I got in. I got in!
Congratulations.
You know how to use a swinging door.
No, I got accepted to Stanford!
(SHRIEKS)
I'm so proud of you.
Molly, you worked so hard for this your whole life.
I can't believe this is actually gonna happen.
I know, me neither.
I also have some big news.
I got accepted into Coffee Bean's VIP program.
Grandpa, can you get me a free latte?
No.
(TELEPHONE RINGS) Oh.
Random number at dinner?
It's probably a telemarketer.
What?
Hi, is this Ken Park? DR. KEN: Maybe.
Uh, well, this is Dan Harmon. I'm a TV producer.
I was hoping to have Ken audition for a role
on my new show, but if this isn't his number...
Oh, no, no. No, no. This is he.
(INAUDIBLE)
(BOTH INAUDIBLE)
Yeah, I'm casting a one-episode role
for a part on a show set at a community college.
Do you think you could make it
to audition tomorrow at 5:00?
Sure. I can make that work.
Yeah, I just have to move a few things around and...
I don't care.
How did you find me anyway?
Oh, my assistant, Steve, saw you do open mic
at the Laugh Factory.
He says you're funny, but he also says
he's valuable, so grain of salt.
Plus, the network keeps nagging me about diversity,
so I thought I'd... (MUMBLES)
Well, that's perfect because I'm Asian.
Wait, well, I never said that.
Oh, it's okay. I'm a super-talented person
who happens to be Asian.
Yeah, I'm a super-busy person
who happens to be hanging up.
Well, it's a day of realized dreams.
Thanks, Dad, I... I'm auditioning for a TV show!
(CHUCKLES) Hello.
Hey, hey!
There's the newlywed.
How was the honeymoon?
Amazing.
Thank you guys so much for the trip to Catalina.
We snorkeled. We hiked.
We saw a buffalo being born.
BOTH: Ah.
Now there's a bucket-list moment.
I've always wanted to hike.
Hey, does anyone know a good florist?
I want to send flowers to my husband.
You know, back when Connor and I were first married...
You mean Saturday? ...I wouldn't have thought of it,
but now...
I know that a little gift for no reason
can go a long way.
I'm so happy!
(LAUGHING) Good for you, Clarky.
Oh, my God. You guys should get married.
What? That's insane!
Stand down, Clark,
and park your married high horse outside.
You'll come around.
Hey, you want to see a picture of a buffalo being born?
I've seen that. Show me hiking.
Oh, would you look at that.
"Can I help you?
"Was it something you ate?"
What are you doing?
(INAUDIBLE)
Okay, promise to keep this a secret.
I have a big audition this afternoon.
Oh, my God, that's so great. What's it for?
A five-line part on a new TV show.
Oh...
So not like a big audition.
I am perfect for it.
I play a school nurse who gets killed by a bus.
Why are you practicing (SOFTLY) in secret?
Oh, I just don't want Pat to know
because I have to leave work early.
Plus, I don't want pity or embarrassment
if I don't get it, but now that you know...
Ooh. Here.
Read everything that's not nurse one.
Ironic, but okay.
Can I help you?
(IN CHILDLIKE VOICE) My tummy hurts.
What's with the baby voice?
(IN NORMAL VOICE) Well, I'm just trying to put some spin on it.
But it's a set-up line
for "Was it something you ate?"
That's my big joke in the scene.
Isn't the joke this line about how a squirrel
stole your stethoscope?
No, Clark, that's a plot point.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
What you two knuckleheads up to?
BOTH: Nothing. (WHISPERING) Get in here.
What, what, what?
Okay, but you can't tell Pat.
Please, keeping secrets from your boyfriend
is part of the fun of being in a relationship.
What we doing? What we doing?
Okay, I have an audition in an hour,
and I'm learning lines.
Oh, you know, what? Here.
You are now the student character
that some people have trouble grasping.
Warning. Don't make strong acting choices.
"My tummy hurts."
(SING SONG) Was it something you ate?
Oh, Lord, you're gonna do it like that?
That's what makes it a joke.
I don't think so. Why are you fighting me on this?
That's the next line, dummy!
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING) (KNOCK ON DOOR)
Hey.
Hey, hey, Pat. Um...
