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[lively bluegrass music]
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Yeah!
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♪ ♪
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00:00:06,921 --> 00:00:08,718
[cheers and applause]
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Thank you, Brooklyn!
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We just want to let you guys know
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we're playing the Hudson
Valley Brew Grass Festival
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00:00:13,459 --> 00:00:14,913
this weekend in Cooperstown...
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00:00:14,938 --> 00:00:18,271
48 hours of nothing but craft
beer and bluegrass music.
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00:00:18,296 --> 00:00:20,455
So come on down. We'd love
to have you, all right?
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♪ ♪
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Yay!
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Sounds like torture.
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No, I'm excited.
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- You're gonna go?
- Of course I am.
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I've put Josh through so
much, and he's been amazing.
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He comes to all my work stuff.
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I really need to show up for him.
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Plus, it's a really big deal for the band.
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Well, that's great, Liza.
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I have three words of advice:
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extra toilet paper.
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[gasps] Oh, my God, Iris.
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Who's Iris?
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Oh, a girl I dated for 11 weeks.
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Wow, almost a full trimester.
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- Come say hi.
- Do I have to?
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Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
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You must come.
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Both: Hey!
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Great set, dude.
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Are you sure that you can't
just, uh, blow off work
33
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and drive up with me and the boys tonight?
34
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Oh, I wish I could, but I promise
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I'll leave straight from
the office tomorrow.
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- I promise.
- Okay.
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00:01:06,814 --> 00:01:08,530
Okay, okay, okay, I believe you.
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Yeah, dudes!
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This weekend is going to be epic, man.
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I'm going full "Deliverance."
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I'm not bringing a tent,
toothpaste, or toilet paper.
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Just me, the music, and the sky.
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You know how that movie ends, right?
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What movie?
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[funky music]
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♪
♪
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- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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- _
- [phone chimes]
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[whispers] So cute.
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- _
- [phone chimes]
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[energetic music]
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It is a big deal, Charles.
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Being featured in "By the Book"
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solidifies your place among
the literary intelligentsia.
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You're gonna be in "By the Book"?
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In "The Times"?
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No, Liza, in "Cat Fancy."
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Yes, it's "The Times."
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That's the first section
I read every Sunday.
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Well, I can use all the help I can get.
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Deadline's Monday morning.
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Well, you know the basics.
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What's on your nightstand?
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How did you fall in love with literature?
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Which artist is most underrated?
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That's my favorite question.
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Just be sure to include one of our books.
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You know, maybe "The Male Feminist."
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You want to come across as
intelligent but not pretentious.
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That's our brand.
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It's funny; books are such
a big part of my work life.
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I can't remember which ones
are a big part of my life life.
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Well, you could start
with the classics...
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You know, Tolstoy, Pynchon, Hume.
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Agatha Christie or Dashiell
Hammett might be cute.
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What about "Infinite Jest"?
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Uh... oh.
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Yes, Liza?
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Well, someone just said "Infinite Jest."
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Oh, was it Colson Whitehead or Tina Fey?
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Either way, I'd steer clear.
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[mutters] Okay.
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Thank you, Liza.
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And I know it doesn't sound edgy,
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but I'd throw in some
unexpected nonfiction.
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Maybe Doris Kearns Goodwin or...
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Ooh, Rick James' memoir.
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There's a quirky curveball.
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I've had a lot of time
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to come up with my own answers.
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You know, in case anyone ever asks.
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Three, two, one.
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Well, no one asking.
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I have a meeting with Hugh Shirley.
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I guess I'll know he's here
when my assistant tells me.
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That's me.
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[upbeat music]
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♪
♪
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Oh, Diana, you look hot.
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You have a date tonight?
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Oh, just a meeting with Hugh Shirley.
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Oh, I should probably be in on that.
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Oh, no, no, that's not necessary.
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It's just market... Strictly marketing.
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Oh.
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I see. I got ya.
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Well, I'm here if you need me.
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Thank you.
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I won't.
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[sighs]
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That's better.
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[clicks tongue]
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[sighs]
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That's better.
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Are we looking at any
Mid-Atlantic coverage,
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or is it just the Northeast?
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Well, we'll start in New York City,
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Bluestockings downtown.
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It's pretty much home base
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for lesbians, social
workers... Same thing.
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And then we'll hit Park
Slope, Northampton, Ptown.
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How about Midwestern college towns?
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A huge portion of my audience
are transgender academics.
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Absolutely... Ann Arbor,
Madison, St. Paul.
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And there is a huge market for this book
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in Seattle and Portland...
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Actually, anywhere in
the Pacific Northwest
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within ten miles of a vegan market.
129
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Great. I'd like to wake
up some straight men too.
130
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Maybe we could do surprise drop-ins
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at a VFW hall or strip
club here and there.
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- Diana?
- Huh?
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- Are you okay?
- Yup, absolutely.
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You were saying strip... strip clubs.
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I'm sorry. You need to know something.
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No, no, you deserve to know something.
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[sighs]
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I am objectifying you right now...
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erotically, and I'm so sorry.
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Thank you for telling me that.
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Okay, now let's continue.
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Yes, uh, please do.
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Have lunch with me tomorrow.
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I swear I'll make you pay for half.
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I... I think I can, uh, be free.
146
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So it's a date.
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[laughs nervously]
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Right? It... it's a date?
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- Yes.
- Yes, yes, a date.
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[lively bluegrass music]
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Josh, hello?
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Hey... oh, hey, hey.
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Sorry, the signal just keeps cutting out.
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Which tent are you in?
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[loudly] Which tent are you in?
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What do you mean, drop a pin?
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Like, on the ground?
158
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Josh?
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Josh? Hello?
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Hello, can you hear me?
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Ugh.
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[music playing in the distance]
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[phone ringing]
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Hey, I'm by the... Uh,
the Bratwurst tent.
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I like mine with sauerkraut and onions.
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What?
167
00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:48,048
I'm kidding. It's... it's Charles.
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I'm so sorry to interrupt your weekend.
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I just had a quick question
about this "By the Book" thing.
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Oh, uh, yeah. No problem.
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Uh, what question do you need help with?
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"What was your favorite book as a child?"
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Uh, I don't want to lie.
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Why would you lie?
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I was never much of a reader,
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but I loved baseball,
so I just told everybody
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that my baseball coach said
reading would ruin my eyesight
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and I'd never hit a curveball again.
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I would have guessed you were a bookworm.
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Yeah, when... when your father
owns a publishing house,
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most people think that.
182
00:06:17,315 --> 00:06:20,272
Um, I... I did read comic
books at the dinner table,
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which he hated.
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So not reading was your form of rebellion.
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Yeah, until I was 12,
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and then I found more creative ways
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to torture my parents.
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Well, if you're going to lie,
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which I'm not suggesting, because...
190
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Because lying is bad.
191
00:06:33,106 --> 00:06:37,034
Uh, yes but, in certain cases, acceptable.
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Even necessary. Go on.
193
00:06:39,829 --> 00:06:41,725
I would go with "To Kill A Mockingbird."
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00:06:41,750 --> 00:06:42,947
Excellent idea.
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00:06:42,972 --> 00:06:44,616
I don't think that the
Hulk is going to cut it.
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00:06:44,641 --> 00:06:45,664
- [laughs]
- Boo!
197
00:06:45,689 --> 00:06:47,665
- Oh, my God.
- What? Are you okay?
198
00:06:47,690 --> 00:06:48,843
- Liza?
- Yeah.
199
00:06:48,868 --> 00:06:50,313
It was just my boyfriend
playing a joke on me.
200
00:06:50,338 --> 00:06:51,671
Oh, I'll let you go.
201
00:06:51,696 --> 00:06:53,701
Thank you so much for your help.
202
00:06:53,726 --> 00:06:56,100
It was my pleasure.
I'll see you on Monday.
203
00:06:56,125 --> 00:06:58,044
Yeah. I'll see you Monday.
204
00:06:58,069 --> 00:06:59,347
Sorry.
205
00:06:59,535 --> 00:07:01,215
- Mm.
- Sorry I was working.
206
00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:02,680
I'm just so excited to see you.
207
00:07:02,705 --> 00:07:03,943
I can't believe you're actually here.
208
00:07:03,968 --> 00:07:05,598
Of course I am. I wouldn't miss it.
209
00:07:05,623 --> 00:07:06,685
You guys didn't play yet, did you?
210
00:07:06,710 --> 00:07:08,765
No, no, no, tomorrow, 2:00 p.m.
211
00:07:08,789 --> 00:07:09,506
Be there.
212
00:07:09,531 --> 00:07:10,312
Front row, center.
213
00:07:10,337 --> 00:07:11,465
Number one fan!
214
00:07:11,491 --> 00:07:12,941
Number one groupie!
215
00:07:15,515 --> 00:07:16,931
This is it.
216
00:07:16,956 --> 00:07:18,944
I pitched it myself.
217
00:07:22,373 --> 00:07:24,623
Welcome.
218
00:07:24,648 --> 00:07:26,184
- Wow.
- [chuckles]
219
00:07:26,210 --> 00:07:27,810
Okay. Um...
220
00:07:27,835 --> 00:07:30,427
Should we blow up the air mattress?
221
00:07:30,452 --> 00:07:32,070
There is a hole in it.
222
00:07:32,095 --> 00:07:34,421
No worries, though, because...
223
00:07:34,446 --> 00:07:36,687
the ground is soft.
224
00:07:36,712 --> 00:07:37,622
[chuckles weakly]
225
00:07:37,647 --> 00:07:39,422
Soft ground usually means...
226
00:07:39,448 --> 00:07:41,118
Yeah, it's wet.
227
00:07:41,143 --> 00:07:42,676
But we're roughing it.
228
00:07:42,701 --> 00:07:44,225
Yeah, we are.
229
00:07:44,499 --> 00:07:46,935
You're such a trouper. You know that?
230
00:07:47,854 --> 00:07:51,004
That is one of the things
I love most about you.
231
00:07:51,029 --> 00:07:53,208
That's me. I'm a trouper.
232
00:07:58,032 --> 00:07:59,406
- Guys?
- Whoa!
233
00:07:59,431 --> 00:08:00,558
I can't do this.
234
00:08:00,583 --> 00:08:02,583
Please, I'm not made for roughing it.
235
00:08:02,608 --> 00:08:04,094
All right, I don't know
how to start a fire.
236
00:08:04,119 --> 00:08:05,401
I'm covered in bug bites.
237
00:08:05,426 --> 00:08:07,094
And a raccoon ate all my Clif Bars.
238
00:08:07,119 --> 00:08:08,542
I'm gonna die out there.
239
00:08:08,567 --> 00:08:10,067
What happened to going full "Deliverance"?
240
00:08:10,092 --> 00:08:12,011
Yeah, that was until I got this bite.
241
00:08:12,036 --> 00:08:12,866
Oh, my God.
242
00:08:12,891 --> 00:08:13,838
Look at the size of that thing.
243
00:08:13,863 --> 00:08:15,321
It's like it's laying eggs under my skin.
244
00:08:15,346 --> 00:08:17,328
Don't make me go back out there.
245
00:08:18,834 --> 00:08:21,597
Ugh. I brought some calamine lotion.
246
00:08:21,622 --> 00:08:22,854
Oh, Liza.
247
00:08:23,141 --> 00:08:24,557
You're the best.
248
00:08:24,582 --> 00:08:26,669
Times like this, I'm glad you're old.
249
00:08:26,694 --> 00:08:28,846
- Oh!
- "Er," older and wiser.
250
00:08:28,871 --> 00:08:30,570
Look, you guys can still get freaky.
251
00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:32,565
Don't mind me, all right?
I won't make it weird.
252
00:08:32,590 --> 00:08:35,709
Look at these bad boys. Instant privacy.
253
00:08:38,125 --> 00:08:41,126
[upbeat country music]
254
00:08:41,151 --> 00:08:42,523
- Good morning.
- Hey.
255
00:08:42,548 --> 00:08:43,796
Good morning.
256
00:08:43,821 --> 00:08:45,583
[gasps] Just what I needed.
257
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,791
Thank you. Mmhmm.
258
00:08:48,979 --> 00:08:51,263
Wow. It's cold.
259
00:08:51,288 --> 00:08:53,678
And also not coffee.
260
00:08:53,703 --> 00:08:55,004
I couldn't find any coffee.
261
00:08:55,029 --> 00:08:56,389
It's coffee stout.
262
00:08:56,414 --> 00:08:58,108
Great, morning beer.
263
00:08:58,133 --> 00:09:00,380
[laughs] You're at Brew
Grass Festival, Liza.
264
00:09:00,405 --> 00:09:01,704
That's how we roll.
265
00:09:01,729 --> 00:09:02,832
We're gonna have so much fun today.
266
00:09:02,857 --> 00:09:05,519
We are going to check
out the clogging circle.
267
00:09:05,544 --> 00:09:07,095
We're going to hit up the whittling tent.
268
00:09:07,119 --> 00:09:09,252
There's the cornhole tournament.
269
00:09:09,277 --> 00:09:10,738
I'm just gonna hope
that's something different
270
00:09:10,763 --> 00:09:11,832
from what I'm imagining.
271
00:09:11,857 --> 00:09:13,156
Well...
272
00:09:13,181 --> 00:09:14,459
Where do I go pee?
273
00:09:14,484 --> 00:09:15,960
Porta-Potty that way.
274
00:09:15,985 --> 00:09:18,610
Okay.
275
00:09:18,636 --> 00:09:20,319
[laughs] Good luck.
276
00:09:20,344 --> 00:09:22,391
- I'm a trouper!
- Yes, you are!
277
00:09:24,072 --> 00:09:26,489
[phone buzzes]
278
00:09:26,951 --> 00:09:29,280
_
279
00:09:29,305 --> 00:09:34,654
_
280
00:09:34,679 --> 00:09:36,758
Ooh, this one is full. Ooh.
281
00:09:36,783 --> 00:09:39,267
Trust me; you're gonna
want to go in the woods.
282
00:09:42,146 --> 00:09:44,262
[moaning]
283
00:09:44,287 --> 00:09:45,753
[phone ringing]
284
00:09:45,778 --> 00:09:48,362
Oh, God.
285
00:09:49,454 --> 00:09:50,703
Hi, Charles.
286
00:09:50,728 --> 00:09:52,905
You're really putting
me out on a limb here.
287
00:09:52,930 --> 00:09:56,819
[laughs] Well, it'll be
a "By the Book" first.
288
00:09:56,844 --> 00:10:00,345
Plus, the Hulk is cool!
289
00:10:00,370 --> 00:10:02,662
Although Robert Louis
Stevenson did it first
290
00:10:02,687 --> 00:10:04,219
with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
291
00:10:04,244 --> 00:10:07,445
So now I'm wondering about my answer to
292
00:10:07,470 --> 00:10:09,161
what book changed my life.
293
00:10:09,186 --> 00:10:12,020
And I should probably say "Freedom,"
294
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,241
but then I would have to explain why.
295
00:10:14,642 --> 00:10:16,808
That's a great book.
How did it affect you?
296
00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:20,118
It was the last book my wife read
297
00:10:20,143 --> 00:10:21,415
before she left me.
298
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,407
Oh, no. No, no, no, that's awful.
299
00:10:23,432 --> 00:10:25,885
Yeah, I... I still
can't quite bring myself
300
00:10:25,910 --> 00:10:27,336
to shake Jonathan Franzen's hand.
301
00:10:27,361 --> 00:10:28,929
And, I mean, look, I'm sure
302
00:10:28,954 --> 00:10:32,372
I may have had something to
do with her walking out...
303
00:10:32,397 --> 00:10:35,978
Okay, well, there are
two sides to every story.
304
00:10:36,413 --> 00:10:39,657
But she walked out on her daughters too,
305
00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:41,010
and that's...
306
00:10:41,035 --> 00:10:42,578
intense.
307
00:10:42,603 --> 00:10:44,842
Yeah, well, Pauline
was definitely intense.
308
00:10:45,490 --> 00:10:48,850
Uh, always looking to find
her place in the world,
309
00:10:48,875 --> 00:10:52,425
and "Freedom" inspired
her to... to find hers.
310
00:10:52,450 --> 00:10:54,105
In L.A., apparently.
311
00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:56,513
Hey, what are you doing out here?
312
00:10:56,538 --> 00:10:58,237
The whittling tent just opened.
313
00:10:58,262 --> 00:11:00,503
Let's go rip a huge bong hit
314
00:11:00,528 --> 00:11:02,172
and go whittle, huh?
315
00:11:02,197 --> 00:11:03,566
Come on.
316
00:11:03,906 --> 00:11:07,380
Relationships are complex.
317
00:11:10,289 --> 00:11:12,604
Do you think that we could
get "The Male Feminist"
318
00:11:12,629 --> 00:11:13,988
into elementary schools?
319
00:11:14,014 --> 00:11:16,019
Well, I could talk to my friend
320
00:11:16,044 --> 00:11:17,389
at the Department of Ed.
321
00:11:17,414 --> 00:11:20,269
It's certainly a book every
third grader should read.
322
00:11:20,294 --> 00:11:22,013
Yeah, that would be great.
323
00:11:23,347 --> 00:11:24,701
- You know, Diana...
- Yeah.
324
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:27,451
You channel this masculine energy,
325
00:11:27,476 --> 00:11:28,559
which normally I'd hate,
326
00:11:28,584 --> 00:11:31,384
but yours is stoic and brave,
327
00:11:31,409 --> 00:11:33,259
yet deeply vulnerable.
328
00:11:33,284 --> 00:11:36,381
A barely feminine mystique, if you will.
329
00:11:36,406 --> 00:11:38,374
You know, my grandmother
always said I reminded her
330
00:11:38,399 --> 00:11:39,773
of an Indian chief.
331
00:11:39,798 --> 00:11:41,247
Oh!
332
00:11:42,245 --> 00:11:45,013
She was a violent racist, but
I took it as a compliment.
333
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,046
That racist was on to something.
334
00:11:47,071 --> 00:11:49,423
Yeah, she saw you.
335
00:11:49,448 --> 00:11:50,998
And I see you.
336
00:11:51,023 --> 00:11:54,171
Do you see you?
337
00:11:54,196 --> 00:11:56,307
Oh, I see me.
338
00:11:59,321 --> 00:12:00,854
I would like to see you...
339
00:12:00,879 --> 00:12:02,962
With your full permission and consent...
340
00:12:02,987 --> 00:12:07,034
Naked, raw, and hungry.
341
00:12:07,058 --> 00:12:09,098
You want to suck on my peen pipe?
342
00:12:09,124 --> 00:12:12,186
It's funny, 'cause it's
shaped like a penis.
343
00:12:12,386 --> 00:12:14,520
I like how the balls are the bowl.
344
00:12:14,545 --> 00:12:15,355
[giggles]
345
00:12:15,380 --> 00:12:16,915
Both: That's hilarious.
346
00:12:16,940 --> 00:12:17,915
Oh, we got to go.
347
00:12:17,940 --> 00:12:19,118
We're gonna miss the clogging circle.
348
00:12:19,142 --> 00:12:20,269
Wait, can we come?
349
00:12:20,295 --> 00:12:21,821
Oh, my God, I really want to clog.
350
00:12:21,846 --> 00:12:24,110
Uh, yeah, sure.
351
00:12:24,135 --> 00:12:25,756
Oh, uh, you guys think
352
00:12:25,781 --> 00:12:27,070
you might want to put on a shirt?
353
00:12:27,095 --> 00:12:30,278
Or a blouse or maybe even a sheath, maybe?
354
00:12:30,303 --> 00:12:31,720
You know, there's gonna
be a lot of bouncing.
355
00:12:31,745 --> 00:12:33,278
I wouldn't want you to hurt yourselves
356
00:12:33,303 --> 00:12:34,408
or anybody else.
357
00:12:34,433 --> 00:12:36,453
Both: Huh. That's hilarious.
358
00:12:37,188 --> 00:12:38,270
Come on! Let's go clogging!
359
00:12:38,295 --> 00:12:39,208
Come on, girl.
360
00:12:39,233 --> 00:12:40,384
- Okay.
- Let's go.
361
00:12:40,410 --> 00:12:41,425
Okay.
362
00:12:41,449 --> 00:12:42,531
Is this okay?
363
00:12:42,556 --> 00:12:43,249
Yeah.
364
00:12:43,274 --> 00:12:44,922
Is this okay?
365
00:12:44,947 --> 00:12:46,030
Yes.
366
00:12:46,055 --> 00:12:46,937
How about this?
367
00:12:46,962 --> 00:12:48,483
It's all okay, Hugh. Just put it in.
368
00:12:48,508 --> 00:12:49,468
Actually, you know what?
369
00:12:49,493 --> 00:12:51,212
This is feeling too phallo-centric.
370
00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:52,500
I feel like I'm dominating you.
371
00:12:52,526 --> 00:12:54,758
- I want you on top of me.
- Okay, let's do that.
372
00:12:54,783 --> 00:12:56,066
- Okay.
- Okay.
373
00:12:56,091 --> 00:12:57,724
Ah, that's... I think that's better.
374
00:12:57,749 --> 00:12:59,211
- Good for you?
- Yes, it's good for me.
375
00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:00,179
Yes. Wait.
376
00:13:00,204 --> 00:13:01,953
Do you feel like you have
enough agency in this power...
377
00:13:03,413 --> 00:13:04,736
No more talking.
378
00:13:04,761 --> 00:13:05,189
Okay.
379
00:13:05,214 --> 00:13:06,380
- Yes.
- Yes?
380
00:13:06,405 --> 00:13:08,693
Yes! Okay, this is more like it.
381
00:13:08,718 --> 00:13:10,606
Okay, this is what we're talking about.
382
00:13:10,631 --> 00:13:13,164
Yes, this is it. Yes! Yes!
383
00:13:13,189 --> 00:13:15,684
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
384
00:13:15,709 --> 00:13:16,675
[crunching sound]
385
00:13:16,700 --> 00:13:18,713
[screaming]
386
00:13:18,738 --> 00:13:20,792
Oh, my God, what just happened to you?
387
00:13:20,817 --> 00:13:22,844
I don't know, but it's bad.
388
00:13:24,182 --> 00:13:25,431
I'm gonna get my phone.
389
00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:26,453
- Just gonna get my phone.
- Ah!
390
00:13:26,478 --> 00:13:27,617
- No? Okay, I won't.
- Ah!
391
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,260
I don't mean to complain, but my feet
392
00:13:29,285 --> 00:13:31,717
have never been stomped on
so many times in one day.
393
00:13:31,742 --> 00:13:33,729
I mean, at least the rain chilled out.
394
00:13:33,754 --> 00:13:35,463
Are they just with us
395
00:13:35,488 --> 00:13:37,605
the entire weekend from now on?
396
00:13:37,757 --> 00:13:38,889
Unknown.
397
00:13:38,914 --> 00:13:40,671
What I do know is that it's time for you
398
00:13:40,696 --> 00:13:41,495
to lose to the top.
399
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,520
[scoffs] Not enough moonshine
in the world for that.
400
00:13:43,545 --> 00:13:44,616
[band playing]
401
00:13:44,641 --> 00:13:46,207
That's my cue. Wish me luck.
402
00:13:46,232 --> 00:13:47,159
Mwah! Good luck.
403
00:13:47,184 --> 00:13:48,422
♪ ♪
404
00:13:48,447 --> 00:13:50,664
Hey, excuse me. Will you spray us, please?
405
00:13:50,689 --> 00:13:51,805
Oh, me too.
406
00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:57,645
♪ ♪
407
00:13:58,362 --> 00:14:00,078
Both: Thank you.
408
00:14:00,103 --> 00:14:02,315
♪ I wore my boots out walkin' ♪
409
00:14:02,340 --> 00:14:04,380
_
410
00:14:04,405 --> 00:14:07,057
♪ Wore my heart out talkin' ♪
411
00:14:07,082 --> 00:14:08,389
_
412
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:11,178
♪ I felt the pain, and
I broke the chain ♪
413
00:14:11,203 --> 00:14:13,949
♪ But I've still got
a long way to go ♪
414
00:14:13,974 --> 00:14:15,365
♪ ♪
415
00:14:15,390 --> 00:14:18,818
_
416
00:14:20,596 --> 00:14:22,761
_
417
00:14:23,502 --> 00:14:27,276
- _
- ♪ Been on the road till tomorrow ♪
418
00:14:27,301 --> 00:14:29,745
♪ Through the joy and the sorrow ♪
419
00:14:29,770 --> 00:14:31,078
_
420
00:14:31,103 --> 00:14:33,612
♪ Came through the flood, and
I walked through the mud ♪
421
00:14:33,637 --> 00:14:36,644
♪ But I still got a long way to go ♪
422
00:14:36,669 --> 00:14:38,478
_
423
00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:39,814
_
424
00:14:41,330 --> 00:14:43,149
♪ ♪
425
00:14:43,540 --> 00:14:45,369
_
426
00:14:46,087 --> 00:14:48,768
- _
- ♪ Been in the back room dealin' ♪
427
00:14:49,607 --> 00:14:52,893
- _
- ♪ Been a long hook reelin' ♪
428
00:14:53,514 --> 00:14:55,318
♪ Out in the shed, and I... ♪
429
00:14:55,343 --> 00:14:56,229
Howdy, folks!
430
00:14:56,254 --> 00:14:57,939
We're the Bedford Avenue Country Boys.
431
00:14:57,964 --> 00:14:59,287
Y'all want to hear some bluegrass?
432
00:14:59,313 --> 00:15:02,126
[cheers and applause]
433
00:15:02,329 --> 00:15:05,664
- _
- [upbeat bluegrass music]
434
00:15:05,689 --> 00:15:07,275
Oh.
435
00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:08,047
♪ ♪
436
00:15:08,072 --> 00:15:11,118
_
437
00:15:11,143 --> 00:15:13,569
Aw.
438
00:15:13,594 --> 00:15:15,061
Oh.
439
00:15:15,086 --> 00:15:16,335
Uh...
440
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:18,962
♪ ♪
441
00:15:23,898 --> 00:15:25,685
Oh, uh, I need that charger.
442
00:15:25,710 --> 00:15:27,202
I was here first.
443
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:28,700
Sorry, not sorry.
444
00:15:28,725 --> 00:15:29,586
[grunts]
445
00:15:29,611 --> 00:15:30,684
Ow!
446
00:15:30,709 --> 00:15:32,986
Rude!
447
00:15:34,203 --> 00:15:36,492
Come on. Come on.
448
00:15:37,085 --> 00:15:38,668
[bluegrass music playing]
449
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,381
- Uh, Liza?
- Charles!
450
00:15:41,406 --> 00:15:42,410
I am so sorry.
451
00:15:42,435 --> 00:15:43,641
I meant to send that text to my boyfriend.
452
00:15:43,666 --> 00:15:44,998
We must have cross-texted.
453
00:15:45,023 --> 00:15:46,837
Uh, yeah, I guess we must have.
454
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:47,646
I'm so sorry.
455
00:15:47,671 --> 00:15:49,545
I'm at this bluegrass
festival in Cooperstown,
456
00:15:49,570 --> 00:15:50,674
and my phone died.
457
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:52,699
Well, it... it sounds like
458
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:54,118
you're having fun, though.
459
00:15:54,143 --> 00:15:55,275
Uh...
460
00:15:55,300 --> 00:15:56,476
No, not really.
461
00:15:56,501 --> 00:15:57,867
It's, uh... it's not so great.
462
00:15:57,892 --> 00:15:59,391
It's really muddy,
463
00:15:59,416 --> 00:16:01,518
lots of mosquitoes, no plumbing.
464
00:16:01,543 --> 00:16:03,232
It's fine, Liza, really.
465
00:16:03,257 --> 00:16:06,686
You know, there is this
great B&B near Cooperstown
466
00:16:06,711 --> 00:16:07,836
called the Timid Whaler.
467
00:16:07,861 --> 00:16:09,289
My girls and I stayed there last summer.
468
00:16:09,314 --> 00:16:09,876
You'd love it.
469
00:16:09,901 --> 00:16:11,586
Oh, I don't know.
470
00:16:11,610 --> 00:16:12,757
Leaving here would be...
471
00:16:12,782 --> 00:16:15,066
[retching]
472
00:16:15,091 --> 00:16:16,340
Amazing.
473
00:16:16,365 --> 00:16:17,948
Go have fun, and enjoy your weekend.
474
00:16:17,973 --> 00:16:20,946
And thanks again for the help.
475
00:16:20,971 --> 00:16:22,906
I, uh... I couldn't have
done it without you.
476
00:16:22,931 --> 00:16:24,898
No problem. Sorry for
the misunderstanding.
477
00:16:24,923 --> 00:16:27,284
I'll see you on Monday.
478
00:16:27,309 --> 00:16:28,781
[sighs] Fine, I hip-checked her.
479
00:16:28,806 --> 00:16:31,452
We have a zero-tolerance policy
480
00:16:31,477 --> 00:16:32,859
when it comes to violence here.
481
00:16:32,884 --> 00:16:35,780
Except for killer guitar riffs, right?
482
00:16:38,013 --> 00:16:39,513
Come on.
483
00:16:39,538 --> 00:16:41,159
[grunts]
484
00:16:43,191 --> 00:16:46,974
Okay, so was it more of a pop or a crack?
485
00:16:46,999 --> 00:16:48,806
- It was a crack.
- Uh, pop.
486
00:16:48,832 --> 00:16:50,368
Definitely a crack.
487
00:16:50,598 --> 00:16:52,638
We were making love.
488
00:16:52,663 --> 00:16:54,713
Diana was on top, of course.
489
00:16:54,738 --> 00:16:58,975
And then she arched her back
like a Romanian gymnast.
490
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,749
It's from rigorous yoga.
491
00:17:00,774 --> 00:17:01,998
I'm very supple of spine.
492
00:17:02,023 --> 00:17:02,895
Hmm.
493
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:05,347
And then I heard a crack sound,
494
00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:08,735
and I felt a searing pain in my phallus.
495
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,240
Oh, my God, I think she broke your dick.
496
00:17:11,265 --> 00:17:12,390
Doctor!
497
00:17:12,415 --> 00:17:14,068
I don't understand. It's not even a bone.
498
00:17:14,093 --> 00:17:15,859
Well, technically, it's a penile fracture.
499
00:17:15,884 --> 00:17:17,633
It's when the lining
of the penis ruptures.
500
00:17:17,658 --> 00:17:19,309
It's not uncommon when the woman's on top
501
00:17:19,334 --> 00:17:22,038
and her entire body weight
is pounding and bending
502
00:17:22,063 --> 00:17:23,095
the engorged penis.
503
00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:24,028
Is that what happened here?
504
00:17:24,053 --> 00:17:26,174
- That's what he wanted.
- I wanted what you wanted!
505
00:17:26,199 --> 00:17:27,399
We're gonna need to take a sonogram
506
00:17:27,424 --> 00:17:28,518
before we can operate.
507
00:17:28,542 --> 00:17:30,749
And to do that, we'll
need you fully erect.
508
00:17:30,774 --> 00:17:32,524
I don't see how that's gonna happen.
509
00:17:32,549 --> 00:17:34,599
We can give you an injection in your penis
510
00:17:34,624 --> 00:17:36,290
to stimulate an erection,
or if you prefer,
511
00:17:36,315 --> 00:17:38,482
we can give you some
privacy with your girlfriend
512
00:17:38,507 --> 00:17:40,007
while she assists you.
513
00:17:40,032 --> 00:17:41,948
Get her out of here!
514
00:17:48,395 --> 00:17:50,061
Liza.
515
00:17:50,258 --> 00:17:51,767
What happened?
516
00:17:51,792 --> 00:17:53,375
Ugh, I'm so sorry I missed your set.
517
00:20:25,686 --> 00:17:55,810
I accidentally sexted
my boss instead of you,
518
00:17:55,835 --> 00:17:57,319
and I had to call to explain,
519
00:17:57,344 --> 00:18:00,238
and some "Hunger Games" tribute
tried to take my charger,
520
00:18:00,263 --> 00:18:02,647
and I... I hip-checked her.
521
00:18:02,672 --> 00:18:03,743
No way.
522
00:18:03,768 --> 00:18:05,568
And they kicked you out for that?
523
00:18:05,593 --> 00:18:07,126
Why is everyone so nonviolent here?
524
00:18:07,151 --> 00:18:09,087
We're not that far from New York.
525
00:18:10,483 --> 00:18:11,899
I'm sorry.
526
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,141
I know that this is really,
really important to you.
527
00:18:14,166 --> 00:18:15,198
Yeah.
528
00:18:15,223 --> 00:18:16,184
I clearly can't cut it.
529
00:18:16,208 --> 00:18:18,255
You have to be in your 20s
to do the festival thing,
530
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:21,248
and I hate saying it, but
I'm just too old for this.
531
00:18:21,273 --> 00:18:23,356
Yeah. Yeah.
532
00:18:23,381 --> 00:18:25,062
So am I.
533
00:18:25,087 --> 00:18:26,534
- Really?
- Yeah.
534
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:27,903
Plus, I stink.
535
00:18:27,928 --> 00:18:29,175
You do stink.
536
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:30,957
Whoa, whoa, so do you, babe.
537
00:18:30,983 --> 00:18:32,383
I know. I know I reek.
538
00:18:32,408 --> 00:18:33,911
Hmm.
539
00:18:33,936 --> 00:18:37,271
You know, my boss mentioned a B&B.
540
00:18:37,296 --> 00:18:38,958
It's 20 minutes away.
541
00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:39,944
Mm.
542
00:18:39,968 --> 00:18:41,434
It's supposed to be really nice.
543
00:18:41,459 --> 00:18:42,708
Do they have towels?
544
00:18:42,733 --> 00:18:44,038
Oh, they have towels.
545
00:18:44,064 --> 00:18:46,014
They have towels for days.
546
00:18:46,039 --> 00:18:48,290
Oh, tell me more about these towels.
547
00:18:48,315 --> 00:18:50,815
And they have pillows...
548
00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:56,143
Soft, warm, fluffy pillows.
549
00:18:56,168 --> 00:18:58,608
Gabe loves pillows.
550
00:18:58,632 --> 00:18:59,671
Mm.
551
00:18:59,696 --> 00:19:01,076
[laughs] Babe.
552
00:19:01,101 --> 00:19:03,431
I love... I love pillows!
553
00:19:03,456 --> 00:19:05,250
I love pillows. [laughs]
554
00:19:06,468 --> 00:19:08,077
Uh, Miller? Liza Miller?
555
00:19:08,102 --> 00:19:09,828
Excellent. A room for two.
556
00:19:09,853 --> 00:19:11,039
Oh, let me get...
557
00:19:11,064 --> 00:19:11,847
No, I got this.
558
00:19:11,872 --> 00:19:13,171
Actually, it looks like
559
00:19:13,196 --> 00:19:14,729
your room has already been paid for
560
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,170
by Empirical Publishing.
561
00:19:16,195 --> 00:19:17,142
Wow.
562
00:19:17,167 --> 00:19:19,423
Your boss is awesome.
563
00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:25,596
Wow!
564
00:19:25,709 --> 00:19:28,210
This is beautiful!
565
00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:29,682
Look, we got a basket.
566
00:19:29,707 --> 00:19:31,715
Got some vino.
567
00:19:32,036 --> 00:19:33,035
And a note.
568
00:19:33,060 --> 00:19:34,059
Oh, I'll open it.
569
00:19:34,084 --> 00:19:35,218
I got it.
570
00:19:35,243 --> 00:19:37,577
"Dear Liza, thanks for your help.
571
00:19:37,602 --> 00:19:38,974
"Couldn't have done it without you.
572
00:19:38,999 --> 00:19:42,917
Soon enough, you'll be the
one answering the questions."
573
00:19:42,942 --> 00:19:43,810
I see.
574
00:19:43,835 --> 00:19:47,626
Put this robe on, and get into bed.
575
00:19:47,651 --> 00:19:48,367
Why?
576
00:19:48,392 --> 00:19:50,250
So we can take a picture
and send it to your boss,
577
00:19:50,275 --> 00:19:51,274
say "thank you."
578
00:19:51,299 --> 00:19:52,762
Okay.
579
00:19:52,788 --> 00:19:54,088
[light music]
580
00:19:54,113 --> 00:19:55,581
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
581
00:19:55,606 --> 00:19:58,274
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
582
00:19:58,299 --> 00:19:59,670
♪
♪
583
00:19:59,695 --> 00:20:02,362
♪ Here we go, now ♪
584
00:20:02,387 --> 00:20:07,102
All right, now why don't you
take all your clothes off
585
00:20:07,127 --> 00:20:09,326
and meet me in the bathroom?
586
00:20:09,351 --> 00:20:12,986
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
587
00:20:13,011 --> 00:20:14,228
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
588
00:20:14,253 --> 00:20:15,507
I'll be there in a second.
589
00:20:15,532 --> 00:20:16,926
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
590
00:20:16,951 --> 00:20:19,202
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
591
00:20:19,227 --> 00:20:21,535
♪ We can make our own way ♪
592
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:22,888
-_
- ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
593
00:20:22,912 --> 00:20:25,661
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
594
00:20:25,686 --> 00:20:26,398
♪
♪
595
00:20:26,423 --> 00:20:28,882
♪ Make our own way ♪