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00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,925
[stadium organ music playing]
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00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,594
- [baseball bat cracks]
- [crowd cheering]
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00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,305
Whoo! Come on, Baby Humans!
4
00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:16,850
Oh, oh. You gotta try
a Chicago-style baked potato.
5
00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:19,144
Why does everything
have to be "Chicago-style" here?
6
00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:20,979
We get it. We're in Chicago.
7
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- Come on. Just try it.
- [scoffs] Look at this.
8
00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:25,316
Fork and knife individually wrapped.
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00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,444
- So much plastic!
- Oh!
10
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:29,195
- Oops.
- Yeah. "Oops."
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00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:33,366
Or the Chicago Baby Humans are owned
by the brother of the CEO of Plastico.
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And we are thereby complicit
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in this incestuous money-laundering
scheme that's, oh,
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by the way, killing the planet.
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[scoffs] But what are you gonna do, right?
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00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:51,676
♪ Pick yourself right up
When you're feeling down ♪
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00:00:52,343 --> 00:00:57,766
♪ Friendly smiling faces all around ♪
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00:00:57,849 --> 00:01:03,396
♪ The sun is shining down on you and me ♪
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00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:07,901
♪ Happiness is there for all to see ♪
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♪ Everybody, come on
And get your happy shoes on ♪
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♪ I said, "Everybody, come on
And get your happy shoes on" ♪
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00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:24,834
♪ Whoa, everybody, come on
And get your happy shoes on ♪
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[electricity crackles]
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- Good morning, beautiful.
- Oh!
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Wanna go try and hit
a Chicago-style museum?
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Oh, I'd love to, but I really have
to work on my book. Next time.
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Great! I've made my romantic offer.
I've officially been a good boyfriend.
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I will now retreat to our living room
to play video games all day.
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[sighs]
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[theme music playing]
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[film reel rolling]
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Hello. I am Diane,
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00:02:57,302 --> 00:03:00,930
and I am a young girl living in Boston
and ever since I was that,
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I wanted to write good things
that were good,
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this is not good, fix this later.
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[grunting] Diane, as your father,
I am very unsupportive.
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Come up with examples
of Dad being unsupportive.
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Okay, yes.
And, also, the girls from high school.
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Hey, I'm Krissy Keating.
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Can you use my real name?
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Check if it's okay to use my real name.
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Anyway, I was a real bitch to you,
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but now maybe you're realizing
I was bullied, too?
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- Is any of this interesting?
- [BoJack] Hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey.
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Put me in your book.
Remember I gave you that salad bowl?
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And I broke the bowl!
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Answer your phone.
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And I glued it back together with gold
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because I read an article
about the Japanese art of kintsugi!
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- And it fell apart again.
- It kept falling apart like our marriage!
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[Mr. Peanutbutter] Is that something?
Is any of this anything?
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[BoJack] Diane. Answer your phone.
I'm calling you right now.
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00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,815
- [phone buzzing]
- What?
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00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,068
[phone beeps]
55
00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:56,402
- Hello?
- [BoJack] Hey, Diane.
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If I had my shitty students
do a night of scenes here
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00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,949
at the end of the semester,
would you come see it?
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00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:04,160
It's gonna suck, so I wanna pack the house
with friendly faces.
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When you sell it like that,
how can I resist?
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00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:07,372
How's that book coming?
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00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:10,309
- I'm actually at the mall, writing it now.
- Why are you writing at the mall?
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I couldn't focus at home
and this is the only place
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I could sit and work for ten hours.
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00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,797
I can get lunch here, I can people-watch,
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all without having to endure
what the Chicagoans refer to as "spring."
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Hey, Chicago, 49 degrees is not spring.
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00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:25,223
- It's the non-Lachey half of a boy band.
- What?
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00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:27,100
Forty-nine! Half of 98?
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00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:29,769
Diane, don't workshop your material
in casual conversation.
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00:04:29,852 --> 00:04:32,313
Howie Mandel used to do it, too.
Like, really, Howie?
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00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:34,857
You just happened to have a rubber glove
in your pocket?
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All I need to do now
is actually write my book.
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I have so many stories to tell,
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but I can't seem to figure out
what the book is.
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You gonna put any stories
about me in there?
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00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:47,495
- I think I've written about you enough.
- But no one else is as good at it!
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I'm sure someone will rise
to the occasion.
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00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:54,377
Baxter, darling, I've just a moment
to update you on the progress
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00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:55,920
of our Penny Carson crusade.
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00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:58,440
So far, we've been able to contact three
of the four Penny Carsons
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00:04:58,464 --> 00:04:59,716
listed in New Mexico.
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00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:03,678
Baxter, there's nowhere I'd rather be
than on our honeymoon cruise to "Unjuga,"
83
00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:05,471
but I simply can't stop now.
