1
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:06,907
Damona, you know Irene
from human resources?

2
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:08,209
Yeah. What's going on?

3
00:00:08,276 --> 00:00:09,710
Well, in accordance
with Welltopia policy

4
00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:11,712
governing
interoffice canoodling...

5
00:00:13,114 --> 00:00:14,782
You and I have
to report to HR.

6
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,750
The recent change
in our relationship.

7
00:00:16,817 --> 00:00:18,719
Do we have
to do this here?

8
00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:20,554
(CHUCKLES)

9
00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:22,990
Damona, there's nothing
between us

10
00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:25,526
that I don't feel comfortable
sharing with Irene.

11
00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:29,663
Irene, let's just say
that things

12
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,799
are getting pretty hot
and steamy between us.

13
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:32,866
Ah...

14
00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:36,170
The phrase
"sexual intercourse"...

15
00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:38,005
(CHUCKLING)
Doesn't begin to cover it.
(CHUCKLES)

16
00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:40,874
So, you two are dating?

17
00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:42,710
Oh. Well...
Oh. Oh.

18
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:45,045
Uh...no. You know what?
Psst.

19
00:00:45,113 --> 00:00:47,014
Put us down for
"it's complicated."

20
00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:49,150
Mmm-hmm.

21
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:50,951
Which we watched
last night.

22
00:00:51,018 --> 00:00:54,422
Who knew the films
of Nancy Meyers
were such an aphrodisiac?

23
00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:57,325
That's a free tip
for you, Irene.

24
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:00,861
Please make this end.

25
00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:02,830
Damona, it's important
for two professionals

26
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:06,033
to follow protocol
and decorum in the workplace.

27
00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:07,501
Let's get some lunch.
Come on, sugar.

28
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:10,138
I told you,
stop calling me "sugar."

29
00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:12,106
I told you to stop
tasting like it.

30
00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:22,216
Morning, gorgeous.

31
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:23,517
Morning.

32
00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:29,022
Guess what?
I just made us a reservation

33
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,725
for a romantic dinner
on Valentine's Day.

34
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:34,195
Ah, it wasn't easy to get
a table at the last minute,

35
00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:36,430
but, for my princess,
I makes it happen.

36
00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:37,931
(CHUCKLES)
That's so sweet.

37
00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:42,203
So, two choices...do you want
to eat at 4:45 or 11:15?

38
00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:44,037
Sadly,
we can't do either.

39
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,973
Before I knew you had gone
to such short lengths,

40
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:48,909
I volunteered us to chaperone
the sweetheart dance
at Dave's school.

41
00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:50,411
The sweetheart dance?

42
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:52,313
It was either that
or library duty.

43
00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:54,682
Oh, good call on the dance.
Books are for losers.

44
00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:56,350
(CHUCKLES)

45
00:01:56,417 --> 00:01:58,352
How do you spell
"infatuated"?

46
00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:00,921
What you writing there,
champ?

47
00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:03,023
A valentine for
a girl at school.

48
00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:04,425
Ooh!

49
00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:05,493
Who is she?

50
00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:07,295
Emma.
I really like her.

51
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:10,731
She's the prettiest girl
in the whole wide class.

52
00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:14,335
So, are you gonna ask her
to the dance?

53
00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:16,704
I want to,
but I'm, kind of, scared.

54
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:18,706
Oh-ho, buddy!

55
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:21,875
You came to the right place,
'cause Dr. Love
is in the house.

56
00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:23,777
(CHUCKLES)

57
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:26,247
Now, when it comes
to girls, just have to
remember the three c's...

58
00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:30,651
Confidence, coolness,
and always be closing!

59
00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:33,020
Closing what?
Okay...

60
00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:35,789
...that seems like
a natural stopping point.

61
00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:38,025
Dave, honey,
just be yourself.

62
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:41,295
Yes, listen to your mother.
She knows.

63
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:45,799
What's going on?
Dad's teaching me
how to ask out a girl.

64
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:48,101
Did he tell you about
the three c's...

65
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,804
Caution, conservative,
and chastity?

66
00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:55,843
(SIGHS)
If you listen to anyone,
listen to mom.

67
00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:56,910
Thank you, Mol.

68
00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:59,146
Then again,
look who she ended up with.

69
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:05,185
Damona.
Huh?

70
00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:07,355
Could I tempt you to join me
for a libation this weekend?

71
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:09,990
Just say "drink."
Ah.

72
00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:13,093
Wait. Now, you know
this weekend is
Valentine's Day.

73
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,195
Oh, oh. No, well,
I wasn't suggesting
that we, you know.

74
00:03:15,263 --> 00:03:17,064
(MUMBLING)
I know you weren't.
Yeah. Good thinking.

75
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:19,567
'Cause, you know, (SIGHS)
what with the ambiguous nature
of our relationship,

76
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:22,436
the last thing we need
to deal with is VD.

77
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:23,604
(CHUCKLES)

78
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:28,141
Just say
"Valentine's Day"!

79
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,209
Ah!

80
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,713
So, I've made a little
tweak to the theme

81
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:34,748
of my Valentine's Day party
this weekend.

82
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,484
It's now a Presidents'
Day party.

83
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:39,320
Oh, Jules,
did Topher stand you up?

84
00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:43,757
Well, yeah, he canceled
at the last minute.

85
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,125
But this is way more
about me realizing

86
00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:47,361
that Valentine's Day
is a silly holiday.

87
00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:49,229
Why are we
honoring cupid?

88
00:03:49,297 --> 00:03:52,065
He's just
a fat flying baby.
Am I right?

89
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,601
Really?

90
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,369
Because yesterday,
you said it was
your favorite holiday,

91
00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:57,305
and you described
Cupid as both,

92
00:03:57,371 --> 00:04:00,808
adorable and within an
appropriate weight range.

93
00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:03,444
Oh, really?

94
00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:05,346
Is that what
I said yesterday?

95
00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:08,882
Well, I'm glad we have
the Memory Sheriff in town.

96
00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:12,986
So...

97
00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:14,988
(LAUGHING)
A Presidents' Day party.

98
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:17,991
That doesn't sound...
Too romantic.

99
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:19,760
No, it doesn't.
We could do that.

100
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,729
Yes, I think...
I think one president

101
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:24,432
we could honor
is James K. Polk.

102
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,036
Millard Fillmore?

103
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:34,342
Uh, you can "ba-rock"
my world.

104
00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:35,409
(CHUCKLES)

105
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,146
Damona,
a sitting president?

106
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:40,514
That's
just disrespectful.

107
00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:49,957
There he is.

108
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,525
Come on, Dave.
Let's get to going.

109
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:53,461
Hang on.

110
00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:57,965
Wait. Is that
Emma-bo-bemma?

111
00:04:58,031 --> 00:04:59,500
(CHUCKLES) Noice!

112
00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:02,370
(LAUGHS) Did you
ask her to the dance?

113
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:05,138
I got too nervous.
I don't know how to do it.

114
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,874
All right. Lesson one...

115
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:08,942
Strut like a baller.

116
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:10,277
Check it.

117
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:19,019
All right,
let's see it.

118
00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:33,834
Okay, let's not roll
that one out just yet.

119
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:37,638
Um... (CLICKS TONGUE)
Let's focus on the talk.

120
00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:40,374
Why don't you hit her with,
"Are you a parking ticket?

121
00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:43,043
"'Cause you got fine
written all over you."

122
00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:46,213
But, Dad,
I don't know how to...
Go.

123
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,116
Excuse me, little boy.

124
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,552
Oh! You are
a grown man.

125
00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:52,853
It was hard to tell.

126
00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:54,922
Still is.

127
00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:56,590
(SIGHS) Ross Kirkland,

128
00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:59,159
the valley's sleaziest
ambulance chaser.

129
00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:01,795
Ken Park, the valley's
tiniest doctor.

130
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:04,932
Nice khakis.
Did you take those from an
abandoned blockbuster video?

