1
00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:05,039
No!

2
00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:08,142
Is there an e-mail
from the Event Committee?

3
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:09,643
SIRI: I can't answer that.

4
00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:12,246
You can't
or you won't?

5
00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:14,182
You and Siri
fighting again?

6
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:15,483
(CHUCKLES)
I get it.

7
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:18,018
Yeah, my Roomba and I
fight all the time.

8
00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:23,491
Guys, the Welltopia banquet
is this weekend,

9
00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:26,794
and the Event Committee
still hasn't called
to ask me to emcee.

10
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:27,961
You know,
I'm gonna check

11
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,230
to make sure
the phones are working.

12
00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:30,331
(DIAL TONE)

13
00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:32,533
They're working.

14
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,702
I've hosted
five years running,

15
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,604
and that was before
my legendary performance

16
00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,272
at the legendary
Laugh Factory.

17
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,075
Okay, to be clear,

18
00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:43,711
you did a five-minute set
for friends and family

19
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:45,646
on a Tuesday
at sundown.

20
00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:48,816
Yeah, and you're still
talking about it.

21
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:52,753
How many psychiatrists does it
take to change a light bulb?

22
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:55,356
None, unless it's ready
to change.

23
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:56,790
(LAUGHTER)

24
00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:03,997
That's just a little taste
of what you'll be getting
when I host the banquet.

25
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,633
Good crowd.

26
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,302
Good crowd.

27
00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:09,470
You?

28
00:01:09,537 --> 00:01:11,205
They asked you
to host the banquet?

29
00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:12,640
Mm-hmm.
Why?

30
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,308
I don't know,
I guess maybe they wanted

31
00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:16,043
more thinking man's comedy

32
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:17,511
and less
desperate man's comedy.

33
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:20,481
You know,
more cerebral humor

34
00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:23,317
and less of the rubber-faced
clowning that is your
trademark.

35
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:34,828
Did you guys
know about this?

36
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,400
A little bit, we did.

37
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:44,438
But we were maybe scared
to tell you.

38
00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,274
Because (CHUCKLES)

39
00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:49,042
we thought you would go crazy.

40
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,280
P.S. I wanted
to tell you.

41
00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:54,148
I like a little crazy
to break up my work day.

42
00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:06,093
Thank you...

43
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,463
for being honest with me,
but I'm fine.

44
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:12,666
And I'll actually be able
to enjoy the banquet for once.

45
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:15,068
(CHUCKLES)
You never get to eat
when you emcee.

46
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:19,807
Have a great morning.

47
00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:31,619
It was in the way.

48
00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:39,460
Why would they ask Pat
to host?

49
00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:41,161
Maybe they want
to give someone else a turn.

50
00:02:41,229 --> 00:02:43,564
You don't ask Mark Zuckerberg
to step down

51
00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:45,533
to give someone else
a turn.

52
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:48,736
You're the Mark Zuckerberg
of hosting HMO banquets?

53
00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:51,905
I was until the
Event Committee
Winklevossed me.

54
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:55,443
Forget it.
You're not a comedy person.

55
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,745
Hey, I'm the funniest person
in my book club.

56
00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:59,747
(SCOFFS)
Book club funny?

57
00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:02,350
That's like saying
I'm the smartest guy
at my gym.

58
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:05,419
When did you join
a gym?

59
00:03:05,486 --> 00:03:07,821
The point is...

60
00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:10,057
you know how much
this banquet means to me.

61
00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:11,259
Okay, look.

62
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,294
Instead of stewing
and brooding,

63
00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:15,429
maybe you'd feel better
if you took the high road.

64
00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:18,832
Oh, yeah.
I'll consider that never.

65
00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:22,736
The low road's easier,
it's faster, it's on brand.

66
00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:26,039
Ken, you've gotten a lot
of validation for your comedy.

67
00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:28,542
You can afford to be
emotionally generous
with Pat.

68
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:32,145
You're right.

69
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,314
I am?

70
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:38,952
This lame HMO banquet
is beneath me now.

71
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:41,722
But it's the only kind
of garbage gig Pat can get.

72
00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:47,595
I can throw Pat a bone
because I am made of bones.

73
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,665
You know what? I'll go get
Pat a bottle of scotch

74
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:55,603
and say, "Congratulations,
it isn't easy stealing a job

75
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,905
"from a more deserving
candidate."

76
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,141
I'm sort of proud
of you.

77
00:04:01,208 --> 00:04:03,010
Thank you, Allison.
I'm a very good person.

78
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:05,813
Humble, too.

79
00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:07,281
Humble, too.

80
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:27,368
Uh...why
is the neighbor girl

81
00:04:27,435 --> 00:04:30,237
standing outside the kitchen
window creepy-staring at you?

82
00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:33,006
Emily? She likes me.

83
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,719
How long
does she just stand there?

84
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:48,055
Depends. Sometimes
she takes a break to eat.

85
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,023
Sometimes
she just powers through.

86
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:56,430
Uh, Dave,
you have a stalker.

87
00:04:58,165 --> 00:05:00,067
I don't like
to put labels on things.

88
00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:03,537
Well, I do,
and I would label this

89
00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:05,506
with a "W" for "weird."

90
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,845
Don't encourage her.
You want to get rid of her.

91
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,381
How do I do that?

92
00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:14,515
Aah!
She's still here?

93
00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:21,789
And don't come back!

94
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:24,625
(CHUCKLES)

95
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:28,462
Eric, I don't work hard
all day

96
00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:31,532
to come home and eat leftovers
out of a damn doggy ba...

97
00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:34,234
Excuse me, 'scuse me?
What you call me?

98
00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:37,070
Uh-huh,
that's what I thought!

99
00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:39,573
Oh, my God,
is everything okay
with you and Eric?

100
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:40,974
Yeah, why?

101
00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:44,344
Speaking of Eric...

102
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:46,814
Always eavesdropping.

103
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,817
Will he be attending the
banquet as your guest?

104
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:52,920
Yes, Pat, just like
I told you yesterday
and the day before.

105
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,655
Well, relationships
are volatile,

106
00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:56,189
and I'm in charge
of the plus-ones.

107
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:58,392
So sue me
for being thorough!

108
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:00,661
Oh, uh,
Connor is coming, too.

109
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:02,129
Yeah, whatever.

110
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:06,266
Okay. So, are you
bringing anyone, Pat?

111
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:08,035
Well, it would
hardly seem appropriate

112
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,704
to bring a date to
a work event where
you know an ex-lover...

113
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:12,440
Mmm, is going to be.

114
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,576
Would it, hmm?

115
00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:17,611
Would it?

116
00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:22,382
Listen, I am so glad
that Eric is my plus-one.

117
00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:24,284
This is easily
the best relationship

118
00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:25,553
I've been
in in a long time...

119
00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:27,354
Some people
are still eavesdropping!

120
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,826
You're leaving early,
Mr. Dr. Ken.

121
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,028
You get fired?

122
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:37,698
No. No, I'm just heading
to the liquor store.

123
00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:39,767
Oh, 'cause I was gonna
give your parking spot

124
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,735
to the new Ears, Noses,
and Throats guy.

125
00:06:42,369 --> 00:06:43,704
Super cool.

126
00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:45,639
Real people person.

127
00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:47,441
Already
remembered my birthday.

128
00:06:48,776 --> 00:06:50,978
Sorry, Juan-Julio.
Not fired.

129
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:52,580
I'm sorry, too.

130
00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:00,053
Ahh.

131
00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:03,023
Find the nearest
liquor store.

132
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,758
SIRI:
Licorice store.

133
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:06,560
Not licorice store!

134
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,530
Liquor...store!

135
00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:11,465
Livermore,
California.

136
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:13,033
Aah! I hate you!

137
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,768
I hate you!
I hate you!

138
00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:23,544
(GASPS)

139
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,247
You hit
your boss's car.

140
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:30,851
(HIGH-PITCHED WHINE)

141
00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:33,721
I can't wait to tell the Ears,
Noses, and Throats guy
the good news.

142
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,557
Mr. Dr. Gary!

143
00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:51,271
Pat.

144
00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:53,841
Did you park
in your spot today?

145
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:56,376
Why wouldn't I?

146
00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:58,912
So, your license plate says
"Boyy Toyy"?

147
00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:03,851
I'm a boy,
and it's my toy.

148
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:07,521
I feel terrible because
I backed into your boy toy.

149
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:12,893
You did,
you did what?

150
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,227
Don't, don't,
don't worry.

151
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,163
No, my insurance will pay
for everything,

152
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:18,098
and, oh,
and...here.

153
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:24,237
Well, well, well.

154
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:26,540
I guess it wasn't enough
to wallow in jealousy

155
00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:28,876
over my hosting
the banquet, no.

156
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:31,311
You had to take it out
on my boy toy.

157
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:34,982
No, no, Pat!

158
00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:36,717
(CHUCKLING)
It was an accident.

159
00:08:36,784 --> 00:08:38,151
(CHUCKLES)

160
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:40,120
Damona, you believe me,
don't you?

161
00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:42,923
Clark.

162
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:45,325
Sweet, sweet Clark.

163
00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:47,695
You believe me,
don't you?

164
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:49,830
I believe
it's what you believe.

165
00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:51,464
Clark, what the...

166
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,567
Oh, Juan-Julio.
You were there.

167
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,202
Thank God.

168
00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:56,704
Can you
find the security footage?

169
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:58,171
You bet
I might be able to.

170
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,746
Okay, uh, just have to
type in my password.

171
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,253
A little privacies?

172
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:18,325
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)

173
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:19,492
Okay.

174
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:22,229
Oh, it's running
kind of slow.

175
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:23,597
Damona, can I close out
these windows?

176
00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:25,132
Oh, yeah,
just keep my e-mail open.

177
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:26,667
Oh, wait, is that that
Groupon you were
telling me about?

178
00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:28,235
Yeah, honey.
Raglin Brothers, we going.

179
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:29,970
Just show
the tape already!

180
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:34,642
Aah! I hate you!
I hate you!

181
00:09:37,510 --> 00:09:40,981
I wasn't yelling at Pat.
I was yelling at Siri.
It was her fault!

182
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:43,283
Oh, sure.
Blame the woman.

183
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:46,654
No! I was
taking the high road!

184
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,355
Ken, you wouldn't know
the high road

185
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,190
if you were driving
in the Alps.

186
00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:53,326
And those
are clearly high roads!

187
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:02,703
Are you looking
for neighbor girl?

188
00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,104
She was here before.

189
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:05,205
She was?

190
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,740
I turn on sprinklers.

191
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:11,812
Dave,
if you miss Emily,

192
00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:13,947
maybe she was more
than just a stalker.

193
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:15,282
You think so?

194
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:17,017
I mean,
it's a little weird,

195
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:18,886
but you do a lot
of weird things,

196
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,288
like get dressed for school
the night before

197
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:22,823
and then sleep in
your clothes.

198
00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:26,359
It's called
a power wake-up.

199
00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:28,962
Warren Buffett does it.

200
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:34,467
The point is,
maybe there's more
going on here.

201
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,603
Maybe you like like Emily.

202
00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:40,273
Ha! Me like like her?
That's crazy.

203
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,278
Or is it?

204
00:10:46,113 --> 00:10:47,447
It is crazy.

205
00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:50,350
She was standing in sprinklers
for a good 10 minutes!

206
00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:53,220
Not normal!

207
00:10:58,926 --> 00:11:00,260
Hey...

208
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,598
Yep, I told Eric
it was black tie,

209
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,000
but he wanted to do
his own thing.

210
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:08,268
You said
it was black tie optional.

211
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:11,204
Everything is technically
optional, Eric.

212
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:16,109
But most of us opted not
to dress for a damn rodeo!

213
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,278
Look, if you gonna be
on me all night about
my outfit,

214
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:21,448
I'm gonna find someone
who appreciates me
and my nice jeans.

215
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,050
Well, fine!

216
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:25,218
And while you're at it,
check the buffet!

217
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:27,554
I like to know how to
plan my plate, you yokel!

218
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:30,423
Isn't this fun?

219
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:32,993
Like, us out
with our guys.

220
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:34,127
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

221
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,495
It's so much fun.

222
00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:37,697
It's just you, me, Connor,
and the yokel.

223
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,901
What? Is there
something wrong?
Okay, listen.

224
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:42,669
I'm your friend,
so I'm just gonna
give this to you...

225
00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:44,604
What? No. Yeah,
I'll come to you.

226
00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:50,744
You guys are always fighting.
It's super uncomfortable.

227
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,079
I mean,
Connor is over there

228
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:53,713
having a conversation
with himself.

229
00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:02,856
Oh, please!
That's just the way we are.

230
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:04,758
We are just totally honest
with each other.

231
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:06,159
What, you and Connor
never fight?

232
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,727
Of course not.

233
00:12:07,795 --> 00:12:09,830
So, what do you do
when he does something
that bothers you?

234
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:11,431
Nothing he does
bothers me.

235
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:17,237
Okay, occasionally
when he is eating,

236
00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:20,673
he makes this, like,
(MUMBLING) sound.

237
00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:25,846
Kind of makes me okay
with the idea of dying alone.

238
00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:30,583
And you don't say
anything?

239
00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:32,519
And risk having a fight?
No, no.

240
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,354
I just sit there
and take it,

241
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,756
like when you have
a politically incorrect
Uber driver.

242
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,128
Well, every relationship
I ever had,

243
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,729
I got
that kind of stuff out.

244
00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:45,498
I argued from the first day
to the last day,

245
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:47,734
and sometimes
that's the same day.

246
00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,272
I really want it to work
with Eric.

247
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:53,974
I really want it to work
with Connor.

248
00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:55,675
Well, maybe we should
just trust our instincts.

249
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:57,310
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

250
00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:58,511
Yeah.
Yeah.

251
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:01,348
Although, historically,
you and I have spent

252
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:03,951
many evenings alone
with our instincts.

253
00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:08,155
Ugh!

254
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:10,958
"Enjoy the comic stylings
of Pat Hein"?

255
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:13,160
No, thank you.
(SIGHS)

256
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,595
Just try
to enjoy yourself.

257
00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:17,797
Hey, watch it.

258
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:21,368
Oh, no. I'm sorry.
Don't smash my car in.

259
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:22,903
(LAUGHTER)

260
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:30,643
Why are there
no trash cans here?

261
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:40,653
(MID TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS)

262
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:43,256
Hey. Do you think
we fight too much?

263
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,791
I don't know.

264
00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:46,593
The real question is
why you keep stepping on me

265
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,595
with them big-ass biscuits
you call feet.

266
00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:54,767
Um, thank you, Eric,

267
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,837
for your
constructive criticism.

268
00:13:57,905 --> 00:13:59,839
I will try
to be a better dancer.

269
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,110
You feeling okay?

270
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,279
Never better.

271
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,081
Because you dance
like a drunk ox.

272
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,084
Oh. (CHUCKLING)
You.

273
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:13,253
You, oh, you are,

274
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:16,023
oh, you a funny man
with some

275
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,658
nice, appropriate jeans on.

276
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,327
That's what you are.

277
00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:25,365
(MUMBLING)

278
00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:35,175
Hey.

279
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:39,379
Could I just ask you about
the (MUMBLING) sound?

280
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:41,681
What are you
talking about?

281
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:43,383
Just whenever you take a bite
of something,

282
00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:46,019
you just make this...
(ANGRILY) noise.

283
00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:49,422
Which I gather
bothers you.

284
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:52,292
It is the soundtrack
to my nightmares.

285
00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:56,063
Are you
fighting with me?

286
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:58,665
I don't know.

287
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:00,833
Maybe a little.

288
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,270
Okay, all right.
Well, I guess I can tell you
what bothers me.

289
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:04,471
Like what?

290
00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:06,039
The fact that you tend
to wildly overreact.

291
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:07,307
(GASPS)

292
00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:16,383
Pat's 15 minutes late.

293
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:18,085
That's how bad
his comic timing is.

294
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:19,519
How am I not hosting this?

295
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:21,888
You know what?
Enough.

296
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:23,523
Pat's been through
a lot.

297
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,392
I think he took
the Damona thing
pretty hard.

298
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:26,826
Someone hit his car.

299
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,463
Just be a friend,
okay?

300
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,465
Pat's stranded on the side
of the freeway.

301
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:34,234
Would you consider...
Yes! Yes, yes,
yes, yes!

302
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:36,936
(LAUGHING) Oh!
You don't have to
ask me twice.

303
00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:38,538
She didn't even
ask you once.

304
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:44,611
So, Pat Hein won't be able
to make it tonight.

305
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:48,015
His bumper somehow fell off
on the 405.

306
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:53,286
He says he's not
in the greatest of
neighborhoods, but so far,

307
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:55,922
no one's been able
to jimmy his doors open
and get at him.

308
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:00,427
Anyway,
here's Dr. Ken Parks!

309
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:04,197
(WEAK APPLAUSE)

310
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:09,969
(SIGHS)

311
00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:11,638
You were right, Allison.

312
00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:14,474
Sorry, I can't
be funny right now.

313
00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:15,942
Didn't stop you last year.

314
00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:17,344
(LAUGHTER)

315
00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:26,853
So, guess
who has a girlfriend.

316
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,255
You talked to Emily?

317
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:30,523
Go, Dave.

318
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:34,061
So, are you gonna, like,
take her on one
of your learning walks?

319
00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:35,928
No, we're really more
homebodies.

320
00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:37,897
Aah!

321
00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:47,340
Wow, you have a really unique
ability to go unnoticed.

322
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,911
I love that about her.
She's like a superhero.

323
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:56,049
Aah!
She got in the house?

324
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:57,417
(KEYS JINGLING)

325
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:58,951
(HISSING)

326
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:03,123
Grandpa. No.

327
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:06,993
Every relationship
is different, and if this
works for them...

328
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:08,161
Okay.

329
00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:09,862
But I'm not
making her a snack.

330
00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:12,132
You feed them,
and they keep coming back.

331
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,985
Well, you're the last person
I expected

332
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,388
to pick me up
on the side of the freeway.

333
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:38,658
I thought for sure
you'd be up there
hosting in my place.

334
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:39,992
I was.

335
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,261
The crowd
begged me to stay.

336
00:17:41,328 --> 00:17:43,763
They were chanting my name,
pulling at my clothes.

337
00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:48,368
But I couldn't go through
with it.

338
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:50,470
I was up there thinking
about you

339
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:53,706
and your imminent mugging
and your situation.

340
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:56,509
Whether you believed
it was an accident or not,

341
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,077
it was still my fault.

342
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,580
Well, thanks.

343
00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:02,449
And I'm sorry
I wasn't more gracious

344
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,851
about you being asked
to bomb, I mean host.

345
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,753
(BOTH CHUCKLING)

346
00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:13,193
You know, the car is
a great place for
awkward conversations.

347
00:18:14,227 --> 00:18:17,564
You don't have
to make eye contact.

348
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:20,400
It's where my dad told me
about the birds and the bees.

349
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:23,536
And about
his other family.

350
00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:27,707
My point is...

351
00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:30,577
the only reason
the Event Committee

352
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:33,680
asked me to emcee is...
I made them.

353
00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:36,082
What?
Hmm? Hmm.

354
00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:39,819
Why?

355
00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:44,557
Well, even though Damona
and I are no longer,

356
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,627
I wanted her new beau
to think that her ex was
a somebody.

357
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,264
I took the low road.

358
00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:53,366
Yeah, you wouldn't guess it
to look at me, Ken,

359
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:56,236
but I can be small
and petty.

360
00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:58,338
(CHUCKLING) Me, too.

361
00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,640
Oh, man, I do stuff like
that all the time.

362
00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:01,808
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

363
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:03,643
Low road's
so much easier.

364
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:04,977
Oh, yeah.

365
00:19:05,044 --> 00:19:07,414
Oh, if they had a Fast Pass,
I would own it.

366
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,881
(LAUGHS)

367
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:14,321
Ahh, I wonder who they got
to host the banquet.

368
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:16,589
Eh, probably pulled some
hack out of the crowd.

369
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:17,724
(CHUCKLES)

370
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:25,965
So, I have three children,
11, 17, and 46.

371
00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:27,934
(LAUGHTER)

372
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,969
I'm not saying my husband
is a child.

373
00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:31,404
I don't want to
insult children.

374
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:33,039
(LAUGHTER)

375
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:34,707
No, Ken's great.

376
00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:36,609
Just ask him.

377
00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:39,779
What the...

378
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,748
You guys have been
such a great audience.

379
00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:43,416
So much better
than my husband.

380
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:45,318
(LAUGHTER)

381
00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:47,119
He doesn't even think
I'm funny!

382
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,955
But then again,
he thinks he's funny,

383
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,457
so maybe he's
not the best judge.

384
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:51,858
(LAUGHTER)

385
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:56,696
Thank you,
Radisson Ballroom B!

386
00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:58,064
Thank you!

387
00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:59,466
(CHEERS)

388
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:05,572
So, Eric and I didn't fight
for two whole hours.

389
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:07,507
It was hell.

390
00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:11,778
But we did have
a blowout in the lobby
over some toothpicks.

391
00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:14,447
We're all good now.

392
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:17,517
Well, we did fight,
and it turns out
we are not good at it.

393
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:20,453
Yeah, we had no idea
what to do or how
to get out of it.

394
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,356
Finally, I had to agree
to start watching
Stranger Things.

395
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:24,657
Ugh.

396
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:28,127
Hey, I gave the valet
our ticket.

397
00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:29,562
Our car
is waiting for us.

398
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:31,130
Aww.

399
00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:32,532
Brought your raincoat
so you wouldn't have
to wait in line.

400
00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:34,301
Aww.

401
00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:36,369
That's not my raincoat,
genius.

402
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,772
You want to wait longer?
A raincoat is a raincoat.

403
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:45,011
That's my girl.
Looks good.

404
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:49,716
That was my coat,
but I'll get another one.

405
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,154
Did you see any of it?
How did I do?

406
00:20:55,221 --> 00:20:56,656
You were so funny.

407
00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:59,826
And not just
book club funny,
HMO banquet funny.

408
00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:07,033
So, you made things right
with Pat?

409
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,234
Yep, we're good.

410
00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:09,636
You're right
about the high road.

411
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:10,770
It does feel better.

412
00:21:10,837 --> 00:21:13,072
Really? You're
a high road guy now?

413
00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:15,575
Mm, not sure it'll stick,
but let's just enjoy
the moment.

414
00:21:15,642 --> 00:21:17,544
(CHUCKLES)

415
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,912
So, were all your jokes
about me?

416
00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:22,782
Oh, no. Most of them
had nothing to do with you.

417
00:21:22,849 --> 00:21:24,884
Aww.
Thanks for lying.

418
00:21:26,018 --> 00:21:27,253
High road.

419
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:28,421
(CHUCKLING)