1
00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:06,631
[BoJack] Sarah Lynn.
2
00:00:07,632 --> 00:00:08,883
Sarah Lynn?
3
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:19,769
[stammers] I don't have a lot to tell.
She called me.
4
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,896
She sounded a little off. I... [sighs]
5
00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:26,568
So, I drove to the planetarium,
and I found her passed out.
6
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:29,195
I called 911 right away,
but it was too late.
7
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:31,322
[crickets chirping]
8
00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:33,950
- I'm so sorry.
- [cries]
9
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,201
I did everything I could.
10
00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:38,621
It's my fault. I'm a terrible mother.
11
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:41,332
- No. It's no one's fault.
- [sobs]
12
00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:47,756
So, you don't know
where Sarah Lynn got the heroin from?
13
00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:49,424
- I have no idea.
- Alrighty then.
14
00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:51,468
That's the only question I had.
15
00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:54,054
I mean, of course I knew
she was doing a lot of drugs.
16
00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:56,389
But that's who she was. Who I was.
17
00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:58,308
It felt like we could keep
partying forever
18
00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:01,519
- and it wouldn't catch up with us.
- Got it. Don't need any more information.
19
00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:02,687
I was in a bad way.
20
00:01:02,979 --> 00:01:07,859
And Sarah Lynn followed me down
because she thought I was a safe place.
21
00:01:07,942 --> 00:01:08,942
What have I done?
22
00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:11,529
Just to be clear, the case is closed.
23
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:12,906
You can stop rambling.
24
00:01:12,989 --> 00:01:14,991
[whistles tune]
25
00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:17,452
I gotta make some changes in my life.
26
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:19,871
Starting now.
27
00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:23,792
[bottles clink]
28
00:01:27,378 --> 00:01:29,923
[gulping]
29
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[distorted theme music playing]
30
00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:34,219
[bell dinging]
31
00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:41,976
- I need help. Hello? Ah!
- Checking in.
32
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:44,312
- Welcome to Pastiches Malibu!
- Great.
33
00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:48,566
I see you have the six-week package, so...
A hundred thousand dollars, please!
34
00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,610
A hundred thou... Jesus!
35
00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:53,279
Does every room come
with a free bag full of $90,000?
36
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:56,825
- Can't put a price on clean living.
- And yet somehow you found a way.
37
00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:59,869
Before I take you to your room,
could we get a selfie?
38
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,371
What? No.
39
00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:04,374
Every client that comes here
takes a picture with me.
40
00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:07,544
Goes on the wall. Kind of a tradition.
41
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:10,463
I'm not in the mood.
I look awful, first of all.
42
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:13,591
Johnny Depp did it and he looked
just as puffy and ghoulish as you do.
43
00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:16,553
Hey, groundhog. I said no.
Why don't you go see your own shadow
44
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:19,514
so I can get six more weeks
of "Leave Me The Hell Alone"?
45
00:02:19,597 --> 00:02:21,224
I'm so sorry, sir.
46
00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:23,893
Thank you.
Now if you'll kindly direct me to my room,
47
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,020
I would like to begin
the process of healing,
48
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:29,107
so I can finally stop hurting
the people around me, dipshit!
49
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:33,319
♪ You throw a record on
And your heart is racin' ♪
50
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:36,447
♪ You start to move around
While you dance in place ♪
51
00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:39,117
♪ And you think you're never wrong ♪
52
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,870
♪ Oh, but you're so-so, honey ♪
53
00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:44,664
- [grunts]
- ♪ Oh, yeah, you're so-so, honey ♪
54
00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:46,166
[yawns]
55
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,001
[grunts]
56
00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:51,462
♪ You start to sing along
And your foot is tappin' ♪
57
00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:55,133
♪ I see you look around
I caught you peeking at me ♪
58
00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:57,427
♪ You think you got it all ♪
59
00:02:57,510 --> 00:03:00,638
♪ Oh, but you're so-so, honey ♪
60
00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:04,100
♪ Oh, yeah, you're so-so, honey ♪
61
00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:09,772
♪ If I knew I waited too long ♪
62
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:13,568
♪ I'd find a song to push the time along ♪
63
00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:16,905
♪ Change works so well for you ♪
64
00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:19,073
♪ 'Cause you're so-so, honey ♪
65
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:22,202
♪ Oh, yeah, you're so-so, honey ♪
66
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:23,995
[music stops]
67
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,207
[music resumes]
68
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:30,376
♪ You throw a record on
And your heart is racin' ♪
69
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:33,504
♪ You start to move around
While you dance in place ♪
70
00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:36,257
♪ And you start to sing along ♪
71
00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:39,928
♪ Your foot is tappin'
Oh, you're so-so ♪
72
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:44,057
♪ Oh, yeah, you're so-so, honey ♪
73
00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:53,399
[pants, sighs]
74
00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:55,026
Oh.
75
00:03:56,402 --> 00:04:00,073
So, when I went to the country club
for Sheila's luncheon...
76
00:04:00,156 --> 00:04:01,699
Yes. Let it out.
77
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:05,870
I had to wear the same suit
I had just worn to Sandra's tea party.
78
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:06,871
- Yeah.
- [woman] Oh.
79
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:10,833
I think of that as my rock bottom. [sobs]
80
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,795
Denise, thank you
for sharing your story. So brave.
81
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,922
Denise, we are powerless
82
00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:17,465
- over our addictions
- Uh-huh.
83
00:04:17,715 --> 00:04:20,176
We have a saying in rehab,
"Everyone takes a different road
84
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,137
to get to the same city,
Soberopolis, USA."
85
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:24,221
Hold on a sec. What?
86
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,475
BoJack, maybe you could tell us
when was the first time you drank?
87
00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:29,352
When wasn't the first time I drank?
88
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:30,853
- Am I right?
- [all laugh]
89
00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:37,485
Your last day's tomorrow.
90
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,421
You think you're ready
to go back into the world?
91
00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:42,407
I do. I feel good, I feel clear.
92
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:45,135
You know, just because you cleaned
the tobacco out of your teeth
93
00:04:45,201 --> 00:04:47,096
don't mean it's your wedding day,
pardon the expression.
94
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,472
I don't believe that is an expression.
95
00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:50,540
I notice you tend to deflect
whenever I ask you
96
00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:52,292
about the source of your addiction.
97
00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:55,420
I don't deflect.
Hey, is that a new tie? Because I love it.
98
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:59,590
You understand a joke about deflection
is still a deflection, right?
99
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:01,926
I came here to take responsibility
for myself,
100
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,721
and all I keep hearing is,
"It's not your fault,
101
00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:06,472
you are powerless over your addiction."
102
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:09,309
- That is the first step.
- And while we're at it, why 12 steps?
103
00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:12,061
That is way too many.
Nobody wants to do 12 of anything.
104
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,438
Did you see 12 Years a Slave
105
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:16,149
and think, "Twelve. That's a short number
of years to be a slave."
106
00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:18,943
- You're deflecting again.
- I'm here because I made choices.
107
00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:20,486
Nobody made me drink.
108
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,488
My addiction didn't pull a knife on me
109
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:25,658
and say, "Hey, bub! Drink this alcohol
or I'm gonna strangle you.
110
00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:28,119
After I put down this knife,
which now seems unnecessary."
111
00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:30,872
- We have a saying in the sober community.
- No kidding.
112
00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:33,624
"We want what our addictions
want us to want,
113
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:36,548
in the same way that our future
is just a house built from the materials
114
00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:38,921
of our present on the blueprint
that is our past."
115
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:43,301
See, usually the point of sayings
is they illustrate complicated concepts
116
00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:44,719
via straightforward allegory.
117
00:05:44,802 --> 00:05:46,888
I really admire
that your sayings don't do that.
118
00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:49,571
If you don't wanna be here,
you don't have to wait until tomorrow.
119
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,684
The gate code is 12,
for the number of steps,
120
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:54,479
then my mom's birthday,
which is March 4th, '56.
121
00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:57,857
So, the gate code
is one, two, three, four, five, six?
122
00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:01,861
You can leave whenever you'd like.
But is that really what you want?
123
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,072
[sighs] No.
124
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,702
It's so beautiful.
125
00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,162
And I know a lot about art
126
00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:13,998
because my husband owns
a Jackson Pollock. [chuckles]
127
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:16,209
My dad owns a signed picture
of Kevin Pollak.
128
00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:17,710
- [yelps]
- What about you, BoJack?
129
00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:19,313
Did you grow up in a house
with a lot of art?
130
00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:22,173
Well, my parents practiced
the art of being terrible parents.
131
00:06:22,256 --> 00:06:23,716
[laughter]
132
00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:26,719
BoJack, you can't joke your way
through this.
133
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,906
Everyone else in this group
is trying hard to be honest.
134
00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:31,474
Really? Everyone's being honest?
135
00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,643
Doug over here,
who keeps dressing in a suit and tie
136
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,496
even though he's never getting
his finance job back?
137
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,230
- [woman gasps]
- Oh! Savage!
138
00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:38,898
And Joan Tripplehorn?
139
00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:42,193
We all know you're just Jeanne Tripplehorn
wearing fake glasses!
140
00:06:42,276 --> 00:06:44,821
- [all gasp]
- [chuckles] What? No!
141
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:47,407
I'm Jeanne's identical twin Joan.
142
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:50,118
Mm, Jeanne Tripplehorn. Not an alcoholic.
143
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:53,413
And that guy with the fake mustache
is obviously actor Jay Hernandez
144
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,498
who's just here to do research for a role.
145
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:57,333
- [all gasp]
- No. I'm a no "Hernandez."
146
00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:01,337
Like I say, my name is Mario.
Directed by Zack Snyder.
147
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,173
I'm addicted to pain pills from breaking
too many bricks on my head.
148
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,300
BoJack's right! You all suck!
149
00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,344
- Yeah, well, let's talk about Jameson.
- Uh...
150
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,721
- I'd rather you not.
- She would love to get sober
151
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:13,349
but still has her friend McCaitlyn
sneak her water bottles
152
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,184
filled with vodka every visiting day.
153
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,268
- [all gasp]
- Jameson?
154
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:18,229
- Um...
- Have you been smuggling in alcohol?
155
00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:22,442
How is this my fault?
I blame water for being vodka-colored!
156
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:24,152
This is your fifth time in rehab.
157
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:26,821
- Maybe it's a sign it's not working, huh?
- BoJack...
158
00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:28,573
Everyone, just as a general rule,
159
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:31,159
if you're checking into rehab
more than once,
160
00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:33,453
- either you're a lost cause...
- [all gasp]
161
00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:36,747
...or this is just an industry
that profits off of repeat customers,
162
00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:39,876
so maybe they don't have
your best interest at heart.
163
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,752
- Oh!
- How's that for honest?
164
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,088
Mamma mia.
165
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:48,718
- [blows]
- [door opens]
166
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,970
Hey, snitch! I only sneak in vodka
167
00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:53,806
because I have to make it through
six weeks of this bullshit.
168
00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:55,308
I don't even need to be here.
169
00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:57,894
My dad totally overreacted
when he found me not breathing.
170
00:07:58,060 --> 00:07:59,896
Yeah, it's always
someone else's fault, right?
171
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:03,083
- You have no idea what I've been through.
- I know everything you've been through.
172
00:08:03,107 --> 00:08:05,234
I listen in group!
Your mom died of cancer.
173
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,528
Your dad stuck you in boarding school
and remarried.
174
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:10,281
And now there's a new baby
and no one pays attention to you.
175
00:08:10,364 --> 00:08:12,134
But it's not his fault
you're drinking in rehab.
176
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:14,202
I was sober for most of last year
177
00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:16,597
and he just waited for me to slip up
so he could ship me here
178
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:19,081
so I wouldn't embarrass him
and ruin his new perfect family...
179
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:20,350
Hey, if you don't wanna be here,
180
00:08:20,374 --> 00:08:22,543
the gate code is one, two,
three, four, five, six.
181
00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:25,171
You could sneak out the upstairs window
after midnight bed check
182
00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:26,523
by tying your sheets into a rope
183
00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:28,442
and nobody would notice
you're gone until wake up.
184
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:30,760
But... is that what you really want?
185
00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:32,470
Ugh!
186
00:08:33,721 --> 00:08:34,972
[door closes]
187
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,560
[studio audience laughing]
188
00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:41,145
Holy sheet!
189
00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,648
I've heard of being at the end
of my rope...
190
00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:46,275
but this is ridiculous!
191
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:49,070
Why would Sabrina run away like that?
192
00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:52,156
Because I had to break it to her that you
weren't going to be her new mommy,
193
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,493
international supermodel Cindy Crawfish!
194
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,788
When I was flying to Paris
for Paris Fashion Week
195
00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:01,123
and my private plane crashed
into your backyard,
196
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:05,836
the one thing I never expected
was to find someone so special.
197
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:06,920
- Oh.
- [both chuckle]
198
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:08,506
[audience] Aw!
199
00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:11,092
- Cut! That's a five, everyone!
- [bell ringing]
200
00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:13,803
So, look, you're doing everything great.
201
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:16,973
I'm loving your instincts, it's dead on,
couldn't be better, perfect.
202
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:20,560
The one problem is the kiss got an "aw."
203
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:24,355
It's supposed to get an "Ooh!"
204
00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:26,065
- Right?
- I'm nervous, okay?
205
00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:29,068
This is my first on-camera kiss
and it's with Cindy Crawfish.
206
00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:32,363
You know how many guys would kill
to be in your shoes?
207
00:09:32,446 --> 00:09:33,489
What do I gotta do?
208
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,742
Kiss you on the lips myself
to show you what a real kiss looks like?
209
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:37,910
- [kisses]
- Ha-ha-ha!
210
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:41,622
- No. I'll handle it.
- Well, I sure as hell hope so.
211
00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:43,499
[gulps] Mm.
212
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,544
- Hey, what's in this orange juice?
- Just a little extra punch.
213
00:09:46,627 --> 00:09:48,379
Oh. No, no, I don't...
214
00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:50,881
Trust me. It'll loosen you up.
215
00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:58,180
The one thing I never expected...
216
00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:01,183
was to find someone so special.
217
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,811
- [Cindy] Hmm!
- [audience] Ooh!
218
00:10:03,894 --> 00:10:05,896
- [Herb] Love it! Cut and scene!
- [bell ringing]
219
00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:09,984
Hey, no way, the party's just beginning.
Let's do one more take!
220
00:10:10,067 --> 00:10:12,653
- You up for more acting, Cindy?
- [audience whooping]
221
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:15,323
Well, if it's for the show.
222
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:18,743
Hey, Sharona,
how 'bout some more of that OJ?
223
00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:24,332
- [Jameson grunting] Whoa! Ow.
- Huh?
224
00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:26,709
[panting]
225
00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:28,252
Holy sheet.
226
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:31,088
I've heard of being at the end of my rope,
but this...
227
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,382
is very serious!
228
00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:37,803
- [exhales]
- Jameson!
229
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:41,182
Don't cut the string that connects you
to the kite that is you!
230
00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:42,808
- [scoffs] What?
- I don't know!
231
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:45,492
I was just trying to come up
with one of those dumb rehab sayings!
232
00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:47,748
McCaitlyn told me Dathan
was thinking of breaking up with me
233
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,023
because I got fat junior year.
234
00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:51,084
So, I need to go show him
that I'm back to being hot.
235
00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:53,128
Then break up with him
for being a shallow buck foy!
236
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:54,862
You don't need to do that.
237
00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:57,782
Oh, what does it matter?
We both know this place is bullshit!
238
00:10:57,865 --> 00:10:59,065
So, why do you care what I do?
239
00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:01,535
Because I'm the idiot
who helped you escape.
240
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:02,787
So, if you OD tonight,
241
00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:05,842
then I'm the one who'll have to lie
to everyone about what happened.
242
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:07,416
Well, I'm going.
243
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,460
You can come with me if you want.
244
00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:13,881
[sighs] God damn it.
245
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:16,634
[party music playing]
246
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,931
[Jameson chuckles] Oh!
247
00:11:22,264 --> 00:11:23,641
This is your boyfriend's house?
248
00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:25,284
- You can't go in there.
- I'll be fine.
249
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,687
I'll just find Dathan,
crush him with my thigh gap,
250
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,313
- and then we can go.
- [sighs]
251
00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:31,065
Okay.
252
00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:35,277
Dathan? Where are you?
253
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:38,364
It's me, Jameson H.!
254
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,537
[people laughing]
255
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:46,997
[gasps]
256
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:51,919
[panting]
257
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,552
[panting continues]
258
00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:04,348
- [knocking on door]
- [boy] Hey, who's in there?
259
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:06,851
- Um...
- Is someone having sex in there?
260
00:12:06,934 --> 00:12:09,603
I think there are people
having sex in there.
261
00:12:10,312 --> 00:12:12,398
Hey, it was just the nerd.
262
00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,859
Definitely no one having sex in here.
263
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:16,944
- [thuds]
- [grunts]
264
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:19,447
Um. Oh. Mm.
265
00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:23,868
You're BoJack from Spanish 1, right?
266
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:27,496
- Uh, yeah. I mean, sí!
- [chuckles]
267
00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:33,711
Okay. "Sí" ya around. [chuckles]
268
00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:36,630
Ah, yeah, bye, Katie.
269
00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:38,549
Ugh.
270
00:12:38,632 --> 00:12:41,302
- Hey! You want a beer, Horseman?
- Oh, no, thank you.
271
00:12:41,385 --> 00:12:44,013
I mean, drinking's cool,
it's just that we're underage
272
00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:47,475
- and, you know, the law.
- I'm lifting 178 right now.
273
00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:48,598
- [keg clangs]
- [chuckles]
274
00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:51,103
You know what? I'll have one beer.
275
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:52,187
[pops]
276
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:57,443
Okay, who am I? Who am I?
277
00:12:57,526 --> 00:13:00,112
- "I'm Eric from chemistry class!"
- [laughter]
278
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:01,530
That's so Eric! [chuckles]
279
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,532
He is so in chemistry class!
280
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,993
Speaking of losers, there's Josh!
281
00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:08,788
Look, he's wearing K-Mart shoes
because his family's poor!
282
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:10,706
[laughter]
283
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:16,462
Katie's not laughing because she always
thinks she's better than everyone.
284
00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:19,256
Hey, remember last year
when one of Katie's boobs
285
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,758
grew bigger than the other?
286
00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:23,344
[groans] "Look at me, I'm Katie!"
287
00:13:23,427 --> 00:13:25,221
[laughter continues]
288
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:26,680
[Katie sobs]
289
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:31,560
- Hey, you want some?
- Oh, yeah. Bartender, one more.
290
00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:35,481
[sighs]
291
00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:38,234
- [Jameson screaming]
- [gasps]
292
00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:42,112
- What's wrong?
- Dathan's sucking McCaitlyn's face!
293
00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:43,697
Oh, my God. Jameson.
294
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:46,033
Okay. It is not what it looks like,
I swear.
295
00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:47,409
You're still doing it!
296
00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:50,120
- I tried to make it easy on you, Jameson.
- [both moaning]
297
00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:52,248
I told you things weren't going great.
298
00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:53,749
Oh, Dathan, touch my boob.
299
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:54,834
Do not touch her boob!
300
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:56,669
Jameson, it's not my fault you're a mess.
301
00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:58,313
I mean, how many times
have you been to rehab?
302
00:13:58,337 --> 00:13:59,630
Yeah, Jameson.
303
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,174
[cries]
304
00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:05,261
[Dathan and McCaitlyn moaning]
305
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,640
[crying]
306
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,311
Look, it's okay.
You were gonna break up with him anyway.
307
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:17,064
- And your friend sucks.
- No, they're right.
308
00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:20,651
I'm a mess. And no one cares.
God damn it! I might as well drink.
309
00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:22,945
- No. You don't need a drink.
- [grunts]
310
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,905
You need to get back to bed
and get some sleep.
311
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:28,033
You're right. I'm gonna go home
and sleep in my bed!
312
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,744
And when my dad shows up
to ask why I'm not in rehab,
313
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:34,290
I'll be like, "Maybe you should go
to rehab for your addiction
314
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:36,500
to being a shitty dad, Dad!"
315
00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:39,753
Okay, Jameson,
you need to be responsible for yourself.
316
00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:43,382
Now, I think that you should come back
to Pastiches with me like you promised.
317
00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:46,886
But if you wanna go to your dad's house,
all you have to do is steal Dathan's car,
318
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:49,730
and I heard Michele with one "L"
is about to jump naked into the pool,
319
00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:53,475
so everyone's gonna be distracted,
which means this is the perfect time.
320
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:55,954
- But is that really what you want?
- [car engine revving]
321
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:57,778
- [Jameson] Bye, BoJack! Thanks!
- What the...
322
00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,815
God damn it! [grunts]
323
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,233
Stupid... [mumbling]
324
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:04,111
- Oh.
- [touch tones beeping]
325
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,071
[buzzing]
326
00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:10,075
[sniffs] Hello?
327
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,077
I need you to find the address
of some rich guy.
328
00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:13,787
- BoJack?
- All I know for sure
329
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:16,790
is that he's the father of a girl
named Jameson, who's super annoying.
330
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:20,127
I'm going to assume you have a good reason
to locate a girl
331
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:22,338
in the middle of the night,
but I can't help you.
332
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:25,341
Fine! Be that way. Todd'll help me.
333
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,595
- Can you patch me through to Todd?
- What? Call him yourself.
334
00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:30,678
I don't know his number.
335
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:34,600
I only remember your number because it was
such a dumb number with all those fours.
336
00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:36,185
Four, four, six, four...
337
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:38,312
My phone number
has a normal amount of fours.
338
00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:40,081
You are not gonna make me
self-conscious about...
339
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:41,523
And it ends with a three!
340
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:42,942
Talk about an anti-climax!
341
00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:45,319
What kind of phone number
ends with a three?
342
00:15:45,402 --> 00:15:47,071
Shut up about my phone number!
343
00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:50,449
- Hold for Todd.
- [beeps]
344
00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:54,036
Todd's phone. Your one-stop shop
for all your Todd-related needs.
345
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:56,497
Todd, I need you to track down
an address for me.
346
00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:58,457
You're the world's best hacker, right?
347
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:01,085
Yeah, but not the kind of hacker
you're thinking of.
348
00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:02,711
- Funny story...
- Okay, I gotta go.
349
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,088
- I'm at Coachella...
- Uh-huh.
350
00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:05,839
Put my name on the wrong list,
351
00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:09,760
suddenly I've entered
into a hacky sack competition!
352
00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:11,178
- Right.
- Prior to these events,
353
00:16:11,261 --> 00:16:13,681
- I've never hacked a sack in my life.
- Uh-huh.
354
00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:17,768
But the only other contender is
the Russian ringer they flew in special,
355
00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:18,727
so I'm thinking,
356
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:21,271
- "I've gotta win this for America!"
- Uh-huh.
357
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:26,694
Long story short, the Russian had
a heart attack, so I won by default!
358
00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:28,862
Uh, does that answer your question?
359
00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:31,240
I don't remember my question,
but I'm gonna guess no.
360
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:33,492
- Oh, hold on, I'm getting another call.
- [beeps]
361
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:36,495
Todd's phone!
Spare the Todd, spoil the child!
362
00:16:36,578 --> 00:16:38,664
Did you get the black market
porcupine milk?
363
00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:40,082
Yeah, I'll bring it right over.
364
00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:43,127
Although, I'm not looking forward
to getting on a crowded bus
365
00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:45,212
- in Porcupine Town.
- [grunts]
366
00:16:45,295 --> 00:16:47,756
- Hold on. Getting another call.
- [phone buzzes]
367
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,342
Hey, superstar!
How are things goin' on set?
368
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:53,178
Well, the movie itself
is coming together beautifully,
369
00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:56,181
but when I was on break
playing with my model helicopter,
370
00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,600
it crashed into the studio water tower.
371
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,561
- Oh, no!
- It gets worse!
372
00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:04,189
It flooded the set of former VJ Downtown
Julie Brown's new puppet show.
373
00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:05,691
- What?
- Completely ruining
374
00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:07,860
her vintage goose feather dress
she just bought,
375
00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:09,194
and disrupting the big finale
376
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:12,197
where her wooden puppet plays
Beethoven's fifth on the bongos!
377
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:15,242
Wait. You're telling me
your dumb drone downed a tower
378
00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:18,454
and drowned Downtown Julie Brown's
dummy drumming dum-dum-dum-dum,
379
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:21,457
dousing her newly found,
goose-down, hand-me-down gown?
380
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:24,293
- Yes, that is exactly right!
- I'll be right down.
381
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:25,669
- Todd, I gotta go.
- [beeps]
382
00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:26,587
- Hmm.
- [beeps]
383
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:29,465
[muffled music playing over speakers]
384
00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:32,968
- So, sounds like rehab's goin' well, huh?
- No!
385
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,553
[groaning]
386
00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:36,346
Hey, give me my phone back.
387
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:40,392
I'm expecting some timely feedback
on an important dick pic.
388
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:41,953
Hey, do you know where Jameson lives?
389
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:44,188
Jameson H.? Or Jameson Q.?
390
00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:46,440
- Ugh, I don't know.
- Or Jameson M.?
391
00:17:46,523 --> 00:17:48,067
Where is the nearest Jameson?
392
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,614
- [door closes]
- [BoJack] Whoa.
393
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,116
Is that the car
from Ferris Bueller's Day Off?
394
00:17:56,366 --> 00:18:00,245
Yeah, my dad loves movie memorabilia.
And this car is his baby.
395
00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:03,248
At least... No, it was his baby
before the new baby came.
396
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:06,502
Now the new baby's the baby,
which means the car is the new me,
397
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:08,837
so where does that leave me? Nowhere.
398
00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:10,422
What are you talking about?
399
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:14,093
He threw out all of my stuff
and turned my room into the baby's room.
400
00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:18,472
He got rid of my softball trophies,
but he loves his stupid bat, naturally.
401
00:18:18,555 --> 00:18:21,767
- And his dumb stupid car!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
402
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,328
- [crying]
- Parents are terrible.
403
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:25,562
But destroying things
isn't gonna change them.
404
00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:27,314
All you can change is you.
405
00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:28,941
Ugh. Fine.
406
00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:32,736
If I'm gonna get lectured anyway,
I may as well go back to rehab.
407
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:37,223
- [glass shattering]
- [woman moans]
408
00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:39,868
Dad, you there?
409
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,592
Mom said since you didn't come home
I should bring you your dinner.
410
00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:46,291
And she said to tell you she hopes
you like cold, burnt pot roast
411
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:47,459
that was spit on.
412
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:48,543
- [woman moaning]
- Huh?
413
00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:49,419
Dad?
414
00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:52,339
There it is, coax it out of my sheath.
415
00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:54,049
[gasps]
416
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,717
BoJack! What the devil!
417
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,095
[stammers]
I'll get right on that memo, Mr. Horseman.
418
00:18:58,178 --> 00:19:00,264
Okay, let me... Oops, oh. [chuckles]
419
00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:03,142
Okay, let me just...
Oh, you look so cute. Bye-bye. All right.
420
00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:05,435
- What were you doing, Dad?
- Oh.
421
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:07,688
It's fun to have you
at the office, BoJack.
422
00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:10,190
- You're really turning into a man.
- I am?
423
00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:13,652
I think you're old enough now
to have a Jack and Coke.
424
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:16,822
Mm, nice and sweet.
425
00:19:17,447 --> 00:19:21,410
Here's to our first drink
as father and son.
426
00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:28,834
[car horns honking]
427
00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:31,003
[groans]
428
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,256
Huh?
429
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:38,677
- Did I fall asleep? I feel sick.
- [laughs]
430
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,930
You went a little wild.
You made a mess on my carpet, BoJack.
431
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,725
I think your mother
would be very disappointed in you.
432
00:19:44,808 --> 00:19:45,642
I'm sorry.
433
00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:51,190
Maybe it's best if we both just forgot
about everything that happened tonight.
434
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:54,109
- Okay, buddy?
- Okay.
435
00:19:58,238 --> 00:20:01,283
You know what? Screw your dad.
436
00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:02,701
Whoa!
437
00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:05,579
Hey! That's the titular club
from The First Wives Club.
438
00:20:05,662 --> 00:20:07,080
You're just a kid.
439
00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:10,459
Why do you have to be responsible
for all the ways he screwed you up?
440
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:11,752
Yeah!
441
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,170
[grunts]
442
00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:17,674
It's not my fault I was born!
He's the one who got my mom pregnant!
443
00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:20,636
Yeah, and I bet your mom sucked, too!
444
00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:23,013
[gasps] Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!
445
00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:26,183
Chick ch'ka... Oh, no.
446
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:28,560
- Oh, my...
- [thuds]
447
00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:30,270
- [both sigh]
- [car squeaks]
448
00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:32,272
[glass cracking]
449
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:33,523
- Wha...
- Oh, boy.
450
00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:36,652
- [door opens]
- [baby crying]
451
00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,987
What the hell are you doing?
452
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:41,114
That's the giant window from The Graduate!
453
00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:42,032
Oh.
454
00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:47,037
Daddy, I didn't wanna leave rehab,
but this scary old horse made me!
455
00:20:47,287 --> 00:20:48,538
Hi, cutie! Mwah!
456
00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:51,017
Okay, I'm ready to go back to rehab now.
I'll go wait in the car!
457
00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:52,459
Jameson... [sighs]
458
00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:54,586
- Listen...
- Are you drunk or high?
459
00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:56,922
- What?
- Are you drunk or high right now?
460
00:20:57,005 --> 00:20:58,882
- No.
- [sighs]
461
00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:00,509
I'm sorry she roped you into this.
462
00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:02,992
You're not the first guy to help her
break out of that rehab.
463
00:21:03,136 --> 00:21:04,388
They always end up at my house.
464
00:21:04,471 --> 00:21:06,431
And then they want me to keep quiet
to the press,
465
00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:09,101
so they give me a souvenir
from one of their movies.
466
00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:12,437
I could send you a swag bag
from Felicity Huffman's Booty Academy,
467
00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,761
but you should probably wash the thong
before wearing it.
468
00:21:15,399 --> 00:21:19,319
I don't know what to do with Jameson.
I've tried everything.
469
00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:22,447
I thought she would change
after she had her baby, but...
470
00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:24,241
[baby cooing]
471
00:21:24,741 --> 00:21:26,034
Change is hard.
472
00:21:26,910 --> 00:21:27,910
Takes a long time.
473
00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:29,288
[sighs]
474
00:21:29,496 --> 00:21:31,498
Let me guess,
she wanted to see her boyfriend?
475
00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:33,959
Actually...
476
00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:37,713
she told me she just wanted
to come here to see her baby.
477
00:21:38,672 --> 00:21:41,133
[sighs] Wouldn't that be nice?
478
00:21:56,064 --> 00:21:57,941
Bye, Daddy! Love you!
479
00:21:58,358 --> 00:22:01,445
- Ugh. Sorry my dad's so embarrassing.
- Jesus Christ.
480
00:22:01,528 --> 00:22:03,155
You have no idea how lucky you are.
481
00:22:03,238 --> 00:22:05,198
I wish I had someone when I was your age
482
00:22:05,282 --> 00:22:07,659
who cared about me enough
to put me in rehab.
483
00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:10,037
Yeah, maybe.
484
00:22:10,287 --> 00:22:13,248
Well, anyway, thanks for keeping me
out of trouble tonight.
485
00:22:15,417 --> 00:22:16,417
Really?
486
00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:19,254
It was a worth a try.
Ready to sneak back in?
487
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:21,840
I'm getting too old to sneak in
and out of places.
488
00:22:21,923 --> 00:22:22,923
All right.
489
00:22:30,932 --> 00:22:32,601
[bell dinging]
490
00:22:32,934 --> 00:22:33,935
- Checking in?
- No.
491
00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:36,063
I just snuck out and I'm coming back,
492
00:22:36,146 --> 00:22:39,399
so, you know, put me down
for kitchen clean-up duty
493
00:22:39,483 --> 00:22:41,568
or whatever the punishment is
for sneaking out.
494
00:22:41,818 --> 00:22:44,112
No, I don't think you've been here before.
495
00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:46,114
Everyone who's been here before
is humble enough
496
00:22:46,198 --> 00:22:48,283
to take a picture with me.
497
00:22:49,326 --> 00:22:51,286
[sighs] Yeah. Okay.
498
00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:54,206
Sign me up for six weeks. Starting now.
499
00:22:54,581 --> 00:22:57,751
- And a picture?
- Sure.
500
00:22:58,794 --> 00:23:00,170
- Cheese!
- [camera shutter clicks]
501
00:23:00,253 --> 00:23:02,255
[melancholic piano music playing]
502
00:23:24,027 --> 00:23:26,071
[record playing]
503
00:23:26,279 --> 00:23:28,365
[snoring]
504
00:23:31,660 --> 00:23:33,078
[whimpers]
505
00:23:40,252 --> 00:23:41,545
[gulps]
506
00:23:56,810 --> 00:24:03,650
♪ Back in the '90s
I was in a very famous TV show ♪
507
00:24:05,652 --> 00:24:07,904
- ♪ I'm BoJack the Horseman ♪
- ♪ Bojack ♪
508
00:24:07,988 --> 00:24:12,576
♪ BoJack the Horseman
Don't act like you don't know ♪
509
00:24:15,036 --> 00:24:19,332
♪ And I'm trying to hold on to my past ♪
510
00:24:19,416 --> 00:24:23,920
♪ It's been so long
I don't think I'm gonna last ♪
511
00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:27,382
♪ I guess I'm just trying
To make you understand ♪
512
00:24:27,924 --> 00:24:31,887
♪ That I'm more horse than a man ♪
513
00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:36,391
♪ Or I'm more man than a horse ♪
514
00:24:36,558 --> 00:24:37,934
♪ BoJack ♪