♪ They hold the people ♪
♪ Children of the Earth ♪
♪ The sentinels of the holy grail ♪
♪ The guardians of brave ♪
♪ Why must you always kill ♪
♪ And why must you die ♪
♪ Go ask your lord to help you, god ♪
♪ And makes disasters ♪
♪ Spreading the disease ♪
♪ He produces deadly wars ♪
♪ Much easier than peace ♪
♪ He will choose misery ♪
♪ Against prosperity ♪
♪ And this is why you can't be free ♪
♪ Skies are your shepherd ♪
♪ Is there any future left ♪
♪ For this lost humanity ♪
♪ Whenever you touch beauty ♪
♪ It shatters in two degrees ♪
♪ And this is why you can't be free ♪
♪ Because of you, the world is dying ♪
♪ From the oceans to the mountain peaks ♪
♪ Mother Earth is renewing ♪
♪ Mother Earth is nowhere it needs to be ♪
♪ You're killers of the virus, the virus ♪
♪ And the cancer that should be banned ♪
♪ For the only way you can survive ♪
♪ Is to kill ♪
♪ You built your steel glass towers ♪
♪ Higher than the birds can fly ♪
♪ And there you breed and multiply ♪
♪ You procreate until you die ♪
♪ So listen, homo sapiens ♪
♪ Here's the deal for you ♪
♪ So listen to what we got ♪
♪ And then go cry ♪
♪ We'll tear down your cities ♪
♪ We'll save you from ♪
♪ And clean out this planet Earth ♪
♪ From your misery ♪
♪ You're just a plague, you're just a plague ♪
♪ Never disgrace ♪
♪ While we are the cure in the common race ♪
♪ In the common race ♪
♪ Make you free ♪
♪ And let's make Earth great again ♪
The world as we know it ended in 2018
when the war between Earth and moon Nazis
culminated in nuclear Armageddon.
The last survivors from Earth
boarded the only remaining craft
capable of interplanetary travel,
Vestial Celestials Amelia,
and traveled to the dark side of the moon.
The good news is humanity found a refuge.
The bad news is it was in a former Nazi moon base.
They were living side by side with former moon Nazis.
My name is Obi and I live on the dark side of the moon.
How's that for a fancy opening line?
I've lived here my whole life
along with the last 1980 humans left in the universe
or so we thought.
What am I looking at?
An oval ship, ma'am.
On its way from Earth.
How did someone get one of those things airborne?
Who's even left on Earth to get it airborne?
It's heading here?
Straight course for the landing dome.
The hatch is closed, right?
The hatch is opening?
It's opening, it's opening!
Sir, we are receiving an override signal from the craft.
Well turn it off, shut it down!
That's not how override signals work.
We've gotta get people out of there.
Evacuate, seal the dome!
Anyway to tell who's on that ship?
Ma'am, we have pinged every comm frequency we have.
If they have an override code,
they must be from the base.
We don't know who they are and what they want.
I can't let them land.
So what's the alternative, mom, shoot them down?
The last thing we need is any more Nazis
back on this station.
Obi!
Stop her!
Warning, pressure dropping
in landing bay.
Evacuate immediately.
We are ready to fire, ma'am.
Are you okay?
What is this?
God, what the hell?
She went over here!
Maybe over here!
Obi, what's going on?
Are we shutting down section by section?
We're up.
Sir, I think she's in the hangar.
What?
Oh no.
Abort fire!
Okay.
Here we go.
environment
detect pressure rising.
Please use devices.
What the hell?
What?
What is she doing?
She's going to save them.
Bring security.
A lot of it.
Obi Anija Washington.
You could have gotten yourself hurt.
Hello moon people!
Who are you?
My name is Sasha.
Relax.
We come from Russia.
Well, was Russia before this Earth,
how we say, blowed up.
And what is this supposed to be?
Girl.
What is look like?
It's my ship, Koya.
I built it myself.
Hey, hey, hey, no touching.
Looks like you covered it in glue
and rolled it through a junkyard.
Well concern was to save my people,
not making beautiful sculpture.
Did you use a TPMS to regulate the landing rockets.
Yes, from.
Had to root to exhaust manifold...
But that's not possible.
There's no way to hold power without a D30.
It's easy to bypass with two...
Bullshit, then why didn't you use one?
Why didn't you use one?
We were slowly dying on the radiation planet.
Not leaving in one party dies, okay?
Excuse me.
May I be in charge for a minute?
You the boss lady?
Mm-hmm.
You looking for paradise, I got news for you.
Obi, enough.
How do you know about the moon base?
It's programmed in the computer.
Knows how to get home.
It's like a,, pigeon.
Like a metal space pigeon.
Damn straight it's a pigeon.
Sorry.
I'm sorry but you can't stay here.
We barely have enough food and supplies
for the people already here.
Mom.
Look at them.
We can't send them back.
Especially not on this thing.
I have a responsibility.
Put them in the storage rooms for now.
Post guard so that they can't leave.
I will see what I will do with them later.
Move the refugees to storage room 27.
Feed 'em, give 'em blankets.
Appreciate the hospitality.
Come on, move it along, go.
Girl, come visit me tonight, no?
I can tell you about the,
maybe other things.
Have you tried our fresh alki-burgers,
the hamburger?
Come to the market at level 17.
I'm not sure they would've
been in such a hurry to get up here
if they knew what a shit hole this place was.
Overpopulated, under-supplied, and very little
in the way of medicine, hygiene,
or skilled professionals.
I mean literally, it's falling to pieces.
If it's not the helium three reactor
that blows, another random moon quake
takes down the life support and of course,
I am the only one who bothers
to learn how to fix things around here.
Moon quake alert.
Stay close to the walls and wait for the quake to end.
Air pressure dropping.
Air pressure stabilized.
You okay, you okay?
It's gonna be alright.
As it's been so often
throughout history, while the regular people suffer,
one group has all they need.
I'll spare you the bloody details,
but today the Jobsists are the official religion
on the moon base.
I have a question for you about this moon base.
Are we in a closed system or an open system?
It is a closed system.
And it is only in a closed system
where we control all the inputs
so the outputs will be in harmony.
There are two types of people in this world.
How many people who love...
Shut the fuck up, sweetheart.
It is a perfect mechanism.
Now let us pray for our holy father, Steve,
to shed light on us.
Look at your ePrayer apps.
Holy Steve, who art in the cloud,
hallowed be thy designs.
Thy will return as the CEO when others have failed us.
Give us our inflated devices prices...
There's somebody here who does not
appreciate flawless design.
Someone who considers themself power user.
You.
Let me see your phone.
Jail-broken.
Why don't you want to be like everyone else?
Is our selection of default wallpapers not sufficient?
Do we not provide you with an adequate choice in ringtones?
You know what happens when unauthorized changes are made.
You get bricky bricked.
No, no.
No, no, no!
I believe in Steve, I believe in Steve!
I believe Steve, I believe in Steve!
I believe in...
Have a nice afterlife.
Hi Obi.
Lena.
You left all these people out here to die.
The temple is open only for those true in faith.
Like the guy that maniac just blew into atoms?
He was excommunicated.
He was probably a hacker or a pirate or both.
Hey.
Here.
Man's got a point.
Do you have any idea how much those doors cost?
Do you have any idea how many people
were stuck out in a hallway?
The system must remain closed.
How long you think your system will hold up
if I change the WiFi password, huh?
Okay.
Ceremony over.
Everybody go back home.
Mom?
Mom.
Hello sweetheart.
Why are you in here?
Did you know what was going on outside?
Mom, where's your medicine?
You don't need to worry about me, sweetheart.
Yes I do.
I'm fine.
I have to worry about everyone.
Ever since dad died, I'm the only person
keeping this place running.
The moon quakes are getting worse.
The wirings in the hallways are all corroded.
The centrifugal blowers are, I mean mom,
I don't know how long I can keep the life support
working without help.
Thank you, Donald.
We offer simple solutions for every problem.
All we ask people is think different.
Fuck off.
Obi Anija.
You will never find a man if you keep talking like that.
Mom, I don't need a man, okay?
I'm fine.
Commander.
Hello Malcolm.
Hey Malcolm.
Ms. Washington.
I heard you saved the day out there.
Not bad.
Yeah, thanks.
It was, you know, nothing.
Well, I'd better be off.
I'll see you girls later.
He's such a fine young man.
And you two would make beautiful babies.
What?
Here's what's left of Amelia.
Poor girl was cannibalized for parts years ago.
And no one stopped to think what we would do
if the only spacecraft left was torn to pieces.
You see the .6 G soccer match yesterday?
Oh yeah.
Can't understand how we've become so bad at it.
Who are you?
You know who I am.
The moon fuhrer?
My mother watched you die.
Your mother.
My.
What about it?
Where is it?
It's been gathering moon dust for the last 20 years.
You humans.
All you want to do is destroy what I created!
Like I destroyed your lazy.
Stop it, human.
No, don't do that.
You need me!
Your mother is sick!
What do you think you know about that?
What do I need you for, huh?
Give this to her.
It will make her feel better.
What do you have to lose?
You know she's going to die soon.
Mom, you okay?
Obi.
Mom.
What is that?
You gotta bare with me, okay?
You gotta try it.
What was that?
Where did you get that from?
I'll be right back.
I knew you would be back.
Explain.
It's called Vril-Ya.
It is pure energy.
It powers all our ships and made us live forever.
Us who?
You have to cut me loose so I can show you.
Better not try anything funny, old man.
We are...
The Vril.
A long time ago, we arrived on this planet
after a very long journey.
Our ship was heavily damaged.
But we were in luck.
We had found a planet with air and water and life.
My fool of a brother was in charge.
He ordered us to try and make contact with the locals.
I told him it was a mistake.
Of course I was proven right.
We were the only intelligent creatures on the planet.
It was ours.
We studied the flora and fauna.
While the others obsessed over big game,
I focused on the small.
A new order had arisen.
The primates.
Then, I did something I knew my brother
would never understand.
I stole some of our precious Vril-Ya
and gave it to my two favorites, Adam and Eve.
I could have waited, let nature take its course,
but why not give evolution a nudge?
But I learned soon that the paradise was doomed.
My brother ordered us to take our ship
and move underground.
You see, the Earth is hollow.
In the center you find enough Vril-Ya
for all of us.
Enough to power your ship.
Enough to keep your mother alive.
The other Vrils are not as nice as I am.
They hate your kind.
Won't be easy to get the Vril-Ya from them.
Wasn't planning on asking.
Oh, how human of you.
The entrance to the hollow earth
lies between two mountains on Antarctica.
Entrance to hollow Earth?
Okay.
And once I'm down there?
You find the city of Agartha.
In the middle of the city lies a temple
where they keep the Vril-Ya
in a simple vessel called the holy grail.
What's your angle?
Why so eager to help?
I'm running out of option, my dear.
Just like you.
But you have to go soon.
Take that Russian with you.
What, no!
What, you want to fly that ship by yourself?
Why don't you go with me?
Ah, no, no, no.
My presence would only expose us all.
But there's something I want you to have.
Gross, I don't want that.
Can come in handy.
Fingering.
If this is gonna work, you have to promise
to keep your mouth shut and do exactly as I tell you.
Ah, only need Sasha for muscles.
Okay, you will be impressed, girl.
Back at station, they call me the Siberian bear.
You ever seen bear?
I fight them all the time.
If you see true Russian bear...
Donald.
Ever thought of driving that thing off a cliff?
I hear this time of year is very nice
at the center of the Earth.
I know about your little trip.
I want in.
Girl, you need...
Shut up.
Stay there.
Obi, let's put our differences aside.
I need your help.
Why would I ever help you?
You and I both know the truth.
The moon is not going to be here for long.
Soon enough we will all be dead.
I just need some comfort for my flock.
Alright, sure.
Let's go.
What was this?
Why you allow them to come?
Might be the only way I can finally get rid of them.
Okay, stop.
Alright, we need to get rid of him.
I'll go find something big.
Stay here, don't talk.
The red goes here and the white right here.
Hey!
Dude.
This is like a fully punch resistant outfit.
How did that make any sense in your brain?
Hey Donald.
What's up Brian, Kyler, Fat Tyler?
Obi?
Malcolm.
What are you guys doing here?
Uh, sorry.
We really didn't know that was you.
Hello, I am hurt one.
Listen.
We are gonna steal that Valcore,
head to the center of the Earth
which is apparently hollow and hopefully
find the one thing that can get my ship running
and save my mom and basically the whole of mankind, okay?
Okay, cool.
Can I go?
Yes!
I mean yeah, sure, we could use the muscle.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Excuse me, it's my job.
Who is that?
Who are you?
Listen tough boy.
Team is full.
Already have all the...
Muscles we need.
Hey, Malcolm, not that I'm complaining
but shouldn't you keep the armor on?
It's gonna be dangerous.
Huh?
Oh, that's not mine.
There's like an insane fine if I wear that off duty.
Anyway, it's okay.
I got my lucky shirt.
Lucky shirt.
Alright.
Let's do this.
Yeah, let's do this.
Next stop, Earth.
Years of nuclear winter
have rendered the surface uninhabitable.
What fun and adventures we'll have there.
Or we'll die a horrible radiation death.
Buckle up.
Man, it's cold in here.
Oh sorry, you want me to put on the heater.
Yeah, yeah, that'd be great.
I don't have any.
Are you sure this thing can handle atmospheric reentry?
Please, girl, it'll hold.
I build it.
Just read the map.
So the map says we should be headed toward Antarctica.
Look for big ice sheets or something.
Well that helps.
Half the world is covered in ice these days.
Oh.
Yeah.
Anyway.
Head south toward that big building over there.
What is that place?
Beats me.
Let's just land down slowly.
What are you doing?
Adjusting the yaw.
It's not yaw, it's pitch!
Get your head down!
Who puts the pitch where the yaw's supposed to be?
What was that?
Congratulations, girl.
You broke it.
No I didn't!
Stay very, very still.
I can't turn the ship, you broke it!
I didn't break anything!
It was already in pieces.
Don't touch anything anymore!
We're gonna crash!
It's your fault!
Pull this!
It won't work!
I knew it!
Russian quality!
Don't blame me, it's German engineering!
Okay, okay, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Are you fine?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Okay, everybody out.
This is the last time I'm getting
into anything built by you.
Would have been fine if not touch pitch button.
I told you it was faulty.
I'm surprised the whole thing didn't explode.
The CDI and the OBS were completely miscalibrated.
Uh, guys.
Did you get that SL meter from an old...
Guys!
Actually I did, so what?
Holy shit.
Maybe goes without saying
but we didn't expect to see this.
Wow, shit.
Turns out it was all true.
I guess that means Vril-Ya really is
powering that tiny adorable little sun thing over there.
And that's what we need.
Alright, what do you think?
Probably go around here and then go in the middle.
Did anyone think to bring a compass?
Sorry.
No reception.
I thought I had it somewhere.
Wow.
Is that a, whoa, yeah.
Nokia 3310, is classic.
My dad used to talk about these all the time.
Yeah, I remember that.
First phone he ever had.
Is this the original cover?
It's indestructible.
Survived nuclear war.
Does this still do the menu star button?
Yeah, auto-lock.
Of course.
All the original ringtones?
Absolutely.
Snake?
Unbeatable high score.
Man, you should put that away.
If that freak sees you, he'll excommunicate you
in a heartbeat.
Exco-what?
You don't wanna know.
Just put it away.
Actually, let me see it again.
So which one is it?
Put it away or give?
It can't be both.
Does this thing have a compass?
No, it's just games.
Settings.
Tools.
Yeah, check tools.
It's calculator,.
Compass.
Works perfectly and no WiFi needed.
This is it.
The promised land.
The perfect closed system where we can control everything.
This is what I want.
Ryan, open your PowerPoint.
I'm going to dictate some slides.
Alright people.
I've got a strong feeling it's this way.
Follow me.
Let's go meet the CEO of this place.
Hold on.
I'll go check it out.
That sounds like the exact opposite of what you should do.
Malcolm, Malc.
Malc, Malc!
Don't worry, I keep you safe here.
Really, you gonna keep me safe?
What, you don't believe me?
Girl, I have experience fighting bear, also tiger.
In Russia, in my camp, we have many hungry animal.
Malc?
This place is crazy.
That things was like
and I was like.
Promise me you'll never do that again.
We should probably go then
because there's like 10 more of them coming.
Where is the problem?
10 against one is almost fair fight.
We gotta go.
Which way?
Don't say that way.
Well, um, I just,
I just need a second.
She doesn't know.
We're lost.
We're not lost.
I said I just need a minute.
Get off.
It's wrong.
It's this way.
We just came from there.
Wait.
You're like actually insane?
We are inside Earth.
It's simple, it's like mirror.
Only east is west and west is east.
Me, crazy.
The legendary city of Agartha.
At the center of the center of the Earth
and at the center of that, the Vril-Ya.
Unfortunately, the place is crawling
with Vril and I'm not hugely fond
of shapeshifting reptilian humanoids.
This should be interesting.
We have a union.
Kaboom!
Well, it certainly has
been an interesting last few millennium
with this whole infiltrate the upper echelon
of human society and manipulate them
into destroying each other.
Now, we might've just gone a little heavy
on the political realm.
Pardon me, madam, but in my own defense,
I was far and away the first of us
to swim those frigid waters.
And we're all real proud of you, Caligula,
but you went, for a lack of a better word, insane
and we've all learned that humans
really don't like their insanity being challenged
and then there was that little thing with your horse.
We're just friends.
My god, little Zucky, yo.
Who knew that social media was gonna work?
That was brilliant.
Everyone too wrapped up in cat videos
and sending dick pics to procreate
instead of thinking with their brains.
Very nice.
Sure helped with my case during the elections.
And you two crazy kids with your crusades
and your jihad or whatever you wanna call it.
Nothing like a little monotheism
to throw people into centuries of battles
over exactly the same ideology.
And don't even get me started on Ady.
Ady Hitler with the achtung, hail.
Hail my sexiness, hail me.
Oh shut up, you old drunk fool.
What about me?
You managed to destroy all that human vermin
but you destroyed everything else along with them,
madam president.
Well.
Total victory.
All but a few stragglers gone
and now the planet is ours gone.
Yes, a beautiful, unlivable planet.
Totally nuclear wasteland.
Very good, Ms. President.
I will say something.
Shut up.
Perhaps I wasn't paying attention
but we still have our spaceship.
Why can't we just take it and move
to another planet?
Space, Margaret.
Space is huge.
Where do you recommend we go?
Second star to the right and then straight till the morning?
You know how difficult it is to find a planet to live on?
My brother created this pest,
the humans.
He will get punished as soon as I find him.
But we really didn't have to leave
if you hadn't turned the surface
into a radioactive mess.
Ms. President.
A total victory indeed.
I really don't think there's any reason to overreact.
Please.
Sit down, enjoy your meal.
My dear sweet brother.
I will find you.
And when I find you, I dip your head in a bucket of shit.
Shit.
Nuts.
Alright, looks like we're gonna take a left
at this junction and then...
Look, look, look, look, look.
It's him!
It's really him!
He's still alive, I told you!
Donald.
I don't even know why I have to tell you this
but that's not him.
How can you be sure?
Because we're in the center of the Earth.
Who knows how far his reality distortion field extends?
Perhaps we only think we're here
because that is what he wants us to believe.
He is first among Steves.
He will show us the path.
We are not worthy.
Okay, we gotta run.
Greetings, your CEO-ship.
So what is plan?
Just give me a second, I can come up with something.
Maybe go back to running, no?
Here, go, come on.
You two go ahead.
I'll hold 'em off.
Come on.
Let's go.
I'm confused.
What we gonna do next?
We're gonna go get that grail.
I thought we were supposed to save your man.
I know him, he can take care of himself.
And I can't?
I can't do this alone, okay?
I need you.
What's his name?
IBM, IBM.
Donkeys, Donald Trump, no.
Look at the costume.
King Nazi.
King Nazi, that's it.
I have so many questions.
We can help each other, quid pro quo.
You didn't let me finish.
I have so many questions.
Too bad that you're not going to be alive to answer them.
Nobody's getting killed.
They need us.
I have a business proposition for you.
You're going to like this.
How do you open it?
I don't know.
Stop.
Give me paper.
The structure says here something about finger.
Maybe it is gibberish.
Maybe not.
If you have an idea, now is needed.
What is that?
Brother?
Where is he?
Quid pro quo.
What do you want?
I need you to bring my people here
to the hollow Earth.
So you can ruin Agartha
like you have ruined the whole planet.
Only my followers, only the Jobsists.
We of all people appreciate what you've done here.
We will maintain it in perfect harmony.
Donald, are you negotiating with Hitler?
He is not well known for keeping his promises.
Czechoslovakia, anyone?
Do you take me for a fool?
I'm trying to get him to sign an end user license agreement.
No one reads that shit, man.
He's just gonna do whatever he wants.
It's a wholly binding contract.
Siri, end user license agreement.
Opening holy end user license agreement.
All that information there is contingent
upon whether or not...
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Agree.
Siri.
Maps.
Destination home.
Calculating directions to home.
Route planned.
That explains a lot.
The dark side of the moon.
You did us a great service.
Now we can finally leave this horrible planet.
Of course.
A man's only as good as his exit strategy.
I could brainstorm with you.
Long as you deliver my people to me.
Yeah.
About that.
Wow.
The holy grail, huh?
I'm gonna go get it.
Be careful!
It says here the grail is attached to the base
but can't be removed without triggering some kind
of self destruction.
Wow.
What do you think's the weight of this thing?
Why wait?
Ah, weight, weight.
It's about 84.
Zork-what?
Did you just make up that?
It's an old Russian system.
Look it up some time.
It's, 1500.
1500 what?
Ounces.
Or grams.
Can't remember conversion but probably grams.
It was ounces.
Uh-oh!
I saved room.
You looked the most delicious.
Not to give away my plans or anything
but shit's about to get real when these chains come off.
You will not take the chains off.
That's not how captivity works.
Sorry, I should have been more clear.
There!
You know how to drive chariot?
How hard can it be?
Infidels!
Jump on!
You Polish bastard!
Give me that.
Jump in!
Now!
Whoa!
This is gonna be interesting.
Go, go!
Go!
Come on, guys!
I know you can make it!
We won't make it!
Guys!
Are you okay?
Holy shit!
I really hope this is a stupid question
but you guys have the grail, right?
We don't have to like go back for it.
Oh, cool.
What happened to the others?
Hitler ate them.
Not a euphemism.
Alright.
Our work here is done.
Obi Anija Washington.
Do you have any idea in how much trouble you're in?
Leaving like that was the most naive, most stubborn...
Mom, not now.
And the bravest thing I've ever seen.
I'm so glad you're back.
My little baby.
Out of the way, out of the way.
Wolfgang?
This can't be true.
Did you find it?
Find what?
It's beautiful.
Excellent.
Give it to me.
You think I'm just gonna let you walk out
of here and leave us all to die?
Then your mother dies first.
Shit!
Okay, enough.
Why you shoot him, huh?
You think he's more dangerous?
Must be taken out of equation?
Sasha.
At tat tat, listen.
I am very dangerous because...
Right on time.
Good old German punctuality.
Oh, I hope it's not what I think.
You've gotta be kidding me.
Brother.
How nice of you to visit.
Step away from the ship.
You guys actually dying or can you help?
I'm fine, I've got two kidneys for a reason.
I'm fine too.
Sasha, go prep my ship.
Malcolm, sound the alarm.
We've gotta get everyone out of here now.
Mom.
Mom, you've gotta go with them, okay?
I'm gonna go find a way to stop him.
Obi.
Listen to me.
I have lived my life.
I had my chance to be a hero.
We don't have time for this, please.
You make me so proud, honey.
Your father and I will always love you.
What are you doing?
Wait, mom.
Mom.
Now you go ahead and save what's left of humanity.
Everybody get on that ship!
Come on!
Give me clear, let me do the rewiring.
No, it's my engine.
I just gotta get these people in there.
Deal with it.
Obi!
What?
We are a team now.
Trust me.
Come on, go!
Okay people, come on!
Come on, get in.
Sasha, come on, the whole base is collapsing.
Mom!
Mom, come on, you can make it!
You're so much more than I ever could dream.
A shame that you come to such an end.
No, no!
It doesn't matter, Wolfgang.
They have the grail and they are safe.
No!
It wasn't until that moment
that I realized how much I'd looked up
and relied on my mom.
How much all these people had
and now they were relying on me.
Main engines running at full capacity.
Shield power.
One now.
Coffee machine is online.
Everyone okay?
Yes.
Air pressure is under control.
Sasha?
Sasha.
Sasha, talk to me.
Why is this happening?
I don't know.
It's happening.
It's not easy to make a fool out of me.
Which one is the weapons?
There are no weapons.
This is a transport ship.
Is American, must be weapons somewhere.
I have plenty of weapons if that helps.
You and everyone on board are entirely at my mercy.
How is he contacting us?
I gutted all of the comms gear from...
Cellular network.
Malcolm, take the helm for a second.
Sasha, show me your phone.
You humans never understood how it could
have been if we would have worked together
and not against each other.
We could have conquered the whole gal...
Cliche villain monologue off.
Thank you.
This has a field, looks a lot
like a shield around the ship
and then a gauge that's down like 75%.
Okay, it's almost gone now.
Well hello.
Malcolm, can you hold him off for like 10 seconds.
No idea.
We're in.
Right?
Smart girl.
Wanna bet that hypocrite Donald
has his phone jail broken too?
Yes.
Bingo.
Wanna do honors?
Malcolm.
Turn him on.
You never understood.
Hey Wolfgang.
All I wanted to do
was to help.
My mother sends her regards.
Huh?
Have a nice afterlife.
Yes!
Da!
Yes!
Hope is a funny thing.
All it takes is the smallest glimmer
and you can walk forever through the darkness
or fly on a rusty space bucket
or a spacey rust bucket as Sasha called it.
Yes, yes!
And that's a new high score!
Sasha, you okay?
Oh.
You got the Salisbury steak.
I'm sorry, I should've told you about that.
No, it's not that.
I'm just no match for him.
He fight prehistorical felines,
survived explosion, not eaten by Hitler.
I have no good stories, no good body.
I'm just, how you say, an oiled baboon.
That's not at all how you say it.
It's grease monkey.
Listen, I've been meaning to ask you
about your Valcor.
I was wondering how did you manage
to stabilize the exhaust manifold?
I was trying to figure it out
but then all this happened and I, well, you know.
I was rerouting it through the 17th.
It used toilet as exhaust.
That was the only way I could figure out
how to get rid of the excess stink
without using the coolant.
That is perfect.
I know it's not elegant but I tried to...
No, no, it's perfect.
She likes you, dude.
I thought she likes you.
Dude.
She's a little too scrawny for me.
I like 'em big, strong, and hairy
like an oily baboon.
No, no, no, don't have to be worried.
I very open minded.
I have, I mean, some of my best friends are...
Are you okay?
Are there peanuts in the sauce?
And shellfish?
And wheat?
There's nothing worse
than saying your goodbyes too early
and sending off the memory of your loved ones.
Especially if it's an empty casket.
I never had a chance to say how much I loved her
and now it's too late.
And Malcolm, my only true friend, always...
Malc?
You're alive?
Sorry guys.
I have this weird thing where my body shuts down.
It's like total catatonic state.
My mom must've buried me almost 20 times
when I was a kid.
It was crazy.
So you guys figure out you like each other yet?
Well maybe you knew it already
but to me it came as a surprise.
That annoying, wiry, greasy Russian.
Who would've guessed?
The rate this thing is traveling,
it's gonna take us 100 years to get to Mars.
You forgetting to take lack of into account.
Accelerates much faster, is closer to 80.
I'm certainly not forgetting that.
But we're on course to take advantage
of the orbital eccentricity and meet it
at its perihelion.
Eccentricity cycle much faster than Earth's.
It will pull us forward to...
Now we're headed for Mars,
the red planet.
Maybe humanity can survive after all.
We'll never know but at least our children
will have a chance.
Fingers crossed.
♪ My English is no heaven ♪
♪ My German's even worse ♪
♪ But I can drive the spaceship ♪
♪ Across the universe ♪
♪ If there's any life on Mars, ♪
♪ I haven't got a clue ♪
♪ The only thing I know for sure ♪
♪ Is I'm in love with you ♪
♪ Searching through the galaxy ♪
♪ With stardust in your hair ♪
♪ We lost the Earth forever ♪
♪ And the moon is no more there ♪
♪ Flying through the universe ♪
♪ And orbits in your eyes ♪
♪ But our love is on the rise ♪
♪ The time is passing by ♪
♪ But you are always on my mind ♪
♪ My heart just won't grow cold ♪
♪ We left a million miles behind ♪
♪ The water has all gone ♪
♪ We haven't reached the planet yet ♪
♪ To land our spaceship on ♪
♪ Searching through the galaxy ♪
♪ With stardust in your hair ♪
♪ We lost the Earth forever ♪
♪ And the moon is no more there ♪
♪ Flying through the universe ♪
♪ We maybe won't survive ♪
♪ You think that you've said it all ♪
♪ And you'd understand ♪
♪ What is down and above of us and in between ♪
♪ There's a whole lot left of the world ♪
♪ That you haven't scanned ♪
♪ And the king and the queen you obey ♪
♪ Aren't what they seem ♪
♪ You're a danger to yourself ♪
♪ And to me and all my friends ♪
♪ If you underestimate them ♪
♪ 'Cause they're savage to the bone ♪
♪ And they'll never leave you alone ♪
♪ Until they have taken your head ♪
♪ So wars on us, it's time to begin ♪
♪ Where the bravest ones will never give in ♪
♪ No promises, I don't know how this will end ♪
♪ But the iron sky comes crumbling down tonight ♪
♪ Waiting here in the dark trying to breathe ♪
♪ It's all too silent ♪
♪ Sure the light and the voice in my head ♪
♪ That calms me down ♪
♪ We got a whole lot left of the Earth ♪
♪ To save from violence ♪
♪ So I dream of a night with you ♪
♪ Before it gets loud ♪
♪ You're a danger to yourself ♪
♪ And to me and all my friends ♪
♪ If you underestimate them ♪
♪ 'Cause they're savage to the bone ♪
♪ And they'll never leave you alone ♪
♪ Until they have taken your head, so ♪
♪ Wars on us, it's time to begin ♪
♪ Where the bravest ones will never give in ♪
♪ No promises, I don't know how this will end ♪
♪ But the iron sky comes crumbling down tonight ♪
♪ Wars on us, it's time to begin ♪
♪ Where the bravest ones will never give in, no ♪
♪ No promises, I don't know how this will end ♪
♪ No, but the iron sky comes crumbling down tonight ♪
♪ Tonight ♪
♪ The iron sky comes crumbling down tonight ♪