1 00:00:01,864 --> 00:00:04,948 This imprint's going to be amazing. 2 00:00:04,973 --> 00:00:06,683 I am so happy for you, Kels. 3 00:00:06,708 --> 00:00:08,711 For us... I told you that we were gonna be 4 00:00:08,736 --> 00:00:10,036 running this place soon. 5 00:00:10,062 --> 00:00:12,352 We're like "Steve Jobs in the garage" 6 00:00:12,377 --> 00:00:13,469 phase of our career. 7 00:00:13,494 --> 00:00:15,506 - We are Oprah in Baltimore. - Yeah? 8 00:00:15,531 --> 00:00:17,267 When are you gonna start making that Oprah money, huh? 9 00:00:17,292 --> 00:00:18,071 When are you? 10 00:00:18,095 --> 00:00:19,842 Okay, I'm ready to toast. 11 00:00:19,867 --> 00:00:21,399 I just needed more Vodka for my rocks. 12 00:00:21,424 --> 00:00:23,091 Wait. We can't toast. Josh isn't here yet. 13 00:00:23,116 --> 00:00:25,793 Oh, I think I want to tell Josh the big news on my own. 14 00:00:25,818 --> 00:00:28,340 Too late. I already invited him. 15 00:00:28,365 --> 00:00:30,081 - Hey. - Hi. 16 00:00:30,106 --> 00:00:31,678 I came as quick as I could. 17 00:00:31,703 --> 00:00:34,203 So what are we celebrating here? 18 00:00:34,228 --> 00:00:35,496 Not a raise. 19 00:00:36,027 --> 00:00:40,863 To Kelsey, the new editor in chief of Millennial Print. 20 00:00:40,888 --> 00:00:42,159 I couldn't be prouder. 21 00:00:42,184 --> 00:00:44,817 You, my friend, are a shining example of what it means 22 00:00:44,842 --> 00:00:47,202 to be a bomb-ass female. 23 00:00:47,227 --> 00:00:49,541 And to Liza, my co-millennial, 24 00:00:49,566 --> 00:00:53,151 to running the world before we're 30! 25 00:00:53,176 --> 00:00:54,470 - Yes! - Whoo. 26 00:00:58,008 --> 00:01:00,041 So were you ever gonna tell her? 27 00:01:00,066 --> 00:01:01,162 Of course I was, 28 00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:02,835 but then she wanted me to be a part 29 00:01:02,860 --> 00:01:04,777 of this new imprint targeting millennials. 30 00:01:04,802 --> 00:01:06,295 But, babe, you're not a millennial. 31 00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:08,141 Yeah, well, Dr. Dre's not a doctor. 32 00:01:08,166 --> 00:01:10,753 So you're just gonna keep on lying to Kelsey? 33 00:01:10,778 --> 00:01:13,017 All I know is that I can't start over 34 00:01:13,042 --> 00:01:14,851 in this business as a 40 year-old. 35 00:01:14,876 --> 00:01:17,957 I get it, but I want to live an authentic life, 36 00:01:17,982 --> 00:01:19,841 and that's just who I am. 37 00:01:19,866 --> 00:01:23,095 Okay, what if for now we just don't hang out with work people? 38 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:27,527 Look, I think I just... 39 00:01:27,552 --> 00:01:31,282 I think I need some time to wrap my head around all this. 40 00:01:31,307 --> 00:01:33,508 Okay. 41 00:01:33,533 --> 00:01:35,203 No problem. 42 00:01:35,454 --> 00:01:36,987 I'm sorry I'm so complicated. 43 00:01:37,012 --> 00:01:38,866 I'll call you later. 44 00:01:43,313 --> 00:01:45,960 - Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com - 45 00:01:45,985 --> 00:01:48,721 Yeah, you have a good day too, ma'am. 46 00:01:50,575 --> 00:01:52,463 Damn, I miss slamming down the phone. 47 00:01:52,488 --> 00:01:53,145 What's going on? 48 00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:54,586 A buyer reneged. 49 00:01:54,611 --> 00:01:56,352 You know, after a long conversation with her husband, 50 00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:59,236 she came to the conclusion that Glass Nipple Lady 51 00:01:59,261 --> 00:02:01,143 was too much for her entryway. 52 00:02:01,168 --> 00:02:03,754 Aw, seems like a great reminder to wear warm clothes. 53 00:02:03,754 --> 00:02:05,170 I was counting on that piece selling 54 00:02:05,172 --> 00:02:06,505 in order to pay the rent. 55 00:02:06,507 --> 00:02:08,090 Well, maybe they'll let us slide a month? 56 00:02:08,092 --> 00:02:09,425 They already have. 57 00:02:09,427 --> 00:02:11,355 I'm gonna have to go to plan B and B. 58 00:02:11,380 --> 00:02:13,762 I keep a profile on Airbnb for times like these. 59 00:02:13,764 --> 00:02:15,648 I'll just have to rent the place out. 60 00:02:15,650 --> 00:02:18,204 Can you stay with your tween heartthrob this weekend? 61 00:02:18,229 --> 00:02:19,852 We still haven't talked. 62 00:02:19,854 --> 00:02:21,804 I've been totally focused on work, 63 00:02:21,829 --> 00:02:23,759 and he's been totally focused on not calling me. 64 00:02:23,784 --> 00:02:25,334 Well, he should just get over it. 65 00:02:25,336 --> 00:02:26,835 I mean, women lie about their age all the time. 66 00:02:26,837 --> 00:02:27,953 It's not a new concept. 67 00:02:27,955 --> 00:02:29,324 Yeah, but to him, it is. 68 00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:30,578 Josh doesn't lie. 69 00:02:30,603 --> 00:02:32,101 It's one of the beautiful things about him 70 00:02:32,126 --> 00:02:33,118 I'd really like to change. 71 00:02:33,143 --> 00:02:35,684 Ugh, people are just so goddamn good now. 72 00:02:35,709 --> 00:02:37,782 We all used to lie and eat gluten 73 00:02:37,807 --> 00:02:39,891 and smoke cigarettes and hang up on each other. 74 00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:40,752 Remember that? 75 00:02:40,777 --> 00:02:42,660 Yeah, now people just eat kale 76 00:02:42,685 --> 00:02:43,634 and tell the truth. 77 00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:45,083 A-holes. 78 00:02:48,843 --> 00:02:51,310 Liza and I are just finalizing the details 79 00:02:51,335 --> 00:02:52,565 for the launch party this Friday. 80 00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:54,118 Oh, well, do share. 81 00:02:54,143 --> 00:02:55,843 I have been on pins and needles ever since I learned 82 00:02:55,868 --> 00:02:58,392 it would be in an old bone boiling plant. 83 00:02:58,417 --> 00:03:00,362 The Glue Factory is 84 00:03:00,387 --> 00:03:02,777 the hottest party spot in Greenpoint, 85 00:03:02,802 --> 00:03:06,232 and we didn't really plan it as a typical imprint launch. 86 00:03:06,257 --> 00:03:08,042 We are targeting millennial readers. 87 00:03:08,067 --> 00:03:10,085 Then I assume you'll be inviting authors and literati. 88 00:03:10,110 --> 00:03:11,359 I would love to see a list. 89 00:03:11,384 --> 00:03:14,101 Actually, uh, bloggers and digerati. 90 00:03:14,126 --> 00:03:16,578 I'm talking about expanding our reach on social media. 91 00:03:16,603 --> 00:03:19,420 We're inviting all the key influencers and cyber elite... 92 00:03:19,445 --> 00:03:21,761 The Fat Jewish, The Waifish Mormon, 93 00:03:21,786 --> 00:03:23,535 Pompous Croissant, Manreppeller, 94 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:24,756 The Wicked Bitch of Greenpoint, 95 00:03:24,781 --> 00:03:27,498 oh, and the dude who created, uh, Pizza Rat. 96 00:03:27,523 --> 00:03:30,218 Well, it seems like you've got this all covered. 97 00:03:30,243 --> 00:03:33,182 If anyone needs me, I'll be in my crypt. 98 00:03:33,541 --> 00:03:36,272 What's The Fat Jewish? 99 00:03:36,297 --> 00:03:39,760 5 1/2 million followers on Instagram. 100 00:03:39,785 --> 00:03:42,279 Whole new world. 101 00:03:43,779 --> 00:03:45,481 Liza! 102 00:03:46,211 --> 00:03:48,891 Have you tweeted for Richard Russo today? 103 00:03:48,916 --> 00:03:50,056 - Yep. - Have you checked 104 00:03:50,081 --> 00:03:51,493 the Barnes & Noble eyeline placement 105 00:03:51,518 --> 00:03:52,921 for the latest Katie Lee cookbook? 106 00:03:52,946 --> 00:03:54,679 - Did it. - Set up the podcast interviews 107 00:03:54,704 --> 00:03:55,908 for Elizabeth Warren's new autobiography? 108 00:03:55,933 --> 00:03:57,762 Done. She's such a sweetheart. 109 00:03:57,787 --> 00:03:58,984 When she's getting her way. 110 00:03:59,009 --> 00:04:01,574 Here. A Fitbit? 111 00:04:01,599 --> 00:04:03,800 It is not a gift. I need you to wear it. 112 00:04:03,825 --> 00:04:05,157 Jackie Dunne and I from Ballantine 113 00:04:05,182 --> 00:04:06,765 are having a friendly competition. 114 00:04:06,790 --> 00:04:08,267 I need you to out-step her today. 115 00:04:08,292 --> 00:04:09,814 I want to destroy her. 116 00:04:09,839 --> 00:04:11,196 So just walk? 117 00:04:11,220 --> 00:04:12,470 Just walk. 118 00:04:12,706 --> 00:04:15,143 Bear in mind, Jackie has a treadmill desk. 119 00:04:15,268 --> 00:04:16,966 Wait! 120 00:04:24,605 --> 00:04:27,688 I understand you have new responsibilities, Liza. 121 00:04:27,713 --> 00:04:29,618 You have to keep a lot of plates spinning, 122 00:04:29,643 --> 00:04:31,899 but my plates take priority. 123 00:04:31,924 --> 00:04:34,132 My plates can't drop. 124 00:04:34,157 --> 00:04:37,837 My plates are the reason you still get a paycheck. 125 00:04:37,862 --> 00:04:40,508 - Got it? - Got it. 126 00:04:40,533 --> 00:04:42,823 You're gonna have to be two people, Liza. 127 00:04:42,848 --> 00:04:44,264 Think you can do that? 128 00:04:44,289 --> 00:04:45,538 I think I can. 129 00:04:48,894 --> 00:04:51,061 What is that, some sort of plaid diaper? 130 00:04:54,863 --> 00:04:56,647 What's going on? 131 00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:59,006 Diana's in some sort of exercise challenge, 132 00:04:59,031 --> 00:05:00,413 and she's making me compete for her. 133 00:05:00,438 --> 00:05:01,972 I feel like I'm in "The Hunger Games." 134 00:05:01,997 --> 00:05:04,449 Katniss, I have good news for you. 135 00:05:04,474 --> 00:05:06,397 Lauren is totally hooking us up. 136 00:05:06,422 --> 00:05:09,257 We're getting dressed for the party by Hector and Dorff, 137 00:05:09,281 --> 00:05:10,994 and our fitting's right now. 138 00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:13,314 Awesome. Can we walk there? 139 00:05:17,605 --> 00:05:19,826 Kelsey, Liza, 140 00:05:19,851 --> 00:05:21,680 meet Hector and Dorff, 141 00:05:21,705 --> 00:05:23,287 the creative visionaries behind everything 142 00:05:23,312 --> 00:05:25,513 you will see, touch, smell, and taste here. 143 00:05:25,538 --> 00:05:29,456 Hector, Dorff, this is Kelsey, our woman of the hour, 144 00:05:29,481 --> 00:05:30,757 - Hi. - And Liza. 145 00:05:30,782 --> 00:05:32,999 I'm just a lowly assistant. 146 00:05:33,024 --> 00:05:35,338 Pull stock for her. 147 00:05:35,362 --> 00:05:37,802 You guys, this place is amazing. 148 00:05:37,827 --> 00:05:38,789 Refreshments. 149 00:05:43,774 --> 00:05:44,962 Mm. 150 00:05:44,987 --> 00:05:46,764 We have schnapps. 151 00:05:46,789 --> 00:05:48,956 Do you have any water? 152 00:05:48,981 --> 00:05:50,641 This isn't Bloomingdale's. 153 00:05:51,864 --> 00:05:53,673 Hey, hey, Lisa. 154 00:05:53,698 --> 00:05:56,334 Everything on this rack is your size, Lisa, okay? 155 00:05:56,359 --> 00:05:57,775 - Uh, Liza. - No, I can't say that. 156 00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,163 - It tickles my tongue. - Okay. 157 00:05:59,188 --> 00:06:01,019 Oh. 158 00:06:01,045 --> 00:06:02,702 I love it. 159 00:06:02,727 --> 00:06:04,688 - Ah. - Kelsey, you look hot. 160 00:06:04,713 --> 00:06:06,692 That's the slip. 161 00:06:07,892 --> 00:06:10,086 Oh, no, you silly girl. 162 00:06:10,111 --> 00:06:12,247 Kelsey, you are so cute, I could feed you from my hand. 163 00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:13,027 Ah, totally. 164 00:06:13,052 --> 00:06:15,674 But it is your special night, okay? 165 00:06:15,699 --> 00:06:16,782 And you're a boss, 166 00:06:16,808 --> 00:06:18,349 so we're going to make you look like a boss. 167 00:06:18,373 --> 00:06:19,456 Okay, like a boss. 168 00:06:19,481 --> 00:06:20,849 You need a dress that is serious, 169 00:06:20,875 --> 00:06:23,216 a dress that says, "Here I am, but I'm busy. 170 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:24,596 Look at me, but don't." 171 00:06:24,622 --> 00:06:27,781 Which just so happens to be our signature kind of dress. 172 00:06:27,806 --> 00:06:29,166 Lucky for you. 173 00:06:30,298 --> 00:06:31,725 _ 174 00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:34,295 I cannot believe I'm running an imprint. 175 00:06:34,321 --> 00:06:37,117 I never thought that I would be here at this age. 176 00:06:37,142 --> 00:06:39,181 I definitely never thought I'd be here at this age. 177 00:06:39,206 --> 00:06:40,743 I always thought it'd be more, like, at 30. 178 00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:42,529 30? No, girl, you want to be successful 179 00:06:42,554 --> 00:06:43,873 while you're still young. 180 00:06:43,898 --> 00:06:46,123 Okay, Liza, what's the latest guest count? 181 00:06:46,148 --> 00:06:49,802 107, but The Book Ninja just RSVP'd, 182 00:06:49,827 --> 00:06:52,278 and The Double Negatives say they're not not coming. 183 00:06:52,303 --> 00:06:53,343 Ooh, always on brand. 184 00:06:53,368 --> 00:06:54,450 Hey, what about Josh? 185 00:06:54,475 --> 00:06:56,319 Because I saw that he opened the invite, 186 00:06:56,344 --> 00:06:57,275 but he didn't respond. 187 00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:58,575 Uh, I don't know. 188 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,520 We haven't talked in a while. 189 00:07:00,544 --> 00:07:02,316 Like, how long? 190 00:07:02,341 --> 00:07:03,895 I don't know. Like, a week. 191 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,651 Oh, come on, you guys. I mean, it's no big deal. 192 00:07:06,675 --> 00:07:07,537 He's been busy. 193 00:07:07,562 --> 00:07:09,257 No, no, no, not so busy that he hasn't had time 194 00:07:09,282 --> 00:07:10,964 to Instagram eating a peanut sundae 195 00:07:10,989 --> 00:07:12,928 with his chubby roommate at the Brooklyn Farmacy. 196 00:07:12,953 --> 00:07:15,895 I saw that. He also popped up on my Facebook 197 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:17,636 congratulating me on the imprint. 198 00:07:17,661 --> 00:07:19,534 Oh, my God, oh, my God, he's communicating 199 00:07:19,559 --> 00:07:20,775 with everyone but her. 200 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,550 Liza, Josh is ghosting you. 201 00:07:22,575 --> 00:07:25,992 Who's ghosting who? 202 00:07:27,186 --> 00:07:29,575 Liza's gonna need something stronger than wine, Dad. 203 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,023 It's okay, really. I need to work 204 00:07:31,048 --> 00:07:32,401 on this press release for Kelsey. 205 00:07:32,426 --> 00:07:34,961 You sure? 'Cause what happens at the Heller House 206 00:07:34,986 --> 00:07:36,902 stays at the Heller house. 207 00:07:36,927 --> 00:07:39,731 Go away now. Just girls. 208 00:07:39,756 --> 00:07:41,360 I've ghosted people before. 209 00:07:41,385 --> 00:07:44,116 I think Miriam from the Jewish Museum is ghosting me. 210 00:07:44,141 --> 00:07:45,549 No, no, no, Mom, it's not just when someone 211 00:07:45,574 --> 00:07:46,627 doesn't return your call, okay? 212 00:07:46,652 --> 00:07:48,260 It's when they disappear into thin air, 213 00:07:48,285 --> 00:07:49,709 but they still haunt all of your social media feeds. 214 00:07:49,734 --> 00:07:51,678 I don't think that Josh is ghosting me. 215 00:07:51,703 --> 00:07:53,318 He just doesn't like coming to work stuff. 216 00:07:53,343 --> 00:07:55,626 Oh, cool, so he just doesn't support you. 217 00:07:55,651 --> 00:07:57,571 This happens. Thad's the same way. 218 00:07:57,596 --> 00:07:59,330 Don't start. I had a jewelry line, 219 00:07:59,355 --> 00:08:01,572 and I had a big trunk show at Neiman's. 220 00:08:01,597 --> 00:08:03,071 Didn't show up. Said he was sick. 221 00:08:03,096 --> 00:08:04,634 I had a staph infection. 222 00:08:04,659 --> 00:08:06,044 You let it get bad! 223 00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:07,100 It's true, though. 224 00:08:07,125 --> 00:08:08,557 Women get successful; 225 00:08:08,582 --> 00:08:09,948 men get insecure. 226 00:08:09,973 --> 00:08:11,923 I don't think that Josh is insecure. 227 00:08:11,948 --> 00:08:13,994 I didn't think that about Todd either 228 00:08:14,019 --> 00:08:15,312 until the Neiman debacle. 229 00:08:15,337 --> 00:08:17,476 I'm telling you, men surprise you. 230 00:08:17,501 --> 00:08:19,284 The other day when I told Thad about the imprint, 231 00:08:19,309 --> 00:08:20,751 we were walking down the street. 232 00:08:20,776 --> 00:08:22,252 He puts his arm around me, 233 00:08:22,277 --> 00:08:24,605 and I think he's gonna say, "I'm so proud of you, babe." 234 00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:25,807 And instead, he says, 235 00:08:25,832 --> 00:08:27,782 "Babe, would you be open to a three-way?" 236 00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:30,769 So they definitely surprise you. 237 00:08:30,794 --> 00:08:32,470 Look, you did butt stuff way too early. 238 00:08:32,495 --> 00:08:34,162 Ass play is the gateway to three-way. 239 00:08:34,187 --> 00:08:35,404 - Lauren. - It's fine. 240 00:08:35,429 --> 00:08:36,513 It's an old family saying. 241 00:08:36,538 --> 00:08:38,286 I think we have it crocheted on a pillow somewhere. 242 00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:41,565 We are failing the Bechdel test so hard right now. 243 00:08:41,590 --> 00:08:43,294 Four women sitting around, 244 00:08:43,319 --> 00:08:44,682 and all we can talk about is guys. 245 00:08:44,708 --> 00:08:46,248 You're absolutely right. Shame on us. 246 00:08:46,273 --> 00:08:47,247 Let's talk about Miriam. 247 00:08:47,273 --> 00:08:49,096 I think we should talk about this press release 248 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:50,532 that really needs to go out tonight. 249 00:08:50,557 --> 00:08:52,155 Okay, that means we get out. 250 00:08:52,179 --> 00:08:54,140 Here we go. We'll just go. 251 00:08:54,165 --> 00:08:56,691 Okay, I need you to tell me what you think. 252 00:08:56,716 --> 00:08:58,713 "Kelsey Peters has made a big splash 253 00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:00,242 "in her short time at Empirical. 254 00:09:00,267 --> 00:09:02,287 "With the launch of Millennial, Peters, 26, 255 00:09:02,312 --> 00:09:04,062 "will be one of the youngest people 256 00:09:04,087 --> 00:09:05,703 to run a major imprint." 257 00:09:05,728 --> 00:09:08,445 And yet still doesn't have her own apartment. 258 00:09:08,470 --> 00:09:09,437 Can I send it? 259 00:09:09,462 --> 00:09:10,907 Yeah. 260 00:09:10,932 --> 00:09:12,826 Let's make it official. 261 00:09:14,714 --> 00:09:16,089 _ 262 00:09:17,166 --> 00:09:19,261 _ 263 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:21,070 Hey, everything okay? 264 00:09:21,095 --> 00:09:22,294 Oh, whoopsie daisy. 265 00:09:22,319 --> 00:09:23,818 Ha, my bad for... 266 00:09:23,843 --> 00:09:25,560 turning towards the sound of your voice. 267 00:09:25,585 --> 00:09:27,501 Hey, you know, if you ever want to talk 268 00:09:27,526 --> 00:09:30,394 about this Josh stuff, I'm here. 269 00:09:30,764 --> 00:09:32,480 I see ya. 270 00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:34,956 Uh, no, I'm actually... I'm just working out. 271 00:09:34,981 --> 00:09:36,052 I'm trying to bank some steps. 272 00:09:36,077 --> 00:09:38,423 - You need a buddy? - No, I'm good. 273 00:09:38,448 --> 00:09:39,633 I'm gonna take it to the streets, 274 00:09:39,658 --> 00:09:41,908 get out of your... hair. 275 00:09:41,933 --> 00:09:44,750 Okay, well, call if you need anything. 276 00:09:44,776 --> 00:09:45,789 Will do. 277 00:09:45,813 --> 00:09:47,665 Hey, um, do you have my cell? 278 00:09:52,910 --> 00:09:54,287 Congratulations, Liza. 279 00:09:54,312 --> 00:09:55,562 You saw the press release? 280 00:09:55,587 --> 00:09:56,787 I meant on the steps. 281 00:09:56,812 --> 00:09:58,991 Jackie had 12,000; we had 12,014. 282 00:09:59,016 --> 00:10:00,777 - We eked out a victory. - Yay, us. 283 00:10:00,803 --> 00:10:01,775 Of course, now she wants a rematch, 284 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,059 so let's step up our game today. 285 00:10:03,084 --> 00:10:04,153 We'll do that. 286 00:10:04,177 --> 00:10:05,914 Ooh, and I did see the press release. 287 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,129 Gawker even picked it up. 288 00:10:07,154 --> 00:10:08,985 I know. Pretty cool, huh? 289 00:10:09,010 --> 00:10:10,343 So cool. 290 00:10:10,368 --> 00:10:12,535 Did you happen to read the comment section yet? 291 00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:14,653 No, gah... pff, I never read the comments. 292 00:10:14,678 --> 00:10:16,399 Well, you might want to start. 293 00:10:22,553 --> 00:10:23,959 Oh, no. 294 00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,095 Good morning. 295 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:34,154 Did you see the comments on the press release? 296 00:10:34,179 --> 00:10:36,795 I, like many people, do not read the comments. 297 00:10:36,842 --> 00:10:38,960 Let me read them for you. 298 00:10:38,985 --> 00:10:42,620 "Kelsey Peters, what a joke. Talk about desperate." 299 00:10:42,645 --> 00:10:44,529 "Who's Peters screwing now?" 300 00:10:44,554 --> 00:10:47,555 "Kelsey Peters, WT effing eff?" 301 00:10:48,944 --> 00:10:52,011 This is just a picture of a kitten in a Barbie car. 302 00:10:52,036 --> 00:10:54,485 Comments! I saw. Don't worry. 303 00:10:54,510 --> 00:10:57,428 Once again, my timing could not be more perfect. 304 00:10:57,453 --> 00:10:59,119 Your dress is ready. 305 00:10:59,144 --> 00:11:02,171 This little custom creation will pick you right back up, girl. 306 00:11:05,868 --> 00:11:07,162 Ooh. 307 00:11:07,186 --> 00:11:08,769 Yes! 308 00:11:08,794 --> 00:11:11,863 This is Hector and Dorff's take on Kelsey, "the boss." 309 00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:14,688 Oh, my God, they hate me too? 310 00:11:28,874 --> 00:11:30,004 Ah, thanks for wearing the dress. 311 00:11:30,026 --> 00:11:31,276 *** 312 00:11:31,301 --> 00:11:33,414 I look like an insane person. 313 00:11:33,439 --> 00:11:36,236 Yep, you look great. 314 00:11:36,261 --> 00:11:37,691 Mm-hmm. Thank you. 315 00:11:37,716 --> 00:11:40,477 Oh, the bruschetta is made from rescue tomatoes 316 00:11:40,502 --> 00:11:42,032 and day-of-expiration burrata. 317 00:11:42,057 --> 00:11:45,011 Oh, and remember to hashtag "Millennial Launch." 318 00:11:48,095 --> 00:11:49,261 Where's the Fitbit? 319 00:11:49,286 --> 00:11:50,680 Oh. 320 00:11:50,705 --> 00:11:52,556 People think I'm on house arrest. 321 00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:53,966 It ups my cool factor. 322 00:11:53,991 --> 00:11:55,450 Very Martha Stewart. 323 00:11:55,475 --> 00:11:56,575 Point me towards the alcohol. 324 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,531 Oh, it's over there. 325 00:12:03,237 --> 00:12:06,373 Why are you not over there getting your picture taken? 326 00:12:06,398 --> 00:12:08,398 I don't photograph well. 327 00:12:08,423 --> 00:12:10,957 I smile too hard. It comes off as aggressive. 328 00:12:10,982 --> 00:12:13,405 I think the technical term is "mean muggin'." 329 00:12:13,430 --> 00:12:14,679 I can't imagine that. 330 00:12:14,704 --> 00:12:17,908 You have such a nice and friendly mug. 331 00:12:18,956 --> 00:12:21,620 Thank you. So do you. 332 00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:25,938 Um, I'm so sorry. Excuse me. 333 00:12:25,962 --> 00:12:27,392 Yeah. 334 00:12:29,835 --> 00:12:32,203 Ugh, another Gawker comment. 335 00:12:32,228 --> 00:12:34,406 Oh, my God, this person just said, "Ew." 336 00:12:34,431 --> 00:12:35,630 Haters gonna hate. 337 00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:37,894 Hey, what's up, ladies? You guys seen Kels? 338 00:12:37,919 --> 00:12:40,283 I'm literally standing right in front of you. 339 00:12:40,308 --> 00:12:42,341 Holy sh... 340 00:12:42,366 --> 00:12:43,922 Is the dress that bad? 341 00:12:43,947 --> 00:12:46,648 Uh... yeah... n-n-no. No, no, no. 342 00:12:46,673 --> 00:12:48,206 You only look weird from the front. 343 00:12:48,231 --> 00:12:49,657 I mean, your ass is on point. 344 00:12:49,682 --> 00:12:52,809 Kelsey Peters, I am so jealous of you. 345 00:12:52,834 --> 00:12:56,813 Amanda, HarperCollins. Anyway, this is huge. Congrats. 346 00:12:56,838 --> 00:12:58,851 - Oh, thank you. - Seriously. 347 00:12:58,876 --> 00:13:00,864 Ooh, nice dress. 348 00:13:00,889 --> 00:13:05,236 Oh, my God, she just said, "Ew, nice dress." 349 00:13:05,261 --> 00:13:06,572 No, no, no, I don't think so. 350 00:13:06,597 --> 00:13:08,430 No, she said "Ooh. Ooh, nice dress." 351 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,432 No, no, no, she said, "Ew." 352 00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:11,732 E-W, like "ew." 353 00:13:11,757 --> 00:13:13,693 No, it was "Ooh," like lots of excited Os. 354 00:13:13,718 --> 00:13:15,239 Thad, will you go get me a drink? 355 00:13:15,264 --> 00:13:16,432 Yeah, where's my boy Josh? 356 00:13:16,457 --> 00:13:17,409 He's not here. 357 00:13:17,434 --> 00:13:18,356 What, did you scare him off again? 358 00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:19,937 Thad! Drinks, please. 359 00:13:19,962 --> 00:13:21,125 Okay, jeez. 360 00:13:21,150 --> 00:13:25,279 Oh, my God, Lena Dunham just tweeted, 361 00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:26,882 "Yes, Kelsey Peters. 362 00:13:26,908 --> 00:13:28,824 "Congrats to the 26-year-old baller 363 00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:30,102 running Millennial Print." 364 00:13:30,127 --> 00:13:31,836 That's huge. 365 00:13:31,861 --> 00:13:33,935 That is huge. Her fans are our target market. 366 00:13:33,959 --> 00:13:35,625 I'm hot. 367 00:13:35,650 --> 00:13:37,121 I know. This will totally trend. 368 00:13:37,146 --> 00:13:39,573 No, like, I'm burning up. 369 00:13:39,599 --> 00:13:42,178 - I can't feel my hands. - Wait. What? 370 00:13:42,203 --> 00:13:45,646 - I can't breathe. - It's okay. It's okay. 371 00:13:45,671 --> 00:13:47,053 - I can't breathe. - It's okay. 372 00:13:47,078 --> 00:13:49,046 Water! Thad, water! 373 00:13:52,467 --> 00:13:54,522 Hey, there. I'm a little lost. 374 00:13:54,547 --> 00:13:56,330 Do you know where this address is? 375 00:13:56,405 --> 00:13:58,142 Yeah. 376 00:13:59,553 --> 00:14:01,535 That's actually my girlfriend's address. 377 00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:05,158 Oh, well, I look forward to meeting your girlfriend. 378 00:14:13,867 --> 00:14:14,920 Safe sex only. 379 00:14:14,946 --> 00:14:17,122 And don't make me enforce it. 380 00:14:17,146 --> 00:14:18,665 Condoms are on the table. 381 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,742 Oh, the guest bedroom's off-limits. 382 00:14:20,767 --> 00:14:22,722 Maggie. 383 00:14:22,747 --> 00:14:24,614 Josh, what are you doing here? 384 00:14:24,639 --> 00:14:27,426 This guy came into my shop... 385 00:14:27,451 --> 00:14:30,002 Men are $50; women are $25, thank you. 386 00:14:30,027 --> 00:14:31,466 Are you having a sex party? 387 00:14:31,491 --> 00:14:32,990 No, I'm having a kid's birthday party. 388 00:14:33,015 --> 00:14:34,418 I'm gonna blow up some condoms 389 00:14:34,443 --> 00:14:35,682 and twist 'em into balloon animals. 390 00:14:35,707 --> 00:14:36,449 Any requests? 391 00:14:36,474 --> 00:14:38,295 Wait, does Liza know about this? 392 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:40,610 Nah, she think I'm Airbnb-ing the place 393 00:14:40,635 --> 00:14:42,144 to a nice couple from Albany. 394 00:14:42,169 --> 00:14:44,144 You gotta do what you gotta do, huh. 395 00:14:44,169 --> 00:14:46,944 That's exactly right, Josh, so cut Liza some slack. 396 00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:49,561 You know, tight finances lead to a complicated life. 397 00:14:49,586 --> 00:14:51,640 Yeah, it's just, my life 398 00:14:51,665 --> 00:14:54,119 wasn't complicated before I met her, so... 399 00:14:54,145 --> 00:14:56,318 Well, that's adult life, Josh, and she's an adult. 400 00:14:56,343 --> 00:14:58,293 And that's one of the reasons you fell for her. 401 00:14:58,317 --> 00:15:00,622 She's emotionally evolved; she's game; 402 00:15:00,647 --> 00:15:01,727 she's low-maintenance. 403 00:15:01,753 --> 00:15:03,614 Plus, she's gorgeous; she's supersmart; 404 00:15:03,639 --> 00:15:05,613 and she's the most loyal friend I've ever had. 405 00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:07,221 But, you know what? Maybe she's not for you. 406 00:15:07,246 --> 00:15:10,164 Maybe you need a basic bitch, and you know what? 407 00:15:10,336 --> 00:15:13,743 We're not a couple of basic bitches around here. 408 00:15:13,768 --> 00:15:15,218 Hey, listen. You might want to head out, 409 00:15:15,243 --> 00:15:17,772 unless you want to find out what "pegging" means. 410 00:15:19,709 --> 00:15:22,234 I feel like I'm having a heart attack. 411 00:15:22,259 --> 00:15:23,258 Oh, shit. 412 00:15:23,283 --> 00:15:25,042 I'm gonna die at my own party. 413 00:15:25,067 --> 00:15:26,328 No, you're not. Just breathe. 414 00:15:26,353 --> 00:15:27,961 You're having a panic attack. Who isn't? 415 00:15:27,986 --> 00:15:29,818 There is a designer dress on the ground. 416 00:15:29,843 --> 00:15:32,393 Oh, my God, I got to get out of this thing. 417 00:15:32,418 --> 00:15:33,834 Uh, okay, um... 418 00:15:33,859 --> 00:15:35,763 Uh, where's the zipper? 419 00:15:35,788 --> 00:15:36,987 Don't look at me. I don't know. 420 00:15:37,012 --> 00:15:38,346 It's not an IKEA coffee table; 421 00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:40,687 it's a one-of-a-kind piece of art. 422 00:15:40,712 --> 00:15:42,507 Well, this one-of-a-kind piece of art 423 00:15:42,531 --> 00:15:44,949 is suffocating me, okay? I can't get air. 424 00:15:44,974 --> 00:15:46,056 All right, I'm gonna cut you out. 425 00:15:46,081 --> 00:15:47,131 Get me out of this thing! 426 00:15:47,156 --> 00:15:48,514 Okay, no, I can't watch this. 427 00:15:48,539 --> 00:15:50,311 Can't watch. 428 00:15:50,336 --> 00:15:52,800 Oh, there's the zipper. 429 00:15:52,825 --> 00:15:54,489 - Oh, my God. - Is that better? 430 00:15:54,514 --> 00:15:56,327 Okay, Kelsey, this slip is hot. 431 00:15:56,352 --> 00:15:58,481 You can totally go out and give your speech in this. 432 00:15:58,507 --> 00:16:01,055 No, no, no, I can't go back out there. 433 00:16:01,079 --> 00:16:02,362 Those comments... 434 00:16:02,387 --> 00:16:03,803 Oh, those comments are just comments 435 00:16:03,828 --> 00:16:05,087 from anonymous assholes. 436 00:16:05,112 --> 00:16:06,858 I believe those assholes, okay? 437 00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:09,536 "Kelsey Peters, WT effing eff?" 438 00:16:09,561 --> 00:16:11,884 Good question. 439 00:16:11,909 --> 00:16:13,672 I'm not qualified to run an imprint. 440 00:16:13,697 --> 00:16:18,166 I... I wrote my speech on my hand and just sweated it off, okay? 441 00:16:18,191 --> 00:16:19,895 I... this is a job for an adult. 442 00:16:19,919 --> 00:16:22,503 I... 443 00:16:22,528 --> 00:16:24,728 I'm a kitten in a Barbie car. 444 00:16:24,754 --> 00:16:26,204 Okay, breathe in through your nose. 445 00:16:26,229 --> 00:16:28,763 - Okay. - Out through your mouth. 446 00:16:28,789 --> 00:16:30,157 Just focus on that. 447 00:16:31,984 --> 00:16:34,985 Liza... 448 00:16:35,010 --> 00:16:37,783 I feel like such an imposter. 449 00:16:37,809 --> 00:16:40,924 So do I, every single day. 450 00:16:40,948 --> 00:16:44,476 No, seriously, like, I have no idea what I'm doing. 451 00:16:45,376 --> 00:16:48,071 Kelsey, nobody knows what they're doing. 452 00:16:48,096 --> 00:16:49,679 You just fake it till you make it. 453 00:16:49,704 --> 00:16:52,222 And hope that when you're down, 454 00:16:52,247 --> 00:16:54,831 like literally on the ground, in some cases, 455 00:16:54,856 --> 00:16:56,139 you have people around you 456 00:16:56,164 --> 00:16:57,374 to help you get up. 457 00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:00,869 Now come on. 458 00:17:00,894 --> 00:17:02,616 If we're gonna run the world before we're 30, 459 00:17:02,641 --> 00:17:04,941 we got to get movin'. 460 00:17:04,965 --> 00:17:07,029 Okay. 461 00:17:07,054 --> 00:17:08,971 But now we have Millennial, 462 00:17:08,996 --> 00:17:10,669 so when you think of publishing houses, 463 00:17:10,694 --> 00:17:12,198 if you're in publishing, push... 464 00:17:12,223 --> 00:17:13,890 Oh, my God. 465 00:17:13,915 --> 00:17:16,073 My speech is totally gone. 466 00:17:16,097 --> 00:17:19,269 Okay, um, here, uh, put in my Bluetooth. 467 00:17:19,295 --> 00:17:21,087 I'll talk you through the whole thing. 468 00:17:21,112 --> 00:17:23,680 I'll be with you the entire time. 469 00:17:23,704 --> 00:17:24,871 Okay. 470 00:17:24,896 --> 00:17:27,896 Into the future, and now, it is my great pleasure 471 00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:32,733 to introduce the editor in chief of Millennial Print, 472 00:17:32,758 --> 00:17:34,075 Kelsey Peters. 473 00:17:36,078 --> 00:17:38,056 It's okay. You got this. 474 00:17:38,081 --> 00:17:40,376 Okay! Whoo-hoo! 475 00:17:40,401 --> 00:17:43,009 Hey. 476 00:17:43,035 --> 00:17:44,399 Congratulations. 477 00:17:44,424 --> 00:17:45,840 Okay. 478 00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:48,247 Um... 479 00:17:48,272 --> 00:17:50,222 Thank you all... 480 00:17:50,247 --> 00:17:52,537 I want to thank all of you for coming out tonight... 481 00:17:52,562 --> 00:17:55,847 - To celebrate the launch... - Of Millennial Print. 482 00:17:55,872 --> 00:17:57,910 For those people who think... 483 00:17:57,935 --> 00:18:01,504 I'm 26 and don't know how to run an imprint, well... 484 00:18:01,529 --> 00:18:03,145 - You're right... - You're right. 485 00:18:03,170 --> 00:18:04,536 I may crash and burn... 486 00:18:04,561 --> 00:18:06,194 I may disrupt the whole industry... 487 00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:07,380 - Who knows? - Who knows? 488 00:18:07,405 --> 00:18:11,206 I can't promise anything other than... 489 00:18:11,230 --> 00:18:14,141 It will be interesting. 490 00:18:17,102 --> 00:18:20,299 To the future! And to Millennial Print. 491 00:18:20,324 --> 00:18:22,673 - All: Whoo! - Yes! 492 00:18:26,648 --> 00:18:27,964 _ 493 00:18:27,989 --> 00:18:30,524 Okay, that worked. 494 00:18:38,224 --> 00:18:39,984 That was an impressive speech. 495 00:18:40,009 --> 00:18:42,799 - Yeah, she did a great job. - Yeah, yeah. 496 00:18:42,824 --> 00:18:45,024 I think you both did a great job tonight. 497 00:18:45,026 --> 00:18:48,836 Even the trash-to-table turned out surprisingly well. 498 00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:52,453 I enjoyed my offgrade sweet potato puffs. 499 00:18:52,478 --> 00:18:54,895 Yeah, who knew that restaurants just threw away 500 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:56,237 pockmarked potatoes? 501 00:18:56,262 --> 00:18:57,829 That's like America throwing away 502 00:18:57,854 --> 00:19:00,237 Brad Pitt or Edward James Olmos. 503 00:19:00,262 --> 00:19:02,562 So where's your young man? 504 00:19:02,677 --> 00:19:06,546 Uh, I'm not sure there still is a young man. 505 00:19:06,548 --> 00:19:09,741 He's, uh... He's been ghosting me. 506 00:19:09,766 --> 00:19:10,748 Ghosting you? 507 00:19:10,772 --> 00:19:12,529 Yeah, it's when someone evaporates 508 00:19:12,554 --> 00:19:14,698 into thin air with no explanation. 509 00:19:14,723 --> 00:19:18,225 Oh, I'm sorry. 510 00:19:18,250 --> 00:19:20,383 Can I get you a glass of champagne? 511 00:19:20,408 --> 00:19:24,023 Yeah, I'd like that, thank you. 512 00:19:27,106 --> 00:19:29,465 _ 513 00:19:29,490 --> 00:19:31,878 _ 514 00:19:32,393 --> 00:19:37,017 _ 515 00:19:38,549 --> 00:19:40,523 _ 516 00:19:40,548 --> 00:19:42,278 Hi. 517 00:19:42,303 --> 00:19:44,772 - Hey. - I'm sorry I'm late. 518 00:19:48,623 --> 00:19:50,900 I know we said that we would try 519 00:19:50,925 --> 00:19:52,634 to keep work and life separate, 520 00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:55,955 but you're the person I want to share tonight with. 521 00:19:55,980 --> 00:19:58,124 - Me too. - Mmm. 522 00:19:59,689 --> 00:20:02,072 Charles, h... This is my boyfriend. 523 00:20:02,097 --> 00:20:03,964 - This is Josh. - Hey. 524 00:20:03,989 --> 00:20:06,528 Josh, this is my boss, Charles. 525 00:20:06,553 --> 00:20:10,031 Well, I guess the ghost made it to the feast after all. 526 00:20:10,056 --> 00:20:13,568 - Uh, you two should celebrate. - Thanks. 527 00:20:13,593 --> 00:20:15,039 Very, very nice to meet you, Josh. 528 00:20:15,064 --> 00:20:17,153 Yeah, you too. 529 00:20:20,041 --> 00:20:23,375 So, um, that's your boss? 530 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,923 Yes. 531 00:20:25,948 --> 00:20:28,477 Tall. 532 00:20:29,098 --> 00:20:31,186 You look amazing tonight, by the way. 533 00:20:31,211 --> 00:20:32,343 Thank you. 534 00:20:32,368 --> 00:20:35,195 I'd invite you back to my place, 535 00:20:35,220 --> 00:20:37,520 but, um, Maggie's Airbnb-ing. 536 00:20:37,545 --> 00:20:39,403 Oh, really? 537 00:20:39,712 --> 00:20:42,504 Well, uh, we can always go back to my place. 538 00:20:42,529 --> 00:20:45,183 Thank you for keeping my secret. 539 00:20:45,208 --> 00:20:47,304 Yeah, well... 540 00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:50,235 some secrets are worth keeping.