-Good evening everybody,
and welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show, living legend -- Wayne Brady;
living the dream -- Jonathan Mangum;
livin' la Vida Loca -- Colin Mochrie;
and living in his car -- Ryan Stiles!
And I'm Aisha Tyler.
Let's make some stuff up.
Whoo!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, everybody! Welcome!
Welcome to the show where everything is made up
and the points do not matter.
Now, we've got a great show for you tonight,
so let's get started with a game called "Let's Make a Date,"
and this is for all of our performers,
so guys come on down.
Now...
Jonathan is going to be appearing
on a dating type show,
and Wayne, Colin, and Ryan are the contestants
that are hoping to be picked by Jonathan,
but they're not the kind of people that you would expect
or ever want to take on a date. Each of them has been given
a strange characteristic or identity,
and Jonathan's gonna question them
about their suitability for a date
and, in the process, try to figure out who they are.
So, if you're all ready,
Jonathan, go make a date.
-Hello, bachelors.
I am finally out of prison and ready to date again.
So, bachelor number one,
if you were gonna take me to a place to show me
all I've missed in my last 10 years of incarceration,
where would it be?
-Let me just get all strapped in here.
[ Imitating clicking ]
[ Imitating motor ]
If you've been inside for 10 years,
I'm a gonna little [indistinct stammering]
throw you a little mixer. I'mma go ahead and get Agnes.
I'mma get Miss Lorraine, I'mma get Delta,
I'mma get Lashawn, I'mma get Letrain,
I'mma get Tay-Tay. He got the potato chips.
I'mma go ahead and get Reginald. Reginald --
Oh, no, Reginald dead. He died about five years ago.
He don't wanna come anyway. But I got...[snores]
[ Imitates motor humming ]
[ Imitates impacting and humming ]
Oh! [ Stammering ]
H-Hey.
-Sounds like fun.
Bachelor number two,
I have a tattoo on my butt that says
"Shake well before each use."
If you could get a tattoo to prove how much you love me,
what would it say?
-[ With brogue ] It's interesting you have a tattoo
on your butt.
[ Cheers and applause ]
But I'll tell ya something.
Ohhh, I...
Oh, I see dark days ahead.
[ Laughter ]
No, it doesn't look good at all.
No, no, no!
-Okay, thank you bachelor number two.
Bachelor number three. -Yes.
-If you were to make a meal for me,
that I wouldn't get sick, what would it be?
-Hmm. Well...
[ Laughter ]
Hoh! I felt one.
I'm with you, Lord!
I'm with you!
Is there another one that looks like --
[ Laughter ]
Forgive him, Lord, for he knows not what he does!
I'll try to find another that looks like you.
Good luck.
-Bachelor number one,
what are your three favorite things in order?
-Well, I'mma go ahead and get everybody
and bring them along.
[ Imitating motor ]
[ Whooshes quietly ]
[ Imitates impact and motor ]
Get on, get on.
Get on board, boy. Get on board.
[ Imitates motor ]
[ Chunking ]
[ Cheering and laughter ]
[ Motor humming slows ]
[ Laughter ]
Oh, Lord, I dropped my stool.
[ Laughter ]
-Bachelor number two --
I love poems and poemstry.
If you could write a -- the hell is he going?
-[ Laughs ]
[ Applause ]
-I could've told ya that was gonna happen.
-Bachelor number two -- I love poems and poetry.
-Och, aye. -Write a poem for me,
to prove how much you love me.
-Right. Eh...
Time goes straight. It doesn't bend.
Oh, I see an unfortunate end.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-And finally, bachelor number three.
-Yes! -If you were gonna be a man,
what's the manliest man thing you've ever manned?
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
-Why didn't I check for leaks? Two more days, Lord.
Two more days!
[ Buzzer ] -Alright. [ Laughs ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Jonathan, do you have any idea
who these people are?
-Okay. I think Wayne is a very old man
in a little Rascal. One of those little --
-You have most of it right... -Except --
-Except the business part!
-The business part? -The business part.
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, yes. Okay.
I got it. Alright.
An old man with deformed nipples.
-Yes, yes, close enough my friend, close enough.
-Colin is a Scottish
proctologist fortune teller.
-I think that's fine.
Yeah, I'll give you that one, absolutely, yeah.
-And Ryan is Noah! -Yes!
[ Buzzer ] Very nice!
Very nice. Very nice.
Ryan, you get 500,000 points, for holding that water
in your mouth, apparently, since this afternoon.
-Oh, no. That wasn't water.
[ Laughter ]
-Don't go away. We'll be right back
with more "Whose Line Is it Anyway?"
right after the ads!
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" --
the show were everything is made up and the points don't matter.
And now we're gonna play a game called "Radio Show."
This is for all of our performers,
starting with Wayne and Jonathan acting as radio deejays
and Ryan and Colin as everyone else featured on their show.
So, we need a suggestion from the audience
for a subject for their show to be about.
So guys, give me a type of animal.
[ Shouting suggestions ]
Okay, I have a very aggressive suggestion --
sloth, the sloth.
[ Cheers and applause ]
So, this is a radio show all about the sloth.
Take it away.
-Good morning, drivers!
You're listening to K-Sloth 107.12!
-[ British accent ] 'Ello, lovelies, it's me, Slowy.
-And I'm Niftycrotch. -Right!
-It's about 8:00 in the morning. -That's right.
-But according to sloth time, it's 6:57.
[ Laughs ] -And we all know sloths
have that special skill of...
[slowly together] dressing themselves.
-Right.
Absolutely.
And speaking of always dressed, let's go to traffic-copter
right now with Nifty and No-Hands Jimmy.
-[ Imitating propellers ] -Well, good morning,
it's Nifty up here and, oh boy,
checking on the weather up here, we are flying about,
oh, 10 miles west of Santa Monica.
It looks like we got some flooding down below us.
A lot of rain hit. Oh, I'm sorry that's the ocean.
Nifty, you've taken over the ocean.
Let's fly back to land, there's no weather out here.
-We have fuel for five minutes!
We're in trouble!
-How are your nipples? -Red!
-Alright. -Click.
Oh, the day always starts off lovely
when I hear he has five minutes of fuel.
Gets me going.
-[ Imitating telephone dining ]
-Oh, it's a call on line eight. 'Ello.
-Good morning, hi, it's Suzanne from Brentwood.
-Are you a first-time listener, second-time caller?
-Right. Hi, how are you? I'm not familiar
with slots in the animal kingdom,
and I just wonder, what's the difference between a sl--
-Click. -[ Imitates telephone ]
-She's calling back. -Click.
-Don't ever do that again.
[ Laughter ]
What is the difference between a sloth and a chandelier?
-[ Slowly together ] A slot isn't up there.
-Hope that answers your question, love.
-[ Imitates telephone ] -Oh, on the '80s phone,
someone's calling. -Click.
Hello, '80s phone. -Yeah, this is a sloth.
-Oh! It's our special guest.
It's Larry the Sloth.
Larry, how are you?
-Yeah, stop spreading the stereotype
that we color coordinate our clothes.
Some of us are colorblind
and don't know what the hell we're wearing!
-Hold on -- -Three toes, three toes,
three -- -Shut up! Shut up!
-But it's all like our old station manager used to say --
Don't show that to people.
-Never. Never show it to people. -Never show it to people.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-[ Laughing ]
I have no idea what just happened.
-That. -That was real.
-Yeah, okay so, you know... -[ Coughing ]
-...50 points to Jonathan for not dying just now.
How about that? That was great,
and I think we've all learned something tonight,
which is don't show it to people.
-Don't ever.
-Next up is a game called "Scenes From A Hat"
which is for all four of our performers,
so Ryan and Colin you are over there.
Wayne and Jonathan, you are over here.
Now, before the show,
we asked our audience to write down scenes
that they would like to see acted out by our performers,
and I've got the suggestions in this hat.
And I'm gonna read to them out, and we're gonna see how many
the performers can act out.
Alright guys? So, here we go.
"Deleted Scenes...
From '90210.'"
-Just gotta study.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Son, I'm so disappointed in you.
I can't show it because my Botox has rendered me
completely immobile.
Such a bad, bad boy.
[ Buzzer ]
-Okay, then, it's decided.
For the next year, we're all gonna be celibate.
[ Buzzer ]
-Oh, my God, I'm in 90211!
[ Buzzer ]
-Hi, guys. I'm a mature student.
-[ Laughs ] [ Buzzer ]
[ Applause ]
-Hey, I'm the other black guy.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-You took mine.
-[ Laughs ]
-Hey! I'm the 9021-ho.
[ Buzzer ]
"-World's Worst Person to Share an Apartment With."
-Good morning. Oh!
[ Laughing ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Wait, I thought you said the worst.
[ Laughter ]
-You don't mind if I turn the news off, do you?
Nothing to see there.
Ow! Ah! [ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-"Songs That Celebrate Divorce."
-♪ Da-da-da-da-da-da-da ♪
Not gettin' it.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Buzzer sounding ]
Don't go away. We'll be right back
with more "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
right after this!
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" --
the show where everything made up,
and the points do not matter.
Now we're gonna play a game called "Greatest Hits."
This is a game for all four of our performers
with the help of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
So, guys, come on down.
Now, Ryan and Colin are two TV voice-over artists.
They're talking about the latest compilation album.
And Wayne and Jonathan are gonna sing snippets of the song.
So, what I need from the audience
is the name of a glamorous job.
[ Shouting suggestions ]
You guys all smoked pot before you came here, didn't you?!
All of you!
What was that, dear? -Movie star!
-Movie star, great.
So, the name of your album --
"Songs of the Movie Star."
-We'll be back to our documentary on a woman
who fell in love with baked goods
in "Wife of Pie"
in just a second.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Clear! What, are you alright? Ryan!
-178, 179, 180, 181, and 182.
[ Exhales sharply ] See how many times I blinked?
-Oh.
-I blinked 182 times.
-Wow. Weird.
-And when I think Blink 182,
I think songs about the Hollywood stars.
[ Laughter ]
-Gosh. -I think that Blink 182
Hollywood star song, "Red Carpet Treatment."
[ Rock music plays ]
♪♪
-♪ I want ♪
♪ To walk ♪
♪ Down the ♪
♪ Red carpet ♪ [ Audience cheering ]
♪ All I really need ♪
♪ Is someone ♪
♪ To interview me ♪
♪ On the carpet ♪
♪ I hope that they know my name ♪
♪ And I'm not embarrassed ♪
-♪ Not embarrassed ♪
♪ I want ♪
♪ To walk down ♪
♪ The red carpet ♪
♪ And make it through the town ♪
♪ I want ♪ -♪ I want ♪
♪ Free stuff ♪
♪ That we could have afforded anyway ♪
-♪ I want free stuff ♪
♪ That we couldn't afforded anyway ♪
♪ Give me ♪
♪ Red carpet ♪
♪ Treatment ♪
[ Cheering ]
♪ Red carpet treatment ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Ohh...
-[ Chuckling ] -[ Laughing ]
-That's wonderful.
-I was thinking of an entirely different band.
-I know.
-You know Colin, there's a little music style called ska.
I believe it's short for Scandinavian music.
-You may not be right on that. -I'm not.
Well, whatever it is, it's a delightful musical style.
And when I think of ska songs about movie stars,
and there's so many of them,
I think of that ska favorite
that was at the top of the Scandinavian charts
for over four weeks straight.
That ska Hollywood movie star hit --
"No Pictures, Please."
[ Ska music plays ]
-♪ No, no ♪ -♪ Oh, no, no, no ♪
-♪ No, no ♪ -♪ No, no, no, no ♪
-♪ I've worked very hard for my anonymity ♪
♪ Even though you see me on all your film and TV ♪
♪ Because I don't want you to see me, see me, "Us Weekly" ♪
♪ No, no, no, no, so no pictures please ♪
-♪ No pictures ♪ -♪ No, no, no, no pictures ♪
-♪ No, no, no, pictures ♪ -♪ No, no, no, no, no ♪
♪ "Extra," no, no pictures ♪ -♪ No, no, no, see me, see me ♪
♪ No pictures, no pictures ♪ -♪ I'm having a baby, baby ♪
-♪ Oh, I'm walking down the carpet ♪
♪ There's lots of things I grab ♪
-♪ No pictures ♪ -♪ In one month ♪
♪ I will probably be in the rehab ♪
-♪ I'm taking a picture ♪ -♪ No, no, no, no ♪
-♪ No pictures ♪ -♪ No, no, no, no ♪
-♪ No, no, no picture ♪ -♪ No, no, no, no ♪
-♪ We see you run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run ♪
♪ Take a picture, take no, no ♪
♪ No pictures, please ♪
-No! No!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-It's so funny -- They pretend they don't, but they really do.
The exact opposite of my wife. -Yes.
[ Laughter ]
-And yours. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
-So, you've told me.
-Yeah. -I'm assuming.
-Well, it seems this album has songs from all over the world.
Our next group is actually an English group.
-[ Bad British accent ] Cor blimey.
[ Laughter ]
-Close enough.
I'm talking, of course, of Mumford & Sons.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Oh, I love that! They worked in the junkyard,
and he was always so crotchety.
-"Sandford and Son." -Oh.
-Nice reference
from last century.
Anyway, sit back and listen to this great Mumford & Sons
song about the movie start,
entitled "I Got People For Everything."
[ Blue grass music plays ]
-♪ Before I was on TV, I did it myself ♪
♪ But now I'm on TV, and I got a lot of help ♪
♪ Oh, yes, I know I've even got a tub ♪
♪ I've got a business manager and someone to wipe ♪
♪ I've got people ♪ -♪ People ♪
♪ To do everything ♪ -♪ People ♪
♪ I've got people ♪ -♪ People ♪
-♪ To go shopping for rings ♪
♪ I've got people to do stuff ♪ -♪ People ♪
-♪ If you know what I mean ♪
♪ I've got people ♪ -♪ People ♪
-♪ To hang out with Charlie Sheen ♪
♪ I've got people ♪ -♪ People ♪
-♪ People for back rubs ♪
♪ People ♪ -♪ People ♪
♪ To give me love ♪
♪ Wait, when I say that, I don't mean for pay ♪
♪ 'Cause that sounds really dirty ♪
♪ But not those kinda people ♪
[ Harmonizing ] ♪ People ♪
♪ Oh, I've got people ♪ [ Cheering ]
♪ To do everything ♪
-♪ Everything ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer sounding ]
-We'll see you after this short break,
when I'll reveal who the winner is of tonight's show.
Don't go anywhere.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
where I have decided the winners of tonight's show
are Wayne Brady and Jonathan Mangum.
And it's very exciting because I want you both
to ready the credits out as teenagers,
peering over the fence into a party
you have not been invited to.
Thank you for watching. Goodnight.
-Oh, my God! That's Mark Leveson,
the most popular guy in school.
-Oh, my God, look, it's Wayne Brady.
He looks just like you. -Oh, hey.
Well, maybe we should go over and talk to Jed.
He's the hottest girl in school.
-He sure is. We can go down lower.
There's a hole here we can peek in.
-Ohh...
-This is Laura Hall's favorite hole.
-Oh...
Do you know what? -What?
-My mom told me how Ray Miller makes babies.
[ Both chuckling ]
-You know what? -What?
-Michael Ward is my mom. -[ Laughs ] I know.
-- Captions by VITAC --