1
00:00:02,932 --> 00:00:03,932
(woman yells)
2
00:00:03,932 --> 00:00:05,932
Hola, Becky.
3
00:00:05,932 --> 00:00:07,932
Oh, Mr. Gonzalez,
I'm so excited J.C.
4
00:00:07,932 --> 00:00:09,932
is coming home
from college.
5
00:00:09,932 --> 00:00:11,932
I'd bake a cake if that
didn't reinforce gender roles
6
00:00:11,932 --> 00:00:12,933
and prop up Big Gluten.
7
00:00:12,933 --> 00:00:14,933
Oh, the hell with it!
(yells)
8
00:00:16,932 --> 00:00:18,932
Ernesto, don't talk to her!
9
00:00:18,932 --> 00:00:19,932
She's the daughter
of la migra!
10
00:00:19,932 --> 00:00:21,932
Oh, come on,
Papi, I like Bud.
11
00:00:21,932 --> 00:00:23,932
Don't hate him just
for doing his job.
12
00:00:23,932 --> 00:00:25,933
That'd be like the grass
hating me for doing mine.
13
00:00:32,932 --> 00:00:34,932
(bird screeches in distance)
14
00:00:34,932 --> 00:00:38,932
ANNOUNCER:
And now, the Mexifornia
Channel Two News.
15
00:00:38,932 --> 00:00:40,932
Good evening,
I'm Carlos Sanchez.
16
00:00:40,932 --> 00:00:43,932
Our top story: the controversial
new anti-immigration law,
17
00:00:43,932 --> 00:00:46,932
Prop 7010, comes to a vote
in Mexifornia this week.
18
00:00:46,932 --> 00:00:48,932
If passed,
the "Show Me Your Papers" law
19
00:00:48,932 --> 00:00:50,932
would be the toughest
in the nation.
20
00:00:50,932 --> 00:00:52,932
It's about time we did
something about immigration.
21
00:00:52,932 --> 00:00:54,932
The Southwest belongs
to retired art teachers
22
00:00:54,932 --> 00:00:57,932
and meth lab entrepreneurs.
23
00:00:57,932 --> 00:01:01,932
I wish I had the courage
to start my own company.
24
00:01:01,932 --> 00:01:03,932
Buckwald, keep
your eyes peeled.
25
00:01:03,932 --> 00:01:05,932
Our Most Wanted
human smuggler, El Coyote,
26
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:07,932
has been sighted
in the vicinity.
27
00:01:07,932 --> 00:01:10,932
Don't worry, he ain't
getting by me this time.
28
00:01:12,932 --> 00:01:14,932
(bird chirping)
29
00:01:14,932 --> 00:01:16,932
What a beautiful day.
30
00:01:16,932 --> 00:01:18,932
Right, bird suspended
in the sky?
31
00:01:18,932 --> 00:01:21,932
Sí, Señor Bud.
32
00:01:21,932 --> 00:01:22,932
You're my lucky bird.
33
00:01:22,932 --> 00:01:24,932
No immigrants cross
when you're around.
34
00:01:25,933 --> 00:01:28,932
What in Custer's beard?!
35
00:01:28,932 --> 00:01:29,932
¡Adios!
36
00:01:29,932 --> 00:01:30,932
You bastard!
37
00:01:40,932 --> 00:01:42,932
(panting)
38
00:01:42,932 --> 00:01:43,933
You did good today, Bud.
39
00:01:43,933 --> 00:01:45,932
Thank you.
40
00:01:45,932 --> 00:01:46,932
(coughing)
41
00:01:46,932 --> 00:01:48,932
(screeches)
42
00:01:54,932 --> 00:01:56,932
♪ Ooh! ♪
43
00:01:56,932 --> 00:01:58,932
♪ Ha! ♪
44
00:01:58,932 --> 00:01:59,932
♪ Ooh! ♪
45
00:01:59,932 --> 00:02:01,932
♪ Ha! ♪
46
00:02:01,932 --> 00:02:02,932
Whoa!
47
00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:23,932
¡Hola, Bud!
48
00:02:23,932 --> 00:02:25,932
Ernesto, what the hell
kind of crazy holiday
49
00:02:25,932 --> 00:02:27,932
are you decorating for now?
50
00:02:27,932 --> 00:02:30,932
No holiday. My nephew J.C.
is coming home from college.
51
00:02:30,932 --> 00:02:32,932
Oh, dear God,
that egghead is back?
52
00:02:32,932 --> 00:02:36,932
There is nothing worse
than a Mexican with glasses.
53
00:02:36,932 --> 00:02:38,932
He's a great guy.
54
00:02:38,932 --> 00:02:39,932
(oinking)
55
00:02:39,932 --> 00:02:40,932
Sanford?
56
00:02:40,932 --> 00:02:42,932
Finish your energy drink
and come to dinner.
57
00:02:42,932 --> 00:02:44,932
(glugging)
58
00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:47,932
(grunting a tune)
59
00:02:47,932 --> 00:02:49,932
Damn it, Sanford, if you're
gonna live under my roof
60
00:02:49,932 --> 00:02:52,932
at age 24, don't leave
your car in the driveway!
61
00:02:52,932 --> 00:02:54,932
You found it!
62
00:02:54,932 --> 00:02:56,932
How was your day, Bud?
63
00:02:56,932 --> 00:02:59,932
Perhaps it would be
comparatively better
64
00:02:59,932 --> 00:03:00,932
if I put the soup
pot over my head
65
00:03:00,932 --> 00:03:03,932
and hit it with a hammer.
66
00:03:03,932 --> 00:03:06,932
Ah, best I've felt all day.
67
00:03:06,932 --> 00:03:10,932
But that new immigration law,
that's gonna fix things!
68
00:03:10,932 --> 00:03:12,932
Dad, how can you support
that horrible law?
69
00:03:12,932 --> 00:03:15,932
If you get rid of all
the immigrants, who's next?
70
00:03:15,932 --> 00:03:17,932
Let's cross that gay bridge
when we come to it, huh?
71
00:03:17,932 --> 00:03:19,932
Oh, your father's
just upset because a lot
72
00:03:19,932 --> 00:03:21,933
of our immigrant neighbors are
doing better than us.
73
00:03:21,933 --> 00:03:23,932
He told me so in private.
74
00:03:23,932 --> 00:03:26,932
I didn't want to say anything,
but my lips just started moving,
75
00:03:26,932 --> 00:03:28,932
and I couldn't seem
to stop them.
76
00:03:28,932 --> 00:03:29,932
See, they're still going now!
77
00:03:29,932 --> 00:03:31,932
Dad, who cares if immigrants
are doing better than us?
78
00:03:31,932 --> 00:03:32,932
They work hard.
79
00:03:32,932 --> 00:03:34,932
They deserve it.
80
00:03:34,932 --> 00:03:37,932
I care! I used to be
someone in this town.
81
00:03:37,932 --> 00:03:39,932
My dad owned the biggest
flower shop on the strip,
82
00:03:39,932 --> 00:03:41,932
right across from the freeway.
83
00:03:41,932 --> 00:03:43,932
All you had to do was
pull off the exit,
84
00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:44,932
park your car, buy some flowers.
85
00:03:44,932 --> 00:03:46,933
Couldn't get more convenient.
86
00:03:46,933 --> 00:03:50,932
And then Alejandro
changed the game.
87
00:03:50,932 --> 00:03:52,932
(festive music playing)
88
00:03:56,932 --> 00:03:57,932
Welcome, Buckwalds!
89
00:03:57,932 --> 00:03:59,932
So glad you could join us.
90
00:03:59,932 --> 00:04:02,932
Aw, crap! Who invited the
rednecks from next door?
91
00:04:02,932 --> 00:04:04,932
We ain't rednecks!
Would rednecks have
92
00:04:04,932 --> 00:04:06,932
a five-year-old
beauty pageant star?
93
00:04:06,932 --> 00:04:07,932
Show them, Gert.
94
00:04:07,932 --> 00:04:09,932
You ready, Sparkles?
95
00:04:09,932 --> 00:04:11,932
♪ I'm beautiful and famous ♪
96
00:04:11,932 --> 00:04:13,932
♪ And y'all know
what my name is. ♪
97
00:04:13,932 --> 00:04:16,932
That a girl, Gert.
Now go hit the trough.
98
00:04:17,932 --> 00:04:18,932
(both snorting, grunting)
99
00:04:18,932 --> 00:04:20,932
My beautiful angel.
100
00:04:20,932 --> 00:04:23,932
One day you're gonna be on
the cover of the Internet.
101
00:04:23,932 --> 00:04:24,932
Help yourself to some food.
102
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:27,932
We got tacos, burritos,
quesadillas...
103
00:04:27,932 --> 00:04:28,932
I don't want any
of that crap!
104
00:04:28,932 --> 00:04:30,932
I'll catch my own food.
105
00:04:30,932 --> 00:04:31,932
(duck call)
106
00:04:31,932 --> 00:04:32,932
(quacking)
107
00:04:35,932 --> 00:04:39,932
Everybody, Bud made duck tacos!
108
00:04:39,932 --> 00:04:41,932
(ominous music playing)
109
00:04:51,932 --> 00:04:54,932
Oh, damn it, I don't know
why you got to drag me here.
110
00:04:54,932 --> 00:04:56,932
(yelling)
111
00:04:56,932 --> 00:04:57,932
(laughing)
112
00:04:57,932 --> 00:04:58,932
Damn it, Pepito!
113
00:04:58,932 --> 00:04:59,932
I need some water!
114
00:04:59,932 --> 00:05:01,932
(glugging)
115
00:05:01,932 --> 00:05:03,932
(car horn honks)
There he is!
116
00:05:04,933 --> 00:05:06,932
How about a tip, pal?
117
00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:07,932
My tip for you is this.
118
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:09,932
Look at me.
I'm no better than you.
119
00:05:09,932 --> 00:05:11,932
Don't ever forget it.
120
00:05:11,932 --> 00:05:13,932
It's the working class that
keeps Spaceship Earth running.
121
00:05:13,932 --> 00:05:16,932
I used to be
president of Estonia.
122
00:05:16,932 --> 00:05:18,932
Juan Carlos!
Welcome home, mijo!
123
00:05:18,932 --> 00:05:21,932
Oh, we're all so proud
of you, honey!
124
00:05:21,932 --> 00:05:23,932
I've been keeping track of all
of your accomplishments.
125
00:05:29,932 --> 00:05:31,932
Becky!
Aah! J.C.!
126
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:34,932
I'm so happy you're home!
127
00:05:34,932 --> 00:05:35,932
I missed you so much.
128
00:05:35,932 --> 00:05:38,932
I didn't have anyone to roll
my eyes at things with.
129
00:05:38,932 --> 00:05:39,932
Oh, I missed you, too.
130
00:05:39,932 --> 00:05:41,932
And someone else missed you.
131
00:05:41,932 --> 00:05:44,932
(baby voice):
Hi, Mr. Retainer.
132
00:05:44,932 --> 00:05:48,932
I promise to keep Becky
from biting down too hard.
133
00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:50,932
I've been looking forward
to this moment.
134
00:05:50,932 --> 00:05:51,932
Because I want
to make good on a promise
135
00:05:51,932 --> 00:05:53,932
I made to you
before I left for school.
136
00:05:53,932 --> 00:05:55,932
Uh, what are you saying?
137
00:05:55,932 --> 00:05:57,932
Becky, will you marry me?
138
00:05:57,932 --> 00:05:59,932
Oh my God, J.C.! Yes!
139
00:05:59,932 --> 00:06:02,932
Yes, I will!
140
00:06:02,932 --> 00:06:04,932
(passionately moaning)
141
00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:07,932
I've never been so happy
to be heteronormative!
142
00:06:07,932 --> 00:06:09,932
(moaning)
143
00:06:09,932 --> 00:06:12,932
Oh, this means I have
to tell my dad about us.
144
00:06:12,932 --> 00:06:14,932
Look, Becky, your
father can't cling
145
00:06:14,932 --> 00:06:15,932
to his outdated views forever.
146
00:06:15,932 --> 00:06:17,932
We're in a post-racial era.
147
00:06:17,932 --> 00:06:19,932
He's going to have to accept
that the world has changed.
148
00:06:19,932 --> 00:06:21,932
Look, maybe there's hope.
149
00:06:21,932 --> 00:06:23,932
He's finger-painting
with the kids.
150
00:06:24,932 --> 00:06:26,932
Mommy says if I'm good,
151
00:06:26,932 --> 00:06:28,932
she'll take me
to your funeral someday.
152
00:06:31,932 --> 00:06:35,932
Oh, Janice, I'm so thrilled J.C.
and Becky are getting married!
153
00:06:35,932 --> 00:06:36,932
Uh, have you told Bud, yet?
154
00:06:36,932 --> 00:06:38,932
No, we're telling him
tonight at dinner.
155
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:41,932
J.C., I think it's great you
and Becky are getting married.
156
00:06:41,932 --> 00:06:42,932
But you'll have
a wife to support.
157
00:06:42,932 --> 00:06:44,932
Any leads on a job?
158
00:06:44,932 --> 00:06:45,933
How can I get a job
when monsters are
159
00:06:45,933 --> 00:06:47,932
trying to pass this
immigration law?
160
00:06:47,932 --> 00:06:49,932
You're right,
that's unfair of me.
161
00:06:49,932 --> 00:06:50,932
You should wait
until all the problems
162
00:06:50,932 --> 00:06:52,932
of the world are solved.
163
00:06:52,932 --> 00:06:55,932
Thank you, that's
all I'm asking.
164
00:06:55,932 --> 00:06:57,932
MAN:
Well, I, for one,
commend Mexifornia
165
00:06:57,932 --> 00:06:59,932
for trying to do something
about immigration.
166
00:06:59,932 --> 00:07:01,932
It's about time this country
167
00:07:01,932 --> 00:07:03,932
stood up to defend
its sovereignty.
168
00:07:03,932 --> 00:07:06,932
Here for the liberal point
of view is a four-year-old girl.
169
00:07:06,932 --> 00:07:08,932
I think
people should be nice.
170
00:07:08,932 --> 00:07:09,932
Shut up!
171
00:07:09,932 --> 00:07:11,932
You're scaring me!
172
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,932
You should be
scared of Mexicans!
173
00:07:13,932 --> 00:07:14,932
(roaring)
174
00:07:14,932 --> 00:07:16,932
(screaming)
175
00:07:16,932 --> 00:07:17,932
Amen, brother.
176
00:07:17,932 --> 00:07:19,932
Angry yelling is
the voice of reason.
177
00:07:19,932 --> 00:07:20,932
Oh, hey, Bud.
178
00:07:20,932 --> 00:07:22,932
Oh, hey, Bryce.
179
00:07:22,932 --> 00:07:23,932
Hey, why-why you
walking like that?
180
00:07:23,932 --> 00:07:25,932
This?
(scoffs)
181
00:07:25,932 --> 00:07:26,933
Aliens.
You got abducted again?
182
00:07:26,933 --> 00:07:28,932
Those guys think they
can just show up drunk
183
00:07:28,932 --> 00:07:30,932
any time they want and
get a cheap anal probe.
184
00:07:30,932 --> 00:07:32,932
Well, not anymore.
185
00:07:32,932 --> 00:07:33,932
All they care about is my anus.
186
00:07:33,932 --> 00:07:36,932
How about probing
me about my day?
187
00:07:36,932 --> 00:07:39,932
ANNOUNCER:
We interrupt this show
for the following breaking news.
188
00:07:39,932 --> 00:07:41,932
The voting results are in,
and Prop 7010--
189
00:07:41,932 --> 00:07:43,932
Mexifornia's landmark
anti-immigration bill--
190
00:07:43,932 --> 00:07:46,932
has passed by a narrow margin.
191
00:07:46,932 --> 00:07:48,932
Yes!
BOTH: No!
192
00:07:48,932 --> 00:07:50,932
We now go live to a policeman
here to escort me from my job.
193
00:07:52,932 --> 00:07:55,932
Sweet Nixon's nuts!
We did it!
194
00:07:55,932 --> 00:07:57,932
("The Star-Spangled Banner"
playing)
195
00:07:59,932 --> 00:08:01,932
Oh, no! Not this time!
196
00:08:01,932 --> 00:08:03,932
Don't even think about it!
197
00:08:03,932 --> 00:08:05,932
You turn that ship right
around and get lost!
198
00:08:05,932 --> 00:08:06,932
Aah! No!
199
00:08:06,932 --> 00:08:07,932
I'm blowing my probe whistle!
200
00:08:07,932 --> 00:08:09,932
(whistles)
201
00:08:14,932 --> 00:08:16,932
(laughter on television)
202
00:08:16,932 --> 00:08:18,932
I'm not saying the new
Mexifornia law is racist,
203
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:22,932
but Rosa Parks just moved
to the back of her grave.
204
00:08:22,932 --> 00:08:24,932
(both laughing)
(barking)
205
00:08:24,932 --> 00:08:27,932
Look! Our town is
a national laughingstock!
206
00:08:27,932 --> 00:08:30,932
This immigration law fight
isn't over. I'm so mad!
207
00:08:30,932 --> 00:08:33,932
If I believed in making fists,
I'd make one right now.
208
00:08:33,932 --> 00:08:36,932
Oh! You sounded like
Danny Trejo just now.
209
00:08:36,932 --> 00:08:38,932
Really? Call me Machete.
210
00:08:38,932 --> 00:08:41,932
Take me, you
pock-faced vigilante!
211
00:08:43,932 --> 00:08:45,932
Oh, my God!
My dad's home!
212
00:08:45,932 --> 00:08:48,932
Hello, darling family!
213
00:08:48,932 --> 00:08:49,932
Mwah!
214
00:08:49,932 --> 00:08:51,932
Ooh!
215
00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:53,932
(laughing)
Hands off!
216
00:08:53,932 --> 00:08:55,932
I'm not some Hooters waitress
trying to walk to her car!
217
00:08:55,932 --> 00:08:58,932
Well, I'm glad you're
in a good mood, honey,
218
00:08:58,932 --> 00:09:00,932
because we've got
some exciting news!
219
00:09:00,932 --> 00:09:01,932
Oh, I already heard it!
220
00:09:01,932 --> 00:09:03,932
The immigration law passed!
221
00:09:03,932 --> 00:09:05,932
Janice, bust out
the least-expired meat,
222
00:09:05,932 --> 00:09:07,932
'cause we're celebrating!
223
00:09:07,932 --> 00:09:08,933
J.C.:
That's a terrible law!
224
00:09:08,933 --> 00:09:10,932
You can't treat people
like criminals
225
00:09:10,932 --> 00:09:12,932
based on the color
of their skin.
226
00:09:12,932 --> 00:09:15,932
Janice, why is
that egghead in our house?
227
00:09:15,932 --> 00:09:18,932
He'd better be here
to translate La Bamba.
228
00:09:18,932 --> 00:09:21,932
I know "La" means "plane crash,"
but the rest is a mystery.
229
00:09:21,932 --> 00:09:23,932
You know, at college
I missed talking
230
00:09:23,932 --> 00:09:25,932
to people who never
went to college.
231
00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:27,932
J.C., please don't
argue with my dad.
232
00:09:27,932 --> 00:09:28,932
Not tonight.
233
00:09:28,932 --> 00:09:29,933
You was at college, huh?
234
00:09:29,933 --> 00:09:32,932
Let me guess-- Brown?
235
00:09:32,932 --> 00:09:34,932
(rim shot)
236
00:09:34,932 --> 00:09:35,933
Pig gets it.
237
00:09:35,933 --> 00:09:37,932
I don't know
why I even came back
238
00:09:37,932 --> 00:09:38,933
to a town that would pass a law
239
00:09:38,933 --> 00:09:40,932
that marginalizes immigrants.
240
00:09:40,932 --> 00:09:42,932
This country was founded
by immigrants!
241
00:09:42,932 --> 00:09:44,932
Every family in America has
an immigration story.
242
00:09:44,932 --> 00:09:45,932
Including yours!
243
00:09:45,932 --> 00:09:47,932
That law is progress!
244
00:09:47,932 --> 00:09:50,932
Those immigrants have been
taking jobs away from Americans!
245
00:09:50,932 --> 00:09:53,932
Why should Mexican kids get all
the glory of dying in our wars?
246
00:09:53,932 --> 00:09:55,932
You know what that law is?
The last gasp
247
00:09:55,932 --> 00:09:57,933
of small-minded,
ignorant people like yourself.
248
00:09:57,933 --> 00:10:00,932
Somebody please
change the subject!
249
00:10:00,932 --> 00:10:02,932
Um, did you hear?
250
00:10:02,932 --> 00:10:04,932
J.C. and Becky
are getting married.
251
00:10:07,932 --> 00:10:09,932
(oinking)
252
00:10:13,432 --> 00:10:16,432
What's happening,
macho man?
253
00:10:16,432 --> 00:10:18,432
When Bud found out J.C.
is engaged to Becky,
254
00:10:18,432 --> 00:10:19,432
they almost got into a fight.
255
00:10:19,432 --> 00:10:22,432
J.C. passed out,
so Becky carried him home.
256
00:10:22,432 --> 00:10:24,432
Where's my sweater and glasses?
257
00:10:24,432 --> 00:10:25,432
I'm J.C.
258
00:10:25,432 --> 00:10:27,432
My four-year-old nephew makes
more than I do
259
00:10:27,432 --> 00:10:29,432
by losing one tooth a year!
260
00:10:35,432 --> 00:10:37,432
Becky, sweetheart,
you can't get married.
261
00:10:37,432 --> 00:10:39,432
You're too young.
262
00:10:39,432 --> 00:10:40,432
You told me my time
is running out,
263
00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:42,432
and I should trick a guy
into getting me pregnant.
264
00:10:42,432 --> 00:10:45,432
You even gave me a tack
to poke holes in the condoms.
265
00:10:47,432 --> 00:10:50,432
But I always thought you was
gonna marry Darryl Muncie.
266
00:10:50,432 --> 00:10:52,432
You two was meant
for each other.
267
00:10:52,432 --> 00:10:54,432
Darryl from the inbred family
across the street?
268
00:10:54,432 --> 00:10:57,432
Oh, come on!
They're not inbred.
269
00:10:57,432 --> 00:10:59,432
Hi, Becky!
270
00:10:59,432 --> 00:11:01,432
(whispering): Don't give up.
271
00:11:01,432 --> 00:11:03,432
(bird caws)
272
00:11:03,432 --> 00:11:05,432
Oh, hey, Bryce.
273
00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:07,432
Why are you chained
to the station?
274
00:11:07,432 --> 00:11:10,183
This? Oh, I tried to break
things off with the aliens.
275
00:11:10,345 --> 00:11:11,430
But it didn't go so good.
276
00:11:11,432 --> 00:11:13,432
So, uh, now I'm doing this.
277
00:11:13,432 --> 00:11:14,432
Hey, I heard
your head exploded.
278
00:11:14,432 --> 00:11:16,432
- Nah, that was just a joke.
- Oh.
279
00:11:16,432 --> 00:11:18,432
Well, I'm trying
to get my daughter
280
00:11:18,432 --> 00:11:20,432
to break things off
with an alien, too.
281
00:11:20,432 --> 00:11:21,432
I'm gonna find some stuff
282
00:11:21,432 --> 00:11:23,432
in the confiscation locker
to plant on him.
283
00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:25,432
I like how we're
both doing things.
284
00:11:25,432 --> 00:11:27,432
Heh, ain't we a couple
of modern women?
285
00:11:29,432 --> 00:11:31,432
All right, let's
check the inventory.
286
00:11:31,432 --> 00:11:33,432
No. No. No.
287
00:11:33,432 --> 00:11:36,432
Oh, hey!
Look who's here!
288
00:11:36,432 --> 00:11:37,432
- Aw, too bad.
- No.
289
00:11:37,432 --> 00:11:38,432
Guess I can't go nowhere.
290
00:11:38,432 --> 00:11:39,433
Nice try, though.
291
00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:42,432
- No, no.
- Ah, joke's on you!
292
00:11:42,432 --> 00:11:44,432
I wiped absentmindedly!
293
00:11:44,432 --> 00:11:45,432
Crap.
294
00:11:47,432 --> 00:11:48,432
(knocking)
295
00:11:48,432 --> 00:11:51,432
Well, I wonder
who that could be.
296
00:11:51,432 --> 00:11:53,432
(giggling)
297
00:11:53,432 --> 00:11:55,432
(sighs)
Hi, Darryl.
298
00:11:55,432 --> 00:11:56,432
Hi, Becky!
299
00:11:56,432 --> 00:11:58,432
I got you something!
300
00:11:58,432 --> 00:11:59,432
Oh, a doll.
301
00:11:59,432 --> 00:12:00,432
How sweet.
302
00:12:00,432 --> 00:12:01,432
That's my little brother.
303
00:12:01,432 --> 00:12:03,432
He didn't make it.
304
00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:04,432
(groans)
305
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:06,483
Dad, I know what
you're trying to do,
306
00:12:06,644 --> 00:12:07,430
and it's not gonna work.
307
00:12:07,432 --> 00:12:08,432
I've made up my mind.
308
00:12:08,432 --> 00:12:10,432
I'm marrying J.C.
309
00:12:10,432 --> 00:12:11,432
Becky, I'm your father.
310
00:12:11,432 --> 00:12:13,433
And as long as you're
living in my house,
311
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:15,432
you'll live by my rules!
312
00:12:15,432 --> 00:12:18,432
And I forbid you
from marrying J.C.!
313
00:12:18,432 --> 00:12:21,432
And pointing out
the plot holes in NCIS!
314
00:12:21,432 --> 00:12:23,432
(scoffs)
You "forbid" it?
315
00:12:23,432 --> 00:12:25,432
Well, then I guess that
leaves me no choice.
316
00:12:25,432 --> 00:12:27,432
I'm moving out!
317
00:12:27,432 --> 00:12:30,432
And the navy doesn't investigate
those sorts of crimes!
318
00:12:30,432 --> 00:12:31,432
Shut up!
319
00:12:33,432 --> 00:12:35,432
(grunting)
320
00:12:35,432 --> 00:12:37,432
Uno... cien.
321
00:12:37,432 --> 00:12:39,432
Dos cien.
322
00:12:39,432 --> 00:12:42,432
(groans)
323
00:12:42,432 --> 00:12:45,432
¡Hola, Bud!
324
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:46,432
Yeah, listen, Ernesto.
325
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:47,432
I want you to tell
your nephew
326
00:12:47,432 --> 00:12:49,432
to back off
with my daughter.
327
00:12:49,432 --> 00:12:50,432
Bud, why would I do that?
328
00:12:50,432 --> 00:12:52,432
They're happy together.
329
00:12:52,432 --> 00:12:53,432
They've been going out
for four years.
330
00:12:53,432 --> 00:12:55,432
What?! You knew about this?
331
00:12:55,432 --> 00:12:57,432
Sure, everyone did.
332
00:12:57,432 --> 00:12:58,432
This is them at prom.
333
00:12:58,432 --> 00:13:00,432
This is them boycotting prom.
334
00:13:00,432 --> 00:13:03,432
This is them trying to change
the word boycotting to...
335
00:13:03,432 --> 00:13:05,432
(sighs) girl-cotting.
336
00:13:05,432 --> 00:13:07,432
Look, I know what J.C. is after.
337
00:13:07,432 --> 00:13:11,432
But let me assure you, he will
never gain access to my fortune.
338
00:13:11,432 --> 00:13:14,432
I have taken great precautions
to ensure that.
339
00:13:14,432 --> 00:13:17,432
JANICE: Bud, our dollar
bill flew out the window!
340
00:13:17,432 --> 00:13:19,432
Damn it! Who opened
the toilet tank?!
341
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:22,432
I just wanted
to count it!
342
00:13:24,432 --> 00:13:26,432
Bud?
343
00:13:26,432 --> 00:13:28,432
The world is changing,
and you may not like it,
344
00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:29,432
but change can be good.
345
00:13:29,432 --> 00:13:32,432
Oh, J.C., I'm gonna
split you like a log!
346
00:13:32,432 --> 00:13:34,432
J.C.: What do you mean?
347
00:13:34,432 --> 00:13:35,432
BECKY: You know what I mean!
348
00:13:35,432 --> 00:13:38,432
Yeah, good for others
maybe, not me.
349
00:13:38,432 --> 00:13:41,432
I just don't know where
a guy like me fits in anymore.
350
00:13:41,432 --> 00:13:43,432
There will always be a place
for you in this country.
351
00:13:43,432 --> 00:13:45,432
Right here with this family.
352
00:13:45,432 --> 00:13:48,432
And that's why you have
to let Becky follow her heart.
353
00:13:48,432 --> 00:13:51,432
If you don't, you could lose
your daughter forever.
354
00:13:51,432 --> 00:13:53,432
(sighs)
Oh, all right.
355
00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:55,432
GERT: Mom? Dad?
356
00:13:55,432 --> 00:13:57,432
Will one of you read me
a bedtime tabloid?
357
00:13:57,432 --> 00:13:58,432
Sure, Gert.
358
00:13:58,432 --> 00:14:00,432
"One day Zach Galifianakis
359
00:14:00,432 --> 00:14:03,432
went to the beach
without a beach body."
360
00:14:03,432 --> 00:14:05,433
(owl hoots)
361
00:14:05,433 --> 00:14:08,432
(phone buzzing)
362
00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:12,432
Son of a bitch!
363
00:14:14,432 --> 00:14:16,432
I told you I'm not interested!
364
00:14:19,432 --> 00:14:21,432
(gasps)
How dare you?!
365
00:14:21,432 --> 00:14:23,432
(phone buzzing)
366
00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:27,432
Liar!
367
00:14:32,432 --> 00:14:34,432
Oye, Jose, is that you?
368
00:14:34,432 --> 00:14:35,432
Yeah!
369
00:14:35,432 --> 00:14:37,432
Mira, check out
my new belt buckle!
370
00:14:37,432 --> 00:14:40,432
I would, but I can't see
around my belt buckle!
371
00:14:40,432 --> 00:14:43,432
You guys talking belt buckles?
372
00:14:46,432 --> 00:14:48,432
¡Hola, Bud!
373
00:14:48,432 --> 00:14:49,432
I'm here to tell Becky
374
00:14:49,432 --> 00:14:51,432
I'm okay with her marrying J.C.
375
00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:53,432
and maybe one day giving me
half-Mexican grandkids...
376
00:14:53,432 --> 00:14:56,432
Oh, my God! That didn't even
occur to me till this moment!
377
00:14:56,432 --> 00:14:58,432
Sorry, Becky and J.C. went out.
378
00:14:58,432 --> 00:15:00,303
I know because no
one yelled "murderer"
379
00:15:00,497 --> 00:15:02,430
when I threw a plasti
bottle in the trash.
380
00:15:02,432 --> 00:15:04,432
Ernesto, I just got
a call from J.C.
381
00:15:04,432 --> 00:15:07,432
He and Becky went to
the courthouse to elope!
382
00:15:07,432 --> 00:15:08,432
What?!
383
00:15:10,432 --> 00:15:13,432
Becky, thank you for having the
courage to go through with this
384
00:15:13,432 --> 00:15:14,432
despite your father's
disapproval.
385
00:15:14,432 --> 00:15:15,432
You're an inspiration.
386
00:15:15,432 --> 00:15:17,432
When they make
a movie about you,
387
00:15:17,432 --> 00:15:19,432
Jonah Hill will finally
win that Oscar.
388
00:15:19,432 --> 00:15:21,432
I want you to put
a baby in me
389
00:15:21,432 --> 00:15:24,432
so I can fight for the right
to legally abort it!
390
00:15:24,432 --> 00:15:26,432
(siren chirping)
391
00:15:29,432 --> 00:15:31,432
Can I help you, Officer?
392
00:15:31,432 --> 00:15:32,432
I know I wasn't speeding.
393
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,432
As a rule, I like
to take the speed limit,
394
00:15:34,432 --> 00:15:35,432
divide it in half, and add five.
395
00:15:35,432 --> 00:15:38,432
That's my personal vehicular
safety algorithm.
396
00:15:38,432 --> 00:15:40,432
"Doesn't speak English."
397
00:15:40,432 --> 00:15:42,432
You know, the new law Prop
7010 requires immigrants
398
00:15:42,432 --> 00:15:44,432
to carry their citizenship
papers at all times.
399
00:15:44,432 --> 00:15:46,432
Can I see yours?
400
00:15:46,432 --> 00:15:49,432
I'm not an immigrant!
I was born here!
401
00:15:49,432 --> 00:15:52,432
If you were born here, who won
the WNBA championship last year?
402
00:15:52,432 --> 00:15:54,432
The Phoenix Mercury.
403
00:15:54,432 --> 00:15:55,432
No American would know that.
404
00:15:55,432 --> 00:15:58,432
You're coming with me.
405
00:15:58,432 --> 00:15:59,432
BECKY: And so, in accordance
406
00:15:59,432 --> 00:16:01,432
with Mexifornia's
new immigration law,
407
00:16:01,432 --> 00:16:03,432
my beloved was taken in
for processing.
408
00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:06,432
And formally deported.
409
00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:08,432
Light the Deportation Cannon!
410
00:16:10,432 --> 00:16:12,432
But I'm legal!
411
00:16:15,432 --> 00:16:17,432
All right, sign family,
you're next.
412
00:16:22,213 --> 00:16:23,213
MAN:
Help! Get this damn
Rottweiler off me!
413
00:16:23,213 --> 00:16:26,213
I can't believe Becky
would run off to marry
414
00:16:26,213 --> 00:16:27,214
that egghead without
telling us!
415
00:16:27,214 --> 00:16:30,213
Look at Ernesto over there.
416
00:16:30,213 --> 00:16:31,213
Oh, he just loves this.
417
00:16:31,213 --> 00:16:33,213
I bet he's the one
who put them up to it!
418
00:16:33,213 --> 00:16:35,213
(laughter on television)
419
00:16:35,213 --> 00:16:37,213
¡Mi esposa!
420
00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:39,213
¿Con mi robot?
¡Ay, ay, ay!
421
00:16:39,213 --> 00:16:43,213
Oh, Mini Pelé!
422
00:16:43,213 --> 00:16:45,213
(crowd cheering)
423
00:16:47,213 --> 00:16:49,213
¡Hola, Bud!
424
00:16:49,213 --> 00:16:50,213
I heard your people put
a serious midget
425
00:16:50,213 --> 00:16:53,213
on Game of Thrones.
426
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:54,213
Becky!
427
00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:55,213
Well, well, well.
428
00:16:55,213 --> 00:16:58,213
If it isn't
Mrs. Benicio Del Taco!
429
00:16:58,213 --> 00:17:00,213
You'll be happy to hear
we didn't get married.
430
00:17:00,213 --> 00:17:02,213
Because that horrible
immigration law
431
00:17:02,213 --> 00:17:03,213
just got J.C. deported!
432
00:17:03,213 --> 00:17:05,213
(crying)
433
00:17:06,213 --> 00:17:08,213
Oh, my God, poor Becky!
434
00:17:08,213 --> 00:17:10,213
Bud, you need to do
something about this.
435
00:17:10,213 --> 00:17:12,213
J.C. should not have
been deported.
436
00:17:12,213 --> 00:17:14,213
You need to make this right.
437
00:17:14,213 --> 00:17:16,213
Oh, she'll get
over that guy.
438
00:17:16,213 --> 00:17:18,213
(sighs)
All right, fine.
439
00:17:18,213 --> 00:17:21,213
I'll go talk to her.
440
00:17:21,213 --> 00:17:24,213
(Becky crying)
441
00:17:24,213 --> 00:17:26,213
J.C.!
442
00:17:33,213 --> 00:17:35,213
I need your help.
443
00:17:35,213 --> 00:17:36,213
J.C. got deported.
444
00:17:36,213 --> 00:17:38,213
We got to go to Mexico
to find him.
445
00:17:38,213 --> 00:17:40,213
Hijole, let's go!
446
00:17:42,213 --> 00:17:45,213
Wow, that was cool!
I'm gonna do that!
447
00:17:46,213 --> 00:17:49,213
Did it look cool?
448
00:17:52,213 --> 00:17:55,213
Look, Bud, I'm all for law and
order, but that law is wrong.
449
00:17:55,213 --> 00:17:57,214
The only crime J.C. ever
committed was falling in love
450
00:17:57,214 --> 00:17:59,214
and spending thousands
of dollars of my money
451
00:17:59,214 --> 00:18:01,213
on a useless degree.
452
00:18:01,213 --> 00:18:03,213
Oh, look, I'm driving
200 miles per hour.
453
00:18:03,213 --> 00:18:05,213
How did that happen?
454
00:18:05,213 --> 00:18:08,213
(woman screaming)
455
00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:10,213
(gunshots)
Oh, God.
456
00:18:12,213 --> 00:18:13,213
Es la Virgen de Guadalupe!
457
00:18:13,213 --> 00:18:15,213
En mi tortilla!
458
00:18:15,213 --> 00:18:16,213
Oh, come on!
459
00:18:16,213 --> 00:18:18,213
The Virgin Mary is not
in your tortilla!
460
00:18:18,213 --> 00:18:20,213
Stop doing this!
461
00:18:20,213 --> 00:18:23,213
It only reinforces
a negative cultural stereotype!
462
00:18:24,214 --> 00:18:26,213
I like Mexican food.
463
00:18:26,213 --> 00:18:30,213
You got a problem with that?
464
00:18:30,213 --> 00:18:32,213
That's for not
believing in me, pocho!
465
00:18:32,213 --> 00:18:35,213
Boom, you just got
male pattern baldness!
466
00:18:38,213 --> 00:18:39,213
God, these people have no idea
467
00:18:39,213 --> 00:18:42,213
what it's like to have
foreigners ruin their country.
468
00:18:42,213 --> 00:18:43,213
(whooping)
Spring break!
469
00:18:43,213 --> 00:18:45,213
(retching)
470
00:18:45,213 --> 00:18:47,213
I'm not paying for that.
471
00:18:47,213 --> 00:18:48,213
J.C.
472
00:18:48,213 --> 00:18:50,213
Uncle Ernesto?
473
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:51,213
Oh, am I glad to see you!
474
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:53,213
What's he doing here?
475
00:18:53,213 --> 00:18:56,213
Monsters like him passed
the law that got me deported!
476
00:18:56,213 --> 00:18:58,213
Well, you wouldn't
have gotten deported
477
00:18:58,213 --> 00:19:00,213
if you hadn't come to my country
in the first place.
478
00:19:00,213 --> 00:19:01,214
I was born in America!
479
00:19:01,214 --> 00:19:04,213
Oh, yeah?
Then why were you deported?
480
00:19:04,213 --> 00:19:06,213
Check. Mix.
481
00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:08,213
Come on, we're here
to take you home.
482
00:19:08,213 --> 00:19:10,213
Oh, God, a snake!
483
00:19:10,213 --> 00:19:12,213
Let's go, college boy.
484
00:19:12,213 --> 00:19:13,213
(bird screeches)
485
00:19:13,213 --> 00:19:14,213
Oh, God, a hawk!
486
00:19:19,213 --> 00:19:21,213
Oh, crap, Steve is on duty!
If I'm caught
487
00:19:21,213 --> 00:19:23,213
smuggling in a deportee,
I'll lose my job!
488
00:19:23,213 --> 00:19:24,213
I'll handle Steve.
489
00:19:24,213 --> 00:19:26,213
Bud, you better get
in the trunk with J.C.
490
00:19:26,213 --> 00:19:27,213
BOTH:
What?!
491
00:19:29,213 --> 00:19:32,213
I ain't getting
in the trunk with that windbag!
492
00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:33,213
Ooh, the cannon!
493
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:36,213
At least I'm free from my wife!
494
00:19:36,213 --> 00:19:40,213
Get back here
and raise our child!
495
00:19:41,213 --> 00:19:43,213
Hola, Steve. ¿Cómo estás?
496
00:19:43,213 --> 00:19:44,213
I speak English, Mr. Gonzalez.
497
00:19:44,213 --> 00:19:46,213
I'm an American.
498
00:19:46,213 --> 00:19:48,213
How are your parents,
Francisco and Consuelo?
499
00:19:48,213 --> 00:19:50,213
Frank and Connie are fine!
500
00:19:50,213 --> 00:19:52,213
(thud)
Wait a minute.
501
00:19:52,213 --> 00:19:53,213
Is something in your trunk?
502
00:19:53,213 --> 00:19:55,213
BUD:
Why are you eating kale chips?
503
00:19:55,213 --> 00:19:58,213
Isn't spooning with another man
gay enough for you?
504
00:19:58,213 --> 00:20:00,213
Turn the car off
and pop the trunk!
505
00:20:00,213 --> 00:20:02,213
I'm gonna have to
inspect your vehicle.
506
00:20:12,214 --> 00:20:14,213
What the hell?
507
00:20:16,213 --> 00:20:18,213
You bastards!
508
00:20:18,213 --> 00:20:20,213
Yes!
509
00:20:22,969 --> 00:20:24,969
Well, we did it.
510
00:20:24,969 --> 00:20:26,969
It's good to be back
in our border town.
511
00:20:26,969 --> 00:20:28,969
Don't say the name
of the show.
512
00:20:32,969 --> 00:20:34,969
J.C.!
513
00:20:34,969 --> 00:20:36,969
(laughing):
Put me down!
514
00:20:37,969 --> 00:20:39,969
Oh, I'm so glad
you're home.
515
00:20:39,969 --> 00:20:41,969
Thank you, Daddy.
516
00:20:41,969 --> 00:20:43,643
Well, you're my little girl.
517
00:20:43,788 --> 00:20:44,967
I want you to be happy.
518
00:20:44,969 --> 00:20:45,969
You know, I thought it over.
519
00:20:45,969 --> 00:20:46,969
And you were right.
520
00:20:46,969 --> 00:20:48,969
We don't need
to get married right now.
521
00:20:48,969 --> 00:20:50,969
She's right, Mr. Buckwald.
522
00:20:50,969 --> 00:20:52,969
How can we get married
before we rename the country
523
00:20:52,969 --> 00:20:54,969
the United States
of Indigenous Rape?
524
00:20:54,969 --> 00:20:56,969
I take comfort knowing you'll
probably be pulled over
525
00:20:56,969 --> 00:20:58,969
and deported again tomorrow.
526
00:20:58,969 --> 00:21:00,969
Thank you, Bud.
527
00:21:00,969 --> 00:21:02,969
I know Becky will never
forget what you did for her.
528
00:21:02,969 --> 00:21:04,969
I'm proud of you.
529
00:21:04,969 --> 00:21:07,969
And I think you deserve
a very special reward.
530
00:21:07,969 --> 00:21:10,969
Janice, I've already been
in one hellhole tonight.
531
00:21:10,969 --> 00:21:14,969
Hey, Bud, thanks again for
helping me get my nephew back.
532
00:21:14,969 --> 00:21:17,969
As a token of my appreciation,
I wanted you to have this.
533
00:21:17,969 --> 00:21:19,969
(hawk screeches)
534
00:21:19,969 --> 00:21:20,969
Oh, no! The hawk's family!
535
00:21:20,969 --> 00:21:23,969
Help! They're taking me
back to Mexico!