Australia's best days are ahead of us...
We live in the best country in the world...
No asterisks, no footnotes...
From road to rail and in the air...
We are in the age of infrastructure...
The dawn of a new era...
The great Australian dream... To build a better future...
Record investments.
We're spending more than any government has ever spent...
Money splashed around... Splash more cash...
The cash splash... The cash splash...
It's big money in anyone's language...
This is a nation-building... Nation building...
Nation building...
WOMAN: (ON RADIO) It has to be like two years since they started.
MAN: This is the Bendigo Rail link? Yeah.
For something that's supposed to be high speed,
they're going bloody slow.
Thanks, Jill. More calls after the break.
Plus our secret sound! (RIPPING NOISE)
So, thoughts?
I reckon it's sticky tape. One caller?
I could play you a dozen. They're not happy.
It's talkback radio. No-one's happy. Socials are even worse.
We don't need to hear someone's tweets.
Beg to differ. This rail upgrade of yours is really dragging on.
First, not mine.
Second, it's a major project.
152km of rail has to be upgraded.
We've lost Jill. Is this coming from the minister?
He's concerned about not delivering on a promise.
The construction authority IS delivering,
but these things take time.
Is there something the minister could do now to show progress?
Such as? Could he turn the first sod?
He did that three years ago.
The second sod?
We'll put the first one back. Here's an idea, Rhonda.
How about we let everyone just finish the thing?
How long? 18 months.
Jill's back on line one and you know what she says?
Sticky tape.
"Too slow."
Ash, have you got a mo...
When did you get that? Picked it up yesterday.
Oh. Is it good? Fantastic.
10 minutes to work. No parking problems.
I'm getting fit. How are you getting fit?
It's got a motor. I'm standing up.
Core strength. Right.
Have you got a moment to have a look at this?
It's our latest bank statement.
This figure here, 6.99.
What's it for?
That's the thing. I can't work it out.
Is it a one-off? No.
It appears to be monthly. Hmm.
That happened to my sister.
Someone from overseas was taking like $10
out of her account every month.
In the end, she had to get the bank to block it.
Was it hackers?
She was sponsoring a child. Just forgot.
Could we be sponsoring a child?
No.
Get on to it. World Vision?
The bank.
In the last five years,
has the nature or scope of your role changed significantly?
No.
Have you been exposed to or in contact with
any hazardous materials?
Does this almond latte count?
In the last 12 months... Seriously, how much more to go?
About six. Questions?
Pages. What?
And you have to answer every one fully, truthfully and accurately.
So what's wrong with my current insurance policy?
It's in your contract. You have to update it every five years.
Keep going. In the last 12 months,
have you been required to work with firearms, explosives,
radioactive materials, incendiary devices,
or other life-endangering equipment?
No. What about our team-building day?
That was paintballing. You got a bruise.
Really? I better tick 'haematoma'.
Oh! Nat? Yeah?
Beverly needs to see you now.
Why? Not sure.
In the pod.
What's Beverly doing? No, actually, let's keep going.
Beverly. Rhonda.
Ah. Please, have a seat.
RHONDA: We've got a bit of a disaster.
Uh...got a bit of an issue.
She said disaster. Nothing we can't handle.
We've got people and processes in place,
and I'm confident of finding a satisfactory outcome.
Guys, sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Maybe this will jog your memory. There's your disaster.
That was like six years ago. Still cultural appropriation.
What were you thinking?
It was our office Christmas party.
I was thinking, "How much longer am I stuck here for?"
Let's just put it down to a grave lapse of judgement.
Why are we even talking about this?
Clearly you haven't checked our Twitter feed.
Has someone posted this?
It's been trending since last night.
Various hashtags - dress code, disgrace, public disservice...
Hate crime. Hate... It was a Christmas party.
Mexican themed. Nachos, margaritas.
Your karaoke was Despacito.
OK, Nat. I suggest we sit tight,
monitor the situation over the next 24 hours.
Pray for some sort of natural disaster or celebrity sex tape.
In the meantime, I recommend you stay off social media.
I'm not on social media.
Oh, well...keep your head down.
Preferably not under a sombrero.
Nat. Brad.
Morning, Nat. Ash.
I rang the bank about that monthly charge.
What happened to your fingers? Just a bit of a scrape.
On the E-scooter? Tree branch.
Anyway, I rang the bank and asked them about that 6.99.
They said, "It's nothing to do with us."
What? It's their bank.
But it's an externally authorised payment.
Goes through our credit card. That's ridiculous.
Good news, though. We now have a personal customer services manager.
She'd love to have a chat with you about
"broadening our relationship".
We don't have a relationship. Would you like one?
I'd like to know where that 6.99 is going.
Got it. Ow!
(ON RADIO) For something that's supposed to be high speed,
they're going bloody slow.
Thanks, Jill. More calls after the break.
Plus our secret sound! (RIPPING NOISE)
God knows what's been happening since.
I've been listening. And?
No-one's got it yet. It's jackpotted.
Bryce? Mmm...
So, this rail upgrade of yours... Yeah, not mine.
..seems to be dragging on.
It's actually on schedule, Bryce.
It was always gonna be a five-year project.
OK. Yeah. So I think I see the problem.
We haven't told the story.
What story? Of this grand endeavour.
A high-speed rail link of city meets country.
Bravo. Yeah.
They said it couldn't be done. Tony said it shouldn't be done.
We had our doubters. Mainly Tony.
That's because the cost/benefit ratio...
But we proved them wrong.
Oh, he's good.
That's the story we need to be telling.
And now we've got a villain.
Yeah, I don't care what story you want to tell,
nothing's going to change the fact that the project
is a year and a half away from completion.
Well, then we just need a new narrative.
No, we just need time. Tony, if things don't speed up,
this could look like a white elephant.
Oh, is that the story? What?
You know, like a kids' story.
"Nobody liked the little white elephant."
Leave it with me.
Any mental health problems? Depression, anxiety...?
No. You look uptight.
Yeah. I just had a meeting with Bryce.
So, no mood disorders or phobias? No.
You don't like coriander. I'm not frightened by it.
So it's a mild phobia? No.
I'll put it down as anxiety-producing herbs.
Any history of bipolar disorder or psychiatric episodes?
No. Eating disorders?
No. Should I mention the coriander?
Sorry to interrupt. Any news?
So we think we found out what happened.
Is this about the photo? Mm-hm.
It popped up on Courtney's Facebook Memories page.
That's linked to a WhatsApp group.
And then someone in a different thread must have taken a screengrab
and then Snapchatted it.
I got photo... Yeah. it's going off on Twitter.
How many people? 56.
Well, that's not so bad. Thousand.
Katie, have you seen anything on Facebook?
My aunty's in Italy.
I meant our Facebook page.
I'll check it out. (PHONE BLEEPS)
And I'd stay off Instagram.
Now you're both looking uptight.
Thanks. I'll let her know.
Nat. Yeah?
You OK? Just a tumble.
Tree root? Tree. I was getting lunch.
I think that scooter might be too dangerous.
I'm just getting used to it.
Anyway, we got a call back from the bank.
Our customer services manager wanted to apologise.
Yeah? She forgot to mention
they're running a seminar on better investing.
She meant to personally invite you.
What about the fee? I think it's free.
The 6.99.
Oh, I'm still chasing that.
Ow.
VOICEOVER: Life is defined by journeys.
Journeys to places we never dreamt we'd be.
Some see nothing but dirt.
Others see horizons.
But our children see the future.
Alright. Thoughts? Questions?
I've got one. What's it for?
It wasn't clear? Aftershave?
Yeah, and is the old bloke supposed to be the kid grown up?
The minister was a little confused about that too.
It's just a thought starter.
Here is another concept that came out of our ideation session.
Huh? (CHUCKLES) What do you think?
Site branding? Mm-hm.
Along the entire length of the new track.
One sign every kilometre.
That's 150km of signage.
It's 150km of hope.
Inspiring people with something they can see.
From a replacement bus.
What are you going to have on those signs?
The old guy and the kid.
We've got a few ideas.
Let's see.
"Getting the job done."
Love it. Mm-hm.
"Full speed ahead." Nice.
How about "All aboard"? Oh, even better.
Thomas the Tank Engine.
You're going to dig this one.
"Fast rail - coming next year."
I'm not sure I'd put a date on it. He hasn't.
It'll always be "next year".
How about... I love this one.
"Imagine - Melbourne to Bendigo in just 30 minutes."
30 minutes? You can't. He said "imagine".
I think Bryce is on the right track.
"Right track"!
That's fire. Really?
We're trying to tell a story.
The Little White Elephant That Could.
What are you doing?
We're trying to build a railway.
We need something now.
"White privilege", "tone deaf", "punching down", "love her lipstick".
It's not looking good.
I was hoping that we could just lie low, starve this thing of oxygen.
So what do we do now? You'll have to apologise.
Seriously? No other option.
But who is actually offended?
Twitter is outraged.
Instagram is livid.
Facebook's furious.
And I think we can assume TikTok is ropeable.
But what about the Mexican community?
What's the connection?
Shouldn't we find out how they feel?
I wouldn't bring them into it.
Aren't we apologising to them?
I think social media is more pressing.
What do I say?
Simple statement expressing regret.
The key is your apology has to be sincere.
Come from the heart.
OK.
I've drafted one for you.
(HOLD MUSIC PLAYS)
MAN: We apologise for this delay.
We know you're busy and appreciate your patience.
One of our friendly customer team members will be with you shortly.
For more information, log on to...
WOMAN: Are you there? Yes.
Thanks for bearing with me.
I've just checked our records.
The debit payment was set by Roger Maxfield.
Oh, yeah, one of our original bookkeepers.
Unfortunately, I need to speak with him before giving details.
He's still here.
I'll just grab him.
Rog!
Mr Maxfield, can you speak to our credit card provider?
G'day. Corker of a day!
Is that Mr Roger Maxfield?
Call me Rog.
Are you happy to authorise Miss Russell to discuss these payments?
Yep, you betcha.
Go for it, sport.
Thank you for that. If you could just put me back to Natalie.
Sure. There you go, darlin'.
Um, so, that 6.99?
It's actually nothing to do with us.
You're our credit card issuer.
But we don't handle periodic payments.
You'll need to contact the billing agency.
Right. Thanks for your time.
This is getting ridiculous.
You still need me? No.
What about Rog? Definitely not.
Argh!
It's sure dragging on.
And with the cost of petrol, we could really do with that train.
MAN: No idea what these clowns are doing,
but we're stuck doing the daily commute.
For all the talk, we're not seeing much action.
It's just another big promise they failed to do.
OK, OK. I think we've seen enough, yeah.
We need to do something.
What about the ad?
Oh, yeah. Was the young child supposed to be the old man?
Minister, it's simple.
People need to hear a story.
And the story is we're getting the job done.
Right. When we launched this thing, there was so much positivity.
Goodwill. Mmm. Like the start of a good book.
And what happened?
This is the challenge with all major projects.
The announcements are always gonna be blue sky, but once you start...
So what you're saying is we need a new announcement.
No, not exac... Some sort of project milestone.
It's 817 days since we started.
I think our story needs a new plot.
Here's the ending - "Project completed".
Now, that has bestseller written all over it.
(CHUCKLES) (OTHERS CHUCKLE)
Very good.
Minister, if I can just explain the timeline that we're...
Oh, and we're back in the remainder bin.
We are on schedule.
We'll have the new track fully laid in the next 12 months.
The first of our Velocita trains are almost ready for testing.
We're ahead of time on the station. Hang on.
What was that about the trains? They're being manufactured.
They're ready to go? No.
You said ready. I heard it too.
Yeah. I said ALMOST ready for testing.
Well, that sounds like a milestone to me.
"The first train makes its epic maiden voyage."
No. What a story.
Yeah, well, it's fiction. But based on true events.
I'd buy it. A real page-turner.
How quickly can you put something together?
Uh... With a train?
Uh...
This is insane.
Just deep, regular breaths.
Are you having a heart attack? No, I'm having a medical.
It's one train. On a line that's yet to be completed.
So find a section that's finished.
We'll get our train to pull into a station,
minister gets off, hardhats and handshakes.
He's happy, media's happy, Jill's happy,
and they all live happily ever after.
Well? Do I get a choice?
Not a Choose Your Own Adventure.
I'll make some calls.
Correct answer.
How am I doing?
Better since she left.
Hang on.
That's the secret sound.
Hey, can you call Doug for me? Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Let him know we need to see him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A bit of a breakthrough.
I took this transaction ID from a bank statement
and did a search.
There. NFH.
National Food Holdings.
Who the hell are they? Ah. This is interesting.
The amount first started showing up a few years ago in April.
I went back through our general accounts...
What happened?! Oh, it's nothing.
You're in a knee brace. You've got to stop riding that thing.
I wasn't riding. I tripped over the charging cord.
Take a look.
It was the same month we got our new vending machines.
Do you think it's something to do with them?
Yes. Great. Give them a call.
Get rid of the fee. I did.
And? They said their billing charges
are outsourced to a third-party agency
and that it's... "Nothing to do with us".
Then why are you smiling? Not sure.
Could be the pain medication.
TONY: Thanks for taking the time, by the way, Doug.
Sure. Everything alright? Yeah, yeah.
Just a quick query on the regional rail line.
This section here... Is there a problem?
No, no, I just want to check on something.
You've completed the upgrade to the track on this section?
Pretty much. Woodend to Kyneton.
So if we wanted to get a locomotive to go from...
Sorry - when are we talking? Now-ish.
You want to start services? Limited.
It's not finished.
Yeah, it is from there to there.
Right. How many trains a day? One.
How many days a week? Just one.
One train a week?
No, just one train, once, one way.
Who's going to use it? Oh, some dignitaries.
Why would they want to do that? It's a long story.
Inspired by actual events. Yeah...
The point is, if we got a locomotive there...
Yeah. ..and we lifted it onto the tracks...
Yeah. ..and pointed it that way,
it could...?
It would be doable. Yeah.
Our little white elephant.
Why don't we just try one for rehearsal?
I'm Natalie Russell, and I'd like to take this opportunity
to speak about a photograph that I deeply regret.
Should we show it? What?
The photo. So people know what you deeply regret.
I think we're good. Let's keep going.
I acknowledge without reservation
the very real damage my actions may have caused,
the hurt, the offence, the loss of socio-emotional wellbeing.
Sorry, Nat, I think you need to be looking
a little bit more remorseful.
What was I looking? Confused.
What is socio-emotional wellbeing?
You sound stilted. Like you're reading.
I am reading. Let's go another take.
Sorry, we still haven't checked this
with a single member of the Mexican community.
Beverly says it's best we keep them out of it.
Can I try a more natural version without the cards?
OK. Give it a go.
(CLEARS THROAT) I'm Nat Russell.
I'd like to take this opportunity
to speak about an image that surfaced on social media.
If I've offended anyone, I... Can't say "if".
She's right. Now, they will tear you apart.
They're already tearing me apart.
Just keep going.
Nice and naturale.
I acknowledge without reservation
the very real hurt our actions might have caused.
Can't say "might". Seriously?
She's right.
Tony. Yeah?
The insurance people rang about your asthma management plan.
I don't have asthma.
But we said you did on the form.
As a 7-year-old. Right.
It's just that they need a statement from the consulting physician.
The consulting... It was the family doctor. He'll be over 90 years old.
I'll let them know. OK.
What's this? What's he doing?
It's a cardiac stress test.
What's he got to be stressed about? You tell me, Rhonda.
So we've got our train? With a bunch of caveats.
That's fine.
Due to the fact that the track has not been fully tested,
our train, the Bendigo Bolter, cannot exceed 30km an hour.
All the level crossings will have to stay down
for the entirety of the trip.
Whatever. There's more.
For safety reasons, the rail union
is insisting on two drivers in the cabin.
Point is... Not finished.
We're going to have to road freight the, uh...
Whew.
Keep going. I'm just getting my breath back.
You're doing well. Yeah.
We're going to have to road freight the locomotive
from the manufacturing site in Adelaide.
The highway will have to be shut due to the overdimensional size.
Then the heavy haulage crane will move in
and lift the locomotive onto the track.
So it's doable.
Maybe try not to talk.
Me or her?
Both.
RECORDING: Thank you for calling National Food Holdings.
One of our friendly customer support team members
will be with you shortly.
(HOLD MUSIC PLAYS)
Sorry I'm late.
What the hell? It's fine.
Nothing broken.
What happened? I was cut off.
By a car? Mobility scooter.
WOMAN: Hello. Yes.
Sorry to keep you waiting.
I've just pulled up your details.
Now, this relates to a vending machine fee?
Yes. It's a monthly payment. 6.99.
We don't actually handle billing inquiries.
You're the accounts department.
Payments are handled by a financial services team.
Well, can you put me through to them?
They're actually a separate organisation.
Nothing to do with us.
It's your vending machines.
We lease them.
But you install them.
Third-party installer.
But you invoice.
We outsource invoicing services as well.
Makes it a lot more streamlined.
Not for me! This is ridiculous.
I'm sensing you'd like to speak with a complaints resolution officer.
Yes. Put me through.
It's actually a separate organisation.
I could give you a number.
So that's it?
No, there's one more thing. Yep?
Would you mind staying on the line
for a short customer satisfaction survey?
This is driving me mad.
Is it such a big deal?
What do you mean? It's only a few bucks.
But we need to be accountable.
We're a government organisation.
We can't just waste taxpayers' money.
OK. Rhonda, just confirming the crane's going to cost us $87,000.
Great. A day.
OK. Has everybody got a copy?
Let's just run through the schedule, shall we?
0900, invited media assemble at Kyneton Station.
9:05, gift bags featuring commemorative hardhats
will be distributed on arrival.
Full speed ahead.
I'm not wearing this.
9:05 to 9:10, tea, coffee and light refreshments served.
We need to check dietaries. Nice.
Shall I mention the coriander?
9:20, minister boards the Goldfields Flyer.
The what? Working title.
9:21, train departs on its maiden high-speed journey.
At 23km an hour.
9:35, train pulls into station to be met by official delegation.
Minister steps off and declares
we are ON TRACK to completing the project.
Chills. (CHUCKLES)
Any questions? Yeah.
Do I need to be there? You know what? Better you're not.
No-one wants to see the villain. Fine.
I've got better things to do
than stand around a windswept railway platform.
Especially with his asthma.
HAD asthma. Don't have asthma. Oh.
We reached out to the local Mexican community.
Finally. Offered to make an in-person apology.
Drop by a community centre. Share a plate of paella.
That's Spanish. Or a mojito.
Cuban. Isn't it all the same?
Not really. Anyway...they said no need.
What?
They don't appear to have any problem with the image.
Good.
I don't think these people know how to be offended.
So we made a formal approach to the embassy.
You're kidding.
I don't think they're up with social media.
"On behalf of the Mexican government,
"I'd like to thank the NBA's Miss Natalie Russell
"for promoting our rich cultural heritage."
Oh, OK. So what now?
I think I might call the ambassador direct.
They clearly don't understand the situation.
Why are we meeting up here? I think I've sorted it out.
Oh, my God. It's alright.
Tony's nurse told me to keep it elevated and iced.
You should go home.
My scooter's recharging.
Take an ambulance. Anyway...
Our vending machines are owned by National Food Holdings.
The Mars bar.
But supply and delivery outsource to a couple of subsidiaries.
Kit-Kat. And...
The Twix. Both trading as NFH nominees.
Restocking is handled by one of NFH's parent companies...
The Cherry Ripe. ..who have two arms -
National Food Processing... Snickers.
..and National Food Services. Bounty.
National Food Services outsource day-to-day operations
to a separate entity... The Violet Crumble.
..also known as National Food Management,
who charge a monthly fee of... 6.99.
That's where the money's going?
It's a third-party service charge to National Food Management.
For doing what? What's the service? Management.
That's a junk charge.
This is junk food.
Cancel it.
Can I have a parent company? Mm.
Thank you.
Tony... Mm. Katie.
Aren't I supposed to be seeing the nurse now?
She's just doing a check on Ash. Oh.
We heard back from your old family doctor.
Dr Burridge? That's him.
He's 93. But he managed to send a copy
of your original medical records.
Oh, my God. That is incredible.
Unfortunately, the insurance companies say
they can't read his writing.
Yeah, it is really bad.
I could just make out "bedwetting".
I'm not sure that's bedwetting.
Do we need to update the insurance company?
No.
(BAND PLAYS WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN)
(MUSIC DROWNS OUT SPEECH)
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
Does anyone want to put a hard hat on?
I don't know what's happening.
Could we maybe go a little bit faster?
I think it's a union issue.
Any moment now, folks,
the Goldfields Flyer will be coming around that bend.
Any minute now.
What's going on? I don't know.
The train must have been delayed. What?
We might need to fill. How?
What about the Welcome To Country? We've already done that.
Could we do another one? A Welcome Back To Country?
Oh...no. I think she's already gone.
Could this get any worse?
Why have we stopped?
Thanks for your patience, everyone.
Just a few more minutes.
Have those cameras ready, folks. He'll be roaring into view.
(CHORTLES) Yes, he will.
Anything? They say the train has to stop
on the outskirts of town.
Safety issues.
Well, here's a phrase I've never used before.
How about another number from our jazz band?
(BAND PLAYS UPBEAT TUNE)
Some sort of issue with the boom gates, Minister.
Well, how are we going to get to the station?
How about them?
We can't hold forever. Oh, what...
Here we go. He's coming.
Finally. Welcome to a new chapter in transport!
What is happening?
Surprise twist?
What's wrong? Twitter.
They found another photo. Of me?
That was from Book Week 30 years ago.
Beverly says you might need to apologise.
Who to? Genies?
It's something to do with slavery. Mm-hm.
I'd stay off Twitter.
Scotty. What are those?
Oh, my prize for the secret sound.
It WAS a blood pressure cuff.
Oh! Six bottles?! Mm-hm.
Jackpotted.
Wow.
For you, from the Mexican Embassy.
Can you open it?
"His Excellency Ambassador Felipe Juan Pena
"requests the presence of Natalie Francesca Russell
"as an honoured guest for the celebration of Cinco de Mayo
"at the Mexican Embassy.
"5th of May, 7:00 for 7:30."
Wow! What's the dress code?
Mexican.
Captions by Red Bee Media