1
00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:03,071
Previously on
The Last Man on Earth...

2
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I hold here what are probably
Lewis's remains.

3
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(drone buzzing)

4
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(screams)

5
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It's a girl.

6
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CAROL:
What are you gonna call her?

7
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Dawn.

8
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Because it's
the dawn of a new day.

9
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Oh, farts.

10
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She's beautiful.

11
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I know everyone says that,
but she is.

12
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(crying):
She's an angel!

13
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(gags)

14
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I think I might
need to excuse myself.

15
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(baby cooing)
Feeling a
little queasy.

16
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Not because of your blood
and goop, Erica.

17
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(strained):
That was beautiful.

18
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But in a way,
it does make me feel the need

19
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to puke and lie down.

20
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Bye, Carol.

21
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Okay, I'm supposed to check
her hearing and reflexes,

22
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when you have a chance.

23
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No, not letting go yet.

24
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I don't like babies.

25
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But she's a good one.

26
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I'm gonna spoil her.

27
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I don't care
who knows it.

28
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,094
Guys, guys, I need all your
attention up here, please.

29
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Uh, Erica had her baby,
you friggin' idiot.

30
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Oh, great!

31
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Oh, my God,
oh, gorgeous baby, Erica.

32
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Tandy, that's the placenta.
Oh, good.

33
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'Cause it doesn't look
anything like you, yeah. Ew.

34
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Okay, look, uh,

35
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come with me, please.

36
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Uh, we're a little busy.
This is super important.

37
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What's more important
than a baby being born?

38
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That.

39
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Oh, my God.

40
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Tandy, are you absolutely sure
that's a nuclear meltdown?

41
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Oh, maybe it's just
a huge regular fire

42
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coming directly out
of the inside

43
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of a frigging nuclear reactor.

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Burn.

45
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Yeah, I-I'm pretty sure.

46
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TODD:
Yeah,

47
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Lewis talked about this,
he said...

48
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bridges would start collapsing,

49
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satellites would start
falling from the sky,

50
00:01:50,978 --> 00:01:53,147
and, you know, this.

51
00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:56,417
Ah, Lewis, a good man,
and so very, very wise.

52
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Except when it came to flying
a plane, am I right?

53
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MELISSA:
But is it even safe

54
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for us to be on the roof?
I mean, are we getting

55
00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:03,457
radiation poisoning
just being out here?

56
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Oh, good point, Melissa, yeah.

57
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Maybe we should all
do one of these.

58
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Hey, guys, remember
Jasper's here, all right?

59
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Oh, yeah. Jasper, do this
if you want to live.

60
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TODD: Tandy...
GAIL: Okay, what in God's
name are we gonna do?

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Let's get the hell out of here.
Where are we gonna go?

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I don't know,
just grab what we can

63
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and drive away from that.

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Good call. Gail, you tell Erica,
I'll tell Carol.

65
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Okay, collars up,
every second counts.

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Move, move, move!

67
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(CPAP machine whirring)

68
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(whispering):
Carol.

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(screams) My goldang gol!
Care Bear,

70
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it's just me, it's just me.

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Oh, you got to
tread lightly, Tandy.

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You know I'm a paranoid napper.

73
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I'm sorry, sorry.

74
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Look, I-I got a little, uh...

75
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How should I put this? Uh...

76
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thing of interest,
uh, to tell you.

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Can I tell you something
interesting first?

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Uh, uh, uh, yeah, sure, yes.

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Did you know that I used
to be deathly afraid

80
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of sliding out of long booths
in Mexican restaurants?

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I did not know that
about you, Carol, no.

82
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Until one day,
a very talented therapist

83
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took me to
Casa Gallardo

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and made me watch her slide
in and out of a long booth

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with elegance and class.

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And that's what happened
when I saw that birth.

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That baby slid out of Erica
with elegance and class

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just like Dr. Weem did
in that Mexican booth.

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Oh, oh.
(sighs)

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I just needed to see it
go well once.

91
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And I'm not afraid anymore.

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We have created
the perfect home.

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And I can't imagine raising
our baby anywhere else.

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Yeah, okay, well, uh,

95
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as always, I commend you on that
whimsical, seemingly pointless

96
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yet suddenly relevant wind-up
to what could've been

97
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a really boring bit
of regular old information.

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Well, I learned it
from the best.

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(blows)

100
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(gulps)

101
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(blows)

102
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Okay.

103
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Wait, what were you
gonna tell me?

104
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,618
Uh, uh, uh...

105
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just a joke, you know?

106
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Uh, why did the banker
quit his job?

107
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(squeals)
Why?

108
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'Cause he lost interest.

109
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(laughs hysterically)

110
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I'm peeing.

111
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I peed a little.

112
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Well, uh, why don't you
clean yourself up

113
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and go back to sleep, huh?

114
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Oh, no, it wasn't
a toilet amount.

115
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Okay.

116
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(vacuum running)

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(vacuum stops)

118
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Good-bye, dear friend.

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I know I gave you
a lot to deal with,

120
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but you took it like
a real toilet.

121
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(soft chuckle)

122
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(toilet flushes)

123
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(sniffling)

124
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We had a lot of
good times in here.

125
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But like
the dinosaur,

126
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all good things
must come to an end.

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MELISSA (whispering):
Okay, let's go before

128
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we all start to
glow in the dark.

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TODD (whispering):
Come on, bud.

130
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Wait, where's Carol?

131
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She's sleeping.

132
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GAIL: Well, go
wake her ass up.

133
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Don't worry,
it's all taken care of.

134
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(rattling)

135
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Tandy. Tandy?

136
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,196
What?
The whole house is
bouncing and jiggling.

137
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I think we're having
an earthquake.

138
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(giggling):
What?

139
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I don't feel anything
but aggressive stability.

140
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:09,336
Issue resolved.

141
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,938
Now let's go back to
bed for a long time.

142
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Oh. Oh! Oh.

143
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Okay. All right.

144
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No, no, no, Carol!
No, no, no, no!
Okay, get in the door jamb!

145
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Carol, no, don't, don't,
don't! No, no, no, no!

146
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:22,850
Tandy!

147
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(screams)

148
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,562
What in Bruce Almighty
is happening?

149
00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:36,597
Road trip!

150
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:38,298
What? I'm about to have a baby!

151
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:40,801
Exactly, so this is,
like, our last chance

152
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,369
to do something
spur of the moment

153
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before we become
boring, old parents.

154
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:47,941
Tandy, turn this flipping house
around and take me the flip home

155
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:50,243
before I completely
lose my flipping crumbs!

156
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:52,312
I'll have to talk to Todd;
he's driving.

157
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:53,380
Actually got the
whole crew up there.

158
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Got your medical equipment,

159
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,717
all your scrapbooks,

160
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and basically all the stuff
that people could quickly grab.

161
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Erica even brought her
new baby, which is fun.

162
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Okay, Tandy, I'm gonna ask you
this one more time:

163
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onto which what is going?

164
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:10,297
(laughing):
Nothing.

165
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:11,832
Tandrew!

166
00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:16,804
Carol, we can't go back.

167
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:18,839
Why the gol not?

168
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,441
Look.

169
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There's no easy way to say this.

170
00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:30,283
So I'm gonna go ahead
and sing it.

171
00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:32,185
(chuckles softly)

172
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:41,094
* Have you ever had
a nuclear meltdown *

173
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,030
* Sitting right on your face? *

174
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:47,134
* So you load your sleeping wife
into a trailer bed *

175
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:50,203
* Haul her pregnant ass
from that place *

176
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:52,973
* Nuclear meltdown,
nuclear, nuclear meltdown *

177
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:56,109
* Is gonna melt away the
frigging skin from our bods *

178
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:59,379
* Nuclear meltdown,
nuclear, nuclear meltdown *

179
00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:04,184
* Skin melting
off of your body *

180
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,519
* Melted skin. *

181
00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:07,988
Okay. Here comes the boob.

182
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,857
Here comes the boobie.

183
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:11,959
Oh, come on, work with me here.

184
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:14,294
How's it going
back there, Erica?

185
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,629
ERICA:
Super awesome.

186
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:16,830
You know what they say,

187
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,198
always wait
till your baby's 12 hours old

188
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:20,568
before racing away
from a nuclear dust cloud.

189
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:22,335
What's a nuclear dust cloud?

190
00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:23,503
Um.

191
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:25,639
It's a, it's a ska band

192
00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:28,542
I used to listen to
back in the '90s.

193
00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:29,810
It's a poisonous cloud
that gives you cancer

194
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:30,978
and slowly kills you.

195
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,345
Melissa.

196
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:34,147
Why didn't we bring the cow?

197
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,649
We didn't bring the cow.

198
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:36,717
GAIL:
Oh, my God.

199
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:38,151
We forgot the freaking cow?

200
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:39,386
Come on.

201
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:41,088
We didn't bring
the freaking cow!

202
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:43,356
Damn it.
ERICA:
Oh, geez.

203
00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:45,092
I would've brought the cow.

204
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,094
Yeah.
Yeah.

205
00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:49,096
Hey, we've been driving around
for, like, three hours.

206
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:52,700
Shouldn't we try and figure out
what the hell it is we're doing?

207
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,677
TANDY:
Hey, guys.

208
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:05,512
I found an Army surplus store
and I hooked us up

209
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:08,281
with one of these
little bad boys. Now, Jasper,

210
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:09,917
this is what's called
a Geiger counter,

211
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:11,451
or a Gizzy kizzy.

212
00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,687
Okay? Now, if we're safe,
it doesn't make any noise.

213
00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:15,422
But if we get
into a dangerous

214
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:18,692
radioactive area,
it will start making a sound

215
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,728
like this...

216
00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:22,029
(farts)

217
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,230
Thought that would register.

218
00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:25,532
So you guys, uh, find any info?

219
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:26,734
MELISSA:
I-I found this book

220
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,235
about what would happen
if all civilization vanished.

221
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:29,603
And it says,

222
00:09:29,637 --> 00:09:32,372
sooner or later, all these
nuclear reactors are gonna blow.

223
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,607
Ooh, what does it say
we should do?

224
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:35,242
In the book we're all dead.

225
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:36,610
My book here says
that we're good

226
00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:39,079
outside of a hundred-mile radius
of a meltdown.

227
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:42,082
Well, just to be safe,
let's make it 102.

228
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,316
Yeah.

229
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,485
Well, okay, so when can
we go back to our building?

230
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:47,454
20,000 years.

231
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:50,223
Any wiggle room?

232
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,092
No wiggles, Carol.

233
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:53,927
Okay, I'm trying
to be cool here,

234
00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:57,130
but I just need to know
where I'm gonna have my baby.

235
00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:58,666
TODD:
Why don't we just...

236
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:00,801
move somewhere where
there are no nuclear plants?

237
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,169
I second that. Seconded, yeah.

238
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,304
That may be a bit of a problem.

239
00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:09,476
Oh, my God.

240
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:10,610
Oh.

241
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,312
Oh, gol, gol, gol.

242
00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:13,981
Mexico looks pretty clear.

243
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:15,248
Yeah, there's only one
down there,

244
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,250
but this book
was written in 1998,

245
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:19,152
so who knows
how many there are now?

246
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:20,754
What other choice do we have?

247
00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:22,522
TODD: But those things
are everywhere.

248
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:24,324
How the hell are
we gonna get down there?

249
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:27,360
All we have to do is get past
this little ring of nukes,

250
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:28,862
and if they haven't
popped their tops,

251
00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:30,197
I believe we're good to go.

252
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:33,834
And if there's any problem,
we'll know.

253
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:36,269
Then I guess
we're going to Mexico.

254
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,772
Well, as long as we're going
to Mexico,

255
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:41,308
Melissa and I have a pitch.

256
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:44,712
(à la Andy Dufresne):
There's a little place
on the Pacific Ocean.

257
00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:47,614
You know what the Mexicans say
about the Pacific?

258
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,616
(à la Red):
They say it has no memory.

259
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,385
That's where I want
to live the rest of my life.

260
00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:54,321
A warm place with no memory.

261
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,056
Zihuatanejo.
Zihuatanejo.

262
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:57,891
Shawshank... Redemption.

263
00:10:57,925 --> 00:10:59,559
What?

264
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:01,661
Yeah, whatever. Let's freaking
jam this taco stand.

265
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:02,696
Yeah.

266
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,571
Come on. Here it is.

267
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,506
(baby crying)
(laughing): Oh!

268
00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:15,175
I'm so sorry, Erica.

269
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,244
God, I didn't know
it was chow time there, huh?

270
00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:20,547
(chuckles) I will give you and
your breasts a little privacy.

271
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,716
Full respect in full effect.

272
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:24,684
You know what, Tandy,
it's no big deal.

273
00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:25,919
This is gonna be happening
a lot around here,

274
00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:27,988
you might as well
get used to it.

275
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,190
Good point, yeah,
might as well, uh,

276
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:33,794
rip off the Band-Aid
and get on in there.

277
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:37,497
So, not latching on, huh?

278
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,399
Am I using
the correct terminology?

279
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:40,567
Latching on?

280
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,335
You know what,
a bit of privacy might be good.

281
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,337
Oh, yeah-- uh, respect.

282
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:45,505
Yeah, respect.

283
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,706
All right.

284
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:52,412
GAIL:
Hey, Carol, relax.

285
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:54,014
When we get down there,

286
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:57,684
we are gonna get that
delivery room up and running.

287
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,853
And you got nothing
to worry about.

288
00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:02,089
That is
a Gail Klosterman guarantee.

289
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:03,423
You hear me?

290
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:05,525
Thanks, Mom.

291
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,427
Okay.
TODD: Hey, guys!

292
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,462
Tijuana: 72 miles!

293
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:11,731
(whooping)
(horn honks)

294
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:14,434
(yelping)

295
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,036
(à la Red):
I have to remind myself,

296
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:19,072
some birds
aren't meant to be caged.

297
00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:20,540
So get busy livin'...

298
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,609
or get busy dyin'.
Or get busy dying.

299
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:23,710
(horn honks)

300
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:28,148
It truly was
a Shawshank redemption.

301
00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:34,855
(quietly):
Tom Hanks.

302
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:38,792
(Geiger counter ticking)

303
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,661
(ticking intensifies)

304
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:48,936
Oh, farts.

305
00:12:55,042 --> 00:12:56,743
Well, we can't go north,
we can't go south,

306
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,512
east is like Nukeville U.S.A.

307
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:01,481
Guess we only have one option.

308
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,951
Oh, don't say it.

309
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:06,319
Los Angeles.

310
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,022
CAROL:
Okay, so we're just gonna

311
00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:12,092
drive back to a place
that we specifically left

312
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,694
because a crazy man
was trying to kill us?

313
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:16,930
Don't worry
about Pat.

314
00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:18,031
Who's Pat?

315
00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:19,432
TODD:
Uh, he's a purveyor

316
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,601
of ice cream, uh,
brief incarcerant...

317
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,603
jean art enthusiast.

318
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,538
No, he's the guy
that tried to murder us.

319
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:26,706
Okay? And then
Todd ran over him

320
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:28,775
with his car and then
squished out all his guts,

321
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,111
and then somehow the guy got
his guts squished all back in.

322
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,446
(groans)
And now he's still out there,

323
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,382
probably pretty pissed.

324
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:37,450
Look, we are gonna haul ass
out to that marina,

325
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:38,852
we're gonna hop on a boat,

326
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:40,620
and we're gonna
get out on the ocean.

327
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:41,955
I mean, that's the only place

328
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:45,158
we can be sure
there's no radioactive schnizz.

329
00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:46,626
Gail's right.
It's our only move.

330
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,328
Does anyone know
how to drive a boat?

331
00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,397
(laughs) I have some experience
with, uh, boats...

332
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,866
Does anyone else know
how to drive a boat?

333
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:53,967
We are gonna be fine.

334
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:55,468
We're gonna hug the shore,

335
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:56,569
and we're zip down the coast

336
00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:58,538
to Zihuatanejo.

337
00:13:58,571 --> 00:13:59,907
We have got this.

338
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:05,778
TANDY: Come on. Let's do this
as quickly as possible.

339
00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:12,085
Okay, it's clear, come on.

340
00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:13,820
I got gas.

341
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,923
I-I mean-mean,
you know what I mean.
Come on, let's go.

342
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,958
TANDY: Okay.

343
00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:25,365
Hey, Care Bear.

344
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,767
I know this has
been a big day,

345
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,070
so I set up a little oasis
for you in the house.

346
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:32,772
You know, I lit some
aromatherapy candles,

347
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:36,176
put on some Gregorian chants,
laid out a few butt plugs...

348
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,979
JK, but I did do the
candles and the butt plugs.

349
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,682
JK, it was the candles
and the chants,

350
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:45,018
and that's my final answer.
(chuckles)

351
00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:47,187
Well, I appreciate it, Tandy,

352
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:50,790
but I think I just need
to walk around a little bit.

353
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:52,892
You okay?

354
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,894
Yeah.
(chuckles)

355
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:57,597
Just a lot's coming down
on this pregnant lady.

356
00:14:57,630 --> 00:15:00,200
Oh, come here.

357
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,435
I'm not gonna let anything
happen to you. Okay?

358
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:06,306
I promise.

359
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:07,907
That goes for you, too.

360
00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:10,777
Thanks, Tandy.

361
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:15,015
(Gregorian chants playing)

362
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:19,052
(Dawn crying)

363
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:20,453
Why won't you eat?

364
00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:21,621
Testify.

365
00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:24,457
Can I help you, Tandy?

366
00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:26,826
Just checking in.

367
00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:28,795
Still not taking the nub, huh?

368
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,763
(sighs)
No, not yet.

369
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:33,433
Hey, do you mind if I have
a little word with her?

370
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,668
(sighs)

371
00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:40,140
Hey, Dawn...

372
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:43,276
just do it. Huh?

373
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:45,812
Oh.

374
00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:47,114
Now try.

375
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:48,781
Okay.
TODD:
All right, guys.

376
00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:50,817
We're entering Los Angeles.

377
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:02,929
Quiet as a church mouse.

378
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:06,199
(whispering):
Notoriously quiet mice.

379
00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:09,436
So, are we gonna have some
sort of plan if we do see Pat?

380
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:10,970
Carol, don't worry, okay?

381
00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:12,605
Pat is most likely dead.

382
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,774
And in the
one-in-a-billion chance

383
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,343
that he's alive and in L.A.,

384
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:19,279
there's, like, zero chance
that he could ever find us.

385
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:20,380
(Gregorian chants playing)

386
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,785
It's a huge city,

387
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:26,953
and there's, like,
thousands of streets.

388
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,155
So we're just gonna take

389
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:29,322
all the little,
teeny, tiny streets

390
00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:30,623
that nobody ever goes on,

391
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:33,026
and we're gonna hop on the boat,
and we're good to go.

392
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:35,028
(Gregorian chants playing)

393
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:40,567
We're one little RV.

394
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,635
We're like a needle
in a haystack.

395
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:43,903
I'll take it one step further.

396
00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:45,738
The needle is hay-colored.

397
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:48,975
And the haystack
is made of needles.

398
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,377
I'm telling you,

399
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:54,747
there is no way that Pat
could ever find us. (chuckles)

400
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,693
(ice cream truck music plays)

401
00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:25,378
GAIL: We're clear. Let's pick
a boat and start loading.

402
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:27,614
ERICA:
What's that smell?

403
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:29,682
Ugh! Pickles on a picnic!

404
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:32,719
Uh, Carol. I-I-It's
nobody's fault.

405
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:35,855
But our home. The baby's room.

406
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:36,956
Aw, it's okay, hon.

407
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:38,558
We're gonna help you
make another one.

408
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:40,960
Yeah, Carol,
a-all those things?

409
00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:42,695
It's just stuff.

410
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,232
You know, the only thing that
really matters is right here.

411
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,933
The six of us.

412
00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:48,968
There are eight of us.

413
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:50,303
Well, uh, you know,

414
00:17:50,337 --> 00:17:52,539
a gentleman never counts
himself or his wife.

415
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,073
Maybe we should
go pick a boat.
Yes.
Yeah.

416
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,143
TANDY:
Yes, we should.

417
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:03,750
Well, here's two
solid candidates,

418
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:04,917
Ship Happens

419
00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:07,587
and The Sea Word.

420
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,922
MELISSA: Hey, you guys can take
whatever boat you want,

421
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:12,892
but I'm taking this one.

422
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:15,628
Come on.
No Boats about It?

423
00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:17,630
It's like they
didn't even try.

424
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:23,636
Get out of town.

425
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:26,606
Yeah. Finally got her.

426
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:32,812
Hmm. Hungry little sucker.

427
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:35,582
Making up for
lost time, huh?

428
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:38,185
Oh, the miracle of nipples.

429
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,919
Nature's horchata.

430
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:43,823
Yeah, my mom told me it took
me a long time to latch,

431
00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:47,327
but once I did,
I never let go. Ask Carol.

432
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,196
Tandy.
No, seriously, ask her.

433
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:50,197
Okay, we good?

434
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:51,698
Yeah, let's shove off.

435
00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:53,633
Okay, first, I'd like
to make a little toast.

436
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,768
Uh, you know, I'd really
rather get going, bud.

437
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:57,003
Yeah, Tandy, we don't have time.

438
00:18:57,036 --> 00:18:59,272
(scoffs) Americans.
Hurry up and wait.

439
00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:00,507
You feel me, Erica?

440
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:01,674
I don't.

441
00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:02,709
(laughs)
Here you go, Gail.

442
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:03,943
What?

443
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,245
TANDY:
Todd, Melissa.

444
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:08,948
Anyway, the word
toast comes to mind

445
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,384
because America
is now toast to us.

446
00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:14,454
The cruel winds
of change and radioactivity

447
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:17,357
have pushed us to sea,
and unlike Dawn,

448
00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:19,125
who took a while
to start sucking,

449
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,428
this group has sucked
from the very start...

450
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:25,332
...from the teat of friendship.

451
00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:32,505
Now, I'll keep this brief

452
00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:34,241
'cause I know that time
is of the essence.

453
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:36,976
But, uh, I'd like to spend
five minutes per person

454
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,745
on what each of you mean to me.

455
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,580
Here, Todd, here's a timer.
Please don't let me go under.

456
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,349
GAIL: Tandy!

457
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:43,483
Let's go.

458
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,885
Gail.
(groans)

459
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:47,487
The moment I first heard
your Southern lilt,

460
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,823
I thought I had died
and gone to the plantizzy.

461
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:54,861
Equal parts class and sass,
the word "pert" jumps to mind.

462
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:03,370
(in Australian accent):
Dawn. Australian for "baby."

463
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:06,239
(chuckles) Like the first
light of the new day.

464
00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:07,840
Or a dishwashing detergent

465
00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:10,009
that cuts through grease
like a knife.

466
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:15,214
But that's not a knife,
this is a baby.

467
00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:18,418
* Waltzing Matilda *

468
00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:20,186
* Waltzing Matilda. *
Everybody.

469
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,954
Tandy, can we wrap this up?

470
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:23,856
Of course, Melissa. I'm done.

471
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:26,426
But at the same time,
I'm just getting started,

472
00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:28,295
because we're safe now.

473
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:29,896
And when it comes
to the happiness

474
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:31,564
and well-being of this group,

475
00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:35,034
I can 100%,
absolutely, positively,

476
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:40,440
with absolutely no reservations,
assure you, positively...

477
00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:42,074
(all gasping)

478
00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:43,543
...this is only the beginning.

479
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,312
PAT:
Of the end.

480
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:49,816
Remember me?

481
00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:52,419
(screaming)

482
00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:54,721
(gunshot)

483
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:56,022
(screaming)

484
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:05,332
Hi. I'm Pamela.

485
00:21:36,028 --> 00:21:37,497
CHILDREN:
Uncle Stinky.

486
00:21:37,530 --> 00:21:38,998
(dolphin chittering)

487
00:21:39,031 --> 00:21:41,033
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH