1
00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:03,137
Previously on
The Last Man On Earth...

2
00:00:03,171 --> 00:00:04,705
I need to know
what this pill is.

3
00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:06,740
Clozapine.

4
00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:08,076
Uh, Gail, it's a match.

5
00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:09,543
(both laughing, clamoring)

6
00:00:09,577 --> 00:00:10,644
Looks like we have company,

7
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,846
and that company is a Yoda.

8
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,648
TANDY:
Where the hell are you?

9
00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:16,917
(screaming)

10
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:21,055
(a la Yoda):
Found a Yoda, looks like we did.

11
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:28,329
I can't believe a kid's alive.

12
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,264
Poor thing,
what he's been through.

13
00:00:30,298 --> 00:00:32,032
Alone all this time.

14
00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:34,168
No family, no friends.

15
00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:36,036
Has he said
anything at all?

16
00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:37,771
Not yet.

17
00:00:37,805 --> 00:00:39,340
TANDY:
Nah, words are just things.

18
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:40,874
(chuckles)
You guys'll find a way

19
00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:42,343
to bond with him
like I have.

20
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:45,079
Isn't that right,
you little turkey?

21
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,416
What a connection.

22
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:50,284
So, look, I know what
you're all thinking.

23
00:00:50,318 --> 00:00:52,086
You know, Tandy's
the finder,

24
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,122
so, naturally, Tandy
should be the keeper.

25
00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:55,423
No one's thinking that.

26
00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:56,690
Yeah, there's no keeper
in this situation.

27
00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:57,691
This is a child.

28
00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:00,094
Or a Benji Buttons.

29
00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:02,230
Okay, if you still think
he's a Benjamin Button,

30
00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:03,864
you shouldn't be
anywhere near him.

31
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:06,100
Fine, he's a kid.

32
00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:09,137
Look, I put in a lot of hours
out there in those woods,

33
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:12,540
opening up my heart, and making
him feel the security

34
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,074
that only a father can provide.

35
00:01:14,108 --> 00:01:16,277
Now, am I his literal father?

36
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:18,546
Probably not.

37
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:21,215
But am I spiritually his father?
Without a doubt.

38
00:01:21,249 --> 00:01:24,051
So to quote the late
Sir Paul McCartney,

39
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,786
and the even later
Michael Jackson,

40
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,655
"That boy is mine.

41
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:29,490
That doggone boy is mine."

42
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,292
He doesn't belong
to anybody,

43
00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:32,793
you friggin' nimwood.

44
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:35,263
Maybe I can help.
From my work with strays,

45
00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:37,831
I learned that the most
important thing you can do

46
00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:40,601
is project a feeling of calm.
Yeah.

47
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:43,504
You know, just make him
feel comfortable, safe.

48
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,306
Hey, there, little guy.

49
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:46,974
Hi.
Just relax.

50
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:48,576
We're all your friends.

51
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,744
Is there anything I can do
to make you more comfortable?

52
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:53,414
(all talking at once)

53
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,082
Hey, there, my little dude.

54
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,517
You want to take
your mask off?

55
00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:58,686
Okay, nobody takes
that mask off.

56
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:00,454
He wears that thing
forever, you hear?

57
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:01,522
Are you hungry?

58
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:04,958
You want some pizza?

59
00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:06,794
(both gasp)

60
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:09,297
Well, there's that
beautiful face, huh?

61
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,666
Hey, can you tell us
your name?

62
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:13,834
Huh?

63
00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:15,135
Oh, he's shy.

64
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:16,604
Okay, let me start.

65
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,372
My name is Tandy.

66
00:02:18,406 --> 00:02:19,707
Okay, so, uh,

67
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:22,843
can you tell us
your little name? Huh?

68
00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:28,015
Okay, it appears
we're dealing with a deaf.

69
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:29,683
Or, like, a Nell.

70
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:30,951
CAROL:
Okay, let me try.

71
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:33,354
I'm gonna say
some common names,

72
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:35,323
and you just let me know
if I guess it.

73
00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:37,458
Daphne.

74
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:38,826
Smeegle?

75
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:40,794
LaFontaine.

76
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:42,663
Carol, those aren't
common names.

77
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:44,064
Maybe not where you grew up,

78
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:46,567
but we had two
LaFontaines on our block.

79
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,537
Oh, they were always
picking on poor Smeegle.

80
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:52,206
LaFontaines are
notorious bullies.

81
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,174
Guys!
His name's labeled right here

82
00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:55,343
on the front of his backpack.

83
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:56,577
He's Jansport.

84
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:58,979
No, Tandy, that's the name
of the backpack company.

85
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,648
But it's got a nice ring
to it, huh?

86
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,149
All in favor of naming
the kid "Jansport"?

87
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,985
You can't name
a kid a backpack.

88
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,488
And I would never suggest
that we do that, okay?

89
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:10,558
But we can be inspired by it.
Okay, let's brainstorm:

90
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:12,493
Jan, Janice...

91
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,027
Oh, I like Janice.

92
00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:15,195
Janice it is.

93
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:17,164
No, you're not
naming him Janice.

94
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,532
Guys, look, he's obviously
got a name,

95
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:19,833
and he'll tell us
when he's ready.

96
00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:22,670
But in the meantime,
we have to call him something.

97
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:23,904
I mean, kids need names.

98
00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:26,340
It gives them confidence,
self-esteem.

99
00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:28,409
Half the kids in jail
never had names.

100
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:29,877
That's why they
give them numbers.

101
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:32,179
Ooh, how about Jansport?

102
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,414
Oh, we already did that one.

103
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,015
Uh, Jasport! Jasport.

104
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,751
Uh, Japort, Japah...
Jasper. Jasper!

105
00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,587
Jasper-- what do you think?

106
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:40,521
Fine.

107
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,422
Is that okay?

108
00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:42,490
Can we call you Jasper?

109
00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:45,259
He loves it.

110
00:03:45,293 --> 00:03:46,694
Hi, Jasper.

111
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,195
Hey, you want to play a game?

112
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,197
You do, huh?
Tag!

113
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,665
(laughing)

114
00:04:00,107 --> 00:04:02,242
Hey, bud.
(chuckles)

115
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,478
It's good to get away
from those chumps, huh?

116
00:04:04,512 --> 00:04:08,282
Just the boys, am I right?
(chuckling)

117
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,285
Psych!

118
00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:13,153
Too slow, yeah.

119
00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:14,922
Hey, I got a little
something for you.

120
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,357
Hang tight.

121
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:23,297
(engine humming)

122
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:38,312
Jasper?

123
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,516
Jasper?

124
00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:43,517
Huh.

125
00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:45,786
(turning siren on and off)

126
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:48,956
(laughs)

127
00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:53,627
Well, there you are,

128
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:56,630
you little, turkey, huh?
(chuckling)

129
00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:58,599
Guess we're gonna have to
work on the meaning

130
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:01,101
of "hang tight,"
'cause you immediately took off.

131
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,103
(chuckles) No worries, bud.

132
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:06,206
Here, come on, check this out!

133
00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:07,708
(chuckles) Look at this.

134
00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:09,276
Isn't this cool?

135
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,712
This is called
a margarita pool, Jasper.

136
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:12,813
Now, margaritas are

137
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:14,314
an adult beverage

138
00:05:14,348 --> 00:05:15,783
that contain alcohol.

139
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,050
Now, what is alcohol?

140
00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:19,186
Alcohol is what
grown-ups drink

141
00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:22,289
when they want to get crunk;
you know, loose.

142
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,357
Yeah, come over
and check it out.

143
00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:24,658
Oh, no, no, no, no!
(laughs)

144
00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:26,193
This one's for me, okay?

145
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:28,328
But don't you worry,
'cause I got you

146
00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:30,564
a hot tub sundae!

147
00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:33,801
Come on, Jasper, last one in
is a rotten egg.

148
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:34,968
(laughter continues)

149
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,537
Oh, very slippery.

150
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:38,171
(laughs) Come on!

151
00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:39,740
(laughs)

152
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:42,175
(singsongy):
You're a rotten egg.

153
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:44,311
JK, bud.
Oh, this is so great.

154
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:47,047
Look at this, look at this.
I got the whipped cream.

155
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,382
(laughs)

156
00:05:48,416 --> 00:05:51,585
Some peanuts.

157
00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:53,153
And some cherries, too, huh?

158
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,589
(laughs)

159
00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:57,458
This is fun and delicious, huh?

160
00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:02,195
Oh, that whipped cream
has gone bad.

161
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:03,831
It's gone bad.
Yes, it's rancid.

162
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:04,898
Where you going, bud?

163
00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:07,167
You gonna get a big run-up?

164
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,403
Gonna cannonball me?
Ha! Nice try.

165
00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:11,004
Jasper. Jasper.

166
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,706
(accordion playing)

167
00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:14,775
* Crack that whip. *

168
00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,944
(sighs) Hey, Todd.
Hey.

169
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:18,045
What are you up to?

170
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,780
Ah, just going to
give Melissa her medication.

171
00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:21,682
Oh. How's that going?

172
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,552
Well, apparently it takes
a few weeks to see results.

173
00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,186
But the side effects
are coming in hot,

174
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,187
so that's a good sign.

175
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,956
You know, increased heart rate,

176
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:31,525
lots of sweats, tarry stools...

177
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:32,626
Don't need all the deets, Todd.

178
00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:34,294
Copy that.

179
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:37,364
Hey, thanks again
for your help.

180
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,099
I couldn't have
done it without you.

181
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:49,209
Hey, bud.

182
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:52,446
I know this all must
be so new and scary,

183
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,815
but I'd like to introduce you
to a friend,

184
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:57,017
who might just make you feel
a little more comfortable.

185
00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:00,488
This is Gary.

186
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,322
When I was all alone,

187
00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:04,124
this little guy was
everything to me.

188
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:06,494
A mother, a father,

189
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,829
a brother, a sister.

190
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:11,632
A distant uncle who
tells it like it is.

191
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:13,066
And I'll be honest,
a few days away

192
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,101
from being a lover.

193
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:16,236
But most of all,

194
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,839
he was my best friend.

195
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,977
Now I'd like him to
be your best friend.

196
00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,078
Oh, no, no, no, no!

197
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:27,648
Erica, stop! Gary!

198
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:30,183
Gary! No!

199
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,094
I saw what you did
last summer.

200
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,631
What?
You and...

201
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,766
Todd.

202
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,167
Me and Todd what?

203
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,036
The way he touched
your shoulder?

204
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:51,605
I thought the fireworks
would burn my face off.

205
00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:54,608
Felt like the 4th of May
over there.

206
00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:56,209
You mean 4th of July?

207
00:07:56,243 --> 00:08:00,948
No, the 4th of May--
International Walkers Day.

208
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:04,017
My family were avid walkers.
Big pedophiles.

209
00:08:04,051 --> 00:08:06,887
Anyways, I thought
you two were broken up.

210
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,221
We are broken up.

211
00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:10,724
Hell, friends can
touch shoulders,

212
00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:12,192
for God sakes, Carol.

213
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:13,894
Well, looks like this friend was

214
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:16,997
itching for some benefits.

215
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:19,166
Carol, why are you all
up in my butt about this?

216
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:21,401
It's a tale as old as time.

217
00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:24,471
Girl gets stuck in an elevator,
nearly dies.

218
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:28,008
Comes out scared,
emotional, raw.

219
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,878
And then her scenester
ex-boyfriend swoops in

220
00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:33,914
with his shoulder touches
and his sweet talk.

221
00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:37,250
"Hey, babe, how you feeling?
You feeling raw?

222
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,986
I'll make it go away."

223
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,520
And then you boink all night.

224
00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:43,423
Boink, boink!
Breather. Boink!

225
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,993
And yeah, it's hot,
and it's kinky,

226
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,896
and it's making the voices
in your head stop.

227
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:51,999
But the next day,
you wake up and he's gone.

228
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,534
And, PS...

229
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:56,269
(whispers):
you're pregnant.

230
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:01,008
Yeah, Carol, I don't think
any of those things

231
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:03,677
are gonna happen,
especially that last part.

232
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:05,613
Got it.

233
00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:08,215
Oh, God, I don't know
what you think you got,

234
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,784
but you might want to spend
some of the brain time

235
00:09:10,818 --> 00:09:13,286
worrying about Tandy
and that kid.

236
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:14,922
But they're doing great.

237
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:18,058
TANDY:
Jasper! Jasper!

238
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:19,860
How dare you!

239
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,862
Are they?

240
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,597
Jasper!

241
00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,365
We're not done here.

242
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,534
He trusted you,
Jasper!

243
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,003
Oh, don't worry, you're
gonna be okay, okay?

244
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,608
How's it going, Tandy?
Not well.

245
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,576
He just needs
a little air transfusion.

246
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:41,148
Look, I hate to kick you
while you're down here,

247
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,983
but a lot of people
are a little concerned

248
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:46,053
that you might not have
the aptitude to be a care giver.

249
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,055
Carol, I don't know
what I'm doing wrong.

250
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,423
I mean, I'm bending
over backwards for this kid,

251
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,392
pulling out all the stops.

252
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,928
But he's just acting
like a real LaFontaine.

253
00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:59,566
Well, if he's misbehaving,

254
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,568
then maybe

255
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,904
you got to do
something about it.

256
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,439
Have you seen
Mr. Holland's Opus?

257
00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:09,943
No.
Me, neither. I hear it's great.

258
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,645
But that same year,
there was another movie

259
00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:14,181
that came out
called Dangerous Minds.

260
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,916
Oh, good, okay.

261
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,918
It's about a woman
named Michelle Pfeiffer,

262
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,654
who marches into
an inner-city classroom,

263
00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:23,657
and for the first time
in the history of the world,

264
00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:27,995
she wins kids over
with stern disciplinarianism.

265
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:30,463
She just lets her hair down
and puts on

266
00:10:30,497 --> 00:10:32,099
a tight-fitted leather jacket.

267
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,834
She flips
her chair around

268
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:36,704
and doesn't take any guff.

269
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:38,471
Do you see at what I'm getting?

270
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:42,876
Look, I know you want
to be a boy's man,

271
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:44,812
but I think right now,

272
00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:48,115
you need to be a little bit
more of a Michelle.

273
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:51,218
Oh, I can be a Michelle.

274
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:55,488
Well, well, well,
what do we got here, huh?

275
00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:03,864
So you think you're
pretty cool, huh?

276
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,298
Mr. Tough Stuff?

277
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:08,635
Don't listen to nobody,
no how, huh?

278
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,637
Well I got news
for you, compadre.

279
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,906
There are rules
around here.

280
00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:16,476
Yeah, things that we do
called "rules."

281
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,411
Everyone's got to follow--
w-w-w-wait!

282
00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:20,213
Now, w-wait,
Jasper!

283
00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:22,415
A cigarette?

284
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:23,416
Give me that.

285
00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:24,551
Where'd this
come from?

286
00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:25,585
J-Jasper!

287
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,487
Where these cigarettes
coming from?

288
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:28,822
(laughs)

289
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:30,724
I found it.

290
00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:33,160
The river always
leads to the lake.

291
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,829
Look, I can play your
game all day long.

292
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:38,065
So what's your next move, huh?

293
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:40,067
'Cause Tandy
ain't going nowhere.

294
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,601
Consider us
attached to the hip

295
00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:43,503
like a pair of
conjoined twinsies.

296
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:44,838
You know what those are?

297
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,039
They're twins attached
by the skin.

298
00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:47,274
Wait, wait, wait,
where you going?

299
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:48,408
(stammers)
Jasper!

300
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:50,010
Jasper! (stammering)
Don't leave!

301
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,945
Uh... I'll give you
your cigarettes back!

302
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:56,483
I'll give them back, yeah.

303
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:04,391
If I give these back to you--

304
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:07,194
uh, when I give these
back to you,

305
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,428
will-will you do
something for me?

306
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:10,530
(chuckles)

307
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,399
Like a puppet on a string.

308
00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:13,767
(laughs)

309
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,474
Well, look who's
out and about.

310
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:22,876
Hey, Melissa.

311
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:23,877
Oh!

312
00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:25,612
Have you been Jazzercising?

313
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:27,447
TODD: Oh, no, she just
woke from a nap.

314
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,916
Sweating's one of
the side effects.

315
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:30,550
And tarry stools.

316
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,986
(sighs) Look, I'd love to
get into that later,

317
00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:35,923
but let me just cut
to the Chase Manhattan.

318
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:38,892
I've noticed you've been
spending a lot of time

319
00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:40,560
with Mom lately;

320
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,463
touching shoulders and whatnot.

321
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:45,298
And I just
need to know,

322
00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:47,734
what are your intentions,
Mr. Flores?

323
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,569
Uh, Mr. Flores?

324
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:52,572
Pedro Flores,
inventor of the yo-yo?

325
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,241
I'm sorry, Carol,
I'm not following.

326
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:57,477
Do you intend to wrap my mom
around your little finger

327
00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:59,179
and toy with her, hmm?

328
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,914
Do a little down-up, down-up,

329
00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:02,749
maybe walk the dog,

330
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,251
go around the world.

331
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,652
And once you've
had your fun,

332
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:07,120
stick her in a drawer

333
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:09,622
with your Pogs and Tamagotchis.

334
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:11,491
Carol, Gail and I have been
through a lot.

335
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:13,193
I-I'd never do anything
to hurt her.

336
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,262
Good.

337
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,264
Don't ever try
anything funny, Todd,

338
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,698
'cause I'll be
watching you.

339
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:20,834
Watching you like a hog.

340
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:24,471
(snorts)

341
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:29,776
Evening, everyone.

342
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,212
Oh, hey, Melissa, hey.

343
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:33,646
(chuckles)
You been Jazzercising?

344
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,117
(chuckles)
Keep it up, looking trim.

345
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,286
Anyway, a little birdie told me
there was a bit of concern

346
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,287
about my parenting skills.

347
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,855
Uh, in light of that,

348
00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:43,356
I just wanted you all to know

349
00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:44,858
that Jasper is dead.

350
00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:46,293
(gasps)
No!
What?

351
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,195
Uh-- sorry, metorically,
not literally.

352
00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:50,697
Idiot.
Could've been a little more
clear about that.

353
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:52,132
Yeah.
But, yes,

354
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,034
I, you know, I slaughtered
the old Jasper,

355
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:57,304
I burned his corpse and dumped
his ashes in the toilet.

356
00:13:57,337 --> 00:14:00,407
But like the phoenix,
Jasper is reborn.

357
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:01,708
And now,

358
00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:03,743
it gives me the greatest
of pleasures

359
00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:06,613
to introduce you
to... the new Jasper!

360
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,717
Jasper, what do we do
when we enter a room?

361
00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:13,987
(chuckles)
What a gentleman.

362
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:15,388
Have a seat,
please.

363
00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:27,734
Jasper, I was just about to
ask you what we immediately do

364
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,736
upon sitting at
the dinner table,

365
00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:32,239
but looks like you
beat me to the punch.

366
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:35,408
That's right, we put
our napkins in our laps.

367
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:38,045
Good job, Jasper.

368
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,812
Good job.

369
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:44,384
(imitates explosion)

370
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:45,785
(laughs)

371
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:48,288
That's right, explosives,
even in fist form,

372
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,023
are only for adults.

373
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:52,192
I taught him about
the dangers of explosives.

374
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:54,194
Oh, wow.
Mm-hmm.
GAIL:
Wow. I-I got to say,

375
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,696
you do seem to have made some
progress with the little one.

376
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,898
Thank you, Gail.
Now, Jasper,

377
00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:01,969
what do we say when someone
pays us a compliment?

378
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:04,704
Aw.
(laughs)

379
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,206
Oh.

380
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,976
Jasper, you're doing so great.

381
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:11,011
Tandy, what are you
passing Jasper?

382
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:13,880
Uh... (laughs)

383
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,449
A compliment for
a job well done.

384
00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:18,851
Oh, no, I think I saw you give
him something under the table.

385
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:22,489
Holy hell,
he's giving him cigarettes.

386
00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,057
CAROL: Tandy?
ERICA: Cigarettes?

387
00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:25,658
TODD: You've got
to be kidding me!
What?

388
00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,127
Jasper, where'd you get
all those cigarettes?

389
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,162
Oh, come on, Tandy,
we all know where he got them!

390
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,663
Well, then somebody
please tell me

391
00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:32,299
'cause I'm in
the dark here.
Tandy!

392
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:33,300
What?!
(stammering)

393
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:34,734
Hello!
Where'd that come from? What?

394
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,504
Jasper, did you put cigarettes
in my shorts pocket?

395
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:38,938
That's it, Tandy,
I really don't think

396
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,740
you should have anything
to do with this kid.

397
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,475
But we share
a special bond!

398
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,244
Yeah, they're called cigarettes.

399
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,745
But those have nothing
to do with it.

400
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:48,081
Look, he loves me
like a point person.

401
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:50,417
Well, then I think it's time
he picks a new point person.

402
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,352
Okay, Jasper.

403
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:54,921
Now when I say go, you're
gonna walk to the person

404
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,923
you want as your
point person, okay?

405
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,758
And people who
he doesn't go to?

406
00:15:58,791 --> 00:15:59,959
No crying, please.

407
00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:01,461
The system's not rigged.

408
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,197
Okay, you ready?

409
00:16:04,231 --> 00:16:06,366
(whispers):
Look at that.

410
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,601
Tandy, no cigarettes.

411
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,603
Nice try, Gail,
but you can't just

412
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,439
spring a last-minute
rule on me here, right?

413
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,873
Right?
No!
No.

414
00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:15,275
Tandy, no.
CAROL:
Tandy, no.

415
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,277
Okay, fine, fine.

416
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:18,811
Okay, Jasper, you ready?

417
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:20,347
And go!

418
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:22,615
Jasper! Jasper!
Jasp...

419
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:25,718
Aw, thank you, Jasper.

420
00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:27,287
Okay, round one
goes to Erica.

421
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,721
Uh, best of three.
Come on, get up.

422
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:29,656
What?

423
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:30,790
Okay, so where do we stand?

424
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,192
Uh, Erica has 21,

425
00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:34,694
Melissa got a quick three when
Erica went to the bathroom.

426
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,363
Uh, okay, so the
tide turns now.

427
00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:37,897
Here we go, best of 49.

428
00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:39,699
Nope, we're done here.

429
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:41,068
CAROL:
Tandy,

430
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:42,602
he picked Erica.

431
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:45,538
(softly):
Let it go, bud.

432
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:48,908
I see. Okay.

433
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:52,345
And, uh, bud, you sure
this is, uh, what you want?

434
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,419
Then so be it, all right?
(laughs)

435
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,821
You're going to
need these, Erica.

436
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:04,023
Oh!
Tandy!

437
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,560
You know, I should've
named you Brute,

438
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:10,530
'cause you stabbed me
in the back.

439
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,199
(voice breaking):
The back of my heart.

440
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:13,233
Oh.

441
00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:21,007
Carol,

442
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,910
what in high
heaven did you tell Todd?

443
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:26,179
I just told him that
if he ever messed with you,

444
00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:28,415
I'd give him
the Pilbasian horns.
Carol!

445
00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:32,352
There are two men
left in this Earth.

446
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,121
Just two.

447
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:35,522
You're married to one of them.

448
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:38,358
So my options are
pretty limited.

449
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:40,860
It's Todd or bust.

450
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:44,297
So if, in the future, I decide

451
00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:47,200
that I want to get back up
on that Todd horse,

452
00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:50,203
then I am gonna get back up
on that Todd horse

453
00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:53,906
and I am gonna freakin' ride!

454
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:55,275
Do you got that?

455
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:56,643
Okay, I got it.

456
00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:58,378
Good.
I'm sorry.

457
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,046
You don't know how lucky
you are to be married

458
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,715
to that dumb son of a bitch,
so count your blessings,

459
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:05,152
'cause I'm about to go
get down and dirty

460
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:07,187
with a CPR dummy.

461
00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:10,423
That's my day.

462
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:21,401
(slurping)

463
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,470
Hey, Tandy.

464
00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:25,438
You doing okay?

465
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,840
Oh, yeah,
I couldn't be happier.

466
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:29,276
Do you want to talk about it?

467
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:39,486
Carol, what if our baby
doesn't like me?

468
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:40,687
Oh, don't be silly.

469
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,088
No, I mean,
I've been trying

470
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,991
so hard with Jasper,
and he's just not having it.

471
00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:46,859
I'm just worried the same
thing's gonna happen

472
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:47,927
with our kid.

473
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,029
Tandy, our child's
gonna love you.

474
00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:51,764
And Jasper's
gonna love you, too.

475
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,866
You're a grower, not a shower.

476
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:56,369
You think so?
Hey, if it makes
you feel better,

477
00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:59,939
someone who said horrible things
about you in the past

478
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:02,509
just paid you
a real nice compliment.

479
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:03,610
Gail?
No.

480
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:04,444
Melissa?
Nope.

481
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:05,545
Erica?
Guess again.

482
00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:06,846
Todd?
Not today.

483
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,948
Jasper spoke?!
(laughs) What? No.

484
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,217
Carol, that's everyone.

485
00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:11,451
Did you say Gail?

486
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:12,785
Yes, I did.

487
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,120
Oh, you said that first.

488
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,388
Now I remember.

489
00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:17,457
Gail said something
nice about me?
Mm-hmm.

490
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,392
So you just hold
that chin up

491
00:19:19,426 --> 00:19:22,362
and let the world see
your beautiful neck.

492
00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:24,464
'Cause our baby needs that.

493
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:25,798
And so does Jasper.

494
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:27,166
(chuckles)

495
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,001
Yeah.

496
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:38,745
Knock-knock.

497
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:41,548
Hey, Tandy.

498
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:42,982
I just wanted to
come by and say

499
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:45,318
sorry for being
such a sore loser.

500
00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:47,487
Figured it was time to
extend the old olive branch,

501
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:48,488
as they say.

502
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:49,589
So, here you go.

503
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:50,890
Okay.

504
00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:52,859
I couldn't find an
actual olive branch,

505
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,427
so this is just
a regular tree branch

506
00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:57,430
with an assortment of
canned olives taped to it.

507
00:19:57,464 --> 00:19:59,999
It sure is.

508
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,835
Well, thank you, I guess.

509
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:03,936
It's really sweet of you.

510
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:05,505
I know.

511
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:08,608
Um, anyway, uh,
how's-how's he doing?

512
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:09,609
Oh, he's good.

513
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:10,910
We had a lot of fun today.

514
00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:12,345
Really tired him out.

515
00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:13,713
Good.

516
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:15,448
Well...

517
00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:17,517
Do you want to say good night?

518
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,185
Oh, I mean, I-I don't know.

519
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:21,354
I mean, you know, he's sleeping.
Tandy, just go say
good night to him.

520
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:23,756
Yeah, but I don't want to
bug him, he's...
Tandy, just go say good night.

521
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,192
Really?
Yeah.

522
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,226
Okay.

523
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:46,746
(chuckles)

524
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:49,982
Uh, okay.

525
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:52,385
Maybe just for tonight.

526
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:53,953
Good night, little guy.

527
00:21:36,028 --> 00:21:37,530
CHILDREN:
Uncle Stinky.

528
00:21:37,564 --> 00:21:38,965
(horn honking)

529
00:21:38,998 --> 00:21:41,000
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH