-Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show, Human Jacuzzi, Wayne Brady,
warm bath, Greg Bruce,
body scrub, Colin Mochrie,
and -- ugh, wash your hands! -- it's Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler. Let's make some stuff up!
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Laughs ]
Hey, everybody. Welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" --
the show where everything is made up
and the points don't matter.
We've got a fantastic show for you tonight,
and we're going to get started right now
with a game called "Hollywood Director."
This is all four of our performers.
Come on down.
Here's how this game works -- Greg, Ryan, and Wayne
are going to to act out a film scene,
and Colin is the director
who is going to keep giving them different notes on
how to improve the scene as they go along.
Now, the scene, their acting is that Ryan
is a fast food joint employee
and he is held up by panicky criminal Greg
when Wayne enters as a husband and wife
crime-fighting duo
who burst in to save the day.
Good luck to you all.
-Do you -- Do you have French fries?
I mean, give me all your French fries.
I mean, do you have any money here?
I mean, do you accept credit cards?
-[ Imitates window lifting ] Can I help you?
[ Laughter ]
Oh, you want my money? -All of it.
-[ Imitates cash register dinging ]
-Unhand that money, villain.
Tis I, The Force.
[ Imitates motor revving, tires squealing ]
[ High-pitched voice ] And me, The Body.
[ Laughter, applause ] -Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.
Cut, cut, cut.
As John Lennon once said... -Mm-hmm?
-...crappiness is a warm gun.
[ Laughter ]
Alright, we'll start off --
something that you'll feel comfortable with.
So do it like you're all doing "Jackass" stunts.
[ Laughter ]
-[ Imitates sizzling ] Aah!
-[ Imitates window rising ]
[ Screaming ]
-Wait.
I'll get a roll of quarters.
[ Cheers and applause, laughter ]
-Whoo!
-Hey. I'm The Force.
Ba-boom!
[ Laughter ]
-Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.
-That's unreal. -That was totally my fault.
[ Laughter ]
Totally my fault. I led you wrong.
You know what? There's no pace in the scene, no pace.
So we need pace. That's what we need. Pace.
So, here, pace. I'll tell you what you do.
Slow it up...
then make it fast.
Make it fast, then slow it up.
Those are the two speeds -- fast...
and slow.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter, applause ]
-[ Imitates window rising ]
-Hang on, I'm putting my bullets in my gun.
-[ Imitates sped-up speaking ]
Force. [ Imitates slowed speaking ]
-Oh, my God! The Force and The Flame,
I can't believe you're here!
-[ Imitates sped-up motor revving, tires squealing ]
[ Imitates sped-up speaking ] The Flame.
-Look out! Look out! He's gonna shoot! He's gonna shoot!
Don't shoot me! Don't shoot me!
-[ Imitating slowed speaking ]
[ Laughter ]
-[ Gulps ]
[ Buzzer sounds ] -Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!
[ Cheers and applause ]
1,000 points for, uh... -[ Laughs ]
-...whatever that was.
We come to a game now called "Film Dub."
This is for all four of our gentlemen players.
Come on down and look at the screen right here.
[ Cheers and applause ] The way this game works
is that we've taken an old piece of film
and we removed all the dialog
so that Ryan, Greg, Colin and Wayne could revoice the clip
using their imaginations.
So the scene I'd like you guys to improvise when you're ready
is an annual meeting.
Take it away.
-[ Humming ]
You may be seated!
Or stand, as you are.
Hey!
Welcome to the annual meeting of
the Superheroes with Weird Costumes.
I'm glad you could all make it dressed as me.
-Hi-yeah!
-Stomach salute.
-Hello! We have walked here from the Fortress of Everyone.
Hail to the -- Hail to you. -What do you want?
[ Laughter ] -[ Breathing rapidly ]
Sorry I'm late! I was running poorly. Stomach salute!
[ Laughter, applause ]
-Why can't I just get this meeting going?
Why is everybody coming in on me?
Look, we're down this year. Profits are down.
Take a look at this map.
-We are looking.
-Uh, I forgot the map.
That's why we're down.
We've got to make money somehow and keep this company afloat.
Anybody have any ideas? Anyone at all?
-Me!
I've got an idea! I've got an idea! I've got a-- Me!
Hey, fellas! I know! Let's have a soiree!
A dance! A party! A flip! A dance! Whoo-hoo!
-My keys! -I've got it! Ow!
[ Grunting ] -And then we'll have a dance
and [indistinct]. -I just want to go home.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-You know what I learned from watching that clip?
Guys get panty lines, too.
-Oh, yeah.
-Everybody in that clip could've used a nice pair of Manx.
-Right? -Right?
And now we're going to do a game called "Doo-Wop."
This is for Wayne, Ryan and Colin
with our Laura Hall and Linda Taylor, so come on down.
Now, what I need from the audience...
I need a name, a woman's name, a woman's first name.
[ Audience shouting suggestions ]
Oh, Paula. -Paula?
-Yes. And now what I need from you guys as well
is a suggestion about household chores,
something you do around the house.
[ Audience shouting suggestions ]
Oh, and laundry. Alright. Good. That's exciting.
Not particularly fun.
So here we go.
The way this game works is that you guys are going
to sing like a doo-wop group from the '50s,
but you're going to sing about Paula,
who died tragically in a laundry-related accident.
Whenever you guys are ready, take it away.
[ Doo-wop music playing ]
-Oh, Paula.
Oh, I miss you, sweetheart.
We're thinking about, Paula.
♪ O-Oh, we're singin' 'bout Paula ♪
♪ Paula, she did my laundry, you see, oh, Paula ♪
♪ She wanted nothing but cleanliness for me ♪
♪ Oh, Paula ♪
♪ I said, "Why, oh, why?" ♪
♪ She hung herself out to dry ♪
[ Laughter ] -♪ Oh, Paula ♪
♪ She was Heaven-sent ♪
♪ And then she had a little laundry accident ♪
♪ I didn't even have time to say goodbye ♪
♪ She tumble-died ♪
-♪ Oh, Paula, I love you so ♪
♪ But you're dead ♪
♪ Oh, no ♪
♪ You ate detergent ♪
♪ That must have burned ♪
♪ I guess you died because the Tide had turned ♪
-♪ Oh, Paula ♪
♪ I love you like no other ♪
♪ Oh, Paula ♪
♪ Tried to separate the whites and colors ♪
♪ Oh, Paula ♪
♪ I love you, why did you go? ♪
-♪ Why did you go? ♪
-Somebody's got to do my laundry ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-That was excellent.
That was excellent. -Oh, really?
-And also, Wayne, on behalf of women everywhere,
do your own [bleep] laundry!
[ Laughter ] -[ Chuckles ]
You guys.
[ Laughter ]
-Hey, guys, don't go anywhere.
There's more "Whose Line" after these short messages.
Stay tuned.
♪♪
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Now we're gonna play a game called "Infomercial."
This game is for Ryan and Colin.
Come on down. [ Cheers and applause ]
In this game, they're gonna be trying to sell our audience
here and out there in magic land
some utterly useless product,
so Ryan and Colin, you've got your box of items
and what you're going to be doing is selling a kit
to make yourself more attractive to your partner.
-Oh.
-[ Sighs heavily ] What'd you do last night?
-I had nothing to do. -Me either.
Neither one of us can get a date. What's going on?
-I don't know. We're attractive.
-Yes, we can.
We know how to get a date.
-Because we're attractive because we use products
that have been banned in four countries.
-Four now? -Yep.
[ Laughter ]
A lot of times, the opposite...sex
likes chest hair that's a little off color.
This will make you four times more attractive
than you usually are.
[ Laughter, cheering ]
-Well, you could go through all that work
or you can just simply say,
"Ooh, look at the size of my hands."
-Yes.
But what if you have small hands?
-Look at the size of my hands!
[ Laughter ]
What are those, Colin?
-I tell you --
-Forget about that.
-Alright.
You want to be attractive?
Sometimes ugly just deposits itself on your face.
That's why we can rub it off.
-Oh. Oh.
Ah! Ow!
[ Laughter ]
-You're attractive! -Thank you!
[ Laughter ]
Oh, this is fascinating. Colin?
[ Laughter ]
-Sometimes nothing we have can make you attractive...
-And Colin's walking up to a door.
[ Doorbell rings ] -Plan B!
Because you're wearing to B!
Gimme it.
Oh! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
[ Laughter ]
So sorry. -It's alright.
-You know...
You know, sometimes you're attracted to a woman or a man,
depending on what you like, I don't know,
but you don't want to show them that you're attracted to them.
But sometimes it shows.
that's where these come in handy --
nipple clips.
[ Laughter ]
Am I excited about you?
I don't know. Can you see past my nipple clips?
-Who would want to? -Also available in larger sizes.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, my goodness. I didn't know we had that here today.
-Yes, sometimes...
you just...
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause, buzzer ]
-That's awesome.
-Sometimes on this show, I don't know how to feel.
[ Laughter ]
-Don't think about it too much.
You start to think about it, it just gets ugly.
-We can talk about it later...
in therapy. -Mm-hmm.
-And now we come to a game called "World's Worst."
This is for all of our performers.
So come on down, boys.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Ryan and Colin are there, Greg and Wayne are here.
And this is a quick-fire game
in which each performer has to come up with as many examples
as possible of clips from "The World's Worst Horror Movies."
Gentlemen, whenever you're ready, take it away.
-Grr.
[ Laughter, buzzer ]
-You say a demon...
has possessed your child?
Well, don't worry.
I'm the exercise-ist.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-It is a lovely night, Gwendolyn.
I think I should tell you something.
When the full moon comes out,
[yelps]
I turn into the were-kitten.
[ Meows, hisses ]
[ Laughter, buzzer ]
-[ Imitates curtain opening ]
-Where did I put my knife?
[ Laughter ]
[ Imitates curtain closing ]
[ Laughter, buzzer ]
-Bla! Eh! I cast no reflection.
I'm -- Oh, my bad.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Oh, my God, a full moon.
Jerry, pull your blinds down!
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Laughs ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Look out, Tokyo, I'm packing.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Imitates blades unsheathing ]
[ Laughter ]
Thank you very much.
[ Laughter ]
Mmm!
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Groans ]
[ Bleep ]
[ Laughter ]
-The curse of the mummy.
[ Laughter, buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-[ Imitates coffin opening ]
[ Growls ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Imitates coffin closing ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Uh, hi. I'm the brother who lived.
[ Laughter, buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-[ Growling ]
[ Grunting rhythmically ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ] -Don't go anywhere.
There's more "Whose Line" coming up your way
after this short break.
Stay there.
♪♪
-Hey. Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
We're going to move on to a game called "Greatest Hits."
This is a game for Ryan, Colin and Wayne
with the help of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor
on piano and guitar, so, guys, come on down.
The way this game works is that Ryan and Colin
are television voiceover personalities
talking about the latest compilation album.
Wayne's gonna sing snippets of the songs on that album.
So what I need is a suggestion from the audience
of an exciting American city.
What is an exciting American?
[ Audience shouting suggestions ]
Alright, we're going to do New York City.
-Songs of New York. -Songs of New York.
-Okay. -Take it away.
-We'll be right back to our documentary
about people who can't have normal sex
because of physical oddities
in Missionary Impossible,"
but first...
[ Laughter ]
...have we got something for you!
-You bet! The Big Apple --
the Windy City!
-Those are two different cities, but keep going!
-I know!
New York City,
the city so nice, they named it three -- twice.
[ Laughter ]
-Three -- -Two, one.
Happy New Year!
-What's that about?
-That's Times Square at New Year.
Have you never been there for that?
-I was just supporting you. -Oh, my God. Oh. Ah.
I've been there many times to watch it at Times Square.
And it brings back the memories of my --
of my favorite artists, Ozzy Osbourne.
-Oh, yes. -Oh, I used to -- I used to go
to school with his wife, Harriet.
But, you know, when I think Ozzy Osbourne
and I think about Times Square at New Year's Eve,
I think about that Ozzy favorite --
"The Ball is Dropping."
[ Rock music playing ]
♪♪
-♪ There is something, I can see it in the sky ♪
♪ Way up on top of a building, there I see Ryan Seacrest ♪
♪ I say hi ♪
♪ Midnight's calling and I'm waiting to see ♪
♪ When will the ball drop for me?! ♪
[ Mumbling indistinctly ] Sharon, that was alright?
[ Mumbling indistinctly ]
♪♪
Happy New Year.
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪ Yeah ♪
♪♪
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
-Follow me on this one. -Okay.
-If a crow was going to tell a ghost
how to get into his house, what would that be?
-Aside from idiotic, I can't really think.
-Caw! Boo! Key!
Kabuki!
And you know, when I think Kabuki songs
and how many of them are there...
-You know, I just realized maybe the CW isn't the right network
to advertise this CD on. -Who cares about -- Alright.
You know, when I think Kabuki songs and I think New York,
I think of one that was written in the last two days.
-Wow. -And it's a dedication to all
the weathercasters out there. -Ah.
-It's a simple Kabuki song called "Where's the Snow?"
[ Gong sounds ]
[ Kabuki music playing ]
♪♪
-♪ Where is the snow? ♪
[ Imitates shuffling ]
[ Gong sounds ]
[ Laughter ]
♪ Precipitation ♪
♪♪
♪ Temperature low ♪
♪ Over here, we have a chance of a storm ♪
[ Laughter ]
♪ Over here is the south ♪
♪ They're so warm ♪
♪♪
♪ But I see moon, setting sun, we get snow one by one ♪
♪ Inch, inch, inch, so cold ♪
♪ So cold, ah, so cold ♪
♪ Oh, I was somewhat apprehensive ♪
♪ Thinking this song could be offensive ♪
♪ Now I understand as far I go, direct your letters to the CW ♪
♪ I'm just singing 'bout snow ♪
[ Gong sounds ]
[ Cheers and applause, buzzer ]
-Hey, don't move! I'm gonna tell you who won the show tonight
right after these messages.
Stay tuned.
♪♪
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That is our show for the evening.
Tonight's winner is Greg Proops,
so I'd like you to read out the credits
as if you are calling a horse race
and the other three are the jockeys.
Alright. Thanks for watching, everybody. Goodnight.
-Well, we got Dan Patterson, Mark Leveson.
On the right, the big tall one with the big nose
seems to be crying in the corner like a baby.
He's crying in the corner like a baby, and he's fallen down.
The bald one has a -- whoop. There's two bald ones here.
We've got one on either side here.
They seem to be neck and neck. They seem to be riding ponies.
There's Aisha Tyler on the left.
They're coming around the turn. Oh, my God.
He's taken his pony and he's -- the other one's
carrying it over his shoulder now.
What excitement here as you come round to the finish line
around the corner here.
And Drew Aldridge. [ Indistinct ]
-- Captions by VITAC --