Clark, did I forget your birthday again?
Yes, but it's not today.
This is Connor's Valentine's Day gift.
I am creating a romantic scavenger hunt
that's going to lead him to it.
Man, Valentine's Day sure sneaks up on you.
We always end up going out to eat
wherever I can score a last-minute res.
I mean, not lazy, spontaneous.
You know, it's part of the Ken Park package.
I just flat-out told Eric what I wanted tonight...
a nice, romantic steak.
Oh, where are you gonna go, Meat is Murder over on Pico?
No. It's this place that Pat and I found by the airport.
It is delicious.
It's a little loud,
but I've heard all of Eric's stories anyway.
(PHONE RINGING)
Oh, Allison, she needs me.
Already misses this.
So, you picked a place that you and Pat used to go?
How is Eric gonna feel about that?
Ah, he's probably gonna feel like
he doesn't know Pat and I dated.
(GASPS)
What? You haven't told him?
I was going to, but then...
I didn't.
And here we are, three months later,
and he seems cool with it.
Excuse me.
Megan Vogel to see Dr. Tuttle.
Oh, he'll be down in a minute.
You can just wait right over there. Thank you.
Psst!
Do you know who that is?
Well, she's got a rolling suitcase in a hospital.
So she's either a pharmaceutical rep,
or she got very lost
looking for her connecting flight.
No, that's Megan,
the woman I met at that jazz festival
when I was pretending that Ken's kid was my adopted Asian son.
Why in the hell would you do that?
Because she also has an adopted Asian child.
Just trust me, it was the right thing to do at the time.
Well, it turns out it wasn't,
'cause she got bent outta shape when I told her the truth.
(SIGHS) It's too bad, 'cause I really liked her.
Then just go apologize.
Maybe the universe is giving you a second chance.
Or her a second chance to spit in his face.
Ugh!
I'll be right there to make that important decision!
Pat?
Oh, hey, it's you!
Megan. Megan, yes, Megan.
I'm gonna wait outside.
Oh, no, no, no, Megan, uh...
I'm sorry.
I let you think that Dave was my kid
'cause it seemed to make you like me,
but if it'll make things better,
I, I could adopt a child for real.
Or I could take you to dinner tonight.
It's Valentine's Day.
Right.
I don't have any plans,
but I did optimistically book a sitter.
Oh, well, I did optimistically make a reservation,
and I'm sure it wouldn't be too much trouble
to bump it up from one person to two.
Okay.
BOTH: Aww!
No, Allison, if you don't wanna do anything tonight,
that's totally fine.
No, I'll get over it. Love you.
She doesn't wanna do anything!
She just wants to watch TV in sweatpants.
You know, sometimes good things
do happen to good people.
Well, if you're staying in,
then you can hide the present for my scavenger hunt
at the sculpture garden by your house.
It's where Connor and I went on our first date.
BOTH: Aww!
(LAUGHS)
Anything for you, Clark. Is it fragile?
Because I might just toss it from the car.
Oh, what's happening in here?
Magic!
I'm making Valentine's Day dinner for me and Emily.
Korean galbi, tteok in a red chili sauce,
and creme brulee.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Grandpa's my sous-chef
since I'm not allowed to use the creme brulee torch anymore.
Even though my eyebrows grew back thicker than before!
Wow, buddy. First Valentine's Day.
So sweet.
My first one with your dad was pretty perfect.
Picnic on the beach, classic.
But he forgot the picnic,
so we shared a warm, flat Coke he had in his car.
Classic Coke.
It was very Ken, but romantic.
Well, not as romantic as tonight,
sweatpants and this mid-range Chardonnay
a patient gave me for freezing off his skin tags.
D.K., why aren't you with Linda?
We broke up again.
Well, I can't think of anything I wanna hear less about.
It's like, "Save the drama for your mama!"
Happy Valentine's Day, baby!
I did everything you asked,
down to wearing the outfit that you laid out for me.
That was a pile of your stuff that I was donating to Goodwill.
Well, you win some, you lose some.
Mm, it's Pat!
Aw, geez.
Well, well, well, what a surprise!
Yeah.
Here you are on a date, I'm on a date.
So, how's your date going?
Good. Good?
Good! Oh, well, mine is going gangbusters,
you know, despite our rocky start,
so I guess a relationship can be built on a lie.
Oh, well, enjoy your dinner.
Your boss is a weird guy.
Is he? I don't really know him that well.
I'm just gonna run to the ladies' room,
but don't worry, I'm totally coming back.
(LAUGHS)
Ah...
I'm gonna take a bath and have another glass of wine.
Why not? We ain't drivin' nowhere.
(LAUGHS)
Hey, buddy, what's up?
I need a little help with Emily's gift.
It's a poem. I'd like to scan it for posterity.
A poem, huh?
"You're beautiful, ravine mane
"is only rivaled by your impressive brain."
Hmm.
"Your passion for NPR makes my heart sing.
"I collect it like a vase from the Ming.
"You have been sent from Heaven above,
"which is why I'm giving you the gift of my love,
"because eternal love is eternal love
"is eternal love."
