1 00:00:08,488 --> 00:00:10,154 I can't believe you went down there 2 00:00:10,179 --> 00:00:11,963 and talked to that tattoo guy. 3 00:00:11,988 --> 00:00:13,464 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 4 00:00:13,489 --> 00:00:14,745 I gave him a piece of my mind. 5 00:00:14,770 --> 00:00:16,803 You gave him a piece of something. 6 00:00:17,159 --> 00:00:18,876 What is that supposed to mean? 7 00:00:18,878 --> 00:00:20,327 I saw you, Mom. 8 00:00:20,329 --> 00:00:22,129 So, okay, how exactly does that work? 9 00:00:22,131 --> 00:00:25,332 You go down to complain but end up making out with him? 10 00:00:25,334 --> 00:00:27,252 I mean, gee, the Pakistani guy at the bodega 11 00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:28,253 gave me the wrong change. 12 00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:29,743 Are you gonna go give him a handy? 13 00:00:29,768 --> 00:00:31,317 - Don't talk to me like that. - Well, I'm sorry. 14 00:00:31,342 --> 00:00:33,955 But I don't know what's going on here. 15 00:00:33,980 --> 00:00:37,515 Okay, you know that your father and I are separated, 16 00:00:37,540 --> 00:00:40,441 and eventually I'm gonna be seeing people. 17 00:00:40,466 --> 00:00:42,133 The tattoo guy? 18 00:00:42,158 --> 00:00:43,761 His name is Josh. 19 00:00:43,786 --> 00:00:45,285 And you're, like, a couple? 20 00:00:45,310 --> 00:00:49,196 Um, sort of. 21 00:00:49,221 --> 00:00:50,887 Okay. 22 00:00:50,912 --> 00:00:52,993 That's the grossest thing I've ever heard. 23 00:00:53,018 --> 00:00:54,638 - Oh, come on. Can we just... - No... 24 00:00:54,663 --> 00:00:55,851 Let's just sit down and talk about... 25 00:00:55,876 --> 00:00:57,459 No, Mom, you're having a midlife crisis, 26 00:00:57,484 --> 00:00:59,520 just like Dad, and I don't want to talk about it. 27 00:00:59,545 --> 00:01:02,434 I don't want to think about it. I just want to go to bed. 28 00:01:02,569 --> 00:01:04,225 Ugh. 29 00:01:04,251 --> 00:01:06,290 I just thought about it again. 30 00:01:14,420 --> 00:01:16,815 - Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com - 31 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,164 And then she said I was having a midlife crisis. 32 00:01:19,189 --> 00:01:21,690 Your crisis was your boring life before this. 33 00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:22,527 Ugh, I hate this. 34 00:01:22,552 --> 00:01:24,228 Caitlin and I have always been so close, 35 00:01:24,253 --> 00:01:26,040 and now I can't talk to her about anything... 36 00:01:26,065 --> 00:01:27,698 Josh, work. 37 00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:29,294 Maybe I could tell her about work. 38 00:01:29,319 --> 00:01:30,257 No! 39 00:01:30,282 --> 00:01:31,732 You know, we've been through this already. 40 00:01:31,757 --> 00:01:33,065 She's a teenager, 41 00:01:33,090 --> 00:01:35,682 and she's gonna blow your cover and blab to everybody. 42 00:01:35,707 --> 00:01:37,650 Keep your mouth shut and get her through college. 43 00:01:39,712 --> 00:01:42,041 - Are you expecting anybody? - No. 44 00:01:42,066 --> 00:01:44,240 - Hi, who is it? - It's David. 45 00:01:44,265 --> 00:01:45,493 Is that Dad? 46 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:47,764 Yeah. 47 00:01:47,789 --> 00:01:49,261 What, are you leaving? 48 00:01:49,286 --> 00:01:51,286 Yeah, I'm just gonna stay with him for a few weeks. 49 00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:53,597 He's giving me a job in his office. 50 00:01:53,622 --> 00:01:55,255 Did you tell him about Josh? 51 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:56,779 No, I just told him 52 00:01:56,804 --> 00:01:59,017 it was getting awkward around here, 53 00:01:59,042 --> 00:01:59,974 which it is. 54 00:01:59,999 --> 00:02:01,562 But you don't have to leave, Caitlin. 55 00:02:01,587 --> 00:02:03,443 I think you need to figure stuff out, 56 00:02:03,468 --> 00:02:05,043 and, you know, I need a job. 57 00:02:05,068 --> 00:02:06,235 Dad needs help in the office. 58 00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:08,171 It's a win-win-win. 59 00:02:12,388 --> 00:02:14,635 - Hey! How are you? - Hi! 60 00:02:14,660 --> 00:02:16,234 Oh, it's so good to see you. 61 00:02:16,259 --> 00:02:17,563 - Hi, Dad. - You're so thin. 62 00:02:17,587 --> 00:02:18,913 - Oh. - Did they feed you in India? 63 00:02:18,938 --> 00:02:21,552 No, I need dead cow, like, as soon as possible. 64 00:02:21,577 --> 00:02:23,569 All right, White Castle on the way home, baby. 65 00:02:23,594 --> 00:02:27,041 Liza, how come every time I see you, you look younger? 66 00:02:27,066 --> 00:02:29,007 You just forgot what she looked like happy. 67 00:02:29,032 --> 00:02:30,109 - Hey, Maggie. - Oh, lovely. 68 00:02:30,134 --> 00:02:31,436 Good to see you. Love the robe. 69 00:02:31,461 --> 00:02:33,076 - When's the big fight? - All right. Okay. 70 00:02:33,101 --> 00:02:35,424 You call me if you need anything. 71 00:02:35,449 --> 00:02:36,995 And remember, you can always come back. 72 00:02:37,021 --> 00:02:40,105 - I second that. Come here. - Thank you. 73 00:02:40,130 --> 00:02:42,293 I'm gonna miss you. 74 00:02:42,317 --> 00:02:45,098 Somehow, I don't think you'll be too lonely. 75 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:46,317 What does that mean? 76 00:02:46,341 --> 00:02:47,423 Nothing. 77 00:02:47,448 --> 00:02:48,899 Come on, Dad. 78 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,580 She'll be fine. 79 00:02:53,605 --> 00:02:54,771 She'll be back. 80 00:02:58,211 --> 00:03:00,090 Low foam skinny cap... 81 00:03:00,115 --> 00:03:01,222 Shh, shh. 82 00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:03,414 Rob, is there no way that we could meet in person? 83 00:03:03,439 --> 00:03:04,855 Discuss this face-to-face? 84 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,958 I already signed the contract with Hachette. 85 00:03:06,982 --> 00:03:09,449 Look, I really appreciate all you've done for me, 86 00:03:09,474 --> 00:03:10,678 but it's time to move on. 87 00:03:10,703 --> 00:03:11,718 Good luck, guys. 88 00:03:11,743 --> 00:03:13,023 And good luck to you, Rob. 89 00:03:13,048 --> 00:03:16,416 Just know that Empirical's door is always open. 90 00:03:16,441 --> 00:03:18,750 Screw him; send out a press release immediately 91 00:03:18,776 --> 00:03:19,942 that says we dumped Rob Olive. 92 00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:20,942 I don't get it. 93 00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:23,589 Hachette already has so many Sick Lit writers. 94 00:03:23,614 --> 00:03:26,005 - What's Sick Lit? - Terminally ill teen genre. 95 00:03:26,030 --> 00:03:27,051 Like "Fault in Our Stars." 96 00:03:27,076 --> 00:03:30,259 I spent so many hours at the desk with that guy, 97 00:03:30,285 --> 00:03:32,963 literally milking every chapter from him. 98 00:03:32,988 --> 00:03:34,194 She even came up with the title 99 00:03:34,219 --> 00:03:36,527 of his last best seller, "Hashtag I'm Dying." 100 00:03:36,552 --> 00:03:38,120 Well, maybe there's some way to get him back. 101 00:03:38,145 --> 00:03:41,424 Too late, Galley Cat is already reporting it. 102 00:04:03,907 --> 00:04:05,607 Hey. 103 00:04:05,632 --> 00:04:07,916 Hey, hot pants. 104 00:04:09,548 --> 00:04:11,311 Can you believe it? 105 00:04:11,336 --> 00:04:12,916 Finally gonna get a night together. 106 00:04:12,941 --> 00:04:14,636 And they're really good about checking IDs, 107 00:04:14,661 --> 00:04:17,187 so we don't have to worry about your daughter showing up. 108 00:04:17,213 --> 00:04:19,228 Sorry it's been so weird. 109 00:04:19,253 --> 00:04:20,786 Oh, it's okay. It's okay. 110 00:04:20,811 --> 00:04:22,244 We're weird, all right? 111 00:04:22,269 --> 00:04:24,539 I don't know. I kind of like it. 112 00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:25,885 What are you gonna do? 113 00:04:25,909 --> 00:04:27,158 Drink? 114 00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:29,302 - Excellent. - All right, all right. 115 00:04:29,327 --> 00:04:31,341 Who's ready for Trivia Tuesday? 116 00:04:31,366 --> 00:04:32,981 Yeah! 117 00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:34,484 It's trivia night? 118 00:04:34,509 --> 00:04:37,396 Free shot for every correct answer. 119 00:04:37,421 --> 00:04:39,003 Oh, okay. Now it get it. 120 00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:41,468 Yeah. 121 00:04:41,492 --> 00:04:44,091 Petey Piranha and King Boo 122 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:47,835 ride together in this multiplayer game. 123 00:04:47,860 --> 00:04:50,151 - "Mario Kart: Double Dash!!" - Correct! 124 00:04:50,176 --> 00:04:51,461 I totally remember that game. 125 00:04:51,486 --> 00:04:52,852 Yeah, but you didn't remember it fast enough. 126 00:04:52,877 --> 00:04:54,209 - I know. - Next question. 127 00:04:54,234 --> 00:04:56,271 You have to translate this emoji sentence. 128 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,086 Oh, dude, these are my jam. 129 00:04:58,110 --> 00:05:01,653 Eggplant, peach, two cows, 130 00:05:01,678 --> 00:05:04,472 house, question mark. 131 00:05:04,497 --> 00:05:06,664 Let's have sex till the cows come home! 132 00:05:06,689 --> 00:05:07,988 - Correct. - Yeah! 133 00:05:08,013 --> 00:05:09,263 - What? - Damn! 134 00:05:09,288 --> 00:05:11,014 She's really good at this. 135 00:05:11,039 --> 00:05:13,442 All right, next category is the '90s. 136 00:05:13,466 --> 00:05:14,990 All right. Now we're talking. 137 00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,882 Her name was Lisa Lopes. 138 00:05:16,907 --> 00:05:18,290 Her nickname was... 139 00:05:18,315 --> 00:05:20,009 - Left Eye! - Correct! 140 00:05:20,034 --> 00:05:21,951 - Yes! - Next question. 141 00:05:21,976 --> 00:05:24,059 O.J. Simpson had a house guest... 142 00:05:24,084 --> 00:05:26,242 - Kato Kaelin. - Correctamundo! 143 00:05:27,055 --> 00:05:28,868 Okay, here's a hard one, guys. 144 00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:31,393 Who was the mastermind behind the smashing 145 00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:33,015 of Nancy Kerrigan's... 146 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:35,123 - Jeff Gillooly! - Wow. Amazing. 147 00:05:35,148 --> 00:05:36,568 How is she getting all these? 148 00:05:36,593 --> 00:05:37,892 She's 40! 149 00:05:37,917 --> 00:05:40,483 Hey, easy with the F word, sweetie. 150 00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:41,585 What? 151 00:05:41,610 --> 00:05:42,800 Two more shots for our winners. 152 00:05:42,825 --> 00:05:44,024 No, no. I'm okay. I've had enough. 153 00:05:44,049 --> 00:05:45,526 No, no. Keep 'em coming. 154 00:05:45,551 --> 00:05:48,398 What are you talking about, you've had enough? 155 00:05:55,081 --> 00:05:56,580 Oh, my God. 156 00:05:56,605 --> 00:05:59,404 - You know what I just thought of? - What? 157 00:05:59,429 --> 00:06:04,363 When I was born, you were in middle school. 158 00:06:04,388 --> 00:06:06,506 I guess so. 159 00:06:06,531 --> 00:06:12,613 And when I was 16, you were... 160 00:06:12,638 --> 00:06:15,734 You were 30! 161 00:06:15,758 --> 00:06:18,795 Yep, pretty much always a 14-year age difference. 162 00:06:26,125 --> 00:06:28,924 Oh, my God, though. 163 00:06:30,143 --> 00:06:33,341 You're closer to my mom's age than you are to mine. 164 00:06:33,366 --> 00:06:35,412 Okay, can we stop doing the math now? 165 00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:36,486 - Yes. - Okay. 166 00:06:36,511 --> 00:06:37,877 - No more math. - No more math. 167 00:06:37,902 --> 00:06:39,421 I don't like... ooh. 168 00:06:39,447 --> 00:06:40,953 Are you okay? Is something wrong? 169 00:06:40,978 --> 00:06:43,112 No, no, no. We're good. 170 00:06:43,137 --> 00:06:44,386 Okay. 171 00:06:44,411 --> 00:06:45,580 Okay? Okay. 172 00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:47,095 Nope. Nope. 173 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,358 Oh, I know what's happening. 174 00:06:49,384 --> 00:06:50,684 What? 175 00:06:50,709 --> 00:06:52,888 - I have whiskey dick. - What? 176 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:53,848 Whiskey dick. 177 00:06:53,873 --> 00:06:58,145 My 40-year-old girlfriend got my dick drunk. 178 00:07:10,359 --> 00:07:11,481 Sorry. 179 00:07:11,506 --> 00:07:13,056 Good morning. 180 00:07:13,081 --> 00:07:15,918 That remains to be seen. 181 00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:19,405 - You look tired. - Ah, yeah. 182 00:07:19,430 --> 00:07:21,700 My boyfriend and I got into some whiskey last night... 183 00:07:21,725 --> 00:07:22,669 Not interested. 184 00:07:22,694 --> 00:07:24,110 I need you to be surgically attached to your phone 185 00:07:24,135 --> 00:07:25,184 for the next 48 hours. 186 00:07:25,209 --> 00:07:26,689 Um, okay. 187 00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:29,568 Laura Hillenbrand's new book is coming up for auction. 188 00:07:29,593 --> 00:07:32,543 The second it is released to the bidders, I will text you. 189 00:07:32,568 --> 00:07:34,977 You will drop everything and sign out a watermarked copy 190 00:07:35,002 --> 00:07:37,419 from her agent's office and hand-deliver it to Charles. 191 00:07:37,444 --> 00:07:38,453 That's exciting. 192 00:07:38,478 --> 00:07:40,455 I loved "Seabiscuit" and "Unbroken." 193 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,064 Liza, if you want to be taken seriously, 194 00:07:42,089 --> 00:07:44,287 you can't just blurt out your unrequested opinion. 195 00:07:44,312 --> 00:07:45,975 This is not a Gallup poll. 196 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:49,799 I bet "Seabiscuit" would love a Gallup poll. 197 00:07:49,824 --> 00:07:51,440 Honestly, it's like you have some form 198 00:07:51,465 --> 00:07:54,590 of literary Tourette's. 199 00:07:57,836 --> 00:08:00,236 Hey, how's it going? 200 00:08:00,261 --> 00:08:01,544 Not good. 201 00:08:01,569 --> 00:08:03,152 I'm looking for the next Rob Olive. 202 00:08:03,177 --> 00:08:05,260 I stayed up all night reading Sick Lit books, 203 00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:07,548 and now I'm pretty sure I have five different kinds of cancer. 204 00:08:07,573 --> 00:08:08,656 You? 205 00:08:08,681 --> 00:08:10,386 Actually, can I ask you something? 206 00:08:10,411 --> 00:08:11,431 Yeah. 207 00:08:11,456 --> 00:08:15,327 Has Thad ever had trouble performing? 208 00:08:15,619 --> 00:08:17,310 Like a coke poke? 209 00:08:17,335 --> 00:08:19,299 - What's a coke poke? - The worst. 210 00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:23,025 It's like running as hard as you can to a finish line 211 00:08:23,050 --> 00:08:24,827 that never, ever comes. 212 00:08:24,852 --> 00:08:25,817 Oh. 213 00:08:25,842 --> 00:08:27,961 - Sore for days. - Yeah, no. 214 00:08:27,986 --> 00:08:29,348 That's not Josh's thing, 215 00:08:29,373 --> 00:08:33,091 but last night, we were out, and we were drinking... 216 00:08:33,116 --> 00:08:35,450 Wait, you and Josh are back together? 217 00:08:35,475 --> 00:08:37,361 Yeah, we're, um... 218 00:08:37,386 --> 00:08:39,001 We're trying to work things out. 219 00:08:39,026 --> 00:08:40,689 Oh, my God. 220 00:08:40,714 --> 00:08:43,048 I need a scorecard to keep up with you two. 221 00:08:44,798 --> 00:08:46,473 Well, while you guys are on again, 222 00:08:46,498 --> 00:08:48,248 bring him to Hector and Dorf's launch tonight 223 00:08:48,273 --> 00:08:50,641 because their parties give everyone a boner. 224 00:08:50,666 --> 00:08:53,854 - _ - It's Rob Olive. 225 00:08:54,794 --> 00:08:57,119 And he wants to meet for lunch. 226 00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:05,052 - Kelsey, thanks for coming. - Yeah. 227 00:09:05,077 --> 00:09:07,336 Oh, I'm so glad we could finally meet face-to-face. 228 00:09:07,361 --> 00:09:08,577 Look, it's important. 229 00:09:08,602 --> 00:09:10,198 My new story isn't coming. 230 00:09:10,223 --> 00:09:11,558 I'm completely stuck. 231 00:09:11,583 --> 00:09:12,983 All right. 232 00:09:13,008 --> 00:09:15,231 What's it about? 233 00:09:15,256 --> 00:09:17,134 A high school girl gets put on hospice care 234 00:09:17,159 --> 00:09:19,162 the day before her prom. 235 00:09:19,187 --> 00:09:22,929 It's a great premise, but it's all I got. 236 00:09:24,396 --> 00:09:27,193 Okay, what if her friends 237 00:09:27,218 --> 00:09:30,874 bring the prom to her and have it at the hospice? 238 00:09:30,899 --> 00:09:32,198 Oh, my God. 239 00:09:32,223 --> 00:09:34,412 That is genius. 240 00:09:35,076 --> 00:09:36,242 See? 241 00:09:36,267 --> 00:09:38,290 I can't do this without you. 242 00:09:38,315 --> 00:09:40,649 So come back to Empirical. 243 00:09:40,674 --> 00:09:42,257 No. 244 00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:44,226 I want you to come with me to Hachette. 245 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,834 Oh, come on. 246 00:09:45,859 --> 00:09:48,193 I'm sure their editorial team would just love that. 247 00:09:48,219 --> 00:09:50,386 They're preparing you an offer as we speak. 248 00:09:50,411 --> 00:09:51,910 What? 249 00:09:51,935 --> 00:09:53,346 They know what you're making at Empirical, 250 00:09:53,371 --> 00:09:54,871 and they can do much better. 251 00:09:54,896 --> 00:09:56,914 Wait till you see this offer. 252 00:09:57,974 --> 00:10:00,954 I look forward to seeing it. 253 00:10:11,406 --> 00:10:13,573 This is badass. 254 00:10:13,598 --> 00:10:15,332 What exactly is it? 255 00:10:15,357 --> 00:10:17,253 Hector and Dorf's new collection 256 00:10:17,278 --> 00:10:20,333 is inspired by Cold War-era ping-pong diplomacy. 257 00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:21,989 What the what, what? 258 00:10:22,014 --> 00:10:23,870 Nixon-era stuff. 259 00:10:23,895 --> 00:10:26,437 On the invitation, it said that the U.S. Table Tennis team 260 00:10:26,462 --> 00:10:28,629 were the first Americans to visit communist China 261 00:10:28,654 --> 00:10:29,995 back in 1971. 262 00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:31,219 1971. 263 00:10:31,244 --> 00:10:32,877 That's the year you were born, right? 264 00:10:32,902 --> 00:10:33,934 1974. 265 00:10:33,959 --> 00:10:35,292 Don't make me any older than I am. 266 00:10:35,317 --> 00:10:36,733 You guys want something from the bar? 267 00:10:36,758 --> 00:10:37,757 - Yeah. - Please. 268 00:10:37,782 --> 00:10:39,165 Oh, hey. 269 00:10:39,190 --> 00:10:40,787 No whiskey. 270 00:10:40,812 --> 00:10:43,780 - I promise. - Okay. 271 00:10:43,805 --> 00:10:45,760 You see how focused he is on my age now? 272 00:10:45,785 --> 00:10:47,701 - He's just joking. - He's obsessed. 273 00:10:47,726 --> 00:10:49,825 Oh, come on. Let's play some ping-pong. 274 00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:52,713 The Hachette offer just came in. 275 00:10:52,738 --> 00:10:56,186 Wow. Not bad. 276 00:10:56,618 --> 00:10:59,452 I just really don't want to leave Empirical. 277 00:10:59,477 --> 00:11:00,893 They're like my family. 278 00:11:00,918 --> 00:11:02,762 A poor family. 279 00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:04,404 What? This offer's good, Kels. 280 00:11:04,429 --> 00:11:06,095 And I bet you can get escalating bonuses 281 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:07,756 based on Rob Olive's sales. 282 00:11:07,781 --> 00:11:08,788 You know what? 283 00:11:08,813 --> 00:11:09,876 Actually, just CC me into the emails, 284 00:11:09,901 --> 00:11:10,771 and I'll take care of it. 285 00:11:10,796 --> 00:11:12,067 Tell 'em I'm your financial manager. 286 00:11:12,092 --> 00:11:14,044 Thank you for looking out for me. 287 00:11:14,069 --> 00:11:15,867 I am gonna squeeze their nuts 288 00:11:15,892 --> 00:11:19,004 till they're squirting money in your face. 289 00:11:20,844 --> 00:11:22,977 Okay, you can't tell anyone, 290 00:11:23,002 --> 00:11:26,042 but Hachette just made me a big offer. 291 00:11:26,067 --> 00:11:27,534 - What? - I know. 292 00:11:27,559 --> 00:11:29,008 Well, what are you gonna do? 293 00:11:29,033 --> 00:11:30,780 Thad thinks I should take it. 294 00:11:30,805 --> 00:11:33,631 Well, you're at least gonna give Charles a chance 295 00:11:33,656 --> 00:11:34,995 to match the offer, right? 296 00:11:35,020 --> 00:11:37,937 I think I should. I mean, he gave me my big break. 297 00:11:37,962 --> 00:11:40,424 I owe him my career, but then the other part of me 298 00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:43,428 thinks that he's always going to view me as a former assistant, 299 00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:45,052 you know, no matter what I do. 300 00:11:45,252 --> 00:11:48,419 He's never really gonna value me as an editor in my own right. 301 00:11:48,444 --> 00:11:49,923 Kelsey, I don't think that's true. 302 00:11:49,948 --> 00:11:51,307 It's not his fault. 303 00:11:51,333 --> 00:11:52,857 It would be the same anywhere. 304 00:11:52,881 --> 00:11:55,320 You got to leave to be taken seriously. 305 00:11:55,345 --> 00:11:57,874 We're up. 306 00:11:58,671 --> 00:12:00,155 Josh! There you are. 307 00:12:00,180 --> 00:12:01,220 - Hey, hey, Thad. - Hey. 308 00:12:01,245 --> 00:12:02,385 All right, let's skip the small talk. 309 00:12:02,410 --> 00:12:03,576 I need deets on the breakup. 310 00:12:03,561 --> 00:12:04,665 You said you never really knew Liza. 311 00:12:04,690 --> 00:12:06,755 Then you guys are back together. What? What is the deal? 312 00:12:06,781 --> 00:12:09,839 Uh, I am going to go get some dessert, actually, so... 313 00:12:09,864 --> 00:12:10,965 No, no, no. Waiter! Waiter! 314 00:12:10,990 --> 00:12:12,170 Hey, bring us some Tienanmen squares. 315 00:12:12,196 --> 00:12:13,173 Oh, man. Those are really good. 316 00:12:13,197 --> 00:12:14,475 - Hey, babe. - Hey. 317 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:15,792 - Josh! - Hi. 318 00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:18,157 Hi, Liza told me you guys are back together. 319 00:12:18,182 --> 00:12:19,693 I'm really happy about that. 320 00:12:19,718 --> 00:12:21,145 Shh, he was just telling us about the breakup. 321 00:12:21,170 --> 00:12:23,673 - No, I wasn't, actually. - Come on. 322 00:12:23,699 --> 00:12:25,898 - Somebody cheated. - Nobody cheated. 323 00:12:25,923 --> 00:12:27,141 - She cheated. - No. 324 00:12:27,166 --> 00:12:28,773 - Am I right? - No, we just had our stuff. 325 00:12:28,798 --> 00:12:30,516 What? Like what? 326 00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:33,209 Like, she was allergic to my cat. 327 00:12:33,234 --> 00:12:34,781 You broke up over a cat? 328 00:12:34,806 --> 00:12:37,250 Then why would you guys get back together? 329 00:12:37,275 --> 00:12:38,808 Because it died. 330 00:12:38,833 --> 00:12:41,018 Your cat died? 331 00:12:41,043 --> 00:12:42,986 What happened? 332 00:12:43,479 --> 00:12:46,897 It ate some bleach, and... 333 00:12:46,922 --> 00:12:48,682 How did it get into bleach? 334 00:12:48,707 --> 00:12:51,274 Uh, you know, he just got up there 335 00:12:51,299 --> 00:12:52,393 and just got some bleach. 336 00:12:52,419 --> 00:12:54,081 Oh, my God, he? It was a boy. 337 00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:55,091 This is so sad. 338 00:12:55,116 --> 00:12:56,518 What kind of a cat wants bleach? 339 00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:59,797 You know, I, uh... I'm gonna run outside real quick. 340 00:12:59,822 --> 00:13:01,605 Vape? Yeah, let's blaze it up, bro. 341 00:13:01,630 --> 00:13:03,366 No, no. I got to go. 342 00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:06,637 Whoo, yes. 343 00:13:06,672 --> 00:13:09,776 Is Josh taking off? 344 00:13:16,198 --> 00:13:17,750 Hey. 345 00:13:18,362 --> 00:13:20,078 Is everything okay? 346 00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:22,032 I think I'm just gonna call it a night. 347 00:13:22,057 --> 00:13:23,887 What? Why? 348 00:13:25,713 --> 00:13:27,974 _ 349 00:13:29,449 --> 00:13:31,084 I'm sorry. 350 00:13:46,251 --> 00:13:48,401 - Hi. - Hi. 351 00:13:48,426 --> 00:13:50,389 I've got the Hillenbrand manuscript. 352 00:13:50,414 --> 00:13:52,369 Thank you so much for running it over so late. 353 00:13:52,394 --> 00:13:54,078 I hope I didn't ruin your night. 354 00:13:54,103 --> 00:13:55,983 Nah, I was just playing a little ping-pong. 355 00:13:56,008 --> 00:13:58,745 - Is that right? - Yeah, but you're so lucky. 356 00:13:58,770 --> 00:13:59,955 I'm such a Hillenbrand fan. 357 00:13:59,980 --> 00:14:01,818 "Seabiscuit" was my favorite. 358 00:14:01,843 --> 00:14:03,486 Well, I wish I could ask you 359 00:14:03,511 --> 00:14:05,427 to come in and read this with me, 360 00:14:05,429 --> 00:14:08,154 but that could get us both in trouble. 361 00:14:08,179 --> 00:14:09,241 Oh. 362 00:14:09,266 --> 00:14:11,827 No, I signed a confidentiality agreement. 363 00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:13,602 There are probably lawyers hiding in the bushes. 364 00:14:13,627 --> 00:14:15,873 Okay, right. 365 00:14:15,898 --> 00:14:18,365 Well, I should let you get to it. 366 00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:19,786 Okay. 367 00:14:19,811 --> 00:14:23,339 Wait, before you go, a friend of mine 368 00:14:23,364 --> 00:14:27,970 told me that Hachette is trying to poach Kelsey Peters. 369 00:14:27,995 --> 00:14:30,635 Have you heard anything about that? 370 00:14:30,660 --> 00:14:33,938 Okay, I'll say this. 371 00:14:35,301 --> 00:14:38,352 Everyone wants to feel valuable at work, 372 00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:40,898 and I think that it would mean a lot to Kelsey 373 00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:44,578 if she knew just how much you valued her, 374 00:14:44,603 --> 00:14:46,695 that you won't always 375 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,831 see her as an assistant who's been promoted. 376 00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:52,782 I appreciate that information, Liza, 377 00:14:52,807 --> 00:14:55,078 and your discretion. 378 00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:56,190 Okay. 379 00:14:56,215 --> 00:14:58,541 I guess I'll see you on Monday. 380 00:14:58,569 --> 00:15:00,983 - Yeah. See you Monday. - Enjoy the book. 381 00:15:01,008 --> 00:15:03,309 Yeah, and enjoy your night. 382 00:15:04,962 --> 00:15:06,924 Ping-pong. 383 00:15:10,392 --> 00:15:11,939 Hey. 384 00:15:11,964 --> 00:15:13,068 Hey. 385 00:15:13,093 --> 00:15:14,757 I thought you'd still be at the party. 386 00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:16,561 Eh, I bailed. 387 00:15:16,586 --> 00:15:18,203 Whatever happened with Josh? 388 00:15:18,228 --> 00:15:19,610 Oh, I don't know. 389 00:15:19,635 --> 00:15:21,252 I texted him, and he hasn't texted back. 390 00:15:21,277 --> 00:15:23,313 I just can't figure him out anymore. 391 00:15:23,338 --> 00:15:24,911 Can't figure who out? 392 00:15:24,936 --> 00:15:27,553 Lauren, hi. 393 00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:29,245 Hi. 394 00:15:30,958 --> 00:15:33,400 Uh, can I get you a robe? 395 00:15:33,425 --> 00:15:35,494 Uh, no. No, thank you. 396 00:15:35,519 --> 00:15:36,908 I'd throw on my dress, 397 00:15:36,933 --> 00:15:39,887 but your roommate tore it in half like a phone book. 398 00:15:43,992 --> 00:15:45,325 Yeah. 399 00:15:45,350 --> 00:15:46,816 I can't believe you brought Lauren here. 400 00:15:46,841 --> 00:15:49,375 She could accidentally see something, a photo, who knows, 401 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:50,681 and find out about my age. 402 00:15:50,706 --> 00:15:52,761 She's so self-focused. 403 00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,743 She's barely aware of her surroundings. 404 00:15:54,768 --> 00:15:56,458 So where is Josh anyway? 405 00:15:56,483 --> 00:15:58,359 Oh, he went home early. 406 00:15:58,384 --> 00:15:59,744 On a Friday night? 407 00:15:59,769 --> 00:16:01,437 - That is not good. - You don't know that. 408 00:16:01,462 --> 00:16:02,658 I also date guys. 409 00:16:02,683 --> 00:16:05,451 No, I mean, I do feel like things 410 00:16:05,476 --> 00:16:08,777 have been kind of cooling down between us 411 00:16:08,802 --> 00:16:10,080 in the bedroom. 412 00:16:10,106 --> 00:16:11,605 Yeah, no, I figured that would happen. 413 00:16:11,630 --> 00:16:13,666 - What? - Josh is really edgy, you know? 414 00:16:13,691 --> 00:16:15,223 And you're, like, the nice girl. I know. 415 00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:16,501 I know that opposites attract, 416 00:16:16,526 --> 00:16:18,993 but, no offense, he's probably bored. 417 00:16:19,018 --> 00:16:21,185 - Hey. - No, maybe he is bored. 418 00:16:21,198 --> 00:16:22,481 Of course he's bored. 419 00:16:22,483 --> 00:16:24,154 All of these guys have been watching porn 420 00:16:24,179 --> 00:16:25,395 since they guessed their parents' password. 421 00:16:25,420 --> 00:16:26,499 It's hard to keep their attention. 422 00:16:26,524 --> 00:16:28,307 You've got to work at it. 423 00:16:28,332 --> 00:16:30,683 - Like, how? - Like, be a boss. 424 00:16:30,708 --> 00:16:32,267 Like, you got to get aggro with him. 425 00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:32,896 Okay. 426 00:16:32,921 --> 00:16:36,138 Uh, can you be more specific? 427 00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:37,213 Do you have a leather hood? 428 00:16:37,238 --> 00:16:38,840 Uh, no, no. That's too hard-core. 429 00:16:38,865 --> 00:16:41,138 Okay, all right. A penis cage? 430 00:16:41,163 --> 00:16:42,413 A what? 431 00:16:42,438 --> 00:16:44,938 Fishnets and a finger up the butt? 432 00:16:44,963 --> 00:16:46,761 I think I know what I need to do. 433 00:16:53,077 --> 00:16:54,410 Can I help you? 434 00:16:54,435 --> 00:16:56,435 - Is that my bathrobe? - No. 435 00:16:56,460 --> 00:16:59,511 This bathrobe belongs to a young woman named Liza 436 00:16:59,536 --> 00:17:01,486 who my roommate Josh used to date. 437 00:17:01,511 --> 00:17:02,984 Okay. Is Josh home? 438 00:17:03,009 --> 00:17:05,433 Liza? 439 00:17:07,634 --> 00:17:10,230 I just want you to know, if this is over, it's okay. 440 00:17:10,255 --> 00:17:11,770 I understand, you didn't plan to be 441 00:17:11,795 --> 00:17:13,262 with a 40-year-old divorced mom. 442 00:17:13,287 --> 00:17:14,839 Whoa, whoa, whoa. When did I ever say... 443 00:17:14,864 --> 00:17:16,281 You don't have to say anything. 444 00:17:16,306 --> 00:17:18,304 It's just... it's what I'm feeling. 445 00:17:18,330 --> 00:17:21,661 I mean, first this guy didn't want anything to do with me, 446 00:17:21,686 --> 00:17:23,257 and then you disappeared from the party. 447 00:17:23,282 --> 00:17:25,699 - Okay, I'm sorry about that. - Don't be sorry. 448 00:17:25,724 --> 00:17:27,414 You should be with someone your own age 449 00:17:27,439 --> 00:17:29,575 who will go aggro on you and put your penis in a cage, 450 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:30,630 but that's not me. 451 00:17:30,655 --> 00:17:32,204 I can't pretend with you anymore. 452 00:17:32,229 --> 00:17:33,825 You know who I really am, 453 00:17:33,850 --> 00:17:35,504 and maybe that's not enough or it's too much, or just... 454 00:17:35,528 --> 00:17:37,789 Shh. 455 00:17:42,375 --> 00:17:44,458 Hi. 456 00:17:44,483 --> 00:17:45,648 Hi. 457 00:17:46,136 --> 00:17:47,936 Okay, look. 458 00:17:47,961 --> 00:17:49,688 The other night, 459 00:17:49,713 --> 00:17:52,880 I just drank a little too much. 460 00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,705 Seriously. 461 00:17:54,730 --> 00:17:58,148 But tonight, everybody started asking me all these questions, 462 00:17:58,173 --> 00:17:59,760 and it got really weird, 463 00:17:59,785 --> 00:18:02,720 and I just... I left. 464 00:18:02,745 --> 00:18:06,414 I can't be put in that position again, babe. 465 00:18:06,439 --> 00:18:08,483 Like, come on, I can't lie to your friends. 466 00:18:08,508 --> 00:18:10,931 You know, they're my friends too. 467 00:18:10,956 --> 00:18:13,706 But you don't understand; I have to lie about my age 468 00:18:13,731 --> 00:18:15,037 at work, or I'll get fired. 469 00:18:15,062 --> 00:18:16,931 I mean, you could tell Kelsey. 470 00:18:17,173 --> 00:18:20,315 She'd be shocked, but she'd get over it. 471 00:18:20,340 --> 00:18:23,842 She's not gonna turn you in. 472 00:18:23,867 --> 00:18:25,806 Kelsey loves you. 473 00:18:25,831 --> 00:18:29,183 She's crazy about you. 474 00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:32,204 I'm crazy about you. 475 00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:35,660 - Really? - Really. 476 00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:39,044 Ugh. 477 00:18:39,069 --> 00:18:42,563 I'm gonna need that bathrobe dry-cleaned. 478 00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:57,658 Hey. Could I talk to you? 479 00:18:57,683 --> 00:19:01,010 Yeah. Come on in. 480 00:19:01,035 --> 00:19:03,418 - Hi. - Hi. 481 00:19:05,417 --> 00:19:09,274 First of all, I want to thank you 482 00:19:09,299 --> 00:19:13,373 for giving me my big break in this business. 483 00:19:13,398 --> 00:19:14,698 Without you believing in me, I... 484 00:19:14,700 --> 00:19:17,381 I know about the Hachette offer. 485 00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:18,712 Oh. 486 00:19:18,737 --> 00:19:21,468 I can't match their money, 487 00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:24,127 but I can offer you something 488 00:19:24,152 --> 00:19:25,665 that you won't get anywhere else. 489 00:19:25,690 --> 00:19:29,105 Your own imprint geared towards 20-somethings. 490 00:19:29,130 --> 00:19:30,616 You'll choose the projects. 491 00:19:30,641 --> 00:19:33,505 You'll have editorial control, and you can pick your team. 492 00:19:33,530 --> 00:19:34,467 Are you serious? 493 00:19:34,469 --> 00:19:35,940 Yeah. 494 00:19:35,964 --> 00:19:37,139 It's a big step up, 495 00:19:37,164 --> 00:19:40,818 but I think you're ready. 496 00:19:40,843 --> 00:19:43,115 Thank you. 497 00:19:43,562 --> 00:19:45,428 - Is that a yes? - Yeah. 498 00:19:45,430 --> 00:19:46,940 Yes. 499 00:19:49,842 --> 00:19:52,246 - Hi. - Hi. 500 00:19:52,271 --> 00:19:54,713 Um, there's something that I need to tell you. 501 00:19:54,738 --> 00:19:56,224 Will you sit down? 502 00:19:56,249 --> 00:19:57,365 No. 503 00:19:57,390 --> 00:19:59,265 You sit. 504 00:19:59,290 --> 00:20:02,158 Charles just gave me my own imprint. 505 00:20:02,183 --> 00:20:03,466 What? 506 00:20:03,491 --> 00:20:05,800 For millennials, by millennials. 507 00:20:05,825 --> 00:20:06,975 I get to run it. 508 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,011 That's fantastic! 509 00:20:08,036 --> 00:20:11,695 It's gonna be huge, and I want you to be a part of it. 510 00:20:12,194 --> 00:20:15,257 - Really? - Of course, yes! You're smart. 511 00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:18,100 You're young. You have great taste. 512 00:20:18,125 --> 00:20:22,211 I don't want to do this without you. 513 00:20:22,236 --> 00:20:24,279 Then I'm here for you. 514 00:20:24,304 --> 00:20:28,769 We're gonna be 26-year-old bosses. 515 00:20:31,171 --> 00:20:34,673 Wait, you had something to tell me. 516 00:20:34,698 --> 00:20:36,402 Nothing. 517 00:20:36,427 --> 00:20:39,373 - Yay! - Ah! 518 00:20:39,398 --> 00:20:41,810 Oh, my God.