1 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,213 * 2 00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:13,747 - I WORKED AT RANDOM HOUSE FOR THREE YEARS. 3 00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:15,949 I STARTED AS AN ASSISTANT TO A MARKETING VP, 4 00:00:15,983 --> 00:00:18,018 AND THEN I WORKED MY WAY UP TO JUNIOR EDITOR. 5 00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:19,787 - WOW. IMPRESSIVE. 6 00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:21,789 - AT THE TIME, I WAS ONE OF THE YOUNGEST PEOPLE EVER 7 00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:23,691 TO MAKE EDITOR. 8 00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:24,892 I WAS 25. 9 00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:26,827 - I'M 25. 10 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,729 - DON'T WORRY. YOU DON'T LOOK A DAY OVER 7. 11 00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:31,799 AND THEN FOR THE PAST... 12 00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:34,968 WHAT, 15 YEARS, NOTHING? 13 00:00:35,002 --> 00:00:36,870 - I QUIT TO RAISE MY CHILD, CAITLIN, 14 00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:38,472 WHO'S NOW SPENDING HER SENIOR YEAR 15 00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:39,907 IN AN EXCHANGE PROGRAM IN INDIA. 16 00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:44,078 LOOK, I KNOW I'VE BEEN OUT OF PLAY FOR A WHILE, 17 00:00:44,112 --> 00:00:46,814 BUT I AM A MUCH SMARTER, MORE CAPABLE PERSON TODAY 18 00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:48,549 THAN I WAS 15 YEARS AGO. 19 00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:49,883 - HMM, I'M SURE. 20 00:00:49,917 --> 00:00:51,785 - I'M READY TO THROW MYSELF BACK INTO WORK 24-7. 21 00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:53,554 I'M READY TO PICK UP WHERE I LEFT OFF. 22 00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:56,690 - WELL, IT HAS BEEN QUITE A LONG HIATUS, LIZA. 23 00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:58,492 THINGS HAVE CHANGED. 24 00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:00,128 - FACEBOOK, TWITTER, IPHONES. 25 00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:01,962 - IPADS, EBOOKS, YOUTUBE. 26 00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:03,631 - INSTAGRAM, SNAPCHAT, SKYPE. 27 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,666 - PINTEREST. - BANG WITH FRIENDS. 28 00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:07,601 YOU BANG WITH FRIENDS? 29 00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:08,836 - IT'S WAY BETTER THAN TINDER. 30 00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:10,838 - ALICE MET A GUY ON TINDER LAST WEEK 31 00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,005 WHO SHOWED HER A BOOB SHOT 32 00:01:12,039 --> 00:01:13,141 OF A GIRL HIS ROOMMATE HOOKED UP WITH, 33 00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:16,144 AND IT WAS HER VERY OWN BOOB. 34 00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:18,011 - SHUT UP. AND SHE COULD RECOGNIZE IT? 35 00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:19,447 - CLEAR AS A FINGERPRINT. 36 00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:22,616 HEY. SORRY. 37 00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:24,918 LOOK, I'M NOT EXPECTING TO COME BACK WHERE I LEFT OFF. 38 00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:26,554 I'LL START ANYWHERE. 39 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:27,788 I'LL READ. 40 00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,790 I'M A TERRIFIC READER. 41 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:33,461 I'LL START AS AN ASSISTANT. 42 00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,062 - OH, THAT WOULD BE WEIRD. 43 00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:38,232 I MEAN, ASSISTANTS ARE GENERALLY RIGHT OUT OF COLLEGE. 44 00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:39,667 YOU'RE WAY TOO O-- 45 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,669 - OVERQUALIFIED. 46 00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:42,970 - NO, I THINK SHE WAS GONNA SAY-- 47 00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:44,872 - ORANGE. 48 00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:47,841 - INDUSTRY TERM. 49 00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:50,178 PLEASE DON'T PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH, LIZA. 50 00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:02,190 - DAMN. 51 00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:04,292 - THEY'VE LIVED HERE FOR 12 YEARS, 52 00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:06,494 BUT THEN DAVE HAD LEFT LIZA FOR DEBBIE, 53 00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:08,962 A BLACKJACK DEALER HE WAS SHTUPPING IN ATLANTIC CITY. 54 00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:11,365 THE GOOD NEWS IS HE LEFT LIZA THE HOUSE. 55 00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:13,434 THE BAD NEWS IS, OF COURSE, THAT HE TOOK OUT FOUR MORTGAGES 56 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:16,036 THAT SHE NEVER KNEW ABOUT TO SUPPORT HIS GAMBLING HABIT. 57 00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:18,372 I'VE SAID TOO MUCH. YOU DON'T NEED THE DETAILS. 58 00:02:18,406 --> 00:02:20,641 - I LOVE A FLAT SCREEN ABOVE A FIREPLACE. 59 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,009 - I DON'T KNOW. 60 00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:24,912 SOUNDS LIKE THE HOME OF A WOMAN WHO LIVES WITH HER CATS 61 00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:26,514 AND IS GONNA DIE ALONE. 62 00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:27,515 - NOT IN THIS HOUSE, SHE WON'T. 63 00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:28,882 SHE CAN'T AFFORD TO. 64 00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:31,219 NOW, EITHER SOMEONE BUYS THIS PLACE BY NEXT WEEK, 65 00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:34,555 OR IT GOES TO THE BANK. 66 00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:39,660 - HI. CAN I GET ANYBODY ANYTHING? 67 00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,829 COFFEE CYANIDE? 68 00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,130 - MOM. 69 00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:44,698 I'M TRYING TO HAVE A CULTURAL EXPERIENCE. 70 00:02:44,732 --> 00:02:46,334 YOU CAN'T CALL ME EVERY DAY. 71 00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:48,536 - CAITLIN, I DO NOT CALL YOU EVERY DAY. 72 00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:51,071 IT JUST SEEMS THAT WAY BECAUSE OF THE TIME DIFFERENCE. 73 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:53,741 - BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW WE'RE SELLING THE HOUSE. 74 00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:56,244 SO YOU MAY WANT TO COME HOME FROM BOMBAY EARLY. 75 00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:58,011 - MOM, IT'S MUMBAI, 76 00:02:58,045 --> 00:03:00,013 AND YOU JUST WANT ME TO COME HOME TO HELP YOU PACK. 77 00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:02,015 - THAT IS NOT TRUE. I MISS YOU. 78 00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:03,884 - IT'S JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE GOING ON 79 00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:04,918 IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW. 80 00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:07,488 - YOU'RE JUST FEELING HURT AND REJECTED 81 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,822 SINCE DAD LEFT. 82 00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:10,624 - WELL, THANKS FOR PUTTING THAT IN A NUTSHELL 83 00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:11,792 AND STABBING ME WITH IT. 84 00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:13,661 - OKAY, I THINK YOU'RE SO BRILLIANT, 85 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:16,530 AND YOU USED TO HAVE SUCH A COOL JOB. 86 00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:18,131 YOU SHOULD REALLY GO BACK TO WORK. 87 00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,570 - WELL, YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR CLASS. 88 00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:23,771 I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW. 89 00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:26,274 - BYE, MOM. I LOVE YOU. 90 00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:33,514 * 91 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,983 - HOW IS THAT THE OLDER AND MORE EXPERIENCED YOU ARE 92 00:03:36,016 --> 00:03:38,386 THE LESS YOU DESIRABLE YOU BECOME? 93 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,453 - YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE AGAIN? 94 00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:40,821 - NO, FINDING WORK. 95 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:43,991 I HAVE GONE ON OVER A DOZEN INTERVIEWS, 96 00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:46,193 AND THESE YOUNG GIRLS SEEM TO TAKE A SPECIAL PLEASURE 97 00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:48,296 IN RUBBING MY AGE IN MY FACE. 98 00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:50,097 - OH, YOU MUST WANT TO SPANK THEM. 99 00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:51,299 - IT'S LIKE I WOKE UP ONE DAY, 100 00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:53,200 REALIZED MY MARRIAGE WAS A BIG LIE, 101 00:03:53,301 --> 00:03:55,303 AND I'D BECOME RUTH VAN WRINKLE. 102 00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:57,305 - LIZA, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING FOR THE TIME. 103 00:03:57,305 --> 00:03:59,039 - NO, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. 104 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,308 YOU FOLLOWED YOUR ARTISTIC DREAMS, 105 00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:02,042 YOU STUCK WITH THE LESBIAN THING, 106 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,677 AND YOU MOVED TO BROOKLYN BEFORE IT BECOME HOT. 107 00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:04,945 - EXCUSE ME, I MOVED TO BROOKLYN 108 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,780 BECAUSE I COULDN'T AFFORD MANHATTAN. 109 00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:09,317 AND NOW THANKS TO ALL THESE BEARDED CHEESE MONGERS 110 00:04:09,317 --> 00:04:11,819 AND CHICKS THAT LOOK LIKE MACAULAY CULKIN, 111 00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,120 I CAN'T AFFORD BROOKLYN. 112 00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:14,855 - JEEZ, HOW DID I MISS THE MEMO ON BROOKLYN? 113 00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:18,726 AND BY THE WAY, WHEN DID BOMBAY BECOME MUMBAI? 114 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,227 YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T CALL IT BOMBAY ANYMORE? 115 00:04:20,328 --> 00:04:21,329 - WELL, WHO WANTS THE WORD "BOMB" 116 00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:23,531 IN THE NAME OF THEIR CITY ANYWAY? 117 00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:24,532 YOU KNOW WHAT, I GOT TO PEE. 118 00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:25,833 ORDER, LIKE, SIX MORE OF THESE, 119 00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:27,335 AND THEN WE'LL GO DANCING, 120 00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:28,569 AND WE'LL SPLIT THAT HIT OF ECSTASY I'VE BEEN SAVING 121 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:29,703 SINCE 1998. 122 00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:30,738 EXCUSE ME. 123 00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:35,142 - EXCUSE ME. SIR. 124 00:04:35,175 --> 00:04:37,478 MR. BARTENDER. HELLO. 125 00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:38,512 HELLO! 126 00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:41,815 REALLY? HELLO? 127 00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:43,216 - OH. OH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 128 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:45,085 HEY, HEY, HEY. YOU DON'T WAVE A SHOE. 129 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,820 NEVER WAVE A SHOE. 130 00:04:46,854 --> 00:04:49,390 IN THAILAND, THAT'S CONSIDERED A CAPITAL OFFENSE. 131 00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:53,093 - NO, BUT I HAVE BEEN TO MYANMAR. 132 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,962 - WHICH USED TO BE BURMA. - BACK IN THE DAY. 133 00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:56,364 - I KNEW THAT. 134 00:04:58,031 --> 00:04:58,999 - UH, SKINNY MARGARITA. 135 00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:00,200 SIX OF 'EM. 136 00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:02,836 TYLER, TWO SHOTS OF BOURBON. 137 00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:03,871 TRUST ME. 138 00:05:05,373 --> 00:05:07,675 UM, I'M JOSH. 139 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:10,411 - I'M LIZA. 140 00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:12,245 SO ARE THESE FOR REAL, 141 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:14,247 OR CAN YOU SCRUB 'EM OFF WHENEVER YOU WANT TO? 142 00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:15,683 - SCRUB THEM OFF. 143 00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:18,085 WHY WOULD I--WHY WOULD I WANT TO SCRUB THESE OFF? 144 00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:19,387 - MY BAD. 145 00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:20,554 YOU'LL DEFINITELY WANT TO TAKE THAT SKULL 146 00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:22,690 WITH THE ROSE BETWEEN ITS TEETH TO YOUR GRAVE. 147 00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:26,026 - I--IT'S WHAT I DO. I'M A TATTOO ARTIST. 148 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:27,194 - I'M SO SORRY. 149 00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:29,497 I DIDN'T MEAN TO INSULT YOUR WORK. 150 00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:31,799 DO YOU HAVE YOUR OWN PARLOR? 151 00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:35,202 YOU'RE NOT REALLY FROM AROUND HERE, ARE YOU? 152 00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:36,937 - JUST OVER THE BRIDGE. 153 00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:39,106 - YEAH. I FIGURED. 154 00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:40,240 I HAVE MY OWN STUDIO. 155 00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:43,444 IT'S MORE OF LIKE A LOUNGE, REALLY. 156 00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:46,747 BODY ART'S THIS REALLY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. 157 00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,516 IT'S IMPORTANT THAT EVERYBODY FEELS COMFORTABLE. 158 00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:51,552 SO HERE'S TO BEING COMFORTABLE. 159 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,895 - YOU MUST GET A LOT OF CRAZY REQUESTS. 160 00:06:01,929 --> 00:06:03,497 - OH, YOU HAVE NO IDEA. 161 00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:07,868 LAST WEEK I TATTOOED THE INSIDES OF LENA DUNHAM'S ASS CHEEKS. 162 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,202 WHY? 163 00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:11,839 - SAID SHE WANTED TO KEEP SOMETHING PRIVATE. 164 00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:15,142 - THAT'S FUNNY. 165 00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:17,478 SO WHAT ABOUT YOU? HMM? 166 00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:19,279 WHAT DO YOU DO? 167 00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:21,449 - UM, I'M ACTUALLY-- I'M ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR WORK 168 00:06:21,449 --> 00:06:22,716 RIGHT NOW, IN PUBLISHING. 169 00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:25,252 - IT COULD BE BETTER. 170 00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:26,754 I TOOK A BIT OF A SABBATICAL. 171 00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:30,458 - NICE. DOING WHAT? 172 00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:32,493 - I... 173 00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:34,895 UM, WORKED ON A NOVEL. 174 00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:37,698 AND, UM... 175 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,934 AND I DID SOME VOLUNTEER WORK IN INDIA. 176 00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:42,836 - THAT'S AMAZING. - I KNOW, YEAH. 177 00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:45,739 I CALL IT MY "EAT, PRAY, ENDURE CHRONIC DIARRHEA" PERIOD. 178 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,342 I'M GONNA STEAL YOUR CELL PHONE FOR A SECOND. 179 00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:50,343 - WAIT A MINUTE. WHY? 180 00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,079 - JUST RELAX, SCAREDY-CAT. 181 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,649 - I'M TAKING A PICTURE OF MY JUNK. 182 00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:57,150 NO. 183 00:06:57,184 --> 00:07:00,253 I'M ADDING MYSELF TO YOUR CALENDAR RIGHT HERE, 184 00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:02,823 NEXT THURSDAY. 185 00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:08,395 - I DON'T KNOW. LET ME SEE THAT JUNK SHOT FIRST. 186 00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:09,663 OH, MY GOD. 187 00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:10,931 I TOTALLY THOUGHT THAT WAS GONNA SOUND FLIRTY, 188 00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,132 BUT IT CAME OUT CREEPY. 189 00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:14,001 - IT CAME OUT REALLY SEXY IF YOU ASK ME. 190 00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:17,905 - PLEASE GIVE ME MY PHONE. 191 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,507 YOU ARE WAY TOO YOUNG FOR ME. 192 00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:21,308 - WHOA, WHOA. I'M 26, DUDE. 193 00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:24,612 I MEAN, WE GOT TO BE THE SAME AGE, GIVE OR TAKE. 194 00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,514 - MY PHONE. 195 00:07:26,514 --> 00:07:27,615 - HEY. 196 00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,517 - HEY, THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND, MAGGIE. 197 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,952 MY FRIEND WHO IS A GIRL, NAMED MAGGIE. 198 00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:33,954 AND WE NEED TO GET GOING. YES. 199 00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:35,055 - OKAY. 200 00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,557 - IT WAS VERY NICE TO MEET YOU. 201 00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,391 - YEAH. - DUDE. 202 00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:50,370 - OH, MY GOD. 203 00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:52,873 HE WAS HOT. 204 00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:55,142 - I KNOW, AND I THINK HE RAPED MY PHONE. 205 00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:56,376 GET BACK IN THERE. 206 00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:58,278 - OH, NO, NO, NO. HE THOUGHT I WAS IN MY 20s. 207 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,580 - YES. 208 00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:00,981 WHAT DO THEY PUT IN THE DRINKS IN THAT PLACE, 209 00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:02,583 AND HOW DO WE GET IT INTO THE WATER SUPPLY? 210 00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:03,617 - YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY THAT'S NOT 211 00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:04,752 A TOTALLY LUDICROUS ASSUMPTION. 212 00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:06,253 - WE WERE DISCUSSING HIS JUNK, 213 00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:08,722 WHICH I BELIEVE MEANS "PENIS," BY THE WAY. 214 00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,023 - UH-HUH. 215 00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:11,191 YOU KNOW, COME OVER. I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING. 216 00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:12,359 - I'VE SEEN YOUR WEIRD NIPPLE. 217 00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:14,361 - NO, NOT THAT. 218 00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:17,731 LOOK AT YOURSELF. 219 00:08:17,765 --> 00:08:19,299 YOU'VE GOT A GREAT FIGURE, 220 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:20,400 GREAT HAIR, 221 00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:21,935 GREAT LEGS. 222 00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,671 I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE SEE WHEN THEY LOOK AT YOU. 223 00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:24,905 THEY DON'T SEE A NUMBER. 224 00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:27,140 - THE BAR WAS DARK, AND THE GUY WAS DRUNK. 225 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,842 - LIZA, YOU'VE ALWAYS LOOKED GOOD FOR YOUR AGE. 226 00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:30,778 I MEAN, YOU WERE GETTING CARDED UNTIL YOU WERE 30. 227 00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:33,346 - I KNOW, AND MY HUSBAND STILL LEAVES ME FOR A YOUNGER WOMAN. 228 00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:34,615 HOW'S THAT FOR IRONY? 229 00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:35,783 - WOULD YOU STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF 230 00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,117 AND LISTEN TO ME? 231 00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:39,419 WHAT, NO ONE WANTS TO HIRE A 40 232 00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:41,021 TELL 'EM YOU'RE 26. 233 00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:43,090 NOBODY'S GONNA BELIEVE THAT. 234 00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:44,491 - PEOPLE BELIEVE WHAT YOU TELL THEM. 235 00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:46,259 THEY BELIEVE THE REAL HOUSEWIVES ARE REAL. 236 00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,862 THEY THINK THAT COCONUT WATER IS GONNA SHRINK THEIR ASS. 237 00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:50,430 THEY'LL BELIEVE YOU'RE 26. 238 00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:55,402 - I'M GONNA NEED SOME HIGHLIGHTS. 239 00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:58,038 - OH, GIRL, WE'RE GOING WAY BIGGER THAN THAT. 240 00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:02,475 - * LIKE A BIRTH IN REVERSE 241 00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:05,412 * WHAT I SAW THROUGH THE BLINDS * 242 00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:08,481 * YOU COULD SAY THAT I'M SAYING * 243 00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:11,318 * PHENOMENAL LIES 244 00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:15,088 * ON THE COSMIC ETERNITY PARTY LINE * 245 00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:17,457 - KATNISS EVERDEEN. 246 00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:18,626 - FAVORITE BAND. 247 00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:19,693 - ONE DIRECTION. 248 00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:22,329 - HARRY. 249 00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:23,797 - YOU'RE READY. 250 00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:24,865 * 251 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:25,899 YES. 252 00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:36,043 * 253 00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:38,979 HMM. 254 00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:45,285 YOU'VE BEEN OUT OF SCHOOL FOR... 255 00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:46,286 FOUR YEARS? 256 00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:47,287 - MM-HMM. 257 00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:50,958 - MOSTLY VOLUNTEER WORK IN INDIA 258 00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:52,025 AND WORKING ON A NOVEL. 259 00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:53,560 - OH. WELL... 260 00:09:53,661 --> 00:09:55,362 I SEE. 261 00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:57,397 AND NOW YOU'RE READY FOR SOME REAL LIFE. 262 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,932 - I'M READY FOR A JOB. 263 00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:00,600 - YES, WELL, I'M SORRY TO SAY THERE'S NOT A LOT HERE 264 00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:02,302 THAT SUGGESTS A WORK ETHIC. 265 00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,237 - UH... DARTMOUTH. 266 00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:06,273 - EVERY YOUNG PERSON WHO APPLIES FOR THIS JOB 267 00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:09,476 IS AN IVY LEAGUE ENGLISH MAJOR. 268 00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:11,244 CAN YOU ANSWER PHONES FOR EIGHT HOURS AT A STRETCH 269 00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:12,813 WITHOUT TEXTING YOUR FRIENDS? 270 00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:14,414 CAN YOU MAKE STRONG COFFEE, NEVER WEAR PERFUME, 271 00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:15,949 AND NOT ANNOY ME? 272 00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:17,584 - OKAY, COULD YOU GIVE ME SOME GUIDELINES? 273 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,753 I MEAN, REGARDING WHAT CONSTITUTES ANNOYING BEHAVIOR? 274 00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:21,922 - THAT'S AN ANNOYING QUESTION. - NOTED. 275 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,390 - I'M NOT HERE TO GIVE YOU GUIDELINES 276 00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:24,792 OR HOLD YOUR HAND OR, GOD FORBID, EVER READ 277 00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:27,127 THAT NOVEL YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ON SINCE COLLEGE. 278 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,295 - I UNDERSTAND. 279 00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:29,863 I'M A VERY HARD WORKER. 280 00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:31,999 I WILL FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER 281 00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,433 AND HOW NEVER TO ANNOY YOU. 282 00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:36,536 - TELL ME, LESLIE, 283 00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:39,807 WHAT WOULD YOU SAY MAKES YOU... 284 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,141 SPECIAL? 285 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,747 - I'M A GROWN-UP. 286 00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,716 I DON'T THINK I'M SPECIAL. 287 00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:52,385 YES. YES. 288 00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:53,821 - HEY, IT'S MAGGIE. LEAVE A MESSAGE. 289 00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:56,323 - MAGGIE, YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS. 290 00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:57,691 I GOT THE JOB. 291 00:10:57,725 --> 00:11:02,129 I AM WORKING FOR DIANA TROUT, HEAD OF MARKETING. 292 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,296 26. 293 00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:07,901 - CONGRATS. - OH. 294 00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:09,002 THANKS. 295 00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:11,071 - OR MAYBE I SHOULD SAY, MY CONDOLENCES. 296 00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:13,173 - OH. SORRY. 297 00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:14,574 I'M KELSEY PETERS. 298 00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:15,743 I'M AN EDITOR HERE, 299 00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:17,745 AND I SAW YOU MEETING WITH DIANA TROUT. 300 00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:18,746 - LIZA MILLER. 301 00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,347 AND I'M SURE SHE'S NO PICNIC, 302 00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,349 BUT I'M JUST REALLY HAPPY TO HAVE A JOB. 303 00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:23,751 - OF COURSE. 304 00:11:23,751 --> 00:11:25,385 I DIDN'T MEAN TO IN YOUR CHEERIOS. 305 00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:27,054 - OKAY. - IT'S A PRETTY COOL COMPANY. 306 00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:28,756 I STARTED WORKING HERE RIGHT OUT OF COLLEGE 307 00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:30,123 AS AN ASSISTANT, 308 00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:32,192 AND I JUST MADE JUNIOR EDITOR SIX MONTHS AGO. 309 00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:33,326 - WOW. - YEAH. 310 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,196 SO BASICALLY I WAS YOU TWO YEARS AGO. 311 00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,031 - IF YOU SAY SO. 312 00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:40,533 SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH DIANA TROUT? 313 00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:41,802 - THE PROBLEM WITH TROUT POUT 314 00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:43,871 IS THAT SHE'S 43 AND DIVORCED. 315 00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:45,605 - WOW. TRAGIC. 316 00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:46,974 - SHE SEES GIRLS LIKE US COME IN HERE 317 00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,909 WITH OUR FRESH OVARIES AND OUR FACES PLUMPED 318 00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:50,310 WITH NATURAL ELASTICITY 319 00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:51,678 AND SHE JUST WANTS TO DESTROY US. 320 00:11:51,779 --> 00:11:53,413 - WELL, THANKS FOR THE WARNING. 321 00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:55,816 - NO PROBLEM. IT'S CALLED PAYING IT FORWARD. 322 00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:58,852 AS TAYLOR SWIFT SAID, THERE IS A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL 323 00:11:58,886 --> 00:12:01,488 FOR WOMEN WHO DON'T HELP OTHER WOMEN. 324 00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:04,124 I'VE GOT YOUR BACK, GIRL. 325 00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:05,793 - THANKS. 326 00:12:05,793 --> 00:12:06,794 GIRL. 327 00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:12,299 - * GIRL, YOU BETTER WAKE UP 328 00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,601 * GIRL, YOU BETTER RUN 329 00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:16,003 * FIRST THING IN THE MORNING 330 00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:19,339 * FASTER THAN A BULLET COMING OUT OF THAT GUN * 331 00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:21,008 * TELLS YOU THAT HE LOVES YOU 332 00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:24,244 * THEN YOU TAKE IT ALL BACK 333 00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:26,379 - I NEED YOU TO SET UP A TWITTER ACCOUNT FOR JANE AUSTEN 334 00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:27,714 AND START WRITING HER TWEETS. 335 00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:29,649 DEAD JANE AUSTEN? 336 00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:31,351 - YES, WE'RE RELEASING PRIDE AND PREJUDICE 337 00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:32,719 AS AN EBOOK. 338 00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:33,720 WE NEED TO MAKE SOME NOISE IN THE TWITTERVERSE. 339 00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:35,322 - AS JANE. 340 00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:37,357 ARE YOU DEAF? IS THAT HOW YOU GOT INTO DARTMOUTH? 341 00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:38,959 - NO, OF COURSE NOT. 342 00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:40,227 - PUT IT ON FACEBOOK AND MATCH.COM. 343 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,261 AND CHRISTIAN MINGLE. 344 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,000 NOT HOT ENOUGH! 345 00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:55,642 - HEY, LADY. HOW'S THE FIRST DAY GOING? 346 00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:57,277 - OH, IT'S GOING GREAT. REALLY GREAT. 347 00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:58,912 HANGING IN. - GOOD. 348 00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:00,247 YOU WANT TO COME JOIN SOME FRIENDS AFTER WORK 349 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,414 FOR KRAV MAGA? 350 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,383 - SURE. THAT SOUNDS FUN. 351 00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:05,752 REFRESH MY MEMORY. IS THAT A BIRD OR COCKTAIL? 352 00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,955 YOU'RE FUNNY. 353 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,327 * 354 00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:16,363 - OH, MY GOD, YOU TOTALLY KICKED ASS IN THERE. 355 00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:17,998 - MORE LIKE I GOT MY ASS KICKED. 356 00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:19,232 - LIZA, THIS IS LAUREN. 357 00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,268 SHE'S A PUBLICIST AT HECTOR AND DORF. 358 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,402 - HEY, OH, I'M SO SORRY. 359 00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:24,204 I THINK I ACCIDENTALLY PUNCHED YOU IN THE TIT. 360 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:26,039 - OH, IT'S ALL GOOD. - HEY, COME HAVE A DRINK. 361 00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:27,507 I WANT YOU TO MEET THAD. 362 00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:29,877 - HE'S MY BOYFRIEND. 363 00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:31,044 HE'S A HEDGE FUND GUY, 364 00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:32,079 BUT DON'T HOLD THAT AGAINST HIM. 365 00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:33,680 HE'S REALLY GREAT. - COOL. 366 00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:35,648 OH, MY GOD. 367 00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:39,586 - THAT BUSH. 368 00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:40,888 - WOW. 369 00:13:40,888 --> 00:13:42,689 - OH, IT LOOKS LIKE MY MOTHER'S VAGINA. 370 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:47,194 - I, UH--I JUST CAME BACK FROM THREE YEARS IN INDIA. 371 00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:48,929 - HEY, CAN I PUT THE BUSH UP ON INSTAGRAM 372 00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:50,163 FOR HECTOR AND DORF? 373 00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:51,899 THEY'RE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR INSPIRATION. 374 00:13:51,899 --> 00:13:53,901 - NO, YOU MAY NOT. 375 00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:56,036 AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I CALL IT A WISCONSIN. 376 00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:07,714 - SO WHAT YEAR DID YOU SAY YOU GRADUATED DARTMOUTH? 377 00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:10,183 - OH, THAT MUST HAVE BEEN, GOD... 378 00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:11,584 '08. 379 00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:12,819 - OH, SO YOU MUST KNOW CRAIG FOWLER. 380 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,188 - OH, YEAH. EVERYBODY KNOWS FOWLER. 381 00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:17,057 FOWLER LOVED THE LADIES. 382 00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:18,558 - FOWLER IS GAY. 383 00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:20,928 - RIGHT. 384 00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:22,462 HE LOVED THE LADIES AS FRIENDS, 385 00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,998 AND HE LOVED THE DUDES FOR THE HOT SEX. 386 00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:27,034 - BABE, I'M EMPTY HERE. 387 00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:30,503 - OH, SORRY. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 388 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:31,704 - YEAH, HE WORKS AT OUR FIRM, 389 00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:33,540 BUT I THINK HE WAS '06, 390 00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:35,075 BUT I BET YOU GUYS KNOW A TON OF PEOPLE IN COMMON. 391 00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:37,477 - NO, I DIDN'T HAVE MUCH OF A SOCIAL LIFE. 392 00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:40,080 I PARTICIPATED IN A LOT OF SIT-INS, 393 00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:42,549 SO I GOT ARRESTED, LIKE, EVERY WEEKEND. 394 00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:44,952 - AND THEN YOU SPENT THREE YEARS IN INDIA. 395 00:14:44,952 --> 00:14:46,519 - YEAH, ABOUT THAT. 396 00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,956 - WORKING FOR VARIOUS CHARITY ORGANIZATIONS. 397 00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:50,190 - SUCH AS... 398 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,358 - EXCUSE ME, IS THIS A BACKGROUND CHECK? 399 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,792 - OH, NO, NO. I'M JUST CURIOUS. 400 00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:53,793 I THINK IT'S COOL. 401 00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:57,264 YEAH, IT WASN'T COOL, THAD. 402 00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:58,265 IT WAS A WAR ZONE. 403 00:14:58,298 --> 00:14:59,299 THAT'S WHAT REAL POVERTY IS; 404 00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:01,368 IT'S A WAR ZONE. 405 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,403 WITH ALL ITS ATTENDED MISERY, BAD HYGIENE, 406 00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:04,737 AND DEPRIVATION. 407 00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:07,975 - IS THAT WHY YOUR BUSH TURNED GRAY? 408 00:15:07,975 --> 00:15:09,409 - YEAH. 409 00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,144 PARTIALLY GRAY. 410 00:15:11,178 --> 00:15:12,479 'CAUSE OF SOME OF THE THINGS I SAW, 411 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:15,148 AND MAYBE SOME OF THE THINGS I SMELLED. 412 00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:16,383 YEAH, I DON'T KNOW. 413 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,650 I HAVE QUITE PROCESSED IT ALL YET. 414 00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:18,651 - WOW. 415 00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:20,653 - * SMILE FOR THE PEOPLE 416 00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,990 * MEETING EVERY DAY 417 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:24,992 - LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING, 418 00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:27,527 YOU'VE SEEN A LOT OF VAGINAS, RIGHT? 419 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,462 - HMM, I'VE SEEN MY FAIR SHARE. 420 00:15:29,496 --> 00:15:32,332 - SO... 421 00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:34,001 WHAT'S IN STYLE? 422 00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:36,603 - WELL, LAST NIGHT AT THE GYM, 423 00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,705 I WAS ALMOST BUSTED WHEN I WAS CHANGING. 424 00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:41,708 APPARENTLY NOBODY UNDER 30 LOOKS A DAY OVER 12 DOWN THERE. 425 00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:44,477 I'VE GOT SOMEONE THAT CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT. 426 00:15:44,511 --> 00:15:46,846 I KNOW THIS GIRL--WELL, TECHNICALLY SHE'S A MAN NOW, 427 00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:47,847 BUT HE'S GREAT. 428 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,449 - OH, GOD, THIS IS INSANE. 429 00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:50,817 - SO KEEP THE BUSH. 430 00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:52,252 I MEAN, I HEAR IT'S COMING BACK IN STYLE, ANYWAYS. 431 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:55,022 - NO, I MEAN, INSANE THINKING I CAN GET AWAY WITH THIS. 432 00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:56,523 DO I REALLY WANT TO TRADE 433 00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,625 MY DIGNITY, WISDOM, AND SELF-RESPECT 434 00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:00,760 FOR ANOTHER CHANCE AT MY 20s? 435 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,629 - YES. 436 00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:03,930 YES, YOU DO. 437 00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:23,116 - JANE AUSTEN HAS OVER 1,000 FOLLOWERS. 438 00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:24,217 HOW COOL IS THAT? 439 00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:25,652 - AM I SUPPOSED TO CONGRATULATE YOU? 440 00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:26,653 - NO, I JUST THOUGHT-- 441 00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:27,954 - JUST EXPECTED A GOLD STAR 442 00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:29,389 FOR DOING YOUR JOB. 443 00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:31,058 THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH YOUR GENERATION, LESLIE. 444 00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:32,492 - RIGHT. BY THE WAY... 445 00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:35,628 I HAVE ANOTHER IDEA FOR THE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE REISSUE. 446 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:38,298 MAYBE WE COULD ASK A WRITER LIKE J.K. ROWLING 447 00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,399 OR STEPHENIE MEYER 448 00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:40,933 TO WRITE AN INTRO. 449 00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:43,136 IT WOULD BE A REALLY GREAT MARKETING HOOK. 450 00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:44,671 - OH, IS THAT YOUR IDEA 451 00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:46,506 OF A REALLY GREAT MARKETING HOOK? 452 00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:47,940 POACHING A WORLD-CLASS WRITER 453 00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:49,076 FROM A RIVAL PUBLISHING HOUSE 454 00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:51,178 TO PROMOTE ONE OF OUR REISSUES? 455 00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:52,445 IT'S TIME FOR A STAFF MEETING. 456 00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:53,780 YOU SHOULD BE FETCHING ME COFFEE. 457 00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:55,648 NOT PITCHING ME RIDICULOUS IDEAS. 458 00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:00,120 - YOU'RE RIGHT. SHE IS THAT BAD. 459 00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,322 - TOLD YOU; YOU GOT TO JUST SUCK IT UP FOR AT LEAST A YEAR, 460 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:05,825 AND THEN WITH MY HELP, YOU COULD HAVE HER JOB. 461 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,128 NO. I'M JUST HAPPY TO HAVE A JOB. 462 00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:10,163 - LIZA, TROUT POUT IS 43. 463 00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:12,965 SHE SAYS SHE'S 41, BUT, TRUST ME, I KNOW. 464 00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:14,634 SHE LIES ABOUT HER AGE. 465 00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:16,203 HOW PATHETIC IS THAT? 466 00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:18,171 - HA. TOTES PATHETIC. 467 00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:20,540 HASHTAG PATHETIC. 468 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,209 - EXACTLY. 469 00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:24,111 SHE'S HIT HER HEAD ON THE GLASS CEILING SO MANY TIMES, 470 00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:25,345 SHE'S GOT DEMENTIA. 471 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:26,413 - KELSEY, I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 472 00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:28,248 YOU ARE SUCH A STRONG WOMAN AT WORK, 473 00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:29,849 BUT THEN AROUND THAD-- 474 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,518 WHAT ABOUT THAD? 475 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:32,952 - I JUST DON'T LIKE THE WAY HE TREATS YOU. 476 00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:37,924 YOU CAN'T LET MEN GET AWAY WITH THAT. 477 00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:41,194 - GIRL, I LIKE DOING THINGS FOR MY MAN. 478 00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:43,263 LIGHTEN UP, JUDGE JUDY. 479 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:49,202 - AMAZON IS PROMISING US THE HOME PAGE FOR THREE DAYS. 480 00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:51,304 WE'RE ALSO PROVIDING FREE INTERACTIVE STUDY GUIDES 481 00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:52,572 TO EVERY HIGH SCHOOL. 482 00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:54,807 - WELL, LOVE THE ART, 483 00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:56,176 BUT WE'RE GOING TO NEED A BETTER HOOK 484 00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:58,745 IF YOU WANT US TO MARKET THESE. 485 00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:02,815 WHAT IF WE GOT A WORLD-CLASS AUTHOR FROM OUR OWN STABLE 486 00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:06,853 TO WRITE THE INTROS TO THE AUSTEN BOOKS? 487 00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:09,222 - JENNIFER WEINER'S BOOK DROPS NEXT MONTH, 488 00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:12,392 AND I HAPPEN TO KNOW SHE LOVES AUSTEN. 489 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,026 - PERFECT. 490 00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:15,495 - * ASS, TITTIES 491 00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:17,197 * ASS AND TITTIES 492 00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:20,800 - * ASS AND TITTIES 493 00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:21,868 * ASS, TITTIES 494 00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:26,173 - * ASS, ASS, TITTIES, TITTIES * 495 00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:27,307 - GET OUT! 496 00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:30,777 - SORRY. SORRY, SORRY, SORRY, SORRY. 497 00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,180 - * COME ON, HO 498 00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:34,681 - OH, MY GOD, WHAT IS HAPPENING? 499 00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:35,882 GIVE ME THAT. - I HAVE NO IDEA. 500 00:18:35,915 --> 00:18:38,050 SOMEBODY'S BEEN MESSING WITH MY PHONE. 501 00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:39,186 - HMM. 502 00:18:39,186 --> 00:18:40,687 LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE A DATE TONIGHT 503 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,922 WITH JOSH. 504 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:45,057 AND JOSH IS CUTE. 505 00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:46,426 WHERE IS HE TAKING YOU? 506 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:47,927 - UH, NO, I CAN'T. 507 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,229 TROUT POUT HAS ME BURIED WITH WORK. 508 00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:52,665 WE'RE ONLY IN OUR 20s ONCE. 509 00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:54,334 - I KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S TRUE. 510 00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:55,735 - WELL, YOU GOT TO LIVE IT. 511 00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:57,704 BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, YOU'RE GONNA BE IN YOUR 40s, 512 00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,239 LIVING IN A HOUSE IN THE SUBURBS 513 00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:02,108 WITH A HUSBAND WHO WATCHES TV ALL NIGHT 514 00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:04,211 WHILE YOU'RE IN YOUR BATHTUB, SPRITZING YOUR SHOWER HOSE 515 00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:05,712 ON OUR SPECIAL PLACE. 516 00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:08,481 - I THINK THEY CALL IT A WAND. 517 00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:13,353 HELP ME WITH MY MAKEUP. 518 00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:14,387 - YES. 519 00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,562 - * AH, OOH 520 00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:30,102 * AH, OOH, AH, OOH * 521 00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:33,340 * I LOST EVERYTHING 522 00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:41,348 - CAITLIN, HEY. IS EVERYTHING OKAY? 523 00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:44,451 YOU HAVEN'T CALLED IN A WEEK. 524 00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:46,619 - I WAS TRYING TO GIVE YOU YOUR SPACE. 525 00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:48,455 - WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN FOR YOU TO IGNORE ME. 526 00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:51,591 - I'M SORRY. HOW'S MUMBAI? 527 00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:53,059 - I MISS HOME, 528 00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:54,461 AND I MISS YOU, MOM. 529 00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:55,728 PLEASE DON'T SELL THE HOUSE. 530 00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:57,564 - DON'T WORRY. WE'LL FIND ANOTHER. 531 00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:58,598 - IT'S JUST ALL HITTING ME. 532 00:19:58,631 --> 00:19:59,732 YOU KNOW, YOU AND DAD, 533 00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:02,702 AND IT'S JUST SO SAD, AND... 534 00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:04,036 I HATE CURRY. 535 00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:05,738 - IT'S GONNA BE OKAY. 536 00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:07,440 I PROMISE. 537 00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:09,876 - I WANT TO COME HOME. 538 00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:12,078 - THEN COME HOME. 539 00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:13,145 COME HOME, HONEY. 540 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:16,949 - WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT. 541 00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:18,351 I LOVE YOU, HONEY. 542 00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:19,652 I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW, OKAY? 543 00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:28,127 - HEY! 544 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:29,996 SCAREDY-CAT! 545 00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:31,030 WHERE YOU GOING? 546 00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:36,803 - JUST COMING TO MEET YOU. 547 00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:39,839 - * FEELING ALL RIGHT 548 00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:45,177 * I'M NOT FEELING TOO GOOD MYSELF * 549 00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:48,448 * 550 00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,450 * FEELING ALL RIGHT