1
00:00:06,469 --> 00:00:08,337
I can't believe this turnout.

2
00:00:08,362 --> 00:00:09,593
We have a hit on our hands.

3
00:00:09,618 --> 00:00:11,980
I predicted this.
I told you I had a special dog.

4
00:00:12,302 --> 00:00:13,912
You had a special editor.

5
00:00:13,937 --> 00:00:15,690
Liza rewrote every page of this book.

6
00:00:15,715 --> 00:00:17,716
Gave it a point of view. Wit. Irony.

7
00:00:17,741 --> 00:00:19,680
I know. I know.

8
00:00:20,986 --> 00:00:22,488
We did our job too well.

9
00:00:22,513 --> 00:00:23,882
This was supposed to die a quiet death

10
00:00:23,907 --> 00:00:24,907
I know.

11
00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:27,890
Hey, Amazon just sold out of stock.

12
00:00:27,915 --> 00:00:30,901
- What?
- Oh, and Zane just tweeted.

13
00:00:31,388 --> 00:00:33,820
- Ouch. I thought he liked you.
- No, he does.

14
00:00:33,845 --> 00:00:37,574
He's flirt-fighting. My move.
I gotta bite back hard.

15
00:00:38,643 --> 00:00:40,527
Uh, why is Pearl's lipstick out?

16
00:00:40,552 --> 00:00:42,805
Wait, why does Pearl
even have a lipstick? Emily?

17
00:00:42,830 --> 00:00:45,650
This is Pearl II. Gary.

18
00:00:45,682 --> 00:00:48,926
Pearl's son. And lover too,
but that's dogs.

19
00:00:48,951 --> 00:00:50,944
He just peed off his dog merkin again.

20
00:00:50,969 --> 00:00:52,371
Put on the backup.

21
00:00:52,396 --> 00:00:55,447
It's Velcro, but really
get in there and rub hard.

22
00:00:56,232 --> 00:00:57,580
Oh, no, no, no.

23
00:00:57,605 --> 00:00:59,348
You gotta... you gotta do that.

24
00:01:02,179 --> 00:01:03,250
Hello.

25
00:01:04,978 --> 00:01:07,673
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -

26
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:20,808
Congratulations!

27
00:01:20,833 --> 00:01:23,372
Your Labradoodle book
is starting a trend.

28
00:01:23,472 --> 00:01:25,307
We've been getting submissions
all morning.

29
00:01:25,332 --> 00:01:29,191
Deep thoughts from puppies.
Kittens. Weasels.

30
00:01:29,216 --> 00:01:32,575
I have three horses,
a gecko, and two hamsters here.

31
00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:35,324
I had a hamster once when I was a child.

32
00:01:35,349 --> 00:01:38,118
Sad story. Apparently you can't
blow-dry them on High.

33
00:01:38,194 --> 00:01:40,832
Well, ladies, you've
strapped yourselves to a bomb.

34
00:01:40,857 --> 00:01:42,220
Might as well enjoy the ride.

35
00:01:42,595 --> 00:01:45,453
Still hard to believe
this is a Millennial title.

36
00:01:45,478 --> 00:01:48,687
A novelty book about a dog philosopher.

37
00:01:48,712 --> 00:01:50,904
Kelsey did not want
to publish it. I made her.

38
00:01:50,929 --> 00:01:53,497
That is going to save our company.

39
00:01:53,522 --> 00:01:54,543
What?

40
00:01:54,568 --> 00:01:56,414
How is it gonna save our company?

41
00:01:56,439 --> 00:01:59,382
We're half a million apart
on LL Moore's new contract.

42
00:01:59,407 --> 00:02:01,948
These sales might help bridge the gap.

43
00:02:01,973 --> 00:02:06,034
We are happy to go slightly
off-brand for one book

44
00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:07,564
if it's gonna help Empirical.

45
00:02:07,612 --> 00:02:09,657
Nothing we can't walk back
with our next book.

46
00:02:09,682 --> 00:02:11,113
Walk back? Run towards it!

47
00:02:11,138 --> 00:02:13,330
Apparently young people
want to read about

48
00:02:13,355 --> 00:02:15,480
what their pets are thinking.

49
00:02:15,525 --> 00:02:19,344
So let's scratch that itch.

50
00:02:24,865 --> 00:02:27,694
Okay. Got through almost half
the animal kingdom, so...

51
00:02:27,719 --> 00:02:30,762
Ugh, Richard.
Who says "I love you" in a text?

52
00:02:30,787 --> 00:02:32,415
What am I supposed to say back to that?

53
00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:35,441
"I know. Thank you."

54
00:02:35,661 --> 00:02:36,905
That's an option.

55
00:02:36,930 --> 00:02:39,062
It doesn't cost anything
to be polite, Liza.

56
00:02:39,087 --> 00:02:40,955
Your generation could learn that.

57
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:45,087
That reminds me: I have to get
Charles a birthday present.

58
00:02:45,112 --> 00:02:47,416
He always says mine are his favorite.

59
00:02:47,441 --> 00:02:50,160
Not out loud, but
there's such a thing as subtext.

60
00:02:50,185 --> 00:02:54,462
Okay, Charles, birthday. Any ideas?

61
00:02:54,487 --> 00:02:56,317
Uh, just one.

62
00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:58,442
Have my assistant do it.

63
00:02:59,917 --> 00:03:02,777
Be in my office at noon,
and I want choices.

64
00:03:09,347 --> 00:03:11,248
I thought we were going to dinner.

65
00:03:11,293 --> 00:03:13,719
This is me post-Max, okay?

66
00:03:13,744 --> 00:03:16,745
I'm single again and oozing sex.

67
00:03:16,770 --> 00:03:19,110
I'm not gonna waste that
on a gay waiter.

68
00:03:19,182 --> 00:03:23,045
I'm back, ladies! Yes! You're welcome!

69
00:03:23,138 --> 00:03:25,193
Come on, Maggie.

70
00:03:25,218 --> 00:03:27,636
You need this too, all right?
We'll wing-woman each other.

71
00:03:28,862 --> 00:03:31,159
Ugh, Kelsey's got
a Twitter feud going on

72
00:03:31,184 --> 00:03:33,307
with this hot editor from Rivington.

73
00:03:33,332 --> 00:03:37,046
Let's see: "Millennial Scoops Up
Steaming Hot Property."

74
00:03:37,071 --> 00:03:38,628
Oh? Ew.

75
00:03:38,884 --> 00:03:41,466
- Is that...
- Yeah. Yep. That's dog shit.

76
00:03:41,491 --> 00:03:44,874
Uh-huh, not even the emoji.
Okay, the real thing.

77
00:03:44,906 --> 00:03:47,099
Oh, my God.
Twitter feuds are so lame.

78
00:03:47,124 --> 00:03:49,214
Just go straight
to the hate sex, kiddies.

79
00:03:49,239 --> 00:03:50,843
Less thumbing, more fingering.

80
00:03:50,868 --> 00:03:52,703
Girl, someone's looking at you.

81
00:03:52,770 --> 00:03:54,057
I'm sorry, really? Where.

82
00:03:54,082 --> 00:03:55,455
- Over there.
- Is she cute?

83
00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:57,544
Ooh, I can't tell. Okay.
She's coming, she's coming.

84
00:03:57,569 --> 00:03:58,698
Look straight, Maggie. Help me out.

85
00:03:58,723 --> 00:04:00,299
- How do I do that?
- Just look straight.

86
00:04:00,324 --> 00:04:03,494
Are you... are you Maggie Amato?

87
00:04:03,519 --> 00:04:04,645
Yeah.

88
00:04:04,670 --> 00:04:06,940
I saw "The New York Times"
article about you last week.

89
00:04:06,965 --> 00:04:07,969
I love your work.

90
00:04:07,994 --> 00:04:10,187
That was crazy,
but thank you, thank you.

91
00:04:10,212 --> 00:04:11,849
Good crazy.

92
00:04:12,617 --> 00:04:15,035
I'm sorry. I'm Donna Malone.

93
00:04:15,060 --> 00:04:17,915
I have a gallery
on Clinton street. Studio 29.

94
00:04:17,940 --> 00:04:20,283
Oh, yeah, I saw
the Tala Madani show there.

95
00:04:20,308 --> 00:04:21,861
Great space, yeah.

96
00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:23,820
I can't believe we've never met.

97
00:04:24,399 --> 00:04:26,432
Maybe I could drop by your studio?

98
00:04:26,584 --> 00:04:28,603
- See your work sometime?
- Any time.

99
00:04:28,628 --> 00:04:30,011
- Great.
- Yeah.

100
00:04:30,043 --> 00:04:31,811
I'm with some friends
and we're about to leave,

101
00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:33,988
but if I give you my card,

102
00:04:34,471 --> 00:04:37,131
would you promise to call me or text me?

103
00:04:37,156 --> 00:04:38,535
Absolutely.

104
00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,847
Uh, you got a little something
right here.

105
00:04:40,872 --> 00:04:43,609
- Oh, is it... no?
- No, no, no sorry.

106
00:04:44,428 --> 00:04:48,294
Well, you know, it was
really great meeting you.

107
00:04:48,319 --> 00:04:49,445
Yeah.

108
00:04:49,499 --> 00:04:51,830
I'm free tomorrow night, by the way.

109
00:04:55,166 --> 00:04:58,589
Okay. She was very, very into you.

110
00:04:58,614 --> 00:04:59,877
You coulda fried an egg on that cooch.

111
00:04:59,902 --> 00:05:01,599
Did she... did she have a mustache?

112
00:05:01,624 --> 00:05:02,734
I don't know, wasn't on her tits.

113
00:05:02,759 --> 00:05:04,232
Honestly, that's all I was looking at.

114
00:05:04,257 --> 00:05:07,093
Wow!

115
00:05:07,118 --> 00:05:09,659
These two really hate each other.

116
00:05:11,901 --> 00:05:14,076
I was hoping you were the pizza guy.

117
00:05:14,101 --> 00:05:16,812
Right. Like you eat pizza.

118
00:05:16,837 --> 00:05:19,916
And, yes, I see your abs.
You can breathe out now.

119
00:05:19,940 --> 00:05:21,838
I'm up 250 followers today.

120
00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:25,426
Ha! I'm up 330. I'm winning.

121
00:05:25,451 --> 00:05:29,108
Not really. I'm upping your
stock, not the other way around.

122
00:05:29,179 --> 00:05:31,387
I see what I'm upping.

123
00:05:31,412 --> 00:05:35,332
Unless that's for the pizza guy.

124
00:05:39,243 --> 00:05:40,399
I wish I could have been there,

125
00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:42,204
but no one wants a mom on a class trip.

126
00:05:42,229 --> 00:05:43,596
Anyway, you live here.

127
00:05:43,621 --> 00:05:44,948
You can go to The Whitney
any day of the week.

128
00:05:45,258 --> 00:05:46,631
But I'm beat.

129
00:05:46,656 --> 00:05:49,085
I can't wait to
get on that train and sleep.

130
00:05:49,110 --> 00:05:50,741
You do look pale.

131
00:05:50,766 --> 00:05:52,223
Are you done with the antibiotics?

132
00:05:52,248 --> 00:05:53,288
You took the whole bottle, right?

133
00:05:53,313 --> 00:05:54,663
You're totally Mom-ing out on me.

134
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:55,646
Well, you had your appendix out.

135
00:05:55,671 --> 00:05:56,687
That's a major surgery.

136
00:05:56,712 --> 00:05:59,163
I'm not the walking wounded; you are.

137
00:05:59,494 --> 00:06:01,929
And you're just avoiding the
topic... the breakup, Josh.

138
00:06:01,954 --> 00:06:03,655
- Are you okay?
- Yes.

139
00:06:03,895 --> 00:06:06,203
We're good. I see him around.

140
00:06:06,296 --> 00:06:08,711
Was it the age thing?

141
00:06:09,549 --> 00:06:11,456
- Pretty much.
- Figured.

142
00:06:11,481 --> 00:06:14,192
It's too bad. I liked him.

143
00:06:14,217 --> 00:06:16,912
So did I. But we're friends.

144
00:06:16,937 --> 00:06:19,805
So now you get to be
the older, wiser maternal figure

145
00:06:19,830 --> 00:06:22,699
who listens to his problems
with his new girlfriends.

146
00:06:23,045 --> 00:06:25,265
- That sucks.
- What time is your train again?

147
00:06:25,290 --> 00:06:27,375
Right, um, I should use
the restroom here,

148
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,910
'cause the ones at Grand Central
get too much traffic.

149
00:06:30,093 --> 00:06:33,189
- I hate a warm seat.
- Wait, you actually sit down?

150
00:06:33,214 --> 00:06:35,148
Oh, God, I failed you as a mother.

151
00:06:35,173 --> 00:06:37,155
Be right back.

152
00:06:37,180 --> 00:06:40,137
And I know exactly
how much chocolate cake is left.

153
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:51,960
Liza Miller, right?

154
00:06:52,647 --> 00:06:55,318
Jay... Mallick. We met at Bonfire?

155
00:06:55,343 --> 00:06:58,849
Right. Hi, Jay! From Macmillan. Hi.

156
00:06:58,928 --> 00:07:02,274
You are embarrassed because
you never called me back.

157
00:07:02,299 --> 00:07:04,631
Oh, no, yes, maybe. I don't know.

158
00:07:04,656 --> 00:07:07,253
You know, but I'm happy at Empirical.

159
00:07:07,278 --> 00:07:09,836
I was just having a bad day
that day that we met.

160
00:07:09,861 --> 00:07:11,868
Hey, may I?

161
00:07:13,404 --> 00:07:14,668
Um...

162
00:07:17,569 --> 00:07:19,539
There.

163
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:22,499
Now I have your cell.

164
00:07:22,806 --> 00:07:25,302
You know, we don't have to
talk about our jobs.

165
00:07:25,327 --> 00:07:27,865
Right, I look forward to that.
Thanks. Bye.

166
00:07:27,890 --> 00:07:29,606
Come on, Mom. Line was too long.

167
00:07:29,631 --> 00:07:32,071
- I'll deal. Did you pay?
- Wait, "Mom"?

168
00:07:32,807 --> 00:07:34,886
That's her name for me, Mom.

169
00:07:34,911 --> 00:07:37,183
Because I'm always mothering her.

170
00:07:37,208 --> 00:07:38,959
Wear your scarf, eat your vegetables.

171
00:07:38,984 --> 00:07:40,990
Oh, how we laugh.

172
00:07:41,015 --> 00:07:42,702
Yeah.

173
00:07:43,351 --> 00:07:45,796
Okay, I guess she's not
going to introduce me.

174
00:07:45,837 --> 00:07:48,491
- I'm the daughter. Caitlin.
- Hi.

175
00:07:48,516 --> 00:07:50,130
And if we don't get a move on, Mom,

176
00:07:50,155 --> 00:07:52,023
I'm gonna miss my train.

177
00:07:52,048 --> 00:07:54,763
- I am... confused.
- Oh, geez, gosh.

178
00:07:54,788 --> 00:07:58,080
Look at the time.
You know, it was really nice

179
00:07:58,105 --> 00:07:59,816
seeing you again, Jay.

180
00:07:59,841 --> 00:08:01,888
Okay, uh, well, yeah.

181
00:08:01,913 --> 00:08:04,001
Well, you know, we should talk.
I'll call you.

182
00:08:04,026 --> 00:08:05,977
Oh, absolutely, great, yes.

183
00:08:06,624 --> 00:08:10,583
- Okay, nice to see you.
- Great to meet you.

184
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:21,697
Okay, tonight at 7:00.

185
00:08:21,722 --> 00:08:24,789
I'll see you then. Bye.

186
00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:27,823
- Oh, God.
- What happened?

187
00:08:27,848 --> 00:08:32,003
I met this Macmillan editor
at Bonfire who thought I was 27.

188
00:08:32,028 --> 00:08:34,903
Well, he ran into me last night
with Caitlin.

189
00:08:35,201 --> 00:08:36,576
And now he wants to talk.

190
00:08:36,601 --> 00:08:38,677
- She blew your cover?
- It was my own fault.

191
00:08:38,702 --> 00:08:40,604
She called me Liza once when she was 15.

192
00:08:40,629 --> 00:08:42,431
I took away her phone for a week.

193
00:08:42,456 --> 00:08:44,390
Wonder what he wants to talk about.

194
00:08:44,470 --> 00:08:46,015
He'll tell me at dinner.

195
00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:47,510
Well, I would show up
with a baseball bat

196
00:08:47,535 --> 00:08:49,420
if things got dicey, but I'm having

197
00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:51,287
this gallery owner over tonight.

198
00:08:51,312 --> 00:08:53,302
- Is it a date?
- I'm not really sure.

199
00:08:53,327 --> 00:08:55,119
You know, and she's definitely
interested in my work,

200
00:08:55,144 --> 00:08:58,271
but as far as dating goes,
there's one little problem.

201
00:08:58,953 --> 00:09:00,184
What is it?

202
00:09:00,209 --> 00:09:01,537
I think she has a stash.

203
00:09:01,562 --> 00:09:02,759
Of what?

204
00:09:02,784 --> 00:09:04,495
No, no, a mustache.

205
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,210
Everybody's got a little peach fuzz.

206
00:09:06,235 --> 00:09:08,074
This is not a peach; this is a coconut.

207
00:09:08,216 --> 00:09:12,299
- Well, can you look past it?
- How? It's a mustache.

208
00:09:12,324 --> 00:09:15,483
- And she keeps it on her face.
- You're crazy.

209
00:09:15,508 --> 00:09:18,752
Besides that, you know,
she's really beautiful.

210
00:09:18,777 --> 00:09:20,727
Well, maybe it was just the lighting.

211
00:09:20,752 --> 00:09:23,463
Yeah. Maybe.

212
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:34,751
That's cashmere.

213
00:09:34,776 --> 00:09:38,241
But brown? For Charles?

214
00:09:38,976 --> 00:09:40,722
It's really more Richard's color.

215
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:41,747
I'll take it back.

216
00:09:41,772 --> 00:09:43,366
No, I'll bank it for Richard's birthday.

217
00:09:43,692 --> 00:09:45,307
Really should find out when that is.

218
00:09:46,412 --> 00:09:49,355
Oh, this is too feminine for Charles.

219
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:51,171
Richard would like it, though.

220
00:09:51,196 --> 00:09:53,363
He's not afraid of his feminine side.

221
00:09:53,388 --> 00:09:56,268
Which is lucky,
because there's a lot of it.

222
00:09:57,912 --> 00:10:01,881
What do you think of these for Richard?

223
00:10:01,941 --> 00:10:03,006
You mean Charles.

224
00:10:03,031 --> 00:10:04,905
No, I mean Richard.

225
00:10:04,930 --> 00:10:06,852
Maybe you like him more than you think.

226
00:10:06,877 --> 00:10:08,382
And maybe you should tell him.

227
00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:10,797
I mean, that's what
all these gifts are saying.

228
00:10:13,662 --> 00:10:15,064
You're right.

229
00:10:15,089 --> 00:10:17,396
It's Richard.

230
00:10:19,317 --> 00:10:21,184
And if it is Richard and not Charles,

231
00:10:21,209 --> 00:10:23,891
then why the hell am I still
trying to get Charles' approval?

232
00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:25,346
Well, he is still your boss.

233
00:10:25,371 --> 00:10:27,523
I have been doing this for years now.

234
00:10:27,548 --> 00:10:28,650
Look at me!

235
00:10:28,675 --> 00:10:30,071
The hair, the outfit, the sparkle.

236
00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:31,936
Yes, it is good for office morale.

237
00:10:31,961 --> 00:10:33,557
- Absolutely.
- But I have been

238
00:10:33,582 --> 00:10:35,503
casting my pearls before swine.

239
00:10:35,528 --> 00:10:36,629
No more! Mm-mm!

240
00:10:36,654 --> 00:10:39,963
I am turning off the charm,
shutting down this power plant.

241
00:10:39,988 --> 00:10:42,158
And this year, he can get
a goddamn cupcake

242
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:43,592
like everyone else.

243
00:10:49,041 --> 00:10:50,717
Barnes & Noble sales figures.

244
00:10:50,742 --> 00:10:52,168
This feud has gone national.

245
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:54,220
William Shatner just retweeted me.

246
00:10:54,245 --> 00:10:55,353
- What?
- Verified!

247
00:10:55,378 --> 00:10:58,101
- Like, the Priceline guy.
- Yeah, and also "Star Trek."

248
00:10:58,249 --> 00:11:01,724
And it made Vulture. Come see this.

249
00:11:03,417 --> 00:11:05,758
"Millennial Editrix Trashes New York's

250
00:11:05,783 --> 00:11:08,255
"Best Dressed Editor on Twitter." Wow.

251
00:11:08,336 --> 00:11:11,538
Best-dressed!
Zane totally fed them this.

252
00:11:11,563 --> 00:11:13,805
Yeah, but he probably
didn't feed them this part.

253
00:11:13,830 --> 00:11:15,468
It says it all started
because Empirical stole

254
00:11:15,493 --> 00:11:16,967
Lachlan Flynn from him.

255
00:11:16,992 --> 00:11:18,316
Oh, he's not gonna like that, is he?

256
00:11:18,341 --> 00:11:19,773
He is not going to care.

257
00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:21,990
It's not fun if it doesn't
hurt a little.

258
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,235
Really? Is that a rule?

259
00:11:24,566 --> 00:11:27,685
FYI, LL Moore is giving us
some pushback on our offer.

260
00:11:27,710 --> 00:11:31,271
So that Labradoodle money is
really coming at the right time.

261
00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:35,074
- Happy to help.
- And I...

262
00:11:35,099 --> 00:11:37,651
- I heard about your Twitter feud.
- Mm-hmm.

263
00:11:37,703 --> 00:11:39,785
And I have to say, I think it's unwise,

264
00:11:39,810 --> 00:11:41,231
swapping insults in public.

265
00:11:41,256 --> 00:11:44,111
So I would shut that down if I were you.

266
00:11:44,144 --> 00:11:47,361
But it's boosting our profile and sales.

267
00:11:47,386 --> 00:11:49,325
I mean, didn't you justhelp yourself

268
00:11:49,350 --> 00:11:51,655
to some of our profits for Empirical?

269
00:11:57,649 --> 00:11:59,436
So I did.

270
00:12:07,940 --> 00:12:09,989
Kels, Charles thinks
this is getting out of hand.

271
00:12:10,014 --> 00:12:11,805
Of course he does. He's old-school.

272
00:12:12,854 --> 00:12:15,548
J.K. Rowling retweeted me!

273
00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:17,675
That's crazy.

274
00:12:28,133 --> 00:12:31,079
You know, I'd love
to see this in the light.

275
00:12:31,104 --> 00:12:32,638
Uh, yeah.

276
00:12:33,263 --> 00:12:35,991
I keep more in storage.
I have smaller ones hair.

277
00:12:36,016 --> 00:12:38,185
I mean, here. Smaller ones here.

278
00:12:38,210 --> 00:12:42,051
Mm, oh, and this! I mean, this is...

279
00:12:42,076 --> 00:12:44,451
Just... mm!

280
00:12:44,476 --> 00:12:46,415
Mm. I mean, that's amazing.

281
00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:49,967
She paints, she cooks.

282
00:12:49,992 --> 00:12:52,254
Mm!

283
00:12:52,961 --> 00:12:54,831
Can we speak honestly?

284
00:12:54,856 --> 00:12:56,019
Oh, thank God.

285
00:12:56,362 --> 00:12:58,098
I love your art.

286
00:12:58,253 --> 00:12:59,780
And I'm going to hang it

287
00:12:59,805 --> 00:13:01,722
no matter how you feel about this.

288
00:13:01,827 --> 00:13:05,951
But I'm also really interested in you.

289
00:13:06,061 --> 00:13:08,369
As a person.

290
00:13:08,667 --> 00:13:09,931
As a woman.

291
00:13:10,006 --> 00:13:11,864
You just get right
to the point, don't you?

292
00:13:11,889 --> 00:13:14,831
Well, you know, I like
to just jump right in there.

293
00:13:14,856 --> 00:13:16,601
I like to ask a girl what she likes,

294
00:13:16,626 --> 00:13:20,513
and you know, if I like it too,
well, then...

295
00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:22,605
Okay, okay.

296
00:13:22,630 --> 00:13:24,498
- Yeah.
- I'll go first.

297
00:13:24,523 --> 00:13:26,015
I love romance.

298
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:27,987
Kissing, cuddling.

299
00:13:28,012 --> 00:13:30,824
Bubble baths. I love bathing together.

300
00:13:30,849 --> 00:13:33,850
Hey. Do you have a bathtub?

301
00:13:33,887 --> 00:13:36,481
- I do.
- Mm, warm water.

302
00:13:36,506 --> 00:13:39,973
Lights out, just like a dozen candles.

303
00:13:39,998 --> 00:13:41,059
How 'bout two?

304
00:13:42,598 --> 00:13:43,936
Or one.

305
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,351
- All right.
- Yeah.

306
00:13:49,002 --> 00:13:52,375
So yeah, 41. Class of '96.

307
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,479
Well, here's to you.

308
00:13:54,504 --> 00:13:56,978
Don't congratulate me. It was a mistake.

309
00:13:57,121 --> 00:14:00,991
People find out
and then it's... leverage.

310
00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:03,776
- What do you mean?
- I've been pressured before.

311
00:14:03,970 --> 00:14:05,186
Blackmailed.

312
00:14:05,215 --> 00:14:08,150
Oh, my God. What kind of crowd
are you running with?

313
00:14:08,175 --> 00:14:10,553
Oh, publishing, right, yeah.

314
00:14:10,930 --> 00:14:13,208
All right, well, look,
I won't tell anyone.

315
00:14:14,301 --> 00:14:17,556
- As long as I...
- Nothing. No.

316
00:14:17,608 --> 00:14:19,855
You don't even have to be
nice to me, all right?

317
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,469
You can get up, throw a glass
of wine in my face and leave,

318
00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:24,087
and I will not tell a soul.

319
00:14:24,166 --> 00:14:28,029
I'll eat your entre,
but I will keep your secret.

320
00:14:28,806 --> 00:14:32,013
Hey, look. I'm one of the good guys.

321
00:14:32,494 --> 00:14:33,858
In fact, the only thing bad about me

322
00:14:33,883 --> 00:14:35,476
is that I walk around
saying things like,

323
00:14:35,501 --> 00:14:38,217
"I'm one of the good guys." I'm sorry.

324
00:14:39,072 --> 00:14:40,907
Well, thank you.

325
00:14:41,070 --> 00:14:43,777
I gotta be honest, it's been a strain.

326
00:14:44,028 --> 00:14:47,080
A part of me just wants to tell
everybody and end the suspense.

327
00:14:47,105 --> 00:14:49,286
No, no, no, no, no, don't do that.

328
00:14:49,311 --> 00:14:50,737
Especially don't tell your bosses.

329
00:14:50,762 --> 00:14:53,906
It'll be a scandal.
Look, keep your secret.

330
00:14:53,931 --> 00:14:56,064
And if you ever wanna talk
to somebody who grew up

331
00:14:56,089 --> 00:14:58,913
watching the same TV shows
as you did, call me.

332
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:02,095
- "Who's the Boss."
- Mm-hmm.

333
00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:05,625
I had a Danza thing. Not entirely gone.

334
00:15:05,650 --> 00:15:08,281
Yeah, "Miami Vice." Every episode.

335
00:15:08,306 --> 00:15:11,546
Wore a pink blazer in junior high.

336
00:15:15,954 --> 00:15:17,186
What?

337
00:15:17,211 --> 00:15:20,160
Oh, I, um, I just remembered
who else went to Princeton.

338
00:15:20,185 --> 00:15:21,846
My boss.

339
00:15:22,744 --> 00:15:25,087
Oh, right, yeah. Charles Brooks.

340
00:15:25,112 --> 00:15:26,139
"Upchuck" we used to call him

341
00:15:26,164 --> 00:15:27,140
'cause he couldn't hold his booze.

342
00:15:27,165 --> 00:15:28,592
Seriously? You were in school together?

343
00:15:28,617 --> 00:15:30,126
Yeah, we were in the eating club.

344
00:15:30,151 --> 00:15:32,728
- Charles!
- What are you doing?

345
00:15:32,753 --> 00:15:34,853
This'll be good. Watch.

346
00:15:34,878 --> 00:15:37,416
Can you give me one second?

347
00:15:37,707 --> 00:15:39,286
Hey, buddy.

348
00:15:39,311 --> 00:15:41,588
- Hey, Jay.
- What's up, Upchuck?

349
00:15:41,656 --> 00:15:43,690
- Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.

350
00:15:43,715 --> 00:15:46,347
- Liza.
- Hi.

351
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,897
- Hi.
- Liza and I met at Bonfire.

352
00:15:48,922 --> 00:15:50,156
You know, Millennial is creating

353
00:15:50,181 --> 00:15:52,437
a lot of good buzz for Empirical.

354
00:15:52,462 --> 00:15:55,241
Uh, yeah, yeah,
her team is doing great things.

355
00:15:55,266 --> 00:15:57,765
- Proud of them.
- Fostering young talent.

356
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,530
Proud of you. Congratulations.

357
00:15:59,555 --> 00:16:01,366
And by the way, she's not
consorting with the enemy,

358
00:16:01,391 --> 00:16:02,865
if that's what you were thinking.

359
00:16:02,890 --> 00:16:05,644
This is strictly social.
Business has not even come up.

360
00:16:05,944 --> 00:16:07,077
Okay.

361
00:16:07,102 --> 00:16:08,829
I would ask you to stay, but...

362
00:16:08,854 --> 00:16:09,590
No, no, that's fine.

363
00:16:09,615 --> 00:16:11,812
I'm meeting Bill Merriman from Penguin.

364
00:16:11,837 --> 00:16:13,442
Ah. Great.

365
00:16:13,467 --> 00:16:14,606
- Good to see you.
- Enjoy your evening.

366
00:16:14,631 --> 00:16:15,625
Good to see you. Enjoy your evening.

367
00:16:15,650 --> 00:16:17,079
All right.

368
00:16:17,104 --> 00:16:18,874
Liza.

369
00:16:22,786 --> 00:16:25,423
Now, last time he saw me,

370
00:16:25,448 --> 00:16:27,899
I was dating a much younger woman.

371
00:16:27,924 --> 00:16:29,572
This confirms your story.

372
00:16:29,623 --> 00:16:31,898
See, I'm good for you.

373
00:16:31,923 --> 00:16:34,659
Now "Who's the Boss."

374
00:16:34,684 --> 00:16:35,836
Remind me, is that the one

375
00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:39,553
with the employee/boss love story?

376
00:16:39,740 --> 00:16:43,211
Yeah. Yeah, something like that.

377
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:46,068
Tony Danza. One of our finest
American actors.

378
00:16:46,093 --> 00:16:47,680
"Golden Girls."

379
00:16:58,896 --> 00:17:00,896
Oh, isn't this nice?

380
00:17:00,921 --> 00:17:02,711
I feel so warm and fuzzy.

381
00:17:02,736 --> 00:17:05,851
I'm not surprised. I mean, me too.

382
00:17:12,818 --> 00:17:14,298
Are you feeling what I'm feeling?

383
00:17:14,418 --> 00:17:16,931
Uh-huh. Plus a little something extra.

384
00:17:19,137 --> 00:17:22,408
Can I ask you to do something
kind of intimate?

385
00:17:22,433 --> 00:17:24,280
Considering where your foot is,

386
00:17:24,305 --> 00:17:27,264
I pretty sure we're past that.

387
00:17:27,904 --> 00:17:31,113
Will you... shave me?

388
00:17:31,138 --> 00:17:34,152
Ohh.

389
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:39,360
I have literally
not thought of anything else

390
00:17:39,385 --> 00:17:41,427
since the moment we met.

391
00:17:41,452 --> 00:17:43,530
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

392
00:17:46,552 --> 00:17:48,783
Wait, wait. What are you doing?

393
00:17:48,808 --> 00:17:50,177
I'm shaving you.

394
00:17:50,202 --> 00:17:52,009
I meant my pussy!

395
00:18:02,071 --> 00:18:04,640
That was great, just so you know.

396
00:18:04,665 --> 00:18:07,424
I do know. I was there.

397
00:18:07,721 --> 00:18:09,259
Were you?

398
00:18:09,284 --> 00:18:11,612
This is time stamped two minutes ago.

399
00:18:11,637 --> 00:18:14,024
How are you DM'ing me while
we were actually having sex?

400
00:18:14,049 --> 00:18:16,715
I had a hand free. Remember?

401
00:18:16,740 --> 00:18:18,515
Okay, that's it.

402
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:22,203
Let's talk. Or not talk. I don't care.

403
00:18:22,228 --> 00:18:25,466
But I'm sleeping with you
tonight and not your phone.

404
00:18:25,595 --> 00:18:28,627
I'll get us some more wine

405
00:18:28,652 --> 00:18:31,466
and I'll leave these in the kitchen.

406
00:18:41,001 --> 00:18:46,310
_

407
00:18:47,874 --> 00:18:49,685
You know what?

408
00:18:49,710 --> 00:18:52,744
I think we should actually
stop the Twitter feud.

409
00:18:52,844 --> 00:18:54,553
My boss isn't crazy about it,

410
00:18:54,578 --> 00:18:56,889
and I kinda owe him everything.

411
00:18:58,177 --> 00:18:59,807
Fine.

412
00:18:59,832 --> 00:19:03,281
Actually, this is
the perfect time for a truce.

413
00:19:05,628 --> 00:19:07,487
We're even.

414
00:19:19,574 --> 00:19:21,442
Hey, happy birthday.

415
00:19:21,466 --> 00:19:23,175
Thanks. Not a big birthday guy.

416
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:26,341
I, uh, I should have sent
a cake or something

417
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:28,486
over to your table last night.

418
00:19:28,511 --> 00:19:30,346
Jay Mallick, huh?

419
00:19:30,483 --> 00:19:31,974
He's a nice guy.

420
00:19:32,426 --> 00:19:33,805
Never married.

421
00:19:33,970 --> 00:19:37,895
Likes cats. He's a cat guy.

422
00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:41,079
News alert from Publishers Lunch:

423
00:19:41,104 --> 00:19:43,453
LL Moore just signed with Rivington!

424
00:19:43,478 --> 00:19:44,580
What?

425
00:19:44,605 --> 00:19:46,977
Rivington just stole LL Moore!

426
00:19:47,002 --> 00:19:48,309
How did that happen?!

427
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:52,335
Is this because of your feud
with that Rivington editor?

428
00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:54,008
Well, it's not a real feud, it's...

429
00:19:54,033 --> 00:19:56,280
No, he's my friend. Zane is my friend.

430
00:19:56,305 --> 00:19:57,931
We're more than friends. We're dating.

431
00:19:57,956 --> 00:19:59,767
He would never do that.

432
00:19:59,792 --> 00:20:02,390
Oh, pillow talk.
It can bring down empires.

433
00:20:02,415 --> 00:20:03,851
Once at Harper Collins, I was...

434
00:20:03,876 --> 00:20:08,123
Did you let any
proprietary information slip?

435
00:20:09,147 --> 00:20:11,411
- Our latest offer?
- No. No.

436
00:20:11,479 --> 00:20:15,609
He didn't have access
to your phone? Your iPad?

437
00:20:16,776 --> 00:20:18,862
No? Yes?

438
00:20:22,585 --> 00:20:26,719
This is bad, Kelsey.

439
00:20:28,877 --> 00:20:31,110
Disappointing.

440
00:20:31,135 --> 00:20:34,942
And bad.

441
00:20:35,114 --> 00:20:36,818
For all of us.

442
00:20:39,570 --> 00:20:41,801
Poor Charles.

443
00:20:41,826 --> 00:20:43,397
On his birthday too.

444
00:20:43,422 --> 00:20:45,423
Really, Kelsey?

445
00:21:05,318 --> 00:21:07,550
Zane, are you kidding me?

446
00:21:07,575 --> 00:21:09,134
I could lose my job.

447
00:21:09,159 --> 00:21:11,764
This is not a game. This is my life.

448
00:21:11,906 --> 00:21:14,351
Oh, never mind. Don't call me.

449
00:21:14,872 --> 00:21:18,000
Kelsey, if he did this to you,
he is not worth crying over.

450
00:21:18,025 --> 00:21:20,238
I-I'm crying over my job.

451
00:21:20,361 --> 00:21:22,727
Did you see Charles? He's gonna fire me.

452
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:24,923
And even if he doesn't,
he's never gonna trust me again!

453
00:21:24,948 --> 00:21:26,577
Yes, he will. He cares about you.

454
00:21:26,602 --> 00:21:30,150
And this is how I repay him,
by taking my eye off the ball,

455
00:21:30,175 --> 00:21:33,230
by getting swept up in some stupid...

456
00:21:34,081 --> 00:21:35,032
_

457
00:21:35,057 --> 00:21:36,291
_

458
00:21:36,316 --> 00:21:37,196
_

459
00:21:37,221 --> 00:21:39,310
God, leave me alone.

460
00:21:39,335 --> 00:21:42,552
Liza, I'm sorry. You too.

461
00:21:42,577 --> 00:21:45,471
- I need a moment, okay?
- Okay.

462
00:21:56,077 --> 00:21:57,736
How could you accuse her like that?

463
00:21:57,761 --> 00:22:00,117
- This isnother fault.
- You sure of that? She isn't.

464
00:22:00,142 --> 00:22:01,663
Charles, she is in there crying.

465
00:22:01,688 --> 00:22:03,291
She's afraid you're gonna fire her!

466
00:22:03,316 --> 00:22:05,891
Good. Then she won't
be surprised if it happens.

467
00:22:06,150 --> 00:22:07,480
What am I supposed to do, Liza?

468
00:22:07,505 --> 00:22:09,719
You of all people know how important

469
00:22:09,744 --> 00:22:11,514
LL Moore is to this company.

470
00:22:11,539 --> 00:22:14,814
- People are important too.
- Yeah, exactly.

471
00:22:14,839 --> 00:22:16,975
And I've got 75 people out there

472
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,473
whose jobs I suddenly can't guarantee

473
00:22:19,498 --> 00:22:21,062
because of her carelessness!

474
00:22:21,087 --> 00:22:23,362
This is not like you to be so angry

475
00:22:23,387 --> 00:22:25,547
- before you know the facts.
- You're right.

476
00:22:25,572 --> 00:22:27,539
You're right. You're right.
I don't know anything.

477
00:22:27,564 --> 00:22:29,345
I don't know how I'm going to
replace our biggest earner!

478
00:22:29,370 --> 00:22:31,355
I don't know how I'm going to
make payroll next month!

479
00:22:31,380 --> 00:22:32,664
And I don't know why you're dating

480
00:22:32,689 --> 00:22:35,427
a 40-something guy
in publishing who isn't me!

481
00:22:35,964 --> 00:22:40,305
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

482
00:22:40,330 --> 00:22:44,038
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

483
00:22:44,063 --> 00:22:48,506
♪ Happy birthday, dear Charles ♪

484
00:22:48,531 --> 00:22:53,898
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

485
00:22:55,679 --> 00:22:57,845
Blow, Charles.

486
00:22:58,224 --> 00:23:00,291
Or I will.

487
00:23:04,550 --> 00:23:06,914
Yes!

488
00:23:09,529 --> 00:23:12,608
♪ You will come for me ♪

489
00:23:15,690 --> 00:23:23,331
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -