There they are, Welltopia's cutest couple.
Isn't this exciting?
You and me working in the same place,
just like Mulder and Scully, solving medical mysteries.
But the big mystery is, will they or won't they?
(CHUCKLES) Spoiler alert, they will.
(SQUEALS)
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It is exciting.
But it's also a big change for me.
Having my own practice for 19 years,
I'm used to being my own boss.
(CHUCKLES) Not just yours.
Get it? 'Cause you're mine, too.
I got it.
Wives be bossing.
Boom.
Look at this way, every day,
you'll be collaborating with really brilliant doctors.
And you. And me.
And we'll have access to my office
in case you're overcome with the urge.
To...consult?
Ooh, consult, that's good.
That'll be a code word.
Naughty. (LAUGHS)
I was gonna go with "humpy time."
Let's stick to "consult."
Humpy consult. No.
Okay. Okay.
Wow, Dad. What's going on here?
Frittata.
I got to admit, I wasn't sold on your dad living here,
but he does make a nice breakfast.
Ran out of eggs.
You get apple.
Thanks for breakfast, Grandpa. Let's bounce.
Bye, Mom and Dad. Have a good first day, honey.
Yeah, good luck.
Oh, I won't need luck.
I know I've had trouble making friends in the past,
but this is middle school,
the most socially welcoming place of all.
Yeah, absolutely.
Well...the hat's an interesting choice.
Yeah, he'll fit right in with all the other...
old-timey detectives.
Yeah, he can solve the case of the missing friends.
Hey, everybody.
Damona, forget Yellowstone, Glacier, and Yosemit-ay.
Ben and Allison are my two favorite Parks.
Welcome to Welltopia, you national treasure.
Thank you, Clark.
And until you get your own nurse,
Clark will help with patients.
Absolutely.
And Damona will be happy to handle your appointments.
Damona will handle them. "Happy" is a whole another thing.
Oh, that reminds me,
(SINGSONG VOICE) Mr. Davis still needs a psych referral.
Oh. How convenient.
I happen to know a certain sexy psychiatrist
who, no braggies,
has zero fear of intimacy with yours truly.
I wouldn't go that far.
Here is Mr. Davis' file.
Great. I'm on it.
Damona, I'm available to see him at 2:00.
I'm on break. I'm available to call him in 15.
Yeah, Mr. Davis, I saw him a couple weeks ago.
He now complains of fatigue and lethargy.
Physical exam normal.
Checked for thyroid and anemia, also normal.
So medically speaking...
(NASALLY) "I'm Mr. Davis, and I'm sad."
Well, I'm shocked your empathy didn't cure him.
I'll give him a full psych evaluation.
Ehh, it's a pretty straightforward case.
Just sling some pep pills at old Weepy Macgillicuddy
and ship him off to Happyville.
And when you're done with that,
maybe you and I can rendezvous for a consult.
Humpy time? Humpy consult?
Dude!
We just had a whole conversation
about keeping things professional in the workplace.
People, I have a very personal announcement
regarding my dating life.
I'm out.
Oh, welcome, Allison. This affects you, too.
Pretty sure it doesn't!
Anyway, I met the most amazing woman over the weekend,
Cheryl.
We had brunch yesterday,
and our date only just ended moments ago.
I trust you get the inference.
I think we do. Yeah, totally.
I slept with her.
Oh, I did not get that at all.
Oh, Damona.
Dear...dear Damona.
I imagine my fresh adventure with Cheryl
can't help but affect what we've had going for the last three months.
That's okay.
I'm talking about our frequent nights
of torrid, if noncommittal, lovemaking.
Pat, I...I'm, I'm fine, because...
I met someone, too.
Really? Yeah.
His name is Eric,
and we've been seeing each other for a couple weeks now.
And I didn't tell you 'cause I didn't know how you'd feel.
I feel great!
Yeah, yeah. I'm great, and you're great.
And Cheryl, oh, Cheryl, Cheryl is...
She's great.
The only thing that isn't great is my aching sacrum
from all the bouncy-bouncy.
I trust you get the inference.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Hey, Pat. I have the authorization forms for those CAT scans.
All right. CAT scans.
Ah, if only our scientists could build a machine
that could look inside a man and see his heart.
Okay, that's literally what a CAT scan does.
Anyhoo, good news about you and Damona
both finding other people. That sure worked out.
Well, it would have if only my Cheryl was real.
Yeah, that's right, I made her up.
What?
You...invented a woman,
and you named her Cheryl?
Clark, I feel I can confide in you
because you're wholly dependent upon me for your livelihood.
Things between me and Damona had settled into a malaise.
You know, friends with benefits bumping uglies.
I trust you get the inference.
Not an inference if you just say stuff.
But I found myself wanting something deeper with Damona.
And did you tell her the truth?
(CHUCKLING) The truth.
What is the truth?
Stuff that's true?
Look, you don't roll the dice with the truth
when you like someone.
That's why I cooked up this fake-girlfriend dangle.
I figured that Damona would react
by wanting to take our fling to the next level,
but instead, she got a new boyfriend.
And I'm stuck with a fake girlfriend
and real dinner plans.
You actually made dinner plans?
You got to sell it, Clark!
I am committed to this fake relationship.
If only you had been this committed
to the real relationship.
Huh.
You are very wise.
Hey, Grandpa.
Hey. How was first day of school?
Make any new friends?
No, none of the other kids talked to me.
But I've made some inroads with the library staff.
I joke with them, they shush me.
We go 'round and 'round.
You need friends your own age.
If people don't get Dave, it's on them.
I say let Dave do Dave.
No! Dave done Dave long enough!
So...you're saying he should change himself just to please others?
Now you're talking!
It's very important to be liked.
(SCOFFS) But you always discouraged me
from trying too hard to be popular.
Of course.
Boys should be popular, girls best not popular.
It's called double standard.
Your new school, huh?
You have a chance to reinvent yourself.
Dave, you do not have to...
As we say in the library, "Shh."
Reinvent myself? Tell me more.
Trust me, it works.
Now, I wasn't always like this.
Back in Korea, I was gruff and serious.
When I came to America, I became funny guy!
So, how's it going with that new fella of yours?
Jeremiah, was it?
Eric. Hm.
How's Cheryl?
Devoted. Oh, yeah, look what she sent me.
A festive fruit bouquet.
Because the only thing sweeter than pineapple
is a real relationship with a real person.
Wouldn't you say?
Mmm!
(MUFFLED) Room-temperature fruit.
ALLISON: Hey, Ken, you got a sec?
Yeah, what up, Doc?
Ah. Hey.
I had some thoughts about Mr. Davis.
Oh, yeah, sad sack.
Drugs, not hugs. Next.
That's just it.
We had a session, and he's not depressed.
His symptoms aren't psychological.
(IMITATES BUZZER) Ooh, so sorry,
but my exam did not reveal any physical issues.
Well, maybe you need to... dig a little deeper.
Dig a little...what-er?
I think this guy needs a second look.
Very good. That's good. Then give it to him.
(CHUCKLES)
I just gave you my diagnosis.
The ball's back in your court.
Mmm!
Um...
see, sweetie, uh, I know you're new here,
but, um, nobody punts a patient back to Dr. Park.
Mmm!
Well, sweetie, this Dr. Park punts.
Oh, no, she did not!
And by that, I mean she totally did,
(HIGH-PITCHED) and we all saw it!
Oh!
So, how was school today?
Aw, thanks for asking.
It's off to a good start. I think this year...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What about you? Did you reinvent yourself?
I tried to be the quiet man of mystery,
staring out the window, thinking deep thoughts.
But nobody must have been curious about I was staring at.
I know what you're staring at,
lonely future, no friends.
(CHUCKLES) You are kind of the funny guy in America.
Hey! How's working together? You guys still married?
(CHUCKLES)
It's going fine. You know, working out a few kinks.
Mom, I need you to sign a permission slip for school.
Uh, ask your dad.
Oh, so you're punting that to me, too?
Oh, no.
No one punts back to Dr. Park.
(CHUCKLES)
Here. Oh, you want to second-guess my work?
No, 'cause I actually trust your competence.
Two L's in "Allison"? That doesn't look right.
Well, I'm gonna go get a jump on my lonely future.
I'll give making friends another shot in adulthood.
Dave, wait.
Let me tell you the story of an ancient Korean emperor.
He was scared to rule his people,
afraid they wouldn't like him,
until a wise man gave him a feather from a magic barn owl.
This feather brings confidence, and the young emperor
became the most powerful ruler of his time.
And I'm supposed to believe barn owls are magical?
They are in Harry Potter.
Uh, Hedwig's an arctic snow owl.
If you can't retain your Rowling,
at least keep up with basic ornithology.
Fine. You don't believe me?
Have fun staring out a window all day, like bored cat.
Maybe I could use one of those feathers.
Hard to find, very rare.
But... you are in luck.
I brought this all the way from Korea,
given to me by my grandfather.
Here.
Thanks! Magical and stylish to boot!
Is that feather the secret to your confidence?
No! I'm confident because I'm awesome!
And I spot that beautiful girl across the restaurant.
I tell the waiter, "I want to send her a drink."
But he accidently brought it to Damona.
(LAUGHTER)
Well, imagine my disappointment.
I thought it was from the hot bartender.
(LAUGHS) Man, you guys are crazy!
What's with all this laughter in a professional setting
where patients come to find out they have weeks to live?
Pat, this is Eric.
Well. Eric.
Any boyfriend of Damona's is a...
boyfriend of mine.
We should get going.
Yeah, nice meeting you all.
Uh, hey, you know what, Eric?
I have a special someone, too.
Her name is Cheryl.
Yeah, she's a, she's a, a Mesan,
in that she is from Mesa, Arizona,
not someone who builds with bricks and stones.
That would make her existence seem less plausible.
She sounds great.
Oh, she is great, Eric.
She is great, yes. You know what?
Maybe the four of us should go out some time, for tapas.
That's Cheryl's...
favorite regional Spanish cuisine.
Okay. Sounds good.
Yeah, yeah, good, good. You know what?
I...I'll check with Cheryl, and we'll shoot you some dates.
Okay.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
You're, you're gonna shoot her some dates?
Pat! What is your endgame here?
I don't know what I'm doing!
The wheels have come off the fake-girlfriend dangle!
It's from my girlfriend, Cheryl! She collects spoons!
Excuse me, Dr. Park.
I just found out you're referring Mr. Davis to another psychiatrist?
Mm-hmm, Dr. Mendlove,
a very good man who respects my judgment.
Well, if he respects your judgment,
that tells me a lot about his judgment.
Okay, Dr. Park, it is one thing to mess with me,
but you do not mess with tae kwon do champion
Evan Mendlove.
Dr. Park, maybe we should take this somewhere private.
Really? Consult?
I mean, I'm, I'm really mad at you right now,
but, you know, I think I could get there.
Yeah.
In my first week, (DOOR CLOSES)
In my first week working at the place where you work,
is it too much for you to show me a little respect?
Respect? What about you?
Just yesterday, you told me
in front of my esteemed colleagues and Pat
to dig "a little deeper."
Nobody's ever said that to me before.
Sure, I've been called difficult,
an easy cry, a fussy eater,
but no one's ever questioned my judgment as a doctor.
What about me? You'll eat anything!
I mean, what about you questioning my judgment?
Don't I deserve the same respect?
Look, admit it, You're treating me differently because I'm your husband.
Would you have told any other doctor to "dig deeper"?
Well, if any other doctor called me "sweetie"
and made a game-show buzzer at me,
I would have punched them in the throat.
(IMITATES BUZZER) That's right. How's that taste?
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Hi, Drs. Park.
So, uh, Mr. Davis is back,
and he's just a teensy bit curious
if anyone has figured out what's wrong with him.
Good. Good. I'm gonna see him right now.
And I'm gonna prove I'm right.
Oh, no! I'm gonna prove I'm right,
and then I'm gonna shove your smug face in it.
Oh, you would lo... (IMITATES BUZZER)
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Hey, Pat. You got a minute?
Yeah. What can I do for you?
Well, I just wanted to remind you I'm taking off Friday.
Eric and I are going up to Santa Barbara.
I don't see a problem. Thanks.
Hey, bring back some restaurant recommends
for me and Cheryl, would you?
She loves tapas. I've mentioned that twice
in case you're clocking my consistency.
There is no Cheryl, is there?
(CHUCKLES)
What?
That's crazy.
Well, if there isn't, I'd sure like to know
who I just gave my Netflix password to.
(LAUGHING)
All right, there's no Cheryl.
What gave me away?
Well... (CHUCKLES) all that saying that she's real
made me think she's probably not real.
Why would you do this?
I was trying to make you jealous.
Wait. I thought we were just...
I know, just friends with benefits.
Yeah, and don't get me wrong, I was loving those benefits.
But... Me too.
Well...I just didn't expect the "friends" part to be my favorite.
You know, sometimes when we'd just sit and talk,
that was, it was nice, and I,
I just found myself wanting more of that.
Well, you could have said something.
Oh, sure, and have you say, "No way, stud.
"You're good for one thing and one thing only."
Look, Pat...
The friends part, you still got that.
That never went away.
Really?
(SCOFFS) I like you.
And not just for the one thing.
Oh, that makes sense.
I'm not really very good at that one thing.
(CHUCKLES)
So, uh...
we could be friends with no weirdness?
Yeah, if you stop making people up.
I'll try. (LAUGHING) Okay.
Come here. All right.
(CHUCKLES)
All right, and as my first act of friendship,
I'd like to hear all about this Eric fella.
Oh, okay. Well, Eric is one of...
I'm gonna have to stop you right there.
I really thought I was ready, but I'm not.
I'm very curious as to what's wrong with me.
Your exam checks out. Your vital signs are still fine.
So it's clear to me there's nothing wrong with you physically.
Punt!
It's also clear you broke your leg two years back.
That's a physical injury, if I'm not mistaken.
(CHUCKLES) Punt-mate.
Broken legs are sad.
Hopping around, all your friends calling you "Limpy."
Nobody called me that.
Oh. No friends? No wonder why you're so blue.
Punt-mate!
Check!
Is everything okay with you two?
(LAUGHS) Where do I begin?
Number 1...
We're fine. Let's get back to your leg.
My leg healed two years ago.
I-I don't even know why I'm still taking those supplements.
Wait, hang on. Supplements?
What kind of supplements?
My orthopedist has me taking
multivitamins and antacids every day,
which hasn't helped one bit with my stomach pain.
Stomach pain?
Okay, you didn't mention that when I examined you.
I didn't want to sound like a whiner.
This changes everything.
Dr. Park, could I have a consult with you outside?
Yes! (CHUCKLES)
And it's an actual consult, not sex.
Okay, he's been taking antacids, which is...
Calcium carbonate.
Yeah, and he's complaining about stomach pain.
I remember this from med school,
abdominal pain plus depression-like symptoms.
Stones, groans, abdominal moans means...
Hypercalcemia! Hypercalcemia!
Oh! We did it!
I've never been so excited
about excess calcium in somebody's blood!
So he's just got to lay off the antacids.
Exactly. He'll be fine.
And, uh...
you and me?
We're fine, too.
You know what the problem was?
Yeah, we've been married so long
we forgot to treat each other like professionals.
Oh, I was gonna say the patient withheld information,
but that was really mature of you.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Well, I couldn't have been that mature
without somebody there to notice it.
Actually, that doesn't really...
You know what? I'll allow it.
Grandpa, your magic feather worked!
I made so many friends today.
Hey! Good for you.
Toby even invited me to his birthday party Saturday.
(GASPS) Do you think I'll be asked to speak?
I should probably prepare something just in case.
You know, I Googled the Korean legend of the magic feather. Nothing came up.
Of course not.
I stole feather idea from the movie Dumbo.
Circus mouse give Dumbo feather
so he can have confidence to fly.
And in your version, Dave is Dumbo.
That tracks.
But what happens if Dave loses that feather?
Doesn't matter, once the elephant has confidence,
he can fly without feather.
Pretty smart how you built him up like that.
Hey, this not my first rodeo.
Guys, help me! I can't find my magic pen!
Oh, my God!
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, here it is. (LAUGHS)
An emperor once used this, you know.