jimmy: I KNOW [ LAUGHTER ] BUT YOU -- YOU LOOK GOOD IN
EVERYTHING YOU WERE SAYING BACKSTAGE TO ME, RIGHT BEFORE THE SHOW, THIS
IS TRUE, THAT YOU WERE NERVOUS EVEN OF WHAT JACKET TO WEAR. >> WELL, BECAUSE IT'S COLD
>> Jimmy: YEAH [ LAUGHTER ] YOU WANT TO LOOK COOL.
WELL, HERE'S THE DEAL. WE HAVE -- I HAVE THREE JACKETS.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] I HAVE ONE, TWO -- THESE ARE PARKAS
AND WE HAVE VOTING CLICKERS AT OUR SEATS. [ CHEERS ]
THE WHOLE NIGHT SHOW WE'RE VOTING ON WHAT WE LIKE AND DON'T LIKE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WOULD YOU LIKE TO -- CHRISTOPH, WOULD YOU LIKE TO
TRY ON SOME COATS AND SEE WHAT THE AUDIENCE LIKES YOU IN? >> CAN WE VOTE ABOUT YOU, TOO?
>> Jimmy: NO, NO, NO [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE LET'S START WITH THIS.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
HAVE THESE THREE -- YEAH WE'LL COME BACK HERE WE'RE NOT SURE WHICH ONE YOU
WANT TO PUT ON FIRST JUST THESE THREE ONES HERE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
MAYBE, YEAH. YOU WANT TO TRY THAT ONE YOU PICK ONE
I'LL REINTRODUCE YOU YOU COME OUT AND THEN WE'LL JUDGE.
>> OKAY. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] *
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CHRISTOPH WALTZ. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* [ LAUGHTER ] WOW!
* YES.
I LIKE THAT A LOT. THIS IS OPTION NUMBER ONE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
OPTION NUMBER ONE, CAST YOUR VOTE THUMBS UP OR THUMBS DOWN,
OPTION - LET'S SEE -- LET'S SEE THE VOTES ARE IN
LET'S SEE WHAT THE AUDIENCE SAID WOW!
THAT'S GOOD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S REALLY GOOD ALL RIGHT.
READY? >> THAT'S GREEN. >> Jimmy: IT ACTUALLY LOOKS
GOOD YES, IT'S GREEN. IT LOOKS GOOD, I LOVE THIS
>> GREEN STEEL >> Jimmy: YEAH, GREEN STEEL. I LOVE IT, IT'S GOOD
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] TRY -- LET'S TRY -- TRY THIS WE'LL TRY COAT NUMBER TWO.
HERE WE GO I LIKE THIS ONE. THAT ONE'S A WINNER FOR ME
I LIKE THAT. HE LOOKED GOOD IN THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT JACKET
REALLY SO MUCH IT WAS KIND OF DIFFERENT I KIND OF DUG IT
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HERE IN NEW YORK DURING THE COLD
WEATHER, IS CHRISTOPH WALTZ, EVERYONE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* OH OH
* THAT'S A STUD. SEE, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT. THAT'S A GOOD-LOOKING GUY. I LIKE HIM
HE'S KIND OF -- YOU'RE KIND OF MYSTERIOUS
ALMOST A - >> NO, ORANGE STEEL. >> Jimmy: NO, I KNOW, ORANGE
STEEL. I KNOW, BUT NO, YOU ALSO CAME OUT KIND OF LIKE, "I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THIS GUY'S DEAL IS. DID HE JUST COME OFF THE DOCKS?
[ LAUGHTER ] "IS HE A FISHERMAN I'M JUST INTRIGUED BY HIM.
I THINK THIS ONE WORKS EVERYONE CAST YOUR VOTE. THUMBS UP OR THUMBS DOWN
BE HONEST. HE CAN TAKE IT >> DON'T BE HONEST
>> Jimmy: NO, HE CAN HANDLE IT THE VOTES ARE IN LET'S SEE THE RESULTS ON THIS,
ON OPTION NUMBER TWO OH, NO, WOW. GET -- GET OUT
WE DON'T WANT TO SEE IT. NEVER HAPPENED, NEVER HAPPENED THE GREEN ONE'S IN THE LEAD.
THIS IS THE THIRD AND -- THAT NEVER HAPPENED ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THIS IS FIRST TIME THIS IS THE BEST
I LOVE IT. ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HERE HE
IS, READY TO WALK DOWN THE STREET IN NEW YORK, IN THE WINTER WEATHER,
CHRISTOPH WALTZ! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
OH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I LIKE THIS ONE, TOO
I LIKE THIS ONE. HE WAS DEFINITELY MYSTERIOUS LIKE, HE KIND OF HAD A LITTLE
GROOVE TO HIM. TO HIS STEP, A LITTLE PEP IN HIS STEP
EVERYONE TAKE YOUR VOTES I THINK I KIND OF KNOW WHAT THE WINNER'S GONNA TO BE
COME ON OVER WHAT DO YOU THINK? CHRISTOPH, WHAT ARE YOU
THINKING >> I THINK IT'S -- YOU DIDN'T HAVE A BLUE ONE
I WANTED TO DO MY BLUE STEEL [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S KIND OF BLUE.
THAT IS KIND OF BLUE THAT'S KIND OF BLUE. ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE THE
RESULTS OF THIS THIRD ONE. THE THIRD ONE, THE LAST ONE, THAT IS THE WINNER
[ BELL RINGING ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> WOULD YOU COME DOWN HERE, ALL THE WAY UP THERE, THE GUY WITH THE BEARD
WOULD YOU COME DOWN HERE, PLEASE QUICK.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE COME, COME QUICK, QUICK, QUICK, RUN, RUN.
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH. WHY, BECAUSE -- OH, PLEASE WHAT IN THE -- OH, MY GOSH
YOU'RE GETTING A JACKET -- YOU'RE GETTING A COAT? BECAUSE YOU KNOW HOW TO SAY
IT -- PRONOUNCE HIS NAME [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OFF YOU GO
>> Jimmy: GET OUT OF HERE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> HE COULD PRONOUNCE MY NAME
PROPERLY >> Jimmy: YES, I KNOW. HE COULD, ACTUALLY
[ APPLAUSE ] YOU ARE THE BEST YOU ARE THE -- WE LOVE YOU
WOW, THAT GUY IS SO PSYCHED. HE GOT A GREAT COAT OUT OF THIS
[ LAUGHTER AND CHEERS >> WELL, THERE - >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT YOU GET
FOR BEING A FAN, RIGHT YEAH >> WHAT YOU GET FOR SAYING MY
NAME >> Jimmy: NO, I'M SORRY. CHRISTOPH.
LET'S JUST -- CAN I JUST CALL YOU CHRISTOPH? [ LAUGHTER ]
LET'S TALK ABOUT - >> IF YOU CAN SAY IT >> Jimmy: "THE CONSULTANT.
"THE CONSULTANT. THIS IS A TWISTY -- A TWISTY MYSTERY, THRILLER.
I LOVE IT. I DON'T WANT TO GIVE ANYTHING AWAY
I DON'T WANT TO SPOIL IT I COULD. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I WILL NOT, THOUGH I WILL NOT >> OKAY, SORRY
>> Jimmy: WELL, MAYBE I CAN SAY -- WHAT COULD I SAY
BUT YOU ARE A CONSULTANT [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
WE AGREE ON THAT >> Jimmy: BUT SHOWS UP AFTER A A CEO OF A VIDEO GAME COMPANY
IS KILLED. [ AUDIENCE OOHS AND THE CONSULTANT COMES IN AND
STARTS MAKING SOME CHANGES AND NOT EVERYONE IS HAPPY ABOUT. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
YOU ARE RUTHLESS YOU ARE SINISTER >> SINISTER IS A BEAUTIFUL
WORD >> Jimmy: THANK YOU. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
IS IT FAIR TO SAY YOU ARE A VILLAIN? >> A WHAT?
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU -- ARE YOU A A VILLAIN IN THIS? >> NO.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] UM, WHY? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW >> I SAID YOU COULDN'T REALLY, AND I WAS RIGHT.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I THINK I SET IT UP PRETTY WELL, RIGHT
YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT IT'S ABOUT, KIND OF? [ CHEERS ]
>> OKAY. >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT? >> OKAY.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, GOOD. HAVE I SAID ENOUGH >> SURE.
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO SHOW A A CLIP HERE IS CHRISTOPH WALTZ IN "THE
CONSULTANT." [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> NOT BAD
>> Jimmy: NOT BAD? >> NO, FOR A START >> Jimmy: TAKE A LOOK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> GOOD MORNING, COMRADES.
UNFORTUNATELY, MR. SANG CANNOT BE WITH US TODAY BUT HE SENDS HIS BEST REGARDS.
TO THE WONDERFUL FACES I SEE BELOW, THANK YOU FOR BEING AN IMPORTANT PART IN COMPWARE'S
SUCCESS. I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING TO KNOW YOU ALL PERSONALLY
YOU'RE VALUED. AND FOR THOSE WHO WORK REMOTELY, YOU HAVE EXACTLY ONE
HOUR TO GET HERE IN PERSON OR YOUR CONTRACTS OF EMPLOYMENT WILL BE TERMINATED
THAT'S ALL >> Jimmy: YEAH THAT'S HOW DO YOU DO IT!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CHRISTOPH WALTZ, EVERYBODY "THE CONSULTANT" PREMIERES
FEBRUARY 24th ON PRIME VIDEO [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE TIG NOTARO JOINS US AFTER THE
BREAK. STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS AN EMMY AND GRAMMY-NOMINATED
COMEDIAN WHO STARS IN THE NEW FILM, "YOUR PLACE OR MINE," WHICH PREMIERES THIS FRIDAY ON
NETFLIX. PLEASE WELCOME OUR PAL, TIG NOTARO
* *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: TIG NOTARO TIG, IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU
>> IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU >> Jimmy: YEAH, I'M HAPPY YOU'RE HERE.
I HAVE A LOT OF THINGS TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT AND ASK YOU ABOUT >> GREAT
THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WELL, I HAVE ONE
THING I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT. YOU WERE RECENTLY ON A A CELEBRITY "WHEEL OF FORTUNE,"
DO YOU REMEMBER THIS >> I DO. >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: YOU HAD TO ANSWER THIS PUZZLE.
I'M GOING TO SHOW IT TO EVERYONE >> OKAY.
>> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS STORY ENDS REALLY. I JUST -- THIS IS THE PUZZLE
>> MM-HM >> Jimmy: OKAY >> THAT WAS A PUZZLE
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YES. NOW THAT'S -- SO YOU --
"CRASHING MY -- >> DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I SAID
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH [ DRUM ROLL
IT MUST BE "CRASHING MY EXERCISE BIKE" >> UM, WELL --
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WELL, LET'S SEE WHAT YOU SAID
>> "CRASHING MY EXOR -- CIST BILL"?
[ BUZZER ] CAN WE EDIT MY GUESS OUT [ LAUGHTER ]
"CRASHING MY EXORCIST BILL." THAT IS THE ANSWER I'M NOT GONNA BE HUMILIATED ON
NATIONAL TELEVISION. >> I WOULD -- NO IT'S -- IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT
>> Jimmy: NOW, WHAT WAS -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> THANK YOU
THANK YOU. >> Jimmy: WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR -
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD AT THE MOMENT
>> WELL, I MEAN -- WELL, FIRST OF ALL, I WAS THINKING "I NEVER IMAGINED I'D
BE ON 'WHEEL OF FORTUNE.'" >> Jimmy: YEAH [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> SECOND OF ALL, I WAS THINKING "I DON'T IMAGINE I'LL BE VERY GOOD AT THIS."
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND THEN THIRD, I WAS LIKE, "WELL, I'M CORRECT."
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, BUT -- YOU DIDN'T THINK IT WAS -- OR
WERE YOU JUST BEING FUNNY? YOU'RE JUST BEING -- NO
>> NO, I -- [ LAUGHTER ] I --
>> Jimmy: YOU REALLY THOUGHT IT WAS "EXORCIST BILL." >> I REALLY WAS LIKE --
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE NERVOUS >> I WASN'T NERVOUS. I WAS -- YOU KNOW, I WAS WRONG
[ LAUGHTER ] I WAS JUST WRONG [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: THESE THINGS -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I FEEL LIKE --
>> THESE PEOPLE ARE -- >> Jimmy: I FEEL LIKE THESE -- THESE THINGS HAPPEN TO YOU
THESE FUNNY THINGS HAPPEN TO YOU. I THINK YOU'RE A MAGNET FOR
FUNNY THINGS THAT HAPPEN AND THIS IS ANOTHER EXAMPLE. THIS IS AN ARTICLE THAT WA ON
"BUZZFEED. IT SAYS, "AN AIRBNB HOST COMPLAINED ABOUT THEIR BOOKING
BEING LOW AND PEOPLE RESPONDED WITH A LIST OF REASONS WHY THEY REFUSED TO USE THE SERVICE."
AIRBNB AND THERE'S -- JUST A PHOTO OF YOU LAST TIME YOU WERE ON OUR
SHOW >> YEAH. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS OR -- >> UH, NO, YOUR PRODUCER SHOWED
THIS TO ME >> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND, UM, I GUESS -- I DON'T
KNOW WHY "BUZZFEED" -- I GUESS, IF YOU WORK FOR "BUZZFEED", LET US KNOW WHY --
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] WHY YOU CHOSE THIS TERRIBLE PHOTO OF ME.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND, YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, A A SIMILAR THING HAPPENED TO ME
PEOPLE WERE TAGGING ME ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY -- ON MY BIRTHDAY ON SOCIAL MEDIA
IT WAS LIKE, "OH, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO COMEDIAN TIG NOTARO."
>> Jimmy: MM >> AND IT WAS A PICTURE OF ROSIE O'DONNELL.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND I WAS JUST LIKE, "WHAT THEY JUST LIKE -- IT'S LIKE,
'OH, NATIONAL LESBIAN BIRTHDAY'? [ LAUGHTER ]
AND JUST -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: IS THAT -- IS THAT A
A THING? >> THEY JUST GOOGLE, LIKE, ANY -- ANY LESBIAN WITH SHORT
HAIR AND THEY'RE LIKE, "THAT'S FINE."
>> Jimmy: YEAH [ LAUGHTER ] >> "WHATEVER."
JUST MELISSA ETHERIDGE [ LAUGHTER ] ANYBODY -- SHE DOESN'T HAVE
SHORT HAIR BUT ANYWAY -- >> Jimmy: I -- CAN WE TALK
ABOUT YOUR NEW -- YOU'RE A A MOVIE STAR NOW >> I AM.
>> Jimmy: YEAH [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN A MOVIE
STAR FOR A WHILE >> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S TRUE. >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: FOR A WHILE NOW. >> FOR A WHILE >> Jimmy: ARE YOU -- YOU'RE
ENJOYING THE FAME? I ENJOY MY LEVEL OF FAME BECAUSE --
WELL, I GUESS THERE'S A DOWNSIDE BECAUSE I -- YOU KNOW, I DO
STAND-UP AND I'LL TOUR AROUND THE COUNTRY. I DID A 70-CITY TOUR LAST YEAR
AND SOMETIMES, I KNOCK ON THE BACK DOOR OF THE THEATER AND SECURITY WON'T LET ME IN
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: AND YOU'RE PLAYING THERE THAT NIGHT
>> YEAH. I'M THERE THAT NIGHT AND THEY'RE LIKE, "UH, YEAH?
AND I'M LIKE, "OH, I'M PERFORMING AT THE SHOW." >> Jimmy: "AT THE SHOW HERE
TONIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> AND -- AND --
>> Jimmy: AT YOUR SHOW >> YEAH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
YEAH AND I HAVE TO -- I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THAT I AM THE BIG
SENSATION THAT SOLD OUT THE THEATER. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH WELL, YOU GOTTA KINDA KEEP YOU HUMBLE
GOTTA KEEP YOU MOVING, ON YOUR TOES >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T LET THIS MOVIE STAR STATUS GO TO YOUR HEAD
>> I KNOW. AND JUST HAVING MY BIRTHDAY WISHES HAVE ROSIE O'DONNELL'S
FACE, LIKE -- [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT
THIS MOVIE, "YOUR PLACE OR MINE." >> UH-HUH.
>> Jimmy: WE JUST HAD ASHTON KUTCHER ON THE SHOW YESTERDAY.
HE WAS SINGING YOUR -- >> HE'S A DREAM BOAT >> Jimmy: YOUR -- SINGING "YOUR
PRAISES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IT'S YOU, ASHTON KUTCHER,
REESE WITHERSPOON. >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: THIS IS EXACTLY
A ROMCOM THAT I WANT TO WATCH. >> YES >> Jimmy: THAT I WANT TO SEE
WHAT'S IT LIKE BEING IN A ROMCOM WITH THESE TWO? >> WELL, IT'S REALLY FUN
AND THEY'RE BOTH SO GREAT. I WILL SAY IT WAS A LITTLE ALARMING TO WATCH THE MOVIE,
BECAUSE DURING THE FILMING, I'M THINKING, "OH, THIS IS SO GREAT.
EVERYBODY'S SO NICE AND FUN. AND THEN I'M WATCHING THE ACTUAL MOVIE AND THESE TWO
PEOPLE ARE SO ATTRACTIVE, REESE AND ASHTON >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> AND I'M NOT -- LOOK, I'M NOT HARD ON MYSELF BUT, I WILL SAY IT WAS
ALARMING YOU SEE THESE BEAUTIFUL ASHTON AND REESE FACES ON SCREEN, AND
I PLAY THEIR FRIEND. AND I COME AROUND A CORNER AND I WAS STARTLED
[ LAUGHTER ] I LOOKED LIKE I'M THE SAME AGE AS YODA.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND -- [ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WHAT >> I'M -- >> Jimmy: NO
>> NO. WAIT LISTEN
AND I'M TRULY -- I'M NOT HARD ON MYSELF. BUT I WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOSH."
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] I MEAN, WE HAVE VERY DIFFERENT, YOU KNOW, NIGHT LOTION REGIMEN
WHAT DO YOU -- [ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON
BUT I WAS JUST LIKE, "WHOA." >> Jimmy: HOW DO WE SET UP THE MOVIE?
>> HOW DO WE SET IT UP >> Jimmy: YEAH IT'S --
>> WELL, IT'S A ROMCOM >> Jimmy: YEP. >> STARRING REESE WITHERSPOON,
ASH -- [ LAUGHTER ] ASHTON KUTCHER AND YODA'S --
>> Jimmy: NO -- [ LAUGHTER ] ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT
VERY GOOD. IT'S VERY FUNNY. AND I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE
A CLIP HERE'S TIG NOTARO AND REESE WITHERSPOON IN "YOUR
PLACE OR MINE. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
>> HAVE YOU BEEN LOOKING AT HER INSTAGRAM? >> YOU THINK I'M NOT GONNA BE
LOOK AT JIMMY'S GIRLFRIEND'S INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT? I MEAN, WHAT ARE WE EVEN
DOING -- WHO WOULD I EVEN BE >> LOOK, IT'S FINE IT WORKS FOR HIM
IT WORKS FOR ME. AND BESIDES, JACK LOVES HANGING OUT WITH SCARLET
>> ALL RIGHT WELL, I HOPE THAT YOU GET WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF THIS TRIP.
>> YES >> AND WHAT YOU NEED YOU KNOW, GET YOUR DEGREE, FIND
A MAN, COME HOME THEN REMODEL THAT ANCIENT KITCHEN OF YOURS
I ALSO THINK IT'S TIME TO GET LAYERS IN YOUR HAIR. LAYERS, BUT NOT BANGS.
BANGS ARE FOR AN EMERGENCY >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
TIG NOTARO, "YOUR PLACE OR MINE," BEGINS STREAMING THIS FRIDAY ON NETFLIX.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A A PERFORMANCE FROM FITZ AND THE TANTRUMS
STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: PERFORMING "MONEYMAKER" FROM THEIR NEW ALBUM "LET YOURSELF FREE,"
PLEASE WELCOME FITZ AND THE TANTRUMS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* * SHAKE YOUR MONE
SHAKE YOUR MONEY SHAKE YOUR MONEY MAKER * * SHAKE YOUR MONE
SHAKE YOUR MONEY SHAKE YOUR MONEY MAKER * * OH ME OH MY M
YOU GETTING YOURS BABY I GET MINE * * LITTLE CRAZ
IS WHAT I LIKE NEVER SEEN A PARTY THAT'S A WASTE OF TIME *
* OOH OOH OOH WE RUNNING RUNNING YEAH WE RUNNING THE SHOW *
* OOH OOH OOH WE STARTED SOMETHING AND WE'RE READY TO GO *
* HIT THE LIGHT SHUT IT DOWN GETTING LOST IN THE CROWD *
* LOSE YOUR MIN SET IT FRE IF IT FEELS GOOD FEEL IT
YEAH FOLLOW MY LEAD * * SHAKE YOUR MONE SHAKE YOUR MONEY
SHAKE YOUR MONEY MAKER * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * SHAKE YOUR MONE
SHAKE YOUR MONEY SHAKE YOUR MONEY MAKER * * DO IT HOW YOU DO IT
GO AND GET YOUR PAPER * * SHAKE YOUR MONE SHAKE YOUR MONEY
SHAKE YOUR MONEY MAKER * * WE RUNNING RUNNIN AND WE RUNNING THE SHO
WE STARTED SOMETHING AND WE READY TO GO * * WE'RE SPINNING AROUND
'TIL IT'S OUT OF CONTROL WE'RE GOING WILD AND WE AIN'T GOING HOME *
* TO THE LEFT IF YOU'RE BLESSE TO THE RIGHT
ALL RIGHT * * SHAKE IT UP SHAKE IT FAS
LIKE YOU'RE IN THE SPOTLIGHT * * WOAH-OH ME OH MY MY
YOU'VE BEEN GETTING YOUR I'LL BE GETTING MINE SO * * SHAKE YOUR MONE
SHAKE YOUR MONEY SHAKE YOUR MONEY MAKER * * SHAKE YOUR MONE
SHAKE YOUR MONEY SHAKE YOUR MONEY MAKER * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* DO IT HOW YOU DO IT GO AND GET YOUR PAPER * * SHAKE YOUR MONE
SHAKE YOUR MONEY SHAKE YOUR MONEY MAKER * * SHAKE YOUR MONE
SHAKE YOUR MONEY SHAKE YOUR MONEY MAKER * * DO IT HOW YOU DO IT
GO AND GET YOUR PAPER * * SHAKE YOUR MONE SHAKE YOUR MONEY
SHAKE YOUR MONEY MAKER * * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* HIT THE LIGHT SHUT IT DOWN GETTING LOST IN THE CROWD *
* LOSE YOUR MIN SET IT FRE IF IT FEELS GOOD FEEL IT
YEAH FOLLOW MY LEAD * * SHAKE YOUR MONE SHAKE YOUR MONEY
SHAKE YOUR MONEY MAKER * * SHAKE YOUR MONE SHAKE YOUR MONEY
SHAKE YOUR MONEY MAKER * * DO IT HOW YOU DO IT GO AND GET YOUR PAPE
* SHAKE YOUR MONE SHAKE YOUR MONEY SHAKE YOUR MONEY MAKER *
* DO IT HOW YOU DO IT GO AND GET YOUR PAPER * * SHAKE YOUR MONE
SHAKE YOUR MONEY SHAKE YOUR MONEY MAKER OH OH *
* * * SHAKE YOUR MONEY MAKER *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: COME ON! THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT
>> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: COME ON.
THANK YOU, BUD FITZ AND THE TANTRUMS! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
CATCH THEM TOMORROW NIGHT AT WEBSTER HALL, HERE IN NEW YORK WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO
CHRISTOPH WALTZ, TIG NOTARO. FITZ AND THE TANTRUMS, ONCE AGAIN!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS.
GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY THANK YOU! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE