1
00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:05,973
Okay, trust circle.

2
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:10,144
Who fantasized about
being stuck up on Mars
with Matt Damon?

3
00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:11,445
(ALL CHUCKLING)

4
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:14,115
I just fantasized about
being alone for that long.

5
00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:17,285
Two months solo on Mars?

6
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,353
Aw, it'd be so quiet.

7
00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:20,454
(DOOR OPENS)

8
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:21,755
Ah-ooh!

9
00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:23,557
Yeah, book-club
ladies in the house.

10
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:24,658
(CHUCKLES)

11
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:26,660
Ooh, what do we
got our noses in?

12
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:29,230
Zoink. (LAUGHS)

13
00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:31,065
We're discussing
The Martian.

14
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:33,867
Ah, kind of saving
that for a beach read.

15
00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:35,703
You guys mind if we gab
about something else?

16
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:37,705
Just reread
Superfudge with Dave,

17
00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:40,474
so that's still
fresh in the noggs.

18
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,010
Isn't there anything else
you could be doing?

19
00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:45,813
Ugh, this one thinks
I need a hobby

20
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,815
so I don't feel the
need to come in here

21
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,450
and hijack her book club,

22
00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:52,019
or her Pilates class,
or her showers.

23
00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:56,224
You know, Ken, if you're
looking for something to do,

24
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:57,525
my husband
runs this...

25
00:00:57,591 --> 00:01:00,494
He's in.
Is it happening now?
Can it be now?

26
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,130
Whoa, whoa, Allison,
let her finish.

27
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:03,231
I know Gary.

28
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:05,966
Smart money says it's lame.
So what is it?

29
00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:08,836
It's actually a professional
Korean men's group.

30
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,439
They do civic projects
and community building.

31
00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:13,107
He finds it
really rewarding.

32
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:14,875
(GROANS)

33
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,111
Sorry, Jill.

34
00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:18,912
Sort of nodded off
after "civic projects."

35
00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:21,649
Needless to say,
the answer is, uh, no.

36
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:22,783
(CHUCKLES)

37
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:24,152
Well, if you change
your mind...

38
00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:25,253
I won't.

39
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:26,887
(CHUCKLES)

40
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:28,822
Ken, I'm begging you.

41
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:31,058
Go.
Mmm, you don't have
to ask me twice.

42
00:01:31,125 --> 00:01:32,460
I did have
to ask you twice.

43
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:34,595
Ah, all right,
I get it.

44
00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:35,963
(CHUCKLES)

45
00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:39,133
I'm gonna go upstairs
and plow a Castle marathon.

46
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:40,768
Ooh. XOXO.

47
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,436
Sincerely, Ken.

48
00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:46,340
And now you know
why I want to go to Mars.

49
00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:54,382
Hey, guys?

50
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,450
Guys, I just walked
past Pat's office,

51
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:59,587
and, well, have you seen
Pat's office in a while?

52
00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:03,090
I try to avoid Pat's office
because it often contains Pat.

53
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:04,258
No offense.

54
00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:05,426
I know you and Pat
boned a bunch of times.

55
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:09,597
Okay.

56
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:10,898
But I think you might
want to take a look.

57
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,436
Is he...living here?

58
00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:16,804
Yes, he is.

59
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:19,373
Why?

60
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,175
My divorce was finalized
over the weekend,

61
00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:22,910
and Tiffany
got everything.

62
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:26,447
She got the house, my boat,
and half of will to live.

63
00:02:26,514 --> 00:02:29,283
But I've got the other half,
and I am holding strong.

64
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:31,485
Pat, are you okay?

65
00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:33,086
Ah, never better.

66
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,088
Yeah, I've slashed my commute
time to 10 seconds,

67
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,157
and I no longer have to look
at the parade of men

68
00:02:37,225 --> 00:02:39,227
going in and out
of my ex-wife's house.

69
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:40,728
I mean,
I still can if I want to,

70
00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:42,896
but now it's my choice.

71
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,300
Here you guys are.

72
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:49,470
Wow, living
in your office, huh?

73
00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:51,004
Rough.

74
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:54,007
Well, it's...
So, check this out, guys.

75
00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:56,076
I get home last night,
no offense, Pat,

76
00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:57,811
and Allison
starts in again

77
00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,347
about how I don't
have any hobbies.

78
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:01,114
Ah, you got
to have hobbies.

79
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,884
If I didn't have my
kickboxing class as an outlet,

80
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:05,386
the watercolors I do
in my painting class

81
00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:07,488
would be really dark.

82
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,057
Wait, Do all you
guys have hobbies?

83
00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:12,125
I'm a magician's
assistant.

84
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:15,263
So, what, does he,
like, cut you in half?

85
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:16,764
Oh, no, no.

86
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:18,699
It's mostly coffee runs,
administrative stuff.

87
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:20,501
What about you?

88
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:22,470
Well, I'm in the
Big Brother program.

89
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,704
Every other weekend,

90
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:26,607
a guy named Milton
takes me to the movies.

91
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:30,278
Well, twice a week,
I play a little street
basketball in Compton.

92
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:32,713
Yeah, the fellas there
call me Paste.

93
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:35,349
I think it's 'cause I really
stick to my man on defense.

94
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:38,051
Mm, yeah,
that's probably why.

95
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,489
I don't know.
Maybe Allison's right.

96
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,624
This men's club thing
might be worth trying.

97
00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:45,793
You know,
meet some new people,
get out of her hair.

98
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,895
Well, I know
that's why Tayshaun
and Li'l Cookie

99
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:50,964
play ball every Thursday.

100
00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:54,234
To hear them tell it,
their shorties
constantly be trippin'.

101
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,411
Dave,
I need your help.

102
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:04,512
Are you busy?

103
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:06,980
Physically? No.
Mentally? Very.

104
00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:12,486
Okay, I'm good.
What's up?

105
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,357
I have this new
lab partner, Simon,

106
00:04:16,424 --> 00:04:18,492
who's one of those
super-cute nerdy guys.

107
00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:20,828
I kind of like him,
but I don't know
what to say to him.

108
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:22,630
He's into, like,
comic books.

109
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,832
Graphic novels?
Continue.

110
00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:27,167
And, like, those
Chinese cartoon movies.

111
00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:29,937
Japanese anime?
Continue.

112
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,506
See? You speak dork.

113
00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:34,575
Fluently.

114
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:36,644
Maybe you can help me
with some talking points.

115
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:39,613
So I'll be the Jedi,
and you'll be my Padawan.

116
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,014
Huh?

117
00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:42,115
Oh, boy.

118
00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:44,017
I'd better put on
some coffee.

119
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:51,425
(CONVERSING IN KOREAN)

120
00:04:51,492 --> 00:04:53,427
Excuse me, is this
the Korean Men's Club thing?

121
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,629
I mean,
all signs point to yes.

122
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:56,964
Ah, hey, Ken.

123
00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:58,198
Hey, Gary.

124
00:04:58,265 --> 00:04:59,633
My wife told me
you were coming.

125
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:02,069
(IMITATING BORAT)
My wife. She good.

126
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,871
(LAUGHS)

127
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:04,972
(NORMAL VOICE)
Come on. Borat?

128
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:06,974
No, we... We get it.
That's very funny.

129
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,842
(LAUGHS)
Hey, have a seat.

130
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:11,879
Hwan was just talking
about a very exciting plan

131
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,747
to get the city to put in
some speed bumps.

132
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,183
Yeah, we're trying
to commission a traffic
study in Koreatown.

133
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:18,285
Oh, well, I heard
"Koreans" and "study,"

134
00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:19,420
so I guess that lines up.

135
00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:21,021
(LAUGHS)

136
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:23,223
Oh, that's funny
because Koreans
are traditionally studious.

137
00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:28,061
Anyway, the city says
they'll listen to our proposal

138
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:30,030
if we get 1,000 signatures
on our petition.

139
00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:33,066
1,000 signatures?

140
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,268
Yeah, that sounds
like a lot of work,

141
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,604
which isn't my jam.

142
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:39,106
I mean, with all
due respect, this...

143
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,308
This is a little
too ethnic for me.

144
00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:42,976
(LAUGHS)

145
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:44,478
I'm more of a
bandwagon Korean.

146
00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:45,879
I mean,
don't get me wrong,

147
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,615
like, if there's
a plate of Galbi
in the middle of the table,

148
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:48,716
I'm all over it.

149
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:51,985
But I don't see any,
so peace out.

150
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,721
Ken, you're not
going anywhere.

151
00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:59,560
Welcome to the Korean
Men's Club, baby.
(LAUGHS)

152
00:05:59,627 --> 00:06:01,529
(NUTHIN' BUT A "G" THANG
PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)

153
00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:06,900
* One, two, three,
and to the four

154
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:09,369
* Snoop Doggy Dogg
and Dr. Dre is at the door *

155
00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:11,004
Da-a-a-a-a-a-a-mn.

156
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:12,873
Da-a-a-mn indeed.

157
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,274
(BOTH LAUGH)

158
00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:17,210
Hey, man, we haven't
done community service
since, what, ever?

159
00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:18,912
(BOTH LAUGH)

160
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:21,214
No, this club is for us
to just chill, you know,

161
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:22,916
blow off a little steam
with the guys.

162
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:26,053
I hear ya'. I got more steam
than a Koreatown day spa.

163
00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:27,120
(LAUGHS)
Oh.

164
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:28,388
At least, I assume.
I've never been.

165
00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:29,623
I'm more of
a Burke Williams guys.

166
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,493
Why the charade?

167
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,662
My wife wouldn't mind me
hanging out with the boys.

168
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,697
What are you, best friends
with your wife or something?

169
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,365
Oh, uh, no, I...
No, no, no. It's cool.

170
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:40,000
We don't judge you.
I do.

171
00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:44,938
But, you know, not all
of us roll that way maritally.

172
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:47,074
Which is why the only
actual rule here

173
00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:48,642
is we do not
tell our wives.

174
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:50,377
Yo, we can't risk
this coming out, bro.

175
00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:51,879
It'll destroy
everything we stand for.

176
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:52,980
Know what I mean?

177
00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:55,916
So, what do you say, Ken?

178
00:06:55,983 --> 00:06:57,485
Can you commit
to an organization

179
00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,953
fully dedicated to doing
absolutely nothing?

180
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:02,823
In a word, Gary...

181
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:03,924
Hyaw!
(ALL LAUGHING)

182
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,159
Gun bae!

183
00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:07,828
ALL: Cheers!
Oh, Cheers.

184
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:09,963
(ALL CHUCKLING)

185
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:17,170
Okay, if Simon likes
graphic novels,

186
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:20,774
the most popular
one this year is
Super Mutant Magic Academy.

187
00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:22,309
It's like X-Men
meets Hogwarts.

188
00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:23,443
Got it.

189
00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:26,647
Question.
What's an X-Man,
and who's Hogwart?

190
00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:27,715
(GROANS SOFTLY)

191
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,283
Hey, it's not my fault.

192
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:32,352
I'm just too popular
to know this stuff.

193
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:34,387
(HUMMING NUTHIN'
BUT A "G" THANG)

194
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,959
So, how was last night?

195
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:40,060
Oh, it was good.

196
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:42,429
I mean,
what I remember of it.

197
00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:44,765
I mean, 'cause we
covered a lot of stuff.

198
00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:47,100
Like what?
What do they do?

199
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:50,538
Speed bumps,
betterment, progress,

200
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,806
anti-negativity,
so I guess positivity.

201
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:55,976
Bottom line is we're
doing a lot of stuff
for a lot of people.

202
00:07:56,744 --> 00:07:58,011
Look at your dad,

203
00:07:58,078 --> 00:07:59,947
getting involved
in the community.

204
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,381
I don't know why
you're doing all this.

205
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:03,183
You already got
into college.

206
00:08:07,521 --> 00:08:08,689
So when's
the next meeting?

207
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,591
Sunday.
Oh, no.

208
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:11,892
We're supposed to go
to Barb Rutledge's

209
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,927
three-weeks-sober
barbecue.

210
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,196
She's calling it
a sobercue.

211
00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:18,966
I think she was drunk
when she named it.

212
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:21,401
Ah, you know,
I guess I could
ditch the men's club.

213
00:08:21,468 --> 00:08:24,304
I mean, we were
supposed to write letters
to orphans in Korea.

214
00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:25,505
But, nah.

215
00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:26,540
So one orphan
doesn't get a letter.

216
00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:27,641
They're used
to disappointment.

217
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:29,610
No.

218
00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:31,044
I'll go to Barb's
thing alone.

219
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,613
It's more important you
go to your meeting.

220
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,347
What?
Ah, no, babe.

221
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:35,783
I couldn't...
Okay.

222
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,351
By the way,

223
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:40,888
I really like seeing
this selfless side of you.

224
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:41,989
It's very attractive.

225
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:43,456
How attractive?

226
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,458
Tomorrow's Thursday.
Let's just stick
to the schedule.

227
00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:51,765
(SIGHS)

228
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:57,838
(PHOTO COPIER WHIRRING)

229
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,809
What?

230
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:05,412
You never seen
a man press his shirts
in a photo copier before?

231
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,116
Are you okay, Paste?

232
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:10,718
No, I'm not okay.

233
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,686
I'm a grown man
living in his office.

234
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:14,622
But I thought you
were enjoying living here.

235
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:17,290
I was just putting on airs.

236
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:19,426
You know how
I'm always airs-putting.

237
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:25,498
You know, last night,
as I lay underneath
a lead x-ray blanket,

238
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:26,700
I...

239
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,201
I turned to Annie,
and I said,

240
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,303
"This is the loneliest
I've ever been."

241
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:33,373
Annie?
Yeah, the CPR dummy
I spoon with.

242
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:36,777
Okay, that is
all kinds of wrong.

243
00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:39,647
Um, listen, Pat,

244
00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,314
you got to move
out of that office.

245
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:42,716
Ah, where would I go?

246
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:45,619
Some random apartment building
filled with strangers

247
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:48,856
that will be
a constant reminder
of how empty my life is?

248
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,125
And what if
the Wi-Fi is spotty?

249
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:54,928
I don't think you realize

250
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:56,396
how much I need
the Internet right now.

251
00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:03,236
Okay, Pat, um...

252
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:06,506
You can crash
on my couch
until you find a place.

253
00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:10,243
Well, thank you, Damona,
but I don't need your pity.

254
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:11,679
Unless, does your
pity come with sex?

255
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:12,746
Nope.

256
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:16,183
Then I don't
need your pity.

257
00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:19,419
Oh! Hey, Clark,

258
00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:22,956
didn't you say that
there's a unit open
next to your apartment?

259
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:24,057
Hmm?

260
00:10:27,795 --> 00:10:28,829
No.

261
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,766
No, you're thinking
of someone else.

262
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:34,201
Oh, no, no, no.

263
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:37,938
Remember, we double daydreamed
about being neighbors?

264
00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:39,339
That wasn't me.

265
00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:42,042
Look.

266
00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:45,378
We took a selfie in
the empty living room.

267
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:46,479
Look.

268
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:48,381
Let me see that.
Mmm.

269
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:50,417
Hey, this place
looks terrific.

270
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,085
What's the parking like?
Terrible.

271
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,021
It's street parking only,

272
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:59,126
and a family
of limousine drivers
lives across the street.

273
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,528
Oh.

274
00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:03,330
But what about
that gated lot,

275
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:05,132
like, right underneath
the building?
Stop it!

276
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,101
Thanks for the 411.

277
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,803
You know what?
I'm gonna check this out.

278
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:10,904
Oh, okay.
(CELLPHONE RINGS)

279
00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:13,006
Um, that's my...
Hello?

280
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:15,375
No, this is Pat.

281
00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,044
Well, you'll have
to call her back.

282
00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:20,480
What are you doing?

283
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:22,549
What? He seemed
so desperate.

284
00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:24,351
Yeah, but the city
is full of places

285
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,286
he could live,
including your building.

286
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:29,422
Ugh, I would not want
that living next to me.

287
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,992
That would be...

288
00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:33,060
Oh...

289
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,096
Yeah, oh...

290
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:37,230
Damn it!

291
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:45,472
Dave, I had lab
with Simon today.

292
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,407
Talk to me, girl.

293
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:49,843
We were doing an experiment,
and I said it reminded me

294
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,812
of when the guy made
the invisibility potion

295
00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:53,546
in Super Mutant
Magic Academy.

296
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:55,582
Close enough.

297
00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:57,751
But then Simon
started comparing it
to Harry Potter,

298
00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:58,952
and I got super lost,

299
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:00,888
so I panicked and faked
a family emergency.

300
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:02,289
By the way,
if anyone asks,

301
00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:03,356
you're in a coma.

302
00:12:04,858 --> 00:12:06,026
Am I gonna pull through?

303
00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:08,228
No promises.

304
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:11,131
Okay, it seems we have
to review Harry Potter.

305
00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:13,834
Now, Hogwarts is divided
into four houses.

306
00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:15,168
Gryffindor...

307
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,805
Wait, is that Dad
dancing on a pool table

308
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:19,907
pretending pool balls
are his breasts?

309
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:21,308
What?

310
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:23,043
I was uploading
some pictures for Molly

311
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:25,712
to the family Photo Stream,
and some of Dad's popped up.

312
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:27,714
Give me that.

313
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:30,617
(LAUGHING) Is that
the Korean Men's Club?

314
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:32,185
Yeah.

315
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,521
This is their last meeting.

316
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:37,757
Man, doing good deeds
sure makes Dad's face red.

317
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:46,399
(IMITATING BORAT)
My wife. She good.

318
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:47,667
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
You remember Borat, right?

319
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:48,969
Of course.

320
00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:50,971
(IMITATING BORAT)
Very nice.

321
00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:53,673
Okay, that would be funny,
but I just did it.

322
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:55,608
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
I got a surprise for you.

323
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:57,044
I've been so proud
of the work you're doing

324
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,946
with your group that
I called The Korea Times,

325
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:01,014
and they're gonna
run a story
about you guys.

326
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,051
What?

327
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,719
Isn't that exciting?

328
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:08,321
(SQUEALS)

329
00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:09,857
Yeah, I don't think so.

330
00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:11,959
Uh... It's...

331
00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:14,561
We're not about
the awards or accolades.

332
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:19,599
The true award is
how we feel inside,
privately, to ourselves.

333
00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:22,535
Pshaw!

334
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:24,304
Stop being so modest.

335
00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:25,538
They're coming
to your next meeting

336
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,040
to learn all about
what you guys do.

337
00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:29,242
(SQUEALING)

338
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,278
Look at you.

339
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:33,713
You're the new guy,
and you're already
getting them some press.

340
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:35,548
They're gonna
be so excited.

341
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:37,750
Yeah, they're gonna
have a big reaction.

342
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,119
That's for dang sure.

343
00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:41,421
(LAUGHS)

344
00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:48,962
How could you
let this happen, Ken?

345
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:50,397
It'll take
a reporter one minute

346
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:52,032
to figure out that
we're complete frauds.

347
00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:53,433
What's wrong
with you, man?

348
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,567
I'm sorry, you guys.

349
00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:56,236
I didn't realize my wife
would be proud of me.

350
00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:58,705
The thought never
entered my mind.

351
00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:00,373
Now everyone's
gonna know.

352
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,509
Dude, my wife's
gonna kick my ass.

353
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:05,445
And we're supposed
to have sex on Tuesday.

354
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,547
What, you have
to schedule your sex?

355
00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:10,183
Lame. (LAUGHS)

356
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:12,285
I have it every
Thursday I want.

357
00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:15,923
What are we gonna do?

358
00:14:15,989 --> 00:14:17,557
Okay, guys,
let's not panic.

359
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:18,992
Maybe we can think
of some good deed

360
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:20,860
to do while the
reporter interviews us.

361
00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:23,430
Ken, all the projects
we're not really doing

362
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:24,864
are huge undertakings.

363
00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:27,234
Building a school,
changing laws.

364
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,336
Bringing a WNBA team
to Koreatown.

365
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:30,570
Hwan, we already voted.

366
00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:33,040
We're not
not doing that.

367
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,774
Well, maybe we can
do something smaller

368
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:37,877
like go to that
homeless shelter on Third
and dish out soup.

369
00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:39,879
That place closed down.
Remember?

370
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:41,915
We fake tried to save it.

371
00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:44,051
Now it's all boarded up
and covered in graffiti.

372
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:46,819
Well, so, we'll paint
over the graffiti

373
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,721
and call it neighborhood
revitalization.

374
00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:51,358
That's actually not bad.

375
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:53,260
All we'd need is
a couple cans of paint.

376
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:54,461
Then it's settled.

377
00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:55,562
Great.

378
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:56,863
Can we start
drinking now?

379
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:59,566
We just wasted 15 minutes
on that important crap.

380
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:01,534
(NUTHIN' BUT A "G" THANG
PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)

381
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:06,073
Man, you guys really
like this song, huh?

382
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:07,674
Well, it's dope.

383
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:17,350
Clark, your building
is to die for.

384
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,752
Oh, you liked it? Yay.

385
00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:22,622
I got to tell you,

386
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:24,457
after living alone
for so long,

387
00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:27,394
it's gonna be nice
to have a building buddy.

388
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:30,163
Hey, do you like getting up
at 3:00 A.M. to watch soccer?

389
00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:32,665
No.
Well, you'll get used to it.

390
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,336
Patrick.

391
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:39,106
Actually, it's Patrice.

392
00:15:41,908 --> 00:15:46,479
Patrice, um,
I value you
as a colleague,

393
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:48,915
and I think your name is
surprisingly beautiful.

394
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:53,186
But I also really
value my privacy,

395
00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:55,755
and I would prefer it

396
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:57,490
if you didn't live
in my building.

397
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:01,961
Well, Clark...

398
00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:04,131
I totally respect
what you're saying.

399
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:05,999
Really?
Mmm-hmm.

400
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:07,267
Oh, God.
I'm so relieved.

401
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:08,335
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

402
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:09,836
Well, me, too.

403
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:11,371
Aw, you have no idea
how great it's gonna be

404
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:13,273
to know I've got an
honest straight-shooter

405
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:14,607
living right next door.

406
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,577
Well, see you
in the hot tub.

407
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,846
Oh, and fair warning,
I'm a bubbles-off guy.

408
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,781
That's right.
No mysteries.

409
00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:30,657
This blows.

410
00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:33,993
When's this stupid reporter
supposed to show up?

411
00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:36,396
Allison said
it could be anytime
between 1:00 and 6:00.

412
00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:37,997
Well, it better be soon.

413
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:41,134
If not, we might
have to paint
this whole wall.

414
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:42,469
You know what,
I got to say,

415
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:44,904
I actually feel pretty good
about what we're doing.

416
00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:47,040
Yep, this part
of Koreatown

417
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:49,376
is gonna be a little
whiter and a lot better.

418
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:52,445
And I did not mean
for that to sound
as horrible as it did.

419
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:57,117
Excuse me, gentlemen,
what are you doing?

420
00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:58,718
Beautifying
the neighborhood.

421
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:01,754
Ken Park,
Korean Men's Club,
paying it forward.

422
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,126
Actually, you're
defacing a mural

423
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:08,961
that was commissioned
as part of this neighborhood's
revitalization effort.

424
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:18,371
Gary, I thought you called
the city to clear this.

425
00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:19,806
Well, they never
called back.

426
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,508
I don't have time
to wait around all day.

427
00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:23,276
I have a bagel store
to run.

428
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:28,715
Sorry, guys,
I got to cite you for
defacing public property.

429
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,250
Really?
What are we looking at?

430
00:17:30,317 --> 00:17:32,319
It's going to either
be three hours
of community service

431
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:33,986
or a $5,000 fine.

432
00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:38,358
We'll take the fine.

433
00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:45,532
Dave, you
squeezable genius!

434
00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:46,633
(GRUNTS)

435
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:47,834
What happened?

436
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,970
I completely owned
a conversation with Simon,

437
00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:52,439
and now we're going
to the mall,

438
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:56,276
which, as you know,
is where I really shine.

439
00:17:56,343 --> 00:17:59,146
All right, he might take you
into Gamer's Paradise.

440
00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:00,380
Here's what you
need to know.

441
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:01,548
No need.

442
00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:02,915
Now that I've got him
nerd-hooked,

443
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:04,884
it's time to start
my own process.

444
00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:08,188
I'm gonna change
Simon into exactly
the type of boy I want.

445
00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:10,089
Wait, wo this was
all just a game?

446
00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:12,492
You were just using me
to trap this poor sap

447
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:15,228
into thinking
you're something you're not?

448
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:16,896
I'm sorry.
I thought that was clear.

449
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:20,633
That's the way
relationships work, Dave.

450
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,169
You pretend you're
someone you're not

451
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:24,904
until they fall for you,
and then it's too late.

452
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:27,640
Wow.
I guess I'm the one
who got the education.

453
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,209
Yeah, whatever.

454
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:30,510
See you later, Padawan.

455
00:18:30,577 --> 00:18:32,179
I'm the Jedi!

456
00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:39,386
So, how was
your painting thing?

457
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,820
It freaking blew,
Allison.

458
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:41,921
We painted
over a landmark,

459
00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:43,556
and the police
made us pay a fine.

460
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,625
(CHUCKLING)
The police showed up?

461
00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:47,294
Yeah, but you know
who didn't show up?

462
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:48,495
That reporter you called.

463
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:50,563
Aw, that's too bad.

464
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:51,798
(LAUGHS)

465
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:53,833
Yeah, I don't know why
this is so funny to you.

466
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,702
Because there is no
reporter, dum-dum.

467
00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:56,836
I made it up.

468
00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,738
What?
Why would you do that?

469
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,607
Because you lied to me.

470
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:01,874
That's right.

471
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,443
I know all about
your fake group.

472
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:06,313
Well, in my defense,
I was supposed to
do a better job

473
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:08,715
at keeping it from you.

474
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:11,784
Do you even know what
"in my defense" means?

475
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:16,689
Full disclosure,
I'm not super clear on it,
but how'd you find out?

476
00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:19,192
Because all the pictures
on your phone

477
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:21,194
go to the family
Photo Stream.

478
00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:22,595
By the way,
what's your obsession

479
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,431
with the squirrel
outside your office?

480
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:27,500
Hey, I've watched
him grow up.

481
00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:30,503
Look, I don't care if you
go drinking with those idiots.

482
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:32,639
I care that you lied
to me about it.

483
00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:34,274
But all the guys
lie to their wives.

484
00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:35,842
They made me promise.

485
00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:37,777
(CHORTLES) What,
did you spit on your
hands and shake on it?

486
00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:40,413
No.

487
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:41,881
Again, all your pictures
go to the Photo Stream.

488
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:43,850
Damn it!

489
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:46,085
Hey, you're the one who
wanted me to get a hobby.

490
00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:47,387
Yes, I was just
trying to get you

491
00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:49,489
to have more stuff
in your life.

492
00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:50,823
I don't really
need more stuff.

493
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:53,660
You know, I got my job,
my sweet khakis...

494
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,263
And I got you.

495
00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:57,330
And two kids.

496
00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:58,498
And two kids.

497
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:00,767
Even still,

498
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:04,003
it's healthy for both of us
to have other outlets.

499
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:05,572
Yeah, I know. (SIGHS)

500
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:08,475
Well, thanks to you,
I did make some new buds,

501
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,310
and we're all going
paintballing Saturday.

502
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:12,679
There you go.
(CHUCKLES)

503
00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:15,047
Oh, wait.
This Saturday? No.

504
00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:17,917
We're going to Barb Rutledge's
one-week-sober bowling party.

505
00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:19,752
I thought
she was three weeks sober.

506
00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:21,621
I didn't tell you what
happened at the barbecue.

507
00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:24,056
(IMITATES GULPING)

508
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,158
Yeah.

509
00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:33,966
Thank you so much again
for having me over.

510
00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:35,935
Ah, I just wanted
to apologize

511
00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:38,671
for telling Pat
about the apartment
in your building.

512
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:41,040
It was stupid
and thoughtless of me.

513
00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:42,475
No, I wouldn't say that.

514
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:44,944
I mean, you were...
You were trying to be nice,

515
00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:47,347
and you didn't think it
all the way through.

516
00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:48,948
Hola, amiga.

517
00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:50,049
Oh, sorry.

518
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:51,217
Dos amigas.

519
00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:53,553
I brought margaritas.

520
00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:54,954
What are you doing here?

521
00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:56,523
I'm your new neighbor.

522
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:58,625
Yeah, and it's
Cinco de Mayo
somewhere, right?

523
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:00,360
No, it's not.

524
00:21:02,329 --> 00:21:03,730
You're living here?

525
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:05,231
Yeah, Clark tipped
me off to the unit

526
00:21:05,298 --> 00:21:06,866
that was available
down the hall.

527
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,000
And you were right, Clark.

528
00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:09,436
This is much nicer
than your building.

529
00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:10,803
Mmm-hmm.
Mmm-hmm.

530
00:21:12,038 --> 00:21:13,673
And it's much closer
to the dog groomers

531
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:15,608
where I get my nails
and goatee trimmed.

532
00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:20,880
Now, let's talk laundry.

533
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,415
I have a half
load of whites.

534
00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:24,584
Do you mind if I throw
them in with yours?

535
00:21:24,651 --> 00:21:26,419
They are ripe.