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00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:08,915
We're on the lookout for the fourth Penny,
and, God willing, she'll be the lucky one.
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00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,519
Oh! Hey.
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- Caw-caw! Caw-caw!
- [gasps]
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Oh... [stammers]
Sorry, I didn't mean you. Paige!
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[gasps]
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Kisses, Baxter dear,
it appears we've found our deer.
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00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:27,368
Okay. Book, here we go.
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I grow up in Boston town
because my father,
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who I never was close with,
live in Boston.
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That's not right English,
I'll fix it later.
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Me from Boston.
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Well, you're not from Boston, but yeah.
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- Whatever for now.
- Beantown.
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00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:43,384
To really understand
what it's like to grow up in Boston,
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00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:49,557
you actually have to go back 250 years
to the Boston Tea Party.
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Taxation without representation
is wicked unjust, bro!
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00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:56,564
Bro, check it out.
I'm teabaggin' the harbor.
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Oh, no freakin' way.
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- [laughs]
- [grunts]
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- Go, Pats. Unrelated.
- [Diane] Stop.
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00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,739
- I'm getting distracted.
- Why can't you stay focused?
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00:06:04,822 --> 00:06:06,491
What's wrong with your head, Deedee?
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00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:09,327
The idea behind
the Japanese art of kintsugi
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00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:12,038
is that cracks in an object
are part of its history.
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- What does that have to do with anything?
- We have to look at trauma!
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Ugh.
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[woman] We totally have to look at Trauma.
111
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- What?
- There's a spring sale.
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Forty percent off.
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Ooh!
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[grunting, groans]
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[Ivy] Did you hear
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security still can't figure out
who's stealing wallets? Like... [scoffs]
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I bet my life it's that hag Devon
from the hair crimper cart.
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Oh, my God, yes,
that theory is beast, Ivy.
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- Excuse me, I'm sorry...
- We forgive you.
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You know the story about Gemberly, right?
What they found in her locker?
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- Tell me.
- It was a...
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00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,323
I meant "Pardon me, I need another size."
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But I can't seem to find
a number on the tag?
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- We don't see size here at Trauma.
- Okay, but can you help me?
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Sure. I think it would help
if you figured out
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why you need to put a number on your body,
and let me get back to this mystery.
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Thanks.
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00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:02,380
[grunts]
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00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:04,298
- [phone buzzing, beeps]
- Hello?
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00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:07,260
[Ivy] Oh, my God,
she's like taking a phone call.
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00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:09,262
Diane! Great news!
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"Birthday Dad" premiered last night
to a 0.006,
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which is the biggest network hit
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00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,310
since the inventor
of blood-scented perfume
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00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:18,396
went on Shark Tank
and got her arm bitten off.
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00:07:18,479 --> 00:07:19,313
Great!
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00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:22,191
Meanwhile, my company's running
like gangbusters.
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00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,669
Is gangbusters a slur of some sort?
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00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:25,462
- Can we still say gangbusters?
- I'll look into it.
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And with Todd watching the baby,
my work-life balance is on point.
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- Did you call me just to brag?
- I was thinking...
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00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,371
What would make my work-life balance
even on pointier?
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00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,123
And it hit me: more work!
144
00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:39,625
So, I thought I'd check in
and see how your book's doing.
145
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:44,547
Oh. I'm still kind of figuring out
what the "is" of it is, you know?
146
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:48,551
- It's been six months.
- Okay, I think it's about...
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- Trauma.
- Trauma?
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Or... damage.
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00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:52,930
You know, those bowls that break
150
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:55,909
and then the cracks get filled with gold
and then they're even more beautiful?
151
00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:57,185
Maybe it's like that, you know?
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Like, we've all been damaged,
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00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:01,522
but it's good damage
because it makes us more who we are.
154
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:02,440
Is that anything?
155
00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:05,318
Yeah, good damage. I like it.
156
00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:07,212
Send me the pages
and we'll get 'em to the publisher.
157
00:08:07,236 --> 00:08:08,738
Okay, but no hurry?
158
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:11,574
Okay, but, no. Hurry.
159
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:14,869
What can I get ya?
160
00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:17,288
Some information
with a side order of revelation.
161
00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:18,748
Is that a type of pasta?
162
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:21,334
Oh, also a water. I am parched.
163
00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:23,711
In fact, why don't you freeze
that water into a cube shape
164
00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:25,505
and drop it in some bourbon.
165
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:28,299
We're looking to identify
an associate of Sarah Lynn's.
166
00:08:28,382 --> 00:08:31,135
Sarah Lynn? Is this about BoJack?
167
00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:32,970
Is it about BoJack?
