-Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show, flying first class, Wayne Brady.
Member of the mile high club, Heather Anne Campbell.
Crammed into coach, Colin Mochrie.
And on the no fly list, Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler, and let's have some fun.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Welcome, everybody.
Welcome to the show where everything is made up
and the points don't matter.
We've got a great show for you tonight,
so let's get started with a game we call "Hollywood Director,"
which is for all four of our performers.
So come on down.
Heather, Ryan, and Wayne are going to be acting out
a film scene, and Colin is the director
who keeps giving the actors different notes
on how to improve the scene, okay?
And the film scene you guys are going to be doing
is that high school sports jock, Ryan, is making out with
sweetheart, Heather, in the school girls' locker room,
when he starts to turn into a werewolf.
-Into a what? -A werewolf.
-A were-were?
-Werewolf. I like to enunciate.
And then Heather's butch, yet feminine female roommate,
Wayne, is going to come out of the showers
just in time to save her,
and I can't wait to see it happen.
Take it away.
-Ah! I got to take a break, my tongue is sore.
Suzie, you are quite the woman, if I may say.
-Thanks. I've never had somebody
kiss the top of my head like that before.
-Yeah. I'm working my way down.
I brought you a gift.
-Oh, my goodness.
I'll open it while that full moon comes through
those clouds over there.
-[ Snarls ]
-I just got to finished -- -[ Growls ]
-Oh, a werewolf!
Quick, just get away from the werewolf.
I'm her sexy, yet masculine roommate.
-Save me, Tiffany.
-Throw me the silver knife over there.
-Here.
No! -Oh!
-Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!
-I'm sorry, I don't know if I was supposed to catch it.
Just, it seemed like something I would do.
-I think it was Descartes who said,
"I think, therefore I am."
You're actors, therefore you're crap.
You know what? We need something more presentational.
Do it like you're in a commercial.
Like you're in a commercial.
-[ Growls ] Say, could I borrow your hair removal product?
-It's funny you should ask.
This is a hair removal product that works
specifically on werewolves.
-Try it on my buttocks.
-Hi there.
♪ Are you being threatened by a lycanthrope? ♪
♪ Is he gonna kill you when the answer was nope? ♪
♪ If you know, because the cord, just pull it ♪
Get him away with Silver Bullet, breath spray.
-Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!
[ Cheers and applause ]
No. -Technically it all made sense.
-Technically I don't want it to make sense.
-You spit on me. -I don't care if I spit on you!
If I want, I can poo on you.
I am the director!
-That's not right. -Alright.
-Who are you?
-Here's the thing. You need a little more energy.
But I don't want you to be too energetic.
I want you to pull it back a bit.
So do it as frisky old people.
-Oh, no, no, no. -Oh.
-Sorry.
-Sorry about that.
-I love making sex with you.
-That's as close as I come to making sex.
-What is it? -[ Growls ]
-No. -[ Growls ]
-Oh no.
-[ Imitating whirring ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-[ Growls ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Uh, 1,000 points all around,
plus bonus points to Colin for threatening to poop on Wayne.
[ Laughter ]
Alright, now we're going to play a game called "Sound Effects,"
and this is a game for Ryan and Colin.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And they're going to need the help of two volunteers
from the audience, and I'm going to go get them now.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hi! Hi! What's your name?
-Raleigh.
-Raleigh, would you like to do this?
I don't care, you're doing it anyway.
Oh, yes, okay, hold on, tell me your name.
-Annette. -Annette, come on
with me, Annette.
Alright, Annette and Raleigh,
head down and join Colin and Ryan up on stage.
-Raleigh? Raleigh, nice to meet you.
-Raleigh, here's a microphone for you.
Annette, here's a microphone for you.
And here's how this works, okay?
Ryan and Colin are going to perform a scene,
and Annette and Raleigh,
you're going to provide the sound effects.
Raleigh, you'll be doing the sounds for Colin,
and, Annette, you'll be doing the sounds for Ryan.
And the scene is that, Ryan and Colin,
you are two big city fire fighters
checking out your gear in the station,
when you get an emergency call that a fire
has broken out at the zoo.
-Come here, boy. -[ Barking ]
-We got to get a bigger dog. -I know.
But it's been a lucky symbol, the fire hall chihuahua.
-He has.
-I'm just going to clean the fire truck
with my high powered hose. -Alright.
-[ Imitating whooshing ] [ Barking ]
-I'll just turn it up a little higher.
[ Imitating whooshing ]
My hose has asthma.
[ Laughter ]
-Well, it's almost clean. I just got to wax the pole.
-[ Squeaking ]
-Mice! Mice everywhere!
The Chihuahua does nothing!
-I know. Oh, was that the alarm?
[ Imitating alarms ]
-Did we pay our power bill?
-I don't know. Oh, there must be a fire.
-I guess so.
-I'll call the fire chief and see if there's any information.
-Alright.
-Ring, ring, ring, ring. Ring. Ring, ring.
-Anything? -No, he's not there.
-[ Barking ]
-Hello?
-Hi. -Hi. How are you?
Where's the fire?
-Downtown. -Alright, is it near the zoo?
-Very close to the zoo. -Oh, it's at the zoo.
-Yes, it's at the zoo. -Alright, thanks.
Youngest fire chief we've ever had.
[ Applause ]
-We got to go to the zoo? -Yeah.
-Alright. Let me duct tape the Chihuahua to the front.
-[ Barking ]
-Shut up!
Alright, let's go. Start it up.
-Wait, I just have to close my door.
-Chsh, chsh.
-It's wet. Dry it off, it's wet. -Alright, alright.
-Start up. -[ Imitating engine ]
-I'll push.
-I'll put on the siren.
[ Imitating siren ]
-Oh, spooky.
-Yeah.
-Here we are.
-Oh, look, the animals are panicking.
The elephant.
Not doing much at all.
-Already dead, we're too late.
The monkeys.
[ Imitating monkeys chittering ]
-Two left. -Alright.
I'm going to take the ax and cut down the gate here
and let the animals out.
-Alright. -Chsh, chsh.
-I'm sorry, I've had a cold.
-Try to concentrate. -I'm allergic to apes!
-Forget it. I'm going to use my gun.
-Boom.
[ Laughter ]
-That's good. Alright.
Careful, careful. -What?
-Don't look over your right shoulder.
There's a lion right there.
-[ Murmuring ]
-He's sick.
-[ Growls softly ]
-It's all right.
I brought a tranquilizer dart.
I'll just put it in my blow gun.
-Poof.
-[ Snoring ] -It didn't even --
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-That was awesome, you guys. Thank you.
Give it up for Raleigh and Annette!
You guys, awesome!
Raleigh and Annette.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Do not go away.
We'll be right back with more "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
right after this.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?",
where everything is made up and the points don't matter.
Now we're going to play a game which is called
"Questions With Hats," which is for all four
of our performers, so come on down and get your hats.
[ Cheers and applause ]
So Heather and Wayne are going to begin a scene,
but they can only speak in questions, okay.
And I'm going to buzz them when one of them goes wrong,
and the person behind them will step in and take their place.
However, each time they come into the scene,
they have to assume a different character,
according to the hat they're wearing.
And the winners are those still standing at the end.
So, guys, the scene you're going to be playing
is that you're in a college dorm
on the first day back from vacation,
where some foreign students have arrived.
Take it away.
-Am I late for the beginning of the semester?
-Where do you get your curls?
They're gorgeous.
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Irish accent ] Would you know the way to the Dean's office?
-Aren't you a tall drink of water?
-Would you like to touch my lucky charms?
-Yes.
[ Buzzer ]
-Are you lost? -Anyone need a can opener?
-Did someone call for you? -What's your problem?
-Do I seem to have a problem?
[ Buzzer ]
-Do you?
-What the hell is wrong with my head?
-How much time do you have?
-How much is left in the day?
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Spanish accent ] Excuse me.
Is it possible for you to escort me to the lunch room?
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-[ English accent ] Ooh, would you know the way
to the ladies dorm?
-Shall I escort you?
-Aren't you a gentleman?
-Who told you?
-Have you been to the Philippines?
-Are you going to take me there?
-First class?
-Around the world?
-Uh...
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, are you in the military?
[ Buzzer ]
-Those are my suitcases. My name's Brad.
What the hell? [ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
-Oh, my.
-Are you a man or a woman?
-Close your eyes and take a guess.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Well, clearly 1,000 points to Ryan Stiles
just for whatever just happened.
And, um, I don't know.
I'm going to give you an "E" for effort, Wayne,
for just not falling into the stereotypical thing
with the Asian hat and the pony.
You didn't know what you were going to do.
-Oh, that's an Asian hat?
[ Laughter ]
No, I thought it was a ceremonial brother braid.
-Yes.
We're going to play a game right now called "Scenes From a Hat."
[ Cheers and applause ]
Wayne, Heather, and Colin and Ryan,
come on down to your positions.
Yes.
Now, before the show, we asked the audience
to write down scenes they'd like to see acted out
by the performers, and I have the suggestions in this hat.
I'm going to read them out, we're going to see
how many you guys can act out for the audience.
Are you ready?
"If love songs were about life's embarrassments."
-♪ Baby ♪
♪ Baby, I farted ♪
[ Buzzer ]
-♪ I don't know where to put my stuff ♪
♪ In you ♪
[ Buzzer ]
-♪ De, de, de, de, remember when I said I'd pay for lunch? ♪
♪ We'll I'm broke, de, de, de, de, I'm broke ♪
-♪ I've lost control of my bowels ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-"Discarded scenes from famous movies."
-Uh, yeah, hey, Dorothy. Welcome.
I'm a Munchkin.
And, uh, you look good.
[ Laughter ]
-[ As E.T. ] Elliott...
I farted.
[ Buzzer ]
-You had me at, "Put your hands up,
or I'll pistol whip you."
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Groans ]
Isn't that supposed to come out of my chest?
[ Buzzer ]
-"If medical exams were carried out by celebrities."
-I'm Morgan Freeman, your doctor.
I'll be making an incision right over here.
There's a small beach in Mexico, where you'll be able to go
to find yourself a little box.
Inside that box, there's a scalpel.
That scalpel is the one that you'll be able
to use on yourself,
and hopefully it will bring you good luck and cheer.
I should shut the hell up.
[ Buzzer ]
-I'm David Copperfield.
Cough.
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Imitating Wookie ]
[ Buzzer ]
-You got a bad heart.
[ Buzzer ]
Uh-oh.
[ Buzzer ]
-"Things you don't want to hear on a cruise."
-Welcome to Titanic 2.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Do not go away.
We'll be right back with more
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?" right after this.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?",
where everything is made up and the points don't matter.
Now we're going to play a game called "Greatest Hits."
This is a game for Colin, Ryan, and Wayne,
with the help of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Now, Ryan and Colin are two TV voice-over artists
talking about the latest compilation album,
and Wayne is going to be singing snippets of the songs.
And I need a suggestion from the audience here.
So could you give me a place where teenagers hang out?
[ Shouting suggestions ]
-The mall. The mall.
Yeah. -The mall.
-The mall. I feel like teenagers hang out at the mall.
So here is your song. It's your new hit album...
-In the mall. -"The Mall."
Take it away.
-Hi. We'll be right back to our documentary
on Bloodsucking Cows,
"The Vampire Dairies," in just a second.
[ Laughter ]
You know, I love to dance.
-You do? I didn't know that about you.
-Dancing is in my blood,
it's in my life, it's in my feet,
because that's where I do most of my dancing.
And I love the dance pop sounds,
the pop dance sounds of a special Ms. Nicki Minaj.
-Oh, on a hot day, if I'm driving down the road,
I'll see a Minaj once in a while.
I'll be, "Oh, my God, oh..."
Hot, if it's hot. You know?
-I could have been a lawyer.
Anyway, sit back and enjoy this wonderful Nicki Minaj song,
"I Got Sick In The Food Court."
[ Up-tempo music playing ]
♪♪
-♪ I'm on ♪
♪ So I pulled up on a day of shopping ♪
♪ Everything that I want to do ♪
♪ I buy, buy, buy, buy, buy, buy, buy, buy ♪
♪ So, where's my Danish? Oh, my goodness gracious ♪
♪ What am I gonna put in my face? ♪
♪ I sit down and then, oh, woozy ♪
♪ Oh, my goodness, let me order sushi ♪
♪ Eat, eat, wanna eat it up, up ♪
♪ Wanna eat it up, when it goes, had enough, nuff ♪
♪ Oh, my goodness, oh, it's a trick ♪
♪ Mm, more sushi, got sick ♪
♪ Yes, you see ♪
♪ How can it be? ♪
[ Singing indistinctly ]
♪ Oh, I'm sitting here and know that ♪
♪ I got sick in the food, food, food, food court ♪
♪ Oh, my, food, food, food, food court ♪
♪ In the food, food, food, food court ♪
♪ And you make me want to hurl ♪
♪ In the food, food, food, food court ♪
♪ Food, food, food, food court ♪
♪ Splarge, food, food, food, food court ♪
♪ Never eat sushi from the mall, y'all ♪
Rah!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-[ Chuckles ]
-I was thinking Neil Young.
-Oh, well.
'Cause I would hate to wake up next to that.
-Yeah.
You know, recently -- well, in the last 20 years,
I went to the Land of the Rising Sun.
-Oh, Pomona. -Yes.
[ Laughter ]
And there I met a tourist agent who gave me tickets to Japan.
-Oh, Japan. -And there, I became a big fan
of Japanese pop.
-Can't drink it. I get gassy. -No, no, it's not that.
-What? -It's the music.
-Oh, it is? -Yes.
Oh, I tell you, once you hear this...
you'll have heard it.
[ Laughter ]
So sit back and prepare to get fascinated
by the Japanese pop song, "Trapped On an Escalator."
[ Up-tempo music playing ]
♪♪
[ Singing in faux Japanese ]
♪♪
[ Continues in faux Japanese ]
Alright, some time, fun time, rock and roll!
[ Continues in faux Japanese ]
And I don't -- is something all right?
♪ So what can I do? ♪
♪ Oh, say, what do you do? ♪
[ Singing in faux Japanese ]
♪ Trapped on the elevator, escalator later ♪
♪ Godzilla, see you later ♪
♪ No more player hater ♪
♪ On an escalator ♪
♪ Oh, me, escalator ♪
♪ I'm on an escalator ♪
♪ Number one, number one guy, me! ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Don't go away.
We'll be right back with more "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
And I'll tell you who won right after this.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?",
where I've decided that tonight's winners are
the very tall Ryan Stiles
and the very short Heather Anne Campbell.
-Short? -And you get to read the credits
out as two gossipy women at the beauty salon.
Thank you for watching. Good night.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Oh, my God.
-Did I tell you what Mark Leveson said to me?
-No, you didn't.
-He took my daughter out one evening.
-Did he? -Horrible man.
Wayne Brady will never be allowed in this studio again.
He's doesn't have hair anymore. -If I was Jed Leventhall --
You remember him from down the street?
-Oh, I do, I do. -He was a real Ruth Wallace.
-I am the one burnt Colin Mochrie's hair off.
I left him under the dryer too long.
-Oh, my goodness. -I did.
-You know, if I was Neil Sidwell,
I would come to this place more often.
-No! -Yes, I would.
-Oh, my God. -It's absolutely true.
-You know, Kris Sheets has been in here before.
I don't like that last name, Sheets.
Sounds dirty. -I don't like Jeff Wurst.
-Jeff Wurst? He's the worst. -Yeah, he's the worst.
-- Captions by VITAC --