1
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Previously on
The Last Man on Earth...

2
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,606
I just grazed him. I mean,
Pat's gonna be fine. Right?

3
00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:07,808
He dead.

4
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,477
TODD:
Tandy, I killed someone.

5
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,512
Pat is alive.

6
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:13,514
CAROL: Pat's come for us!
But Tandy will save us.

7
00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:14,982
Pat is dead!

8
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,050
What possible reason do you have

9
00:00:16,084 --> 00:00:17,885
to lie to us like this?

10
00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:20,088
I killed him, didn't I?

11
00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:23,023
That's the nicest thing
anybody's ever done for me.

12
00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:24,158
CAROL:
How'd you get rid of the boat?

13
00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:25,259
Oh, my God.

14
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,362
He gone.

15
00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:31,165
How could Pat be alive?

16
00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:32,666
I mean, I did all the tests.

17
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,001
The breathing test.

18
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,103
The tickling test.

19
00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:36,337
The kicking test.

20
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,606
And all of them came back
positive for death.

21
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:40,508
Wait, so I-I didn't kill him?

22
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:41,942
Oh, no, you definitely
killed him.

23
00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:44,044
It's just, he may be alive now.

24
00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:46,013
Tandy, there's a trail of blood
here.

25
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,416
Unless you were fooling around
with your sriracha sauce...

26
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:51,452
Oh, no, that's blood.
(spits)

27
00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:52,586
It looks like it leads
to the beach.

28
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:54,888
Look.

29
00:00:54,922 --> 00:00:56,524
(spits)
(gasping)

30
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,892
Look!

31
00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:00,060
(spits)

32
00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:06,600
Well, Pat clearly came down here
to get to his boat.

33
00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:09,103
Okay, we're not safe here.
We need to leave.

34
00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:11,905
What? The boat's gone.
We're safe now.

35
00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:13,307
How do we know
he didn't sail off

36
00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:15,143
to get a bunch
of new killing supplies?

37
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:17,611
Yeah, maybe he sent the boat off
to make it look like he left,

38
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:19,447
but he's actually here
in Malibu somewhere.

39
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,583
Hell, that hairy old turd
could be watching us right now.

40
00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:23,617
Oh, my God, there he is!

41
00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:24,652
(all screaming)
Look out!

42
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:25,486
(Tandy laughing)

43
00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:26,987
Had to do it. BT-- bad timing.

44
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:28,322
Idiot.

45
00:01:28,356 --> 00:01:30,057
Look, you guys know
that I'm known

46
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,960
for my rational thinking, right?

47
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:35,329
I'm telling you, we're getting
worked up over nothing here.

48
00:01:35,363 --> 00:01:38,098
Pat lives his life in fear, huh?

49
00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:39,833
And he thinks the virus
is still around.

50
00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:41,001
So, he's not planning

51
00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:42,736
some bloody rampage

52
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,638
where he comes back to stab us
in our hearts,

53
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:47,074
or to decapitate us
in our sleep,

54
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,177
or to carrot-peel our bodies

55
00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:52,280
and then pour vinegar
on the freshly exposed wounds,

56
00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:55,283
or to, like, you know, rip
into our eyeballs with a razor.

57
00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:57,185
Okay, okay, we get it.
What's your point?

58
00:01:57,218 --> 00:02:00,188
Pat's trying to get as far away
from us as possible.

59
00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:02,290
Okay? Hell, he's probably
already in Hawaii,

60
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:05,859
toes in the sand,
inking up some jorts.

61
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,261
That's the Pat I know.

62
00:02:07,295 --> 00:02:09,297
(chuckles)
Pat... good guy...

63
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:10,264
(stammering):
at times.

64
00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:11,465
(Tandy stammering)

65
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:12,800
Bottom line:

66
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,536
Pat's way more scared of us
than we are of him.

67
00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:17,605
He's not coming back.

68
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,507
No, I got to admit,
I agree with Tandy.

69
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,175
(mouths)
I spent a lot
of time with Pat,

70
00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:23,877
and he really is
a very fearful person.

71
00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:25,179
And he eats cat food.

72
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,216
That doesn't really have
anything to do with anything,

73
00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:29,683
but it was just something weird
that I remember.

74
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:31,985
But, yeah, I think
he's probably gone.

75
00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:34,955
Thank you, Lewis.
(chuckles)

76
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,690
You knew him best, Lewis.

