-Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
On tonight's show,
hug me, Wayne Brady,
kiss me, Greg Proops,
hold me, Colin Mochrie,
and security, get him away from me,
it's Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler.
Let's make some stuff up.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hello everybody. Welcome.
Welcome to "Who's Line is it Anyway?"
The show where everything is made up
and the points do not matter.
We've got a great show for you tonight
and we're going to start right now with a game entitled
"Weird Newscasters."
This is for all four of our performers.
Come on down.
Now, in this game
Greg is the anchor of a news program
and Colin, Ryan, and Wayne are his co-anchors,
and each of them is a kind of an odd character.
Colin, you are the co-anchor who is also a German comedian
trying to steal Greg's job.
-[ Chuckles ]
-Wayne, you are the sportscaster,
and you're also acting out the movie
"The Revenant" in 30 seconds.
-[ Chuckles ]
-And Ryan, you are the weather forecaster
who dies and passes on to the next world.
[ Laughter ]
Enjoy.
[ Network news music plays ]
-Good evening and welcome to "The CW News."
I'm a shower and a grower.
[ Laughter ]
Here's tonight's top stories -- A stampede of kittens
delights the people of Fayetteville, Arkansas
and Kanye West's ego explodes over Montana.
Colin? -[ In German accent ] Ja.
Oh, ja, you call that a story. Let me tell you a story,
something that I think you will find amusing.
[ Laughter ]
Scientists have discovered people do not eat clocks
because it is time consuming.
[ Laughter ]
Yes, you will laugh! You will laugh!
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Speaking of crazy people,
let's go over to Wayne at the sports desk
and see what's on tap for this weekend.
Wayne.
-[ Shivering ]
[ Shakily ] This is so cold.
[ Sobbing ] No, Aisha.
[ Imitates growling bear ] Ah!
[ Imitates bear attack ] Ah! Ah!
[ Moaning ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Sobbing ] Aisha's dead.
No! You did it.
[ Laughter ]
[ Sobbing quietly ]
[ Imitates gun cocking ]
I don't remember if this is how vengeance was taken.
[ Laughter and applause ]
But for my intents and purposes,
I will kill you for making my Aisha die.
[ Laughter ]
Bang!
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Sobbing ]
I don't know if this happened in the movie either,
but I sure like it.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
-There's an awful lot of weather on tap this weekend.
Ryan, what's going on at the meteor lot --
at the weather desk?
-Well...
Well, Greg, let's just, uh,
let's take a look at the weather...
[ Groans ]
...weather board. Have a look --
I smell toast. I...
[ Laughter ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Groaning ]
[ Grunting and groaning ]
Argh! Oh, ugh!
[ Grunting and groaning ]
[ Vocalizing ethereal tune ]
[ Laughter ]
Wow, I can't believe I lasted that long.
[ Laughter ]
[ Vocalizing ethereal tune ]
I guess now I'll be rewarded with my -- my bevy of virgins.
[ Laughter ]
[ Vocalizing ethereal tune ]
-Don't look at me.
[ Laughter ]
-Hm...
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Choking ]
[ Gurgling ]
Oh.
[ Sighs ]
-Oh, I'm alright.
[ Laughter ]
-Are you okay?
Do you want the Heimlich maneuver?
-I think I'm okay. Who's president?
-I'm not sure.
[ Laughter ]
-It's not the orange-haired guy, is it?
-No.
-Okay, I'm alright to stay then.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Well, that's all the time we have for the news tonight.
Stay tuned for CW's new show, "It Used To Be a Vampire."
[ Network news music plays ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-That was delightful.
-I saw things...
that people shouldn't see.
[ Laughter ]
-In the afterlife or just like on the way here today?
-Just on the way here. -Yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to play a game
now entitled "Sound Effects."
This is a game for Ryan and Colin.
Come on down.
We're going to need help with a few volunteers
from our audience,
so let's find out who wants to participate.
[ Sing-song voice ] What's gonna happen? Oh, my God!
What's your name? -Nicole.
-Nicole, go on down.
Oh, I don't know.
Oh. What's your name?
-Alicia. -Alicia?
That's why you're going because you won't even
make eye contact with me.
This is going to go great you guys.
Alicia and Nicole.
-Hi, how are you? Alicia?
-Alicia. -Hi.
-Here. Alicia, here's a microphone.
There you go.
And you look super cute, both of you.
That's all that matters. -Thank you.
-Ah, now... Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
The way this game works is that Ryan and Colin
are going to perform a scene
and Nicole and Alicia
are going to provide the sound effects.
Only when prompted guys.
So Nicole, you'll do the sound effects for Colin.
Alicia, you'll do the sound effects for Ryan.
Just kind of watch them and see when it seems like
they need you to make a noise and try to do what you can.
The scene you guys are going to be acting out is --
It's New Year's Eve in Times Square
and Colin and Ryan are two cops
that hear there's a giant creature in the sewers
on the other side of town.
[ Gasps ] Take it away.
[ Laughter ]
-[ Imitates baton twirling ]
-[ Imitates CB radio static ]
-Three, two, one.
[ Silence ]
Boy, it's a quiet New Year, huh?
[ Laughter ]
-Not what I thought it would be.
-Yeah, it's pretty quiet.
-[ Imitates partygoers cheering ]
-Now, those two people over there are having fun.
Hey. I'm just going to turn on the police radio
see if there's anything happening across town.
-[ Imitates police radio static ]
[ Laughter ]
-Put the antenna up. -Alright.
-[ Imitates antennae ratcheting ]
-[ Imitates dog growling ]
-Wait. -Oh, what is it?
-it's Snappy, the police dog.
He's trying to tell us something.
-What is it Snappy?
-Grr! -Oh, my God.
-There's a giant creature across town!
-You got all that out of that?
-I speak dog.
[ Laughter ]
-Hop in the cop ped.
-[ Imitates soft thud ]
-The cop ped.
[ Laughter ]
Here we go. -[ Imitates pony neighing ]
-Oh. -Oh, it's a horse.
-Oh, my God.
Easy boy. -[ Imitates pony neighing ]
It's a pony. It's not a horse.
-Oh, sorry.
-Horses have a deeper sound. -Alright.
Luckily I have a portable siren.
[ Imitates sizzling sound ]
[ Imitates two-tone siren blaring ]
-Don't use the British one. Use the American one.
[ Laughter ]
-Whew-ew, whew-ew! -Okay.
Whoa!
-Whew-ew, whew-ew, whew-ew! -Whoop-whoop-whoop.
-Alright, that's enough. Let's go.
-We've got to find a different movement when we ride horses.
Alright.
[ Laughter ]
-Look, that's a 16-foot rat
that we have to destroy.
A 16-foot what? -Rat.
-[ Imitates strained honking ]
-Oh! Oh, my God. -Oh! Oh, my God.
He just ate an angry goose.
-Oh, geeze, what is happening around here?
-[ Imitates gnawing ]
-He's going to destroy the entire city.
We're the only two who can stop him.
-Alright, I'm going to set some explosives.
You draw him into the circle where the explosives are
and then get out quick. -How do I get him?
Alright.
-You know how to get him in there,
act like a rat.
Act like a sexy rat.
-[ Imitates sexy mewwing ]
-Sing a rat song to him.
-♪ I love you ♪
-Beautiful. Beautiful. Here he comes. Ready?
-Yeah.
-Plug your ears. This could be quiet.
[ Laughter ]
-Boom. -Oh, wow.
Holy smokes.
[ Buzzer ]
-♪ I love you ♪
-Thank you, well done.
-Everybody give it up for Nicole and Alicia!
Nicole and Alicia, good job you guys.
-♪ I love you ♪
-Thank you. Nicole and Alicia.
-♪ I love you ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-It had a certain European flare.
-Yeah.
-♪ I love you ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hey everybody, don't go anywhere.
There's more "Whose Line" coming right after this.
Stick around.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
And we are going to keep it going now
with a game entitled, "Newsflash."
This is for all four of you lovely gentlemen.
Come forward please.
Ryan, Wayne, and Greg are going to be
three news anchors in the studio.
Colin is going to be in the field
as a reporter covering a breaking news story
but he doesn't know what the story is
because he's standing in front of a blank green screen
like your weatherman at home.
And by the magic of television,
Ryan, Wayne, Greg and all the rest of us
are going to see the news story projected onto that screen.
And the challenge that Colin has to face
is guessing which is the news story behind him.
So here we go over to Wayne, Ryan, and Greg in the studio.
Take it away. -Well, good evening.
And welcome to the 11:00 news.
We welcome a new member of the team,
Jimmy Tornado, and Jimmy, welcome to the news team.
-[ Nasally voice ] It's great to be on board, fellas.
-Why don't you throw us out into the field?
-Alright, hey Colin, how's it going out there, my friend?
-Well, as you can see, things have reached
a fever pitch out here.
When I arrived about three hours ago,
it was nowhere near this activity.
-Colin, can you describe exactly what might
be happening out there?
Well, as you can see, it's a kerfuffle
of major proportions.
It all started with a foxtrot competition
and it just morphed into this.
-Oh!
[ Laughter ]
Wow, that's so damn close
it's not even funny, Colin. -I know.
[ Laughter ]
I do feel like I am in a little bit of danger.
-Colin, are you worried about being caught
in this -- what they're calling the white out of the year?
-Oh absolutely. I'm afraid for my life.
I don't want to be out here. -Oh, my God.
-Wait, wait. They've just updated the forecast.
-Oh. -Now it's a brownout.
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, someone's got to -- Oh, my.
-Hey, stop that!
[ Laughter ]
-Now Colin, would you say that there's a rhythm
to everything that's happening?
[ Laughter and applause ]
And how do you feel about being involved in it?
-Oh, man, aww.
-I don't want to be any more involved
than I already am.
Already I'm feeling very uncomfortable.
Come on, you guys. Stop it!
[ Laughter ]
-Do you feel like moving when you're out there, Colin?
-Oh! Well -- Well, there you go.
-God, yes, of course I do.
Would you just stand still in the middle of this?
[ Laughter ]
-Colin, hopefully that's the end.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Would you...
Oh, try. Just give it a try.
-Things having sex.
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, God, let's hope not. -This is the precursor.
-Oh, you're right. Yeah, things having sex.
-Things dancing.
-Yay! -Oh, he got it.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Seems like Colin must be running out of clothes.
[ Buzzer ]
-That kitten is so angry. I know, yeah.
I think the thing that I would like to point out to everybody
is that Colin was in that clip and appeared to be wearing
exactly the same shirt that he's wearing today.
[ Laughter ]
Next up, my friends, is a game entitled "Scenes from a Hat."
[ Cheers and applause ]
It's for all four of our performers.
Come on down. Ryan and Colin are there.
Wayne and Greg are here.
Now, before the show
we asked the audience to write down sketches
they'd like to see acted out by our performers.
I've got the ideas for those sketches
in here and I'm going to read them out to you.
And we're going to see how many awesome things
you can come up with. Here we go.
The world's worst battle cry.
-Oh, no.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-Let's get them, girls.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-[ Gravelly voice ] Let's get them, girls.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Best two out of three.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-This [bleep] going down.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Unlikely opening lines from a news report.
-And the border dispute was settled
by a rousing game of tag.
[ Laughter ]
Nanny, nanny, boo, boo, you smell like doo-doo.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ] Back to you, Todd.
[ Laughter ]
-It appears that Canada has completed their wall.
In order to...
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Good evening. There's a high speed chase
going on in Hollywood that we refuse to cover.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Pick up lines on the golf course.
-Ever experienced a hole in one?
[ Laughter ]
I don't know what it means either.
[ Laughter ]
-Would you like to see my penis?
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ] -Get out of there!
[ Buzzer ] Get out of there.
-That's not... -No.
-I thought it, oh. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
-If you put it in the dragon's mouth,
you get a free game.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Aw, damn girl, you like it rough.
-In the rough. -Oh.
-Because try to work your way out of my bunker.
[ Laughter ]
-With my 9 iron?
[ Laughter ]
-More like a putter. -Use your driver.
Use your driver.
[ Laughter ]
-You don't know what I'm carrying in my golf bag.
-if that's your basket of balls,
I ain't going to be hitting nothing.
-Oh, well, maybe we should go to the clubhouse.
[ Buzzer ] [ Laughter ]
I know nothing about golf.
-Really? Shocking.
-We should change.
-We should because, well, everybody's...
Well, all of us just need to curl up in a ball
on the floor and get therapy.
[ Laughter ]
Documentaries no one would ever watch.
-Let's explore the wonderful world of golf.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hey, don't go anywhere.
We've got more "Whose Line" right after this.
Stay tuned.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
We're going to keep things moving
with a game entitled "Greatest Hits."
This is a game for Ryan, Colin, and Wayne
with the help of lovely and talented
Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
The way this game works is that Ryan and Colin
are two TV voiceover artists
talking about the latest compilation album.
Wayne is going to sing snippets of the songs on that album.
And so what I need is a suggestion
from the audience here of a job where you work with animals.
What's a job where you work with animals?
[ Audience shouting suggestions ]
Yeah, that's good. There's lots of good things
and a smattering of enthusiasm.
We're going to go with farmer.
Alright, so the name of your album is "Songs of the Farmer."
Take it away.
-Hey, what are you doing, Ryan?
-Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention to you.
I was just playing with my hands.
-Oh, but that reminds me. That looks like a farmer.
-Wait a minute.
It did look like I was milking a cow.
Didn't it? -Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
Anyway, we have Elmer Fudd's favorite.
Elmer Fudd? A fictional character?
Yeah, his favorite hip-hop artist,
Fetty Wap.
-What? -Fetty Wap.
-Fetty Wap? -Fetty Wap. Fetty Wap.
-I've never heard of such a thing.
-Oh, yes, Fetty, slang for money, fool.
-I didn't know that. I thought it was a cheese.
-No, feta.
-Oh. It's not feta wrap.
I'd love a feta wrap right now. Feta Wrap is that --
He's that Greek hip hop artist.
-I've never heard it.
-So sit back and listen to this great song,
"Tractors, Trucks, and Hoes."
[ Hip-hop trap music playing ]
♪♪
-[ As Fetty Wap ] ♪ Oh ♪
[ Laughter ]
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ It was hot, I've been sitting in seat ♪
♪ When I'm in the driver's seat, I'm in that John Deere ♪
♪ Baby, I'm riding alone, as anyone can see ♪
♪ I'm right up in, I'm in, I'm in that John Deere ♪
♪ I got that tractor, man, that tractor with the blades ♪
♪ Them blades be cutting all of that, that wheat ♪
♪ The wheat I put in back of the bus ♪
♪ And then you know you put it one ♪
♪ Because tractor ♪
♪ Ain't nobody going to make them trucks cut ♪
♪ I got enough of them tractors and the tractors ♪
And the what?
[ Laughter ]
-Hoes. -Tractors, trucks, and hoes.
-♪ Because I've enough tractors, trucks, and hoes ♪
♪ Oh, tractors, trucks and hoes ♪
♪ and I'm in that seat and it just can't go ♪
♪ So then I clap my hands and I grab my hoe ♪
♪ I'm jumping in that truck ♪
♪ And I'm driving with that wheel ♪
♪ Fetty in the driver seat, tell you how we feel ♪
♪ Everybody gonna do when they keep going low ♪
♪ Got that tractor, truck, and I'm lugging on my hoe ♪
♪ Look up the meaning of hoe, you know ♪
♪ It's a homonym or a synonym, too ♪
♪ When I got the hoe and I don't got one, got two ♪
♪ And I got my tractor and my trucks and my hoe ♪
♪ And as far as this song go, we through, you know ♪
♪ The tractor, truck, the hoe ♪
[ Music stops ]
-Wow.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Laughter ]
-Who am I doing? -Intestinal cramps?
-No, one of my favorite artists of all the time.
Stevie Wonder. -Oh.
-And who can forget this Stevie Wonder
farm-inspired song inspired by swine,
that Stevie Wonder hit, "Sooie."
[ Laughter ]
[ R&B music playing ]
♪♪
-[ As Stevie Wonder ] Hey everyone, let's listen up.
When I'm on the farm, I love bacon every day.
♪ When I'm eating ♪
♪ I want to get the bacon on my plate ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪ There's only one noise that'll keep them running ♪
♪ I've got to get the pigs out the cage ♪
♪ So then I start to go, sooie, soo-sooie ♪
♪ soo, woo, woo, woo-ie, sooie ♪
♪ I don't know this, and, yes, I suppose this ♪
♪ if I eat the pig wrong ♪
♪ I might get trichinosis, but that don't really matter ♪
♪ Bacon, I say ooh-wee, because when it get done ♪
♪ I'm thinking about that soo-oo-ie. ♪
♪ Soo-ie ♪
♪ Sooie, too sweet, sooie, sooie ♪
♪ That sooie, sooie, sooie, sooie, sooie, sooie ♪
♪ Because pigs ♪
♪ Because pigs are so nutritious ♪
[ Laughter ]
♪ Sooie, sooie ♪
♪ Ooie, sooie ♪
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hey, find out who won our show after this short break.
There's more "Whose Line" right after this.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hey, welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
That's our show tonight.
All four of you have won the day.
I'd like you to read out the credits
as if you're all idiots planning terrible escapes from prison.
Thanks for watching everybody. Goodnight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-First off, we've got to build a tunnel.
-Alright.
-How about we just walk up and say "Please"?
-I've got an idea. -What?
-Warden! Warden!
-Warden!
-No, we're going to have to find out own way out.
-Alright. -I'm going to dig out this way.
-Alright.
Wait, you just dug yourself into another cell.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Oh, no.
♪♪