168
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:35,782
I don't know what you're looking for,
but I don't know anything about it.
169
00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:38,434
Okay? I haven't seen BoJack in years.
Or Sarah Lynn.
170
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,102
But you have seen them?
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I'm gonna go ask the kitchen
about your pasta.
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00:08:43,814 --> 00:08:45,024
BoJack?
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00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:46,585
Wait, that's the fellow
from the police report,
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00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,253
who found the dead girl
in the planetarium.
175
00:08:48,277 --> 00:08:50,530
- Yes?
- Found the dead girl.
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00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,382
- Are you smelling what I'm smelling?
- [snorts]
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00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:54,450
If he was also with her
at the AA meeting...
178
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,970
Well, then why wouldn't he mention it
to the police? What's he hiding?
179
00:08:56,994 --> 00:08:58,805
You're starting to make more sense
than a change machine.
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00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:01,791
Yeah, speaking of cents,
what happened to Penny?
181
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:06,587
- Oh, poop! Our scoop's flown the coop!
- Go, go, go! Gotta stay in the loop!
182
00:09:11,175 --> 00:09:16,347
"So in a way, that salad bowl was me,
and the cracks... were also me..."
183
00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:18,891
- Ugh! It sucks, I'm sorry.
- It's a first draft.
184
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:21,936
I can't remember what happened when
and I keep getting distracted.
185
00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:24,730
It's because of the meds.
This is what I was afraid would happen.
186
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:25,815
But isn't it worth it?
187
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:27,692
You've been feeling
so much better, right?
188
00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:31,237
I do feel lighter, and clearer,
but also so foggy.
189
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,574
You feel clear and foggy?
How is that even possible?
190
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:37,827
- I don't know! Because of the fog.
- Hey. Stick with it.
191
00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:40,830
- With the writing? Or the fog?
- Both.
192
00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:46,168
Okay. So, start at the beginning.
193
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:47,086
I'm a baby.
194
00:09:47,169 --> 00:09:48,879
[Todd] Hey, baby!
195
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:53,384
Isn't it great to grow up in a comfortable
upper-middle class home,
196
00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:54,719
surrounded by love?
197
00:09:54,802 --> 00:09:57,763
But I didn't grow up surrounded by love.
That's the problem.
198
00:09:57,847 --> 00:10:01,142
You were fine!
Name one example of me being a bad dad.
199
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:05,271
Uh, okay! What about how you made me lose
on purpose at Boggle
200
00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:09,191
so my brothers would think they were,
quote, "wicked smarter than a girl."
201
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,444
- That's all you got?
- I got other things!
202
00:10:11,527 --> 00:10:15,406
There was lots of shit. Constantly!
I just can't express...
203
00:10:15,489 --> 00:10:19,118
Is this what your book is?
Just you complaining?
204
00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:22,079
As your target audience,
I'm not hooked yet.
205
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,539
You are not my target audience.
206
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:26,042
[Ivy] This book is like bore me
with a spoon, Diane.
207
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:27,765
You know the story about Gemberly, right?
208
00:10:27,835 --> 00:10:29,712
- What they found in her locker?
- Tell me.
209
00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:32,632
It was a note from the thief,
saying where all the wallets were hidden.
210
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:35,384
What? What is this? I'm trying to write
about my childhood trauma.
211
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,053
- Who are you?
- I'm Ivy.
212
00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:39,805
My mom and I just moved to Chicago
from Southern California.
213
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,015
[Diane] What? No. I can't...
214
00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:43,476
My dad died and we needed a new start.
215
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:47,146
I don't really get Chicago yet,
and the winters are cold AF,
216
00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:49,190
so I hang out at the mall a lot.
217
00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:50,316
Malls are fun!
218
00:10:50,399 --> 00:10:53,110
Or "beast," which is slang
that young people like me say.
219
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:56,614
- You're Ivy Tran, right?
- Ivy T. That's me!
220
00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:57,823
I-I need help.
221
00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,325
Someone's been filching onesies
222
00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:01,219
by the twosies
from the fourth floor Baby Hole,
223
00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:02,787
and if I don't figure out whodunnit,
224
00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:04,997
my manager's gonna mount my head
on the wall!
225
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:07,917
Yes, managers can be very annoying.
226
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,043
I'll take the case.
227
00:11:09,126 --> 00:11:13,005
- Oh, and, also, I'm Vietnamese-American.
- [moose] Beast.
228
00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:17,218
"Ivy Tran, Food Court Detective"?
229
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:19,470
Well, I like this. It's fun.
230
00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:23,099
My book is supposed
to be a profound treatise on damage.
231
00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:25,976
But I can't even access my damage.
I'm too...
232
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:28,896
- hopped up on goof-berries!
- What the hell is a goof-berry?
