Oh, really? (LAUGHING) Yes.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Oh, Clark, good morning.
You remember the lovely Megan.
Hello. CLARK: Yes. Hi. Good morning.
Um, uh, Pat?
Uh, are you feeling okay?
You just... You look a little...
Damn! What the hell is wrong with your face?
That's scary.
Damona, it's a medical workplace.
No matter what comes through the door,
we need to react professionally.
Damn!
What the hell is wrong with your face?
That's scary.
I'm sure it's nothing.
Yeah, it's just a basic irritant
who happens to have a rash.
(LAUGHING)
Well, fortunately, love is blind.
Isn't that right, Megan?
(LAUGHING) No, not at all.
Isn't it great our relationship has gotten to the point
where she can be comfortable being so honest with me?
Yeah.
Anyway, you better clear up that situation
before the banquet tomorrow night,
or Megan is not going to be happy.
Oh. (LAUGHS)
Yeah, we're going to this big pharmaceuticals banquet.
And I can't have Blotches here making me look bad.
Aww, you see how she cares for me.
She doesn't want me to feel bad
about embarrassing her
with the horror that is my face.
You know, you should really get that looked at.
Whatever you have to do, Patrice.
(MOUTHING) Patrice?
Well, I better get going.
These drugs don't sell themselves.
All right, all right. (CHUCKLES)
Tickle party!
I'll walk you out, sweet... Oh, she's already gone.
Man, I know nuts when I see it,
and she is a whole mixed bag of 'em.
Nuts!
Hey, wellness alert!
Yeah, I've got half-off fliers to the alcove,
that new meditation center.
Oh, right, the place down the street.
The one that replaced that delicious Jamaican spot.
Sorry. I'm hungry.
Anyway, I'm thinking of trying it before work tomorrow.
You want to come? Sure. Why not?
I tried to meditate on my own,
but every time I find a moment of peace,
I'm inevitably interrupted.
Ooh, Ally lama. (LAUGHS)
Gonna get your Zen on. (LAUGHS)
Hey, you know, why don't I join you fools, huh?
You know, when all that silence gets awkward,
I can be there to say, "awkward!"
Oh, uh, I don't know how many half-off fliers Clark got,
so... Oh, I get it.
I know your "I want to say no, but I don't know how" tone.
Oh, right. From our wedding.
You better stop making that joke, Allison!
Has my rash gotten worse?
You know, as a nurse, I would say yes.
As just someone who knows you, I would say,
"Oh, sweet mother of God."
All right, Ken, you're gonna have to give me an exam.
It looks like you actually have hives.
Well, I... I'm not sure I should be the one examining you
since we're co-workers and frien... Co-workers.
What about Tuttle? Oh, no, no.
Tuttle is our most talented doctor.
I can't waste his time with this.
Uh, thank you?
Yeah. Tell you what, I'll go gown up.
Hey, you've never seen me naked before. This will be fun.
What's up with Dave's girlfriend?
She never talks.
Dave prefers to think of her as "deliberate" and "unwavering."
I prefer to think of her as weird.
Okay, so no backgammon.
What about cards? I bet you like Go Fish.
We could bake cookies.
There's this chai snickerdoodle recipe I've been dying to try.
Hey, how about your new puzzle, Dave?
What do you think, Emily?
Want to give "dozens of dalmatians" a try?
Okay. From one puzzle to another.
*
All right. Well, it's definitely hives,
and it's more prominent than this morning.
Yeah, and the itching is unbearable.
Pat, I hope this isn't uncomfortable for you,
but I'm gonna have to look at every... Oh, right.
Uh, not presenting anywhere else.
Thank you. You can close it.
I'm good. Please?
All right.
When did this start happening?
Well, off and on over the past few weeks.
Ever have any similar reactions to shellfish?
Peanuts? Any wheezing?
No. (CELLPHONE VIBRATES)
Oh, it's Megan. I'm gonna have to take this.
Hello, milady.
Ah, yeah. We're taking care of it.
Yeah, Welltopia's fifth-best doctor is on the case.
All right, I'll keep you po... Oh, she already hung up.
Did you just call me Welltopia's fifth-best doctor?
Yeah. Sorry. Did I miscount?
I mean, there's, uh...
Oh, no, that's right. You're the sixth.
Okay, Pat, I'm gonna give you some Benadryl,
but first you need to see an allergist
to determine what's causing these hives.
So I'm sending you upstairs for skin testing with Dr. Jenkins.
Oh, I forgot Jenkins. That makes you seventh.
*
Hey, any interest in Jamaican takeout for dinner?
You're pacing. What's wrong?
It's Pat and this whole rash thing.
It's also your erratic food choices,
but mostly the rash thing.
I just got off the phone with the allergist.
All his tests came back negative.
I don't know what's causing his hives.
Huh.
Could be stress urticaria.
Any unusual stressors in his life?
Uh, I don't know. Let's see.
(LAUGHS)
He went through that crazy divorce.
He lived on a boat in a driveway.
He even slept in the clinic for a while.
He was fully committed to the hobo lifestyle.
Respect.
But these are more recent.
I'm thinking Pat may be allergic to nuts.
Well, the testing ruled out nuts.
(CHUCKLES) No, I mean that nut, Megan, he's dating.
(LAUGHS)
Zing. Good one. (LAUGHS)
The hives did appear right when they started dating.
Yeah, you're right. Megan is a nut.
Oh, nut-meg. Double zing. (LAUGHS)
Aw, I feel awful.
I have to tell the loneliest man on earth
that he's allergic to the one woman who will have him?
Maybe spend five more minutes on the phrasing.
But he's so into her.
(SCOFFS) look, I know he really likes her.
But some relationships aren't healthy,
and it's important for him to recognize
that she's just not good for him.
Yeah, ideally, before his face falls off.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Molly, I'm experiencing some emotions,
which I'm not sure how to process.
It's just boredom, not actual hunger.
No, I'm not hungry.
Well, that's not true, but... This is about Emily.
I'm thinking of breaking up with her.
Really?
I was starting to suspect we're not as compatible as I thought,
and overhearing Mom and Dad talk about it
really drove the point home.
What did they say?
Mom called our relationship unhealthy.
Oh, and Dad thinks it could make my face fall off.
But there was nothing on WebMD to back him up.
Sorry, Dave. Breakups are hard.
And this isn't just any breakup.
I'm the light of her life.
Well, I'm sure you'll find the right way to do it.
Do what? Break up with Emily.
I'll do it for you.
Bless you, Grandpa.
No. No one deserves, "Dave doesn't like you anymore! Go away!"
Please, I would never beat around the bush like that.
No, no. Molly's right. I should do this myself.
Oy vey.
This is not gonna be fun.
Dave, don't worry about it.
Just think about how terrible she's gonna feel.
*
Thanks for coming with me.
Are you kidding? This is gonna be great.
Friends, the goal of meditation is to clear our minds.
Inevitably, certain thoughts will sneak in,
but it's important to acknowledge and then release them.
What I like to say to these thoughts is,
"Thank you. Not now."
So let's close our eyes and begin.
(CHIME RINGS)
ALLISON: (SIGHS) Finally.
Sweet silence.
Just what I needed.
Oh, wait.
I'm not supposed to be thinking.
Thank you. Not now.
Man, Ken was right.
The silence is awkward.
Ugh, Ken is so annoying.
You know what, Ken? Thank you. Not now.
CLARK: Ah, pure silence.
Nope, someone's wheezing.
Hmm, that could be asthma.
I'm a good nurse.
Okay, meditation, take two.
Do I have bananas at home?
(GROANS) Why can't I clear my head? I should be good at this.
I'm a vegan. This is on brand for me.
Maybe I can't turn my brain off 'cause it's made of meat.
Thank you. Not now.
(GROANS) Look at Allison.
How is she so Zen?
Well, I guess she's learned to block things out
in order to deal with Ken.
ALLISON: This place was so much better as a Jamaican restaurant.
Hey, wait a second.
Maybe I should start a business that combines the two...
Allison's Jerk Chicken 'n Meditation Hut.
Nah, who am I kidding?
I'm sure someone's already done it.
There really are no new ideas.
CLARK: I swear, if it weren't for Allison,
I would get up and leave.
But I'm stuck.
(GASPS) Unless...
What if I gave myself a nosebleed?
ALLISON: Man, he is in the zone.
*
Okay, clearly the Benadryl isn't working,
so I'm gonna have to notch you up to Prednisone.
(SIGHS) This better work.
Megan is not happy.
I'm gonna ruin her banquet, and she cannot have that.
She made that very clear!
Ken, what is causing these hives?
Well, all your allergy tests are negative.
So maybe it could be stress.
Ah. You may be right.
Maybe Megan and I should take a little break.
You know, I'm so glad you said that.
You know, just get out of town, just the two of us.
Are things ever...
Stressful between you and Megan?
No, no.
Megan insists on a stress-free environment, and I comply.
I'm terrified of getting on her bad side.
Is that terror ever...
Stressful?
Ken, I have no idea what you're driving at.
Pat, you're allergic to Megan
and you need to break up with her!
Are you actually suggesting that Megan is responsible for my hives?
That is ridiculous.
You have stress urticaria. Megan is bad for you.
Look at your face.
Ken, I know you and the others don't care for her,
but to suggest she is responsible for my condition
is medically irresponsible and personally offensive.
You're fired as my doctor.
I don't know why you begged me to let you examine me.
I was the one who told you to go to Tuttle in the first place!
And you should have listened!
Okay, okay.
I'm talking to you as a friend.
Pat, if we don't care for Megan,
it's because of how much we care about you.
She is stressing you out, and it's making you sick.
Either your relationship has to change, or you need to end it.
Wow. (SIGHS)
So that's what you call friendship?
I thought friends wanted each other to be happy.
I don't know if you can tell, but under this rash...
I am red with anger!
Hey. I'm... Hey, hey.
Why haven't you returned my calls?
I was stalling.
I was hoping my face would improve.
Well, it hasn't.
And the banquet's in a few hours.
I thought you were gonna talk to Ken. What did he say?
What the hell does he know? He's like the tenth-best doctor here.
(MOUTHING)
Well, it doesn't matter.
There's no way I can take you to the banquet.
Everyone's gonna mistake your face for the prime rib.
You know, Megan,
as much as I usually find your honesty refreshing,
that kind of stung a little.
Oh, you're gonna make this all about you?
(LAUGHS) Wow. That's rich.
Forget it. I will see you after the banquet.
Megan, wait.
I'm not so sure you will see me.
Excuse me?
Look, maybe we should talk privately.
Wait, are you... Are you breaking up with me?
Oh, it's showtime.
Yes, you won't see me after the banquet because this is over.
No one breaks up with Megan.
Well, Pat does.
Why? Give me one good reason.
Well, Ken says you're killing me.
I said it was stress urticaria, a vascular rash,
which is very itchy... Shut up.
Yes, sir.
You're really gonna throw this all this away
because of some silly rash?
Every relationship has issues.
One of my exes even suffered from panic attacks.
Oh, and always felt an overwhelming sense of doom around me,
but I didn't hear him complaining.
Was that 'cause he was dead?
I'm on the phone, Megan.
I think this is best for both of us. And I'm...
I'm sorry, Megan.
You know what, Pat? I don't care what you say.
This relationship is over.
(GASPS)
Nuh-uh! Nuh-uh! Don't do that!
He broke up with you!
You broke up with her!
See, I can't...
*
(SIGHS) Emily, I know it's not your thing,
but we need to talk.
I think you're a wonderful person.
Oh, thank God.
I'm sorry? Let's face it.
This thing's been over for weeks.
It has?
We've obviously just been going through the motions.
Honestly, I was only dragging my feet
because I was afraid to be single again.
But this is the right thing to do.
It is? It is.
(SIGHS) Wow.
I feel like a big bag of rocks has been lifted off my back.
Bye, Dave. Be well.
Did not see that coming.
*
Oh, hey, girl.
So, what'd you think of the meditation?
So good.
Super mindful.
If anything, I wish it was longer.
You want to go again tomorrow?
What are you doing, Clark?
You betcha.
No, no betcha.
This ends now.
Clark, I got to be honest.
I didn't like it.
Me neither.
But why didn't you say anything?
Well, you invited me, and I didn't want you to feel badly.
Okay, you know what? From now on,
let's just be honest with each other, okay?
Absolutely. Okay.
You want to grab some lunch? I know this vegan stromboli place.
Ooh, uh, I'm not really feeling vegan stromboli.
Hey, how about Jamaican?
Totally fine. Wherever you want to go.
Why is she trying to hurt me?
ALLISON: He's so strong.
That rejection would've crushed me.
You know what? I'm gonna reward him.
Hey, let's try your place. I'm sure it's great.
Oh, okay. Great.
Oh, now I'm a charity case?
ALLISON: Why did you give in? He doesn't even care!
This will be fun. Yeah!
*
What's going on?
Dave kicked Emily to the curb.
So you did it. How do you feel?
Like the victim of a cosmic sucker punch.
But I thought this is what you wanted.
I thought so, too.
I just didn't expect Emily to be so onboard with it.
It's strange.
Even when you know it's over,
you still want the other person to want you.
I gave her the best months of my life.
Well, you're 11. You've got some good months ahead of you still.
Thanks, Molly.
Mmm!
Dave, when you find the right one, you'll know it.
How? She'll talk!
What is wrong with her?
(BOTH LAUGH)
Hey. Ken, you got a minute?
Sure.
I just wanted to thank you for figuring out what was wrong with me
and, more importantly, for your friendship.
You're very welcome. For both.
Deep down, I... I knew you were right all along.
That was not a healthy relationship.
So on some level, I felt even an unhealthy relationship
was preferable to being alone.
Yeah, you know, Allison's always saying that.
I'm grateful you were there to teach me that age-old lesson.
It's better to be somewhat unhappy with clear skin
than be extremely unhappy with a debilitating rash.
Well, I'm glad it all worked out.
Me, too. All right. Well, thanks again.
So, does this mean I move up in the doctor rankings?
No, Ken, it does not.
*
Hey, Pat, how ya doing?
I'm fine. Thanks for asking.
I just wanted to make sure you were okay 'cause...
Man, that breakup of yours was kind of rough.
But I guess rough is what breakups are, right?
I suppose.
Well, you and me, that wasn't so bad.
(LAUGHS) That's true.
Yeah. In fact, I think that was the best breakup I ever had.
(LAUGHS)
You know what? It was my best one, too.
Ah, and your face is looking better.
Oh, thanks. Yours, too. I...
I'm still...
I'm still in a bit of a daze.
Oh. Well, the prednisone?
Actually, I never took it. Hmm.
I started feeling better the moment she left here.
(CHUCKLES) Funny. You never gave me hives.
That's 'cause I'm not scary.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Um...
Well, I'm glad you're okay.
Me, too.
I knew she was a mixed bag of nuts.
Tell me about it.
(LAUGHS)
Hey, guys. I want to thank you both for something.
For what? You're welcome.
I broke up with Emily,
and while I know you guys had your own opinions on our relationship,
I appreciate you giving me the space to figure things out on my own.
Uh-huh.
Not only did you teach a man how to fish,
you taught him how to throw one back.
You know, every time I think you guys
are just making it up as you go,
I wind up pleasantly surprised.
I'm sorry. What happened?
Who cares? Just take the win.
I am killin' the parenting game.
ALLISON: Of course, Ken would take credit for...
Thank you. Not now.