This programme contains strong language and adult humour.
# What goes on
# Thank you for letting us be ourselves
# So don't mind me if I repeat myself
# These simple lines be good for your health
# To keep them crime rhymes on the shelf
# Live, love life like you just don't care
# 5,000 leaders never scared
# Bring the noise It's the moment they feared
# Get up, still a beautiful idea
# Get up, throw your hands in the air
# Get up and show no fear... #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Put on your Easter bonnet, make room for chocolate,
and cross your hot buns, it's Friday, we're live,
and it's time for The Last Leg.
Tonight on the show, we'll hold space for the Artemis Moon mission,
set the record straight about Iran, and kick off our excitement
at the upcoming World Cup.
Plus we'll be joined by comedian Josh Pugh,
TV legend Lorraine Kelly, and online football
sensation Steve Bracknall...
..on the show that likes to let you know what's really
behind the news.
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
G'day, I'm Adam Hills, welcome to The Last Leg -
the show that heard Marmite is gonna be sold to an American company
and thought "Some people will hate that deal,
but others will quite like it".
With me, as always, are the pride of Dartmoor, Josh Widdicombe.
And the man who's surprising his kids this Sunday
with an Easter Leg Hunt, Alex Brooker.
APPLAUSE.
Lots of news to cover tonight, but I wanna start with an Is It OK
we got this week from Carolyn, who said,
"Is it OK that Josh likes to keep socks down his trousers?"
An
An ex-girlfriend? Do you want to
explain?
explain?Sorry, I was laughing at
your
your joke! The amount of times I
have
have heard that!
have heard that!This week I was
coming
coming back from my tour show and
the
the usual
the usual way I usually de-stress a
sit
sit in
sit in the back of a car and have a
bowl
bowl of
bowl of Shreddies from a Tupperware
box.
box. Rock
box. Rock and roll! My hand was on
my
my leg
my leg and I thought, that feels
big!
LAUGHTER
Oh,
Oh, come
Oh, come on!
Oh, come on!Family show! The
material.
material. There is something there,
I
I put
I put my
I put my hand, because normally you
go
go up,
go up, I
go up, I will be honest, I undid my
fly
fly and
fly and I
fly and I put my hand in and I
pulled
pulled out a sock, like that! It did
not
not points like that. The driver
must
must have
must have thought, fuck me, he is
enjoying
enjoying those Shreddies! He takes
his
his socks
his socks off in a weird way! I have
gone
gone my
gone my whole day, with my family
and
and the
and the whole gig with a sock in the
gusset
gusset of
gusset of my trousers. I did not
know
know it
know it was there. We did not need
the
the word
the word gusset! I saw you
flinching. Purely an accident there
was
was a
was a sock in my trousers! There
seems
seems to
seems to be an aubergine also!
seems to be an aubergine also!It
was
was just
was just a normal sock.
I got you an end of series present.
It
It is
It is a
It is a pair of eyes you can stick
onto
onto the
onto the sock...
onto the sock...That is nice, where
do
do I
do I stick these? I will put one of
them
them there. What is my present? I
have
have got
have got you some googly fingers!
LAUGHTER
Just
Just like
Just like this. Look. There you go.
Hello!
Hello! Do
Hello! Do you know what? Hello...
What
What was
What was it like in Josh's pants?
What was it like in Josh's pants?I
don't
don't kiss and tell! How was the
gig?
gig? He
gig? He absolutely smashed it. If
you
you want
you want a good night out, we're on
tour.
tour. And
tour. And to be clear, there are
tickets
tickets available! Did he treat you
well
well down
well down there?
well down there?Yes. Why do you
have
have such
have such a weird voice? Which one
of
of us
of us are
of us are you talking to? I feel
like
like Kermit the Frog is going to get
a
a cease
a cease and desist letter ready. I
do
do need
do need to do up my flies! Carry on.
We are live, which means you can send us any questions you wanna
ask us about the news.
LAUGHTER
Sorry!
Sorry!I
Sorry!I just pretended to catch my
foreskin.
foreskin. Imagine that was the part
of
of his
of his body he lost.
You can message us on Instagram with the hashtag #isitok,
or on WhatsApp using the number 07956 175 908,
or by scanning the QR code on the screen.
For example, Rhi said, "Is it OK that someone has made
a break for it with 12 tons of Kit Kats?"
Yes, more than 400,000 Kit Kats went missing this week after a truck
carrying the new Kit Kat range set off from central Italy but never
reached its scheduled final destination in Poland.
The brand have insisted this is not a stunt and have asked consumers
to scan barcodes to help them find the stolen chocolate.
I'm not sure that's gonna work, cos most thieves will have melted
them down by now anyway.
LAUGHTER
I
I want
I want to
I want to say just how nice it is to
have
have a
have a story about missing fingers
on
on the
on the show and it has nothing to do
with
with me?
LAUGHTER
News of the heist sparked an online race as other companies
issued their own statements, like this cheeky post from Domino's.
"We would like to share our thoughts and condolences with Kit Kat
following their recent sad news.
On a completely unrelated note, we're pleased to announce we'll now
be selling a new Kit Kat pizza."
Yes?
Yes?They
Yes?They can find the thieves. Just
get
get a
get a bounty hunter!
CROWD
CROWD GROANS
That
That is
That is not my kind of humour!
Unsurprisingly, Domino's started a chain reaction that led to this
amusing post from Ryanair.
Lot of questions here.
Why has the plane taken a bite out of one end,
then stuck the other end in its mouth?
Also, why are there five fingers?
That
That is
That is a
That is a question we often get
asked
asked on
asked on this show!
Let's get into the big story now, and as fuel prices continue to rise
and stock markets continue to fall, Kathryn said,
"Is it OK that NASA have finally launched
the new mission to the Moon?"
Yes, Kathryn!
We
We only
We only something different to
lighten
lighten the world at the moment. --
we
we all
we all need something different.
The American government proved they can do something right this
week, as NASA launched a mission to the moon.
The first time they did this was in 1968, when America led
an ill-advised war in Vietnam, which had no exit strategy
and ultimately made a mess of the region.
Thankfully, this time things are different.
The ten-day mission will take astronauts around the Moon,
as they look for a location to build a potential base from
which to explore Mars.
Not so much a place in the sun as a place
on the dark side of the Moon.
Did you guys watch it?
But
But if
But if course you remember the first
one!
LAUGHTER
Sorry!
Sorry! So
Sorry! So close but not quite!
Sorry! So close but not quite!I
think
think it
think it is bad that how jaded we
are
are as
are as a
are as a generation that in 1969
people
people stayed up and watched it, and
I
I watched
I watched it the next day on my
phone,
phone, while having a piss. I
watched
watched it on my phone. The next
thing
thing the
thing the algorithm was just more
dash-cam
dash-cam footage! Someone having a
rocket
rocket cutting them up! It is Easter
weekend.
weekend. And it is quicker and
easier
easier for those asked us to go
around
around the moon and back than it is
to
to get
to get a
to get a train from London to
Manchester Piccadilly.
APPLAUSE.
And look, there's a lot to be cynical about in the world right
now, but it's nice to know the launch of a rocket can
still reduce a professional journalist to tears of joy.
Here's the incredible moment the BBC's science editor
Rebecca Morelle was blown away by the launch, almost literally.
Oh,
Oh, my
Oh, my goodness! Oh! Wow! Oh, my
goodness!
goodness! That is spectacular. It is
not
not just
not just what you see and you can
hear
hear as
hear as it lifts off, you can
actually
actually feel the force of it
through
through your body. This is the most
powerful
powerful rocket that NASA has ever
built.
built. ROARING. That is amazing.
That
That is
That is what I was like whenever I
saw
saw the
saw the Backstreet Boys in Las
Vegas.
A British reporter hasn't been that excited by a piece of machinery
since this energetic clip.
Oh,
Oh, my
Oh, my God! That is like you
whenever
whenever you open up your Tupperware
box!
box! One
box! One of him standing underneath
the
the rocket quite distressing.
Some of the stats around this launch are incredible.
The rocket, known as Artemis II, was the same height as Big Ben.
The core stage of liftoff burnt through two point eight million
litres of propellant.
And it will end up travelling the furthest from Earth that any
human has ever been.
Also,
Also, the
Also, the way that NASA have
explained
explained the route is a said it
will
will take
will take a similar trajectory as
Apollo
Apollo 13. Don't use that as the
example!
example! Well, the good news is Tom
Hanks
Hanks has
Hanks has already signed up to play
you...
you... If
you... If it lands on a similar
place
place to
place to the Titanic!
And look, credit where it's due, when Donald Trump came into office
he signed an executive order calling for Americans to return
to the Moon by the end of 2028.
So it must be kinda conflicting for the US president.
Cos on the one hand, America is exploring space again,
but it's also the most diverse NASA crew to ever leave Earth's orbit.
