-Good evening, everybody.
And welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show, "Global Warming" Wayne Brady,
"Rising Sea Levels" Gary Anthony Williams,
"Acid Rain" Colin Mochrie,
and "Toxic Emissions," it's Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler. Let's make some stuff up.
-[ Shouting indistinctly ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I did it. I did it.
Welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" --
the show where everything's made up
and the points don't matter.
We've got a fantastic show for you tonight,
so let's get started right now
with a game called "Deleted Scenes."
This is for all four of our performers.
Come on down.
They're dividing into two pairs.
Ryan and Colin are there, and Gary and Wayne are here.
Now, this is a quick-fire game
where I give the performers the names of iconic movies,
and they have to suggest scenes
that would have been deleted from those films.
And we are gonna start here with "The Wizard of Oz."
-Hey, uh, Dorothy. Hi. It's Uber Eats.
I think I took the wrong yellow brick road.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-So, Miss Gale, let me get this right.
-Mm-hmm. -Uh, you're saying the house
fell on her and that's why she's dead?
-That is correct. -Right.
You're coming with me. -No.
-You're coming with me. Come on.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-Auntie Em, twister!
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Oh, no! The flying monkeys!
The fly-- Oh. Oh -- Oh, man.
[ Laughter ]
-I'll tell you what happened. I'll tell you what happened.
We said goodbye.
Then she says to the Scarecrow,
"I'm gonna miss you most of all."
So I ate her.
[ Laughter ]
[Bleep] you, Dorothy.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-I want to go to Nome. I want to go to Nome.
Poof. Jesus.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Alaska.
[ Laughter ]
-Thank you, Wayne. Thank you.
[ Laughter ]
-Dorothy, I'm a scarecrow.
And a junkie.
[ Laughter ]
I need some brains.
[ Laughter ] [ Buzzer ]
-Have you seen Toto?
[ Audience groans ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Were you grinding him up?
-No, I was cooking him on a spit.
-Okay, close enough.
[ Laughter ]
-Who are you to say how tall a [bleep] Munchkin could be, huh?
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Yeah.
-I'm in the union.
[ Buzzer ]
-Okay, "Back to the Future."
-"Back to the Future."
-Deleted scenes from "Back to the Future."
-[ Imitates whooshing ]
Uh, where are we?
1950s?
Oh, crap.
-Yeah. Yep.
-Yeah, that's right.
You came to the wrong time.
-You just can't leave me out here.
[ Laughter ]
-We got to get that old white dude to come save you.
-[ As Christopher Lloyd ] I can't sell this [bleep] car.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Oh, oh.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-That was awesome.
-Any points I have I'd like to give to Ryan
for his Nome reference, please.
-For the Nome reference? Yes. -Thank you.
-Yes, that's very generous of you.
[ Cheers and applause ]
The line is, "There's no place like Nome,"
not, "I want to go to Nome." -"There's no place like Nome."
-That's why it was cold when popped into the new place.
-Ah, yeah.
-Oh.
[ Laughter ]
-Now, my friends, we are gonna play a game called "Duet."
This game is for Wayne,
accompanied by the fantastic Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
And here to join him singing a duet is our celebrity guest,
so please welcome singer, musician, and dancer
from "Dancing with the Stars," Mark Ballas.
[ Cheers and applause ] -My man Mark.
-Yay! What's up? Mark Ballas!
-Mark Ballas. Welcome to my house.
-Alright, so, Wayne, you are gonna sing a song with Mark.
-Yes. -Okay?
And you'll be singing in the style of flamenco.
-Ah, flamenco.
Now, we're gonna do flamenco,
because besides being an amazing dancer and actor,
Broadway star, the whole nine,
this guy plays flamenco guitar, like, for real, for real.
So why don't you grab a guitar from Miss Linda?
-There's one. -What?
-This is the first time on "Whose Line"
we've had a guest play an instrument like this.
So, we need someone to sing a flamenco song to.
So, let's -- Who has a very non-sexy job?
Who has the least sexiest job in the room?
-Intern! -Not everyone's job is sexy.
Speak up, y'all, 'cause you're lying.
You're all lying. Who thinks they have a sexy job?
There's a lady -- I heard something about lung.
What?
-I'm a lung transplant coordinator.
-[ Spanish accent ] Ah, that is so not sexy.
Please come join us. Come.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Guitar plays ]
[ Normal voice ] Hey, what's your name?
-Crystal. -Crystal. Crystal, this is Mark.
-Hi, Crystal. -Everyone, this is Crystal.
Say, "Hey, Crystal." -Crystal!
[ Applause ] -[ Hums ]
[ Guitar plays ]
♪ Crystal ♪
[ Breathes deeply ]
-We'll do this.
[ Laughter ]
-♪ You take my breath away ♪
♪ Crystal ♪ -Oh, he's good.
-♪ So, tell me, Crystal ♪
♪ So, tell me, Crystal ♪
♪ If I needed a [Gasps] lung transplant ♪
♪ Would you help me ♪
♪ What's the first step? ♪
♪ How do I qualify as a candidate for this procedure? ♪
-Send me your records.
-♪ Here are my records from my doctor ♪
♪ I can already tell you it's not good ♪
♪ That's why I'm talking to [Gasps] you, Crystal ♪
♪ And then, Crystal ♪
-I'd help you breathe life -- breathe life into your lungs.
-♪ How would -- oh, that sounds dirty, Crystal ♪
[ Laughter ]
♪ Now, Crystal, how would you breathe life ♪
♪ Into my lungs, Crystal? ♪
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
♪ And apparently you jump-started my heart ♪
♪ To a different beat ♪
♪ Whoa, Crystal ♪
♪ You know what I realized, Crystal? ♪
♪ I should have given you a mic a long time ago ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm the only person who can hear what you're saying ♪
♪ Ohhh ♪
♪ Isn't that something? ♪
♪ Guess what, it's really made up ♪
♪ Oh, Crystal ♪
♪ Speak into the microphone ♪
-Where did we leave off?
-♪ We left off where ♪
♪ I was asking you about my insurance there ♪
♪ How much insurance would I need ♪
♪ For a procedure such as this? ♪
-So, what I could do -- -♪ Speak into the microphone ♪
-So, what I could do is I'd run your insurance,
check your benefits, see what you are as a candidate,
check your blood type, do your all labs.
-That is so hot. -Then after that,
I'd present you to the selection committee.
-Ooh! -And then we decide
if you're actually a candidate and if I could help you.
But I really want to. -Ooh.
Tell me.
♪ What if I wanted you to dance with me? ♪
♪ Would you dance with me? ♪
Oh, wait a second.
-Yes.
-Okay.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
♪ Do you see why I need these new lungs? ♪
♪ Do you see why we need these new lungs? ♪
♪ He's been playing for three minutes so solid ♪
♪ And we both, we need these new lungs ♪
♪ We can split them, the right one, the left one ♪
♪ Would you give us one of each? ♪
♪ The right one, the left one ♪
♪ Would you give us one of each? ♪
-♪ I've got the right one, the left one ♪
-♪ He's got the right one and the left one ♪
♪ Wait, that's both ♪
-♪ I got both, Wayne Brady ♪
[ Laughter, cheers and applause ]
-She took my breath away.
And then she left.
Ladies and gentlemen, on the guitar -- Mark Ballas.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Mark Ballas, everybody.
[ Cheers and applause continues ]
♪♪
-Crystal, I think -- I think there was a connection.
-You think there was a connection.
Crystal could get back to her seat fast enough.
[ Laughter ]
-I'm just trying to get some lungs.
Leave me alone. [ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Alright, guys, we're gonna take a little break.
There's more "Whose Line" right after this.
Don't move.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
where now we are gonna play a game
called "90-Second Alphabet."
This is for Wayne, Ryan, and Colin, so come on down.
Now, the way that this works
is that you guys are gonna do a 90-second scene.
I'm gonna time you.
Every line you say has to begin with a word
beginning with the next letter in the alphabet, alright?
Now, the scene is gonna be that Realtor Ryan
is showing couple Wayne and Colin around a terrible house.
Now, what letter of the alphabet should we start with?
[ Shouting suggestions ]
Oh, a very forceful "J" came flying out of the audience
right at the top there.
Alright, so, the letter is "J."
And whenever you're ready, take it away.
-Just last week, this was -- this was listed.
I think you're gonna like it.
-Know what? I love it already.
-Love it!
[ Laughter ]
-Maynard, this will be a perfect place to raise kids.
-No, no, no, this is a bad neighborhood for children.
There's lots of traffic by the house.
-Oh, wha-- Huh?
-Perhaps you'd like something
a little bit down the street near the park.
-Quiet. Is it quiet? Because we like quiet.
We don't like noise. -Really -- Really quiet.
You won't hear a sound down there, believe me.
-Surely. Please, let's buy it.
-This is a big decision. Are you ready for this?
-Usually I -- -Uh-huh.
[ Laughter ]
-Usually I don't tell people this,
but there's rumors that this house is haunted.
-Xavier Collins's ghost?
-Very much so.
[ Laughter ]
-What happened?
[ Laughter ]
-You weren't listening again.
[ Laughter ]
-Zip-a-dee-doo-dah.
-All day long, that's what put up with.
-Boy, you have some sort of patience
to live with him on a regular --
Ooooh.
-Can you sell me a house by myself that isn't haunted?
-Damn. They're back.
I thought we got them all out with the exorcism,
but they still -- -Exorcism? You had an exorcism?
Here in this house that you tried to sell us?
-[Bleep] yeah, years ago.
-Get out. Get out!
-How? The doors are locked.
-I don't know. -I'll show you. I'll show you.
Through the window. -Just that way.
-Hey! [ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well done!
Gentlemen, not only did you get all the way back to "J" again,
you got it in under 90 seconds.
-Oh, yeah. -Wow!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Uh-huh. Public school rocks.
-Alright, well, now, friends,
we're gonna play a game called "Scenes from a Hat."
This is for all four performers.
Ryan and Colin are there. Wayne and Gary are here.
Now, before our show,
we asked our audience to write down scenes
that they'd like to see acted out by our performance.
I've got those suggestions in this hat.
I'll read them out.
We'll see what our guys can come up with.
Here we go.
Things you can say at a barbecue
that you can't say about your partner.
-Ooh, your wiener's small.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Oh, she's got one.
-Ooh, this meat kind of dry.
-Hey.
-And chewy. [ Buzzer ]
And tough.
And stuck in my teeth.
[ Buzzer ]
-Somebody needs to get rid of these flies.
[ Laughter ]
It's a barbecue, sir.
[ Buzzer ]
It -- It --
It tastes like mayonnaise.
-Oh, no. Oh, no, no.
-Give us another one. Give us another one.
-Okay.
Bad times to mimic someone.
[ Laughter ]
-Just give me the -- -Just give me --
-This guy's good.
[ Laughter ] [ Buzzer ]
Alright, Mrs. Johnson, push.
[ Mockingly ] Oh, I'm in pain.
Oh.
Ooh, I hate my husband.
[ Chuckles ] Okay, yeah, push, push, push, push, push.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-Just mimic me. Just mimic me.
As the first black -- -The first black --
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Pickup lines in a coffee shop.
-I like my men like I like my coffee.
Weak and bitter.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
-Weak.
[ Buzzer ]
-Bad times to be drinking on the job.
[ Laughter ]
-Hmm.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Applause ]
I'm sorry about all your suggestions.
-I felt like that was a little too close to home.
[ Laughter ]
-I'm -- I'm afraid your baby's bleached --
uh, br-breech -- br--
Blah! [ Buzzer ]
-Oh-ho! Yes.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Do you know how fast you were going?
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-Just mock me. Just mock me.
As the first black president --
-[ Slurring ] As the first black president --
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Alright, guys, don't move.
There's more "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" right after this.
Stay tuned.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Everybody, welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
And now we're gonna play a game called "Greatest Hits."
This is a game for all four of our performers
with the help of the fantastic Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
So, come on down.
Now, the way that this game works
is that Ryan and Colin are two television voice-over announcers
talking about the latest compilation album.
So, what I need is a suggestion from the audience here.
Give me an example of a medical job.
[ Shouting suggestions ]
Okay.
A lot -- Oh, yes. Ooh!
I heard podiatrist. -Ah!
-So... -Feet? Feet?
-...the name of your album is "Songs of the Podiatrist."
Whenever you're ready, take it away.
-Ow! Whoa. -Oh, what happened?
-I just stubbed my toe.
-Oh, no. What can you do for that?
-I'm gonna go to a pedestrian.
[ Laughter ]
Hey, Colin, that reminds me.
Our CD set today is all about the podiatrist.
There's 400 songs on three CDs.
-Yeah, I'm still shocked we're selling CDs.
[ Laughter ]
Have you been paid recently?
-I have not. -No. Me neither.
[ Laughter ]
-You know, Colin, German rap is one of my favorite songs
of all time. -Is it?
-Oh, my gosh, I love German rap.
And when I think about podiatrists,
I think about that German rap classic
"These Are Too Thick to Clip."
[ Hip-hop music plays ]
-[ German accent ] Ja!
Ja, ja.
-[ German accent ] Eins, zwei. -Ja.
-Eins, zwei, drei.
-♪ Hey, look at my foot ♪
♪ What is this? ♪
♪ Oh, I clip, it's so tough ♪
♪ And I try and I try ♪
♪ Oops, my eye, ah ♪
-♪ My cuticle, do not give it a nick ♪
♪ Because my toenails are so big ♪
♪ So big, so fat, so round, so thick. ♪
♪ I try to get it, try to cut it ♪
♪ Try to get it, try to cut it ♪ -♪ He tries to cut it ♪
♪ But it's just too much ♪
♪ He tries to get it, try to cut it ♪
♪ Tries to get it, tries to get it, tries to cut it ♪
♪ But it's just too much ♪
-♪ I don't know exactly what you've heard ♪
♪ Clipping it right down to Hamburg ♪
♪ All the way, my dogs are hurting ♪
♪ Can't get it out all the way to Berlin ♪
-♪ You can run, but you can't flee ♪
♪ I use my thick toenails to ski ♪
♪ And when you see me coming harder ♪
♪ That is when I start to yodel ♪
[ Both yodeling ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-♪ Yodel-le-di ♪
♪ Yo, yo, because it's too tough to clip ♪
-Cool.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Ja.
Ja. That is so good. -Ja. Ja.
-That is so good. -Ja.
-That was just lovely.
-Yeah, it's not often you get to hear yodeling
in the middle of a rap song.
-No. That was "Hogan's Heroes"-caliber accents.
[ Laughter ]
-While you're watching us -- -You kids Google that.
-Yeah. Yeah.
Make sure you have your computers nearby.
You know, I love that all through the ages,
the podiatri-- podi--
-Oh, I knew that was gonna happen to one of us.
And I was praying it was you. -Yeah.
Well, I've been drinking heavily since noon.
[ Laughter ]
Um, podiatrists through the ages,
and one of the earliest podiatrist songs
was done in the style of ragtime.
-Oh, love ragtime. -Oh, remember ragtime?
-Oh, my God, I love ragtime.
-So, sit back and listen to this jaunty little tune
"Bunions, Corns, and Blisters."
[ Ragtime music plays ]
-♪ Oh, when I walk, when I walk ♪
♪ Screaming like a sister ♪
♪ Oh, blood in my shoes ♪
♪ Bunions, corns, and blisters ♪
-♪ Every time I go ♪
♪ Every time I go down the street ♪
-Uh-huh.
-♪ These bunions, corns, and blisters ♪
♪ That is messing up my feet ♪
-♪ Oh, because sometimes I'm walking along ♪
♪ When I'm walking, I hit the corner ♪
♪ Scream bloody murder ♪
♪ Oh, that's what I'm gonna ♪
♪ Because these blisters, these blisters ♪
♪ These corns and bunions ♪
♪ And bunions, corn, and ♪ -♪ Corns and blisters ♪
-♪ Blisters ♪
-[ Scatting ] -[ Scatting ]
♪ Big, round ♪
♪ Oh, ow ♪
♪ Ngh, oh, yeah, ow ♪
♪ Eh, eh, oh ♪
♪ Because bunions ♪
♪ Corns ♪
♪ And blisters ♪ -[ Scatting ]
♪ Bunions, corns, and blisters ♪ -[ Scatting ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Come on. -Yeah, now.
-Alright, guys, don't go anywhere.
I'll tell you who won our show right after this short break.
Stick around.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hey, everybody, welcome back to "Whose Line."
That is our show.
Tonight, all four of you lovely gentlemen are our winners.
So please read out the credits as if you're all repulsive guys
trying to talk to the camera at a party.
Thanks for watching, everybody. Good night.
[ Applause ]
-Hey, how you doing?
♪♪
-Hey.
-Hey, you wanna smell some ketchup?
[ Laughter ]
-My mama gonna pick me up later.
But I'm gonna pick you up now.
-I live with my mom.
And my dad.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-- Captions by VITAC --