131
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:06,834
Oh, yeah?
Nice suit.

132
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,537
Where'd you get it?
The haber-douchery
downtown?

133
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:12,540
Handmade in Milan...
Clooney's guy.

134
00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:15,375
I guess being a scuzzy
personal-injury lawyer

135
00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:17,344
who destroys
hardworking doctors

136
00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:19,279
with frivolous
lawsuits pays well.

137
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:20,748
Well, what you
call frivolous,

138
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:23,584
I call being able to
afford my own island.

139
00:06:23,651 --> 00:06:25,519
(SCOFFS) Please.
You have an island?

140
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,721
Kitchen island,
and it's huge.

141
00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:29,557
You could probably live on it
if you had to.

142
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,058
I'm doing really well!

143
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,360
(CASH REGISTER DINGS)
Oh, hmm.

144
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,263
It's my island guy.

145
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:37,865
Amir!

146
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:39,867
Hey, quick question before
you install that thing...

147
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:42,202
How many people
could sleep on it?

148
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:44,438
Really?
Comfortably?

149
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,707
Ha! (SOFTLY) Four.

150
00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:49,009
What if they were
under 5 feet tall?

151
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:52,412
Eight people? Wow!
(CHUCKLES)

152
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:56,049
Good luck suing
everyone in town,
Ross, except me,

153
00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:57,651
because we both know
what happened

154
00:06:57,718 --> 00:07:00,253
when you tried
to put your hand
in this cookie jar.

155
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:01,889
You got burnt, son!

156
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:03,724
Everybody knows
that was a bunk ruling.

157
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:06,894
What I know is that a guy who
went to an online law school

158
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,095
couldn't take me down.

159
00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:10,263
That law school is
difficult to get into!

160
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:12,866
Only if you forget
your password!

161
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:15,769
How dare you.

162
00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:19,439
Dad, she said yes!

163
00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:21,742
Yes! You did it!
My boy!

164
00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:24,244
Come on. Oh, wait.
Baller strut. Do it.

165
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:25,679
(CHUCKLES)

166
00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:30,183
Guess who's got a date
for the big dance.

167
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,620
(GASPS) Oh, my God,
that's great, honey!

168
00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:35,222
Yeah, dad told me some
really cool stuff to say.

169
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,190
Was it, "I got to kick you
off school property

170
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:39,159
"because you are smokin'?"

171
00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:40,260
No, I went parking ticket.

172
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:41,895
Oh, that's a good one.
(CHUCKLES)

173
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,597
(CELLPHONE CHIMES)

174
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:46,534
What's wrong, sweetie?
Emma texted me.

175
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,570
Mr. Kirkland says
she's not allowed to go
to the dance with me.

176
00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:51,939
Emma's dad
is Ross Kirkland?

177
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,807
Yeah, and he hates you.

178
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:55,543
To be fair,
a lot of people hate me.

179
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,811
And I'm starting
to understand why!

180
00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:05,285
Allison, I think that was
directed at me.

181
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:15,062
So, because you had to gloat
to Ross Kirkland,

182
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:16,997
Dave lost his very first date?
(SIGHS)

183
00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:19,132
We just don't
like each other.

184
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:22,069
We're like cats and dogs,
Hatfields and Mccoys,

185
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:23,604
my stomach
and your lasagna.

186
00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:26,940
I thought you
loved my lasagna.

187
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,308
Wake up, Allison.

188
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,377
This isn't about you
and your garbage lasagna.

189
00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:32,880
It's about Dave.

190
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:35,448
Why don't you call the guy
and try to make nice with him?

191
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,984
(CHUCKLES) Believe me,
I'd do anything

192
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,920
to take away
Dave's pain, except that.

193
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:42,155
The guy tried
to sue me, Allison.

194
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:44,024
He could've taken away
my livelihood,

195
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:46,326
my reputation,
my Clippers tickets...

196
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,463
Even though
we hardly ever go.
We should go more.

197
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:53,233
I think they're playing
the Pelicans this weekend.

198
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:54,935
What are we
doing Sunday?

199
00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:58,005
Chaperoning a dance
that you ruined for Dave!

200
00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:01,141
Oh, yeah. Come on. Come on.
He's 11. He'll be fine.

201
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,811
Dave said to tell you he's not
coming down for dinner.

202
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:06,680
He doesn't want to eat?
Oh, my God. This is worse
than I thought.

203
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:10,383
No, he wants it brought up
to his room.

204
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:12,285
And he wants extra
barbecue sauce...

205
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:13,854
...doesn't matter
what we're having.

206
00:09:15,723 --> 00:09:18,191
Oh, and he does not
need silverware.

207
00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:28,836
Okay, you guys know Barry,
the hot guy from hot yoga?

208
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,038
Well, he asked
me out this weekend!

209
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:35,008
Yeah, we're going to
a cowboy-themed party.

210
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,477
Ooh.
Are you gonna dress up?

211
00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:40,547
Damona, I dressed up
as Princess Leia

212
00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:41,949
to watch Star Wars...

213
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:46,019
Alone...

214
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,520
On my couch.

215
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,456
(MOUTHING) Okay.

216
00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:52,793
Yeah, I think I'll throw
something together.
Okay.

217
00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:55,729
Anyway, this does mean
that I won't be able to go to
your Presidents' Day party.

218
00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,497
(CLICKS TONGUE)
Oh, that's okay.

219
00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:59,266
And guess what?
It might turn out to be

220
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,702
a Valentine's Day party,
after all.

221
00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:04,337
Topher said there's
a slight chance he might
make an appearance!

222
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:07,340
Oh!
I know! Yay!

223
00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:09,843
I mean, he told me not to get
my hopes up, but too late...

224
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,611
...they're all the
way up here!

225
00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:13,647
Boy, I am fragile!

226
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:18,318
You know what?
This guy, Topher, has jerked
her around long enough.

227
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:19,887
I'm gonna go tell her
he's a chump.

228
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,055
She needs to end this.
No. No!
No, no, no.

229
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,524
You can never tell a friend
that you don't like the
person they're dating.

230
00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:27,360
I don't know
if I can keep biting my
tongue about this guy.

231
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:28,796
Okay, quick story...

232
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,798
My friend, Tony was dating
this guy, Tony,

233
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:33,500
who was always hitting
on guys behind Tony's back.

234
00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:37,170
So, this one time,
Tony and I were hanging out,
watching the Tonys,

235
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:40,273
and I told Tony that
I did not like Tony.

236
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:43,110
(CHUCKLING) Well,
now Tony and Tony are married,

237
00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:46,213
and since that day I have
not seen the Tonys.

238
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,817
The guys,
not the awards.

239
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:53,120
(CHUCKLING)
I would never miss those.

240
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,655
There was nothing quick
about that damn story.

241
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,127
You sure
about this?

242
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:02,529
Trust me...you have to talk
to Emma face-to-face.

243
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:03,964
But dad said I...
Forget about dad.

244
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,933
What has he ever
done for us? Ring it.

245
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,502
(DOORBELL RINGS)

246
00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:11,138
Look at this place.

247
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:13,974
I know. It's like their house
ate our house.

248
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:16,877
Hey, what's up?

249
00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:18,979
Hi.

250
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,248
This is Dave.
Is Emma home?

251
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:22,482
Hi.

252
00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:24,752
Emma!

253
00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:27,620
You guys are
the Parks, right?

254
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,322
Our dad hates your dad.

255
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:30,758
(LAUGHS)

256
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:33,727
Well, our dad
hates your dad.

257
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:35,729
You're tall.

258
00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:41,501
Emma, I know your
dad doesn't want us
to go to the dance together,

259
00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:43,536
but I needed to hear it
from you.

260
00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:45,105
Oh, okay.

261
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:46,840
My dad doesn't want us to go
to the dance together.

262
00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:50,778
Okay,
thank you very much.

263
00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:54,247
Come on, Mol.
To the barbecue sauce store.

264
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,216
Here are the keys.
Drive yourself.

265
00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,318
(KEYS JANGLE)

266
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,423
Uh, he's, like, 10.

267
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:06,393
Oh! (LAUGHS)
Right.

268
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,095
Good call.
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

269
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,363
(ENGINE STARTS)

270
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:12,232
Oh...

271
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:19,572
Oh, Irene,
happy Presidents' Day.

272
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:21,308
On a work-related subject,

273
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:25,078
last night, Damona and I
simply cuddled.

274
00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:27,214
But you should probably also
know how I woke her up
this morning.

275
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,448
Okay, (STUTTERS) that...

276
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:29,917
...she doesn't need
every detail.

277
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,318
I really don't.

278
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,055
Oof-baboof!
Look at this place.

279
00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:37,024
I thought this was
a Valentine's Day party.

280
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,792
No, it's a
Presidents' Day party now.

281
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:40,293
Oh, right.

282
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,395
That's why I got such a sweet
deal on my new mattress.

283
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:47,100
Well, as I understand it,
it's because of some guy
named Topher,

284
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,701
who apparently has
never been told

285
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,437
there's a less douchey
way to shorten the
name, "Christopher."

286
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,105
(LAUGHS)

287
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:53,173
So,
who are you, friend?

288
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,241
Topher!

289
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:57,377
That could have
been awkward.

290
00:12:57,444 --> 00:13:00,247
Hey, did you know
there's a less douchey way
to shorten, "Christopher"?

291
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:03,750
I didn't think
you were coming.

292
00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:06,553
Baby...all I have
is my word.

293
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:07,888
And when that word
is "maybe,"

294
00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:09,722
you got to know
there's a chance I come.

295
00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:12,359
Aww!

296
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,895
And you know I wouldn't leave
you alone on Valentine's Day
for more than most of it.

297
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:17,464
It's Presidents' Day.

298
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:21,534
No.
It's Valentine's Day.

299
00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:23,070
Come on.
I'll get you some cake.

300
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,671
Also, I'm pretty sure I left
my night guard here.

301
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:26,473
Oh, I'll get you
that, too.

302
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:28,341
Thank you, baby. My jaw's been
clicking something fierce.
(CLICKS TONGUE)

303
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:31,912
Are you kidding me?

304
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:35,015
I know. He waltzes
in and gets cake
and a night guard?

305
00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:36,283
What about
the rest of us?

306
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:41,088
One second.
Hey, girl.

307
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,156
Uh, we got
a 911 situation.

308
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:44,858
Topher showed up
to Julie's party.

309
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,493
The...nerve!

310
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:48,595
Oh, my God, though.
Is he cute?

311
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,564
It doesn't matter.
I don't like him.

312
00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:53,800
And I know you told me
don't say anything,

313
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,402
but I've had
two gin and tonics,

314
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:58,638
and everybody knows
that's my talking juice.

315
00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:00,507
That is your talking juice.

316
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,775
Listen to me.
You got to stay strong.

317
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,078
I don't know if I can.
You got to come
help me, Clark.

318
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:07,948
I can't leave now.
They're just about
to start the hayride.

319
00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:10,951
Or as everyone here calls it,
the "hey-ride."

320
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:18,158
(MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS)

321
00:14:19,893 --> 00:14:22,429
(SIGHS) Dave is so bummed.

322
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,197
I can't get him
to stop drinking.

323
00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:28,568
I wish there was
some way to help him.

324
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:30,770
You can fix things
by talking to Ross.

325
00:14:30,837 --> 00:14:33,140
Yeah, stay on the line so I
don't have to talk to anyone.

326
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,441
Beat it.

327
00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:37,710
No.

328
00:14:37,777 --> 00:14:41,414
I'd rather eat a whole
tray of that disaster
you call lasagna.

329
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:43,984
Okay, enough.
That's my
grandmother's recipe.

330
00:14:44,051 --> 00:14:45,718
Who's she mad at?

331
00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:48,155
The point is, you need
to do the right thing.

332
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:51,624
Fine.
Stupid right thing.

333
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:54,161
(EXHALES)
Oh, hang on.
A kid wants some punch.

334
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,096
Hi!

335
00:14:58,298 --> 00:14:59,432
Mmm.

336
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:01,734
No, thank you.

337
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:07,440
Look, I know you and I don't
exactly see eye to eye...

338
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:08,708
No, 'cause
you're fun-size.

339
00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:09,776
Okay.

340
00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:12,779
Here's the thing.
Hmm?

341
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:14,047
You don't like me.
Mmm-mmm.

342
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:16,616
Nobody likes you.
Mmm...

343
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,585
But our kids
like each other.

344
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:22,489
So, let's not let this thing
between us wreck it for them.
(SIGHS)

345
00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:26,059
Fine. They can hang out
with each other.

346
00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:27,694
Great.
Appreciate it.

347
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,997
No problem. I don't mind
being the bigger man.

348
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:34,234
Okay, um, actually,
I came over here.

349
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:37,304
So, technically,
I'm pretty sure that makes
me the bigger man.

350
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:39,339
You'd think,
but that's not how the
bigger man works.

351
00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:40,807
A bigger man
would know that.
Mmm.

352
00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:43,776
Emma,
I know it's forbidden,

353
00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:47,080
but so is ketchup
on sushi, and I do that.

354
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:48,481
Will you
dance with me?

355
00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:55,522
No, the bigger man
suggests letting it go.

356
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:56,889
I'm sorry. I'm just
waiting for your words

357
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:59,392
to finally travel up here,
you are so short.

358
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,294
Hey, idiots.
Look.

359
00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:07,767
Oh, he did it.
All by himself.

360
00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:09,169
Mmm.

361
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,838
(SIGHS)
Hey, uh,
my phone died.

362
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:14,007
Would you mind e-mailing me
that video when you're done?

363
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:16,543
Yes, I would.

364
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:20,180
I will see you
in small-claims court...

365
00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:21,948
(CHUCKLES)
...'cause you
are so small.

366
00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:24,251
I had your Lamborghini
towed, Ross.

367
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,019
What?
(STAMMERS) You did?

368
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:28,455
Out of my way!

369
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:35,262
So,

370
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:37,430
why'd you leave my girl,
Julie, hanging so long
about coming to the party?

371
00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:40,533
I'm not much
of a planner.

372
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,636
You know the saying, "When we
make plans, God laughs"?

373
00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:46,806
But since I don't believe
in God or plans, I guess
I'm the one laughing.

374
00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:48,175
(GIGGLES)

375
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:50,710
Know what I mean,
Deronda?

376
00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:52,412
(CHUCKLES)

377
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:54,514
No, I don't know
what you mean.

378
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,083
You've been on me all night.
Do we have a problem?

379
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:57,684
Yeah, we have a problem.
Julie is my friend,

380
00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,052
and I don't like the way
you treat her.

381
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:00,887
Whoa! Whoa.
We have a different thing.

382
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:03,790
Hang on.
Your name's Deronda?

383
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:09,562
What's going on?

384
00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:10,697
Nothing, babe.
Everything's cool.

385
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,532
No, you know what?
No, no. It's not cool.

386
00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:14,067
Julie, you may hate me
for saying this,

387
00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:16,169
but you are too good to be
on this chump's back burner.

388
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:18,238
There is a quality man out
there that will recognize

389
00:17:18,305 --> 00:17:19,839
how wonderful
you really are.

390
00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:21,241
So, you know what?
Until then,

391
00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:22,842
why don't you go on
and get out of here?

392
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:25,512
My girl doesn't need
a skinny-ass punk like you!

393
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:27,447
Yeah, I said it!

394
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,321
Is that how you feel?

395
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:37,390
You know what?

396
00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:39,292
I think it is.

397
00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:42,329
Come on, Jules.
These people don't look
at life through our lens.

398
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,131
We don't have to see
each other all the time

399
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:46,933
or date "exclusively"
to know that we have
something special.

400
00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:50,237
Actually, we do.

401
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,405
Damona is right.

402
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:54,407
I would rather spend
Valentine's Day alone

403
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:57,344
than pretend I have something
special with you.

404
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:00,680
(CLICKS TONGUE)

405
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,249
Well, if that's
how you feel.

406
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:08,054
Oh, no.

407
00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:09,556
Don't give
me the look.

408
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:11,391
I don't know
what you're talking about,
honey bear.

409
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:16,129
Is he okay?

410
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:17,497
He looks
like a wizard.

411
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:19,299
(PANTING)

412
00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:21,201
I got here
as fast as I could.

413
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:23,002
I jumped off a moving
stagecoach.

414
00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:24,804
It was super dramatic.
You should have seen it.

415
00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:26,038
You would have died.

416
00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:29,442
Who's he?

417
00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:31,544
He's...

418
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,981
He's the reason you're on
my back-burner, Topher.

419
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,284
He's my front burner.

420
00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:39,886
His name is Clark,
and he's a cowboy!

421
00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:46,259
That's right, pardner.
I am.

422
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:52,565
So why don't you...
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

423
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,168
Skedaddle out of here,
so Miss Julie and I...

424
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:57,604
...can get down to it?

425
00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:00,940
Wow.
CLARK: Yeah.

426
00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:04,477
That is what she is going
to be saying a lot!

427
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:06,813
Oh, that was too much.
I felt that.

428
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,147
Hi!
Hi!

429
00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:11,150
Oh! Thank you, guys.

430
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:13,886
Who needs that loser when
I've got friends like you?

431
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:17,957
Well, Irene,

432
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:19,426
this has been quite a night.
Hmm.

433
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,528
If it ends
the way I'm hoping,

434
00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:23,696
well, let's just say...

435
00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:25,532
Check your e-mail
in the morning. (CHUCKLES)

436
00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:27,700
I'm not gonna.

437
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:29,969
Good call, Irene.

438
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,849
You were amazing!
So proud of you.

439
00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:44,116
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

440
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,385
Oh, don't eat that.

441
00:19:45,452 --> 00:19:46,486
We're going to dinner.

442
00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:48,688
Still?
Surprise!

443
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:50,990
I kept our
11:15 reservation.

444
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:53,293
You're gonna love it...

445
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,395
Unless you're in the mood
for one of the specials,
'cause they're out of those.

446
00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:57,129
There's no beef or salad.

447
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:58,898
You can forget
about dessert.
This'll be nice!

448
00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,302
And this guy, huh?

449
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,203
You just made it
happen tonight.

450
00:20:04,271 --> 00:20:05,638
How'd you do it,
baller?

451
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,574
Well, you told me
to be confident.

452
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,708
Ah, thank you.

453
00:20:08,775 --> 00:20:10,877
But then mom told me
to just be myself.

454
00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:13,112
Ah, thank you.

455
00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:15,948
But then molly told me not to
listen to either one of you.

456
00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:20,152
So, I was standing there,
confused,

457
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,655
when I saw another boy
about to dance with Emma.

458
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,624
Then I was
consumed with rage.

459
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:26,058
Then I blacked out.

460
00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:28,895
Next thing I know,
I'm dancing with Emma.
(CHUCKLES)

461
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:32,399
This guy's an animal!
(CHUCKLES)

462
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:35,802
What are you guys
doing home so early?

463
00:20:35,868 --> 00:20:37,604
Who's this?
Uh...

464
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,105
Hi, sir.
I'm Ben.

465
00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:40,573
Uh, Ben...

466
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,008
Ben Voyage.

467
00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:45,778
Ben Voyage?

468
00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:48,981
Why do you and Emma have
different last names?

469
00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:50,750
You're Ross
Kirkland's son?

470
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:53,386
Uh, no, he's...

471
00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:54,921
Go, Ben. Run!

472
00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,225
(CHUCKLES)