-Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show, golden honey Wayne Brady,
dark molasses Brad Sherwood,
gooey maple syrup Colin Mochrie,
and sticky fingers, it's Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler. Let's make some stuff up.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Welcome my friends. Welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway? --
the show where everything is made up.
The points don't matter at all.
We've got a sensational show for you tonight.
We're going to start right now with a game entitled
"Weird Newscasters".
This is for all four of our performers,
so come on down.
In this game, Colin is the anchor of a news program.
Brad, Ryan, and Wayne are his co-anchors.
Each of them is a rather odd character.
Brad is the co-anchor who is also an enthusiastic
television chef preparing the turkey.
Colin, for a big Thanksgiving dinner --
I want to make sure that's clear --
Colin is the turkey. -I got it.
-Okay good. -[ Laughs ]
-Ryan is going to be the sportscaster
who is also a series of people arriving
at Aisha's dressing room -- oh, Lord.
And Wayne is the weather forecaster
who is also acting out the Olympic games in 30 seconds.
Enjoy.
♪♪
-Welcome to the 6:00 news.
I'm your anchor, Avery Breath-You-Take.
Our top story today -- a man was found dead downtown today
with some lettuce sticking out of his butt.
Police say that's just the tip of the iceberg.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Let's see what else is happening around the world
with my co-anchor, Chef Lee.
-Well, Thanksgiving is right around the corner,
so let's get started.
First, we're going to baste.
[ Laughter ]
And what good is a turkey without stuffing it?
[ Laughter and applause ]
Make sure the breasts are plump.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, yes, those are coming along nicely.
[ Laughter ]
Remove the giblets.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Laughter ]
I can't wait to eat you.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Now let's see what's happening in the world of weather
with Moisty McMellon.
-Oh, thank you Colin.
Well, let's take a look and see what's moving in this weekend.
We have all kinds of battered weather moving in.
And let's see what else is happening.
[ Imitates door opening ] Ms. Tyler...
Ah! Oh.
You're wanted in make up.
Ooh.
[ Laughter ]
[ Imitates knock on door ] Ms. Tyler...
Can I help you strap this down? -Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
I strapped it down at home. -You did? Okay.
[ Imitates knocking on door ] Ms. Tyler... Hey, it's Ryan. Hi.
-Hi, Ryan. -You want any of this tonight?
[ Laughter ]
-After the show. -Just the one?
-If you've been good.
-If I've been good? -Yeah.
-Then I should... -Yeah.
-Oh. -Mm-hmm.
[ Laughter ] -[ Mouths ] Back to you.
-Alright. And now, the world of sports with Pigskin Macalay.
[ Laughter ]
-Thank you so much.
There are so many things going on in the world of sports.
Like this... [ Bang! ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Whoosh! ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Breathing heavily ]
[ Grunting ]
USA! USA! USA!
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Imitates award music ]
[ Laughter ]
Back to you.
-Well, that's the 6:00 news. Good night, and good news.
[ Buzzer ] [ Cheers and applause ]
-That was adorable.
I would have never been any of those people, Aisha.
You would have never been any of the people who --
Oh, if that was your bit to do?
-Hi, Aisha. Good to see you today.
-Oh, that's nice. That's nice. -[ Imitates knocking on door ]
-Hmm? -Hi, Aisha.
-Where's my big bag of weed?
[ Laughter ]
-There we go. -There you go.
-Kids watch this show, Aisha. -[ Laughs ]
-Not mine. [ Laughter ]
-We're going to play a game now entitled "Whose Line?"
This game is for Ryan and Colin, so come on down.
Before the show, we asked the audience to write down
random line suggestions.
We've chosen some.
And so, Colin, these are your random line suggestions.
And Ryan, these are your random line suggestions.
So, they're going to put those in their pocket
and take them out during the scene at their leisure
and at their discretion, and here's the scene.
Ryan is Superman, getting ready to take Lois Lane, Colin,
on a dangerous mission.
Whenever you're ready, take it away.
-Hi. -Hey, Supes.
-We're... [ Laughter ]
We're going to go shopping today.
-Well, I need a big story.
Perry is on my back about coming up with some kind of scoop.
-Don't talk to me about Perry.
-What's wrong with you? You seem a little out of sorts.
-I'm not -- I'm not a big fan of that guy.
Last time I bothered to go over to the newspaper,
he walked up to me and he said,
"Please call me Jermaine from now on."
[ Laughter ] -Yeah.
-But no, Perry, you're Perry. You're not Jermaine to me.
-[ Laughs ] -See what I'm saying?
-Yeah, that's good.
You know, actually, I've been thinking of breaking it off.
-Breaking what off? -This relationship.
-We have a relationship?
-That might be the reason I'm breaking it off.
[ Laughter ] -Well, look, Lois,
I-I know we haven't been very close lately...
-All I know is I make an effort when you come flying --
-What effort have you made for me lately?
-Oh, last night when you flew in through the window
and I was wearing my silky negligee
and I said in my sexiest voice, "Get out of my face, bitch."
-I heard you. -Because I know you like that.
-I was late. I apologized for that.
-All I'm saying is I'm trying something different.
At least I am trying. -I apologized for that 3 times!
What do I have to do to make it up to you?
-Oh, Superman. [ Laughter ]
-Alright, you want a little sexy talk.
Is that what you want? -Oh... Alright.
-How about I...
How about I just take you to the bedroom right now, huh?
How about I throw you down on the bed
and get close to you like this and whisper in your ear,
"I'm so drunk, I can barely stand."
[ Laughter ]
How about that? Would that turn you on?
-No! And not only that, you're faster than a speeding bullet.
-Ahh!
[ Audience oohs, laughs ] -I think --
-But I'm more powerful than a locomotive!
-Oh, you're kidding yourself.
-Look, I've lost a bit, I'm going to admit that.
-I've been seeing Batman. -What?
[ Audience oohs ]
-Yeah. -Batman?
-Yeah. He knows how to take care of a woman.
-The man lives in a cave! -Yes.
Oh, Mr. I Live In the Cold. The Fortress of Solitude.
And you know what the cold does to you.
-That was my dad.
I have a condo down at the beach.
My dad lived in the cold. -I don't care.
[ Laughter ] Batman is my man.
-Alright, fine. I'm leaving.
-I'm sorry it had to end this way.
I hope we can still be friends.
-[ Sighs ] We can probably... -What do you mean probably?
-[ Imitating door rattling ] Can you get the door for me?
-Oh, I -- Sorry, I forgot I had a kryptonite knob.
[ Laughter ]
-[ Stifled laughing ]
-Probably could have phrased that better.
-Or it might have been funnier if I said it.
-Listen...
Please don't go away mad. -No, I'm going, Lois.
-No, I'll always be there for you.
And remember, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart,
I know we had some bad times, but we had some good times, too.
-We've had more bad than we've had good.
-Alright, well I was trying to be kind.
I hope that as you're flying around saving the world,
doing all the stuff you do, that you'll just think of me,
and you'll just think, "Beat my butt like a bongo".
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ] Got a corner?
[ Buzzer continues ]
[ Cheers and applause ] -I took my glasses off.
-Alright, everybody, stick around.
There's more "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
right after this.
Stay tuned.
-Hey, there. Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
We're going to move on now to a game entitled
"Themed Restaurant".
This game is for all of our performers, so come on down.
We're also going to need some help to play this game,
so please welcome to the stage, our star guest,
the lovely Grace Byers.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Byers, yay! Hi, lady.
Alright, the way this game works is that Brad and Grace
are a young couple having a romantic meal in a restaurant,
And Colin, Ryan, and Wayne are the waiters
in this restaurant that has a "Wizard of Oz" theme.
It is a "Wizard of Oz" themed restaurant.
Take it away.
-[ Roars ]
MGM.
[ Laughter ]
-Welcome to our restaurant.
There seems to be something weird about the seating.
Whoaa!
Whoaaaaa!
Whoaaa! -Ahhh!
-Whoa! [ Cackling ]
[ Shouts ]
-Martinis with a twister?
[ Laughter ]
-Complementary oven brick frogs legs?
-[ Snorts, laughs ] -So what --
Swallow the yellow brick toad?
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
-Hi. [ Singing ] ♪ I recommend the cabernet ♪
♪ The cabernet, the cabernet ♪
♪ I recommend the caberneeeeet ♪
♪ It's very old and oaky, too ♪
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Would you like to get some wine? That sounds...
-Maybe -- Maybe the cabernet. -Sounds good.
Oaky is -- is always nice.
-I am your great and powerful waiter.
Pay no attention to the man in the kitchen.
[ Laughter ]
-Okay.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-I wanted to ask him about the specials.
-Or a main -- -[ Normal voice ] Oh, specials?
We have... [Singing] ♪ Ravio-io-li ♪
-Sounds good. -That sounds good.
And -- And what are your desserts?
We'll have two of those raviolis.
-Yes. -♪ Ca-a-a-no-li ♪
♪ Ca-a-a-- ♪
[ Laughter and applause ]
-I love this place already.
-Oh, yes, I can't wait to try the --
-Complementary ice cream? -...ca-a-a-no-lis.
-Oh. -Oh. Oh, it --
Hurry up and eat it. It's melting.
It's melting!
[ Laughter ]
-Dessert first.
We didn't even order yet. That was --
-Oh, you haven't ordered yet? -No.
-Well, you've always had the power to order.
-What? -Just tap your shoes together
and say, "I want to order, I want to order."
-It's just that simple? -It's just that simple.
-We could have ordered all along.
-Ugh! -You could have ordered
all along.
-You could have ordered all along.
You could have ordered all along.
-What did he say?
-We could have ordered... [ Both ] All along.
-[ Chuckles ] Looks like the little lady is hungry.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-You had quite a pass out there from your lack of food.
[ Laughter ]
-Did you have a dining experience,
and was he there, and was he there?
-Oh, I doubt I was there. -[ Laughs ]
-All of you were there. -We were all there.
-[ Laughs, barks ] That's unsanitary.
[ Laughter ] [ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Indistinct chatter ] -[ Laughs ]
-Grace Byers, everybody. Grace Byers.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Grace Byers. -Yeah, yeah.
[ Cheers and applause continue ]
That was wildly comprehensive. -Yeah.
-Like, you -- you were actually almost out of characters
at the end. -Oh, we were out of characters.
[ Laughter ]
-We're going to play a game now entitled "Party Quirks".
In this game, Brad is hosting a party
and Wayne, Colin, and Ryan are going to be his guests.
But each of them has a rather strange quirk or identity.
What Brad has to do is guess
what those quirks or identities are.
So, Wayne, Colin, and Ryan, whenever you're ready,
you line up over there.
I'll bring you in one at a time with the doorbell,
and whenever you're ready, Brad, start the party.
[ Doorbell rings ] -Oh, finally.
[ Laughter ]
Hey. Welcome. -Hello. Welcome.
-Hi. -Hi.
-Come on in. -Come on in. Ah, ah.
-Please -- -Please.
-...make yourself at home. -Make yourself at home.
-Ah, yes. -Make yourself at home.
[ Making mechanical disfunction noise ]
[ Making explosion, mechanical noises ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Doorbell rings ]
[ Applause ] [ Whistling ]
Did you guys carpool?
-[ Making robot noises ]
[ Making drilling noise ] You're our only hope.
[ Drilling noise continues ]
[ Making explosion, burbling noises ]
[ Grunts ] Enough war for today. [ Laughs ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Doorbell rings ] -Oh.
Hi, welcome to the party.
-[ Scottish accent ] Oh, you had me at hello.
[ Laughter ]
[ Trilling ]
Oh. Oh, we're going to need a bigger boat.
[ Laughter ]
[ Trilling ]
[ Laughter ]
Use the force, you little bastard.
[ Laughter ] Use the force.
-[ Laughs ] [ Doorbell rings ]
-Hi. -Hey, Brad.
-You're late, but come on in. -I know. Sorry I'm late.
-That's alright.
[ Laughter ]
Please. Come -- Come in. -Oh, mind if I help myself
to a drink? -Oh, yeah, have some.
-[ Grunting ] -You see your doctor
in Beverly Hills today?
-[ Imitating propeller ]
[ Grunting ] [ Imitating propeller ]
[ Imitating chopping noises ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Doorbell rings ] -Oh.
-Hey, Brad. -Hey. [ Laughs ]
Come on in. -Alright.
-Please. -Say hello to my little friend.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Hey, is that algae I see?
-Yeah. Have some. -[ Growling ]
Oh, I can't seem to get... [ Imitating suction noise ]
[ Imitating propeller ]
-Oh, no. [ Laughs ] Oh!
-What's this all "aboot", algae?
[ Laughter ]
-What an excellent conglomeration of party guests.
[ Laughter ] -Ah!
The Rosebud! Rosebud, you bastard!
[ Laughter ]
-You're a Scottish "Braveheart" who only speaks in movie dialog.
-I'll take it. [ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Doorbell rings ] Answer the door.
-Hold on. [ Laughter ]
[ Imitating chopping noise ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Chopping continues ]
-He's a bunch of sea creatures that keep getting sucked
into the pump or the motor.
-Yeah, okay, I'll take it. [ Buzzer ]
-Thank you. -I'll take it.
I'll take it.
-The blades of the -- -Propeller.
-...propeller. Oh.
[ Doorbell rings ]
-Ahh. Ahh.
[ Thud ] Noo! Ahhhhhh!
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Are you...
[ Cheers and applause ]
Are you Terminator?
-I'll take it. I will take that. [ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-It's all fairly simple. -I will take that.
[ Cheers and applause continue ]
-Come on. [ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ] -Hey, don't move.
We've got more "Whose Line" for you
right after these messages.
Stick around.
-Hey, everybody, welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
It's time to play a game now entitled "Greatest Hits".
This is a game for all four of our gentleman players
with the help of the killer Lara Hall
and Linda Taylor on piano and guitar.
Come on down.
The way this game works is that Ryan and Colin
are two television voice-over performers
talking about the latest compilation album.
And Brad and Wayne are going to sing snippets
of the songs on that album, so what I need now
is a suggestion from the audience here.
Tell me a type of vacation that you might go on.
[ Shouting suggestions ]
Okay. Oh, a lot of good suggestions.
But I'm going to go with backpacking.
-Oh. -So here we go.
The name of your album is entitled
"Songs of the Backpacker".
-Hi, we'll be back on our documentary
about cleaning mirrors.
That's something I can see myself doing.
[ Laughter ]
-Whew, that was quite a hike. -Yeah, that was some acting.
-That's all our songs today are about backpacking, about hiking.
-Oh. -I love my 80's music.
I love the 80's. That's the last time I got laid.
And you know what I think of 80's music...
And I think 80's music all about backpacking.
I think of one that was on the top of the 80's charts
for over two weeks in a row back in the 80's
on the 80's charts. -Is this an 80's song?
-Yes. -Just wanted to make sure.
-That 80's hit "A Warm Cave".
[ 80's music plays ]
♪♪
[ Audience whooping ]
♪♪
-[ Singing ] ♪ When I'm outside ♪
♪ I don't know exactly where to go ♪
♪ When I roam, I see ♪
♪ And I know there's a place the bear calls home ♪
♪ I run, I run, I find, I go ♪
♪ [ Roars ] I -- Oh ♪
♪ Oh, no, I go ♪
♪ I say, I save 'em, It's a warm caave ♪
-♪ It's a warm cave ♪
♪ I'm searing for, for ♪
♪ For, for, for ♪ -♪ For so long ♪
♪ We're going to be there♪
♪ And we'll stay a little more, more, more, more ♪
♪ More, more, more ♪ -♪ We'll both stay the night ♪
-♪ The night ♪ -♪ With drawings ♪
♪ From another age on the wall ♪
-♪ Petroglyphs ♪
-♪ Detailing battles and close calls ♪
-♪ A buffalo ♪
-♪ It's so cozy inside the cave ♪
♪ I never want to go back into civilization ♪
-♪ A bow and arrow ♪
-♪ Becauuuuuse this our warm cave ♪
-♪ Warm cave ♪ -♪ Ca-ave, ca-aaaaave ♪
-♪ Our warm cave ♪ -♪ This is our warm ca-aaaave♪
♪ This is a very warm cave ♪ -♪ Cave, cave, cave, cave ♪
♪ Cave, cave, cave ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hey, Colin. -Yeah?
-What do you call bear poop? -Scat.
-Yep. You know --
[ Laughter ]
...here's a big bear scat hit.
Oops, I stepped in it.
[ Scat music plays ]
♪♪
[ Both scatting ]
♪♪
-[ Fart noise ]
♪♪
♪ Step... ♪ [ Scatting continues ]
♪ Doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ [ Roaring ] ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪♪
-♪ I stepped in a little poop ♪ -♪ Mm-hmm ♪
-♪ Got on my shoe like a scoop ♪
[ Scatting ]
♪ Loopdy loop, because I thought it was moose ♪
♪ Or maybe bear poop ♪
-♪ I think it's bear. I think it's bear ♪
♪ I can tell by the quality of the hair ♪
♪ That's in there. That's in there ♪
♪ Teeny, tiny patches of hair up in there ♪
[ Scatting continues ]
-♪ You're follicly inclined ♪
♪ To find the difference in the scat ♪
♪ And what a mind you got ♪
♪ So much in, I can't try ♪
♪ You got poop, but don't CSI ♪
-♪ Let me tell you something, oh, contain ya ♪
♪ All up inside, mm, Ursa Major ♪
♪ Mm, look at that, how can it be? ♪
[ Scatting ]
-♪ Don't taste it, the poop gives me chills ♪
♪ You are as crazy as old bear grills ♪
♪ Eating poop like they're just pills ♪
♪ What is that? It's going to make you ill ♪
-♪ Now let me tell you something, boy ♪
♪ Since the day I was born ♪
♪ I realize there's nutritional value in corn ♪
-♪ Boop ♪ -♪ And it's a simple fact ♪
♪ That I can't be warm ♪
♪ Because, ooh, the bear scat is so, so warm ♪
[ Scatting ] ♪ The poop, 'cause I stepped in it ♪
[ Both ] ♪ Booooooooooooo ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer ] -Stick around.
I'll tell you who won our show
right after these short messages.
Stay tuned.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That's our show.
Tonight's winners are all four of you lovely gentlemen.
So please join our very special guest,
Grace Byers, and read out the credits
as if you're all birds who think the camera is a feeder.
Thanks for watching, everybody. Good night.
-Yeah. -[ Laughs ]
[ Squawking ]
-Feed us, feed us, Wayne Brady.
Feed us. Oh, oh.
[ Laughter ]
-- Captions by VITAC --
[ Applause ]
-[ Squawking ] -[ Laughs ]
♪♪
-I'm almost 60.
-[ Laughs ] -Why?
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Indistinct chatter ]
[ Laughter ]