This programme contains strong language and adult humour.
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Grab your ration book, find the nearest shelter and hope
it's got TV reception.
It's Friday, we're live, and it's time for The Last Leg.
Tech,
Tech, we
Tech, we pull apart the situation in
the
Tech, we pull apart the situation in the Middle East, decorate our Winter
Paralympians
the Middle East, decorate our Winter Paralympians and build up some
disability
Paralympians and build up some disability representation. Plus we
are
disability representation. Plus we are joined by Penny Mordaunt and
comedians
are joined by Penny Mordaunt and comedians Vittorio Angelone and
Jamali
comedians Vittorio Angelone and Jamali Maddix. On the show that does
its
Jamali Maddix. On the show that does its best to plaster over the cracks.
CHEERING
its best to plaster over the cracks. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
G'day, I'm Adam Hills, welcome to the Last Leg,
the show that heard that World War III is approaching and thought
"Thank god not one of us is physically able to fight."
LAUGHTER
With me as always are the pride of Dartmoor Josh Widdicombe.
And the man who heard Iran has limited arms and thought
"I know how you feel" - Alex Brooker.
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
What
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE What a start!
You
What a start! You will not hear two better jokes
about
You will not hear two better jokes about a World War in your life! We
will
about a World War in your life! We will cover everything going on in
the
will cover everything going on in the world or at least try to. Big
news
the world or at least try to. Big news for Alex this week.
Alex has been on a journey of disability self-discovery.
Yes,
Yes, so
Yes, so I
Yes, so I have got myself a shower
stool.
Yes, so I have got myself a shower stool. But as I told you, the shoe
has
stool. But as I told you, the shoe has peaked with those opening jokes.
I
has peaked with those opening jokes. I stole it from an old lady next
door.
I stole it from an old lady next door. No, I wife dead in her
Achilles.
door. No, I wife dead in her Achilles. It never rains but it
pours
Achilles. It never rains but it pours in your house! It will be
quite
pours in your house! It will be quite romantic having matching
limbs!
quite romantic having matching limbs! A couple of days later, she
gets
limbs! A couple of days later, she gets this shower stool, why? Because
I'm
gets this shower stool, why? Because I'm not going to suddenly start
showering
I'm not going to suddenly start showering on the one leg, that would
be
showering on the one leg, that would be ridiculous! I was like... In 41
years,
be ridiculous! I was like... In 41 years, I had never thought about
that.
years, I had never thought about that. It must be like disabled
logic,
that. It must be like disabled logic, like we wake up in the
morning
logic, like we wake up in the morning and choose inspiration, from
the
morning and choose inspiration, from the minute we wake up, why would I
do
the minute we wake up, why would I do it easily? I will balance on one
leg
do it easily? I will balance on one leg like a flamenco. I will try to
get
leg like a flamenco. I will try to get through a round of Britain's Got
Talent
get through a round of Britain's Got Talent in the morning, but she has
this
Talent in the morning, but she has this shower stool and it is meant,
so
this shower stool and it is meant, so much easier showering sitting
down
so much easier showering sitting down and standing on the one leg.
The
down and standing on the one leg. The other day I was loving it,
sitting
The other day I was loving it, sitting there, this is amazing and I
looked
sitting there, this is amazing and I looked down at my bits and it looked
like
looked down at my bits and it looked like they were own, they were in
their
like they were own, they were in their own little Jacuzzi!
LAUGHTER
Having
LAUGHTER Having a good time! It was the best
thing!
Having a good time! It was the best thing! I am fucking done with this
show!
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE.
Alex
APPLAUSE. Alex talking about his meat and two
veg
Alex talking about his meat and two veg in a Jacuzzi, count me out! You
won't
veg in a Jacuzzi, count me out! You won't like this, we have a
photograph!
won't like this, we have a photograph! Oh, no! That is my hand
in
photograph! Oh, no! That is my hand in the picture! I forgot that your
disabilities
in the picture! I forgot that your disabilities or that you are
pixelated
disabilities or that you are pixelated from the waist down. How
much
pixelated from the waist down. How much do you have to pay on only fans
to
much do you have to pay on only fans to see the full picture? The new
season
to see the full picture? The new season of heated rivalry is looking
a
season of heated rivalry is looking a little bit shit! I have my arm
out.
a little bit shit! I have my arm out. The good arm is on it. The good
arm!
out. The good arm is on it. The good arm! You need more than just an
average
arm! You need more than just an average shower chair, so we have had
a
average shower chair, so we have had a special Arsenal chair made, just
for
a special Arsenal chair made, just for showering! My God!
APPLAUSE.
And
APPLAUSE. And after what Alex told me, that is
the
And after what Alex told me, that is the first and last time I am
touching
the first and last time I am touching this seat. Come over and
sit
touching this seat. Come over and sit on it, it has your drink to have
a
sit on it, it has your drink to have a drink in the shower, and you can
listen
a drink in the shower, and you can listen to your staff and you put
that
listen to your staff and you put that on, like that. Look at that.
You
that on, like that. Look at that. You do look like... I will turn this
around
You do look like... I will turn this around because the most exciting
thing
around because the most exciting thing is... On the back, it says...
Wash
thing is... On the back, it says... Wash your face and your ARSE-N-AL!
ARSE-N-AL!
Wash your face and your ARSE-N-AL! ARSE-N-AL! That is awesome! Thank
you!
ARSE-N-AL! That is awesome! Thank you! I must be honest, that is not
that
you! I must be honest, that is not that we used in rehearsal. This is
what
that we used in rehearsal. This is what happened to the chair that we
used
what happened to the chair that we used in rehearsal... Imagine if this
broke!
used in rehearsal... Imagine if this broke! There you go. And if we move
this
broke! There you go. And if we move this around... Oh!
LAUGHTER
I
LAUGHTER I can't believe this stool is
missing
I can't believe this stool is missing one leg!
APPLAUSE.
Not
APPLAUSE. Not one person came to help me! I
did
Not one person came to help me! I did ask if you were OK. I did not
realise
did ask if you were OK. I did not realise that you said that literally
seven
realise that you said that literally seven seconds before it broke!
We are live, which means you can send us any questions you'd
like to ask us about the news.
You can message us on Instagram with the hashtag #isitok.
And on Whatsapp using the number 07956 175 908.
Or by scanning the QR code on the screen.
Straight
Straight to the big story...
Onto the big story now and Abdul Mohamed said...
"Is it OK that we might be going to WWIII right now?"
Last Saturday, America and Israel launched airstrikes on Iran,
reportedly hitting thousands of targets and killing
the country's leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei.
Iran then fired hundreds of missiles and drones at nearby Arab states,
hitting Dubai Airport as well as an RAF base in Cyprus.
Israel are now bombing sites in Lebanon while a US submarine sank
an Iranian Navy ship off the coast of Sri Lanka.
In short, there's a war in the Middle East.
It happened really quickly too.
It feels like none of us saw this coming - including the Ayatollah.
Especially the Ayatollah! You say
this
Especially the Ayatollah! You say this is moving too quickly like the
criticism
this is moving too quickly like the criticism of relationship. Last
Friday,
criticism of relationship. Last Friday, to give perspective, we were
talking
Friday, to give perspective, we were talking about how important the
Gorton
talking about how important the Gorton and Denton by-election was.
When
Gorton and Denton by-election was. When people said the Greens were
dangerous,
When people said the Greens were dangerous, it turns out they were.
Obviously
dangerous, it turns out they were. Obviously we were worried about
World
Obviously we were worried about World War III and China getting
involved
World War III and China getting involved and it really will boot off
and
involved and it really will boot off and Iran were looking to China to
support
and Iran were looking to China to support them but China have told
Iran
support them but China have told Iran that they are not going to send
them
Iran that they are not going to send them any trips, but they will offer
them
them any trips, but they will offer them moral support. Iran must be
going,
them moral support. Iran must be going, hold on a second, we have the
biggest
going, hold on a second, we have the biggest army in the world, we don't
want
biggest army in the world, we don't want a fucking shoulder to cry on.
It's hard to know who to cheer for here.
On the one hand America and Israel may have broken international law
by bombing a country unprovoked, but on the other hand,
the Iranian regime were - and I think this is the politically
correct term - absolute arseholes.
They came to power in the Islamic Revolution in 1979,
and introduced strict religious laws and brutal morality police that made
Iran go from looking like this...
...to looking like this...
It's like flicking over from Austin Powers to
The Handmaid's Tale.
The Iranian regime has threatened the existence of Israel,
funded terrorism worldwide, and, this year alone, killed tens
of thousands of protesters.
These are not nice dudes.
You know you're the bad guy when Trump and Netanyahu criticise
you, and the rest of the world go, "Actually, they've got a point."
On Sunday millions of Iranians worldwide celebrated
the possible downfall of the regime, despite the
fact that their country was being bombed.
Jeremy Vine showed footage of the celebrations,
but misunderstood where it was coming from,
and created another perfect moment of Accidental Partridge.
We
We are
We are going to show you some
footage
We are going to show you some footage from Iran of people dancing
like
footage from Iran of people dancing like Trump. So, I gather that is in
Iran
like Trump. So, I gather that is in Iran and they are doing the dance, a
very
Iran and they are doing the dance, a very slight movement of the hips,
where
very slight movement of the hips, where is it? It is not Iran. It is
crucially
where is it? It is not Iran. It is crucially not Iran, that is very
important.
crucially not Iran, that is very important. If it was in Iran they
might
important. If it was in Iran they might all be killed.
LAUGHTER
So on the one hand, hurray that
a bad guy has been removed.
But on the other hand, America doesn't have a great record
of removing bad guys in the Middle East and leaving it
better than they found it.
Just to reassure you, though, that the adults are in control -
the American Government are calling it "Operation Epic Fury."
It's giving "men naming their own penises".
I'll
I'll tell
I'll tell you what gives you that
energy,
I'll tell you what gives you that energy, Alex in the shower. That was
operation
energy, Alex in the shower. That was operation Epic Furry.
APPLAUSE.
I
APPLAUSE. I am surprised that he did not want
to
I am surprised that he did not want to call this operation forget I am
in
to call this operation forget I am in the Epstein files!
APPLAUSE.
We
APPLAUSE. We will get to that in a minute! It
has
We will get to that in a minute! It has been bonkers watching the way
that
has been bonkers watching the way that America have broadcast this to
the
that America have broadcast this to the world.
The White House also released this aggressive video,
that shows just how much the they've turned war into a meme.
We
We are
We are going to annihilate their
Navy.
We are going to annihilate their Navy. We are going to ensure that
the
Navy. We are going to ensure that the region's terrorist proxies can
no
the region's terrorist proxies can no longer destabilise the region or
the
no longer destabilise the region or the world. We will ensure that Iran
does
the world. We will ensure that Iran does not obtain a nuclear weapon. We
will
does not obtain a nuclear weapon. We will do this as long as it takes to
achieve
will do this as long as it takes to achieve those objectives and we will
achieve
achieve those objectives and we will achieve them, the world will be a
safer
achieve them, the world will be a safer place when we are done with
this
safer place when we are done with this operation.
It feels like it's come straight out of South Park.
It's a wonder they didn't end with,
"Oh my God, they killed Khamenei".
APPLAUSE.
And if you think America's tweet was tasteless,
check out this unbelievable one from the Israeli Defense Force.
Nothing
Nothing beats a Jet-get-get-get...
Do
Nothing beats a Jet-get-get-get... Do you think Jess Glynne would be
more
Do you think Jess Glynne would be more upset that her best song was
hijacked
more upset that her best song was hijacked by Jet2 or World War III?
World
hijacked by Jet2 or World War III? World War III and they are making
shit
World War III and they are making shit outdated videos. That is my
issue,
shit outdated videos. That is my issue, if you are going to make a
meme
issue, if you are going to make a meme about the work, make it
topical.
meme about the work, make it topical. How many schools did you
bomb?
topical. How many schools did you bomb? 6-7!
bomb? 6-7! That's the first time a
man
bomb? 6-7! That's the first time a man in his 50s has done that and I
found
man in his 50s has done that and I found it funny. 60s, sorry.
So why has this happened now?
The truth is, we don't know.
And nor does America.
First, the Secretary of State Marco Rubio said that
Israel were gonna strike Iran, so America got in first
to stop Iran hitting back.
Then Trump said that he had heard Iran was getting ready to strike
Israel with a nuclear weapon, so he hit them first.
But he also said last year he had completely destroyed Iran's
nuclear capabilities.
The
The White
The White House press secretary said
it
The White House press secretary said it started because Trump had a
feeling.
it started because Trump had a feeling. That's not... That's not a
feeling
feeling. That's not... That's not a feeling to have to start a war. You
can
feeling to have to start a war. You can have a feeling that tonight's
gonna
can have a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night. If you've got
the
gonna be a good night. If you've got the feeling, jump up to the ceiling,
I'll
the feeling, jump up to the ceiling, I'll be getting down tonight.
Some experts are saying that the US received word that the Ayatollah
was meeting his senior advisers at his compound, and they
just took the window of opportunity to take him out.
It
It wasn't
It wasn't even planned.
Much like when Alan Carr took out Paloma Faith
during Celebrity Traitors, but with less of a dramatic fallout.
Further
Further to what you said before...
Earlier today, a new document from the Epstein Files was released,
that contains unsubstantiated claims that Donald Trump abused a minor.
But I'm sure that's not why he attacked Iran and sent
the whole region into war.
Is it?
Remember when people thought a female president
would be too emotional?
Meanwhile, Israel have said they will take out whoever is chosen
to replace the Ayatollah.
That's gotta be a tough job to sell.
Wanted - Interim Ayatollah.
Must have an ability to work under pressure.
Start date ASAP.
It
It is
It is a
It is a tough gig. Interim ayatollah
does
It is a tough gig. Interim ayatollah does sound like a great reality TV
show,
does sound like a great reality TV show, though. The people that
brought
show, though. The people that brought you MILK Manor, now interim
ayatollah.
brought you MILK Manor, now interim ayatollah.-- MILF Manor.
We
We all
We all enjoyed it. A whole bunch of
words.
Imagine that job interview.
"What's your biggest weakness?"
"Sometimes I love Allah too much."
The most likely leader is the old Ayatollah's son.
Nepo baby.
Trump said last night that he wants to choose the next leader of Iran.
Like
Like going back to The Apprentice?
Apparently
Like going back to The Apprentice? Apparently when the bombs went off
he
Apparently when the bombs went off he said, you're fired.
Trump also said today that he wants to make Iran great again.
I
I don't
I don't think that hat is going to
sell
I don't think that hat is going to sell as well.
The mad thing is, Trump doesn't want Iran to be
led by a despotic religious fanatic
who uses his faith as an excuse to do whatever the hell
he wants and is fawned over by everyone around him.
This afternoon in the White House, this happened...
That is Donald Trump being prayed for by evangelical pastors,
who are laying hands open him.
-- who are laying hands upon him.
At least the Ayatollah believed in his religion.
It
It looks
It looks like the last one to let go
wins
It looks like the last one to let go wins a truck. It's all well and good
praying
wins a truck. It's all well and good praying with him and maybe Jesus and
God
praying with him and maybe Jesus and God are listening, and if they are I
would
God are listening, and if they are I would like to think they wouldn't
start
would like to think they wouldn't start intervening with somebody in
the
start intervening with somebody in the Epstein files. When Iran started
firing
the Epstein files. When Iran started firing missiles willy-nilly he let
them
firing missiles willy-nilly he let them use it for defensive strikes.
Basically,
them use it for defensive strikes. Basically, when America wanted to go
all
Basically, when America wanted to go all the way Keir Starmer wouldn't
let
all the way Keir Starmer wouldn't let them go to first base. Then
things
let them go to first base. Then things got heated and he said, OK,
only
things got heated and he said, OK, only over the shirt. Did he do the
right
only over the shirt. Did he do the right thing? I assume every option
he
right thing? I assume every option he picks, it is the sort of geezer
where
he picks, it is the sort of geezer where it is always the wrong option.
If
where it is always the wrong option. If he was in Tesco, he goes for the
queue
If he was in Tesco, he goes for the queue he thinks will be the longest.
If
queue he thinks will be the longest. If Keir Starmer goes into the
Revels,
If Keir Starmer goes into the Revels, he gets the coffee one every
time.
Revels, he gets the coffee one every time. I don't know. Sometimes you do
go,
time. I don't know. Sometimes you do go, do you know what, being Prime
Minister
go, do you know what, being Prime Minister is a fucking nightmare. He
makes
Minister is a fucking nightmare. He makes the wrong decision, he
switches,
makes the wrong decision, he switches, that's the wrong decision,
he
switches, that's the wrong decision, he has pissed
--
-- he
-- he has
-- he has pissed off the left, then
he
-- he has pissed off the left, then he has pissed off Trang. He
basically
he has pissed off Trang. He basically said this is against the
rule
basically said this is against the rule of law and we won't do this. He
isn't
rule of law and we won't do this. He isn't one to talk about regime
change.
isn't one to talk about regime change. I'm sure that's the last
thing
change. I'm sure that's the last thing he wants, as well. He said we
don't
thing he wants, as well. He said we don't want regime change from the
skies
don't want regime change from the skies or from Manchester as well,
apparently. I have a feeling he
might
apparently. I have a feeling he might have come out of this looking
better
might have come out of this looking better than had he gone in looking
gung
better than had he gone in looking gung ho. He has an incredibly low
bar
gung ho. He has an incredibly low bar on what people think of him. He
also
bar on what people think of him. He also didn't want to miss out on the
social
also didn't want to miss out on the social media hype. He posted this
uninspiring
social media hype. He posted this uninspiring clip yesterday. Our
number
uninspiring clip yesterday. Our number one priority is protecting
our
number one priority is protecting our people. We had already deployed
additional
our people. We had already deployed additional military capabilities in
the
additional military capabilities in the region defending our basis.
It
It is
It is cooler when you remember that
that
It is cooler when you remember that that is Wes Streeting on guitar. I
reckon
that is Wes Streeting on guitar. I reckon Keir Starmer's voice could
underwhelmed
reckon Keir Starmer's voice could underwhelmed any sub. That song is a
banger.
underwhelmed any sub. That song is a banger.-- could underwhelmed any
song.
banger.-- could underwhelmed any song. Money for nothing and the
chicks
song. Money for nothing and the chicks for free. It is a shame that
you
chicks for free. It is a shame that you are finding your Keir Starmer
impression
you are finding your Keir Starmer impression just before he's about to
leave.
impression just before he's about to leave. Trump criticised Keir Starmer
this
leave. Trump criticised Keir Starmer this week and said he's no Winston
Churchill.
this week and said he's no Winston Churchill. That's weird because
Winston
Churchill. That's weird because Winston Churchill stood his ground
against
Winston Churchill stood his ground against an authoritarian figure with
stupid
against an authoritarian figure with stupid hair that try to change the
world.
stupid hair that try to change the world. He criticised the UK's
immigration
world. He criticised the UK's immigration policy, wind farms, and
he
immigration policy, wind farms, and he said that London is a terrible
place
he said that London is a terrible place with terrible people but it is
a
place with terrible people but it is a very different place. What does he
mean
a very different place. What does he mean by different? That sounds a lot
like
mean by different? That sounds a lot like racism and as an Australian I
know
like racism and as an Australian I know racism.
That
That is
That is the weirdest braggart I've
ever
That is the weirdest braggart I've ever heard.
We talked about it during the week, and I got more defensive
of London than Josh and Alex.
But
But you
But you are worried about your Visa.
I
But you are worried about your Visa. I did. He kept talking down London
and
I did. He kept talking down London and I've been living here nearly 20
years,
and I've been living here nearly 20 years, this place feels like home, I
think
years, this place feels like home, I think I've lived in London more than
any
think I've lived in London more than any other city in the world. Don't
tell
any other city in the world. Don't tell us, tell the officers. I made a
video
tell us, tell the officers. I made a video message for Donald Trump to
show
video message for Donald Trump to show him just a great London can be.
Donald
show him just a great London can be. Donald Trump says London is a
terrible
Donald Trump says London is a terrible place full of terrible
people
terrible place full of terrible people but since moving here I found
London
people but since moving here I found London is to be some of the
friendliest
London is to be some of the friendliest people on the planet.
Fuck
friendliest people on the planet. Fuck off, mate. There are so much to
celebrate,
Fuck off, mate. There are so much to celebrate, from problematic tourist
attractions
celebrate, from problematic tourist attractions to eating out, London is
the
attractions to eating out, London is the home of international cuisine
with
the home of international cuisine with every dish you can imagine
right
with every dish you can imagine right on your doorstep. Cheers.
That's
right on your doorstep. Cheers. That's 20 quid. For a glorified
cheese
That's 20 quid. For a glorified cheese toasty? Listen you Aussie
BLEEP.
cheese toasty? Listen you Aussie BLEEP. Where can I go to Balham?
Sorry,
BLEEP. Where can I go to Balham? Sorry, mate, I don't go south of the
river.
London
London is
London is full of famous faces. Who
knows,
London is full of famous faces. Who knows, you might end up having a
coffee
knows, you might end up having a coffee with my celebrity mate Self
Esteem.
coffee with my celebrity mate Self Esteem. It Adam, just wondering
where
Esteem. It Adam, just wondering where you are. I don't want to meet
for
where you are. I don't want to meet for a coffee. I also don't know who
you
for a coffee. I also don't know who you are. It is a great city for
people
you are. It is a great city for people watching. Cheers. Thanks.
£20?
people watching. Cheers. Thanks. £20? Donald Trump might have a
problem
£20? Donald Trump might have a problem with green energy but in
London
problem with green energy but in London these bikes are everywhere.
There
London these bikes are everywhere. There you have it, London, a safe
place
There you have it, London, a safe place for everyone. Even kids feel
safe
place for everyone. Even kids feel safe being out and about. Listen up,
Donald
safe being out and about. Listen up, Donald Trump, shor London might be a
smelly,
Donald Trump, shor London might be a smelly, grimy, rainy, overpriced
shit
smelly, grimy, rainy, overpriced shit whole, but it's our smelly,
grimy,
shit whole, but it's our smelly, grimy, rainy, overpriced shit hole.
♪
grimy, rainy, overpriced shit hole. ♪ Maybe it's because I'm Australian
that
♪ Maybe it's because I'm Australian that I love London town ♪
Oh!
that I love London town ♪ Oh! It is on my shoes. Oh! This
fucking
Oh! It is on my shoes. Oh! This fucking city.
APPLAUSE
Let's bring out tonight's guests.
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a politician walked
into a studio, please welcome comedians Jamali Maddix and former
Cabinet Minister Penny Mordaunt.
And Vittorio Angelone!
My
My first
My first question to you. I was told
you
My first question to you. I was told you are injured. I have actually
broken
you are injured. I have actually broken my foot. But you have taken
your
broken my foot. But you have taken your cast off for the show? I have.
Where
your cast off for the show? I have. Where is it is mainly because of
what
Where is it is mainly because of what your producers have planned for
the
what your producers have planned for the rest of the show but I'm going
to
the rest of the show but I'm going to sit that bit out. Are you OK? I'm
OK.
to sit that bit out. Are you OK? I'm OK. I like that you came on and did
not
OK. I like that you came on and did not want to complain about your leg.
Penny,
not want to complain about your leg. Penny, I will get you in a sack.
not want to complain about your leg. Penny, I will get you in a sack.--
I
--
-- I
-- I will
-- I will get to you in a second. We
can
-- I will get to you in a second. We can all agree it's been grim. Nobody
has
can all agree it's been grim. Nobody has enjoyed seeing the news this
week
has enjoyed seeing the news this week apart from Prince Andrew.
LAUGHTER
week apart from Prince Andrew. LAUGHTER Just to be out of the new
cycle
LAUGHTER Just to be out of the new cycle for a day.
But
cycle for a day. But it is important to remember that
there
But it is important to remember that there is a reason for the war, for
the
there is a reason for the war, for the attack. The media has it is
there is a reason for the war, for the attack. The media has it is--
of
the attack. The media has it is-- of the media has said it is to
remove
of the media has said it is to remove a dictator and that Trump and
Benjamin
remove a dictator and that Trump and Benjamin Netanyahu have done that
and
Benjamin Netanyahu have done that and the only way they know how,
bombing
and the only way they know how, bombing a girls primary school.
Allegedly...
bombing a girls primary school. Allegedly... Oh! Do you have to say
that
Allegedly... Oh! Do you have to say that or do I have to say that?
Either
that or do I have to say that? Either way it has been said. Jamali?
I
Either way it has been said. Jamali? I am looking at that ayatollah job.
I
I am looking at that ayatollah job. I think I could give it a good
crack.
I think I could give it a good crack. Israel are saying we will
kill
crack. Israel are saying we will kill the next one, they won't kill
me,
kill the next one, they won't kill me, I'm too cheeky. I am such a
scamp.
me, I'm too cheeky. I am such a scamp. I would vote for that. It is
difficult
scamp. I would vote for that. It is difficult to pick but my favourite
moment
difficult to pick but my favourite moment of the war so far was when...
LAUGHTER
moment of the war so far was when... LAUGHTER The IDF posted one of those
mad
LAUGHTER The IDF posted one of those mad TikTok compilations and they
were
mad TikTok compilations and they were celebrating the fact they had
destroyed
were celebrating the fact they had destroyed an Iranian military
helicopter
destroyed an Iranian military helicopter but it turns out it was
just
helicopter but it turns out it was just a painting of the helicopter on
tarmac.
Who
tarmac. Who is in charge of the IDF? Wiley
Coyote?
Who is in charge of the IDF? Wiley Coyote? They said meep meep as their
statement.
Penny, before we ask you your opinions, we made a segment
for you a few years back, so let's reinstate it
"A Mordaunt for your thoughts".
What
What do
What do you make of everything that
has
What do you make of everything that has gone on this week? I think you
were
has gone on this week? I think you were very kind to the White House
about
were very kind to the White House about the social media you showed.
There
about the social media you showed. There is worse out there. I think
the
There is worse out there. I think the president, if he just said to
his
the president, if he just said to his allies, I'm sorry we've come to
the
his allies, I'm sorry we've come to the conclusion we cannot stop this
nation
the conclusion we cannot stop this nation getting the bomb without
taking
nation getting the bomb without taking out the leadership of the
regime
taking out the leadership of the regime and denuding their
capabilities.
regime and denuding their capabilities. We don't need your
support
capabilities. We don't need your support to do it but we will be
there
support to do it but we will be there for you if you must take
defensive
there for you if you must take defensive action as a consequence.
In
defensive action as a consequence. In the process we will stop a lot of
terrorism
In the process we will stop a lot of terrorism and give the Iranian
people
terrorism and give the Iranian people the chance of a brighter
future.
people the chance of a brighter future. That would have gone down a
lot
future. That would have gone down a lot better. But that sounds like a
mature
lot better. But that sounds like a mature thing to say from a grown-up.
There
mature thing to say from a grown-up. There is, I think, a strategy behind
this,
There is, I think, a strategy behind this, but you can be forgiven for
not
this, but you can be forgiven for not knowing what that is. You think
there
not knowing what that is. You think there is a strategy? I do and I
think
there is a strategy? I do and I think that has implications for
China
think that has implications for China and Russia in this as well but
the
China and Russia in this as well but the most important thing, there have
been
the most important thing, there have been people who have all gained this
and
been people who have all gained this and seen where this goes and the
critical
and seen where this goes and the critical thing is that he has
started
critical thing is that he has started this and he's got to end
this
started this and he's got to end this because the worst outcome of
this,
this because the worst outcome of this, I'm sorry this is a light
entertainment
this, I'm sorry this is a light entertainment show but this is
important
entertainment show but this is important stuff, is if you leave
part
important stuff, is if you leave part of the regime in place that is
less
part of the regime in place that is less experienced, more fanatical, at
a
less experienced, more fanatical, at a time when the population is rising
up
a time when the population is rising up against it, it'll be very bad
indeed.
up against it, it'll be very bad indeed. There was an episode when
Adam
indeed. There was an episode when Adam went away and we were in charge
and
Adam went away and we were in charge and it was very similar. You are
saying
and it was very similar. You are saying it'll all be fine as long as
Donald
saying it'll all be fine as long as Donald is focused on doesn't get
bored
Donald is focused on doesn't get bored easily? He has started on this
course
bored easily? He has started on this course and he must have a good
outcome
course and he must have a good outcome and he must see this
through.
outcome and he must see this through. At least he famously sticks
to
through. At least he famously sticks to one task.
Penny, you famously carried a ceremonial sword
at King Charles' coronation.
Did
Did you
Did you get to go to the evening do?
I
Did you get to go to the evening do? I always wondered with that was
like.
I always wondered with that was like. Afterwards I drove home and I
fed
like. Afterwards I drove home and I fed my cat. What? He did not even
get
fed my cat. What? He did not even get to go? I knew there were lots in
the
get to go? I knew there were lots in the same boat so I just took a lot
of
the same boat so I just took a lot of booze into the House of Commons
and
of booze into the House of Commons and anyone he did not get to go
anywhere
and anyone he did not get to go anywhere nice, I stood them a drink
and
anywhere nice, I stood them a drink and then I went home and fed the
cat.
and then I went home and fed the cat. And we all paid for that!
APPLAUSE.
I
APPLAUSE. I paid for it!
But one thing people may not know about you is that you used to be
a magician's assistant.
Turns out, our Josh knows three magic tricks as well.
And since the news has been very gloom and doom this week,
we thought perhaps we could end this part with a little bit of magic.
Why
Why is
Why is Alex not doing the magic
trick?
Why is Alex not doing the magic trick? Sleight of hand? !
LAUGHTER
I
I was
I was genuinely wanting to look
really
I was genuinely wanting to look really sad but I love that! All
right,
really sad but I love that! All right, let's do it!
APPLAUSE.
Yes!
APPLAUSE. Yes! Here we go... Paul Daniels is
back
Yes! Here we go... Paul Daniels is back on TV, let's have it! I want to
welcome
back on TV, let's have it! I want to welcome a wonderful assistant, the
magical
welcome a wonderful assistant, the magical Penny Mordaunt! Straighten
those
magical Penny Mordaunt! Straighten those up. Now, we are going to need
a
those up. Now, we are going to need a volunteer, can we have some
volunteers?
a volunteer, can we have some volunteers? Anyone? This guy! OK. We
have
volunteers? Anyone? This guy! OK. We have three magic tricks, Penny, can
I
have three magic tricks, Penny, can I have my cards? It is we are just
how
I have my cards? It is we are just how much that hat suits you as well!
This
how much that hat suits you as well! This is my first trick, just a
normal
This is my first trick, just a normal pack of cards. Do you know
when
normal pack of cards. Do you know when kids dress up as magical Mickey
at
when kids dress up as magical Mickey at Disney? The top two cards. Show
them
at Disney? The top two cards. Show them to the audience. It looks like
you
them to the audience. It looks like you got into hog warts through
clearing!
you got into hog warts through clearing! Put them back into the
pack,
clearing! Put them back into the pack, remember your cards. OK, I
will
pack, remember your cards. OK, I will straighten this pack. There
they
will straighten this pack. There they are!
APPLAUSE.
Those
APPLAUSE. Those are my cards! There you go.
Next,
Those are my cards! There you go. Next, two matchsticks and I don't
think
Next, two matchsticks and I don't think this will transfer to
television
think this will transfer to television as well as it did in the
playground.
television as well as it did in the playground. Check they are just
normal
playground. Check they are just normal matchsticks. She would not
live.
normal matchsticks. She would not live. You are not allowed to use the
word
live. You are not allowed to use the word normal on this show. Think
positive
word normal on this show. Think positive jumping faults. Wow!
APPLAUSE.
And
APPLAUSE. And my third trick, and do not try
this
And my third trick, and do not try this at home. This is a little bit
much
this at home. This is a little bit much for some people. Are you all
right
much for some people. Are you all right with this? That is my thumb.
Ready?
right with this? That is my thumb. Ready? Well! Pretty good? I will
reattach
Ready? Well! Pretty good? I will reattach it. Let's try it with a
bigger
reattach it. Let's try it with a bigger thing. Give me a leg. Not
that
bigger thing. Give me a leg. Not that one. Are you ready? Oh!
APPLAUSE.
Put
APPLAUSE. Put it back. Penny, would you like
to
Put it back. Penny, would you like to lead us into the break?
We'll have more Last Leg for you after the break, as we kick
off the Winter Paralympics.
See you soon.
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to The Last Leg.
We're joined by Penny Mordaunt, Vittorio Angelone
and Jamali Maddix.
Alex
Alex has
Alex has got snow in his mouth.
The Winter Paralympics turn 50 this week, which means it's
gonna leave its wife and start doing triathlons.
The wheelchair curling has already started,
with GB beating the USA, despite America posting this edgy
clip of rapper Snoop Dogg as the ultimate Paralympic hype man.
Coach Snoop here.
And you already know what time it is.
You are the athletes who redefine strong, and your greatness
is beyond comparison.
And it's not just me.
All of America is proud of each and every one of you.
All around the world, your family and friends,
we love you from the D-O double G, and everybody is cheering you on.
Tonight is the official start of your Games.
So let's do this.
USA, USA, USA, go!
APPLAUSE.
We
APPLAUSE. We will take it! I love it. He
should
We will take it! I love it. He should take over the White House
social
should take over the White House social media account. What won't he
do
social media account. What won't he do at this point? Who is he in debt
with?
do at this point? Who is he in debt with? I wonder how high he thinks he
is
with? I wonder how high he thinks he is whenever he watches some of the
Paralympic
is whenever he watches some of the Paralympic sports?
You can watch the events over the next week on Channel 4,
but earlier the opening ceremony took place.
Bunch
Bunch of
Bunch of countries pulled out
because
Bunch of countries pulled out because Russia was able to compete
under
because Russia was able to compete under their own flag. And this weird
bit
under their own flag. And this weird bit where Czechia came in but did
not
bit where Czechia came in but did not come in. They are boycotting so
the
not come in. They are boycotting so the flag is being carried by two
volunteers,
the flag is being carried by two volunteers, they are protesting,
these
volunteers, they are protesting, these eight athletes are not showing
up
these eight athletes are not showing up rather than making any protest on
the
up rather than making any protest on the stage itself. I just thought
they
the stage itself. I just thought they were really, really short
statured.
We're gonna have our own alternative opening ceremony at the end
of tonight's show.
We have GB's equivalent to Snoop Dogg.
Check
Check that out.
We do have a winter Paralympian in the audience tonight - she's won
two silvers and two bronze medals in visually impaired skiing.
Please welcome Millie Knight.
APPLAUSE.
The
The audience have uploaded for so
long
The audience have uploaded for so long we don't have any time left to
interview!
long we don't have any time left to interview! Lovely to have you, what
was
interview! Lovely to have you, what was the experience like for you? The
Paralympics
was the experience like for you? The Paralympics is unreal, it is like
nothing
Paralympics is unreal, it is like nothing else, it is a range of every
emotion
nothing else, it is a range of every emotion you could possibly think of.
The
emotion you could possibly think of. The pressure and the excitement and
the
The pressure and the excitement and the nerves, everything. But to be
honest,
the nerves, everything. But to be honest, the real medals, it is about
the
honest, the real medals, it is about the pin collections, how many can
you
the pin collections, how many can you collect? And getting on with
other
you collect? And getting on with other countries is a big thing but
you
other countries is a big thing but you are pipped for the gold by
someone
you are pipped for the gold by someone called Henrieta Farkasova.
That
someone called Henrieta Farkasova. That is a name that we loved.
Because
That is a name that we loved. Because she farked us over. Any
grudge?
Because she farked us over. Any grudge? Absolutely not, she is far
more
grudge? Absolutely not, she is far more experienced than me. Very well
deserved.
more experienced than me. Very well deserved. And as a tree or not
competing
deserved. And as a tree or not competing because you have taken up
karate
competing because you have taken up karate and are now a world champion?
Yes.
karate and are now a world champion? Yes. Yes! That is amazing!
APPLAUSE.
So
APPLAUSE. So look out, Henrieta Farkasova, she
is
So look out, Henrieta Farkasova, she is coming for you! So good to have
you,
is coming for you! So good to have you, luck with the karate. The
Paralympics
you, luck with the karate. The Paralympics are running over the
next
Paralympics are running over the next couple of weeks. I will run
through
next couple of weeks. I will run through the highlights tomorrow. But
I
through the highlights tomorrow. But I will do that on a snowboard.
APPLAUSE.
I
I will
I will be
I will be honest... These are not
really
I will be honest... These are not really the shoes to be doing this
with.
really the shoes to be doing this with. This is the most Australian
you
with. This is the most Australian you have ever lived! OK, so...
The visually impaired skiing gets underway tomorrow morning,
with Fred Warburton and guide James Hannan making their Paralympic
debut, while defending Super G champion Neil Simpson
and his brother Andrew make a start to their programme.
In the women's downhill, GB's most decorated
Winter Paralympian Menna Fitzpatrick starts her campaign
with guide Katie Guest.
The Para snowboarding also kicks off on Saturday morning,
with James Barnes-Miller and Ollie Hill hoping to qualify,
as well as Davy Zyw, the first snowsport athlete with MND.
Scott Meenagh competes on Day 1 of the Para biathlon events,
while GB are also in action in the wheelchair curling.
I
I got
I got to
I got to the end!
We'll have more Last Leg for you after the break,
as we find out how Peppa Pig is increasing disability awareness.
See you soon.
APPLAUSE.
Welcome back to The Last Leg.
We're joined by Penny Mordaunt, Vittorio Angelone
and Jamali Maddix.
In disability news this week, Peppa Pig's younger brother George
will be diagnosed as moderately deaf and fitted with a hearing
aid in a storyline that will air on March 9th.
How
How do
How do we
How do we feel about that? It is
lovely
How do we feel about that? It is lovely for the show to do that
considering
lovely for the show to do that considering they've promoted Peppa
Pig
considering they've promoted Peppa Pig all this time and let's be
honest
Pig all this time and let's be honest she is an arsehole. It's
always
honest she is an arsehole. It's always been about her and she's
always
always been about her and she's always been a dick to George. Kids
will
always been a dick to George. Kids will see that. They will see
somebody
will see that. They will see somebody with a hearing impairment
and
somebody with a hearing impairment and it desensitises them to it. When
you
and it desensitises them to it. When you prepare
and it desensitises them to it. When you prepare-- compare it when I was
at
you prepare-- compare it when I was at school, when I was six, my
classmates
at school, when I was six, my classmates used to see me get taken
out
classmates used to see me get taken out for a nap in the middle of the
day
out for a nap in the middle of the day and I thought everybody was
going
day and I thought everybody was going for a sleep and I found out
about
going for a sleep and I found out about five years ago it was just me
and
about five years ago it was just me and the other disabled kids in the
school
and the other disabled kids in the school because the school had
outdated
school because the school had outdated research that disabled
children
outdated research that disabled children needed more sleep which is
insane...
children needed more sleep which is insane... You have a nap every day
at
insane... You have a nap every day at work!
LAUGHTER
at work! LAUGHTER That is wild.
Thought
LAUGHTER That is wild. Thought on Peppa Pig? I agree with
him,
Thought on Peppa Pig? I agree with him, I think she is smug. Always on
an
him, I think she is smug. Always on an adventure. At daddy Pig taught me
that
an adventure. At daddy Pig taught me that you can drive with trotters.
George's
that you can drive with trotters. George's audiologist will be voiced
by
George's audiologist will be voiced by a gladiator. She said the same
thing
by a gladiator. She said the same thing about it great having children
see
thing about it great having children see that. But what you say if you
have
see that. But what you say if you have a death child, you say, that is
you,
have a death child, you say, that is you, you are a pig. Penny, you are
an
you, you are a pig. Penny, you are an ambassador for a particular
project.
an ambassador for a particular project. They are an amazing
organisation.
project. They are an amazing organisation. They have set up an
alliance
organisation. They have set up an alliance for disabled musicians. It
was
alliance for disabled musicians. It was always their dream. They were
always
was always their dream. They were always David Ames' charity. When he
was
always David Ames' charity. When he was killed I stepped in to help
them.
was killed I stepped in to help them. It was always their dream to
play
them. It was always their dream to play Broadway and we are taking them
there
play Broadway and we are taking them there this autumn. They will play a
show
there this autumn. They will play a show on Broadway. We are hoping that
the
show on Broadway. We are hoping that the day after we will take them to
the
the day after we will take them to the UN and we are going to have the
General
the UN and we are going to have the General Assembly room there which
will
General Assembly room there which will be the most useful thing that
room
will be the most useful thing that room has been used for a very long
time.
room has been used for a very long time. The scenes you have seen in
Parliament
time. The scenes you have seen in Parliament this week with Angela
Rippon
Parliament this week with Angela Rippon will be nothing compared to
what
Rippon will be nothing compared to what we are going to do at the UN.
There
what we are going to do at the UN. There is an important message behind
it,
There is an important message behind it, we need to provide the
educational
it, we need to provide the educational opportunities for people
to
educational opportunities for people to get involved in the arts. Then he
has
to get involved in the arts. Then he has always been a supporter of the
disabled
has always been a supporter of the disabled people. You were a
supporter
disabled people. You were a supporter of the prosthetics
industry,
supporter of the prosthetics industry, you were promoting an
Iranian
industry, you were promoting an Iranian arms tore recently, weren't
you?
APPLAUSE
Honestly...
APPLAUSE Honestly... I am so happy I am
sitting
Honestly... I am so happy I am sitting here. I have a response.
Investing
sitting here. I have a response. Investing in our defence... I am on
your
Investing in our defence... I am on your side, I think it is great. I
genuinely
your side, I think it is great. I genuinely have to get to the mystery
guest.
genuinely have to get to the mystery guest. As a positive thing, I think
it
guest. As a positive thing, I think it is brilliant, warmongering has
always
it is brilliant, warmongering has always been a male-dominated
industry,
always been a male-dominated industry, and you have smashed the
glass
industry, and you have smashed the glass ceiling, I'm very proud.
APPLAUSE
I
APPLAUSE I would like to take the opportunity
to
I would like to take the opportunity to introduce you to some other women
that
to introduce you to some other women that put their lives on the line to
defend
that put their lives on the line to defend people like you being able to
do
defend people like you being able to do what you want to do in your life
and
do what you want to do in your life and make jokes about the Government
and
and make jokes about the Government and all sorts of things and enjoy
the
and all sorts of things and enjoy the freedoms that we do in this
country.
Tonight's
Tonight's mystery guest! It is a
tough
Tonight's mystery guest! It is a tough sell for a guy from Belfast.
Alright, it's time to bring on this week's mystery guest.
Penny, Vittorio and Jamali have to try to identify them.
Can we have this week's mystery guest please?
This
This is
This is Laura. She has been in the
news
This is Laura. She has been in the news this week are described in the
news
news this week are described in the news as a genius but why was she in
the
news as a genius but why was she in the news? Alex, can we have the
dramatic
the news? Alex, can we have the dramatic lighting change, please? We
needed
dramatic lighting change, please? We needed that a few minutes ago. Was
she
needed that a few minutes ago. Was she in the news because she avoided
paying
she in the news because she avoided paying for luggage on a flight
because
paying for luggage on a flight because she sent clothes to herself
in
because she sent clothes to herself in the post. Was it because she has
bought
in the post. Was it because she has bought and wrapped Christmas
presents
bought and wrapped Christmas presents for every member of her
family
presents for every member of her family up until 2056. Or is it
because
family up until 2056. Or is it because she conducted surgery on a
patient
because she conducted surgery on a patient in Gibraltar whilst still in
the
patient in Gibraltar whilst still in the UK herself. Have a think about
it
the UK herself. Have a think about it over the break. We are so short
full-time.
it over the break. We are so short full-time. And possibly a fight is
going
full-time. And possibly a fight is going to break out.
full-time. And possibly a fight is going to break out.-- we are so
short
going to break out.-- we are so short of time.
After the break, I'll make the mystery guest
Welcome back to The Last Leg.
We're joined by Penny Mordaunt, Vittorio Angelone
and Jamali Maddix.
Before the break, we challenged our guests to work out how this person
was connected to the news.
Can we have the options again please.
This is Laura, and she was described as a genius in the news
this week, but why?
A - to avoid paying for luggage on a flight she sent her clothes
to herself in the post.
B - she has bought and wrapped Christmas presents for every member
of her family all the way to 2056.
C - she conducted an operation in Gibraltar while in the UK.
What
What do
What do you think? It is one or two,
I
What do you think? It is one or two, I mean three. I think surgery. You
do
I mean three. I think surgery. You do not seem cheap enough to do that
luggage
do not seem cheap enough to do that luggage one and 2056, you don't seem
mad
luggage one and 2056, you don't seem mad enough to do that. Number three.
I
mad enough to do that. Number three. I think one. That is the smart
thing.
I think one. That is the smart thing. The correct answer? I posted
my
thing. The correct answer? I posted my luggage to myself instead of
paying
my luggage to myself instead of paying the fees.
APPLAUSE.
How
How much
How much did you save? It would have
cost
How much did you save? It would have cost me £30 to take on a bag as hand
luggage
cost me £30 to take on a bag as hand luggage and I spent two points 59p
posting
luggage and I spent two points 59p posting it to my destination
instead.
posting it to my destination instead. Have you other money making
schemes
instead. Have you other money making schemes that have worked? I sold
money
schemes that have worked? I sold money before. I sold money for more
than
money before. I sold money for more than what it was worth. 50p,
sometimes
than what it was worth. 50p, sometimes you get special ones, some
are
sometimes you get special ones, some are really common and you can sell
one
are really common and you can sell one of them for like £9. I have done
that
one of them for like £9. I have done that many times. You are like Martin
Lewis!
that many times. You are like Martin Lewis! Thank you so much for being
on
Lewis! Thank you so much for being on the show.
APPLAUSE.
We are about to end the show with our alternative version
of the Winter Paralympics opening ceremony, but before we do,
would you please thank our guests...
Penny Mordaunt.
Vittorio Angelone.
And Jamali Maddix.
And my co-hosts, Josh Widdicombe.
We'll be back next week with our guests Richard Ayoade
and Michelle Wolf.
But right now, it's time to unveil our alternative version
of the Winter Paralympics opening ceremony.
Take it away, Vittorio!
Welcome to The Last Leg's Winter Paralympic Opening Ceremony.
The Olympics had Snoop Doog, but we've gone one better.
Put your hands together for our own legendary rap goddess.
Introducing...
Honey G!
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
♪ You should know, you should know thatah
♪ Honey G is not having anything today
♪ As we stand there totally krossed out
♪ We commence to make you
♪ Jump, jump
♪ Last Leg'll make ya
♪ GB'll make ya
♪ Skis'll make ya
♪ Don't try to compare us to another bad little fad
♪ I'm the Mac and I'm bad givin' ya something that you never had
♪ I'll make ya rump rump wiggle and shake your rump
♪ 'Cause I'll be kicking the flavor that makes you wanna jump
♪ How high?
♪ Real high
♪ Cause I'm just so fly
♪ A young loveable, huggable type of oh my
♪ And everything is to the back with a little slack
♪ 'Cause inside-out its wiggida wiggida wiggida wack
♪ Jump, jump
♪ Honey G'll make ya
♪ Last Leg'll make ya
♪ GB will make ya
♪ Uh huh uh huh
♪ Jump, jump
♪ Honey G'll make ya
♪ Last Leg'll make ya
♪ GB will make ya
APPLAUSE.
Thanks for watching The Last Leg, my name's Adam Hills - see you next
week for the next leg.
CHEERING
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE