[dramatic music playing]
I'm not kidding. The pills. Now! I told you, I'm on a system now.
I'm not doing drugs. I'm not like you. I don't fetishize my own sadness.
No, my hands are so slippery.
Damn it, Todd. Clean up your shit. You know I had sex with Emily.
Turns out there's a brand of heroin called BoJack.
Please don't make me go back to LA. You can count on me, Herb.
[Todd] You are all the things that are wrong with you.
[Diane] You haven't changed.
[BoJack] Yes, you are the last person to get that. I'm not gonna change.
[groans]
[sighs]
Goddamn...
[theme music playing]
[BoJack sighs]
Sharona?
[Sharona] Ow! You're hurting me. Let me go! [grunting]
Sarah Lynn got into vodka.
- Oh, my God, is she okay? - Danny knows she got it from you.
- It was yours. - Mine, yours.
What difference does it make who brought this particular vodka?
If I take the fall for this, this whole show is over.
And that means everything I did was for nothing.
- What you did? - To Herb, I mean.
What I did to save the show, do you understand?
- All that's pointless if it goes away now. - So, what am I supposed to do?
I have friends on Coach who owe me a favor.
- It could be a fresh start for you. - There's no such thing as a fresh start.
It's an easy job. Craig T. Nelson's balder by the day.
What if I say n... no?
Nobody is asking you, Sharona.
BoJack Horseman, would you like to share? I...
[stammers] I'm sorry. I don't know who you are.
This is anonymous. BoJack Horseman? Who's that?
[sighs]
Um, yeah. Um...
I'm BoJack and, uh...
God, this feels so dumb.
And I'm an alcoholic.
[all] Hi, BoJack!
Look, I can't go to the Galapagos.
Guy, you have to. This is an important job.
[laughs] It's the National Geographic Swimsuit Edition.
They want me shooting behind-the-scenes video of turtles in bikinis.
Seems unimportant in light of what you've been dealing with.
What I'm dealing with?
Your psychiatrist said you're depressed.
Okay, yeah, I've been a little depressed. But I'm not like depressed.
I don't have depression.
You're smoking three packs a day,
you've been wearing the same pajama bottoms for weeks...
This is all part of my writing process.
My best stuff comes out when I hate myself.
[chuckles] What stuff? No stuff is coming out.
[scoffs]
I'd feel better if you just tried the medication your doctor prescribed.
Well, I'd feel worse.
They put me on Prozac in college and I was so calm and boring,
I didn't even wanna LiveJournal.
And then Dawson's Creek got bad because there was no one to speak truth to power.
Dawson's Creek did not get bad.
You just started taking antidepressants, which you should also do now.
It sucks. It made me break out. I gained weight.
What if you leave and come back to this person you don't even recognize?
I don't even recognize you now.
You're making this a bigger thing than it is. I'll be fine.
Don't fall for one of those models.
I'm a one-woman man.
If that woman happens to be a turtle in a two-piece,
- that's just destiny. - [chuckles]
[sighs]
[knocks on door]
[sighs] You're the most beautiful person in the world to me. You know that, right?
[chuckles]
[groans]
These strike negotiations have lasted so long,
it's like Reds in this boardroom.
Remember Reds? Two VHS tapes.
That's too many tapes, I said, but no one listens to Lenny.
How's this look?
Generous, but you're making up the projected loss
by excising office birthday cakes. That's unacceptable.
Everybody hates office parties.
Everyone hates the mysterious dried fruit cubes in trail mix
but we still eat them after the other nuts and seeds are gone
because in our undervalued, overworked existence,
we're desperate for any morsel of satisfaction,
whether that be cake, unidentifiable orange fruit shards
or the occasional kind word from our boss.
I like cake. They can print those pictures on them now.
What's the issue here?
Fine. But we're grouping birthdays so they only happen once a month.
We accept those terms. We're left with one final issue.
Your insistence assistants be not treated like garbage?
From this day forth, all assistants will be treated like recycling.
Right next to the garbage,
but with an understanding that one day, they may be up-cycled to a higher status.
Like a bunch of seatbelts that got turned into a purse.
Or a license plate that gets turned into a purse. Right, Lenny?
Sure, sure. I'm green.
- We're amenable to these terms. - Oh.
- Judah. I meant to reach out... - There's no need to explain,
I know you're very busy with work and Ruthie.
[chuckles] You have no idea.
I have some idea.
You talked about it quite often during the negotiations.
This strike has been the most time I've been able to spend with Ruthie since...
- [coos] - ...ever.
I also feel an ambivalence about the strike ending.
The negotiations have been quite invigorating.
And now you're just gonna ride off into the sunset?
No, the sun sets in the west.
I'm riding east to my Atwater cottage. [grunts] Goodbye.
- Judah! - Yes?
You're the best assistant I ever had.
You don't need ever in that sentence. It's implied.
[grunting]
[sighs]
- [indistinct chattering] - [BoJack groans]
[exhales]
- Hey! Oh, uh... - Excuse me.
Mm.
Thank you for meeting me here. I can't be at my house.
Just reminds me of what an asshole I've been.
Makes sense. Your house reminds me of what an asshole you've been, too.
- [camera shutter clicking] - Uh... what are you doing?
I'm updating my asexual dating profile with some fresh pics.
There's still no one else on the app, but when they join, I wanna be ready.
Look at this busted photo. It's from over a year ago.
Yeah, you gotta stay current.
Oh, man, they always ask for your job. Oh, I actually have a job!
Hype man for babies.
You've really taken to this nanny thing, huh?
I love it. It's so amazing to hold a baby and look at it sleep
and think, "This is a perfect thing."
- I can't imagine. - It's weird to think that at one point,
someone held me in their hands and thought,
"I'm going to love this kid forever," you know? What happened?
What happened to what?
I don't know. Moms are weird, right?
Um... Yeah, moms are weird.
So, what are you gonna do now? Just keep getting lunch with your friends?
There was a stewardess in the meeting.
She was talking about how every day, she wakes up in a different place.
I thought, "That sounds perfect."
Every city a clean slate?
Stewardess?
I think the preferred term is flight servant.
[soft music playing]
To us! And depression!
[chuckles] Yes, but before I drink to that and then depart with you
on a cross-country tour of speaking engagements
as the quote-unquote "Face of Depression,"
there is something I feel I must get off my chest.
As it says on the cover of my last single "You Can Tell Me Anything,"
you can tell me anything.
- I am not depressed. - [gasps]
Wait. How can you know that?
Well, I feel very happy.
Oh, I know.
[sighs] Just as I suspected, half-full!
Hmm. That is a troubling development.
And right before our tour!
I would be quite upset by this if I were at all prone to depression,
which, as we've just established, I am not.
But isn't it possible that you are depressed and just don't know it?
Well, I do frequently not know things.
According to the literature for this tour that I did not read
but had my mom peruse and then paraphrase for me,
people who seem happy can actually be the most depressed.
Oh, no! I seem very happy!
- I know. - But wait! You seem happy, too!
Oh, no, does that mean I'm also depressed?
- Oh, good thing we're going on this tour. - We gotta get the word out.
- A cinnabunny and a coffee, please. - 3.25.
Four and five.
As Gandhi says, "Make the change you wish to see in the world."
Goodbye, change. Good luck out there. I'll miss you.
- Uh, what? - It's for the best. Go.
Just go, please. Don't make it harder than it has to be.
Okay.
[birds chirping]
[thunder rumbling]
- What is depression? - Depression.
- Who is depression? - You or someone you love.
- Where is depression? - A grassy field, perhaps.
If any of these words describe you or your feelings, you may suffer from...
- Depression. - ...depression.
[doorbell rings]
- BoJack? - Surprise!
- Uh, is this a bad time or...? - No.
It's just...
Heat's broken. Let's go for a walk.
- Why didn't you tell me you were coming? - I didn't know.
I was in LA and I didn't want to be, so...
- I'm glad you're here. - You doing okay?
I'm doing great. I have this wonderful boyfriend.
I got an advance on a book of personal essays.
Me, personal essays.
I mean, who am I? Sloane Crosley?
- Who's Sloane Crosley? - Good point. Who's Sloane Crosley?
Yeah, who is Sloane Crosley?
Exactly.
But the headline is you're doing great?
So great.
[slurps]
- Can I crash at your apartment? - No!
- I think I'm depressed. - Yeah?
It started when I was having trouble with my book,
and then it kind of snowballed
into my boyfriend saying I should take antidepressants.
- Are you going to? - What's the point?
Of antidepressants? I believe the point is to be antidepressed.
Sure. Or you just flip over the nothing and underneath there's more nothing.
Then you flip over that nothing and there's more nothing underneath that.
So, you just keep flipping over nothings, all your life,
because you keep thinking under all that nothing,
there's gotta be something, but all you find is nothing.
Sure, but you flip over this pizza box, uh, and look, a couch!
We're gonna break up soon anyway.
There's only so long before he gets tired of the real me.
The real you being...?
Ta-da!
You know, someone got really mad at me recently...
Mad? At you?
I know, shocking.
And he said, "BoJack, you ruin everything.
- That's what you are." - Oof.
And it actually took him saying it out loud
for me to realize how stupid that is,
even though I believed it for so long.
I bought into this idea that I was a thing that couldn't be changed.
So, the reason I came to Chicago is...
I wanted to thank you
for believing in me when I didn't,
and for encouraging me to accept the help I needed.
Hmm.
[melancholic music playing]
[inhales, groans]
Hmm.
- [wind howling] - [shudders]
Hmm.
- [groans] Mm? - [yelps]
So, I'm really glad you're here, but a little notice next time?
Oh, yeah, sorry.
I already made plans with Tawnie.
- Hey. - [screams]
Hi, Tawnie. Why are you in the backseat?
Hollyhock and I are in a fight right now. It's both minute and massive.
How can it be minute and massive?
It's a paradox. It's Sylvia Plath wearing Saint Laurent.
[groans] Wesleyan.
Anyway, we're going to a show. You're welcome to join us.
Great. A music show? I love music.
[discordant sounds playing]
Oh, God, is this what music sounds like when you're sober?
- Do I hate music? - No, this sucks.
I'm just here because I wanted to cheer up Tawnie.
I thought you were in a fight.
Yeah, but I still don't want her to feel bad.
She's my best friend. They cancelled all the drama classes.
What? Why?
The acting professor quit. He got cast in a regional commercial.
And he quit? Wow.
So, yeah, now Tawnie's gotta change her major,
which I get why that sucks,
but don't take it out on me.
I'll bet a lot of actors would love to teach at a place like this.
They're not looking for a replacement?
Maybe they are. I don't know. What do I look like, the Wesleyan Argus?
Okay, I don't wanna be fighting anymore, so can we just drop it?
- You always do this. - I'm trying to move past it.
You said we were gonna meet at Pi Café for dinner.
- I forgot. - Yeah.
That hurt my feelings. Now we're just supposed to move past it?
Ah, I see. A teachable moment.
Hollyhock, people will disappoint you.
You're always mad at me. There's nothing I can say.
Yes, some wounds will never be healed.
You could say sorry.
- Would it even matter? - No, words are meaningless.
Yes. You do this thing where you don't think you can ever be forgiven,
so you don't apologize,
but I can't forgive you if you don't say you're sorry.
Okay, I'm... sorry.
Thank you. That's all I wanted.
- I'm sorry. - I love you.
I love you, too.
Come here. Mm!
That's it?
- Come on, let's dance. [chuckles] - Yeah!
- Uh... [groans] - [Hollyhock] BoJack!
I'm really glad you came to visit.
- Where are you going next? - I don't know.
- Where is not winter? - California?
No, I can't go back there. Not yet.
- Florida? - [groans]
- Arizona? - Some parts of Texas?
[groans]
I'm telling you, people come to the airport just to eat these things.
But if their houses were made of cinnamon and dough,
they wouldn't have to go anywhere!
They could eat and live happily in their Cinnabungalow.
Well, I think it's a great idea and this customer thinks so, too.
- Right, Lonely Horse Guy? - Sure.
He loves it! You better get in on this before there's a bidding war.
[sighs] No, I'm not dating anyone. Stay on topic, Mom.
And Amelia Earhart flew through the skies
until one day, she made it to the sun and everybody cheered. The end.
[knocking on door]
- [Princess Carolyn] Oh. - Hey.
I'm out of rehab and I realized I never got you a baby shower gift, so... here.
I'm registered at Cubs 'R' Us and Baby Hole, but thanks.
If I'm gonna live in that house again,
I wanna get rid of the things that remind me of my old life.
Look what Uncle BoJack brought you, Ruthie.
It's a 1970s pop art interpretation of the Narcissus myth.
How appropriate for a baby.
Narcissus? I thought the painting was about me.
But enough about your baby, I also have a favor to ask.
Of course you do.
There's this drama professor job at Wesleyan.
They need a reference to tell them that I know what I'm talking about,
that I'm dependable and passionate.
So, I thought that you could do what you've been doing for 20 years
and lie about me.
I'll be back at the office tomorrow.
But have them call my cell because my assistant is terrible.
[cooing]
- Oh, shit, it walks already? - She started a few days ago.
[sniffles] Oh.
It's okay, she sucks at it now, but she'll get better at it.
I'm gonna miss everything. We have this connection now.
What if that goes away when I go back to work?
So don't go back.
What? I'm dying here, BoJack. I need my job. I love my job.
- Okay. - It's just...
There's always so much stupid bullshit to take care of there.
Aren't you the boss? Why are you doing the stupid bullshit?
I don't know.
Hey, my only responsibility right now is to not drink and I'm barely getting by.
You are producing a show, running a company,
catering to your clients, raising a child, a Todd.
You need your own Princess Carolyn to take care of you.
[Ruthie babbling]
- [both gasp] - Oh, no! That thing was priceless.
Ah, we'll tape it back together and call it a Rauschenberg.
I've been back in LA two months. When am I gonna hear about this job?
I have other offers, you know. UCLA, USC, UTI.
[groans] Mr. Horseman, we have to allow other applicants time to apply.
Raven-Symoné is circling.
Raven! She's circling around, portending my doom?
Is she gonna swoop in and peck out my chances?
That is so... like her.
I still can't get comfortable in my house.
It's huge and perfect, but it feels like the worst place on earth.
No offense, Benny, living in your storage locker sounds pretty rough.
Every day, it just keeps getting better.
God, you're killing me, Benny.
My house reminds me of the horse I was before.
I don't wanna be him again.
But it's the same house, the same city,
just nothing's changed, so how am I supposed to?
- Hey. - Sharona, I...
We don't need to do whatever your sad eyes are asking for.
It was a long time ago.
I'd like to try to...
The last time I saw you was my rock bottom.
I've been sober ever since.
So it all worked out, okay?
Please, just let me say it.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
It was nice of you to bring Panda Express for everyone.
- Right. Everyone. - [chuckles]
What do you say? Once more for old time's sake?
- [scissors snipping] - I can't believe
you have been dying your hair for 20 years. What color is this? Sharpie?
Okay. I dye my hair. Nobody makes fun of Dennis Rodman.
They don't? Huh.
- What do you think? - I look old.
[cell phone ringing]
- Hello? - [grunts] Raven's out.
She taught a workshop at Spelman and to quote Raven, "Nevermore."
Spring semester starts next week. Can you be here?
I'll be on the next plane.
Welcome to Wesleyan, Professor.
- Is it like a Jesus thing? - No, it's not that. I told you.
I'm just confused, is all. Because I thought you liked me.
I do, but I was very clear there are certain things
that I'm not interested in.
[man] So, why did you go out with me in the first place?
- Because I like you! But it's complicated. - And you're sure it's not a Jesus thing?
Fine, if it helps end this conversation, yes, it's a Jesus thing.
Hey, I admire your devotion.
What would Jesus do? Not this guy. [chuckles]
- It's not a Jesus thing. - I figured.
I don't wanna presume anything,
but there's an app you might be interested in.
An app?
- [snoring] - [tires screech]
[groans]
[woman on PA] Welcome to Dulles International Airport.
Looks like it's so icy,
all connecting flights have been grounded.
We are happy to offer all passengers a complimentary hotel stay
until we can get you on your way.
And the luggage doors are iced shut, so your bags are probably gone forever!
- Ugh! - Thank you for flying with us
and enjoy DC.
Huh.
- [clears throat] Hmm. - [camera shutter clicks]
- [BoJack] What? - Is that ol' BoJack Horseman?
Oh, no, it's old BoJack Horseman! 'Cause your hair is grey.
- What are you doing in DC? - Addressing Congress, of course.
Getting the word out and raising awareness and so forth.
You're looking at the National Face of Depression!
- You're the National Face of Depression? - Yep!
- This face? - Uh-huh.
- You're depressed? - Hey, I wanna show you something.
Hey, partner, sit tight. I'll be right back.
You got it, SD.
Sad Dog. [chuckles]
[sniffing]
Jackpot!
You're in a museum! Pretty cool, huh?
- Huh, that is pretty cool. - Doggy-doggy, what, now?
♪ Knick-knack, patty whack Give a dog a bone! ♪
[sighs] That makes sense.
[panting]
Well, looks like you finally got your crossover episode.
What? Oh, my God. Okay.
- Is this real? Is this happening? - Yeah.
Okay, you knock on the door here.
Excuse me, are you Zachary's father?
I think our adopted teens go to school together!
Yeah, yeah. Our teens. Our adopted teens.
Like you said, they're... [in high-pitched voice] It's a crossover!
They sure have been spending a lot of time together, huh, our teens?
[in normal voice] I hope they're not having S-E...
Excuse me. [sobbing] It's just...
I'm so overwhelmed.
- This is the best day! [crying] - Oh.
Oh, God. Oh.
He's the National Face of Depression.
[woman] We have rescheduled your flight to Connecticut for 8:45 a.m. tomorrow.
Please stay on the line for a survey
that directly determines whether or not I get fired...
[phone beeps]
Hmm.
["Take Me Down Easy" playing]
- [knocks on door] - Come in.
Pardon my state.
I was mid-trek up the Los Angeles Crest when I received your text.
- You had a question for me? - Yes.
Would you be interested in interviewing
for a job here as VIM's Chief of Operations?
You'd be a partner with a stake in the company,
and a birthday cake just for you.
I would be interested in that interview.
- Do you want the job? - Yes.
Great. Interview done.
Your first task is to clear my schedule every third Friday.
I'm taking them off to be with my daughter.
And there's a weird burnt smell coming from the copy room.
I'm familiar with that smell. I'll investigate right away.
Thanks, Judah.
My pleasure.
[sighs]
- [cell phone chimes] - Oh.
Huh.
[cell phone buzzes, beeps]
Hi, Mister!
Pickles! Other than being away from you,
I gotta say I am having the time of my life being depressed!
I'm so glad.
I sense a sadness in your voice, my gherkin. But maybe not?
At this point, I really don't know the difference.
You sensed correctly.
I thought it'd be easy to get even, but I've slept with 32 guys now,
if you count the two sets of twins as two and not four.
I do.
And the truth is, none of them are like my Mister.
I just wish I could cheat on you with you.
- Mm. - [muffled grunting]
- Hmm? - [Joey] Whoa. Uh-oh.
[laughs] Hanging in there. [grunts]
Hmm... I think I may have an idea.
♪ 'Cause there was no sunlight ♪
♪ Just ask my mother ♪
- ♪ When I treated myself hard ♪ - Huh! [chuckles]
♪ I crumble and fall ♪
♪ So take me down easy ♪
Huh.
♪ Take me down easy ♪
♪ Let me land softly ♪
- [bells tolling] - ♪ Back in your arms ♪
My fellow horses, are we doomed to die in the shadow of our sins?
[all] Nay!
Does thy Lord turn His back on His colts?
- Nay! - Nay.
Nay, for to forgive is divine.
Unless thou art a witch, then God wills ye be burnt at the stake.
- [clears throat] - There, Goody Oats! Seize her!
No, no, no! [screaming]
[door slams]
If God forgives thee, thou must also forgive thyself.
"Though thy sins be like scarlet, they shall be white as snow."
It is only when we show ourselves forgiveness and mercy
that we truly live a life of grace, that we are reborn.
Turn to the horse next to you and offer a sign of grace and peace
in the name of the Lord.
[man] Peace be with you.
- Peace be with you. - Uh, peace be with you.
- Peace be with you. - Peace be with you.
Peace be with you. Peace be with you.
- [man] And also with you. - Peace be with you.
And that concludes our reenactment of an early Horsey service! Thank you.
[sighs]
Looks like you found some solace in our show.
Stay if you like. In 30 minutes, we start over.
♪ Take me down easy ♪
♪ Let me land softly ♪
♪ Back in your arms ♪
♪ 'Cause I can sing the sad songs ♪
♪ It's easy to find them ♪
♪ The worst kind of heartbreak ♪
♪ Won't leave you alone ♪
♪ So take me down easy ♪
♪ Take me down easy ♪
♪ Let me land softly ♪
♪ Back in your arms ♪