1
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:06,107
Okay, Dave, as a doctor,

2
00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:08,209
I've got
an unfair advantage
in this game

3
00:00:08,276 --> 00:00:09,610
because
I'm a master of medical...

4
00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:11,279
(BUZZES)
Dang it!

5
00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:13,047
(SIGHS)

6
00:00:13,114 --> 00:00:15,916
It's okay, Dad.
I like playing
Operation with you.

7
00:00:15,983 --> 00:00:18,452
I finally get to know
what victory tastes like.

8
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,091
(SIGHS)

9
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:26,060
Here we go.
Funny bone.
Gets me every time.

10
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:27,728
Maybe 'cause
you don't have one.

11
00:00:27,795 --> 00:00:31,031
Everyone has
a funny bone, Dave.
Except Scandinavians.

12
00:00:31,099 --> 00:00:32,700
(BOTH LAUGHING)

13
00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:35,936
You're hilarious, Dad.

14
00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:37,805
I know. (CHUCKLES)

15
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,608
(EXHALES DEEPLY)

16
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:42,576
Dad, is sex
just for making a baby?

17
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:44,145
(BUZZING)

18
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,549
Oh, sorry, buddy.
I couldn't hear you.

19
00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:50,184
You know,
I'm focused on the game.

20
00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:51,685
Is sex...
(BUZZING)

21
00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:54,322
(LOUDLY) Is sex
just for making a baby?

22
00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:59,260
Well, son,
the thing about that is,

23
00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:01,329
there's birds, bees...

24
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,796
(IMITATING SNORING)

25
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:10,571
(SNORING CONTINUES)

26
00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:15,443
Man,
if I hadn't whipped out

27
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,178
the old
"pretend to be asleep"
trick,

28
00:01:17,245 --> 00:01:19,880
there's no telling
where that conversation
would've gone. (CHUCKLES)

29
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:22,683
It might've gone to you
having the sex talk
with your son.

30
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,051
Why didn't you do it?

31
00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:26,554
(IMITATING SNORING)

32
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:29,723
It didn't work
during couple's therapy,
and it's not working now.

33
00:01:31,259 --> 00:01:33,227
I just don't think Dave's
ready for that stuff.

34
00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:34,895
If he's old enough
to ask the questions,

35
00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:36,364
he's old enough
to hear the answers.

36
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,831
Plus,
you promised you'd do it.

37
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:40,234
You know I need
to work up to things!

38
00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:41,635
Yeah, I know.

39
00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,204
You still haven't taken down
the Christmas lights,

40
00:01:43,271 --> 00:01:45,206
and it's almost April.

41
00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:48,476
I don't let a calendar
rule my life, Allison.
I'm not a Mayan.

42
00:01:50,077 --> 00:01:52,680
Besides, I'm not
the only one that's shirking.

43
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:54,782
You are supposed
to give Molly the sex talk.

44
00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,750
And I did.
Six years ago.

45
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:58,352
Really? How'd it go?

46
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:00,087
Awkward but informative.

47
00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:01,822
Do you want me
to give Dave the talk?

48
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:03,924
Yes.
No.

49
00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:06,460
Fine.

50
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:09,029
I'll teach the boy
about the horizontal arts.

51
00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:10,931
Puke.

52
00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:13,301
And, in the spirit of things
you said you'd do,

53
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:14,968
maybe take down
the Christmas lights.

54
00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:17,338
Oh, and what about getting
the brakes replaced
in my car?

55
00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:18,872
When'd you ask me
to do that?

56
00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:21,242
Like, a year ago.

57
00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:24,545
The warning light's
been on so long,
the bulb blew out.

58
00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:26,180
Or did the brakes
fix themselves,

59
00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:28,081
like I said
might happen?

60
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,317
(CELLPHONE DINGS)

61
00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:32,220
Oh, snap!

62
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:33,721
The Rutledges
can't use their tickets

63
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,923
to the Doobie Brothers
concert tonight!

64
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,558
(GASPS)
What do you say?

65
00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:38,959
You up for takin' it
to the streets?

66
00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:41,229
(LAUGHS)
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

67
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:42,930
Let's Listen
to the music!
(GRUNTS)

68
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,765
Okay, I don't know
what's happening,

69
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:48,168
but I know it's dorky
and forced.