It features the first woman and the first person of colour
to travel to the Moon.
Which does sound like it might be a trap.
Considering the third astronaut's Canadian,
if the fourth one's trans, this might be the most
elaborate deportation ever.
LAUGHTER
What's tricky for NASA is that due to Trump's ban on mentioning
diversity they can't make a big deal about the first person
of colour or the first woman to fly to the Moon.
They have to call them the first person who's
allowed to fist bump Obama, and the first person who never likes
the temperature of any room.
When
When is
When is the first sock going to the
moon?
moon?Are
moon?Are we lacking this character?
Is
Is it
Is it rubbish? Keep it on! Every now
and
and again
and again I see something that makes
me
me glad
me glad I
me glad I don't have big hands...
In fact, the ultimate indignity for a government that's critical
of inclusion is that the area between the Earth's orbit and
the moon is called cislunar space.
And the operation they pulled off last night was called
a translunar injection.
The only thing that would make it worse is if they were travelling
in the Starship They/Them-terprise.
Not only is there an African American man on board,
but Victor Glover is also the pilot.
It says a lot about the state of America that it's the only
journey he can make without the risk of being pulled over.
LAUGHTER
By the way, Victor Glover's callsign is IKE, which stands
for I Know Everything.
But does he know he's an embarrassing dad?
Cos this gorgeous family photo is giving cringe.
That
That is
That is actually his living room and
he
he has
he has been just wearing the suit
ever
ever since he got the job.
ever since he got the job.Just in
the
the house, going... Come on, you are
making
making the kid is late for school!
He
He is
He is the
He is the only one who remembered
World
World Book Day.
LAUGHTER
It's not often you can create history and be a full-kit
wanker at the same time.
And they are creating history.
I got chills when this emotional final send-off
was given to the astronauts.
On
On this
On this historic mission, you take
with
with you
with you the heart of this Artemis
team,
team, the
team, the daring spirit of the
American
American people, and our partners
across
across the globe.
across the globe.In the hopes and
dreams
dreams of
dreams of a new generation. Good
luck.
luck. Godspeed, Artemis too, let's
go.
go. It
go. It is
go. It is fine, but they never have
any
any banter. They talk as like it is
going
going to
going to go on a monument, they
don't
don't have work place banter.
Imagine
Imagine doing it, five, four, fuck
what
what is
what is that bit that's fallen off
the
the top.
the top. Smoke coming out the top.
And this was the emotive moment when each of the astronauts
gave their final words.
Thank
Thank you, this is victor.
Do you reckon the first two were like "Give it a rest, Jeremy.
I said family, she said team-mates, you don't have to bring
humanity into all of this".
"Ooh, look at me, I'm doing this for humanity".
Do we have to spend ten days with this prick?
I
I do
I do that
I do that when I'm at work, I'm
doing
doing blankety blank for humanity.
He
He is
He is not
He is not doing it for me. If you
want
want to
want to do something, get McDonalds
to
to bring
to bring back the McRib!
The crew will be in a cramped space the size of two small
campervans for ten days, passing around the moon on day six.
There was a tense moment for the astronauts when a fault
was found with the on-board toilet.
In fact it was with the toilet fan.
I
I thought
I thought it was one of them come
out,
out, going, I would give it a couple
of
of light
of light years. Would it be bad to
crack
crack a
crack a window?
The toilet itself cost around 17 million dollars and comes
with foot restraints and ear protectors.
I
I thought
I thought it was just for a plumber
to
to do
to do the
to do the call out. The ear
protectors are for the person on the
toilet
toilet or
toilet or the other people. The
toilet
toilet makes a loud noise, because
it
it is
it is zero gravity and it has to
suck
suck the
suck the waste. You need ear
protectors. I don't know why you
need
need foot
need foot restraints. I assume it is
so
so you
so you don't... Literally launch
yourself
yourself across the room!
yourself across the room!Fit is
providing
providing that much propulsion for
other
other people, I'm doing it wrong. It
is
is zero
is zero gravity. What happens when
you
you fart
you fart in space? You can't hide it
if
if you
if you have just shot across the
room!
room!That
room!That one was for humanity!
The toilet is a step up from past Apollo missions,
which saw astronauts taping a bag to their own buttocks.
Jesus
Jesus Christ, that moon walk sounds
different. One small bag for man.
One
One giant
One giant man for piss. J
One famous line uttered onboard Apollo 10 was "Give me a napkin
quick, there's a turd floating through the air".
Why
Why have
Why have they got napkins, are they
fine
fine dining? To catch turds
probably.
The astronauts were interviewed overnight
and explained how they sleep.
Sleeping
Sleeping here is actually sort of
comical,
comical, Christina has been sleeping
heads
heads down in the middle of the
vehicle
vehicle like a bat. Victor has been
up
up where
up where Jeremy is and Jeremy has
been
been stretched out on seat one and I
have
have been
have been sleeping under the
displays
displays in case anything goes
wrong.
wrong. It
wrong. It is more comfortable than
you
you would
you would think and it is nice to
sleep
sleep in
sleep in weightlessness. I had that
image
image I
image I was tripping off a kerb and
waking
waking up. I was hoping he would go
and
and I
and I sleep naked. What's my
bollocks
bollocks doing in zero gravity.
Before the trip, crew member Reid Wiseman said
"There are definitely going to be things by day six, seven, eight,
nine that we're like, man, all right, I need a little space,
and I can't get any right now".
"Like clicking a pen cap can annoy somebody over ten days
in a small capsule".
Which
Which begs the question, what would
we
we be
we be like in space?
we be like in space?Imagine him
trying
trying to
trying to dodge loads of floating
legs.
legs. And
legs. And a sock floats out. You
would
would go,
would go, we are not able to get
back,
back, I
back, I changed the radio to
Kisstory.
Kisstory. You wait or the Arsenal to
win
win the
win the league and then you're stuck
in
in space.
I think it's fair to say the mission to the Moon has brought out
the child in all of us.
I
I was
I was going to make a joke and Josh
already
already did it. I was going to do
your
your impersonation.
your impersonation.To be fair I was
doing
doing the
doing the voice as well.
NASA even had an initiative in which members of the public
could send their names around the moon on an SD card.
Each person to sign up even received their own boarding pass.
And
And it
And it looked like this.
We know that's what it looks like, because one member of our production
crew did it for her and her kids, and her seven-year-old is still
pissed off that she's not actually going to the moon for Easter.
When
When you
When you look into what they're
doing
doing it
doing it is amazing.
The precision needed to do what they're doing
is absolutely remarkable.
These astronauts are basically combining physics, chemistry,
mathematics and darts.
The
The rocket is orbiting the earth.
How
How close
How close is that? The astronauts
are
are combining physics, chemistry,
mathematics and darts.
mathematics and darts.I looked like
when
when your
when your Uber driver takes a long
route
route home. Are you doing another
drop
drop you
drop you have before me.
It's almost impossible to put into words what they're
managing to achieve, but I think the final word should go
to this excitable boy in America, who summed it up beautifully.
Why
Why do
Why do you want to be here? Why do
you
you love
you love space and being a part of
history?
history? We are going back to the
fucking
fucking moon, that's why! Pretty
much
much says
much says it all.
Alright, let's welcome tonight's guests, but let's do it
with another special guest.
Do
Do you
Do you want me to do it. It is
Lorraine
Lorraine Kelly and Josh Pugh.
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE. Hello you
both.
both. Just for no apparent reason,
but
but we
but we have plenty, does anyone want
a
a KitKat?
a KitKat?I'm scunnered with them.
You're
You're what? Scunnered of them. Fed
up.
up. Had
up. Had too many. Were you involved
in
in the
in the heist. I cannot possibly
comment
comment on that. Maybe. Did you
follow
follow the moon mission.
follow the moon mission.It is so
exciting.
exciting. What do you think? You're
not
not that
not that excited. I'm not that
excited.
excited. You know with astronauts,
if
if you
if you want to go up, fair enough
and
and they
and they try and make out they're
doing
doing it
doing it for us. We are not
bothered,
bothered, lads! No one asked you to
go
go up
go up there. Just be honest, you
want
want to
want to go in a rocket. You want to
go
go and
go and wee into the sky. They had
bother
bother with the wees and you cheeky
monkeys,
monkeys, I saw the original moon
landing,
landing, I was ten. No, Lorraine. I
know.
know. Oh,
know. Oh, my word. No, Lorraine! You
were
were making a joke. No Lorraine. I'm
very
very into
very into the sock. Would you go
into
into space? If you told me now, I
would
would be
would be away. Can we finish the
show
show first? It would be amazing. The
rockets
rockets go from Florida. I think
there
there is
there is better things to do in
Florida,
Florida, there is Animal Kingdom. I
love
love the
love the way people got into it this
week,
week, and
week, and how watching various
reporters
reporters reminded everyone this
classic
classic clip, you may have seen
this,
this, James Burke, it is called the
best
best timed piece of television.
best timed piece of television.The
two
two gases
two gases that he released from his
version
version are a Thermos flask were
hydrogen
hydrogen and oxygen. If you release
those
those two
those two gases into a confined
space,
space, with a hole at the other end,
and
and mix
and mix them as you do so, and
then...
then... Set light to them... You
get...
get... That.
Destination - the moon! Wow!
APPLAUSE.
APPLAUSE.It is incredible, but how
good
good would it been if he had a sock
on
on his
on his hand? Walking and talking
isn't
isn't always easy to do on
television as this clip of Lorraine
shows.
shows.She
shows.She is a mother of three...
Ooh!
Ooh! I
Ooh! I will do that again. Are you
all
all right? Was that Jane Asher? We
are
are going
are going to give you a chance to
redeem
redeem yourself. And re-create James
Burke's
Burke's moment live in the studio.
We
We have
We have written a script for you.
Take
Take it
Take it away.
Take it away.Hopefully, this will
work.
work. Come on.
work. Come on.Walking and talking
on
on television is harder than it
looks,
looks, it
looks, it requires co-ordination,
concentration and relaxation. It is
actually
actually quite a bit of pressure.
Like
Like the
Like the pressure that is applied to
a
a foot
a foot pump when somebody jumps on
it
it if
it if that is transferred to a
child's
child's toy, pointing to the sky,
you
you get
you get this.
That
That doesn't normally happen to me.
Yeah!
We'll have more Last Leg for you after the break,
as we come back down to Earth with a look
at what's going on in Iran.
See you in a bit.
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to The Last Leg.
We're joined by Josh Pugh and Lorraine Kelly.
Who
Who is
Who is handing out chocolates to
everyone!
everyone! Before you go, someone
said
said is
said is it OK if I can get a hug?
Was
Was that
Was that someone yourself? Someone
else
else said
else said is it OK that somebody
left
left antibacterial spray at the
beginning
beginning of the show? Yes, that was
an
an accident.
Mad Brummy asked, "Is it OK Trump broke the window
and is now running away?"
Yeah, it's been a big week for the American president.
In fact, I'm gonna read off a list of things
Donald Trump said this week, and I want you to tell me which one
I've added as an April Fool's joke.
This week he said that he hangs around with losers cos
it makes him feel better about himself, told an audience
of Saudi investors they could ask him anything about sex,
said he doesn't like museums and libraries so his library will be
a hotel, and claimed that a woman should have autonomy
over her own body.
I'm kidding, I made the last one up.
Anyone
Anyone who says ask me anything
about
about sex
about sex does sound like somebody
who
who has
who has never done it.
As the war in Iran continues and the Strait of Hormuz remains
closed, President Trump took to Truth Social to tell Britain it
should either buy its jet fuel from the US or "go
get your own oil".
It's not surprising from a guy who said "When you're famous,
you can just grab them by the pussy".
Iran is now considering placing a toll on any ships passing
through the Strait of Hormuz, in what one commentator described
as an "Ayatoll-booth".
LAUGHTER
What
What we
What we think of Donald Trump saying
get
get your
get your own oil?
get your own oil?Just fight back,
choose
choose British products. You should
get
get your
get your own Hobnobs. Get your own
creamed
creamed rice! The way he speaks to
Britain,
Britain, it is like a lad trying to
get
get his
get his mate to do something stupid
all
all the
all the time, like set fire to their
farts.
farts. The old you would have done
that,
that, she
that, she has changed you. He is a
kid,
kid, ridiculous. And he's blaming
us.
us. He's
us. He's the one who started it.
He's
He's having a go at us, and saying,
why
why are
why are you not doing anything about
these
these pants that I have shit in?
If there's one country that seems to be doing well out of this
crisis, it's Russia.
Because just as their war effort was starting to run out of money,
Donald Trump eased sanctions on Russian oil, the price of
which has now gone through the roof.
The Russian economy is now pulling in hundreds of millions of dollars
a day, thanks to Donald Trump.
So in many ways, he is good for the economy -
just not America's.
Trump also said this week he would consider
pulling the US out of NATO, saying "I always knew
they were a paper tiger, and Putin knows that too,
by the way".
Oh, get a room!
Many countries around the world are struggling to deal
with the current energy crisis, with Sri Lanka introducing
a four-day working week.
News anchors in Thailand took off their jackets on air,
as the government told officials to wear short-sleeved
shirts without neckties.
Take a look at Bangkok's weather for the next week...
37?
I kinda feel like they should be wearing short sleeves anyway.
Are we worried about the energy crisis?
Anything
Anything with the word crisis gets
my
my alarm
my alarm bells ringing.
LAUGHTER
Cost-of-living crisis. All of them.
China
China crisis.
One woman was spotted filling Sainsbury's bags with petrol
and storing them in the boot of her car.
Here's the unbelievable image.
Putting
Putting petrol in a plastic bag
really
really shows where you stand on
climate
climate change.
LAUGHTER
Giu Cas said, "Is it OK that the King's visit to the US
is going to be very awkward?"
This week it was confirmed that the King and Queen's state
visit will take place next month, even though Trump spent a lot of
this week slagging off Keir Starmer.
In fact, Trump even stated that the King would have backed him
over the war in Iran.
His exact words were "I like him.
I always liked him as a prince.
He's a good man, a great representative for your country.
I think he would have taken a very different stand on the war in Iran,
but he doesn't do that.
I mean, he's a great gentleman."
I don't think Charles would have taken a different stance on the war.
He talks to plants.
His car runs on bio-fuels.
He
He is
He is kind.
His favourite hobby is angling.
That's not a warmonger, that's a fishmonger.
You
You have
You have met the King? Would he be
saying,
saying, get in there?
saying, get in there?He would not
and
and the
and the poor soul that has to sit
and
and break
and break bread with Donald Trump.
He
He has
He has met lots of despots in his
life
life but
life but I don't know how you could
get
get through that. Do you think, as
soon
soon as
soon as I
soon as I can go home to Camilla and
watch
watch the
watch the horse racing with a gin
and
and tonic? The King cannot really
give
give an
give an opinion. Donald Trump knows
that.
that. He
that. He is just baiting him.
that. He is just baiting him.They
have
have mutual acquaintances. His
brother.
brother. Very true.
APPLAUSE.
The Guardian's photo editor obviously had
a bit of fun this week, purposely choosing photos that made
the King look sceptical of Trump.
There
There was
There was this one...
There was this one...Are they
passing
passing drugs?
LAUGHTER
Cheers,
Cheers, Donald, I really needed
that.
The Guardian also ran with this perfectly captured shot.
LAUGHTER
It
It looks
It looks like he has just seen
Donald
Donald Trump catching a bollock in
his
his zip.
his zip.Are they struggling for an
answer
answer on
answer on celebrity pointless? That
is
is a
is a photograph of Charles talking
to
to a
to a plant. The scramble for fuel
will
will test
will test all of us.
so Josh and Alex have come up with a way to get us prepared.
As soon as we saw the image of the woman filling Sainsbury's
bags with petrol we thought that could "fuel" some hilarity.
CROWD
CROWD GROANS
And cruciallypad out our show.
Let's don our petrol pump hats.
So it's time for a game.
Let's play...
#
# Have
# Have got to fill your bag...
APPLAUSE.
Here
Here we
Here we are in the petrol pumps. I
have
have green on my face because I am
unlettered. And as you can see, I am
diesel
diesel so
diesel so I have a black cat. Shall
we
we just
we just continue with this?
LAUGHTER
We
We don't
We don't want to get cancelled.
It is Hillsy v Lorraine - and I can tell you that this
couldn't be more important because there's a fantastic
prize at the end.
So here's what you have to do.
You must get as much of this highly flammable petrol in shopping bags
across our tricky assault course from one end of the forecourt
to the other.
That
That simple.
Hillsy, we ask you not to use your mobile during the game.
And Lorraine - please don't light up.
Right, let's take you through the course.
First you must fill up your bag at the petrol pump here.
That'll have a street value of about eight grand nowadays.
Then negotiate the mountain of charcoal briquettes before weaving
in and out of the wet floor signs.
Grab yourself a bunch of shitty flowers as if buying for a family
member you don't care about.
Then buy a scratchcard from the undermotivated
forecourt attendant.
Finally, pour your remaining petrol into the car boot.
The
The person who fills their boot with
the
the most
the most petrol is the winner.
Capiche?
Are you ready?
Take
Take your
Take your positions.
APPLAUSE.
Ready?
Ready? Three, two, one. Pump it.
There
There we
There we go. Hillsy are struggling
already.
already. Lorraine has worked in a
petrol
petrol station before. Lorraine
knows
knows how
knows how to siphon petrol. This bit
is
is lasting longer than we
anticipated! Not the first time we
have
have said
have said that. There you go! Here
we
we go!
we go! In
we go! In and out of the wet floor
signs.
signs. Get your flowers and your
scratchcard! Grab your scratchcard.
Yes.
Yes. Fill
Yes. Fill it up! Fill it up! Oh, my
God.
God. Who
God. Who is going to win? Lorraine!
Oh
Oh God,
Oh God, I
Oh God, I need a wee so much. I can
tell
tell you
tell you that the winner is Lorraine
Kelly!
APPLAUSE.
No,
No, it
No, it was Hillsy! Oh, just give it
to
to Lorraine.
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Congratulations.It's going to have
to
to go
to go to
to go to VAR.
We'll have more Last Leg for you after the break,
as we take a look at the upcoming World Cup
Now let's burn this petrol off!
Let's
Let's go
Let's go for this, you're going to
go
go big
go big on
go big on this! Three, two, one!
APPLAUSE.
Welcome back to The Last Leg, we're joined by Josh Pugh
and Lorraine Kelly.
Time to talk football now, but before we do,
let's welcome a man who's become an online sensation as the assistant
manager of the Sunday League team, Royal Oak FC, please welcome
Steve Bracknell.
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.
Lovely
Lovely to
Lovely to have you here Steve. A big
game
game this
game this weekend, explain what the
game
gameis.
gameis. It has been billed as the
biggest
biggest game in Sunday league
history.
history. The I have build it as
that.
that. The
that. The 3,000 people are watching
two
two pub
two pub teams play. Royal Oak, my
team,
team, don't get hung up on titles,
I'm
I'm assistance manager. I'm the
assistant
assistant host. No comment. There is
no
no love
no love lost. For the people who
can't
can't make it on the day, can you
watch
watch it?
watch it?I'm allowed to mention
BBC?
BBC? Who
BBC? Who knows these days, but go
for
for it!
for it!Don't get me involved in
that.
that. The
that. The BBC have kindly agreed to
live
live stream it, so it has a YouTube
channel.
channel. We will have people from
around
around the globe watching 22
overweight blokes playing football.
I
I understand that you are a big fan
of
of Alex
of Alex booker.
of Alex booker.Last night I spent
an
an hour
an hour in the hour naked, I'm
always
always naked. ARex is going Steven
are
are you
are you all right. Would you like to
hear
hear it?
hear it? I would love to hear it.
(TO THE TUNE OF THE ANIMALS WENT IN TWO BY TWO)
# He'll never play in a football team,
# They said, they said
# Always making jokes about
# His leg, his leg
# Now making jokes is how he gets paid
# And now he plays in Soccer Aid
# Alex Brooker is England number 9
# Da da da da da da...#
AUDIENCE
AUDIENCE SINGS ALONG.
AUDIENCE SINGS ALONG.# And we all
love
love Brooker, he is England's No 9!
Thanks
Thanks Steve. You're a national
treasure.
treasure. That is like make a wish.
Thank
Thank you. Josh you play for the
partly
partly sighted England team and you
got
got a
got a visit from a manager?
got a visit from a manager?We were
training
training in Turkey and to motivate
the
the lads
the lads our manager brought in a
guest
guest and
guest and introduced him as Gareth.
The
The lads
The lads are visually impaired and
couldn't
couldn't see that Gareth Southgate
was
was stood. And we were very
underwhelmed. We think that he works
for
for the
for the hotel. Any questions for
Gareth?
Gareth? Well my room key isn't
working!
working! First and second name we
need
need really. Look, Lorraine, I
understand that you will be, we have
the
the World
the World Cup coming up. You will be
at
at the
at the one of the games.
at the one of the games.We are
going
going to
going to the Morocco game.
Hopefully, you know if you have been
horrible
horrible about Donald Trump. I hoped
it
it would
it would be Canada or Mexico. I am
worried
worried they won't let me in. I
think
think the
think the nicest thing I said was
that
that he
that he was a twat. That was me
being
being nice! Is there any message for
the
the Scotland team?
the Scotland team?I just happen to
be
be sitting on this. I thought I
would
would wave it around and say, no
Scotland,
Scotland, no party. No Scotland, no
party!
party! I'm so happy you didn't keep
that
that like
that like Josh does with his socks.
We
We asked
We asked you to prepare a speech for
the
the England team.
the England team.We gave me 24
hours.
hours. So
hours. So the stage is yous.
hours. So the stage is yous.Thank
you.
We were all young kids once upon a time.
We had dreams.
I never laid in bed at night dreaming of being an electrician.
We wanted to be astronauts and fly to the moon,
some of others wanted to play for England in the World Cup final.
In two months' time some of you lads have got the chance to make
that dream a reality.
Lifting the trophy I mean, I don't think they're gonna send
Harry Maguire to the moon.
I hope not anyway.
All I ask of you lads is to keep dreaming.
We can forgive a bad pass, we can forgive a shot off target,
but what we can't forgive is the inability to
believe we can do it.
We live in divisive times and the opportunities for a country
to come together and want the same thing are becoming less and less.
Oasis brought the country together last summer.
Now it's your turn.
Go and play your hearts out for them young kids up and down the country
who are still dreaming.
And if football does come home, I'm buying you all a bargain bucket
from KFC on your return.
Gravy, coleslaw, beans, Vienetta, the job lot.
It's on me.
So get up and down 'em.
Play for the badge.
But more importantly, stay together as one.
Steve.
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.
We'll have more Last Leg for you after the break,
as Josh wraps up the last seven days, and we unveil
an anthem for the World Cup.
See you soon.
Welcome back to The Last Leg, we're joined by
Josh Pugh, Lorraine Kelly and Steve Bracknall.
Last week we met Becky Coleman, who was aiming to become the first
wheelchair user to row the Oxford-Cambridge
boatrace course - arms-only.
Yesterday she smashed it in 33 minutes
and sent us a picture with the Hans we gave her.
Becky
Becky is
Becky is here. Congratulations. Well
done!
I also wanna give a shout out
to the Keighley Cougars Rugby League Team.
Last year on our show, Alistair Campbell challenged
Keighley to help out the Ukrainian Rugby League Team.
Keighley then provided them with their official kit,
and offered to fly a bunch of teenage Rugby League players
to the UK for a week.
They Ukrainian kids landed into Leeds/Bradford this afternoon,
and will spend the weekend in Keighley and Castleford,
playing and watching Rugby League.
They're also taking a day trip to Haworth, home
of the Bronte sisters.
Cos you know how much Rugby League players love the Bronte sisters.
CHANTING: Heathcliff!
This
This is
This is the greatest audience of all
time!
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Josh has been orbiting the last seven days,
Josh what have you got for us?
OK...
LAUGHTER
I
I have
I have to
I have to read this off the card.
Would you like to see an incredible clip of what could possibly go wrong
when collecting your food at the end of a night out?
Yes,
Yes, please!
LAUGHTER
It
It is
It is a
It is a way that he tries to save
it!
it! Such
it! Such a journeyman!
Would you like to see awkward footage as poor old Craig Doyle
interrupts a rugby team's warm up?
Yes!
Yes!You
Yes!You are going to down something
disgusting? You are going to kick
the
the ball?
the ball? This will be a defining
moment,
moment, I
moment, I think! Let's have a look.
Brave
Brave man! Get there! Good effort.
Would
Would you
Would you sign him up? Sorry!
LAUGHTER
Apologies
Apologies for that language!
We are about to end the show with a song for the World Cup,
but before we do, would you please thank our guests.
Josh Pugh.
Lorraine Kelly.
And Steve Bracknall.
And my co-hosts Josh Widdicombe.
And Alex Brooker.
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
We'll be back later in the year with more Last Leg, but right now,
with the World Cup coming up, we thought we'd give a shout out
to all the countries competing.
And wish them all luck, with every single part of their journey.
# Lookin at a summer of football
# Forty eight, countries in all are competing here
# I sit and I wonder just who to cheer
# Maybe Australia
# Not Wales, cos they met with failure, but in June
# Scotland might dance to a different tune
# Tune in, to see which nation
# Makes it, through Immigration
# (Cos) Getting in to America (Whoa)
# Getting in to America (Whoa)
# Has become a massive pain in the cars
# Bosnia and Herzegovina
# Norway, Switzerland, Portugal, maybe France
# Even Croatia have got a chance
# Sweden, Jordan and Ghana
# Brazil, Ivory Coast and Uzbekistan
# We're not gonna put money on Iran
# Which country's gonna be sent home
# Wipe all the apps from your iPhone
# Cos getting in to America (Whoa)
# Getting in to America (Whoa)
# Has become a massive pain the arse...#
Thanks for watching The Last Leg, my name's Adam Hills -
see you later in the year for the next leg.
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE