-Good evening, everybody, and welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show, shooting star, Wayne Brady,
black hole, Jeff Davis,
dwarf planet, Colin Mochrie,
and space jump, Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler
Let's make some stuff up!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, everybody.
Welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
I almost died.
[ Laughter ]
We've got a great show for you tonight,
so let's get started right now
with a game called "Hollywood Director."
Role for all four of our performers,
so come on down.
The way this game works is Jeff, Ryan, and Wayne
are going to act out a film scene.
Colin's going to be the director, who's going
to keep giving the actors different notes
on how to improve that scene.
The scene you're going to be acting out
is that Ryan and Jeff are two bickering little pigs
building their house when suddenly Big Bad Wolf Wayne,
who's apparently also a rapper.
I don't know. I said it that way.
-Done.
[ Laughter ]
[ Imitating drill ]
-Oh, you're building with wood, huh?
-Yeah. I thought I might try wood this time.
-The straw didn't work out so good
for you last time, did it, Jake?
-Well, here, help me with this plank, will you?
[ Groans ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Imitating drill ]
-Nobody's getting in here.
[ Whirring ]
-What's up, little piggy bitches.
[ Laughter ]
-Little piggy bitches. -Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.
Oh. First of all, just crap.
-Okay. -I agree.
-So horrible.
Ted Cruz just booked a trip to Cancun.
-Oh.
-So do it like a sleazy reality show,
but still with those characters but better.
Action!
[ Imitating drill ]
-It's so hot.
When I saw him drilling that wood, I was like,
"Oh, hell no."
-[ Imitating drill ]
-Jerry. -Yes?
-That wall's up. Nothing's coming through here.
-Yeah? You mean you're done drilling for the night?
Done drilling and screwing and using nuts
and bolts and things.
[ Groans ]
-I would like to be your stud finder.
[ Whirring ]
-What's up, little piggy bitches.
It's such a stereotype.
They think they know me, but they really don't.
You know?
[ Cheers and applause ]
Bitches.
-All right, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.
All right, that's totally on me.
[ Laughter ]
I'll tell you what, let's try to inject maybe, you know,
I know how incredible you all are at impressions,
so I'd like you to do it as like movie stars.
Maybe get some of that movie magic going on.
-Hey, give me one. -Someone from this century.
-Give me one.
[ Laughter ]
-I'll give you one. All right. I want you to do Paul Giamatti.
[ Laughter ]
Action!
-I noticed that you're building your house out of --
I'm Jeff Goldblum.
Wood.
-Hey, we got to put up a wall.
[ Imitating drill ]
-I used the chaos theory,
and I've decided the best way to defeat a big, bad wolf
is to build a house entirely out of --
-Don't tell me how to build a house.
[ Laughter ]
-[ Vocalizing ]
-Oh, dear.
-Okay, so here I am.
I walk up to the house, y'all talking about, here we go.
So I'm just thinking like, Kevin,
do I get in the car, or do I stay?
I really don't even understand. So what am I going to do?
I'm the big bad wolf. What's up, bitches?
It's the Rock. -Cut, cut, cut, cut.
-You're a big star. A very big star.
-Very good.
-That was the worst Kevin Hart impersonation in the world.
-Totally had me. I thought it was Emmanuel Lewis at first.
[ Laughter ]
-Remember what I mentioned this century?
-Yeah. -Okay.
Do you know who Paul Giamatti is?
-Yes!
-Name one movie.
-The one with the girl in the pool.
-There you go. All right.
Maybe a bit of an energy, of a musical.
A bit of, you know, a little Fosse.
A little "Cabaret."
-Is that what you're doing? -Yeah.
No, that was my Paul Giamatti.
Yeah.
Action!
[ Music plays ]
-♪ I've screwed and screwed for days ♪
♪ My wall, my wall is coming so fine ♪
♪ My wall is strong, as strong as steel ♪
♪ You're my brother, my piggy brother ♪
♪ Well, there's a bad, bad wolf who lives in this town ♪
♪ He'll huff, he'll puff ♪
-♪ He'll blow your house down ♪
-♪ Tonight, there's something you should know ♪
♪ Me and you, and I'm going to blow ♪
♪ Damen und herren ♪
♪ All over the fairyland ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ I'm the big bad wolf ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, I've come to blow your house down ♪
-♪ Your teeth, your teeth ♪
♪ They're so damn long ♪
♪ Blow your house down ♪
♪ Sing us your little wolfy song ♪
-♪ I have come, you'll see ♪
♪ You are acting like a dog ♪
♪ I am such a wolf ♪
♪ And I come to eat the poor ♪
-♪ Oh, he came to eat the poor ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Cut! -[ Buzzer ]
-Thank you. Great work. Great work.
-Coming to Broadway.
-Wow.
-Paul Giamatti. -Paul Giamatti.
-I thought it was right on. -Paul Giamatti.
-I thought it was pretty damn close.
-You were doing the old guy from "Back to the Future."
[ Laughter ]
-Ha!
-Now we're going to play a game called
"Scenes From a Hat"!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Ryan and Colin, you're there.
Wayne and Jeff, you are here.
Before our show, we asked our audience to write down scenes
they would like to see acted out
by our sensational gentleman performers.
I've got those suggestions in this hat.
I'm going to read them out.
We're going to see what you guys can come up with.
Here we go. "The world's least sexy phone sex lines."
-Hey.
[ Chuckles ]
You like that?
[ Buzzer ]
-Hiya.
Is this the Paul Giamatti hotline?
[ Laughter ]
-You got the right place.
[ Buzzer ]
-Street performers you'd never give money to.
-I will now read your past lives.
-Okay.
-You were a king in a past life.
-You -- Giamatti.
[ Laughter ]
-Where are you from?
-Brooklyn.
[ Buzzer ]
-Ladies and gentlemen, the amazing Jeff Coe
is going to do one final trick.
Sir, may may bring you out of the audience.
We've never met, have we, sir?
-No, sir. -Never met.
I've never seen this man in my life.
Sir, for this trick, I need one of your shoes.
May I have one of your shoes? -Oh, sure. Okay.
I'll take this one off right there.
-Thank you. -What?
[ Laughter ]
That was good!
[ Buzzer ]
-Okay -- Oh, don't have a ball.
Okay. Wait a minute.
No!
Aaaah!
Kidney stone.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-That could have been so many things.
-It could have been. -Kidney stone.
-Because you guys didn't see his face, though.
He's so committed.
He was actually doing the face in the back.
-That's what I'm giving you with my back turned to you.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Unlikely first lines of Christmas songs.
-♪ Let's get some Chinese food ♪
[ Buzzer ]
-♪ Getting in the sleigh to go to Giamatti's house ♪
♪ Getting in the sleigh to go to Giamatti's house ♪
[ Buzzer ]
[ Imitating kazoo ]
-♪ Hark, hark, how the colonizers have spread their ♪
♪ Hark how the colonizers have gone ♪
♪ And now you and you shall celebrate their customs ♪
[ Overlapping singing ]
[ Vocalizing ]
Merry Christmas, enforced by the people that rule you.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Don't go anywhere, guys.
We'll be right back with more "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
right after this!
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
We're going to keep things moving now with a game called
"Sound Effects."
This is for Ryan and Colin. So come on down.
We're gonna volunteers from our audience, and I'm so excited.
Let's see who they're going to be.
Who would like to do this game? Who would like to do this game?
Well, how about you? What's your name?
-Nancy. -Nancy. Oh, oh, my God.
So much enthusiasm. What's your name?
-I'm Jasmine. -Nancy and Jasmine, follow me.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Nancy and Jasmine.
Come around this way and grab your microphones.
Here you go. And that's for you.
All right, now, the way this works
is that Ryan and Colin are gonna perform a scene,
and Nancy is going to make the sounds for Ryan,
and Jasmine is going to make the sounds for Colin, okay?
And the scene is that your parents taking your family
on a camping trip where things keep going terribly wrong.
Take it away.
-You shouldn't do that with the kids here.
-Jerry, don't tell me.
You're right.
Let me tell you how excited about this trip I am.
I did my hair. It's still wet. Let me dry it off a little.
-No!
[ Laughter ]
-It's okay.
-Yeah. You really scared that owl.
-Yeah. -Hoo!
-Aren't you excited, as well, Jerry?
-I'm excited.
I'm worried because the kids were supposed to be here.
Why aren't they here? -I sent the kids next door.
-[ Howling ] -I'll call them out the window.
-Okay. Okay, okay, okay.
-I hear them next door.
-Yeah. -I'll ring the siren
and get them over here.
-Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh!
-And we'll wash some clothes at the same time.
-All right. You know what?
-I'm just going to call Billy. -Okay.
-[ Imitating dialing ]
-Oh, yeah. It's on the new squirrel network.
-Oh, it is.
-Uh, hello? -Hi, Billy. How are you?
-Yeah. -[ Indistinct talking ]
I tell you, it's time for you to get out of
Charlie Brown's class. -[ Indistinct talking ]
-Well, they're going camping, so then you'll
come over here when you can. -[ Grunts ]
-Oh. Testy at the end.
-I think we should tell him he's adopted.
You know what? Maybe we shouldn't go to a campground.
Why don't we just camp out back in the backyard here?
-What are you saying? You don't love me anymore?
-Yeah.
-Jerry, we don't camp in the backyard.
We're camping people. We go to the forest.
Do you remember the song I used to sing to you about the forest?
-Now. Do it now.
-[ Vocalizing ]
[ Vocalizing ]
-I'm a little shy. I'm a little shy.
And my voice sucks, by the way.
-I know. You don't have to tell me.
But I think it's best if we just stay out here.
The kids obviously no longer want to camp.
And we still have the lovely echo out back.
-[ Vocalizing ]
-You know how most people test an echo with "Hello."
-Yeah. That's not good.
-Yeah. -Oh, that's the phone.
-[ Imitating ringing ]
-Answer it. See who it is.
-[ Muffled ] Hello. -Hi.
-Hey, what's up? -Well, you --
-You called me.
-Well, I missed you.
-Oh, I didn't realize I was you.
-Oh.
[ Buzzer ]
-Everybody give it up for Nancy and Jasmine.
-[ Cheers and applause ] -Thank you, ladies. Thank you.
I have to say that I think that
this is the first time where the people
from the audience kind of out crazied the crazies.
-Yeah.
-Well played.
All right, we're going to move on now to a game called
"Doo Wop."
-This is for Jeff, Ryan, and Colin.
With the help of the sensational Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
Hey, hey!
So come on down.
Now, what I need from the audience is a woman's name.
[ Shouting suggestions ]
-Kelly. Kelly. I'm getting old enough
that I have to stare at people's mouths when they talk.
Kelly. -Kelly?
-All right, so the name is Kelly.
Now, the way this works is that you three are going to
sing like a doo wop group from the '50s,
but you are going to sing about Kelly,
who died tragically in a...
Olympics accident.
-Winter or summer?
[ Laughter ]
-I'm going to leave it up to you, sir.
-Oh, okay. -Yes. Enjoy.
♪♪
-[ Vocalizing ]
♪ Oh, Kelly, I miss you ♪
♪ Your love, your body, your face ♪
♪ I lost you when you came ahead in that Olympic race ♪
♪ I thought I was behind you ♪
♪ But now, sadly, you're gone ♪
♪ When you reach too hard for my baton ♪
[ Laughter ]
♪ Oh, Kelly, oh, Kelly ♪
♪ I'm sorry that you died ♪
♪ I never had a chance to see you because you always hide ♪
♪ And now you went down the course and show your dad ♪
♪ I guess you didn't know there was not a brake on a bobsled ♪
♪ Oh, Kelly ♪
♪ I loved you of course ♪
♪ We made love on the pommel horse ♪
[ Laughter ]
♪ So many orgasms, I lost count ♪
♪ Too bad you died when you screwed the dismount ♪
[ Laughter ]
♪ Oh, Kelly, Kelly, you died, it's not your fault ♪
♪ Oh, I still loved you when you did the pole vault ♪
♪ Oh, I'll always ♪
♪ I'll always lose control ♪
♪ When I remember how you'd bend my pole ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Stick around!
There's more "Whose Line" right after this. Stay tuned.
Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?",
everyone.
And now we're going to play a game called "Living Scenery."
This is for Ryan, Colin, and Wayne.
So come on down.
Now, you're going to act out a scene for us,
and during the scene, you're going to need to use
a number of props. and the props are going
to be Colin and me.
So I'm going to go over there, and, Jeff, you're going to
come down here, and you're going to read the scene
for everybody, and I'm going to be a prop.
-Uh-oh. -Yeah.
Do not touch my testicles, please.
[ Laughter ]
-She's talking to you there behind the desk.
-They're new.
-Okay, Jeff.
-All right, so this scene is a billionaire, Wayne,
Wayne and his new bride, Ryan,
are honeymooning around the world,
using as many different modes of transport as possible.
Off you go.
-Thank you for bringing me. -Of course, lovey.
Please sit on the settee.
-Oh, thank you. That's a small chair, isn't it?
-Yes, it is. -I think I will.
-Mm-hmm. Oh, it's a couch.
-Yes. -I love leather.
-It's smaller. Normally the backsides on these are bigger,
but I opted for the smaller version.
-Yeah.
It's a lot roomier than I thought it was going to be.
-It's deceptively roomy.
-Oh.
-Would you like to take my boat?
-I would like to take your boat, please.
Here's the gangplank. Walk up on it.
-Should I put on a life jacket first?
-Yes, that one right there. Grab that one.
-Let me get this one here. Oh.
-Would you like to put it on from the back?
-Oh, no, it's tight this way.
-I'll put on mine, as well.
-All right.
Start that boat up. Let's go.
-All right, let me turn on the engine.
-[ Imitating boat motor ]
-Oh, look at the bow of the boat. Dolphins.
-Look. Oh, they're frolicking. -Oh.
-Oh, Shamu.
-Oh, darling -- -That one's walking on its tail.
-It's evolved.
Oh, this isn't getting us there fast enough.
How about we take an excursion on my private plane?
-I would love that. I didn't know you had a private plane.
-Oh, there's so much I'd like to show you.
-Show me.
-What's the thing on the side of it?
Oh, it's the door.
-Yes. -Oh.
-Please. Entrez-vous.
-Oh, it's a beautiful plane.
-This is what tech money looks like.
-Oh. Am I driving it?
-You are.
-Here are the controls in front of me.
Oh, and I've got my own secondary controls, as well.
-Here we go. Rotate.
-Oh, oh!
-My seat isn't as strong as I thought it was.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, no. A bird is flying into the wing.
-Oh, no. Look out.
-[ Screeching ]
-Oh, geez -And came through the cabin.
-It flew directly through the plate.
-Oh! Oh!
-No, darling, quickly, grab your parachute.
-Oh.
I've got it. I've got it.
-I'll be right after you.
-My parachute's flying.
-This isn't how a parachute works. But I don't mind.
-Jerry, Jerry, wake up. Wake up.
Are you all right?
-Yeah, I dreamt I was rich,
and I was showing you all kinds of stuff.
-You better get in the shower. You're awful sweaty.
-Okay, I'm gonna get in the shower real quick.
-Can I get in there with you? -I'm not going to turn it on.
-Yeah. -Turn it on, Jerry.
[ Buzzer ] -Turn in on.
-No! No.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-We will see you right after the break.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That is our show.
Tonight, Wayne Brady and Jeff Davis
are our lovely winners, so please join Colin and Ryan
and read out the credits as if you are all bitchy
make up artists giving the camera a makeover.
Thanks for watching, everybody. Good night.
-All right, fine.
Let's see, we're going to make you a little more Leveson,
a little less Patterson, right?
-Oh, girl, you did not wear that lens.
That lens is too small for you, girl.
I mean it.
-You screwed up my hair.
-Now take a look at this. This guy needs makeup.
Come here. What are you doing?
He needs it the most. -I'm 23!
-- Captions by VITAC --