Great news. I just got us tickets to The Bodyguard.
Mom, I know you're a little pop-culture challenged,
but that's not in theaters anymore.
No, not the movie, the musical. At the Pantages.
That's nice of you, but why?
We don't do enough things together as a family.
I begged you to let me choreograph something for all of us.
Look, I thought seeing The Bodyguard
would be a fun thing to do together,
just the four of us.Good call.
I love The Bodyguard.
Just the five of us.
Will everyone please stop yelling? I mean...
I'm sorry.
My open mic went pretty late last night,
so I didn't get much sleep.
I killed, by the way.
Oh, that's right.
Getting back in the comedy game, huh, Dad?
Yeah, well, I mean, don't call it a comeback. I've been here for years.
Wait. Aren't Clark and Connor having a thing tomorrow?
Yeah, but it's casual. I'm sure we can miss it.
It's definitely not something we need to drag the kids to.
Oh, please. Clark and Connor would understand.
It's The Bodyguard.
Hey, everybody, listen. Quick reminder,
our barbecue is this weekend,
so Connor and I need to get a head count.
No big deal, should be super chill.
You know what, Clark, we're not gonna make it.
Pat's taking me out of town.
No! No, you can't.
Ah, sorry to miss it,
but the lovely isle of Santa Catalina calls.
Can't you go another weekend?
Afraid not.
No, this is mating season for their world-famous bison.
And the hotel's room deposit is non-refundable,
and I'm almost comedically cheap.
Okay, please, please, please,
tell me you guys are gonna be there.
Um, quick question,
will this be a vegan barbecue?
Obviously. Violence begins with the fork. Why?
No reason.
I see you. I see him do...
We actually do have plans.
We're all gonna see The Bodyguard at the Pantages.
[SCOFFS] Can't you go see that some other weekend?
We already bought tickets,
and the kids and D.K. are going, so...
Well, our barbecue is family-friendly,
so D.K. and the kids are more than welcome.
I guess I can see if there's some way
to dump off the tickets, but I...
Great, you're in. This is a verbal contract.
I will see you tomorrow.
I said I would try.Fine!
Listen, sweetie,
I am just as freaked out as you are,
but Pat and Damona are going to Catalina.
Yes, Connor, they know about the bison.
Well, yeah, because no one knows it's our surprise wedding.
KEN: Oh, my God.
I have to go.
Ken.
Nope.
How much did you hear?
And why do you sleep with your head covered?
I didn't hear anything.
And my nose gets cold.
You guys are actually doing it?
We're doing it.
[SQUEALING, LAUGHTER]
I am so happy for you.Yeah, thanks,
except it's gonna be this total disaster.Oh, no.
You'll hear that a lot, but marriage has its moments.
No.
The wedding, no one's even gonna show up.
Well, maybe if you told people.
No. no, no, no. It has to be a surprise.
When Connor and I went to our friends' surprise wedding,
it was just, it was so lovely and amazing
to watch the joy on their guests' faces
when they realized what was happening.
We just, we decided that's how we wanted to get married.
That sounds beautiful, but...Yeah.
But you understand you won't be getting any gifts, right?
Oh, no, am I on the hook for a gift now that I know?No.
We don't care about gifts.
We just want our friends to be there.
[LAUGHING] Then why'd you call it a vegan barbecue?
[LAUGHS MOCKINGLY]
Oh, hey.
Now that you know, maybe, maybe,
do you think that you could convince people to come?
You got it, buddy. Consider it done.
But you can't tell anyone, not even Allison.
Please, we barely even talk anymore.
Oh, hey, guys.
So I think I'm gonna drop in on Clark's thing after all. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, hey, maybe you should, too.
No, we told you we're gonna be in Catalina.
Yeah. Just an hour ago, you weren't going either.
Well, yeah, that's the exhaustion talking.
I mean, it's hard to come down from such an epic set. [CHUCKLES]
But, you know, Clark's a friend,
and, you know, we should be there for him.
You know, to be there.
For him.
Yeah, it's just this hotel's cancellation policy is really strict,
especially when you book the honeymoon suite.
[GASPS] Pat!
Ah, that was meant to be a surprise.
Oh! Pat, that is so nice.
Well, it was the only room available.
Damn! I was gonna keep that to myself.
Okay, look, guys.
Trust me, you do not want to miss this.
I mean, not that anything's gonna happen, but if it did,
you'd never forgive yourselves.
Are Clark and Connor getting married?
[SQUEALS]What?
No! No, of course not! No!
You know what? I overheard Clark
talking to somebody about officiating something.
Well, that had absolutely nothing to do
with Clark and Connor.
Oh.
Okay, well, if not them, then...
Are you and Allison renewing your vows?
Yes.
I knew it.
I knew it. I knew it.
I'm like 4% psychic.
I knew it. I knew it.
Oh, my God.
