-Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
On tonight's show, Lone Star, Wayne Brady,
King of the Plains, Keegan-Michael Key,
Dallas Maverick, Colin Mochrie,
and Houston, we have a Problem, Ryan Stiles!
And I'm Aisha Tyler.
This is going to be awesome!
-[ Whistles ]
-Whoo-hoo!
Welcome, everybody!
Welcome!
Welcome to the show where everything is made up
and the points do not matter.
Now, we've got a great show for you tonight,
so let's get started with a game we call "Weird Newscasters."
This is for all four of our performers, so come on down.
And in this game,
Colin is the anchor on a news program,
and Keegan, Ryan, and Wayne are his co-presenters,
each one of whom has a strange characteristic.
Keegan is the co-anchor who is an aggressive boxer
at a pre-fight press conference, squaring up to your opponent.
-Mm-hmm.
-Wayne, you will be the sportscaster
who is acting out the rise and fall of a teen pop star.
And Ryan, you are the weather forecaster
who is also a short-tempered bouncer
who discovers that someone has stolen part of his lunch.
-What?
-Take it away.
♪♪
-Good evening, and welcome to the 6:00 News.
I'm your anchor,
Walt Would You Do if I Sang Out of Tune.
Our top story tonight, a man still happens,
looking for twin bank robbers Juan and Amal Rodriguez.
Things may have slowed up
because they only have a picture of one of the twins,
but as the Commissioner says,
if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.
-That's right.
-Now over to our co-anchor, Jerry.
-Hey, hey, listen, man.
Y'all...
Look, hey, you don't know --
Hey, if you think that your newscast
is gonna be as good as my newscast,
you out of your mind!
I'm so -- I'm ferocious.
I'm -- I'm bad!
I'm a bad man!
There'll be bees stinging!
And I'mma -- I'mma --
That's for you, Channel Six!
You can't stop this.
My reach is -- Hey, you...
Ding! Ding! What, you...
Hey, listen, listen.
Hey, listen, I'mma eat your children
and then -- the I'mma eat your wife
'cause I'm the champ!
Channel five -- Channel five's the cha--
When did you get here?
-This just in,
what the hell?
And now over to sports with Binky Do-well!
So, um, right now,
I'd like to tell all you guys about my team,
the Lakers. They're great, right?
They're really awesome, I love those guys!
Just like me, they're great!
You guys really think I'm awesome?
Yes!
Oh, wow!
They think I'm so cool!
No, I couldn't. Okay, well, no one's watching.
Mmm, that's great.
That's going to help me do the news.
Oh, I need more of that!
No, don't tell me what to do!
I need more of that right now!
I bought the Jaguar and I bought you a zoo!
So what, Mom? Shut up!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I've changed so much!
Remember when I did this? I was so cute!
B-Bye-bye, bye.
Signing off for channel five,
but I'll see you on my redemption tour when I'm 30!
-Well done, Binky!
And now let's see what's happened
this weekend in the weather
with our weatherman, Cumulus Jones.
Cumulus?
-Later on in the week, we've got...
-Uh-oh.
-This thing was packed with doughnuts
when I came here earlier today.
Put your hands behind your back.
-Well, there's a switch!
[ Laughter, applause ]
-[ Imitates can spraying ] -Aah!
-[ Coughs ]
Tastes like pepper.
-Let's go. -Well that was the news.
Goodnight and good news!
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Points to Ryan for going back to the old doughnut bit,
which is just never a loser, I always like it.
-Well, if I had said "sushi," nobody's going to buy that.
-I'm giving you points.
-Oh, I get the points? -Yes, you get the points.
-Thank you, Aisha. -Yeah.
-Wait a minute, the points don't matter.
-Next up is a game called "Scenes from a Hat,"
which is for all four performers.
Come on down.
So Ryan and Colin, you're here.
Wayne and Keegan, you're here.
Now, before the show,
we asked the audience to write down scenes
that they'd like to see acted out by our performers,
and I've got the suggestions in this hat right here.
I'm gonna read them out, and we're going to see how many
our performers can act out. Are you guys ready?
-Yes. -Excellent.
The first one is
"Inappropriate things to say at a funeral."
-[ Groans like a zombie ]
I'm just kidding.
He's -- He's -- I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.
[ Buzzer ]
-I'm, uh...
So sorry about your husband.
-Oh.
-What time you think this is going to wrap up?
[ Buzzer ]
-"If people acted in their jobs
like college kids on spring break."
-Alright. [ Sighs ]
Yeah! Made that copy!
Whoo!
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-[ Speaks Latin ]
And now for the communion.
Whoo!
[ Buzzer ]
-No lay, no way!
No way!
Overruled.
[ Buzzer ]
-Is the patient prepped for surgery?
Alright. Gloves?
Leopard thong.
[ Buzzer ]
-"Strange things to read
on road signs while you're driving."
-[ Imitates car engine ]
"Stop reading this and look at the road." Oh!
[ Buzzer ]
-What's that? "Cliff Now"?
[ Buzzer ]
-"He's in your back seat"?
[ Buzzer ]
-"Road sign."
[ Buzzer ]
-"Welcome to Hawaii"?
[ Buzzer ]
-"Your version of hell."
-Seriously, another "Hoedown"?
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Do not go away, we'll be right back
with more "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
right after this.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" --
the show where everything is made up
and the points don't matter.
Now we're going to play a game called "News Flash."
This is for Ryan, Keegan, and Colin,
so come on down.
Ryan and Keegan are going to be two news anchors in the studio
and Colin is going to be in the field
as a reporter covering a breaking news story.
And he's not going to actually know what the news story is
'cause he's standing in front of a blank screen
just like your weatherman would in your home news station.
And the challenge that Colin faces is guessing
what his news story is.
So here we go, over to Ryan and Keegan in the studio.
-So you've actually shaved the head, it's a choice you've made?
-Exactly, it's a choice, yes. -Oh, so you're...
Oh, I see we're getting a breaking story.
We have to go out to our reporter
in the field, Colin Mochrie. Colin, can you hear us?
-I can barely hear you.
All this commotion is making it very difficult
to make out what you're saying.
-Colin, are you feeling
particularly safe at this moment?
-Not at all.
About five minutes ago, I was 100 feet over there.
But I came over here just to feel a little safer.
-Oh, Colin, please describe
what's happening to us behind you there.
-Well, I believe they say a picture
is worth a thousand words.
-That's true. -That's true, they do.
-Colin, what's the size of the group behind you?
-Oh! -Oh, no!
-Colin, what just happened there?
-Come on, Colin. -Do you believe that?
I still can't even put into words what just happened.
-Colin, it appears to us that you could have stopped that.
-I could have, but it is the job of the journalist...
-So Colin. -Colin.
-I could have stopped that, too.
I could stop all this but I'm not getting involved.
-Colin, give us a brief description
of what's happening behind your right now.
-Just the blow by blow. -Well, as you can see,
to many people, it seems that this would be unpleasant.
I have to say this is one of the sexiest things I've ever seen.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Colin, Colin?
-Yeah? -Please,
please give us all the details. Do not pander to us.
Tell us what's going on.
-Well, sometimes when something loves something else,
it puts something somewhere that everybody loves.
-And Colin, just like your sex life, one of them just ran away.
[ Buzzer ]
-Colin, can you guess where you are?
-I'm at a panda enclosure at the zoo?
-Oh!
-Yes. Wow!
Wow! -Oh, my God.
Unbelievable. -That was impressive.
Yes, 3,000 points to Colin Mochrie
for getting in on the panda action.
-Hey.
-At one moment, you didn't realize it,
but you were providing a little assist.
-Oh, was I? -Yes, you were.
-I wish I could see these things.
-Did you see that panda go? That was daunting.
-He was going for it.
-It also was very brief.
-It's called -- It's called Panda Express.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-There you go.
-And now we're going to play a game
called "Party Quirks," yes.
This is for all four of our performers.
Guys, in this game,
Keegan is hosting a party and Wayne, Colin, and Ryan
are going to be his guests, but each of them
is going to have a strange quirk or identity,
and what Keegan has to do is guess what those quirks are.
So Wayne, Colin, and Ryan, if you're ready,
I want you to take your places over there,
and I'm going to bring you in one at a time with the doorbell.
And Keegan, you are going to come down here
and get the party started.
-[ Imitates door kicking open ]
My gallon of guac.
[ Grunts ]
[ Doorbell rings ] Oh, oh, it's the first guest.
Alright, here we go. Hello, welcome, welcome.
-Go ahead now, don't be shy. How you doing, Andy?
-Hi. -Alright, go ahead,
go ahead, talk to him.
[ Child's voice ] Thank you for coming to my...
-Yes.
Good, yes. Fantastic.
-No, not like that! I'm so sorry.
-Oh, no, he's doing a fine job.
-Here's a $50.
-Okay, thank you.
Okay, alright. Mm-hmm.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Just give me a moment, okay? You're doing a great job.
-[ Whimpering ] -Hello, welcome to the party.
-Hello!
[ Speaking in tongues ]
Oh.
Oh, look at that.
Look, skin has cleared up, everything.
[ Speaking in tongues ]
Oh.
-Yeah, don't forget him. Don't forget him.
-Oh.
-[ Whimpering ] -Ahh.
How can you make perfection better?
Hey! [ Speaking in tongues ]
-Well, please, by all means, have some chips.
[ Doorbell rings ] Oh, hello, welcome to the party.
-Hey. -Hey.
-You're the only one in the house?
-No, I'm not the only one in the house.
I've got other guests. -Have you seen this, man?
-What? -I'm looking for this man
and some shampoo.
-Okay, uh-huh. -'Cause I think I've got things
stuck in my hair that have been there for years.
-Whoa!
-If I only had one more hand.
-[ Imitates Taser gun ]
-Whoa, whoa!
Hey!
-You're messing up my hair, man.
I didn't spend time in the joint
to have some man running his hands through my hair.
Let me tell you about life, alright?
If life don't treat you with a bowl of cherries
then you ain't a bowl of soup.
I've had some rough times myself.
I spent some time in the can.
-Yeah, sure, sure, everybody has.
-And jail, as well.
-So would you like to try to guess, Keegan?
-Oh, sure.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, Wayne -- Wayne is a childhood star
whose mother's pushing him too hard.
He's Michael Jackson.
-You're very close, you're very close.
His mother's pushing him too hard
at what particular event?
-A beauty queen -- -Yes!
[ Buzzer ] Very nice. Well done.
-And Colin is a freaky preacher
who's speaking in tongues who can fix your face.
-Yes! Very nice.
-And Ryan is John Wayne after he got out of prison?
[ Laughter ]
He's a guy who went into prison because --
-[ Barking ]
-Oh, he's Lone Wolf McQuade.
-[ Imitates gun cocking, barks ]
-Oh, he's the guard.
-I'm going to have to take you in.
[ Howls ] Got a warrant for you.
[ Howls ] -Oh, he's the sheriff.
-You're so close, you're so close.
-He's the -- -Mutiny on the [howls]
-Oh, he's Dog the fricking Bounty Hunter!
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Don't go away. We'll be right back with more
"Whose Line is it Anyway?" right after this.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" --
the show where everything is made up
and the points do not matter.
Now we're going to play a game called "Greatest Hits."
And this is a game for Ryan, Colin, and Wayne
with the help of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor
on piano and guitar.
Come on down, guys.
Ryan and Colin are two TV voiceover artists,
and they're talking about the latest compilation album.
And Wayne is going to be singing snippets
of the songs on that album.
So what I need is a suggestion from the audience, okay?
Could you guys give me the name of a glamorous job?
Exterminator is not glamorous.
Hairdresser.
Okay, so the name of your album is "Songs of Hairdressers."
-Alright. -Take it away.
-You know, we've compiled 90 songs,
all about the hairdresser, on one cassette, oddly enough.
-Wow.
That's almost a song per inch of nose.
-Yes, it is.
You know, one of my favorite artists of all time,
and I'm going to say all time in the history of music,
has to be Justin Bieber.
-Oh, absolutely.
Go on. -And you know,
when I think of Justin Bieber's songs,
I can't help but think of -- well, there's so many
about hairdressing, I don't know where to start.
-Oh, absolutely.
-But the one that sticks in my mind is the one that,
well, I heard almost four years ago.
Top of the charts for almost 15 weeks straight,
that Justin Bieber hairdressing hit
"Mousse Me Up."
[ Pop music plays ]
♪♪
[ Imitates mousse can spraying ]
♪♪
-Hey, girl.
Swaggy.
♪ You know ♪
♪ That I like that thing when you put it ♪
♪ On the side of my head, yo ♪
♪ I like that way, when you go with your downstrokes, yo ♪
♪ And I like the way when you -- chkk! -- all on me ♪
♪ Oh, my hair go bounce, bounce, bounce ♪
♪ Everybody know that ounce, ounce, ounce ♪
♪ Oh, yes, girl ♪
♪ Don't you see ♪ ♪ Unh ♪
♪ Because all I want is for you ♪
[ Chuckles ]
♪ To mousse me ♪
♪ Why don't you mousse me, mousse me, baby? ♪
♪ Because hair spray can get so crazy ♪
♪ No, no, no, no, no ♪
♪ The gel did not go so well ♪
♪ But just mousse me ♪ ♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ Now, now, now, I'm on the ball every song, y'all ♪
♪ Uh-huh, with a can this tall ♪
♪ Chkk! Right, aw, leave me alone ♪
♪ Unh-unh, then gimme that foam ♪
♪ Uh-huh, I get loose ♪
♪ Huh, when I got that mousse ♪
♪ Hair juice, yeah ♪
♪ So just mousse me ♪
Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Beautiful music from a man
who has a limo with training wheels on it.
-Yeah.
I haven't heard the phrase "hair juice"
since The Shirelles. -No, I haven't either.
I haven't either.
-Well, I'm glad that you --
-All the kids'll love that Shirelles line.
-I know. But I love my artists
a little more mature than your Justin Bieber.
-Really? -I'm a big fan of Beyoncé.
-Beyoncé, oh.
-I'm wondering is she actually French,
'cause she has that little accent at the end of her name.
-Oh, I don't know, but what a night --
bed, bath, and Beyoncé.
[ Both laugh ]
-That woman has a beautiful voice
and she's beautiful, yeah. -Oh, she's gorgeous, gorgeous.
-And this is one of the greatest hairdresser songs,
in my humble opinion, that has ever, ever been written.
So sit back and enjoy
"Look at My Roots."
[ Pop music plays ]
♪♪
-♪ Look over here, how can this be? ♪
♪ There, see a little gray? ♪
♪ So I do a little rush up, I get a little touch-up ♪
♪ And then I make it all go away ♪
♪ Blonde on the outside, black in the middle ♪
♪ Take this brush and go ♪
♪ I just use a little dye so I won't cry ♪
♪ And I won't be gray no more ♪
♪I get up on the root, roots, put it on the roots, roots ♪
♪ Put it on, hey, put it, put it on the roots, roots ♪
♪ With a little dip, dab, put a little dip, dab ♪
♪ Looky, looky, looky now, my roots, hey ♪
♪ Put some something on it ♪
♪ Put the brush on it ♪
♪ Put this on it, put the thing on it ♪
♪ Put the dye on it, put the dye on it ♪
♪ When you shoot, now look at my roots ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Don't go away, we'll find out who the winner is
right after this on "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
-Welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
where I've decided that tonight's winner is
the tall and lovely Ryan Stiles, and the slightly shorter
Keegan-Michael Key is going to help you
as you read the credits
as a henpecked husband whose wife,
Keegan, is giving him a hard time.
Thank you for watching the show. Goodnight.
-Why don't you talk to Dan Patterson and Mark Leveson
about getting your job?
-I work all day! -Well, honey,
if you don't get the promotion,
how am I supposed to be able to put the addition on the house?
-Maybe you should worry a little less about introducing people,
and get some food on the table.
-I should get food on the table?
Okay, well that's fine.
-Maybe if you gave me a little loving now and then
it wouldn't be so -- like Neil Sidwell.
-Neil Sidwell? -I don't want to have to go to
Neil Sidwell. -Marc Baker would never
talk to me that way. -Where are you going?
-Here's your damn dinner.
-Oh, tater tots again? -Tater tots again.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I'm gonna put sour cream in this if you don't --
-I'm leaving, I'm leaving. -Oh, then fine!
-- Captions by VITAC --