233
00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:31,732
I need to go to a dark place,
and I can't get there.
234
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:34,735
When I'm with you, when we're out,
I feel good, I feel happy,
235
00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:36,299
but the minute I sit down to write...
236
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,840
You were having trouble writing
this book when you were depressed,
237
00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:40,926
and you're having trouble
now that you're not depressed.
238
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,660
Is it possible that you just...
239
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:45,121
- What? That I'm just a shitty writer?
- No.
240
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:47,248
That you just don't wanna write this book.
241
00:11:47,331 --> 00:11:50,126
I do, though. It's just hard.
242
00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:52,795
But that means it's worthwhile.
Good things are hard.
243
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:55,548
I'm not writing
The Mall-related Mysteries of Ivy Tran!
244
00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:57,842
- [chuckles] Why not?
- Guy, come on.
245
00:11:57,925 --> 00:11:59,677
- No. You come on.
- You come on.
246
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:03,180
Diane, I'm gonna tell you
what I always tell my good friend Eileen.
247
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:06,267
- Don't do it.
- Eileen, come on.
248
00:12:06,350 --> 00:12:08,477
[scoffs, chuckles]
249
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,108
More drugs, please!
250
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:17,153
- [phone buzzes, beeps]
- Hello?
251
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:20,406
I soft-pitched your book
to Brad Pitt's company, Plan B,
252
00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,992
and Craig Bierko's company, Plan C.
253
00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:25,786
They're very excited
about the movie adaptation.
254
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,079
What movie adaptation?
255
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:30,082
Gee, I don't know,
a new Robin Hood adaptation.
256
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,752
No, Diane, the adaptation of your book!
257
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:33,711
What book?
258
00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:36,589
Come to think of it, a new Robin Hood
sounds pretty good. Judah!
259
00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:39,759
- Maybe from Maid Marian's point of view?
- Directed by Sofia Coppola?
260
00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,385
I'll try Rebecca Ferguson's agent.
261
00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:43,029
[Diane] You're still on the phone with me!
262
00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:46,432
Oh, right. The town has really responded
to your pitch about damage.
263
00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:47,850
It wasn't a pitch!
264
00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:50,102
Imagine, all the little Dianes out there,
265
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:52,897
just waiting to see their story
on the big screen
266
00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:55,608
during a brief Oscar-qualifying run
in New York and LA.
267
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,610
You don't think it's too sad, do you?
268
00:12:57,693 --> 00:12:59,820
It wouldn't be better
if I wrote something more fun?
269
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:04,033
Diane, sad is the new fun.
Besides, the sad is what makes it you!
270
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:06,869
- Really?
- Yes! Everyone's very excited.
271
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,454
But they wanna see pages.
272
00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:10,956
So, do what you do and get me that sad!
273
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,500
Just got back word from Sofia.
274
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:13,959
She's booked for the next year
275
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:16,021
developing a new Peter Pan
from Wendy's point of view,
276
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:18,645
and Rebecca's doing a limited series
about the female ticket-taker
277
00:13:18,672 --> 00:13:20,472
at the cinema
where Batman's parents got shot.
278
00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:23,385
Ooh, that's really empowering.
Diane, I gotta go.
279
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,556
Uh... Ngu-yen?
280
00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:29,266
N-Ngu-yen?
281
00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:31,352
No one?
282
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:37,399
[Charlotte humming]
283
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,485
- Hey, Mom.
- Hey, Pen!
284
00:13:39,568 --> 00:13:42,655
- What's wrong?
- Nothing, I just thought I'd stop by.
285
00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:44,990
A girl can't visit her mom?
Why are you grilling me?
286
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:47,409
Slow down. Breathe.
287
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,537
Something happened at work.
288
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:50,955
- Something?
- [both gasp]
289
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:53,624
Or someone... s?
290
00:13:53,707 --> 00:13:55,334
Did you follow me home?
291
00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:56,561
If you didn't wanna be followed,
292
00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:58,688
you should have been more judicious
with the turn signal.
293
00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:00,941
A lady doesn't need to always announce
where she's headed.
294
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:02,508
Yes. Who taught you how to drive?
295
00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:06,262
- Uh, can I help you?
- Paige Sinclair, intrepid gal reporter.
296
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,264
And I'm Max!
297
00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:09,849
Okay.
298
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,017
We're circling a story
on the last days of Sarah Lynn
299
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,703
and we're trying to nail down a timeline.
300
00:14:13,727 --> 00:14:16,230
We think your BoJack Horseman
may have played a part. [snorts]
301
00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:17,356
I think you should go.
302
00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:19,149
Well, it was worth a try.
303
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:23,487
Actually, I did see Sarah Lynn.
Right before she died.
304
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,072
Oh! It was very worth a try.
305
00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:27,116
She came to Oberlin. With BoJack.
306
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:30,661
- Whoa! BoJack came to Oberlin?
- And what happened?
307
00:14:30,744 --> 00:14:32,872
- Nothing. I mean...
- Why didn't you tell me?
308
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:35,165
I saw them and told BoJack to leave.
That's it.
309
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:38,377
- Were they intoxicated?
- Is BoJack ever not intoxicated?
310
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:41,046
- Would you go on the record?
- No, she won't.
311
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:43,424
Excuse us,
we are just about to sit down to dinner.
312
00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:45,926
Do you think BoJack got Sarah Lynn drunk?
313
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:48,095
Do you think BoJack got Sarah Lynn drunk?
314
00:14:48,178 --> 00:14:50,222
- Penny...
- I'm not a kid, okay?
315
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:51,946
- We should tell them about Maddy.
- No...
316
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:52,850
Who's Maddy?
317
00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:54,476
My best friend in high school.
318
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,246
BoJack was living here
and he bought her booze
319
00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:58,439
before the prom
and then she got alcohol poisoning.
320
00:14:58,522 --> 00:15:00,357
I'm sorry, he was living here?
321
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:01,751
- Oh, what's this, a party?
- [gasps]
322
00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:03,277
Did you guys forget to invite Kyle?
323
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,863
- Dad... [sighs]
- Ah, just kidding. Now it's a party.
324
00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:08,991
Kyle, these folks
are from the refrigerator repair company.
325
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:12,036
And I just told them
that our refrigerator is working fine
326
00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:13,138
and they were just leaving.
327
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:17,041
Quite. If you think of anything else,
please do give us a call.
328
00:15:17,124 --> 00:15:19,877
Ah. You know, the wine fridge
has actually been acting kind of funky.
329
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:25,382
Two refrigerators? Ha!
Give my regards to the Rockafellers.
330
00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:26,508
[Charlotte sighs]
331
00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:30,679
- [whistling]
- [grunting]
332
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:33,515
Can you keep it down, please?
333
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:36,310
I couldn't sleep
and you're like shout-whistling at me.
334
00:15:36,393 --> 00:15:38,646
Hey, I'm just whistling. Chicago-style.
335
00:15:38,729 --> 00:15:41,649
Don't. Just please be quiet.
I need to write.
336
00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:43,943
Okay. Okay. Write on.
337
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,444
[exhales sharply]
338
00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:48,280
- Hey, how was the writing?
- What do you mean?
339
00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:49,907
You were gonna write today.
340
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:51,867
[Diane] Oh, is the day over?
341
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:56,789
- I was just thinking my thoughts...
- Are you all right?
342
00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:58,707
- [crying]
- Oh! Oh, my God!
343
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:01,168
- Diane, what's wrong?
- I...
344
00:16:01,877 --> 00:16:04,296
- [retching, coughing]
- Oh, oh, oh!
345
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:07,216
- It's okay. I got it in the plant.
- Oh! Not in the toilet?
346
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:09,218
I'm not gonna put my face in your toilet.
347
00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:12,262
- Don't be gross.
- Our toilet, baby. We've been over this.
348
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:14,139
I had to think fast. Went for the plant.
349
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:18,727
Okay, but the sink? Or the shower?
There's so many drains in there.
350
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,145
I'm sorry. I gotta work.
351
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:23,774
Hey. [sighs] Maybe you can just go back
to bed and you can work in the morning.
352
00:16:23,857 --> 00:16:25,985
No. Now. Gotta get it done.
353
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:27,069
[keyboard clacking]
354
00:16:28,195 --> 00:16:30,322
I'm 17 years old. I live in Boston.
355
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:31,846
Krissy Keating's a real bitch to me.
356
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:35,077
- Was I? Or did you deserve it?
- I deserved it.
357
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,538
Your problem is you always blame
other people, Deedee.
358
00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:40,332
- I know.
- Who's a good baby? Not you!
359
00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:41,834
Where are my pages, Diane?
360
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:46,422
I need pages for my beautiful celebrities,
such as Stockard Channing, Tatum O'Neal,
361
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,549
Patrick Harrison Ford Focus.
362
00:16:48,632 --> 00:16:50,926
I'm trying to focus.
I'm trying to get to the truth.
363
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,928
- I think you're afraid of the truth.
- No.
364
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,514
Your damage isn't interesting
and you're unworthy of love.
365
00:16:55,597 --> 00:16:57,558
- No, I'm not!
- Of course you are!
366
00:16:57,641 --> 00:16:58,934
Are you, uh, you know,
367
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,338
one of those stupid pop culture analogies
I'm always doing?
368
00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:05,315
Because you're charming at first,
but eventually enough already!
369
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,026
You think you're a beautiful salad bowl?
370
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,527
[scoffs] Conceited much?
371
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,571
More like garden-variety, am I right?
372
00:17:10,654 --> 00:17:13,073
[Diane's Dad] You blame everyone else
for all your problems,
373
00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:15,242
but you're the one constant here.
374
00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:17,119
- Go Pats.
- You're right.
375
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:18,037
[breathing heavily]
376
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,539
Diane, what is going on?
377
00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:23,584
There's a heaviness... on my chest.
378
00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:26,545
And it's not just my boobs, even though,
yes, my boobs are heavier now.
379
00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:28,464
- Hey. Talk to me.
- I stopped taking my meds.
380
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:30,758
- Why?
- Because I'm terrible!
381
00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:33,719
I'm a stupid person! I deserve this!
382
00:17:33,802 --> 00:17:36,138
No. You're not a stupid person,
but you can't just...
383
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:38,140
I want to die!
384
00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:41,143
- It's so much worse than before.
- Baby, you're going through withdrawal.
385
00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:44,563
Do I just have to be on drugs forever now?
How am I gonna finish my book?
386
00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:47,441
- Okay, forget about the book for a second.
- I can't!
387
00:17:47,524 --> 00:17:49,844
- It's the only thing that matters.
- Now, that's not true.
388
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:53,030
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm so stupid.
I'm sorry.
389
00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:56,033
It's okay. It's okay.
Just take your pills. All right?
390
00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:59,787
Then when you even out we can talk
about trying something else, okay?
391
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:01,538
Okay.
392
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:03,874
I just-just wanna be
a beautiful salad bowl.
393
00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:06,376
You are a beautiful salad bowl.
394
00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:14,384
- How're you doing?
- A little better today.
395
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:18,138
- And, uh, I wanted to say sorry.
- For what?
396
00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:20,682
I don't know. "Being Diane"?
397
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,810
- Stop.
- I let the stress get to me.
398
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:25,562
I should just call Princess Carolyn
and tell her I need more time.
399
00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:29,316
Yes. But before you do that...
don't be mad.
400
00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:30,400
Don't be mad about what?
401
00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:32,569
If I tell you, will you be mad?
402
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:34,934
From the tone of this conversation,
I'm guessing probably.
403
00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:38,033
Okay, what you have to remember
is that you were in a really dark place.
404
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,095
And the pressure from Princess Carolyn
wasn't helping.
405
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,430
I thought if I could get her off your back
for a few days...
406
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:43,664
What did you do?
407
00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:45,082
[phone buzzing]
408
00:18:45,874 --> 00:18:47,459
Guy, what did you do?
409
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:51,755
I sent her the Ivy Tran: Food Court Detective pages.
410
00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:53,298
- What?
- I'm sorry! I'm sorry. Okay?
411
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:56,009
- I made an executive decision!
- You're not an executive!
412
00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:58,011
I-I made a boyfriend decision! All right?
413
00:18:58,095 --> 00:19:00,073
I made a "my girlfriend
is a depressed, vomiting mess
414
00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:02,307
and someone needs to make a decision"
decision.
415
00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:03,391
Ugh!
416
00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:06,103
- Hello? No.
- [Princess Carolyn] Loved it!
417
00:19:06,186 --> 00:19:08,647
I love the protagonist, I love the world,
418
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:11,817
I love that it wasn't your sad memoir
about your boring life.
419
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:13,735
What happened to "sad is the new fun"?
420
00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:17,322
I didn't know you could write this fun!
You gotta finish this thing.
421
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:19,467
I'm on pins and needles,
and I'm not just saying that
422
00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:21,094
- because I live with a porcupine.
- Listen...
423
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:24,454
To the ka-ching, ka-ching
of the middle-grade IP market? Done!
424
00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:26,707
I slipped the pages to a few studios.
425
00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:30,544
This has franchise potential.
Franch potench.
426
00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:34,256
But what I'm saying is that it doesn't,
because that's not the book I'm writing.
427
00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:36,258
- I'm hearing a maybe.
- I'm not...
428
00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:37,509
[groans]
429
00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,804
Are we gonna have
a Boston-style fight now?
430
00:19:45,976 --> 00:19:46,976
[grunts]
431
00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:49,563
[Ivy] Here's a mystery.
432
00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:51,773
Why are you so sad-core?
433
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:55,110
- I don't know.
- Just be fun and popular like me.
434
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,279
- I don't know how.
- Sure, you do!
435
00:19:57,362 --> 00:20:00,616
I'm clever and free-spirited
and a little bit sardonic
436
00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:02,367
but not so much that it's off-putting.
437
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:07,456
I have vulnerabilities like everybody else
but just enough to make me relatable.
438
00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:10,292
- That's the way to be.
- It's not that easy.
439
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:13,921
Yeah, I know.
440
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:17,799
But wouldn't it be nice if it was?
441
00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:25,140
- [Ruthie cooing]
- Where's Princess Carolyn?
442
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:28,644
She said we should save her a seat.
You still working on that memoir?
443
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:30,854
Well, funny story about that...
444
00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:35,984
Oh, I love when stories start like that!
Ooh! You should put this one in your book.
445
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:39,071
- Hello. Thank you.
- [cheering]
446
00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:41,406
Oh, wow. Thank you.
That's very nice. Thank you.
447
00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:44,743
Welcome to "An Evening
of Modern American Scenes."
448
00:20:44,826 --> 00:20:46,495
Oh, excuse me.
449
00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:48,455
- [sighs]
- We have to talk.
450
00:20:48,538 --> 00:20:49,623
Shh. Diane!
451
00:20:49,706 --> 00:20:51,541
- Don't be rude to the actors.
- [scoffs]
452
00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:54,586
For most of them,
this'll be the height of their career.
453
00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:58,882
[BoJack] Anyway, first up is a scene
from Sam German-Shepard's "Real America."
454
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:01,093
[audience cheering]
455
00:21:03,178 --> 00:21:06,765
[Kyle laughing]
Char, hey, you gotta get in here!
456
00:21:06,848 --> 00:21:09,559
This episode of "Birthday Dad"
is an all-timer!
457
00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:12,521
- Penny...
- I wanted to get something.
458
00:21:15,023 --> 00:21:17,317
[grunting]
459
00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:20,529
[sighs] I don't feel good about
what happened with those reporters.
460
00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:23,824
- It's okay.
- We didn't tell them... everything.
461
00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:29,955
I tried to throw it out, but I couldn't.
462
00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:32,916
I know that's messed up,
but I think I look nice here.
463
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,168
Oh! You look beautiful.
464
00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:38,005
I don't think that's the only reason
I kept the photo, Mom.
465
00:21:38,171 --> 00:21:39,548
It's all really confusing.
466
00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:43,093
[Kyle] Charlotte! Birthday Dad
just got trapped in a leap year!
467
00:21:43,176 --> 00:21:45,488
- How's he gonna wriggle outta this one?
- In a minute, honey!
468
00:21:45,512 --> 00:21:48,849
Stuff happened to us, okay?
And he's still out there.
469
00:21:48,932 --> 00:21:50,642
- Penny...
- If we can get the word out,
470
00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:53,979
- if-if people knew...
- It won't be just him in the story.
471
00:21:54,062 --> 00:21:56,440
It'll be you and me. The mistakes we made.
472
00:21:56,523 --> 00:22:00,944
Mistakes I made,
that I will never forgive myself for.
473
00:22:01,028 --> 00:22:02,863
But if we can help other people,
474
00:22:02,946 --> 00:22:05,032
then it will have been for something,
you know?
475
00:22:05,115 --> 00:22:07,242
It won't just be this thing
to feel bad about forever.
476
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:09,595
You don't know what's gonna happen
with the story once it's out there.
477
00:22:09,619 --> 00:22:10,704
You have no power over it.
478
00:22:10,787 --> 00:22:13,498
And you just got your panic attacks
under control.
479
00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:14,416
Yeah, I know, but...
480
00:22:14,499 --> 00:22:19,504
I love that you want to do what's right,
but please just think about it, okay?
481
00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:21,340
Just give it a couple days
482
00:22:21,423 --> 00:22:25,177
and then if you still want to talk
to them, you can call them.
483
00:22:25,927 --> 00:22:26,927
[sighs]
484
00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:29,056
Okay. Thank you.
485
00:22:29,473 --> 00:22:31,308
You wanna stay and watch "Birthday Dad"?
486
00:22:31,391 --> 00:22:33,518
- Stay the night?
- No, I-I should go.
487
00:22:33,602 --> 00:22:36,646
Okay. Yeah. I love you.
488
00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:38,982
I love you, too.
489
00:22:41,777 --> 00:22:43,028
[sighs]
490
00:22:48,617 --> 00:22:51,620
[Kyle] Oh! Is that the International
Date Line?
491
00:22:51,703 --> 00:22:55,082
Don't go over the date line, Birthday Dad!
492
00:22:55,165 --> 00:22:58,335
Because then it won't be your birthday
anymore! [laughs]
493
00:22:59,002 --> 00:23:01,254
[cheering]
494
00:23:01,338 --> 00:23:03,382
Thank you. Thank you so much.
495
00:23:03,465 --> 00:23:04,508
Come on, Todd, let's go.
496
00:23:04,591 --> 00:23:07,386
But I wanna see
if there's an after-credits scene.