That's just the first stanza.
What do you think?
Well, do you like having a girlfriend?
Yeah. Then lose the poem.
Eternal love is eternal love...
It's a little too much.
Okay, I feel you.
I'll go with plan "B".
Stickers of our founding fathers.
(CHUCKLES)
Hoo!
Oh, hey, Jae. Hey, Dr. Park.
Aren't you guys going out?
No, we're just gonna Netflix.
You know it's Valentine's Day, right?
(LAUGHING)
Sorry. Valentine's Day's a corporate holiday.
Yeah, it's just like any other day to people who don't buy
what big business is cramming down their throats.
Oh, okay.
I guess I've just been a lemming all these years.
A lot of people are, don't sweat it.
Thanks.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Oh! I told Ken not to do anything.
Uh, don't worry. He didn't do anything.
It's funny how your arthritis starts acting up
just when I ask you to julienne the vegetables!
Flowers for Dave Park?
Yep.
In fairness, it does sound like
you told him not to do anything.
I know what I said.
I saved up my allowance to buy these for Emily
because she's as sweet as a dozen roses.
Aww.
Tomorrow, you can buy those same flowers for half price.
But they won't mean as much then.
Says who?
Says...
a lot of people.
Emily will love them.
Anybody would love them.
Things are too quiet in the kitchen.
I should get back.
Take 'em.
(SIGHS)
Guess I'll just get into my really comfortable sweats.
Those aren't them?
I'm not enjoying you right now.
(SIGHS) What's wrong?
Pat's date still hasn't come back from the ladies' room.
You think she left?
I mean, it's Pat, so probably.
Aw, man. That is sad.
Oh, that is even sadder.
Oh...
Seems my date wasn't going quite as well as I thought.
That's okay.
Soon, I'll be in bed eating steak for two.
Well, it's good to see you, Pat.
Yeah, you, too. Okay.
Hey, look, Pat, why don't you join us?
Oh, I couldn't.
Oh!
Allison, do my hands look prune-ier than usual?
You okay?
I am now.
Even though I said I didn't want anything special,
you knew deep down I did.
What you wrote is beautiful.
I love the part about NPR.
And you used some big words in here
I didn't even know you knew!
Okay, the clue says,
"You had no idea what the night had in store,
"but under this hunk
"is the gift you're looking for."
Is it under you? Ooh! (CHUCKLES)
This is so much fun!
I never want the scavenger hunt to end.
Okay.
Maybe this isn't the end.
Ken.
Keep looking. There aren't many other places...
(SCREAMING) Just do it!
I really am sorry your date left.
Ah, it's nothing a delicious steak can't fix.
Mm.
Hey, did Damona tell you how we discovered this place?
Unh-unh!
I'm sorry, did you wanna tell the story?
Unh-unh!
You discovered it together, like, just the two of you?
Mm-hmm. It was a work thing.
Mm?
Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it was a work thing.
Yeah, 'cause we're, uh, we're co-workers...
who dated.
You two dated?
Uh, sort of,
but nothing serious or anything. (LAUGHS)
No, no, no, no, nothing serious, no.
It was just two grown adults having a little...
Well, sometimes a whole lot of fun.
Why didn't you tell me about this before?
Yeah, why didn't I?
We would all like to know the answer.
Let me see if I can go find one in the ladies' room.
Well, this isn't exactly the Valentine's Day I was picturing.
Really?
Yeah, in the realm of all possible Valentine's Days,
this did occur to me.
Where's Jae?
His friends were seeing a band, so I told him he should go.
Well, if he's anything like your father,
he might surprise you.
What's going on? I'm in the weeds, Mommy!
I burnt my galbi, my tteok is bloated,
and Grandpa hid the creme brulee torch.
This is why I quit.
I can't work under these conditions!
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Oh, no, that's Emily.
It's okay. Mom will stall her.
Just tell her about that boring bank robbery dream
you had the other night.
That wasn't a dream!
It's too late. Valentine's Day is ruined.
Great job, Dad.
She's early!
I was gonna come through at the last minute,
very dramatic.
Hi, Emily. Come on in.
I brought sparkling apple cider left over from New Year's.
My uncle's a recovering alcoholic.
I'm not gonna pussyfoot around this, Emily.
I ruined our Valentine's Day dinner.
It's okay. Valentine's Day is a meaningless holiday. Don't sweat it.
No. Stop saying it's a meaningless holiday.
You've got it all wrong.
Look at how excited Dave and Emily are!
That's Valentine's Day.
It's the one day a year we focus on the people we love.
And you know who agrees?
Dad.
He wrote me the most beautiful poem.
No, Al, that's, that's private.
Maybe it's bromidic, but I don't give an iota.
When I'm with you, it's like Alka-Seltzer
in a bottle of soda.
Hey, I wrote that!
What? For Emily!
This was a gift for you...
that my father conveniently decided was "too much."
Aww, you remembered I love NPR!
This is the best Valentine's Day ever!
It is?
Yep, best Valentine's Day ever.
Nice one, Dad.
Hey, it was a dishonest mistake.
Come on, you two.
I'll make PB&J's, your way.
Crusts or no crusts?
I trust your judgment.
Plagiarist!
(PHONE RINGS)
Clark, why do keep calling me?
It's Valentine's Day.
Shouldn't you be on your scavenger...
Oh, no.
But a lot of people don't even do Valentine's Day.
I mean, Molly here was just saying
it's a meaningless... Hello?
Isn't it bananas how Dave and I wrote the exact same poem?
Look, you're not alone.
I ruined Clark's night, too, if you can believe it.
I can.
I'm sorry I didn't do anything for Valentine's Day, Allison.
I really thought I was respecting your wishes.
But I obviously wasn't,
so I went ahead and got what might be the last reservation in all of L.A.
Yeah, it's this Swiss/Thai fusion place in the Valley.
We can still have a romantic night...
sitting at the bar if we promise to be out by 8:00.
I was telling the truth when I said I didn't wanna do anything.
But then I saw how excited Dave was
about his first Valentine's Day,
and how over it Molly was.
It was like the ghosts of Valentine's Day past and future.
What's it say about us that we'd rather just watch Netflix
and take separate baths?
Well, it means we've gone to the next level in our relationship,
after years of fighting traffic
and overpaying for chocolate souffles.
I mean, I don't even like chocolate souffles.
(LAUGHING) Nobody does!
They're garbage!
It's fattening air!
All I want for Valentine's Day is to be with you.
See, that's more special than anything you could buy me
or steal from our 11-year-old son.
Well, I guess I'll have to cancel
that reservation at Bangkok Alps.
You know what? I have a better idea.
Call Jae. You can't not do anything for Valentine's Day.
You guys aren't doing anything.
Yeah, but we already paid our dues.
We've our earned our apathy, young lady. You haven't.
Your dad made a sketchy reservation,
and you're gonna get your butt off that couch
and you're gonna have a just-okay time, our treat.
Fine, I'll go.
But I really don't want to.
Now, that's the Valentine's Day spirit.
Yo, man, throw your body into it!
Damona, what's going on?
Pat's date... She's stuck in a bathroom!
Really? Why, it's a Valentine's Day miracle!
You have a low threshold for miracles.
MEGAN: The door handle broke off!
I was trying to text you, but I wasn't getting any service!
Oh, this is just Megan's luck!
Oh, thank you! Hi!
Oh, I thought you'd left.
No. I told you I was gonna come back.
How was I to know you weren't lying?
I'm very damaged.
And you took your purse.
That's because the guy usually leaves me.
And then my purse gets stolen.
Oh, one time, it was my date who robbed me.
But at least he paid for dinner.
I would never steal your purse.
Oh. I'd go through it.
Damaged.
Come on, let's get you something to eat. Okay.
(LAUGHS)
Hey.
I'm really sorry.
Baby, I don't care that you dated him,
but you should have told me.
Yeah, I know, you're right.
Let's just be honest with each other from now on, okay?
All right, absolutely.
I don't like your sister.
Neither do I. See?
(LAUGHS)
And she doesn't like you, either.
It's not flat, but it's plenty warm.
(LAUGHS)
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Ooh, they're here! Who?
Clark and Connor.
I totally messed up their scavenger hunt,
but I totally fixed it! Gift's over there.
Hey!
Okay, my final clue says,
"Your present is present
"at the house of the greatest doctor who has ever lived."
At first we went to Dr. Tuttle's house,
but now we are here.
(GASPS) Yay, I did it!
Hey! I found my present!
Yay! (LAUGHS)
Thank you for this super romantic adventure,
that weirdly ended in your boss' living room.
What is this? Thank you.
It's the e-mail I wrote to Damona
the morning after our first date.
You see the subject line?
"I can't wait to marry this man."
(CHUCKLES) You really wrote that?
I mean, I didn't wanna say anything before
because I didn't want you to think I was crazy,
but it's still true.
I cannot wait to marry you,
knowing that every day is going to be an adventure.
We'll have our ups and downs,
outside forces trying to tear us apart.
But through it all, we'll be at each other's side.
BOTH: Oh!
I got my romantic Valentine's Day after all.
You're welcome.
Ken, wine.
Yes, sir.
(LAUGHS)
Hey, how was Bangkok Alps?
Ah, it was totally cheesy, but fun-cheesy.
And actually cheesy.
We had Pad Thai fondue.
And Jae got me this teddy bear.
Ironically.
Well, ironic or not,
that stuff is what ends up being special later on.
Like warm Coke.
You're welcome.
Oh, is this that new show everyone's bingeing?
Hey, did Emily get home okay?
She practically floated home
with the Valentine's Day I gave her.
Sometimes you just have to man up
and give your girl a good night.
Okay, guys, take it down a notch.
Oh, is that the show everyone's bingeing?
I just got a text from Linda,
three hearts and a sad-face emoji.
We're back together.
I'm gonna head over there... Oh!
I wanna see this.
Everybody's talking about it.
Now, this is what Valentine's Day is all about.
Zombies?
Yes, Dad, Valentine's Day is all about zombies.