70
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:50,771
Besides, Taylor's mom
is taking us
to SAT prep tonight,

71
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,740
so FYI,
I can't watch Dave.

72
00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:54,775
Hmm. Think you can find
a sitter?

73
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,109
Or you could.

74
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,679
Fine. I'll get
a babysitter...
Mmm.

75
00:02:58,746 --> 00:03:00,548
...and tell Dave about sex

76
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:03,217
and get your
warning light fixed.

77
00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:05,986
It's not the
brake warning light
that's the issue.

78
00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:08,456
Yeah, it'll fix itself,
like the brakes did.

79
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,724
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

80
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:13,427
New sweater?
Yeah.
What do you think?

81
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,028
(INHALES DEEPLY)

82
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,364
Have a good day, Mom.

83
00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:21,502
Wait.
What's wrong
with my sweater?

84
00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:23,471
(SIGHS)
Here's the thing.

85
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:26,039
You've really been
dressing like
a mom lately,

86
00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:27,508
and I mean like
a mom-mom,

87
00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:29,243
not like
a Jessica Alba mom.

88
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:31,912
What are you
talking about?

89
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:33,781
It seems like
some moms hit a point

90
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:36,484
where they start
prioritizing comfort
over style.

91
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:40,921
Symptoms include
boxy sweaters,
drawstring pants, clogs...

92
00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:44,258
And so, so much linen.

93
00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:47,695
Come on, Mom,
I'll take you shopping.

94
00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:49,663
This is a cry for help.

95
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:50,898
But I heard it.

96
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,668
Hey, I like my look.

97
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,970
I saw this scarf
in a magazine,
thank you very much.

98
00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:58,038
Which magazine?

99
00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:00,007
Giving Up.

100
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,309
(SCOFFS)

101
00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:03,243
It's a yoga magazine

102
00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:05,479
about giving yourself up
to the practice!

103
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:06,914
Don't take it
out of con...

104
00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:17,358
No, Mrs. Pancake.
I just wanted to see
if you could babysit.

105
00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:20,628
No, please don't give me
your social security number.
(STUTTERS)

106
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,162
Okay, hanging up now.

107
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:24,698
What's going on?

108
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,099
Well, good news,

109
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:29,136
I think I just sold
my elderly neighbor
a reverse mortgage.

110
00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:33,206
Bad news,
she was my last hope

111
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,608
at getting a sitter
for tonight.

112
00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:37,411
Oh, I could watch Dave.
I love kids.

113
00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:38,679
You don't have plans?

114
00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:40,013
No.

115
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,383
But thanks for pretending
like you thought I might.

116
00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:44,785
You're welcome.
(CHUCKLES)

117
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:51,859
At lunch, do you guys
think you could help me
with my online dating profile?

118
00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:54,127
I am attracting
the wrong matches.

119
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,863
What does your profile
say now?

120
00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:58,165
(READING)
"Smart, fun gal...
Mmm-hmm.

121
00:04:58,231 --> 00:05:00,934
"...seeks rock-hard guy
who can stay up
all night.

122
00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:03,904
"Must not mind
sharing a bed

123
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:06,239
"with my two best friends,
Marissa and Karen."

124
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:11,078
What?
I want a solid,
stable guy

125
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:15,115
who likes to
stay up late talking
and playing with my cats.

126
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:17,618
Yeah,
that's not coming across.

127
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:20,153
Ooh, maybe I should
come up with
a different word for "cats."

128
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,422
BOTH: No!

129
00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:25,626
Listen, girl,
I would love
to stay and help,

130
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:28,095
but I'm having lunch
with my dreamboat B.F.
JULIE: Oh.

131
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,697
Story checks out.
(GASPS)

132
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:31,098
Ah.

133
00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:34,968
You guys are too cute.

134
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:36,570
I mean that literally.
Dial it down.

135
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,440
This is a place
of business,

136
00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:41,942
and, yeah,
I know Damona and I
boned a bunch of times,

137
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,310
but that was different.

138
00:05:43,377 --> 00:05:45,413
I'm the boss.

139
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:46,914
So, where are you two
going for lunch?

140
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:48,449
(SIGHS)
Mmm, I don't know.
What do you feel like, hon?

141
00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:50,117
Oh, I don't care.
You pick something.

142
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,419
Well, I want
whatever you want,
so we're back to you.

143
00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:52,920
Well, you pick.
You. No, you pick.

144
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,455
No, I can't pick.
You do it.
You do it.

145
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:55,756
Oh, oh, all right.

146
00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:57,257
Tie.
No tie here.

147
00:05:57,324 --> 00:05:58,759
You win! (CHUCKLES)
Let's go.

148
00:05:58,826 --> 00:06:00,594
All right, bye, guys.
Nice to see you.

149
00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:03,030
Yeah, and listen,
I'm sorry you guys
had to witness our fight.

150
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:10,237
(DOORBELL RINGS)

151
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:14,675
Oh, hey!
You must be
Taylor's mom.

152
00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:16,610
Come on in.
I'm Allison.

153
00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:18,912
I'm Grace.
Nice to meet you.

154
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:20,347
Molly will be down
in a second.

155
00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:21,949
Thanks for taking
the girls to class.

156
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:24,017
Please, don't thank me.

157
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:26,386
With the other five
at home, any excuse
to get out of the house.

158
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:30,323
I'm sorry.
I'm a bit of a mess today.

159
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,526
I haven't had a shower
since the weekend.

160
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,195
Got any wine?

161
00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:37,297
Oh, I...

162
00:06:37,364 --> 00:06:40,200
Oh, look!
We're sweater twins!

163
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,771
Hey, how about that?

164
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,105
Sweater twins!

165
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,743
Oh, and great clogs.

166
00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:51,111
I live in clogs.

167
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:53,380
I love not having laces
to deal with.

168
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:57,217
Bending over's the worst!

169
00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:59,286
Yeah, bending over
is pretty terrible.

170
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:00,721
All right, you guys,
have fun.

171
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:03,624
Okay!

172
00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:05,659
See you later, Mom.

173
00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:12,399
And make sure
he's in bed by 10:00.

174
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,502
Do I have to go
to bed by 10:00?

175
00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:17,270
It might be tough
to squeeze in
all our activities.

176
00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:21,875
I brought
math flashcards and
a terrarium-making kit.

177
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:24,177
Do I have to stay up
till 10:00?

178
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:26,514
Aww, you!

179
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:28,148
We're gonna have
a ball!

180
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:29,282
I'm so sorry.

181
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:31,151
Okay!
We should head out.

182
00:07:31,218 --> 00:07:32,553
Have fun, you two.

183
00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:35,856
(LAUGHS)
Oh, my God, hilarious!

184
00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:38,526
You almost wore
that old throw blanket
out of the house!

185
00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:40,694
(LAUGHS)
It's a shawl-sweater.

186
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,262
Ooh, it's stunning!

187
00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:47,334
(DOOR CLOSES)
Okay.

188
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,436
What should
we do first?

189
00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:50,938
Is sex
just for making a baby?

190
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:02,783
Hey, what's wrong
with you?

191
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:05,653
Oh, hi. (STUTTERS)
I just got this text
from Connor,

192
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:08,522
saying that he's coming by
because "we need to talk."

193
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:11,625
So?
So, obviously,
he's breaking up with me!

194
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,594
Or maybe he misses
your beautiful face.

195
00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:15,228
No, I don't think
that's it because
I texted him,

196
00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:16,797
"Is it because
you miss
my beautiful face?"

197
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,799
And then he texted
me back, "No!"

198
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,670
Well, either way,
I'm sure it's nothing, Clark.

199
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:24,071
Yeah, listen to Damona.

200
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:26,339
She's a very wise woman,
and she's never wrong.

201
00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:28,375
Thank you, Pat.
(CHUCKLES)

202
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:29,810
You're doomed.

203
00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:34,314
Whoa,
what's wrong
with you?

204
00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:38,085
I was babysitting
for Dr. Ken,
and I really screwed up.

205
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:40,220
Let me guess.
There was
an unmarked pill bottle,

206
00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:42,723
and you accidentally took
a bunch of Dr. Ken's
growth hormones?

207
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,859
Well,
don't worry about it.

208
00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,728
They're obviously
ineffective.

209
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:52,165
No, I gave Dave
the sex talk.

210
00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:53,767
What? Why?

211
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,736
(SIGHS)
He started asking me
all these questions,

212
00:08:55,803 --> 00:08:57,370
one after another.

213
00:08:57,437 --> 00:08:59,139
I thought it was only
a few minutes,

214
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,742
but then I looked
at my phone, and it had
been two hours.

215
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:04,077
Two hours?

216
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:07,748
The sex talk
my dad gave me
lasted 25 cents.

217
00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:08,916
As soon as that
was used up,

218
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,751
the curtain came down,
and that was that.

219
00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:13,220
Girl,
what were you thinking?

220
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:14,988
Ugh, I don't know!

221
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:18,558
Once I start talking,
I mean, I'm just
a very oral person.

222
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,663
That is not a bad thing.

223
00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:24,497
You wouldn't believe
how many people

224
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,333
responded to that
on my dating profile.

225
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:31,571
(SIGHS)

226
00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:32,940
Take me shopping.

227
00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:35,408
Oh, I would, Mom,

228
00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:38,345
but Linen On The Edge
went out of business
six years ago.

229
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,881
I'm serious.

230
00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:43,250
Taylor's mom was
a real wake-up call.

231
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:46,954
Not to mention the 300
other moms I saw
at the Doobie Brothers show.

232
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,221
Also...

233
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:51,692
One of the Doobie Brothers
was wearing my scarf.

234
00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:54,261
Are you ready for people
to be able to tell
what gender you are

235
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:55,729
from more than
20 feet away?

236
00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:58,365
I am.

237
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,600
Congratulations.
The hardest part is over.

238
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:03,737
Just be warned, whatever
you wear to the store
ain't coming home,

239
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:06,740
so you can kiss
that sexy little burnt
pumpkin number goodbye.

240
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:11,712
Hey, Mom,
just wanted you to know,

241
00:10:11,779 --> 00:10:13,747
I'm all up to speed
on sex stuff now.

242
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,448
Way to not be weird
about it.

243
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,020
Hey!
You finally did it!

244
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:22,389
Yep.
What'd I do?

245
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,024
Dave said he knows
all about sex.

246
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,694
Oh. Right.

247
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,128
Yep. I did it.

248
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:29,763
At first...

249
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,932
(IMITATING GEORGE BUSH)
Not gonna do it,
but I did.

250
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:34,067
(CHUCKLES)
Wow. I'm so proud.

251
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:36,303
Way to dad up!

252
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:37,570
(CHUCKLES)

253
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:38,806
(DOOR CLOSES)

254
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:45,112
Dave, how did you
learn about sex?

255
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:47,647
From Julie.
She lectured me
for about an hour,

256
00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:49,316
followed by
a spirited Q&A.

257
00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:57,090
I mean, why does he want
to break up with me?

258
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,626
Look, you've only got
one option here...
(SIGHS)

259
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:00,894
...a PEB.

260
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:03,563
A what?
A preemptive breakup.

261
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:04,832
Yeah.

262
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:06,233
When you think
someone's gonna
dump you,

263
00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:07,634
you beat them
to the punch.
Hmm.

264
00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:09,436
Take control
of the narrative,
as in,

265
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,604
"Hey, did you hear Clark
dumped that fella?

266
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,874
"He is not
to be trifled with."

267
00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:18,278
That is the dumbest thing
I have ever heard!

268
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,980
"Preemptive breakup?"

269
00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:21,448
What if Connor
doesn't want
to break up with you?

270
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,351
No. He does.
I know it.

271
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,086
I've been on
the business end
of too many

272
00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:27,587
"we need to talk" talks.

273
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,691
The PEB is the way to go.

274
00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,126
Thank you, Pat.

275
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:36,329
You're welcome.

276
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:40,000
So, this is what
it feels like
to help people.

277
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:41,268
I don't care for it.

278
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:46,940
Julie, we need to talk.

279
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,342
Will everyone
please stop
saying that?

280
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:56,049
Dr. Ken, I am so sorry.

281
00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:58,185
I've already
packed my things.

282
00:11:58,251 --> 00:11:59,686
Somebody...

283
00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:01,421
Take good care
of Plant!

284
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:04,491
Oh, no, I'm not mad.

285
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,359
You did me a solid.

286
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:07,961
I've been dreading
having that conversation
with Dave.

287
00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:09,296
Really?

288
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:10,964
Oh, but what
about Allison?
Is she mad at me?

289
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:12,199
Oh, she doesn't know.

290
00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:14,067
She assumed I gave Dave
the sex talk,

291
00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:15,668
and I did not
correct her.

292
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,538
She hates being corrected,
and I hate being caught.
(CHUCKLES)

293
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,108
Oh, God,
I'm so relieved!

294
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:24,144
I mean, she would've
been hella pissed,
but don't worry.

295
00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:26,780
I would never put you
in the path
of that Mama Bear.

296
00:12:28,115 --> 00:12:29,549
(CELLPHONE BUZZING)
Oh.

297
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:31,384
Oh. Hey, Allison.

298
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:33,686
I just got a call
from Principal Michaels.

299
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,155
Apparently,
there's an issue
with Dave

300
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,157
talking to his
classmates about sex.

301
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:39,626
Well, that was
bound to happen.
I was the same way.

302
00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:42,562
When I learned about sex,
I wouldn't shut up about it.
(CHUCKLES)

303
00:12:42,629 --> 00:12:44,297
Ask any of my
med-school friends.

304
00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:49,669
Okay, that's sad,
but it's not the issue.

305
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:53,140
The problem is, apparently,
he's wrong about things.

306
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:54,942
Like, really wrong.

307
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:57,044
What did you tell him?

308
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,778
I didn't tell Dave anything!
It was Julie!

309
00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:00,147
(STUTTERS)

310
00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:11,524
You didn't have to come
all the way here.

311
00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:13,260
Oh, no, I wanted to.

312
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,328
I'm just so sorry.

313
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:18,065
I, I didn't plan to talk
to Dave about sex.

314
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:21,468
I even tried to distract him
with a baking soda volcano,

315
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:24,337
but the eruption
led to more questions.

316
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:29,442
I know how persistent
Dave can be
when he's curious.

317
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:33,413
We once drove 200 miles
to the Museum of Scones.
Yeah.

318
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,016
It's a huge racket.
They don't sell jam.

319
00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:38,418
You can't bring
your own.

320
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,020
What I don't
understand is

321
00:13:40,087 --> 00:13:42,655
how Dave got
the information
so mixed up.

322
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:45,292
Yeah, he thought
foreplay was sex
with three other people.

323
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:46,626
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

324
00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:47,895
Wait, do you
think that?

325
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:52,832
Not anymore.

326
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:55,835
There were just
so many questions
coming at me...

327
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:57,604
And I, I got nervous
and panicked,

328
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,940
and I started
mixing things up
and forgetting things.

329
00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:01,508
It's okay.

330
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:05,178
You're not the only person
that's forgotten
about foreplay.

331
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:08,581
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought you liked
having more time to read.

332
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:11,618
Okay, thank you
for coming over.
We appreciate it.

333
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,927
I'm just gonna make
a hard and fast rule

334
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:22,930
not to talk to children
about sex from now on.

335
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:24,364
Good rule.

336
00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:27,167
(CHUCKLES)

337
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:29,236
(DOOR CLOSES)
Man, can you believe her?

338
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:30,570
What a mess
she made!

339
00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:32,305
Oh, really?
So this is Julie's fault?

340
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,007
Well, it's not mine.

341
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:36,676
If you recall,
I'm the one who said Molly
should give him the talk.

342
00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:39,812
If you had done
your job as a parent,

343
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,382
he never would've
needed to ask Julie.

344
00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:46,019
Wow, I didn't think
about it...
(LAUGHING)

345
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:48,688
Why are you dressed
like the Hamburglar's
naughty daughter?

346
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:50,857
(LAUGHS)

347
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:52,459
Oh, come on!
I'm sorry!

348
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:54,394
Oh, come on!
No, no,
I didn't mean that!

349
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:56,829
I shouldn't have shirked
my responsibility!
(LAUGHS)

350
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:02,702
Hey.

351
00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:04,737
Hey.

352
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:10,110
Did you, uh,
get my text?
(PEN TAPS)

353
00:15:10,177 --> 00:15:12,379
I did.

354
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,214
Uh, so, should we
go somewhere and, uh...

355
00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:15,715
I'm breaking up
with you!

356
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,684
Attaboy!

357
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:22,189
I'm sorry. What?
And you know what?
It is your loss!

358
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,656
I don't even like
Thai food,

359
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:26,526
but I eat it with you
all the time!

360
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:29,729
I even go so far
as to make
adorable puns about it!

361
00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:31,364
But you know what,
if that is not
enough for you,

362
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:34,301
well, then you can
Thai me a river!

363
00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:40,240
Oh, God, were you
not coming here
to break up with me?

364
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:41,774
(SIGHS)
You know what?
Forget what I said.

365
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:43,543
Want to grab dinner?
Hey, how about Thai? Mmm!

366
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:45,312
Clark, Clark,
Clark, Clark!

367
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:47,214
(SIGHS)

368
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,982
I actually did
come here to break up
with you.

369
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:52,119
Aha!
The plot maintains
its exact thickness!

370
00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:54,121
(MOUTHING)

371
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:55,788
See, I knew
you were going to,

372
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:58,091
so that's why I broke up
with you, but...

373
00:15:58,158 --> 00:15:59,792
God, I don't want to.
I don't want to either.

374
00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:02,129
Then why?
I don't know!

375
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:03,496
When we first
started dating,

376
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:05,165
you were this
hot-blooded nurse

377
00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:07,334
who knew exactly
what he wanted.

378
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,436
And now you've become
a kind of pushover

379
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:11,271
who just wants to do
whatever I want to do.

380
00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:12,772
Yeah, but that's just...

381
00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:14,574
It's because
I like you so much

382
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,976
that I'm scared
I'm gonna screw this up.

383
00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:18,545
You won't
if you're yourself.

384
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:20,513
I'm not gonna dump you
because you hate
Thai food.

385
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:21,848
I'm not a monster.

386
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:23,950
In my defense,
a guy did once
break up with me

387
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:26,553
because instead
of saying "cashew,"
I say, "ca-shew!"

388
00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:31,858
I'm just as scared
of screwing this up
as you are.

389
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:34,294
We have to just
be ourselves and hope
that that's enough.

390
00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:36,129
God, you're more
than enough.

391
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:37,230
So are you.

392
00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:41,768
Aww!

393
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:44,571
Come on,
let's get out of here.

394
00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:47,607
I have a few more opinions
to fill you in on,
starting with this jacket.

395
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:48,875
(CHUCKLES) Yikes.

396
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:50,043
Have a good night.

397
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:51,911
Don't pander to them.
Okay.

398
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,815
Ah. Good old PEB.

399
00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:57,950
Works every time.
No, it doesn't.

400
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,019
Yeah? Well,
it worked on you.

401
00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:02,089
Yeah.

402
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:03,856
I got wind of the fact
you were gonna dump me,

403
00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:05,125
and I beat you
to the punch.

404
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:07,294
Oh.

405
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,828
You thought
I was gonna break up
with you?

406
00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:11,064
Mmm-hmm.
Interesting.

407
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:13,533
Well...
You were, weren't you?

408
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,602
Maybe.

409
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:17,204
Well, you know,
it doesn't matter.

410
00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:19,872
Point is,
you never got closure,
so you're still intrigued.

411
00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:21,441
(SCOFFS)

412
00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:23,210
Ha! I am not!

413
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:24,444
No? (CHUCKLES)

414
00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:25,778
Well, you want
to go get dinner,

415
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:27,847
followed by
an erotic re-awakening?

416
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:31,151
Damn it, I do.
(CHUCKLES)

417
00:17:33,353 --> 00:17:34,421
(CHUCKLES)

418
00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:40,160
I can't resist
your sneaky ass.

419
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,035
(DOOR OPENS)

420
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:51,938
Hey, Al, I took
the Christmas lights down.

421
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:53,906
I also got
your brakes fixed.

422
00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:56,609
Admittedly, I may have
waited a little long
on that one.

423
00:17:56,676 --> 00:18:00,280
I couldn't stop
when I pulled into Arturo's,
came in kind of hot.

424
00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:02,882
Unrelated,
you also got a new bumper.

425
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:04,617
Well, that almost
makes up

426
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:06,553
for delegating our
son's sexual education

427
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:08,155
to someone who thought
heavy petting

428
00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:12,058
was what you do
to an overweight
house cat.

429
00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:15,162
Well, just so you know,
there's a reason
I never gave Dave the talk.

430
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:17,864
Yeah. You're terrified
of awkward conversations,

431
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:22,034
which is strange
because you create them
on a daily basis.

432
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,737
Look, the thing is,
Dave's still
my little buddy.

433
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:26,306
He's just
an innocent kid,

434
00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:28,775
getting his butt kicked
by his dad in Operation.

435
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:30,510
I know you lost.

436
00:18:30,577 --> 00:18:32,979
Technically, we never
finished, but that's not
what's important here.

437
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:35,382
Look, once he knows
all about adult stuff,

438
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:38,451
he'll eventually stop
being my little boy,

439
00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:40,820
and I'm just not ready
for him to grow up yet.

440
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:43,356
Okay. I get that.

441
00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:47,126
But part of being
a parent is putting
aside your own issues

442
00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:49,696
and being there
for your kids
when they need you.

443
00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:51,264
You're right, Al.

444
00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:53,566
All right,
I'll give him the talk.

445
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,368
You know,
being a parent sucks.

446
00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:57,670
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
It sucks so bad.

447
00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:58,938
(LAUGHS)

448
00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:00,373
(KNOCK ON DOOR)

449
00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:04,143
Mom?
What happened?

450
00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:07,146
You're back in beige!

451
00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:10,650
Well, in the
20 minutes it took me
to get into that skirt,

452
00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:12,385
I had some time
to think.

453
00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:15,955
And I realized,
while I needed a change,

454
00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:18,791
this stuff just isn't me.

455
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:21,093
I don't want my feet
to bleed on a Monday.

456
00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:26,399
I guess that's where
we're different.

457
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:29,302
So, what are you
gonna do with all
the things we bought?

458
00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:31,538
I'll just return them.
Good call.

459
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:33,172
(GASPS)

460
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,342
Wait a minute!
You know what, Mom?
Hmm?

461
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:37,109
What if you just gave
all that stuff to me?

462
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,312
You'd do that for me?

463
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:41,248
We're family.

464
00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:43,350
Well, here you go.

465
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:46,253
I'm just so glad
that all worked out!

466
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:48,355
Mmm, you're welcome.

467
00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:54,827
Dude, I think you just
got played.

468
00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:56,229
Uh, really?

469
00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:57,364
You knew?

470
00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:58,731
Then why did you
even give...

471
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:01,133
Because she won't
always be interested

472
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,670
in manipulating
her mother
for free clothes.

473
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,239
Huh.

474
00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:09,008
I guess Dave's not
the only one
growing up too fast.

475
00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:11,778
We need to enjoy
these moments
while we can.

476
00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:15,315
You're right.

477
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,584
Speaking of
enjoying moments...

478
00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:19,686
Maybe you and I
should have
the sex talk first,

479
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:22,121
you know,
just to work out
any kinks.

480
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:25,425
Or to work...

481
00:20:25,492 --> 00:20:27,226
In some kinks...
(LAUGHS)

482
00:20:27,294 --> 00:20:28,961
If you know
what I sayin'.

483
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,530
I know what you sayin'.

484
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:32,765
(BOTH LAUGH)

485
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,367
Actually, can we skip
the foreplay?

486
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:36,936
I just hurt my back
just doing this whole thing.
Yep.

487
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:46,413
And because
these activities
take place beforehand,

488
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:48,515
it's called "foreplay."

489
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:49,849
Get it?
Got it.

490
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,884
Thanks for telling me
all this stuff, Dad.

491
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,252
You're welcome, buddy.

492
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,322
Yeah, thank you,
Dr. Park.

493
00:20:55,388 --> 00:20:58,591
This has been
super informative.

494
00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:01,594
Like, a real eye-opener.

495
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:04,697
Hey, is it okay if I call you
if I have any more questions?

496
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:07,667
Any time.
I think I have
a good handle on it.

497
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:12,439
Well, I've got to get
home to the cats.

498
00:21:12,505 --> 00:21:14,707
I've got a night
of heavy petting
ahead of me.

499
00:21:18,645 --> 00:21:20,146
(BOTH SIGH)