497
00:23:07,469 --> 00:23:09,530
- [Princess Carolyn] Talk soon, Diane.
- Hey, wait a minute.
498
00:23:09,554 --> 00:23:12,140
- [door opens, closes]
- Princess Carolyn. [grunts]
499
00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:14,393
Princess Carolyn, wait.
500
00:23:15,018 --> 00:23:17,104
I understand you're trying to be helpful,
501
00:23:17,187 --> 00:23:19,731
- in your own pushy, self-absorbed way.
- Oh, thank you.
502
00:23:19,815 --> 00:23:22,734
But I don't wanna write
a middle-grade fiction detective series.
503
00:23:22,818 --> 00:23:24,236
I think you do, though.
504
00:23:24,319 --> 00:23:28,115
Because when I was reading it,
I could tell you were having fun.
505
00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:30,450
Yeah, but I'm not writing a book
to have fun.
506
00:23:30,534 --> 00:23:32,994
If I don't write my book of essays now,
I never will!
507
00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:34,746
So? Don't write your book of essays.
508
00:23:34,830 --> 00:23:36,289
- I have to!
- Why?
509
00:23:36,373 --> 00:23:40,794
Because if I don't,
that means that all the damage I got
510
00:23:40,877 --> 00:23:43,880
isn't good damage, it's just damage.
511
00:23:43,964 --> 00:23:45,715
I have gotten nothing out of it,
512
00:23:45,799 --> 00:23:48,593
and all those years
I was miserable was for nothing.
513
00:23:48,677 --> 00:23:52,514
I could have been happy this whole time
and written books about girl detectives
514
00:23:52,597 --> 00:23:55,183
and been cheerful and popular
and had good parents,
515
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:57,727
is that what you're saying?
What was it all for?
516
00:23:57,811 --> 00:23:58,645
I...
517
00:23:58,728 --> 00:23:59,980
[sighs]
518
00:24:00,063 --> 00:24:01,440
I don't know, Diane.
519
00:24:01,523 --> 00:24:06,069
All I know is that this book
about the girl detective is fun.
520
00:24:06,153 --> 00:24:07,195
I liked it.
521
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:08,655
I like thinking that my daughter
522
00:24:08,738 --> 00:24:10,991
could grow up in a world
with books like that.
523
00:24:11,074 --> 00:24:14,453
Or if my daughter's not a reader,
a lucrative film adaptation.
524
00:24:14,536 --> 00:24:17,414
When I was a little girl,
I thought that everything,
525
00:24:17,497 --> 00:24:22,043
all the abuse and neglect,
it somehow made me special,
526
00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:24,296
and I decided that one day
I would write something
527
00:24:24,379 --> 00:24:27,340
that would make little girls like me
feel less alone.
528
00:24:27,507 --> 00:24:30,719
And if I can't write that book...
529
00:24:30,844 --> 00:24:31,844
Then...
530
00:24:32,762 --> 00:24:35,015
Then maybe write this other book.
531
00:24:35,599 --> 00:24:39,311
- Maybe this book does that, too.
- Yeah?
532
00:24:42,105 --> 00:24:44,149
- [Ruthie giggles]
- [toy squeaks]
533
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:48,111
- Uh... Princess Carolyn?
- What reporters?
534
00:24:48,195 --> 00:24:49,029
BoJack?
535
00:24:49,112 --> 00:24:51,948
Charlotte, I swear,
I don't know what you're talking about.
536
00:24:52,157 --> 00:24:53,241
[line disconnects]
537
00:24:53,325 --> 00:24:56,745
[hyperventilating]
538
00:24:57,537 --> 00:25:00,916
- Hey, man, great show.
- What? Huh?
539
00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:05,045
- Uh... [groans]
- Oh, no!
540
00:25:05,128 --> 00:25:06,546
BoJack! Oh!
541
00:25:09,090 --> 00:25:15,639
♪ Back in the '90s
I was in a very famous TV show ♪
542
00:25:17,974 --> 00:25:20,227
- ♪ I'm BoJack the horseman ♪
- ♪ BoJack ♪
543
00:25:20,310 --> 00:25:24,731
♪ BoJack the horseman
Don't act like you don't know ♪
544
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:31,571
♪ And I'm trying to hold on to my past ♪
545
00:25:31,655 --> 00:25:36,159
♪ It's been so long
I don't think I'm gonna last ♪
546
00:25:36,493 --> 00:25:40,038
♪ I guess I'm just trying
To make you understand ♪
547
00:25:40,121 --> 00:25:44,167
♪ That I'm more horse than a man ♪
548
00:25:44,501 --> 00:25:49,965
♪ Or I'm more man than a horse ♪
- ♪ BoJack! ♪