We were just helping Ken practice his bedside manner.
Yeah, you know, got to keep those people skills sharp.
Ken, I'm glad you acknowledge your need
for vast improvement in that area.
Carry on.
See, that was fun. Thank you, guys.
Look, I don't want Pat thinking
I'm not 100% committed to medicine,
because I take it very seriously.
Now, tell me if this is the right facial expression
for getting hit by a bus.
Anyone seen Dr. Park? The boy one?
There's some paperwork for him to finish.
Um, you know what?
He went up to the roof
'cause he's testing a patient
who is allergic to birds. Got to go. Bye.
Hmm.
Hey, Clark. Yeah.
Is it just me, or was Damona
particularly evasive just now?
(SIGHS)
Okay, look. Pat, Ken is...
Is she mad at me about shutting down
the idea of us getting engaged so quickly?
Oh, that.
Yes, that is definitely it.
Ah, see, that's exactly what I was afraid of.
I mean, I know you love being married.
Oh, it's like getting to have sleepovers
with your best friend for eternity!
Ah, Clark, your joy is exhausting.
Yeah.
Look, I went down the marriage road
once before with Tiffany, and it was hard.
Yeah, 'cause Tiffany was a monster.
Yeah. See, that's the thing.
She wasn't at first.
No, I was more in love with her
than I had ever been with anyone else.
Marriage somehow broke us.
I never fully got over it.
You know, the other day she e-mailed me,
and I practically froze up.
Oh, my God. Did you e-mail her back?
No, I told you. I froze up!
I'm just worried that marriage
would do the same thing to me and Damona.
But Damona's not Tiffany.
I know that.
And I love Damona.
But...
I think my desire to take things slow
to protect her is not sitting well with her.
You know, Pat, if I could offer you
some wisdom gleaned from my union with Connor.
Relationships are...
They're like a water bug on ice.
You skitter... Pat?
Hey, mom. Are you coming from work?
'Cause with that glow,
I'd swear you spent the day at the spa.
You want something.
What? Please.
Can't a kid hook his old lady up
with a compliment?
Okay, thanks.
But there is one thing.
When Molly leaves for college, can I have her room?
No. Dave, I'm not even talking about this right now.
I knew you didn't go to the spa.
What are you doing? Measuring Molly's room.
I'm taking it when she's gone.
He can't!
It's eight steps closer to the bathroom,
and I've had too many close calls.
This isn't over, Grandpa!
She's not leaving for another four months! (BLOWS A RASPBERRY)
(CHUCKLES)
(SOBBING) She's leaving in four months.
(CRYING)
Hi, uh, Ken Park auditioning for nurse one.
Yeah. Hi, I'm Dan Harmon.
This is my assistant, Steve. This is Alison.
She's already been cast to the show,
so she'll be reading the scene with you today.
Nice to meet you. Hi.
Um, my wife's name is Allison,
so I'm very comfortable
with any level of intimacy.
Oh, this scene doesn't really call for any intimacy.
We'll see.
Okay, creepy start.
Uh, just go when you're ready.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Can I help you?
(IN CHILDLIKE VOICE) My tummy hurts.
(LAUGHS) I told you.
(SING SONG) Was it something you ate?
(IN NORMAL VOICE) Wow. Okay.
Um, I don't think so.
Well, a squirrel ran off with my stethoscope,
so we're going to have to do this the old-fashioned way.
Okay, thank you.
I... I didn't finish.
You're welcome.
(SING SONG) Bye.
You know what?
No.
I've waited my whole life for this moment,
and I'm not gonna let a medically reckless scene
that barely gives me anything to showcase
my broad appeal take me down.
(STERNLY) Can I help you?
My tummy hurts?
(SING SONG) Was it something you ate?
I don't think so.
Look, lady,
I've been the school nurse here for 20 years.
And I've seen my fair share of tummy aches.
Usually, it's something you ate on leftover day
in the cafeteria,
but today isn't leftover day, Your Honor, is it?
Is it?
None of those lines are in here.
Then where does that leave us?
Ulcers? Gallstones?
A stab wound?
(INAUDIBLE)
(GROWLS)
Yeah, I don't feel safe.
Look, a squirrel took my stethoscope!
Thank God, I survived.
But luckily, I don't need a stethoscope
to diagnose why your tummy hurts.
Because, my dear girl,
you're pregnant.
Congratulations. You're going to make an excellent mother.
And screen.
(DOOR OPENS) (DOOR CLOSES)
That was a closet door.
(DOOR CLOSES)
I liked him.
(SIGHS)
(CELLPHONE RINGS)
Hey, how'd it go? DR. KEN: Totally bombed.
Oh, Ken, I'm sorry.
What a waste.
Who cares about stupid showbiz anyway?
Oh, my God. Seth Rogen and some random guy.
Uh, this guy actually hand-picks my socks every single morning.
I know what fits.
In this situation, you're some random guy.
I'm sorry you married such a loser.
Are you kidding? I'm so proud of you.
You worked hard. You put yourself out there.
(SIGHS) I love you so much, Ken. No matter what happens,
I'll always be here for you. Shut up. It's Dan.
Hey, Dan, I'm sorry about my audition.
Oh, God, you should be. It was horrible.
Um, but listen, as a writer,
I look for ways to challenge the audience.
Sometimes punish them.
Um, let me bottle your crazy and shake it
and spray it on America's face
and then run away laughing
as they claw at their eyes screaming,
"Why? Why? What did I just see?"
I want to put you on the show.
Really? Really.
Really? Okay, you don't have to show me your whole range.
(CHUCKLES)
Steve, there's an actor on my shirt.
Hey.
'Sup?
What are you watching?
Alien vs. Predator.
It's so good.
Okay, what's really going on, Mom?
(SIGHS)
Look...
I'm thrilled you got into Stanford, but...
I've been dreading this for 18 years. (CHUCKLES)
Aw! Mom.
You've become such an amazing young woman and...
and a really close friend.
And I can't help but think if I'd done
a little worse job raising you
or let your Dad do more,
maybe you wouldn't have gotten into any schools
and you'd have to keep living with us.
Okay, the flight's only an hour,
and once I graduate, who knows?
These days, a lot of kids are moving back home after college.
I won't even charge you a high rent.
Though, when you do return,
you might have trouble getting your room back.
I'll sleep on the floor
if it means getting to spend time with you.
I love you, Mom. (BREATH TREMBLING) I love you, too.
Hey.
What are these for?
Well, I was worried you were upset with me
for shutting down the idea
of getting engaged so quickly.
No, no, no.
We just got to a good place in our relationship.
We don't need to rush to the next step.
Yeah, well, then why have you been so standoffish all day?
Oh. Ah, ugh.
Um, I was covering for Ken.
He had an audition today,
and he didn't want you to know about it.
Ah, so you weren't mad at me.
You were just being dishonest with me.
That is such a relief.
(CHUCKLES)
Mmm. You and me, we're good.
Yeah. Okay?
I am going to go find a vase for these.
Okay. (CHUCKLES) Thank you.
Oh, Ken is in the basement with a pony, and...
It's okay, he knows about it.
So, are you upset with Ken?
You should know that he's super-committed to medicine.
How can I be mad at a man for setting aside his fears
and pursuing his dream?
Ken's not the only one who could do that.
Hint, hint.
Damona, Damona.
You know, Clark?
Maybe the idea of me marrying Damona isn't so crazy.
Despite how complicated things got between me and...
Tiffany? Hmm, there you go.
Not really sure why that last part
sounded like a question. Hmm.
Tiffany.
(STUTTERS) What are you doing here?
I e-mailed you, but I never heard back.
Are you still therealpatrice@willtopia.com?
I am so sorry how things turned out with us.
But I've been doing some real work on myself.
And I want to try again.
I want you back. I love you, Pat.
Oh, boy.
Hey, guys. I got the part!
(ALL CHEERING)
My son, the actor.
Just remember. No accent.
Only good for cheap laughs.
CLARK: Okay.
Hey, we couldn't wait until tomorrow to find out.
Congratulations.
There's another cake in there that says
"Better luck next time."
Thank you, so... Oh.
Pat.
Look, I'm sorry, I wasn't more open about all this.
Ah, don't worry about it. I'm proud of you.
Yeah, me too.
Although, after your episode airs,
I have a feeling you're gonna be hard...er to work with.
(LAUGHS) (CELLPHONE RINGS)
Oh. Hollywood calling.
Yeah, see, you've changed already.
(LAUGHS) Hello?
Yes, it would be an honor
to hold for Dan Harm... Okay.
Hey, I've been thinking.
I should act my age.
You can have Molly's room when she leaves.
No, Grandpa, I, too, have been thinking.
You should take it. Okay.
I will. (LAUGHS)
Dave, looks like you just got played.
Quite the contrary.
I've had my eye on Grandpa's room since he moved in.
Making your room seem desirable
was just one domino that needed to fall.
Hey. You okay?
Oh, yeah, never better.
(OFF-KEY NOTE PLAYS)
DAN: Ken, I'm glad I caught you.
Oh, yeah. I was just celebrating with my friends and family.
I don't care.
Yeah, I was just thinking about the character I want you to play.
I want you to be a Spanish professor that's a little crazy,
a little nutty, like you were in the audition.
And I want you to be in every episode.
Seriously? Seriously.
I hope you're ready to quit your day job,
if you even have one.
You seem like you shouldn't.
(BUTTON CLICKS)
Uh, guys?
Let me guess. They realized they made a mistake
and changed their mind?
Did they give the part to John Cho?
My God, though, he is so talented.
(OVERLAPPING CONVERSATION)
No, no. Uh...
They want me to be a series regular.
But that means I'd have to quit my job.
Oh.
This is so surreal.
Pat, is there any way
I could take a leave of absence
in case it doesn't work out?
No, sorry, I wish there were, but unfortunately,
we'd have to replace you right away.
Ah, two years ago, that would have been
music to my ears, but now...
Guess I've built up a tolerance to you.
No. I can't do this.
It's just like stand-up last year.
It's too risky. It'll change everything.
Ken, this year has been full of changes.
I switched jobs. Your parents got divorced.
Ain't nobody gonna tie me down.
My point is change isn't bad.
Molly's gonna go off to Stanford.
That's a huge change.
But Molly's supposed to go to college.
46-year-old doctors aren't supposed
to trade their lab coats in for a sombrero.
I'd play a Spanish teacher with an anger problem.
At least it's in your wheelhouse.
Except for the Spanish part.
Hey, Ken, you know we do support you on this, right?
Yeah, I mean, we'd really Miss you,
but this is an amazing opportunity for you.
Yeah. I love working with you guys.
It... And you know, I make a difference
in hundreds of patients' lives, thousands.
Dad, what do you think?
Hundreds.
Son, I've always said that you need the support
of your family for a decision like this.
This is your family.
It matters what they think.
I'm 11, so I'm gonna yield my time to mom.
Ken, if my cancer scare has taught me anything,
it's that life is short.
You have an opportunity here
that may never come again.
Yeah, but I have responsibilities as a...
We have responsibilities.
And we'll make it work.
When you look back in 20 years,
are you really gonna be happy
if you didn't take a shot at the one thing
you always said you wanted to do?
What if this doesn't work out?
But what if it does?
I love you so much. (SQUEALS)
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it! Love you guys. (ALL CHEERING)
DR. KEN: Love you guys so much.
Yay!
Now let's have some cake.
Oh, uh, is it gluten free?
Because I'm an actor now.
Oh, God. Here we go.
Huh, I know what you're thinking.
Something doesn't look right here, does it?
You're probably like, (WITH SPANISH ACCENT) "Dios mio,
I thought this was Spanish class, brah."
(IN NASAL VOICE) "Ah, look at me. Little Miss Sunshine, uh-huh.
"Ay caramba.
"Oh, what's a guy like him doing up there, huh? Huh?
"Huh? Huh?"
(LAUGHS)
Sorry, sorry.
Alison just made me laugh again. That's all.
My bad for reacting in the scene.
Dan, that was funny. You should film her, too.
Oh, we're gonna.
After you do one take without laughing.
(LAUGHS)
Ah, that's gonna be tough to do.
Got an hour of unusable tape to prove that.
Why don't we take five?
Everybody, call your families.
(BELL RINGS)
I'm gonna hang out on my mark,
kind of in the zone. (LAUGHS)
It's gonna be a long year.
Yep.
Should we reach out to John Cho?
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
Living the dream.