77
00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:38,592
Maybe we're overthinking this.

78
00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:41,795
Shall we head back to the house?

79
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,063
Yeah, I guess.
I could eat.

80
00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:44,232
Yeah.
Okay.

81
00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:45,833
This is the right move.

82
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:48,902
We're safe here.

83
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,148
Hey, bud.

84
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,182
What you got there?

85
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:03,851
Hey, yeah. I, uh...

86
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,386
you know, I know people
are a little uneasy

87
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,020
about the whole
Pat situation,

88
00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:10,758
so I have created
a little makeshift alarm system.

89
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:13,261
TODD:
(laughs) Neat.

90
00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:14,328
Hey, you want a little taste?

91
00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:15,162
Sure.

92
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,197
Hey, Carol! Come here!

93
00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:19,099
FISH:
* Jeremiah was...

94
00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:20,934
* Jeremiah was a bullfrog
* Jeremiah was a bullfrog

95
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:23,371
(laughing):
Wow!

96
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:26,039
Isn't this something!
(gasps)

97
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:27,174
(laughing)

98
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,910
(overlapping singing continues)

99
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:31,679
What do you need, Tandy?

100
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,714
Just wanted to tell you
you look wonderful today.

101
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:36,350
That kind of talk is
grounds for a kiss.

102
00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:38,051
Punishment accepted.

103
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:39,920
(laughing):
I'm gonna give it to you.

104
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:41,622
Mmm.
* Jeremiah was a bullfrog

105
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:43,291
* Jeremiah was a...

106
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:45,125
* Was a good friend of mine

107
00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:47,094
* Jeremiah was a bullfrog

108
00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:50,130
* Never understood
a single word he said *

109
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:51,765
* But I helped him
drink his wine *

110
00:03:51,799 --> 00:03:53,301
Mmm.

111
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:55,202
Mmm, mmm.
* Was a good friend of mine

112
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,104
Mmm.
Oh.

113
00:03:57,137 --> 00:03:59,039
Whew!

114
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,308
I'll be in the bedroom.

115
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:01,909
* Jeremiah
* Jeremiah

116
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:06,046
Look, I'm 100% sure
that Pat's not coming back,

117
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,115
but on the one percent chance
he does,

118
00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:09,983
this is a good safeguard,
you know?

119
00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:12,320
And plus, it's a fun song,
so it's a double blessing.

120
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:13,454
Sure.

121
00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:14,455
Oh, my God, did you notice

122
00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:16,089
how Lewis just totally
got my back

123
00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:17,558
on the whole
staying in Malibu thing?

124
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,126
I did see that.

125
00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:21,795
Oh, it's so nice to see him
coming on over to Tandytown.

126
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:23,664
Well, let me tell you, I've been
living there for a while,

127
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,399
and the weather is fine.

128
00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:26,400
Yeah, that's 'cause
when you're there,

129
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,402
there's always sunshine.

130
00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:30,237
Let me give you a hand
with these fish, huh?

131
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,839
Hey, why would I need a hand?

132
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:33,807
I got two of 'em already. Boom.

133
00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:35,476
(laughing):
I'd love your help.

134
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:40,814
Don't move!

135
00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:41,782
Ah!

136
00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:43,083
Oh, hey, Lewis!

137
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,151
Did I scare you?

138
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:46,454
Yes, very much so.
(chuckles)

139
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:48,856
Uh, what is this?

140
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,858
Just a little sniper's nest.

141
00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:52,660
Want to take a gander?

142
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:54,161
(sighs)

143
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:56,464
So, this is just your standard
slit trench.

144
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,599
Or as you probably know it,
spider hole.

145
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,668
Sure. Sure. Right.

146
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:03,771
Uh, this is my primary
vantage point.

147
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,639
What do you think?

148
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,875
Love it. Yeah. Yeah.

149
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,343
Good, uh, vantage point.

150
00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:12,813
Slits seem appropriately...
slitty.

151
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:15,315
Good trench depth.
Yep. Sure. Sure.

152
00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:17,217
(whispering):
Ooh, there's Erica.

153
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:21,188
So, let's imagine she's
charging at us with evil intent.

154
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:23,123
Okay.

155
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,058
(Melissa imitates gunshot)

156
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:28,028
Brain stem shot.

157
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:29,463
Brain stem shot?

158
00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:31,865
Base of the brain.
One shot, threat over.

159
00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:35,168
And this nest here gives me, uh,
great brain stem possibilities

160
00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:36,704
from every angle.
Okay.

161
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:37,705
Here, follow my finger.

162
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,239
All right.

163
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:40,808
Brain stem shot.

164
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,175
Brain stem
shot.

165
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:43,377
Brain stem shot.

166
00:05:43,411 --> 00:05:44,545
Brain stem
shot.

167
00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:45,913
Brain stem shot.

168
00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:49,417
Oh. Hey, Erica!

169
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:50,518
I just shot you.

170
00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:53,053
Oh! Oh, okay.

171
00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:54,054
You were a bad guy.

172
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:56,189
It was a simulation.
It was fun.

173
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:58,692
Glad I could, uh, be of help.

174
00:06:03,431 --> 00:06:05,032
(yelling)

175
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,233
(screaming)

176
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,101
Hey-oh!
(laughing)

177
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,336
Couldn't resist.

178
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,338
Got it out of my system.
(laughing)

179
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:14,341
Just wanted to say, uh, great
first day back at the house.

180
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,777
Uh, a-and by the way,
let's all give Carol a hand

181
00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:18,712
for this amazing redesign. Huh?

182
00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:19,747
Carol.
CAROL:
Oh...

183
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:21,081
Guys...

184
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:22,115
Stop it.

185
00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:23,684
You know, it was just a classic

186
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,052
"turn the frown upside down"
deal.

187
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:26,520
Here, I'll show you.

188
00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:29,256
Oh, so I took all
the bullet holes

189
00:06:29,289 --> 00:06:31,291
and I turned 'em into daisies.

190
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:33,561
Watch your back, Martha Stewart.
Rest in peace.

191
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:36,964
And rather than get rid
of all the angry messages,

192
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,365
I thought maybe we should
reclaim them,

193
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,634
like, you know,
how you turn sewage water

194
00:06:40,668 --> 00:06:43,437
into delicious drinking water.

195
00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:45,439
So, instead of,
"We're all going to die,"

196
00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:48,075
I wrote,
"We're all going to diet."

197
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,209
TANDY:
Great idea, Carol. You know,

198
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,711
I've been looking
to shed some LBs,

199
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,946
so, uh, that's gonna serve as
constant motivation.

200
00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:54,882
Yeah, well, I think
you look great, Tandy.

201
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,316
(chuckling):
Thanks, bud.

202
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:57,985
You got it.
Now, if I may have the floor

203
00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:00,788
for just a few more-- huh,
inadvertent rhyme there--

204
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:02,222
uh, I've been, y-you know,

205
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,091
thinking about some general
safety measures

206
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,593
that will protect
you treasures--

207
00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,394
advertent rhyme.

208
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:10,397
Okay, um, are we allowed to boo
throughout your little speech,

209
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,965
or do you want us to just
hold all our boos

210
00:07:11,999 --> 00:07:12,966
to the very end?

211
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,067
Yeah, probably at the end.

212
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,236
Okay.
Uh, anyway, to put everyone
at ease,

213
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,306
I've decided to give little
self-defense lessons each night

214
00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:21,642
at dinner.
That's actually not a bad idea,
Tandy.

215
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,677
Thank you, Lewis.

216
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:25,445
I-I actually need a volunteer.

217
00:07:25,479 --> 00:07:26,847
Would you mind, uh,
helping me out?

218
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,415
Um, sure.

219
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,449
Yeah.

220
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:30,851
All right.

221
00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:34,988
Now, this is a Taser.

222
00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:35,989
Wait a minute.

223
00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:37,257
Uh...

224
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,926
are you gonna tase me, Tandy?

225
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,028
No, I'm not gonna tase you,
Lewis.

226
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:43,631
Okay, now just come at me
like you're a murderer. Okay?

227
00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:46,700
(sighs)
Okay. Okay, fine.

228
00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,602
Um...

229
00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:50,838
I'm a murderer,
I'm coming for you right now...

230
00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:52,005
Okay, just... Lewis,

231
00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:53,040
come on, what are you, like,

232
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:54,341
the friendliest murderer
of all time?

233
00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:56,176
Get back there
and act like a murderer.

234
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:57,711
You want to murder me!
You want to kill me!

