-Good evening, everybody, and welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show, hot oatmeal, Wayne Brady.
Eggs over easy, Jonathan Mangum.
Maple pancakes, Colin Mochrie.
And turkey sausage, it's Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler.
Let's make some stuff up!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Oh, so many stairs.
Welcome everybody to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?",
the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
I insist on giving them out nonetheless.
We've got a great show for you tonight,
and we can't wait to start with a game called
"Hollywood Director."
This is for all four of our players.
Come on down.
The way that this game works is that Jonathan, Ryan,
and Wayne are going to act out a film scene.
Colin is going to be the director
who's going to keep giving the actors different notes
on how to improve the scene.
And the scene you'll be acting out, gentlemen,
is that hunky mechanic Ryan -- hunky.
-Thank you. -Hunky.
Is showing girlfriend, Jonathan,
all the features of his sports car,
when suddenly Wayne shows up in his hot rod
to challenge them to a race.
Whenever you're ready, off you go.
-[ Blowing ]
-Oh. -That's how I blow up tires.
-You're so hunky! Does this thing actually work?
-Let me put you on there, make sure you don't fall off.
You're bolted in, sweetie.
-Oh, I like it.
-You're hunky.
[ Imitating tires screeching ]
-What's up?
'Sup, Penelope?
-Hey, Reorge.
-I was just -- we were just completing our oil and lube.
-Yeah. -Were you now?
-Yeah, we were.
-Maybe you might want to ride a real man's hot rod.
-Oh! It's a rocket.
-Maybe you want to go up and down in the lift.
-That's exactly how I intended you to sit in it.
[ Laughter ]
-Wouldn't you rather go up and down in the lift?
Come up and down in the lift with me.
-Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!
-Where you going?
-Oh.
There was so much crap in their scene.
-Yeah, there was a lot.
-That if it was going to have a colonoscopy,
it would take five weeks of laxative to make it clean.
[ Laughter ]
-You barely got that out.
-Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
Alright, you know what?
It needs a little energy, a little pizzazz.
You don't have pizazz. Do it like Vegas entertainers.
Entertainers from Vegas.
Action!
-So macho!
-Well, I didn't get your name. I forgot.
-Vergonica. -Vergonica.
[ Imitating car engine, tires squealing ]
[ Vocalizing ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Alright. Cut, cut, cut.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-That's pizazz. -Yeah.
I now understand why things stay in Vegas.
Alright. You know what?
A good friend of mine, Quentin Tarantino.
Big fan. Of me.
-Never name drop. You know who told me that?
Robert DeNiro.
-Alright, so I would like you to do this
as though you were in a Tarantino movie.
All the classic Tarantino bits.
Action!
-You know what they call a carburetor in France?
-What?
-La carburetor.
You know what they call a carburetor with cheese?
-What? -La carburetor with cheese.
-Yeah?
-Okay, alright.
-Okay, okay, okay, alright, alright, okay!
-Okay! -Okay, alright, okay!
It's alright! Spider got a fly. Spider got a fly.
[ Imitating car engine, tires squealing ]
-Get in my mother [bleep] car!
[ Laughter ]
-No, no, cut.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-That's totally on me.
-That's the worst John Travolta impression I've ever seen.
-You know what it needs? -No.
-I'll tell you. It needs some physicality.
So why don't you do it like you're the world's
clumsiest people?
Oh, this will be amazing.
Action!
-Oh, I'm sorry.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, the car fell off the jack.
-Oh, no!
-Oh, what the hay?
What's going on?
Oh! -Get in my mother [bleep] car!
-Oh, no! -Cut, cut, cut, cut.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-You know, I've been doing this show for a long time now.
Not as long as all of you.
But in the decade that I've been doing this show,
this is the first time Colin has turned to me
and gone, "What is happening?"
[ Laughter ]
-I got to say, I'm starting to think
that the rule they have about no sex
the two weeks that we tape
is maybe a detriment to some of the people here.
[ Laughter ]
-Well, to be fair, some of them have carried that restriction on
for a little longer than required.
-Shut up.
[ Laughter ]
-Alright, guys, there's more fun with our "Whose Line" crew
right after this break! Stay tuned!
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
And now, we're going to keep things moving
with a game called "Duet."
This game is for Wayne and Jonathan,
accompanied by the fantastic Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
And here to join them is our celebrity guest.
So please welcome actress and comedian,
the sensational Tiffany Haddish!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hi, baby. Welcome. -You came!
-Tiffany Haddish, everybody!
Alright. -Come on.
Wayne and Jonathan,
you're going to be singing a song all about Tiffany.
And you're going to sing in the style of trap.
-Trap and "Whose Line", two things.
-Go together, yeah.
-It go together, it go together.
I'm ready to do the chorus.
-Okay. -But no, it's about me.
Let me shut up.
-So, well, and if it's going to be about you,
tell us, what are you looking for in a partner?
-Success.
-Okay. Now what are you not looking for in a partner?
-Too many baby mamas.
-Got it.
Hit it, ladies!
♪♪
♪ What you want, what you want, what you want ♪
♪ What you want, what you want ♪
-♪ Tiffany, what do you want? ♪
-♪ I want a man that can make me feel real good ♪
♪ But take me out of the hood ♪
♪ And do some things I never would ♪
♪ All I want is you to be really sweet ♪
♪ Make me look really cute, and then rub up my little feet ♪
♪ Yeah, suck my pinky toe, make me feel real cute ♪
♪ Ooh, take me out and teach me something new ♪
♪ I want a man that can cooks and cleans ♪
♪ And make me feel real sweet ♪
-♪ That's what she wants ♪
-I do want a man to cook and clean, though.
-♪ I tell you the thing that she don't want ♪
♪ The thing you cannot hide, one, two, three, four kids ♪
♪ Nuh-uh brother, you can't provide ♪
♪ No pretty baby mama, no, no ♪
♪ 'Cause she's a singer, she don't want them kids ♪
♪ That you can't get around ♪
♪ Girl, this ain't Jerry Springer ♪
♪ No, I don't want your mama ♪
♪ Nah, nah, nah, that's my man ♪
♪ She's a rich bitch, don't you understand that? ♪
♪ That's what she want ♪
-♪ I want a real ma, that's what I want ♪
♪ That's what I want ♪ -♪ That's what she wants ♪
♪ I want a real one, only like one ♪
♪ Maybe two baby mamas, that's cool with me ♪
-♪ There's a limit ♪
-♪ But no more than five kids, and they all gotta' be over 18 ♪
-♪ She's looking for a thing to put her hand in ♪
♪ Doesn't need that many babies as that Nick Cannon ♪
-What! -♪ That is right ♪
♪ She wants success, I will not share ♪
♪ Don't look at me for success ♪
♪ I'm occasionally in the fourth chair ♪
-♪ That's what she wants, that's what she wants! ♪
-♪ What she wants ♪ -♪ That's what she want ♪
-♪ That's what she wants ♪ -♪ That's what I want ♪
-♪ That's what she want ♪
-♪ Now see, success to me is very simple ♪
♪ If you wake up every day, you already winning ♪
♪ And if you take care of me ♪
♪ Then you doing real big things, you winning ♪
-Come on!
-♪ Now you got to be able to do more for me ♪
♪ More than I can do for myself ♪
That's why I want you to wash my clothes, cook, and clean.
-♪ That's what she wants! ♪
-♪ That's success to me! ♪
-That's what she wants.
-Yeah!
Only a diamond ring.
-Yeah! Tiffany Haddish.
-Tiffany Haddish, everybody. Tiffany Haddish.
-She did the song! -Tiffany Haddish.
-She did the song!
What?! Hey, hey...
♪ That's what she wants! ♪
Sing it, sing it, everybody.
-♪ That's what she wants ♪
-What? One more time!
♪ That's what she wants ♪
-♪ Take care of me, boo! Take care of me, boo! ♪
-♪ That's what she wants! ♪
-♪ Make it better, make it better, boo! ♪
-♪ That's what she wants! ♪
-♪ That's what I want, I want you to do things ♪
-♪ That's what she wants! ♪
-♪ That I'm supposed to do, but I'm too busy ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Tiffany Haddish, everybody!
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Laughs ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-First guest to ever thank the musicians.
-Really? -Yeah.
-Tiffany Haddish, ladies and gentlemen.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-You still talking about me?
-You were the first person to come on the show
to ever thank the musicians.
-What? -That was really lovely.
-Really? -We were complimenting you.
-Well, I have watched every episode,
and I feel like people been real shady to y'all.
[ Laughter ]
Y'all work real hard.
-They really do.
-And y'all really deserve a portion of they royalties.
-Yeah. -That's how I feel.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I've been taking contract classes and legal classes
if you need any help with your contract.
[ Laughter ]
And recouping your money, I got some goons.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Maybe she can do that for us.
-Alright, ladies and gentlemen.
Whew.
And now, friends, we're going to play a game we call...
"Scenes from a Hat."
[ Cheers and applause ]
So come on down.
Ryan and Colin are there, Wayne and Jonathan are here.
For our show, we asked the audience to write down scenes
they wanted to see performed by our gentleman players.
I've got those suggestions in my hat right here.
I'm going to read them out and see what awesome things
you guys come up with, so here we go.
Things you want to get off your chest.
[ Imitating baby crying ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-I could have my nose fixed.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-I have not been the baldest guy on the show
for the last 10 years.
And yet, why are we holding on to it?
Let it go!
That's what I want!
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-The worst times ever to vomit.
-Oh.
-[ Gagging ]
[ Gagging ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-That's what she wants!
[ Retching ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-We baptize this child.
-Oh, no!
[ Laughter ]
-I'm all right.
I'm not going to throw up on a bab--
[ Retching ]
-Can we do something else now?
-Yes. Yes.
-I'm actually feeling sick.
-I actually started to feel queasy.
[ Laughter ]
-Inappropriate products to have upbeat ad jingles.
-Hey there, buddies! Let's feel great!
So you're dead, well, let's cremate!
Burn, burn, burn, burn!
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
That's what I want!
-♪ Can't get [bleep] but that's okay ♪
♪ Take this pill, you will today ♪
[ Laughter ]
-♪ Colonoscopy, colonosco-you ♪
♪ Colonosco-us, what am I to do? ♪
♪ Come on in and have a grin ♪
♪ Colonoscopy! ♪
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
♪ Colin-oscopy! ♪
♪ Aaaah ♪
[ Buzzer ]
-Hey, everybody, don't go anywhere!
There's much more "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
right after this.
Stay tuned!
Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?",
friends, where we're going to play a game called
"Helping Hands."
This game is for Ryan and Colin.
And it's also gonna be for our guest,
so please, give it up for comedy legend,
Tiffany Haddish!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I'm back!
-Hi, sweetheart.
-Alright, here we go.
In this game, Ryan and Tiffany are going to act out a situation
but Ryan cannot use his own arms.
Colin is going to provide them for him, alright?
And the scene you'll be acting out here is that Ryan is
a nervous young man, excited that his girlfriend,
Tiffany, has excited to move in with him.
Whenever you're ready, take it away.
-Thank you for coming over. I'm a little nervous.
-Why? -Well you've never been
to my place before.
I'm a little nervous! -It's nice.
-It is nice. It's a small place.
You know. I'll show you the bedroom later.
-Okay.
-How about we celebrate with a little champagne?
-Alright. -You like champagne?
-I mean --
-You what they call champagne in France?
-What? -Champaign. It's French.
[ Laughter ]
God, I hope this doesn't turn out badly.
[ Grunting ]
Let's get to that later.
-You want me to open it for you?
-You think you can? -Yeah.
-Without pointing it at my face?
-No, I'll point it right there.
-Oh, no, no, no.
-Just playing. -Crack that open.
Crack it open for me.
-Want me to crack it open?
-Crack that thing open. Crack it open for me!
Oh, let me grab glasses.
-It's leaking. I'm wet, I'm wet!
-Oh, stop it, stop it.
It's your first time here. Let's not get carried away.
-Okay. -A little for you,
a little for me.
Here we go. I understand you've prepared a toast.
-[ Laughs ]
Well, I just want --
-Here's to friends.
Cheers. -Cheers.
-Let's intertwine our arms and...
[ Laughter ]
That's so good! That's good champagne, actually.
-It's very rich. It's very rich.
-That's real champagne, is it not?
-Yes, it is. It's rich.
[ Laughter ]
There we go. Put this right over here.
Alright. Ah, hey, how about a hot dog on a stick?
Food, I mean, food. Here it is.
We've got hot dogs on a stick right here.
-I love hot dogs on a stick.
-You know what, though, the dough is not good for you.
Let me suck the dough off the wiener for you.
-That is so helpful for you to do that
because, you know, carbs are not good for me.
-No. No. Here's your wiener.
Let's dip the wiener in the chocolate.
-Oh.
-Let's dip the wiener in the chocolate.
-So you making it a chocolate wiener.
-Some sprinkles.
Yes, I'm making it a chocolate wiener.
That's right.
Sprinkles, sprinkles.
That's not sprinkles! There we go. There we go.
Now a little champagne to top it off.
-You are so romantic.
-Alright. -Oh.
What is that?
-What?
-My cat. My cat was on the windowsill.
I was afraid he was going to fall out.
-You have a cat? -I do.
I call him Marshmallow after marshmallows
because I love marshmallows. -You love marshmallows.
-Marshmallows are bales of hay on a very small farm.
-Oh.
-You have to be farming country to know that.
-I used to live on a farm!
-I don't want you handling these
because they're a bit messy with the chocolate and everything.
But let me just shoot one.
-Are you going to shoot it at me?
-Uh-huh.
-Oh, you freaky-freaky.
Okay!
Let's go, daddy!
-Oh, I almost got it.
So close.
Chicken, chicken.
-You know what?
-What? -That was sexy.
-You like chicken?
-I love chicken. -Have a leg.
-Thank you. -Take a thigh.
-I don't like the thighs, I just like the drumstick.
-Oh, this could not be greasier, could it?
Oh, let me -- oh, what is this in the middle of the chicken?
Oh, there's a ring in here.
-What? -A ring.
-[ Gasps ]
-I want you to marry me?
-Are you serious?
-Yes I am. For tonight, anyway.
Oh, no.
Oh, don't eat that chicken, for g--
Make a wish!
-Make a wish.
-I wish you would give me my damn ring.
-No, I'm sorry. Here you go.
Here's your ring. There you go.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
I wish you'd give me my damn ring.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Yes.
-Tiffany Haddish, everybody! Give it up for Tiffany Haddish!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Tiffany Haddish, everybody, give it up, give it up!
Give it up!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Tiffany Haddish, everybody.
Don't move, guys.
I've got a winner for you after this short break.
Stay tuned.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That's our show. Tonight our winners
are all four of you lovely gentleman players.
So please, join our special guest star,
Tiffany Haddish, and read out the credits
as though Colin and Tiffany,
you are store detectives who suspect
the rest of these clowns have been shoplifting.
Thanks for watching, everybody. Good night!
-I think these clowns have been shoplifting.
-I know they been shoplifting. That Dan Patterson.
-Hey, you there.
Put that back. That is furniture.
-That's not going to fit in your underwear! Stop it!
-Have you seen anything? -I haven't seen anyone.
-Alright.
-Did you know that Laura Hall was here?
Did you stick an iron up your ass?
Put it back.
-Don't you want the board?
-Got 'em.
-I knew you did it!
-- Captions by VITAC --