This programme contains strong language and adult humour.
♪ What goes on
♪ Thank you for letting us be ourselves
♪ So don't mind me if I repeat myself
♪ These simple lines be good for your health
♪ To keep them crime rhymes on the shelf
♪ Live, love life like you just don't care
♪ 5,000 leaders never scared
♪ Bring the noise It's the moment they feared
♪ Get up, still a beautiful idea
♪ Get up, throw your hands in the air
♪ Get up and show no fear... ♪
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Put on your Easter bonnet, make room for chocolate,
and cross your hot buns, it's Friday, we're live,
and it's time for The Last Leg.
Tonight on the show, we'll hold space for the Artemis Moon mission,
set the record straight about Iran, and kick off our excitement
at the upcoming World Cup.
Plus we'll be joined by comedian Josh Pugh,
TV legend Lorraine Kelly, and online football
sensation Steve Bracknall...
...on the show that likes to let you know what's really
behind the news.
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
G'day, I'm Adam Hills, welcome to The Last Leg -
the show that heard Marmite is gonna be sold to an American company
and thought "Some people will hate that deal,
but others will quite like it".
With me, as always, are the pride of Dartmoor, Josh Widdicombe.
And the man who's surprising his kids this Sunday
with an Easter Leg Hunt, Alex Brooker.
APPLAUSE.
Lots of news to cover tonight, but I wanna start with an Is It OK
we got this week from Carolyn, who said,
"Is it OK that Josh likes to keep socks down his trousers?"
An
An ex-girlfriend? Do you want to
explain?
An ex-girlfriend? Do you want to explain? Sorry, I was laughing at
your
explain? Sorry, I was laughing at your joke! The amount of times I
have
your joke! The amount of times I have heard that! This week I was
coming
have heard that! This week I was coming back from my tour show and
the
coming back from my tour show and the usual way I usually de-stress a
sit
the usual way I usually de-stress a sit in the back of a car and have a
bowl
sit in the back of a car and have a bowl of Shreddies from a Tupperware
box.
bowl of Shreddies from a Tupperware box. Rock and roll! My hand was on
my
box. Rock and roll! My hand was on my leg and I thought, that feels
big!
LAUGHTER
Oh,
LAUGHTER Oh, come on! Family show! The
material.
Oh, come on! Family show! The material. There is something there,
I
material. There is something there, I put my hand, because normally you
go
I put my hand, because normally you go up, I will be honest, I undid my
fly
go up, I will be honest, I undid my fly and I put my hand in and I
pulled
fly and I put my hand in and I pulled out a sock, like that! It did
not
pulled out a sock, like that! It did not points like that. The driver
must
not points like that. The driver must have thought, fuck me, he is
enjoying
must have thought, fuck me, he is enjoying those Shreddies! He takes
his
enjoying those Shreddies! He takes his socks off in a weird way! I have
gone
his socks off in a weird way! I have gone my whole day, with my family
and
gone my whole day, with my family and the whole gig with a sock in the
gusset
and the whole gig with a sock in the gusset of my trousers. I did not
know
gusset of my trousers. I did not know it was there. We did not need
the
know it was there. We did not need the word gusset! I saw you
flinching.
the word gusset! I saw you flinching. Purely an accident there
was
flinching. Purely an accident there was a sock in my trousers! There
seems
was a sock in my trousers! There seems to be an aubergine also! It
was
seems to be an aubergine also! It was just a normal sock.
I got you an end of series present.
It
It is
It is a
It is a pair of eyes you can stick
onto
It is a pair of eyes you can stick onto the sock... That is nice, where
do
onto the sock... That is nice, where do I stick these? I will put one of
them
do I stick these? I will put one of them there. What is my present? I
have
them there. What is my present? I have got you some googly fingers!
LAUGHTER
Just
LAUGHTER Just like this. Look. There you go.
Hello!
Just like this. Look. There you go. Hello! Do you know what? Hello...
What
Hello! Do you know what? Hello... What was it like in Josh's pants? I
don't
What was it like in Josh's pants? I don't kiss and tell! How was the
gig?
don't kiss and tell! How was the gig? He absolutely smashed it. If
you
gig? He absolutely smashed it. If you want a good night out, we're on
tour.
you want a good night out, we're on tour. And to be clear, there are
tickets
tour. And to be clear, there are tickets available! Did he treat you
well
tickets available! Did he treat you well down there? Yes. Why do you
have
well down there? Yes. Why do you have such a weird voice? Which one
of
have such a weird voice? Which one of us are you talking to? I feel
like
of us are you talking to? I feel like Kermit the Frog is going to get
a
like Kermit the Frog is going to get a cease and desist letter ready. I
do
a cease and desist letter ready. I do need to do up my flies! Carry on.
We are live, which means you can send us any questions you wanna
ask us about the news.
LAUGHTER
Sorry!
LAUGHTER Sorry! I just pretended to catch my
foreskin.
Sorry! I just pretended to catch my foreskin. Imagine that was the part
of
foreskin. Imagine that was the part of his body he lost.
You can message us on Instagram with the hashtag #isitok,
or on WhatsApp using the number 07956 175 908,
or by scanning the QR code on the screen.
For example, Rhi said, "Is it OK that someone has made
a break for it with 12 tons of Kit Kats?"
Yes, more than 400,000 Kit Kats went missing this week after a truck
carrying the new Kit Kat range set off from central Italy but never
reached its scheduled final destination in Poland.
The brand have insisted this is not a stunt and have asked consumers
to scan barcodes to help them find the stolen chocolate.
I'm not sure that's gonna work, cos most thieves will have melted
them down by now anyway.
LAUGHTER
I
LAUGHTER I want to say just how nice it is to
have
I want to say just how nice it is to have a story about missing fingers
on
have a story about missing fingers on the show and it has nothing to do
with
on the show and it has nothing to do with me?
LAUGHTER
News of the heist sparked an online race as other companies
issued their own statements, like this cheeky post from Domino's.
"We would like to share our thoughts and condolences with Kit Kat
following their recent sad news.
On a completely unrelated note, we're pleased to announce we'll now
be selling a new Kit Kat pizza."
Yes?
Yes? They
Yes? They can find the thieves. Just
get
Yes? They can find the thieves. Just get a bounty hunter!
CROWD
get a bounty hunter! CROWD GROANS
That
CROWD GROANS That is not my kind of humour!
Unsurprisingly, Domino's started a chain reaction that led to this
amusing post from Ryanair.
Lot of questions here.
Why has the plane taken a bite out of one end,
then stuck the other end in its mouth?
Also, why are there five fingers?
That
That is
That is a
That is a question we often get
asked
That is a question we often get asked on this show!
Let's get into the big story now, and as fuel prices continue to rise
and stock markets continue to fall, Kathryn said,
"Is it OK that NASA have finally launched
the new mission to the Moon?"
Yes, Kathryn!
We
We only
We only something different to
lighten
We only something different to lighten the world at the moment.
We only something different to lighten the world at the moment.--
we
lighten the world at the moment.-- we all need something different.
The American government proved they can do something right this
week, as NASA launched a mission to the moon.
The first time they did this was in 1968, when America led
an ill-advised war in Vietnam, which had no exit strategy
and ultimately made a mess of the region.
Thankfully, this time things are different.
The ten-day mission will take astronauts around the Moon,
as they look for a location to build a potential base from
which to explore Mars.
Not so much a place in the sun as a place
on the dark side of the Moon.
Did you guys watch it?
But
But if
But if course you remember the first
one!
LAUGHTER
Sorry!
LAUGHTER Sorry! So close but not quite! I
think
Sorry! So close but not quite! I think it is bad that how jaded we
are
think it is bad that how jaded we are as a generation that in 1969
people
are as a generation that in 1969 people stayed up and watched it, and
I
people stayed up and watched it, and I watched it the next day on my
phone,
I watched it the next day on my phone, while having a piss. I
watched
phone, while having a piss. I watched it on my phone. The next
thing
watched it on my phone. The next thing the algorithm was just more
dash-cam
thing the algorithm was just more dash-cam footage! Someone having a
rocket
dash-cam footage! Someone having a rocket cutting them up! It is Easter
weekend.
rocket cutting them up! It is Easter weekend. And it is quicker and
easier
weekend. And it is quicker and easier for those asked us to go
around
easier for those asked us to go around the moon and back than it is
to
around the moon and back than it is to get a train from London to
Manchester
to get a train from London to Manchester Piccadilly.
APPLAUSE.
And look, there's a lot to be cynical about in the world right
now, but it's nice to know the launch of a rocket can
still reduce a professional journalist to tears of joy.
Here's the incredible moment the BBC's science editor
Rebecca Morelle was blown away by the launch, almost literally.
Oh,
Oh, my
Oh, my goodness! Oh! Wow! Oh, my
goodness!
Oh, my goodness! Oh! Wow! Oh, my goodness! That is spectacular. It is
not
goodness! That is spectacular. It is not just what you see and you can
hear
not just what you see and you can hear as it lifts off, you can
actually
hear as it lifts off, you can actually feel the force of it
through
actually feel the force of it through your body. This is the most
powerful
through your body. This is the most powerful rocket that NASA has ever
built.
powerful rocket that NASA has ever built. ROARING. That is amazing.
That
built. ROARING. That is amazing. That is what I was like whenever I
saw
That is what I was like whenever I saw the Backstreet Boys in Las
Vegas.
A British reporter hasn't been that excited by a piece of machinery
since this energetic clip.
Oh,
Oh, my
Oh, my God! That is like you
whenever
Oh, my God! That is like you whenever you open up your Tupperware
box!
whenever you open up your Tupperware box! One of him standing underneath
the
box! One of him standing underneath the rocket quite distressing.
Some of the stats around this launch are incredible.
The rocket, known as Artemis II, was the same height as Big Ben.
The core stage of liftoff burnt through two point eight million
litres of propellant.
And it will end up travelling the furthest from Earth that any
human has ever been.
Also,
Also, the
Also, the way that NASA have
explained
Also, the way that NASA have explained the route is a said it
will
explained the route is a said it will take a similar trajectory as
Apollo
will take a similar trajectory as Apollo 13. Don't use that as the
example!
Apollo 13. Don't use that as the example! Well, the good news is Tom
Hanks
example! Well, the good news is Tom Hanks has already signed up to play
you...
Hanks has already signed up to play you... If it lands on a similar
place
you... If it lands on a similar place to the Titanic!
And look, credit where it's due, when Donald Trump came into office
he signed an executive order calling for Americans to return
to the Moon by the end of 2028.
So it must be kinda conflicting for the US president.
Cos on the one hand, America is exploring space again,
but it's also the most diverse NASA crew to ever leave Earth's orbit.
It features the first woman and the first person of colour
to travel to the Moon.
Which does sound like it might be a trap.
Considering the third astronaut's Canadian,
if the fourth one's trans, this might be the most
elaborate deportation ever.
LAUGHTER
What's tricky for NASA is that due to Trump's ban on mentioning
diversity they can't make a big deal about the first person
of colour or the first woman to fly to the Moon.
They have to call them the first person who's
allowed to fist bump Obama, and the first person who never likes
the temperature of any room.
When
When is
When is the first sock going to the
moon?
When is the first sock going to the moon? Are we lacking this character?
Is
moon? Are we lacking this character? Is it rubbish? Keep it on! Every now
and
Is it rubbish? Keep it on! Every now and again I see something that makes
me
and again I see something that makes me glad I don't have big hands...
In fact, the ultimate indignity for a government that's critical
of inclusion is that the area between the Earth's orbit and
the moon is called cislunar space.
And the operation they pulled off last night was called
a translunar injection.
The only thing that would make it worse is if they were travelling
in the Starship They/Them-terprise.
Not only is there an African American man on board,
but Victor Glover is also the pilot.
It says a lot about the state of America that it's the only
journey he can make without the risk of being pulled over.
LAUGHTER
By the way, Victor Glover's callsign is IKE, which stands
for I Know Everything.
But does he know he's an embarrassing dad?
Cos this gorgeous family photo is giving cringe.
That
That is
That is actually his living room and
he
That is actually his living room and he has been just wearing the suit
ever
he has been just wearing the suit ever since he got the job. Just in
the
ever since he got the job. Just in the house, going... Come on, you are
making
the house, going... Come on, you are making the kid is late for school!
He
making the kid is late for school! He is the only one who remembered
World
He is the only one who remembered World Book Day.
LAUGHTER
It's not often you can create history and be a full-kit
wanker at the same time.
And they are creating history.
I got chills when this emotional final send-off
was given to the astronauts.
On
On this
On this historic mission, you take
with
On this historic mission, you take with you the heart of this Artemis
team,
with you the heart of this Artemis team, the daring spirit of the
American
team, the daring spirit of the American people, and our partners
across
American people, and our partners across the globe. In the hopes and
dreams
across the globe. In the hopes and dreams of a new generation. Good
luck.
dreams of a new generation. Good luck. Godspeed, Artemis too, let's
go.
luck. Godspeed, Artemis too, let's go. It is fine, but they never have
any
go. It is fine, but they never have any banter. They talk as like it is
going
any banter. They talk as like it is going to go on a monument, they
don't
going to go on a monument, they don't have work place banter.
Imagine
don't have work place banter. Imagine doing it, five, four, fuck
what
Imagine doing it, five, four, fuck what is that bit that's fallen off
the
what is that bit that's fallen off the top. Smoke coming out the top.
And this was the emotive moment when each of the astronauts
gave their final words.
Thank
Thank you, this is victor.
Do you reckon the first two were like "Give it a rest, Jeremy.
I said family, she said team-mates, you don't have to bring
humanity into all of this".
"Ooh, look at me, I'm doing this for humanity".
Do we have to spend ten days with this prick?
I
I do
I do that
I do that when I'm at work, I'm
doing
I do that when I'm at work, I'm doing blankety blank for humanity.
He
doing blankety blank for humanity. He is not doing it for me. If you
want
He is not doing it for me. If you want to do something, get McDonalds
to
want to do something, get McDonalds to bring back the McRib!
The crew will be in a cramped space the size of two small
campervans for ten days, passing around the moon on day six.
There was a tense moment for the astronauts when a fault
was found with the on-board toilet.
In fact it was with the toilet fan.
I
I thought
I thought it was one of them come
out,
I thought it was one of them come out, going, I would give it a couple
of
out, going, I would give it a couple of light years. Would it be bad to
crack
of light years. Would it be bad to crack a window?
The toilet itself cost around 17 million dollars and comes
with foot restraints and ear protectors.
I
I thought
I thought it was just for a plumber
to
I thought it was just for a plumber to do the call out. The ear
protectors
to do the call out. The ear protectors are for the person on the
toilet
protectors are for the person on the toilet or the other people. The
toilet
toilet or the other people. The toilet makes a loud noise, because
it
toilet makes a loud noise, because it is zero gravity and it has to
suck
it is zero gravity and it has to suck the waste. You need ear
protectors.
suck the waste. You need ear protectors. I don't know why you
need
protectors. I don't know why you need foot restraints. I assume it is
so
need foot restraints. I assume it is so you don't... Literally launch
yourself
so you don't... Literally launch yourself across the room! Fit is
providing
yourself across the room! Fit is providing that much propulsion for
other
providing that much propulsion for other people, I'm doing it wrong. It
is
other people, I'm doing it wrong. It is zero gravity. What happens when
you
is zero gravity. What happens when you fart in space? You can't hide it
if
you fart in space? You can't hide it if you have just shot across the
room!
if you have just shot across the room! That one was for humanity!
The toilet is a step up from past Apollo missions,
which saw astronauts taping a bag to their own buttocks.
Jesus
Jesus Christ, that moon walk sounds
different.
Jesus Christ, that moon walk sounds different. One small bag for man.
One
different. One small bag for man. One giant man for piss. J
One famous line uttered onboard Apollo 10 was "Give me a napkin
quick, there's a turd floating through the air".
Why
Why have
Why have they got napkins, are they
fine
Why have they got napkins, are they fine dining? To catch turds
probably.
The astronauts were interviewed overnight
and explained how they sleep.
Sleeping
Sleeping here is actually sort of
comical,
Sleeping here is actually sort of comical, Christina has been sleeping
heads
comical, Christina has been sleeping heads down in the middle of the
vehicle
heads down in the middle of the vehicle like a bat. Victor has been
up
vehicle like a bat. Victor has been up where Jeremy is and Jeremy has
been
up where Jeremy is and Jeremy has been stretched out on seat one and I
have
been stretched out on seat one and I have been sleeping under the
displays
have been sleeping under the displays in case anything goes
wrong.
displays in case anything goes wrong. It is more comfortable than
you
wrong. It is more comfortable than you would think and it is nice to
sleep
you would think and it is nice to sleep in weightlessness. I had that
image
sleep in weightlessness. I had that image I was tripping off a kerb and
waking
image I was tripping off a kerb and waking up. I was hoping he would go
and
waking up. I was hoping he would go and I sleep naked. What's my
bollocks
and I sleep naked. What's my bollocks doing in zero gravity.
Before the trip, crew member Reid Wiseman said
"There are definitely going to be things by day six, seven, eight,
nine that we're like, man, all right, I need a little space,
and I can't get any right now".
"Like clicking a pen cap can annoy somebody over ten days
in a small capsule".
Which
Which begs the question, what would
we
Which begs the question, what would we be like in space? Imagine him
trying
we be like in space? Imagine him trying to dodge loads of floating
legs.
trying to dodge loads of floating legs. And a sock floats out. You
would
legs. And a sock floats out. You would go, we are not able to get
back,
would go, we are not able to get back, I changed the radio to
Kisstory.
back, I changed the radio to Kisstory. You wait or the Arsenal to
win
Kisstory. You wait or the Arsenal to win the league and then you're stuck
in
win the league and then you're stuck in space.
I think it's fair to say the mission to the Moon has brought out
the child in all of us.
I
I was
I was going to make a joke and Josh
already
I was going to make a joke and Josh already did it. I was going to do
your
already did it. I was going to do your impersonation. To be fair I was
doing
your impersonation. To be fair I was doing the voice as well.
NASA even had an initiative in which members of the public
could send their names around the moon on an SD card.
Each person to sign up even received their own boarding pass.
And
And it
And it looked like this.
We know that's what it looks like, because one member of our production
crew did it for her and her kids, and her seven-year-old is still
pissed off that she's not actually going to the moon for Easter.
When
When you
When you look into what they're
doing
When you look into what they're doing it is amazing.
The precision needed to do what they're doing
is absolutely remarkable.
These astronauts are basically combining physics, chemistry,
mathematics and darts.
The
The rocket is orbiting the earth.
How
The rocket is orbiting the earth. How close is that? The astronauts
are
How close is that? The astronauts are combining physics, chemistry,
mathematics
are combining physics, chemistry, mathematics and darts. I looked like
when
mathematics and darts. I looked like when your Uber driver takes a long
route
when your Uber driver takes a long route home. Are you doing another
drop
route home. Are you doing another drop you have before me.
It's almost impossible to put into words what they're
managing to achieve, but I think the final word should go
to this excitable boy in America, who summed it up beautifully.
Why
Why do
Why do you want to be here? Why do
you
Why do you want to be here? Why do you love space and being a part of
history?
you love space and being a part of history? We are going back to the
fucking
history? We are going back to the fucking moon, that's why! Pretty
much
fucking moon, that's why! Pretty much says it all.
Alright, let's welcome tonight's guests, but let's do it
with another special guest.
Do
Do you
Do you want me to do it. It is
Lorraine
Do you want me to do it. It is Lorraine Kelly and Josh Pugh.
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE. Hello you
both.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE. Hello you both. Just for no apparent reason,
but
both. Just for no apparent reason, but we have plenty, does anyone want
a
but we have plenty, does anyone want a KitKat? I'm scunnered with them.
You're
a KitKat? I'm scunnered with them. You're what? Scunnered of them. Fed
up.
You're what? Scunnered of them. Fed up. Had too many. Were you involved
in
up. Had too many. Were you involved in the heist. I cannot possibly
comment
in the heist. I cannot possibly comment on that. Maybe. Did you
follow
comment on that. Maybe. Did you follow the moon mission. It is so
exciting.
follow the moon mission. It is so exciting. What do you think? You're
not
exciting. What do you think? You're not that excited. I'm not that
excited.
not that excited. I'm not that excited. You know with astronauts,
if
excited. You know with astronauts, if you want to go up, fair enough
and
if you want to go up, fair enough and they try and make out they're
doing
and they try and make out they're doing it for us. We are not
bothered,
doing it for us. We are not bothered, lads! No one asked you to
go
bothered, lads! No one asked you to go up there. Just be honest, you
want
go up there. Just be honest, you want to go in a rocket. You want to
go
want to go in a rocket. You want to go and wee into the sky. They had
bother
go and wee into the sky. They had bother with the wees and you cheeky
monkeys,
bother with the wees and you cheeky monkeys, I saw the original moon
landing,
monkeys, I saw the original moon landing, I was ten. No, Lorraine. I
know.
landing, I was ten. No, Lorraine. I know. Oh, my word. No, Lorraine! You
were
know. Oh, my word. No, Lorraine! You were making a joke. No Lorraine. I'm
very
were making a joke. No Lorraine. I'm very into the sock. Would you go
into
very into the sock. Would you go into space? If you told me now, I
would
into space? If you told me now, I would be away. Can we finish the
show
would be away. Can we finish the show first? It would be amazing. The
rockets
show first? It would be amazing. The rockets go from Florida. I think
there
rockets go from Florida. I think there is better things to do in
Florida,
there is better things to do in Florida, there is Animal Kingdom. I
love
Florida, there is Animal Kingdom. I love the way people got into it this
week,
love the way people got into it this week, and how watching various
reporters
week, and how watching various reporters reminded everyone this
classic
reporters reminded everyone this classic clip, you may have seen
this,
classic clip, you may have seen this, James Burke, it is called the
best
this, James Burke, it is called the best timed piece of television. The
two
best timed piece of television. The two gases that he released from his
version
two gases that he released from his version are a Thermos flask were
hydrogen
version are a Thermos flask were hydrogen and oxygen. If you release
those
hydrogen and oxygen. If you release those two gases into a confined
space,
those two gases into a confined space, with a hole at the other end,
and
space, with a hole at the other end, and mix them as you do so, and
then...
and mix them as you do so, and then... Set light to them... You
get...
then... Set light to them... You get... That.
Destination - the moon! Wow!
APPLAUSE.
Destination - the moon! Wow! APPLAUSE. It is incredible, but how
good
APPLAUSE. It is incredible, but how good would it been if he had a sock
on
good would it been if he had a sock on his hand? Walking and talking
isn't
on his hand? Walking and talking isn't always easy to do on
television
isn't always easy to do on television as this clip of Lorraine
shows.
television as this clip of Lorraine shows. She is a mother of three...
Ooh!
shows. She is a mother of three... Ooh! I will do that again. Are you
all
Ooh! I will do that again. Are you all right? Was that Jane Asher? We
are
all right? Was that Jane Asher? We are going to give you a chance to
redeem
are going to give you a chance to redeem yourself. And re-create James
Burke's
redeem yourself. And re-create James Burke's moment live in the studio.
We
Burke's moment live in the studio. We have written a script for you.
Take
We have written a script for you. Take it away. Hopefully, this will
work.
Take it away. Hopefully, this will work. Come on. Walking and talking
on
work. Come on. Walking and talking on television is harder than it
looks,
on television is harder than it looks, it requires co-ordination,
concentration
looks, it requires co-ordination, concentration and relaxation. It is
actually
concentration and relaxation. It is actually quite a bit of pressure.
Like
actually quite a bit of pressure. Like the pressure that is applied to
a
Like the pressure that is applied to a foot pump when somebody jumps on
it
a foot pump when somebody jumps on it if that is transferred to a
child's
it if that is transferred to a child's toy, pointing to the sky,
you
child's toy, pointing to the sky, you get this.
That
That doesn't normally happen to me.
Yeah!
We'll have more Last Leg for you after the break,
as we come back down to Earth with a look
at what's going on in Iran.
See you in a bit.
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to The Last Leg.
We're joined by Josh Pugh and Lorraine Kelly.
Who
Who is
Who is handing out chocolates to
everyone!
Who is handing out chocolates to everyone! Before you go, someone
said
everyone! Before you go, someone said is it OK if I can get a hug?
Was
said is it OK if I can get a hug? Was that someone yourself? Someone
else
Was that someone yourself? Someone else said is it OK that somebody
left
else said is it OK that somebody left antibacterial spray at the
beginning
left antibacterial spray at the beginning of the show? Yes, that was
an
beginning of the show? Yes, that was an accident.
Mad Brummy asked, "Is it OK Trump broke the window
and is now running away?"
Yeah, it's been a big week for the American president.
In fact, I'm gonna read off a list of things
Donald Trump said this week, and I want you to tell me which one
I've added as an April Fool's joke.
This week he said that he hangs around with losers cos
it makes him feel better about himself, told an audience
of Saudi investors they could ask him anything about sex,
said he doesn't like museums and libraries so his library will be
a hotel, and claimed that a woman should have autonomy
over her own body.
I'm kidding, I made the last one up.
Anyone
Anyone who says ask me anything
about
Anyone who says ask me anything about sex does sound like somebody
who
about sex does sound like somebody who has never done it.
As the war in Iran continues and the Strait of Hormuz remains
closed, President Trump took to Truth Social to tell Britain it
should either buy its jet fuel from the US or "go
get your own oil".
It's not surprising from a guy who said "When you're famous,
you can just grab them by the pussy".
Iran is now considering placing a toll on any ships passing
through the Strait of Hormuz, in what one commentator described
as an "Ayatoll-booth".
LAUGHTER
What
LAUGHTER What we think of Donald Trump saying
get
What we think of Donald Trump saying get your own oil? Just fight back,
choose
get your own oil? Just fight back, choose British products. You should
get
choose British products. You should get your own Hobnobs. Get your own
creamed
get your own Hobnobs. Get your own creamed rice! The way he speaks to
Britain,
creamed rice! The way he speaks to Britain, it is like a lad trying to
get
Britain, it is like a lad trying to get his mate to do something stupid
all
get his mate to do something stupid all the time, like set fire to their
farts.
all the time, like set fire to their farts. The old you would have done
that,
farts. The old you would have done that, she has changed you. He is a
kid,
that, she has changed you. He is a kid, ridiculous. And he's blaming
us.
kid, ridiculous. And he's blaming us. He's the one who started it.
He's
us. He's the one who started it. He's having a go at us, and saying,
why
He's having a go at us, and saying, why are you not doing anything about
these
why are you not doing anything about these pants that I have shit in?
If there's one country that seems to be doing well out of this
crisis, it's Russia.
Because just as their war effort was starting to run out of money,
Donald Trump eased sanctions on Russian oil, the price of
which has now gone through the roof.
The Russian economy is now pulling in hundreds of millions of dollars
a day, thanks to Donald Trump.
So in many ways, he is good for the economy -
just not America's.
Trump also said this week he would consider
pulling the US out of NATO, saying "I always knew
they were a paper tiger, and Putin knows that too,
by the way".
Oh, get a room!
Many countries around the world are struggling to deal
with the current energy crisis, with Sri Lanka introducing
a four-day working week.
News anchors in Thailand took off their jackets on air,
as the government told officials to wear short-sleeved
shirts without neckties.
Take a look at Bangkok's weather for the next week...
37?
I kinda feel like they should be wearing short sleeves anyway.
Are we worried about the energy crisis?
Anything
Anything with the word crisis gets
my
Anything with the word crisis gets my alarm bells ringing.
LAUGHTER
Cost-of-living crisis. All of them.
China
Cost-of-living crisis. All of them. China crisis.
One woman was spotted filling Sainsbury's bags with petrol
and storing them in the boot of her car.
Here's the unbelievable image.
Putting
Putting petrol in a plastic bag
really
Putting petrol in a plastic bag really shows where you stand on
climate
really shows where you stand on climate change.
LAUGHTER
Giu Cas said, "Is it OK that the King's visit to the US
is going to be very awkward?"
This week it was confirmed that the King and Queen's state
visit will take place next month, even though Trump spent a lot of
this week slagging off Keir Starmer.
In fact, Trump even stated that the King would have backed him
over the war in Iran.
His exact words were "I like him.
I always liked him as a prince.
He's a good man, a great representative for your country.
I think he would have taken a very different stand on the war in Iran,
but he doesn't do that.
I mean, he's a great gentleman."
I don't think Charles would have taken a different stance on the war.
He talks to plants.
His car runs on bio-fuels.
He
He is
He is kind.
His favourite hobby is angling.
That's not a warmonger, that's a fishmonger.
You
You have
You have met the King? Would he be
saying,
You have met the King? Would he be saying, get in there? He would not
and
saying, get in there? He would not and the poor soul that has to sit
and
and the poor soul that has to sit and break bread with Donald Trump.
He
and break bread with Donald Trump. He has met lots of despots in his
life
He has met lots of despots in his life but I don't know how you could
get
life but I don't know how you could get through that. Do you think, as
soon
get through that. Do you think, as soon as I can go home to Camilla and
watch
soon as I can go home to Camilla and watch the horse racing with a gin
and
watch the horse racing with a gin and tonic? The King cannot really
give
and tonic? The King cannot really give an opinion. Donald Trump knows
that.
give an opinion. Donald Trump knows that. He is just baiting him. They
have
that. He is just baiting him. They have mutual acquaintances. His
brother.
have mutual acquaintances. His brother. Very true.
APPLAUSE.
The Guardian's photo editor obviously had
a bit of fun this week, purposely choosing photos that made
the King look sceptical of Trump.
There
There was
There was this one... Are they
passing
There was this one... Are they passing drugs?
LAUGHTER
Cheers,
LAUGHTER Cheers, Donald, I really needed
that.
The Guardian also ran with this perfectly captured shot.
LAUGHTER
It
LAUGHTER It looks like he has just seen
Donald
It looks like he has just seen Donald Trump catching a bollock in
his
Donald Trump catching a bollock in his zip. Are they struggling for an
answer
his zip. Are they struggling for an answer on celebrity pointless? That
is
answer on celebrity pointless? That is a photograph of Charles talking
to
is a photograph of Charles talking to a plant. The scramble for fuel
will
to a plant. The scramble for fuel will test all of us.
so Josh and Alex have come up with a way to get us prepared.
As soon as we saw the image of the woman filling Sainsbury's
bags with petrol we thought that could "fuel" some hilarity.
CROWD
CROWD GROANS
And crucially pad out our show.
Let's don our petrol pump hats.
So it's time for a game.
Let's play...
♪
♪ Have
♪ Have got to fill your bag...
APPLAUSE.
Here
Here we
Here we are in the petrol pumps. I
have
Here we are in the petrol pumps. I have green on my face because I am
unlettered.
have green on my face because I am unlettered. And as you can see, I am
diesel
unlettered. And as you can see, I am diesel so I have a black cat. Shall
we
diesel so I have a black cat. Shall we just continue with this?
LAUGHTER
We
LAUGHTER We don't want to get cancelled.
It is Hillsy v Lorraine - and I can tell you that this
couldn't be more important because there's a fantastic
prize at the end.
So here's what you have to do.
You must get as much of this highly flammable petrol in shopping bags
across our tricky assault course from one end of the forecourt
to the other.
That
That simple.
Hillsy, we ask you not to use your mobile during the game.
And Lorraine - please don't light up.
Right, let's take you through the course.
First you must fill up your bag at the petrol pump here.
That'll have a street value of about eight grand nowadays.
Then negotiate the mountain of charcoal briquettes before weaving
in and out of the wet floor signs.
Grab yourself a bunch of shitty flowers as if buying for a family
member you don't care about.
Then buy a scratchcard from the undermotivated
forecourt attendant.
Finally, pour your remaining petrol into the car boot.
The
The person who fills their boot with
the
The person who fills their boot with the most petrol is the winner.
Capiche?
Are you ready?
Take
Take your
Take your positions.
APPLAUSE.
Ready?
Ready? Three, two, one. Pump it.
There
Ready? Three, two, one. Pump it. There we go. Hillsy are struggling
already.
There we go. Hillsy are struggling already. Lorraine has worked in a
petrol
already. Lorraine has worked in a petrol station before. Lorraine
knows
petrol station before. Lorraine knows how to siphon petrol. This bit
is
knows how to siphon petrol. This bit is lasting longer than we
anticipated!
is lasting longer than we anticipated! Not the first time we
have
anticipated! Not the first time we have said that. There you go! Here
we
have said that. There you go! Here we go! In and out of the wet floor
signs.
we go! In and out of the wet floor signs. Get your flowers and your
scratchcard!
signs. Get your flowers and your scratchcard! Grab your scratchcard.
Yes.
scratchcard! Grab your scratchcard. Yes. Fill it up! Fill it up! Oh, my
God.
Yes. Fill it up! Fill it up! Oh, my God. Who is going to win? Lorraine!
Oh
God. Who is going to win? Lorraine! Oh God, I need a wee so much. I can
tell
Oh God, I need a wee so much. I can tell you that the winner is Lorraine
Kelly!
APPLAUSE.
No,
APPLAUSE. No, it was Hillsy! Oh, just give it
to
No, it was Hillsy! Oh, just give it to Lorraine.
CHEERING
to Lorraine. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Congratulations.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Congratulations. It's going to have
to
Congratulations. It's going to have to go to VAR.
We'll have more Last Leg for you after the break,
as we take a look at the upcoming World Cup
Now let's burn this petrol off!
Let's
Let's go
Let's go for this, you're going to
go
Let's go for this, you're going to go big on this! Three, two, one!
APPLAUSE.
Welcome back to The Last Leg, we're joined by Josh Pugh
and Lorraine Kelly.
Time to talk football now, but before we do,
let's welcome a man who's become an online sensation as the assistant
manager of the Sunday League team, Royal Oak FC, please welcome
Steve Bracknell.
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.
Lovely
Lovely to
Lovely to have you here Steve. A big
game
Lovely to have you here Steve. A big game this weekend, explain what the
game
game this weekend, explain what the game is. It has been billed as the
biggest
game is. It has been billed as the biggest game in Sunday league
history.
biggest game in Sunday league history. The I have build it as
that.
history. The I have build it as that. The 3,000 people are watching
two
that. The 3,000 people are watching two pub teams play. Royal Oak, my
team,
two pub teams play. Royal Oak, my team, don't get hung up on titles,
I'm
team, don't get hung up on titles, I'm assistance manager. I'm the
assistant
I'm assistance manager. I'm the assistant host. No comment. There is
no
assistant host. No comment. There is no love lost. For the people who
can't
no love lost. For the people who can't make it on the day, can you
watch
can't make it on the day, can you watch it? I'm allowed to mention
BBC?
watch it? I'm allowed to mention BBC? Who knows these days, but go
for
BBC? Who knows these days, but go for it! Don't get me involved in
that.
for it! Don't get me involved in that. The BBC have kindly agreed to
live
that. The BBC have kindly agreed to live stream it, so it has a YouTube
channel.
live stream it, so it has a YouTube channel. We will have people from
around
channel. We will have people from around the globe watching 22
overweight
around the globe watching 22 overweight blokes playing football.
I
overweight blokes playing football. I understand that you are a big fan
of
I understand that you are a big fan of Alex booker. Last night I spent
an
of Alex booker. Last night I spent an hour in the hour naked, I'm
always
an hour in the hour naked, I'm always naked. ARex is going Steven
are
always naked. ARex is going Steven are you all right. Would you like to
hear
are you all right. Would you like to hear it? I would love to hear it.
(TO THE TUNE OF THE ANIMALS WENT IN TWO BY TWO)
♪ He'll never play in a football team,
♪ They said, they said
♪ Always making jokes about
♪ His leg, his leg
♪ Now making jokes is how he gets paid
♪ And now he plays in Soccer Aid
♪ Alex Brooker is England number 9
♪ Da da da da da da...#
AUDIENCE
AUDIENCE SINGS ALONG. ♪
AUDIENCE SINGS ALONG. # And we all
love
AUDIENCE SINGS ALONG. # And we all love Brooker, he is England's No 9!
Thanks
Thanks Steve. You're a national
treasure.
Thanks Steve. You're a national treasure. That is like make a wish.
Thank
treasure. That is like make a wish. Thank you. Josh you play for the
partly
Thank you. Josh you play for the partly sighted England team and you
got
partly sighted England team and you got a visit from a manager? We were
training
got a visit from a manager? We were training in Turkey and to motivate
the
training in Turkey and to motivate the lads our manager brought in a
guest
the lads our manager brought in a guest and introduced him as Gareth.
The
guest and introduced him as Gareth. The lads are visually impaired and
couldn't
The lads are visually impaired and couldn't see that Gareth Southgate
was
couldn't see that Gareth Southgate was stood. And we were very
underwhelmed.
was stood. And we were very underwhelmed. We think that he works
for
underwhelmed. We think that he works for the hotel. Any questions for
Gareth?
for the hotel. Any questions for Gareth? Well my room key isn't
working!
Gareth? Well my room key isn't working! First and second name we
need
working! First and second name we need really. Look, Lorraine, I
understand
need really. Look, Lorraine, I understand that you will be, we have
the
understand that you will be, we have the World Cup coming up. You will be
at
the World Cup coming up. You will be at the one of the games. We are
going
at the one of the games. We are going to the Morocco game.
Hopefully,
going to the Morocco game. Hopefully, you know if you have been
horrible
Hopefully, you know if you have been horrible about Donald Trump. I hoped
it
horrible about Donald Trump. I hoped it would be Canada or Mexico. I am
worried
it would be Canada or Mexico. I am worried they won't let me in. I
think
worried they won't let me in. I think the nicest thing I said was
that
think the nicest thing I said was that he was a twat. That was me
being
that he was a twat. That was me being nice! Is there any message for
the
being nice! Is there any message for the Scotland team? I just happen to
be
the Scotland team? I just happen to be sitting on this. I thought I
would
be sitting on this. I thought I would wave it around and say, no
Scotland,
would wave it around and say, no Scotland, no party. No Scotland, no
party!
Scotland, no party. No Scotland, no party! I'm so happy you didn't keep
that
party! I'm so happy you didn't keep that like Josh does with his socks.
We
that like Josh does with his socks. We asked you to prepare a speech for
the
We asked you to prepare a speech for the England team. We gave me 24
hours.
the England team. We gave me 24 hours. So the stage is yous. Thank
you.
We were all young kids once upon a time.
We had dreams.
I never laid in bed at night dreaming of being an electrician.
We wanted to be astronauts and fly to the moon,
some of others wanted to play for England in the World Cup final.
In two months' time some of you lads have got the chance to make
that dream a reality.
Lifting the trophy I mean, I don't think they're gonna send
Harry Maguire to the moon.
I hope not anyway.
All I ask of you lads is to keep dreaming.
We can forgive a bad pass, we can forgive a shot off target,
but what we can't forgive is the inability to
believe we can do it.
We live in divisive times and the opportunities for a country
to come together and want the same thing are becoming less and less.
Oasis brought the country together last summer.
Now it's your turn.
Go and play your hearts out for them young kids up and down the country
who are still dreaming.
And if football does come home, I'm buying you all a bargain bucket
from KFC on your return.
Gravy, coleslaw, beans, Vienetta, the job lot.
It's on me.
So get up and down 'em.
Play for the badge.
But more importantly, stay together as one.
Steve.
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.
We'll have more Last Leg for you after the break,
as Josh wraps up the last seven days, and we unveil
an anthem for the World Cup.
See you soon.
Welcome back to The Last Leg, we're joined by
Josh Pugh, Lorraine Kelly and Steve Bracknall.
Last week we met Becky Coleman, who was aiming to become the first
wheelchair user to row the Oxford-Cambridge
boatrace course - arms-only.
Yesterday she smashed it in 33 minutes
and sent us a picture with the Hans we gave her.
Becky
Becky is
Becky is here. Congratulations. Well
done!
I also wanna give a shout out
to the Keighley Cougars Rugby League Team.
Last year on our show, Alistair Campbell challenged
Keighley to help out the Ukrainian Rugby League Team.
Keighley then provided them with their official kit,
and offered to fly a bunch of teenage Rugby League players
to the UK for a week.
They Ukrainian kids landed into Leeds/Bradford this afternoon,
and will spend the weekend in Keighley and Castleford,
playing and watching Rugby League.
They're also taking a day trip to Haworth, home
of the Bronte sisters.
Cos you know how much Rugby League players love the Bronte sisters.
CHANTING: Heathcliff!
This
This is
This is the greatest audience of all
time!
CHEERING
time! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Josh has been orbiting the last seven days,
Josh what have you got for us?
OK...
LAUGHTER
I
LAUGHTER I have to read this off the card.
Would you like to see an incredible clip of what could possibly go wrong
when collecting your food at the end of a night out?
Yes,
Yes, please!
LAUGHTER
It
LAUGHTER It is a way that he tries to save
it!
It is a way that he tries to save it! Such a journeyman!
Would you like to see awkward footage as poor old Craig Doyle
interrupts a rugby team's warm up?
Yes!
Yes! You
Yes! You are going to down something
disgusting?
Yes! You are going to down something disgusting? You are going to kick
the
disgusting? You are going to kick the ball? This will be a defining
moment,
the ball? This will be a defining moment, I think! Let's have a look.
Brave
moment, I think! Let's have a look. Brave man! Get there! Good effort.
Would
Brave man! Get there! Good effort. Would you sign him up? Sorry!
LAUGHTER
Apologies
LAUGHTER Apologies for that language!
We are about to end the show with a song for the World Cup,
but before we do, would you please thank our guests.
Josh Pugh.
Lorraine Kelly.
And Steve Bracknall.
And my co-hosts Josh Widdicombe.
And Alex Brooker.
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
We'll be back later in the year with more Last Leg, but right now,
with the World Cup coming up, we thought we'd give a shout out
to all the countries competing.
And wish them all luck, with every single part of their journey.
♪ Lookin at a summer of football
♪ Forty eight, countries in all are competing here
♪ I sit and I wonder just who to cheer
♪ Maybe Australia
♪ Not Wales, cos they met with failure, but in June
♪ Scotland might dance to a different tune
♪ Tune in, to see which nation
♪ Makes it, through Immigration
♪ (Cos) Getting in to America (Whoa)
♪ Getting in to America (Whoa)
♪ Has become a massive pain in the cars
♪ Bosnia and Herzegovina
♪ Norway, Switzerland, Portugal, maybe France
♪ Even Croatia have got a chance
♪ Sweden, Jordan and Ghana
♪ Brazil, Ivory Coast and Uzbekistan
♪ We're not gonna put money on Iran
♪ Which country's gonna be sent home
♪ Wipe all the apps from your iPhone
♪ Cos getting in to America (Whoa)
♪ Getting in to America (Whoa)
♪ Has become a massive pain the arse...#
Thanks for watching The Last Leg, my name's Adam Hills -
see you later in the year for the next leg.
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE