-Good evening, everybody, and welcome
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show, springing into action, Wayne Brady.
Coiled spring Nyima Funk.
No spring chicken Colin Mochrie.
And noisy bedsprings Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler. Let's make some stuff up!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-ooh-ooh!
Hey!
Hey, everybody. Welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" --
the show where everything is made up
and the points don't matter,
but that never keeps me from giving them out.
Yes, everything you see tonight from our performers
is completely improvised off the top of their heads,
based on the suggestions from the audience
and these cards I have in my hands, right here.
So, let's get started with the game
we call "Weird Newscasters,"
and this is for all four of performers.
So come on down. [ Cheers and applause ]
Alright.
In this game, Colin is the anchor of a news program,
and Nyima, Ryan, and Wayne are his co-anchors,
each of whom is a strange character.
Nyima is the co-anchor and Colin's bitter ex-wife
dishing the dirt on him.
Wayne is gonna be the sportscaster
who is leading the audience in a prison break.
And, Ryan, you are the weather forecaster
who is also the world's angriest mime.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-So -- So a mime. -Yeah.
It's pretty much just like you always are, buddy.
Take it away.
♪♪
-Welcome to the 6:00 news.
I'm your anchor, P.T., because I don't drink coffee.
Our top story -- A man was found dead
in a vat of crushed chickpeas, lemon juice, and olive oil.
Police are considering this a "hummus-cide."
[ Laughter ]
-See, you need to be eating some hummus
because you know you got that weight-gaining issue.
You know what I'm saying, little Mr. Fat Fatty Fat Fat!
-Why don't we go over to my co-anchor...
the bitch?
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, when did you start referring to yourself
in the third person?!
Huh?
Ooh, but she did.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that
whenever you want to come by the house
and pick up your panties, you can.
[ Laughter ]
-Can I have what's in them, too?
And now let's go over to sports.
-Hey, so, uh,
the action is about 6-1.
6-1.
It's going down at 6:00.
If you're with me, you're with me.
Alright? Are you with me?
[ Whispering ] Come here. Come here.
We don't have much time.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Alright.
Alright, you, come here.
I want you to take one for the team.
Stand here and take my place.
It'll take me about -- Stand right here.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Laughter ]
-It's true. They really all do look alike!
They really do.
That's a real man, by the way. -Alright, shut up, shut up!
-Okay, just saying. Real man. -My God, you still excite me.
Okay.
Now let's see what's happening in weather with Marcel.
[ Laughter ]
It's gonna rain.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, big storm.
-He's gonna have to put together a shed for my IKEA.
[ Laughter, cheers and applause ]
-Tsssh! -Oh.
-Well, good night, and good news.
♪♪
-What's your name? What's your name?
-Steve. -Steve?
1,000 points to Steve.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Spend that on something that's not real.
Alright, now we're gonna play a game
called "Two-Line Vocabulary."
This is for Colin, Ryan, and Wayne.
Come on down. Nyima, relax.
Alright, our guys are gonna act out a scene,
but the twist is that Wayne and Ryan
only have two lines they can say.
Only two lines you guys are allowed to say
during the entire scene.
So, Wayne, the lines you have to say are
"Do you want to take this outside?"
and "Wow, that's huge!"
Ryan, all you are allowed to say is
"Is this helping?" and "Why?"
Colin is the king of this scene and can say anything he likes.
He's a naval commander whose submarine has come under attack
and is leaking water, and Ryan and Wayne are your crewmen,
Colin. Enjoy.
-Alright, we're gonna take it down a little bit lower.
Just so we can have repairs
and out of the way of the death charges.
-Why?
-Well, we don't want to get blown up and die.
I can't make it any easier than that.
-Is this helping? -Yes, that makes it go down.
I don't know why I brought my nephew on here.
You have no -- -Why?
-That's what I'm saying. Alright, if you --
-Do you want to take this outside?
-Okay, you realize we're in a submarine?
-Wow, that's huge. -Yes.
If we go outside, we'll drown. -Is this helping?
-No. Well, it's kind of helping a little bit.
-Why?
-Well, because it's relaxing the muscles in my back.
-Is this helping? -No, get away.
Alright, alright, there's been a leak.
Fix that leak. -Wow, that's huge!
-Yes, I know, so it would help if we put something there
to maybe stop the water. -[ Imitates spray hissing ]
-Oh, yeah, deodorant. That's good.
[ Laughter ]
What are you doing? -Is this helping?
-Well, go down a little deeper
and keep it level. -Why?
-Well, those boats up there are trying to kill us.
-Why? -Because it's a war!
-Why? -Ding, ding, ding.
-We don't have time for lunch.
You, see if there's anything in the periscope.
-Wow, that's huge! -Let me see.
[ Gasps ] That is huge! -[ Whispering ] Is this helping?
-No. What are you doing?
That's not helping at all. -Why?
-Do you want to take this outside?
-No, we do not want to take this outside.
-Why? -Listen,
you are my able-bodied seamen,
and I need you to concentrate on the job at hand.
Fix that leak. Take us down to a depth of 500 feet.
-Why? -Because...because --
-Is this helping? -It is helping me.
-Why? -I hate you!
-Wow, that's huge.
-Alright, maybe it's best if we go on the offensive.
Load a torpedo. -[ Squeaking ]
Do you want to take this outside?
-We will shoot it outside
because that's where the boat is.
[ Imitates clicking ]
Psshh!
-Well, I guess we don't have to aim or anything.
Let's hope that works. -Is this helping?
-This is not helping! Not helping!
Alright, put another one in. -Wow, that's huge!
-Yes, I'm hugely disappointed in you.
-Why? -Because he's not doing his job.
I'm going look at this ship and then give you the co--
Alright.
-Do you want to take this outside?
-I want -- Yes, you're going outside.
Try to hit a ship.
[ Laughter ]
-Poof! -Oh, why?
[ Muffled ] Wow, that's huge!
[ Buzzer ]
-Why? Why?
Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]
-We'll see you again right after the break.
Don't go anywhere!
♪♪
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is it Anyway?"
where everything's made up and the points don't matter,
so why do I keep giving them?
Now we're gonna play a game called "Newsflash."
This is for Ryan, Nyima, and Colin, so come on down!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Now, the way that this game works is that Ryan and Nyima
are two news anchors in the studio
and Colin is a reporter in the field
covering a breaking news story.
But he doesn't really know what that story is
because he's in the front of this blank screen
just like your weatherman at home on your local news.
And by the magic of television, Ryan and Nyima,
everybody here in the studio, and you at home
will see the news story projected onto the TV screen.
The challenge that Colin faces
is figuring out what the heck he's talking about.
So here we go over to Ryan and Nyima in the studio.
-So you just don't like tall, old guys?
-Just you. -Just me.
Oh, we're going out to the field to our on-the-spot reporter,
Colin Mochrie. Colin, what's going on?
-I'm sorry. I can barely hear you over the commotion
that is behind me right now.
It is insane.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-It sounds like it's crazy there.
How are you handling it?
-Well, I'm trying to stay as far as I can.
This particular area seems very dangerous.
-Yeah.
-Colin, did you happen to bring any singles?
-No. No, I just brought myself and my camera crew.
We're trying to keep at a distance
because this looks way too dangerous to get way inside.
-It looks like you're gonna be there for a while.
I hope you packed some buns and a six-pack.
-Yeah.
We are prepared because we are professionals.
-Ah! -Good.
Are you feeling any inkling to join in, you know?
-Well, I was thinking to go in there --
I was thinking of going in under cover,
but I think I would soon be spotted.
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, you'd be spotted alright.
-Have you learned anything while you're there?
-I've learned quite a bit here.
-Whoo! [ Laughter ]
-The more I watch, the more I learn.
I'm gonna use this tonight.
-Me too. [ Buzzer ]
-I am gonna ask you, Colin,
if you know where you are.
-I would say at a male strip club.
-You're at a Chippendales club. Yes.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Nice, nice.
1,000 points to me and Nyima
for looking at that footage, baby.
-♪ Hey, yeah ♪
Whoo!
I have never wanted to redo an improvisation so bad.
[ Laughter ]
-Next up, my friends, is a game entitled "Scenes from a Hat,"
which is for all four of our performers.
♪ So come on over down ♪
Yay!
Ryan and Colin are over there.
Wayne and Nyima are over here.
Now, before the show, we asked our audience
to write down some scenes that they would like
to see acted out by our crack performers here.
I've got the suggestions, and I'm gonna read them out.
We're gonna see how many you guys can make happen.
Alright, you ready? Ready? Ready?
Here it comes. "Bad breakup lines."
-It's not you.
It's just that I like your brother more.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Okay. Close your eyes.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter continues ]
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Laughing ]
-Again, I'm sorry. Here, take my Target card.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Exit stage left.
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, I get it.
-[ Laughs ] [ Buzzer ]
-Close your eyes.
Trust me.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-"The dating videos of fictional characters."
-[ As Frankenstein ] Uh...
Frankenstein looking for somebody to complete him.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ] Think about it.
[ Laughter ]
-My name is Clark Kent.
Unfortunately I'm faster than a speeding bullet.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-"Things that would ruin the atmosphere at a dinner party."
-Is this seat taken? No?
[ Blowing ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Tweaking? That tweaking?
-"If doctors broke into song."
-♪ Turn your head and cough ♪
[ Buzzer ]
♪ Turn around the other way ♪
[ Laughter ]
-♪ You don't need surgery or a bisection ♪
♪ Just this pill gets you an erection ♪
[ Buzzer, laughter ]
-♪ By the looks down there, someone really gets around ♪
♪ Someone really gets around ♪
♪ All over the town ♪
♪ You might get sneezy and really jumpy ♪
♪ Nature made it smooth, but this made it lumpy ♪
[ Buzzer ]
♪ You've got an STD ♪
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-♪ Don't be shy, stand by your wife's side ♪
♪ And push, push, push ♪
♪ Come on now, oh! ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ You've given birth to a full-grown baby ♪
-No, no, no, no!
-♪ He can't go back in ♪ [ Buzzer ]
-Don't go away. We'll be right back with more
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?" right after this.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" --
the show where everything is made up
and the points don't matter, not a bit, so stop begging.
Now we are gonna play a game called "Sideway Scene,"
and this is a game for Colin, Nyima, and Wayne,
so take off.
They're gonna head back to the special area behind the set.
The deal with this is that they're gonna perform a scene,
but they're gonna be doing lying down on our "magic" mat,
which a boyfriend of mine in college once had,
and we're gonna relay the pictures
back to the audience on the screen here.
And I'm may actually throw out some different genres
for them to act in as they go along.
So, the scene, as you guys prepare, is
that Wild West pioneer Colin
has brought his frisky new bride, Nyima,
back to his log cabin for their first night together.
And excitable neighbor Wayne
is washed in on a torrent of water
to tell them that the river has burst its bank.
Take it away.
[ Laughter ]
-Now... -Ooh!
-Ah, that was kind of romantic, carrying my bride
over the threshold. -That was really romantic.
I'm so happy to be here. Ooh, ooh!
Oh, let's go up to the bed.
-Well...
Well, ain't you frisky. -I sure am.
Whoo-hoo! -Hey.
It looks like it's raining outside.
[ Laughter ]
That looks like a lot of rain.
-It sure is. Like a torrent.
-Oh! -Whoooooa!
-What? -[ Gurgling ]
-Wilbur! -Oh, my goodness!
[ Muffled ] That river!
It's starting to get flooded! -[ Gasps ]
-I didn't understand a word of that.
-I have no idea. -The river outside!
It's flooded. Look outside!
[ Laughter ]
What are we gonna do?
I don't know about y'all, but I want to get to higher land.
-Alright.
-Let's get up to my bed! -Okay.
[ Laughter ]
-Now, Wilbur, this is my honeymoon.
I think you should stay down here.
-I think he can come up.
-Hey! -What?
I am frisky. -Yoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Hey. -There's some water
coming in through the door!
-Let me see. I think I hear something.
There's no wa-- Aah!
-Aah! Oh, my gosh!
Oh! Y'all be careful over there.
-[ Screaming ]
[ Gurgling ] [ Buzzer ]
-You guys are in an X-Men movie. An X-Men movie.
-I'm going to send a storm.
[ Laughter ]
-I'll use my powers of flight to join you.
Whoosh!
-I'll use my power of magnetism to close the door.
[ Laughter ]
-It's amazing how your powers work.
-It is. [ Buzzer ]
-You're in a haunted house.
-Either you or I is gonna die first.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Uh! I sense something in here.
[ Gasping ] -[ Gasping ]
-Aah! Aah!
No! He's possessed!
-Oh, my God! Pee on his leg.
A life hack that I read. I don't know.
-Aah! [ Buzzer ]
-You're in "Peter Pan."
You're in "Peter Pan."
-Thank you, Lost Boy.
By peeing on my leg,
you've given me the power of flight.
-I believe! I believe in you.
-[ Crowing ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Uh, hey!
You are angry birds.
-Whoop! Whoosh!
Boom!
[ Laughter ]
[ Squealing ]
-What a horrible honeymoon. [ Buzzer ]
-Oh, that was awesome!
Come on back, guys.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Whoo!
-We'll see you again right after the break.
Don't go anywhere!
♪♪
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That's the end of the show, and tonight's winner
is the fine friend Wayne Brady.
Read out the credits
as a Latin-American dictator on a microphone
addressing his new subjects from the balcony of his palace,
Ryan, Colin, and Nyima, you are his bodyguards.
Thank you, and good night.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-[ Foreign accent ] My people, people, all of you.
I have taken this show away from Dan Patterson
and freed you from the tyrannies of Ryan Stiles and Mike Leveson.
Because tonight, Geraldine Dowd,
her reign shall be ended,
and I shall not ever have another Aisha Tyler,
who stand in the way of progress
in diplomacy because Hannah Barnett was the first one
to stand upon these shores, and then we did exactly that
tonight, my millionaires and I, and I have a promise.
Oh, ow!
-Look. Look.