Well, why are you being so weird about it?
Wait a minute.
Are you secretly not married?
I mean, have you been living in sin all these years?
Oh, your poor illegitimate children.
No!
Pat, we're just renewing our vows.
Why? Because they expired and went bad?
I've been there.
Look, you can't tell Allison. I'm surprising her.
And you can't tell Clark I told you.
Well, why would Clark care?
You know, I mean, Clark's really into
this whole thing being a surprise.
You know, so keep your big mouth shut, you two.
[LAUGHS][SQUEALS]
Oh, my God![LAUGHS]
Night, Damona. See you Monday.
You mean I'll see you tomorrow at Clark's barbecue, right?
Yeah, I thought about it, and we're gonna skip it.
We're all really excited to see The Bodyguard.
At least, D.K. is.
Um, does Ken know you're not going?
We haven't talked about it since this morning,
but I don't think he'll care.
Okay, um...
So, um, you, you know,
we had canceled our plans
because it's really, really important to be there.
Oh, that's nice of you.Mm-hmm.
Anyway, have fun.Wait, wait!
Wait, wait, listen.
You got to be there.
Okay.
Don't tell Ken I told you,
but he's planning a vow renewal ceremony.
He is? Oh, my God!
Yes, and it's a surprise,
so please don't tell Ken I told you.
No, I won't, I won't say a word.
Oh.
You know, I... I pretty much stopped
expecting anything romantic out of Ken.
Especially the way he mangled Valentine's Day.
I figured we'd just live out our golden years
as good married friends.
Boy, was I wrong.
[SQUEALS]
Hey, got a sec?
Of course, sweetheart.
Hey, you don't have to be sarcastic.
Look, I thought it over, and I think it's important for us
to go to Clark's barbecue.
I'm already one step ahead of you.
I already dumped The Bodyguardtickets.
[LAUGHING] Wow. That was easy.
Well, I sensed it was important to you,
and, as my husband of 20 years,
if it's important to you, it's important to me.
Hey, I just combed that.
Oh, and I got the kids and D.K. to go, too,
so, you know, we'll all be there.
Huh. Papa, too.
Mm, okay.
Ken, I just love you so much.
Cool.
Maybe later I can show you how much.
Eh, you're coming to the barbecue. That's good enough.
[LAUGHS]
Wow. This place looks amazing.
Your dad really out-did himself.
D.K.: It's okay.
Not worth missing The Bodyguard.
Grandpa, have you ever considered
just seeing it on another day?
I don't need you to solve this, Dave, just be there for me.
[GROANS]
PAT: Ah.
Hey.
Hey, lovebirds.
So glad you could make it.
I had no idea you were coming.
So wonderful to have you here.
Yeah, I just, just wish it wasn't so expensive.
He's just mad because the hotel's being funny with our deposit.
Yeah.
[CELLPHONE VIBRATES]Oh. Mm.
Well... Ah, speak of the devils.
I'll give them a piece of my mind.
Hello. No, you listen to me. What?
No, I'd be happy to hold.
♪ The one that makes me go all night long
♪ The one that makes me think of youOh, they even got music.
Allison, check it out, Blink-182!
[CHUCKLES]I know.
♪ That's all you gotta do Who?
I don't know. I thought they were the guys who play outside the 7-Eleven on Moorpark.
Hey, hi. Oh, so pretty.
Can we steal Ken for just a second?
Oh, yeah.
Bring him back. I need him.
Okay, we have a bit of an emergency.
Our friend Shelly was gonna officiate,
but she can't make it.Yeah, she's down with the flu,
and now we don't know what to do.
Oh, I'd say liquids, rest...
Ken!
Sorry. I, um...
I'll officiate.
Oh, um, uh...
[BABBLES]
But you have to, like, get ordained online.
How long does it take?30 minutes.
Give me a laptop and a Coke Zero, and I can do it in 28.
All right. Well, thanks anyway.
Well, looks like
we're gonna have to eat that hotel deposit.
Unh-unh. I do not eat deposits.
Hi. Hi, Tanya.
You just talked to my boyfriend, Pat Hein.
[CHUCKLES]
Uh-huh.
No, I know, but,
God, I would hate to have to call the L.A. Times
and tell them about your bedbugs and your shower rats.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
I just got us credit. We can use it anytime we want.
Uh, I'm not so sure I still want to go...
I mean, what, with the shower rats.
Hi.
I'm so glad you're here.
I'm so glad I'm here, too.
Wait.
Do you know?
I do. Are you mad?
Oh, I could never be mad on this day.
This is so much better than The Bodyguard.
That's what I was trying to tell you.
[CHUCKLES]
Thank you.
Um, if I could have everyone's attention.
We've got a little surprise.
Is it meat?
Better.
The real reason we're here today is because...
Clark and Connor are getting married.
[ALL GASP, CHEER]
So everyone fill your glasses.
We're gonna start in about five minutes.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
Oh, my God. Allison, I feel horrible.
Ken must have said you were renewing your vows just to get us here.
No, no, no. It's fine.
I'm just happy for Clark and Connor.
Are you sure? You're good?
[LAUGHING] Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah...
Yeah.
Okay, 'cause you just said "yeah" a whole lot of times.
[SIGHS] Yeah.
♪ Me, babe
♪ Marry me
♪ If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe
♪ Say you will
♪ Mm-hmm
♪ Say you will
♪ Mm-hmm
♪ Marry me
♪ Mm-hmm
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Blink-182, everybody.
He's from Train.
And he's one of Connor's best friends.
Read the program.
As a married man,
I look back and remember how daunting
the prospect of finding a spouse was.
Was there really such a thing as a soul mate?
I mean, for me, that question was answered
the moment I first met my wife, Allison.
You know, it's more than love.
Allison fills me up
and is the missing piece to my puzzle.
She confirmed that soul mates were real
and that she was mine.
And it's clear to everybody
that Clark and Connor are soul mates.
Now I believe the grooms have some vows they'd like to share.
[CHUCKLES]Connor.
My dearest Clark...
I have loved you long before I ever met you
because the idea of you lived in my heart.
And I vow the following...
to love and cherish you...
To stop leaving my used ice cream bowls in the sink...
[CHUCKLES]
And to not tune out when you rant about
what Ken did that day at work.
It's a different Ken.
Oh.
Clark.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Connor...
Growing up as a gay kid,
I just never thought this moment would be possible.
But here we are.
And though this is a celebration,
I can't help but think of all the people
who still have to be afraid to just be who they are,
to just love.
And so...
I vow that my love for you will be so big
that it will give us the strength
to never stop fighting for what's right.
Also, I vow that every morning,
when I get up, hours and hours before you do,
and see your used ice cream bowl in the sink,
not even soaking...
[LAUGHTER]
I will resent you.
But I will rinse it and put it in the dishwasher.
We totally wrote that part separately.
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHS]
Um, so without further ado,
by the power vested in me by the course I took online,
which I finished in 26 minutes,
I now pronounce you loving husbands and partners for life.
You may kiss.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Ah! Yes!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES]
Hi!
[SQUEALS] So happy for you guys!
Congratulations. That was an amazing surprise.
Thank you guys.
And we just learned
that you guys have no honeymoon plans.
Yeah, no, we really didn't plan anything,
just the wedding.
Well, we have a gift that might change that.
Oh, no, no. We don't want any gifts.
Well, let's hear them out.
You're going to Catalina Island, on us.
[LAUGHS] You guys, this is too much.
I don't know what to say.I do!
I've been wanting to see those wild buffalo
my whole life.Oh, my God.
Truly, thank you.
Oh, Clarky, you're so welcome, and so are you.
Oh! Oh.Mwah!
Hey.
Oh, that was such a sweet idea.
Yeah, well, you know, you got to have a honeymoon, right?
Mm-hmm.You know, Tiffany and I...
we put ours off, you know?
Then years passed, and by the time it finally came out
that she never loved me and no longer wanted to be with me,
two weeks in a tent together just seemed less appealing.
[LAUGHS]
You always make me laugh.
Yeah.
[LAUGHS]Yeah, Damona.
I'm aware that what I'm about to declare
could be relationship dynamite.
But as a man who says what he feels...
I love you.
Ah.
Yeah, I've never been less irked
to be beaten to the punch before.
Oh, and I love you.Okay.
[EXHALES SHARPLY] I got to say,
this was totally stressful...[CONNOR SIGHS]
...and absolutely perfect.
Yep.
We really did it.
You're my husband.
And always will be.
You did an amazing job up there.
Thanks. I meant every word,
especially the stuff about you.
I was so touched by what you said.
There's no way you could top that.
Mm, I'm not so sure.
Ken, please no popping and/or locking.
[CHUCKLES]
[LAUGHS]
Just one pop and lock?
No.
I can feel you doing it.
Hey.
I'm so glad we got to see Clark and Connor get married.
And we got to do something together as family, just like you wanted.
You're right.
It was the perfect night.
But it's not quite over.
You know how you said I couldn't top what I did before?
[GASPS]Let's renew our vows.
Isn't this awesome, Mom?
It is.
But who's gonna officiate?
Me.
I just got ordained.
23 minutes.
And it's catered, too.
Thank God. I'm so hungry.Not yet.
Ceremony first.
Start with music.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Train.
Man, we got to get new management.
♪ And marry me
[OFF-KEY] ♪ Marry me
♪ Today and every... ♪ Today and every day
♪ Marry me
♪ If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe
♪ Say you will
♪ Mm-hmm
♪ Marry me
♪ Mm-hmm