235
00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:59,479
I'm nervous that you're gonna
tase me.

236
00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:00,781
Lewis...

237
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,215
trust me.

238
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,657
(yelling)

239
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:10,958
Okay, so you'd just
press the button...

240
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,225
(Taser buzzing)
Oh!
Tandy!

241
00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:14,227
Oh, no!
Tandy!
Oh, oh, oh, oh...

242
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:15,529
Oh, oh, oh.
Ooh...

243
00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:17,464
Uh-oh. Still going.
(gasps)

244
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,699
Wait, what do I do?
What do I do?

245
00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:20,200
Try taking your finger
off the button.

246
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,134
(buzzing stops)
Oh.

247
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:22,235
Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

248
00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:23,470
You just take your finger

249
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,738
off the thing.
Uh, oh...
God...

250
00:08:24,772 --> 00:08:26,006
sorry, bud.

251
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:27,841
Wow, this thing really works,
huh?

252
00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:29,376
Uh, somebody set a timer

253
00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:31,478
so we can see
how long he's incapacitated.

254
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,013
(quivering)
You okay down there, bud?

255
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:35,749
(sighs)
Okay, well, good first day.

256
00:08:35,783 --> 00:08:36,917
Why don't we eat?

257
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,152
He can join in progress, right?

258
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,588
(quivering)

259
00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:43,857
TANDY:
Hey.

260
00:08:43,891 --> 00:08:46,059
Oh, Tandy. Hi.

261
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:48,261
Take a look at this, huh?

262
00:08:48,295 --> 00:08:50,931
What do you think?

263
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,866
I love it! What is it?

264
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,668
Oh, here, get on all fours
and I'll show you.

265
00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:56,904
All right.
Okay.

266
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,071
I trust you, here.

267
00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:59,439
There's some point to this,
sure.

268
00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:02,509
This is so if anyone comes
into the house,

269
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:06,614
they will be unable to locate
and murder the cow.

270
00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:09,082
Wow.
I call it "cow-moo-flage."

271
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:10,751
(both laughing)

272
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,552
I love it.
You could open a store.

273
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:14,021
I'd like to.

274
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,522
Hey, Carol?

275
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:16,590
You don't think that Lewis
was upset

276
00:09:16,624 --> 00:09:18,358
that I tased him, do you?

277
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,461
No, I think he understood where
from which you were coming.

278
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:24,231
You sure? 'Cause I noticed
a look when I zotzed him.

279
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:26,967
That might have just been
his body seizing.

280
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,637
I-I just really regret the way
that I treated him.

281
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:31,571
And, uh, I don't know...

282
00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:34,875
just hope that one day,
we can, you know...

283
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,544
You want to be his friend?

284
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,946
Yeah.

285
00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:40,280
Well, your heart's
in the right place.

286
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:42,049
Why don't you just ask him?

287
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,817
I'm so bad at these things.

288
00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:46,720
You just speak
from your heartmouth

289
00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:48,221
and you can't miss.

290
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:50,924
I'll do that.

291
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:53,160
* Jeremiah was a bullfrog
Oh, God, do you think
that's Pat?

292
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:54,828
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Just follow me.

293
00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:56,764
* Was a good friend of mine

294
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:59,066
* Jeremiah was a bullfrog

295
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,500
(shotgun cocks)

296
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:03,603
* Was a good friend of mine

297
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:06,606
* Never understood
a single word he said *

298
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:10,510
* But I helped him
drink his wine *

299
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:11,779
(screaming)

300
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:12,780
(all screaming)

301
00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,114
Oh!
Oh!

302
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:16,516
Erica, you put the fear of gosh
in us!

303
00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:18,652
Geez, guys, cool your jets.

304
00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:20,520
I just had a bout
of morning sickness.

305
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:23,323
(gags) Oh, don't say
"morning sickness."

306
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:26,760
(gagging):
Oh, now I've got it.

307
00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:28,461
Obviously,

308
00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:31,098
we need to do a better job
at figuring out who

309
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,433
is setting off
our singing wall fishes.

310
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,135
Tap shoes?

311
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:36,704
And there's whistles
in there, too.

312
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:39,039
So, I propose
that when we walk around,

313
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:41,341
we wear these tappers
and we blow these whistles.

314
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:43,877
That way, when we hear
our singing wall fish,

315
00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:45,312
but we don't hear this...

316
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:46,847
(whistle blowing)

317
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,716
(shoes tapping)

318
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:51,518
(whistle blowing,
shoes tapping)

319
00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:54,454
...we'll know it's someone
that needs to be terminated.

320
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,656
Okay. Well, I'm with you
in theory.

321
00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:58,358
But I guess my only
problem is that

322
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:00,160
I'm not gonna wear
those frigging things,

323
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:01,695
and y'all can suck it.

324
00:11:01,729 --> 00:11:03,196
So, a maybe from Gail.

325
00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:05,665
Okay, now, before
you leave, FYI,

326
00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:08,035
I got a few extra Tasers
and I placed them

327
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:10,203
at what I like to call
"tasing stations"

328
00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:11,471
throughout the house.

329
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,505
Th-They're all very well marked

330
00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:14,708
with these signs
that, uh, Carol made.

331
00:11:14,742 --> 00:11:17,010
I'm doing something similar,
but with axes.

332
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:18,378
Uh, I didn't

333
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:20,180
put up any signs or anything,
but it's...

334
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:22,816
basically just a bunch of axes
around the house--

335
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,384
pretty self-explanatory.

336
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,319
There's one over here.

337
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:29,222
So, what you do is you just
take the ax,

338
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:31,158
swing it through the person.

339
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:34,895
And then wipe off the blood
and put it back in its station.

340
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,171
Speak from the heartmouth.

341
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:47,040
Speak
from the heartmouth.

342
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:48,708
Oh, hey, Lewis!

343
00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:50,210
Thank you so much
for joining me here.

344
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:52,712
Uh, I'll get straight
to the point.

345
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:56,016
Uh, you ever heard the story
of the lion and the mouse?

346
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:59,019
Uh, yeah. I think so.
It's been a long time.

347
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,021
Okay, well, then, why don't I
give you a little refresher.

348
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,722
So, there was this fierce lion,

349
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,391
he lived
in a beautiful savannah.

350
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,426
He had many brothers
and sisters--

351
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,261
he was the middle lion of 11.

352
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,130
Uh, Freddy was
his oldest sibling,

353
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:11,765
then came Robert,

354
00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:14,267
and then Lewis, then Taylor...

355
00:12:14,301 --> 00:12:16,870
Hey, Todd. I've been
thinking and I'm...
Shh...

356
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:19,339
Tandy's asking Lewis
to be his friend.

357
00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:23,777
Oh, Lord. Everyone's crazy.

358
00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:24,978
...and then there was Tabitha,

359
00:12:25,012 --> 00:12:26,279
and then Glendon,

360
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:28,048
and the youngest sibling
was called Mouse.

361
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,283
A weird name for a lion,
and also a little confusing

362
00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:33,253
as an actual mouse figures
prominently into this story.

363
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:35,455
Anyway, this mouse--
not the lion named Mouse,

364
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:37,925
but the actual mouse--
was an only child,

365
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:40,961
but married
into a very large family.

366
00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:44,497
His name was Tetracles
and his wife was Patricia. Now,

367
00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:47,467
Patricia was one of
21 mouse children.

368
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,971
Their names, by height,
were Debra, Daniel, Dorothy--

369
00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:52,739
all Ds-- Dominic...

370
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,141
What's going on?

371
00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:56,276
I have no idea why
I'm watching this,

372
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:59,813
but apparently Tandy is asking
Lewis to be his little buddy.

373
00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:03,116
Oh, my word,
it's happening!

374
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:04,784
And then their mother,
she had a brother Terry,

375
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,353
who, uh, died shortly
after mousebirth.

376
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:09,289
Anyway, so this story has
something to do with, you know,

377
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:11,491
this mouse and this lion,

378
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:12,993
and, you know, there's, like,

379
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:15,495
a-a thorn in a foot. Right?

380
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:16,997
Uh, long story short...

381
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:20,667
Lewis, will you be my friend?

382
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:23,136
Uh...

383
00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:24,337
fine. Yeah.

384
00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:27,074
Yes? Really?

385
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:29,843
(imitates explosion)

386
00:13:29,877 --> 00:13:31,011
(gasps)
He said yes!

387
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,445
(squealing):
He said yes!

388
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:34,614
Hey, bud, so you want to, uh,
chuck around the pigskin?

389
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:35,949
LEWIS: All right.
TANDY: Go out.

390
00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:37,350
What are we doing?

391
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:39,819
Ah, nothing. Tandy and Lewis
just became friends.

392
00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:41,354
You know, I gave it my blessing.
Whatever.

393
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:42,789
Wait, down on the beach?
Yeah.

394
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,025
Hey! No!
(whistle blowing)

395
00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:46,026
Oh, back to pass.

396
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:48,028
Oh, little high.

397
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:50,363
Oh!

398
00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:55,368
Okay, so I think that most of us
are aware by now,

399
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:57,737
but, uh, Melissa has
planted a series of land mines

400
00:13:57,770 --> 00:13:58,872
down here on the beach.

401
00:13:58,906 --> 00:14:00,540
Yeah. That's normal.

402
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,009
I put up a warning.

403
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:03,376
Oh...

404
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:05,979
it was in my pocket.

405
00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:09,049
So, basically, I just decided
to make the beach

406
00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:11,818
less of a hangout area
and more of a protection zone.

407
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,553
So, there's a bunch over there.

408
00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:14,922
A bunch over there.

409
00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:16,389
That area has a few.

410
00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:17,991
And then that area
is loaded.

411
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:20,093
So... bunch, bunch, few, loaded.

412
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:21,361
Got it. Everybody got it?

413
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:24,564
Okay, this has gone on
long enough.

414
00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:25,865
Well, I think everyone
should know

415
00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:27,400
where the land mines are, right?

416
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:29,736
No. I mean, what are we still
doing here?

417
00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,004
Okay, well, now I'm lost.

418
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,239
(stammering): We're down here
on the beach,

419
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:33,740
talking about where
the land mines are.

420
00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:35,075
LEWIS:
No. I am saying,

421
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:37,945
why are we staying here?

422
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:41,114
This beach is littered
with land mines,

423
00:14:41,148 --> 00:14:43,583
a madman knows exactly
where we are,

424
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:46,119
this house is
a complete disaster,

425
00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:48,621
and those fish... that song...

426
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:50,690
I mean, what
are we doing?

427
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,559
We need to get out of here.
This place is a nightmare!

428
00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:53,626
Nightmare?

429
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:56,563
If anything, this place is
a day-stallion!

430
00:14:56,596 --> 00:15:01,268
Okay, but we can live literally
anywhere in the world.

431
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:03,370
Lewis, it might be easy
for you to just pack up

432
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:06,106
and leave, 'cause you just
got here, like, five days ago.

433
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:08,075
But we've been here
for a long time.

434
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:10,310
This place is part of
who we are, you know?

435
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:11,979
This is our home.

436
00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:16,816
We've laughed here.
We've cried here.

437
00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:18,285
We've fallen in love,

438
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:21,154
we've experienced the miracle
of life...

439
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:25,092
...and the pain of sickness.
You know?

440
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,093
We've buried friends.

441
00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:28,428
And somehow,

442
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:31,631
against all odds,
we became a family here.

443
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,668
It's gonna take a lot more than
a couple friggin' land mines

444
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:37,704
to make us leave it.

445
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:42,976
I would avoid that area.

446
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:48,315
Shh, shh, shh, shh.

447
00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:53,253
It's nothing.

448
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,122
(fork clatters)
(screaming)

449
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:56,990
Sorry.
Oh, geez.

450
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,725
I'm gonna turn in.

451
00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:06,299
(shoes tapping, whistle blowing)

452
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:15,875
(sighs)

453
00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:24,217
(explosion)
(gasping): Tandy!

454
00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:26,219
(explosion)
Oh, my God!

455
00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:28,288
(car alarm blaring)

456
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:32,225
(whistle blowing)
(echoing):
* Jeremiah was a bullfrog

457
00:16:32,259 --> 00:16:35,895
* Was a good friend of mine

458
00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:37,197
* Never understood...

459
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:38,965
(car alarm blaring)
What is happening?!

460
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:39,866
It's got to be Pat!

461
00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:41,734
Oh, relax, it's not Pat!

462
00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:43,903
Then who the hell is
setting off those land mines?!

463
00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:44,737
I don't know!

464
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:45,905
What are we gonna do?

465
00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,640
(automatic gunfire)
(screaming)

466
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,342
Hey!
(screaming)

467
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,178
(yelling)

468
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:52,545
No!

469
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:54,081
What are you doing?!

470
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:55,482
I don't know anymore!

471
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:56,983
(automatic gunfire)

472
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,551
Who is shooting at us?

473
00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:00,987
It's Melissa!
She's not shooting at us!

474
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,522
Then who is she shooting at?

475
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:05,158
She doesn't know!
She's shooting at random!

476
00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:06,526
(screaming)

477
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:08,761
Oh, my God, we're all gonna die,

478
00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:10,197
aren't we?
LEWIS:
Listen!

479
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:13,366
The tide came in,
it triggered the land mines,

480
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,402
the vibrations
from the land mines

481
00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:18,105
triggered the car alarms!
That's all!

482
00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:20,873
Okay, see?
I told you we're fine!

483
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:23,543
So, let's all just go back
and get some sleep!

484
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,345
(explosions, automatic gunfire)

485
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:26,913
(screaming)
MELISSA:
My bad!

486
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:28,348
I was laying
some blanket fire,

487
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,616
and one got away from me.

488
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:32,519
I can't live like this anymore!

489
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,787
Look, admittedly,
we're working out the kinks.

490
00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:36,689
But we'll get a handle on this!

491
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,225
No, I'm with Gail!
It is not worth it!

492
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,927
Tandy, this is no way
to live, man!

493
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:44,097
Guys, come on! There's nothing
to fear but fear itself!

494
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:45,765
Did we learn nothing
from Tony Robbins?

495
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:47,033
LEWIS:
All right!

496
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,401
I'm leaving tomorrow!

497
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:50,437
Anyone who wants is welcome
to join me.

498
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:51,471
Count me in.

499
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:52,872
Me, too!
I'll go with you!

500
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,574
Tandy, we should go with them.

501
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:56,243
We can't just give up!

502
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,245
This is our home!

503
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:01,047
Tandy...

504
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,183
we're friends, right?

505
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,653
You know that story
you were telling me

506
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:09,322
about the lion and the mouse?

507
00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:12,625
Well, it ends with the mouse
pulling the thorn

508
00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:14,194
out of the lion's foot.

509
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:18,731
I know you have
a lot of memories here,

510
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:21,334
but I think maybe it's time

511
00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:24,437
to pull the thorn
out of the foot.

512
00:18:31,178 --> 00:18:32,145
(explosion in distance)

513
00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:34,614
(shoes tapping)

514
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:47,694
* Jeremiah was a bullfrog...
Good-bye, Billy.

515
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:52,699
* Jeremiah was
a bullfrog... *
Good-bye, Billy.

516
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:57,136
* Jeremiah was a bullfrog...
Good-bye, Billy.

517
00:18:57,170 --> 00:19:00,207
* Jeremiah was
a bullfrog... *
Good-bye, Billy.

518
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,474
* Was a good friend...

519
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:03,643
*

520
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:25,198
*

521
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,353
*

522
00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:11,711
CAROL:
I think I already know

523
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,880
the answer to this,
but I got to ask.

524
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:16,249
Can we bring Cher?

525
00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:17,784
No, right?

526
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:18,985
Never mind. Delete.

527
00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:26,326
*

528
00:20:42,509 --> 00:20:44,444
(clicks tongue)
Where to?

529
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:46,913
Hmm.

530
00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:48,515
Guess we'll see.

531
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,117
(engine starts)

532
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:54,954
* Jeremiah was a bullfrog

533
00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:57,590
* Was a good friend of mine

534
00:20:57,624 --> 00:21:01,260
* I never understood
a single word he said *

535
00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:05,965
(explosion)
* But I helped him
drink his wine *

536
00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:09,669
* And he always had some
mighty fine wine *

537
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:13,840
* Singin' joy to the world

538
00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:17,810
* All the boys and girls, now

539
00:21:17,844 --> 00:21:21,581
* Joy to the fishes
in the deep blue sea *

540
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:24,951
* Joy to you and me

541
00:21:24,984 --> 00:21:28,988
* Joy to the world

542
00:21:29,021 --> 00:21:32,859
* All the boys and girls

543
00:21:32,892 --> 00:21:35,995
* Joy to the fishes
in the deep blue sea... *

544
00:21:36,028 --> 00:21:37,497
CHILDREN:
Uncle Stinky!

545
00:21:37,530 --> 00:21:38,998
(horn honking)

546
00:21:39,031 --> 00:21:42,001
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH