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1x03 - Prickly Muffin
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Who wants chocolate chip pancakes?
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I do! I do!
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Ethan, didn't you
already eat your pancakes?
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As Oliver North would
say, "I do not recall."
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Hey, where's Sabrina?
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Not hiding under the
table, that's for sure.
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Aww...
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Why don't you guys leave this one to me?
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00:00:25,873 --> 00:00:28,042
Why aren't you dressed
for school, prickly muffin?
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I'm scared. Olivia told me
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sometimes, at school
they have pop quizzes.
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I don't want to pop!
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That's too much, man.
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Sabrina, nobody's popping on my watch.
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You stick with me, and I promise you,
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everything's gonna be just fine.
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- Cut, boom in the shot.
- What? I'll be in my trailer.
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Nah, I'm just horsin' around.
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You folks enjoying the show?
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And how about Sara Lynn as
Sabrina? Isn't she wonderful?
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Oh. Thank you.
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Sarah Lynn.
You remember that name.
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Back to one, everybody.
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- Hey, you see those people?
- Yeah.
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Well, those boobs and jerk wads
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are the best friends you'll ever have.
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Without them, you're nothing.
Remember that.
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Let's take it back to "prickly muffin."
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Your family will never understand you,
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your lovers will leave
you or try to change you,
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but your fans, you be good to them,
and they'll be good to you.
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We are rolling. Sound speed.
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The most important thing is,
you got to give the people
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what they want, even if it kills you,
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even if it empties you out until
there's nothing left to empty.
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No matter what happens, no
matter how much it hurts,
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you don't stop dancing,
and you don't stop smiling,
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and you give those
people what they want.
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And action.
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Why aren't you dressed
for school, prickly muffin?
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You might remember
her as adorable Sabrina
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from Horsin' Around, but
on her new dance pop album,
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Sarah Lynn wants you to
know that she is hot to trot.
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♪ Why don't you touch
my prickly muffin? ♪
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♪ My prickly muffin ♪
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♪ Ooh, prickly ♪
♪ And it's muffin, and it's... ♪
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♪ It's ready for your stuffing ♪
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What is the message behind your music?
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America needs to know that I'm
not that little girl anymore.
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I'm a grown up,
sophisticated woman now,
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and I have sex, and I do sexy things.
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People like sex, okay, and since
I'm sexy right now, they like me.
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Are you at all worried that
audiences will grow bored
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and abandon you for the next sexy thing?
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Are you kidding?
I'm Sarah freaking Lynn.
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I'm gonna be sexy forever!
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Pop star and child actress, Sarah Lynn,
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celebrates her 30th birthday this month,
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raising the question, "does anyone care
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about Sarah Lynn anymore?"
After all, she is 30.
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Here to answer that question,
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sexy, 14-year-old dubstep
wunderkind, Sextina Aquafina.
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Hey!
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Sextina, what's your take?
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I love Sarah Lynn. I grew
up on her music, okay,
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and she's, like, an
inspiration, but now, she is old,
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and shriveled, and gross, and
nobody want her no more, okay?
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- They want Sextina Aquafina, baby!
- Ha ha! You're delightful.
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So where does Sarah Lynn go from here?
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Oh, you know where she should go?
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She should go wherever
famous people go when they're
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done being famous, and nobody
cares if they live or die.
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Who could that be?
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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
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Who-o-o wants
chocolate chip pancakes?
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I do! I do!
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- Why are you talking to me?
- I thought maybe if I said that,
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you'd make me chocolate chip pancakes.
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Oh, come on, buddy.
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It's a beautiful morning,
the sun is shining,
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- birds are chirping...
- Hey, BoJack,
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- any plans for the weekend?
- Still hate the troops, Boj?
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- Why don't you refill your bird feeder, huh?
- Yeah, who's a bird got to blow
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- to get some seed around here?
- Good one.
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Let's do something fun today.
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- Like what?
- Like a cannonball!
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Like a "buying you a new bed"?
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Wow, everything in this store is made
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out of old train tracks
and a reclaimed pier.
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Oh, great, for ten grand,
I can sleep like a hobo.
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Do we need letter openers
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made out of Confederate bayonets?
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It says they're stained
with authentic Yankee blood.
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O-M-G.
O-M-G!
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O-M-M-F-C-S-D-V-R-Q-Q-P-Q-F-G!
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- I know.
- Ugh.
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Yeah, it's me,
straight off your TV screens
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and into your shitty lives.
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It's Sarah Lynn and Andrew Garfield.
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Huh? What the... ?
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- And what's your name, darling?
- I... mm...
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I'll just make it out to "Evelyn."
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Uh...
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- Um, hi. Sarah Lynn, hi.
- BoJack? Hey.
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Andrew, this is BoJack, my TV dad.
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Oh, hello, I'm Andrew Garfield.
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Andrew's my boyfriend.
We're a celebrity power couple.
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It's no big deal.
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It's a really big deal.
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Sarah Lynn, I actually wanted
to talk to you about that.
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When we started dating,
you were the biggest star
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in the world, but your
last few albums tanked,
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so now, I don't even
know what you are anymore.
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Are you...
Are you breaking up with me?
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- Oh, bother.
- Um, are those candy pills,
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'cause if so, that is a lot of sugar.
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Why are you doing this to me?!
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Do you like seeing me suffer?
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Because you know I'll bleed for you.
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- Oh!
- Damn!
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- Oh, dear.
- Whoa-oh-oh. Um...
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Darling, please, I wanted
to do this in a public place
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so you wouldn't make a scene.
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You think I won't make a
scene, you limey bastard?
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Then you really don't know me at all.
Hey, everyone!
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Who wants to see me
take a dump on that sofa?
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And then she took a dump on a sofa
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made out of a reclaimed propeller.
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Where's Sarah Lynn now?
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I checked her into Promises.
28 days, she'll be good as new.
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How did it feel to check the girl
you raised on television into rehab?
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It was tough.
I would have liked to reconnect with her.
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At least we got to bond a
little on the drive to Malibu.
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I can see my organs.
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Oh, whoa! She is losing
a lot of blood, BoJack.
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Beautiful day for a drive, though, huh?
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Well, maybe the two of you
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can catch up some more
when she gets out of rehab.
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People don't usually want to
hang out with me after rehab.
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I'm really more of a before-rehab friend.
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I think it's gonna be a long time
before I see Sarah Lynn again.
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Who could that be?
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Look, BoJack, I appreciate
what you were trying to do,
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but I don't need rehab.
Look, good as new, huh?
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Oh, great, well, that's a relief.
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Uh, should you be taking all those pills?
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It's dexitriathylphenolbarbatol.
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- I got it from a doctor.
- Your doctor or just a doctor?
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I don't know, some doctor, okay?
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I met him at Adam Levine's Halloween party.
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- I think he said his name was Dr. Who.
- Yeah, I don't think that was...
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Ohh, God damn.
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Uh, are you supposed to
be snorting it like that?
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Ugh! What are you, the
paramedic who restarted
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my heart at Adam
Levine's Halloween party?
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Okay, so before we put to bed the whole
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- you going to rehab thing...
- BoJack, all my life,
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I've never been forced to
confront my problems head on.
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No one has ever said "no"
to me, ever, so is it cool
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if instead of confronting
my problems head on,
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I just hide out here for a little bit?
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Sarah Lynn, I hear what you're saying,
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and I think I know what you need.
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You just need a strong,
responsible adult to say:
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"Yes. Yes, you can move in with me."
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This is gonna be fun.
Hey, everyone,
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the old gang's getting back together.
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♪ Three little orphans ♪
♪ One, two, three ♪
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Who-o-o wants
chocolate chip pancakes?
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- I do! I do!
- Uh, what's going on in here?
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Morning, sleepy-pooh, you want pancakes?
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Yeah, that sounds great.
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Ooh, tough break, champ.
I just gave the last one
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to Sarah Lynn.
Early bird gets the worm.
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More like early turd gets the sperm.
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Wha... "Early turd gets the
sperm," nice one, Sarah Lynn.
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You should do a Shouts and Murmurs.
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Help yourself to some
cold wheat bran, sport.
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Ugh.
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00:09:01,346 --> 00:09:02,806
Thanks for letting me crash here, BoJack.
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The guest room is yours
as long as you want.
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00:09:04,934 --> 00:09:06,518
You have a guest room?
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Why have I been sleeping
on the couch for five years?
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You'll get the guest room when
you've earned the guest room.
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These pancakes are so good.
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00:09:13,817 --> 00:09:17,113
All Andrew ever wanted
to eat was stupid lasagna.
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00:09:17,238 --> 00:09:21,366
- Andrew Garfield loves lasagna?
- I don't want to talk about him!
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00:09:21,450 --> 00:09:23,744
BoJack, can you drive me to the mall today?
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00:09:23,827 --> 00:09:26,997
I really want to go shopping,
but I'm not allowed to drive
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00:09:27,081 --> 00:09:30,000
because somebody got a DUI.
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00:09:30,084 --> 00:09:33,129
Uh, that somebody was you, right?
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00:09:33,212 --> 00:09:36,081
I don't have to answer your
questions! What are you, the
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00:09:36,082 --> 00:09:39,051
cop that pulled me over after
Adam Levine's Halloween party?
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00:09:39,135 --> 00:09:42,346
Honey, do you really think
going to the mall's a good idea?
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00:09:42,429 --> 00:09:44,223
I seem to recall another
time you went shopping
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00:09:44,307 --> 00:09:47,392
when things got pretty out of control.
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00:09:47,476 --> 00:09:51,188
Oh, that's too much, man!
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00:09:53,107 --> 00:09:55,901
Oh. Really?
Not the time when she gored herself
200
00:09:55,985 --> 00:09:58,070
with a bayonet and shat on a floor model?
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00:09:58,154 --> 00:09:59,655
Hey, I'm not the crazy one.
202
00:09:59,738 --> 00:10:01,573
Andrew's the one who flies off the handle
203
00:10:01,657 --> 00:10:04,368
whenever his agent sets
up an audition on a Monday.
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00:10:04,451 --> 00:10:08,872
Andrew Garfield hates
Mondays and loves lasagna?
205
00:10:08,956 --> 00:10:10,249
I said I don't want to talk about it!
206
00:10:10,333 --> 00:10:11,708
- She said drop it, Todd!
- Whatever,
207
00:10:11,792 --> 00:10:13,460
I don't want to go to the stupid mall.
208
00:10:13,543 --> 00:10:15,045
I'll just tell my friends to come here.
209
00:10:15,129 --> 00:10:17,006
Muffin, I've got to work on my book today,
210
00:10:17,089 --> 00:10:20,509
and I can't have a bunch of folks over
making a lot of noise.
211
00:10:20,592 --> 00:10:23,762
Oh, I see. I'm a burden to you.
212
00:10:23,846 --> 00:10:26,265
No, no, no, no, no.
Sweetheart. Sweetheart.
213
00:10:26,349 --> 00:10:30,019
I'm no longer cute, so I have
nothing to offer this world.
214
00:10:30,102 --> 00:10:32,646
Honey, of course your friends
are always welcome here.
215
00:10:32,729 --> 00:10:34,690
Cool. Bye.
216
00:10:34,773 --> 00:10:36,650
- Can I invite a frien...
- No.
217
00:10:38,252 --> 00:10:40,337
You let that basket case into your house?
218
00:10:40,462 --> 00:10:43,049
That girl is a PR hurricane
that you don't need right now.
219
00:10:43,132 --> 00:10:46,260
She has nowhere else to turn.
She broke up with her boyfriend.
220
00:10:46,343 --> 00:10:48,721
She stabbed herself and closed
the wound with duct tape.
221
00:10:48,804 --> 00:10:49,972
- She fired her agent.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
222
00:10:50,056 --> 00:10:51,557
Back it up, horsey.
223
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,350
Did you say Sarah Lynn
doesn't have an agent?
224
00:10:53,433 --> 00:10:55,561
Laura, hold my calls, cancel everything!
225
00:10:55,644 --> 00:10:57,950
Ahab's got a white whale to catch, baby!
226
00:11:00,357 --> 00:11:03,925
Uh, hello? Still there?
227
00:11:09,575 --> 00:11:11,785
Oh, th... that's...
that's fragile.
228
00:11:11,869 --> 00:11:13,162
Uh, no, oh, no, wait.
229
00:11:13,246 --> 00:11:14,413
Careful. Careful. Careful.
230
00:11:14,496 --> 00:11:16,290
Whoa! Hey, hey, hey!
231
00:11:16,373 --> 00:11:19,085
Ah! Lemur!
232
00:11:31,180 --> 00:11:35,268
Great party, Sarah Lynn.
233
00:11:35,350 --> 00:11:38,395
Hi, what it is, banana bread?
234
00:11:38,478 --> 00:11:40,355
I'm not looking for a new agent right now.
235
00:11:40,439 --> 00:11:43,567
Oh, whoa, whoa. Who says
I'm looking for a new client?
236
00:11:43,650 --> 00:11:45,527
Slow your roll, Speed Racer.
237
00:11:45,611 --> 00:11:48,822
We're just two single ladies
having a no-presh rap sesh.
238
00:11:48,906 --> 00:11:51,450
I'm not one of those agents
who can't turn it off.
239
00:11:51,533 --> 00:11:54,620
Your Ari Emanuels and Vanessa
Geckos and what have you.
240
00:11:54,703 --> 00:11:58,207
Vanessa Gecko is actually Andrew's
agent, and she's really great.
241
00:11:58,291 --> 00:12:01,418
Is she?
I've heard that.
242
00:12:03,712 --> 00:12:06,799
I didn't realize you
were so into house music.
243
00:12:06,882 --> 00:12:09,885
Look, I asked her to turn
it down, but apparently,
244
00:12:09,886 --> 00:12:11,887
this volume was prescribed by Dr. Who
245
00:12:11,971 --> 00:12:15,308
to treat something called
"uptight dickhead disease."
246
00:12:15,390 --> 00:12:17,810
What do you... What do
you think about Sarah Lynn?
247
00:12:17,893 --> 00:12:20,229
Oh, I don't really think
about her all that much.
248
00:12:20,313 --> 00:12:22,648
I mean, obviously, I'm
a fan of her early work
249
00:12:22,731 --> 00:12:25,252
which both satirized and
celebrated youth culture's
250
00:12:25,253 --> 00:12:28,112
obsession with sex, but I do
wonder as a third-wave feminist
251
00:12:28,195 --> 00:12:30,864
if it's even possible for
women to reclaim their sexuality
252
00:12:30,948 --> 00:12:32,908
in this deeply entrenched
patriarchal society,
253
00:12:32,992 --> 00:12:35,869
or if claiming to do so is
just a lie we tell ourselves
254
00:12:35,953 --> 00:12:37,830
so we can more comfortably
cater to the male gaze.
255
00:12:37,913 --> 00:12:39,665
- Uh, what?
- But you know,
256
00:12:39,748 --> 00:12:42,417
on the other hand, I worry
that conversations like this one
257
00:12:42,501 --> 00:12:44,544
often dismiss her as a mere
puppet of the industry...
258
00:12:44,628 --> 00:12:46,380
- That's my same worry.
- ... incapable of engaging
259
00:12:46,463 --> 00:12:48,715
- in these discussions herself...
- Obviously.
260
00:12:48,799 --> 00:12:51,093
... and infantilization,
which is itself a product
261
00:12:51,177 --> 00:12:52,427
- of the deeply misogynistic...
- So deep.
262
00:12:52,511 --> 00:12:54,513
... society we live in.
But like I said,
263
00:12:54,596 --> 00:12:56,307
I don't really think
about her all that much.
264
00:12:56,390 --> 00:12:58,684
Okay, well, that is very interesting,
265
00:12:58,767 --> 00:13:00,144
but I was more asking,
266
00:13:00,227 --> 00:13:01,895
like, what do you think
about her living here?
267
00:13:01,979 --> 00:13:06,150
Oh, right.
Well, what was your relationship like
268
00:13:06,233 --> 00:13:08,027
with her when you were working on the show?
269
00:13:08,110 --> 00:13:09,945
It was very good, very professional.
270
00:13:10,229 --> 00:13:13,366
BoJack, where did you go to college?
271
00:13:13,448 --> 00:13:15,951
- Don't bother him, honey.
- Oh, it's no problem.
272
00:13:16,035 --> 00:13:19,163
Honey, college is for ugly
people who can't tap dance.
273
00:13:19,246 --> 00:13:22,457
- I want to be an architect.
- Sweetheart,
274
00:13:22,541 --> 00:13:25,444
Mommy didn't do what Mommy
did to that Star Search
275
00:13:25,445 --> 00:13:27,380
producer so that you
could be an architect.
276
00:13:27,462 --> 00:13:28,881
- Aw.
- All right,
277
00:13:28,964 --> 00:13:31,175
- take it sleazy, everybody.
- Wait, BoJack,
278
00:13:31,258 --> 00:13:33,802
um, what are you doing this weekend?
279
00:13:33,886 --> 00:13:36,368
I don't know. I'll probably
just go to the amusement park,
280
00:13:36,369 --> 00:13:38,849
maybe the circus, fly a kite
on the beach, watch the sunset,
281
00:13:38,932 --> 00:13:40,393
then I'll head back to my place
282
00:13:40,475 --> 00:13:42,019
to watch any number of
Disney princess movies
283
00:13:42,102 --> 00:13:44,063
while eating ice cream
straight from the tub.
284
00:13:44,146 --> 00:13:47,316
Whoa, that sounds like so much fun.
Can I come?
285
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,818
Yeah, like I
want to spend my weekend
286
00:13:49,902 --> 00:13:53,280
hanging out with a little girl.
Good one!
287
00:13:53,364 --> 00:13:55,199
You should write for
the Shouts and Murmurs.
288
00:13:55,282 --> 00:13:56,450
See you Monday!
289
00:13:56,533 --> 00:13:58,551
So the makeup they
were putting on you was
290
00:13:58,552 --> 00:14:00,662
not for the show, it
was just for the weekend?
291
00:14:00,746 --> 00:14:03,916
- Why does that matter?
- I'm just trying to understand the story.
292
00:14:03,999 --> 00:14:05,959
Do you think it's possible
that you inviting Sarah Lynn
293
00:14:06,043 --> 00:14:08,712
into your house now is your
way of compensating for not...
294
00:14:08,837 --> 00:14:10,881
No, Diane, I'm just helping out a friend.
295
00:14:10,964 --> 00:14:13,592
I'm not trying to play out
some weird, sick dad fantasy,
296
00:14:13,675 --> 00:14:16,262
or resolve a deep guilt for past neglect,
297
00:14:16,345 --> 00:14:18,972
or even try to retroactively
fix my own childhood
298
00:14:19,056 --> 00:14:21,016
by recreating someone else's,
299
00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:24,311
and I'm especially not doing
all those things at once!
300
00:14:24,395 --> 00:14:25,562
Okay.
301
00:14:25,645 --> 00:14:27,356
What happened?
302
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:29,524
Did somebody hurt my precious baby?
303
00:14:29,608 --> 00:14:32,069
Sarah Lynn! Ah! What the... ?
304
00:14:32,152 --> 00:14:33,820
Oh, hey, BoJack.
305
00:14:33,904 --> 00:14:35,614
I told my friends they could
tear this wall out to build
306
00:14:35,697 --> 00:14:37,783
a sweet cocaine booth/sex closet.
307
00:14:37,866 --> 00:14:39,952
- Is that cool?
- No, that's not cool.
308
00:14:40,035 --> 00:14:42,037
Oof. Way to harsh the vibe, Kissinger.
309
00:14:42,121 --> 00:14:44,957
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize.
310
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,460
I thought this was a place where Sarah Lynn
311
00:14:47,542 --> 00:14:51,338
could finally be Sarah Lynn, but I guess...
312
00:14:51,464 --> 00:14:56,218
- that's too much, man.
- I always loved that catch phrase.
313
00:14:56,302 --> 00:14:58,762
Can your friends at least take
the artwork off the wall first?
314
00:14:58,845 --> 00:15:02,808
Ooh. I want to say yes, but no.
315
00:15:02,891 --> 00:15:06,937
- Okay, good talk.
- Wha... Are you serious?
316
00:15:10,732 --> 00:15:13,902
The reason I have called
this house meeting is...
317
00:15:13,986 --> 00:15:15,904
Todd, how many times
have we been over this?
318
00:15:15,988 --> 00:15:18,407
You don't have the authority
to call house meetings.
319
00:15:18,491 --> 00:15:20,305
Only I can call a house meeting.
320
00:15:20,306 --> 00:15:22,119
You can propose a house meeting.
321
00:15:22,202 --> 00:15:24,121
All right, fine, fine, fine,
but the reason I propose
322
00:15:24,204 --> 00:15:25,705
- this house meeting...
- Your proposal has been
323
00:15:25,789 --> 00:15:27,958
submitted and is under board review.
324
00:15:28,041 --> 00:15:30,419
- Proposal denied.
- BoJack, this Sarah Lynn thing
325
00:15:30,503 --> 00:15:33,839
is getting out of control, okay?
She's taking advantage of you.
326
00:15:33,922 --> 00:15:36,550
What? No she's not. We
have a special relationship.
327
00:15:36,633 --> 00:15:38,302
You couldn't possibly understand.
328
00:15:38,385 --> 00:15:40,554
Oh, my God. Look at what
she's done to your house.
329
00:15:40,637 --> 00:15:42,639
All right, look, I mean, I
stepped on a needle earlier.
330
00:15:42,722 --> 00:15:44,224
I think I'm addicted to heroin now,
331
00:15:44,308 --> 00:15:46,685
so now, that's probably
gonna be a whole thing.
332
00:15:46,768 --> 00:15:48,603
I have to say, I agree with Todd.
333
00:15:48,687 --> 00:15:50,230
You're not this girl's father,
and you're not doing her
334
00:15:50,314 --> 00:15:52,483
any favors by refusing to set boundaries.
335
00:15:52,566 --> 00:15:54,860
Look, I played a dad for nine years on TV,
336
00:15:54,943 --> 00:15:56,862
so I think I know a little
bit more about parenting
337
00:15:56,945 --> 00:15:59,031
than you two jokers.
The kids on Horsin' Around
338
00:15:59,114 --> 00:16:00,657
didn't need boundaries.
339
00:16:00,740 --> 00:16:03,118
All they needed was some
good, old-fashioned love.
340
00:16:03,202 --> 00:16:05,704
BoJack!
This is not a TV show, okay?
341
00:16:05,787 --> 00:16:07,622
This is real life.
342
00:16:07,706 --> 00:16:10,876
Ah! Lemur on fire! Lemur on fire!
343
00:16:14,087 --> 00:16:16,840
Some good, old-fashioned love,
and I'm gonna give it to her.
344
00:16:16,923 --> 00:16:21,387
I'm gonna give it to her so... hard.
345
00:16:21,470 --> 00:16:23,763
You know, I feel like
we don't ever hang out.
346
00:16:26,350 --> 00:16:27,518
Here you are, milady,
347
00:16:27,601 --> 00:16:30,645
a gin and nutmeg just like you asked.
348
00:16:30,729 --> 00:16:32,606
Ugh. Too much nutmeg.
349
00:16:32,689 --> 00:16:34,900
Well, you know what
would taste even better?
350
00:16:34,983 --> 00:16:37,486
An endorsement for a Slovakian yogurt.
351
00:16:37,570 --> 00:16:39,613
Could Vanessa Gecko get you that?
352
00:16:39,696 --> 00:16:43,576
Vanessa Gecko got Andrew
The Social Network,
353
00:16:43,658 --> 00:16:46,036
and she has skybox seats
at the Staples Center.
354
00:16:46,119 --> 00:16:47,704
- What do you have?
- Well, I've got a table
355
00:16:47,787 --> 00:16:49,415
at the Comedy Central
roast of Gloria Stein...
356
00:16:49,498 --> 00:16:51,584
Hey, Sarah Lynn, what say
we spend the day together,
357
00:16:51,666 --> 00:16:54,127
just you and me, away from all the haters?
358
00:16:54,211 --> 00:16:57,548
- I want to say yes, but...
- Great, let's go.
359
00:16:57,631 --> 00:17:00,800
♪ It really seems like ♪
♪ Some things are forever ♪
360
00:17:00,884 --> 00:17:02,719
♪ in this world ♪
361
00:17:02,802 --> 00:17:05,055
♪ Don't you know I'm feeling fine ♪
362
00:17:05,138 --> 00:17:07,682
♪ together with my girl ♪
363
00:17:07,766 --> 00:17:12,771
♪ Daddy's girl ♪
♪ She's daddy's girl ♪
364
00:17:14,356 --> 00:17:16,233
You know, Sarah Lynn, I got a feeling
365
00:17:16,316 --> 00:17:19,819
- everything's gonna be okay.
- Uh-huh.
366
00:17:19,903 --> 00:17:22,697
Hey, did you hear Kazaz got cancer?
367
00:17:22,781 --> 00:17:24,617
What? Herb Kazaz has cancer?
368
00:17:24,699 --> 00:17:27,953
Yeah, in the butt. He's got,
like, six months I think.
369
00:17:28,036 --> 00:17:30,330
Well, that's horrible. Why
would you tell me that now?
370
00:17:30,414 --> 00:17:32,874
I don't know. The sun
setting over those two hills
371
00:17:32,958 --> 00:17:34,751
made me think of a big
ass, and that made me think
372
00:17:34,834 --> 00:17:36,503
of ass cancer, and that made me think
373
00:17:36,587 --> 00:17:39,756
of Herb Kazaz's ass cancer.
You really didn't know?
374
00:17:39,839 --> 00:17:41,550
No, Herb and I aren't on the best...
375
00:17:41,634 --> 00:17:43,802
Look, I'm trying to have
a moment here. I can't...
376
00:17:43,885 --> 00:17:46,179
Hey, I want to give you something.
377
00:17:46,263 --> 00:17:50,643
- Is this your TV Guide award?
- It's the most prestigious award I ever won.
378
00:17:50,725 --> 00:17:52,352
I always thought if I
ever had kids of my own,
379
00:17:52,436 --> 00:17:55,147
I'd give it to them one day.
I want you to have it.
380
00:17:55,230 --> 00:17:58,400
Oh, wow.
BoJack, thanks. You're sweet.
381
00:17:58,484 --> 00:18:02,154
♪ Na-na-na-na ♪
♪ La-la-la-la ♪
382
00:18:02,237 --> 00:18:03,947
♪ Na-na-na-na ♪
♪ La-la-la-la ♪
383
00:18:04,030 --> 00:18:05,532
- What are you doing?
- Shh.
384
00:18:05,616 --> 00:18:07,117
Just let the credits
roll, let the credits roll.
385
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,203
♪ Sha-na-na-na-na-na ♪
♪ Special moment ♪
386
00:18:10,287 --> 00:18:12,665
♪ Exec Producer Garry Marshall ♪
387
00:18:12,789 --> 00:18:14,625
♪ Na-na-na ♪
♪ Such a happy day ♪
388
00:18:14,708 --> 00:18:16,293
"Sit, Ubu, sit."
"Good dog." "Arf."
389
00:18:16,376 --> 00:18:18,878
- Can we go home now?
- Yeah, okay, we're done.
390
00:18:18,962 --> 00:18:23,550
♪ Hey now, boy, come and try
My clitoris is ginormous ♪
391
00:18:27,846 --> 00:18:29,764
- Hello?
- BoJack Horseman.
392
00:18:29,848 --> 00:18:31,766
Did you get rid of your old TV Guide award?
393
00:18:31,850 --> 00:18:33,602
This pawnshop on La Cienega was selling one
394
00:18:33,686 --> 00:18:34,978
- with your name on it.
- What?
395
00:18:35,061 --> 00:18:36,980
Wait, why were you at a pawnshop?
396
00:18:37,063 --> 00:18:38,565
Oh, I just have a guy there who calls me
397
00:18:38,649 --> 00:18:40,775
whenever TV awards come
in so I can buy 'em.
398
00:18:40,859 --> 00:18:42,736
I put my name on, it's
like I won it myself!
399
00:18:42,819 --> 00:18:44,363
I have two Golden Globes
400
00:18:44,446 --> 00:18:46,573
and a People's Choice forTemple Grandin.
401
00:18:46,657 --> 00:18:48,241
Sarah Lynn!
402
00:18:48,325 --> 00:18:50,703
Hello? You still there?
403
00:18:50,785 --> 00:18:53,497
♪ My clitoris is ginor... ♪
404
00:18:53,580 --> 00:18:55,040
Okay, party's over. Everybody out.
405
00:18:55,123 --> 00:18:56,667
- Aw!
- Not you.
406
00:18:56,750 --> 00:18:59,378
You are in big trouble, young lady.
407
00:18:59,461 --> 00:19:01,463
I can't believe you pawned my award.
408
00:19:01,547 --> 00:19:04,383
It wasn't personal. I just
thought your award was stupid,
409
00:19:04,466 --> 00:19:06,218
and I already have a billion other awards,
410
00:19:06,301 --> 00:19:08,011
and I wanted to get money for drugs.
411
00:19:08,094 --> 00:19:11,097
Look, things have been tough
for you, and I understand that.
412
00:19:11,181 --> 00:19:12,932
I know what you're going through right now.
413
00:19:13,016 --> 00:19:15,977
Oh, you know
what I'm going through? Why?
414
00:19:16,061 --> 00:19:18,772
Because you were on some dumb
kids show a million years ago?
415
00:19:18,855 --> 00:19:20,982
- Hey, now.
- I had my own fashion line
416
00:19:21,066 --> 00:19:24,444
when I was ten. By 20,
I was packing stadiums.
417
00:19:24,528 --> 00:19:27,406
I get letters every
day from boys telling me
418
00:19:27,489 --> 00:19:29,824
that I was the first
girl they masturbated to.
419
00:19:29,908 --> 00:19:32,786
Literally, someone tells me that every day.
420
00:19:32,869 --> 00:19:35,748
- That is gross.
- Oh-ho, I know!
421
00:19:35,830 --> 00:19:37,957
You sit up here in your little house
422
00:19:38,041 --> 00:19:41,086
and feel sorry for yourself?
Oh, guess what, Bo-J,
423
00:19:41,169 --> 00:19:43,171
in order to be a has-been,
you have to have actually,
424
00:19:43,255 --> 00:19:45,965
- you know, been.
- You are way out of line!
425
00:19:46,049 --> 00:19:48,343
You're not my dad. You're
just a rugged, older man
426
00:19:48,427 --> 00:19:50,512
who provided me with a
strong, masculine presence
427
00:19:50,596 --> 00:19:52,097
during my formative years.
428
00:19:52,180 --> 00:19:54,015
I'm not your dad, and you're not my child.
429
00:19:54,099 --> 00:19:56,685
We're just a man and a lady
living in a house together,
430
00:19:56,769 --> 00:19:59,187
and we're both adults, and
we're both a little drunk.
431
00:20:04,484 --> 00:20:08,321
Who-o-o lit my
ottoman on fire?
432
00:20:08,405 --> 00:20:13,952
- Seriously, you seriously don't know?
- I'm a bad "widdle" girl.
433
00:20:14,035 --> 00:20:16,204
Yeah, you are bad, very bad!
434
00:20:16,288 --> 00:20:20,459
You want me to put it out
with my boob?
435
00:20:20,542 --> 00:20:22,294
- Uh, what?
- Your boob
436
00:20:22,377 --> 00:20:26,423
is a very impractical
way to put out a fire.
437
00:20:26,506 --> 00:20:27,800
What is happening?
438
00:20:27,882 --> 00:20:29,926
I think you have a serious drug problem.
439
00:20:30,009 --> 00:20:33,221
The only drug I need is horse.
440
00:20:33,305 --> 00:20:34,848
Guys, guys, what are you doing?
441
00:20:34,931 --> 00:20:36,182
Please don't do this.
442
00:20:36,266 --> 00:20:38,435
No, no. Why are you...
443
00:20:38,518 --> 00:20:40,312
This is a very bad idea.
444
00:20:40,395 --> 00:20:42,021
Can I at least get my blanket...
445
00:20:42,105 --> 00:20:43,607
let me get my blanket out from under...
446
00:20:43,690 --> 00:20:45,317
Oh G...
Oh, my God, my arm.
447
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:46,985
- You got my arm.
- Ow! Ow!
448
00:20:47,068 --> 00:20:49,404
I'm in it now. Oh, God,
no! I'm a part of it.
449
00:20:53,617 --> 00:20:56,161
I still haven't regained
the feeling in my fingers.
450
00:20:56,244 --> 00:20:58,163
That was the longest
two minutes of my life.
451
00:20:58,246 --> 00:21:00,874
Um, I think it was a little
longer than two minutes.
452
00:21:00,957 --> 00:21:02,459
It was longer than two minutes.
453
00:21:02,542 --> 00:21:05,504
How do you not get that this is terrible?
454
00:21:05,587 --> 00:21:07,255
Oh, you mean from a P.R. standpoint?
455
00:21:07,339 --> 00:21:10,175
Yeah, 'cause if this got
out, oh, I would get flayed!
456
00:21:10,258 --> 00:21:13,386
Oh, I'm done being the voice of reason.
457
00:21:13,470 --> 00:21:17,098
It's exhausting. I got
to take an angry nap.
458
00:21:17,182 --> 00:21:19,518
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
459
00:21:19,601 --> 00:21:21,978
I know. I know. She's
taking advantage of me.
460
00:21:22,061 --> 00:21:23,730
Actually, it kind of
feels like you're the one
461
00:21:23,814 --> 00:21:25,440
taking advantage of her.
She's the one
462
00:21:25,524 --> 00:21:27,942
with substance abuse
problems and daddy issues.
463
00:21:28,026 --> 00:21:29,736
Hey, we both have substance abuse problems
464
00:21:29,820 --> 00:21:31,905
- and daddy issues.
- Yeah, but she came
465
00:21:31,988 --> 00:21:34,949
to you for help.
466
00:21:36,409 --> 00:21:37,952
Hey, notice how I've been ignoring you,
467
00:21:38,036 --> 00:21:40,413
playing hard to get?
Only makes you want me more.
468
00:21:40,497 --> 00:21:42,123
Ugh. Go stand on the
other side of the room.
469
00:21:42,207 --> 00:21:44,125
- Okay.
- Sarah Lynn, get your coat.
470
00:21:44,209 --> 00:21:46,336
- I'm taking you to rehab.
- Nah,
471
00:21:46,419 --> 00:21:48,588
I was gonna keep hanging
out here if that's all right.
472
00:21:48,672 --> 00:21:50,757
- No, it's not all right.
- What?
473
00:21:50,841 --> 00:21:52,592
This place isn't good for you.
474
00:21:52,676 --> 00:21:55,470
You need to go where you
can get help, real help.
475
00:21:55,554 --> 00:21:57,723
But I thought you were
always gonna be there for me
476
00:21:57,806 --> 00:21:58,973
like you said.
477
00:21:59,057 --> 00:22:01,685
I will always be there for you.
478
00:22:01,768 --> 00:22:03,395
Cut, let's take ten.
479
00:22:03,478 --> 00:22:06,314
That's ten, everyone.
Let's make it a tight ten.
480
00:22:06,398 --> 00:22:07,566
These pages are shit.
481
00:22:07,649 --> 00:22:09,150
you understand? Shit.
482
00:22:09,234 --> 00:22:10,819
I wouldn't wipe my ass with these pages.
483
00:22:10,903 --> 00:22:12,571
It would defeat the whole
purpose of wiping my ass.
484
00:22:12,654 --> 00:22:14,406
- Phone for you.
- Uh-huh.
485
00:22:14,489 --> 00:22:16,032
You get me points on the back end?
486
00:22:16,115 --> 00:22:18,785
Well, I told you I'm not
gonna do it unless I get points.
487
00:22:18,869 --> 00:22:20,370
Oh, they can't find any?
488
00:22:20,453 --> 00:22:21,663
Well, maybe they could
suck some out of my dick!
489
00:22:21,747 --> 00:22:23,039
I'm on the phone.
490
00:22:23,122 --> 00:22:26,000
You're being very rude.
491
00:22:26,084 --> 00:22:28,211
You promised me you would always be there.
492
00:22:28,294 --> 00:22:30,630
Sarah Lynn, this is for your own good.
493
00:22:30,714 --> 00:22:32,298
You can't stay here anymore.
494
00:22:32,382 --> 00:22:35,027
Okie-doke. I guess I'll
just move out and find one of
495
00:22:35,028 --> 00:22:37,721
the billion people who will
let me party at their house.
496
00:22:37,804 --> 00:22:40,557
Uh, well, you should not do that.
497
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:43,268
Oh, I know.
I know, but I can, so I will.
498
00:22:43,351 --> 00:22:45,186
I'm at a place right now where I never need
499
00:22:45,270 --> 00:22:48,106
to grow as a person or rise to an occasion
500
00:22:48,189 --> 00:22:50,692
because I can constantly
just surround myself
501
00:22:50,776 --> 00:22:53,278
with sycophants and enablers
until I die tragically young.
502
00:22:53,361 --> 00:22:58,241
- Wh-What?
- Yeah, it's pretty much too late for me.
503
00:22:58,324 --> 00:23:01,160
Well, them's the breaks.
Take it sleazy, everybody.
504
00:23:01,244 --> 00:23:03,914
Oh, by the way, I called Vanessa Gecko,
505
00:23:03,997 --> 00:23:05,582
and I'm meeting with her tomorrow.
506
00:23:05,665 --> 00:23:08,293
- Thanks for the suggestion.
- No! No, no, no, no, no!
507
00:23:08,376 --> 00:23:11,504
Hey, you guys want to
hear my new catchphrase?
508
00:23:11,588 --> 00:23:15,300
Suck a dick, dumb shits!
509
00:23:17,427 --> 00:23:20,179
Laura, the dummy took the
bait. Now for phase two.
510
00:23:20,263 --> 00:23:23,976
Is she gone?
Is it safe to come out?
511
00:23:24,058 --> 00:23:26,060
Leak to the trades that
Andrew Garfield's agent
512
00:23:26,144 --> 00:23:29,063
is taking meetings with his
ex, get it all over town,
513
00:23:29,147 --> 00:23:30,983
wait an hour, then get me lunch with Andrew
514
00:23:31,065 --> 00:23:34,694
on the books for this
weekend, someplace Italian.
515
00:23:34,778 --> 00:23:36,446
I really blew it, didn't I?
516
00:23:36,529 --> 00:23:38,907
I mean, maybe you could
have been a better role model
517
00:23:38,991 --> 00:23:41,910
when she was young, but also,
she never really had a chance.
518
00:23:41,994 --> 00:23:44,037
This is what our celebrity
culture does to people.
519
00:23:44,120 --> 00:23:45,808
So what you're saying is:
520
00:23:45,809 --> 00:23:48,768
Everything is society's
fault, and we as individuals
521
00:23:48,769 --> 00:23:51,336
never need to take
responsibility for anything?
522
00:23:51,419 --> 00:23:54,006
Uh, no. Not exactly.
I was just saying that...
523
00:23:54,088 --> 00:23:56,591
Yeah. I like that.
I didn't do anything wrong
524
00:23:56,675 --> 00:23:58,259
because I can't do anything wrong
525
00:23:58,343 --> 00:24:00,053
because we're all just
products of our environment,
526
00:24:00,136 --> 00:24:01,346
bouncing around like marbles
527
00:24:01,429 --> 00:24:02,806
in the game of Hungry Hungry Hippos
528
00:24:02,889 --> 00:24:04,516
that is our random and cruel universe.
529
00:24:04,599 --> 00:24:06,225
Wait, no, that's not
even what I'm saying...
530
00:24:06,309 --> 00:24:08,854
Yeah, It's not my fault. It's society.
531
00:24:08,937 --> 00:24:11,439
Everything is because of society!
532
00:24:11,523 --> 00:24:13,733
- BoJack, that...
- Dude, just let him have this.
533
00:24:13,817 --> 00:24:16,152
Hooray! Everything is meaningless!
534
00:24:16,235 --> 00:24:18,989
Nothing I do has consequence!
535
00:24:21,324 --> 00:24:25,453
- So what'd you get, anything good?
- Oh, I got everything.
536
00:24:32,752 --> 00:24:35,005
♪ Back in the '90s ♪
537
00:24:35,088 --> 00:24:39,592
♪ I was in a very famous TV show ♪
538
00:24:42,220 --> 00:24:44,014
- ♪ I'm BoJack the horse ♪
- ♪ BoJack ♪
539
00:24:44,097 --> 00:24:45,431
♪ BoJack the horse ♪
540
00:24:45,515 --> 00:24:49,394
♪ Don't act like you don't know ♪
541
00:24:51,479 --> 00:24:55,650
♪ And I'm trying to
hold on to my past ♪
542
00:24:55,734 --> 00:24:57,151
♪ It's been so long ♪
543
00:24:57,235 --> 00:25:00,655
♪ I don't think I'm gonna last ♪
544
00:25:00,739 --> 00:25:01,990
♪ I guess I'll just try ♪
545
00:25:02,074 --> 00:25:04,158
♪ And make you understand ♪
546
00:25:04,242 --> 00:25:08,538
♪ That I'm more horse than a man ♪
547
00:25:08,621 --> 00:25:13,418
♪ Or I'm more man than a horse ♪
548
00:25:13,501 --> 00:25:15,038
♪ BoJack ♪
549
00:25:17,505 --> 00:25:18,673
Boxer versus raptor.
550
00:25:18,757 --> 00:25:20,592
♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪
551
00:25:21,752 --> 00:25:25,593
sync & correction by f1nc0
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