1
00:00:04,439 --> 00:00:06,136
Good morning,
cubicle monkeys.

2
00:00:07,833 --> 00:00:10,445
Here are the invitations
for the Welltopia banquet.

3
00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:12,403
Now, due to this frivolous
expenditure,

4
00:00:12,490 --> 00:00:14,144
I'm afraid we're gonna
have to go back
to low-speed internet.

5
00:00:15,972 --> 00:00:18,192
Anybody has a problem
with that, they can email me.

6
00:00:18,279 --> 00:00:20,585
Or if you want
quicker results,
you can write an email,

7
00:00:20,672 --> 00:00:23,240
print it up,
and walk it over
to my office.

8
00:00:23,327 --> 00:00:25,808
Low-speed internet?
Pat, we do tons
of charting online.

9
00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:28,071
You are not the only one
affected by this.

10
00:00:28,158 --> 00:00:29,290
I mean, it's gonna
take me forever

11
00:00:29,377 --> 00:00:31,205
to download my por...
[COUGHING]

12
00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:34,904
Excuse me.
My pornography.

13
00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:38,342
Welltopia banquet?

14
00:00:38,429 --> 00:00:41,171
Yeah, it is turnt up!

15
00:00:41,258 --> 00:00:44,609
Open bar,
both alcohol and taco,

16
00:00:44,696 --> 00:00:48,178
and the best doctor/performer
in the valley doing his thang.

17
00:00:48,265 --> 00:00:50,267
Ken gets up on stage
and makes fun of people.

18
00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:51,703
It's called satire,
Damona.

19
00:00:51,790 --> 00:00:53,140
Yeah, Damona.

20
00:00:53,227 --> 00:00:54,750
He holds a mirror up

21
00:00:54,837 --> 00:00:57,013
to the daily foibles
of the medical profession.

22
00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:59,798
Okay, do near-sighted guy
giving a urine sample.

23
00:00:59,885 --> 00:01:01,148
Okay.

24
00:01:06,588 --> 00:01:08,285
He can't even
see the cup!

25
00:01:18,165 --> 00:01:20,210
Hey.
Where are the kids?

26
00:01:20,297 --> 00:01:21,951
[DOOR SLAMS] Dave's upstairs.
Molly's not home.

27
00:01:22,038 --> 00:01:23,735
Really? Just us?

28
00:01:23,822 --> 00:01:26,173
[CHUCKLES]
Bring it, yeah. [CHUCKLES]

29
00:01:27,304 --> 00:01:28,958
Wait.

30
00:01:29,045 --> 00:01:30,612
What's with your mouth?
What do you got
planned there?

31
00:01:30,699 --> 00:01:31,830
You'll see.

32
00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:37,314
[CLEARS THROAT]

33
00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:40,187
Congrats on still having
a spark and everything,
but yuck.

34
00:01:40,274 --> 00:01:41,710
[DOOR CLOSES]

35
00:01:41,797 --> 00:01:43,364
Okay, get this.

36
00:01:43,451 --> 00:01:46,541
I have to write an essay
on what I want
my career to be.

37
00:01:46,628 --> 00:01:48,673
I'm about the journey,
not the destination.

38
00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:53,635
Look, it's a
school assignment.
You got to do it.

39
00:01:53,722 --> 00:01:55,202
Yeah, everything in life
involves things

40
00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:56,681
you don't want to do. Thank you.

41
00:01:56,768 --> 00:01:58,074
Like in work. Yes.

42
00:01:58,161 --> 00:02:00,903
Or in marriage. What?

43
00:02:00,990 --> 00:02:03,906
But I'm 16.
I don't know what
my calling's gonna be.

44
00:02:03,993 --> 00:02:07,257
Speaking of calling, oh,
it's your homework assignment.

45
00:02:07,344 --> 00:02:09,520
Uh-huh. It says,
"You complete me."

46
00:02:09,607 --> 00:02:10,434
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

47
00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:13,394
You are so not funny.

48
00:02:13,481 --> 00:02:15,744
[LAUGHING]
Yes, he is.

49
00:02:15,831 --> 00:02:18,921
Your dad might be
the funniest primary care
physician in the valley.

50
00:02:19,008 --> 00:02:21,489
You heard your mom.
Funniest person in the world.

51
00:02:24,579 --> 00:02:27,103
And if you're a fan
of my comedy,
and I know I am...

52
00:02:27,190 --> 00:02:29,323
You're gonna love me
at this banquet.

53
00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:32,108
Ooh, fancy.

54
00:02:32,195 --> 00:02:35,633
"This year's guest of honor
is Welltopia's new head
of plastic surgery,

55
00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,809
"Kevin O'Connell."

56
00:02:37,896 --> 00:02:39,768
Oh. "Oh" what?

57
00:02:39,855 --> 00:02:43,032
No, it's just, I think
this is the Kevin O'Connell
I dated in med school.

58
00:02:43,902 --> 00:02:45,339
[LAUGHING] Oh, yeah!

59
00:02:45,426 --> 00:02:48,516
You told me about him.
Kevin O'Irish.

60
00:02:48,603 --> 00:02:50,257
[CHUCKLES]
Kevin O'Pasty face.

61
00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:54,522
[IN IRISH ACCENT]
"Oi, Allison,
you're a fine lass.

62
00:02:54,609 --> 00:02:57,220
"I'd like to take you
down to the cathedral
and buy you some cockles."

63
00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:01,790
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
What? No, it's nothing.

64
00:03:01,877 --> 00:03:05,359
Oh, you're feeling weird
about seeing Kevin McPale,
aren't you?

65
00:03:06,795 --> 00:03:08,536
Yeah, I kind of am.

66
00:03:08,623 --> 00:03:10,712
Oh, come on,
it'll be fine.

67
00:03:10,799 --> 00:03:12,540
And I'm sure
he'll be cool with it, too,

68
00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:14,672
as long as you keep him
away from the whiskey
and women's skirts.

69
00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:16,196
[CHUCKLES]

70
00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:18,198
You know, 'cause Irish guys
wear those plaid skirts.

71
00:03:18,285 --> 00:03:19,982
Or maybe
it's the Scottish.

72
00:03:20,069 --> 00:03:21,549
Don't' worry,
I'll be warmed up
by show time.

73
00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:33,735
Oh, here's my invitation
to the banquet in case
you want to take someone.

74
00:03:33,822 --> 00:03:35,258
Whoa,
you're not going?

75
00:03:35,345 --> 00:03:37,565
No. Big parties
make me nervous.

76
00:03:37,652 --> 00:03:40,611
I am not good
at schmozing.

77
00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,222
Okay, well, you better
get good at it.

78
00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:44,224
You want to specialize
in internal medicine, right?

79
00:03:44,311 --> 00:03:46,835
Yes. I'm all about
what's on the inside...

80
00:03:46,922 --> 00:03:47,966
Yep, don't need
the back story.

81
00:03:49,838 --> 00:03:51,492
Listen, I'm trying
to help you out here.

82
00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:53,494
Your career
will never go anywhere

83
00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:55,104
unless you learn
how to network.

84
00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:58,803
[GROANS]
Okay, fine, I'll go.

85
00:03:58,890 --> 00:03:59,891
Why are you looking out
for me like this?

86
00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:01,066
Black guilt.

87
00:04:04,722 --> 00:04:06,855
Dr. Park, I have a patient
with hypertension...

88
00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:08,639
Ah-dada.
In the middle of something.

89
00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:11,425
So, after
the urine sample bit,

90
00:04:11,512 --> 00:04:13,253
you know, I think
I should go right into the
Christopher walk-in clinic.

91
00:04:15,298 --> 00:04:17,518
[AS CHRISTOPHER WALKEN]
"Yeah, you don't need

92
00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:19,607
"an appointment."

93
00:04:19,694 --> 00:04:21,913
Uncanny. [SIGHS]

94
00:04:26,135 --> 00:04:27,832
Oh, my God.

95
00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:29,965
Oh, my God.

96
00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:31,619
Oh, my God.

97
00:04:34,056 --> 00:04:35,318
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
People, act like
you've been there.

98
00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:36,841
I have never been there.

99
00:04:38,234 --> 00:04:39,583
Can I help you?

100
00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:40,628
Oh, yeah,
I'm looking for Pat Hein.

101
00:04:40,715 --> 00:04:42,194
And you are? Dr. Kevin O'Connell.

102
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,544
Oh, my God!

103
00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:54,816
You're Kevin O'Connell?

104
00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:56,339
I am.

105
00:04:56,426 --> 00:04:59,255
Oh. [LAUGHING]
Funny story.

106
00:04:59,342 --> 00:05:02,040
I... I heard
about this other
Dr. Kevin O'Connell,

107
00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:03,825
but he's Irish.

108
00:05:03,912 --> 00:05:05,957
Well, I was adopted
by Irish parents.

109
00:05:06,044 --> 00:05:08,308
Yeah, but this guy
went to Cornell Med School.

110
00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:09,396
Oh, I went to Cornell.

111
00:05:09,483 --> 00:05:11,485
Yeah, but this guy
dated my wife.

112
00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:13,008
Allison Kurumada.

113
00:05:13,095 --> 00:05:14,792
No way! Alli?

114
00:05:14,879 --> 00:05:16,316
Oh, she's awesome.
How's she doing?

115
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:18,274
[HIGH-PITCHED SQUEAL]

116
00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:22,278
She's good.

117
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,542
She's good.
Because remember,

118
00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:27,065
she was just saying

119
00:05:27,152 --> 00:05:29,764
that this is the happiest
she's been in her entire life.

120
00:05:31,026 --> 00:05:32,070
That's great.

121
00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:35,465
Excuse me.

122
00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:39,339
She dated him
and wound up with you?

123
00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:42,603
How does that poor woman
get out of bed
in the morning?

124
00:05:42,690 --> 00:05:44,518
I wouldn't know, Damona.
I get up earlier.

125
00:05:44,605 --> 00:05:45,736
I'm more
of a morning person.

126
00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:48,913
Mmm-mmm.

127
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,393
Dr. Kevin O'Connell,

128
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,744
I'm Dr. Julie Dobbs,
and I am a huge fan.

129
00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:55,180
Oh, cool, thanks.

130
00:05:55,267 --> 00:05:56,486
You've heard
of him before?

131
00:05:56,573 --> 00:05:57,574
No.

132
00:05:59,184 --> 00:06:00,447
So, um, I was wondering

133
00:06:00,534 --> 00:06:02,274
if you know anything
about hypertension.

134
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,146
I have this patient... Well, well, Julie,

135
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:05,800
I'm your attending
and your mentor.

136
00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:07,018
You should be asking me.

137
00:06:07,105 --> 00:06:08,759
I did,
but you were busy

138
00:06:08,846 --> 00:06:10,761
botching an imitation
of Christopher Walken.

139
00:06:13,198 --> 00:06:14,852
It's an impression.

140
00:06:14,939 --> 00:06:17,899
Uh, besides, Dr. O'Connell
is a plastic surgeon,

141
00:06:17,986 --> 00:06:20,292
so unless your patient
wants giant fake boobs,

142
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,511
I think I can handle it.

143
00:06:21,598 --> 00:06:23,644
[LAUGHING]
He's right.

144
00:06:23,731 --> 00:06:24,775
I'd probably
give the dude breasts.

145
00:06:24,862 --> 00:06:26,690
[LAUGHS]

146
00:06:26,777 --> 00:06:29,867
Self-deprecation
is so attractive.

147
00:06:29,954 --> 00:06:30,738
You don't
have to tell me.

148
00:06:30,825 --> 00:06:32,217
I'm all about
self-deprecating.

149
00:06:32,304 --> 00:06:33,741
Sometimes
it's attractive.

150
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:35,525
[SIGHS]

151
00:06:35,612 --> 00:06:38,180
Give him the max dosage
of captopril, 100 milligrams.

152
00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:40,182
If I may,
I just saw a study.

153
00:06:40,269 --> 00:06:43,054
The max dosage of captopril
is now 450 milligrams.

154
00:06:43,141 --> 00:06:46,362
BOTH: Oh.

155
00:06:46,449 --> 00:06:50,105
450? Where'd you read that,
The Botox Herald?

156
00:06:50,192 --> 00:06:51,411
Uh, The New England
Journal of Medicine.

157
00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:54,196
Oh, the...
The 450 study.

158
00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:56,416
Yeah. Um, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I read that one.

159
00:06:56,503 --> 00:06:57,591
CLARK: Really?

160
00:06:57,678 --> 00:06:59,070
Because usually
when studies come,

161
00:06:59,157 --> 00:07:00,637
you do that thing where
you throw them in the trash

162
00:07:00,724 --> 00:07:01,856
and say,
"I already got the job."

163
00:07:04,946 --> 00:07:06,643
You know,
I read this one in bed,

164
00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:08,906
and I was not impressed.

165
00:07:08,993 --> 00:07:12,736
So, I rolled over
and vigorously made love
to my wife, who was awake.

166
00:07:15,347 --> 00:07:17,741
Right on.
Well, I'm gonna go
find Pat.

167
00:07:17,828 --> 00:07:19,569
Just down the hall
to the left. I love you.

168
00:07:19,656 --> 00:07:20,831
Third door
on the right.

169
00:07:24,226 --> 00:07:25,619
I don't know
why I just did that.

170
00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:34,323
You sure this is okay?

171
00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:35,585
Oh, yeah, she'll be
thrilled to see you.

172
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:37,979
Hey, Allison.

173
00:07:38,066 --> 00:07:40,460
An old friend of yours
was at Welltopia today.

174
00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:42,026
ALLISON: Barb Rutledge?

175
00:07:42,113 --> 00:07:45,203
No! Why do you always
guess Barb Rutledge?

176
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:47,510
ALLISON: I don't know.
We do bump
into her a lot.

177
00:07:47,597 --> 00:07:49,294
Remember at Quiznos...Just get in here!

178
00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:54,212
Oh, my God. Kevin?

179
00:07:54,299 --> 00:07:55,300
Alli?

180
00:07:55,387 --> 00:07:56,650
[CHUCKLES]

181
00:07:59,870 --> 00:08:01,176
You look great.
How have you been?

182
00:08:01,263 --> 00:08:03,134
I've been great. Oh!

183
00:08:06,224 --> 00:08:07,791
Who's the beefcake?

184
00:08:09,532 --> 00:08:13,318
This is Kevin O'Connell,
an old friend of your mom's.

185
00:08:13,405 --> 00:08:16,104
Kevin, this is,
uh, Molly and Dave.

186
00:08:16,191 --> 00:08:18,715
Wait, this is
the guy you dated
in medical school?

187
00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,587
Mom, mad respect.

188
00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:25,026
Wait, so he could've
been our dad?

189
00:08:25,113 --> 00:08:26,723
It doesn't work
that way.

190
00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:28,943
If he was your dad,
you wouldn't be you.

191
00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:30,553
Yeah, I'd be hot me.

192
00:08:32,207 --> 00:08:33,382
Cute kid.

193
00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:35,036
Yeah, cute, not hot.

194
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:39,780
Anyway, Kevin's in town
for the banquet,

195
00:08:39,867 --> 00:08:42,043
so I invited him over
for dinner.

196
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:43,958
[LAUGHING]
Oh, that's so sweet.

197
00:08:44,045 --> 00:08:45,481
I need to see you
in the kitchen.

198
00:08:45,568 --> 00:08:46,787
No, I need to see you
in the kitchen.

199
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:56,231
Wow.

200
00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:58,102
No, no, no.
You don't get
to say wow.

201
00:08:58,189 --> 00:09:00,496
I'm saying wow.
[MOCKINGLY] Wow.

202
00:09:01,845 --> 00:09:03,630
Why the hell
would you bring
him here?

203
00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:06,110
Because
I'm petty and dramatic.

204
00:09:06,197 --> 00:09:07,677
And I wanted to see
the look on your face

205
00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:09,897
when you got caught
in a big fat lie,
and it did not disappoint.

206
00:09:12,290 --> 00:09:14,031
Why didn't you ever tell me
what this guy looked like?

207
00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:15,946
I don't know!
You never asked.

208
00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:18,383
I'm supposed to ask
if a guy named
Kevin O'Connell

209
00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:21,082
happens to be the hottest
Korean guy in the world?

210
00:09:21,169 --> 00:09:23,214
I didn't tell you
because of this.

211
00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:26,478
I knew how you'd react,
and it wasn't worth it.

212
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:30,395
Oh, oh.
I'm not upset about him.
I'm upset about the lie.

213
00:09:30,482 --> 00:09:31,788
You're also upset
about him.

214
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:34,008
Of course
I'm upset about him!

215
00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:35,705
He's Korean Channing Tatum!

216
00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:39,013
Come on,
I'm sure you have an ex

217
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,362
who's more attractive
than you let on.

218
00:09:40,449 --> 00:09:43,583
No! I didn't!

219
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:46,324
I lie to make
myself better.

220
00:09:46,411 --> 00:09:48,544
Remember Karen,
the cute girl
I dated in college?

221
00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:50,241
I totally made her up.

222
00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:52,330
But you said
she dumped you.

223
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,637
I wanted
to make it believable.

224
00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:56,639
Look, I admit
I was wrong not
to tell you about Kevin,

225
00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:59,163
but it was
20 years ago, Ken.

226
00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:01,165
You need to put on
your big-boy pants
and act like a grownup.

227
00:10:01,252 --> 00:10:03,385
[SCOFFS]
This is not the time

228
00:10:03,472 --> 00:10:05,822
to mock my slight frame
and delicate features.

229
00:10:08,782 --> 00:10:10,784
Molly was just telling me
how she wants to be a doctor.

230
00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:12,873
You never said
you wanted to be a doctor.

231
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,702
That was before.
Kevin inspired me.

232
00:10:15,789 --> 00:10:17,181
He's a real role model.

233
00:10:19,662 --> 00:10:21,882
Dad, look.
Kevin helped me
finish the DNA model

234
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:23,274
I asked you
to help me with,

235
00:10:23,361 --> 00:10:25,973
and you said,
"Not now, son.
We'll do it later."

236
00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:27,148
And two years went by.

237
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:32,066
Kevin, this is
so embarrassing,

238
00:10:32,153 --> 00:10:33,371
but we're gonna have
to take a rain check
on dinner.

239
00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:34,764
What?

240
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:37,941
I hope
everything's okay.

241
00:10:38,028 --> 00:10:40,683
Oh, yeah,
it's just my friend,

242
00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:42,206
Barb Rutledge. [CHUCKLES]

243
00:10:42,293 --> 00:10:44,774
We're throwing her
an intervention.

244
00:10:44,861 --> 00:10:46,036
It's paint fumes.

245
00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:47,951
And pot.

246
00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:52,652
[CLEARS THROAT]
She's been huffing...

247
00:10:53,217 --> 00:10:55,219
And puffing.

248
00:10:55,306 --> 00:10:56,656
We're worried she might
blow her house down.

249
00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:00,616
Anyway,
we're really sorry.

250
00:11:00,703 --> 00:11:02,705
Uh, it's all good.

251
00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:04,533
You know, gives me a chance
to hit the gym,
grab a workout.

252
00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:06,143
Yeah, that's clearly
what you need.

253
00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:10,017
Catch you guys
at the banquet tomorrow?

254
00:11:10,104 --> 00:11:11,801
It was good seeing
you again, Alli. [CHUCKLES]

255
00:11:29,732 --> 00:11:32,866
Why is "comedy"
in quotes?

256
00:11:32,953 --> 00:11:34,302
Yeah, that's what
everyone's looking at.

257
00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:38,567
Hey, you two look great.

258
00:11:38,654 --> 00:11:40,482
I feel great

259
00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:42,614
for someone
who's been lied to
for the past 20 years.

260
00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:46,053
Glad you found a tux
that fit a big, fat baby.

261
00:11:48,098 --> 00:11:50,274
Okay, your small talk
leaves something
to be desired.

262
00:11:58,195 --> 00:11:59,196
Hi. Ooh!

263
00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:02,460
Wow.

264
00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:04,071
I told you
I'm terrible
at networking.

265
00:12:04,158 --> 00:12:06,421
It's okay, I got you.

266
00:12:06,508 --> 00:12:08,336
Um, okay,
don't look now.

267
00:12:08,423 --> 00:12:10,425
11 o' clock, it's the chief
of internal medicine.

268
00:12:10,512 --> 00:12:13,167
Great.
I will be back
in three hours.

269
00:12:13,254 --> 00:12:14,385
What? No.

270
00:12:14,472 --> 00:12:16,518
[CHUCKLES]
The blond by the bar.

271
00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:17,649
Talk to him.

272
00:12:18,476 --> 00:12:20,000
[SIGHS] God, okay.

273
00:12:21,436 --> 00:12:22,959
Here I go.

274
00:12:23,046 --> 00:12:24,700
Need four gin and tonics
for table six.

275
00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:30,053
Hi.
I'm Dr. Julie Dobbs.

276
00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:31,925
Austin.

277
00:12:32,012 --> 00:12:33,317
Can I get you something?

278
00:12:33,404 --> 00:12:36,364
Oh, that's so nice of you.
No, I'm fine.

279
00:12:36,451 --> 00:12:37,582
Augh. [CHUCKLES]

280
00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:40,890
Um...

281
00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:45,286
So, uh, what do
you like to do
when you're not at work?

282
00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:48,419
Um, I play bass
in a garage band.

283
00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:49,290
I like to snowboard.

284
00:12:49,377 --> 00:12:51,335
Oh! Me too.

285
00:12:51,422 --> 00:12:52,597
Really?No.

286
00:12:54,469 --> 00:12:56,819
Okay,
I'm really not good
at this whole thing.

287
00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:58,168
I just...

288
00:12:58,255 --> 00:12:59,996
Austin, I just
wanted to say

289
00:13:00,083 --> 00:13:02,259
that I would love to work
for you one day.

290
00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:03,521
Really?Yeah.

291
00:13:03,608 --> 00:13:06,002
And if you let me,

292
00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:07,787
you would see
that no one works as hard
or wants it more than I do.

293
00:13:10,485 --> 00:13:11,529
Word.

294
00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:12,617
Thank you so much.

295
00:13:12,704 --> 00:13:14,271
No big. Peace.

296
00:13:15,185 --> 00:13:16,099
Peace.

297
00:13:18,928 --> 00:13:19,799
How did it go?

298
00:13:21,104 --> 00:13:22,627
Really well.

299
00:13:22,714 --> 00:13:24,455
For the first time,

300
00:13:24,542 --> 00:13:26,588
I feel like I took
a big step forward
in my career, you know?

301
00:13:26,675 --> 00:13:28,242
Aww. See?

302
00:13:28,329 --> 00:13:29,417
Aww.

303
00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:31,811
So good.

304
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:33,987
Come. Sit.

305
00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:35,684
Oh, there they are.
[CHUCKLES]

306
00:13:35,771 --> 00:13:37,207
Oh, Alli, how'd it go
with your friend Barb?

307
00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:40,167
Oh, she's fine.

308
00:13:40,254 --> 00:13:41,908
She's...in the army now.

309
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,650
Oh, cool.

310
00:13:45,737 --> 00:13:47,435
Uh, Ken, man,
I am pumped to see
your skits tonight.

311
00:13:47,522 --> 00:13:49,480
Yeah, thanks, buddy.

312
00:13:49,567 --> 00:13:50,786
Will you excuse me?

313
00:13:54,529 --> 00:13:56,226
He just referred
to what I do as "skits".

314
00:13:56,313 --> 00:14:00,927
Oh, my God,
what a gorgeous idiot.

315
00:14:01,014 --> 00:14:04,060
They're not skits.
They're biting
satirical commentary.

316
00:14:04,147 --> 00:14:05,409
He just crossed the line.

317
00:14:05,496 --> 00:14:07,411
Wait,
that crossed a line?

318
00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:09,892
Not that he
upstaged you at work
or pleasured your wife.

319
00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:12,764
Who said
he pleasured her?

320
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,375
Oh, yeah.

321
00:14:14,462 --> 00:14:15,855
Yeah, I'm sure
that must've been
a pretty grim slog.

322
00:14:21,512 --> 00:14:24,254
Welcome, everyone.
Uh, just a quick announcement.

323
00:14:24,341 --> 00:14:28,606
Seems we've all gone
a little scan-happy
with the new MRI machine.

324
00:14:28,693 --> 00:14:30,565
Remember,
that's very expensive
to operate,

325
00:14:30,652 --> 00:14:32,697
so when it comes
to diagnosing patients,

326
00:14:32,784 --> 00:14:35,570
let's not discount the value
of good, old-fashioned...

327
00:14:35,657 --> 00:14:36,876
guesswork.

328
00:14:39,530 --> 00:14:42,533
Now, if you could all
feign interest
in a brief video tribute

329
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:45,275
to this year's honoree,
Dr. Kevin O'Connell.

330
00:14:48,844 --> 00:14:50,193
It just happens.
It just...

331
00:14:52,761 --> 00:14:53,980
What are you doing?

332
00:14:54,067 --> 00:14:55,851
All of the old stuff is out.

333
00:14:55,938 --> 00:14:58,636
Tonight is Operation
Shred Kevin O'Connell,

334
00:14:58,723 --> 00:15:01,117
which is my way
of saying I'm gonna
shred Kevin O'Connell.

335
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,294
Now help me think
of his flaws.

336
00:15:04,381 --> 00:15:06,122
[EXHALES DEEPLY]

337
00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:08,559
Oh, this is good.

338
00:15:08,646 --> 00:15:12,346
Do you happen to know
if he's punctual?

339
00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:16,045
Because, you know,
if not, that can be
mildly annoying.

340
00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:20,267
Oh, who am I kidding?

341
00:15:20,354 --> 00:15:21,094
No one would mind
waiting five minutes
for that.

342
00:15:22,834 --> 00:15:23,879
Whose side are you on?

343
00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:25,315
Yours, always.

344
00:15:25,402 --> 00:15:27,143
[GASPS]

345
00:15:27,230 --> 00:15:29,015
Did he say something
about wanting me
on his side?

346
00:15:30,407 --> 00:15:32,192
I can't stand that guy!

347
00:15:32,279 --> 00:15:35,369
He's not even a real doctor.
He's just a plastic surgeon.

348
00:15:35,456 --> 00:15:39,851
His whole world
is just nips and noses,
lips and butts.

349
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,158
My work isn't about
restoring appearance.

350
00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:43,943
It's about restoring dignity.

351
00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:47,076
NARRATOR:
After the earthquake,

352
00:15:47,163 --> 00:15:50,123
Dr. O'Connell
rushed to Haiti
to help the children.

353
00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:52,647
KEVIN:
When a child sees a reflection

354
00:15:52,734 --> 00:15:54,257
and the physical scars
are healing,

355
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,913
well, maybe then

356
00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,567
the emotional ones
can begin to heal, as well.

357
00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:04,311
You notice
how he's always
rubbing his shoulder?

358
00:16:04,398 --> 00:16:05,399
[CHUCKLES]

359
00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:07,792
Dude, you're ripped.
We get it.

360
00:16:07,879 --> 00:16:10,926
"Oh, look at me,
I have discernible shoulders.

361
00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:14,408
"When I put on a backpack,
it doesn't just slide off."

362
00:16:14,495 --> 00:16:16,453
Wait, is that why
you never wear
a backpack?

363
00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:19,021
That and if it's too heavy,
I fall backwards, okay?

364
00:16:20,849 --> 00:16:22,720
But I can work with this.
He's shoulder-proud.

365
00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:24,331
Nobody likes that.

366
00:16:24,418 --> 00:16:28,639
[CHUCKLES]
"Shoulder...proud."

367
00:16:28,726 --> 00:16:31,686
NARRATOR:
As Dr. O'Connell ran out
of the crumbling building,

368
00:16:31,773 --> 00:16:33,905
carrying the two children
to safety,

369
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:37,648
the roof collapsed,
shattering his shoulder.

370
00:16:37,735 --> 00:16:39,520
But not the puppy
cradled beneath it.

371
00:16:41,609 --> 00:16:43,132
KEVIN: You know,
shoulders can be replaced.

372
00:16:44,046 --> 00:16:45,265
Lives can't.

373
00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:48,964
[APPLAUSE]

374
00:16:49,051 --> 00:16:50,183
[CHEERS]

375
00:16:52,837 --> 00:16:53,838
Wow.

376
00:16:53,925 --> 00:16:55,362
[APPLAUSE]

377
00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:57,799
Okay, hot crowd.
Hot crowd!

378
00:16:57,886 --> 00:16:59,148
[LAUGHS]

379
00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:00,323
Whoo! Yeah. Go, go, go.

380
00:17:00,410 --> 00:17:01,672
Wow, there really
is just nothing there.

381
00:17:01,759 --> 00:17:04,458
Okay.

382
00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:07,678
Wow, that is
some inspiring stuff.

383
00:17:07,765 --> 00:17:10,116
Oh, I just...
I would not want
to have to follow that.

384
00:17:12,161 --> 00:17:15,295
Up next,
the comedy stylings
of Dr. Ken Park.

385
00:17:15,382 --> 00:17:16,687
[LIGHT APPLAUSE]

386
00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:18,341
[LAUGHS] Whoo!

387
00:17:18,428 --> 00:17:19,560
[BARKS]

388
00:17:19,647 --> 00:17:20,778
[LAUGHS]

389
00:17:20,865 --> 00:17:22,911
So, let's get into it.

390
00:17:22,998 --> 00:17:26,480
How about our honoree,
Dr. Snip and Tuck?

391
00:17:26,567 --> 00:17:27,350
Oh!

392
00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:30,527
Hey, nothing annoying

393
00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:32,877
about how he rubs
his shoulder so much.

394
00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:35,315
We get it, Kev,
you go to the gym.

395
00:17:35,402 --> 00:17:36,968
I guess he needs
those strong shoulders

396
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,840
to haul those giant bags
of boob juice

397
00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:40,059
into everyone's chest.
[LAUGHS]

398
00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:43,627
Boob juice?

399
00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:49,372
Um...

400
00:17:51,374 --> 00:17:52,941
Okay, who likes
impressions?

401
00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:56,988
Me too.

402
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,686
Um, uh,
this is my impression

403
00:17:58,773 --> 00:18:01,080
of one of Dr. O'Connell's
patients at a funeral.

404
00:18:05,171 --> 00:18:10,306
"I so sad."

405
00:18:10,393 --> 00:18:12,221
Oh, because
their skin is so tight
that all they can do is...

406
00:18:12,308 --> 00:18:13,527
I got some others. Um...

407
00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:18,227
Uh, I mean,
there are pimps out there

408
00:18:18,314 --> 00:18:20,534
who haven't cut
as many faces as
that guy, am I right?

409
00:18:21,317 --> 00:18:22,318
[LAUGHS]

410
00:18:24,451 --> 00:18:25,452
[COUGHS]

411
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:27,454
Come on.

412
00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:29,151
That guy's
raised more eyebrows

413
00:18:29,238 --> 00:18:31,849
than an interracial couple
in 1957!

414
00:18:31,936 --> 00:18:33,068
[LAUGHS]

415
00:18:35,070 --> 00:18:36,463
Uh, you know, it's okay
to laugh, everyone.

416
00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:38,943
I don't mind.
Laughter is the
best medicine.

417
00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:40,206
[LIGHT LAUGHTER]

418
00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:44,340
Of course
he's prescribing laughter.

419
00:18:44,427 --> 00:18:46,255
Tomorrow
he'll charge you five grand

420
00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:47,996
to blast your own ass fat
into those laugh lines.

421
00:18:48,823 --> 00:18:50,085
[LAUGHING]

422
00:18:51,956 --> 00:18:54,437
Hey, do Mr. T-cell!

423
00:18:54,524 --> 00:18:56,439
Aw, it's kind of dated.

424
00:18:56,526 --> 00:18:58,267
I pity the fool who don't
respect my immune system!

425
00:18:58,354 --> 00:18:59,529
[GRUNTS]

426
00:18:59,616 --> 00:19:01,183
[LAUGHTER]

427
00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:04,273
If your urine tastes
like lemonade concentrate,

428
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,667
you might be a diabetic.

429
00:19:06,754 --> 00:19:08,669
[LAUGHING]

430
00:19:08,756 --> 00:19:11,019
That's all my time.
See you next year!

431
00:19:11,106 --> 00:19:12,238
[CHEERS]

432
00:19:12,325 --> 00:19:13,282
[APPLAUSE]

433
00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:21,638
Thanks.For what?

434
00:19:21,725 --> 00:19:23,292
Well, I was
dying up there.

435
00:19:23,379 --> 00:19:25,033
Even though
you were pissed at me,
you laughed anyway.

436
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:26,730
Bailed me out.

437
00:19:26,817 --> 00:19:28,732
I wasn't bailing you out.
You were funny.

438
00:19:28,819 --> 00:19:30,778
Look, I know
I was a jerk about Kevin.

439
00:19:30,865 --> 00:19:32,258
I'm sorry.

440
00:19:32,345 --> 00:19:34,173
Yeah, you really
outdid yourself.

441
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:36,087
I couldn't help it.

442
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,959
Just thinking
about you with that guy

443
00:19:38,046 --> 00:19:40,266
made me feel like
the lonely, insecure doctor
I was when we met.

444
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:43,443
Well, I get that.

445
00:19:43,530 --> 00:19:45,793
I guess sometimes
I was jealous of Karen.

446
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,012
You know,
before I found out
she wasn't real.

447
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,799
Ken,
he has nothing on you.

448
00:19:51,886 --> 00:19:54,280
I mean,
he is charming.

449
00:19:54,367 --> 00:19:55,194
Yeah, I don't see it.

450
00:19:57,674 --> 00:19:59,676
And attractive.

451
00:19:59,763 --> 00:20:01,939
It's a very
specific look.

452
00:20:02,026 --> 00:20:03,724
But there was no spark.

453
00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:05,726
Dating a guy like Kevin

454
00:20:05,813 --> 00:20:07,336
made me realize
I didn't want
someone perfect.

455
00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:10,034
I wanted you.

456
00:20:10,121 --> 00:20:13,386
Oh, babe, that is so close
to being a compliment.

457
00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:15,126
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

458
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:18,260
Besides, I could
never end up with
someone like him.

459
00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:19,435
He's kind of pretentious.

460
00:20:19,522 --> 00:20:21,698
[LAUGHS] Kind of?

461
00:20:21,785 --> 00:20:25,528
"Look at me, I save lives
and can wear a backpack."

462
00:20:25,615 --> 00:20:28,923
"Look at me,
I restore dignity and
can do a million sit-ups."

463
00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:30,011
[LAUGHS]

464
00:20:30,098 --> 00:20:31,839
"Look at me,

465
00:20:31,926 --> 00:20:33,406
"I suffer from
an embarrassing
sexual dysfunction."

466
00:20:34,450 --> 00:20:35,495
No?

467
00:20:43,851 --> 00:20:45,200
Here's your dessert. Oh.

468
00:20:45,287 --> 00:20:46,462
And an application.

469
00:20:46,549 --> 00:20:47,855
What?

470
00:20:47,942 --> 00:20:50,466
Get it in quick,
you can work a bar mitzvah
this Sunday.

471
00:20:50,553 --> 00:20:53,077
Oh, Julie,
you're such an idiot.

472
00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:54,818
Hey, cut that out.

473
00:20:54,905 --> 00:20:56,646
At least
you put yourself
out there.

474
00:20:56,733 --> 00:20:59,736
You shouldn't be upset.
You should be celebrating.

475
00:20:59,823 --> 00:21:02,826
You're right.
Thanks, Damona.

476
00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:04,698
Uh, waiter, two glasses
of champagne

477
00:21:04,785 --> 00:21:06,134
for me and my friend.

478
00:21:06,221 --> 00:21:07,527
Excuse me?

479
00:21:07,614 --> 00:21:08,963
I'm the chief
of thoracic surgery.

480
00:21:10,007 --> 00:21:11,487
Okay.

481
00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:13,228
Yeah, maybe you should
fill this out.

482
00:21:13,315 --> 00:21:15,099
Yeah.

483
00:21:15,186 --> 00:21:16,840
I'm sorry to bug you guys.

484
00:21:16,927 --> 00:21:18,059
I've had a little
too much to drink,

485
00:21:18,146 --> 00:21:20,409
and my judgment's
kind of impaired.

486
00:21:20,496 --> 00:21:21,497
Can one of you guys
give me a ride home?

487
00:21:23,194 --> 00:21:24,326
I'll do it! I got it!

488
00:21:24,413 --> 00:21:25,545
No, no, no, no!
I got it!

489
00:21:25,632 --> 00:21:27,242
[INDISTINCT ARGUING]