-Good
-Good evening,
-Good evening, everybody,
and
-Good evening, everybody, and welcome
-Good evening, everybody, and welcome to
-Good evening, everybody, "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
On tonight's show, hands across America, it's Wayne Brady.
Hands in the air, it's Greg Proops.
Look ma, no hands, Colin Mochrie.
And hands down his pants, Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler! Let's have some fun!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yes! Hello! Welcome!
Welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" --
the show where everything is made up
and the points do not matter.
We've got a great show for you tonight,
so let's get started with a game we call "Weird Newscasters."
This is for all four of our performers.
Gentlemen, come on down.
In this game,
Colin is the anchor of a news program,
and Greg, Ryan, and Wayne are his co-anchors,
each of whom is a rather odd character.
Greg, you are the co-anchor
who is also a fiendish super villain,
outlining the ingenious way that you're going to kill Colin.
Wayne, you are a sportscaster
who is also all of the characters
in an episode of "The Biggest Loser."
And, Ryan, you are the weather forecaster
who is also a Vegas act,
performing mass hypnosis on the entire audience.
Gentlemen, take it away.
♪♪
-Welcome to the 6:00 news.
I'm your anchor Murray, with the fringe on top.
Our top story -- a scientist cloned himself today.
A coworker said, "That's just like him."
[ Laughter ]
Now let's see what else is happening around the world,
Dr. Megalon.
-[ Maniacally laughing ]
It's working perfectly, my plan!
I've implanted a porcupine time-released capsule
inside you, and just moments from now,
the quills will spring through your head,
rendering you full of hair and dead!
Can you feel the porcupine coursing through your system?
[ Laughs maniacally ]
[ Snorts ]
[ Laughing continues ]
-Well, let's hurry over to sports.
-Oh, I love sports.
-Hey, welcome to sports.
I haven't felt really good about myself in a long time,
and I realized I needed to make a change.
-That's right you needed to make a change!
-I understand I needed to make a--
-Put that down!
-But how am I going to do that?
-All you need is some encouragement
right here in the kitchen.
I'm making these gluten-free berries.
-I don't want gluten-free berries.
That doesn't make any sense, woman.
[ Laughter ]
-Just five weeks from now, you can change!
-I don't want to change anything.
[ Crying ]
Look at me, I'm changing.
I'm changing. I'm changing. I'm changing.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Laughter ]
-I win, I lost.
[ Laughter ]
Back to you.
-I can see the pricks coming out of your head!
-Ow!
Now let's see what's happening in the world of weather
with Sunny.
-Sunrise today was at 5:55.
The sun will be setting at 7:00 this evening.
It'll be a very still night, very dark, very calm...
much as you're feeling right now.
There's no anxiety.
All your troubles are going away.
Everything's calming down very much slowly.
You're filled with a happy feeling,
a warm sensation flowing over your body.
And sleep!
Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep,
sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.
Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!
Sleeeep!
Sleep. Sleep, sleep. Sleep, all of you, sleep.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Sleep.
And sleep. You are asleep.
Take my hand, follow me.
You are still asleep, you are still asleep.
A warm feeling is coming over you.
A warm feeling.
Do not wake up. You are totally asleep.
Everything that's bad about life will be --
when you awake, it will be no problem for you.
Turn around. You are totally asleep.
When you hear the word "cockroach,"
you will think you're handsome, debonair actor Ryan Stiles.
And you will believe that you are finishing up a bit
on the "Whose Line" television show.
So you will wrap it up with a huge laugh,
much as Ryan Stiles would.
And ready?
And cockroach!
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Oh, my God, he's channeling Colin.
-That was the 6:00 news. Good night, and good news.
♪♪
-Yay!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I am -- For points on that one,
I'm going to take 500 points from Ryan
and give them to -- -Sleep, sleep!
Cockroach!
-What's your name? -Shane.
-Give it up for Shane.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And now we're going to play a game called
"90-Second Alphabet."
This is for Greg, Ryan, and Colin.
Gentlemen, come towards me. Wayne, relax.
The way this works is that you three are going to perform
a 90-second scene, alright,
and every line you say has to begin with the word
beginning with the next letter of the alphabet
from the sentence previous to yours.
The scene is that, Greg and Colin,
you are young newlyweds, adorable newlyweds,
looking to buy a pet,
and Ryan is the impatient pet store owner.
And so, can I have a suggestion of a letter of the alphabet
to start this off, from the audience?
[ Audience shouting suggestions ]
"C!" Nice, yes.
So the first sentence of this scene
has to start with the letter "C."
And I'll be timing you gentlemen.
Go.
-Carl, I want a pet.
-Don't you ever look cute.
-Everybody wants a pet.
It's getting the right pet that counts.
-Free pets? Do you have free pets?
-God, no!
-Hey, what about that kitty?
-I'm not sure that's for sale. That's my own personal kitty.
-Just a second. My wife wants that kitty.
-Kitty!
[ Laughter ]
-Let me take it out of the cage, see if you all get along.
Meow. [ Imitates scratching ]
-Nice.
-Oh, can I say something?
I'm highly allergic to cats ripping my face off.
-Perhaps you'd like to take a look at a cockatiel.
We have some right over here.
-Quite a cockatiel you have there.
-Right you are, dear. She knows stuff.
-Snakes are always good with the kids.
-Take that away from me! I'm allergic to reptiles.
-Understand -- -Even though I married one.
-Uh-huh.
[ Laughter ]
-Very well, I don't think there's a pet in this store
that you'll be happy with.
-Well, I never!
-"X" is a letter of the alphabet.
-Yes, it is, darling.
You're so right.
-Zippy the discount kangaroo
would be happy to go home with you.
-Alright! We love discount pets! They love more!
-Boy, oh, boy, is this the kangaroo for you, then.
He's only $1.35.
-Crikey, that sounds good! -Alright!
Nicely done, gentlemen, nicely done.
That was it!
[ Buzzer ]
Do not go away.
We'll be right back with much more
"Whose Line is it Anyway?" right after this.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
Let's keep the fun going now with a game called "Dubbing."
This is for Wayne, Ryan, and Colin.
So come on down, gentlemen.
In this game, we're also going to involve our special guest,
so please welcome Kat Graham!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Okay.
Now, the way that this game works is that Ryan and Wayne
are going to act out a scene with Kat,
but, Kat, you're not going to actually use
your own beautiful voice to do your lines.
Colin is going to provide your lines for you.
-Okay. -Now, you're scene -- ooh --
flirtatious choreographer Ryan
is training dancer Kat
to appear in a hip-hop video... on behalf of my people.
Hmm.
Wayne is going to enter -- guess what -- as a rapper.
And...
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
Should he choose to.
As the rapper whose video you're auditioning for, Kat,
and he wants to change the routine.
And why Ryan would be teaching you
how to hip-hop dance I have no idea.
-They didn't say that. They said I was a choreographer.
-Oh, yes, you're a choreographer.
Well, let's see what happens. Let's go.
-I've read your resume. -Why, thank you.
I wrote it myself. -Oh.
I notice you have quite a bit of experience on Broadway.
-Absolutely. I was in "Hip-Hop-O-Rama,"
and I was in "Hip-Hop Story"
and I was in "How to Succeed in Hip-Hop Without Really Trying."
-Oh, no.
-I find that hard to believe
because I remember directing "Hip-hop Story,"
and I don't believe I remember you in it.
-Oh, I remember that one move that you choreographed.
Can you show it to me again? It was so amazing.
-I'll try.
-Be careful. You'll hurt yourself.
-Ah, my back.
-It really should be done by people under 30.
- Shut up!
-I'm flamboyant!
-[ Imitates motorcycle engine ]
-Uh-oh. -'Sup, girl?
-Oh, it's Cool Cool PW!
-Hello, Cool Cool PW.
I didn't expect you walking by.
-Yeah, I came in to check on what was going on
with my choreography for my video.
-Everything's fine here. I'm conducting the choreography.
-Is it really, 'cause I didn't see any dancing!
-Cool Cool, Cool Cool, he hasn't been doing the much.
But watch what I came up with. It goes something like this.
-Alright.
-And then a thrust. And then with the look.
-Uh-huh. -And then what I call
the woogie woogie.
-Nah, that's horrible, girl.
-You can't be in my video. -You didn't even see one woogie.
I was right in the middle of the woogie woogie.
-Okay, well, finish the woogie, then. Let me see it.
-Oh. -Yeah!
-Oh, if you think you're...
[ Cheers and applause ]
If you think you can do so much better, Q-tip,
why don't you give it a try?
-First of all, my name isn't Q-Tip.
-What is it?
-It's Cool Cool PW!
-Yeah, what she said.
I can do better. -Alright, Cool Cool Q-Tip PW.
[ Laughter ]
-What I'm thinking is I want to do something low.
Going to get really low,
going to put it like this. -Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-And then I really want you to get into it.
I want you to pull back until your herniated part
is bent with your wrist at an axis of 60 degrees.
If you can't do that, you can't be in my video.
-I will do something that no one has ever seen before, like this.
Watch. Watch and be amazed.
-You're aren't going to try to do that handstand stuff
that you was doing outside, are you?
-Oh!
Just you watch and see, PW. And you, too, tall skinny guy.
-I think this calls for a box full of tacks.
-I don't care about tacks.
-No! -Oh, I broke my wrist!
-Someone's got a tack in their ass.
Why don't you help her, Q-Tip?
-I told you my name -- Never mind.
Look, girl. -Oh, someone's got a tack in his knee.
-Aah! -Oh, now a tack in your butt.
-Got a tack in your butt and your knee.
You're being attacked by tacks.
-But I do like this choreography, though.
-Wait, it's working! -This is hot!
-The pain from the tacks.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-You are -- Oh, my God! -Everybody,
give it up for Kat Graham!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I'm calling the NAACP as soon as I go offstage.
-I think this is absolutely the kind of thing they should --
Yeah, you know, voter fraud or, like, redlining of mortgages
or Wayne having his feelings hurt
because we made him into a rapper.
All of those things are on equal footing, yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, next up is a game
that we call "Scenes from a Hat."
This is for all four of our performers.
Boys, come on down!
Now, before the show, we asked the audience
to write down scenes they'd like to see acted out
by our gentlemen performers.
I've got those suggestions in this hat right here.
I'm going to read them out, and we're going to see
how many our performers can act out.
Things you should keep to yourself on a first date.
-I had a giant injection of Viagra before we came out.
[ Buzzer ]
-You -- You're so pretty.
I'm not going to kill you.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Applause ]
-This is so much nicer than just sneaking around,
looking at you through a window.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-It's just lovely having a dinner with you.
I'll get her to try the dress on later.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Does that hurt?
Does that hurt?
[ Buzzer ] -What is happening?
[ Laughing ] What is happening?
-A doll that looks like you.
[ Buzzer ]
-Oh!
-See the little doll? It looks like you.
Do you know there's a rapper named Q-Tip?
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-What the "Whose Line" cast say in their sleep.
-Must learn how to rap,
must learn how to rap, must learn how to rap.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Hmm, can't play another rapper in a scene.
[ Laughter ]
Must call NAACP.
[ Buzzer ]
-I have hair, I have hair all over my head!
Oh, I can feel it!
[ Groans ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Things you can say about your house...but not your partner.
-Wow, the backyard is huge!
[ Buzzer ]
-I'm going to have to hire someone to trim that.
[ Buzzer ]
-I think I'm at that point in my life
where I'd like to be in a smaller place.
[ Buzzer ]
-Ah, nothing makes me happier than an old Victorian.
-Ahh!
[ Buzzer ]
-See?
-Outtakes from the "Whose Line" promo shoot.
-Hey, Denver, I'm Greg Proops.
[ Laughter ]
-[ Coughs ]
Wednesdays 8:00 Pacific and 7:00 Central.
[ Buzzer ]
-They'll know it's a doll. Leave the comedy to me.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Alright, don't go away.
We'll be right back with more "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
right after this!
-Welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
And now we come to a game called "Greatest Hits."
This is a game for Ryan, Colin, and Wayne,
with the help of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor
on piano and guitar. -Let's go, man!
-Ryan and Colin are two television voiceover artists
talking about the latest compilation album,
and I need a suggestion from the audience here.
So could you give me a place where you might be educated?
Where would one might be educated?
[ Shouting suggestions ]
College, we're gonna go with college.
So the name of your album is "Songs of College."
Take it away, boys.
-Hi. We'll be back to our documentary
on nuns who wear shoddy home-knit trousers
in "Sisterhood of Unraveling Pants"
in just a second.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Eh, it's okay, no.
-Oh, has that flaking come back?
-No. [ Speaking foreign language ]
I was speaking Italian!
-I don't think so. -I was.
Because that -- You know, it's shaped like a boot.
-Oh, yeah, yeah. -It's shaped like a boot,
kind of like Florida.
Florida's more like a sock, I guess.
Yeah, it's like a sock.
It's like a condom, I guess, Florida.
[ Laughter ]
Not sure what it is.
But, you know, when I think of Italian music
and I think songs about college,
I think of the one that I married the third wife to.
-Oh. -It's that classic,
that lovely, lovely Italian hit "Four Credits Short."
[ Laughter ]
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
-[ Italian accent ] ♪ Hey, what are you gonna do ♪
♪ What are you gonna say ♪
♪ When you go on spring break ♪
♪ Your friends say, "Come this way" ♪
♪ All you got to do is just complete all your class ♪
♪ But guess what, you dumbass, you don't have to pass ♪
♪ Four credits short ♪
♪ I'll go to summer school and then you work, work, work ♪
♪ Your friends, they go to Miami ♪
♪ They go and play and play ♪
♪ But you are four credits short ♪
♪ In school you must stay ♪
♪ Hey, can I, can I go to get a master's? ♪
♪ No, no, no, four courses short, yes, sir ♪
♪ Because how can it be ♪
♪ You're short of a degree ♪
♪ Your credits don't transfer ♪
♪ Because you're four short, you see ♪
♪ Ha ha ha ♪ [ Sings in Italian ]
♪ Oh, you should not have transferred ♪
♪ From a state school ♪
♪ Thinking that maybe you would have transferred those credits ♪
♪ To the other institution ♪
♪ But you didn't check to see ♪
♪ If those credits would've transferred ♪
♪ Now you're kind of screwed ♪
♪ And you're going, "Oh, no, financial assistance" ♪
♪ Did I just waste the last four years of my life? ♪
♪ I got to move out of my mama house ♪
♪ All 'cause I'm four credits short ♪
[ Cheers and applause ] Ahh.
Hey!
-Alright, find out who the winner is right after this.
Don't go anywhere!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Unfortunately, that's the end of our show,
but tonight's winner is the lovely and handsome Greg Proops.
And I'd like you to read out the credits
as an announcer at the Winter Olympics
introducing the different competitors,
or the gentlemen behind you.
Thanks for watching. Good night.
-Wow, what a pleasure it is to be here.
The weather is unseasonably warm.
-And here comes our first competitor in the luge,
delightful Ryan Stiles.
Oh, it's the double luge.
It's the triple ski luge.
You haven't seen this one in a while.
Oh, my God, we happen to have a couple of members
of the Jamaican bobsled team on this one.
As they turn out in the corner.
Be careful, fellas. You can't --
They can't use poles and luge at the same time.
Oh, no, there's a reindeer in the car!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-- Captions by VITAC --